Author's Notes:

Sorry for the huge delay but it was hard coming up with original material.
By the way how about a suggestion for a unique weapon.

Equestria, Ponyville

After the encounter with the pink blur, we headed towards our first stop, Sweet Apple Acres.

“Wait a minute hold on, you’re telling me, that you think a villain that’s been trapped on the moon for a thousand years, is coming sometime tomorrow, is that right?” I questioned Twilight on what I knew but had to keep that knowledge and my other form a secret until further notice.

“Yes! My research indicates that Nightmare Moon, with the aid of the stars, will come back and bring forth eternal night.”

“Come on Twilight we can worry about that later, right now we have to check on the food.” Spike proclaimed with minor annoyance.

“Yeah listen to Smaug, let’s get this crap underway.” The guys didn’t have a clue what reference I uttered, but that ain’t gonna stop me. Anyway, we passed through the archway into a massive Apple orchard, and let me tell you it would make me feel at home while I’m here. On our way to the farmhouse, we heard a loud yeehaw on our right. The sound came from an earth pony with a yellow-orange coat, blonde mane, and tail, with a brown Stetson on her head. We walked over to her while she kicked the trunk of a tree, letting all the apples fall off, note to self, don’t make her kick you in the crotch, and we introduced ourselves. Twilight was the first to go.

“Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle and we-. Before she could finish, the country mare took Twilights hoof in hers and shook it real hard and fast.

" Well howdy there partner, names Applejack, and this here is Sweet Apple Acres the finest Apple orchard in all Equestria. " She said with such pride in what she does it was hard not to smile, especially at Twilight vibrating like a cellphone. “So what brings y’all here?”

I decided to finish Twilight's introduction since she was still jittery. “Hi, my names Joe and this is Spike, and we're here to check up on the food for tomorrow.” I took her hoof and gave it a firm shake showing I was clearly stronger.

While AJ shook her hoof to regain feeling she led us to a table, “Alright but first y’all got to meet the family.” With that, she went over to a dinner triangle then rang it, “Soups on.” A moment later we felt the earth shake and rumble beneath us and at the top of a hill, a dust cloud descended on us, when the dust settled we were treated to a whole mess of ponies. " Allow me to introduce you to the Apple family.” Whenever a family member was introduced an apple platter or treat was set in front of us, it got so ridiculous that I tuned out most of what she was saying till she got to the last three. “And this is Apple Bloom, Big Mac, and Granny Smith.” When that was over the table was covered in apple treats.

“Damn that’s a big family, and you all live in that small barn over there?”

" Shoot no this is just our Apple family reunion, the only ponies that live here are me, Apple Bloom, Big Mac, and granny. "

“Well as nice as it was to meet you, we have a schedule to keep.” Twilight proclaimed as she tried to drag us out, at least until the little filly asked a gut-wrenching question.

“Aren’t you gonna stay for brunch.” She asked with sad eyes and pouting lips. If I was a weaker man I would have had a heart attack. But I decided to just keep my man card and spoke for everyone.

" Well, of course, we can stay for brunch, hell I haven’t had anything to eat since I left, boy I tell ya I’m so hungry I could eat the asshole out of a skunk.” There were some cheers and uneasy looks after I said that, hey got to have a little comedy.

About an hour had gone by before we left the farm, and boy did we get full, in fact, Twilight looked ready to burst. “Man nothing like a homemade meal with good company to lift your spirits up huh.” When I looked back, Spike had a satisfied grin while he patted his stomach, but Twilight walked kinda sluggish.

" Ugh, I think I had too many pies.”

“Yeah I don’t blame ya, hell if we were to just meet at this moment, I’d figured you were pregnant. No offense.”

“Let's just get to the next thing on our list.”

" Cloud control, by a Rainbow Dash.” Spike read off our next item. When we looked up, the sky was littered with white cotton candy. Oh, a giraffe.

“Well she doesn’t seem to be doing a good job, there are still clouds everywhere.” SPLAT. When I looked over to the noise I noticed Twilight along with another mare was in the mud, reminded me of an episode of girls gone wild, to be honest.

When I got a clear look at the mare, the first thing that popped out was the rainbow mane and tail, seriously was she hired to be the mascot for the gay pride parade. Other than the hair she had a blue coat and a pair of wings, explains the airdrop. “Hehe sorry about that, here let me get you cleaned up.” She zoomed off and came back with a dark rain cloud, she positioned the cloud over Twilight and proceeded to bounce the water onto her. “Uh, oops, I guess I overdid it, um here this should help.” She got off the cloud and started to spin around Twilight until a small tornado formed. When the mini storm died, Twilight was dry, but her hair was a damn rats nest.

“Haha man, now that’s what I call a blowjob.”

“Really Joe that’s not cool man.” Spike either didn’t get it, or he didn’t want to be on Twilight’s bad side.

I was about to retort before the sound of uncontrolled laughter reached my ears. I turned to see that it was Dash that let out her inner hyena while trying to speak to Twilight.

“Oh man you should look at the way you’re mane is, it’s hilarious.”

I decided to speak up “Can I assume you’re Rainbow Dash.” I gestured to the mare.

She quickly straightened out and introduced herself. “That’s correct, the fastest flyer in all of Equestria, and future Wonderbolt.” She exclaimed with an air of over the top ego.

“Well if you’re the fastest flyer then clearing these clouds should be no problem then.” Twilight proclaimed in a grumbled voice.

“Well I would but I’m auditioning for the Wonderbolts at the moment.”

“Okay, no idea who they are but I’m pretty sure they don’t accept slackers.”What followed after those words were the sounds of jet engines and a ricocheting rainbow trail.

" You were saying something.”When she asked me I along with everyone else was speechless as to what just happened. In ten seconds the sky had been cleared of all clouds within a thousand-yard radius. “Well?”

My answer was this. “Let me introduce everyone, this is Twilight and Spike, and I want to take back my earlier comment about you being a slacker. Also the names Joe.”

" Nice to meet you and yeah, I am pretty awesome. We should hang out sometime. "

“I’d like that.” After that, she zoomed off to who knows where. I turn around to see Twilight with wide eyes and mouth agape. “You just gonna stand there or do you want to get through that list?” We made our way to the second to last stop on our list, which so happens to be townhall.

We enter the building to the sight of sun themed flags and colorful ribbons. "Well, the decorations seem to be going well." Twilight nodded in agreement, Spike, however, had a dumb look to his face with his tongue hanging out of his head. "Spike you ok?" He still had that dumb look so I looked in his line of sight. What he and now I was looking at, was a white unicorn mare with a swirled purple mane and tail. She seemed to be the one putting up the decorations and giving Spike a full helping of eye candy.

"Nope. Nope. Oh, definitely not." She seemed to be going over a color scheme for some ribbons. Twilight stepped in to announce our presence.

"Hello, we're here to." But like last time she was interrupted again.

"Just a moment darling. Ah, sparkles make everything come together, why Rarity you are talent." Oh, brother, we got ourselves a yuppie. " Now what can I do for you...Aaah!" She screamed the last part while looking at us, no doubt over Twilight's horrendous hairstyle. "Darling what happened to your mane?"

"Oh this just happened but it's nothing to worry about. We're actually here to oversee the decorations for the festival." From the way she was looking at everything, she seemed to approve of it. "Well, it seems you have everything under control so we'll just be on our way." We turned a 180 when the walking marshmallow stopped Twilight in her tracks.

"With a mane like that? I think not. Come with me darling and I'll fix you right up." Rarity pushed Twilight towards her place of business, whilst I grabbed the lovesick fool and followed. We entered a building that looked like a merry go round but was fitted to be like a JC penny or Dillards.

While Rarity was tending to Twilight, I decided to put on some music for me and Spike. "What's that you're listening to?"

" Well the device is a tablet and the music is of wolf and man by this band called Metallica. I also have a few other songs by them but this is my favorite. " The irony of me listening to this almost made me bust a gut. By the time the song was wrapping up we heard Twilight rush over in a white corset done up in gems telling us to follow her before Rarity dyed her mane.

"On the road again, sing it with me now, I can't wait to get on the road again, hehe. Well, that was fun what's the last thing we got to do for this shindig tomorrow?" As I was just singing we were on the road again heading to our last objective before heading to our living quarters.

"The last thing is music by a mare named Fluttershy" We walked towards the outskirts of the town near a small pond. Suddenly our ears were subjected to the sound of birds singing.

Over by a small tree sat a yellow Pegasus with a light pink mane and tail. She seemed to be watching the birds sing a song that sounded very pleasant until a blue jay fucked it up with an out of tune note. "Oh um excuse me mister blue jay but you need to sing along with everyone else." My God that voice is like an angel's. "Alright one more time, one, two."

"Pardon me."

" Gahh. " the intro Twilight gave out seems to have been a little more than the Pegasus could handle causing her to frighten her bird band.

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare your birds away." Twilight approached the shy made to introduce us.

While Twilight went to fix her mistake I turned to spike for some guy talk. "So spike, noticed you giving that Rarity chick the 'God damn that woman is fine eyes'." This seemed to grab his attention. "Hey man it's cool if you like her, but to be honest I would have thought you would go for a dragon or a wyvern or something."

" Well, to be honest, I never meet another Dragon before, and she is beautiful. " Poor guy not knowing his own kind. But I guess living with ponies will alter one's preference of the female companion. Though I'm not one to talk. The wolf allows us to mate and have children with any species, as a great grandfather found out one drunken evening.

I was about to continue until Fluttershy ran up to both of us. "My goodness, I've never seen a dragon before or a creature like you before. My name is Fluttershy."

" I'm Spike and this is Joe. "

"I'm what's known as a 'human' and we absolutely love your music, though I originally envisioned a band with instruments that like to talk about their experiences at band camp. " I laugh a little inside at that American pie joke.

Just as I'm about to open my mouth again Twilight comes over and snatches Spike in her magic. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but we really need to be on our way." As we leave Fluttershy tags along to ask Spike and I some questions.

"So what do you like to eat?"

"Gemstones and cake."

" Ribs and Shiner Bock beer. "

"How old are you?"

" Twelve. "

"Twenty one today."

" Oh, well happy birthday Joe. "

"Thank you."

"Where were you born?"

" Canterlot. "

"Austin."

The trip to our residence took us a little over twenty minutes as we finally made it to a hollowed-out tree\library. "Oh look at that were here well it's been nice meeting you bye," Twilight said rather quickly as she pushed both me and spike inside.

"Well, I'll be the first to say it (clears throat)what the Hell Twilight!"

"What? I'm tired of meeting all these crazy ponies when all I want to do is so more research on what's to come now where are the lights. " Click.

"SURPRISE." Once the lights went on the whole town was crammed into the living room. The tables were filled with food, soda, and the holy grail of all party drinks. Booze. I was on my way to drink myself stupid till that pink blur bolted right towards me.

"Hiimpinkiepieandijustmeetyouandtheothersearliertodayand-" She just kept talking a hundred miles an hour and seemed to do it all in one breath. Meanwhile, I'm trying to get to the life-giving alcohol and make the pink elephants join the pink pony. "-and that's how I found out that the brownies had a special ingredient that made me feel giddy and weird. So what brought you guys here."

"Well, I came here to help with preparations and meet new potential friends. Also to get hammered." She gives me a wide grin and zooms over to Twilight to speak with her. I turned to the table with the drinks and picked up a bottle of hard cider and chugged the whole thing in five seconds.

later on, the party settled down and everyone headed for townhall for the big celebration. What they didn't know was that their princess of the moon was on her way back home.