The Wolfman of Ponyville.
by Ghost Warrior
First published
A lone lycanthrope makes himself known to the world of Equis.
Joseph L Huffstutler is brought to Equestria because he is part of a long line of lycans and is destined to help twilight and her friends through their dangerous quests.
This happens just before season one and the moon holds no sway over his transformation. Also he looks like the werewolf from van helsing.
Preparing for the trip. ( Edited)
Earth, Austin TX, May 16th, 2010.
It was a warm and sunny late afternoon at my father's house where I lived and trained with him. The bluebonnets were in bloom, the pecans were in season and I had just finished kicking my dad's ass in our sparring match. My dad David Huffstutler stood at six feet even and was in good shape for someone in their forties. He had dark brown almost black hair on his head, beard, arms, legs, hands, feet and I would assume crotch but I'm not gonna look. His build was average though he was definitely stronger than he looked and he would often prove it. Like I said I just got finished putting the hurt on him showing that the torch has been passed.
My name is Joseph Huffstutler or Joe for short but none of that Joey crap got it. Anyway, I mirror my dad's appearance in the letter with a few exceptions. My hair is shoulder length and I stand at 5'11 though no one can tell and like I just explained stronger and more agile than him. But the two things that we and countless generations before share is our hazel eyes and the family gift passed down from father to son exactly a thousand years ago. Lycanthropy.
Perhaps I should explain what the fuck is going on so everyone is up to speed. You see a thousand years ago in a land known as Equestria where the inhabitants are talking pegasi, unicorns, and regular ponies. However two stood above the rest, they were alicorns a pony with wings and a horn. These two were sisters who ruled the land as well as the night and day. Princess Celestia the eldest sister ruled over the day whilst Princess Luna the youngest sister ruled the night, and it is to them we owe our allegiance to. You see during that time Luna was going through a pit of despair for her subjects would sleep during her night while playing in her sister's day. So in a moment of loneliness, she was consumed by a dark entity known as Nightmare Moon who would bring forth eternal night. While she was in this state she crafted a potion that would change her subjects into creatures of the night to fit her new world order. Before she could spread her creation throughout the land her sister stopped her scheme and was able to banish her to the moon for a thousand years using the elements of harmony. Heartbroken for having to banish her own sister she took the potion and modified it to fit a better purpose. With her vast amount of knowledge, she opened a portal to a neighboring dimension and sought out a being worthy to wield what she had to offer. After weeks of searching, she stumbles across a man tired from battle. The man was large and muscular donning a wolf skin and wielding a wooden club.
Celestial approached this man with caution for fear of being attacked while the man just stares at her with awe for never before has he seen a creature with such beauty and grace. The alabaster alicorn stops a few feet from the warrior and examines him for a time till finally, she spoke.
"Greetings to you fair warrior". To say the man was stunned to hear what was basically an animal to him would be putting it lightly, but with what courage he had he calmly replied.
"Greetings to you my lady, pray tell what land do you come from for never before have I seen or heard of a creature such as yourself".
The princess giggled to herself and told him of what, who, and where she came from. The warrior was fascinated with the tale she spun and proceeded to listen with great interest, but when she got to the part about her sister he couldn't help but shed a tear. Celestia finished her tale and asked the warrior's name and background. With this, the man told her his name is Arminius Huffstutler leader of his tribe of ghost warriors, a warrior who specializes in night fighting. With this Celestia was convinced she found who she was looking for, so she asked Arminius for a very special favor.
"Arminius please allow me to make you a great warrior to both help you, and when the time comes, to help me".
Curious Arminius asked, "What exactly is it that you ask of me, princess?" Celestia removed the potion from underneath her wing and levitated it to him.
" I ask that you take this potion and gain the power of the wolf" Arminius was shocked to know such a thing could offer great power like this. With his courage steeled and mindset, he downed the liquid in five seconds flat.
The world around Arminius soon started to spin and flux as the potion took effect. Soon after Arminius's bones started to stretch to great lengths making him taller, his skin was soon covered in a thick even coat of black fur, the ears reshaped and repositioned themselves to those of a wolf, his jaws extended to that of a muzzle, the teeth and fingernails grew long and sharp to that of fangs and claws, and finally, the man's senses and physical strength heightened to extraordinary measures and yet through all this no pain was felt through the whole ordeal. After the transformation, Arminius looked himself over with shock that later turned to satisfaction as he loved the new look. He turned to Celestia with a smile and she returned it with one of her own.
" Celestia I truly don't know how to thank you for this though I am curious as to how I change back?" he inquired while chuckling at the end.
"To answer how you change back simply think of your original form and you shall turn back" after she explained the method he did just that. Soon Arminius was back in his original form.
" Thank you. Now as to how I pay you back for such a gift. "
"Yes for that I will call upon your aid in my time of need at least a thousand years from now."
"Whoa, a thousand years? But I will not live that long and I do-"
" I understand your mortality but I don't ask this task upon you but of your descendants " she explained while stopping him mid-sentence. Arminius thought on this for some time but eventually agreed to her wish for his kins aid. Celestia was overjoyed to hear that " Thank you mighty warrior but remember this and tell your children to remember, two days before the time is needed I shall open a portal to my world so he or she may come through and prepare for the task of saving both my land and sister" she finished saying with a lone tear at the end. With that, she opened a portal to her dimension and entered but not without giving one last smile and goodbye to the human she had just met. When the portal disappeared Arminius stood from stump he was sitting on and headed home to his wife to tell her the good news and fulfill a promise.
Over the centuries the Huffstutlers had continued the line of lycanthropy and would train and tell the next generation of the task their family line would have in the alien world in the future. Along the way, the Huffstutler clan would transform in order to either fight or flee from those who deemed us monsters, and in doing so creating the many werewolf stereotypes such as silver, wolfsbane, full moons, uncontrolled bloodlust and other shit like that. None of that is true we don't rely on a certain phase of the moon, we're immune to disease and sickness, we have total control of our actions, the gift is hereditary not transmitted through scratching or biting, and silver bullets, knives, clubs anything silver will do the same thing as any other weapon, squat. Anyway onto the present and back to me beating my dad in swordplay.
"Whoop new champ. Give it up for the new champ" I whooped and hollered as my dad got up from his defeat.
" Alright, no need to go and make a jackass out of yourself son have a little dignity in victory".
"Sorry dad I will, but you have to admit that was a nice takedown" I boasted while flexing my right bicep. Suddenly a bright light flashed in the garage where we were training, the light simmered down to where everything was visible again. When I looked around the room my eyes settled on what or more importantly who created the damn flashbang. Standing in the middle of the room was the very being our great ancestor talked about, an alabaster pony with horn and wings, a green, pink and blue ethereal mane and tail that flowed in a nonexistent wind, and to seal the deal on who she was a mark which they call a cutie mark of the sun was revealed on either side of her flank. Standing before us was Princess Celestia. Twenty seconds after the shock my father and I bowed before the equine deity.
"Rise sons of Arminius, there is no need to bow before me".
I picked myself up and tried to find the right words "Yes Sir I mean Mam I mean Boss I mean poobah- SLAP. "Ow what was that for dad"
"Because your acting like an idiot in front of me and Celestia" my dad retorted while Celestia was holding in a laugh.
After introductions were made over lunch, Celestia explained why she came. "As you both know I made a deal with your ancestor that I would require the aid of his descendant a thousand years from then. That time has come for my sister's arrival will be in two days and I will need both you and the elements of harmony to release her from the evil that has consumed her"
She explained while gesturing to me. My father and I knew this day would come and that I would have to make this trip to help her.
"Alright let me grab a few things and we can be on our way".
I walked to my room to pack some clothes, my M1 Garand, a crap ton of ammo, my trusty bowie knife, my tablet with headphones and solar charger, a few marvel comics, the last three issues of playboy magazine, and finally my longhorns ball cap with two LED lights. Once I was packed and had everything I walked into the living room to see Celestia with a wing draped over my father's back, no doubt comforting him saying I'll be fine.
"Alright ready when you are your highness".
She looked to me and nodded then gestured me to the middle of the room. Before I could stand next to her I was wrapped in a bear hug from my dad.
"I'll miss you boy".
" I'll miss you too dad ".
We separated and I went to stand next to Celestia so we could depart.
"Are you ready for this".
She asked me while her horn started to glow. All I could say was "Beam me up Scotty" and with that, we were gone in a flash.
Author's Notes:
Alright so the first chapter is done and hopefully, I'll get another one up soon.
Until then this is Ghost Warrior saying stay classy MLP fans.
( I'm going through my old chapters like this one and do a little re-editing. I hope it makes up for several mistakes.)
Meeting the captain and his sister. ( Edited)
Equestria, Canterlot throne room.
In the large throne room of Canterlot castle stood two unicorns and a dragon. The unicorns were shining armor captain of the royal guard and Twilight Sparkle personal student of the Princess and sister of Shining. The Dragon was Twilights number 1 assistant and little brother figure, Spike. They were summoned by the Princess to welcome a guest who was a relative of an old friend of hers.
"Shining do you know who the pony that we're supposed to meet is? Because Princess Celestia was pretty vague about who she was bringing." Twilight asked her brother while worrying about her discovery of a certain alicorns return from the moon.
" I'm not sure what to tell you Twiley, all I know is its a dude who is a great descendant of somepony Celestia used to know in the past. " As a matter of fact, Armor did know something about the new arrival. Celestia told him that the new arrival was from a far off land strewn with violence and war. At first, this made the captain cautious about the visitor coming today, but he figured he would trust his ruler's judgment.
As the hours ticked by spike occupied himself with the latest power pony comic just to stave off boredom. Right as he was getting to the point where filly second was about to clock the mugger in the jaw a light started to form in the middle of the room. "Hey, guys I think we're about to meet the guy." Spike pocketed the comic and turned his attention to the middle of the room.
The light started to dim as the spell revealed its two occupants, Celestia and me. "Holy crap I think we left my right kidney back in that Bifrost knockoff, "I exclaimed while holding in my lunch.
" I'm sorry Joe I should have warned you about teleporting for first-timers. It will pass momentarily but first I would like you to meet some ponies. " she pointed her head towards the other occupants in the room. I followed where she was pointing and was meet with two unicorns and a young drake with different facial expressions towards me. The tall white one glared at me and looked he was ready for me to make the first move. The lavender one had a look that just screamed 'Tell me everything.' honestly it scared me. And finally, the dragon had a look of fear and uncertainty. Being the gentleman I am I went to introduce myself.
"What's up? Names Joe who might you be?" A simple enough introduction, not too long not too short but just right.
The first one to regain their senses was Twilight who introduced everyone for me. "Hello, good sir my name is Twilight Sparkle. This is my brother Shining Armour." The guy just snorts at me after his introduction. " And this is my number one assistant Spike." Spike just pokes his head out from behind Twilight and quickly waves at me before retreating back behind her. " and I would like to extend to you a fair welcome to Equestria. "
"Thank you for rolling out the welcome mat Twilight and Spike you don't have to hide from me I'm not going to harm you." I thanked and reassured at least two of the three that was meeting me, but Shining still held that glare. So I decided to do something about it. "Alright dude what's with the death glare? Is it that you're sizing me up or are you mad that I'm better looking?" That got everyone except for Shining to laugh at my low blow.
"First off I'm staring at your weapons and whether or not you'll use them against us. And second I'm wondering how exactly you know the Princess?"
"Shining there is no need for- I raised my hand to stop Celestia from defending me while keeping my eyes on the prick.
" To answer your first concern, the weapon on my back won't harm a fly without the magazine. "I said while tossing him the magazine which he caught in his magic. " And as for how I know the Princess, my family has known about her and this world since she came to my ancestor Arminius and gave him a gift that would benefit both mine and this world. So you questioning me about why and what I'm doing here is like questioning where to take a leak, the bathroom or the fountain in a public park." It looked like my rant was pissing him off, but in the animal kingdom, you have to show who the alpha is.
While Shining was trying his best not to rugby tackle me Celestia decided it was time to intervene before blood was spilled. "Alright enough. Shining could you please go and make sure everything is set for the festival tomorrow." With a silent huff, Shining left to do what he was ordered. "Well with that out of the way, Twilight regarding the letter you sent me I believe Joe should go with you to help with the preparations in ponyville, this will also give Joe an excellent opportunity to see our land."
"An excellent idea, this will give me a chance to get to know these two better." I agreed while pointing at Twilight and Spike. "So how are we getting there?"
My answer came in the form of a chariot pulled by two pegasi, seriously I saw a train on our way to our destination. The irony of ponies pulling other ponies was either lost or dismissed by my travel companions as we headed towards ponyville, but I figured this was the daily routine for them so I let it be. Twilight seemed to be fixed on Nightmare moon and her return. I would have told her the details but Celestia told me that I was just to assist but Twilight has to figure it out. Since we were an hour away from touchdown I decided to pull out my Avengers comic with Deadpool assisting. This did not escape the eyes of the young drake who wanted to read it when I was done while Twilight just rolled her eyes. Halfway through explaining who each character is to Spike, our destination was in sight. "Target in sight, prep landing gear and assume landing positions," I yelled out to the two grunts pulling us, much to their annoyance and Twilight's embarrassment. When we landed I quickly jumped out with a roll while the other two just stepped down. "Alright area secured at ease."
" Joe please stop that you're making a scene. " Twilight yelled in frustration. "Okay let's just get through this checklist so I can back to work." While she was going over the list with Spike, I looked at our surroundings. The place we were sent was a quiet peaceful-looking town with german styled houses with thatch roofs. After a quick look around, I saw a pink, very pink, earth pony walking towards us. The pink pony stopped in front of us and Spike was trying to get Twilight to be friendly.
"Come on Twi at least give it a shot."
With a huff of defeat, Twilight turned to the local and said. "Hello." After that the pink pony she let out a huge gasp that lifted her off the ground and then she was off.
As we processed the event that just happened, I verbally shared my thoughts with the others in my best Cajun accent. "Ohhh, des place gun be fun."
Author's Notes:
Well another one done. Sorry for the wait, also cliff hanger. Also don't worry he gun change into wolfy real soon.
A walk through town ( Edited)
Author's Notes:
Sorry for the huge delay but it was hard coming up with original material.
By the way how about a suggestion for a unique weapon.
Equestria, Ponyville
After the encounter with the pink blur, we headed towards our first stop, Sweet Apple Acres.
“Wait a minute hold on, you’re telling me, that you think a villain that’s been trapped on the moon for a thousand years, is coming sometime tomorrow, is that right?” I questioned Twilight on what I knew but had to keep that knowledge and my other form a secret until further notice.
“Yes! My research indicates that Nightmare Moon, with the aid of the stars, will come back and bring forth eternal night.”
“Come on Twilight we can worry about that later, right now we have to check on the food.” Spike proclaimed with minor annoyance.
“Yeah listen to Smaug, let’s get this crap underway.” The guys didn’t have a clue what reference I uttered, but that ain’t gonna stop me. Anyway, we passed through the archway into a massive Apple orchard, and let me tell you it would make me feel at home while I’m here. On our way to the farmhouse, we heard a loud yeehaw on our right. The sound came from an earth pony with a yellow-orange coat, blonde mane, and tail, with a brown Stetson on her head. We walked over to her while she kicked the trunk of a tree, letting all the apples fall off, note to self, don’t make her kick you in the crotch, and we introduced ourselves. Twilight was the first to go.
“Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle and we-. Before she could finish, the country mare took Twilights hoof in hers and shook it real hard and fast.
" Well howdy there partner, names Applejack, and this here is Sweet Apple Acres the finest Apple orchard in all Equestria. " She said with such pride in what she does it was hard not to smile, especially at Twilight vibrating like a cellphone. “So what brings y’all here?”
I decided to finish Twilight's introduction since she was still jittery. “Hi, my names Joe and this is Spike, and we're here to check up on the food for tomorrow.” I took her hoof and gave it a firm shake showing I was clearly stronger.
While AJ shook her hoof to regain feeling she led us to a table, “Alright but first y’all got to meet the family.” With that, she went over to a dinner triangle then rang it, “Soups on.” A moment later we felt the earth shake and rumble beneath us and at the top of a hill, a dust cloud descended on us, when the dust settled we were treated to a whole mess of ponies. " Allow me to introduce you to the Apple family.” Whenever a family member was introduced an apple platter or treat was set in front of us, it got so ridiculous that I tuned out most of what she was saying till she got to the last three. “And this is Apple Bloom, Big Mac, and Granny Smith.” When that was over the table was covered in apple treats.
“Damn that’s a big family, and you all live in that small barn over there?”
" Shoot no this is just our Apple family reunion, the only ponies that live here are me, Apple Bloom, Big Mac, and granny. "
“Well as nice as it was to meet you, we have a schedule to keep.” Twilight proclaimed as she tried to drag us out, at least until the little filly asked a gut-wrenching question.
“Aren’t you gonna stay for brunch.” She asked with sad eyes and pouting lips. If I was a weaker man I would have had a heart attack. But I decided to just keep my man card and spoke for everyone.
" Well, of course, we can stay for brunch, hell I haven’t had anything to eat since I left, boy I tell ya I’m so hungry I could eat the asshole out of a skunk.” There were some cheers and uneasy looks after I said that, hey got to have a little comedy.
About an hour had gone by before we left the farm, and boy did we get full, in fact, Twilight looked ready to burst. “Man nothing like a homemade meal with good company to lift your spirits up huh.” When I looked back, Spike had a satisfied grin while he patted his stomach, but Twilight walked kinda sluggish.
" Ugh, I think I had too many pies.”
“Yeah I don’t blame ya, hell if we were to just meet at this moment, I’d figured you were pregnant. No offense.”
“Let's just get to the next thing on our list.”
" Cloud control, by a Rainbow Dash.” Spike read off our next item. When we looked up, the sky was littered with white cotton candy. Oh, a giraffe.
“Well she doesn’t seem to be doing a good job, there are still clouds everywhere.” SPLAT. When I looked over to the noise I noticed Twilight along with another mare was in the mud, reminded me of an episode of girls gone wild, to be honest.
When I got a clear look at the mare, the first thing that popped out was the rainbow mane and tail, seriously was she hired to be the mascot for the gay pride parade. Other than the hair she had a blue coat and a pair of wings, explains the airdrop. “Hehe sorry about that, here let me get you cleaned up.” She zoomed off and came back with a dark rain cloud, she positioned the cloud over Twilight and proceeded to bounce the water onto her. “Uh, oops, I guess I overdid it, um here this should help.” She got off the cloud and started to spin around Twilight until a small tornado formed. When the mini storm died, Twilight was dry, but her hair was a damn rats nest.
“Haha man, now that’s what I call a blowjob.”
“Really Joe that’s not cool man.” Spike either didn’t get it, or he didn’t want to be on Twilight’s bad side.
I was about to retort before the sound of uncontrolled laughter reached my ears. I turned to see that it was Dash that let out her inner hyena while trying to speak to Twilight.
“Oh man you should look at the way you’re mane is, it’s hilarious.”
I decided to speak up “Can I assume you’re Rainbow Dash.” I gestured to the mare.
She quickly straightened out and introduced herself. “That’s correct, the fastest flyer in all of Equestria, and future Wonderbolt.” She exclaimed with an air of over the top ego.
“Well if you’re the fastest flyer then clearing these clouds should be no problem then.” Twilight proclaimed in a grumbled voice.
“Well I would but I’m auditioning for the Wonderbolts at the moment.”
“Okay, no idea who they are but I’m pretty sure they don’t accept slackers.”What followed after those words were the sounds of jet engines and a ricocheting rainbow trail.
" You were saying something.”When she asked me I along with everyone else was speechless as to what just happened. In ten seconds the sky had been cleared of all clouds within a thousand-yard radius. “Well?”
My answer was this. “Let me introduce everyone, this is Twilight and Spike, and I want to take back my earlier comment about you being a slacker. Also the names Joe.”
" Nice to meet you and yeah, I am pretty awesome. We should hang out sometime. "
“I’d like that.” After that, she zoomed off to who knows where. I turn around to see Twilight with wide eyes and mouth agape. “You just gonna stand there or do you want to get through that list?” We made our way to the second to last stop on our list, which so happens to be townhall.
We enter the building to the sight of sun themed flags and colorful ribbons. "Well, the decorations seem to be going well." Twilight nodded in agreement, Spike, however, had a dumb look to his face with his tongue hanging out of his head. "Spike you ok?" He still had that dumb look so I looked in his line of sight. What he and now I was looking at, was a white unicorn mare with a swirled purple mane and tail. She seemed to be the one putting up the decorations and giving Spike a full helping of eye candy.
"Nope. Nope. Oh, definitely not." She seemed to be going over a color scheme for some ribbons. Twilight stepped in to announce our presence.
"Hello, we're here to." But like last time she was interrupted again.
"Just a moment darling. Ah, sparkles make everything come together, why Rarity you are talent." Oh, brother, we got ourselves a yuppie. " Now what can I do for you...Aaah!" She screamed the last part while looking at us, no doubt over Twilight's horrendous hairstyle. "Darling what happened to your mane?"
"Oh this just happened but it's nothing to worry about. We're actually here to oversee the decorations for the festival." From the way she was looking at everything, she seemed to approve of it. "Well, it seems you have everything under control so we'll just be on our way." We turned a 180 when the walking marshmallow stopped Twilight in her tracks.
"With a mane like that? I think not. Come with me darling and I'll fix you right up." Rarity pushed Twilight towards her place of business, whilst I grabbed the lovesick fool and followed. We entered a building that looked like a merry go round but was fitted to be like a JC penny or Dillards.
While Rarity was tending to Twilight, I decided to put on some music for me and Spike. "What's that you're listening to?"
" Well the device is a tablet and the music is of wolf and man by this band called Metallica. I also have a few other songs by them but this is my favorite. " The irony of me listening to this almost made me bust a gut. By the time the song was wrapping up we heard Twilight rush over in a white corset done up in gems telling us to follow her before Rarity dyed her mane.
"On the road again, sing it with me now, I can't wait to get on the road again, hehe. Well, that was fun what's the last thing we got to do for this shindig tomorrow?" As I was just singing we were on the road again heading to our last objective before heading to our living quarters.
"The last thing is music by a mare named Fluttershy" We walked towards the outskirts of the town near a small pond. Suddenly our ears were subjected to the sound of birds singing.
Over by a small tree sat a yellow Pegasus with a light pink mane and tail. She seemed to be watching the birds sing a song that sounded very pleasant until a blue jay fucked it up with an out of tune note. "Oh um excuse me mister blue jay but you need to sing along with everyone else." My God that voice is like an angel's. "Alright one more time, one, two."
"Pardon me."
" Gahh. " the intro Twilight gave out seems to have been a little more than the Pegasus could handle causing her to frighten her bird band.
"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare your birds away." Twilight approached the shy made to introduce us.
While Twilight went to fix her mistake I turned to spike for some guy talk. "So spike, noticed you giving that Rarity chick the 'God damn that woman is fine eyes'." This seemed to grab his attention. "Hey man it's cool if you like her, but to be honest I would have thought you would go for a dragon or a wyvern or something."
" Well, to be honest, I never meet another Dragon before, and she is beautiful. " Poor guy not knowing his own kind. But I guess living with ponies will alter one's preference of the female companion. Though I'm not one to talk. The wolf allows us to mate and have children with any species, as a great grandfather found out one drunken evening.
I was about to continue until Fluttershy ran up to both of us. "My goodness, I've never seen a dragon before or a creature like you before. My name is Fluttershy."
" I'm Spike and this is Joe. "
"I'm what's known as a 'human' and we absolutely love your music, though I originally envisioned a band with instruments that like to talk about their experiences at band camp. " I laugh a little inside at that American pie joke.
Just as I'm about to open my mouth again Twilight comes over and snatches Spike in her magic. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but we really need to be on our way." As we leave Fluttershy tags along to ask Spike and I some questions.
"So what do you like to eat?"
"Gemstones and cake."
" Ribs and Shiner Bock beer. "
"How old are you?"
" Twelve. "
"Twenty one today."
" Oh, well happy birthday Joe. "
"Thank you."
"Where were you born?"
" Canterlot. "
"Austin."
The trip to our residence took us a little over twenty minutes as we finally made it to a hollowed-out tree\library. "Oh look at that were here well it's been nice meeting you bye," Twilight said rather quickly as she pushed both me and spike inside.
"Well, I'll be the first to say it (clears throat)what the Hell Twilight!"
"What? I'm tired of meeting all these crazy ponies when all I want to do is so more research on what's to come now where are the lights. " Click.
"SURPRISE." Once the lights went on the whole town was crammed into the living room. The tables were filled with food, soda, and the holy grail of all party drinks. Booze. I was on my way to drink myself stupid till that pink blur bolted right towards me.
"Hiimpinkiepieandijustmeetyouandtheothersearliertodayand-" She just kept talking a hundred miles an hour and seemed to do it all in one breath. Meanwhile, I'm trying to get to the life-giving alcohol and make the pink elephants join the pink pony. "-and that's how I found out that the brownies had a special ingredient that made me feel giddy and weird. So what brought you guys here."
"Well, I came here to help with preparations and meet new potential friends. Also to get hammered." She gives me a wide grin and zooms over to Twilight to speak with her. I turned to the table with the drinks and picked up a bottle of hard cider and chugged the whole thing in five seconds.
later on, the party settled down and everyone headed for townhall for the big celebration. What they didn't know was that their princess of the moon was on her way back home.
The nightmare is here. ( Edited)
We made our way to Townhall for the ceremony. Spike was still wearing the lampshade from the library and Twilight kept looking towards the moon. We entered townhall and saw that everyone we meet throughout the day had gathered together. Naturally, I went over to say hi. "Well ain't this a pleasant surprise. Let's see the farmer, the blue daredevil, the fashion designer, the animal expert, and the self-contained party planner how goes it?" They looked towards me with a smile and a slight laugh.
"Hey, Joe." They said all at once
"So you girls ready for the main event or what?" I looked to see they were very excited about the celebration. Though I'm not sure they were ready for what's to come. I was about to head to the snack table until I heard trumpets. Cliche.
"Ladies and gentlecolts, welcome to the thousand-year celebration of the raising of the sun." The mayor whose first name is mare oddly enough, came out to give the speech that Celestia was about to come out and raise the sun. "In a few moments, our benevolent ruler princess Celestia will raise the sun for the one-thousandth year of her rule." I look over everyone to see that they have happy smiles and are cheering for the main event to begin, however only one had a face of despair. That belonged to Twilight as she stared out the window, right as the shadow on the moon left its surface. Showtime.
"And now presenting the highest ruler of our land, princess Celestia." At the top of the balcony, Rarity pulled the rope to the curtains to reveal the grand visage of....open air. This immediately set up red flags in my brain and from the looks of it, everyone else felt it too. Suddenly, the area where Celestia was supposed to occupy a swirl of black mist started swirling into existence. Suddenly the mist took the form of a slender, tall, fully armored alicorn. What a babe.
"Well if it isn't our loyal subjects waiting to bask in our sisters 'glorious' day. Well, it is our pleasure to inform you all that you shall never see the sun again for the night shall last-."
" I'm sorry, but I wouldn't be the hero of prophecy or whatever if I were to allow that to happen. "Everypony around me was staring at me as if I grew a second head of third considering where my second head was. "Now I'm going to give you to the count of three to surrender and release both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna." This seemed to surprise her greatly that I knew she was holding Luna hostage.
"One" I took off my shirt and unbuckled my belt so I don't tear them.
"Two" I started to grow both in size and mass. The ponies I meet throughout the day started to step away from me. I guess they were in more fear of me than Nightmare. I can't blame them. I mean a strange creature turning into a strange creature.
"THREE!" I was at my full form. A large hulking wolfman with a goal in mind. Takedown the entity, free both princesses and try not to make things too messy. " Roooaarrrr!" I lunged forward towards the balcony with a roar that sent fear down the spines of many. I tackled Nightmare towards the back and hold her by the throat. "Now will you cooperate?"
"Away with you foul beast." With that she blasted me with a bolt of lightning from a cloud she conjured from her hair. The blast didn't faze me but the force behind it knocked me back into the crowd. Before I could recover she turned back into a black cloud and whoosh, right out the door.
I slowly got back up to see her leave through the front door. Seeing as she was gone I decided to change back into my human form and pursue her the old fashioned way, through signs and information. Before I could get out the door a blur of blue and rainbow slammed into my chest and pinned me to the ground.
"Alright listen to me you, mutt, you're going to tell me what the Hell that was or am I going to have to beat the living crap out of you?" I'll give her this, she's got spunk.
"Okay fine I'll tell you and everyone else the truth, but in the library." With slow hesitation, she backed off but kept her eyes on me the whole time. "Thank you, now let's head over to the library and I'll tell you the whole story." I got up and left with Twilight, spike and the five mares we meet throughout the day. When we entered the library I gestured to the large table in the center. "Well where to start?"
It took me an entire hour to explain my existence to the girls. Twilight seemed to be pissed that I basically lied the entire time I was with her. The others were trying to get a handle on the fact a wolf creature was brought by their deity to save them from eternal darkness.
"Alright so with that out of the way let's get down to business and find Nightmare Moon."
"WHAT?" They all yelled in unison.
"Look, as much of a badass I am, I can't do this without some help and according to this book right here, six elements are needed to purify her and bring her back to the princess of the night." They looked at me with odd looks. "What? I read this while I was in the can."
They seemed to accept this as I got up to head towards the door. "Where are you going?" Spike asked with worry in his voice.
" Me and the girls are going to get the elements while you hold the fort. No looking into my suitcase and no wild parties. " I smirked at the Dragon as he stuck his tongue at me and turned to head upstairs. "Alright girls let's head on out and head for ah let's see.....ah yes the everfree forest." I heard an assortment of agreements from everyone. "Sweet let's go."
Unbeknownst to everyone but me I had the feeling that we were being followed. Although it could have been that soda and raspberry yogurt.
Author's Notes:
Alright next up we head into the jungle. For that chapter I recommend welcome to the jungle or jungle by Xambasadors. Sorry for the wait. Also revelation, after the first episode fiasco Joe's gonna hit the road for some exciting adventures.
Welcome to the Jungle ( Slight edit)
There we were. Standing at the threshold of the forest that had the reputation of being extremely hostile, or so they say. I had with me my traveling companions, my Garand, and finally a taste for adventure.
"Alright girls from what I read, the elements should be in the old castle of the two sisters." Twilight was going over a plan to find the castle, elements and Nightmare Moon. "This path should lead us directly to the castle."
" Umm I don't mean to sound afraid or anything but what about the monsters that are lurking in there. " Fluttershy seemed to be a little hesitant about the whole thing. Luckily Pinkie defused the situation.
"Pfft we don't need to worry about that, we have our own indestructible monster that makes other monsters cry for their mommies." A little harsh on calling me a monster but essentially true.
" Well, what about getting around in the dark." I guess Rainbow doesn't like getting smacked by branches, or me.
"I'll be fine, thanks to the gift I have night vision. As for you guys, just follow me and stare at my head cause the sky will illuminate me." They seem to like my logic as their doubts are thinning.
"Yes, what about all the mud and other disgusting things. I mean look at this hooficure it took me at least-."
" Oh, your breaking our hearts saddle up! Let's get this movable feast underway." And with that statement, we were on our way. Queue the music.
We walked on for about an hour or so without running into anything. So far so good. We were nearing a cliff that we probably have to climb down from. As we got to the edge I overheard the conversation.
"So none of you have been in here before?"
" no, the everfree just ain't natural. "
"Really, why is that?"
"Nopony knows." Rainbow was trying to scare them now. " And do you know why? "
"Please enlighten us on the subject." I wanted to humor her story a bit.
"The legends say that anypony that goes in never comes, OUT. No survivors ."
" No survivors. Then where do the stories come from I wonder? "
Before Rainbow can offer a rebuttal I started to get that feeling of being followed again. Just as I was about to look for the source of the said problem, the ground started to break apart. Before we knew it we were slipping and skidding down the mountain. While the girls were keeping steady on their descent, I was tumbling down not knowing which way was up or down. Eventually, I wound up falling 70ft straight down to the bottom and hit my head.
I woke to the sound of the girls trying to wake me up. It appears as though they thought I couldn't survive the fall. But, they weren't aware that I have survived a lot worse than that. " Girls it's alright I'm fine, that fall wasn't nearly as bad as the one I had at the Grand Canyon." Shocked aww befell them when information like that was said in a nonchalant manner. " I just wish I didn't land on my head. Now I'm going to be seeing miniature colored ponies for the next few hours. Oh, wait."
" Hahaha very funny. At least I don't look like a hairless monkey half the time, and a wolf the other half."
"your loss not mine." I love it when they think they have the upper hand and I just throw it right back at them. " So how did you guys get down here anyway?" They enlightened me on the tale of how Twilight almost went over the edge when Applejack told her that she had to let go and that she would be perfectly safe. Well well, it seems as though honesty has saved the day.
"Well that's all well and good but we need to keep going."
We walked for about thirty minutes before we ran into yet another obstacle. A giant raging manticore. While the girls looked ready to turn tail and run, all except Fluttershy and me. I took my Garand and took aim. I was about to fire when I realized that the roaring coming from the beast was not of anger or hunger, but of fear and pain. I slowly placed my rifle on the ground and gestured for Fluttershy to follow me.
"Alright listen to me very carefully. That big cat is in pain and may lash out. So we need to approach slowly and try not to show hostility." Fluttershy looked at me with some trepidation but was soon replaced with confidence. Not a lot but enough to get the job done. "Ok, let's go."
We approached the big cat crouched and at a slow pace. The manticore watched us approach with a slight snarl. We were three feet from the beast when the manticore started to growl. The girls were about to intervene until I raised a hand to stop them. I faced the manticore and started to speak to it.
" Calm down my friend. There is no need to be afraid." The ferocity in the jungle cat started to fade as my words started to soothe it. " Now tell me, what is it that has you so worked up?" The giant fuzzball looked a lot calmer now. He stuck out his paw and turned it over to reveal a comically large thorn in its paw. " Oh, just look at the size of that one. No wonder you were in such a rage." I looked over at Fluttershy to see that she seemed to be concerned about the big lug. " Fluttershy." She looked at me to hear what I had to say. " I need you to pull out the thorn while I hold the paw in place." She nodded her head, ready to do her task. I looked at the manticore. " Alright, buddy. this may pinch just a little." As I held the limb down, Fluttershy moved to the thorn, and.
ROOOOOAAR.
The roar nearly tore my eardrums. But, that wasn't the problem, the problem was a wet sandpaper-like tongue soaking both me and Fluttershy with fish scented saliva. " Alright down boy down. Come on, go lick someone your own size." The girls were giggling at mine and Fluttershy's expense. Though Shy didn't seem to mind the attention. About five minutes had passed before we were released from our furry saliva-coated prison.
" Joe." I looked to see Twilight looking at my new swirl. " How did you know about the thorn?"
" Had no idea about the thorn, but the big softie was in pain, and he needed a little help with whatever. So when it came down to it, I needed a kind soul to help me with the manticore." She seemed deep in thought about what I said, after a second or two she gave off a kind smile and followed us on our way.
We walked a whole five minutes before a high pitched whine was heard. " Ohhh this is just awful. I wish we could look at something other than these horrid woods." Rarity soon came to regret her wish as the clouds started to cover the light of the moon. " Ohh I didn't mean for pitch black."
" Alright, just stick close and follow me." We started to trek at a slower pace so we didn't get separated. we continued this for about twenty minutes until I heard Fluttershy scream. " What's wrong, what happened." She didn't respond, she just pointed towards a tree. " What is it? A monster? A ghost? The IRS? come on woman spill it."
" It's the tree." It was barely audible, but I was able to make out what she had to say. I took another look at the tree she was pointing at only to find that the base of the trunk was carved like a jack-o-lantern. the face didn't faze me as my morning breath was more frightening than that. I turned to tell her it was just a tree when I noticed that all the girls were screaming there heads off. Another look around showed me that we had become surrounded by jack-o-trees.
" Ok, that's just a little creepy." I was about to try and calm them down when my ears fell towards the sound of laughter. I as well as the rest of the girls turned to see that it was Pinkie who was laughing and making faces at one of the trees.
" Pinkie what are you doing? Run!"
" Oh, girls don't you see."
When I was a little filly
And the sun was going down
" Ah, crap singing. Mind if I smoke?" I pulled out a cigar and started puffing while the song was going on. It seemed to be driving the girls of their fears away, which is good but we really needed to wrap this up. As I was watching all this I started to get a familiar scent. The scent was coming from the trees. I approached one of them to get a better scent. But, just as I was about to pinpoint where I recognized the smell, the pink menace came over and laughed at the very tree I was investigating. After she stopped laughing the tree became a regular tree again. I stared in disbelief as my clue just vanished. I turned around and saw that all the girls were now making the faces off the trees disappear as they all laughed at them. Within a minute, every tree that had a face had been turned back to normal with the power of laughter. " Well, at least we know who laughter is," I whispered to my self. I look down to see the girls in a laughing fit sprawled across the forest floor.
" Oh man, I can't believe that worked." Rainbow retorted with a chuckle
" See, I told you that there was nothing to be afraid of." I can't help but roll my eye's at the thought that anyone could be afraid of trees.
We continued on our journey to the castle that just seems to never end. Feels like a Peter Jackson film, to be honest. We kept walking until we hit a raging river with rolling rapids. I was about to make a joke about who wanted to go first, till we heard crying up the river. We went to investigate the noise and see what the problem was.
The noise turned out to be a large purple serpent that was thrashing about, no doubt causing the churning waters. " Hey, buddy, what seems to be the problem here."
" Oh, the most terrible thing just happened." The guy had a very big gay Al voice.
" Mind telling us or do you want to keep us in the dark."
" Well, I was just minding my own business, when all of a sudden this black cloud came by and sliced half my mustache off." Dear God in heaven no, no,NOOOOOOOOO.
" Oh, you poor sweet serpent. Here lies down, and we can work this out." The girls seemed to raise an eyebrow at my mannerisms, all except Rarity, she knew what was going on. " What? Look, only guys with beards and mustaches can understand, like me, Cheech Marin, Burt Reynolds, and of course the master's, the whole band of ZZ Top."
"No idea who they are, but I can only assume that they are also men of facial craftmanship?" Rarity had asked with curiosity.
" They are craftsman Rare's. And let me tell you. Anyone who damages a person's mustache is a cruel and sick twisted individual." I might be overdoing it with the drama, but dammit I have to express myself sometimes.
" Well, I for one cannot let this crime against fashion go. Joseph, please hand me your knife."
" Alright, didn't know you were into the bushido code, but alright." I took out my knife and handed it to her, hopefully, she doesn't do what I think she might do. What she did do was just as bizarre, she took the knife and cut 3/4 of her tail off. She then proceeded to levitate the chopped-off tail over to the cut off a portion of the serpents mustache.
" Oh, thank you so much, it looks simply divine." The damn thing looked like something a kid would make with playdough.
" But, Rarity, look at your tail."
" A small price to pay for another, besides short tails are in this year."
" Well, the river's calm now, let's cross."
Before we could all get across, the water dragon rose to make a scaly bridge. " Please allow me." And so we crossed the river and made it to the other side. Once we were all together we headed down to the castle which was now in sight.
" Come on girls I can see the castle from here, let's go."
" Twilight, wait for us."
They were all running towards the castle to end this little journey of ours. We were 200ft from our destination when all of a sudden Twilight yelped and almost careened off the edge of the ravine. " Woah there egghead, no need to go off half-cocked." I looked over the surrounding area and found a rope bridge that used to hang over the ravine. "Hey, guys over here."We made it to our side of the bridge when a huge obstacle was put in front of us. The bridge was destroyed on the other side.
" Darn, how are we going to get across now?"
" Uh, Duh." Rainbow gestured to her wings and then took off over to the other side with the other half of the bridge with her.
" Oh, right your wings."
Dash had made it to the other side where she was in the process of tying off the bridge to the post. She was about to tie off the last one when suddenly a voice stopped her in her tracks."Rainbow. Rainbow Dash."
" What the, who's there? Show yourself before I put the hurt on you." Dash reared on her hind hooves and started jabbing the air looking for the mystery voice. Suddenly out from the mist came three pegasi clad in dark matching uniforms.
" Hello, Rainbow Dash. we've been waiting for you."
" Wait, me? Why?" Okay, now it might be time to intervene soon.
" We need someone to be the captain of our aerial team. Someone fast."
" Yeah." She started to perk up at the compliments thrown at her.
" Someone agile."
" Yup." Okay, this looks to be turning into a sale's pitch or something of that nature. However, knowing what's been happening on the way over. It's pretty obvious that these girls embody the elements, big time. And the way thing's have been going, it would seem that rainbow would embody loyalty.
" So will you join us?" Alright, it might be time to change.
" Sure, just let me get this bridge up and-"
" No! You must decide. Them or us." She just crossed the line.
" Hey, guys I'm going to need you to hold these for me." I handed Rarity my shirt and belt. I took my sandals off and turned into the Wolfman. I was about to jump over the other side. Which, now that I think about it, I could have done in the first place. Though, the next thing that just happened stopped me in my tracks.
" I choose them. I'm sorry but, I have to stick with my friends." Damn, that nearly brings me to tears. I knew she was loy-wait what's that mare doing with that knife.
" If you won't join us, then you agree to DIE." Okay, time to intervene.
I leaped over the other side in all my beastly glory to defend my new friend. When I made it to the other side I went straight for the mare with the knife and bit the leg holding the knife off. The stallion on my right went to tackle me but a quick slash to the throat stopped his actions in the dust. The last one was able to grab ahold of me and jabbed me with his own knife. This only resulted in his knife breaking against my skin. Finally, I just ripped his head off for his own stupidity with my bear claws. When I turned to the mare with the missing stump, all I saw was the pegasus turn into mist and disappear back into the mist. I turned and sure enough, the other bodies turned to smoke and vanished.
I slowly turned back into my birth form and looked to Dash. " Hey, you okay?" Her facial expression was slaked jawed and eye twitching. " Hey, Dash anyone home."
Suddenly she burst into a full-on fangirl. Dude, that was awesome. I mean you were like Roar, and then slash, slash, and then chomp. That was beyond cool. Well, it seems as though I have a fan.
"Wow, thanks for the praise Dash but how bout we get that bridge secured."
She seemed to come down from her fangasam as she realized we still had a mission. " Right, right sorry let me get that real quick." She tied off the bridge so the other girls could cross. Rarity came by and handed me my effects. I gave her a nod of appreciation.
" Alright, girls what we need is inside that shambling mess of a castle. So let's go in and be prepared for anything, even if it might seem improbable." And so we went over to the large archway that was the entrance to the abandoned castle. God's above don't let us fuck this up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6loWrABr8gA
Author's Notes:
I think from now on I'll add music to the beginnings. Also clips of the day. Like so.
Banishing the curse and a new gift ( Edited)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDd7Epr_sAQ
Standing before us was the once awe-inspiring castle of the two sisters. Though that was a thousand years ago, now it looked as though a giant had a drunken brawl with a dragon over a race joke gone wrong. Oh well, time to get shit done.
" Alright, girls this it, the moment that you have been preparing for the last four or so hours, while I have been preparing for this since I was born." They looked shocked to find out I've been training since I popped out the velvet curtain. But shocked faces or not I stepped through the threshold towards my destiny, the girls following me right at my heels.
" Hey, Joe not that I'm afraid or anything, but how do we take down Nightmare Moon?" Twilight asked with curiosity.
" Simple. you girls are the embodiment of the elements, so therefor the elements will choose their bearer." The girls stopped in their tracks right then and there. The looks they gave me ranged from shock to doubt.
Twilight was the first to speak out of her stupor. " What are you talking about? How could we possibly be the elements? This got me to give a little chuckle.
" Well, Twilight lets look at the facts so far." I pointed to AJ. " Applejack told you the truth about a situation where a lie may have been preferred." I pointed to Fluttershy. " Fluttershy was kind to a monster who was in pain." Next up was Pinkie. " Pinkie laughed away the evil-looking faces off the tree's for Pete's sake." Now Rarity. " Rarity gave up part of her tail to fix another's mustache." Rainbow's turn. " Rainbow almost got stabbed because she wouldn't leave you guy's for a position as captain." Now I looked directly into Twilight's eyes. " And from what Spike told me, you have more magic in you than five unicorn's combined. So yes I believe that the elements are meant for you." The information that I provided seemed to dawn on all of them.
" Well damn, when you put it that way who can really argue."
" Exactly, so here's my plan so far, we find the element's, I draw out Nightmare, and then you girls use them on her. Then once everything is done we all go out for some frosty chocolate milkshakes." They all seemed to approve of this plan, although I think Pinkie was more interested in the victory shakes. " Okay, let's take this hallway and see if we-"
" Sorry to put a pin in your little plan, but I believe I have a better one." We turned to the source of the voice, though we already knew who it was. Right in front of us stood Nightmare in all her dark glory, holding much to our shock, the elements of harmony. " Did you fools really think that we would allow you to entrap us in our moon once again? Well think again! With that statement, she proceeded to smash the elements into rubble.
We all stared at the event that just unfolded before us with horror and dread. It seemed that the very tools we needed to get the job done, have been destroyed. " Okay girls, time for plan B."
" What's plan B?" Twilight asked.
" Improvise." At that, I turned around and without even removing my clothes turned into the Wolf then lunged for her. " Round two." I latched onto her with my claws clamped around her flank. What I'm an ass man. She tried to shake me off her by bucking me in the balls. Let me tell you, just because you're indestructible doesn't mean you don't feel pain. And believe me, it worked. I let go of her only to clamp down on her tail.
" Oh you miserable bastard, how dare you to attack the royal flank." Baby I'm about to do worse than that.
Twilight's Pov
He was off like a bolt of lightning. He was determined to stop Nightmare Moon at all costs. And I knew that deep down I had to help him. But without the actual elements how could we possibly do anything. Suddenly I felt a pull coming from one of the piles of stone. It started to glow a soft purple and levitated slowly into the air. My eyes wandered over the other ruined elements to see they were all doing the same, though each had a different color about them.
Suddenly the pile that glowed purple shot straight towards me at an alarming speed. I closed my eyes awaiting the inevitable pain, but it never came, instead, the shards were circling around me as if I had a gravity field around me. I looked behind me to see that the same thing was being done to the other girls. Then, as if things couldn't get any stranger the shards formed around their necks, turning into a necklace, though mine swirled around my head turning into a tiara. And at the center of each piece of jewelry, was a gem, shaped into our cutie marks. The elements of Harmony.
" Oh, wow. These are beautiful." I would have gone into more detail but suddenly a form crashed next to us. I went to investigate only to find Joe in his wolf form. " Joe are you alright?"
" Peachy, considering my ass is getting handed to me by a Disney villain reject." He looked at me and the girls with a surprised look. " Where did you guys get the jewelry?"
" These are the elements. They latched onto us while you were fighting Nightmare."
He seemed to perk up at this when suddenly a dark form slammed into him.
" You will not get away so easily. You will pay for laying your filthy paws upon me." Nightmare was back for another fight . Joe turned to her with a smile.
" Admit it, you like it rough." Gross.
Before Nightmare could respond Joe launched her forward with his legs acting as a springboard. Joe immediately got back up and looked to us. " Alright, plan C. I'll hold her down while you guys fire up the elements alright." Without waiting for us to respond he turned to where he launched Nightmare Moon. " Alright, super, let's go."
Joe ran down the hall at incredible speed leaving us in the dust. " Alright, girls you heard him let's go."
" Alright, finally some action."
" Yeehaw, time to put an end to this rodeo."
" Oh, my"
" If it will put an end to all this then, by all means, lead the way."
" Hasta la vesta, baby."
We all looked at Pinkie after that remark but quickly ignored it. We thundered down the hall where Joe had disappeared into. We wound up entering what had once been the throne room to the sight of Joe wrestling Nightmare to the ground. He seemed to slightly struggle with her as she kept firing lightning bolts from a conjured up cloud onto his back. We took this as our cue to act. I started to channel magic into the element sitting atop my head to activate the others. Within seconds we all started to float above the floor with our bodies slightly giving off a bright aurora of light.
" Joe, hold her down, it's about to work," I shouted at him so we could finally finish the job. But, no sooner had the words left my mouth, than the elements fired down on them both in a swirl of a rainbow beam.
" No, Nooooo." Nightmare screamed as she was consumed in the blast. Unfortunately, Joe was also hit with the blast. Then suddenly a blinding light was washed over us all.
Joe's Pov
White light. Don't know how else to describe white light so I'll just leave it like that. I turned my head, looking for something other than white, sadly I was greeted with more white.
" Well, I guess this must be heaven."
" Not quite my friend." A voice rumbled through blank landscape nearly scaring the crap out of me. Though I did have a little turtle head poking out.
I tried turning into my wolf form only to have nothing happen. Okay, now I'm in trouble. Summoning what courage I had left I yelled " Who are you? Where is this place?" Cliche I know but it works.
" I am the spirit of Harmony itself, and the place is actually inside your mind."
I had to take a double-take at that. I was speaking with harmony itself. Inside my head, gods above hope it didn't see any porn. The being whose very elements we just used to banish the evil that consumed princess Luna. Speaking of.
" Hey" I decided that my normal voice could get to her. " Do you know whether or not Luna is back to her self?" The question seemed to linger for a while before it answered.
" Why not ask her yourself?" I looked ahead at the empty space in confusion until I heard a noise behind me. I turned around only to gasp at the sight before me. Before me, stood a light blue alicorn no taller than any other pony. She had a short mane and night-themed regalia.
She looked at me with realization and fear, no doubt she was able to see me while under the Nightmare influence.
" Please do not hurt us, twas not our fault. Ah, crap. Better diffuse the situation before it gets out of hand.
" Hey, hey it's alright I'm not going to hurt you." This did very little to comfort her. " Umm, would it help if I said I can't wolf out in this place?" That got her to immediately perk up.
Tentatively she approached me. " We...wish to thank thee for releasing us from that horrid corruption. How can we ever repay thee for this noble feat?"
" Let's hold off on repayment until we're back at the castle." I lifted my head to speak to Harmony. " What is it that you want from us, spirit?"
" From the princess, I want nothing. She has suffered enough. Luna looked relieved to hear that she need not do anything to repent. " AS for you Joseph." It knows my name? " I shall grant you two gifts. The first is a weapon crafted by the dwarven blacksmiths of Svartalfheim. Suddenly a table made of stone appeared in front of us. On the table, laid a weapon of unimaginable power and beauty, a two-handed ax carved in sacred runes.
" The second gift is power." Power? What power could this spirit possibly give? " Since it was an alicorn you saved, so shall the power be equal to that of an alicorn.
" Wait, what?"
Before I could protest any further a boom rung out throughout the blank world. Out in the distance, I could faintly see a rainbow-colored orb traveling at tremendous speeds. Heading right for me.
" HOLY CRAP."
back at the castle Twilights Pov
I don't know how long we were out for. It was most likely just around a few minutes to an hour, but it felt like forever. I looked around to see if the other's were alright. Slowly, one by one they all started to wake up. Dash was the first to speak up.
" Ugh, my aching head...what happened?"
" I.....I think we...did it." Looking around, it seemed as though that we succeeded in our mission. Off in the far corner where Nightmare and Joe had been, now stood a young-looking alicorn and Joe with shockingly enough a pair of wings on his back.
Joe's Pov
" Gods what the hell happened." I begrudgingly awoke from what seems like a four-hour jaeger binge. I started to get up till I felt something on my shoulders. I look over to see that attached to my back is a pair of black wings, I reached out a hand to examine them only to feel a twinge in my hands. It was not a twinge of pain, nor was it soothing, the best I can describe this feeling is raw and natural. I looked to my hands to see they glowed a fiery blue.
" Joe, is that you?"
I looked up from my hands to see Twilight staring at me with wide eyes. No doubt she had questions, unfortunately, I had none to give at the moment. I stood up at my full height and as if on instinct my wings unfurled to their full twenty-foot spread. That's going to get some getting used to.
" Sweet Celestia. Joe, those wings of yours is simply divine." High praise? Now that I do like.
" Thank you Rarity, and I must say that your tail seems to have been given back its former glory."
" EEEEK my tail, oh how I missed you."
Before more could be said a bright light started to shine towards the east. It seemed with the defeat of the Nightmare the sun can finally show its faces. Out of the light from the sun, a second light appeared. this second light came through the window, touched the floor, and materialized into the one and only, Princess Celestia. One by one we all started to bow.
" Princess Celestia!" Twilight ran ahead to embrace her mentor.
" Twilight, my faithful student, I knew you could do it." They gave each other a hug and nuzzle to comfort themselves. She looked up from her embrace and her eyes went wide when she saw me. " Joe, what is the-"
" Celestia now is not the time nor the place for this. Besides, I think that she might need your attention more than me." I pointed behind me towards Luna. She followed my direction and gasped.
" Luna?"
" Sister?"
A silence fell upon the room. They just kept staring at each other, Luna with fear, Celestia with a quivering lip. Everyone stared at the two for what seemed like an eternity. I was about to intervene when Celestia sprang to her hooves and ran up to her younger sister.
" Oh Luna, please forgive me. I didn't want to put you on the moon. I just wanted to get rid of the darkness. I'll do whatever you want, just please forgive me." Whoa, now that's some groveling.
Luna Squirmed out of Celestia's death grip. " Sister please, you're embarrassing us." She turned to me and came up to me. " Noble knight, I wish to thank thee for releasing us from our darkness."
" It was my pleasure to have served in aiding in your release your highness."
" Be it as it may, I wish to give you a reward for your service."
" And what might that be?"
" Simple, lessons on how to control your newfound alicorn powers."
" What?" Everyone screamed as though I grew a pair of wings. Oh right.
" Luna, what do you mean alicorn powers? Joe, what does she mean?"
Guess it's time to tell the story. " Alright, I'll tell you, though you might want to have a seat, that goes for you girls too." I pulled over a large stone pillar that had fallen over some time ago. strange thing is, it felt like it weighs about the same as a baseball would, strange indeed. " Alright, everyone situated?" Everyone gave a nod and Pinkie had some popcorn. " Okay, this happened right after the rainbow light show hit us."
20 minutes later
" And that's pretty much it up until this point." Silence, that's all there was after my story. " So, questions?"
Twilight was the first to ask. Shocker. " Are you able to use magic, I mean you don't even have a horn."
" That's what these hands are for Twi." I lifted my hand and blue sparks flew out from my hand. " Does that answer your question?"
Pinkie was next. " Can I throw you a 'inhales' congratulationsyouranunstoppableGodlikebeingwhohaswingsmagicandstrengthtobootandcannowdothesesuperdoopercoolstuff party?" It took me a moment to register what was said. When it finally did.
" Sure Pinks, whatever and whenever, you want."
" Think you'll let me teach you to fly?" I looked to my wings then back to Dash.
" Sure, but, we do this twice a week, and we listen to some much-needed training music. Deal?"
" Deal." We shook on it to seal the deal.
AJ spoke next. " Where are you gonna hunker down while ya'll are here?" Now that is a good question. Where will I stay?
" I don't know, I'll think of something though."
" Well, if ya want, you can alway's stay over at the farm. We could use a strong farm-hand around." She gave me a smile with half-lidded eyes. Oh, mama.
" I'll consider it." I gave her a wink and a smile. She responded with a blush.
Rarity asked me something while holding my shredded shirt. " What are you going to do about this?" Damn, that was a Foo Fighters concert shirt.
" Well don't worry about it I have a few extra shirts on me."
" Do you still have your wolf form?" Fluttershy seemed to think I was a totally different beast now.
With a slow exhale, I became the wolf again, only this time with my wing's intact and claws burning with a blue flame.
" Does this answer your question?"
" Eeep." Flutters hid behind her mane to ease her nerves.
" Alright alright, I think that's enough questions for now. What say we head on back to town?"
" Yes, I believe that would be best. we have much to tell the local populace."
Lady, that's the understatement of the century.
Author's Notes:
I know it's the leviathan ax, but so what? like none of you have ever wanted something like that. By the way, the wolf was supposed to have black fur.
Any way clip of the day.
Click it or ticket ( Edited)
( Recap so far )
So we got back to town to explain everything that's happened so far. Honestly, they took it really well, when we were coming back I half expected pitchforks and torches. Luna was taken back that she was forgiven just like that. Twilight decided to stay at the library to stay with her friends and teach me some magic. Before Luna left with Celestia, she gave me a lantern that was able to transport letters to her and vice versa. I decided to take AJ up on her offer to house me, for manual labor in return of course. Rainbow came by twice a week to give me flying lessons. They sucked for the most part, but I have begun to improve. Twilight came by after my flying lessons to show me magic, now I know illusions, fire, ice, and finally teleportation by slicing through the air. It's been three weeks since then, now I'm in the fields of Sweet Apple Acres working alongside Big Mac.
End recap
" So, Mac, what kind of bet did you get involved in again?" Mac and I were bucking or in my case punching tree's to harvest the apples. Mac made a bet with AJ and he somehow roped me into it.
" The bet was that we each have a section of trees to harvest, and the one to finish first wins."
" Yeah I get that part, but the part I'm asking about is what happens to the loser?"
" Ah, well. The loser has to wear a corset and run through town. And you might have to do the same since Twilight's helping AppleJack, hee hee."
" WHAT." Oh hell no, I ain't wearing no corset. I dropped the basket I was holding and shot off into the air. I climbed forty feet into the air before diving right back down. On the way down I made for a ground pound slam. When I finally landed, I smashedthe ground with my fists. What came next was what one might call a large tremor. The trees within a 200-yard radius all started to shake, and then all the apples dropped into the baskets below them.
Mac stood there with his jaw slacked. " At a loss for words buddy. Well, how about we start gathering these baskets before we have to wear a corset and sing Yankee doodle dandy down the streets." For the next twenty minutes, we gathered the baskets and put them inside the barn for storage. From the looks of it, it seems that AJ will have to wear the corset. Shudder oh that's going to be an awesome sight.
I was going to head over to AJ to tell her the bet was in the bag until the lantern at my side started to glow with a blue flame, seems I got some mail. The lantern sprouted a blue flame, and out of the flames, a letter with Luna's insignia.
Dearest Joseph
Inscribed on this parchment is an invite to this year's Grand Galloping Gala. Inside you will find a ticket to the Gala, as well as a dress code requirement. I would also like to inquire as to if you would be so kind as to escort us when you arrive. On another note, we will be arriving with our sister to enjoy a small party. We will commence a trial for thee to see how far your abilities have come along.
From Princess Luna.
Well, my day has been made. Better go tell AJ and Twi. I wondered over to the section of the orchard that they were meant to be at. I searched the rows for five minutes before I spotted AJ, Spike, and Twi walking through the fields, though Spike was sitting on Twilight's back tossing apples out of her basket.
" Thank ya for the help Twilight, it would have been near impossible to get this done before Joe and Big Mac do." Oh AJ, prepare to eat your words.
" It was no problem AppleJack, it was our pleasure, right Spike?"
" Yeeess syrup is better than jelly." What the hell.
" Well, whatever as long as we get this done quickly that would be great. I forgot to eat breakfast this morning."
" Sure thing Twi, let's just get these last five trees and we'll be as golden as a golden delicious. And we better hurry before-"
" Before either I or Mac come up here and tell you that we finished half an hour ago, or that you guys need to get ready for a nice sing-along?" The girls stared at me with shock and surprise.
" What in tarnation, how did you finish so fast?"
I looked at Spike. " Hey Spike, remember that comic I showed you with the Hulk?" He nodded vigorously at that. " And remember how he made an earthquake form by slamming his fist in the ground?"
" Wait, are you say that you slammed the ground causing all the apples to fall?" Spike looked very excited about such a feat.
" Within a radius of 200 yards. But really who's keeping score?" I gave them a cheeky smile. " Oh, and before I forget, Luna sent me this letter saying that I'm invited to something called the Grand Galloping Gala. So I got that going for me."
Before anyone could respond, Spike belched up a letter for Twilight. Geez, I wonder what that could be. I decided to leave them to their own devices. I'm sure that I'll hear about it later though.
" Hey, guys I'm heading over to town for lunch, AJ I'll see you at dinner." I left down the road towards town, though more specifically Sugar cube corner. Lately, I've been craving a chocolate caramel cake with peanut butter frosting. It's the wolf in me that wanted the peanut butter.
When I finally got there, Pinkie was waiting for me behind the counter with that big smile of hers. " Joey." Dammit, I told her not to do that.
" Pinkie how many times have I told you, don't call me Joey, ok it's Joe alright?"
" But it's so fun to say. I mean listen, Joey Joey Joey Joey Joey Jo-" Yeah I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed a handful of cotton candy hair and chucked her out the front door. Nobody was worried of course, cause they saw the pink pony survive much worse. I turn around to see Mrs. Cakebehind the counter with an annoyed frown on her face.
" Joe, did you have to do that?"
" Have to? No. Want to? very much so." I looked over the stuff in the counter to see if they had what I wanted, if so then I could get what I wanted at a reduced price. Sadly, that was not meant to be. " Alright, I'll take two slices of chocolate caramel cake with peanut butter frosting, and a large strawberry milkshake." She went to go make my order while I took a seat at one of the booths. While I waited I decided to play a little music to pass the time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ew_bfFvros
While I listened to the music I heard a pony take a seat on the other side of me. This particular pony happened to be familiar to me. Miss Cheerilee. She's the local school teacher for Ponyville and one of my close friends outside the six girls I meet to stop Luna.
" Hello mister Huffstutler, how have you been doing?" Always so polite.
" Just grabbing a bite, same as you I'm guessing?"
" Well, yes and no. You see I was wondering if you would come by the school once a week and teach the children something about your world."
I'll admit, the thought had crossed my mind to teach Apple Bloom a couple of things about my world, hell I'm already teaching spike some comic book knowledge, what's the harm in teaching a few kids some human culture.
" Alright, but I get to teach my way. Don't worry, I won't show or teach or show them anything that will scare them, or give them weird ideas."
" Wonderful, when should I schedule you in?"
" I believe Friday would be best for that, you know a treat at the end of the week sort of thing."
" That'll work just fine, thank you, Joe." At that point, my order finally got here. I offered the other slice to Cheerilee, which she gladly accepted. We talked about how our days have been so far. She told me about one of her students that's been acting up. I told her about the invite to the Gala, and she nearly flipped out. After about twenty minutes I left to head over to the library to see about the daring doo book that Twilight suggested to me. I had to run over there because it started to rain.
I finally got to the library and was about to open the door when suddenly I heard singing and animal sounds inside. I opened the door to see a twisted version of Snow White's whistle while you work. Inside, Fluttershy and her pets were going around cleaning and tidying up.
" Hey, Fluttershy."
" Eeep." Gods this woman needs some backbone. " Oh, Joe it's just you. I thought you might have been Twilight."
" You were waiting for Twilight? What for?"
She went on to explain how she and the other girls have been trying to gain Twilight's favor so they could get the other ticket Celestia sent her. Well, now I know what was in the letter. She told me how she was going to win the ticket by cleaning the library.
" Okay, one that has to be the most manipulative thing I ever heard. Second, why would you even care to go to the Gala, I thought you didn't like events like that anyway."
" Well, it's not the Gala I really care about. But, the Gala is right next to the royal gardens, where the most incredible plants and animals are."
" Ah, say no more." It didn't take a genius to know that Fluttershy was a reincarnated Steve Irwin. " But seriously why would you go to such lengths for that? I mean, aren't the gardens open to the public?" I would have gone into more detail but the door suddenly burst inwards and in came Twi and Spike. " Hey Twilight, where you been?"
" Oh, you know just running for my life because of this stupid ticket. I mean seriously, who would think a piece of gold paper would make ponies so crazy."
" Obviously you've never seen Charlie and the chocolate factory."
" Whatever. Wait, what are you doing here?"
" Well, I came by for that book you recommended." I pointed over to Fluttershy. " She came over to butter you up by cleaning the place." I gave Fluttershy the stink eye, which she backed away from. I took another look at Twilight, and she looked like Hell. " What happened to you? You look like you went through a stunt course on a unicycle with a broken tire."
" Well, there was AppleJack and Dash having a hoof-wrestling contest over the ticket, then Pinkie slammed into me while I was-"
" Let me stop you there, um, I kind of threw Pinkie out the door and that probably led to the slamming into you." She looked a little pissed at me, but I expected that.
" There was also the rain, the dress-up with Rarity, and now this. I mean what else could go wrong." Here comes Murphy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYwAHURPQ-s
And Murphy has a party blower.
After the noisemaker went off, a pair of pink hooves grabbed Twilight and me out of the library. Suddenly we were being tossed into the air while Pinkie was singing how Twilight is her best friend in all of Equestria.
" Twilight, word of advice. Never ask what else could go wrong!" This kept going till Pinkie slipped that Twilight had an extra ticket to the Gala. Suddenly we were surrounded by ponies who kept offering Twilight goods and services. It got so bad that we were running out of room to move. " Twilight, I think it's time we" I grabbed Twilight's tail and jumped into the air "Ruuuuun."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MK6TXMsvgQg
We ran in no particular direction, we just tried to shake off the crowd. We got to one of the bridges that span's over the small river. We made our way under the bridge just as the mob ran over to the other side. We would have stayed longer but a troll tolled us to hit the road. The damn thing looked like Moe Szyslak. When we got topside one of the ponies spotted us and we were off again.
Our next hiding spot was a conveniently placed cart filled to the brim with apple treats. Bonzai. Again, the mob passed us and again we were off to somewhere else. Though I took a couple of fritters with me. The next hiding spot was inside a window display. The mob passed by without noticing me or Twi. " Why do I have to wear a clown costume?"
" Would you prefer the hula girl?" I started having flashbacks to that one scene from the Lion King.
" You will never catch me in drag, understand!" Unfortunately, my outburst got the attention of the mob of ticket grubbing ponies. " Time to go."
We were on the run for the fourth time in less than an hour. Unfortunately, we ended up at a dead-end at the end of an alley. The crowd seemed to have us trapped, there was nowhere to run, and the sky was filled with pegasi so flying was out. What to do, oh yeah, teleport.
" Stand back." I spread my wings out wide to give us some room. Then I concentrated on my right hand and it quickly became a claw. With a little magic, I sliced the air in front of us and a portal was opened that showed the front of the library. I grabbed Twilight around her barrel and jumped through. Once we made it to the other side the portal closed so no one could follow.
" Well, that was fun. We should do it again sometime." I was joking, of course, that was anything but fun. " So listen, I'm going to head home cause this really isn't my problem. But, if I may." Twilight looked to me. " How about you write a letter to Celestia explaining that you would like more tickets for your friends? I mean they did help with Luna and they are element bearers, it seems the least she could do, don't you think?"
" I suppose, but what if she says no?" I lifted an eyebrow at that. " You're right she wouldn't do that. I'll see you around Joe."
" Alright, see you around. Hey if you see AJ, tell her to be home by six or granny will have my hide." I know couldn't really hurt me, but I've always been told to respect the elderly.
" I'll do that." She headed inside while I headed for the farm.
A few hours later I was setting the table with Apple Bloom telling her about the day I had. She laughed when I told her about Twilight suggesting I wear a grass skirt and a coconut bra. I set the last plate down when I heard Jackie walk through the door, with a ticket no less.
" So I can assume things turned out okay?"
" Eeyup, Twilight was able to get all of us tickets to the Gala. So I was wondering if you wanted to be my 'date'? What do ya say, Joe?" Is she hitting on me, or just teasing?
" Well I kind of was already asked to be Luna's escort, but I'm sure she wouldn't mind you tagging along." She seemed a little taken back from this news. " Hey if you don't want to then we can-"
" Sure." Now it was my turn to look shocked.
" Um, okay. Well, we'll have to get some new threads, and of course, I'll bring us some transportation. I gotta see if Celestia will show me how to go back to my wor-" Smooch.
Stunned. Stunned was all that could be said about this situation. AppleJack just gave me a peck on the cheek.
" Make sure to wear something black sugar cube, you always look good in black." She went over to the table and sat down. All the other Apples came to the table to eat. I just stood there dumbly staring off into space. Eventually Granny pulled me back to reality.
" Hey young whippersnapper, you coming to dinner or what?"
" Yeah, of course." I sat down at the table and dug into my dinner. What am I going to do now? One step at a time I guess.
Author's Notes:
Okay, so that happened. So quick question? AJ, Luna, or both. To be honest, it's probably the latter. Clip time.
Magic Fingers, or Claws ( Edited)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyQUCYl-ocs
Last week.
A week went by since the whole ticket fiasco, and since AppleJack kissed me on the cheek. To be honest, I'm not sure if she was teasing me or if she's actually into me. Kinda hoping for the latter. Speaking of AJ, we had a hell of a time with the orchards. Big Mac had injured himself, he says he tried to lift a boulder out of the ground, I say he slipped in the shower. Whatever not important, what is important is that it was harvest season and we were a pony short. It would have been a problem, had I not perfected the ' Apple Slam' at least that's what I was calling it. With the exception of when Jackie held off a stampede of cows, we got the whole orchard done in four days. AppleJack was so amazed by my work, she gave me two weeks of paid vacation.
Now
There I was taking a stroll down Main street just enjoying my day, not a care in the world. I thought about writing to Luna to see if she or Celestia could teach me whatever spell they used to get me here. I had no true intention to go back for good, but I wouldn't mind seeing my father, or better yet bring him here, let him see the world that we were destined to save. That would also solve the transportation issue for the Gala.
My mind was so far up in the clouds, I almost missed the growing crowd around a large wagon. The wagon seemed to be fitted as a makeshift stage. It seems most of the town gathered for this, even the girls were here, with the exception of Pinkie and Fluttershy.
" Hey, guys, what's going on?" A tubby unicorn colt turned around to tell me. I think his name is snipps, Cheerilee told me about him and his friend snails. Not the brightest in the bunch.
" A new unicorn just arrived, and she's supposed to be the greatest." The greatest? Perfect, a pony version of Bender.
Suddenly a voice rose over the crowd. " Mares and gentle colts, welcome to the most spectacular show that you've ever seen. Prepare for the Great and Powerful Trixie." At the end of the announcement the wagon transformed into a stage with horns blasting and a pyrotechnic show going. Then out of nowhere a smoke screen went off in the middle of the stage, and out of the smoke came a unicorn with a star-covered cape and wizard hat.
As far as magic shows go, it could have gone better. I mean, she ain't no Chris Angel, though I'll give it to her, she does have real magic. " Now prepare, to be amazed by the awesome magical talent of What in Equestria is that." She was pointing at me when she screamed that.
" What? Is there something on my face?" I didn't need to be angry about her outburst, it happens from time to time. " Hey listen don't stop the show on my account, these people came to see a show." She got past her surprise and went on with her show. She put on a couple of card tricks, a bouquet of flowers appeared out of thin air, and to top it off, she pulled a rabbit out of her hat. " Hahahahaha, oh by Heimdall's eyes, this is the amateur hour right here." She looked pissed at that comment.
" How dare you insult Trixie, me who single-handedly defeated an Ursa Major." How do you defeat a star constellation? " And Trixie has more magical talent than anypony, anywhere." This got the girls a little upset, too much boasting can do that. " And Trixie challenges any who believes they can out-perform the Great and Powerful Trixie."
" I'll take the challenge." Everyone turned to me as if I just said ' I love pineapple on my pizza' which I don't.
" You, ha don't make Trixie laugh. What could you possibly do?"
" Well how about some illusions of my own."
" How could you possibly do magic without a horn?"
" I've got my way's." I leaped on to the stage spreading my wings to please the crowd. " So, how about you start off and I'll follow." Might as well give her a chance to come up with something grand.
" Very well." She turned to address the crowd. " Watch and behold as Trixie shows you how she defeated the fearsome Ursa Major." Her horn lit up and outshot a sparkling image of her casting magic at a giant bear. " Top that brute."
" Alright, how about this. I'll do two illusions. One of comedy and one of action, sound cool?" The audience grew quiet in anticipation of what I was about to do. From what Twilight taught me, Illusions take the form of what the imagination can conjure, though the illusion can only be sustained for a certain amount of time depending on one's magic pool. And since my magic pool is that of an alicorn, not to mention the gift gives off a natural healing ability so my magic is near limitless.
" First comedy." With a wave of my hand, a screen appeared above us.
The crowd had there sides splitting, even Trixie was trying to hide her giggling. I assumed they didn't get a few things but whatever. " Alright, now its time for the action illusion."
https://youtu.be/44kBN340vd4?t=82
Now the crowd was in utter silence, they couldn't take their eyes away from what they just witnessed. To be honest I think I might have gone a little too far with the awesome factor. " Uh, you guys alright?"
Rainbow was the first to speak after she shook off her fangasam. " That was the best thing I have ever seen. I mean when that old guy was falling he just grabbed that sword and wham."
" Well okay." I turned to Trixie and I was about to say something snarky. Then I saw her face, it was sad, defeated, and I wanna say, ashamed. " Hey, you okay?"
" No, Trixie is not alright. I was just shown up by some creature who made my magic look like some cheap parlor trick." Damn, now I feel like an asshole. Maybe I should do something. " Just get off my stage, NOW." Okay, put a pin on an apology later.
I got off the stage and was bombarded with questions and praise. It was overwhelming so I quickly took flight. I know I shouldn't feel too bad, I mean she did offer a challenge and I was never one to turn down a challenge. I decided to go ahead and write that letter about the spell to my world. I made it to my room back at the farmhouse, well I say my room but from what AJ has told me it used to be her parent's room. I asked about them once, it resulted in her telling me how they fell down a ravine on their property. They never found them, might have to pay my respects at some point. But that's for later on to the letter.
Dear Luna
First, I would like to say that I would love to be your escort for the Gala, though I would like to tell you that AppleJack will accompany us as I've agreed to take her as a date, so to speak. Anyway, I'm also writing to ask if either you or your sister could teach me the spell that allows one to travel dimensions. It's not to return for good but just to get a few things. Or if not, then perhaps the means to get there and back. If you could, please respond as quickly as possible.
From Joe, The Wolfman
I rolled the letter up and set it in the lantern to send. With the letter sent I decided to see what Apple Bloom was up to, it being Saturday and all. I went downstairs to find her talking to her granny about what went on earlier. I didn't even know she was there.
" Hey AB, Granny, how are you doing today?"
" Joe." Apple Bloom shot off the floor and headed right to me. " I was telling Granny about the show you put on against that show pony Trixie. I was wondering if you could do it again, please." Odin's beard she's using her eyes as a weapon again. Resist, must resist.
" Alright fine, just stop with the eyes already, you'll give someone diabetes." AB cheered and sat next to Granny's rocking chair. " Okay, any requests?"
" Do something with music." Music huh.
" What kind? Rock n roll, rap, or perhaps country?"
" Naw, I wanna listen to 'Pop' preferably a boy band." Okay, that caught me off guard. I think I know what to show.
" Alright, how does Nsync sound?"
When the show ended, I looked at my two audience members. " Well, what did you think?" I waited for AB to give up a comment, however, it was Granny who spoke up.
" That young feller with the curled hair reminds me of Apple Bloom's grandfather when we were just a couple of kids." Wow. Got to see those pictures.
I was about to inquire for more information until Jackie came in. " Howdy ya'll, hey Joe." Okay, I think she actually likes me. " The girls and I were just telling Pinkie and Fluttershy about the show you put on. I was wondering if you might do a little show for me?" She was giving me those eyes. I think I'm falling for her.'
" Sure, in fact, how about we go upstairs and I'll show you something." We left to go to her room. She plopped on the bed waiting for me to show her something. " Before we do this, I want to tell you something." She listened intently to what I had to say. " AJ, I've been on this planet for a few weeks, you and your family have been very kind and have even housed me when you hade no obligation to do so. And I would like to be straight with you, I think I might have feeling's for you." By the Gods, when did I turn into a drama? She did seem to be rapt with attention though. " But, I should tell you, I also have feelings for another." I expected a little shock, maybe disgust, instead she just gave me a smile and nodded. " Wait, you're okay with that?"
" Well sure, Ah mean it ain't like it's unnatural or anything. There are plenty of stallions who have multiple partners." Now that she mentioned that, I did notice a guy with two sometimes three mares hanging on him, though I thought it was just some high school thing.
I gave AJ a small smile. " Jackie, you have no idea how much pressure was just lifted from my shoulders. I suppose you should know who the other mare is."
" That would be nice."
" Well, remember me telling you about the Gala letter?" She nodded. " And remember me telling you how I was to be an escort to Luna?"
" Wait, are you saying you have a thing for Luna?" I nodded with a half-smile. " Oh my, well that's understandable, I mean you did save her and she gave you a way to stay in touch. I suppose I can understand that."
" Thanks for hearing me out, now how about that little show I promised?"
" I would like that very much."
I went to sit next to her on the bed and got the spell going. " I hope you like this."
As we were listening to the song, I put my arm around AJ and brought her closer. She just went and scooched herself onto my lap while nuzzling my cheek. At the end of the song, we were left staring into each other's eyes. A few seconds had passed before the inevitable happened, we gave in to a passionate kiss. We stayed that way for a few good minutes before we need free air.
I looked down at her. " So, how was that?'
She looked up to me. " The best ah ever had, though I haven't done something like that before." Hell, I'll take it.
We would have gone for round two but we heard Granny calling us for dinner. We got up from her bed and made our way downstairs with crimson cheeks. This did not go unnoticed by Granny. " So, you two finally got together. Well, shoot you took long enough." Damn, that surprised me. Didn't surprise AJ though, she seemed to know this was coming.
" Well cats out of the bag now might as well get used to it, what's for supper?
Luna's chambers
Luna was going over the mail from today. A lot of it was from nobles asking about tax relief and even so far as asking to court her. As if she would even flip through that. There was one letter that she was happy about seeing, it was a letter sent by her closest friend, Joe.
She read the letter saying that he and AppleJack will accompany her to the Gala. She will have to inquire to her sister about the dimension spell. Until then she will just have to wait until the little meet and greet in ponyville. " Soon my love, soon."
Author's Notes:
I know what you're going to say. What happened to the bear. Well, I think with a performance of that magnitude, the two dimwits had no need for getting the bear. Also, I know I rushed a relationship with Joe but, seeing as the delay was so long, I decided to go ahead with it.
Anyway clip.
Dragon slayer ( Edited)
So far, things have been great. AJ and I told the girls about us, they took it really well. Pinkie even wanted to throw a party, though we turned it down for just a nice group lunch together. The next day dash introduced me to an old griffon friend of hers back in the day, Gilda was her name. In all honesty, she was great. She was fascinated by me and wanted to be penpals. When she left she gave me her mailing address and I gave her mine.
Now I was exploring the Everfree forest looking for adventure, just because I still had some time to kill. I had my new ax with me, had to have it tested you know. I was searching through the trees looking for nothing in particular till I saw a billow of smoke rising from the side of a mountain. I thought it was a campfire or something until the top started to rumble, then it snored?
" Alright that ain't normal, I think." I decided to investigate the top to see what's going on. I spread my wings and up I went to the top. Once there I spotted a cave with a plume of smoke coming out of it. I slowly approached the entrance to the cave to see what was going on. What I saw blew my mind. " Holy shit, look at all this treasure."
It was the motherload. Gold, jewels, and anything that would even be considered valuable just piled high inside that cave. There was only one thing to do. Grab everything I can and buy all the stupid things rich people buy. I was about to dive into the pile ala Scrooge McDuck, till the rumbling caused me to pause. I looked around to see what was making the noise. When I found the source, I nearly filled my pants. On top of the largest pile of treasure lay a large red fire drake, or dragon, call it what you will.
I contemplated turning around right then and there, but something stopped me. To my right lay a golden horn that just screamed to be taken. And take it I did.
With the horn now in my possession, I tiptoed out of the cave. When I was out I glided down towards the farm to show off my prize. While I was gliding over the farm I saw Jackie bucking any extra trees that were missed from the harvest. I decide to mess with her a bit.
" Hey Darlin what's cooking good looking?" I seemed to have startled her because she missed the tree completely.
" Joe, don't startle me like that." She was mock angry with me, I could tell. She would have continued that train had she not seen the golden horn. " Where did you get that?"
" On top of that mountain over there." I pointed to the top where the smoke was still billowing out, at least the dragon is still asleep.
" What was it doing up there?" Well, guess I better tell, I mean a relationship is built on honesty.
" It was part of a larger horde in a cave at the top of the mountain, though it was guarded by a-" Roooaaarrr. " -dragon."
AJ had a shocked look on her face, can't say I blame her. " You stole from a dragon? What were you thinking? Do you realize what this means?"
" That I'll be sleeping in the guest room tonight?" She wasn't amused. " That I should take care of this?" She nodded with a frown. " Alright, I'll try to be back by dinner." I gave her a kiss on the cheek before going full-on wolf and took off to confront the dragon.
" Be safe." Thank Odin she still cares.
I was off heading back to the cave to hopefully return the horn and have all this behind me. When I got there, the whole top was being redecorated by the dragon. Finally, I said something. " Hey, you." The beast stopped his rampage long enough to face me.
" You, you are the one who stole from me."
" Yes but, I came to give the horn back." This did not calm him down.
" You think that just because you brought it back, that means we're done? No for what you've done, I will set aflame to your pony town." How did he know I live there. " I could smell the pony scent on you, and they will suffer for this."
" No, just take the damned horn, and leave that town in peace." Hopefully, that will work, though I'm pretty sure a fight is coming.
" Too late worm." After that he reared up, and from his maw, he spewed forth a torrent of flames. I was quick enough to hide behind a rock before the flames got a chance to lick my hairy hind. Once the fire's ceased to be, I heard a large whoosh, The damn thing was taken to the air.
" Wait, don't." He was already in the air and making his way towards town. I readied my ax and leaped up to meet him in the air. I had the advantage of being smaller and faster so I was able to get the drop on him. When I was above him, I dropped onto his back with the ax embedded between his wings. The runes on the ax allowed an ice spell to spread over the victim. The spell started to spread to the joints, however, the dragon was still flying, albeit a lot slower. " Damn you, I'll have your lizard head, on a spike!"
I started slashing and biting at his joints to make him crash. Unfortunately, it worked. The bastard and I were going down hard into the town square, thankfully the roaring kept everyone inside and out of harm's way. We landed hard in the market square creating a giant crater in our wake, causing me to fly off his back.
I got up from the ruined cabbage cart I landed in and destroyed. I looked to where the dragon was and saw he was heading for the library. " Twilight Spike no." Something in me started to boil my blood, a wave of anger I never felt before washed over me. Suddenly the world around me was tinted a blood red and a desire to kill came over me.
I launched myself at the bastard, I went right for the head and latched on to the left side. " Gah, get off me you pest." He reached out to grab me, but I wasn't having any of that. With my right claw, I channeled fire into it and dug it straight into the dragon's eye. " Aaaaahhhh."
I pulled out the eye and tossed it aside. " Bet you didn't see that coming?" With him distracted I called forth my ax, which at the moment was embedded on the side of the roof of a bar. At my command, the ax flipped through the air and into my outstretched hand. " Any last words?"
He looked at me with his one good eye with hatred and fear. " I will make you suffer for this!" Good, he still has some fight in him.
" Then mark this day well beast, for this is the day you will die." I know, over the top but at that moment, I wanted blood. I raised my ax and with a primordial cry, I plunged the ax head into his skull with a sickening crunch. This caused the dragon pain but apparently, his skull is thick enough to survive one swing. I guess I'll just have to keep going.
Spikes Pov
I couldn't believe what I was seeing, a full-grown dragon duking it out with my best friend Joe. And Joe was winning. I really didn't know how to feel, I mean that dragon is rampaging the town and yet he's one of my own. But Joe is my friend, and he's in trouble, I need to help him.
" I'm coming to save you, Joe." I was out the door and heading towards the fight, then I heard something that chilled me through my scales. A demonic voice escaped my friend's lips.
" Your skull will be above my fireplace and your flesh will fill my belly for weeks."
That voice, that voice is going to be in my nightmares for a long time to come. There stood my best friend, speaking in an almost demonic voice, saying he's going to make a trophy out of his skull. I can't believe that my friend would say such a thing.
" Please mercy, I beg you." There mercy he called for mercy surely Joe will-
" Mercy? Were you going to show mercy to this town, or it's citizens? No, no I don't think I'll give you the courtesy of something as sweet as mercy. After those words were said, Joe plunged his clawed hand into that dragon's chest like it was wet paper. The dragon gurgled as blood was coming from his mouth. After that Joe did something that made me want to hurl, he pulled out his heart, while it was still beating.
Joe's Pov
I had just pulled out the bastards beating heart and now I was in the process of watching him die. When the last spark of life left him, it was time to make the kill known. " Hear me now world I Joseph Huffstutler, the great descendant of Arminius Huffstutler have just slain a beast of legend. Let this be a warning to all creatures of evil." I took the heart in my hand, and devoured the thing in one bite.
A minute went by and the adrenaline was leaving me. The world returned to its normal shades and colors, when I looked around I found that no one was out here, or so I thought. Standing at the library entrance was my dragon buddy Spike. He looked like he had just seen something terrible. I looked down at the carnage and realized he had.
" Spike." I went to talk to him, but he ran back into the library. " Oh Gods what have I done?"
Berry Punches bar
I was pounding beer after beer, drinking away my shame at having done such an act in front of Spike, my best friend. " Berry another beer." I found Berry's bar when Dash dragged me and Gilda for a fun night. Now I'm just erasing my memories.
" Don't you think you've had enough Joe, you looked pretty hammered."
" Berry, I love these small talks, but I want to forget this day, and then the next day so more beer." The beer she was giving me was great, it was a dark beer that reminds me of home, hell it's called shiner buck. Ha.
" Alright but remember I was the voice of reason." She went to go grab my drink while I wallowed. Suddenly the door opened for another patron to enter. " Hey, he can't be in here he's too young."
" I know but we're looking for Joe." That sounded like Twilight, and if berry said someone was too young to be in here then that means spikes here too.
I turned in my stool to face them. " Twi, what brings you here? Didn't really take you for the drinking type."
" I'm not. But I came here so we could talk to you about what happened this afternoon." Here it comes, the criticizing lecture about the sanctity of life and why I shouldn't have lost control.
" Listen I don't need a lecture right now okay I just want to drink my problems away." I was hoping they would turn and leave me to my bottle. They weren't doing that. I expected Twilight to say something but what caught me off guard was that Spike spoke up.
" Hey, Joe."
I hesitated, but I finally responded " Hey, Spike"
" Can I sit down?"
" Sure, it's a free country, I assume." He sat down next to me. " Hey Berry, let's get a soda for the kid here." I looked to spike to read his expression, which is very difficult when you're blind stinking drunk. " Alright, Spike goes on ahead, go ahead and tell me I'm a monster, a killer, some blood-lusting psychopath anything!"
Spike wasn't fazed by my outburst, he just stared at me neutrally. " I saw what happened, and what you said. Twilight told me what AJ told her you did." Great now he thinks I'm a thief. " But what really freaked me out was your voice. What was that anyway?"
" Spike let me tell you a story. This goes all the way back to Arminius. You see, before He became a Werewolf, he was an auxiliary for the Roman empire. Basically, he was a foreign man in a foreign army. Now, he leads an army of German soldiers against three legions of Rome, they were known as Ghost warriors. Three days and nights they slaughtered the cohorts and the empire never stepped foot on German soil for hundreds of years."
" That's a great story, but what does it have to do with this?"
Berry came back with our drinks and I gulped it down in one swig. " I'm getting to that. In retaliation for there defeat, Rome sent a small band to kidnap his son Thumelicus. They succeeded in capturing him since he was just an infant. At that time Arminius did have the gift and he used it to get his son back." Another beer went down my gullet. " And he made sure that the Romans would never do that again. He became enraged and became thirsty for blood, he slaughtered the men who kidnapped his son, but he wasn't done yet. That day, he destroyed everything in his path and left none alive. That was the day the Roman Empire fell. We call it Fenrir, a state in which all we know is bloodlust." I looked around and saw I gathered a small audience. " The Fenrir has only happened four times since Celestia gave us the gift, and it's only triggered when someone we care about is in trouble."
" So, when you went all crazy like that."
" The dragon was coming right for you guys. And I let my anger take control." I waited for him to run or yell at me, instead, he gave me a hug. I looked down to see his eyes were covered in tears.
" Thank you."
I was so overwhelmed with that words could do no justice, so I just hugged him back. " Thank you, Spike."
Back atop the mountain
I was back at the cave where this whole fiasco started. With the dragon gone, all that treasure was mine for the taking. I decided to make this cave my personal vault and would come back when I would need more. I came out with a fifty-pound bag of gold and a ten-pound bag of gems for Spike.
I've been contemplating getting a place of my own when I had enough money, and it looks like that time has come. I teleported all the stuff back to the farm and quickly stashed it in my room.
" Hey, sugar cube." I looked to find Jackie standing outside the door.
" Hey darling, how are you?"
" I'm Fine." She gave a worried look. " How are things with Spike?"
" They're good. I explained everything to him and he seems to understand that it was a rare thing." She gave me a big smile at that.
" That's good." Her eyes turned sultry again. " So, any plans for tonight?"
" Well, the Mayor wants me to get rid of the dragon body in the middle of the market." Her expression dimmed. " Then I was thinking of taking a certain farm mare out to dinner." She immediately perked up on that. " So I better go see if Granny's available. Ouch. What was that for? " I gave her a mock grin.
" Fer being an idiot."
" Yeah, but I'm your idiot."
" Lucky me." She said in a sarcastic tone, then she looked at me with a smile. " Come on let's get going." She turned and sashayed out of the room. At that point, my brain is telling me ' Mush you half-brained Jackass'.
" Yes, mam." And it was off to the races.
Author's Notes:
Okay, a few things.
One, this chapter was inspired by Beowulf.
Two, Fenrir is a giant wolf from Norse mythology.
Three, at some point a sex scene will happen. I just don't know when.
And four, the clip of the day
Sleep over. ( Edited)
I was out with Jackie, helping her prune some of the branches of the trees in the park. The weather team had a thunderstorm scheduled for this evening and the less debris, the better. I had just finished my twentieth tree when I heard AppleJack arguing with Rarity about something.
" Well, I simply cannot see why we have to make such a mess and ruin our beautiful park." I like Rarity, I really do, but sometimes she is a whiny little bitch.
" It's so the storm don't loosen the branches and cause more damage." Ah Jackie, always the voice of reason. Well sometimes, some of the time I'm the voice of reason.
" Hey ladies, please there is no reason to fight over small things like this. Rarity, we need to get these branches down so let's get to it."
" I suppose." We went back to work after that.
About twenty minutes later it started to rain. The rain didn't bother me much, Marine corps training will do that. However, Rares and Jackie were doing everything in their power to avoid getting drenched. Rarity was running around dodging the raindrops as if she was made of sugar. Jackie was hunkered underneath a park bench.
I approached the bench and put my wing over it. " Hey Jackie, how you doing down there?" She gave me an amused smirk.
" Oh, you know just waiting for the rain to stop. Or for my big strong boyfriend to come and carry me out."
" Well, I might, but I might just let you get wet, I love a soaking mare." I quickly grabbed her and just held her tight while the rain got us all wet.
" Joe, come on this isn't funny, ha ha ha stop." She was loving our time in the rain, and so was I. I let her go and chased her through the park. We went around playing around, getting muddy and wet. We would have continued our fun, but then Rarity came along and ruined it.
" Darlings please, I know you two are having fun, but don't you think we should get out of this rain?" While I did want to continue my time with AJ, she was right, if only to keep them from getting sick. I was about to suggest going to the barn and doing something lewd till I heard a voice on the wind.
" AppleJack, Rarity, Joe." I found the source to be coming from the library, and the voice was Twilights. She was calling us to come inside.
" Hey, girls why don't we bunk over at Twilight's, I mean it's right there."
" Yes, please anything to get my mane out of this downpour." We raced to the library to meet up with Twilight. Rarity, in her desperation, to get dry was the first to enter the library. AppleJack would have been next till Rarity stopped us both. " Darling's I think you two should clean up before you enter." We looked down at ourselves and realized she was right.
" Yeah you're right, come on Jackie hose is in the back." I lead her to the back and grabbed the hose. " Hold still sweetie." I turned the hose on and started spraying my girlfriend. After she was clean I turned the hose on myself and got all the mud off me. " Okay, lets head inside." We made our way inside the library and found that Rarity had a mud mask on, and was applying one to Twilight's face. " Oh, you got to be kidding me."
" You go and tell us that we need to wash off the mud on us, and here we find you rubbing mud all over your faces."
" It's a facial mask darling." Yeah, I'll give you a pavement facial. " It's meant to clean the pores and leave one looking younger."
" Yeah you put that crap on me, you'll find yourself in a world of hurt."
" Don't worry, the book says that boys don't do facial masks."
" What book?" Now I was genuinely interested in the subject. Twilight pulled out a book entitled ' All you ever wanted to know about slumber parties but were afraid to ask.' and showed it to me. " You know, there's a book like that back on earth? Though a couple of words were different."
" Yes, well be as it may. This is Twilight's first slumber party and I believe we should try and make it the best, don't you agree AppleJack." Wait, was that a jab. What the fuck.
" Of course I wouldn't ruin her first slumber party, I ain't being prissy about." Okay, this is going to get out of hand real fast, better do something.
" Girls please let's not fight. Twilight what's next on the list of things to do?" Please be spin the bottle.
"Let's see, ah the next item is to tell ghost stories."
" Think Spike can handle that? Where is he anyway?" I hope he's not avoiding me.
" Oh, Spike is up in Canterlot running an errand. He won't be back until tomorrow."
" So no holding back on the ghost stories? Excellent. Jackie, why don't you start us off?" This ought to be good.
" Alright." She reared up on her hind legs and spoke in a creepy voice. " There was a ghost that haunted everyone with unnecessary neatness, OoooOooh. I'm sure you're familiar with that one Rarity." What is the deal between these two?
" Never heard of it. Okay, my turn." I hope she at least makes an effort. " Let me tell you the tale, of the ghost that annoyed everyone within a hundred miles. OooOooh." What the hell. What's with the crappy stories.
" You made that up."
" It's a ghost story darling, they're all made up."
" Well yeah, but god damn you two came up with some shitty stories." Suddenly the lights went out and Twilight appeared between us. ( Start at 1:02 end at 1:40)
https://youtu.be/zaSwwXe5gsQ?t=66
Twilight's story seemed to scare the shit out of everyone else, though that headless horseman/I know what you did last summer crossover, just wasn't cutting it for me.
" Okay, that was an alright story Twilight, but now I believe it's my turn. Ladies, the master of horror, Vincent Price in ' The Tell-Tale Heart.'" And we were off.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LNjgv5p3Ek
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TM-tAb-bM-s
" AAAAAAAHHHHH." They screamed their little heads off. I suppose it was too much to show them that, though AJ clinging to me was a bonus.
" So, you girls like that story?"
" That was the most disturbing thing I've ever seen. How could something like that ever happen."
" His voice, it chilled me to the very bone."
" Joe, you are sleeping in the barn for a whole week." Shit.
" Dammit, whatever what's next on the list of things to do?"
Twilight shook off her stupor. " T-The next thing is smores." Time to play with her head.
" Some more what?"
" No, no smores."
" We haven't had anything yet, so how could we have some more of nothing." They looked at me funny. " That's when you say 'You're killing me smalls' seriously we're adding watch movie to the list of things to do."
" Joe, you really have to cut down on the references that only you know." I suppose Rarity has a point.
AppleJack was by the fireplace cooking the marshmallows, and I was giving instructions to making the perfect s' more. " Now the first thing you do is stick the chocolate on the Graham, then you roast the mallow." AJ handed me flaming mallow. " When the mallow's flaming." I went ahead and put out the flame. " You stick it on the chocolate, then you cover it with the other end. And finally, you stuff it." Gods I love a good treat like that. We all enjoyed our smores and went on to our next task.
" Alright, the next thing we have to do is, Truth or Dare." Oh, hell yes. Time for some fun.
" Fine, AJ truth or dare?" Please choose to dare, for the love of Freyja please choose dare.
" Truth." Ffffuuuuucckkk. Son of bitch shit.
" Alright, have you ever had a crush on someone other than me?" Hopefully, there isn't anyone so I don't have to compete.
" No, not really, though I'm pretty sure a few crushed on me." I'll kick their asses. " Alright, Joe truth or dare?" Now, being the brave Lycanthrope that I am and to actually put in motion the dares.
" Go on, dare me, baby." Jackie gave me a shit-eating grin, this was probably a mistake.
" Ah dare you to show us something amazing from your world." Really? Well, better than crawling on hot coals with no clothes on. Aaah, you never forget your first prom.
" Okay, this is a scene from my favorite action movie."
" By the way Jackie, I would definitely do that for you if someone were to do that to ya."
" As sweet as a gesture that is, would you really stoop to such behavior?"
" The answer is hell yes and that counts as your truth or dare question."
" Does that mean it's my turn?"
" Sure is, hey why don't you ask Rarity." This ought to be good.
" Alright, Rarity, truth, or dare?" Please don't punk out and choose the truth.
" I believe I will choose to dare." Okay, this is good. Now Twilight just has to come up with a good dare.
" I dare you to, give Joe a kiss." What.
" Woah, hell no that ain't gonna mmph." Before I could protest more, Rarity went and gave me a big wet one on the lips. " Gah pfft. Geez, did it have to be on the lips?
" Yeah Rarity, did it have to be lips?" Jackie had some venom laced on that comment. Can't say I blame her, seeing her boyfriend getting kissed by her friend would rile anyone up.
" Well if one is dared to kiss someone, then one should do it properly." I don't like it but she has a point.
AJ gave Rarity the stink eye. Okay, time to move on to the next thing. Maybe something from my experience. " Hey, why don't we move onto a new activity that isn't in the book?" Twilight was about to protest, no doubt to say we have to follow the book. " Don't worry Twilight, we'll get back to the book. But for now, let's try something new."
" What did you have in mind sugar cube?"
" Hold on, I need to get something real quick." My hand became a claw and I slashed into existence a portal to my room back at the farm, more accurately the cabinet near the window. Inside the cabinet was my liquor collection. From my stash, I pulled forth a large bottle of whiskey that closely resembled Irish distilled whiskey and four shot glasses.
" Okay, the game is called I never. the rules are, you must take a drink if you did the thing that person say's they never did." From the looks of the girls, it seems that they had some reservations about this game. Though the feeling was just a pass as all who never played the game do. One by one, the girls grew bold and agreed, and so I poured a drink for us all to start.
" So, whom shall we say goes first."
" Since I was the one to suggest it, I shall go first, then the one on my right will go next." They all agreed to the order. " Alright let's see. I've never read a romance novel." Twilight and Rarity took a shot. I filled their glasses so they could be ready to drink again. " Twilight your turn."
" Uh, I've never read a comic book." I took a shot and was about to refill my glass until I saw that Jackie's glass was also empty. That mare never ceases to amaze me, I filled both our glasses.
" My turn I suppose." This ought to be good. " I've never had sex." That fact actually surprised me greatly, though not as much as seeing Twilight taking a shot.
" Really? Twilight you have to tell us who." I inquired as once again I filled her glass.
" It was just a guard who helped me during my first heat." Guess that's as good as we're going to get. " Your turn AppleJack."
" Alright. I've never fought a monster." Sometimes it's hard to come with stuff on the spot. Never the less I had to take my second shot. Stupid dragon, making me drink. The game lasted well onto two hours, we would have gone longer, but the bottle was empty and most of us were drunk.
" Okay, I think it's time we go back to what the book says." Twilight had a slight slur to her speech, but nothing we couldn't understand.
" Yeah sure, what's the next thing anyway?" Hopefully, it's nothing to complicated.
" I'm not quite sure, it just says pillow fight." Oh hell yes. Nothing like seeing girls having a pillow fight.
" I call Jackie on my team." We gave each other a nod knowing we were going to dominate.
" Oh please, I am not at all interested in participating in something so barbaric." Alright, that's enough of this bullshit. Jackie handed me a pillow and I launched right at Rarity's head. The pillow smacked her right between the eyes. " Oh, it. Is. On."
War, war never changes. War might take different forms, happen in strange lands, and the battles may last days, but the concept never changes. The sovereign nation of the unicorns held a defensive wall that rivals the ancient city of Troy. Though what they made up for in defense, they lacked greatly in firepower. And firepower was what the independent country of AppleWolf had a great amount of.
The warrior general Joseph, lead an army of ten thousand toward the main gate. It mattered not how many they had, the main gates had the strongest walls and legions of archers to defend it. The general knew they had no chance of victory, at least not on this front.
On the south side of the city walls laid in wait captain AppleJack. She and a small band of three hundred scaled the walls of the great city to infiltrate and sabotage the archers. They entered the city without any witness to their entry. They silently made their way to the scaffolding that held the archers at the main gate. They set fire to the base and ran like hell. Soon the archers fell and the gates broke open, revealing the massive army of AppleWolf.
" AAAhhh." The small pillow fort Twilight and Rarity built tumbled apart and they were defeated. " Well, that was fun. What now."
They both looked at me and gave me the same answer. " Bed."
The sleeping situation was definitely in my favor. Rarity shared Twilight's bed, and I shared a spare bed with Jackie. We cuddled up underneath the sheets whispering sweet nothings to each other. " Hey Jackie, can I tell you something?"
" Sure, what is it?" I hope she doesn't get upset about this.
" Well, I've been thinking about getting a place of my own." She started to look heartbroken. " Look, I love living on the farm, but I believe that it would be good to have my own place. I'll still come by and help around at the farm."
" It's not the farm work I'll miss. I'll miss waking up to see your face in the morning." Really, cause the mirror tells a different story. Though I might have a solution to this little problem.
" Well, I'm planning on making a large house. What if I built it on the property and you move in with me?" She seemed to roll the idea around for a minute before eventually she smiled and nodded at the idea. " Then it's settled I'll work up some blue print's tomorrow." We cuddled closer to each other and kissed each other good night. Finally, sleep embraced us both.
When morning came, I was the first to get up. Since everyone was still asleep I decided to make pancakes for everyone. I had about three dozen hotcakes made by the time everyone got up. " Well good morning girls. How'd you sleep?"
" You know how well I slept, honey." The others looked at us as if we did something risque. " Don't worry Twilight, we didn't mess up the sheets. That's something to be saved for our new place."
" New place, whatever do you mean darling?" I guess they should know.
" Well, I'm planning on building a house on Jackie's property. And once it's done, we plan on moving in there together." A smile was plastered on their faces at the news.
We ate breakfast in relative peace when it was done I helped Twilight with the dishes and Jackie and I were heading back to the farm. " Hey, Joe."
" Yeah."
" Race ya." She was off like a bat out of hell.
" Oh, you are so going to get it." I raced off to catch up to and hopefully beat Jackie in our little race. Today's going to be a good day.
Author's Notes:
Okay, so yeah, going to be getting him a house. It's going to have a name, so if you want to name it, say so in the comments. Also yeah, he's a virgin. Though that will probably change in a few chapters.
Clip
Fucking nobles ( Slight edit)
It was 10'oclock in the morning, and I was on a train heading to Canterlot. I was heading up to the grand city to look for a contractor that can build my house in a timely manner, the cost was no real issue as I have all the money that could be acquired from a growing dragon's horde. But that's not the only reason for this little escapade, I planned on swinging by the castle to see how my favorite alicorn sisters are doing.
I was going through a pamphlet on investing my money in something called 'Auto carriage' until the intercom announced we were heading into Canterlot station. I reached up and grabbed my overnight bag and waited for the doors to open. I wish they would open soon cause the Canterlot commuters have been staring at me for the whole train ride, even the whispers have been getting to me.
Once the doors opened I was out like a bat out of hell. The populace of the city did not look too favorably at me. When I looked around I noticed that most if not all the city-goers were unicorns, that might explain the snooty looks I've been getting or my Homer Simpson shirt, either one.
I decided to look for a contractor, though I forgot to bring the map Twilight gave me. Guess I'll ask one of these nice citizens. I saw a couple walking towards, I walked over to the stallion with the monocle. " Excuse me, sir, do you happen to know where I might find a contracting firm?"
The stallion looked up at me and jumped slightly at my presence but soon recovered. " Well, actually you're in luck, my dear boy. You see I run the best firm with Canterlot. My name is Fancy Pants and this is my wife fleur de lis." He pointed to the mare on his left, she was a tall slender unicorn mare that very well could have been a model.
" Well, the pleasure is mine. My name is Joe and I was wondering if we could set up a meeting about building an estate at Sweet Apple Acres." Hopefully, we can do this at a later date so I can have a better look around the city.
" Of course, how does next week at the location site sound?" This guy is the best.
" That sounds terrific. Should I meet you at the station or what?"
" The station should be fine. It was very nice meeting you Joe and I hope to see you again."
" Likewise." Fancy and Fleur left down the road to run their own errands. Which left me to my own devices. I wandered down the street to see what could be done. Finally, I spotted a donut shop and realized I had skipped out on breakfast.
I went into the shop and was greeted by the little doorbell. " Grab a seat anywhere and I'll be right with you." I grabbed a small table and skimmed through the menu. Two minutes later a unicorn stallion came over to take my order. " Alright what can I get you?"
" Yeah, let me get three strawberry frosted donuts and a large black coffee." The guy took my order and went back to the kitchen to make it. As per usual I put on a little show to pass the time.
As the video was going a few of the patrons were giving me nasty looks, then again I don't think they like hearing someone talk about cheating. Two such customers came up and told me this. " Look here you horrid beast. If you don't leave this instant, then I shall have the guards take you to the dungeons." What a racist prick. I got to fuck with him.
" Listen here you uppitty little trouser stain, I am a customer to this fine establishment and have come to dine. Now if you got a problem with that, then you can answer to my ax." I quickly flashed out my ax to intimidate the little shits, and boy did it work. They were out of there faster than one could blink. I looked at the others. " Anybody else got a fucking problem?" Everyone quickly turned back to their own table.
" Wow." The owner came back with my stuff. " I've never seen someone stand up to Jet Set and Upper Crust before." With names like that they had to be full of themselves. " My name is Pony Joe, and if there is anything I can get you, please let me know."
" Well, I'm also Joe, and if you could get me some sugar, that would be great." He went off to fetch me my sugar, and I went for the donuts. I ate in silence for a good thirty minutes, when I had finished I paid what was owed and left a little extra for my namesake. I was out the door and was met with a squad of guards waiting for me. " Afternoon gent's, what can I do you for?"
" That's him, officer, that's the monster that harassed me and my wife." Oh, that is such bullshit. They harassed me first.
" Sir, we're going to have to ask you to come with us." One of the guards brought forth a pair of shackles to try and bind me. Now I was left with two options, I could run, but then that would look bad and probably cause property damage. Or I could come along quietly. I chose option 'B'.
" Alright, but I demand a trial judged by the Princesses." I thought that might catch them off guard but it didn't.
" Well, yeah every crime is judged by the princesses, in fact, it's a top priority." Alright, no waiting.
" Lead the way then." They put the shackles on my wrists and we headed to the castle. The scum couple followed us, no doubt to plead their case. When we made it to the steps of the castle, we were met with another unicorn that had an air of smugness around him.
" Ah, Jet Set, Upper Crust, so good to see you again. I see you caught the monster." So this son of a bitch is in on it to? Fine, just another ass to kick.
" Indeed it is Prince Blueblood, hopefully, the Princesses will have him in the dungeons before the day is out." They are in for a big surprise. We went through the doors and headed to the throne room. The shit stains talked about unimportant shit while I started chatting with the guard next to me.
" So, what's your story stretch." Always good to make small talk.
" Well, I joined the guard when I got out of high school, then basically nothing of interest till you caused a ruckus." Damn guard life sounds quiet and boring, that sucks.
" Not to judge your choice in career, but it sounds like it sucks."
" Hey, there are perks."
" Oh, yeah name em."
" Well, there's the pay."
" How much you make?"
" Two-hundred a week." Not bad.
" Okay, what else?"
" Free spears."
" Any two-bit idiot can own a spear, not to mention I own an ax and I'm just a farmhand. And the warrior of legend, though the last one doesn't pay."
Our conversation went on for a few minutes more until we arrived at the entrance to the throne room. The three stooges went in first to announce our presence. I waited five minutes then a mare with a secretary look called us forward.
" Now presenting the case of lord Jet Set and lady Upper Crust vs the monster known as Joe." I entered to find both Celestia and Luna seated at their thrones. Celestia was surprised that it was me that entered in chains, Luna had a different reaction.
" Joe." She bolted from her throne and wrapped me in a hug. When I looked down at her, I realized that she looked very different from when we met. She seems to have had a growth spurt since I last saw her.
" It's good to see you too Luna, Celestia how have you been?" Before I could say something else, a blast of energy was shot at my head.
" Barbarian, You will address them as Highness. Do you hear me scum." Luna looked like she was about to rip his head off. luckily I stepped up.
" How about this you warthog faced Buffon." This really struck a nerve. " I treat my friends like real people like they want to be treated. And if you got a problem with that." I lifted my shackled hands and with minimal effort, broke the chains as if they were wet noodles. " Then you can shove that stick of yours further up your ass."
" You, you bastard, I'll have you strung up in chains." He went to strike me until Celestia stopped him.
" Nephew, enough. This man is the reason your Aunt Luna is here with us today." This seemed to put the shit-head in his place, though he didn't look happy about it. " Joe, what are you doing here?"
" I came here to talk to a contractor about building a house. I found one then I looked around the city for a bit. I then stepped into this donut shop owned by a guy named pony Joe. That's where I meet these two" I pointed at the unicorn couple currently holding in their piss " who wanted to lock me up just because I'm not a pony."
Celestia gave the two ponies a disapproving look. " This trial is canceled and the accused is cleared of all charges." The two dropped their jaws at the news. Blueblood, however, had more to say.
" Auntie, I really think you should reconsider the fate of this beast." Okay, now it's time to snap.
I grabbed the bastard by his horn and brought him to my werewolf form. " Listen here you little yellow-bellied jackass, you ever insult me or for that matter anyone I consider a friend, I'm gonna shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs up your butt." Blueblood was drenched in sweat and possibly piss. I turned his back to me and drop kicked his sorry ass out the door. " And don't let me see your ugly mug again." I turned to face the Princesses. " Well, that was fun, what's next?"
Luna had this to offer. " How about I give you a tour of the castle?" She gave me the look that I've only seen Jackie give me, so of course, I had to agree.
" Luna, I would love a tour of the castle." She squealed with excitement and dragged me along with her magic. When I looked back I saw Celestia had a large smile on her face. It seems seeing Luna in such a way, just brightens her day.
" Come, young hero, we will show you all our favorite places in the castle. First, we will show you the observatory, then the gardens, then the kitchens, then finally our chambers." Wow, she's very enthusiastic about-wait a minute, did she say her chambers, as in her bed chambers?
The tour around the castle was pretty fun. Luna showed me the observatory, which also acted as her private study. We discussed the different star constellations between our worlds and found they aren't so different. After the observatory, we headed for the gardens, I'll have to tell Fluttershy about this. It reminded me of the Botanical garden at Zilker Park. But with more animals that scared easily.
After our walk through the park, we headed to the kitchen for a quick snack. When we got there a small wait staff came over to take our orders. Luna got a small salad while I ordered a large fry. While we were eating we started chatting about familiar things.
" So, Luna how are things up here?"
" Things have been quite pleasant as of late. How are you doing?"
" Well, I stumbled upon a large fortune, though it came at a high price." She looked quizzically at that. " By high price I mean I had to fight a dragon to obtain its treasure."
" You fought a dragon and lived?"
" Yeah, and the dragon is currently buried in an unmarked grave out past the Everfree." Now she looked impressed and dare I say, turned on. " Anyway, enough of that. The local school has me come over on Fridays to show them a bit of my world."
" Oh, that sounds wonderful. Do you think I could join in the audience?" Wow, a princess, one that I'm pining for, wants to see one of my lessons. I really hope I'm not stoned.
" I see no reason why you can't, sure just swing by Friday morning." We finished our snack and left for the final destination of our little tour. Her bed chambers.
We arrived at the doors leading into her bedroom, and I got to say I felt a burning desire to get in there, or it could be a case of heartburn. Luna was the first to go in, she looked back at me with a seductive look to her eyes. " Art thou coming?" I went in, guided by my heart.
When I got a good look at her room, I noticed it was very, night themed. Given who the room belonged to, it didn't come as a shock. Luna was laying on her bed and gestured for me to join. I happily obliged.
" Joe, may we speak to you freely" She sounded a bit nervous.
" Of course you can, anything you want."
Luna looked off to the side as if she was in deep thought. " Ever since you saved us from our darkness, we have started to grow feelings for thou. I don't know if you feel the same, but we needed to let you know that, I love you." Well, suddenly the pressure of me making the first move has been lifted off my shoulders.
" Luna, I'm going to be totally honest with you, I love you too." A smile that could rival pinkies soon plastered her face. " Though you should know that there is another." The smile never left, guess multiple partners is her cup of tea.
" I had no doubt in my mind that there would be others, I am curious as to who the other is."
" The other is AppleJack, the element of honesty. And I already told her about my feelings for you some time ago, so no need to ask her about it." A sigh of relief left her at the news.
" So that is why you wrote that she would be joining us at the Gala?" I nodded in response. " Then we shall accept her as our fellow herd mate."
" Excellent, though I think the term pack would be a more accurate don't you think?" To be honest, I don't care what our group is called, as long as I have the love of Luna and Jackie, that's all that matters.
" As long as I'm with you, that's all that matters. What shall we do now?"
The hours passed through the day and we spent it talking about whatever came to mind. We discussed how she planned to visit Ponyville for a holiday that closely resembled Halloween and participating in the fun. I told her the design plans I had for my house. I was in the middle of telling her about Twilight's first sleepover when a knock came at the door.
" Come in." The visitor was none other than Celestia. " Sister, what brings you here."
" I've come to tell you that it's time to raise the moon." We both looked outside to see the sun was shrinking beneath the western horizon.
" Forgive me, I had not realized it was so late." They left towards the balcony to perform their twice-daily duties. When the moon took its turn in the sky, they both came back in and sat down next to me. " Sister, we have something to tell thee." Celestia gave her full attention. " I am joining Joe's herd."
" What?" Celestia looked to me " You never told me you had a herd."
" Well, it happened so fast that I hardly had the time, not to mention the business with those nobles taking the priority of topics." She seemed to accept that.
" Well, as long as your both happy, then I shall be happy for you both."
" Thank you, sister."
" I believe this calls for a celebration. I've been meaning to show you my magic skills anyway." I focused my magic into my hands and showed them something spectacular, something that I have enjoyed since I was a child.
As the show went on I looked at the reactions of the sisters. Celestia seemed to have an interest in the game while Luna had tears of joy as the kids had looks of joy at seeing the fireworks.
When the illusion ended I turned to Celestia. " This show of magic actually reminds me, I've been thinking about returning to my world for a time. I would very much like it if you could teach me to open the portal between worlds."
Celestia had this to say. " That spell is merely a teleportation spell, though it requires a large amount of magic if you want to travel between worlds."
" Do you think I can do that?" If she says I can't then I might have to rethink a few things.
" From what Twilight has told me in her reports, you probably have a better chance than anyone else." Now that just felt like a slap across the face. I had the power to go back the whole time.
" Thanks for telling me, hey listen it's getting late, do you know a good hotel around here." They gave each other a smirk while Celestia got up and left. I looked at Luna. " What?"
She scooted closer to me. This feels like deja vu. " Why go to a hotel, when you're in a comfortable bed already?"
" Can't argue with logic like that, but we can't go past cuddling, it wouldn't be fair to Jackie."
" I understand, now please come to bed." I crawled into bed with Luna and cuddled next to her. We said nothing as we embraced in a passionate kiss. After a while sleep took us both.
In summary, despite the dickheads at the beginning of the day, it ended up being a great day. I think tomorrow I'll see about going back to Austin.
Author's Notes:
For those that are fans, yes that was a Simpsons quote from Moe. So in honor of that, here is the clip of the day, although if you're binge reading, then here's the next clip.
By the way, has anyone seen Gladiator?
Professor Huffstutler ( Edited)
It was Friday morning, and I was walking with Apple Bloom to her school. It was going to be my first time teaching where someone was actually going to pay attention. These kids were doomed.
" Hey, Joe, you alright? You seem a little nervous." Oh, how right she is.
" The truth AB, I'm worried that I'll be a bad teacher and you'll get the wrong idea about my world, though to be honest, I don't see how I can be that bad a teacher. What do you think I should do?"
" I think you should just do what ya did with that show pony Trixie, and show us your world." Had to say, she had a good idea. Off in the distance, the school bell rang. " C'mon we're going to be late."
So we wouldn't be late, I picked AB off the ground. " Hang on." I opened my wings and we were in the air heading for the schoolhouse. We made it before the last bell rang only to find Miss Cheerilee waiting for us.
" Hello Apple Bloom, please go and take your seat. Joe, so good to see you again. I can't wait to see your teachings."
" Thank you Cheerilee, I can't wait to teach, I should mention that we will be having an extra in the audience today. I hope you don't mind?"
" I suppose not, who is joining us?" It was at that moment that a bright light appeared in front of us, only to reveal Princess Luna.
I went over to her. " Hello darling, how was your trip?" I gave her a kiss on the lips. Cheerilee was very surprised by this.
" The trip was quite pleasant, I can't wait for your presentation." We headed inside, leaving a gobsmacked Cheerilee behind us. As we entered a loud gasp that came from the students, it seems seeing royalty wasn't on the agenda for most of them.
The only ones who saw this coming were Apple Bloom and her two friends she met at Diamond Tiaras cutecenara, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle. She introduced me to them when I got back from Canterlot. Sweetie Belle to my surprise is Rarity's sister and Scootaloo, sad as it is lives at the local orphanage. She told me they formed a club dedicated to receiving their marks and called themselves the Cutiemark Crusaders. They waved and said hi to us which we returned.
Cheerilee came in after she returned to reality and addressed the class. " Good morning class, as you can see we have a guest speaker here today as well as Princess Luna who has come to listen to Joe's lecture. Please give them a warm welcome."
They greeted us in unison. " Good morning Joe. Good morning Princess Luna."
" Good morning class." Luna went to have a seat next to the crusaders. " Now, a few things before we start. One, you don't have to take notes but if you want to, there's nothing stopping you. Two, please hold your questions until I ask for them. Three, please no talking while teaching is in progress. Finally, I ask you to have an open mind and not judge too harshly. So, without further ado, let's get this show on the road." I put a little magic in my hand and made a screen appear before the classroom.
The kids were mesmerized by the display, suddenly teaching didn't feel so stressful. " Alright, which one of you whippersnappers has a question they want to know about my world." A sea of hooves rose up from the crowd. I recognized one of the hooves belonged to Snails, one of the colts that were in the crowd that gathered when Trixie came through. I pointed at him. " Yes, you young colt."
" What is your world called and where do you live?"
" My world has many names, though everyone agrees on calling it Earth, and I was born and raised in Austin Texas. Who else has a question?" The hooves were raised again. This time I choose Snips. " Yes, you sir."
" How many countries are in your world?"
" How about we ask Yakko?" They had no idea what I was talking about. Again I pulled up a screen.
As they were watching, a few couldn't help but try to sing along. When it was over they all cheered and applauded. Good job Yakko.
" Okay, who's next?" I choose Sweetie Belle this time. " How about you Sweetie."
" My sister told me you have a war on your planet nonstop, is that true?"
" Yes, we do. In fact, almost every country has had at least one war. In fact, there was one group so dedicated to war, they practically ask for a glorious death on the battlefield. This is just an example of what they do." I pulled up another screen for the third time today. " Kids, I give you, the Spartans.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfGJLhEqj0s
You know those ideas you have that seem good when you first think of it, then once you did it you realize that it probably wasn't the best, yeah I just did that in spades. The students all had dropped jaws and wide eyes. Apparently, it was just too much for them.
" Joe," I looked over at Cheerilee. " maybe refrain from showing the kids something like that, okay?"
" Good Idea." I gave the class a minute to calm down before I spoke again. " Alright, who else has a question?" Scootaloo quickly rose her hoof. " Yes, Scootaloo?"
" Do you get cutie marks?"
" In truth, no. However, we can get tattoos" They all looked confused at that, even Luna was baffled. " For those who are unfamiliar with tattoos, they are sketches that are inked onto a person's skin. And here's a good example." I lifted my shirt sleeve to show my tattoos.
" What do they mean Joe?"
" Well AB, the first one is an old family crest, it goes back all the way back to my first Lycan ancestor. The second one is a protection rune from when my ancestors were sea fairing warriors. Alright, I think that's enough questions." The kids looked disappointed. " Hey don't worry, I'll just go on a fun rant." They seemed to perk up at that.
" Now, I want you, children, to know the greatest man of my age. Homer Simpson"
At the end of the show, everyone was rolling on the floor laughing their lungs out. " Okay, I believe we have time for one more thing, just so you know this will have gore in it, so those with weak stomachs should step out." No one did, brave souls. " Alright, I give you one of the world's greatest heroes, Beowulf."
I had to skip there song but that wasn't important. Once again the children were speechless. Then suddenly a roar of applause rose from every student. As the maestro of this little orchestra, I took a deep bow. When the bell rang signaling recesses, I took that as my cue to leave.
" Thank you for having me here today, I hope to do it again soon." Luna came over and we teleported out of there. " Well, that was fun, you wanna do anything while you're here?"
" Hmm, I feel like getting something sweet."
" Sweeter than you?" She blushed at the compliment. " Seriously though if you have a sweet tooth, then we should head to Sugarcube Corner." We made our way to Sugarcube Corner. On the way, we got some weird looks from everyone, and by we I mean she.
" Joe, why are they staring at us?"
" It could be that we're walking side by side with my wing around you, or someone but a kick me sign on my back." I reached behind me to see if that last part was true, it wasn't. " No, it's us walking together.
" But why, when Celestia was courted, the stallion courting her was expected to show themselves in public."
" That was then, things might be very different now. Such displays could be rare to see. Or it could be I'm a foreigner dating a Princess that puts their hairs on end. Either way, it would be best to ignore such glares, it just means they are small-minded."
" You may be right, but what are we to do about it?"
" Simple, we do nothing." Luna stared quizzically at me. " Given time, the others will not see anything wrong, they will only see two beings who love each other. Actually, three when you put in Jackie." The conversation died when we made it to the bakery. Inside, we found the place to be empty, with the exception of Pinkie Pie and the Cakes.
" Hey, Joey ( Gasp ) and Princess Luna. What are you two doing here?"
" Luna and I are on a date, and what have I told you about calling me, Joey."
" Sorry, what can I get you two this afternoon?"
" I'll have a dozen cookies of various assortment, and a chocolate milkshake." Figured Luna had a thing for cookies.
" I'll take a slice of carrot cake and a rootbeer float."
" Okey dokey, sit anywhere you like and I'll be back with your order."
We sat at a booth and waited. " Luna, I want you to know that tomorrow I'm planning on going back to earth. And I would very much like it if you and Jackie came with me to meet my father."
She had a look of deep thought upon this, but eventually, it turned into a wide smile. " I would be delighted to see your world, and to meet your sire." She gave me a sultry smile. " It would also be nice to see my future father in law."
" One of these days but not so soon, maybe I'll have something to share with you and Jackie after the Gala." Timing is everything, write that down.
" I look forward to it." At that moment Pinkie arrived with our food. I went ahead and paid so she wouldn't come back around. Pinkie's nice but her popping up out of nowhere kills the romance you know. Once she left, Luna and I just stared into each other's eyes as we ate. One could really get lost in those blue eyes of hers.
After our snack, Luna had to return to Canterlot. She gave me a kiss and teleported back, leaving me to myself. Though one thing was really nagging at me. " Would dad approve of these two?" I'll just have to find out tomorrow.
Author's Notes:
Short I know, and you probably thought I was heading back to earth for this one. Sorry.
Also for those keeping track, I have been skipping certain episodes. Trust me it's best that happens.
Clip.https://youtu.be/U88onTTSmiE?list=PL_-Wb06I3_4vLcf-y78tP-B-x9XtlIqdV
Austin city limits ( Edited)
It was a beautiful morning in the orchards of Sweet Apple Acres. The sun was just peaking over the horizon, and I was waiting in the west orchards for my two lovely ladies. Today was the day that I would take Jackie and Lulu to my world for a time. Jackie was out gathering the girls and spike, I told them I would bring them each something back and it would be best I had their direct opinion. Lulu had to sort her affairs with the court so she wouldn't be backlogged with paperwork when she gets back.
With me was AB and Mac who would see their sister off when the time comes. To stave off boredom, I suggested a quick game of twenty questions. AB was currently trying to figure out what I was thinking. " Is it alive?"
" Yes."
" Is it an animal?"
" Yes."
" Is it bigger than me?"
I had to take a mental image to answer truthfully. " No."
" I give up." Poor thing, maybe next time.
" It was a roadrunner."
Suddenly Pinkie popped out from behind Big Mac. " Meep Meep."
" Hey, Pinkie. How far along are the girls?" Knowing Pinkie, she was never too far ahead or behind when it comes to a journey.
" They're about, five minutes out. Hey, can I tell you what I want from your world."
" Yeah go ahead." No doubt she wanted something sweet, or maybe an alcoholic beverage.
" Could you bring me back a pie recipe, I want to bake and sell it at Sugar Cube Corner."
" Sweet, I'll bring you back a whole pie cookbook." Guess a trip to the Bluebonnet Cafe is called for. Luckily I had some gold bars from my horde to finance my trip.
A whole five minutes went by and the girls and spike were seen over the hill. once they made it to our little group, a flash of blue and white appeared, revealing Princess Luna. When we were all together I made for an announcement. " Before I take your requests for other-worldly artifacts, I would like for whoever doesn't know, to know that Jackie, Luna, and I are in a herd, or pack if you go by wolf terms."
With the exception of Jacki, Pinkie, And Lulu everyone had a look of shock. They all knew about Jackie, but Lulu was a complete surprise to them, Rarity was the first to wake from her stupor. " Darling, do you have any idea what the nobles are going to think when they hear about this, or for that matter what Celestia's going to do to you when she finds out?"
" First off, Celestia knows, Luna and I told her personally, isn't that right Lulu."
" It's true, our sister was quite taken that we joined Sir Joseph in his...pack, as he likes to call it." She leaned over on me to show she was serious. I brought both Lulu and Jackie in each of my arms and gave them both a kiss on their cheeks.
" I Love you girls, and as far as what the nobles have to say." I brought up a screen because only the words of George Carlin could do what I was thinking of justice.
Some of it was over the top and had nothing to do with the nobles, but I believe what needed to be said was said. Everyone was shocked at hearing such a variety of foul language, the only ones to laugh at it were Dash, Pinkie, and me. " Well, that's all I have to say about the fucking nobles. Anyway, enough of that shit, what does everyone want from my home?"
Twilight wanted a few books, no shit. Fluttershy wanted some flowers to plant in her garden, Bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrushes, perfect for a nice garden. Spike wanted some more comic books to read. Rarity wanted me to surprise her. I think a fashion catalog and a toy for Sweetie Belle would be perfect. Dashie wanted something autographed by someone. Maybe I'll just give her my Nolan Ryan poster. Pinkie added that she wanted a toy to give to gummy her pet alligator. Big Mac couldn't care less what I brought him, a crappy souvenir from a gift shop it is. Apple Bloom told me she and Scootaloo wanted a toy to play with. Finally, Luna informed me that Celestia would like a history book from my world. NEEEEERRRRRDDD.
With all the requests taken, it was time to go. " Alright everyone, stand back!" I readied both my hands as they turned to claws. I started pouring magic into the nails as I thought of the backyard of my father's home. I raised my hands and plunged them into nothingness, then dragged them down to the ground. A portal opened as soon as I pulled my claws away. On the other side of the portal lay my childhood home, I let my two ladies go first, then I went through.
" So, this is where you grew up?" Luna and Jackie were really interested in their new surroundings.
" Born and raised. Dad should be home, I'll be right back." I went to the backdoor and knocked on the door. There was a time I would just walk in, but me being gone for a few weeks, dad won't think it's me. The tv was on so that's a good indicator that dad was home.
" Hold on a damn minute." Dad was making his way to the door. I really hope he doesn't freak out, or worse, wolf out. The door opened and my dad stared straight at me " Son."
" Hi Dad, how have you been?" He stared at me as if I were a ghost. " Dad, you okay?"
Suddenly he burst out the door and gave me a bear hug. " I thought the worst happened when you didn't come back." He took a step back and looked me over, that's when he noticed my wings. " When did you get wings?"
" Well, see, that is a long story, and I'll tell you about it, but first there's a couple of ladies I'd like you to meet." I turned to direct his attention to Jackie and Lulu. " Dad, meet Princess Luna, the one responsible for our gift." Dad looked amazed that Princess Luna was standing right outside our backyard. " And this little lady is AppleJack, we're all in a relationship."
The two ladies came up to introduce themselves, Luna was up first. " Sir David, it is an honor to meet the sire of such a kind and strong man. One day, I would very much like to call you father."
I gave Luna a hug and she went inside the house. Jackie was next to introduce herself. " Howdy sir, my name is AppleJack and I just like to say, that your son is the best thing that ever happened to me, and, as Luna said, I would also like to call you my Pa." Jackie went up to my dad and gave him a hug, then she went inside.
Dad looked to the girls sitting in the living room, then looked to me. " So what exactly have you been up to?"
" Why don't we have a seat and I'll explain everything." We sat down on the couch, and I unveiled my story.
To say dad was amazed by my journey so far was a vast understatement. " So, you took down a dragon, and ate his heart!?"
" Out of all that, that's what you call back to? Okay, it was a cool moment. Anyway, I'm building a house out on Jackie's property, and I would love it if you would move in with us when it's done."
" Of course I will." He got up and brought us all in a group hug. " So, now that you're here, what you want to do?"
" Actually I was wondering if there was a Rangers game going on? It would make a great date with the girls, and we could head over to the mall to grab some things the others wanted."
" Sounds good, but how are they going to get around?" Dad pointed towards the girls. Now that I had a second to think, how are they going to get around?
" Hey Luna, how are you guys going to get around, I mean let's face it, you two will stick out in the crowd." I have theory magic will be involved, or a store bought-costume.
" I know a spell that can give us a new appearance." Called it. " It would also work on your wings."
" Darn, I wanted to go for the Castiel look. So do you need help or do you got it?"
" Watch and learn, Sexy." In a flash of light, both Luna and Jackie took on a whole new look.
To say they looked beautiful would be a gross understatement, they were drop-dead gorgeous. I mean, I love them the way they are, but damn.
" Well alright, let me just take care of this and we'll be on our way." I punched my leg to stop the growing boner I was having. " Alright, first stop, the pawnshop." We headed out to the door for the adventure of a lifetime, or at least until next Wednesday.
Author's Notes:
Okay, now the story will take place in Austin for a while. By the time they get back, it will be time for the gala. Why? Because I said so that's why.
Clip.
Rangers game ( sex ) ( Edited)
We were on the highway heading towards Arlington, to catch the Rangers vs. Yankees game. I took my old Silverado down the road with my two girlfriends so they could experience a genuine ball game. The girls were in their disguised forms so they didn't raise suspicion amongst the populace.
" So, how you liking my world so far ladies?"
" A lot different from Ponyville that's for sure. What do you call these contraptions again?"
" The term is an automobile, though this one is called a truck. What about you Luna anything to add?"
She looked out to the window amazed at the scenery. " It feels like I'm running at full speed, yet my legs aren't moving, it's amazing." Like watching children with a new toy.
" Well, we have over twenty-thousand dollars to spend, so let's make this a great night." Five minutes later we were at the stadium. I went up to the booth and requested a box office. It was five-hundred per person and had a great view of the whole field. We made our way to our suite and was amazed at what we saw. " Dear gods above, this is baseball heaven. Gasp an open bar, WOOHOO." I dove straight for the beer and indulged myself.
" Joe, please, there's no need to make an ass out of yourself, share." AppleJack joined me at the bar and started drinking with me. Luna went over to the tv to watch the game. This is going to be a good evening.
" Now that was a good game. I can't believe I got Josh Hamiltons autograph." 7-4 Rangers was a great way to end the evening. I was able to get souvenirs for all the little ones and an autographed bat for Dash.
" Twas truly a magnificent sporting event, we should think about adding such a sport to Equestria." Not a bad idea.
" I loved how they did...what is it called again, a grand slam? That was really something." It really was.
" Well, back to the old homestead." We got back in my truck to head home for the night. When we got there dad was already asleep. We quietly made our way to my old room for the night. The girls went back to their original forms so they could sleep in the same bed as me. " Well, seeing that this is our first official night together, what say we make it a special night?"
" And what exactly would make this a special night?" AJ knew what I was talking about, she just likes to play around.
" I think I know what he means." Luna had a lustful look in her eyes. It's party time.
Sex scene. If you want to skip fine. for everybody else, take out your pens and paper because this is where it gets real.
I slipped onto the bed and lay on my back to face my beautiful girlfriends. The girls looked at each other then looked to me with a seductive smirk. Their gazes alone made a tent in my pants. They looked at it as if it was the greatest treasure their eyes beheld. Luna was the first to get to work, with her magic she undid my jeans and slid them off, revealing a fourteen-inch long schlong ( underwear is for idiots ).
" By the maker, it's bigger than I imagined!"
" It's bigger than any stallions." I looked to her with a strange look, thinking she lied about being a virgin. " Ah read it while in health class." Makes sense, I used to pop a boner when they taught that.
They each started taking turns licking up and down my shaft, occasionally they would meet at the tip, and french kiss with my cock in between. " Oh gods, if you two keep this up, I'm gonna blow." All this did was encourage them to go faster.
Before I knew it, Luna started taking the whole thing in her mouth. While Luna was working on that, Jackie came over to my face. " Mind keeping this occupied for me?" She turned around and presented her vag to me. I took hold of her ass and thrust my tongue into her folds. " Woah Nelly, really went the extra mile huh? Ohhh, don't stop!"
Luna, feeling somewhat left out, decided to rotate so her perfect ass was facing Jackies face. " Lady AppleJack would you be so kind as to service me as Joe is you."
" Bring it sugar cube." Jackie grabbed Lulu's ass and gave her the same treatment I was giving her. " Mmm, ya taste like blackberries princess."
" Oh shit, ladies you're driving me nuts, oh, you're taking that literally." These girls were wild.
We kept at it for a good thirty minutes. The girls would cry out in a small orgasm every five minutes. Soon, however, I was close to busting a nut. " Girls, it's about time where do you want it?"
They responded with ' On our faces.' They got off of me and sat side by side. I got up and aimed my rifle right at them. " Here we go, girls." A few jerks and the hose went off. The stream covered their faces and part of their chests. When the load was delivered I slumped to the bed. I started hearing slurping noises, when I looked up I saw that Jackie and luna were licking my love juice off each other's face.
The scene was so tantalizing, my dick got hard again. This did not go unnoticed by the girls. " It seems our Alpha has more in him. What do you think we should do about it Lady AppleJack?" These two are going to drain me dry.
" I think, Ah call the first ride." Jackie leaped at me and forced her pussy onto my dick. " Oh, by the maker that's the spot." Gradually she started moving her hips up and down, getting a rhythm for it. She felt warm and wet, not to mention tight. Hyde was way off, virgins losing it with other virgins is great.
" By Freyja, this is the best." I saw Luna was playing with her own pussy, what kind of man am I if I can't please both my women? " Lulu, why don't you come over here, my tongue is free."
" What a nobleman to offer." Luna walked over and offered her sweet pussy to me. " Eat up young man." She planted her ass right on my face, and I started to eat her out. Jackie was right, she does taste like blackberries, whereas Jackie tasted like apple pie.
We went for a good twenty minutes before it came time to unleash the firehouse. " Jackie, I'm close." I motioned for her to get up, but she just kept going faster. " Uh, Jackie?"
" I want it inside." She gave me a look that said if I didn't, then this would be the last time in a long time. " C'mon Joe, shoot it in me." That drove me over the edge. I grabbed onto Jackie's ass and started thrusting harder than I have been. She started to let out short and rapid moans, signaling she was close to her own orgasm. With one last thrust, I came into the apple mare. " AAAAAAHHHHHHH."
After Jackie came down from her high, she slid down to my right side. " Whew, that was really something." I took a minute to catch my breath. Luna got off my face and sashayed over to Jackie and started cleaning out her pussy with her tongue, while her pussy winked at me. " Luna, It's about your turn, ain't it?"
" That it is, let me finish with AppleJack first, then we can get to the fun." She went back to cleaning/pleasuring AppleJack while I stared at her pussy. Yeah, waiting is for chumps. With my dick hard again, I crouched over to Lulu and pounced. " Ooh, eager aren't we?"
" Baby, you have no idea." I positioned myself to make love to her Doggystyle ( Go ahead, laugh ) while she was still taking care of Jackie. " You ready for this sweetheart?"
She looked back at me with bedroom eyes. " I've waited centuries for the right stallion to take me, I am yours to have." We shared a long kiss after that statement, which was kind of a bad idea, jizz tastes awful.
" As you wish my Princess." I rubbed my cock against her folds teasingly for a brief moment. Finally, because I could no longer hold myself back, I plunged my dick into her tight snatch. " By Odin your tight as fuck!" I thought Jackie was tight, but damn luna made me want to nut then and there.
" Oh Joe, don't stop. Use me as your own personal fuck toy!" Luna screamed for more pleasure between licking what remained of me and Jackie making love. " Ram me until your dick explodes inside me." She is a freak, the best kind of freak.
I kept thrusting until the sensation of spewing my load came up again. " Luna, it's time, where do you want it?" I had a pretty good idea where she wanted me to finish, but better safe than sorry.
" You better empty it in me, or so help me I will put you in the abyss." Gods I love this mare. With an extra burst of speed, I brought Luna into a screaming orgasm. With her encouragement, I unloaded everything my sack had left. " Yes, that's it, fill me to the brim." A few spasms later and I was spent, and Luna and Jackie were a quivering mess.
End of the sex scene. Big pussies.
The girls and I were fast asleep in my old bed. We had a great first day and an even better night. Tomorrow we'll be heading to the mall to get a few things before we had to go back to Equestria. The only thing that really comes to mind, is that our lovemaking wasn't too loud.
Down the street, old man Flanders was staring wide awake at his ceiling. " WOW."
Author's Notes:
I would like to apologize, not because of the sex scene oh hell no. In fact, that's going to be a crucial part of the story. No, what I want to apologize for is the quality, I've never written porn before so I have no real experience. Hey, if he has sex with them, does that count as bestiality or xenophilia, or is it just plain sex?
Clip.
A day at the Domain. Home again. ( Edited)
It was the day after the ball game and our night of fun. Jackie and I were on our way to the Domain to get a few things on our list. Luna was staying home with dad, sharing stories about their lives. Dad wanted to know about Equestria, before and after her banishment. Luna wanted to know about our ancestors and what we did for this world.
While on the road to the mall, Jackie fiddled with the radio. " Jackie, I love you to death, but rule #1 when we drive. Driver picks the station." I changed the station back to 93.7 KLBJ.
" Whatever, so when we get to this mall place, where do we go first?"
" I think the first place to visit, would be Barnes & Nobel, get all those books for our little book worm. Then I think the toy store, we'll get a variety for the girls and their class. Next, we'll go get seeds for Fluttershy to plant in her garden. After that, I'll take you to lunch and call it a day." I kissed her on the lips and entered the Domain.
For those who don't know, the Domain is a large outdoor mall that has its own apartment complex and roadways. I left the truck in the garage and we headed for the bookstore. " So Jackie, whatcha think of this place?"
" This place is bigger than Ponyville, and you say this is like a market?" I gave her a side smirk. " Wow, you guys are years ahead of us." We entered the bookstore and gazed at the selection before us. " Much bigger than I imagined."
" Funny, I believe you and Lulu said something similar last night." Jackie blushed heavily and punched my arm. " Alright, I got it, no tales of the bedroom in public." She gave me a smirk and bumped me with her hip. Jackie went over to look for some stuff Twilight would like while I went to the comics to give Spike.
I went through the stacks looking for the best Marvel comics to give Spike. I decided a few graphic novels of X-Men and Avengers would certainly make him happy. I would give him DC, but lately, they got all 'the hero is in the wrong' bullshit. Though Batman is still good. Anyway, I went over to the stacks where Jackie headed towards. I rounded the corner and I heard Jackie talking to some jackass hitting on her.
" Ah said, get yer filthy mitts off me ya varmint." The guy she was talking to was a fat sack of shit, probably couldn't even find his own dick under that gut of his. He had a look in his eyes that screamed predator. If AJ doesn't kick his ass, then I'll tear him a new one.
" Oh come on babe, no need to be like that. Why don't you and I find a nice quiet place, and have some real fun?" The son of a bitch went and grabbed her ass and pulled her closer. Time to give this guy a new one.
I stepped in between them and faced the tub of lard. " Now listen here you sack of Crisco, you leave my girlfriend alone, or I'll give you a new hole to breathe out of." This didn't scare him.
" Boy, who do you think you AHHHHH." I grabbed his balls in one hand and made him face me.
" My name is Joseph Lee Huffstutler. I love this woman with a passion, and I will shove an apple in your mouth and my foot, up your ass if you don't disappear in the next fifteen seconds!" I let go of his jewels and he waddled out of my sight. I went to see how Jackie's doing. " You alright babe?"
" I coulda handled it myself ya know." She gave me a fake pout while crossing her arms.
" I know, but what kind of boyfriend would I be if I just did nothing? Sides, you might have put him in the hospital, and I don't think he really needed that." With a smile, I strutted over and wrapped my arm around her waist. " C' mon, we still have shopping to do."
" You're starting to sound like Rarity you know." I gave her the stink eye. " I'm just fooling, let's go get those toys for the little ones." She led me to the register to pay for the books, then we were off to Terra Toys.
Terra Toys had the reputation of having the best toy selection in all of Austin, the place had wall to wall toys for boys and girls of all ages. We headed over to the girl section seeing as Cheerilees class is mostly fillies. We mainly got stuffed animals for the class, though the crusaders would be getting something special. For Applebloom, I got her a Lone Ranger kit.
Sweetie Belle was getting a Karaoke machine.
And finally, Scootaloo's getting a scooter.
Having got everything we needed from there, we decided to stop by my truck and drop off the stuff we got so far.
" Alright, all that's left now is the seeds than" Grrrr. " On second thought, how about lunch?"
" Sure, I can eat." I took Jackie to the best restaurant the Domain had to offer. " Maggiano's? This place any good?"
" Very. In fact, this may be the best Italian restaurant I've been to." She gave me a questioning look. " What?"
" What's Italian?"
" You know, pizza, lasagna, spaghetti that whole area."
" Oh, you mean Bitalian."
" Over here, it's Italian." One thing I found out while in Equestria, nearly everything over there is pretty much a pun or play on word to things on this planet. Most of the time I let it slide, but sometimes it just annoys the fuck out of me. " C' mon lets eat."
The inside was as beautiful as I remembered, looked like something Canterlot would have. The host sat us at a small table and told us a waiter would be with us shortly. A thought occurred that dad and Luna would love some of this, so I pulled out my phone and made a call.
" Hi, dad. No everything is fine, Jackie and I just stopped for lunch at Maggianos and was wondering if you and Luna wanted us to bring you something?" Dad took a moment to ask and decide for himself. A moment later went by and he told me what Luna and he wanted. " Alright, I'll tell them to make it, to go. Alright, I'll see you in a little bit, and tell Luna I got a surprise for her when I get back." I hung up the phone just as our waiter came over.
Applejacks Pov
We were heading back to the house after we ate and got some Bluebonnet seeds for Fluttershy. " Hey Joe, what was the surprise you were talking about giving to Luna?"
" Something that you'll have to wait and see. Gotta head to a friend's house real quick though." We kept heading down the road till we hit a house with blue and red paint on white walls. Joe parked the truck and stepped outside. " Wait right here, I'll only be a minute." He left me in the truck and went to go inside the house.
" Wonder what he's going to get that he doesn't want me to see?" I pondered on what he could be getting, only for him to come out of the house carrying a large crate. " What in tarnation!"
He put the crate in the backseat with the other stuff then got back in the truck. " Alright babe, let's get back to the house, I'm sure those two want their lunch." He leaned over and kissed me on my cheek which was always nice and turned back on the road.
It took us a while, but we finally made it back to his old house. Waiting for us at the front were his father and the Princess, though maybe I should be calling her Luna seeing as we had an intimate night with Joe. We got out of his truck and headed inside with all the stuff still in the truck.
Joe went to greet his dad. " Hey dad, Luna." He gave Luna a kiss as he would with me whenever he greets me. " I got a surprise for all of us that I know you'll like." He took the crate and went inside the house. I wonder what he's got in there?
Joes Pov
I carried the crate into the house with dad and the girls following me inside. " Alright, inside this crate is the one thing that can get you drunk quicker than beer or vodka. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you" I opened the top of the crate " Moonshine!" Inside the crate was an assortment of differently flavored moonshine, ranging from apple to strawberry. " I plan on giving a bottle to each of our friends, whatcha think?"
" As long as you let your old man have a jar, I could care less about what you do with the other jars." Dad always did like him some moonshine.
" Sounds like a good idea, though I don't think a couple would have much use for it." Pretty sure she was talking about Fluttershy but who the hell else could she mean?
" We know one thing, our sister will greatly enjoy a new alcoholic beverage to sample." That would be a sight, Princess Celestia drunk in the throne room. Ha!
" Yeah, I bet she would. Alright, dad, did you put the house on the market yet?" I talked to dad beforehand to get the old house on the market so it wouldn't crumble or become a crack house. Not to mention we had to make a paper trail so if we do decide to come back for a bit, no one would try to arrest us or some other bullshit.
" Yes, in fact, my old buddy from work bought the place from me an hour ago. You remember Mike right?"
" Mike? Mike.....oh yeah I remember, I used to mow his lawn during the summer. So I guess with the house situated we can head on back. Ready to go?"
They all gave a nod indicating they were ready to leave for either home or a new adventure. Dad got in the driver's seat and the girls each took a seat in my truck. I stood in front of the garage door, readying my claws for a big teleportation door. I made sure to think of an abandoned part of the road that would lead to the town. With a destination in mind, I tore open a portal to my new home.
When the portal opened I got in the bed of the truck and banged the top. " Alright dad, drive right on through, and put on some intro music!"
Ponyville Spikes Pov
I was walking to the Carousel Boutique to see if Rarity, the love of my life, needed my assistance in any way. I was halfway there when suddenly I heard a rumbling down the road and following it the sound of music that was not of Equestrian origin.
The noise caught the attention of everyone in town and they all starred down the road at what was coming. Twilight stood by me when the commotion started. " Twilight, what do you think's coming?"
With a slight show of fear Twilight answered. " I don't know Spike, but whatever it is, it's coming fast."
Over the hill, a dust cloud was forming and the music was getting louder. Suddenly a large metal carriage thing was rolling down the hill blasting out music with Joe on the back screaming. " YEEEAHOOOO, eat your hearts out Duke boys!"
" Joe? What the heck are you doing!?" The metal behemoth stopped five feet from hitting us. " What is this thing?"
" This is my truck." He hopped off and opened the doors. " And inside are the wonderful mares I've come to love. Also my father."
Out of the truck stepped out Applejack and Princess Luna. Joe gave each of them a kiss when they passed him. The figure that came out next was a little surprising. He looked like Joe, only, if Joe aged twenty or so years. His hair was greying in certain areas and he had slight wrinkling. Other than that he looked like a warrior born.
I must have been staring at him awhile cause soon he came over to me. " Hi, buddy, what's your name?" Finding myself unable to answer I did what most would. Faint.
Joes Pov
" Ha! My father, you always did have a way with words." I went about teasing dad about making Spike faint from just his words.
" Shut it, boy! Let's unload the truck and get on with our day."
The rest of the day was spent distributing the gifts to the 'mane six' as I like to call the girls. They were overjoyed with what they were given and quickly left to put it somewhere special. The CMC came up to see the ruckus that I had caused and I gave them their gifts. They all loved their presents, though Scootaloo was the only one embraced me with tears of joy streaming down her face. Luna took the gift for Celestia and left for Canterlot, though not without giving me a kiss goodbye and the reassurance that she would return tomorrow to help with the housing plans.
I turned around and got in the driver's seat. " Hey Jackie, want a lift back to the farm?"
" Coming honey!" Jackie got in the passenger seat and I drove off towards the farm.
Back on the road, Spike was coming to. " Ugh, what happened?" He looks around only to find a stack of comics next to him. " Thank you, Joe!" He grabs the comics off the ground and heads back to the Library, completely forgetting about going to the boutique.
Author's Notes:
Sorry, it took longer, but it's hard coming up original shit right off the bat.
When I was writing this. I thought back to the pictures in Austin city limits and I thought. I should have made Jackie look like Daisy Duke.
The Iron pony/man challenge ( Edited)
It's been a week since my return to Equestria. The contractors from Canterlot came over the day after and got started building the house. Hopefully, they can follow the design.
A little fancy for the farm I know, but one has to remember that a member of the royal family will be living there too. Anyway, I was walking through the orchard looking to see where dad went off to when I heard Jackie and Dash arguing over something. Jackie and Dash? It sounds like a tv show or something.
" I'm tellin ya, the most athletic pony in Ponyville is me and I'll prove it."
" Oh yeah, what's that?"
" I challenge you to the iron pony challenge!"
I decided to cut in. " Hey girls, mind if I join?" I got in between them and gave Jackie a kiss. " What's this I hear about an iron pony challenge, is that like a physical competition or what?"
" It's a series of contests to see who the best pony is. I think we need a referee though."
" No problem, I'll get Twilight and the others. Don't you two love birds do anything till I get back" Rainbow went off to get the girls and hopefully dad if she passed him by.
" Jealous!" When she was out of sight Jackie and I started setting up the course and activities. It took us a good two hours to finish up the last one, it was also around that time that Rainbow came back with the girls, Spike, dad, and a small group to watch the competition, which oddly enough had both of the princesses. " How is it they have so much time on their hooves?"
" Maybe Lulu wanted to see us compete, therefore dragging Celestia with her. Or maybe they wanted to be away from all the snobs?"
" Either way, you two are going to be left in the dust."
Rainbow came over with Twilight. " Alright, I've got our ref, let's do this!"
I looked to Twilight with some skepticism. " You know how to ref a competition like this, right?"
" Of course! I've read at least twenty books on the sport as well as-"
" Alright. You got the job." I turned to my two fellow competitors. " So, what's the first thing we do?"
We went over to the barrel run, Jackie was going to start off. Spike held a stopwatch while on Twilight's head. " Alright, ready Applejack?" She just gave a nod. " Ready. Set. GO!"
Jackie was off like a bolt, weaving through the barrels like a champ, at least until she hit the one barrel. " dagnabit!" She crossed the finish line and came over to us. " So, how'd I do?"
Spike held up the watch. " Seventeen seconds."
" Why, that's better than my last rodeo." She seemed happy with that, though I was waiting for the pause.
" But, you lost five seconds with that barrel, so that gives you twenty-two seconds."
" Darn, well I guess it's your turn Dash." For some reason, Rainbow was nervous about doing this. " Don't be shy Dash, it's all in good fun." This seemed to get her nerves in shape.
Rainbow went to the starting line and got limbered up. " Alright, ready. Set. GO!" Rainbow was off like a bat out of Hell. She was moving so fast she was leaving a rainbow trail. She weaved through the barrels like a snake. When she crossed the finish line, Spike called for time. When she came back Spike announced the time. " And the time is, eighteen seconds."
" ( Whistles). Not bad Dash, are you sure you're not secretly a rodeo pony?"
" Not bad chica, but I believe it's my turn." I went over to the starting line and limbered up.
" Alright. Ready. Set. GO!" No sooner was the last syllable uttered than I was off. The world around me became a blur as I went, weaving through the barrels coming within mere centimeters of the wood. Before I even knew it, I was across the finish line. Well actually I was fifty feet past the finish line, but who keeps track at that speed.
I went back to see the race results. Though with the faces they had, I'm pretty sure I won. " So, what was the time?"
Spike tried to calmly give out the answer. " TEN SECONDS." Or he could yell it, that works too.
" Joe, how did you do that?" Rainbow was a little peeved to have her win taken from her.
" Well, I was the running back for my high school football team, lead us to victory every game." Rainbow was mildly interested while Jackie looked impressed. Fluttershy went and chalked me up a point.
" As much as would like to hear that story, we still have a competition to do." Seems Rainbows getting impatient.
We went over to the high striker, that would be the game with the bell at the top, and Rainbow went first. With one leg kick, she rung the bell. " Ha, beat that." What is this a Hot Wheels commercial?
Applejack went over next, I know she won't disappoint. " Let me show you how it's done." She positioned herself so she would kick the target with her hind leg. With one swift motion, her kick broke the target and the bell, sending the ringer sky high. She walked by the tree Dash was sitting under. " Years of apple-bucking." She then kicked the tree to emphasize her point by having a few apples fall on Dash's head. She then walked over to me. " Sorry Joe, guess you can't compete in this one."
" Don't worry about it, it's all in good fun anyway." I bent down and gave her a kiss. " Besides, the way I see it, we've only just begun."
Since the high striker was destroyed, we went on to the next game. Which happened to be an arm-wrestling contest. Needless to say, I won that so, on to the next event.
The next contest required an assistant. " Why am I doing this again?" Since the event was a wrestling contest, we needed a wrestler. And dad was the only one truly qualified.
" Because you love me and your ass was getting tired of sitting around all the time." Dad gave me a disapproving look. " Kidding, any way Jackie's up first so good luck."
Dad went to the middle of the pen and took his shirt off. A few mares started whistling and giving him the bedroom eyes. I even saw Celestia give him a seductive look. Anyway, Jackie went into the ring and waited for the signal from Spike. " Alright, the rules are. No cheap shots! No biting! And finally, no flying!" That last rule was directed at Dash and me. " The winner is the one who pins the grey wolf" Dad always insisted on that name. "or whoever lasts the longest against him." And so it begins.
'Ding!' As soon as the bell rang, Jackie went to tackle my dad. Unfortunately, dad flipped her and pinned her to the ground. She squirmed to get free, but dad had her down for the count. " Five! Four! Three! Two! One!" The crowd counted down and cheered for my father's victory and Jackie's defeat in twenty seconds flat.
Jackie got out of the ring and Dash went in. Dash had told me how she trained in martial arts and had multiple trophies in said events. Of course, that won't mean squat when going up against my old man. 'Ding!' The bell went off and so did Dash. Unlike with Jackie, Dash was able to grapple around dad's legs and pin him to the ground. The crowd was about to start the countdown until dad flipped her to the ground and held her there. She squirmed and kicked trying to get out, but by the time she made a little headway, the crowd already counted her down. Dad let her up and told her she did well. Her time was thirty-five seconds, not bad.
" Alright old man" I went into the ring and took off my shirt. All the mares were screaming my name, though none more than Lulu and Jackie. " its go time!"
" Bring it on boy" 'Ding' Unlike the last two times dad actually went for me. Dad and I met in a grapple and tried to get the upper hand on each other. Dad tried for a sideswipe with my legs to get me down but I wasn't having any of that.
I took hold of his right leg and flipped him in the air making him land on the ground hard. I then proceeded to put him in the full nelson. " Give up yet old-timer?"
" You wish!" He wrapped his legs around my legs and kicked forward, making me lose my balance and fall on my back. He then flipped himself around to pin me, or at least he would have had I not springboarded him out of the ring.
I got up off the ground triumphant. " I win!" It was more to my dad than the competition but whatever. The crowd cheered as I made a spectacle of the event. I finally made my way over to dad. " You alright dad?"
" Of course I'm alright, my son just made me proud." He then gave me a hug which I returned.
" That was amazing! I can't believe we're not selling tickets to this thing." Spike was utterly amazed by the spectacle. " On to the next event.
Over the next couple of hours, Jackie, Dash and I would compete in various activities that tested our strength. Some of them were a total waste because Dash would use her wings to get the upper hand. When the last event was over, the score was Jackie 5, Me 5, and Rainbow 10. What a load of crap.
" Awww yeah, I am the iron pony" Rainbow flew up to pose while a couple of pegasi stretched out a Rainbow banner. I wonder if they had a banner for me and Jackie?
" You ain't no iron pony! You cheated!" Although she had a point, there was no need to announce it to everyone.
" What do you mean? I didn't cheat!" Rainbow was furious, apparently, she doesn't like being called a cheater.
Soon the two of them were going at it like a couple of dogs fighting over a piece of meat. Looking around to try and defuse the situation, I caught a glimpse of a poster advertising for the running of the leaves. Loki must be listening or trying to fuck up my life.
" Hey, girls, how about we settle this with a race." I showed them the poster and they seemed to agree. " Excellent, we'll settle this tomorrow."
I was at the starting line with a couple of dozen ponies who are running in the race as well. On my right, AJ was stretching and giving me a rise. Oh, the things I'm going to do to that mare tonight. Ah and on my left was Dash, with her wings bound by rope. The rope was there to make sure she didn't fly ahead and win. Though what really surprised me, was that Twilight was in the race too.
" So, Twilight. Quick question. Why are you in the race, I mean don't get me wrong but, you really don't look like the athletic type."
She seemed a little miffed but she answered. " I'm doing my part to help with the leaves." She pulled out a book entitled how to race for beginners. " This book taught me all I needed to know."
" That's great Twi, still gonna leave you in the dust though." Soon enough we heard the horn signaling us to get ready. We all lined up at the starting line to start this race.
Up in a hot air balloon, Spike and Pinkie played announcer. " On your marks, get set, GO!"
The racers ran ahead for the best lead they could get, though I stayed back for a bit. When I saw Luna look over at me curious as to what I was doing, I just gave her a wink. Once I felt I gave them a good head start I took off my shirt and slipped off my sandals then went on all fours. " Time to show who's the fastest in Equestria." I sprang forward onto the track while donning my wolf form to catch up.
It took me no less than five minutes to catch sight of the rear of the group, though I did pass Twilight who was moving at a light jog. No matter, as I was getting closer I decided to have a little fun with the racers, by letting out a big roar.
The two mares in front of me looked back and near shit themselves, although thank the gods they didn't because then I would be stepping in it now wouldn't I? Anyway, I pushed through the crowd to get to the front where Jackie and Dash were, though push is an overstatement when everyone moves to the side.
As I was getting closer, Jackie tripped over a rock and face planted hard. " Jackie!" I stopped in my tracks and made sure no one trampled her. " Jackie, are you alright?"
She got up and dusted herself off. " Yeah, don't know what happened though?" She finally looks at me and notices I'm in my wolf form. " Why are you in your wolf form?"
" To answer your first question, you tripped on a rock in the ground. And two, I wanted to scare the crap out of a few of the racers."
" Hi you two, how's the race?" Twilight came up behind us, still just jogging at her own pace.
" It's going pretty well, though if we continue to chit-chat, we'll never finish the damn thing." I let go of Jackie and was about to run, but first. " See ya at the finish line with victory champagne!" I slapped Jackie on the ass and left before I could get any kind of punishment.
" Joe, When I get my hooves on you, I'll have you hanging from the rafters by your balls!"
" Don't threaten me with a good time!" I kept on running till the two were out of sight.
" By the god's what's taking so long?" Me and Twilight, along with a bunch of tired contestants, were waiting for Jackie and Dash to finally cross the finish line. In all honesty, I thought that Jackie would have been right behind me taking second place. Now I'm actually worried that they may have been attacked.
" Here they come!" Indeed they were on their way, in a dust cloud of two fighting ponies. Dammit, girls. " It's Applejack! No, it's Dash! Somebodies leg! Cthulhu! Someone's dirty sock! No. It's a tie!" They both crossed the finish line and stopped fighting.
" A tie for first?"
" More like a tie for the last place." They both took looks of defeat. " You know, If you didn't stop to do all that Willie Coyote crap, you might have actually had a better position in the race."
" Yeah, I guess your right." It's a gift. " Sorry AJ for making you run up that cliff."
" Sorry for getting you stuck in that maple sap." That actually gives me an idea for later.
Luna came over with Celestia to speak with us, while they walked over to us, the crowd would bow in their wake. " Well, I believe a celebration is in order. Don't you think Joe?"
" Yes, I think so." I turned to the girls. " While the race was going on, Fancy Pants came over to tell me the house is finished." Everyone was excited to hear that, especially Jackie and Lulu. I grabbed them both in each arm. " Let's go see our new home."
We went down the road heading to the new house. When we came upon it, it was magnificent, though not the original design it was still a triumph.
The girls all had smiles on their faces and gave out cheers. My two girls each gave me a kiss on the cheek and the whole world was perfect. " Welcome home"
Author's Notes:
Finally! A permanent residence for Joe and his pack. Now I believe it's time for our hero to get ready for the Gala.
Sharp dressed man ( Edited)
https://youtu.be/0QdbeM2JWYE?list=RDMM0QdbeM2JWYE
It is a beautiful morning. I woke up in my king-sized bed, sandwiched between Lulu and Jackie. " Good morning my Valkyrie's" I decided to start calling them Valkyrie's because it turned me on. " how did you sleep?"
Jackie was the first to stir from her sleep. " Mmmmh, like a cat under a ray of sun." She had the sweet scent of apple shampoo that gave her that apple scent.
" And you, my little moon queen, how did you sleep?"
Luna undid the covers revealing her socks that she likes to wear in bed. " I was in a complete state of bliss."
" I have no doubt, now come on, you two got work to do, and I'm due for a fitting." I gave each of them a kiss and headed for the showers. After my shower, I headed for the kitchen to find Jackie cooking breakfast and Luna reading the paper. " Hello, my darlings" I gave Luna a kiss as I passed her on the kitchen bar. " anything we need in town while I'm out?" I got behind AJ and reached for a biscuit while giving her a kiss on the cheek.
" Well, I do need you to pick up some paper towels and trash bags. Can you think of anything Luna dear." It's nice to see them getting along and treating each other like lovers, oh yeah that's right.
" All I can think of is food and treats for the pets." Once the house was put up and the girls moved in, we had to bring their pets too. There was, of course, Winona, Jackies Border Collie, and Luna's possum, Tiberius. It makes me think that I need a pet of my own.
I grabbed my wallet and headed out the door. I passed through the orchard and waved Apple Bloom off as she was heading to school. The town came into view a minute later. As I strolled through town a few of the townsfolk gave me a friendly wave or hello. " Can't get better than this."
" It certainly can't."
" What the?" I look to my right to see Twilight with a package on her back walking alongside me. " Oh, Twilight it's just you. Where are you heading off too?"
" I'm heading over to Rarity's so she can fix a button for my Gala dress. What about you, what's on your agenda."
" I'm also heading over to the boutique, I need a suit for the Gala. I would have just gone in shorts and my Jackass 2 t-shirt, but Luna said I needed a suit."
" True, by the way, how are things with Luna and Applejack now that you three moved in together?"
" I couldn't be happier, most mornings I wake up and expect to wake up alone back on earth. Instead, I get to wake up every morning to my valkyries." A look of bliss could be seen on my face.
" That sounds very nice, oh look were here." We were so engrossed with our conversation, that I hadn't realized we made it to the boutique.
I opened the door to the shop for Twi. " Ladies first."
" Thank you, Joe." We entered the shop and went up to Rarity's room. When we entered, Rarity was working on a project and her cat was doing a balancing act. Patiently waiting Twilight leaned over to whisper something to me. " What do you think she's working on?" Really?
Not even bothering to whisper I gave my retort. " Judging by all the fabric, pins, and needles, I would have to guess she was making a pipe bomb, or maybe some version of Homer Simpson."
" What? That's ridiculous, she's making a dress." Twilight whispered angrily at me.
In a regular voice, I responded: " I know, I just like to screw with you and the others minds from time to time."
Rarity had just about enough of my crap and addressed us. " Can I help you two with something?"
Twilight was the first to speak up. " Yes, do you think you could fix this button for my Gala dress?" She took her dress from the parcel so we could get a good look. What the hell, a red dress with yellow borders, that looks horrible against purple fur. And it seems that Rarity would agree with me going by the look of her facial expression.
" Darling, surely you don't intend to wear that to the Gala."
" What do you mean, I've worn this dress to all my school functions." Oh yeah, that justifies it greatly.
" That might have worked there, but this is the biggest party of the year, not to mention the classiest." Not if I have anything to say about it. " Gasp, I got it, I'll make you a new dress for the Gala."
" Rarity, that's so generous, but I couldn't let you do all that for me."
" Hey, why not, anything she makes will be better than that old rag."
" Hey."
" Oh, deal with it."
" You know I could also make you something to wear for the Gala Joe."
" That's actually why I came by, to see if you could make this suit for me." I reached in my pocket and took out my phone to show her my design idea.
I let her get a good look at it to make sure she could get in every detail. " Think you can manage that?"
" Without a doubt darling." I gave her a smile of my appreciation.
Our conversation would have gone longer, but someone had to crash the party, literally. From above Rarity's ceiling, Rainbow Dash came crashing down onto the floor and bounced over to a stack of mannequins and unused fabric. When she emerged, fabric draped over her back, and for some reason, a bucket was on her head. " Heh, sorry I was trying out a new stunt, and I guess it kinda failed."
" Depends, was the stunt called 'Skylight maker'? If so, then it was a rousing success." Shit eating grin, activate.
" Yeah, yeah."
Rarity suddenly let out a huge gasp. " I've got it, I'll make dresses for all of us to wear at the Gala."
Dash had a confused look on her face. " The what now?"
" Are you serious!? You went and chased Twilight for that extra ticket, just so you could meet with the Wonderbolts at that very Gala that ticket grants you access too. And you just, forgot!?"
" Uh, sorta yeah."
" Why you little!" I grabbed Dash by her neck and started to fake strangle her. Ever since I should her and Gilda The Simpsons, she's been acting more and more like Bart every chance she got. And every time she would tick me off, this would be the result. " I'll teach you to forget about something like this."
While I was taking care of Dash, Twilight and Rarity continued our conversation. " I could make dresses for all of us and we could hold a fashion show. I could even call for Hoity Toity to oversee the show." I never will get used to these weird names.
" That sounds great, I'll tell the girls." Twilight looked to me. " Joe, do you think you can tell Applejack when you get home?"
I took a small break from strangling Dash to answer. " Sure, no problem, just gotta run a few errands first then I'll tell her. But first." I went back to strangling Dash with more vigor.
It's been three days since Rarity announced she would make us all formal attire for the Gala, and today was the big unveiling. All the girls had come to see what Rarity made for them, also with us was Luna and dad, they had nothing better to do, at least till I install the tv in the living room.
" Alright, darlings, ready for the big unveiling?" Well, duh. " I give you, your Gala dresses." The curtains opened to reveal Five dresses and a suit. The suit was to my expectations, maybe even a little better than I wanted. The girls, well I couldn't really tell what they thought about them.
Stop at 42 seconds. I couldn't find just the dresses.
" So what do you think?" She waited for someone to give their opinion. When no one did, I decided to speak up.
" Rarity, I believe I speak for everyone when I say that these are the best dresses that any living being could ever create." I looked at the girls to ask their opinion. " Well girls, what do you think?"
Twilight was the first to speak up. " Well, they sure are nice." I'm sensing a but coming up.
" It's just not as cool as I imagined it would be." We all glared at Dash for making such a stupid comment. " What? They asked."
" Is..is that how you all feel?" Rarity started to sound really hurt at this point.
" They are very nice, but I just don't see it the way I imagined it would look like in my head." Come on Jackie, I thought you would help me out here.
Luckily Luna stepped up to the plate. " If I might say something." We all gave her our attention. " These dresses mirror your images perfectly, and if you had a different design in mind, you should have spoken to Rarity about it as Joe did."
The girls all looked ashamed about the way they had acted towards their dresses, but more importantly, they felt bad for making Rarity think she did wrong. " Why don't you all try on the dresses and let's see what y' all look like." They each took their dress and went out in the hall with Rarity following them. I turned around to dad and Luna. " Well, I believe they're ready for that fashion show, don't you?"
" Indeed, Rarity will certainly be made famous for her work."
" Yeah, even if they don't do well, the local populace will want a dress or suit from her."
" That's for sure." Suddenly the door opens and the girls come back in with their outfits on. " Wow!" The girls looked stunning, especially Jackie.
The dresses were perfect, even Rarity had her own dress to wear. " Now that is what I'm talking about, you girls look great, oh and Jackie can I tell you something." She came over so I could whisper in her ear. " When we get back home, Lulu and I are going to rut you silly." I flicked her ear with my tongue as I pulled back. A huge blush made her face redder than Big Mac's.
" Uh, girls, Luna Joe and I have to go." Jackie grabbed my shirt with her teeth and dragged me out of the room.
" You coming, Lulu?"
" Right behind you" Luna followed us out the shop and towards home.
Dad looked at the girls. " I'll see you all later." Dad headed out the door to do whatever he usually does with his day when we need him to be out of the house. Hint hint.
It's been a few days since Rarity showed us her work for the Gala, and now it was time to showcase it. A large stage was built in front of the boutique to act as our runway, and boy did we draw a crowd.
We waited behind the curtain until the show truly started. Spike got hold of the mic and began the show. " Ladies and gentlemen, since the beginning of time the elite of Equestria have longed for pony fashions that truly express the essence of their very souls. They have been waiting for decades no, centuries for the perfect pony gown. Today, at long last the wait is over." He is really milking it out there. " Here, on display for the first time anywhere, the unique and fabulous designs of Rarity." Showtime.
I was the first to go show off my stuff. The crowd oohed and awed at the clothes I wore, or maybe it was just me? I strutted down the catwalk like I owned the place, when I reached the end of the stage I put on a pose. I saw Luna in the crowd and gave off a wink, she swooned at the gesture while everyone else screamed for more.
I had turned to head back till it was time for the final performance. On my way back, the girls were making their way to the end, I gave a little tongue flicking to Jackie when I passed her which she blushed big time and nearly lost her focus. I made it backstage and waited for the others to finish. " Nicely done son." I turned around to see dad was waiting back here.
" Hey, dad, whatcha doing back here and not out there with the crowd?" I looked down at his side to see a small cage by his side. " What's with the cage?"
" Well, seeing as your girlfriends have a pet of their own, I asked Celestia to help me get back home for a bit and, give you a little surprise." Dad knelt down and opened the cage, what came out was one of the cutest things I've ever seen, an English Mastiff pup.
" Son, meet Hercules." The puppy dubbed Hercules suddenly ran to me to get to know me.
" Hey, buddy. Who's a good boy, who's a good boy?" I was so engrossed with my new dog that I didn't hear the girls come back.
Fluttershy was the first to react. " Oh my goodness, what a cute little puppy. Is he from your world?"
" Yeah, he's an English Mastiff." Jackie came over to see what the fuss was about. " Jackie, come meet the newest member of the family, Hercules."
Jackie came over to meet Hercules. " Hi, there little fella, my name's Applejack." As soon as Hercules saw Jackie, he went nuts. He leaped from my arms and went right for AJ and started slobbering all over her.
" Heh heh, I think he likes you." While I was enjoying the sight of my new dog getting along with one of my girlfriends, the curtains pulled back to reveal Spike looking for us. " Guess it's time to head back out there. Come on girls, time to, as Rarity would say, dazzle them."
As we went out to do one last performance, Hercules decided to join us. Everyone that saw him thought he was the cutest thing that they had ever seen. As the show, as well as the day, neared its end, I thought about all the good that would come of this day.
The girls and I would have something to wear to the Gala, Rarity would be the talk of all the Canterlot Elite, and to top it off, I have a pet to call my own. It makes me wonder what the days ahead will bring?
Author's Notes:
Alright, not a lot of action in this one, or for that matter conflict. But don't worry, the next chapter will have an epic fight near the end. Your only clue is this. Cut off one head, two more shall take its place. Hail Hydra!
Clip.
Hail Hydra! ( Edited)
" How the fuck did I get into this mess?" The mess that I'm referring to, is me being pinned to the ground by a six-headed Hydra. Originally it was five heads but my savagery made it worse. I guess I can trace this cluster-fuck to a few hours. It all began in Jackie's new apple cellar.
Earlier.
I was down in the root cellar...sorry, apple cellar, putting down another bushel of apples to store while we waited for the first batch to sell. I had just put down the last bushel I brought with me and was about to get some more, till I heard a throat being cleared. " How's the work going stud?"
" It's going good, though it is quite lonely. Any thoughts on how to make it less so?" I swaggered over to my lady love and was about to lay a big wet one, till Jackie stopped me with her hoof.
" Now now lover boy, we got a lot of work to do today and we can't afford to be fooling around, so come on." She turned and headed back out, though she did sway her hips in a tantalizing way. What a tease.
" Alright, whatever. How was your trip to town, anything interesting, happen?" Knowing something weird usually happens on a weekly basis, one has to be prepared for anything.
" As a matter of fact, something is going on."
" Oh yeah, like what."
" Well, remember how I told you about Pinkie and her, 'Pinkie sense'?"
" Of course, how could I forget about how a dear friend of ours has her own version of a spidey sense. Wait! Did she have a twitchy tail or itchy nose?" Last time her tail twitched, an old branch broke off and fell on my head. It didn't hurt, though having Jackie and Lulu kiss the ' boo-boo' away was a pleasant outcome.
" No, nothing like that, it's just that Twilight won't except what Pinkie does, happens for a reason."
" Knowing that mare, she won't let this go until someone explains it better or she drops dead." I opened the cellar door to go get more apples when all of a sudden, Twilight came tumbling down the stairs.
" Twilight, you came to visit my new apple cellar, how nice. Twi you okay, uh Twi?"
" I think she might be dead." I knew she wasn't dead, but it's always fun to play with them.
" Joe, she ain't dead."
" Only one way to find out." I turned Twilight on her back so I could face her. I leaned down and got ready. " Ooohhh Twily, time to wake up! ( Slap) Rise and shine! ( Slap) Up and at em." Twilight was still unconscious. " Fine then. ( Slap) That's for all the horse puns! ( Slap) That's for being an egghead! ( Slap) That's because I want to sound like Nolan North while doing this! ( Slap) That's because I like slapping fleshy thing's with this hand! ( Slap) That's for when you walked in on Jackie and me performing the Eifel tower on Luna! ( Slap) And finally! ( Slap) That's for not believing in the Pinkie sense!"
It was at that last reason for slapping her that she came to. " That's because it shouldn't be possible....ow. Did you have to slap me like that?"
" Well, it was either that or poke you with a stick." Should have gone with the stick. " What are you doing here anyway?"
" I'm trying to figure out how Pinkie can predict certain events with random body twitches! All I got so far is a bunch of bee stings and a half a dozen slaps to the face!"
" She had an itchy nose didn't she?"
" Yes, she did. Ow, do you think you can get me to a hospital or something?"
I grabbed Twilight and headed for the hospital. I dropped her off and made sure Spike was with her. Once that was done, I decided to head home and just chill for a bit. When I entered the house I saw Luna watching the new tv. " Hey, darling," I went over and gave her a kiss, " how have you been today?"
" I've been doing quite well. I've started watching this series your father recommended for us to watch on...Netflix?"
" Oh yeah, what is it?" Please don't be a cooking show.
" It's called Supernatural. Have you ever heard of it?"
At the very mention of my favorite show, I lost control. I leaped onto the couch and pinned Luna on her back. " Every single noun and verb of that sentence totally arouses me." I started laying small pecks along her neck, going from the bottom to the top. Each kiss brought a small moan from my lovely moon princess. " So, how far have you gotten?"
It took her a moment to gain her senses back, but eventually, she recovered. " To be honest, I haven't started yet. I was waiting for you and Applejack to watch it with me. Which reminds me, Applejack and I have something to tell you." As soon as she finished that sentence, Jackie burst through the door. " Oh, Applejack, we were just talking about you."
I stood to greet her only to stop and see the distress on her face. " Jackie, what's wrong, what happened?"
With a tone of urgency, Jackie answered. " When I went to put more apples in the cellar, I ran into Pinkie and Twilight was going on about the Pinkie sense again, when all of a sudden Pinkie starts having spasms like crazy. When she finally calmed down she said she felt a doozy was going to happen at Froggy Bottom Bog, and that's where Fluttershy is!"
Alarm bells went off in my head like crazy. " Luna, I want you to fly over to Fluttershy's house make sure she's there if not, meet us at the bog as quickly as you can," I called upon my ax and strapped it to my back sheath. " Jackie and I will head over to the bog with the others."
" Will do." Luna left out the door and headed towards Fluttershy's cottage.
" Come on Joe, I'll take you to the bog!" Jackie went full gallop out the door towards our destination with me right behind her.
My mind was racing. The one thing that I know about Pinkie's Pinkie sense, is that the weirder the body reaction, the worse the situation or outcome. And if what Jackie told me is correct, blood may be spilled. We were meet with Pinkie, Spike, and Twilight on our way to the bog. Every so often, Pinke would vibrate and twitch at random, whatever is doing this to her must truly be monstrous.
We slowed our pace once we entered the bog. We started searching for any sign of her, though she must have flown here because I could see no hoof prints in the muck, nor could I get her sent, the smell of the bog was too overwhelming. Finally, having no luck in tracking I tried calling. " Fluttershy, where are you?" My voice echoed throughout the bog, searching in hopes of reaching my friends' ears.
" Joe, why are you yelling I'm right here." I turn my head right to see Fluttershy was only five feet away.
" How long have you been standing there?" Before she could answer, Spike went and jumped on Fluttershy's back wrapping his arms around her neck in a hug.
" You're alright, we thought you were in danger." While Spike used Fluttershy as a therapy animal, a weird smell started to enter my nose. It smelled like an alligator mated with an anaconda then went through the pipe Andy went through in Shawshank.
" You see, the Pinkie sense is nothing but a fluke. There is just no way random body twitches can predict the immediate future." By Odin, she loves to feel right about everything. I was about to tell her to chill the fuck out, but then I saw something emerge from the water. " I told you I was right and ' cough cough' that Fluttershy would be alright." While Twilight kept on talking, four large necks emerged from the brown liquid. " Now, since this seems to ' cough cough' what is that smell?"
" Twilight, that smell is coming from that guy or guys in this case." Twilight turned around to see what we have been looking at throughout her ramble. Looming over us, was a massive five-headed hydra. And it looked extremely hungry. " Girls, I think you should run."
" Good point, Ruuun!" Twilight led the charge in getting everyone out. We were high-tailing it out of there when Twilight made a sudden realization. " Wait, where's Pinkie?"
I turned my head back to see Pinkie hadn't moved an inch. What's worse, one of the heads started speeding towards her. Fucking perfect. I turned on my heel and with the aid of my wings bolted towards Pinkie. " Pinkie, move!" Just as the head of the hydra was about to clamp around Pinkie, I was able to hold it's jaw at bay. " NOW!" With that Pinkie zipped off with the others. " Alright, fucker it's just you and me now!" With no small amount of tapping into my alicorn/werewolf strength, I ripped the hydras head in two.
RAAAAAARGH. Okay....now it's pissed off. I decided to swing the main part of the hydra, that being the part that still has a pulse. Once that was done I ran towards the others. Hmm, I wonder what this tastes like? ' Chomp' Tastes like chicken.
" Joe, come on!" Jackie was calling me to join the others in fleeing. But I didn't want to. No, I wanted to stay and fight this creature from Greek mythology, I wanted to spill some blood.
" I'll be there in a minute, I just want to take care of something!" I turned around to hopefully take a few souvenirs from this oversized snake. But that was the moment a giant foot plunged me into the muck. Which brings me to the present, looking into six pairs of angry eyes, guess the head I tore through did it's two head thing. " Well...what are you waiting for, eat me!" The hydra reared all their heads and went right for me. They would have torn me into pieces had it not been for a large blue blast that hit the monster right in the chest and off of me. Still, in the mud, I heard a pair of wings land behind me. When I looked up, I was meet with luna's smirking face.
" You'll never let me live this down are you?"
" I'll bring it up from time to time." Before she could say more, the damn beast got back up and headed straight for us. " It would seem your new friend still wants to play."
" So it would seem." While the monster got closer, my mind was racing with battle strategies that would put most generals to shame. Finally, a plan was formulated and I went to tell Luna. " You hit him high, I'll hit him low." Immediately Luna went up in the air and distracted the heads of the hydra. While she was doing that, I took hold of my ax and headed for the belly of the beast. With a mighty war cry, I plunged the ax into the soft underbelly. This caused the creature to roar out in pain and got distracted long enough to where Luna blasted off one of the heads though this time it stayed a lifeless stump.
" Take that vile creature." Luna was absolutely thrilled with her small victory, though that was a mistake. when she wasn't looking, one of the heads swatted her out of the air like a fly where she went sailing right into the swamp and hit her head hard on a tree and lost consciousness.
" LUNA!" Seeing one of my lovers get knocked out by an overgrown snake, unlocked the Fenrir once again. " Your heads will be hung in my trophy room!!" I transformed into my werewolf form and went right for where my ax was embedded in the bastards belly. With my ax in hand, I started slicing the belly of the beast for an opening. Once it was made, I tore right into the beast's gut. Inside the beast, I started making my way through his innards slashing at everything with my claws and ax. From the sounds the monster was making, I was making his life a living Hell. After a minute of slashing and biting, I found my target, the heart of the hydra. The heart had to be the size of a large pumpkin, guess it's time to carve it. " Now, suffer for the pain you inflicted upon my beloved!" With a quick swipe from my claws, I cut off the veins pumping blood throughout the creature's body.
Outside the creature was writhing in agony. Each head was gasping for its final breath until finally, death. When it could no longer draw breath, it collapsed in a heap in the mud. When the creature stopped moving, I exited out one of the hydras mouths. I calmed down significantly and looked to where Luna had landed. When I saw her, she was surrounded by the search party we brought along, and to my relief, she had woken up with Jackie nuzzling her. I ran over as fast as I could. " Luna! Are you alright?"
" Yes, I've survived a lot worse before my banishment." She gave me a small reassuring smile to let me know she was truly okay. " What about you, I heard you went on quite the rampage."
" I'm fine, though I'm probably the only one in my family to have unlocked the Fenrir more than once" Luna, along with Jackie gave a little chuckle at my joke. I turned to Pinkie to ask a question. " So Pinkie did the dozy come true?"
" Actually, no. The doozy hasn't happened yet." What the fuck. How in the holy hell could that not be a doozy?
" Well, unless something else crazy happens, it looks like the Pinkie Sense is a shame!" Hate to say this, but Twilight might be right. Though I might have an idea of what it might be.
" Hey, Luna." She looked over at me. " Earlier, before we came here, you said that you and Jackie had something to tell me? What was it you wanted to tell me?"
Luna and Jackie looked at each other, mentally telling the other whether or not to tell me or not. Finally, they agreed to tell me. " Joe, remember our first day on your world?" I nodded in agreement. " Well, a few days ago, Jackie and I felt a little sick in the mourning. So I did a scan over the both of us, and I found out a stunning realization." My heart was racing, an idea sprouted in my head as to what they were going to tell me.
" Luna, what is it exactly you and Jackie are trying to tell me?"
They both looked at me, smiled, and told me at the same time. " We're pregnant!"
The world around me started to become numb, the sounds of the bog were silenced, the stench left my nose, all I could truly focus on was the faces of my lovers turned mothers of my children. After a moment of staring off into space, I finally give them a response. " I..I become...father?" My Valkyries smiled widely at that and embraced me in a warm and loving hug.
While our moment of serene bliss was going on, Pinkie started doing a combo of random movements and twitches. " Oooohhh, I guess that was the doozy."
I looked to Pinkie and shook my head no. " No Pinkie, that was a miracle." I squeezed my lovers a little tighter before breaking the hug. " Come on everyone, let's get out of this place." I looked over at my two baby mommas. " We should probably tell our family that we're going to have two new additions to it." With that statement, they both kissed me on the cheek and we headed for home. Truly, the gods smile upon me.
Author's Notes:
Alright, I can hear you now. ' It's too early for them to be carrying.' Well too bad, that's how it is. If you want to suggest baby names, please do so in the comments.
clip.Next chapter will be another teacher chapter.
Professor Huffstutler 2nd class ( Edited)
The journey so far. When I was told that I was going to be a father to two children, I took my Valkyries and told the news of their pregnancy to my father, Celestia, the apple family, and all our friends. Out of all the ones we have told, Celestia took it with the most hostility. After a long drawn out battle where I just stood and endured the blows, Celestia finally relented and became overjoyed that she would be getting new family members. We weren't sure when the kids would be born. It could be eleven or nine months depending on which trait they took after, though it would most likely be in the eleven-month time frame. Either way, we had a while to plan for the new pups.
Speaking of pups, Hercules started to grow over the past few weeks and was now Appleblooms size. The other pets adored him and Winona even adopted him as her son.
As for dad, he found work at the local guard station. He didn't need work seeing how I'm rich, he just wanted to do something other than watching tv all day. And from what he's told me, he found himself a new friend to get drunk with when I'm not around. I think his name is Bulk Biceps. Anyway, that was then, this is now.
Once again I was on the road leading to the schoolhouse. Though this time the Crusaders were by my side, along with Luna and Hercules. I brought along Hercules because I thought it would be nice for the kids to see a dog from my world. The girls were off to Cloudsdale to cheer for Rainbow dash at the young fliers competition. As we continued our journey, Scootaloo was busy showing me tricks on her scooter. " Impressive Scoots, you like that scooter don't you."
" I love it! Thanks again for the scooter, Joe." She smiled widely at me, I think she likes me, though, in what way, I cannot say.
As we drew near the schoolhouse, Cheerilee came over to greet us. " Good morning Joe," She looked to Luna. " Princess." She then looked to the girls. " Come on girls, it's almost time for class." The girls scampered off inside the school to get ready for a full day of learning. Cheerilee turned back to me with a giddy look to her. " Soooo, is it true that you're going to be a father?" Looks like Applebloom let that little snippet slip.
Before I could say anything, Luna interjected. " Indeed he is. Lady Applejack and I were blessed with a child each." Luna snuggled up to me to show that she was my mate.
Cheerilee was overjoyed to hear that and quickly went over to Luna. " That is wonderful to hear, I can't wait to see them." Well, as much as I love to hear about my future children, I had a class to teach.
" Ahem." They both looked at me. " As much as I would love to continue this conversation, we have a class to attend too."
Cheerilee had a sheepish smile realizing she went baby crazy. " You're right, we should head in and educate." She looked at Luna. " Will you be attending our class again your highness?" With a small smile, she went ahead into the classroom with me right behind. " I'll take that as a yes."
I entered the room to a bunch of screaming children doing all manner of classroom cliches from throwing spitballs to verbal bullying. The verbal bullying pissed me off because it came from the spoiled bullies towards my favorite trio of fillies. Before I could do anything rash, Luna went over to the Crusaders with Hercules in tow so the class would go quiet. Needless to say, it worked.
It was then that Cheerilee came in to do what every teacher does. " Good morning class."
" Good morning Miss Cheerilee!" It seems the ultimate authority is and always shall be Cheerilee. Hopefully, She'll still be teaching when my kids are old enough.
" Hello children, it's good to see you again." I gave a warm smile to the whole class, though I did linger on the two spoiled brats. " Unlike last time, where you asked questions about my world, I'll ask you something and compare it to my world." They all seemed confused about that, some looked nervous while others got excited. " For those that don't quite get what I mean, I'll explain. While I've been here, I've been reading through some of your history books and have seen many similarities between our worlds. So I would like for you to say your favorite book, theatre play, sport, anything that comes to mind, and I'll compare it to something similar to something in my world." The kids seemed to perk up at that. I decided to see what could be in the minds of the bullies, just so the Crusaders could have some dirt. " Alright, let's have Miss Tiara go first, shall we?"
She pondered something in her head for a while, till finally, she had something. " I want to see what the rich look like in your world." What I think she wants is to see if the rich look like she does. Time to prove her wrong.
" Very well, I give you the typical rich family, The Robertsons." I started channeling magic into my hands and pulled up a screen.
" Hope that answers your question Diamond!" The kids were laughing at the whole thing while the two rich fillies were gobsmacked. One down, one to go. " Miss Spoon, would you like to add something?"
She collected herself before she gave me an answer. " How about...Buckball?" Oh, a sports fan, well can't say I saw that coming, and from what I could tell neither could Diamond Tiara.
" Well, from what I've read, it's similar to basketball, though it does involve more players and less flying and magic." I pondered what exactly to show the class, till the perfect one came to mind. " Alright, here we go!"
The kids were impressed by the game, glad someone is, I much prefer baseball. " Settle down please, we still have others who haven't gone yet." They started to calm down after that. My eyes scanned over the crowd and they fell on a young colt that looked like Hidalgo. " Excuse me, young colt, anything you have an interest in? Also, what's your name."
The child looked surprised that he was even called upon, must be new or something. " My name is Pipsqueak, and I do like Pirates."
" Well, Pip do you mind if I call you Pip?" He nodded yes. " Excellent, anyway I know the perfect example for someone who enjoys pirates." I focused on my magic once again to project a much larger screen. Trust me, this needs a bigger screen. " Okay children, get ready for a swashbuckling good time!" With that done, I showed them the greatest scenes from Pirates of the Caribbean.
When the video ended I decided to show them one more video, because in truth I can't get enough of that. " Okay, I'm going to show one more for the pirate thing because I want you kid's to learn about an ancient sea monster." The eyes that were on me grew even wider. " Boys and girls, I introduce you to, THE KRAKEN!"
When the clip ended the children had frightened looks. " No need to worry children, the Kraken is back on Midgard, you know, Earth." This calmed them down for a bit. " So, who wants to go next?" A dozen hooves went up in the air all eager to see what they wanted from my world. As I looked over the children, I saw Luna giving me a sultry look. The choice is clear! " Luna, my darling!" I went over to her on bended knees. I took her hoof in my hands and asked. " What is it you desire to see of my world"
With an innocent-looking smile, she responded. " I would very much like to see a romantic dance." Now she's done it.
With a wave of my hand, I had moved all the desks to the edge of the walls, leaving only me and Luna in the center. At the flick of my wrist, the walls turned into a Spanish courtyard with candlelight and a romantic air around us. I took Luna in my arms and hoisted her to her hind legs where I changed her into her human disguise with a new dress, whereas I, took on the guise of a Spanish noble. With an added accent I said. " Why look when you can experience?" With the snap of my fingers, the music started to play. ( Start at 20 seconds in, end at 1:36)
When the dance had ended, I had Luna in my arms panting heavily with desire. " Cara Mia."
" Mon Cher." The French lessons paid off.
We embraced in a passionate kiss that left the children in a rave. As the embrace lingered, the magic that held the illusions as well as the disguises melted away revealing once again the classroom, with me and Luna breaking our kiss. " How was that Mi Amor?"
With a satisfied smile, she responds. " It was everything that I could ever dream of Mon Cher."
" Ahem, as beautiful as that was, could we please put the classroom back together." I looked around to see that the desks were still pushed to the walls with the kids still in them. Speaking of, all the children had either giddy or disgusted expressions depending on how their minds viewed the opposite gender.
" Right, of course, let me just" I snapped my fingers and all the desks returned too there original position. " there we go." I let Luna go back to the Crusaders while I went to the front of the class. With a deep breath, I continued my lessons. " So, would anyone else like to go?" No one really wanted to go so I decided to pick one. " Scootaloo! What would you like to compare?"
At first, she was surprised, then she went into deep thought. " I do like extreme sports." Called it.
" Okay, my little adrenaline junkie, how about a scene from one of Vin Diesels best films?" She nodded her head yes and got ready. " Alright, hope you all like snowboarding." I channeled my magic into my hands once again and projected a screen.
When the video started the kids didn't seem that interested. Seems they all did something like this before. It wasn't until the avalanche happened then the kids went nuts. " So, how was that?"
" That was the most awesome thing I've ever seen in my life!" Seems I gave her the fix of adrenaline she wanted.
" Thank you Scoots, though you better make sure Rainbow doesn't hear that." She told me how she has a fan club dedicated to Dash and if I wanted to be a member. I politely declined and told her that Dash was kind of my fan. " Alright, how about we mix it up for a moment." They looked confused about that. " I'll pick two of you and you'll tell me your favorite thing, and I'll combine the two as best I can. Alright, let's have Sweetie Belle and Twist."
Sweetie went first. " I like musicals." With a voice like hers, there was never any doubt.
" I like candy." Going by her Cutiemark I would have guessed candy too.
I went through all the movies and tv shows I've seen in my head and I believe I had it. " Alright, let's enter the chocolate factory." ( I'm going to stop explaining my magic routine and just do it.)
The video ended with a lot of kids looking like they wanted something sweet. Come to think of it, I wanted something sweet, guess I'll take Luna to Sugarcube Corner after this.
" Alright class, Mister Huffstutler can do one more question then it'll be time for lunch." A few of the kids looked disappointed that we had to end our session so soon. Might as well go off with a bang.
I decided to have Applebloom give out the last question. " Hey, AB, why don't you give the last question." Seeing as she might be my future sister-in-law, I might have to give her special treatment.
" Are there other werewolves like you?" That came out of nowhere.
" In truth, my father is the only other werewolf in this or my world. Before, it was three werewolves, but my grandfather passed a few years ago." A small tear fell from my eye as the memories of my grandpa went through my mind. But I put on a straight face and continued with what I wanted to say. " However, throughout the ages, my family would reveal who they really are, and the masses would write stories about us. Most of it portrayed us as bloodthirsty monsters who had no control over our actions during a full moon, which is completely not true of course but you know."
" However, in recent years some of the werewolf myths have gotten to where it's just plain embarrassing. So I'm going to show you something that introduces the myth as scary." The kids looked frightened for a moment. " I give you the Wolfman."
At the end of the show, the kids were holding Luna and trying not to scream for their parents. Luna was giving me a disapproving look saying that I fucked up big time, I might be sleeping on the couch tonight. " Well, thank you once again for coming down and sharing your wisdom." Cheerilee was sugar-coating it, I think I need to cut my visits to holidays or something.
" Thank you for having me and to be honest, I think I should hold my teachings for special occasions. What do you think of that?"
" That might be a good idea."
Just as Luna and I were about to leave out the door, a large boom resonated throughout the land. We all went out the door to see a large rainbow circle, expanding and glowing brighter every second. Off to the side, a rainbow trail zipped through the air then arched back into the air. Finally, I said something. " What are the odds that Rainbow Dash is responsible for that?"
Luna bumped me with her hip and gave me a sideways smirk. " I guess Applejack will tell us when she gets back." She had a point, can't wait to hear the full story tonight. " Now come on, the baby desires something sweet."
" Luna, it's too early for the baby to sway your cravings." Thank Tyr that Twilight gave me a couple of dozen books on pregnancy. Half the time I'm trying not to pop a boner while reading the material.
" Well, then I need something sweet." Luna grabbed my shirt in her magic and pulled me along. " Come, the cookies await!" I followed along to ease my lover's cravings, at least they aren't pregnancy cravings. Can you imagine pickle and sauerkraut cookies, with strawberry and parsnip milkshakes? Sick.
Well, to recap, I most likely traumatized all the kids with the last video, Granny Smith will probably want to tan my hind for scaring AB. I witnessed an awesome display in the sky. And, to top it all off, Me and my dad are taking a road trip tomorrow to see all of this world. Hopefully, nothing will ruin that or make it weird.
Author's Notes:
To tell the truth, I like to share my interests with my little cousins. So that's why the class chapters. Next chapter will be an action-packed adventure.
Clip.
Road trip to Hell and back ( Edited)
It was the day after my class, and Dash's sonic rainboom. I was with my dad at the end of my property early in the morning, packing a few essentials for the road trip ahead in my truck. We planned this a while ago, dad wanted to see the whole world that we now resided in, and so did I. My two lovely ladies were seeing me and my father off as we started heading out. As we headed out, we had one stop to make.
" Alright, here are all the road maps to all over Equestria and beyond." We went to the library to pick up some road maps so we didn't get lost. Although, if we did get lost, I could just teleport us to where we started, that's the easy way out though. As I was looking through the maps, I had a sudden realization, I have been neglecting Spike as a friend. Suddenly an idea popped in my head.
" Spike, could I talk to you for a second." He came over to see what I needed from him. " How busy are you for the next two weeks?"He looked surprised, it seems no one ever asked if he had or wanted time off.
" Well...Twilight wanted me to help reorganize the library for I don't know how many times. So I have that going on for.."
" Boring, as of right now you are on vacation. Twilight, I'm taking Spike on vacation if you have something to say about it, then too bad!" I grabbed Spike by his claw and headed out the door.
" Do you really think that was a good idea?" Spike had asked me before I chucked him into the backseat.
" Who cares, you need a vacation and Twilight needs to learn how to do things on her own." I jumped into the driver's seat and put the pedal to the metal. When we were a safe distance away from a dangerous Librarian with a laser pointer stuck to her head, I turned on the radio.
As we drove down the road I handed Spike the maps. " Spike, since you're a native of this world you get to be the navigator." He looked at me as if I've gone crazy. " Look, since you're the map guy, you get pick the destinations and where we stop for the night."
" That sounds pretty good." He started to look at one of the maps to see our closets destination. " Hey, how about we head over to the Griffon kingdom? They have the best meat selection anywhere." Guess even he has a craving for flesh too.
" That sounds like a really good idea, hopefully, they have good steak burritos." Ever since dad got here, he hasn't had any kind of meat dish. I told him, do what I do, eat wild game in the forest. He just went ahead and told me it ain't the same.
" Well, I guess we're heading to the Griffon Kingdom. How far are we from there, Mister Spike?"
He cocked his head to the side in a questioning manner. " 'Mister' Spike?"
" Yeah, since you're the navigator, you need to have the official title, just like dad is the quartermaster, and hey, I'm the captain." Even though this is a truck, I always wanted to be a captain of something big and mobile. " Now as you're captain, I would like to know far we are from our destination."
" Well, if we go as fast as the trains do, then we should hit it in two days." What in the world?
" Spike, how fast is one of the trains here?"
" Thirty-five miles an hour." At the news that the trains here move at a snail's pace, dad and I couldn't hold in our laughter. " What's so funny?"
" Spike, my truck can go a hundred and twenty miles an hour, Hell, we're going fifty right now." The news that we could drive faster than the fastest train amazed him. " Now factoring our new speed, how long do you think it will take?"
" Uh, let's see...carry the one...divided by four. We'll be at the border by nightfall." That's better. Now with a destination to start our two-week vacation, we did what anyone would do on a long road trip. Play. Fucking. Word games.
" Alright, I'm thinking of an animal. What is it?" Spike, being the youngest, was the first to give it a go.
" Does it have wings?"
" No."
" Is it a canine?"
" Yes."
" Is it bigger than us?"
" Yes."
" Is it immortal?"
" Yes."
" Fenrir."
" No."
" Hati?"
" No."
" Wait. Does it have more than one head?"
" Yes."
I loathe the fact that most of the creatures here are mostly based on Greek mythology, but there's nothing to be done about it. " Cerberus."
" Correct."
For the past ten hours, we played every game one could think of, stopped four times to answer the call of nature, and finally, sent a letter through the lantern to tell the girls not to worry and that we're alright. As we kept on the road, I kept seeing dad looking at my gauges. Each time he would have a look of curiosity. " Dad, why do you keep looking at my gauges?"
" Well, I've noticed that the fuel gauge never moved from the F. So maybe you need to check your dashboard." Upon hearing this, I started to chuckle. The gesture didn't escape him. " What's so funny about a malfunctioning truck?"
" The fact that you think the truck is acting up." I pointed at the dashboard. " The reason the fuel needle hasn't moved in that the fuel didn't drop." He looked at me as if I were crazy. " Let me explain it to you. The morning after my first night with Lulu, we went down to have breakfast with Celestia. While we were eating, I noticed that no matter how much I drank from my cup, it would never move an inch from the brim. When I asked Celestia about it, she told me that the cup had an enchanted gem at the bottom of the cup. The Gem takes the liquid and then keeps the vessel that the liquid it's in, completely filled."
" So, in a sense, we could drive around the entire world, only stopping to eat and shit."
" Exactly." In the distance, I saw a sign that read ' Welcome to the Griffon Empire'. It seems we made it. " Hey, guys it looks like we're here."
When we passed through the archway, we realized that we should've chosen Vegas, sorry, las Pegasus. The place was in ruins, or at least it looked like the slums of Detroit but without the cars. The streets were littered with trash and what looked like nest materials. We drove for at least five minutes before we hit a hotel. I parked the truck around the side and we went inside.
I went up to the front desk and rung the bell. " What the Hell do you want!" Well, that certainly wasn't the greeting I would expect.
" Yeah, let me get the best room you have." The receptionist, who was a black and grey feathered male griffon, looked at me with the stink eye. " Okay, how about a room with two beds and a couch?"
The guy just gave a huff and tossed me a key. " It's twenty bits a night. No breakfast." Knowing this place, it was probably for the best. As we were heading up I could feel eyes on us. When I turned my head, I saw the receptionist eyeing spike like a piece of meat.
When we got to our hotel room, I was thankful for the immunity to disease cause this place was filthy. " Twenty gold coins for this? We might as well go camping in the truck." The room had two stained covered beds, the couch was torn up and smelled like shit. Don't even get me started on the bathroom. Thankfully, I have magic on my side.
" Stand back fellas, it's time this place got a makeover." I channeled magic into my hands and did a combination of cleaning, and Transfiguration. When I was done, the place looked like a five-star hotel room.
" Alright, let's unwind and see what we can do tomorrow." We unpacked and ate a quick meal before we went to bed.
The next morning.
The sun shone through the window right on to my face, dammit Celestia. I rolled over onto my side and saw dad snoring into his pillow. Slob. Seeing as someone needed to take the first shower, I took it upon my self to start the morning trend. I got up and made my way over to the bathroom. I passed dad's bed and the claw marked riddled couch spike was sleeping in. I trudged through the drag marks on the carpet and made it to the bathroom. WAIT, WHAT!
I ran to dad and shook him awake. " Dad, wake up! Something happened to Spike!" I ran over to my clothes and quickly put them on. I grabbed my ax and headed out the door with dad. I had a hunch I knew who was behind this, or at least who had a hand in it. I went over to the front desk and saw the griffon from yesterday and grabbed him by the throat. " What did you do to Spike!?"
" I don't know what you're talking about." The little shit was pissing me off. I threw the bastard onto the desk, extended his left-wing and placed my ax at the base of his wing. " Okay okay, I'll talk. I told some guys about the baby dragon because I thought I would get a lot of money!" Money? Money!
" Where did they take him!" I bared my wolf teeth showing that he could very well be on the menu.
The worm actually pissed himself from the sight of my teeth. " They took him to the Pit. It's an arena past the market square." I threw the piece of shit against the wall hard enough to knock his ass out.
I turned to my dad and went over the plan of attack. " Alright, here's what we're going to do. I want you to take the Garand and I want you to scout out the place when we get there."
" Alright, you might want to tell Luna about the-"
" NOOOO! We are not telling Luna who will tell Twilight that we lost Spike to a bunch of griffon slavers." I don't feel like smelling my own burnt fur for a week. " Listen, while you're playing sniper, I'll enter as a contestant and free not only Spike but also the others who are imprisoned." Dad seemed to see the logic in that.
Dad retrieved the rifle from the truck and we headed towards the market square. When we got there, we saw where Spike was being held. It actually reminded me of the Roman arena.
As we looked over the place, the sound of cheering could be heard from inside. Seems that a fight was taking place. " So, how do you plan on getting in there without causing too much trouble, at least until it's time for the destruction?" I gave him a smirk.
" I know someone who can get me in. Get in position on the tower above the box seats and I'll see you in a minute." I went down the market and went looking for someone familiar. Five minutes later, I found her working at a mobile bakery. With her back turned to me, I crept up to her and jammed the butt of my ax into her side. " Gimmie your money you ugly motha!" The griffoness wheeled around and was about to slice my face, that is until she saw who she almost sliced. " Hello, Gilda, how have you been?"
" Joe? What are you doing here? It's so good to see you." We embraced in a quick hug and I went about telling her what the situation was. As the story progressed, she started to fear what would happen to Spike in that place.
" So, will you help me?"
" I'll do what I can but, how would I even help?" A large smile spread across my face as a plan was already formulated.
" This isn't going to work Joe." Gilda was leading me with a chain around my neck while I was garbed in rags and dirt. I had my ax sheathed on my back to sell myself off as a gladiator. " They'll never believe it."
" Hey don't worry about it G, I've seen Gladiator dozens of times, this will work." Okay, the plan so far was to get in with the gladiators, find Spike, Find a way to get everyone out with minimal to no casualties, then when it's all over get drunk.
When we got to the gate, we were halted by a guard. " State your business!" What, the chained up warrior not a big enough clue?
" I'm here to enter my fighter against your best fighter and if you got a problem with that, you can have a talk with him. Isn't that right Spartacus?" Gotta say she's doing a great job at acting.
" Yes, my mistress." Gilda gave a small blush at that. I made my way forward like I was about to fight him. The guard started to shake in his armor.
" Alright just take him to the pen to the right." Sniveling coward.
" Thank you." Gilda lead me into the arena and put me in the pen. Surprisingly enough it was empty, save for one pony in armor. " Alright, I got you in, now what?"
" Well, you have two options. One, you could stick around for the fight and prison break afterward. Two, you could go back to your stand and we'll meet you later. Either way, I will see you after this is over." She went to go down the hall until a thought occurred. I forgot to tell her the good news. " Hey G wait, I forgot to tell you."
" What is it?"
" I'm going to be a father!" She looked flabbergasted. Better explain further. " Well, shortly after you returned home, I got into a relationship with Luna and Applejack. After a few weeks, we did the horizontal monster mash and I wound up impregnating both of them."
" Oh my gosh, that's great. You'll remember to invite me to the wedding right?"
" I'll remember to put you on the list." We exchanged a quick fist bump before she left to do whatever. I went over to the lone gladiator over there to see what information I could get about this place. " So chief, what can you tell me about this place?" The gladiator was a stallion in full armor with yellow fur and a red mane going by his tail. He honestly reminded me of Applebloom.
" It's a living Hell." No shit. "Every day I'm forced to fight someone, most of the time it's to the death." Not that his story isn't sad or moving, but I need different information. " They keep my wife in a different part of the arena, making her serve the swine that watch me and some poor soul. Many times I've dreamed of escaping, but with no money and home being so far away, my wife and I would never make it."
I gave the poor gladiator a smile. " Listen to me." He looked at me with a sad expression. " Someone took a friend of mine and brought him here. I came here to find and release him from this place, and now I'm here to get everyone out." The guy gave a huff of disapproval. " It's true. Look, tell me where the others are and we'll be out of here in a pinch."
The guy didn't have much hope in what I really had to say, but he complied anyway. " The servants and girls are held in a different part of the arena. While the rest of us are held in here." I took a look around and still noticed there was no one else here. Seems he caught me looking. " The reason it's so empty here is that I put most of the competition in the ground." He started to cry in his helmet and honestly, it pierced my heart.
" Hey, buddy. It'll be fine, look when the next fight is called, you and I will scuffle a bit, then when the music starts we escape while these bastards who imprisoned you burn." I patted him on the shoulder. " My name is Joe. What's your name pal?"
The guy took off his helmet and what I saw made me do a double-take. The Stallion had the face of Big Mac and the coat and mane color of Applebloom. I've only seen that face one other time, in the Apple family album. " The name's Bright Mac." Holy shit on an altar!
Two hours had passed since my encounter with Jackie's father, I had no doubt I would be meeting the mother soon. In that time frame, I told him who I am and my relationship with his daughter. Needless to say, he tried to chop my balls off and feed them to me. After five minutes of sitting on his chest and calmly explaining the situation, he calmed down and got used to the idea of becoming a grandpa.
Anyway, we were dragged out to the arena in full gladiatorial armor. Bright mac was wearing a combination of plate and mail armor, whereas I wore something from another favorite show of mine.
The gates opened and the afternoon sun greeted us as we entered the sands of the pit. As I walked into the light, I beheld a multitude of creatures watching us from the stands. Most of them were filthy bastards who need a good ax in the neck, while the others seem to be concubines to those bastards and moving through the stands was Bright Macs wife and Applejack's mother, Pear butter. Despite my hatred for slavers, I had to play my part.
Mac and I made it to the center and faced the griffon in charge. He was a fat sack of feathers with four chins and food all over himself and standing next to his throne with a chain around his neck, was Spike attached to the stone throne. When Spike saw me, he made to get my attention but I gestured for him to wait till the time was right. Off to the side, horns blew to announce the deadly game.
" We who are about to die, salute you!" Bright mac looked at me with a 'what the hell' look. " Sorry, I always wanted to say that." The griffon on the throne clapped his claws and the fight began. Mac wielded a mace on the end of his tail like the Ankylosaurus and got into position. I unstrapped my ax and pointed it at him. " Come on you old warhorse, time for me to show you I'm worthy of your daughter."
" What are you doing? Shouldn't we be trying to escape as soon as possible?"
Instead of answering his question I tackled him to the ground and held my ax to his throat. The crowd cheered for bloodshed. I leaned in close and whispered, " when the music starts, head for the stands." I snapped my fingers and the music started.
When the music started I got off of Bright Mac and turned to the fat emperor. I nodded to Spike to get ready, he nodded back. With well-aimed precision, I launched my ax right at the chain. When it snapped, Spike grabbed a hold of the handle and held on. When I was sure he was secured, I summoned the blade back to me with Spike following along with it. He jumped down next to me and hugged my leg.
" You filthy ape, who do you think you are?" The shit stain actually had the gall to try and look intimidating.
I pointed my ax at him and declared just as the music really started to pick up. " I'm an indestructible master of war!!!" I became the wolf again and let loose a mighty roar. I threw my ax once again and the waste of space had his head chopped off, as well as the back of his chair. After the grizzly scene of having the host executed in front of their eyes, a mass panic began. " Mac, now!" Bright Mac made his way to the stands where I gave him a boost up.
Once we made it up to the stands, Pear butter ran to Bright Mac and Spike stuck to me like glue. We went through the rows executing the scum that so rightfully deserved it and freeing the slaves from their former masters. The guards that tried to stop us would have their heads blown off before they could get close to either of us thanks to dad. Soon enough, the seats were painted red with the blood of our enemies.
With the last of the cretins dead, we made our way out of the pit with the freed slaves. Waiting for us at the entrance was Gilda who quite frankly looked shocked by me being covered in blood. " What up G, how's it hanging?" She looked on the verge of vomiting so I decided to just press on. " Dad, great shooting up there."
" Marine Corp taught me everything I needed."
I felt a tugging at my pant leg so I looked and saw it was Spike. " Joe, thank you for saving me." A smile spread across his face and he gave me a big hug.
I returned the hug and cleaned him off. Your welcome little brother." I pulled away from the hug just as Jackie's parents came up to us. " Hey you two, how are you holding up?" 'BAM' Without even a single warning, Pear butter bucked me right in the nuts, guess Mac told her about Jackie, Luna and me. " I can see where Jackie got her apple bucking skills from. Ow."
An hour passed since we liberated the pit and we were on the road. Spike sent a letter to Celestia telling her that a few citizens of hers were in need of rescue. Spike was kind enough to leave out the part of being kidnapped so no angry librarian could barbecue my ass. At the moment we were on the road with a couple of new passengers in the back. Dad sat with them to get to know them better seeing as they would become inlaws soon.
As we headed down the road a question kept nagging me at the back of my head. " Um, this might be a little too soon to ask, but how did you two end up in that Hell hole." The question made Pear butter tear up a little whereas Mac had an angry scowl on his face. " Look, if you don't want to tell that's fine. But if you ever need to tell someone, I'm here to listen." They seemed to find comfort in that as the truck fell into silence. The silence was very uncomfortable. " How about we put on some music huh?" I switched on the radio and let the music calm the tension.
Deciding that these two have been away from their family long enough, I went full speed on the rest of the journey and within three hours, Ponyville was in sight. The looks on the Apple parents were one of extreme delight. If I had been away from my family for years in a pit of violence, I would be smiling from ear to ear as well.
When we got to the farm it was already dark and the lights at the farmhouse were still on, guess they're about to have dinner, perfect. I parked the truck away from the house so no one would see us coming. As we made our way to the house I looked in the dining room window to see that the entire house was getting ready for dinner including Luna. This will be perfect.
I went to the door and knocked. When it opened I was greeted by Jackie. " Hey, darling, surprised to see me so soon?" I leaned in and gave her a kiss.
" This is a surprise, I thought you and your Pa would be gone for a couple of weeks? What made you want to come back so soon?" Honey, you'll be in for a big surprise.
" Well, we meet a couple of ponies that we just had to bring with us. In fact, why don't you bring the whole family out here to see them." When she went back in to get everyone I turned to the couple. " Alright hide behind me and wait." As soon as they got behind me, Jackie came out with everyone. " Okay, before I show you the guests that I brought I want you to know that this is not a trick or cruel joke." They looked at me weird as if I'd gone crazy. " Alright, here we go." I quickly stepped away, revealing the two Apple family members.
A stunned silence fell over everyone, I think I broke every one. I was about to say something, but Applebloom beat me to the punch. " MA! PA!" She ran right past me and right into the hooves of her mother and father. At that moment the whole Apple family made their way to the long lost couple leaving Luna to walk up next to me.
" It seems you'll have a story to tell the young ones when they're born." She nuzzled me as we watched the tearful family reunion. Only one thing can top an event like this, though it would have to wait for the Gala.
Author's Notes:
Once again I realize that this may be taking things too fast. Or if not then whatever. In any case, I decided that the next chapter will be the Gala chapter. I realize that a few things should happen before then, but that's why we have a thing called flashbacks.
Clip.
The Gala. ( Edited)
Prelude.
It has been a few weeks since the Griffon Kingdom. By now Bright Mac and Pear butter have gotten used to the swing of things. The friends that knew them before were overjoyed to see they were still alive. A few other events happened while leading up to the present. The first such incident was seeing the Crusaders enter a talent show, wasn't too bad. Though I wish they would realize which of them had the right talent for this and that.
The second was having to save Rarity from a pack of diamond dogs. It was easy enough, seeing as I'm a large two-legged wolf they gave her to us no problem. When the whole ordeal was over, the dogs made me their king just so I wouldn't chop them up to bits. To make the deal even better, they gave us six minecarts full of gemstones and a crown to show my status.
The third was having to go through a week of having Fluttershy as a model and Pinkie popping around saying ' Forever'. Reminds me of the Sandlot when they were telling the story about the beast. It was also around that time that Jackie and Lulu were starting to show that they had a bun in the oven. A baby shower was held and an ultrasound took place. As it turns out, both babies would be werewolf boys with wings. The names had been chosen. The child I was having with Lulu would be named Orion, and the child with Jackie would be Jack. I was so happy.
The fourth and final event was negotiating a land dispute in a western town called Appleloosa. The buffalo wanted their ancestral stampeding grounds clear of the apple trees, whereas the settlers needed the grounds to have a decent living. The answer was quite simple, cut a path through the orchard wide enough so a large herd could charge through. The deal became even sweeter when the rumbling from the stampede made the apples fall, In thanks, the settlers made them an apple pie each.
Now with all this info, we come to the present.
Jackie and I were heading down the road towards the library because Twilight wanted to show us how we were going to head to the Gala. Luna would have been with us too, but she had to be up in Canterlot to help Celestia set up the party. As we headed down the road Jackie and I talked about what we would do while there as I ate an apple. " So, I thought we could take a small tour of the place while the evening is young."
" That sounds nice. Maybe afterward's we meet up with Luna for a dance together?"
" That sounds perfect, though before that I would like to play a little song for my two lovely ladies. Then I want us to meet in the ballroom for a little surprise." I nuzzled against her as the plans for the evening became more exciting. In no time we made it to the library where the girls were waiting for us. " Hello, girls, Spike how have you been?" They all gave me and Jackie a hello and proceeded to hug my pregnant girlfriend. " So Twilight, what's the plan on getting us to the Gala?"
" Well, I've been looking into some transformation spells that could be quite useful for this. So if you have the apple I've asked for, we can get started." Crap.
" Uhh, what apple?" I tossed the core away hoping no one would notice. I was wrong. " Okay so I ate the apple, can you blame me though?" They all gave me a 'really?' look.
" Don't worry honey, I brought an extra with me." That mare, always thinking two steps ahead.
" Thank you Applejack. Now, stand back and watch!" Twilight concentrated her magic on the apple and within moments, the apple turned into an apple-shaped carriage.
" Impressive Twi, though if you said bibbity bobbity boo, the illusion that a Disney movie being ripped off would be more complete! I mean what's next, did you have Fluttershy bring some mice so you could turn them into some kind of horse to pull the carriage?" Twilight and Fluttershy looked at each other as if I had just said exactly what they were about to do. " Oh, by Odin's beard! Fluttershy, take your mice friends back home and I'll go and get my truck and hook it up to this thing!' I turned around to go get my truck, but not before looking to Spike. " Spike, come along and help me get the truck, while these lovely ladies get dressed at the boutique."
" Sure thing Joe. I'll see you, girls, later." And with that, we went to get transportation.
Spike and I had just hooked the truck to the carriage and made sure it wouldn't disconnect while in motion. With that done, we went into the boutique to check on the girls. Knock, Knock. " Hey, girls you about ready in there?" I turned the knob on the door only to have something slam into the door, blocking us from entry.
" Don't you dare, we're getting dressed!" Is...is she serious?
" Um, Rarity, you girls don't normally wear clothes. And I've been quite intimate with one of the occupants in that room." I heard what sounded like flustered gibberish from Rarity and soon enough the door was no longer being blocked. I opened the door and entered with Spike right behind me. " Thank you Rarity, oh and ladies it seems that we only have three hours to get to the official opening of the party, so chop, chop."
" We'll be fine Joe, we just need to put our duds on and Ooh."
" Jackie are you alright?" I went over to see what made her cry out. " What happened, what's wrong?"
" Don't worry sugar, it's just the baby letting me know he's there." She rubbed her belly where little Jack was growing inside. " You wanna feel honey?"
" I would love too darling." I leaned my head over to AJ who was helping Fluttershy with her hooves. I leaned my head onto her belly and felt my child give a small kick letting me know he can hear us. Feeling the tiny kicks of one of my children made me feel like the luckiest man in all the nine realms. " The little guys got his father's spirit. I'll wait for you girls in the truck okay."
" See you in fifteen minutes, sugar." AJ gave me a small peck on the cheek before returning to Fluttershy's hooves.
I went out of the door and waited by the truck with Spike. " So Spike, any chance you'll be asking a certain unicorn to dance this evening?" He looked at me and was about to deny my statement. But I figured I tormented him long enough. " I'm just messing with you man. Though if you want my opinion, I would at least try looking for a girl your age."
" Yeah, like who?" That's a good question, I mean there are a ton of kids his age, but the real question would be who likes him that way and vice-versa.
" I'm not sure I should give you any names, though you could try talking with Sweetie Belle, she seems to like you a little." The little drake had a little smile indicating he would at least humor the idea. While he was in his little fantasy world, I went into mine. My hand hovered over my right pocket, feeling the small lump inside. That lump in my pants was, in fact, a small box with two-
" Hey, Joey we're ready!" There goes Pinkie, interrupting my train of thought. " So, where's your tux?" With a snap of my fingers, the clothing I was in disappeared and was quickly replaced by my tux and dress pants. " Nevermind."
I opened the door of the carriage for the girls. When Jackie passed me I gave her a little help being the southern gentleman I am. Once everyone got in the carriage, I went to the driver's seat of the truck with Spike getting in the passenger side. With him buckled, I turned the ignition and revved up the engine. " Alright, Spike. Time to raise some Hell!" I flipped the radio on and drove up to Canterlot.
Applejack's Pov
I was having a nice conversation with the girls while mah boyfriend drove us to the Gala. He's such an amazing guy, I can't believe I'm carrying one of his children. He brought my Ma and Pa back from a horrible place and made our family whole again. Though, one thing was still nagging at me. " Hey, girls, can I ask you all a question?"
" But of course darling, you can ask us anything." Rarity was being very supportive since they found out that Luna and I were pregnant.
" That's right whatever it is you need, we got your back." Dash always had my back, even when we would compete against each other.
" Do you think Joe would ever...ever get serious with Luna and me? I mean, yeah we're both having his kids, but it wouldn't be the same unless it was official." All the girls looked like they were thinking over my little dilemma, though Rarity looked to be fidgeting her hooves and had a big grin on her face. " Do you have something that you might want to add to this?"
" Well, I promised Joe that I would keep this a secret, but it's just too good to hold in. Joe is-"
" Move it you, moron. What the hell's taking so long!" I heard Joe screaming at someone on the road. He always had a short temper on the road. " So's your old man!"
" Geez, what do you think the problem was?"
" What's the hold-up. Move your asses! Girls were in line for the Gala!"
" How did we get there so fast?" Twilight always had a fascination with how Joe's truck could go so fast. Though I always liked the fact it could help haul more apples than my apple carts. Guess it's time to get ready to go?
Joe's Pov
We were in the line of carriages waiting to drop off their passengers. In all honesty, it reminded me of Austin traffic. Once we got in front of the road leading up to the castle, I lined up the carriage and put the truck in park. I got out of the truck and opened the carriage for the ladies. " Welcome to the party ladies!" When the girls stepped out, they were a vision, especially Jackie. When they all made it out I could feel a song coming on. " Oh no you don't, I've had enough crappy music during winter wrap up!" I quickly summoned the forces of the harmony song, which is what makes the surrounding area suddenly break out into song, I changed the tune.
Once we had done a little pre-party singing, the party guests were split halfway down the middle between happy and disgusted. You can guess who had the disgusted looks, damn nobles, and their sticks up their arse. I went over to AJ and lead her to the front with my wing and Spike with the other. " Come on you two, let's have the time of our lives."
The rest of the girls went about their planned activities, though Twilight did follow us as we headed to Celestia to see about Luna. We arrived at the main foyer and beheld a long line of party guests. We must have been in that line for thirty minutes and we only moved five feet with fifteen yards to go. Spike was the one to voice his complaints. " By Thor's hammer, this is taking forever!" Heh, heh, I taught him that one.
Seeing no actual speed in this line, I decided to take matters in my hand, literally. Twilight showed me a spell that gives one 'The death touch', it's a simple spell that makes the victim fall into a death-like state for five minutes. " Leave everything to me." I activated the spell and tapped everyone in front of us. " Pardon me, excuse me, you're dead, rest in peace, take a dirt nap, feed the worms, say high to Hela for me." This continued for a while until we reached Celestia, I almost touched Celestia too till she stopped me with her magic. " Oh hey, there you are, the craziest thing just happened." I pointed behind me, where a lot of ponies were laying on the floor in a death-like state. " All these ponies just dropped in line, they must be exhausted from standing in line for so long."
" Yes well, I do have to greet the guests as they arrive. Hello Spike, Applejack." I saw that she had a small annoyed look on her face, Saying she would rather watch paint dry, or have her teeth pulled. Luckily the man with the plan is here.
" You know, you could just greet the guests while mingling with the others at the party, instead of standing in one place for hours like an idiot. By the way, why aren't you in a dress?" You would think the princess of Canterlot would wear a dress to these things. But I guess since she runs the country with Luna, she could do whatever she wants within reason.
" I guess you do have a point, at least about me just standing here and 'looking like an idiot' as you so eloquently put it. Maybe I should join the party."
" Glad to hear it, now on a side note do you know where Luna is?" Hopefully not having mood swings, though those feelings might come around next month.
" She's up in her old room waiting for you and Applejack. I believe she has something very special for you two tonight." Please be see-through lingerie.
" Alright. Hey, spike you mind hanging out with Twilight and Celestia for a while?" Hopefully, he understands that I need to be with my Valkyries for some alone time.
" Yeah sure, sure, I guess I'll catch up with you guys later."
" Awesome. Come my country maiden our princess awaits!" Sometimes one has to put on the dramatic flair. I lead Jackie up the stairs, down the zig-zagging halls, and finally to Luna's old chambers. I gave the door a small series of knocks. " Luna, it's your Alpha wolf and country maiden, here to escort you on a night you'll never forget!"
" Come on in you two, I've just finished putting on my dress!" She sounded so far out of the room, wonder why? We entered the room looking for our fellow pack mate, only to find her on the balcony. She saw us enter and gestured us forward. " So, what do you think of my regalia?" She was an absolute vision.
" Why Luna, you look beautiful."
" Thank you Applejack, I love your dress as a well. What do you think Joe?" I was at a loss for words, Luna always looked good on her own but the dress really put me in a loop. I had the whole slack-jawed bug eyes routine going. " Joe, Equestria to Joe!"
" Huh what, oh right sorry, it's just that the dress made me speechless." Hopefully not to speechless for my next move.
" Thank you stud." That always gave me goosebumps. " So, shall we make an appearance?"
" Ah think that would be perfect." Applejack started to lead Luna to the door but noticed that I hadn't moved from where I was standing. " Joe, ain't you coming?"
" Actually, you think you two could come back here for a moment?" They exchanged a questioning look between them, then came back over to where I was. When they were standing in front of me, I fell to one knee. This immediately got their attention. " Jackie, Lulu. Even though we've known each other for only a few months, we've moved in together, had each other's backs when we needed it, we even made it through all the upcoming supernatural seasons. But now that we have two young ones on the way." I placed a hand on each of their bellies, illustrating my point. " I think it's time we take the next big step."
" Joe, are you doing what I think you're doing?"
" I think he is Jackie?"
I reached into my pocket and removed a large necklace case. I would have gotten rings, but Jackie doesn't have a horn. I presented the box to them. " Luna. Jackie. Will you marry me?" I opened the box and showed them a necklace that defines them perfectly.
They both looked stunned whether it was from the necklaces or the fact that I just asked them to marry me is anyone's guess. I was about to ask if they were okay until I was tackled by both of them and peppered with kisses. " I guess I'll take that as a yes?"
They both yelled in unison " You're fucking right it's a yes!" Upon hearing that I scooped my brides in my arms and gave 'em a good squeeze, but not too tight in case of accidental oxygen depletion. I gave them each a passionate kiss, and they gave each other a passionate kiss, I mean they are getting married to each other as well. It started to give me a hard-on as well.
" Alright, let's go down to the party and tell our friends the good news!"
" Don't you mean everyone?"
" Nope." I had no desire to tell a bunch of elite jackasses about our proposal to be together. Plus, once we tell Celestia and Pinkie, one or both of them will most likely to make a big deal about it. We exited the door and entered the ballroom.
The first of our friends was Dash who was being led to the V.I.P. section of the party. We entered easily thanks to having Luna with us. Once we were in, we looked for Rainbow Dash and found her sucking up to a couple of ponies in jumpsuits. It seems she spotted us. " Joe, Applejack, over here!"
" Hey Dash, we've got some great news, hey who are the circus performers?" This did not go over well with Dash and the couple she was talking to. " What?"
" Joe, these are the Wonderbolts. You know, the ones I've been trying to get into for a while now. The ones I saved at the young fliers competition." A sudden realization hit me like a freight train.
" Oh yeah, the pegasi ripoffs of the Blue Angels." I went over to greet them. " Hi, my name is Joe. Slayer of dragons and king of the Diamond Dog nation. Who are you?"
The first one to greet me was a mare with a fiery mane. " Hello, my name is Spitfire, captain of the Wonderbolts." A mare named after a world war 2 fighter plane? I've heard weirder names. " So were those titles real, or just self-proclaimed?"
" One-hundred percent true, though I did leave out the Hydra." Both of them looked at me with astonished looks on their faces. " So what about you slick, what's your name?"
The other Wonderbolt was a stallion that looked like he's been rocking the gung. I hope he has some on him. " The name is Soarin, lieutenant of the Wonderbolts." Holy shit he sounds like Matt Hill.
" Dude, I don't want this to sound weird, but you sound just like an actor from my world. It's nice to meet you, man." We shook appendages and formed a very rare thing. A male friendship. " So before I forget why we came here in the first place, I had something to say to Dash." I herded Dash over to Jackie and Lulu to tell her the good news. " So Dash, notice the two necklaces on my pack mates?" She nodded her head yes. " Well, earlier today, I asked these two lovely ladies to marry me."
Rainbow went wide-eyed and hugged Jackie in a tight embrace. " Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh, this is the best news I've heard all night, I have to tell the others!" And just like that, she was off to tell the others which, was for the best since I didn't have all night.
" Since Rainbows doing the job of telling our friends for us, why don't we hit the dance floor?" I led my Valkyries over to where the dancing was supposed to take place. When we got there, nobody was doing any dancing. It was just a bunch of damn nobles trying to kiss up to whoever was higher in the social food chain. And once they saw Luna, it was like a shiver of sharks catching the fresh scent of blood. They would have swarmed us had I not bared my wolf teeth and growled.
" Joe, did ya have to scare 'em like that?" Jackie always did have a problem with me handling jerks like the ones here. I remember this one time- " Let's see if they'll let you play a song, Joe?"
" Yes, I always did enjoy the songs from your world." I thought it over and found it to be a good idea.
" I believe I will wait for the magic to begin my darlings." I kissed both of them on their cheeks and headed for the band. I conjured some cash from my vault and made it to the band. " Hey, guys, why not take five and let a pro take over?" I divided the gold among them and they just bolted. I grabbed the mic and tapped it a few times, gaining the attention of everyone in the room. " Hello, ladies and germs. The regular band will be taking a brief intermission so I can grace you with a song or two. But first, a quick announcement. Earlier this evening, I asked the loves of my life to marry me." This got a few people to gasp in disgust while a small few cheered. " And the weirdest part is, they said yes." That got a few laughs from the crowd. " And because they said yes, I dedicate this first song to all of those who have found love." I took the mic with me over to the piano and got ready to blow everyone's mind.
When I finished the song, I looked out over the crowd and saw my lovers have tears in their eyes and smiles on their faces. Seems I can't go wrong tonight. I contemplated on what to play next, that is until Pinkie came up on stage. " Hey Joey, play something to get our blood pumping." Not a bad idea.
" Alright, time to rock n roll!" I conjured a few holograms of the band AC/DC while I took on the appearance of Bon Scott. " Let's get this show on the road!"
After the last note played out, Pinkie got a little too excited and did a stage dive. Unfortunately, no one wanted to catch her and she wound up crashing into a dessert cart, catapulting a three-tiered cake right towards....ah crap. SPLAT. I could not believe what I just saw. That sack of shit Blueblood just used Rarity as a shield, now I'm pissed, though Rarity looks more so. She immediately turned on the bastard with a burning fury. " You sir, are the most uncharming prince I have ever met! In fact, the only thing royal about you is that you are a royal pain!" Way to go Rarity.
" Eww, stay back, I just had myself groomed!" Fucking prick, I'll make sure to slather you in gravy and feed you to Hercules.
" Afraid to get dirty!" All of a sudden Rarity shook like a dog getting frosting on Blueblood making him fall on his ass. You have just earned more respect Rares.
I was about to get on with another song, but I saw the pompous git get up and stalk over to Rarity. " You little harlot, I'll teach you to make a fool of me!" Before anyone could react, the son of a bitch actually struck her across the face. The whole room gasped at such a sight. Some of the guests looked pissed that he did that, while others actually smiled at what happened, most likely Blueblood supporters. " Serves you right you low-life degenerate."
I had absolutely had it with this prick. I leaped at him in my full werewolf form and tackled him. Once he was in my arms I delivered a volley of punches to his gut and face. When I was done with that, I threw him into some nearby stone pillars breaking both the pillars and his bones. Throughout the whole ordeal, no one bothered to stop the fight 'cause they knew he deserved it. Hell, I saw Luna and Celestia smirking at him, shows you how much his aunts love him. Amongst the pile of rubble, Blueblood made his way out, and man did he look like shit, good. He tried to do some kind of spell, most likely to escape, and I was not having that. I jumped over to the rubble and grabbed ahold of his horn.
I leaned in to whisper in his ear. " You had this coming you low-life piece of shit." With a firm and quick twist, his horn snapped right off his head. So satisfying.
" AAAARRRGGGHHH!" The piss head screamed at the top of his lungs at the loss of his horn. The crowd looked like they wanted to vomit, though the girls and the princesses were oddly calm about it.
I looked at the shattered horn in my hand and held it high in the air like a trophy whilst I let loose a victorious howl.
https://youtu.be/6op6qsgDoz0?list=PLXi7FpXgoZu_qYi_kEysNWCib-jqcNTW6
After that outburst, a cadre of guards came out of the woodwork and surrounded us. I expected a fight to happen but instead, two guards with a stretcher went over to Blueblood and quickly moved him from the scene. Hopefully, that's the last I will ever see of him. Just as I was about to return to my more civilized side, a rumble went through the room. The source of the noise was coming from the door leading to the gardens.
Before anyone could react, the doors burst inward, letting in all kinds of scared animals into the ballroom. What made it really weird, is that Fluttershy seemed to be the one scaring them. Though from the looks of her dress, hair, and a crazed expression glued to her face, can't say I blame the critters. " You're...going to love me!!!" By Odin's beard I had no idea she could be that loud.
The animals ran about the place, scaring the partygoers and generally making even more chaos, I bet Loki was loving this. Seeing as no one was about to do anything besides scream, I decided to take control of the situation. With my wings spread high and my wolf form still intact, I spoke the language of the animals. " Enough!" The animals stopped in their tracks and the panic subsided. " Now bow down, to your king!" All at once the critters bowed to me in whatever way they could, even some of the ponies were bowing before me. " You do not belong here! Go home!" Slowly but surely, the animals returned to the gardens in a calm fashion. With that done, I returned to my regular form and headed to my Valkyries. " I'm sorry, I ruined the whole evening."
" No, you most certainly did not." To my infinite surprise, the response came from Celestia of all people. " Besides the minor damage to the castle, this has been the best Gala in centuries." So I was right in assuming that the Gala would be as boring as dish-water without me.
Coming up from her rear is someone I hadn't seen in a long time. Shining Armor. " It certainly beat last year's party where everyone talked about the tax increase on shipping costs." Shining looked at me and gave me a half-smile. " How have you been Joe?"
I thought it better to bury the hatchet and start over with Shining, even though it was him who started it. " I've been doing quite well actually, aside from some bloodlust adrenaline rushes on a couple of monsters I really can't complain. But I suppose I owe the majority of my happiness to these two" I pointed to Jackie and Lulu to Shining. I gave them each a kiss on the lips and went in between them putting an arm around their necks. " Shining, these are my fiance's. Jackie and Lulu."
Before he could say anything, a purple alicorn rushed next to him and started gushing. " Oh, my goodness is that true auntie Luna?" Auntie Luna?
" It is indeed true Cadence, our sweet alpha has actually proposed to us earlier this evening."
" And if I can put my two bits in I say it's about time. I started to think he was going to ask once the babies were born." A silence fell over the two once the news that they were carrying came to light.
" And you're pregnant? Oh, this is so exciting, I'm going to have cousins." She is a chipper one I'll give her that.
" I'm sorry but who are you exactly, I don't believe we've ever met." Unless of course, I was drunk and just forgot about it later.
" I'm sorry, where are my manners. My name is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, the princess of love but please call me Cadence." Lady, Freyja would have some words for you. " And Shining here is my fiance."
" What happen you lose a bet." This got everyone to laugh, well except for Shining and Cadence, though she did giggle a little. " I'm kidding, so does that mean I'll be your uncle?" I pointed to both of them.
" Only in the legal sense. So how long until the babies are due?"
" I ain't quite sure. it could be seven more months if we go by human incubations, though it could be nine months by pony standards. Hey listen, I don't wanna be rude by I owe my two loves a dance, a dance that was almost ruined by a stampede of critters!" I directed that right over to Fluttershy, yeah she knows what she did.
" Well alright, it was nice to meet you, Joe, hope to see you soon." Cadence gave me a big old hug and went to do whatever.
" Yeah, I'll see you around 'Uncle Joe'." We shared a laugh and fist-bump before he left to follow his fiance.
" I won't keep you from your dance." Celestia gave us each a warm hug. " I'll see you around lovebirds."
Celestia left to go and do whatever it was she was doing before this whole fiasco. I noticed the band hadn't come back yet, guess they got scared away by the stampede or my little outburst. Either way, the music was up to me again. I summoned a little more magic in my hands, and let loose the sweet notes of Rob Thomas with Santana.
Most of the party-goers will still in shock from the earlier events, so it was only me, my Valkyries, our friends, and would-be inlaws who took up the dance floor. I glanced over to the girls and saw Spike sharing a dance with Rarity and they both seemed pretty happy to be dancing together. Good on ya mate. I was brought back to my own dance partners when they began nuzzling against me. I just held them tighter hoping this moment would never end.
As the dancing went on in the ballroom, a most heinous act was being hatched in the infirmary wing of the castle where Blueblood resided. He was going over a mental list of all his criminal connections that he had been able to keep secret from his aunts for so long. He knew that if he ever wanted to take control of Equestria he would have to deal with his aunts, but with a new threat to his plans, he had to rewrite his own. He wanted that hairy dog-ape to suffer for his actions tonight and after some minutes of contemplation, he had found away. " Prepare yourself you worthless dog, for you may have won the fight. But the war will be mine."
Author's Notes:
Okay, so the Gala chapter finally. So now there's going to be two wedding preparations for next season and a dastardly villain. Though if you didn't see him coming then you're an idiot. Just kidding, next up, the appearance of John De Lancie, uh I mean Discord!
Clip.
The Wolfman meets chaos. ( Edited)
The day started out a little weird today. The first thing that happened, was that both my Valkyries started the craving portion of their pregnancies. Luna wanted vanilla ice cream mixed with pickle chips and barbecue sauce, while Jackie wanted apple pie stuffed with banana pudding and jalapenos. Thank the gods AB wasn't here to witness that. Weird as those were, they couldn't compare to the weather outside. " Hey, Jackie."
" Yeah, honey?"
" I'm still getting used to the weather around here, but are pink clouds that look like cotton candy normal?" In a world of magic, you sometimes have to ask these questions in case something ain't right.
" No, that's actually quite unusual." Jackie came over to the window I was looking out to see what I was talking about. Outside, she saw a small coverage of pink clouds. When we thought it couldn't get weirder, the clouds started to produce brown rain. " What in tarnation!" Jackie went for the front door but I placed my hand on her back.
" You stay here sugar, don't want you stressing while you're carrying." I summoned my ax from the living room and whistled for Hercules. " Hercules and I are going to see what the problem is, Hopefully, this can be resolved before dinner." I gave her a quick kiss before heading out with my dog.
" You be safe now, ya hear me!" I will never know how I got so lucky.
When we got out, Hercules and I headed for the orchards to see if the bizarre weather had affected our way of living. By now Hercules has grown into full maturity, he was as big as both Big Mac and Bright Mac. He had a reputation of running up to the Crusaders whenever they and he were outside together. And it was from those experiences the kids would call him 'The Beast'.
We had made it to the orchard to find Dash sticking to one of the pink clouds. " Hey Dash, you alright?"
" Does it look like I'm alright! This cotton candy cloud just came out of nowhere creating chocolate rain and is making my job a living Hell!"
All of a sudden, Pinkie. " You might call this Hell, I call it paradise!" She got under the nearest cloud and opened her mouth to let the chocolatey goodness in.
" The question still remains though, where did they come from?" Before I could get an answer for this debacle, the apples in the trees started to shake and then grow to beach ball-sized fruits. " Okay, that ain't normal!" The weight of the oversized fruit made the trees bend to the point the tops touched the ground. As soon as the first leaf touched the ground a swarm of critters came to feast on the fruit. " Hey! Get the Hell away from those!" I started chasing after the critters to save the fruit. Just as I was about to grab hold of a rabbit, the damn thing sprouted long horse legs. " The fuck!"
Out the corner of my eye, I could see Fluttershy trying to round up some mutated bunnies. " Angel, you come back here this instant young bunny." I looked around to see what the Hell could be done, only to see the stalks of corn pop and turn into popcorn.
" Great, now we got out of control corn. What next, jumping beans, fighting trees, houses made of giant playing cards? This is either the work of Loki or I'm on another ether binge." It was too early in the morning for ether, and Loki is having poison dripped onto his eyes. Maybe I should go and ask Twilight?
Lo and behold, there she is coming up the hill with Spike. " Joe, what's going on?"
" Oh you know, same shit different day. The whole farm's going Looney Tunes on me, what do ya think." I started to hear my own marbles coming loose as I had no idea what could be done to fix this place. " Twilight, if you have any knowledge in that big head of yours, please use it!"
" Actually, it just so happens I've read a fail-safe spell that can fix most magical mishaps." She read through a book that most likely had the spell she just referred to. " Alright, let's see if this works!" Her horn started to glow and within five seconds, a magical shock wave was sent into the ground and rippled through the air. When the lights faded, absolutely nothing changed. " What, how is this possible!? My fail-safe spell failed! What do we do know?"
" Uh, give up?"I was about to tell him something, though I really didn't know what, till he burped up a letter. " Here Twilight, maybe the princess will know what to do." Hopefully, before the day is out.
" Let's see what it says." She took a moment to read through the letter while a small cotton candy cloud hovered over my head, drenching me in chocolate rain. Nice. When it looked like she had reached the end, she rolled up the letter and put it away. " Joe, get Applejack and meet us at the train station, we're heading to Canterlot."
" One second Twi!" Seeing as a fail-safe spell ain't gonna cut it, I decided to use the forces of nature. I gathered a high wind with my magic and created a small tornado to suck up all the clouds and popcorn, kinda like a big old vacuum. Once the tornado ended, a large cotton candy popcorn ball dropped from the sky. This immediately got the animal's attention away from the apples and right to my giant sugar ball, at least the ones that didn't get chased away by Hercules. " Alright let's go!"
We had just arrived at the entrance of the palace. The letter informed us that Celestia would explain the cause of all this chaos. When we entered, Celestia was the first to greet us. " Hey Sis, what's this I hear you might know what's behind all this topsy turvy stuff."
" Hello Joe, I believe I know what or rather who is behind all this." Knew a being of power was behind this. " The being that is behind all this chaos, is none other than the lord of chaos himself."
" How did Loki get here? He's supposed to be having his eyes poisoned by the snake above his head until Ragnarok." Everyone looked at me like I was crazy. " I'm guessing it's not him."
" No, it's not." Celestia made us follow her down the throne room where a multitude of stained glass windows lined the walls. " A little over a thousand years ago, a being known as Discord ruled over the ponies in Equestria. He would cause random acts of weather and make the land his own board game, whilst the ponies suffered from his rule." We came to a window depicting a creature that was made up of different body parts, playing puppet master to the three tribes of ponies. " Eventually, my sister and I were able to use the elements of harmony on him, turning him to stone." The window next to us had the same creature in it, only this time he was a statue.
I was about to congratulate her success, but Pinkie interrupted. " Hey look, it's us!" She pointed at a window on the other side of the hall, and sure enough, there we were. The window was a depiction of us curing Luna of her affliction. The girls were below with the elements with them, shooting a beam at her while I held her down in my wolf form. On a window next to us, it depicted the girls as the element bearers, and with me in the middle of them with my wings spread, my ax in one hand and magic in the other, though only one side of me was a wolf. I had to say I looked pretty good. " We're famous!"
" Yes, it is because of your friendship that the elements have chosen you as their new wielders. And it's with the elements and Joe that Discord will once again be imprisoned!" Celestia went over to a door at the end of the hall. " Behind this door, are the tools that will turn Discord into stone once again!" She inserted her horn into a small hole in the center of the door which unlocked it. Inside the small room lay a small jeweled encrusted chest.
" Ooooh, keep the elements, just give me the box." Celestia levitated the box over to us. Once it was in front of us she opened the box revealing....nothing. We were all shocked to see that the elements had been swiped. Well almost everyone.
" Well, if you girls need me, I'll be out playing in the chocolate puddles see ya." Pinkie would have gone out the door to do just that, but I grabbed her tail and brought her back. " Oh come on Joe!"
The laugh echoed across the halls, sending shivers down my friend's spines. I started pinpointing the sound to the walls, more accurately the windows. " Discord, show yourself!" All of a sudden the picture depicting Discord as a puppet master came alive.
" Hello, Celestia, long time no see." The image of Discord weaved through the windows and stopped at the one with us defeating Nightmare Moon, where he proceeded to lean his back against mine. " It seems that the elements are missing eh? Wonder where they went to?"
" Don't play games with me, where did you hide the elements?"
" You're wasting your breath, Celestia, knowing trickster and chaos gods, he'll only give us hints and misleading directions."
" And who might you be?" His image got larger while he looked down at me. " You don't seem afraid of me."
" Should I be? I mean compared to you and my deities, you fall under the minor category of gods."
" Would a 'Minor' god, be able to steal six powerful objects from a secured location and hide them who knows where!"
" There are many cases where a minor god would take a powerful object from a sacred place or god and hide them someplace else. Like with Loki and Thors hammer Mjolnir. And if the tales are true, the trickster usually ends up chained or imprisoned in some way."
" As fascinating as this is, the world is unraveling and ponies are suffering because of it! So could we please get back to where the elements are!?" Twi did have a point. Hopefully, Discord will give away something to their location.
" Fine, but I will tell you in my own way."
When the last syllable was uttered, Discord left the room completely. No doubt to come up with some scheme. " Can we go home now?"
" What do you reckon he meant? Twists and turns and ending back where we started." Come on Jackie, you've lived with me long enough to know that this requires a different approach.
" Twists and turns. Twists and turns" Twilight started mumbling the same phrase over and over again while she looked out the window to the courtyard. Suddenly it hit her. "Twists and Turns! That's it, he must have hidden the elements in the maze!" Or not.
" Good luck my little ponies. The fate of-"
" Wait a minute!" Everyone looked at me. " The Jackass said 'Twists and turns are my master plan'. It doesn't mean the elements are in a place with twists and turns. It means he'll twist and turn us for his own amusement!" My words seemed to be dawning on all of them.
" Well, then smart guy. Where are the elements then?" Dash can always be a little brash at times.
" If you remember correctly, he said back at the beginning. This actually gives us two locations to look into, the Library where we all meet as a group or the castle where we found the elements. Knowing tricksters like Discord, he probably put it in the Library somewhere."
" That's....possible. But even if you find them, then what? You'll still need to imprison him in stone." Harsh.
" That's another thing I need to address. I don't think turning him into a statue is the best course of action. I mean don't get me wrong, we have to reverse everything he's doing, but that just seems cruel."
" What would you have us do then Joe, give him a slap on the wrist and hope for the best."
" Don't worry Twilight, I've got a plan on how to deal with him. But first thing's first, let's get the elements." I went ahead and slashed a portal to the front of the Library so Discord won't see us leave for where the elements really are. " Ladies first." The girls all went through the portal towards the front door of the Library, I turned to Celestia. " Wait Two hours and if the chaos is still going, think of something alright." Before I could get a response from her, I went through the portal as well. When I met up with them, I went inside the Library to see the girls searching for the elements.
" Where could they be? They've gotta be around here somewhere." Twilight and the others were searching high and low for where they might be. I slowly walked over to the E section and pulled out a book. I swear if the book is hollowed out, I'm gauging his eyes out.
I open the book to find the elements in the now hollowed-out book. What a cliche. " Found 'em!" The girls came over to find that indeed I have found them. I started giving them out, though I put Jackies on her myself. With all the girls armed, I lead them out the door. " Alright, girls don't fire without my say so." They all gave a nod of understanding.
I went to the front yard and took my shirt off, Jackie immediately started swooning. I took a deep inhale with my ax raised high. " Discord! Come out, worm and make WAR!" My voice echoed throughout Ponyville and beyond. At first, I thought my plan would need a little tweaking until a school of fish swam past me through the air. All of a sudden the dirt beneath me turned a checkerboard pattern and a whole expanded in front of me. " Seems my plan worked."
Out from the hole, came out Discord much like Bugs Bunny in Looney Toons. " Why aren't any of you in the maze getting corrupted?" Ha, called it.
" Because like I told them, you said the elements were back where we began. The twists and turns were just something you added to throw us off. Had I not been with them to tell them otherwise, they most likely would go in that maze." As I rambled on, I would slowly remove my weapons adding to the drama. This got his full attention. " Now being the sportsman I am, I hereby challenge you to a one-on-one duel."
He sneered as I called him to a game whereas I completely bypassed his. " What's the nature of this little game?"
I Had to be careful with my wording and rules. One small slip-up could spell doom for the others. " It's actually quite simple since we both seem to have a bit of magic at our disposal, we'll use it to have a spoof-off. The concept is we have to throw whatever we can at each other to make the other submit. We can fight in different fields, any weapon, and any form."
A devilish smile crept on his face. " Rules?"
" Again, simple. If you get knocked out cold, you lose. If you quit, you lose. You or I do anything that would be classified as a cheap shot" I pointed over to the girls. " those lovely ladies will blast us with a rainbow death beam. If you bring in an ally to fight with you, they have to be a magic construct, or you will lose the fight immediately. Finally, and this is just for everyone's safety, no huge explosions or natural disasters. Best out of five wins." Discord rolled the idea in his head, while his head was spinning on his head. Finally, he had one last question to add.
" What are the stakes?" I pondered what the alternative to him becoming a crapper for birds for the next thousand or so years. After a minute of rolling it around in the old hat rack, I'd done and come up with something.
" If you win and that's a big if, you can leave and do whatever it is you want with no retaliation from me. But if I win, you become my and my families Familiar, til the end of my days on this plane of existence. That means help with whatever we ask of you and don't cause trouble for the populace at large."
" You're not going to turn me into a statue?" He seemed interested that his punishment wasn't becoming a lawn ornament.
" No, I'm not. Lord of chaos or not, no one deserves to be turned into a rock for the birds to crap on." The others seemed to be surprised that I was willing to just let him go in case I lose. What they didn't know is that I was sending a telepathic link between me and Jackie saying to blast him if he wins and wants to make more chaos. Hey, I said I wouldn't retaliate, they got the go-ahead to blast his ass into a giant paper-weight.
The lord of chaos thought over my proposal. On one hand, if he wins, he gets the freedom to do whatever he wants. On the other hand, if he loses, be basically becomes a genie without a lamp and has some freedoms. Either way, he won't be returned as a hunk of rock in a fancy garden. " Alright, I'll accept your challenge."
" Excellent, since you were the one to be challenged, you can pick our first battlefield." It's only fair. Discord pondered on what to do till he finally got an idea. With a snap of his fingers, the surrounding area turned into Dracula's castle, slightly damaged of course. With another snap, discord made himself into Tom Hiddleston. Okay, I see where this is going, time to play the part. " So the only way to defeat you, is to kill you?"
" Correct." He even changed his voice, nice.
I let out a small bit of laughter as I really started to get into character. " So be it!"
https://youtu.be/9vHuFQ8MKBc?t=35
After our fight, the world returned to normal as did Discord and I. One down, two to go. " I believe it's my turn to pick the field."
" Yeah, whatever. I'll be sure to put you in your place." the bite I gave to his neck started to heal rapidly so he was good for another round.
" Your words are as twisted and feeble as an old woman's!" I decided to conjure something that reminds me of my ancestors. And that's how we ended up outside a mead hall with three shields each and a sword. Discord took the form of a large redhead that looked like he could lift a small tree from its roots. As for me, I turned into an older smaller man than him. just for a little added flair, I added some spectators to watch and commentate.
" This old woman will send you to the next world!" And so the challenge begins. ( Start at 30 seconds in. End it at 2:50.)
The girls were worried when it seemed that Discord kept destroying my shields. When I went and chopped his head off, everyone but Jackie threw up. I went and picked up his head which had turned back to its original form and placed it back on his body. " I believe that's two ta none son."
" Laugh it up monkey boy, it's my turn to pick the fight." Why do they always call me monkey boy? Hell with the wings I look more like an angel. An angel of death.
" Alright you hybrid of an interspecies orgy gone wrong, bring on the pain!" All the girls and a few residents who came out of hiding laughed at the little jab I gave him. Though from the steam coming out of his ears and the fact his eyes turned into literal daggers, he probably didn't appreciate it.
" That does it you mongrel, prepare for an ass-kicking!" The scenery turned into a grassy field, and before I could pick my character, He turned me into a predator, while he became a Yakooza soldier wielding a katana. Crap.
When we both dropped dead and the scenery changed back, Jackie ran over to my side immediately. " Joe, speak to me. Come on, say something!" When I didn't respond or move, she started to tear up. " Come on, you can't be dead! You can't leave me and Luna alone!" When I still didn't say anything, she openly cried onto my chest.
Another moment later I opened my eyes. " ( Gasp) By the gods that hurt like Hell!" Before I could say more, Jackie wrapped her hooves around my neck and wouldn't let go. " Jackie, Jackie I need to breathe still!" She let me go long enough to let me get a look at her. " Do you wear that long face for me?" She just gave me a small smile and nuzzled my neck lovingly.
" I thought I lost you when Discord cut you down." She just kept crying as no doubt worse case scenarios kept running through her head. Time to reassure.
" Honey, look at me." She looked into my eyes. " Before the alicorn powers, only time could kill a werewolf. We can take some heavy hits and get knocked out. But we always come out on top." My speech seems to be working as the waterworks in her eyes slowed to a small trickle. " And now with an alicorns power and the potion, Luna brewed for you, we can be together for eternity." I brought her in for a long passionate kiss to further reassure her that she and Luna are stuck with me.
The moment would have lasted longer, but a certain lord of chaos had to ruin it. " Yes very touching but I believe we still need to determine a winner here. Oh, and by the way, that was definitely my win."
" Well since I fell first, I guess the win is yours. But remember, it's my turn to pick the field." It didn't take me long to choose what I hoped would be our final battle. With the snap of my fingers, the landscape became the front gates of the ancient city of Troy. I went ahead and gave Discord the guise of Prince Hector while I took on the looks of Achilles. Jackie went back with the others as Discord and I sized each other up. " Prepare yourself Discord. You won't have eyes tonight. You won't have ears or a tongue. You'll wander the Underworld blind, deaf, and dumb and all the dead will know! This is Discord, the fool who thought he could kill Joseph." I wish my name could sound more intimidating, but nothing to do about it now.
After our last battle, Discord lay at my feet defeated and broken. The girls swarmed me and showered me with praise. When I felt enough of their gratitude I went over to Discord and offered my hand. " You were a good adversary Discord, but the battle is mine. Now I believe we had a deal?" He took my hand but when I went to pick him up, he just gripped my hand tight and put his face in mine.
" What makes you think I would ever really agree to such a thing? I'm the master of chaos, not some creature that takes orders from a simpleton like you." I gave him a shit-eating grin that outmatched his by a huge margin. " What are you smiling about, loser?"
" The fact that I've got you right where I want you." I twisted his arm around so his head was in the mud. I channeled magic into my other hand and put it on the back of his head. When the magic ended, a binding spell was burned into his skin.
When the sigil was placed I let him up. " What did you just do to me?"
" Just a little binding spell that binds you to me. Now, how about you return everything to how it was before I decide to let the elements loose on you."
" If you even think that I'll-AAAHHHH. What the hell was that?" He received a volt of pain from the sigil.
" Yeah, I forgot to mention, if you refuse any command from the ones you're bound to, the sigil on your head will send a shockwave of pain through your nervous system. So...what are you going to do?"
" ( Exhales) I'm going to return everything to the way it was." He snapped his fingers and all the crap he pulled went back to the way it was. " There, everything's back to its original boring self. Now what?" Time to shock the masses.
" Now let's tell Celestia that you'll be staying with me and my two brides." A surprised look went right onto his face. " After that, I'm thinking of lunch and making up the guest room up for you."
" Why would you do that for me?"
" Because you have the potential to help others and improve the world in ways that you never dreamed of. Not to mention I need a male drinking buddy, I mean no offense ladies, but out of all of you, only Pinkie and Dash are considered heavy drinkers. So what do you say man, do you want to be my Familiar and have some freedom, or do you want to become a garden gnome for the rest of eternity?"
He pondered only for a second before answering. " Alright, I'll be your Familiar. But I want weekends off and three hours of 'me' time every day."
" You get one hour and Sundays off. Besides the only work, you'll do is when I or my family ask something from you." With the terms set we headed for Canterlot to tell Celestia that Discord will be living in my house and won't be a problem to anyone anymore, might have to tell Luna as well. Hey, where the hell is she anyway?
Luna's Pov
Back at the Huffstutler household, Luna could be seen in one of the bedrooms next to the master bedroom, putting up both night and country-themed wallpaper on the walls and got two cribs ready for the babies. When her work was done she sat down and rubbed her belly. " Soon my child, you and your brother will brighten all our lives when you get here." She scanned the room one more time before leaving and closing the door.
I went down the stairs to find an unusual sight. My Fiance, his father, Big Mac, and Discord of all people, playing poker in the dining room. " Hey, Discord, conjure some cold ones and deal."
" Excuse me, but what is going on?" They all stared at me from my outburst. " Well?"
" I'll explain." Joe pointed to Discord. " This one escaped his stone prison, the elements and I were called up to Canterlot to get said elements only for him to move them somewhere else." He took a swig from his beer. " He gave us a shitty riddle that had everyone but me fooled. We went to the library to find the elements were in a book then I challenged him to a fight. After four rounds I came out victorious and Discord here is now our Familiar till I drop dead for good. I told him he could have either the attic or basement."
The news hit me like a club, not the fact he did all that but the fact that it happened since this morning. You would think I would've noticed if Discord had escaped. Regardless, what's done is done and it would be nice to have an extra pair of hooves to help around the house. " I suppose that is alright. Where is Applejack?"
" After all the drama we had today she went up to our room to take a nap."
" Now that sounds like a good idea." Due to us carrying a child we've been feeling tired as of late, so we left most of our duties to The Apple family and Celestia. I went to my husband-to-be and kissed him on the cheek. " I think I'll join her for a nap, putting up the baby's room wore me out."
" Alright dear, we'll call you when it's dinner time alright." He returned my kiss before going back to his game. I took that as my cue to head upstairs for a nap and snuggle time with my wife-to-be.
Joe's Pov
When Luna went up to the stairs I focused on the game at hand. " So Discord. What do you think of your living arrangments so far?"
" A lot better than that patch of the garden I've been for the last thousand or so years. What made it worse was my mouth was open the whole time so a bunch of critters kept living in there." That sounds like it sucked. " A few times a pair of squirrels would go in there and have sex in my mouth!" Okay, now that is funny.
" Well as long as you check yourself from time to time, we won't have to turn you back in a worse position." He looked mildly annoyed at that comment.
" Alright enough of this crap, I'm fixing to win me all that money you been putting on the table!"
" Eeyup."
" Big Mac, one of these days, we got to get you to debate or something. You'll blow the competition with your deep insight and way with words." We all laughed at the joke and continued playing the game well into the afternoon. Like I said this morning. It started out weird, but in the end, everyone is happy and ready for the challenges the next day will bring. Hopefully, it won't hurt as much as today did.
Author's Notes:
Alright, so a little twist with the whole Discord story. How will this affect certain things in the future is actually puzzling me now that I'm thinking about it. The important thing to remember here is that no matter what happens, Joe will most likely come out on top. Or at least take the brunt of the problem.
Clip.Next up, Nightmare Night.
This is Nightmare Night. ( Edited)
Prelude
It has been a whole week since my battle with Discord. And in that time most of the citizens of Ponyville got used to most of Discords antics, at least he kept things at prank level and not terra-form level. Most of the time I let him be, seeing as I had no real need for his services, though I would always give him the task of cleaning the bathroom when Luna and Jackie got a case of morning sickness.
When it came to the girls and Discord, only my Valkyries and Fluttershy gave him the chance to have a normal life. Hell, Fluttershy invites him to tea every Tuesday. Celestia is still wary of him but I keep telling her that he is under my control. It should also be said that Discord is a bit frightened by Hercules.
It was also during that time that Twilight had started a riot. Apparently, since she didn't send her weekly friendship letter to Celestia, she feared she would wind up back in magic kindergarten. This resulted in her actually creating a problem by enchanting her old toy Smartypants and making everyone wanting it. It caused many small fights before Celestia came to stop the whole mess. As for the doll, I last saw it being dragged away by Hercules. Discord found himself in stitches after the whole thing was over.
Anyway, tonight was a special night, It was our first Halloween together as a family. We decided to call it Halloween since Nightmare Night made Luna feel bad. Anyway, it was about time to head out.
I was in the master bedroom looking over myself in the mirror, thinking of what to do about a costume. On the one hand, I could just turn into the wolf, but that's not really a costume. I thought about going as a Wendigo from the lore from my world, then I realized that I'm chaperoning a bunch of little kids since Granny passed the job onto me. She would have given it to Bright Mac but he insisted on some 'alone' time with Pear. After much thought, I came up with the perfect costume. With some illusion magic, I transformed myself into 'Conan the Barbarian'.
I looked myself in the mirror giving myself a once over. Satisfied with the results, I went downstairs to meet up with the others. Jackie and Lulu were putting the finishing touches on their costumes. Jackie was going out as a Scarecrow, while Lulu was going as a Vampire Queen. Damn, they both looked hot as Hell.
I came up behind them and pinched 'em both on the butt. " Gotta say, girls, you look very sexy." They both turned on me to give me a tongue lashing, till they saw my costume. It seems my bare chest and rippling muscles left them speechless. " What? Too much for Halloween?"
Luna was the first to come back to reality. " I thought you were going to be going as the Wolf? You know how much the children love that." It's true, most of the kids would ask to see the Wolf whenever I would go out into town. Sometimes it was cute other times it would pester the fuck out of me.
" We'll see, that's the thing. On Halloween, you get to be somebody else, and since the Wolf is apart of me, it would just defeat the purpose. Anyway, I'm loving the whole Vampire Queen thing you're doing." She gave me a half-smirk saying I was still in her good graces. I looked over at Jackie. " And let me tell ya, Jackie, never have I been more attracted to something meant to keep the birds away."
" Joe, you old honey dripper. You keep complimenting us on how we look, we'll start to feel spoiled." That's the idea. " Come on now, you two have some youngins to chaperone, and Ah got an apple bobbing game to manage."
" Alright. Dad, we're heading out, try not to scare the trick or treaters to bad while we're gone!"
" No promises!" I guess I can't ask for more than that.
Jackie went out the door, heading to Ponyville to tend her party game while Luna and I headed for the farmhouse to pick up the Crusaders. When I looked at the house, I couldn't help the smile that came over me at seeing the illusion I put over it. Reminded me of some of the mansions I've seen in Louisiana.
We got to the farmhouse to see the Crusader's squabbling over who's costume is better than the others. They decided to go as the classic movie monsters, and let me tell ya, Scootaloo looked adorable as a werewolf. " I'm telling ya, Bride of Frankenhoof is what will get us the most candy tonight!"
" Na uh, the Vampire Queen will be the one to get us the best candy from even the stingiest of houses!" Luna had a little smile as they both basically had the same costume.
" Your both wrong! My costume of the greatest hero in Equestria will have other trick or treaters giving us their candy!"
" Greatest Hero?" They all looked at us as I made our presence known. " I've always thought of myself as a master of war, or maybe a warrior born. But a hero? That's high praise coming from you girls." I went over to Scootaloo and looked at her costume. " Not bad, though I don't know about the pony head in your maw."
" Hey, that's my head you're talking about Joe!" She made a cute angry face and proceeded to attack my leg. " Take that you vile creature, you will feel my wrath!" She continued to pound away at my legs till I lifted her by her tail and made her look at me upside down. " Get your filthy paws off me before I pull out your heart and eat it!" Okay, now that is adorable.
" Alright, alright I give." I put her down and she went over with the others. " So, who's ready to get some candy!" The three amigos started whooping and chanting 'Candy' and danced around me and Luna. " I'll take that as a yes." I held open the door for them as they scampered out. " We got the kids! We'll see ya in a few hours!"
We headed over to Ponyville with the Crusaders in tow. Before we reached our destination, I was attacked by a mound of fur and drool. " Hercules! What are you doing huh? What are you doing? Did you come here hoping to trick or treat too?" He gave me a series of barks and proceeded to lick my face. " Alright settle down boy. Here before we go, your gonna need a costume." I forced a little magic into my hands and transferred it onto Hercules. Soon he turned into a huge hulking three-headed monster dog. Hopefully, no one will think he's the real Cerberus.
With my dog transformed, the Crusaders climbed on top of his back and we rolled out. ( Eat me!). Once we arrived in town, everyone immediately saw us coming. We decided to head towards the library as our first stop. We reached the door and I went ahead and knocked. " Coming!" I heard Spike's voice on the other side. Wonder what his costume looks like?
Spike opened the door and the trio on Hercules' back started chanting " Nightmare Night! What A Fright! Give Us Something Sweet To Bite!" apparently that's what passes for saying trick or treat. When I took a look at Spike, he looked to be wearing a dragon costume, whereas he really was a dragon. All of a sudden Twilight came to the front door dressed in a cape and wizard hat with bells on 'em
" Hi girls. Hi Joe, nice costumes, what do you think of mine?" She made a pose to show off her costume. Time to mess with her head.
" I think your costume is great Twi, it's nice to see someone was good enough to dress up as a Jester." She gave a big smile until she fully registered what I just said.
" I'm Starswirl the Bearded, not a Jester! Why is it so difficult for people to see that?" Gee, maybe because he's not something to be worn on for Halloween?
" Whatever grandpa." Before she could counter my comment, Pinkie. " Oh, hi Pinkie."
" Enough chit-chat time is candy!" Pinkie had on a chicken costume with a bag of treats around her neck.
" Pinkie, aren't you a little old for trick or treating?" Twilight had a point, though who can really deny free candy.
"Too old for free candy? Huh, never!" Twilight rolled her eyes and gave her and the Crusaders a piece of candy each. What a ripoff. Once the candy was given, Twilight gave a pose to show Pinkie her costume.
" Do you like my costume?"
" Yeah, you look great as a weirdo clown." She then proceeded to eat all the candy in the bowl via pecking at it as a chicken would then proceeded to zip over to another house or dimension or whatever.
" A clown!?"
" Need to rethink the whole costume idea next year, alright?" She gave me the stink eye and left with Spike. " Touchy. Come on girls, lets head over to some other houses and head over to the games." The girls all gave a cheer of approval and we headed to the other houses. The next house we came upon was their teacher's house. I knocked on the door and Cheerilee opened it. " Hey Miss Cheerilee, Happy Halloween."
" Hello, you two, hello girls happy...what did you call it again?"
" Halloween. It's basically Nightmare Night, but without the theme about Lunas defeat a thousand years ago. We kinda have a plan to petition the government about the name being changed, but we don't really expect anything to be done until next year." She nodded in understanding and gave the Crusaders a better helping of candy than Twilight did.
" Well, I hope you all have a happy Nightmare-oops, sorry, have a happy Halloween." We all waved goodbye and headed out for more candy. The evening continued on like this for about an hour or so and the Crusaders could barely lift their sacks of candy, I gave them each a new bag each as I volunteered to take their first load of treats. Another thirty minutes and we decided to off-load their first haul at the farmhouse and go play some of the games.
" Which one should we play first Joe?" Luna and the Crusaders were looking all over the market square at the decorations and games set up by the town's ponies. My eyes fell on one game, in particular, the one being run by my country Valkyrie.
" How about we go bob for some apples." I started walking over there before anyone could respond. I approached from behind to surprise her. I was a mere inch away from her and was about to give her a hug until she rounded on me and surprised me with a kiss.
" Gotcha didn't I?" She turned back to her game while swishing her tail in my face. The others had come over by that time had had a chuckle at my expense. " Hey girls, hey luna." They shared a kiss and watched the kids try and bob for an apple.
" Those lessons I've been giving you are starting to catch up eh?"
" That they are." A while after I found out they were pregnant, I had Jackie and Lulu go through a small bit of training. Nothing too demanding, just enough for them to get a better sense of their surroundings to the point they're almost on par with mine. " So, how has the night been so far?"
Luna went ahead and explained our night so far. " It has been wonderful so far, the children had to get another bag with how many treats they were getting. Now we're looking to see what other fun things to do while our night is still young." Luna was swelling with pride that her night was being celebrated, even though it celebrates her defeat, she was still enjoying the night.
Once everyone had gotten an apple from the game, we headed out and played all the games at least once. Though we did stay at the spider toss for a bit longer since Luna found the game intriguing, and that I kept beating her at it and she really wanted to win at least once. After the 17-1 game, we headed for the main stage where they were playing music. " Come on girls, let's dance!" I snapped my fingers and a new band took the old band's place.
" Yes, let's" Luna started on the other side of me with Sweetie Belle on her back, while I let Applebloom and Scootaloo on each of my shoulders. Hercules went off to find some water. We each swayed to the music with the girls doing little twirls and singing with the band. A minute later Jackie came by to join us. The six of us kept having our fun until the song ended. After our song ended, Mayor Mare came up to the podium in a clown costume.
" Welcome everyone to our Nightmare Night festival!" We all clapped at her intro. " And now, if the children will follow Zecora, she'll tell you the tale of Nightmare Moon, mwahahaha!"
Spike, who had appeared next to me whispered. " It would be a lot scarier if she didn't have that wig on." Buddy, if you had seen the Joker, you would be pissing your pants. I looked at Luna to see her shedding a small sad tear. Before I could comfort her, green smoke started to fill the stage. And out from the green mist, our beloved Zecora.
" Follow me, and very soon you'll hear the tale of Nightmare Moon." She went off the stage and headed towards the outskirts of town with the children following her. So the Crusaders wouldn't be left out, Luna Jackie and I followed them. We went across the bridge and headed to a clearing with a statue of Nightmare Moon. Where the hell did that thing come from? ( End it at 1:19)
After Zecora's story, Luna was openly crying in my arms with the Jackie and the Crusaders comforting her. " It's..it's just as I feared! The children see me as a monster and not as their Princess!" It pained me to see one of my packmates hurt, even if wasn't intentional.
I went over to the group by the statue and laid it on thick. " You all should be ashamed!" They all looked at me with fright. " Look over there and see the real Princess of the night, bawling her eyes out, because of the holiday meaning! Now I suggest you go and apologize, especially you Pinkie and Zecora." They both looked towards Luna with guilty looks and went over to say sorry. As they went over to say sorry it gave me time to think.
The culture of this world has been celebrating this holiday for at least a few hundred. They've been telling generations of ponies the story that Luna somehow got off the moon and would hunt for ponies to eat like some sort of Wendigo. Unless things change, the kids will see Luna as a monster. Guess it's time to bring out the big guns.
I went over to the group as Luna started to calm down. " Listen, I"m sorry that I went off about the whole ordeal, but you have to know that this part of the holiday isn't very kind towards Luna's image." Everyone nodded and looked towards Luna with sympathy. " But I also understand that a holiday like this needs something to fear and give an offering to." They mulled that thought around in the old noggins. " So, let's head back to town and I'll tell the whole town a story, that will most likely give us a new holiday icon."
We all ventured back to the town square and I got up on the podium. I explained the whole situation to the town about how the holiday is besmirching Luna's good name and how if we want to continue this holiday, a few changes need to be made. " Alright, everybody ready for a story?" The whole crowd became interested to hear my story, Twilight even brought out some papers to jot down everything that I am about to say. With everyone's rapt attention, I began my story.
" First, I would like to say that it is a huge coincidence that both this holiday and the one I'm about to tell you about, share the same date." I went and conjured a Jack o lantern and lit it with an eerie red glow. " The story I'm about to tell you is a story about the origins of Halloween, where children go house to house asking for treats or a trick will be played upon their house, and how we came to carve a face into a pumpkin. I tell you all the tale, of Stingy Jack, the demon that not even hell wanted to keep." This immediately got everyone to look fearful, good.
" Hundreds of years ago, in the country of Ireland, lived a blacksmith that everyone called 'Stingy Jack' or 'Drunk Jack'. Jack had a habit of causing mayhem in his hometown, he would often play tricks on the townspeople by throwing eggs and rotten vegetables from around corners and hide before anyone knew he did it." There were a few chuckles from the crowd, notably from Rainbow Dash who was wearing a ShadowBolts outfit.
" Anyway, these shenanigans would continue for some time until his death, that's when it got bad. Since Jack led a mischievous and sinful life, he was visited by the devil on the day he died. The devil came to personally take him to Hell, where he would be punished for all eternity. Jack, being the clever trickster he was, decided to see if he could prolong his stay on the mortal plane."
" Jack asked the devil to buy him one last drink before they departed for hell. The devil agreed and they both drank themselves drunk at the bar that Jack would often partake too. When they both had enough, Jack told the devil that he had no money and asked the devil for some coin to pay for the drinks. The devil, having no coin on him, instead turned himself into a coin and presented himself to Jack. With the devil in his hand, he placed him in his pocket where he had a holly cross, trapping the devil in his pocket."
" With the devil trapped, Jack told the devil that he would let him go free, if he promised that he would be free of hell for all eternity. The devil quickly agreed to the terms and Jack let him go free. With the devil no longer on his back, Jack tried his luck in going to heaven. Unfortunately, when he got to the gates, they would not open for him since he was still a sinner. With nowhere to rest, he wondered the earth committing acts of vandalism and at the worst of times, kill the innocent on the night he was denied an afterlife." The audience had looks of fear and some started to shake. I was about to continue until a hoof was raised. I saw that it was Pip so I let him continue.
" Mister Huffstutler, what does he have to do with the trick or treating part, or the costumes?"
" I was about to get to that Pip." He put his hoof down and I continued with the tale. " The reason for the costumes is so that Jack couldn't find you and do who knows what when he does find you. As for the treats, when Jack was still alive and not a terror to the masses, people would leave something sweet on the front porch so Jack wouldn't play a trick on their house. After his death, people would leave something sweet so Jack wouldn't come into their house and eat them instead. When it seemed Jack was nowhere near that particular town, the children would instead take the sweets."
" After a while, people realized that a good way to keep Jack away from their houses was to carve a face into a pumpkin and turn it into a lantern. It was meant to resemble Stingy Jack's face and scare him off. From then on those lanterns have been dubbed Jack o lanterns." I patted the lantern next to me and it gave a wink to the audience. A few screams let out but in the end, that was the ultimate goal. " So, which holiday are we gonna celebrate from now on?"
All at once the crowd cheered out " Halloween!" the crowd was extremely happy about the events that were unfolding before them. First Ponyville, next, all of Equestria. In the middle of the crowd, I could see Luna and Jackie with our friends, smiling at my excellent storytelling and getting everyone on board for a new but similar holiday.
" Well alright, as a way of starting off this Halloween right, I've got a little treat for everyone." with a wave of my hand, the buildings and atmosphere changed to one only Tim Burton would think of. " Ladies and Gentleman, this is Halloween." I conjured a small number of monsters and ghosts, and they started to sing.
At the end of the little song, the conjured monsters went about scaring the townspeople, though making sure not to hurt them. While they were doing that, I went over to my Valkyries and the Crusaders to join in the fun. " So Luna, you think you can handle someone else being in the spotlight for this holiday?"
" I think I can manage." She came up and nuzzled my chest. " Thank you, there are not many who would do this for me."
I leaned over and gave her a kiss and brought her and Jackie in my arms. " There is nothing that I would not do for either of you. I would lay down my life for you if it was possible." They both gained wide smiles and kissed my cheeks. The Crusaders all giggled at the display, looks like it's time to mess with them. " Don't worry you three, there will be a time when someone will be sweeping you off your hooves and giving you big fat wet ones." I then proceeded to give chase while making smooching noises.
Our game went on for a time until Hercules came back and took my place in chasing the young ones. With a moment to catch my breath, I started to become aware of a looming presence above me. When I looked up, all I could see was a small black cloud that seemed a bit low. When I turned around to continue the holiday fun, til a bolt of lightning struck the ground behind me. " What in Thor's name!" I looked back to the cloud and saw a laughing Rainbow Dash. " Hey!" Dash stopped her laughter and peeked down at me. I unfurled my wings and drew the fake Atlantean sword. " A feast for my sword."
" Uh-oh." She was off and headed to where she thought she would be safe, while I gave a mock chase.
It was the end of the night and Ponyvilles first official Halloween. Luna Jackie and I were heading back to the farmhouse with the Crusaders on Hercules' back. Since there was no school tomorrow, the kids would be having a sleepover at the farmhouse. After dropping them off we headed for our own home. When we entered the front door I was greeted by both dad and Discord playing a game of blackjack. " Hey, you two. How was your night?"
" Not bad, a few kids came by for some to candy, I gave them candy while I wolfed out and got a few of them scared. After a few hours Discord came by and we played a few rounds of cards."
" For the most part, I was with Fluttershy. It seems the poor dear is constantly afraid around this time of year, and she asked me to keep her company. What about you, how was your night?"
The girls went up to our bedroom and I went over to the table to join the game. " Well, we took the kids trick or treating, played some games, danced to some music, changed the holiday from Nightmare Night to Halloween through one story, you know the usual." I grabbed an unopen beer and started drinking while Discord had a stunned expression and dad looked amused.
" How were you able to do that with one story?"
" You told the story of uncle Jack didn't ya?"
" Your damn right I did." It's true, Stingy Jack was an uncle for our great grandfather Stephen who lived in Ireland during that time. He was our maternal uncle so he didn't share the gift of the wolf.
" Well, as long as there's candy, I don't think anyone will really care about who you have to fear this night."
" True, now shut up and hit me." Wham. " Not like that, give me another card Jackass!" We all had a laugh as we continued our game. Overall the holiday was a good one. It started out great, had a rocky middle, then it had an excellent end. And better still, our wedding was in less than a week from now. Gods above grant me the courage to stand still at that alter.
Author's Notes:
Okay, so an early Nightmare Night chapter to be sure. And as I've said at the end, the wedding will be the next chapter. Please comment on where the wedding should take place.
Clip.
Wedding crashers ( Edited)
The Equestrian/Caribou border. A few days before the wedding.
At the top of the snowy mountain on the very border of Equestria and the Caribou nation. On top of the mountain, a cave was lit with torches and furnished to hold a meeting. Inside the cave, sat two figures of political power, one a prince of Equestria, and the other, king of the Caribou. They both sat on either side of the table with a map of sweet apple acres in front of them. The two that were looking over the map, one Prince Blueblood and one King Dainn of the Caribou and Stonehoof tribe.
" So it's agreed, in a few days time, you and your tribe will attack the farm and hold the princesses and destroy that infernal dog. And in return, you shall have the mares put under hoof as sex slaves once I take the throne and become ruler of all Equestria." He had a sinister grin going that was missing some teeth (Ha) and hoofed Dainn a large sack of gold.
Dainn took the bag and looked it over. After a few seconds, he looked to the bag he brought with him and pulled out a crystal horn.
" And this" He slid the horn over to him " will give you your magic back." Blueblood reached for the piece of crystal and placed it upon the broken part of his horn. When the crystal connected with the fractured part of his horn, it fused itself to him and became whole. As Blueblood admired his repaired appendage, Dainn placed the gold in the bag and addressed his plan. " So, we'll attack from the orchard after the ceremony when they'll be too busy to prepare for a surprise attack"
" Indeed. Let him get a taste of something before it's taken away. And when you do get a hold of that vermin who ruined my image, make him suffer!"
" And what of the princesses?"
Blueblood gave a sinister smile while his new horn glowed a crimson red. " Kill them."
Wedding day
" I really think we should go over this again Joe." Twilight was telling me how I needed to focus on last-minute preparations while Rarity added some finishing touches to my wedding garb. Love the blue on it.
" Twilight, you're going over minuscule things that were solved when we went over the big things. We have the cake, the guests that RSVP'd have already arrived. I got the band covered, Rarity already did Luna and Jackie's dress, the area for the wedding has been cleared of all debris." I kept naming things off as the final belt was put in place. " The food for the buffet has been set up, we have everyone's seating arrangments, and we have the times fixed. Honestly, Twilight if I didn't know better, I'd say you were going over the list again to fulfill a strange list fetish that only a certain dragon knows about?"
" Hey, I told Spike that in confidence!" We all looked at her with surprised faces. " He never told you about the checklist thing, did he?"
" No, that was a shot in the dark and I think we should never speak of this again." We nodded in agreement and went back to what we were doing. As Rarity tugged the last of the buckles in place I looked myself over. " You don't think I should've gone with the tux I wore at the Gala, do you?"
Rarity came to save the day. " Joe, a tux to a wedding is a bit a dozen. Wearing a traditional wedding garb that hasn't been seen in centuries shows that you truly care about Applejack and Luna." I mulled that over and realized she had a point. Besides, it really doesn't matter what I wear, because those two lovely ladies fell for me, not the wrapper. " Now come on, the wedding starts in three hours, and I have to fit Jackie and Luna and you know it's bad luck to see the brides before the wedding."
" You're right, I should be heading to the farm anyway, gotta make sure they got everything in check." I went ahead and teleported myself to the farm in case I accidentally ran into my brides on the way there. When I went up to the house I caught a glimpse of the Crusaders in their flower girl dresses. " Well ain't you three just the cutest."
They all looked at me and Scootaloo went ahead to speak for everyone. " Anything for the hero of Equestria." They all came over and hugged my waist which I returned.
" Hey, Joe, I just remembered something. Since you and Applejack are getting married, that means I'll be your sister!"
" One of the many benefits of marriage." I went and tousled Bloom's hair at her cuteness.
Sweetie gained a questioning look " What are the other benefits to marriage?"
" I'll tell you when you're older." No need to traumatize any kids today, maybe tomorrow.
I let them get back to their conversation as I went outside to see how the preparations are going. We decided to have the wedding where Pear Butter and Bright Mac had their wedding. The dual fruit tree was lightly decorated with blue banners to show Lunas colors. We all decided the tree was enough for Applejack. In front of the tree stood a podium where Celestia would give the brides and groom to each other. The chairs were arranged to hold every one on Jackie's side to the right, Whereas every one that would be there for Luna on the left. We decided to have our friends be the bride's maids ( Like there was any other choice) and Big Mac, discord, Shining and spike would be the groom's men with dad being my best man. Hercules would play ring bearer.
The tables holding the food were being catered by Canterlot's best chefs. And the cake we got could rival any wedding cake that came before it.
Pinkie and the Cakes really outdid themselves on this. I went over to the guest list to see who all was coming, and to my infinite relief, Blueblood was not on the list. Future nephew or not, he needs a good ass whooping from time to time. As I kept looking through the list, I noticed that many nobles were on the list. Really didn't want most of them here, but I suppose they didn't really want to be here either, they just want to suck up to Luna and Celestia's ass.
I turned away from the guest book just in time to see Bright Mac come up to me. " Hello, Sir beautiful day isn't it?" He gave me a raised eyebrow as his answer. " That was stupid I know."
He shook his head and looked me straight in the eye. " I want to make something very clear Joseph." Shit, he used my actual name. I waited for some sort of threat or punch to the gut, what I got instead was equally surprising, he gave me a hug. " You saved my wife and me from a living hell and gave us the chance to be grandparents. Since you're making an honest mare out of my daughter, I give you my full blessing."
I was in tears, the father of one of my wives to be had just given me his blessing. I quickly returned his hug with much more force. " Thank ya, Pa."
" That's Bright Mac to you still."
" Yes, sir." We let go of each other and He went on his way till the reception. I turned to see what else could be done, that is until a certain pear mare went and slammed into me. " Ooof! What can I do for you Pear?"
" You can start by listening very closely to what I have to say." Her tone became icy and stern, like speaking to a pissed off frost giant. " Like my husband, I'm grateful you pulled us from that hellhole. However, I want to make one thing clear. If you hurt my baby in any way, shape or form, I will rip your balls off and mount them on a stick! And the same goes for Luna, do you understand!"
" Balls. Stick. I understand completely."
Her cold demeanor vanished instantly and her usual cheery smile replaced the fear-inducing one she just had. " Glad we had this talk." She got off me and started heading where her husband went, but not without saying one more thing. " Oh, by the way, you can call me mom." And with that, she left to catch up with Bright.
A minute passed by and I was still contemplating what just happened. " Odin, if you help me get through today, I'll give you twenty animal hearts and swear off internet porn." After my prayer, I got up and went back to making sure everything is on the up and up.
Outskirts of Sweet Apple Acres.
On the opposite side of the orchard, lay a small war party of caribou. Since that side of the orchard was close to the Everfree, they could easily hide their tents. The war party consisted of a little over two-hundred battle-ready caribou, hungry for the chance to spill blood and release their seed into some poor mare. Among the numerous tents stood the royal tent, harboring Diann and his five bastard sons. Inside the tent, Diann went over the plans with his sons.
" Here's how it's going to play out." He pointed to one side of the map showing the east orchards. " We'll enter here, on the opposite side of where the wedding is supposed to happen. We'll wait till after they say ' I do' then we'll have the army charge them. Amongst the confusion, we'll use the rune's to trap the royal whores. After we have a few rounds with them, we'll take their heads and show that we are the dominant kingdom on this planet." The whole tent was in a sinister laughing contest.
Unbeknownst to them, a small hole could be seen in the earth, where a single eye could be seen retreating back into the earth. That eye belonged to a diamond dog named Fido, one of the soldiers to Joe's new Ghost Warriors. He hurried down the tunnel heading toward the underground training grounds. He headed for Rover, the high general when Joe isn't there. " Rover, I have a report."
" What is it?" The nearby dogs came over to see what the commotion was about.
" Caribou. A small war party of at least two-hundred are stationed in the forest. They mean to attack our king's wedding and kill the princesses." The Diamond Dogs never had a steady relationship with ponies but they knew to give respect to the ones who control the sun and moon.
" When do they intend to attack?"
" Right after they say they're I do's." Rover went into deep thought on what to do. " What are your orders, sir?"
" Get five-hundred troops to line the trees in wait of their forces. Then I want twenty of our best troops to ambush the royal tent and hold them captive, our king will know what to do with them at the end of his wedding. It's a classic shock/guerilla tactic."
" I'll get it done right away sir." Fido gave a farewell salute and headed off to assemble the troops.
Sweet Apple Acres, Joe's Pov
I stood at the alter sweating my ass off. It was the Twilight hour of the day so the sky had a golden purple hue to it. Behind me was my father and my fellow groom's men giving me support where I needed it. On the other side stood the bridesmaids which were made up of Cadence and the main six except for Jackie. They all looked beautiful in their dresses and every time I looked to Shining, he would give a lustful look to Cadence. Made a bet with Dash that at some point those two were going to fuck sometime during the wedding. Celestia stood between us while Hercules sat at her right.
A million thoughts kept running through my head, most of them telling myself not to screw this up. It didn't help I could hear the whispers by some of the nobles who were mainly here for social standing.
" That thing shouldn't be married, it should be put in a cage."
" Can't believe I have to go through this freak show, just so I could get a chance to speak with Princess Celestia."
I was about to knock some manners into them when my dad put his hand on my shoulder. Apparently, he heard them too. " Son, don't let those assholes get to you, alright. If you go and fight them, you'll just prove them right."
" You're right, I just wish the damn thing would start." Just as I said that the music signaling the beginning of the ceremony started. " Great timing."
Once the music started, everyone in the audience shut their yaps and put their attention to the front of the aisle. The first ones to come out from the makeshift tent were the Crusaders in their flower girl dresses. As they went down the aisle, their relatives and Dash looked very proud that they had an important role to play in this. When they finished their routine, the music changed to the one that was most anticipated for.
My eyes were glued down the aisle, waiting to see my brides. Then I saw them, they were a vision that I could only have dreamt of, probably how Rarity got the designs. Sometimes our dream walking sessions had their perks in the real world.
As they both walked down the aisle towards me, all my fears and worries had been swept away and were replaced with courage and happiness.
The Caribou army had started its march toward its intended target. They carried heavy plate armor and wielded spears and nets. They expected to see more use out of the nets and the armor was so the opposition didn't have a chance to defend themselves. As they marched through the woods, they never saw the eyes watching them from the shadows. Soon, the army came upon a clearing. " Company! Halt!"
The army stopped and waited for further commands From the high general. " Today is the day my young bucks! The day we take our rightful place as the dominant kingdom! The time, to put all females in their place! The time to-Gahhh" The pig with horns would have said more to the perverted troops but a javelin was sticking out of his throat.
The soldiers were in shock to see their commander dead before they could even prepare for an attack. While most of the troops were scrambling about, readying themselves for a fight, a young buck caught sight of something. " Look, over there!" The soldiers looked to where their comrade was pointing, only to find a group of ten diamond dogs waiting at the edge of the forest. In an instant, the dogs got into a formation and started a war chant.
" Prepare your feet!"
" Stamp with fury and gusto!"
" It is death! It is death!"
" It is life! It is life!"
" Behold the hairy wolf!"
" Who reined in the moon and so it shines!"
" Arise, arise!"
" Rise up to the heights of the shining moon!"
" It is death! It is death!"
" It is life! It is Life!"
The small group ended their routine by pose a battle stance with a few tongues sticking out. The caribou were in total shock not a single one of them moved, this is exactly what the dogs wanted. While the dogs were still in their stance, a group of five appeared from behind and unleashed a volley of javelins and stones into the crowd. The volley found its mark and wound up killing around fifteen before the army regained their senses.
" Get them!" With that lone cry, the minuscule army charged towards the retreating diamond dogs. With no high commander to order them back or leave some reserves, the whole army went in pursuit of the small commandos leading them away from the orchards. Now the real trap was in play.
My valkyries made it up to the aisle on the other side of me. We were admiring each other in our wedding clothes when Celestia started her speech. " Welcome everypony, to the wedding of Lady Applejack, Princess Luna, and Joe, the hero of Equestria." Some of the crowd scoffed at my title but were quickly shushed by the others. " We are gathered here today, to witness the union between these three beings, who have found it in their hearts, to become a married trio. The three have written their own vows which we will now hear." She looked at Jackie and Lulu. " As always, ladies first."
Jackie was the first to go. " Joe, ever since you came into our lives, you always had our best interests at heart. You make me smile when I'm down, make me laugh when I need it, and you lift me up when I fall." Tears threatened to escape her eyes with every word she said. " You brought back my parents when we thought them dead. You blessed me with a child to love and one day raise. And it is because of these reasons, that I give you my heart and soul. I love you, Joe, now and forever." The whole wedding party had tears in their eyes from Jackie's vow. And I have to admit, I also shed a tear.
Jackie took a step back and Luna stepped up. " Joe, I can never thank you enough for freeing me from the Nightmare that took hold of me. When we first met, it wasn't in the best circumstances." This got a chuckle from everyone. " But during the time that I got to know you, you've been a kind and loyal friend to all that have had the pleasure of your company. You've put mine and other's needs before yours and went as far as changing a holiday just so others could see me in a better light. Just like Applejack, you have blessed me with a child that we can love and see grow to be a fine young man. I love you, Joe, now and forever." When she was done with her vow, she and Jackie grabbed a necklace from Hercules, the necklace was beautifully crafted and showed my wolf side.
I put it around my neck and readied my vows. " Jackie Lulu, you are the only ones that I can share all that I am. I promise to trust you and to be honest with you both. I promise to listen to you, respect you and support you. I promise to laugh and play with you and grow and bend with you. I promise to cherish every day we have together. I promise to do all this through whatever life brings us: riches or poverty, health or illness, through good times and bad, until the end of my days. I love you both, now and forever." I then took the necklaces from the Gala from Hercules and placed them around each of their necks. Once I was done, we all looked to Celestia.
" By the power vested to me by, well, me. I now pronounce you, husband and wives, Prince and Princesses of Equestria. You may now kiss the brides." Like I needed telling twice. I meet them in the middle and gave them each a passionate and long kiss, starting with Jackie and ending with Luna, then they gave each other a kiss. " I now introduce for the first time, Mister and Misses and Misses Huffstutler."
The whole place was filled with cheers of joy as we turned to face them as a married trio. We then headed for where the dance floor was set up and waited for Vinyl to put on the music so we could start dancing. We didn't have to wait long as our Dj went and put on the first record.
With the music going, we shared our first dance together. Since we had no real experience in a three-way dance, we just held each other close and spun lazily around the room. I looked around to see some of my groomsmen dance with the bridesmaids. Discord with Fluttershy, Rainbow with Gilda, Rarity with Spike, and of course Shining and Cadence paired up with each other and had the time of their lives. Just wait until I do the individual dances.
The Ghost Warriors ran through the trees making sure to keep in sight of the caribou. Speaking of which, the caribou kept the chase going, hoping to avenge their brothers in arms. As they went through the trees, the box formation they had turned into a train formation. As the army passed through the trees, they never saw the other ghost warriors hiding in the trees.
One of the soldiers from the back was lagging behind, no doubt from the heavy armor he had on. As he made an attempt to catch up with the others, he felt a sudden pain in the side of his head. The pain was so intense, he stumbled and fell to the ground. As his vision slowly grew darker, he could see his fellow caribou get picked off by stones and javelins. As the light in his eyes dimmed to almost nothing, he realized they had walked into a trap.
When the song ended, I went up to the stage to make a quick announcement. " Hello, everyone, you all having a good time?" Everyone gave out a cheer of delight at the fun times everyone was having. " That's great to hear, now I would like to give an announcement. Seeing as I have been blessed with two beautiful ladies, I would like to have a dance with each of them individually in the order that I met them." The crowd gave a small cheer for an opportunity for more music and dancing. " Alright, the first of my beauties to dance is Jackie." I went back down to the dance floor while the music started.
We danced a country style as the music played. She seemed to like the music as she would giggle every time the farmer's daughter part was mentioned. She ended up holding me close as we just wanted to embrace each other during the rest of the song. When the song ended, we looked into each other's eyes and kissed. " I love you, Jackie."
" I love you, Joe."
Fido's Pov
We were getting closer to our rendezvous point with the others as we made sure the last of the caribou followed. We kept the chase going for another few minutes, till we hit a dead-end at the base of a large cliff. When we got there, we made a fake attempt to climb the cliff in vain. Suddenly, the remaining caribou surrounded us. " We got you now you filthy dogs! any last words?"
" Yeah. Look behind you."
The caribou took a glance behind them, only to turn around fully to see the carnage before them. The path they had traveled through was perforated with the bodies of the former caribou army. The carnage was tremendous, the forest floor had been littered with the mangled bodies of the armored caribou. Most of them had javelins sticking out of them while others had large dents in their helmets. Further back, one could almost see a few predators dragging the bodies into the woods.
When the caribou took a quick count of their remaining numbers, they only had twenty-five left. " How could this happen? We are the superior race, how can we be defeated by these burrowing mutts?!" One of the remaining soldiers asked to no one in particular. So I decided to answer them.
" It's quite simple really." At that moment our other forces surrounded the remaining enemy. " Our king trained us better." We then swarmed our foe and snuffed out the last of King Dainn's army. Now all that's left is for Spot and our special forces to take the King and his son's prisoner.
Back to the wedding
I lead Jackie over to the table that the Apple family claimed and sat her down. " You holding up alright Honey?"
" Yeah, it's just the little one is taking most of my energy." As I sat with her, Luna came over to sit with us. " Hi Sugar, how are you doing?"
They exchanged a quick kiss before she spoke up. " I would be doing a lot better if these stuck up nobles would leave me alone about how I'm making a mistake. Sometimes I wish I could just do away with them like in the old days."
" Well, you could always threaten to take away their titles. Hell, from the looks of it, most have not earned the right to be called noble. In the old days back on earth, if a man wanted to be considered noble, he had to perform great deeds that benefit the kingdom, not his wallet." My words seemed to reach the ears of some of the nobles hiding behind Luna and let me tell you, they did not look happy about my opinion. Rather than argue with me about what nobility should look like, they turned their backs to me and left with their noses in the air.
" Seems that got rid of them. Thank you, my love." She came over and gave me a kiss. " Now I believe you owe me a dance Stud."
" Indeed I do. Jackie, don't have too much fun without us." I took Luna's hoof and lead her to the dance floor. When we got to the middle, I signaled Vinyl to start up the next song. " Try and keep up Sweet-heart."
We started to dance apart from each other as the song went on. I would often watch as Luna became the center of attention as she started to dance using her hind legs. near the end, we came together and danced as we did in the classroom. When the song came to an end, she held me tight as I kept her back from touching the ground. The whole party gave another cheer as the dance was over. I brought her back over to Jackie and we just sat there.
" That was fun. We ought to do this again sometime after the boys are born." I put a hand on both their bellies as we all just sat and watched the others dance and mingle.
" It was fun, though maybe next time, you could stand to not step on my hooves so much." My face went bright red as Jackie let me now I wasn't the greatest dancer.
" I thought you did very well Dear." Luna nuzzled my cheek as Jackie just rolled her eyes. Something quickly caught Luna's attention as she jabbed her hoof in my side. " I think we should cut the cake before Tia decides to take a giant chunk out of it."
" Yeah alright, come on you two, lets cut the cake." we went over to the giant confectionary to move the wedding forward. As we cut the cake, I couldn't help but feel like something was going to happen.
King Diann's tent
Inside the tent to the would-be ruler of the world, sat the king and his sons, waiting for the perfect time to strike. Finally, the eldest son spoke up. " How long must we wait, father, my loins are dying to enter that Sun-Slut's cunt."
The youngest went and spoke next. " Screw that old whore, we should go for the Pink Bitch. I hear she has the tightest snatch in all the world."
The second oldest spoke his mind. " I say we go for Moon Butt and that tasty bitch that monkey is making his own personal fuck toy."
" Enough!" The boys looked to their father after the outburst. " In another twenty minutes, we'll join our subjects and reign in the royal bitches. Once we've had our fun, we'll place their heads on pikes and take the mares as trophies."
The bastards all started to laugh as the plan was coming to an end. Before another word could be said, the tent collapsed around them and the fabric tightened against them. While the royal pricks tried to escape their cloth prison, the Ghost Warriors proceeded to beat the lumps with light wooden clubs. Not enough to kill, but enough to knock them out.
" Alright we got them, Spot, go and tell the king of what's happening." Spot, a first lieutenant of Joe's ghost warriors, saluted his captain and ran off to the wedding. " Alright, let's rap these sacks of crap up and put them in the dungeon!"
One of the warriors raised his paw. " Sir, do you mean that pit we dug in that cave by the river?"
" Until we make an actual dungeon, yes, the pit in the cave." The special forces then grabbed the unconscious assholes in the tent and went to dump them in the cave. Fido turned back to ' The Ghost lair' to wait for further instructions from either Rover or their King.
As the sun started to set, I thought about all that happened today. I married the loves of my life, insulted the nobles, and best of all, nothing went wrong. " Aaaahhhh!" This is what I get for thinking.
I ran over to the sound of the scream, only to find Rarity screaming at the approaching form of Spot, one of my Ghost Warriors. " Joe, thank goodness, please do something, they've come back for me!"
I looked at Spot as he stopped and gave me a low bow. " Lieutenant, state your business!" I said with absolute authority.
" Apologies my king, but something urgent has happened that needs your attention." This really piqued my interest.
" Alright, speak, what is it that needs my attention so bad it couldn't wait till tomorrow." Spot then told me everything that's happened while I was getting married. At first, it sounded like I would have to go into battle and lead my Ghost Warriors to victory. But as Spot's story continued, it seemed that they already took care of the problem. Then he told me he had prisoners. " Who exactly are these prisoners Lieutenant?"
" The King and Prince's of the Caribou kingdom. Should we eliminate them, your Highness?" I thought about what Spot had told me. The Caribou knew when the wedding was, date and time. They were told ahead of time about this, which means they had an informant on the Equestrian side. Which means they want me gone and the Princesses out of commission. Though the real question is, who has the most to gain from this besides the Caribou? " Sire, what should we do with them?"
" I want you to keep those bastards in that pit for two days, give them no food or water and provide no means of warmth or comfort. After those two days, I want you to set up a room for interrogation. I will personally see to it myself that they give us answers." I replaced my stone-cold expression to one of calm and happiness. " Thank you, Spot, for giving me this information. Now return to the others and relay what I've said to you, also, tell them I'm proud of them and that a feast will be held when this is over." He gave a salute and went on his way.
" Joe, what was that all about?" Celestia walked up behind me to see what the commotion was. " Was that one of your subjects?"
" Yes, one of my soldiers actually. He just got through telling me some very interesting news that I believe you and the others should hear about." I lead her back over to the table, where my wives and friends were. They would be needing a drink or two after hearing what I'm about to tell them.
Author's Notes:
It is done. The binding of Joe and his Valkyries has been written. Now for something that might disturb some of you, while also getting some much-needed justice to the mares in some of those ' Fall of Equestria' fics. Also, if it's not clear, I really hate the male Caribou and any treacherous male against the crown and Equestria.
As to the next chapter, comment on what should be done to the prisoners. I need five good suggestions on what to do.
Clip.
Funny, but too short. Here's another one.
Finishing what I started. ( Edited)
Newly built interrogation room, adjacent to the Ghost Lair. Dainn's Pov
I awoke to the sound of music with a splitting headache. I don't know how it came to be but somehow I was captured and put in a pit with my sons for two days with nothing to eat or drink. On the evening of the second day, those filthy mongrels put some kind of smoking clay pot in our prison. Once the smoke hit our nostrils, we slowly fell into unconsciousness. Now I find myself strapped to a chair, in front of a dining table with a full plate and silverware set. Further down, I could see my eldest son, Paul, at the head of the table, unbound, and drugged out of his mind. And to his right, a creature that resembled an ape, but with a pair of black wings on his back, and he was wearing a suit. While I was observing him, I noticed he was fooling with a hot pan.
Finally, my son spoke for the first time since our ordeal." What's the main course?"
The creature answered in a chilling and calm voice. " Ah, you should never ask. It ruins the surprise." While he was preparing the dish in the pan, he noticed that I've awoken. " Your Highness, so glad to see you could join us. Say hello to your father, Paul."
" Hellooo...father." My son had a scar across his forehead that I've now become aware of.
" What have you done to my son you filthy son of a whore!"
" Now, now your Highness, no need to be rude, I'll tell you everything you need to know." He set aflame to the contents in the pan and let it simmer. " As you may or may not know, it was my Ghost Warriors that destroyed your army before it could even be seen from the wedding." He went behind my son and went about ladling some kind of liquid. " There's something that's been bothering me, Your Highness. Maybe you could help me out."
" Why would I help a traitor to the male gender." I know it's not the best idea to insult someone while tied up, but seeing one of my boys like this just made me throw caution out the window.
" Because, if you help me understand this problem of mine, you and your sons will walk out alive. You won't be free, but you'll be alive." He gave me a creepy smile while he brought a bowl of broth to both my son and me.
" Now, here is my problem. You knew exactly when the wedding was supposed to happen and from what my spies have told me. You had an exact layout of the orchard. Now, from what Celestia has told me, foreign kingdoms don't have access to maps to Equestrian lands and property. Which makes me think someone gave you that map and told you when the wedding was going to happen. Now, only a select few knew about the wedding, so my question is."
He came up to my face and his eyes bore into mine. " Who was it, that told you, about the wedding?" I responded by spitting in his face. His response was back-handing me across the face. " Now that was very rude, and it's going to cost you."
" Come on dad, show him that we are the best race." Normally I would agree with my son, but in this case, I just needed him to stay quiet.
" Now, Paul, what have I said if you can't act civilized, I'm going to have to punish you." He went over to my son and brandished a scalpel and placed it next to the scar on his head.
" You see Dainn. I asked each of your sons who gave you that information and they all said, our father was the one who received it. So instead of repeatedly asking you questions and beating you for every wrong answer or refusal to answer. I'm going to hurt your children, starting with Paul here."
" You wouldn't dare, you filthy flea-bag." He just smirked my way and proceeded to ask me questions.
" Who was it, that gave you the information regarding me and my Valkyries wedding?"
" I'd rather die than tell you anything!"
" True. But are you willing to let your family die for you?" What he did next made me want to hurl. He took the scalpel and wedged it into the scar on my son's head and with his other hand grasped one of his antlers, and removed the top of his head. The worst of it was when Paul didn't scream or feel the pain. " Now, do you want to tell me who it was?"
" It was an Equestrian, a Nobel from the court!"
" Now we're getting somewhere." He lowered the scalpel and took a seat next to me. " But who was it exactly, surely they gave you a name." My lips were sealed, I had no desire to give any more information. " Oh well, guess we have to do this the hard way."
" Haha, he said hard way, like how we were going to ram it up, the Princesses cunt's." Paul for goodness sakes shut the hell up.
" Paul, are you hungry?"
" Yeah, hungry for some royal pussy. Hahaha."
" Well don't you worry, I have the next best thing." He went back over to him and once again picked up the scalpel. With it, he pointed to a piece of his brain while looking at me. " Paul certainly won't miss this, the pre-frontal lobe, which they say is the seat of good manners." He then sliced it off and put it on the pan.
" That smells great."
" Yeah, here why don't you try a little piece." He then took the piece of brain, off the pan and before I could even protest against it, Paul ate it. All I could do was force whatever was left in my stomach back down.
" It is good."
" I bet it is. So, should I feed Paul a little more, or do you feel like chatting?" I couldn't take it anymore.
" Alright, I'll tell you everything!" He gestured his hand, signaling me to continue. " It was Prince Blueblood! He offered me gold and I gave him a replacement horn. He told me to kill you and the Princesses so he could take control of Equestria. Once he had control, he would give us all the mares we wanted as sex slaves and unite our borders."
The creature said nothing, he just placed the scalpel on the table and headed for the door on the far side of the room. " Thank you for your cooperation." After that statement, he left out the door.
" Hey, get us out of here you bastard!" Suddenly the room was being filled with the same gas that knocked us out in the beginning. " You filthy pig, I'll be the end of you, this I swear!" Before I could threaten him anymore, I slipped into the land of dreams.
Outside the Interrogation room. Joe's Pov.
I walked out of the room and headed straight for Celestia and Luna who had been watching the whole thing from the two-way mirror. Their expressions were of absolute horror, not because of what I did to the prisoners, but because a member of their family wanted them dead. I decided to try and comfort them.
" Celestia. Darling, I can't even pretend to know what you must be feeling right now. All I can tell you is that I'll bring Blueblood in for treason, then you can choose his fate." I turned around to leave, till Celestia stopped me with her hoof and made me look her in the eye. " What is it, Sis."
" When you find him, I want him brought in alive." I nodded my head and was about to leave again, but she stopped me again. " But just barely, do you hear me." This brought a big smile to my face.
Before I left my underground kingdom, I went over to Luna. " I will return safe, and when I do, we will have nothing to fear from the inside." I gave her a kiss of reassurance and left to hunt down my prey.
After I left, Celestia and Luna went and had a private discussion. " Luna, how could this have happened? I taught him to be a good leader, not a power-hungry murderer."
" It's not your fault sister." Luna stared at the door I left out of with a bit of anger in her tone. " Some are just born evil,"
Bluebloods mansion. 11 P.M. Bluebloods Pov
I can't believe this, not only has that perverted fool not only failed to do what I asked. He was also stupid enough to get himself captured. No doubt he's being tortured for information about how he obtained that information. Now I need to escape the country and formulate a better plan.CRASH.
" What was that?" I went looking for the source of the loud noise through the halls of my family estate. I went and turned a corner to see my favorite self-bust, shattered on the floor next to one of my maids. I got so mad, I forgot my current predicament and went to punish the little whore. " How dare you break my valuable bust! I should carve your Cutiemark of your ass."
" No, please no. I didn't do this I swear." The whore had the gall to actually talk back to me. Sometimes I wish I had never taken these wastes of life out of their homes.
" Well, if you didn't do it, then who did?" No sooner had the words left my mouth, the lights all went out at the same time. " What was that?" Fear started to retake me once again. " Guards!!"
Soon enough, my most trusted guards came around the corner, followed by their captain, Wild Bill. " Yessir boss, what you want from us? You need us to teach this here bitch a lesson?" Sometimes I regret hiring a bunch of convicts to guard my house. But it's the only way the real guards don't go report to my aunts.
" Maybe later. Right now, I want you to find out what's causing this, then I need you to pack all the money and get ready to leave."
" Right away boss." He and his troops scattered about to search for the disturbance. With any luck, it's just faulty wiring.
" And as for-" I turned back to the maid who destroyed my bust, only to find she had disappeared. On the floor where she once stood, were muddy paw-prints heading out an open window. " What madness is this?"
Outside Bluebloods mansion Joe's Pov.
It was all in place. Fifty of my best troops were going through the estate, freeing the maids and butlers that had been kidnapped from the streets and their homes. I told them not to be seen by the guards or Blueblood. They were mine to deal with. The place we were attacking was three stories high and had about fifty rooms plus whatever secret rooms Blueblood undoubtedly had. I put my ax to the side and waited for the evacuation to end.
While I was scouting the perimeter, Rover came over to give a report. " Sire, we have evacuated all the servants from the house. Some are malnourished and need medical attention."
" Take ten of our fastest warriors and have them escort the servants to the nearest hospital. As for the rest, form a perimeter around the estate, just in case I miss one or two of the guards." I made a wide cheeky smile and patted him on the back. " Go now, I will see you before dawn." Rover left to give out my orders, while I waited for the right time to strike. A minute or two had passed and I saw my troops start to form around the large house, spears at the ready. " I guess it's time."
I rose up from the brush that I was hiding in and turned into the wolf. Soon, I was racing across the lawn, past the ring of Ghost Warriors, and through the double doors of the son of a bitch's house. Just as I entered, a group of guards caught sight of me in all my feral glory and felt their knees shake. " It's him! It's the Beast!"
" The Beast is my dog. I'm your worst nightmare!" I spread my wings out wide, and let out a song to put fear into the souls of these ill-prepared guards.
Once that music started, I went to the first guard and sliced his front legs off. I left him screaming, while I went for two guards on my right and plucked an eye out of each of their skulls. While those two fumbled around, clutching their bloody eye sockets, one of the pegasus guards left out the window. I was about to go after him until I heard a scream and a thud, guess my boys took care of him.
" Come on guys, he's just one stupid dog...get him!" They all gathered what courage they had and attacked me at once. A few of them attacked me with spears and went for my legs and ass. Most of them broke on contact with my skin, though one did find it's way up my sphincter.
" You son of a bitch!" I pulled the spear out my ass and thrust it through the hind legs of five guards. With them fumbling around trying to get the spear out, I went for the captain. Or at least the one who gave the orders to the others. " Come here you bastard!" I went after him as he turned tail and ran through the halls.
" C' mon buddy, you don't wanna do this!" He kept begging for his life as I started to gain on him. When I came within mere inches of the slack-jawed idiot, I bit into his ankles, effectively stopping his escape attempt. " Aaaah!" With him crippled and nowhere to go, I slowly crept up to him where I could see him face to face. His look of pain turned to a look of terror once he saw my teeth bared, dripping with blood, his blood. " What...what do you want from me?"
I grabbed ahold of his throat and slammed him into the nearest wall. " Tell me where Blueblood is, and I'll let you live." I heard a trickling sound hit the floor beneath him. " And maybe a towel afterward."
" He's on the second floor, in the room with two B's on the door." I gave him a swift punch to the face, knocking him out in the process. I left him in a puddle of his own blood and urine and went for that bastard nephew of mine.
I reached the second floor and found the double doors with a B on each one. With a good kick, the doors shattered into splinters. As soon as the doors had been destroyed, a crimson aura took hold of me and slammed me into the opposite wall. I tried to get out of the magical prison, but for some reason, I couldn't. " What the hell kind of trick is this?"
" Oh, this is no trick monster." Out of the corner of the room, Blueblood stepped out with his new horn glowing a dark crimson. The horn looked crystalline and had runes carved in the sides, which probably explains why I'm finding it hard to break the magic holding me. " Do you like my new horn beast?"
" Actually, I prefer the one displayed over my fireplace. It really ties the room together. And by the end of this day, that one will be joining it, hopefully with your head with it." I started laughing maniacally in his face which in turn made him send a shock through my prison.
" You wretched beast, you think this is funny? Because of you, my plans for taking the crown have to be postponed. I have to flee the country while I'm being hunted down by you and my aunts." He gained a sinister smile as he just remembered something. " But at least you'll be out of the picture." He then unleashed a torrent of flames from his horn and on my face. He continued to spew my face with flames till he realized something, I wasn't screaming. He cut the flamethrower act to see my face. At first glance, my face was a char-broiled mess and I smelled like burnt BBQ that's been left in the sun for five hours. Suddenly, before his eyes, my face started healing at an incredible rate. " What kind of monster are you?"
With my face fully healed, I answered. " The Wolfman." At that point, I summoned my ax from outside and angled it's trajectory so it could-CRASH.
" What the." Before the bastard knew what hit him, my ax sliced off his new horn. " Aaaahhhh!" While he was rolling around in pain, his magic was cut off and I was released from his hold. With his magic gone, I went up to him with my ax under his chin. " Please, please don't kill me!"
" Kill you? That's the last thing that'll happen to you. Your Aunts are going to want a word with you first, after that, well let's just say I'll be getting a new bath rug." I grabbed him by the throat and dragged him out of the house.
Canterlot Castle courtroom two weeks later. Joe's Pov
The day had finally come. The whole courtroom was filled with the Equestrian nobility, at least the ones that weren't supporting Blueblood, they were being held in the dungeon for extortion and taking bribes. The ones being called for court today is the traitor Blueblood and the caribou king and princes, except Paul, apparently slicing part of his brain was enough to kill him. They were heavily chained and muzzled so no protests could be said from them. Amongst the crowd were the girls, Jackie, Spike, Discord and my father. At the head of the court were Celestia, Luna, Cadence and me, we would be the ones to pass judgment upon them. Surrounding the courtroom was a contingent of guards, as well as thirty of my best Ghost Warriors, making sure no one comes in uninvited or escapes.
Celestia was the first to speak. " This court will now come to order!" The whole court hung on her words. " The five caribou have been accused of plotting to invade this country, enslave the female population, and planned to have the royal family executed." The whole room grew loud with angry voices and spiteful glares toward the caribou. " As for the former Prince Blueblood of Equestria, he is charged with high treason and attempted murder of the royal family!" The courtroom started calling for blood at this point. " It is with these charges that I find the accused, guilty. Since it was Joe and his Warriors that captured these criminals, I'll leave it to him to handle the punishment."
The whole room looked to what I might have to say. I stood from my seat, turning into the wolf and unfurling my wings to their full extent while adding a bit of dark flame at the tips. " I sentence them, to death by torture!" A large gasp echoed throughout the room, seems there hasn't been an execution in this castle for a very long time if at all. I jumped down to the floor where they were and grabbed ahold of the second oldest son. " Since your brother is already dead, I guess that means you get to go first."
I undid his gag so he could speak, or better yet scream. " You filthy dog! You just put your own head on the block for doing this!" The shit stain who I was later told was Percy threatened me with false courage. So I just slapped that mother fucker in the head and summoned the first device, the Brazen Bull. " What is that?"
" Well since you were so keen on having your way with one of my wives, I decided to give you the worst way to die." I then grabbed him by the antlers and shoved him into the hollow beast. " Being cooked alive!" I then slammed the hatch and locked him in. Once I made sure he wasn't going to escape, I lit a huge fire under the belly of the bull. Within five minutes, the room was filled with the muffled screams of Percy. The screaming continued well into the hour until steam started coming out of the nostrils and a high pitched whistle came after. The screaming stopped immediately after. The whole room was silent as no one could believe what they just witnessed.
" Alright, it's your turn, Xerxes." Xerxes was the middle child who wanted a piece of Cadence's ass. I got rid of the Brazen Bull and replaced it with the Scavengers Daughter. A device created to squeeze the victim like a wet sponge. " Since you wanted something tight, how about you go through a tight squeeze?" I placed him between the iron arms and strapped him in. " Hey dad, care to give me a hand?"
" Be right there." Dad got up from the stands and joined me at the other end of the device. Soon we started cranking the metal arms, constricting the bastards ribs. We kept going through all his screaming and begging. A few more cranks and we could hear his organs burst while blood started coming out of his eyes and ears. Ten more cranks and the bastard was dead, practically bifurcated in his own skin. " Guess that's the end of him."
" Thanks, dad." He went back up to the stands, though the others gave him a wide berth. As I looked around the room, every eye was filled with fear and disgust. But I didn't let it deter me, I was sending a message and it needed to be sent. Besides, as long as my wives and friends don't become traumatized, I could care less about my image. " Alright, this is time-consuming and I would actually like to do something else today. So let's make the next one a twofer."
I grabbed the last two sons of bitches and had them hanging upside down by their hind legs backs to one another. With them secured and sweating, I summoned a chainsaw and hockey mask. I revved up the engine and brought it near their groins. " How about a little down the middle huh?" I then slowly made contact with their foreign parts and kept going. Their screams were merged with the screams of the other guys in the courtroom, guess when one sees someone getting their balls ripped to shreds, they feel the same pain. Soon, the saw went through the two bodies and the four body parts swung lazily near the floor on strings.
I cut them down and went for Dianne, the father. " So, with your kids gone I guess now, it's time for the caribou grand finale." I grabbed his ass and placed a rubber tire around his body. I then drenched the tire with gas and lit it. With the fire lit, he started screaming in agonizing pain and begged for me to take it off, or at least a quicker death. Soon the fire consumed his body and he was left as a charred corpse. All that was left to deal with is Blueblood. I dragged him into the middle of the room and took his gag off so he could speak. " Before I carry out your sentence. Is there anything you would like to say to your fellow ponies, maybe something redeeming?"
This is what the Jackass had to say. " I should be the one sitting on that throne! These low-lives should be kneeling before me! " The whole room was disgusted by his words, at least they were his last words. He then aimed his hate towards me. " Mark my words beast, these peons will never see you as their leader, only as a monster."
" Fine by me. Unlike you, I have all I need and have no desire to rule others. If you had found the same content for life as I have, I wouldn't be giving you the Blood Eagle."
" What in Celestia's name is the Blood Eagle?" Instead of answering him, I summoned four pieces of razor wire and tied each of his limbs to a different pillar, making him do a spread eagle in mid-air. " You bastard, I'll see you in Hell for this!"
" Believe me when I say, this is only the beginning." I pulled out his crystal horn from my pocket slightly modified of course, to where the tip was razor-sharp. " Remember this little beauty?" He recognized the horn as his own and his eyes turned to pin-pricks. " Now fair warning, this is going to hurt for a little bit. But damn will it hurt." I went behind him and jammed the makeshift knife at the top of his spinal column and cut down his back. The little bitch started screaming bloody murder as his back was being split open. I then took hold of both his sides and pried them apart, revealing his lungs. Without losing a step, I reached into his back and pulled his lungs out from his back.
Soon his lungs started to expand to the point they actually burst from exposure. The life from his eyes slowly left him so I cut him down from the razor wire and put him with the pile of dead. Fido came over to me with a torch and handed it to me. With the torch in hand, I turned to the courtroom. " I would like to address a few things to this courtroom." The whole court listened to what I needed to say. " I did not enjoy doing what I did. However, it was necessary for the safety of this nation, as well as your lives." I went over to the bodies and set them aflame. Even though they were the scum of the earth and deserved a lifetime in the frozen wastes of Hel, I felt a prayer needed to be said.
" Lo, there do I see my father!"
" Lo, there do I see my mother, my sisters, and my brothers!"
" Lo, there do I see the line of my people, back to the beginning!"
" Lo, they do call to me. They bid me take my place among them, in the halls of Valhalla!"
" Where the brave may live forever!"
With the prayer done and the bodies turned to ashes, the court was adjourned and everyone started to leave. I went to meet up with my wives and the others as we headed out of the room. Cadence was the first to speak. " Are you going to be okay, Joe? I don't want to agree with Blueblood but, what you just did will make others see you in a different light."
" Trust me when I say, I honestly don't give a crap about what other people think of me. All that really matters is what Jackie and Luna think of me."
" We see a man that was willing to put his image at risk to save others, and we couldn't be more proud of what you did." Luna and Jackie then nuzzled up to my side and we left for home. Hopefully, we could put this day behind us and look to a brighter future.
Author's Notes:
Alright, no more Blueblood and the caribou are no longer a threat. To be honest I might have gone a little dark on this chapter but I've been reading a few Fall of Equestria stories and it just made my blood boil. Also, I had an idea to have Dianne locked in a small room covered in gravy and being attacked by a wolverine, high on angel dust.
Clip.
Spike's birthday disaster. ( Edited)
Prelude
In the weeks that followed the executions, a few things happened that lead to the present. The first incident being where Sweetie Belle tried to adopt Jackie as her big sister when Rarity drove her a little crazy. A small misdirection with a sibling outing quickly patched things up for them.
Later that week, Applebloom was in the dumps for not getting her Mark during a bowling trip. Nearly ruined the alley with Scootaloo trying to bowl. Afterward, she went to Zecoras for advice on how to better get her mark. What happened as a result of a homemade potion, was Applebloom performing multiple tasks when a new mark would appear on her body due to a disease known as cutie-pox. She got better when the truth came out and she ate the healing flower. You would think this would be a lesson in patience for them, but sadly no.
A few days later, Dash started to gain a large ego when she started saving ponies from either death or from simply getting a scraped knee. It got so bad the girls actually created an alter ego that did well by others and then left before thanks could be given. It looked like a combination of Batman and Darkwing Duck. I did, however, give protest to having Jackie saving the group of tourists while pregnant, so I was the one to save them from a terrible fate. At the end of this adventure, Rainbow vowed she would keep her ego in check as best she could.
On Twilight's birthday, we went up to Canterlot so Rarity wouldn't miss out on the fun. We later discovered the reason she said she wouldn't be back to Ponyville for the party, was because she was cozying up to Fancy Pants. We didn't scold her for what she did, though we did wish she would have just gone with the truth from the beginning. Speaking of birthdays.
It was Spike's birthday today and we were all going to meet at the library for his birthday. It was Jackie, Luna, Dad, Discord and me on the road heading for the party. We each had a gift for the birthday boy and a large sack of gems for him to eat. We finally made it to the Library and I knocked on the door, " Just a minute!" Twilight answered the door and invited us in. " I'm glad you guys were able to come!"
" Well, of course, We wouldn't miss this for anything!" We went in to find the library looked like it did when we meet on the first day. The others had already arrived at the party, seems they were waiting for us. " Hey everybody, hey Spike."
" Hi, Joe." Spike ran up to me and hugged me around the waist. " You'll never guess what happened to me a few days ago."
" Let me guess? Your family jewels finally dropped. Ha." This caused me to punch Discord in the face. " What was that for?"
" Take a guess. So what happened to you, Spike?" He turned his cheek to me revealing a dirt mark on his face. " You got your cheek dirty?"
" No, Rarity kissed me a few days ago."
" Excellent job young Spike. I had a feeling you two had a connection."
" I don't know. I mean it was a kiss on the cheek. And did you even kiss her back." At my father's words, Spike lost all his confidence and wiped his cheek clean.
" Uh, why don't we get to the part where the birthday boy opens his presents?"
" Wait, presents?"
" Yeah, you get presents on your birthday. You didn't know that?" Had to agree with Dash on that, the kids thirteen and he doesn't know this?
" Well, this is my first birthday in Ponyville. I usually get one present. From Twilight. And it's always a book." Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Twilight stop mid-stride with a book in her magic. She backed up with the book hidden with a sheepish grin.
" Well, this year will be different. This year you have others to give you a wide variety of gifts that may or may not be useless crap." We all looked at Discord after he made such a stupid comment.
" What the hell was that man?"
" Sorry, the writer is watching a lot of Family Guy and assorted crap right now." I had no idea what he was talking about, but I've learned to go with it and even share a laugh when whatever he said had any relevance.
" How about we get to the presents and forget about this awkwardness?" Yeah, Jackie had a point.
Spike received a wide assortment of gifts from the elements. Dash got him a ten-pound weight that he had trouble lifting for some reason. Seriously, I see him lift stacks of books five times his height without breaking a sweat. Anyway, Fluttershy got Spike a tennis racket and a tennis ball. Didn't know he played. Rarity gave Spike a top hat and cane combo, not to mention a nuzzle on the cheek. Pinke shoved a trumpet in his mouth which he began to play. Jackie gave him an apple pattern blanket that he seemed to like. And to no one's surprise, Twilight got him a book.
Now it was time for Luna's gift. " Here you are, Spike." Luna presented with a large blue gem that she said it came from the moon. One look at it and he swallowed it whole, almost biting Luna's hoof off. " I take it you like it."
" I love it!" He continued to lick his claws as he savored that gem.
Discord parted between dad and me. " Alright, I'm next." He snapped into existence a paper cone with a button on the side. He gave it to Spike who looked at it with some skepticism. " Well go on, try it out." With some hesitation, Spike pushed the button and out from the cone came a large clump of cotton candy. " An infinite supply of cotton candy, courtesy of the master of chaos."
" Nicely done Discord." Dad complimented Discord's gift while he brought his gift for Spike. " Here you go, little buddy." Dad handed Spike a wooden box with the symbol of Ygdrasil on it. Spike opened the box to reveal a large knife with a draconic design to it.
" Wow, this is an awesome knife." Hopefully, he doesn't cut himself. " Guess you're the last person Joe." Guess it is.
" Alright, prepare for the gift of a lifetime." I handed him a large box twice his size. He ripped the paper off and opened the box to reveal a flat-screen tv with a DVD player and twenty of the best superhero movies, not to mention five seasons of the Simpsons. He got so excited at seeing this since he would come over sometimes for a movie night. " Whatcha think?" I got my answer, in the form of a tight hug around my neck. Didn't know he could jump that high. " Okay, Spike you're welcome. Now, please. Let me breathe." He finally let go of my neck just before I passed out.
" Sorry Joe, it's just that this is probably the best gift ever!" We both looked over to the others to see they felt a little hurt by that comment. " Uh, no offense." This did little to dissuade their frustrations.
" How about we set this baby up and take it for a spin?" We picked a corner of the library that wouldn't be a bother to the customers. We put it up a good height up on the wall and plugged her in. I installed the DVD player and turned to Spike. " Alright, birthday boy, what do we watch first?"
" How about this one?" He handed me a movie and when I looked at it, I was shocked he wanted to watch this first.
" Sure thing." I popped it in and pressed play. " Judgment time!"
We watched the movie from beginning to end. At first, everyone was disgusted, everyone except Discord, Luna, Dash, Dad, and me. A few times, Rarity excused herself to the bathroom, definitely heard some vomiting happen. At the end of the movie, the only person to say anything was Dash. " That was the best movie I've ever seen! Granted it's the only one so far, but still. Any chance we could create a gun like that Twi?"
" I barely trust you with a kitchen knife, plus tech like that is beyond me." As they argued, Spike came over and hugged me again.
" Thanks, Joe, I wish this party would never end." At this statement, Pinkie spat out her punch and turned to Spike.
" This party can't last forever! Spike has to go down to Sugarcube Corner for his surprise treat." At the notion of a treat, Spike was out the door faster than one could blink. " Wait, I didn't mean right this minute!"
" As much as I would like to stay" Luna looked to her belly, carrying little Orion. " this little one is draining me of energy."
" Same. I haven't been able to buck any of the trees thanks to little Jack here." Jackie rubbed her belly and left for the door with Luna. " You coming, Joe?"
" Just a minute sweetheart. Dad, you staying or coming?"
" No, I think Discord and I are gonna hit the bar for a bit. We'll see you after a while." They both left to have their fill of drink while I followed my wives.
" I'll see you, girls, later, I have to comfort my Valkyries." I made my way to the door and put myself between my lovelies.
The next day
I woke up to a beautiful sight. Both my wives were sound asleep next to my sides, the birds were chirping outside, and there wasn't a single leaf on any of the trees. Life sure is quite good. Wait a minute. I got up from the bed, waking up my two wives. " What's going on, Joe?"
" None of the trees have any leaves, and it's only spring!" This got them out of bed and by my side at the window. " I'm going to see what the problem is." I put on some pants, grabbed my ax and headed for the orchard.
When I got to the orchard, not a single leaf could be found either in the trees or on the ground. The only thing I was able to find, was a set of prints on the ground. As I examined them I noticed they would grow slightly larger with each tree it would come across. Despite the change in size, I have seen these prints many a time. I would usually see these prints create a small path between the library and the boutique. Which means a dragon is loose on the property.
I was about to track down the lizard when I heard something behind me. I turned to see Twilight trotting up to meet me. " Twilight? What are you doing here?"
" Joe, I need your help finding Spike."
" I would love to Twilight, but right now I have a rogue dragon on the loose in the orchard. Once I deal with it, I will help you find Spike." I turned back to my investigation, only to be stopped by Twilight. " What?"
" That dragon you're hunting...is Spike." The news that a friend of mine is taking my wife's livelihood took me by surprise.
" Why would Spike be taking the leaves from the trees? What could he possibly want with them?"
" When I took him to Zecora's, she said that he's reached maturity and would start hoarding what he thinks is valuable. With every piece, he would grow into a full-grown dragon." That would explain why the prints kept getting bigger, puberty can be such a bitch. I pondered on how to get Spike under control and keeping him from any more trouble.
" Alright, I'm going to need to know how big he is now, and where he's heading now."
" I believe he was heading for Sugarcube Corner." Perfect, hopefully, he won't be too big for what I have in store.
" Head him off and try to keep him there. I'll lead him out of town and prevent any more damage." She left for the bakery while I went back home for my truck. Then I need to visit the boutique.
Sugarcube Corner. Twilight's Pov.
I came up to Sugarcube Corner with Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy to try and stop Spike's rampage. When we entered the bakery, I was meet with Spike taking cakes off the counter while Pinkie threw cakes at him. " Pinkie, what are you doing giving him cakes?"
" I'm not giving him cakes. I'm assaulting him with cakes!" She kept throwing desserts at him while he kept catching them and putting them in a wooden tub. After he put in a three-layered cake, he grew to the point where he actually broke through the roof of the building. Once he broke through, he went towards the boutique.
" Spike! No!" I went after him while Dash dragged a stunned Pinkie Pie out of the shop. We followed him down to Rarity's home to find Spike looking through the windows. " Come on, we can't let him get Rarity!" We raced to the boutique to stop a possible kidnapping. When we got there, Spike just had a confused look and a mannequin dressed to look like Rarity. " Wait, where's Rarity?"
Fluttershy brought our attention to something in the distance. " Does anybody hear that rumbling noise?"
" Sorry. I skipped lunch."
I could hear it too. " I don't think it's your stomach Dash." In the distance, I could hear the familiar sound of Joe's truck coming up the road. Within seconds, Joe came riding down the hill with Rarity in the front, and a pile of jewels in the bed of the truck. He stopped mere inches from us and rolled down his window.
" Did somebody order a great distraction or what?" He gave us his signature grin and observed what was happening to the town. " Damn! Who would've thought Spike would be capable of such destruction? You guy's stink at distracting him."
Dash retorted with " Hey, we tried our best!"
" Your best is an idiot!" At that point, Spike became aware of Rarity and the jewels in Joe's truck. " It seems I have his attention." Joe got out of his truck and presented his butt which was covered in gold and presented it to Spike. " Hey, Mushu! Bite my glorious golden ass!" With that statement, he went back into his truck and zoomed off down the road with Spike following him.
" Do you think he'll be okay?"
" Which one? Joe or Spike?"
Joe's Pov
I was putting the pedal to the metal with the radio blaring as Spike started to gain on us. I headed out to the field where we watched the meteor shower some months ago and started doing serpentine around the field and circle around him. This caused Spike to trip over his feet and land hard in the middle of the field. The impact caused the earth to quake and caused Spike to fall unconscious. " Oh dear, do you think he's alright?"
" As long as he's not top-heavy he'll be fine. it's what I'm about to do that might leave a bruise." I reached back in the truck and brought up a couple of hundred feet of rope. " Okay, I'm going to hogtie him down so he won't escape, you remember you're part?"
" Remind Spike who he is with my charms and wit." Don't know about that, but her being around Spike might get him under control. We quickly got out of the truck and headed for Spike. I tied one end to a tree and started wrapping Spike up with the rest. Once the last of the rope was used up, I let Rarity have a go at bringing Spike out of his newly gigantic state. " Ohhh Spikey, it's me, Rarity. Spikey, please do me a favor and wake up." Spike was still out like a light, it seems like that fall really did a number on him. " Joe, do you think you could wake him up?"
" Sure." I went over to one of his eyes and pried the lids open. " Hey, Jackass, Dash is taking your power pony comic and she's going to use it as toilet paper!" This got him to stir in his rope prison and awaken fully. " Mornin sunshine, sleep well? Hahahahaha." He seemed to get angry with me, so I decided to let Rarity take a crack at it. " Hey, Spike, look who I brought."
He looked behind me to see Rarity walk up to him, this seemed to calm him down quite a bit. " Hello, Spikey. You've been a bit of a naughty boy, haven't you?" Spike looked a little guilty, having been reminded that he wrecked a few buildings during his growth. " Now, from what the others have told me, your little growth spurt is due to a little grabbing fit you've been having. But I know for a fact that you're not a greedy monster."
She then showed him her necklace with the fire ruby in it. " Do you remember giving this to me?" The realization started to dawn on him. " This was the most generous thing that anyone has ever given me. And I know that anyone who could be so selfless is not a monster." She approached his snout and rubbed it up and down. " Please Spike. Please come back to us." Rarity then did something that I didn't expect to happen for a while. She full-on made out with Spike.
Spike and I were both surprised at what was happening, though he started to really get into it. As this was going on, all our friends came to see if Spike had been cured, only to see this. Luna was the first to break the silence. " Was this part of your plan?"
" Not exactly." It was at that moment that we saw Spike starting to shrink. " Though it does seem to be working." We all watched as Spike slowly shrank and was able to get out of the ropes. Soon Spike had shrunk to about Rarity's height and stopped there, guess that's his new size for a bit.
They broke off their kiss and looked into each other's eyes. Spike brought her into a hug and openly wept. " I'm sorry about all this. I can't believe I did all that."
" Shh, shh, it's alright my little Spikey." They broke their hug and came over to us. " Everyone, I believe Spike has something to say to us."
We all turned our attention over to Spike. " I'm sorry for all the damage I caused."
" Don't worry about it Spike, puberty can be such a bitch at times. Besides, if this situation never happened, you and Rarity wouldn't have made it to first base. Not bad for a scrawny little spit-fuck." The others agreed with most of what I said, and Twilight seemed happy that Spike had a girlfriend, though something was still bugging me. " By the way, what did you do with all the leaves from the orchard?" He pointed over to the chicken coop that he kept whatever crap he'd been taking. " Alright, well I'm going to take all this back to the citizens of this fine town, and if anyone asks who did this, it was your evil cousin from out of town."
They all seemed to accept that as I took the coop and went over to play Santa. As I got close to town, three members of the Wonderbolts landed in front of me, one of them I recognized as Spitfire. " Joe, did you see what did this?"
Now, me being the noble friend that I am, I decided to take the heat away from Spike, after all, he just found love. " I'm embarrassed to say, that this was my doing captain."
She looked really confused by this. " We were told it was a creature the size of a full-grown dragon."
Damn, they have intel. Don't worry, just come up with a good story. " I was fighting a balrog from the depths of Hell." Do'h.
" Oh, well I guess with that done, we'll be on our way." By the god's they believed that. They were about to take off before I stopped them.
" How about you help your prince distribute all this stuff I managed to save during the battle." She was about to protest but I went ahead and put on some authority. " That's an order, captain." She grumbled some kind of swear while saluting, then she and her squad helped me bring back everything that was snatched up. After today, I'm breaking into my stash of moonshine to forget about today.
Author's Notes:
Alright, not as long as some of the more recent chapters, but I think it was pretty good. And, Spike and Rarity are an item. Also, for whoever's going to put in the comments about ' He had a water tower hold all his things' that only happened after he got Rarity from the Boutique.
Anyway, next chapter will be family appreciation day with a slight change of speaker. Also, yes, Discord broke the fourth wall.
Clip!
History lesson. ( Edited)
Prelude
It's been three days since Spike's rampage and when he and Rarity finally became a couple. Since no one recognized Spike in his larger form, they believed the whole evil cousin story. As for Rarity and Spike, well things seemed normal between them, though they would exchange a kiss every now and then. Twilight seemed to accept their relationship as long as Spike remembered to do some actual work at the library.
Speaking of work, Jackie told me that the zap-apple harvest was starting. I asked her how she could tell and she responded by saying when the Timberwolves start howling, that it's the first sign of the harvest. Through the next few days, I've been helping make sure the harvest would go off without a hitch, even had some Ghost Warrior trainees help work the field. Jackie and Lulu would've helped too, but the babies were due any day now.
During the preparations, I would catch the Crusaders try and convince either Jackie or Big Mac to take Granny's place in speaking at her school. After the attempt at making Granny into a puppet during her nap, I decided that I would speak in her place seeing as I'm AB's brother-in-law. Though I did ask why she didn't ask her Ma or Pa? She said they feared it would awaken some memories from the arena. Yeah, I could see how that would be a problem.
So, with me confirming with Cheerillee and Granny, I took the place as the speaker for Applebloom. I added more of my troops to help with the harvest so my signature slam wouldn't be missed.
And now, to the present.
I found myself once again, walking down the road towards the schoolhouse with the Crusaders by my side. " Hey, quick question, what am I supposed to be talking about again, Me or my family history?"
" Both actually. First, you have to talk about your family history, then about what you do for the community." Well, Sweetie just made me feel a whole lot better.
" So, who ya gonna talk about first Joe?"
" It's a surprise Bloom." We made it to the schoolhouse and went inside the school. I went over to the front and addressed the class and their family members. They weren't here to speak, they just wanted to hear what I had to say.
" Hello everyone!" I received the same greeting as I have the past two times. " Now, I know most of you were expecting Granny Smith to come and speak. But with the zap-apple harvest going on, I was asked to speak instead." I got a few excited cheers from the class, though Diamond seemed disappointed for some reason. " From what my sister-in-law has told me, I have to bring up some family history before I get to myself." I was given a nod from Miss Cheerilee, saying I was good to go.
" I believe the first ancestor I'll talk about, is one from a thousand years ago, his name, is Arminius Huffstutler. Although, at the time, he didn't have the last name. He was just Arminius, leader of the Cherusci tribe. What you might say, a noble of the Germanic tribes at the time." The kids were amazed that I was part of earth royalty at the time. " At the time before he turned twenty-eight, he was just a human being who wanted to free his people from Roman rule."
Before I could continue with my speech, Dinky asked a question. " Who are the Romans Mister Huffstutler?"
" Maybe, it would be best if I showed you. Back on earth, the history channel did a little spread on him before he turned full Werewolf." I summoned a screen with my magic and went back to the memory of what was said. The kids always got excited about this part. Even the parents were curious about what was going to happen. " Here we go." ( End at 5:00)
https://youtu.be/-UQsSC3seUo?list=PLXi7FpXgoZu8oRyZGaDE3A4dPiE7qa-aJ
When the video ended, I went back to my lecture. " Now that, was Arminius before he became a Werewolf, and even then, he was a man that was to be feared and respected." As I paused to put my thoughts together, I saw Appleblooms hoof raise. " What is it, Sis?"
" You keep saying before he was a Werewolf, wasn't your ancestor born a Werewolf like you?" Guess I never told her the whole story of how we came to be.
" That is an excellent question and, it will also explain why a talking gorilla dog like me, ever came to this world." This got all the children and even some of the parents to get excited. " Who here remembers the incident regarding Princess Luna's transformation into Nightmare Moon?" Everyone gave a confirming response to that. " Well, before my wife was banished to the moon, she created a potion, that she planned to put in the water supply. Once someone drank from the water, they would become a creature of the night, to fit with the eternal night plan she was going for."
" However, before she could go forward with this plan, Princess Celestia was able to thwart her plan and send her to the moon. Feeling guilty about having to send her own sister to the moon, she decided to modify the potion and search for a warrior to wield it. That's how she found my ancestor sometime after the battle at the Teutoburg forest. She gave the potion to him making him the first-ever Werewolf with the message that his descendant would be called the day of the thousandth year of Nightmare Moon's banishment. The rest, I think you already know." Everyone was in awe about my story so far and how our worlds met.
Silver Spoon raised her hoof to ask a question. " Do you have any other famous family members?"
" I have about a thousand years worth of famous ancestors. Like my great-grandfather Stephen who lived in Ireland around the time when William Wallace liberated Scotland from the English. He was part of his army and inner-circle to defeat king Longshanks and his army. In fact, he was best known as the mad Irishman because of his care-free demeanor on the battlefield. And thanks to Mel Gibbson's film Braveheart, I can give an accurate telling of his mannerisms." I conjured another image for us to watch. " Now I should warn you all, this will be graphic and a little obscene." And with that, I started the show.
As the film was going, I pointed out my ancestor as well as Wallace and his circle of warriors. When it got to the gorier part with the cavalry, a few of the mothers went to cover their children's eyes. I noticed a few of the fathers who were watching, stayed calm and collected and one actually took notes. Guess they were royal guards who got time off. When the illusion came to an end I looked for questioning minds. One of the dads raised his hoof to ask. " What is it, sir?"
" Are all your ancestor's warriors, or at least had military experience?"
" I'm proud to say that we have all had led our lives by the sword. For instance, my great grandfather Joseph, who I share the same name. He fought against the British during the American revolution. He was a marksman for the colonizers and would often pick off juicy targets from hundreds of yards away like, officers. In fact, he took as many as fifty men with his Kentucky long rifle. Though that's nothing compared to my great grandfather Martin."
" He fought in the second world war on the European front. He was part of the landings that took place along the coast of France dubbed, Operation Neptune, though many call it D-day." Some of the kids looked ready for another show, but I decided against it. " He was part of the Omaha section of the landings, which most historians agree, is one of the bloodiest parts of the invasion. This did not deter my grandad at all as he kept moving up the beach with his Garand and made it to the murder holes, which is what they were calling the machine gun nest's the Nazi's were using against the Allied forces."
" Um, Joe." I looked over to Cheerilee to see that she was getting kind of pale. " I think we've had enough history. Maybe we can get to the part about you?"
" My favorite subject." This got a chuckle from most of the class. " Well, I was born in Austin Texas the live music capital of the world, at least on earth. I spent most of my life there while traveling to different parts of America during school breaks. When I was around thirteen, I was put in military school. Let me tell you this right now, be thankful you have a teacher like Miss Cheerilee. The teacher I had, was the meanest son of a bitch the gods ever put on one leg. He would lean his hands on his desk and swing his leg at ya! Then when you were standing there shocked that a one-legged man had kicked you, he'd bite ya." The kids all looked frightened that such a person could ever be a teacher. Even some of the adults looked afraid.
" When I turned eighteen I went through USMC training and passed with flying colors. I went on one tour over in Germany for six months, didn't really see much combat though. It wasn't until Princess Celestia arrived at my house that things started getting interesting. She brought me over here to help the bearers of the elements fight and cure Princess Luna. When that task had been completed, I was awarded an ax crafted by the dwarves of Svartalfheim, as well as the power of an Alicorn. Hence the wings and magic hands. After my task had been completed, I decided to stay and make a life for myself here."
" As far as a job, you might say I have three. My first job here is a farmhand on Sweetapple Acres. Many times I would be asked to perform what I call, the apple slam. Basically, I rise forty feet in the air then drop with me pounding the earth, this causes the closest twenty trees to shake and let loose their apples. It takes me a full three hours to complete an entire section of the orchard with this method, whereas it would take someone like Big Mac a week to finish with just the regular apple-bucking method. There's another thing that Jackie asks me to do, but I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to say what it is in school."
" My second job was given to me out of fear. A while back, our town seamstress Rarity, was kidnapped by a pack of Diamond Dogs. Spike came to me for help in getting her back when he realized he couldn't do it alone. Both he and I stormed the underground kingdom in search of her and found her in the middle of a large cavern being put to work. At first, we expected a fight to happen but once I wolfed out, they stopped in their tracks and bowed before me." I conjured the crown they gave me and put it on my head. " To keep me from beating the crap out of them, they made me their King. I accepted the job on the condition that I would make them great warriors to serve me. If you all read the news, you'll know that I succeeded in doing just that." I conjured the Canterlot inquisitor and showed them the front page of me and my Ghost Warriors taking down the Caribou as well as Blueblood.
" As for my third job, I married into it." A few of the kids looked puzzled as to how someone can marry into a job. " You see when I got married to Princess Luna, Jackie and I became Equestrian royalty. As far as I know, this doesn't really change anything. Though I might have some diplomatic meetings in the future since I'll be merging my kingdom with this one. Though I think, for the time being, Lulu and Tia will just want me and Jackie to show up at certain parties where we'll just stand there like idiots." This got a laugh from the whole audience.
I was about to continue with my lecture, but I noticed the time on the clock and saw that it was almost time for me to go. " Well everyone, seeing as it's almost time for me to wrap this up, let's see a fun little video." Everyone got excited about another illusion, though Cheerilee looked nervous, no doubt wondering if I'll show something inappropriate, again. " Okay, here's a clip from one of Steven Spielberg's greatest films. I should warn you again, there is death, but it's all directed to the bad guys." I conjured another screen and let it play.
At the end of the illusion, everyone believed the hero to be dead. Time to bust that thought away.
All the sad faces turned to ones of joy when they saw Indiana climb up the edge. And we all busted a gut when he looked over the edge with them. Just when the video ended, the bell signaling the end of the school day rung. " Alright, that was a very informative piece of family history. Class, what do we say to Mister Huffstutler?"
" Thank you!"
" It's always a pleasure to visit. Now if you'll excuse me, Applebloom and I have some zap apple jam to make." I then walked up to Applebloom and ripped open a portal to the kitchen at the farmhouse. When we went through, we were greeted by Granny.
" So, how did family appreciation day go?"
" It was great! We all learned that if it wasn't for Joe and his family, we might be having this discussion in the dark!"
" Oh Applebloom, you're gonna make me blush." I gave her hair a tussle before heading over to the jam that was cooking on the stove. " So how's the first batch coming Granny?"
She grabbed a wooden spoon and ladled a bit of jam. " See for yourself youngin."
I took the spoon from her and stuck it in my mouth. Once that jam hit my tongue, I froze stalk still as the incredible flavor slammed into my taste buds like a wave against the rocks.
As I stood there unmoving with the spoon still in my mouth granny chuckled to herself. " It never fails. The first time always leaves them in shock."
Author's Notes:
Alright, so a little fun chapter here. The next chapter will deal with something that may test Joe's resolve. Parenthood
The new arrivals. ( Edited)
Prelude
It has been an exciting few days. It all started when Pinkie announced that Mrs. Cake had gone into labor. We all went to the hospital to see how it went and were greatly surprised by the results. Cupcake had given birth to two healthy twin foals, what surprised us was that the boy was a pegasus, and the girl was a unicorn. I found it weird considering both parents were earth ponies, even with Carrotcakes explanation of how one member was a unicorn and the other a pegasus. I suspected adultery until Twilight explained that pony genetics could be awakened at any time in the gene pool.
To be honest it really didn't matter to me. They were both healthy and had two loving parents that would take care of them. Seeing as the Cakes had no immediate family nearby, they decided to make Pear and Bright Mac the twins godparents. They were happy to be considered for the job and accepted it without hesitation.
But the most important thing about their birth had to be their timing. It seems Cupcake had gotten pregnant a week before my Valkyries had. Meaning my children were due anytime now, at least that's what the doctor told us. I was so excited, I would barely leave my wives' side anywhere. Though oftentimes you would find me in the babies' room, filling it with toys, a changing table, bedtime stories, diapers, and of course a baby monitor between their room and ours. And it is here that you would find me now.
Jack and Orion's room, Joe's Pov.
It was the middle of the afternoon and I was in the baby's room with a paintbrush in one hand, and a bottle of Jack in the other. I must have painted this room twenty times by now, but ever since the doc told us about the due date, I've been a nervous wreck, hence the bottle. " Maybe I should paint a mural of Texas on this wall, and a mural of all our friends and family on the opposite wall." I took a swig from the bottle and starred at my brush. " It would help if I had some paint left." I tossed the brush aside and downed the rest of the bottle. With the bottle empty I sunk to the floor and passed out.
I must have been there for a while cause the sun was setting in the west. When I woke up from my nap, I was greeted by my two wives, and they did not look happy. " Hey...sexy mommas. What brings you to my neck of the woods?" I slurred most of my words thanks to Jack Daniel. Instead of hollering at me for being drunk in the baby's room, they both sat on either side of me with worried expressions.
Luna was the first to speak. " Joe, you look like hell. We're concerned that you might be running yourself towards exhaustion."
" That's why we want you to go out with your guy friends and relax. These babies still have a day or two before it's time, we'll be fine. Go and have fun." I was about to protest against such a thing, till Jackie put her hoof on my hand. " Keep the lantern Luna gave you and we'll message you if it's time, alright."
" Oh, alright. I guess I have been letting myself go, maybe I'll have a guys night out with the fellas." I got up from between them and headed for the door. But not without giving them one final message. " The instant one or both of you go into labor, message me and head straight for the hospital okay."
" Understood, now go and relax love, we'll be fine." They both gave me a kiss saying that I had nothing to worry about while I was gone.
With some reluctance, I went about the house looking for Discord. " Discord! Get your baboon ass out of whatever dimension or toilet stall you're in and get out here!" In a flash of light, Discord appeared in front of me in green camouflage and a pair of panties with Celestia's cutie mark on his deer antler. We starred at each other seeing as this was very awkward. " So what ahh....what were you doing just now?"
He snapped his get up away and hid the panties behind his back. " Nothing! Just......planning a wine tasting." I gave him a ' what the fuck' look as it looked like he went through Celestia's underpants drawer. " So what did you need me for because if it's about that toilet again you can just shock me now."
" I'm not going to shock you. At least not yet. No, I called you here so you can gather up the guys for a guys night out."
" Really? This close to the baby's arrival? Oh, I can't wait to see what chaos this will ensue when Luna and Applejack find out."
" Save it, they're the ones who told me to do this. Now gather up the guys and meet me at the bowling alley." He disappeared and went to gather our friends, while I headed for the alley. While I was walking through the town toward my destination, the alcohol left my bloodstream, just as quickly as it entered it. Now, with a clear head, I was able to process the situation that I found myself in. I had left the side of my wives when they would need my help, for a night of debauchery. Hopefully, it would be another day till the kids arrive, instead of hours.
I had reached the bowling alley where I saw my friends had gathered at the front. Our group consisted of Discord, Big Mac, Spike, and Shining Armor. Dad would have been there too, but Celestia requested him in Canterlot for the week, something about someone entering her chambers without her say-so. I had walked up to them to tell how our evening would go. " Hey, fellas, ready for some fun?"
"I thought you weren't going to leave Luna and Applejack's side till those kids arrive? Also, I was in the middle of training the new night guard before Discord came and got me."
" You were in Cadence's room putting rose petals on the bed. And before I came in you had a can of whipped cream ready to be sprayed on your crotch."
" Well, how else was I supposed to ask Cadence for a blowjob?" Shining complained to us.
Discord gave an answer. " You lean your head back, arch your crotch in the air and say ' Dinner is served'. That's how you ask for a blowjob."
To save ourselves from any more awkwardness, Mac went and changed the subject. " Are you sure my sister was okay with you going out here with us?"
" Like I told Discord, She and Luna were the ones who told me to do something away from the house. And I figured doing something with some friends would be better than doing something stupid alone." I got in the middle of the group and herded them with my wings. " Our first stop, bowling."
We entered the alley and got us a lane while Mac went to get us some drinks. While we waited for him, Shining started a conversation with Spike. " So, Twilight tells me you have a girlfriend. Is that true, or is she pulling my leg again?"
" It's true big bro. Thanks to Joe, Rarity and I started dating about a week ago. So far we've only been on one date."
" Awesome little buddy. When you get past third base, I'll buy you a beer." It was at that point that Mac came by with our drinks. " Thanks, Mac. Alright, here's how this goes. Any time one of us gets a strike, we take a drink." Everyone agreed to this but Spike.
" I can't, my body is a temple."
" No, it's not, it's an amusement park."
" I don't think Twilight would like if I did that."
" Well tonight, you are among friends and your older brother. So throw your fears out the door and drink with us." Spike looked at all our expressions to see that we wanted him to join in on the fun. And so, with a tentative claw, he grabbed the unclaimed beer and raised it to his lips to drink. " That's the spirit!" We all raised our glasses and downed the first beer of the night.
With the first drink out of the way, we all began our game. We each made a strike on our first roll and therefore needed more beer. We must have gone through a whole keg of beer after our first game. It didn't matter who was winning, this was just an excuse to let out the primal male element in us. As the evening went on, we decided it was time to go get something to eat and food at the bowling alley was never a good option.
" Come on guys, let's head over to my kingdom for a feast." We paid for our game and left the alley to get some grub. On the way, we engaged in some enlightening conversation between ourselves. " I have to ask Shining. How did you and Cadence meet?"
" We met through Twilight actually." I gave him a raised eyebrow at the thought of his sister who used to be anti-social, play matchmaker between the two. " Before Twilight got her cutie mark, Cadence would foal-sit for her. After some time we became friends, then things started to escalate from there. About two months before the Gala I proposed to her via ring in the champagne glass." He looked very proud of how his proposal method went. I didn't have the heart to tell him how much of a cliche that was back on earth.
" I was just glad when you finally moved out so I could get some sleep without hearing the creaking of bedsprings."
" Now that sounds like an overdone porno plot." We glared at Discord again while he just laughed his ass off.
" What about you, Mac, got your eye on some gal?"
" Most of the mares I've found attractive are already taken or their just not my type."
" Curious, and what is your type if I might ask?" Discord started waggling his eyebrows in a wave.
" Well, I've always had a thing for unicorns."
" So horny for the horn huh?" This time it was Shining who made the situation weird so I slapped him upside the head. " Ow!"
Before more could be said, we made it to the entrance to my underground kingdom. " Welcome friends, to my kingdom! Herot!"
They all just stared at the entrance with unsure looks, that is until Spike said something. " Um, Joe, no offense, but your kingdoms a cave in the side of a cliff."
" That's just the entrance. Wait till you see the real deal." We passed through the entrance and started down the path through the cavern. Within moments our path was illuminated by crystals that were embedded in the walls. Soon the path we took was joined by an underground river that flowed with us. Another few minutes and we reached a large open section of the cave where the river flowed into a lake. Next to the lake stood a massive kingdom carved into the rock face. It made me proud to see my subjects go from rolling around in the dirt, to a race of proud warriors with a kingdom to match. " This my friends is the real Herot."
The guys starred in awe at the awesome might of my kingdom. As we got closer, we were greeted to the sight of my citizens going about there evening. Most were closing up their stalls for the day to head home while on the field to our right, my army could be seen doing drills and sparring with one another. Once we got into the city, Spike had this to ask. " How is it that within a few months, you've turned a small group of tunnel systems, into a giant kingdom that might very well be larger than Canterlot?"
" I taught them how they can make their lives more luxuries and fitting for warriors. Also, I helped shape the buildings and homes while I had some free time to myself." They all gave a quick nod of understanding at that. " Okay, lets hit the feast hall."
We strolled through the city heading for the feast hall. On the way there, my subjects would either bow their heads or salute me whenever we walked by. My friends just kept looking at the sights that there were, although Shining kept looking at my guards and soldiers, or more specifically their weapons. " Hey, Joe, why do your guards carry clubs instead of swords?"
" Because a sword can't puncture through armor. With a club, you can break bones, limbs, and can concuss through a helmet. Also, you don't have to do much maintenance on a club then you would a sword." After our conversation, we made it to the feast hall titled ' Beowulfs feast hall'. " Finally, I'm so hungry, I could eat a full helping of raccoon brains." We entered the hall and was met with a tantalizing scent of mead and roast boar. My mouth, as well as Spike and Discords, watered at the sight of such a feast while Mac and Shining were eying the vegetables on the side.
We rushed to the main table and filled our plates with food and our cups with mead. Usually, I prefer beer, but they don't know how to make it just yet. As we ate and talked amongst ourselves, a trio of warriors found their way to the hall. It just so happens that the trio of dogs happens to be my military leaders, Spot, Rover, and Fido. When they saw me, I flagged them over to join us. " Pull up a chair and sit with your king."
Rover was the one to speak for the trio. " Of course my liege, but I thought you were going to be staying with your queens until the young princes were born?"
" And I would be, but they wanted me to relieve some stress. Besides they're going to message me if the babies are coming." No sooner had the last syllable left my lips, the lantern glowed bright blue and a letter popped into existence. " Kinda like that......Oh crap!" I took the letter and read it. " Jackie and Luna just went into labor and are at the hospital! Spike, send a letter to Celestia, she'll want to know about this!"
" On it!" He quickly wrote up a quick note on one of the many bar-napkins and flame delivered it to Celestia and hopefully, dad would be there to hear about this.
" Alright, everyone let's go!" I tore open a portal heading towards the front of the hospital. I let all my friends go first before I turned to my Warriors Three. " Fellas, alert the populace that my sons will be born soon. I'll tell you when they are, and we'll celebrate their birth when my wives recover, but right now, I gotta go, so bye." I left those three to do as I ordered and went through the portal to meet with my friends.
" I'll wrangle the rest of the family. Spike will get the girls, while you go in there and support Luna and my sister." I nodded toward Mac as he and Spike went to do just that.
The rest of us went through the doors and to the receptionist. " Where are they keeping my wives?"
" Down the hall......and, and it will be room......304." The nurse seemed a bit intimidated, but at this point, I don't care.
" Thanks." I went down the hall and headed straight for the room that was mentioned. Though I could tell which room they were in just by the screams.
" AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Fucking royal Canterlot voice. At least I know I haven't missed Luna giving birth, hopefully, the same can be said for Jackie.
When I entered the room, my wives were in separate beds that have been pushed closer together with just enough space for the team of doctors to do their jobs. I put on the scrubs offered to me by the doctor and headed for my wives. " It's alright, I'm here." Before I knew it, both my arms were being taken by my wives and my hands were getting crushed. " Yeow!"
Luna fixed me with an angry glare. " The pain you're feeling right now is nothing, compared to the pain that Applejack and I are going through." She hissed towards me.
Jackie jerked me over to her side. " Is the family coming? I don't want them to miss this."
Fighting through the pain of having the bones in my hands turn to gravel, I answered. " Mac went to get the Apple family and Spike went to get our friends. Also, Spike sent a letter to Celestia, so she and dad should be here soon." At that moment on the other side of the room, a white flash went off and Celestia arrived with my dad on her back. " Certainly didn't expect to see that today."
Celestia bucked dad off her back and went to Luna. " Sister, are you alright? What can I do to help?"
One of the doctors came up to her and said. " I'm sorry your highness, but only the father and staff are allowed in here." Celestia gave him a death glare saying she wasn't going anywhere. But the doctor just stared right back and with more authority said. " Out! Now!" This guy had some balls on him. Celestia left the room in a huff to go join the others in the waiting room. Dad gave us a reassuring look and left with Celestia. " Alright, now that the distractions are gone, let's deliver these kids."
Waiting room. Davids Pov.
We were out in the waiting room, waiting for the good news about my grandchildren. The others arrived five minutes after we did also eager to know how Applejack and Luna are doing. From the screaming, I'd say they have about a few hours left before they pop out.
As we sat on the bench waiting I struck up a conversation with Celestia who was busy pacing the floor. " So, I take it Luna never went through something like this?"
" No, before your son came along she was a virgin. I'm worried because I have gone through this. I know how painful it can be."
I got up and placed my hand on her back. " Listen to me, Celestia. Both Luna and Applejack are strong and will pull through this and give you two nephews to love, and two grandchildren for the Apples and me to spoil. Besides, my son is in there with them making sure that everything will go smoothly." She gave me a smile and hugged me after the reassurance. Just as we broke our hug, we heard a crack come down the hall as well as my son screaming.
" Yeeeeaaaahhhhhhaaaaaa!" My son came crashing through multiple walls of the building and came crashing into the little coffee kiosk next to us. He slowly got up and I could see he had two hoof prints on his forehead. He looked towards us and gave a little wave which we returned. " Well. The doctor told me to take care of Jackie while he worked with Luna. As it turns out" He pointed to his head, " she still has some strength in her legs."
" I was the same way when I was having her." Pear Butter announced to all the group. It made me feel sorry for Joe and Bright Mac.
" Well, I'm going back in, and I'm going to bring my sons into this crazy world we call home." He got up and started walking towards the room. He walked like he was drunk on Jager, on a Friday night. Must've been a pretty hard kick.
When he was out of sight, I turned back to Celestia to show she had a deadpan expression towards me. " Hey, at least he got back up. A kick like that would kill any normal man." She rolled her eyes and sat down with the others while I looked to where my son disappeared to. " Gods above, let my boy have the strength to deal with this."
It had been a few hours since we were called about Luna and Applejack going into labor and the shenanigans kept ongoing. Screams could be heard from both of the mothers to be. Many times I would see doctors and nurses running in and out of the room carrying various materials you wouldn't expect to be of any help in delivering a child. The girls had drifted off to sleep, while the Apple family, as well as Celestia, kept awake.
At one point Applebloom tried helping the doctors to try and get her Cutie Mark in medicine. It was short-lived as the chief of medicine brought her over to us telling us to keep her on a short leash.
After a while, Celestia went to lower the moon and raise the sun as it was that time. When she came back over to us, she had this to say. " I truly believe that I should at least see if I should lend my assistance. I think I'll go and see what I can do."
Just as she was about to head off in that direction, I grabbed a hold of her tail and yanked her back over to us. " I know you're eager for this to be over, but you must let the doctors do their job. Besides, in the long history of the werewolf, never has there been a single complication when it came to us being born, either for us or the mother. Just be patient, I'm sure it will be over-"
" Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!" A loud dual scream came from the room they were all in. It woke the girls and we all rushed to see if anything had happened. We were a quarter of the way to the room when another sound stopped us in our tracks. The sound of two children crying.
Once that sound hit our ears, we ran full force to the room to see the babies.
Room 304 Joe's Pov
The morning had come. I was sitting in-between my wives slumped in the chair exhausted while Jackie and Luna were fast asleep. It had been a long night of screaming and back-breaking labor, but it was worth it in the end. As I sat in that chair, I held my newborn sons in each arm.
In my left arm, I held mine and Jackies, son, Jack. He had my newly acquired werewolf form, meaning he had wings and small sparks coming from his hands, though his magic was green in color and his wings were orange like his mother's coat. His hair was blonde and his eyes were green, something he got from his mother as well.
In my right arm, I held my eldest son, Orion, whom Luna was happy to have given birth to. He too shared the gift of the werewolf as well as wings and magic. Like his brother, he shared Lunas eye coloring and had a crop of hair that was ethereal and starry like hers. His wings also took on the coloring of Luna's coat color, making him look like her if Luna were human.
I sat there for two whole minutes before our family and friends came bursting through the door, or in Pinkies case through the giant hole in the wall. They had gathered around us to see the boys and how Luna and Jackie are doing. Since the mothers were asleep, they decided to crowd me and my sons. " Come to say hello to the boys huh?" Celestia, Discord, Cadence, and dad approached Orion on my right, while the whole Apple family approached Jack on my left, Spike, Shining, and the girls watched from the center. " Everyone, meet Orion David Huffstutler" I jostled the little tyke in my right arm " and Jack Sidney Huffstutler." and I bounced the other one in my left arm. " Boys, meet the rest of the family."
I let Celestia take Orion and Pear took hold of Jack while dad came over to my side. " Fine job son, they look like they'll be fine young boys."
" I know they will because they have three parents who love them, and an array of family and friends to help support them." I looked over to my right to see Luna started waking up from her short nap. " Hey, gorgeous, how ya feeling?"
" Like I pushed a stone out of me." She smiled and shared a brief kiss with me. " How's our little Orion doing?"
" At the moment, being smothered in kisses by your sister. Other than that, he's a healthy lad with his mother's eyes, and his father's good looks." She slapped my head with her wing and smirked at my smart-ass attitude. " I'll bring him over to you." I got up from my seat and headed to Celestia, who at the moment was busy tickling Orion with her wingtips. " Alright Tia, time for him to meet his mama." With some reluctance, she gave Orion back to me and I brought him over to Luna. " Say hi to mommy little buddy."
I put Orion in her hooves and she quickly cuddled him. " My sweet baby boy, mommy's so glad to see you." I smiled warmly that my lunar child and wife were snuggled together.
As they bonded, I went over to Jackie's bed to see how she's doing. I gently shook her awake and smiled as she started to wake from her slumber. " Hey, Sugar, you feeling alright?"
" I feel like I did the whole apple harvest by myself." She looked over to the side to see Jack being cuddled by her mother while the rest of the Apple family swooned over how cute he is. When Pear noticed that Jackie was awake, she came over and handed Jack over to her. " Thank ya ma."
" You did a great job, honey." Jackie started to openly cry and leaned towards her mother. " Pumpkin, what's the matter?"
" It's just that, I feel sorry for having to put you through this when I was being born."
Pear brought the two of them in a hug and spoke some calming words. " It did hurt a little bit when you three were being born. But in the end, watching my children grow up happy was worth the pain." She hugged her and Jack tighter in her forelegs as tears started to flow from her eyes as well.
I stepped back from the beds and plopped on the chair opposite the room. I was later joined by my father and the guys in our group while the girls kept cooing over Jack and Orion. With a bit of my magic, I summoned a box of Montecristo Cuban cigars and distributed them to all the guys. " Well fellas, I'd say this was a perfect evening."
" I'll say. I don't have to clean that damn toilet anymore."
Instead of scolding Discord for his stupid comment, I decided to turn it around. " You're absolutely right my friend, 'cause you've been promoted to changing the little ankle-biters diapers."
" If you think that I would ever-"
" Maybe I'll make you their nanny, have you wear a dress and call you Marry Poppins?" Steam started coming out of his ears and his face turned beet red before actually turning into a beet. " Or, you can cut the crap and be happy that you have two ways to distract yourself from rummaging through Celestia's underwear drawer."
" He did what!" It seems that Celestia heard me. She fixed Discord with a death glare and prepared to charge him with a bit of fire lancing through her horn. " I'm gonna shove one horn up your ass, and the other one in your dick!"
" I'm gonna take off, for now, I'll see you after the heat is off." Instead of him teleporting out of here, he jumped through the window with Celestia giving chase.
We all looked out the window those two went out of and held our heads in our assorted appendages. Finally, Luna spoke to our boys. " That was your crazy aunt Celestia. She's usually a lot more in control of herself, though not by much."
" It's just one of the many things they'll have to live with, growing up in this family." Applejack joked as she nuzzled Jack's cheek.
" In the last thousand or so years, nothing has been normal or sane about the Huffstutler clan. And with the way things are going," I went over to my Valkyries beds and put a hand on each of my sons heads. " these two will carry on that tradition." This got a laugh from everyone in the room and to our infinite joy, my boys had their very first laugh. " I love you, boys. I know you'll grow to be great warriors and true lady killers."
" Just like his father." Luna gave me a kiss on both my cheek and Orions.
" Though, hopefully, with a little more caution to danger." Jackie gave a kiss to Jack but stuck her tongue out at me, so I just gave her a lick on the cheek.
" In either case, those boys will have a ton of support from their grandparents," Dad told us while standing next to Pear and Bright Mac.
" Whatever you say oldtimer." We all surrounded the beds, and as best we could give each of the boys a hug.
Canterlot castle, one week later.
It was the middle of the afternoon and a massive crowd had gathered at the steps of the castle for the big announcement. The crowd was a mixture of ponies and diamond dogs who came to see the newest members of royalty. At the front of the crowd sat our friends, dad, the Apple family, and Discord. At the top of the stairs stood Celestia, Luna, Jackie, my boys and myself. We had gathered to tell the populace of the newborn princes and to merge our kingdoms into a larger nation.
Celestia started us off by addressing her subjects first. " My dear ponies, we are gathered here to celebrate the birth of Equestria and Herot's new princes. Presenting for the first time, Prince Orion, and Prince Jack of Equestria and Herot." Luna took hold of Orion and Jackie took hold of Jack, and held them up high while I held both my wives up in each of my arms. The whole crowd cheered for us and our children, the ponies stomped on the pavement while my citizens howled with delight.
I placed my wives down and went up to speak next. " Since me and my sons are of two royalties, the princesses and I have come to a decision that we will merge our two kingdoms together. We have decided that the names will be the same as we had no real idea of what to call our merged nation. I have no doubt in my mind that this will make us the envy of every other nation. But make no mistake, my first job here was to help this world, and it will continue to be until Odin calls me to Valhalla. I'm going to wrap it up so I don't go on a rant. Thank you for showing up and have a pleasant rest of your day."
Everyone gave another cheer and started to depart for their homes or place of business. I went back to my Valkyries to see if they thought I did alright. " You must work on your speeches dear, short and sweet is usually the best."
" Noted. Now come on, let's head home, it's about time for some boys to have their nap." We regrouped with our friends and headed for the train station to go home. I helped both my sons in my arms while we rode the train home and we started to doze off. My last conscious thought was how lucky I was to have two handsome boys to watch and grow to be fine young men.
Author's Notes:
I have to admit, I was in tears when writing this. I took their middle names from my grandfather's first names. Also, just because the two kingdoms merged into one, doesn't mean the story will change much. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to start writing about my son's first Hearths Warming.
On a side note before I leave: Is there anyone who would like to do some artwork of Orion and Jack? If so please message me and I'll see about putting it in the story.
Clip.
You know what, let's have another clip in honor of Orion and Jack.
https://youtu.be/Ym3ZaqIcnb0?list=PLXi7FpXgoZu8oRyZGaDE3A4dPiE7qa-aJ
It's beginning to look a lot like Hearths Warming. ( Slight edit.)
Apple farmhouse sitting room.
It has been a week since we announced our sons to the world and Hearths Warming was just a day away. I was helping Bright Mac put up some decorations around the house while Jackie helped her mother cook and Luna was watching Applebloom play with Jack and Orion. We were having a nice family feast before the Hearths Warming play we were going to. Once I put up the wreath above the fireplace, Dad and Big Mac came in with a big tree for us to decorate.
" Hey everyone, the lumberjacks are back with a big 'ole tree for us to decorate." Everyone stopped what they were doing and came over to see the tree. Dad and Big Mac got a seven-foot pine tree from the Everfree.
" Ah'll get the ornaments!" AB yelled as she went to go get them. Within a minute, Applebloom came back, pushing a cardboard box into the room. She opened the box up and rummaged through the ornaments while I helped dad set the tree up in the corner by the window. When the tree was up and ready, Bloom came back with an array of personalized ornaments. " Here, Joe put this one up first."
She handed me the ornament and I took a look at it. It was a picture frame ornament that was made from school crafts. There was no picture in the frame but it did have a small message at the bottom, ' Baby's first Hearths Warming'. " Where did you get this Bloom?"
" It was a project, Miss Cheerilee gave us. She said to make an ornament for our family, so I thought I would make something for my new nephews." She smiled at me and gave me a hug.
" This is a wonderful gift, although it needs one more thing to complete it." I went over to the camera on the shelf and went over to Luna and Jackie who were playing with the boys. " Alright, time for a photo." They took the boys over to the fireplace and got in position. Luna on my left and Jackie on my right with the boys in the middle. I backed up enough to where I could get a good shot. " Okay, smile for daddy." My wives gave me a nice smile while my sons just looked at the camera, and I took the picture. A flash of light and the moment was captured, I took the photo from the camera and placed it in the ornament.
I placed the ornament on the tree and helped put the rest of the decorations on the tree. A lot of the ornaments were the basic ones you would see on any other tree. Some of them were personalized and had a picture or were uniquely crafted to show someone's hobby, a lot were apple-themed while Luna put up a crescent moon ornament and put the star on top.
We all took a step back and admired the tree. " Well, if that isn't the best looking tree I've ever seen!" Granny remarked as she gazed upon the tree.
" It is really nice granny, but I hear the stew cooking over." Jackie went back to the kitchen with her mom and went to get dinner ready. Five minutes later we were called to dinner. We ate a delicious apple and carrot stew while I fed Orion and Jack applesauce and mashed peas. When the family saw that they were already on squashed food I told them we mature faster than normal.
Once we all ate and got the boys cleaned up, we headed out the house and toward the station to head up to Canterlot for the play.
Canterlot Theatre.
I was in the royal box with Luna sitting beside me and the Apple family behind me with dad. I had the boys sitting on my lap as we watched the tale of Hearths Warming. We watched as Spike started off the story on how the three pony tribes had an uneasy relationship two-thousand years ago. We watched as Rarity, Dash, and Pinkie played the leaders of the three tribes.
We watched as they fought over whose fault it was over the weather going on in their home before Equestria. When they went back to their kingdoms, we saw Fluttershy, Twilight and Jackie play the voices of reason. " Look, there's mama, say hi to mama." The boys giggled when I made them wave at Jackie. It was decided that since Jackie and Lulu were both their mothers, they would call Jackie mama and Luna mommy.
As the play continued, we saw how Equestria was founded and how the problem followed them there. Turns out, the problem was a version of winter spirits called, windigos that feed off of hate and anger. The boys started to cry when the ice started to cover everyone including Jackie until Twilight made a flaming heart and chased the Windigos away. At the end of the play, we all cheered for the girls as they took a bow at the end.
When the play was being wrapped up, Celestia appeared on the stage for an announcement. " First off, I would like to thank the cast for a wonderful performance." Once again, the elements and Spike took a bow of recognition. " In honor of the holiday season, I would like to ask my brother-in-law to show us a little holiday spirit from his world." This caught me completely off guard, here I thought I was to enjoy the sight of my wife on stage. Instead, I'm asked to be an entertainer. " Joe, could you please join me on stage."
I picked the boys off my lap and handed them to Luna and gave her a kiss. I then glided down to the stage and gave a hug to Tia. " Couldn't warn me beforehand?" She gave me a cheeky smile and left me and the rest of the cast on the stage. I turned to the audience and addressed them. " First off, I would like to say that I was caught completely off guard about this. But that does not mean I don't have a plan to make this evening more fun." The whole audience was captivated with what I was about to do, from the looks of Applebloom and her friends, they expected what I always did for their class. " Now, let's begin." I created a screen that would rival the screen at any IMAX theatre and started the fun.
https://youtu.be/-6gon66jF8s?list=LLCzG2W-JN2NHN-SokErZefw
As the little video played, I thought of all the Christmas movies I've seen over the years. I could go with the stop-motion movies or the more visually stunning CGI movies. As the small intro ended, I got the perfect idea of what to show. Putting a little more magic into my hands, I let the screen, play out a Christmas masterpiece. " Alright, time for the main event! Ladies and gents, I give you Jean Shepherd and Bob Clarks, A Christma Story!" With that done, I went over to the royal box with Jackie and watched the best holiday movie ever made with the boys back on my lap.
As the film went on, I would hear kids laughing and gawking at the toys displayed at Higbee's and I had no doubt they were pinning for a Red Rider just as badly as Ralphie. When it got to the part about shooting your eye out for the first time, many of the moms in the audience agreed, including Jackie and Luna. Though I did laugh at the little Black Bart dream.
Everyone laughed at the silliness of that scene. We continued to watch the movie and laugh when something funny happened, which was pretty much happening every minute. A few members of the audience couldn't believe the mouth on Schwartz as he told the story about the flagpole. Wait till they get to the dare.
The audience was in an uproar over the whole thing. First, it was because of the breach of dare etiquette which changed rapidly when Flick started screaming like a girl when his tongue got stuck. The majority of the kids nodded when the wisdom on not getting caught was in everyone's best interest, though the parents fixed an accusing look at their kids. Suddenly, the introduction to Scott Farkus appeared, and we all watched the scene unfold.
To me and the rest of the adults, we saw a kid who needed a good spanking. To the kids, on the other hand, Scott Farkus would be remembered for years to come as the representation of the bully's that plagued their schools and home-towns. The part about the Bumpus hounds and the father got a chuckle from my father and a sad look from Fluttershy when one of the hound's ears got caught in the door.
When the dinner scene came up, we laughed at how Randy would eat like a pig and the mother encouraging him to keep acting like a pig. When the knocking at the front door could be heard, I realized I put both myself and every stallion in the audience in trouble with their mares. Curse that lamp. At least I got to laugh at the mispronunciation of fragile.
When the lamp scene was over I could see every mare with a stallion, give them accusing looks. When I turned to my right, I saw Luna and Jackie give me accusing looks. Guess I deserve that. Luckily the scene where Ralphie daydreaming about getting a good grade took the focus away from us males. The movie went on to the tree emporium and we saw them haggle for a good tree. Soon the scene of them returning home came into view and how Ralph was asked to help his father. In my opinion, the best scene in the movie.
Many mothers in the audience looked at their foals, giving the message that if they heard them cursing, they'd be putting a bar of soap in their mouths. I even saw Pear glaring at Big Mac and Jackie, guess not even being an adult excuses one from their mother's punishment. We all cringed when the mom on the phone went into a rage and punished Schwartz for no reason. When the blind fantasy came up, a mix of cries and laughter filled the room.
The Ovaltine message got a few boos from the kids in the audience as no doubt, they were scammed into something similar. A few adults got the masturbation joke while others looked at them weirdly. Soon the scene where the mom broke the lamp occurred and it caused every mare to cheer, though the kids were unsure why. Later we saw the kids back in the classroom having their assignment given back to them.
We all heard Twilight scream in absolute horror when Ralph received a C for his theme. Despite that outburst, we laughed when the teacher became a witch laughing about how Ralph got a C+. Our laughter only increased when the ' You'll shoot your eye out!' message was revealed and how the mother joined his teacher in the taunting wearing a jester costume. Soon though, the movie got to the scene where Ralph loses his temper.
When the fight started, no one could believe that Ralph would ever do such a thing. It only escalated when the kids in the movie encouraged him to finish Scott off. When the cursing started, every parent had unhinged jaws and couldn't believe the things he was saying, although to be fair most of the cursing was complete gibberish. Once the mom intervened and comforted her son, everyone gained their senses.
With the scene towards the dad coming home building up, a few audience members took pity on Ralph. When it was revealed that the mother defused the situation, many of the kids gave a hug to their moms, including AppleBloom hugging Pear in a tight embrace.
Soon the plan to ask Santa for the BB gun had arrived. We watched the parade the movie showed and many gave a weird look to Mickey Mouse being attacked by flying monkeys. Many kids had dropped their jaws when they saw how long the line to see Santa really was. Finally, after many minutes of waiting in line, Ralph was able to see Santa.
When Ralph got pushed down the slide, many of the kids including myself joined him in screaming no. The whole theater looked at me as if I've gone insane. What they didn't know, is that I sold my sanity to a guy named Ash in Austin for fifty bucks. They all went back to watching the film when the tree went and shorted a fuse. We then saw the kids waking up to see what they got for Christmas and tearing into the presents. Then it came time to show Aunt Clara's gift to Ralph.
Everyone laughed their asses off when Ralph came down to show off Aunt Clara's gift. Pinkie and Cadence gave me an angry glare when the father said that Ralph looked like a pink nightmare, but not before Fluttershy directed her ire to me when the term deranged easter bunny was said. When the mood settled down and it looked like the movie was about to be over, Ralph's dad pointed out something that was behind the desk.
Not a single face had a frown on it as it was revealed that after days of scheming and begging, Ralph had finally gotten his BB gun. We chuckled almost in sync when the father did and couldn't wait for Ralph to make a shot. When he finally did, it looked like he had shot his eye out. Thankfully, that wasn't the case, however, the fact that he busted his glasses got everyone on edge. When Ralph lied about how his glasses busted, Jackie jabbed my ribs with her elbow.
We suddenly busted our guts when the Bumpus hounds came in and ruined the turkey dinner and the leftover meals that would have been. Near the end of the film, I cuddled with my Valkyries as the credits rolled. " I think that went well, don't you?"
" Aside from the lamp and teaching how to avoid being punished for doing the wrong thing, it was a very nice story." Jackie cuddled closer as Jack slept in his mother's hooves. I returned the embrace as both Luna and Orion joined us.
We broke the embrace and made for the exit and for the station to get home and tuck the little ones in bed. They would need their sleep for tomorrow.
" Wake up Joe, it's Hearths Warming!" Applebloom screamed in my ear and shook me off the living room couch as she wanted me awake for Hearths Warming.
" By Odin's beard, alright I'm up. Go bother your parents while I put a shirt on." She went back upstairs and went to go wake up Pear and Bright. " Wake up dad, I know she woke you up to." Dad got up from the sleeping bag he slept in and went to the kitchen to make coffee. As for me, I got up and went to put away the sheets on the couch. The reason for the couch and sleeping bag was because we all decided to stay at the farmhouse and celebrate the holiday here. Jackie took Luna and the kids to her old room and bedded down there. I would have slept with them, but the bed was too small, and we didn't want to start something while Orion and Jack were in the same room.
" Want some coffee boy?" Dad was in the doorway to the kitchen with a fresh pot of coffee in hand.
I shook my head and put a shirt on. " No, go and leave enough for your daughter-in-law's though. Luna loves a cup of coffee after she goes dream-walking." I went about cleaning the living area as I had no doubt that this room will be crowded in a minute. Just as I put the last of the sheets in the closet, I was blindfolded by a pair of midnight blue wings. " Good morning sweetheart, you and Jackie sleep well?"
" We did, though we did miss your warmth." She cuddled close as I pulled her in for a kiss.
" There you two go again." We looked behind us to see Jackie coming down the stairs with the boys in some crazy saddle/carrier concoction. " Having all the fun and leaving me to the kids." We both walked over to her and planted a kiss on each of her cheeks. " Alright, ah forgive ya."
" Glad to hear it." I grabbed Orion and Jack from her bag and took them over to the couch. " Did you two behave for your mothers while daddy had to sleep on the couch and hear grandpa's thunderous snoring?" My boys let out some baby talk and some giggling. " Happy to hear that." At the top of the stairs, a very tired looking Pear and Bright came down the stairs behind an energetic Applebloom. " Well look who it is. It's your loud aunt Applebloom and your Mom-mom and Pop-pop."
Applebloom came over to the couch and sat beside me. " Whatever, how are my two favorite nephews?" AB motorboated Jack's exposed belly while Orion played with her bow. " Hey, leave my bow alone." With that said, my boys started a mock battle with AB. The fight lasted for a whole five minutes before Granny called us.
" Come on youngins, time for breakfast!" We all gathered at the dining table and ate a big breakfast of apple cinnamon oatmeal and toast. When we had our fill, we went back to the living room to exchange gifts. " Gather round for gifts." We all gathered in a circle around granny as she played Santa and started giving out the presents.
We decided to focus our efforts on getting the kids gifts so us adults had only one gift each. Dad got a Sam Elliot movie collection that he had been wanting for some time. Granny got an electric apple peeler, nearly had herself a heart attack. Dad and I decided to give Pear grandpa's old guitar with Johnny Cash's autograph. She had no idea who Cash was but that didn't matter. Bright got a new stetson from Jackie since she has his old hat. Big Mac was given harmonica and a bottle of whiskey. Luna was given a copy of Skyrim. She really loves RPG games. Jackie was excited to see I got her the Dollars Trilogy. Anything with Eastwood gets her motor going. As for me, I was given an envelope from both Luna and Jackie. This is what it contained.
Needless to say, I didn't show everyone what it was, but I think they got the message.
" Okay, time for the little ones to open their presents." Granny gave the go-ahead for Applebloom tear apart her pile of presents. She received an assortment of toys and candy from all of us, though I think she liked her talking Krusty doll the best.
" This is amazing, where did you find this?"
" Well, I had to go to the farthest reaches of Equestria for that."
Flashback to a week ago.
I was walking in a dimly lit shop in Manehattan looking for a gift to give to Applebloom. The shelves were lined with various knick-knacks that were just downright creepy. Coming up to the counter, I went ahead and asked the clerk for assistance. " Do you sell toys?"
The clerk came out of the shadows smoking a pipe. Not to sound racist, but he looked like a Chinese opium user. " We sell forbidden objects from places ponies fear to tread, we also sell frozen yogurt, which I call frogurt."
" Well, I need a Hearths Warming gift for my sister-in-law."
" Ah, perhaps this will please the young lady." He looked to the shelf behind him and started hovering his hoof over various objects such as a heart in a pickle jar, a two-headed stuffed cat, and a shrunken head. Finally, he grabbed a Krusty doll from the shelf. " Take this object, but beware, it carries a terrible curse."
I took the toy with some skepticism. " Oooh, that's bad."
" But it comes with a free frogurt."
" That's good!"
" The frogurt is also cursed."
" That's bad."
" But you get your choice of topping."
" That's good!"
" The topping's contain potassium benzoate." I gave the guy a blank look 'cause I had no idea what the hell that is. " That's bad."
" Can I go now?"
End of flashback.
" And after realizing that the so-called ' Curse' was that someone had set the toy for evil, I gift-wrapped it for you."
" Well, I love it and will cherish it forever!" She pulled the string on the doll and it talked.
" I'm Krusty the clown, and I love you very much."
" See, if I hadn't changed it, it would still be trying to kill me." Everyone gave me shocked looks when they heard the doll could have done that. " Anyway, It's time for Jack and Orion to open their first Hearths Warming presents."
" Hold on, let me get the camera." Dad went to get the camera as we got the boys their gifts. " Okay, smile for the camera."
We all started opening their gifts and presenting them to them while dad kept snapping photos. They got an assortment of baby clothes from both their grandparents. Granny presented them with a warm quilt for them to share. Dad got them each a wolf stuffed toy. Applebloom and Big Mac gave Jack an apple patterned blanket, and Orion a star-patterned blanket. Jackie gave them each a pillow, one had an apple embroidered on it while the other had a crescent moon. Lulu gave them a giant dreamcatcher to be put over their bed.
" Alright, time for my gift boys." I put a box in front of them and lifted the lid, revealing a Woody and Buzz Lightyear toy. Orion took Buzz while Jack grabbed Woody and started playing with them. " It would seem they like their toys." Everyone gathered around to see Orion and Jack play and interact with all the stuff their family got for them and couldn't help but smile. What a wonderful life.
Author's Notes:
First, let me tell you that writing a chapter about a winter holiday, is made much more difficult when you're doing it, in July. Despite that, I feel like I did pretty good with this. I did have different ideas for the Christmas film that was being shown, but I've come to realize that through the stories on this site, no one has done A Christmas Story when writing a holiday chapter, so I believe I have done a service. Hopefully, none of the videos are taken down.
Clip.
And just for an added bonus.
The Wolfman vs The SSCS 6000 ( Edited)
Prelude
A couple of months went by and the only thing of significants was trying to find Jackie after she didn't come back from the Rodeo in Canterlot. We searched all over the country looking for her, hoping she wasn't held hostage somewhere. We finally found her working at a cherry farm in Dodge Junction. When Luna and I confronted her on why she didn't come back, she told us how she didn't receive a single blue ribbon and by extent no prize money to pay for the town hall repairs.
This got me pissed off at the mayor for making my wife think she needed to do something like that. Despite my anger, Luna and I comforted Jackie saying that she was and always will be, the best country mare in all of Equestria. Besides that, I told her I would dip into the hoard and pay for the damages to the town hall. This made her feel a lot better and she agreed to come home.
About a week later after that incident, we got ready for the busiest time for the farm. Cider season. Which is where we find ourselves now.
4 o'clock in the morning. Entrance to the farm. Joe's Pov.
" It's way too fucking early for this." I was trudging a large wagon to where the little stand was with Big Mac. On the other side of the fence was a line of tents that stretched for at least a mile. Now I've seen people camp out in a line for many things, concerts, movies, sporting events, but seeing this for apple cider? Someone must be shrooming.
" Well the way things have been going the last couple of years, we need to get an early start on making the product." Mac placed a good twenty or so barrels by the stand and unhitched himself from the wagon. " Although, with that technique of yours, we might be able to sell more than we usually do in a day."
" It's true, my skills have made this place into a well-oiled machine." I flexed my right bicep as I finished setting up the machine.
" I believe my daughter teaching you the ropes has more to do with it than your skills." Pear came up the road with Bright and Applebloom and was berating my skills as a farmer. " Though I will give you props for that ' Apple slam' technique you came up with."
" Thanks, Ma." I went over to the stand with a keg press attached just as it was becoming first light. As I put in the first keg of cider, I heard the flapping of wings off in the distance. When I looked up from below the stand, I saw Rainbow dragging Fluttershy through the air, heading straight for the stand. I walked over to the front to greet them. " Did you two come here for the cider, or you just want to see me?"
Rainbow was the first to answer. " We came for the cider." She then spotted the huge line of tents along the fence and her jaw dropped. " Where did these come from?" As if on cue, the first tent unzipped and Pinkie came out of the flap. " Pinkie! What are you doing?"
" Isn't it great! I couldn't sleep last night so I had this great idea to camp out here last night, so I told a few other ponies about it, and they thought it was a great idea too, so now it's like a big sleepover, Whoo Hoo!" Certainly explains the tent train. " Hey Joey, where's Applejack and Luna? I thought they would be out here with you."
" They'll be here after a few hours, we want to make sure the boys are getting their sleep." I looked out over the tents and I got a nasty idea. " Wait here a moment ladies." I went over to the wagon and grabbed the megaphone. I then went back to the stand and took a deep breath. " GOOOOOODDD MORNING PONYVILLE!" The announcement was so loud and so long, everyone got out of their tents, holding their heads to silence the ringing. " Cider season, has begun!" I turned over to Dash and Fluttershy. " Ya'll best get in line, don't want no one cutting in line." Fluttershy flew to the back of the line while Dash sped off before the line could get any longer.
" Was that at all necessary son."
" Any chance to quote a movie, I'm gonna take it Bright." I put the megaphone away as I greeted Pinkie as our first customer.
She brought out a huge sack of bits and dumped them into the cash box. Before AB could dispense any cider, I stopped her from giving out one drop. " Hey! What gives?"
" New policy, only one cup of cider, per day." I gave her back all her cash with the exception of the two bits required for a cup. The reason for the policy, too many ponies would complain about not getting any cider due to some ponies ordering great quantities at once. AB poured a cup of cider and I handed it to Pinkie. " Thank you for your business, enjoy your beverage." She took the cup and gulped the whole thing down in three seconds. She was in a state of complete bliss as the frothy beverage continued down her gullet. " Next!"
Nineteen kegs of cider later.
It was now the middle of the afternoon and the last of the ponies were now in the front of the line including Dash and Flutters. I gave Fluttershy her mug of cider just as Dash came for her mug. Just as AB pulled the tab and nothing happened, Dash started to tear up. " Wwwwwwhhhhhyyyyy!?" As she rolled around on the ground crying about not being able to get any cider, I pulled out the last keg from under the stall.
" Looking for this?" I held the keg in one hand while I brought out six empty mugs for the rest of us. I went ahead and poured a mug for dash and she swiped it from my hands. She drank the cider as if she hadn't drunk anything for days, savoring the precious nectar that is the Apple family cider. I went and poured cider for the rest of us while adding some Jack Daniels to mine. " Job well done." I put the mug to my lips and chugged the delicious liquid down my throat. Suddenly, I heard a whistle down the road. " What the hell?"
A large machine was coming down the road, whistling and chugging up the road. When it got closer, the thing looked like a combination of a steam locomotive, and an old-time auto-mobile with a cowcatcher at the front. The behemoth slowed to a halt in front of the gate while bending the fence post. " Hey, get this damn thing off my fence!"
The occupants of the vehicle, a pair of unicorn stallions dressed like salesmen from the twenty's, got out of their seat and addressed us. " So sorry my good stallion, one second." His horn glowed green and the vehicle moved back from the fence. " There, all better." He and the other pony got off the machine and started a little song.
" Well, lookie what we got here brother of mine. It's the same thing in every town." The one without the mustache went over to Berry. " Ponies with thirsty throats, dry tongues and not a drop of cider to be found." Time to stop the madness. " Maybe they're unaware-"
" Stop that, stop that. There'll be no singing while I'm around." I went over to the two unicorns and addressed my concerns. " Now explain why you drove this damn thing all the way down here before I call my dog."
This time the one with the mustache spoke." Well, my bipedal friend, we are the renowned, Flim-Flam Brothers. And this is the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000, a revolution in cider making. And we've come all this way to offer our services to provide all the cider one could drink."
" That sounds nice, except we already served the masses and still have some cider to spare. Though tell me, what would you have done if we agreed to your help?"
" With our machine, it can triple harvest production and make cider at an incredible rate. If you allow us, we'll demonstrate what it can do." I gave them permission to use one tree to demonstrate their contraption. Their horns glowed again and the machine's hose hovered over the tree and started sucking up all the apples. " Once the apples are harvested, they go through quality inspection." We walked over to a viewing port on the machine to see it sort through the apples. Those that didn't make the cut were rejected. " Once the apples that passed inspection are processed, the head up to the juicer, and finally into a mug." Flam went over to the spigot on the machine and poured a mug of cider. " Here, the first one is on the house."
I took the offered mug and took a sip. " It tastes like a bastardized version of our cider." This did not go well with the two sales ponies.
" What would an ape, like yourself know anything about it? Your just some farming oaf these ponies took pity on and gave you a job!" The masses let out a huge gasp as they witnessed their prince being insulted.
I was about to show him the error of their ways until AB came up and did it for me. " Hey, you leave my brother-in-law alone! He was the reason why we were able to give everypony here a cup of cider, instead of having to make a good majority wait until tomorrow."
" So, you believe your brother-in-law can beat our machine?"
" He and our family can whoop that machines butt into next week! I bet the farm on it!" What!?
" Hold on there Applebloom, let's not jump to-"
" It's a deal!" Both brothers accepted Bloom's impromptu deal.
"The first one to make the most cider in an hour wins. We'll see you tomorrow." They both got back in their mobile bootleg operation and sped off down the road.
When the two Jackass' were gone, I grabbed Applebloom by the tail and headed for the house. " Guy's I'll be right back, Applebloom needs to tell her nephews how bad she screwed up." I carried her to the house by the tail while she squirmed. I made it to the house and went through the door. " Jackie. Lulu, you home?"
" In the dining room honey!" I went over to the sound of Jackie's voice to find both her and Luna giving Orion and Jack their lunch. When she saw me, her eyes bulged as she saw Applebloom being carried upside-down. " What in tarnation are you doing with Applebloom?"
I put AB down on the table and crossed my arms. " Go on Bloom, tell them what happened!" Bloom told the story to both my wives how she made a deal on how if we didn't beat the Flim-Flam Brothers, we would lose the farm.
After the explanation, Luna spoke her two-cents. " Why would you make such a foolish deal Applebloom?"
" When they insulted Joe, I just couldn't stand it. So I challenged them to a competition. I'm sorry." She started to tear up as the situation fully slapped her across the face.
I gave her a one-armed hug and tussled her hair. " First off, there is no way in all the nine realms that I would lose to that hunk of scrap metal. Second of all, even if I were to somehow lose. There is no way they would get the farm since we didn't agree to it on paper, or shake on it." I put Bloom down and went over to my wives. " Listen, I'm going to get some help for tomorrow, so I'll see you four sometime before dinner." I gave a kiss to each of my son's heads, and one on the lips for each of my wives. " Hopefully, we can resolve this before it gets out of hand." I left out the door, and straight for Herot.
The next day.
I stood at the entrance to the farm with three teams of Ghost warriors to my back, my wives and sons to my left, our friends and family to my right, and an audience all around us, waiting for the brothers to show up. After another five minutes, the competition arrived. They strolled up in their machine with smug grins that later turned to looks of shock when they saw Luna by my side. " About time you showed up, I was beginning to think you weren't gonna show."
They quickly got off their machine and aimed their horns at me, ready to attack. Flim, or Flam I can't remember who's who decided to speak for them both. " Step away from our Princess monster." We all looked at them as if they've gone insane. " Princess, if you step away from the beast, we can-"
Luna had enough of this crap, so she decided to turn up the volume. " Speak one more ill word of my husband, and I will throw you both in the lowest pit of Herot's dungeon!" The two reeled back from her outburst and backpedaled to their vehicle.
Once they got over their fear, the one with the mustache spoke up. " This monstrosity is your husband?"
" I am also her husband." I put an arm around Jackie while Luna draped a wing over her barrel. " Which makes me, your prince." I never like to play the ' I'm royal' card but for these two, yeah they need to know who they're dealing with. " And since you challenged your king to a contest, I get to come up with the stakes." The two con-artists were now shaking in fear of what I might call to the table. " First off, the farm stays the property of the Apples, regardless of who wins. Second, if, for any inconceivable way you two win with that monstrosity, then we'll build a contract so you two can become employees to the farm and get a fair wage. If you win and don't want to be employed, then you can take a third of the profits from the cider your machine has made."
" A third!? I think we should get at least-"
" However!" The one without the mustache went quiet. " When not if, when we win, I'm gonna take that hunk of junk and tear it apart. Bolt. By. Bolt!" The twins started shaking again as the new terms were put in place.
Finally, they gathered what courage they had left and answered me. " We accept the terms."
" Excellent, we'll start in five minutes." I went over to my warriors and addressed them to give out their jobs. " Bloodhounds!" A group of five Diamond Dogs that resembled a bloodhound straightened to listen to my orders. " I want you on quality control with Granny. Rarity! You think you can help?"
" Any chance to help a friend in need darling." She went over to quality control with Granny and my warriors to make sure we use the best apples in the bushel.
" Good to hear. Greyhounds!" The next group of warriors to come up were lean with muscular legs, only four in this group. " I want you four to help Big Mac with the apple-press. You'll have a fifteen-minute shift to run the wheel, while the rest will switch the barrels for the cider. Dash, Twi, wanna give them a hand?"
" I can help with the barrels. Dash, think you can run the wheel?"
" In my sleep." She rubbed her chest with her hoof with a cocky grin on her face. She then proceeded to the wheel with Twi and the Greyhounds.
" We'll see. Huskies! Front and center!" The last group of Warriors came up to me. The group consisted of twenty of my strongest and well-built warriors that had the resemblance of Siberian Huskies. " While Jackie and I take care of the trees, I want ten of you to bring the baskets of apples to the bloodhounds. I want the other half to stack the barrels of cider, pyramid style." They went over to their designated areas and waited for the signal to start. I went over to Luna and the boys for one final job assignment.
" What shall the boys and I do?" She cradled the boys in her wings while she walked up to me, giving a slight sway to her hips.
I kissed her and the boys on the head when I reached them and looked her in the eye. " You, are going to join me and Jackie in getting the apples out of the trees, while Pear watches over the pups." At that moment, Pear came over to take the young ones from Luna and went over to Bright and my father who decided they were going to watch from the sidelines.
I went over with Luna to the center of our side of our team and cleared my throat. " Alright, listen up!" Everyone gave me their full attention. " I know that the farm isn't on the chopping block, however, its reputation is." A few of the warriors and the Apple family started to get pumped during the speech. " We are going to show the world that no bucket of bolts can ever match up to the hard work and dedication that we put in every day. That a machine will never be as good as a farmer's hands, hoofs, or claws. Now, let's go out there and show those P.T.Barnum wannabes, whos method of cider making is the best." At that, all my Warriors chanted in unison.
" Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!"
The mayor came over to us after their chant. " Joe, we're ready to begin."
" Excellent." My wives and I went over to the trees that needed to have their apples taken. " Start the clock when the music starts alright!" The mayor gave me a wave indicating that she heard me. I gave a confirming nod to my wives as I put some magic in the air to put all of us in the mood to work hard. " Alright, let's do this with grit, sweat, and love." With that, I switched on the song and the clock started.
Once the music started, I rose up forty feet in the air and then dived down onto the ground with the force of a blockbuster bomb. The shock spread to fifty trees, letting the fruit fall into the baskets below. Once the fruit went in the baskets, Bloom and the Huskies brought them over to Granny, Rarity, and the Bloodhounds where the good apples proceeded to the press. Once the apples made it to the press, the Greyhound team ran with either Dash or Mac, spewing cider at nearly the speed of a fire-hose, straight into the barrel. Once the barrel filled to the brim, Twilight sealed it and handed it to the other half of the Husky team, where they stacked them in an open part of the farm.
Within Two-minutes, we had two-dozen barrels of cider on our side, compared to the machines five barrels. We had this in the bag. " Keep up the good work everyone, these guys don't have a chance!"
Flim's POV
We couldn't believe our eyes, twenty-four barrels in two-minutes to our three. This was not good, for our machine or reputation. We needed a quicker way to make cider. " Brother, we need to increase the power or we're going to be the laughing stock of the entire town!"
" I concur, crank it up a notch." We then increased the power on the suction and the hose started sucking up the trees as well as the apples. Unfortunately, all this did was slow our production as all the apples we harvested were crushed or the machine just went through the entire tree. " Uh, this isn't helping."
I had to think fast or else our hard work will be destroyed. " Quick, switch off the quality control!" Flam switched off the quality control and our machine started spitting out barrels like it was nobody's business. Slowly but surely, we were catching up.
Joe's POV
We were neck and neck on this now. With only five minutes to go, I started rising higher and dropping faster, giving us a wider range to work with, though I had to be careful not to cause any splits within the earth. As the time got closer and closer to the end, I started to slow down once I saw what the brothers were doing to get more barrels out. No need to waste energy on a sure thing.
" Time's up!" We all stopped when the timer ran out and the last barrel was stacked and ready to be counted. " I'll tally up the barrels." The mayor went over to our stack first and started counting how many we had. While she was doing that, I went over to the audience and headed for my boys.
" Did you boys behave for Mom-mom while daddy was putting the pressure on those two?"
" They were perfect little angels, though Jack did try to eat some of my mane half-way through the race." Pear then nuzzled them on the cheek while on her back. I tickled them both and made them laugh just as the mayor went in-between the two stacks of barrels.
" The number of barrels for the Apple family is two-hundred and twenty." The crowd gave a loud cheer as it seemed we had this in the bag. " As for the Flim-Flam Brothers, they have a total of two-hundred barrels. However! Seeing as most of the barrels do not meet health standards, the usable total is only fifty-three." This got the crowd to cheer even louder. As a result of our victory, I went over to the losers.
" First off, I commend you on your determination to win. That being said, you lost because you tried to weasel your way out and made most of your cider into something you might find on an ogres taint."
The brothers looked slightly ashamed at their actions and had their heads bowed. Finally, the one without the stache spoke. " We thank you for your criticism and will strive to be better for it."
The one with the stache then stepped up to me to give me his sob story. " My brother is right and when we head back, we'll perfect our machine to where it'll produce twice as many barrels and be of the finest quality. Come, brother of mine, we have some work to do." They quickly zipped over to their machine and tried to flee the scene. Not on my watch.
With a hard flap of my wings, I was able to get to their machine before they could even make and headway. " Where do you think you two are going? You destroyed a few dozen trees that belong to this farm. Time to pay up." The twins then put all their magic into the wheels to try and escape. With some quick thinking, I grabbed onto the cowcatcher on the front and brought it back to where they had parked it. Once it was back where it was, I got under it and with a little bit of struggling, lifted it over my head. " You two might want to get off that thing."
Once they jumped off their machine, I took it over to where there was nopony around to get hurt and proceeded to smash the hulking monstrosity, until it was nothing but broken wood and twisted metal. When the deed was done, I brought over the steering wheel and one of the many broken light bulbs. " Here. Your change." I gave them the pieces of scrap and patted them both on the back. " Have a nice day fella's." I walked past them and straight for my family. " Was that too extreme, what I just did?"
" I think it was the right amount of destruction, considering how many of our trees they destroyed." I chuckled and gave Jackie a kiss for her upbeat attitude. " Now the real question is, what are we going to do with all this cider?"
" I believe we'll take the terrible cider and take it to the criminals in the dungeon." Luna always did like to find new ways to give criminals an even harder time. Though the cider might be heading into the area of cruel and unusual. " As for the rest of the cider."
We decided to celebrate our victory by giving out our last hundred barrels free while we partied the night away. Dash went and guzzled through a whole barrel by herself while the rest of us just went ahead with just having one mug at a time. The party took place in the barn with music blaring and ponies dancing with whoever was close to them.
I was in the far corner with my boys, about to give them their first taste of cider. I poured a little cider into two bottles then put nipples on them. " Here you go, boys." They reached out to the offered bottles and started sucking greedily at them. " Slow down boys, you might get a tummy ache." Off to the side, I saw Dash groaning on her back, complaining about how she drank too much cider. " Like your aunt Dash over there."
" Yeah, she never really had any self-control when it comes to cider. Hopefully, you two won't go overboard with this stuff." Jackie gave a tussle to both their heads making them laugh between their gulps. " Do you know where Luna went?"
" I am the cider queen!" As if to answer her question, Luna was on top of the rafters with a drinking helmet attached to two barrels of cider on, screaming how she was the queen of cider. " As the queen of cider, I order the fun to be doubled!" The whole party cheered louder, as the announcement for extra fun was ordered.
I shook my head and grabbed another mug while the boys, Jackie and I watched the spectacle of my lunar wife acting like a fool in the rafters. " Well, let's not disappoint our queen. Let's party till we drop!" I gulped down the mug and started mingling amongst the others while carrying the boys in my arms, letting the others meet them. Best cider season yet.
Author's Notes:
First off, sorry for the delay. I was in the Bahamas for a few days and couldn't be bothered with this chapter, especially with no internet. For the next chapter, I was thinking of some Valentine fun and drama. Sorry, Hearts and hooves day fun and drama.
Clip.
Love sick ( Eventual sex) ( Edited)
Author's Notes:
For those who were wondering how Joe looks like when he's not a werewolf, I now have an image for you.
I would like to thank Wolf Blood for the image, and I recommend you follow him. Now let's get to the lovin.
( Also, this indicates what Joe is thinking.)
Prelude.
In the week following the end of cider season. Only one thing of significance occurred. While Dash was trying out a new stunt, she spun out and managed to break one of her wings. She was put in the hospital until her wing healed up. We would all try and visit her and cheer her up, Twilight even suggested her to read and pass the time. Without a TV in the room, I suppose that's all one could do to stave off boredom.
Once while I went to see how she was doing, she quickly hid the book Twilight gave her and started claiming she was just planning a trip to Las Pegasus once she recovered. I let it slide, knowing it wasn't that big of a deal, whether or not she likes to read. Although, after the man-hunt following after she was released and went back for said book, I probably should have said something about it being okay that people know that she likes to read. On second thought, I did like the chase so it was for the best.
After that small fiasco, I was ready to enjoy a long week of doing nothing. Though I do keep wondering about all the heart decorations around town.
Here I am sitting at the breakfast table with Discord, dad and my boys. I was feeding them their breakfast, while dad was going over some plans with Discord about what to do today. As for Luna and Jackie, they were in the kitchen cooking up a 'special' breakfast that they didn't want me to peek at. " So, what do you guys have planned for today?"
" Your dad and I were thinking of heading to the woods for a week. Really get back in touch with nature, especially since we're the only two bachelors in this house." I didn't know what that meant, but if it makes them happy. " I believe Luna wanted us to take the kids with us." ( What?)
Dad got up from his chair and went over to his grandsons. " You boys are gonna be spending some time with your Grandpa in the woods, would you like that?" The boys giggled at my old man as he got them out of their highchairs. " We'll be back in two days." Just like that, they were out the door and gone with the boys and the pets, leaving me confused as to what just happened.
" Well, alright then." I grabbed the paper dad was reading and went over the news and weather forecast. I was about to get to the part where they mentioned me chasing down a rabid Manticore, but I was suddenly assaulted with a kiss on each of my cheeks and given a plate of pancakes that spelled out ( I love you). " Well, this is a nice surprise."
" Well, Luna and I thought it would be the best way to start this special day."
When the words, special day came out, I started freaking out. ( Special day? Oh, what have I forgotten now? Now don't panic. Is it pancake day? No that's crazy talk.) I saw that the smiles my Valkyries had were starting to wilt. ( They're getting impatient, take a stab at it.) Suddenly, I remember the date, on the paper. " Happy Hearts and hooves day."
Luna was the first to recover her smile. " Thank you, dear." They both kissed me on the forehead, indicating that I was in the clear. ( Woohoo!) " So my king, what will you be doing for us on this day of romance?" ( D'oh!)
( Quick man, think, how can you weasel out and still come out on top?) Suddenly, inspiration hits me like a bolt of lightning. I grabbed them both in my arms and with a slight change in tone, whispered: " If I told you, it would ruin the surprise." I then gave each of their ears a small nibble and let them go. " But before we get to that, I promised AB I would help her with something before she goes to school." This is true, she wanted me to help her carry something to her school, though she didn't say what.
" Alright, just don't be too long ya hear." I quickly ate my breakfast and left out the door. " He had no idea it was Hearts and Hooves day today."
" Without a doubt. Doesn't mean he won't surprise us."
" I believe we'll have the biggest surprise for him. Speaking of, we should get ready." My wives went up to the master bedroom and got ready for the big surprise.
I was heading down the road with the crusaders carrying a bigass fucking card, that had way too much glitter and sparkles that got all over me. On the bright side, I was able to think of a few things to do for my wives while I was doing this crap. Though I might need a little bit of help from the alicorn of love herself. Just as the idea to ask for Cadences help popped into my head, we arrived at the school. " Alright, girls here's the card for Cheerilee, now have fun."
Applebloom turned and faced me with an innocent question. " Can't you stay for a little bit? We have punch and cookies." ( Mmmm cookies. No! Stay focused.)
" As much as I would love to, I have to make my own plans with my wives." I left them to their own devices and started flying towards Canterlot. I would have teleported, but the last time I did that, I nearly got blasted by Celestia for scaring her half to death and the train would take too long. Within twenty minutes, I made it to the castle front-gates. The guards at the front gave me a salute which I returned and went looking for my niece. On my way through the halls, I bumped into Celestia while she was carrying a large number of heart-shaped boxes in her magic. " Well, it looks like someone's very popular today."
She gave off a snort of annoyance as she launched one at me. " Every year, these stuck up nobles send me boxes of chocolate and other small gifts, to try and gain favor, or seduce me and make me their bride." I took a look at the box and noticed the note on the bottom. It read ' To my beautiful sun princess. We would make a great couple and have gorgeous babies.'. I started to vomit at the thought of someone just telling another that they want to put a baby in them.
" Yeah, I can certainly see how you would be pissed about something like this. Wait, didn't you say you had children before?" I remember dad telling me that little snippet sometime after we brought Orion and Jack home from the hospital. It actually explains how she has a niece and nephew, well, niece anyway.
" It was a long time ago before Luna was banished to the moon." A small smile started creeping on her face. " My husband at the time was captain of the guard, a pegasus by the name of Samiel. We had a pegasus boy by the name of Hotshot. But unlike your son's, he was mortal and died a few years before Luna became the nightmare. He had many children that spread throughout Equestria, leaving me to become the aunt to a niece and-" She stopped herself, after remembering that I executed her nephew. " well you know the rest."
I went over and wrapped her in a hug. " Listen. I'm sorry for getting rid of a family member of yours, though I can't say he didn't have it coming." She squeezed me tightly after that reminder. " But maybe you should consider at least dating another being or, dare I say, get a cat." At the cat jab, she started laughing into my shoulder. This continued for a good two minutes before she let go and wiped away her tears.
" Thank you, Joe. I needed that."
" Anytime Sis. Hey listen, I've been trying to come up with the perfect gift for Luna and Jackie. Any thoughts?" Her pupils shrank and she pointed down the hall. " What?"
" If you want help, Cadence is right down the hall on your left." I went down the hall and headed for her room. " Oh and Joe." I turned my head and looked at her. " Good luck." ( What the hell does that mean?)
I went over to the aforementioned door and knocked on the door. " Hey Cadence, you in there? I need a little help. I forgot it was Hearts and hooves day and I need some idea for what to do. Any thoughts on what to do?" I put my ear to the door and heard a bunch of rummaging and two muffled voices. I was about to ask if everything was alright, but then the door opened, revealing Cadence with one shoe on and her hair was a mess.
" Sorry, what was the question again?" She leaned against the door frame with a nervous smile. Seeing this situation over a hundred times on TV, I decided to make my questioning quick.
" I really need to know what's the best gift for this holiday. Especially since it caught me off guard." Her smile was replaced with a pondering lip as she thought of what to do.
" Well, perhaps dark chocolate strawberries might help. It's one of the most delicious desserts and a natural aphrodisiac. Also, you might want to go with a box of condoms if you're going with the strawberries." My face became bright red when she mentioned condoms. It was a good idea, but damn.
" Thanks for the advice, I'll let you get back to doing....whatever it is you were doing." She quickly left back into her room and slammed the door in my face. I was about to leave, but I heard Shining on the other side of the door. I leaned my head to the door and listened in.
" Is he gone?"
" Yes, he just needed some advice."
" Well, in that case, dinner is served." Slap. " Ow!" From the sound of it, he tried what Discord suggested and shockingly, it failed.
I pulled away from the door and left the castle and went over to a local treat shop in the city to see about those strawberries. When I reached it, the lights were off and the sign said closed. " Shit! Guess I'll head down to Sugarcube corner." I started making my way to the edge of the city where the cliff was. I jumped up onto the wall keeping others from falling off the mountain and stood there. After a minute of standing, I took the plunge down the mountain.
I kept gaining some speed as I got closer to the ground. When I was eighty feet away from getting splattered like a bug on a windshield, I opened up my wings and zoomed across the field from the base of the mountain, all the way to ponyville. Seems dash's lessons have really paid off. Once the buildings of the small town came into view, I tilted my body up high and went to the center of town, a hundred feet above the ground. When I was directly over the center of town, I slowly floated down in an angelic way.
As soon as my foot hit the ground, I went straight for Sugarcube Corner for those strawberries. On the way to the shop, I noticed Applebloom and her friends going over to different guys, singing their flaws and how they're not right for Cheerilee. Deciding not to get involved, I went into the bakery where it was heavily decorated with hearts of pink and red. I went up to the counter where I saw Mrs. Cake running the counter. " Hey Cupcake, how you doing today?"
" I've been doing great. Carrot is going to take me out once we close, and Pinkie will look after the twins when we leave, so we'll have a lot of time alone." She had a far off look in her eyes that made me think she had some plans for the evening other than just dinner. " Anyway, how can I help you today?"
" I need about, a dozen chocolate-covered strawberries." She went back to the kitchen to go place my order while I went over to an empty table. While I was waiting, two bundles of joy came up to me. " Hey, you two did you come to see your uncle Joe?" Since Pinkie made it a point to have our friends become like family with my kids, I did the same with the Cake twins. " I hear your aunt Pinkie is going to watch you two tonight. Until then, uncle Joe will keep you two entertained." The twins, Pound, and Pumpkin started giggling and blabbering in baby talk, which I took as yes. " Okay, how about a little cartoon?" More giggling. " Okay, here we go."
As we watched the little video, Pound would try and wrestle with me and, as his name would suggest, pound on my head. As for Pumpkin, she started sucking on the butt of my ax. Near the end of the video, Cupcake came over with my order. " They really seem to like you."
" Of course, what's not to like." I scooped them up and put them in the nearby play crib. When I made sure they would stay in the crib, I went over to Cupcake. " Thanks for the strawberries. Also, if you ever need a babysitter and Pinkie can't make it, give me a holler." I took the fruit and paid her the bits. " But as it stands, I have one more stop to make and then straight to my Valkyries."
" Okay then, go on ahead and get before I have to chase you out with a broom." She smiled back at me with a teasing tone, which I took as my cue to go. I ruffled the cake twins manes while I headed out and went straight for the local pharmacy. Once I got in there, I went to the front desk and asked for the extra-large condoms. The mare at the counter blushed heavily when I mentioned the size, but went and got them for me. Once she got them for me I left and headed for my house. Before I could even leave the town completely, Applebloom rammed into me.
" Bloom? What's gotten into you, why did you run into me?" When I got a better look at her, she had a look on her face that I've come to recognize over the last few months. Meaning she, and most likely Scoots and Sweetie had just done something that could alter the course of history, or at least cause a small mess that will involve an adult to clean it up. " What have you done now?"
" Well, it's kind of a long story." She started telling me how she and her friends wanted to find a special somepony for their teacher which lead them to read about a love potion that Twilight gave them. At this point, the other two Crusaders joined in on the story, telling me how it was actually a poison that made the ones who drank it, become inseparable. Then they told me who they got to drink the potion with Cheerilee, I was laughing my ass off that Big Mac was the one they got for her. Then they told me about the long term effects, then I started to worry, not about their fantasy worries, but the more realistic consequences, such as nonstop sex and eventual dehydration from such acts. " So, will you help us, Joe?"
" Rescuing our brother from doing something extremely stupid. It sounds like a typical Friday night for me. Where is he now?" They lead me back to Sugarcube Corner, where I found Big Mac and Cheerilee sharing a milkshake and calling each other pet names that made me want to vomit. " Okay, so the book said we have to keep them apart for an hour without them making eye contact, and the potion will cancel out?" The three nodded their heads saying I was right on the money. " Alright, time to break this up."
I strutted up to the two drugged up love birds and put a firm hand on both their shoulders. " So, this is the Chica that's stolen your heart huh? Well, I can't say I saw this coming, but when you know, you know."
Mac took his eyes off Cheerilee for a moment to answer. " I know, she's the most beautiful mare I've ever laid eyes on. I don't know why I've never noticed her before now?" ( I can think of why.) He returned his gaze back towards Cheerilee and the spell over both of them continued to do its job.
I went back over to the girls and went over my plan. " Here's how it's going to go. I'm going to grab him and take him out of the city, you three keep Cheerilee from following us." The girls nodded and put their game faces on. I looked at my watch and waited for it to read 1:45. " Okay, on my mark." The seconds ticked away and the time read 1:45. " Mark!" I ran over to Big Mac and grabbed him by the yoke that he always wears and dragged him out of the bakery.
" Joe, what are you doing?" Once we made it out of the building, I took flight so Cheerilee would have a difficult time following us. " Why are you keeping me from the love of my life!?"
" Trust me when I say, this is for your own good brother." As we climbed higher and further away from the little town, Big Mac started struggling in my grasp, making it very difficult to keep airborne. " You keep struggling, I might just drop you."
" If it means getting back to her, then I'm willing to get a little banged up." ( What the hell was in that potion?) " Now let! Me! Go!" He started bucking and swearing at me to let him be with Cheerilee but I wasn't having any of it. ( This is going to be a long hour.)
An hour later.
Big Mac and I were walking back towards town from where we crash-landed, which turned out to be a Manticore den. Once we fought them off, the hour was up and Big Mac regained his senses. " So, how did we wind up in a Manticore nest again?"
" Well, when Applebloom found out that Cheerilee was single, she and the other Crusaders wanted to find someone for her. After a small search, they determined that since you were a bachelor and had the least amount of flaws, they tried to get you two together with a love potion that went haywire. Once you two drank that crap, you couldn't bear to be apart. Luckily, big man, Joe was here to save the day."
" How did I know that Bloom was somehow involved in this." He shook his head in annoyance as we continued on our way to town. When we got there, the Crusaders and Cheerilee were waiting for us. " Bloom, when we get home, you are going to muck the entire pig pen for a month."
" Now, now, there's no need to be like that. I think what she and the others need, is to know that what they did was not the smartest thing to do and that they should really think about what their actions hold in the future." The Crusaders started getting hopeful smiles on their faces. Time for a reality check. " Also, I believe all three of them should clean the pen's and the chicken coop for at least two weeks." Their smile vanished immediately after that.
" I believe that will be the most appropriate punishment. Now, if you will excuse me, I have some papers to grade, and a bottle of wine that needs to be opened." Cheerilee turned around to leave for her house and left us to our own.
" Yeah, I'm gonna head back home as well. Bloom, come on." Applebloom left with Big Mac towards the farm while Scoots and Sweetie went their separate ways, leaving me alone on the dirt road.
" Guess I'll head home, my Valkyries have been waiting far too long." I checked over the strawberries and rubbers to see if they were damaged during the fight with those big cats. When I saw that the box was a little banged up but the fruit was still good, and the condoms were still intact. I put them back in the bag and headed for home. ( Hopefully I'm not too late.)
Yeah you know what's coming next.
I landed in front of my house and went through the front door. " Luna! Jackie! I'm home!" I pocketed the condoms and went and put the fruit on a plate, make it look seductive. " Where are you my little battle maidens?"
" We're up in our room darling, come and get us." ( Like I need to be told twice.) I grabbed the plate and headed up the stairs to our room. When I got to the door, it was open and what I saw before me nearly made me drop the plate. Standing in front of the bed were my wives in their human disguises but with a twist. Instead of the clothes that they wore when they first disguised themselves, they each wore a bikini outfit designed to fit their personality. " Suprised, sugar?"
" More turned on than anything." I went onto the bed with the plate of strawberries and stripped out of my shirt. " Though the real question is," I got on my knees and became the werewolf while flexing my arms behind my head. " does this turn you on?"
The two licked their lips and crawled into bed with me. I expected them to jump me right then and there, but they decided to be cock teasers and went behind me for the chocolate covered fruit. They each took a piece and put it to each of their lips, moving it around in a full circle before popping them in their mouths. Clearly, this was meant to get a rise in my groin and believe me, it was working perfectly. " So? You going to join us, or are we going to have all the fun?" Luna loves to tease.
" Don't mind if I do." I snaked over behind Applejack and started to spoon her from behind. I groped her ass while I grabbed a strawberry and made a little trip down south. " Let's get rid of these, shall we?" I removed Jackie's panties and moved the fruit over to her wet flower. Once the fruit was thoroughly covered in her juices, I offered the fruit to luna. " Care for a bite Darling?"
Luna came over to us while removing her bra, revealing her newly acquired D-cup breasts. " I'd love a taste." She quickly became the other slice of bread in our little sex sandwich and took the love juiced berry in her teeth. With the fruit in her mouth, she slipped her hands behind Jackie and went straight for my pants. While her hands were busy undressing me, Jackie leaned into Luna for a kiss, sharing the berry between them, while doing that, she gently took off Luna's remaining article of clothing. Seeing, as my hands were free, I decided to help out and moved them towards the clasp on Jackie's bra, effectively getting rid of it.
" Mmmm this feels really good. Who knew having these up here would be soo exhilarating." Jackie was referring to her firm and mesmerizing C-cup breasts that I was fondling while Luna suckled on the left tit. " Ooooh, and that just makes it feel much better. Keep going Lulu." With Luna keeping Jackie occupied, I slipped over to where my pants were thrown to retrieve the condoms. I pulled one out and placed it on my now erect junk. " Looks like someone came prepared."
" Oh, but I love it better without a barrier." Luna gained a pouty face as the realization that bare-skin fun was out the door.
" You know I love our wild lovemaking too, but, I don't think we should take the risk of giving Orion and Jack any siblings, at least not yet anyway." I went over to them back on the bed and groped each of their large, but firm asses. " Now, let's get to the best part of Hearts and Hooves day." I started with Luna by having a little tongue wrestling while Jackie started fingering her and giving me a handjob.
After two minutes, we changed our tactics. Both Luna and Jackie got into a 69 position with Luna on the bottom and Jackie on top with me positioned in between Luna's long legs. Luna started eating out Jackie's pussy while pinching her clit with her thumb and index finger eliciting short moans and gasps from Jackie. Speaking of, Jackie was sucking my cock and fingering both Luna's pussy and ass, making her moan into Jackie's pussy. Once Jackie was done lubing up my dick, she positioned it to penetrate Luna's velvet underground. " Give it to her good Sugarcube."
" With pleasure." With a small amount of effort, I broke through Luna's curtains and started pistoning in and out of her while AJ went about sucking her clit. As the minutes ticked by and Luna gave out her first orgasm, I decided to switch it up. I removed my cock from Luna and grabbed Jackie to start off the face-off position. With AJ facing me, I started pumping my dick in her whilst Luna went ahead and started taking care of herself while watching the two of us go at it. Soon enough, Jackie screamed after reaching her first orgasm and I took this as my opportunity to finish between both of them. " Sweethearts, how 'bout you two get into a hugging position?"
" Of course dear." Luna quite fingering herself and grabbed Jackie and forced her onto the bed with her. With a quick adjustment, they had their breasts squished together and their pussies pressed against each other, this time with Luna on top of Jackie. " Ready when you are my king." Luna started grinding against Jackie's pussy in anticipation of what was to come.
" Alright ladies, get ready for my spear." I positioned my dick between their wet snatches and thrust with the speed of a locomotive, rubbing both their clits with ferocity. The sound of their moaning and screaming for more, tells me that they were enjoying it. While I was thrusting, I gave them both a hard slap to the ass. " Who's your daddy?"
" That's really cliche. But you better fuck us hard if you know what's good for ya." With no need to be told twice, I doubled my speed, therefore increasing our pleasure. " Now we're talking!" When it seemed they were getting closer to another climax, I started to enter Luna's pussy then after five thrusts, stuck it in Jackie's pussy then repeated the process a few times.
Just as their second climax was coming, and my first one was coming, I decided it was time for some fireman action. " Get on your knees girls." They got off each other and got into position while I took off this fucking condom. As the rubber came off, my Valkyries held their breasts together and opened their mouths for my ' special cream'. " Here it comes." With a little help from my hand, I sprayed their faces and breasts with my semen, to the point that it looked like they had white paint covering them. When I was done, I looked over my good work. " That's a nice look for you two."
Instead of answering me, they both started making out and cleaning my seed from each other. ( Shit that's hot.) " Mmmh, you taste good Luna." Jackie put another fingerful of cum from Luna's chest in her mouth after saying that.
" Must be the baby gravy our husband covered us with." Luna went and started cleaning Jackie's cum covered breasts, while I just stood there and regained my erection. " Seem's our little show has given rise to our husband's lance."
" Well, lucky for us, I bought a twelve-pack of condoms, and we have the house to ourselves for the next two days." I went ahead and put the second condom on. " So, who's first?"
Two days after Hearts and Hooves day. Davids POV
I was returning home with Discord and my grandsons after our camping trip from Whitetail woods. We were told by my daughters-in-law that they wanted some alone time with my son during the romantic holiday and told us to take the kids away from the house for a few days. It's been a few years since I've been in the game, but even I know what they were implying.
Discord floated in the air beside me with a camera strapped to his neck, no doubt wanting evidence of what went down while we were away. " So, how messed up do you think the house is, let alone the master bedroom?"
" Knowing my son, we'll be in for a lot of surprises." As we got closer to the house, we could see the condition of the house. The living room window was smashed by one of the stuffed hydra heads. The roof had a hole in it with a palm tree sticking out with an assortment of underwear hanging from the branches. " Well, it looks like you have some photos Discord."
" The outside is nothing compared to the inside." Discord had teleported to the front of the house and went inside. I followed with the boys in my arms and Hercules at my heels. When we entered the house, we couldn't believe our eyes. " Dave. No offense, but your son is a freak." The living room had a circle of bongo drums in the center of a clown statue. The stairs had been converted into a slip-n-slide with a sleeping ferret on the end of it.
" What did those three do while we were gone?" As soon as I said that, my son fumbled down the stairs with a 19th-century diving helmet on, scaring the ferret and getting him to bolt out the backdoor. He got up off the floor and saw us.
" Hey, guys, how was your trip in the woods?" He took off the helmet, revealing his face was riddled with lipstick kisses. " Look, I know this place is a mess, but don't worry I got it covered." He went back up the stairs, no doubt to tell Luna and Applejack to get decent.
I looked at my grandsons as they played with their Buzz and Woody toy and shook my head. " Boys, your father is extremely weird, and your mothers just as much. Hopefully, you two won't inherit your father's strange behavior." I went out of the house and started for the farmhouse until the house was clean and rid of the smell of sex. " This holiday is beyond crazy."
Dragon quest. ( Edited)
Prelude
Some time has passed since Hearts and Hooves day and me and my wives' insane sex marathon. The only three events that happened before we reach to the present, are these. When we got a new resident in town, Cranky Doodle Donkey, Pinkie made it her life's mission to make him one of her friends. Though to be honest, when you try to make friends with a donkey that's a combination of Squidward and Eeyore, you're bound to have some difficulties. After a few failed attempts, she finally succeeded in making him her friend, by reuniting him with an old flame he had back in the day. Guess the best way to make friends is to hook them up?
A week later, Fluttershy attended a seminar led by a minotaur named Iron Will. After she attended, she became an entirely different pony, and it really wasn't for the best. She was being more assertive to those that treated her like a doormat, that was the good part. The bad part was when she started acting rudely and being a total bitch to her friends including myself. The final straw was when she yelled at my boys and made them cry. When she realized what she had done, she locked herself up in her cottage for three days. She was lucky I wasn't the one taking them down the road, otherwise, it would have gotten ugly. Thankfully the situation was defused before it escalated further.
Two weeks after the Iron Will crap. Twilight was visited by, well, herself, at least a time-traveling version of herself a week into the future. Yeah, I know how crazy that sounds. Apparently, the future Twilight came to deliver a warning about some kind of threat that did not spell good news for anyone. At first, we thought it might be when Cerberus left Tartarus and terrorized the town. He would have continued, had it not been for Fluttershy and me sending him back. Apparently, present Twilight didn't feel this was the dangerous situation and persisted in finding what it was. She spent days in the library obsessing over what the disaster could be and slowly but surely, started turning into future Twilight. Started to look like Snake Plissken from ' Escape from New York'.
Once the week leading up to the event came, she went up to Canterlot with Spike and Pinkie to find a time-traveling spell. When they came back, they told me how it was all just a misunderstanding. Time travel's funny that way. Anyway, we were all heading out of town to prepare for a special event. The dragon migration.
I was heading down with a shovel and cooler to a barren field to where we were going to dig a trench to watch the dragon migration. Off in the distance, I could see Rainbow Dash and Jackie digging the beginning of our trench. When I got there, I started digging right beside them. " How's it going you two?"
" It would be better if you helped." Dash was struggling with removing a large rock from her path, so I went ahead and removed it for her. " Thanks, Joe."
" You know, you keep up that brash attitude of your's, you'll never find a significant other." I gave her a cheeky smile knowing that she hates when people talk about her being single or when they try to hook her up.
" Joe, don't you go being mean to our friend now. Here, go and make yourself useful and make a ramp for the trench." Jackie gave me a wink and returned to her side of the trench. For the next fifteen minutes, we continued our digging until we had a twenty-foot long, four-foot deep trench, perfect for viewing a migration without being seen from the air.
" You know, if we put some brush along the edge, it would resemble an old duck-blind that dad and I used to hunt from." I went over to the edge of the forest and started cutting down a few of the branches that had the most foilage that would cover the trench perfectly. Once my task was done, Pinkie and Twilight came over to watch the spectacle. " Welcome friends, to the most luxurious nature blind in all of Ponyville." I reached into the cooler and pulled out a twelve-pack of Shiner Buck beer. " Can I offer anyone a cold one?"
Pinkie zipped up to me and snatched one of the beers. " Don't mind if I do." She went and started drinking the bottle as a new-born would drink. " Ahh, that hit the spot."
" Glad to hear, where's Fluttershy? Isn't she coming?"
" No, she has this terrible fear of dragons, so she won't be joining us for this." Dash seemed upset that she wasn't coming. But I guess if one fears dragons, then a dragon migration watch isn't the best place to be.
" Oh well, it's her loss." Off in the distance, I could see Rarity and Spike coming up. " Well, if it isn't my favorite pony/dragon couple. care for a drink?" I held out two beers for them, Rarity declined while Spike took one of them. I opened the one that was declined and took a swig. " So Twilight, when does the migration start?"
She looked over to the western mountain range, just over the tallest peak, a swarm of dragons started flying over. " Right about now." Within minutes, we could hear the roars of the dragons and the flapping of their wings.
" This is awesome." I was in awe at the spectacle before me. There were dragons of all sizes and colors, not to mention tempers as one of them started fighting with another, starting a dog fight in the air. The fight soon ended when the dragon that was attacked, spewed a torrent of flames from his maw. Unfortunately, the fire was coming right for us. " Take cover!" The fire reached the edge of the brush and it caught on fire. I reached into the cooler, removed all the beer and soda, and poured all the melted ice onto the non-talking burning bush.
" (whistles) That's some firepower. This will be great for my journal." Twilight went and wrote down a few things in a scroll that she brought along with her. I would have thought that living with a dragon would be enough research material. " I never get this much material with just Spike."
" Why is that? I would think raising a dragon from an egg would be all the material you need when it comes to research."
" I don't think you'll get much done when you live with a dragon that wears an apron when he cooks or obsesses over comic books." Off to the side, I saw Spike looking like he was feeling insecure about what kind of dragon he is. It's never good to compare yourself with others.
" Now, Rainbow Dash. Spikey-Wikey may not be like other dragons, but he's more than capable of being the best dragon there is." Rarity nuzzled Spike's cheek trying to cheer him up, but I can tell that he needed something else.
" Thanks for the support Rarity, but I think I need to be only for a while." Spike got out from the trench and I assumed he headed for the library.
I looked over to Dash and got ready. " Why you little!" I grabbed her by the throat and started mock chocking her. " I'll teach you for making Spike feel inadequate about who and what he is!" I continued this action for some time until Luna came down the ramp with the boys.
" Joe, what are you doing?"
" Teaching Dash a lesson on when to keep her pie-hole shut." I held Dash in one hand while I cradled Orion in my other. " Did you happen to pass Spike on your way down here?"
" We did. He seemed kind of upset. He kept mumbling about how he's just as much a dragon, like the ones up there." She pointed up to where the dragons were flying overhead while Jack started playing with her hair. " Jack, don't play with mommy's hair." She started tickling his stomach with her wingtips to make him stop pulling her ethereal hair.
" Here, let me take him off your hooves." Jackie came over and took Jack from Lunas back and started tickling him. " Joe, maybe you should go see if Spike's alright."
" Not to be sounding bitching, but why does it always have to be me who has to diffuse a situation, or make sure someone is alright?"
" Because as a royal and a warrior, you are entitled to help others when the occasion calls for it." Luna then leaned into my ear and whispered. " Plus, I find your heroics very sexy." She then nibbled my earlobe and pulled it some before going back to the others.
" Right.....right I knew there was a reason why I do this. Okay, I'm gonna find Spike, and see if I can cheer him up." I handed Orion to Luna and vacated the presence before anyone noticed the boner growing in my pants. I went to the Library and went in, only to find Spike, crying in a fetal position in the corner. I went over to him and tried to comfort him. " Spike, you alright man?"
" Not really. ( Sniff) I've been thinking about some things." He got up from the floor and wiped most of his tears away. " And I think. I think I need to be with my own kind, at least for a while anyway."
I put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and looked him straight in the eye. " If this is about what Dash said because if it is I can go back and throttle her a little longer if that'll help." We both started to laugh at the mental image of what has happened before and will most likely happen again. " When do you plan on going?"
" Tomorrow morning, and I'll probably stay for a few days at where ever they're staying at." He then got nervous. " You think Twilight and Rarity will be fine with me going alone?"
" Alone? Hell no. Though if you were to have someone go with you?" I gave him a smile telling him that I had his back. " I'll pick you up at eight. Have a pack ready with some food and any other essentials you might need for the trip."
" I'll do it now." He went up the stairs to start packing for the trip for tomorrow. Hopefully, it goes better than our last trip.
The next day.
I waited outside the library with my truck packed with the essentials, food, blankets, and of course beer. When I got home the other night, I told my wives that I would accompany Spike to the dragon lands so he could find himself. They agreed on the condition that we are back within a week, the boys really hate it when I'm gone for too long. While I was fiddling with my necklace I heard the door open. Out from the door came Spike with Twilight, Dash, and Rarity right behind him.
" Be careful Spike, and behave yourself while you're with Joe, alright." Twilight then directed her attention to me. " And you mister, you better keep your eyes on him."
" Geez Twi cut the umbilical cord. The reason he's doing this is so he can feel more macho." I went ahead and put Spike's bag in the back seat of the truck then gave my attention towards the three mares at the door. " Don't worry, I'll watch Spike as if he were my own."
" You just bring him back in one piece, I planned a date for us and I would very much like him to be on time for it."
" You hear that Spike, no trip to Vegas afterward." I flashed them a grin and proceeded to the driver's seat while Spike got in the front. " Don't worry Rares, with any luck, we'll be back in three days." I started the truck and started following the scent of a thousand or so dragons. " Auf wiedersehen, we'll bring back souvenirs." And just like that, we were on our way to another whirl-wind big city adventure.
As we left the library behind, I couldn't help the forced smiles those three were giving us as we left. ( What are those three up to? Eh, doesn't matter.) " So Spike, have found out anything about your kind, or do you still know what you already know?"
" Twilight and I went through every beast and naturalist book we had, and all we found out is that I'm a fire-breathing lizard. I think this will really help find out who I am."
" Spike, finding out what you are, doesn't define who you are. I mean, I'm a werewolf, like my father and ancestors before me. But that doesn't mean we act the same." I turned the music down a bit to give him some more sage wisdom. " Listen, a person isn't defined by what he is, or who they are associated with, but by what they do with their lives that define who they are."
" Wow, that's some heavy stuff man."
" I heard it on an episode of Touched by an angel."
" Whatever, can you toss me a beer?" I reached into the cooler and gave him a cold one while I ripped a piece of jerky for the both of us. " Thanks."
We kept on driving through rough terrain and mountain ranges. When it was lunch-time, we stopped at the top of a hill and smoked a deer that stumbled onto our little camp. With our bellies full, we pressed on towards the dragon lands. After crossing a forest, we made it to a large dormant volcano that was swarmed with dragons. " It would seem that we've made it."
We parked the truck by some bushes in case someone walked by it and decided it was something worth taking. " This place looks incredible!"
" Yeah, if you like the whole Muspelheim look." We started up the fire-mountain to see what all the dragons were doing up there. A few times I had to help spike get to the lip of the mountain cause he kept sliding down. We eventually made it to the top where we found a few dragons resting on the lip of the volcano, unfortunately, one of the dragons saw us. " Oh shit!" The dragon reared it's head and blasted us with fire. With no time to spare, I covered Spike with my wings and body, receiving the full brunt of the flames. " Aaaaaarrrrggghh!!!" Once the flames died, my back was scorched and the feathers on my wings were burnt to a crisp.
" Sweet Celestia, Joe, are you alright!?"
With a little grunting, I tore off my AC/DC concert shirt and looked over myself. " Well, my back will heal in a few seconds, though I think my wings are out of commission for a while." With the spell that Luna taught me, I magically hid my wings for the time being. " There, like nothing ever happened." With one problem solved, I took a look around the volcano and found a group of smaller dragons in the center of the volcano dome, most likely teenagers. " What say we go down there? Maybe they'll be more talkative, less fire-spewing you know."
" I guess we can try, you think they'll be any trouble?"
" Well, if they are, I brought along Frostbite just in case." I flashed my ax to illustrate my point.
" You named your weapon?" He looked at me as if I've lost it.
" Well, I can't just keep calling it my ax. Besides, all my ancestors had a weapon that they used and named." He seemed to understand and nodded his head. " Alright, let's go." We skidded our way down the volcano and towards the group of dragons, who were fighting at the moment. " I got twenty bits on the red one."
This got the attention of the group and the one I believe is the leader came up to us. " Look what we got here boys. A little wimpy dragon, and a hairless ape." This got the group of dragons to laugh like a bunch of drunk college students who just did something stupid. " So what are you two butt heads doing here?"
" Well, he wanted to learn somethings about his own kind, and so far it doesn't look very good." I gave every dragon there a disapproving look, though it didn't really seem to affect them. " And as for me, I came along to compare this world's dragons to mine. And of course to make sure no one harrases my nephew here." The group seemed to be shocked that I was related to him. This is true, once Cadence marries Shinning, he, as well as Twilight and Spike, become my niece and nephews. " You overgrown geckos have a problem with that?"
The insult did not go over well with them. The fat brown dragon came over and grabbed me by the arm. " Who do you think you are, coming in here and calling us names like that. I ought to-" He would have continued his thought, had I not grabbed him by the throat and lifted him up in the air.
" Listen well you slack-jawed imbeciles because it might just save your life." Now I had their attention. Since they don't seem to know my name, I might as well go with an alias. " I am ripper, terror, slasher, gouger. I am the teeth in the darkness, the talons in the night. Mine is strength and lust, and power. I! Am! Beowulf!" With the last word, I wolfed out in all my glory and dug my claws into his throat. " Now, how about we start over and introduce ourselves?"
The red one regained his senses and went to introduce themselves. " Uh, well, I'm Garble." He pointed over to a thin purple dragon with blonde hair. " That guy over there is Fume." He waved with a nervous smile. " And the guy in your claw is Clump."
I gave them all a raised eyebrow. " And here I thought pony names were strange." I put the dragon down and he went over to his friends, lightly coughing from the lack of air. " As I've said, my name is Beowulf, and this is my nephew, Spike. And we came here, so he can learn a little about what it means to be a dragon. Think you can help with that?"
The purple one, Fume, finally answered. " Yeah, we can teach him all we know. I think the first thing we should do, is a roaring contest."
" I can do that, watch. Rawr." We all looked at him as if what he did was a joke.
" Why don't you try that again, this time put some effort into it." When no one was looking, I magically enhanced his vocal cords so he'd have a better roar.
" Alright, here we go." He took in a deep breath, and then he let it all loose. " Roooooaaaaarrrrrrr." After that he was given applause by the rest of the dragons. With them distracted, he came over to whisper in my ear. " Thanks, Joe, I owe you one."
" Don't mention it, little buddy." In the moments proceeding, the other dragons went and took their turns in the contest. After they all took their turns, they gestured for me take a crack at it. " Alright, step back everyone." They all gave me a wide berth while I took in a deep breath and let it loose. " Roooooooaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrr." They were all blown away by my roar, that they couldn't even move for some time. A minute passed before the whole crowd of dragons went wild and started praising my name. " Thank you, thank you. Please, you're embarrassing me."
When the cheering died down, Garble came over to us. " That was a nice roar, I'll give you that. But I believe it's time for the next contest." He led me and Spike over to a pile of treasure piled high. " It's time for. King of the horde! No wings while competing." He then flew to the top of the pile and beat his chest in a challenge to all.
" Think we can take him?" instead of answering him, I picked him up and put him on my back, just after I wolfed out.
" I believe we can take him." And just like that, I started climbing up the pile. I t wasn't easy, climbing up a pile of loose jewels and other assorted valuables, but I made it work. It was when other dragons started trying to knock me off that I started to feel a real challenge. A few times, one of them would latch onto me and try to pull me off the pile, but that's where Spike came in, barbecuing the bastards before they could pull us off. Soon enough, we made it to the top where Garble waited for us. " Time to dethrone a king."
" In your dreams pal." We grappled at the top trying to push the other off the top. I could easily pick him up and throw him down, but then that would take the fun out of it. Eventually, Garble started biting my arm to get me to stumble. He broke the skin but wasn't able to puncture much further than that. " Come on dude, fall off!" As soon as he let go of my arm, Spike did a classic Moe Howard and poked him in the eyes. " Gah!" He slipped off the top but held on to the edge.
I looked down on him while he clung to the edge, thank Odin for the no wing rule. " Looks you could use some help buddy." I went and grabbed his wrists and made him look me in the face while I put on a creepy smile. " Long live the king." His pupils shrunk as the realization of what I was doing hit him. I let go of his wrists and watched him plummet to the bottom of the pile with the others. With him down, I made mine and Spikes victory known. " Hear me now you drakes of fire! Look upon the king and prince of the horde with fear and awe!" I then outstretched my hands and let loose a torrent of blue flames stretching a good twenty feet. The other dragons were amazed by this, even some of the adults seemed impressed.
" Joe, you really need to cut down on the theatrics. We might get unwanted attention." I looked to the rim and saw that some of the adults looked like they were going to come down and take care of us, though a few looked frightened especially the one that went and torched my back.
" Okay, for your sake I'll take it down a notch." I jumped down to the bottom and went over to Garble. " So, what's next?"
After his eyes stopped rolling around in his head, he got up and gestured us over to a pool of lava. " The one who can make the biggest splash wins."
I looked down at the lava and realized this was one contest I couldn't participate in. I set Spike down on the ground and patted him on the back. " You're on your own for this one Spike." I went over to a nearby rock and pulled a cigar from my pocket and lit it with my thumb. " Try not to hurt yourself alright."
" No promises." He stood by the other dragons as they each took a turn splashing into the pool. When it came time for Spike to take his turn, the other dragons started heckling him even going as far as calling him half pony. This, of course, got him pissed off and made him unclear of his actions to where he completely messed up and belly-flopped into the lava. I went to the edge of the high dive to see Spike resurface to applause. " Wait, I thought the point was to make a huge splash?"
" True, but any dragon who can survive a flop like that is more dragon than a pony that's for sure." The other dragons held Spike up high as they cheered for him.
I came down to the edge of the pool and waved them over. " Hey listen, I'm going to go and get some celebratory drinks for this occasion. Can I count on you to watch him while I go get them?"
" Sure. Take your time we'll keep an eye on him." Garble held Spike under his arm while giving him a noogie.
I gave him a raised eyebrow, not knowing if he'd keep his word or not. " Okay, I'll be back in a few minutes, don't do anything stupid while I'm gone." I left them to their own little celebration as I headed out of the volcano and towards my truck. It was getting dark when I got close to my truck I heard some rustling in the bushes as well as some very familiar voices.
" Rarity, that disguise won't fool anybody. It has way too many gems on it." That definitely sounded like Dash.
" Now Rainbow Dash, the gems are meant to be a representation of a dragon's horde that it sleeps in. Not to mention that it looks absolutely fabulous." There's no mistaking Rarity.
" It doesn't have to be good looking, as long as they don't see through the disguise, we'll be fine." And there's Twilight. I pulled back the bushes to see those three getting into a ridiculous looking costume. " Now hurry up before anyone spots us."
" Too late." All three of them jumped at the sound of my voice. " What are you three doing here? This is supposed to be a journey of self-realization for Spike."
" We understand that, but we wanted to make sure for ourselves. You know how dangerous dragons can be."
" To be honest, we've been hanging with the teenage dragons and they've been acting like a bunch of drunk college students around pledge week, and even that's pretty tame." I then folded my arms and leered at them. " Also, are you doubting my skills in keeping Spike safe and in my sight?"
" Well, if you're so good at keeping an eye on Spike, where is he?" ( Shit, Dash's got me there.)
" I uh, left him with some new dragon friends while I went to get some drinks." All of a sudden I heard flapping wings from above us. When I looked up, I saw Spike being carried away by Garble, Fume, and Clump. " And that would be them up there."
" Dear Celestia! Where are they taking my Spikey!?"
" Joe, Dash, fly after them before something bad happens to him." I undid my wings and was about to get airborne, but I wasn't going anywhere. " Joe, what's wrong?"
" It's my wings, they were burnt and still haven't healed properly." If I can't follow them in the air, I can still follow their scent. " Girls, get in the truck, we're following them." We all got in the truck, leaving behind that stupid costume, and followed the three nitwits to where ever they're taking Spike. " When I get a hold of him, I'm going to skin his hide and wear it as armor."
" Joe, there's no need to be so violent, after all, they are just teenagers." Twilight might have a point, not to mention I still have the skin from that slain dragon I still need to do something with. " Where do you think they're going to anyway?"
I stuck my head out the window and sniffed at the air. " I don't know where exactly, but they are slowing down." I slowed the truck down as the scent of sulfur and cupcakes got stronger. I slowed the truck down to a stop and we followed them on foot. After a bit of searching, we found Spike holding an egg while those three idiots went after a family of phoenixes. It looked like he was about to do something to the egg, so I went over there to stop him. " Spike, what are you doing with that?"
" I...I don't know. Garble said we were going to a dragon raid, and he and his friends told me about this phoenix nest that they passed by. When we got to the nest, they went for the nest while I distracted the parents. When it seemed they had me, they turned around to help their babies. When I got back, I found this egg all alone."
I went over to Spike to try and tell him he doesn't have to do this, but that's when the stooges arrived. Their faces were scorched and they had splinters on their bodies. Twilight, Rarity, and Dash went behind some bushes so they wouldn't be seen. Garble went up to Spike, smiling that he had the egg. " Dude, you stole a phoenix egg? I guess this raid wasn't so bad after all." He then spotted me and his voice got caught in his throat. " Oh, uh hey Beowulf. Did you get those drinks?"
" You know, it's funny. I believe I told you three to keep an eye on Spike while I get the drinks, not take him on a raid to I know not where." I put my hand on Spike's shoulder while I eyed those three. " Now answer me this." I pointed down to the egg clutched in Spike's claws. " What were you planning to do when you got ahold of this egg."
Clump answered this one. " We planned on smashing it on the ground." He seemed very happy about what they were going to do, at least until he saw my frown, then he started having second thoughts. " Uh, I'm guessing you don't like that idea?" ( What gave it away?)
" Hey, if Spike wants to know what it's like to be a real dragon, then he'll smash that egg! Or we'll smash both the egg and his face." Garble emphasized his point by poking Spike in the chest, knocking him over onto his back. I was about to do something, but that's when our friends decided to make their presence known. " What the?"
Our friends got into attack positions around Spike and put their game faces on. " Nobody's gonna lay a claw on him!" Dash tried looking fierce as she hovered in the air.
" That's right!" Twilight had her hooves up like a boxer would, ready to attack any who laid a hand on Spike.
" Fightings not really my thing, I'm more into fashion. But I'll rip you to pieces if you touch one scale on my boyfriend's cute little head!" Rarity turned berzerk on that.
When the introductions were made, the trio of dragons just started laughing at the three ponies trying to look fearsome. This raised Dash's ire even further. " Why the hell are you laughing?"
" Because this puny little shrimp not only has pony friends but that he actually fell for a pony is just pathetic." I couldn't take that standing and pinned him against a tree. " Oww, what's your problem? What, your friends with ponies too?"
" As a matter of fact, yes I am. Not only that, I have two beautiful wives at home that are ponies, who have barred me, two sons. And if you got a problem with that." I wolfed out on him while brandishing my ax and stretching my now healed wings. " Then you can die by my blade."
He was indeed afraid and tried to reason with me. " You can't kill us, we're dragons." This just got me to laugh in his face like a mad-man. " You honestly think you can take all three of us?"
" Listen, close boy. Many moons ago I took something from a full-grown dragon's horde. The dragon was not pleased that I took something from him, and so he tried to kill me." The pupils in the dragon's eyes started shrinking as realization started dawning on them. " When our fight came close to endangering others, I pulled out his still-beating heart, at ate it as the life left his eyes." Garble was now shaking violently in my grasp once he realized that the hands that now hold him, has shed the blood of his kind. " So don't even think for a second that three immature whelps such as yourselves, even stand a chance against me."
I then threw Garble at his companions and readied my ax. " Now, leave me and my friends, and never let me hear of you harassing the young ever again." Not even attempting to answer, they quickly turned tail and fled back to the mountain of fire. I went back over to Spike and the girls to find Rarity comforting Spike as he held the egg. " You doing alright Spike?"
" Yeah, I'm alright. I guess we learned that dragons are real jerks." He held his head low after saying that, luckily Dash came with some words of comfort.
" Those three were jerks, but I know that not all dragons are jerks. And do you know how I know that." Spike looked up at Dash awaiting her answer. " Because I know you, and you are not a jerk." She gave Spike a reassuring smile and hug which he returned.
" Rainbow Dash is right, you may not act like other dragons, but that does not mean you're any less of a dragon. If anything, it makes you even more of a dragon, a very Noble dragon." Rarity then kissed Spike on the cheek to drive her point home.
" You guys really think I'm a Nobel dragon?"
" Since the day you were hatched, I've always known you were great." Twilight then joined in on the group hug that surrounded Spike, encasing him in a ball of pony fur.
" Alright, enough sap. Let's get the hell out of here and go home." They all agreed and started heading to the truck. As I followed them, I couldn't help but notice that Spike still had the egg with him. ( Eh, I guess Spike can do with a pet too.)
Author's Notes:
Alright, here's my second shot at giving an image of my character.
Here he is. Hope you can see him.If you can't, then all I can do is give you this clip.
Now, I believe it's time for a royal wedding.
Wedding crashers 2 ( Slight edit.)
Prelude
In the following weeks that led up to the present, only three events are worth telling about.
In the week after our trip to the dragon lands, a call out for all pegasi, and by extent me, were told to help out in creating a tornado to get the water in the reservoir, up to Cloudsdale. On the day of the tornado, we were short a dozen or so Pegasi including Fluttershy, who at the moment was dealing with her fear of being judged because of her weak flying skills. On our first attempt at the tornado, it was too weak to lift all the water and we wound up in a splashdown. On the second attempt, however, Fluttershy came to the rescue. We didn't break any records, but we were able to get the water up to Cloudsdale. I had this idea to swim to the bottom and teleport the water to Cloudsdale, but then I'd be stealing a lot of ponies thunder.
Three weeks after that, ponies started getting addicted to the Foal Free Press thanks to a gossip column written by Gabby Gums. At first, it was funny with harmless gossip, then it started getting nasty. It started when the gossip got more personal about others in their private moments. It got even worse when they caught a glance of me feeding the boys their first taste of meat due to their teeth finally growing in. The picture caused a massive panic when the column said it was pony meat, instead of deer meat. The madness calmed down once Rarity found out that it was the Crusaders who were posing as Gabby Gums. When no one would pay attention to them, they wrote a public apology to the town as well as give their resignment. They were forgiven and life went on, though I did warn them to be careful about doing stuff like that again.
Four days after that, I was asked to escort Pinkie and the others up to Canterlot with this huge fucking cake for a dessert contest. I swear Celestia came up with this so she can get her sweet tooth fix. The problem was, sometime during the night, someone took a few chunks out of the cake that the cakes had made, ruining the cake. After an episode of Sherlock, we found out that the culprits of this crime were none other than Dash, Fluttershy, and Rarity. When Pinkie advertised how delicious the other competitor's desserts were, they all went and ate each other's desserts. With the remainder of the sweet treats, they combined them into something an eight-year-old would create if they had free access to a candy shop, tasted pretty good though.
Now we head to the present.
I was enjoying a picnic with my family and friends on a hill just outside of ponyville. It was a nice day, and I was watching my boys take their very first steps. " Come on boys, come to daddy." They've grown so much since they were born. It's true that the wolf lets us mature faster than a normal person, but I think with the addition of alicorn powers, their growth spurt is going through the roofs. They were both walking from their mothers to me as best they could for their first time. So far, Orion was in the lead with Jack nipping at his heels. " That's it you can do it, just a little further."
" Oooh, those two are just the cutest, and it's amazing how fast their growing."
" Ah know, pretty soon they'll be toddler size and they're not even a year old." Jackie was really proud of how our sons were developing into fine young men. " Hey, look what Jack's doing." We all watched as Jack started using wings for the first time and gaining a bit of lift. With a little more effort he passed Orion and went right into my arms, followed by his brother.
Luna came over to the boys and cuddled them. " Oh, their first steps and Jack's first flight, Mommy is so proud of you two." The boys hugged Luna's neck as she praised them for their first steps.
" This calls for a celebration!" Pinkie pulled out her party cannon and shot confetti all over the area. We all cheered for each of my sons' success and I held them up high. " Hey, where's Spike? He should be celebrating this too."
" He's at the library, reshelving the return books but he said he'd be here as soon as possible." She went for a piece of pie until we all heard a set of claws running up to us. When we looked for the source, we saw Spike running to us at full speed, panting heavily. " Spike, we were just talking about you."
He made it over to Twilight and was about to say something to her, but then he got a message. " Buuuurrrppp!"
" Nice one." Twilight took the letter and started reading it. " What's it say Twi?"
She read through the letter and looked up to tell us what it was. " This is kinda weird. It's a list of tasks for a royal wedding and each one of us has a job to do."
" A royal wedding! Don't leave us in suspense. What do we have to do?" Geez, calm down, it's just a wedding.
" It says that Celestia will preside over the ceremony as per usual. For the music, she would like Fluttershy and her songbird choir to provide it."
" Oh, my goodness what an honor." She softly spoke with glee.
" Pinkie Pie, I can think of no one more qualified than you to host the reception." Shit, she just opened the flood-gates.
" Hip! Hip! Hooray!" With every word, she cartwheeled onto something on our picnic, including the cake.
" Applejack, my dear sister-in-law, you will be in charge of the catering for the reception." ( Oh hell yes! Certainly, have some good food there.)
Jackie took Jack in her hooves and spoke to him. " Did ya hear that honey? Momma's gonna help with a big wedding." She tickled Jack's belly with her hoof as Twilight went along with the list.
" Rainbow Dash." Dash took a big yawn as she thought the task assigned to her was going to be boring. " I would very much appreciate it if you could perform a sonic rainboom, as the bride and groom complete their I dos."
Dash had her hoof in her mouth at this unexpected surprise. " Yeeeesss!"
" Rarity, you will be responsible for designing the dresses for the bride and her bridesmaids." ( Take cover!)
" Princess Celestia wants me to, dah wah, wedding dress, oooh, for a Canterlot wedding, ooooh weee." ( Flop) Rarity passed out on the grass from the news that she was asked to create a few dresses for a royal wedding.
" Joe, my dear brother-in-law. I would very much appreciate it if you would provide twenty of your best warriors for additional security around the castle. I would also like it if you and Spike would help plan the bachelor party as per the groom's request." Twilight was a bit surprised by that first request. " Why would she ask you to bring warriors Joe?"
" Well it is a royal wedding, so additional security would be best. Besides, you remember what was going to happen at mine, Jackie and Lulu's wedding?" She pondered that in her head for a bit seeing the logic in there. " Is that all?"
" Ahh, no. She would also like for you to tell Luna to meet her the night we arrive for the preparations."
" Hmm, I wonder what she want's to talk about?"
Twilight went back to the letter. " And as for you Twilight, you will be playing the most important role of all, making sure that everything goes as planned. See you all very soon, Princess Celestia." She stopped reading the letter and looked it over a few times, seeing if there was more to it. " But, I don't understand. Who's getting married?"
Spike just had himself a sudden revelation. " Oh, right, I was probably supposed to give you this first." He handed Twilight a letter that he most likely burped out first, probably why he ran here in the first place.
Twilight took the letter in her magic and started reading it. " Princess Celestia cordially invites you to the wedding of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and ( Gasp) my brother?" She was surprised to hear her brother was getting married. I don't know why. She knew he was engaged to Cadence. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that she was told through a piece of paper?
Jackie went and broke the awkwardness. " Shining's getting married, that's great news, congratulations Twi." Instead of being excited about the news, she just walked over to the other side of the picnic looking pissed. " You alright Twilight? I would think hearing about your brother's wedding would be a good thing."
" Oh yeah, it is, it's just that I would have liked to be told by him and not by a wedding invitation! I mean really he couldn't tell me personally." She went and levitated my deer meat sandwich over to her, and made it into a puppet. " Hey, Twilight. I just thought you should know I'm making a life-changing decision that changes everything. Oh, nevermind, you'll hear about it when you get the invitation." She put down the sandwich which I quickly grabbed back. " And to a Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. Who the hell is that? I thought he was engaged to Cadence?"
Luna and I looked at each other as if she lost her mind. " Um, Twilight, you know Cadenza and Cadence, are the same right?"
Twilights eyes went from anger to realization, then to absolute joy. " Oh my gosh, Cadence. Wait, that's her title?" Anger can really scramble the brain. " Whatever, it still doesn't excuse him for telling me this important information through a letter, instead of in person."
" At least it's not as bad as receiving it through text. Here, why don't you discuss this with him when we get to Canterlot. When's the wedding anyway?"
She took another look at the invitation for the date. " It'll be in four days."
" More than enough time to chew out his ass. Now come on, the sooner we get there, the sooner I can call you two, family." I pointed to both Spike and Twilight before helping to put away the picnic.
Once it was put away I went back to the house with the boys while Luna and Jackie went to the train station with the others. When I got to the house I found dad and Discord watching The Hangover. " Hey boys, how was the picnic?"
" It was alright, though it got really interesting when Spike delivered an invitation to Shining and Cadence's wedding. You two think you can watch the kids while we help with the prep?"
" Of course, I never seem to spend enough time with my grandsons anyway. When do we come up for the wedding?"
" You and the boys can come up to Canterlot in four days, Discord, however, is coming up with us."
" And why would I do that? If you haven't already guessed, Celestia is still distrusting of me. Not to mention I can't stand the snobbery of those uptight nobles." He does bring up a good point. But this will change his mind.
" Because Spike and I need your help with the Bachelor party." Not even a second went by before he flashed over to my side wearing a Hawaiian shirt and drinking helmet. " That's what I thought. Head over to the train station with the others, I'll be there in a moment." He left in a flash while I headed for Herot for additional security.
I was on the train with the others, striking up both meaningful and useless conversations with everyone. In the train car behind us, housed twenty of my elite Ghost Warriors all huskies. They each carried a spear, a steel club, a paracord sling, and an assortment of throwable bombs from incendiary to gas.
Currently, Spike and I were going over our plans for Shining's bachelor party with Discord until he noticed something. " Since when did Canterlot have a giant purple shield around it?" We all looked out the windows to see that there was indeed a large dome shield over the entire city. " Do you think, it'll let us through?"
" We're about to find out." The train got closer to the shield wall and was about to hit it until the area around the tracks started to shimmer thus letting us through. " I guess that answers that." As we got close to the station I went over to Twilight. " Hey Twi, you want to come with me while I hand the troops over to Shining?"
" Yes. He needs to know just how pissed off I am."
I grabbed my suitcase just as we pulled in to the station. When the doors opened, Twilight and I went over to the car behind us just as my warriors started filing out. When they saw me, they got into formation. " Warriors! Prepare to Move out!" As they waited to move at my command, Luna came over with Jackie and all their luggage. " I'm going to take Twilight and my warriors over to Shining and I'll meet you two later tonight."
" Okay, I need to meet up with Tia for the task she was so vague with anyway." She gave me a kiss on the cheek and left for the castle with the luggage.
" I'll head over to the kitchens and start on the food, see what they need to be improved on." She kissed me on the other cheek before following Luna to the castle.
I watched them go off in the distance just as I was about to address my company. " Warriors! March!" In unison, they headed for the main gates while I turned to Twilight. " You have no idea how much I love that." Twilight and I headed for the barracks where I was certain we would find Shining. As the march continued, we would pass by some of the locals who would either wave, look away, or just plain run away. " You'd think after a few months of this, they'd be used to me."
" I would have thought so too." We made it to the castle barracks where we saw the guards going through some pretty slack drills. While I was observing these slackers, Twilight spotted her brother giving orders on top of the barrack wall. " There he is." She stormed over to the wall to give him a verbal thrashing. " I've got something to say to you, mister."
This got the attention of both Shining and the guards. Just as the first guard was about to go full-on combat mode, Shining defused the situation. " Twilly, Joe, it's good to see you guys again." He came down the steps, took off his helmet and came in for an embrace. When he went to hug Twilight she backed away. " Twilight what's wrong?"
" Oh, nothing. Just that I'm finding out about my own brothers wedding through the mail at short notice, instead of in-person with plenty of time to prepare." She was fuming every word she spoke at this point. " I mean come on. I'm your sister for Celestia's sake."
" Twilight, I'm sorry it had to be that way, but things have been a little chaotic lately." And that's when Discord showed up.
" None of that was my fault, I can assure you of that." Not wanting to deal with his crap at the moment, I grabbed him by the throat and meet him eye to eye. " I can see that this is a bad time. I'll see you at dinner." He disappeared to who knows where while Shinning continued his explanation for the short notice invitation.
" Anyway, Celestia requested a major increase in security, if you haven't noticed already." Looking around, we noticed that every wall and tower had at least one guard covering the place.
" Yeah, we noticed there's a big wedding coming up. Maybe you heard about it?" Twilight went over to a puddle to distract herself from her brother. Shining just came right over.
" The security has nothing to do with the wedding. A threat has been made against Canterlot."
" A threat has been made against the capitol, and I wasn't told about it until now?"
" We didn't want to bother you with it back then. But now Celestia thinks that you need to be involved."
" And this shield over the city isn't enough?" I pointed up to the shield above and around us.
" Sometimes it is, but every time I cast the spell to renew the shield, it leaves me with terrible migraines." To emphasize his point, he blasted the shield above with a beam from his horn, making it brighter and possibly more solid. When he was done he grunted in pain and started rubbing his forehead. " See what I mean? The safety of Canterlot rests squarely on my shoulders, so this has been my top priority for some time."
As we stopped along an archway, Twilight found a little forgiveness. " Okay, I get it. You got a really important job protecting Canterlot with a force-field that only you can conjure up. But still, how could you not tell me about something as big as your wedding? Am I not that important to you anymore?" Oh, gods here come the waterworks.
" Of course you're important to me, you're my little sister. And I would completely understand it if you didn't want to be my best mare." He gave Twilight an innocent-looking smile hoping to get back in her good graces. From the look of her smile, I think it's working.
" I would be honored to be your mare of honor." They exchanged a nice sibling hug, patching things between them.
While they had their moment together, I caught a whiff of something. The smell was very strong and smelled of cilantro, and it was right behind me. When I turned around to find who it was, I was met by my niece Cadence. I was happy to see her after so long, however, she looked surprised, even scared to see me. I thought it was strange that she recoiled from the sight of me, though I didn't have to worry about that once Twilight caught sight of her.
" Cadence!" She came over and started their childhood greeting. " Sunshine sunshine ladybugs awake. Clap your hooves and do a little shake." She sang her song and ended her dance with her flank in the air.
Cadence just looked at Twilight with a neutral expression. " What are you doing?" Now that was weird. I've seen them do this every time they meet, now she doesn't even recognize the gesture? Something is really off about this.
Twilight got out of that position and looked quizzically at her. " Cadence, it's me, Twilight."
She kept looking at her with the same expression. " Yeah, okay." She walked right past us and straight to Shining.
Since this was getting a bit weird for me, I decided to go about my duty. " Listen, I'm gonna give my soldiers their orders, and then I'm gonna meet up with my Valkyries. Kay?" They were to caught up with their own world to really listen, so I decided to just do it.
I reached my warriors who stood at attention. " Alright listen up maggots! I want all of you to scout the city and protect it from any threat. Be it terrorist level or petty thievery, I want it stopped and reported to Princess Celestia. Do you get me!?"
" We get you, Sir!"
" Dismissed!" As they left to go about the city, my thoughts went back to Cadence's strange behavior. " Kamehameha! Front and center!" One of the warriors stopped in his tracks and came to me. This warrior was the biggest in the group and killed the most caribou out of all of my army. He had a black coat with a white underbelly and a scar going across his left eye. " I have a special task for you."
" What is it, my king?"
I pointed over to Cadence, who was cuddling up to Shining at the moment. " I want you to keep an eye on the pink one, but make sure you are not seen by her." He nodded in understanding. " If she does anything out of the ordinary, report it to Twilight. Understand?"
" I shall not fail you my king." He then crossed his arm over his chest. " Respekt und Ehre!"
I returned the salute. " Respekt und Ehre!" He left to do what he was asked, and I went for the throne room.
As I moved through the halls, I would pass a guard on alert every ten-feet, though some of them looked out of it. When I got to the doors to the throne room, I was let in by two guards. When I entered, I saw Luna talking with Celestia, no doubt about the task that she was so vague with. " Joe, so glad you could make it."
" It's good to see you to Sis." I came over and gave her a hug but not before giving my wife a kiss. " I have my warriors scouting from the shadows. If anything strange or dangerous happens in the city or outside the barrier, they'll inform you if they can't stop it themselves."
" Thank you, Joe it means a lot that you help with the security around the city. With both the wedding and an enemy threatening to invade Canterlot, I don't think I could have done this without help." She gave me a gracious smile, telling me that she really needed the help.
" You are most welcome, though I must ask. How did you know a threat was coming to Canterlot anyway?" Out from behind her throne, she levitated over an envelope. She brought it over to me where I began to read it. ' To the soon to be ex-ruler of Equestria. This is to let you know that a better ruler is on its way to take control. The army that comes is hungry for battle. See you soon.' I gave her back the letter and looked at them both. " What kind of enemy sends a letter saying they're going to attack? This is the stupidest thing anyone could ever do."
" That's what I told her when I read it. Does the term ' Surprise attack' mean nothing in this day and age?" Gods I love it when Luna shows her military side.
" They may very well have. I mean, there hasn't been a conflict in the last thousand years, so there was no need to worry until now." Luna and I gave Celestia a disapproving look. " What?"
" Back in my world, we have a saying. Qui Pacem, Para Bellum. Those who seek peace, prepare for war." I gave Luna a kiss on the cheek before heading out. " I'll see you two at dinner." And just like that, I was out.
The next morning.
It was now three days before the wedding, as well as the day the guys and I, were taking Shining to his bachelor party. We decided to teleport to my world and head over to Las Vegas for the groom's last hoorah before marriage. At first, the guys had some reservations about going over to the other side, till I told them about the disguise spell, then they couldn't wait to get going.
As I was packing an overnight bag, I was going over the reports the Huskies had given me. As far as the shield perimeter, nothing has tried to get in that the train didn't allow through. From the inside, two of my warriors stopped a robbery at a jewelry store downtown while one of them stopped a domestic disturbance. So far not bad, though I wasn't really interested in that. What I was interested in, was what Kamehameha had to report about Cadence and her weird behavior.
He reported that she would always have the smell of cilantro on her, no matter what she did. He assumed she got the scent when she went into the kitchen, but when she came out the strength of the scent didn't grow nor did it weaken throughout the day. Aside from her scent, her attitude towards others has been most unusual as well. She would act rudely towards the girls when all they did was help with the wedding. And he's not sure, but he thought he caught a glimpse of her in the mirror, though he thought he saw something else. I told him to keep watch and see what else he could find and report it to Celestia.
Anyway, my thoughts were on the trip ahead and having a good time. I grabbed my bag and met with the guys out front. The party consisted of Shining, Discord, Big Mac, Spike and me. " You guys ready for some fun?"
" Yeah! I can't wait to get going." Spike had a huge pack with him and he looked eager to get going.
" Alright, let me just get your disguises on, then we can go." I reached out my hand and waved it over the drake and two ponies. When I was done, they had a new look to blend in with my world.
They took a moment to look at their disguises and were quite impressed. " Not bad Joe. But what about Discord over there?" Mac asked while pointing with his new appendage.
" My dear Big Mac, I do not need help when it comes to fitting in with a crowd." With a snap of his fingers, he became a human, at least in the sense he could pass for one in Vegas.
Satisfied with how they all looked, I prepared to open a rift to Vegas. " Here we go!" With the slash of my claws, I opened a gateway to an alleyway next to the Ceasers Palace hotel and casino. " Well come on, we don't want anyone on that side to see the portal do we?" This made them high-tail it through the portal with me following. The portal closed once we all made it through and we headed towards Ceasers. " Welcome to my old world boys."
The guys looked all around them, seeing all the different themed casinos and weirdos on the street. That was quickly replaced once they started to feel the heat. " Dude, your world is to hot man."
" Yeah, Nevadas hot this time of year. But that's why we're going into an air-conditioned hotel, so we don't have to be out in this heat all day." I adjusted my pack and headed over to the front of the Palace with the guys following. Once we got in, we were hit with a blast of cool air. I led them to the front desk and rung for the receptionist.
A tall blonde with a ponytail came to the desk and greeted us. " Hi, my name is Lisa. Welcome to Caesars Palace. How may I help you today?"
" Yeah, we came to Vegas to give this bastard a bachelor party." I patted Shining on his shoulder, showing who we're here to celebrate for. " And we were wondering if you had any villas available?"
She went on her computer and started typing away. " We have one available, and it's forty-two-hundred a night." I fished out three gold bits from my pocket and tossed them onto the counter. " Okay, let me go and get your room keys." She took the coins and went to the back. A moment later, she came back out with five key cards. " Here you are. Enjoy your stay at the hotel."
We each took a card and went to the elevators. When we got to the top floor, we went down the hall towards the end where our room is. With my key card, I unlocked the door and opened it, revealing our suite. " Guys, welcome to Vegas!" The guys came into an amazing site.
We each picked a room and got ourselves cleaned up and ready for the nightlife. We all waited in the lobby while Spike was putting on the finishing touches to his ensemble. Needless to say, it was getting on Shining's nerves. " Come on little brother, we only got one night to be wild, and we're burning moon-light."
Spike came out with the same clothes he had on but with the addition of a red bowtie. " Ready to go!" We all gave him an unamused look at that. " What?"
I gave him a hard pat on the back. " Nothing. Come on, let's head up to the roof real quick, I have a treat for us." We left the room and went for the service entrance to the roof. As we stepped onto the roof, we were met with the Vegas skyline.
As the guys were admiring the lights, I took out a bottle of Jager and five-shot glasses from my jacket. " Alright, time for the first shot of the night." I distributed the glasses to the guys while also filling them up. " Down the hatch fellas." we raised our glasses and threw the first shot down our gullets. " By the gods that burned so good."
" Taste's like college." Shining gestured for another one. " Listen, I wanna say thanks for the party guys. This was a much better idea than going to some restaurant in Canterlot."
" Don't sweat it, big bro. It's the least we could do for you."
" I just hope ya'll do this for me when I decide to settle down with some beautiful mare." Big Mac exclaimed while I topped him off.
" If the author ever gets off his ass and really starts putting some words down we might." Discord went and looked off in the direction we weren't with the stink eye.
" Despite Discords antics, I would like to propose a toast." We lifted our once again filled glasses. " To Shining Armor and Princess Cadence. May you have all the happiness that marriage can give you." And with that, we poured our second shot of the night. " Now let's get fucking wasted!"
" Yeah!"
The next morning. 3rd person POV.
It was morning in the villa at Caesars Palace and it is here that we find the bachelor party aftermath. The table in the dining room was littered with beer cans and liquor bottles, stacked pyramid style. The hot-tub was filled with blow-up dolls, and even more empty cans. Up, on the chandelier, we find our friendly neighborhood Draconequus, sleeping off a hangover. Joe was half nude, sleeping on the floor next to the bathroom. Shining was nowhere to be seen, however, Big Mac was face down on the floor, with a bit of blood coming from his mouth.
On the far side of the room, Spike, who had no pants, was trying his best to get up, only to stumble backward and land on the pile of beer cans. The sound of the crash was enough to wake up Mac from his slumber, though not entirely. As Mac got off the floor and sat on the sofa, Spike made his way to the bathroom, accidentally stepping on a chicken that somehow got in. When the bathroom door closed behind him, he directed his hose toward the toilet and let it loose.
" Grrrrrrr." Spike, in his still drunken state, thought he heard a noise over to the right. He turned his whole body, while still pissing, to where he thought he heard a noise. What he saw was a large tiger, sitting in the middle of the bathroom floor, growling at him. Not even giving the jungle cat another thought, he went back to pissing in the toilet. " Roooarr."
The roar woke him up completely and he stopped his stream. " Ahhhh!" He ran out of the bathroom, tripping over Joe and waking him up.
" Gah, fuck man control yourself, man." Joe looked over to Spike only recoil once he saw he had no pants on. " For Odin's sake Spike, you're not a dragon right now, put on some pants."
" Joe, there is a tiger in the bathroom!" He yelled while pointing to the bathroom.
Mac, having regained some sense of where he was, wondered what was going on. " Spike, what are you talking about?"
" There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!" He repeated while hiding his junk with the shirt he still had on.
Joe untangled himself from the sheet he was covered in and went for the bathroom. " Don't worry about it alright. I'll go check it out." Joe went to the bathroom, despite the protests Spike was giving him and opened the door. He took a quick peek around and found that there was indeed a tiger in the bathroom. " Holy fuck, he's not kidding, there's a tiger in the bathroom." He exclaimed while closing the door.
In a daze, Big Mac argued: " There's no tiger in the bathroom."
" Yeah, there is, it's huge, gigantic." Spike was still freaking out over the bathroom situation.
Joe looked around the room while putting on a shirt. " For Heimdal's sake. Look at this place. I'm probably gonna have to give these guys a few extra coins for this shit." He sat down from across Mac and cupped his face in his hands.
Mac felt around his face, feeling that something was off. " Hey, Joe, am I missing a tooth?"
Joe went and took a closer look while Mac bared his teeth. " I can't....pffft oh gods."
Mac grabbed a silver platter from the table and gave himself a look. " Sweet Celestia. My front tooth, it's gone!"
Discord decided to wake up from the chandelier. " Ugh, what did we do last night?"
" Why are we not doing anything with the fact there is a tiger in the bathroom?"
" Spike I will deal with it in a minute, now would you please put some pants on, it feels a little weird that I have to ask twice." Spike went searching for a pair of pants While Joe went looking for someone who wasn't there. " Has anyone seen Shining? He's not in his room, plus his mattress is gone." After the announcement that Shinning was not in the Villa, the gang quickly sobered up and started looking around for him.
" You know, I think I know where he is." Discord went out the door with the others following him. Discord had led them to the rooftop where their adventure began. After a few minutes of searching, they found Shining attempting to throw his mattress over the side. " You know. I don't think the hotel would appreciate you throwing their furniture off the roof."
Shining turned to the others and got pissed off. " You sons of bitches!" He dropped the mattress and tackled Mac.
Joe's Pov
I was watching Shining and Mac wrestle on the roof while Discord shared his popcorn with me. " Guys, can we move this along, I would like to get back to my loved ones."
Shining stopped throttling Mac and pierced me with his angry gaze. " You fuckers left me on the roof!"
" Yes, we established that now can we go?"
" But what about the tiger in the bathroom? We can't just leave it for the hotel staff to worry about."
" Oh, you met Hobbes?" Each and every one of us turned to Discord wanting more answers. " What?"
" Are you saying that the tiger in the bathroom was put there by you? And you named him Hobbes!?" Not even wanting to deal with any more bullshit, I headed back down to our room. I gathered all our things and made my way to the lobby where I gave the keys to Lisa at the front desk, as well as a few extra coins for the damages. When no one was looking, I teleported myself back to the room to get the tiger and head back up to the roof. When the guys saw me back with the tiger, all but Discord took a step back. " You promise to take care of him? And make sure he doesn't eat any of the other pets?"
" Of course I will, only the best care for Hobbes." I released the cat and he immediately went over to Discord and pounced on him. " There's a good boy."
While Discord was playing with his new companion, I opened up a portal to the throne room of Canterlot. " Alright, let's get the fuck out of Nevada." As the guys went through to Equestria, I would dispell their human disguises with Discord removing his own. When I passed through the portal, I was greeted to the site of Cadence berating Shining for leaving.
" How could you just leave without telling me where you were going! What if I needed you?" Never have I seen Cadence so angry, and by the looks of everyone in the room, they've never seen this side of her either. " Next time, you come to me before you do anything with your friends!"
" I will." And with that, Shining slumped off to his duties with his tail between his legs.
I couldn't just stand there and do nothing. I went over to Cadence and made her face me. " Cadence, if you want to be mad at anybody, be mad with me alright. It was my idea to take him and the guys to Vegas and I should have told you beforehand."
Cadence looked at me with a bit of anger and I swore I saw her eyes turn green for a second, but it soon subsided into a neutral look. " Don't let it happen again!" She went around me and left towards her room.
I tried to make sense of what had just occurred, but then I was tackled by my two flying sons. "What the...you're both flying? And you're both here?"
Dad came up behind them downing some Advil. " Yeah, I figured I'd bring them up here so they can annoy you, instead of driving me up the wall." As dad left for his room, Luna and Jackie came in to see their sons had arrived.
" Orion! Jack! What are you two doing here? Did you miss us?" Luna came over and got Orion from me while Jack flew over to Jackie. " I see their flying skills have gotten better."
" Yeah, pretty soon they'll be trying out for the Wonderbolts with their aunt Dash. " Jackie told us while trying to keep Jack still. " So how was the bachelor party, Honey?"
" It would be a whole lot better if I could remember what we did. You should have seen the state of the room after we were done with it. Oh, and Big Mac lost a tooth." Both my wives rolled their eyes not even surprised that the guys and I made a mess of things. Though Jackie was a little surprised about Mac. " So what about here? Anything that would require my immediate attention?"
" Well, there is something Twilight wanted to tell you. Though from what she told both me and the girls, I think she's just being paranoid. I think you'll find her in her room." Jackie came over and kissed me on the cheek before following Luna to our room.
When they were out of sight, I headed over to Twilight's room to see what she wanted to tell me. As I passed through the halls I noticed the scent of two of my warriors up in the rafters. I signaled them that they were doing a fantastic job just as I reached the door that held my bookworm friend. I knocked on the door and asked: " Hey Twilight, whatcha wanna see me about?"
The door was flung open and Twilight grabbed me in her magical grasp, where she pulled me inside. " Did Cadence see you come in?"
" No. Why?"
Twilight started zipping around the room, going from the window to the door before bringing me in close. " I think something has happened to Cadence. I don't know if someone has hypnotized her or if she's doing this on her own accord. But what I do know, is that she is evil."
" You've noticed it too. Good...that means Kamehamea's work hasn't been for nothing."
" You mean you knew!? And you didn't tell anyone!?" It seems Twilight was a little pissed about that.
" I had my suspicions when we confronted her on the archway. Her behavior is abnormal, her attitude towards Shining is irregular, but what really seals the deal, is her scent." Twilight raised an eyebrow at that last remark. " You probably can't smell it, but ever since we got here, she's had the smell of cilantro on her and it has never left her. Also when I told her to lay off Shining for not being around, I think her eyes flashed acid green."
" That proves it then. Come on we got to tell the others." Before she could wait for my response, she teleported herself to where the others would be.
Seeing no need to rush I went out into the hallway to head back towards the throne room, only to be stopped by Cadence. " Oh, hey. Just passing through." She let me past her so I could confront Cadence about her strange....wait a minute. Before I could say or do anything else, I was hit in the head with something heavy and my vision turned black.
An undetermined amount of time later.
I don't know how long I've been out, or where I was, or what it was that Cadence hit me with, but I do know one thing, Cadence was this close to sharing Bluebloods fate. While I was thinking this, I was awoken from my blunt-forced nap by some kind of explosion. When I opened my eyes my vision was blurry and I could only hear a ringing noise. Suddenly, a purple blur went and attacked a pink blur at the other end of the room or wherever we were at. As I watched the two blurs, my hearing started coming back to me, and I was able to hear the faint noise of that stupid song that Cadence and Twilight would always sing. " Twilight. Cadence. Is that you?"
The two blurs then moved over to me, at which point my vision had been cleared and it was indeed Twilight and Cadence with me. When the got closer to me, it was revealed that I was glued five feet high to the wall with what looked like boogers. Hopefully, that's not really the case. " Joe, how did you get down here?"
Instead of answering Twilight, I locked eyes with Cadence. " Before I answer your question, I have to know if that's the real Cadence." She looked a little taken back and hurt that I would accuse her of anything. " First question. When did we meet?"
" We met at the Gala after you stopped the animals from the garden from rioting."
" Okay, what was the name of the film that I showed after the Hearths Warming play?"
" I think it was called ' A Christmas Story'? Yeah, that was it."
I gave her a smile for the last question " Alright, final question. What was your suggestion for me to get Luna and Jackie for Hearts and Hooves day?"
She looked shocked that I asked that and her cheeks became red. " I told you to get chocolate covered strawberries." I lifted my right eyebrow and gave her a smirk knowing that wasn't all she said. " And a....box of...condoms."
" Hahahahahahahahahaha. Alright, it's you, though I should have figured since you don't smell like cilantro anymore." As I started to calm down from my little joke, I took in the room we were in, which happened to be some sort of crystal cavern. " Where are we? And who's been posing as you all this time?"
" Before I found you two, the fake Cadence said we were in the crystal caverns beneath Canterlot. She told me that everyone had forgotten about this place's existence so we'd be stuck here forever." ( Sounds like the typical bad guy move.)
" I know who did this." Twilight and I listened for what Cadence was about to reveal. " Her name is Chrysalis. She's the queen of a race known as Changelings. She's also the one who sent out a threat against Canterlot." Thinking back on the letter and the fact the enemy changes form, made me realize the plan was actually clever. " Do you need help getting out?" Seeing that I was still bound to the wall, I flexed my muscles, breaking free of my bonds. " Never mind."
" Come on, we have to stop my brother from marring that monster." Seeing there was no time to delay, I slashed open a portal just outside the throne room where the wedding was being held but not before retrieving Frostbite.
On the other side of the doors, we could hear Celestia going over the ceremony. Time to pull another insane stunt. " Princess Cadence and Shining Armor. It is my great pleasure to pronounce you-"
I busted the doors open with my foot and pronounced: " I object!" The whole room was filled with nobles, our friends and my wives acting as bridesmaids. And they all had their eyes on me. " First off, you were going to have this wedding without me or Twilight? What the hell is up with that? But you know...that wouldn't be as bad if not for the fact that the wedding is being done. Without, the bride!"
The fake Cadence was shocked to see me, but she kept up her act despite everything. " What are you talking about? The bride is standing where she needs to be."
" Not true." Everyone gasped once they saw a second Cadence come up from behind me, along with Twilight. " That Cadence is an imposter!"
Jackie went and asked the question that was on everybody's mind. " I don't understand. How can there be two of them?"
" She's a Changeling. She takes the form of the pony you love and gains power by feeding off your love for them."
Luna made this stunning realization. " Oh. Like in that episode of Supernatural where Dean thought he had a son with an old flame he had. And they found out the children were being replaced by creatures of the same name." Luna's a natural when it comes to this stuff.
The Cadence at the altar had had enough of our crap and decided it was time to reveal herself. Her eyes turned bright green while a ring of green flames engulfed her. We all gasped at the horror that was happening before us as her skin became chitin, her feathery wings turned into insect wings, and her mane turned a sickly green. In short, she was hideous.
" Mwahahaha. Right you are Princess. And as Queen of the Changelings, it is my duty to find food for my subjects. Equestria has more love than any place that I have encountered. My fellow Changelings will be able to Devour so much of it. That we will gain more power, that we have ever dreamed of."
Cadence stood her ground towards the big bug. " They'll never get the chance! Shining Armors protection spell will keep them from ever reaching us!"
The Queen merely smirked at her accusations. " Oh I doubt that. Isn't that right..dear?" Her horn glowed green and Shining's eyes glowed green, he was definitely brain-washed. This action spurred Cadence to try and reach him, only for the queen to get in her way. " Ah ah ah. You don't want to back to the caves now. Do you?" She stepped back from her. " Ever since I took your place, I've been feeding off of Shining's love for you. Every moment, he grows weaker and so does his spell. Even now my minions are chipping away at it." Outside, I was able to hear the bodies of her subjects crashing into the ever-weakening shield. " Hahaha. He may not be my husband, but he is under my total control now. And, I'm sorry to say, unable to perform his duties as captain of the royal guard!"
I had enough of this crap. I stepped in-between Cadence and Twilight while brandishing Frostbite. " Shining may not be able to perform his duties as Captain. But as King of Herot." I slowly transformed into the wolf just as my warriors jumped down from the rafters overhead. When the Wolf was revealed, Chrysalis started to feel afraid. " I will see you fall this day." My wives and our friends went behind me just as I started making my way to that evil bitch.
As I got closer, the Queen's fear turned into an evil smirk. " If I fall, then so do your children." She reached with her magic and from behind a pillar, she brought out my sons who were fast asleep. The sight of them in the grasp of this oversized bug made me stop in my tracks while Luna and Jackie were horrified.
" Mah babies!"
" Foul creature, release our sons this instant!"
Their cries for our sons only made the Queen laugh while also awakening the boys from their slumber. A moment later, the shield holding back the bitch's army broke, letting the enemy terrorize the streets of Canterlot. I would have more worry for them, if not for the fact I heard their screams of pain once my warriors went into the fray. The Queen must have heard this too as her smile turned into a look of annoyance.
" It seems my minions are having a little difficulty in dealing with those mutts." She brought the boys close to her person and looked ready to drain them of their love. " Call off your troops, or your kids will be loveless husks." I went to do just that until I heard Chrysalis scream. I turned around to see that my boys had wolfed out and started attacking her throat and abdomen. They make me so proud. " Gah, filthy creatures."
I took this opportunity to tackle the Queen while Luna was able to grab the boys from her magical grasp. " You dare to use my children as leverage against your own demise." She started shaking in her own chitin. " Let's take this outside." I threw her out the nearest window and chased her down while my warriors followed to help the others. She recovered from being thrown out the window and started to flying away, spilling large amounts of blood as she went. As I gave chase, her subjects would fly in my path to stop me. Frostbite made short work of them. After about an hour of chasing her through the streets, I was able to pin one of her legs to a wall with a spear I burrowed from one of my subjects. " It's one thing to go after adults. But to go after the young, especially my children." I lifted her into the air by her throat and readied Frostbite. " Just bought you a one-way ticket to Hell."
Just as I was ready to bring the ax down, a large dome forming from the castle, started expanding and pushing the Changelings out of Canterlot. I looked to Chrysalis with anger as my chance to end her was being robbed from me. " I see or smell you or your kind ever again. I will not hesitate to remove your lives from this world." I grabbed her midsection and threw her like a javelin away from the city, with the dome giving her an extra push. With all the Changelings gone, my warriors and I returned to everybody else.
When we returned, I was tackled by my wives. " I'm so proud that you saved the youngins, and stopped that evil bitch."
" Not to take credit away from you my love, but we can't forget our son's first transformations." The boys were on Lunas back where they kept going from normal to their wolf form.
I grabbed them both in my arms and praised them. " My boys first wolf-out, this is every werewolf father's happiest moment. Nothing can make this better."
" Dada."
" Dada."
The whole throne room went deadly silent after hearing those words. " I stand corrected. Their first words, and it was Dada! This is the best day ever!" I looked to see that everyone, other than my wives, were not as agreeing. " Despite some hiccups, it wasn't that bad."
The next day.
After some time redoing the wedding plans and cleaning up the bodies, thankfully it was just the enemies, we were ready to have a redo on this wedding. Seeing as it was me who took care of most of the invaders, I was given the honor of Marring Shining and Cadence to each other. Among the witness' to the wedding sat dad, the Apple family, and my boys as well as Kamahemaha and the warriors he led into battle. We were all gathered in the throne room, waiting for Cadence to walk down the aisle.
While we waited, dad, Bright Mac, and Pear Butter would coddle and try to make the boys say more words, Though they would always say, Dada. The display made me so happy that I hadn't noticed that Cadence had walked up the aisle until she cleared her throat. " Oh, sorry. Ahem. We have gathered here once again, to join these two in holy matrimony." This got a small chuckle from the audience. I turned my attention to Cadence to start things off. " Do you, Princess Cadence, take this Stallion to be your lawfully wedded husband, even though he's a bumbling dork?"
Cadence took a moment to stop her laughing to answer. " I do." She then took a ring from the pillow that Spike was holding, and placed it on Shinings horn.
" And do you, Shining Armor, take this Mare to be your lawfully wedded wife? Even though she is way out of your league." This got everyone in the room to laugh.
Shining ignored my jab and instead looked deep into Cadence's eyes. " I do." He took the remaining ring and placed it on Cadence's horn.
With the rings on, I took on my wolf form, unfurled my wings, and announced to the world. " By the power's given to me by All-Father Odin and the goddess of marriage Frigg. I now pronounce you, husband and wife. Now kiss before another army comes by and decides to ruin this moment more than I am." They both ignored my last statement and had their first kiss as a married couple.
After that, they went out onto the balcony, to make their union know to the gathered masses. At this point, Dash went and did her sonic rainboom as Shining and Cadence made their public kiss. ( Second best wedding ever.)
It has been a couple of hours since I proclaimed these two a married couple, and we were now in the courtyard watching the new bride and groom have their first dance. While we watched them dance, Discord popped into existence next to me. " Oh dear, what all did I miss?"
I grabbed him by the throat and started strangling him as subtly as I could. " Where the hell were you when the city was under attack?"
Between my shaking him around, he would tell me. " I..was...getting...Hobbes...acquainted...with...the...other...pets." Not wanting to ruin the rest of the wedding, I let him go.
" Next time, send a letter or something." The party went into high gear when Pinkie got on stage and motioned for me to join. " My work is never done. Is it?" I hopped onto the stage and grabbed the mic. " This is for the new couple on their special day." With a bit of magic, I was able to start some music.
As I sang the song, I would sometimes direct my attention to my wives, making them blush. While everyone was dancing, dad and Discord would snap photos of the going's on's of the whole party, capturing the best moments. Soon it was time for Shining and Cadence to head on over to their honeymoon destination and they went for the carriage. Before they left, Shining had yet another sibling moment with Twilight while Cadence came over to thank me.
" Thank you, Joe, this wedding would have been ruined had it not been for you." She then gave me a hug before heading to the carriage. " Oh my goodness, the bouquet." She quickly turned around and threw her flowers into the crowd.
The flowers fell into the middle of the crowd where it looked like Cobalt was about to catch it, but that was before a crazed Rarity came along. " It's mine!" Once she had the flowers, she regained her composure while chuckling. Spike then attacked her with a kiss, saying ' I'm the one'.
We all watched as the carriage drove off into the distance towards its honeymoon destination. It was then that Twilight spoke for all of us. " Now that, was a great wedding."
" Yeah, it was, though I wish I could remember what happened at the bachelor party."
It was then That Discord came over with the camera. " Actually, I believe I was able to get a few shots of what we did that night."
" Oh man, I gotta see this." Dash came over and swiped the camera from him and was about to look at them, but I swiped the camera from her. " Hey!"
" Listen, we're going to look at this one time, then after that, we're deleting them. Okay, here we go." Everybody gathered around me as I started to go through the photos. Some of it was way worse than we thought.
" Oh dear lord!"
Author's Notes:
First. Sorry for the wait.
Second. I find this ironic cause my dad is getting married soon.
Third. The cilantro thing was meant to show that Chrysalis is a bug. Apparently, stink bugs give off a stench that some say smells like cilantro.
Fourth. Yes, there were obvious references to The Hangover.
Fifth. How the hell am I going to top off this?Clip
The lost empire. ( Edited)
Two weeks had passed since Cadence and Shinings wedding and for once, things have been pretty normal. With my boys able to speak, Luna decided to start teaching them how to speak while Jackie and I kept working. In a few weeks, the Apple family will be having their annual reunion, though Jackie told me her cousin would be dropping by before then.
Anyway, the sun was just rising over the hill, and I decided I would make my wives some breakfast. I turned the alarm off just before it went off and teleported myself to the boy's room. " Boy's, wake up, time to help out your old man." They slowly woke up from their slumber, allowing me to get them from their cribs and to the kitchen. I put the boys in their high chairs and dragged them over to where I was making breakfast. " Alright, time to watch your dad make your moms happy."
" Mama."
" Happy."
" Exactly. Now we have to be quiet to surprise them, so shhh." They both covered their mouths with their hands saying they got the message. With their promise to keep quiet, I went and got the ingredients to make blueberry pancakes with both vegan and regular sausage links. As the skillet got hot and the links were cooking, dad came down the stairs to see what's going on.
" Morning boys, making some links and cakes. Good, I'm starving." Dad went for one of the regular links but I slapped his hand away with a hot spatula. " Ouch, what gives boy?"
" This finely crafted feast is for my wives. If you want something to eat, there's a pork chop in the fridge." He went to go for the leftover chop while I continued to make hotcakes. Before long, I had three stacks with five cakes each with three links to a plate plus a pancake for each of the boys. With the boys given their breakfast and dad watching them, I took the three stacks of pancakes and headed up to mine and my wives' room. When I entered the room, my wives were just now waking up. " Good morning my loves."
" Good morning my king."
" Morning Sugar. Mmm, that smells good."
" Yeah, I thought I'd make us a nice breakfast since we got nothing going on." I put the plates in the middle of the bed and we chowed down. As we ate, we would come up with things that we would when the reunion comes up. " Hey Jackie, quick question. Does the rest of the Apple family know that your parents are back?"
Her cheeks were full of food while she pondered whether or not any of the other family members knew. Finally, she swallowed and answered. " Well, Ah think the ones that showed up to our wedding know about them. But as far as the whole family, I can't be sure." At hearing that, a devious grin spread across my face which Jackie took notice of. " What's with the grin, Honey?"
" I was just thinking that we should keep their coming back a secret and have them dress up as ghosts or something, really scare the crap out of them." Once I revealed my plan, Jackie clonked me on the head. Probably thought it was a bad idea. " Alright. How about we have them greet everyone as they come in, sound good?"
" Sounds better than them acting like spirits scaring the youngins." She leaned in and gave me a syrupy kiss. " But I think them greeting folks as they come would be a good idea. We should ask if they're okay with it first."
" I think they'll be okay with it. The real shock will be seeing you my darling Moonpie."
" Indeed it will be. But I believe it will be a good time all around." We all laughed at the future event as we finished our breakfast.
Once we were done, I took the dishes and made my way downstairs. I was about halfway down when a large rumble shook me off balance and I went crashing to the floor, breaking the plates in the process. " Well, that's just perfect." I got up and put the smashed plates in the garbage and went looking for the source of this disturbance to my day. " I'm going to see what that was all about."
Knowing that most of the crazy shit happens around me and our friends, I slashed open a portal to the front of the library. When I went to knock on the door, it slammed into my face pushing me back some. Out from the door came Twilight, with a saddlebag stuffed with parchment. " Sorry Joe, but I have to get to Canterlot as soon as possible. Bye!" She headed for the train station while giving me that brief explanation.
I rubbed my nose while entering the Library to find Spike taking off some kind of armor made out of pillows. " Let me guess. The shaking of the earth was caused by Twilight?"
" Yeah, she made the tree hop from its roots when I told her that the test from Celestia was no big deal." That was a big mistake.
" And what do you think the possibility that another adventure is on its way?"
" Most likely."
I just stared into the void with a stoic expression. " Bring it on."
The next day.
I was on a train heading towards the frozen north of Equestria with Jackie, the girls, and Spike. Luna stayed behind to take care of the kids while we went on this mission. Speaking of, Twilight was given the task of helping Shining and Cadence with a long lost empire that disappeared a little over a thousand years ago. It disappeared after king Sombra was defeated by the alicorn sisters and he put a curse on the whole empire. Apparently, since it came back, Celestia believes that the king had also returned.
" So let's go over this again. Shining and Cadence are waiting for us, we might have to fight off another bad guy, and Twilight has to find a way to protect the empire. Am I missing anything?"
" Not really, though I wish we knew what to do about protecting a whole empire." Twilight pondered as the train came to a stop. " Looks like we're here."
We all went out the door and got blasted by freezing winds. Thank the gods for my shaggy fur coat. The station was abandoned and covered in snow and ice. We waited for some minutes before we heard a voice through the howling winds. " Twilight!"
" Shining Armor, is that you?" Out from the frozen mists emerged Shining Armor wearing clothing that Han Solo wore in Star Wars.
" Twilley, it's good to see you." They exchanged a brief hug before Shining realized I was going full Lycan. " Joe, I like your enthusiasm, but do you have to be wolfed out now?"
" In case it wasn't already obvious, the weather out here is almost as bad as Helheim, and that place is the coldest place in the nine realms. Also, I think this form is perfect for what may come." Suddenly, a moan was heard from the winds, and it sounded hungry.
" Maybe we should discuss this in the empire." We left the station and trekked through the tundra While Shining started explaining the situation. " When Cadence and I first got here, things were alright for the most part, though none of the citizens could remember anything that happened. After that, something has been trying to get into the empire. We think it might be Sombra, so we have a shield over the empire to keep him out, though I don't know how long that will last."
Suddenly, the moaning got louder and the snow around us became covered in a black mist. " Everyone, I believe it's time to. Flee!" We all ran for where the empire was just as the mist grew in size, and glowing green eyes with a purple wisp appeared at the top. We all ran in the direction of the empire to escape Sombra's shadowy form. After twenty yards of running with the mist still following close behind, Shining decided to turn around to attack. " Shining! What the hell are you doing!?"
" I'm gonna try and slow him down." He gathered magic into his horn and let out a powerful beam towards the eyes. It simply phased through while Sombra advanced towards him. " Oh, Crap." He closed his eyes and got ready for the eventual attack. When it didn't happen after a while, he opened his eyes to find me fending off the mist with a light coming from Frostbite. " What the?"
" No time for stupid questions, just run!" He turned tail and went to catch up with the others. I turned to the mist where the eyes stared right back at me. " Come on you son of a bitch. Let's see what you're made of." I canceled the light from frostbite and went after that tyrant turned living fart mist.
Jackie's Pov.
I just crossed over the barrier with the girls and spike after running from that black mist. On the other side, Ah was greeted with green grass and blue skies, a large difference to the snow-covered ground and gray skies we just came from. I looked around to check on the others. " Is everyone alright?"
Everyone gave a nod that they were doing alright, though Rarity seemed to be freaking out. " Everything is not alright, we left all of my luggage in that awful place with that monster! Maybe I should go back for it?" She made her way back out there, but she was stopped when Shining came panting through the barrier.
Twilight ran up and tackled him with a hug. " You're okay!" She then quickly slapped him. " What were you thinking, fighting that thing on your own?"
" It seemed like a good idea at the time. Besides, I wasn't alone, Joe helped me get clear of that thing." What he said made me realize that Joe hadn't come through the shield either.
I ran up to him and made him look in my eye. " Where is he? Tell me you did not just leave him to face that thing on his own!" I was a bit angry with him for leaving my husband to fight that thing alone, and he needed to hear it. I was about to tell him off some more, but then we all heard a scream coming from the other side.
" Yeeeaaaahhhhh!" Joe came crashing through the shield at incredible speeds, landing a fair distance away from us, and he was covered in black crystals.
" Joe!" I ran over to see if he was still conscious. Hopefully, he ain't hurt too bad.
Joe's Pov.
In all honesty, I thought fighting a creature that was made mostly of smoke would be easy. I was wrong. Not only was it a pain to fight something that could easily dodge my attacks, but every time I got a hit on him with my claws or teeth, black crystals would start spreading over my body, and it hurt like a mother fucker. The only thing that could really affect it was Frostbite, but even then it was doing minimal damage. When I finally get a hit on him where the eyes are, he sends a massive pillar of dark mist to my chest, propelling me towards the shield at an incredible speed.
" Yeeeaaaahhhhh!" I flew past the others and landed hard, creating a small trench as I went along.
" Joe!" I looked over to see that Jackie was racing towards me, no doubt to see if I was alright. " Are you alright Sugar?"
" I will be once I get these damn rocks off me." I slowly got up and started pulling the crystals off my body. With them off, I dug a pit and lit it aflame, dumping the crystals in, just in case they were a danger to others. With the crystal destroyed, I got up and joined the others with Jackie. " Okay, we need to rethink how to deal with that bastard."
" I thought you took care of him with your ax?"
" I thought it would take care of him, but whatever attack I deal with Frostbite seems to only cause him minor pain. And any attempt to attack him with my claws just gets me covered in crystals." I reached around and pulled a crystal I had missed from my ass to illustrate my point and threw it in the still going fire. " So let's get back to how to put him down and move on to the empire." I changed back into my more civilized form and headed for the huge tower in the middle of everything.
As we entered the streets of the city, we all got our first look at the towns-folk. At a distance, they look like regular earth ponies, but at second glance you can see the slight crystal gleam to their coats. The citizens seemed kind of out of it like they didn't know what to do or where they needed to be, though when they saw me, they ran away screaming. " Sorry Joe, I'll tell them about you after a bit."
" Let's finish the mission, then we can worry about my image." We continued on to the tower-like palace and made it to the entrance, where a couple of crystal guard ponies were looking at their spears like they had never picked one up before. " Shining, please tell me those two are new and you had no one else to get."
" No, they're veterans from when the empire was still around, at least according to their records that I was able to dig up." This did little to lift my spirits on helping this place.
We went through the halls of the palace and made it to the throne room. It was large, spacious, and very crystalline. At the back of the room on top of a throne that looked like it was cut from a giant geode, sat my niece Cadence with her horn glowing, and she looked exhausted. Twilight went over to comfort her. " Cadence!"
" Twilight!" She perked up and ran over to meet up with her sister-in-law.
" Sunshine sunshine, ladybugs awake.
Clap your hooves and do a little shake."
They ended their little dance and embraced each other in a hug. After that, she started to wince in pain. " Cadence!" Shining ran up to meet her before she could pass out. " Are you okay?"
" I'm alright, it's just keeping this shield up for two days straight is making me a little tired." To emphasize her statement, her horn started flickering on and off. The resulting of which caused the shield outside to flicker and show the frozen wasteland.
" Damn, two days with no sleep and keeping a shield that covers the entire empire up. Shit, I better make some coffee."
" Thank you for that Joe, but I think a nap would suit me better." Another surge went through her horn, revealing the landscape again. " But, not right now."
" Cadence has been able to use her magic to spread love and light, that seems to be able to protect the empire so far. But I don't know how long she can keep this up?"
" If medical journals and trash tv have taught me anything, is that if you go without sleep for three days, you become clinically insane. So the sooner we figure out how to spread love and light without Cadence, the better."
Twilight went into deep thought and came up with a solution. " Maybe we can find a way to spread love, from the books in the empires library." Somehow, I knew she would bring up a library. " Applejack, Spike, and Joe will help me look in the library while the rest ask around and see if anybody remembers anything."
Pinkie then popped up behind Rarity, wearing a black suit and night vision goggles. " Don't worry about a thing, super-spy Pinkie Pie is on the case." She then zipped off to find whatever information she could dig up. We all left the castle and started our journey.
Dash, Rarity, and Fluttershy went their separate ways to talk with the crystal ponies while Twi, Jackie, and I headed in the direction where we assumed the library was at. As we walked down the street, Twilight had a few questions for me. " Joe, when you fought Sombra. How was he able to take damage from your ax but not your claws or teeth?"
" I may have some idea about that." I unsheathed my blade and showed it to them. " When the spirit of harmony gave me this, it said that it was crafted by the dwarves of Svartalfeim, Broke, and Sindri. So when the made this, they must have put something in the metal or inscribed a rune that can harm whatever Sombra is. Maybe the library will tell me how Sombra's been able to accomplish his mist form and how he's able to make crystals appear on my skin when I make contact."
" I have no doubt. Oh, this must be the place." We arrived at a large three-storied building with two griffon statues that were out in front. I opened the door for them and we entered the hallowed halls of ancient knowledge. " Oh my gosh, this place is amazing!" Aaaaaand Twilight has her small freakout.
The inside of the building was large and filled to the brim with books and scrolls on three floors. An old mare came out to see what we wanted though she stayed some distance from me. " May I help you four?"
" Yes, we are looking for a book that might tell us about what protected the empire." The mare just stared at us while trying to remember something. " Maybe you could tell us what section?" She kept trying to remember but kept coming up with nothing.
" You know, I'm not sure if I even work here." That's helpful.
" You know what, we'll look for it ourselves, thanks for the help anyway." We left the confused mare and browsed through the shelves. Jackie went with Twilight while Spike went with me. While my wife and Twilight went looking for a way to protect the empire, Spike and I went looking for how Sombra got his power.
After some time searching for any scrap of information, I heard a squeal from the other side of the library. " I found it! I found it!" Spike and I ran over to the other side to find Twilight levitating a large book entitled ' History of the Crystal Empire'. Seems that might help in the long run. " Let's go get the rest of the girls."
We were back in the castle in one of the many lounge rooms. Before we got into the book Twilight found, we went around seeing if anyone found anything. " So, did anyone get any useful information from the ponies in the city?" Twilight asked our friends.
Dash was the first to go. "Every time I asked someone how the empire was protected, they would all say that either they don't remember or something along those lines." Sounds like they just came out of a drug related case of Fuckanol.
Fluttershy was up next. " Well, to be honest...I wasn't able to ask them anything. Sorry." Crap on a cracker.
Pinkie was out of her spy costume and gave us her intel. " While I was undercover, I heard a couple say that the empire looked the same, but that it was missing something." Now, this sounds promising. " I would have gotten more, but my cover was blown." Nevermind.
And last but not least, Rarity. Hopefully, she got something. " Oh, I got nothing." Fuck!
" Well don't worry y'all, Twilight, and I was able to find this here history book. Maybe it'll have something for us?" Always looking on the bright side, one of the many reasons I fell for her. " Let's take a look at this then."
We opened the book and skimmed through the pages. At first, we got nothing, though I did ask them to go back about how they used to have massive orgies during the summers. This earned me a slap from everyone, except for Jackie who went and bucked me in the nuts, worth it. After fifteen minutes of reading, we found what we were looking for.
" Here it is, the crystal fair. Founded by its first queen and held every year to renew the spirit of love and unity in the empire so they could protect it from harm. This is perfect, we'll hold a fair and renew the love and light so Cadence can take a break." She closed the book and headed for the throne room to tell her brother and Cadence.
" Alright time to tell the citizens about the orgy." The girls then started attacking me, saying that was not on the menu. " Okay, I get it, no orgy. No orgy!"
I was going through the castle by myself while the girls were setting up the fair. I figured the fair would help the shield problem, but there was still the problem of Sombra being out and about. I mean, it'll be great that he won't be able to get in the empire, but what's to stop him from going somewhere else and terrorize them. If I find out how he got his powers, then maybe I'll be able to finish him off.
" Now let's see if I were a power-hungry tyrant with magic at his disposal, where would I hide my secrets?" As I pondered where he might hide his secrets, I wound up back in the throne room with Cadence. Finding no progress with my endeavor, I went to see how she was holding up. " You doing alright Cadence?"
" Not really, I'm finding it hard to keep my eyes open half the time." I hated to see her like that, so I decided to bring out the big guns. I slashed a small window leading to my liquor cabinet and pulled out a glass and my strongest moonshine, Ole smokey blue flame. " What do you have there Joe?"
" Just something to keep them peepers open and relax your mind." I poured her a drink while taking a swig from the bottle. " Just try not to drink it all at once alright." She nodded yes and took a small sip, quickly perking up afterward. Knowing she was good to go, I went roaming the halls again. After walking down the halls and finding nothing that could help me, I went to see how Jackie and the girls were doing with the fair.
I went outside and saw that the center of town was littered with tents run by the girls. All the crystal ponies looked to be having a good time, their coats even looked shinier. I spotted Spike and went up to him. " It seems the fair's going well huh?"
" Yeah, we'll have that shield up in running in no time." I shared a fist-bump with him and wandered around some more.
I went over to the center of the castle and found some sort of crystal heart on a pedestal, and Twilight was the one putting it in place. " What's with the heart Twilight?"
" Hey Joe, the heart is supposed to symbolize the unity of the empire, at least it says so in the book." She levitated the book over to me and showed me the page. " By the way, Applejack was looking for you, said she needed you to help with some of the entertainment."
" Bye." I tossed her back the book and went looking for my wife. Within five minutes, I found her running a crystal corn stall. When I went up there, the ponies at the stall parted in fear while I went up to my beloved. " Look for me, Darling?" I went and kissed her on the lips, making the crystal ponies gasp in shock.
When we parted our lips, Jackie went ahead and told me what she wanted. "Ah was. Ah was hoping you could do some illusions for these folks." Might as well, I got nothing so far on Sombra and how he got his powers.
" No problem babe." I gave her another quick kiss and went to the middle of the fair. " Mares and Stallions, may I please have your attention." The ponies in the crowd were a little startled by me, but they came over to see what I had to say. " In honor of this special occasion, I would like to show you something that would lift your spirits, and spread the love." The gathered audience all had look's on their faces saying ' How can one person do all that?', time to show them how. With my hands glowing, I conjured up a screen large enough for the empire to see.
https://youtu.be/1lCeAOOWaEU?list=PLXi7FpXgoZu_qYi_kEysNWCib-jqcNTW6
This got all the ponies to laugh, probably 'cause Mr. Burns was supposed to resemble Sombra. Since this seemed to make them happy, why not give them another one. Seeing as this place reminded me of that Disney movie Atlantis, I thought this would be a good one. With a flick of my wrist, it started.
After that illusion, every crystal pony was cheering and their coats became shinier, definitely a good sign. While I was taking a bow, a familiar face came up to me, the librarian we meet earlier. " Well, hello again. Still figuring out if you work at the library?"
" It took a while, but thanks to that little show of yours, it reminded me of what the crystal heart could do and my memories just kept coming back."
" Well, I'm glad to hear about your...wait a minute. Did you say that reminded you what the crystal heart could do?"
" Of course. The crystal heart feeds off our love, which we get from the fair, and in return, the heart provides protection from both the winter cold and enemies of the empire." Her words rang in my ears and made me realize what needed to be done. " I just can't believe that you found it. Sombra said he hid it so we would never find it again."
" Of course we did. Would you please excuse me." I went back over to Twilight to relay the information I was just given, but not before I grabbed a tarp from one of the stalls.
When I got over to the crystal heart that Twilight had cut, I draped it over with the tarp. This got Twilight's attention. " Joe, what are you doing!?"
" We got a problem, apparently the crystal heart you read about, it isn't just some symbolic art piece. It's an actual artifact that protects the empire from threats!" Twilights eyes grew wide with the realization that we're missing an important piece of the empire. It was also at that moment that the rest of our friends came to see what the commotion was. " Girls we got a problem."
" Let me guess, we ran out of funnel cake mix."
" No Pinkie, it's worse than that." I went and patted Twilight's art project, directing their attention to it. " According to the Librarian, we met earlier, the crystal heart is an artifact that protects the empire."
They all looked surprised by this fact, though none so much as Dash. " So you're saying this piece of crap is meant to be an actual artifact?"
" Exactly."
Twilight came out of her stupor. " Did she say where it might be?"
" She said that before the empire fell, Sombra hid the heart so it could never be found again. Which isn't to say it won't be found, just means it'll be difficult to find."
" So what do we do now?"
" Well Shy, this is Twilights show, so I'll let her come up with the plan." To be honest, I had a perfectly good plan already, but I figure Twilight should take this one.
We all looked to Twilight as she went into deep thought. After a moment, she came up with something. " I've got it. Joe, Spike, you two come with me, you girls stay here and keep the fair going and make sure no one discovers the hearts absence." She turned tail and headed inside the castle with Spike following.
" Sounds like a plan. See you, girls, with the heart in hand." I gave a quick smack to Jackie's ass and went to go catch up with Twilight.
" Joe! You do that again and I'll brand a dick on your ass!" I love it when she goes hardcore.
I was back in the throne room with Twilight and Spike wondering what we were going to do. The throne was empty because Cadence who, despite my warning not to, went through half the bottle of moonshine and went through the halls, singing that damn ladybug song with mangled up lyrics, but at least she's awake and keeping her shield up. " So what are we doing back in the throne? Shouldn't we be looking for where Sombra hid the heart?"
" That's exactly why we're here." She went and gestured all around the throne room. " Before the empire disappeared, this whole place belonged to Sombra."
The realization then dawned on me. " So if he hid the heart anywhere, it would be here. Though the question still remains, where would he have hidden it and what method did he use to hide it?" I went about the room, looking for a secret panel or switch that might lead to another room. After accidentally breaking a candle-wick and putting it in a wastebasket, I turned around in time to see Twilight fire a beam of dark magic at a crystal on top of the throne. " I guess that works too."
I went over to Twilight and Spike as the crystal at the top started spreading its dark magic onto the floor. Once the magic stopped spreading, a giant hole with a staircase was revealed in the middle of the floor. " How did you know that would Work Twi?"
" The crystal at the top reminded me of the one Princess Celestia showed me before we left. She told me how if dark magic were to take over, it would spread through. Since Sombra was into dark magic, it would make sense that he would hide his secrets with it." We all approached the hole and stared into the black abyss. " So...who wants to go first?"
" Like you really have to ask." I summoned a ball of light into my hand and dropped it into the dark chasm. " Come on, follow me." I started down the stairs with Twilight and Spike right behind me.
As we descended down the stairs, I had a question for Twilight. " So how exactly did you learn to use dark magic Twi?" I know just because one can perform dark magic, doesn't mean the one using it is evil. But it doesn't hurt to ask about it.
" That was a little trick that Celestia taught me, and that wasn't really dark magic, I was just projecting my feelings of anger and fear onto the crystal. And before you pass judgment on Celestia or me, we don't do any extens-."
" Calm down Twi, I ain't judging, I was just curious is all." We continued down the rest of the way in silence. After twenty minutes of walking, we made it to the bottom of the stairs. After a quick glance around, we found a wooden door with iron bands and handle. " Hmm, only one door, no pressure plates that if you step on them poison arrows shoot out of carved faces in the wall. What kind of idiot just sweeps a magical door under a magic carpet and doesn't even leave booby traps?"
" But isn't that good for us?"
" Spike, one day you'll wake up and see that life needs danger to make it exciting. But now that I'm thinking about it, he might have left some tricks for us." I went over to the door and grabbed the door handle, that was a big mistake. With my hand still around the iron ring, the door went and moved around the room at high speeds. " Okay, he still has some fail-safes around!" I kept a death grip on the door as it started to shake me around like a ragdoll. " Twilight! You mind helping me out here!!!"
" Hold on!" No Shit! Her horn became engrossed with shadow and the door stopped and went back to where we found it. I let go of the door and fell to the floor. Spike and Twilight both came over to me. " Are you alright Joe?"
" Easy squeezy lemon peasy." They both gave me a weird look and I quickly shook my head. " I mean, yeah, yeah I'm fine." I got up and dusted myself off. " Ok, so don't grab the handle. Twilight, you wanna give it a shot?"
" Step aside boys." Spike and I stepped over to the right as Twilight went and fired more shadow magic at the crystal on top of the door. Once she was done, the door opened to reveal a crystal wall. I was about to ask what we should do next, but Twilight went and spoke up first. " Come on follow me." She slowly went up to the door and sat down in front of the door, staring straight ahead.
After a moment of nothing happening, I went over to Twilight to see what was going on. " Twi, there's nothing here, let's just head on out." When she didn't say anything, I went to face her. " Twi, you hear me?" When I saw her face, her eyes were engulfed in shadow and she had a look of absolute horror. " Twilight!"
Spike came over to see for himself. " Twilight, what happened to you?" Spike started shaking her, but nothing was working. " Joe, do you think you can help me out here?"
" Hehe, with pleasure." I went in front of her and prepared my right hand. " Time to wake up Twilight. ( Slap) Wake up! ( Slap) Huh, going with the hard way? Good. ( Slap) That's for all the excessive reminders on returning my books! ( Slap) That's for eating the last pudding on the train over here! ( Slap) That's for all the hot reader girls out there hey call me. ( Slap) That's because I didn't feel I did enough jokes the first time I went on a slapping rant! ( Slap) That's hoping that Highmoon studios won't sue! ( Slap) That's for getting me a book for Hearths warming, who wants a book for a gift!? ( Slap) And finally! ( Slap) That's to get you out of the spell Sombra's behind!"......( Slap)
After that last slap, She woke up from her trance. " Dammit, Joe! Do you have to do that every time?"
" Sorry, but you were really out of it. What was it that you saw anyway?"
Her anger melted into one of absolute fear. " It was horrible. I found myself in Canterlot castle and Princess Celestia was there. She told me I had failed at saving the empire and that I was no longer her student." At this point, she started to openly weep. " It was the worst thing that could have happened!"
I held her close as she wept into my shoulder. " Shhh, it's alright. None of it was real, it was just another trap that Sombra left for anyone seeking the heart." My words seemed to give her some comfort. " Listen to me carefully. From my own experience with Celestia, she holds your words and deeds almost as high as my own, and she would never even think to call you a failure."
Twilight removed her head from my shoulder and her tears ceased. " Thank you for that Joe."
" Anytime." I patted her head and looked towards the crystal. " I wonder?" I got up and unsheathed Frostbite from my back. I approached the door and activated the runes on the ax. With Frostbite giving off the light used to ward off Sombra, I smashed it against the troublesome trap. At first, I thought I had broken our way through, that is until the wall behind the door crumbled away to reveal a bright room. " Well, how about that."
" Good going, Joe! Now let's see what he had hidden in here." Spike went ahead of us to get to the treasure first. In my opinion, he should wait for us, but I guess too much O&O will do that to a kid.
I went in after him with Twilight following. When I entered the room, the floor was littered treasure. " Holy fuck this guy was loaded!" The room we entered in had a large pillar in the middle with a winding staircase cut in it. The floor, I couldn't even see the bottom of the floor with all the gold, jewels, and gilded weapons, not to mention some statues of the prick. Looking through some of the coins laid out on the floor, I saw that they weren't bits, But coins depicting the Aesir.
" What the fuck?"
" What is it?" Twilight came over to inspect the coin I was holding. " What kind of coins are these?"
" This one here is a coin depicting either Huginn or Muninn, the ravens that give Odin knowledge from the nine realms. What I want to know is, how did they wind up in this place?"
" We can worry about that later, right now we need to look for the heart." She left me to look amongst the piles of treasure, Though I doubt we would find it amongst this stuff. After we rummaged through hundreds of small fortunes and Twilight having pricked herself a few times on a few of the weapons, she cried out in exasperation. " Where the hell is it!?"
" Sombra would know to keep the best artifact away from the rest of the horde. Besides, we still need to check up those stairs." We all started towards the stairs and started heading up.
" Ugh, we climbed for what feels like forever. Are we even halfway there?" Spike started to really feel tired after what feels like an eternity.
I looked down to see we've only gone five stories. " Not even close." We all groaned at our position and plopped on the stairs. " If the walls weren't so close to the stairs, I could fly us up to the top."
Twilight had this to add. " And if we had a better line of sight, we could teleport without the risk of winding up with a body part stuck in the wall or something."
" Anybody got a better way of getting to the top faster?" I looked around the place as I mulled over Spike's words.
After staring at the underside of the stairs, I got an idea. " Hey, have either of you two skied before?"
" This is awesome!!" Spike had fun while holding on to me. We used the gravity spell Twilight cast on us and used it to ski to the top of the stairs.
" Somewhere in Asgard, Skadi is laughing her ass off at this little stunt of ours!"
" Who?" Twilight inquired as she hung from my right arm.
" The Goddess of winter, mountains, bowhunting, and oddly enough, skiing! Hahahaha!!!" We continued skiing down the underside of the staircase while we gave the bird to gravity. Within moments, we made it to the top. " Alright, Twilight, time to make us a slave to gravity again."
" Why do you gotta say it like that?" She lit her horn, and the effects of gravity took hold of us again.
I landed on the floor while stumbling a bit with the two bodies I carried with me. I let go of Twilight while Spike leaped off my back. Once he was off my back, we took a look around the room and saw out the window that the shield was rapidly fading. It seemed we were at the top of the castle, in an open-air room. " Oh for, we could have just flown up here and gotten that damn thing." I pointed over to the heart that was floating in the middle of the room.
" The crystal heart!" Twilight exclaimed when she laid her eyes on the relic. She walked over to the heart and was about to grab it, but when her hoof touched the crystal emblem below the heart, it flashed, and had an alarm going off. " What the?"
" Twilight! Get off that thing!" Twilight made for the heart before whatever happens, happens. She was able to knock the heart away from the emblem, but unfortunately, a dark crystal cage imprisoned her. " Twilight!" I took hold of Frostbite and started hacking away at the crystal. Every time I hacked off a chunk of it, it just grew back, not to mention the chunks that fell started spreading across the floor.
" Joe, it's not working! Twilight, can you teleport out?"
" I'll try!" One second I see her teleported out of the cage, next I see her being dragged back into the cage. " That's a no go on getting out."
" Don't worry, I'll get you out somehow."
" The heart, where's the crystal heart?"
Spike picked it up from the floor and started waving it around. " I've got it right here. What do we do with it?"
After a few moments of silence, Twilight gave us our instructions. " Spike, have Joe take you and the heart where it needs to be and save the empire."
" But what about your test? If you don't bring it back, you'll fail Celestia's test."
" It doesn't matter if I fail if we don't come out alive. Just go, save the empire."
" You heard the lady, grab that rock and hop on." Spike took hold of the heart and held onto my back. I went over to the many windows to jump, only to pause as I saw that the shield was gone and Sombra's influence was starting to take over. " Oh fuck."
Twilight called back from her cage. " What is it?"
" Nothing to be concerned about." As I was about to make a leap for the bottom, I saw a giant crystal spire heading up to us. And at the tip of the ever-growing crystal, was Sombra himself.
Sombra looked up at us and saw that we had the crystal, and for the first time since we got here, he spoke to us. " That's mine!"
A smile spread across my face. " Round two!" With that said, I lept off the tower and headed straight for him. As we got closer to him, the heart gave off a light that rid him of his mist form, turning him solid.
" Ugh, Joe. You know you're heading right for him right?"
That's the point." I then became the wolf and let loose a mighty roar. Once we met in the middle of our fall, I grabbed the bastard by the throat and put him under my feet as we landed hard on the ground in the middle of the fair. Needless to say, the populace was surprised by my appearance.
Once we recovered from the landing, I held up Spike in the air while he still held the heart. " Citizens of the Crystal Empire, the crystal heart has returned from hiding." The whole fair was gawking at the real heart. " Use the light within yourselves to light the heart once again and rid the land of Sombra for good." I let Spike off me and he headed for the center of the castle and placed the heart in the middle.
Once it got there, it started floated between two crystal pillars that had formed over and under it. Once the crystal ponies saw the real heart in its rightful place, all their coats shined bright and their energy started powering the heart. Once it gained enough power, it gave off a bright light that spread across the empire, giving all the ponies including all the non-crystal ponies, a crystal clear coat while also giving my fur a gleam to it. It also got rid of all the dark crystals that were infecting the empire then proceeded to fire a beam into the air.
Once the beam was over, Spike came back over to me. " Wow, I can't believe we did it."
" I don't know, seems a little too easy for me." Just as I said that I heard a groan come from behind me. I turned around to see Sombra picking himself up from the crater I put him in. " So, it seems you still have some fight left in you, good."
The citizens gave us a wide berth while Spike joined them as Sombra dusted himself off and got ready to face me. " You may have brought the heart back, but I will take this empire back." He then summoned a scythe made of black crystal. " So, little warrior. Ready to die?"
I unfurled my wings and readied Frostbite for battle. While cracking my neck, I answered: " I was born ready motherfucker." and we charged at each other.
I went for an over-head chop but he blocked it with his scythe. Sombra pushed against me and sliced at my knees. I let out a cry of pain as it was able to slice through my muscles. As my wounds started healing, I under-hand tossed the ax where it hit Sombra in his chest while it kept spinning like a table-saw. When I recalled the ax back, his armor was shredded but he himself didn't have a scratch on him. When he recovered from the hit, he spun around with his blade like a whirl-wind, slashing at me with every rotation.
After his last rotation, he sunk the entirety of the blade in my chest. " Aaaaarrrrggghh!" The pain was intense, even worse than having my back scorched. The bastard then ripped the blade out and watched me collapse to the ground.
Seeing how I was down for a bit, Sombra dropped his weapon and made his way to the heart. " Now do you see my slaves? Nothing can stand in my way! By the end of the day, you will all be kneeling before me! Then tomorrow, the wor-Aaaaagh!" I had just about enough of his monologue, so I took the scythe that he dropped and stuck it in his ass while dragging him over to me.
" Oh, you didn't think I forgot about you did you?" I dropped the scythe and stomped his neck to the ground. With him pinned down, I raised my ax high and readied to bring it down. " Ready to Die, motherfucker." I then brought Frostbite down on his neck, beheading the tyrant bastard. I reverted to my human form and held Sombras head up high. " Citizens of the Crystal Empire. Der Tyrann ist tot!" The whole populace gave out a greet cheer as their oppressor went and bit the big one.
While they cheered, Spike came over to me again. " You did it, Joe. you saved the empire!"
" No Spike, we did it." Suddenly, the whole fair gathered around us and lifted us in the air cheering our names and calling us heroes. Though I hope they end it soon, I still need to get Twilight down from the top of the tower.
Back in the treasure room.
I was back in the treasure room with the others to show them what we had found. " Look at this piece, this was crafted in Midgard somewhere around three-thousand years ago." They all came to look at it and were amazed by it. " Now how does a tyrant king, collect not only gold and weapons from Midgard but what also looks like the other realms themselves? I just don't get it."
Cadence came up and put a wing over my back as I knelt over a large sword. " Maybe he found a way to your world somehow and stole the treasure using his magic?"
Pinkie just retorted with a crazy theory. " Maybe he traveled through a bunch of time warps, thanks to the help of a severed head, and took all this treasure from those worlds while gaining his misty powers from one of them!" We all stared at her as no one in their right mind would even think such a scenario. " But I'm just spit-balling here."
Twilight was the first to respond. " Pinkie, that is the most insane theory I've heard from you all week. Besides, how could a severed head talk?"
" Suddenly, we hear a voice coming from the other side of the room. " By having a Vanir Goddess reanimate it through her magic, lass." We all had a slight jump from hearing someone other than ourselves speak.
" Who...who was that?" Fluttershy was once again scared out of her mind.
" Over by the rowboat you gits." Our eyes all wandered over to the lone rowboat on top of a large pile of gold and started heading that way. When we all got there, we all stared at a lone head looking at us with a single jeweled eye.
" Now I've seen many things in my life, but there is no way that their head was just talking to us."
The head just responded to my wife's observation. " Until you see the things I've seen, then you'd best start believing that a head can talk to ya." Everyone but me gasped at the sight of the talking head. " Now I believe proper introductions are in order. My name is Mimir, the smartest and wisest god alive. Now, who might you be?"
I was in shock to be in the presence of the wisest of the Aesir. I quickly shook it off to introduce everyone. " My name is Joe, Prince of Equestria, and King of Herot." I then gestured around to all the others. " This is Spike, Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Shining Armor, Princess Cadence, and finally, my wife Applejack. I'd introduce you to my wife Luna, but she ain't here right now."
" Well, it's a pleasure to meet you all, and as for whoever had the theory that was dubbed crazy, she hit the nail right on the head."
Pinkie got all excited. " Alright, I was right!"
" But, how did Sombra get ahold of you? I thought you were supposed to be at Odin's side in Valhalla?"
" I, it's true, I was by Odin's side, but while a band of giants tried to storm the gates of Valhalla and Odin went to fight them with the others, I was snatched by that bastard."
" But how did he get there? How did he travel to other worlds and get all this stuff? How where-" I put my hand against Twilight's mouth as she kept spitting out questions.
" All good questions lass, but I'm afraid it will have to wait. You see, you're the only other creatures besides Sombra to have found me, and I would very much like to get out of this damned place."
I grabbed Mimir and placed him around my belt. " Fair enough, come on y'all, let's head back home. Sorry, Mimir."
" It's fine brother, just get me out of here." We all headed back up to the throne room and back outside to head for the train home.
While I walked through the empire, I would have my name cheered and I would wave at them, though some gave me weird looks when they saw Mimir around my waist. Just another day in Equestria.
Author's Notes:
First, Here's Orion.
Second, Mimir will be based off of his Norse origin, not God of War.
Three, sorry for the delay.
Four, clip.
Origins of Equestria. As told by Mimir.
We just got back from the Crystal Empire and were heading up to Canterlot castle so Twilight could give her report to Celestia. While we were heading that way, many heads kept turning at the head of Mimir that was hanging around my belt. It didn't help that he kept commenting about everything he see's. " Would you look at all of this. It's no Valhalla, but for mortals, one of the finest cities I've seen."
As we started up the steps to the castle, Dash had this to say. " Hey, Joe, ever since you put that head on your belt."
" Dash, you finish that sentence."
" And ever since he started talking."
" Don't you dare!"
" You've been talking out of your ass!"
" That's it!" I grabbed Dash by her throat once again and started strangling her. This continued while we roamed the hallways heading for the throne. The castle staff would have been appalled by the display, had I not done it already when we celebrated Twilight's birthday. When we got to the throne room door, I let her go to make an effort to look professional. " Alright, Mimir, ready to meet royalty?"
" I've been in the presence of nearly all the royalty the nine realms has to offer, the thrill of meeting more has sadly passed."
" Wow, you're a cheery fellow." I opened the door to the Throne room and was tackled by two flying ankle biters that I call my sons. " Ooof, be careful with your old man. He just went and killed a tyrant."
" Dada!" Orion was holding my right arm and nuzzling me like he hadn't seen me in weeks.
" Mama!" Jack let go of my leg and went for Jackie's forelegs.
" Hello, the apple of my eye. did you miss your mama?" Jackie nuzzled her son as we walked further into the room. We were then met with both Celestia and Luna. " Hey honey, everything alright while we were gone?"
Luna came over and brought us into a hug. " It's good to see that you two are well. Our sons missed you two terribly while you were away." We all nuzzled together in a group hug after our ordeal. " So, how did you two fare in helping Twilight with the empire." I reached into my pocket and pulled out Sombra's horn to show her. " Is that?"
" I, lass, that's the horn of the one who kidnapped me and stole all sorts of treasure from the nine realms." Both my wife and Celestia went wide-eyed when they heard an unfamiliar voice coming from my back-side.
Celestia came over to ask the next obvious question. " Joe, why is your ass talking?"
" Since Twilight didn't get to that part of her story, I guess I'll tell you. While we were looking for the crystal heart, we stumbled into a room loaded with treasure. Now that really wouldn't surprise me, except the treasure came from different worlds." This caught her by surprise. " After we saved the empire and brought Sombra down, we went back into the room to get some answers. We got all that and more." At that point, I brought Mimir's head from my belt and showed him to them. Needless to say, they were both in shock.
" Finally, we get to the royals. My.....Odin's beard! Celestia, Luna, is that really you? I must say, you two have grown since last I saw you two." I nearly dropped him after he revealed he knew my wife and sister-in-law.
" I'm sorry, but I don't believe Luna and I've ever met a talking head before."
" It's understandable if you don't recall me, after all, you were only a filly and Luna was just a new-born foal when your mother brought you two to Asgard, I also still had my body." This time I did drop him. " Ow! Watch it, brother!"
" Did you say you knew my wife and sister-in-law when they were just kids, not to mention their mother?" I picked him up so all of us could hear him.
I, not only did me and the other Gods know them, but we were also vital to creating the world in which we stand." We all stared wide-eyed at the talking head.
Twilight was the first to respond to Mimir's little story. " You're saying that the Princess' are older than Equestria itself? And you were there to see it get made?"
" Indeed lass, and if you want to hear the tale, I'd be happy to tell you. But right now, I would like a nice pillow to rest on, leaning against wood and coins for a few hundred or so years will give ya a massive headache."
I put Mimir back around the loop on my belt and looked to Celestia. " I'm gonna take my boys and wives home, and after we all have a day or two to recover from this information, we can ask ole bright eye here for the rest of the story."
" That sounds like a plan."
I turned a one-eighty and went straight for the door while herding my wives and sons with my wings. It's going to be a weird week.
A week later, at the college of Canterlot.
Since we had a way of knowing how Equestria came to be, we decided to hold a class in Canterlot college's auditorium. Seeing how this was an event that could very well change the course of both governments and history, Celestia and Luna decided it was best that an ambassador from every kingdom and nation should be present. Needless to say, we had a huge turnout. Also, since it was Friday and I promised Miss Cheerilee I would teach the class when I got back, we decided to make a field trip out of it with most of the kid's parents tagging along.
I was outside the room getting ready to reveal Mimir to the world. With me by my side were Twilight and of course Mimir. " So, ready to face them yet Mimir?"
" As ready as a head can be ready. You know, even though I don't have a stomach, I can still feel butterflies fluttering around in there."
" That's fascinating, yet also kinda disgusting." Twilight gathered her note cards and went in. " Just come in after I'm through making introductions, alright." I gave her a thumbs up and she went into the room.
" So tell me, brother, how is it that a resident of Midgard found himself married to two ponies and father two winged sons?"
" I found myself in love with them the first time we met. I was tasked with helping to rid Luna of her darkness with the gift of the Lycan. After I succeeded in my task, I decided to stay and make a life for myself here. After some time had passed, I became a husband to both Luna and Applejack and a father to Orion and Jack. I had a few battles along the way, but they were nothing I couldn't handle."
" That sounds like quite the story, maybe one day it'll be told through the generations, brother."
The door opened from Twilight's magic, signaling us that it was time to start. " Time to tell the tale of the world Mimir."
I walked over to the podium where Twilight was. " And now, I give your attention to Joe, Prince of Equestria and King of Herot." I took the podium and Twilight went to join the others at the back of the auditorium.
I looked around the room to see who my audience was. There was, of course, the nobles of Canterlot taking the middle seats with Cadence and Shining representing the Crystal Empire, Cheerilee's class had the front row to the right, the ambassadors from the other kingdoms took the center front aisle and my generals and advisors from Herot took the front left row. When I looked at the ambassadors, I saw that they consisted of a Griffon with a film over his left eye, I think his name was Grandpa Gruff. The ambassador for the buffalo was Little Strongheart, Chief Thunderhooves' daughter and an old acquaintance. The dragons were fearful to really send anyone since I slew one of their own. None the less, the sent the daughter of the dragon lord himself, a blue dragon about my size with an attitude that says ' I really don't want to be here', her name is Ember if I remember correctly. The Minotaur's sent one of their scribes, like all Minotaur's he was muscular and tall. Though his horns were cut short and his coat was very similar to Bevo's. No word from the Kirin or the Yaks and there was definitely no sign of any changeling.
As I scanned the room I thought it would be nice to break the ice before I let Mimir take the Podium. " First off, I would like to thank you all for coming to this history lesson as it were, about the very grounds on which we stand. But before I get to that, I figured I'd start this thing with a little humor." With my magic, I created a screen large enough so everyone could see and let the show begin.
( The reason for there being three videos is in case one of them gets taken down.)
When everyone was done laughing their ass off, I went to call for their attention. " Alright settle down everyone. Now that the ice has been broken, let me introduce you all to today's speaker." The audience was confused, for the most part, they all thought I was the one who would be speaking. I grabbed Mimir from my belt and plopped him on the podium. This got the audience to gasp in horror.
The Equestrian nobility took this as an opportunity to jab at my image. " You barbarian, you dare show us some severed head as a practical joke." When I looked to see who it was that spoke up, I found that it was Jetset with his wife Uppercrust. I was about to tell him off, but Mimir beat me to it.
" First off, you little bastard I'm not just 'some' head. I am Mimir, wisest of all the Aesir. And it's thanks to this so-called barbarian, that I was freed from the clutches of an insane unicorn tyrant, and am now free to tell the origins of this world." The whole audience was starring right at Mimir, guess we should have eased them into it. " Well, now that I have your attention, I'll get started with the story."
Mimir's eye started glowing a bright yellow, and his voice became louder. " To first understand how this world came to be, we must first understand the parents of the sun and moon." This directed our attention to both Luna and Celestia. " Ten-thousand winters ago, in the realm of Asgard, the home of the Aesir gods, there was a mighty eight-legged stallion named Sleipner, the best of all horses and steed of All-father Odin, the king of the Aesir Gods. One day, Odin took his wife Frigg to her homeland of Vanaheim the realm of magic, for a visit. Whilst Odin and Frigg were enjoying their time together, Sleipner decided to roam through the fields for a while."
" While wandering through the fields aimlessly, his eye got hold of a beautiful Alicorn mare, drinking from a nearby stream. Her name was Faust, the first-ever alicorn. When she caught sight of Sleipner, her heart melted and she fell for the steed. When Odin came to take Frigg and Sleipner back to Asgard, Sleipner would not move a muscle unless the mare he had fallen for could join them. Odin wasn't too happy about but Frigg was very moved by the sentiment of the two love birds. So with her persuasion, Faust was led to Asgard to be with Sleipner."
" After many months of living in Asgard, Faust had been granted immortality by the Goddess Idun, by eating an apple from the immortal tree of Idun. She learned combat from Tyr the bravest of all us gods. From Freyja, she learned the ways of magic that surpassed the goddess herself. From me, I told her the many tales of the worlds and the gods. However, I believe she received two of the greatest gifts from her husband, in the form of her daughters, Celestia and Luna." The two mentioned had tears in their eyes as the tale of their parents were being told.
Mimir was about to continue his story, but he noticed that Appleblooms hoof was raised. " Yes, did you have something you wanted to add Lass?"
" When are ya gonna get to the part about how Equestria was created?" The whole class nodded their heads at that little fact.
" Patience Lass, I was just about to get there. One day, when Luna was only three winters old, Odin came back from the well of knowledge without his left eye. He addressed us all, and told us of a great doom, for both the realms and the gods, we call this great doom, Ragnarok, the end of what is, and beginning of a new age. When Faust heard of this great doom, she made plans to keep her daughters safe from this fate. She went over the prophecy many times in her head, to see if there was a way of escaping such a disaster. After remember hearing that all the nine realms would be affected by this doom, it became clear what she must do, she must create a new realm, free from the fate of Ragnarok."
" Let me tell you all now my captivated audience, it's no small feat creating a world by yourself. Luckily, Faust had the help and support of the gods to create such a world. The first step was to find a place that was close to the center of Ygdrasil, the world tree. Knowing that the obvious choice was to create the new world close to Midgard. Explains why you have an easy way between the two worlds."
" Next, she needed land to form the surface of the realm. For this endeavor, Thor was most helpful in providing the material. He had just killed a whole tribe of giants while retrieving his hammer Mjolnir, wearing a wedding dress. I'll have to tell you the story about that, but not now. With the bodies of the giants making up the land, they now needed water to make up the oceans, lakes, and rivers. For that, Faust asked for the assistance of Aegir, a Jotunnar of the sea. He sacrificed his right ring finger, and from the blood came the water for this new world. And from the mixture of the two, came the plants and the clouds."
As Mimir told the story of how Equestria was being forged, I saw that many in the audience were trying to hold in the contents of their stomachs, some of them failing to do so. When I looked to my wives and our friends, I could see that Luna was hanging on every word that Mimir was saying and Twilight was buried in a mountain of papers while she wrote down everything.
" Now, all of you are probably wondering where all the living creatures came to be. Well, I'll tell ya. Seeing how Faust was creating a world to save her children, she thought it a good idea to bring creatures from other realms to this new one for safety, as well as create the terrain for the new one. With the help of her husband and Heimdall, the keeper of the Bifrost, they traveled all the nine realms to find creatures who would fill the new world."
" To show you what I mean, here is a picture of the world tree and the realms that live in it." His eye glowed once again, and an image of the realms appeared.
The audience was captivated by the image of the other worlds. Mimir then continued the tale. " From the realm of Musphelheim the land of fire, two things were gathered from there, one of the things was the very sun that Celestia moves across the sky, and the second thing was the race of dragons." This caused Ember to go wide-eyed to hear about her people's origin.
" From Midgard, the realm of the one standing by me came the animals, as well as the Griffon and Minotaur races." I was surprised to hear that those two came from my world, but not that surprised. " It is also where the moon was gathered from. It was formed from the right eye of Ymir, the father of all giants." Lina giggled at that.
" From Vanaheim, the place of Faust's birth came the race of all ponies and any other creature that speaks." Twilight squealed to learn that all ponies come from a land of magic.
" From Helheim, the land of ice and the dead, only winter cold was brought to the north, though I do believe a few reavers escaped while the portal was open. I believe you call them Windigos." That came as a shock to all, looks like the tale of Hearthswarming will have to be revised a little. " To combat the winter cold for the Crystal Empire, the light elves from Alfheim crafted a crystal heart to combat the cold, as well as to spread joy throughout the realm." It makes perfect sense, who else could create a relic like the heart except for the light elves. " Along with the heart, came six jewels to keep the new world at peace." Gee, I wonder what he could be referring to? Not!
" From Svartalfeim the dwarves granted Faust a weapon with the breath of a frost giant." I reached behind me to feel Frostbite, knowing this was the weapon of Faust. " The dwarves themselves refused to come, however, many of their dogs wanted to journey to the new world, I believe I see them right over there." He directed his attention to my subjects. Yeah, I can see how they originated from dwarven lands, their digging skills would come in handy for getting raw ore and jewels.
" Jotunheim had nothing to offer the new world except for the Giant Kings dog. A mangy three-headed mutt if I ever saw one. I hear, he guards the gates of your best prison." In a way, that's very true.
" And finally, from the realm of Niflheim the land of mist and fortune, many of the gold and jewels were brought to be buried and found again. Unfortunately, it is also where Sombra obtained his ability to become mist itself and rule over the Crystal Empire." I knew it! I knew he had to have gotten his powers from there.
" Finally, the gods of Asgard left their own gift for this world. Thor conjured the clouds as well as the thunder, Gefjun taught those who could how to farm, though as far as those two things, the world really didn't need anything else. But that didn't stop Loki from making one last bit of mischief before the Gods returned to Asgard. With a bit of his own magic, he went and created a mismatched creature to spread chaos and cause a small bit of havoc."
Everyone immediately set their eyes on Discord, who was trying to sneak out of the room. " What!? it wasn't me, it was the one-armed man." At that point we just ignored him.
" Anyway, with the world finally complete, Faust brought her daughters to their new home which she called, Equestria. However, tragedy quickly reared its ugly head. While preparing to leave Asgard with her two foals, a band of rogue frost giants had slipped through the ever-watchful eyes of Heimdall and breached through the halls of Asgard. Sleipner took Odin into battle with the brutes while Faust made haste to the portal. When she made it, one of the giants had cornered her and her young ones. She only had one choice remaining, she pushed her children through the portal and closed it behind them with the key with it. You two arrived at the castle your mother had made for you and were taken care of by those your mother trusted."
Before Mimir could continue, Celestia had this to ask. " Mimir, what became of our mother and father?" She slightly trembled when asking, afraid of what the answer might be.
" I'm sorry to tell you this, but I'm afraid the frost giant who ambushed you three did her in." At that point, both Celestia and Luna were crying while holding each other for comfort. " As for your father, he was greatly injured in the battle against those rogues, so great in fact that he won't be able to carry Odin till Ragnarok, I'm sorry I have to tell you this."
After they both calmed down a bit, luna had to ask. " Where is our mother now?"
" The last I saw her, she was buried in Idun's garden, right by the tree of immortality. It still brings me to tears whenever Odin walked by with me." ( Sniff.)
We all had a moment of silence for the fall of Faust, mother to this beautiful land. When it was over, a thought had occurred to me. " Mimir, you said she threw the key to the portal, what does that mean?"
" Well, since Equestria was just starting out, the true Bifrost didn't really connect to this world, so, a key was made to travel realm between the realms. The key can be used on any door and you can travel to any realm if of course, you know where you're going. When the key was thrust through to this realm, it didn't exactly land where our two Princesses wound up, it instead found its way to the frozen north, and there it lay for many winters, before falling into the hoofs of a power-hungry unicorn named Sombra."
" And that's how he was able to travel to other realms to take their treasure and you."
" Correct, brother. That slimy Git used me to find all the best treasure in every realm, and to increase his abilities."
" But where is it now, the key for the realm between realms."
" I assume it's back in that mountain of treasure you found me in. If not, then your guess is as good as mine." Well, that's helpful. " Anyway, that was the origin of Equestria and it's people, the rest is history."
I moved Mimir to the side of the podium and spoke to everyone. " First off, thank you Mimir for that well of information."
" My pleasure."
" And I would also like to thank our neighbors from over the world and apparently from other realms, for coming out here to learn about Equestria and it's odd beginnings." A round of applause was given for the Ambassadors which they took note of. " And on that note, I ask if anyone has any questions about Mimir's story?" Many appendages were raised, hoping to get some answers. I thought to start with the old vulture of a Griffon. " Yes Sir, you have a question?"
" Yeah, I do you Whippersnapper. That head said this world was made from dead bodies and blood from a giants finger. That can't really be true right?"
" Well, I might have exaggerated on that a bit. Thor only gave us four giants to work with, but they were the largest of the bunch. As for the finger, only the tip was required to fill the oceans and rivers." Gruff slightly coughed when Mimir told us that.
The next one to ask was Ember. " Were dragons the only ones to come from that fiery place?"
" The dragons were the only ones who wanted to come here, though the land your ancestors came from is also home to the Fire giants. The giants would often hunt the dragons for a quick snack." That made her a little fearful. " Though the biggest threat would have to be Surtr, the giant that would bring about Ragnarok with his fiery sword." Now everyone was filling their pants.
After they got over their shock, Twilight asked the big question. " You said that the Elves of Alfhiem not only gave Faust the crystal heart but also six gems to keep the peace. Are you referring to the Elements of Harmony?"
" Didn't know they were named that, but yes. When Faust received them, she infused them with her best traits, laughter, generosity, loyalty, honesty, kindness, and her most powerful trait, magic." So that would explain the voice that called to me and how it was able to give me the ax and where the alicorn powers came from.
As everyone was taking in this information, I decided to see what Bloom wanted to ask. " You have a question, Sis?"
" What did Faust and Sleipnir look like."
" That is a very interesting question, but instead of describing them, I'll show you." With a bit of magic, his eye showed the image of Faust and Sleipnir.
The audience was captivated by Faust's beauty and intimidated by Sleipnir's physique as well as his extra legs. Seeing as we've been going at this for a few hours, I thought it time to rap this seminar up. " How about we have one more question, and then we can end it there." I decided to give the last question to The Minotaur ambassador. " What is it you want to know from Mimir?"
" Yes, I had a question about the doom that Odin was foretold about. Would this realm be affected by it when it occurs?" That's a good question.
" Fortunately, this world was created for the sole purpose of escaping Ragnarok. So when Jormungandr rises from Midgard, Fenrir breaks his bonds, Surtr plunges his fiery sword through Asgard and Heimdal sounds the horn, this realm will be free of the devastation to come." This got a huge sigh of relief from everyone in the audience. " Thank you all for taking the time to learn about the world in which you all live in. Now, if you all don't mind, there's a comfy pillow calling my name and I aim to answer that call." Everyone had a laugh at Mimir's joke and started exiting the room.
Once all the nobles and ambassadors left the room, Miss Cheerilee's class and I went over to my friends and family, mainly towards Celestia and Luna, who were holding in their tears over the story over their parents. Once I got to them, I wrapped them in a hug. " You two all right?"
Celestia was the first to speak up. ( Sniff) " For so long, I couldn't even recall our parent's faces. I only knew the castle staff that took care of me and Luna. But hearing who they really are and knowing the sacrifices they made for us." She started crying again, unable to finish her sentence.
" It's okay, I understand how hard it is to lose a mother." A tear ran down my cheek as the memory of my mother ran through my mind. I decided not to bring it up anymore and just embraced them a little harder.
Luna directed her attention to Mimir. " Thank you, for telling us of our parents, Mimir." She then gave him a peck on the cheek.
" It was no trouble at all Lass."
It was then that the three of us were tackled from the side by the Crusaders. Sweetie wrapped around Celestia's leg, Applebloom had Luna's back and Scootaloo wrapped both my legs in a hug. " That's the saddest story I've ever heard!" Sweetie told Celestia.
" Ah know how it feels to not have your Ma and Pa around while growing up." AB nuzzled against Luna as tears escaped her eyes.
Scootaloo didn't say a thing, she didn't need to say anything, her crying into my jeans spoke volumes.
After we all laid out our feelings, we made for the exit, and head home. Some of us will be needing a fuck-ton of alcohol to get through this info, me being one of them.
Author's Notes:
First, it pains me that Faust had to die, but it had to happen for the story to work. Despite that, I loved writing how Equestria ties in with the nine realms and why it was created.
Second, if you guys have some chapter ideas that don't involve the episodes themselves, feel free to leave your ideas in the comments.
Now, we head into the third season of MLP the shortest season out of all the others. I'll do my best to make it interesting.
Oh, you didn't think I forgot about the clip, did you?
You know what, let's have another.
Pink ponies on parade.
Two days after Mimir shared the knowledge of Equestria's origin, I was heading towards the Everfree forest with Pinkie Pie and Mimir. " So remind me why we're heading into the forest with this overly pink pony?"
" Something to do about a magic pond, I think?"
Suddenly Pinkie got in my face. " Not just any magic pond. This is the mirror pond! If what my Nana Pinkie said is true, then it'll allow me to duplicate myself so I can have fun with all my friends, even when they're in completely different places."
" Is that why my face is being scratched repeatedly by all these brambles, to look for a way to make more of you? That's absolutely insane."
" I don't know, it's certainly not her worst idea. Though I do think we should hurry up with our search, I promised Jackie that I would help raise a new barn with her."
" I know, that's one of the reasons I'm trying to find this mirraaaaahhhhhhh!" Pinkie fell down a hole in the forest floor, screaming as she went down.
" I suppose you're going to go and save her then?"
" You assume right head." I jumped feet first into the hole and found myself sliding through a winding tunnel. Once I made it to the end, I was greeted with a cave with bioluminescent plants and a clear pond in the middle of the underground sanctuary. While I admired the beauty of this place, I spotted Pinkie over by the pond. " Pinkie, you alright?"
" Yeah I'm good, hehe, that was really fun going down that tunnel, it was like an underground slide."
" It frightens me how cheerful she can be at times. For all we know, this could have been a trolls den."
" Shame it wasn't, would've liked to add that to my repertoire." I had a quick look around and came to the conclusion that my services were no longer needed. " Okay, so unless you need me for anything else, I'll be on my way." I slashed open a portal to where the barn was to be raised and made my way to it. " I suppose I'll see either you or your clone at the barn raising?"
" You can count on that." Pinkie made her way over to the pond, while Mimir and I went through the portal.
" You don't have to be the smartest man alive to know that hyper pony's plan will go horribly wrong."
" I know it will."
" Then why let her do it?"
" She needs to learn things on her own, and what better way to start an adventure."
" You remind me of Tyr when you talk like that." I chuckled at his observation and went up to the barn site.
When I got there, I was met with Jackie, Pear, Bloom and both the Macs, waiting for me so we could start building the barn. I snuck behind Jackie and gave her a kiss behind her ear. " Hey, Honey, you finished with that small errand?"
" For now, though I believe it'll come around in an hour or two and have to be dealt with. But for now, let's raise this barn." I went over to some six-by-eights and started carrying them over to where it was needed.
While I was doing that, Bloom came over to where Mimir was hanging from my belt. " Mimir, can you finish that story about Thor and the wedding dress?"
" I suppose so, now where did we leave off?" Mimir pondered where he left off while I continued working.
" Loki and Thor arrived at Thrym's kingdom."
" Ah yes. They both arrived at the giant's home with Thor posing as Freya in a wedding gown and veil. Given the difference between Thor and Freya, you would think the giant would tell the difference. But the giant had very poor eyesight and mistook Loki for being Thor and Thor as Freya. Now, before the ceremony, a feast was held and Thor almost broke his cover by eating twenty salmon, four sides of beef, and an entire boar all by himself."
" How can one person even eat all that much food?"
" Well, Lass, the Aesir are well known for their appetites, Thor especially. Anyway, Thrym noticed this and asked why Freya had such an appetite. Loki, being the clever god he is, told Thrym that when he told Freya the negotiation for Mjolnir, she was so excited that she didn't eat a thing for the three-day trip up here. Thrym, for the most part, accepted this and went on with the feast."
" After a few rounds of mead, Thrym felt bold and decided to take a peek under Freya's veil. While Thor was gulping down his twelfth horn of mead, Thrym moved the veil and recoiled in horror at the red eyes that stared back at him. Once Thrym recovered from the shock, he inquired why the Goddess of beauty had such red and scary looking eyes. Loki explained that Freya didn't sleep while they journeyed to his kingdom. Again, Thrym accepted the ruse and decided to push the ceremony so Freya could get to a warm bed."
" Heh, with Thrym sharing it with him right?"
" Correct brother. Anyway, the ceremony began with Thor and Thrym standing at the altar. Seeing as the Aesir held up their end of the bargain, Thrym brought Mjolnir forth and presented it to Freya. Once Thor got his hands around his hammer, he threw off his disguise and the slaughter of the whole wedding party began."
" And four of those bodies were used to make Equestria, right?"
" Indeed, in fact, judging from where we are, I'd say we're standing on Thrym's forehead."
" Ugh, it still makes me queasy, knowing that we're standing on dead giants." Bright voiced his thoughts while holding back some bile.
" It could be worse, we could be standing his decaying nuts." This got a chuckle from everyone except for Pear who slapped my leg in annoyance.
" Alright, Joe, that's enough story-telling, we need to get some headway on this barn." I rubbed where she slapped me and started working on the left wall.
Within an hour, we had the rear and front of the barn completed and a silo to go with it. Now I started lifting the west wall into place while the others waited to hammer the wall in. " Just a little more Honey, then we'll start-" Jackie would've continued her instructions, but then this happened.
" Fun fun fun fun fun fun fun!" Suddenly the whole place was being overrun by at least a dozen Pinkie Pies all yelling fun on repeat.
" Well, seem's you were right brother, though did you suspect she would go this far?"
" I expected three or four," I grabbed the Pinkie that jumped on my back and held her upside down. " not a whole squad of them." I tossed the Pinkie I had in my hand and kept pulling the wall into position. Though my efforts were in vain as the Pinkies kept bouncing on the wood and distracting the Apple family.
After a few more seconds of bouncing and general horseplay ( Forgive the pun), all our hard work was destroyed. I dropped the rope I was holding and made my way over to my family. " Where in the wide world of Equestria did all these Pinkies come from?" Jackie then laid her sights on me. " Well, you were with Pinkie earlier, did she tell you what her plan was?"
" Well, when she saw that she was missing out on one person's fun while she was doing something fun with another. So she got the idea to clone herself with a magic pond that makes a copy of yourself. Apparently she went overboard."
Before Jackie could berate me for my stupidity, one of the Pinkies walked over to us instead of bouncing over. " Ooh, it looks like I haven't missed a thing." Jackie turned her anger towards her.
" I ain't got time to be talking to a clone if you see the real Pinkie or you are the real Pinkie. I want ya'll to take some responsibility for this whole mess!"
The Pinkie that walked up to us decided to make a break for it. " You guys look pretty busy right now, maybe we should talk a little later? OK bye." She then zoomed off to Heimdal knows where leaving us with a bunch of overly hyperactive ponies yelling fun over and over again.
" If I could put my two cents in, I think the one that walked up to us was the original, seeing as the others are acting like idiots."
" You might be right Mimir, but how about we clean this mess up and afterward, we can go and see if Twilight has a solution." Jackie led us over to the ruined barn and we started cleaning while the other Pinkies left for more 'fun'.
After we stacked our supplies and put them aside for another day, we headed over to the library. When we got there, a whole crowd had gathered in front of the library, all of them complaining about the rampage of Pinkies. Once they saw me, they directed their complaints to me. " Your Highness, we're being overrun by Pinkies!"
" They've eaten all my cakes from my stand without paying!"
" They ruined nap-time for the little ones at the daycare!"
Even our friends had complaints. " I just had a Pinkie hurricane raging through my shop!"
" They ruined our critter picnic."
" They poisoned our water supply, burned our crops and delivered a plague unto our houses!"
I directed my attention to the stallion who said that. " First off, no they didn't. Second, I make the pop-culture references around here." I gave him the stink-eye and he quickly backed away. " Alright, listen up everyone. I know how these extra Pinkies came about, and now I'm here to see what to do about them, so just go on back to your homes or places of business and hopefully, this situation can be cleared before the end of the day." Everyone left the area except for the girls and we went to Twilight. " So, any chance you might have a plan?"
One battle plan later.
https://youtu.be/VJeBtHjqJz0?list=PLXi7FpXgoZu_qYi_kEysNWCib-jqcNTW6
Jackie, Big Mac, Applebloom, Bright Mac, Winnona, Hercules and I were atop a hill, looking over the group of Pinkies who fell for the bait, a large three-layered cake with chocolate cream cheese. As they devoured that tasty treat, Bloom was pouting over the cake. " You could have at least saved me a piece, Joe. Maybe I can sneak one before they get all of it?"
As I looked down towards the bait, I saw they licked the plate the cake was on clean, some even tried to take a bite of the plate. " The cake is dead."
" Can we stay on target please?" Bloom and I shut our mouths and starred ahead at our target. " Okay, Twilight said to herd them to town hall so she can get rid of the extras and we get our Pinkie back."
" Pardon my asking, but how will any of you tell which one is the real Pinkie."
" Twilight said she had a test that would tell them apart. Alright, let's do this." I got up from the hill and our dogs followed me. We got behind the herd of Pinkies in the brush as the four apple family members got on either side to make sure none of the Pinkies scatter. I looked over to Hercules, then to Winnona. " Alright, time to start the hunt." All three of us stormed out of the brush with me wolfing out and charged towards the Pinkies.
This got them spooked and started running away from us, and towards the town hall. As the chase went on, a few tried to scatter somewhere else and I was telling my predator instincts to not go for the one that breaks away from the herd. Luckily, those thoughts went out the window when my wife or one of the other Apples pushed them back into the group. After a few more yards, we got them into townhall. Once they were all in, Jackie and I went in while the rest of the Apples barricaded the door.
While the Pinkie horde was bouncing around the place yelling fun over and over and over and over and all work and no play makes Joe a dull boy.....sorry. Twilight and Spike came out from behind the curtain and called the Pinkies to order. " Welcome Pinkies welcome, please have a seat and make yourselves comfortable." Her smile dropped when the horde kept bouncing around. " Okay, I suppose you can't be comfortable staying in one place but have a seat anyway." She might as well be talking to herself since the horde kept bouncing around. Finally, she had enough. " Sit down!" All at once, all the Pinkies sat down in neat little rows, starring directly ahead. " Better, now I suppose you're all wondering why I gathered you all here today?" You, gathered them?
" For fun?" One of the Pinkies questioned while shrugging.
" No, just the opposite in fact." Before Twilight could continue, Dash came through the doors holding a very depressed looking Pinkie.
" Wait, I got one more. I found this one drawing frowny faces in the ground."
" Have her come sit with the others." Dash unceremoniously dropped the Pinkie she had in the middle of the group. " Pinkies, you've been brought here to take a test." Every Pinkie then gripped at the notion of taking a test. " Don't worry, it's a simple test, as simple as they come, and whoever passes gets to stay." The horde looked confused about the objective. " Curtain, please." Spike pulled the rope, lifting the curtain to reveal Rarity and Fluttershy finished painting a wall. " The test. We'll be watching paint dry." A loud gasp was heard by near every member of the horde. " On your mark. Get set. Go!" Every Pinkie then stared straight at the wall, in hopes that they could stay.
" This is so exciting!" Spike munched away at some popcorn while he watched the little show. This was going to be a long test.
" Nevermind, this is pretty boring." Spike finished off the last of his popcorn as he stared at the horde that was still staring at the painted wall.
" This is just, painful brother, I'd much rather be back at the treasure room on that wooden boat than have to watch paint dry."
" Well, we could add some obstacles for them, might speed things up a bit." I went over to Twilight to see if it was alright, the last time I went against her plan, she lit my ass on fire. " Should I give them a few things to distract them? It might speed things up some."
" Please do, my eyes are starting to hurt from watching nothing."
I went over to the side so I could give an indirect distraction so the real Pinkie could still have a chance. With a bit of magic, I started the distraction.
At the intro, we got rid of two members of the horde and the third one after Nick said ' Goddammit' with the spell twilight mentioned earlier. Six Pinkies were given the boot when that mother zombie showed up. We got rid of one when Ellis announced laser beams. Five were butchered when the guy told them to shut up so he could masturbate. When the humping zombie attacked Ellis, Twilight got rid of three of them, then another when Coach threw the football. Ten Pinkies vanished when Ellis commented on the Charger for being the feller who masturbates all-day long. For a bit, none of the Pinkies looked my way until Ellis used the heroine, uh I mean adrenaline. Four Pinkies bit the dust at the end when Nick used a chainsaw on himself.
When the video was over, we were left with two Pinkies left, and one of them was about to go gangrene. " All right time to pull out the big guns."I projected another screen, this time projecting action.
After many minutes of temptation, the second to last Pinkie looked to watch the fight, this led to her undoing. Twilight used her spell to deport the false Pinkie back into the pond.
With one Pinkie left, we went to congratulate her. " Pinkie, you can stop starring at the wall."
" But this my favorite part." When she realized she was the only Pinkie left, she looked to us. " Wait I passed?"
" Knew you would, what with you being the only one that didn't constantly yell fun. Should have told you that earlier, but I was just so engrossed with the whole endeavor."
" That and you wanted to see the other Pinkies get vaporized."
" That too."
Pinkie took the conversation back. " All I know is that I had to pass, I just couldn't leave my friends." She brought us all in a group hug, she then had this to say. " Even though I may not be able to be around for all the fun things each one of you do, that doesn't mean I should try and duplicate myself so I don't miss a single moment." She then got all cheery and started jumping about. " I'm me, I'm me, I'm me!" She did a flip on that last one.
" Well, now that the situation is over, Jackie and I have a barn to raise." I led Jackie out the door where the rest of the apples were, and started heading for the farm. " Honey, do me a favor. If Pinkie asks me to go along with a non-party plan ever again, you and Luna will slap me upside the head."
" Like you even have to ask." She giggled at her little joke and brought me in for a kiss. After that, we headed home so we could finally get that barn up.
Author's Notes:
For those who are curious, I will be trying to do all the season three episodes. As for this chapter, I thought it would be nice to see what Joe would do in an ordinary crazy situation. Also, I thought it would be nice to have Mimir share a small story about the Aesir, and if it's well-liked, I might have him do more.
Now, it's time for the clip.
One more.
A visit from Babs. ( Slight edit)
A couple of days after the whole clone fiasco, Jackie's little cousin Babs was coming over for a visit from Manehatten. She would be sharing a room with Applebloom so she'll be coming with Jackie, Lulu, the boys and me to meet her at the station. Since this was the first time Bloom would be meeting her, she was going crazy over what to wear when they meet. Which is why I'm standing by her door while Jackie tries to get her to hurry up. " Scoot your boot Applebloom, we gotta meet our cousin at the station."
I took a peek inside to see her room was littered with clothes. " I didn't think you had this many outfits, Bloom?" I then saw that she rapidly changed clothes when she pulled down her bed curtain. " Or that Pinkie gave you outfit changing lessons."
" Nevermind the getup, we need to get going before the train arrives."
Bloom grabbed her blanket and wore it as a makeshift cloak while giving herself a once-over in the mirror. " This is my first time meeting her, and she's from Manehatten." She then did a twirl, ending up wearing the thing like a hood with designer glasses finding their way on her face. " I want to make a good impression, so we can hit it off."
At that point, Jackie came over and dragged her towards the door. " I know you'll hit it off, you know why."
" No, why?"
" Cause neither of you has your Cutiemark yet." Oh damn, she shouldn't have said that.
" What! How could you forget to tell me something like that!" She ran out of the door and rushed past us. " I got to get Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, I'll meet you all at the train station." And just like that, she was gone.
" Well, this visit just got more interesting. Come, we'll take the silver chariot." Luna announced while taking the boys with her.
" For the last time Luna, it's not a chariot, it's my truck!" I went after her with Jackie following though not before she gave a huff at the state of AB's room. We got in the truck and headed for the station.
" This is why I'm glad our kids our boys." I was watching as the Crusaders jumped around the platform, waiting for the train to get here with Babs. As they were jumping around, wondering if Bloom's cousin would even want to join their club, Orion and Jack started spraying magic sparks on the ground while they sat in their stroller.
Luna made this comment. " I don't know Dear, in a few years or months, Jackie and I might want another child. And one of us might just have a girl." She then bumped me with her flank in a playful manner.
" I don't know Sugar, the Huffstutler clan has only sired males for the last thousand years. But that doesn't mean we can't try for one or two." I gave her a quick slap to the rear, saying I was open to the idea, just not anytime soon.
While Lulu and I were discussing possible future children, the train from Manehatten whistled down the track. Bloom was the first to react to it. " Is that the train from Manehatten?"
" Yep." The train pulled in, and the Three Amigos went looking through the windows of the train cars. After assuming that a cow was Babs, Jackie had enough of her guessing. " Bloom, you've never met Babs, remember." She gave her an amused smirk at that.
" Which I find odd, I thought for sure that she would've been at our wedding?"
" She got hay-fever two days before the wedding, so she and her parents couldn't come." I saw the logic in that and nodded my head. " Look, there she is." The last train door opened to reveal Babs Seed.
Bloom launched herself over to her the second she saw her. " Babs, it's me, your cousin Applebloom!" She got right in her face and introduced her to the other Crusaders. " This is Sweetie Belle and this is Scootaloo, and we're so happy to see you." Babs started to feel a bit uncomfortable with all the attention. I decided to intervene.
I pulled those three back a bit while I went to introduce myself. " Come on girls, give her some room to breathe." When Babs saw me, her eyes went wide with surprise. " Hey, my name is-"
" King Joe of Herot, Prince, and hero of Equestria!" I was a little surprised that she was this excited to see me. " I've followed all your exploits from the papers and have almost all the toys they made of you." She reached into her suitcase and brought out two action figures. One of them was of me when I'm not wolfed out, and one of me when I was wolfed out. They both had a miniature Frostbite in a battle-ready grip. Then she got out a toy truck that was an exact replica of my truck. " Do you think you can sign this for me?"
I stared at all the merchandise and laughed at the silliness of the situation. " Sure thing, also, no need for fancy titles, you can call me Joe since we're kin." She gave off an excited squee as I went and signed her truck or my truck, this is very confusing. " Okay, let's head on over to the farm." I led the girls and my family over to the truck which Babs squeed at, and headed for the farm while putting on the radio.
As we drove back to the farm, the girls talked to Babs about joining the Crusaders and wanting her to join the summer harvest parade in the float they built together. Ah, to be young and full of wonder. Sometimes I wish to go back and be a kid again, but then they'd never let me drink, not to mention it would be awkward in the bedroom. As my thoughts lingered for a bit, we arrived at the farmhouse.
" All right, here's where you'll be staying Babs. Here, let me get your bags." I took her bags and we all went into the house. We went through the kitchen where Pear and Bright were in the middle of making lunch for us all. " We're back."
Bright was the first to respond. " Good your just in time for lunch." His voice and presence were startling to Babs.
" Uncle Bright!?" She looked over to Pear. " Aunt Buttercup!?" Guess she wasn't told about their return, or that Buttercup is just Pear's nickname. " Dad told me you guys were dead."
Pear came over and wrapped her in a hug. " Not dead. Just gone for a bit, but thanks to your cousin Joe." She pointed at me. " We got home safe and sound."
" You know, I believe I had a hand in liberating you two and the others from that gladiatorial arena." My Dad came in with Hercules to come and see Babs before heading off for his shift at the barracks. He went up to Babs to introduce himself. " How are you doing, I'm David, Joe's father." He presented his hand for a handshake which she took a hold of and shook vigorously.
When she was done shaking my dad's hand, Hercules came over and started sniffing her over, this made her a little nervous. " He's not going to bite is he?"
" Nah, Hercules is a big ole softie, ain't ya boy?" He then went and started licking her face. " Although he will slobber all over ya."
She giggled at the attention she was given and started petting Hercules. When they stopped playing, we all sat down for a nice lunch of vegetable soup, yeast rolls and fritters for dessert. While we were eating, Babs would ask about my exploits that may not have made it to the papers. Turns out, almost all the good stuff didn't even get printed as she was surprised about the dragon, hydra, and the fact that Mimir was hanging off my belt, how she hadn't noticed him before, I'll never know.
" Alright, enough about me, let's hear about you, what's it like living in the big city?" Her smile melted to a frown as she looked toward her flank. " What? Something I said?" With all of us around the table, she told us about how all of her classmates had their Cutiemarks and how they would pick on her for being a blank flank. This got me feeling sorry for her, so I did my best to try and cheer her up. " You know, if it makes you feel any better, I don't have a Cutiemark either."
" Really!? But you're royalty and a hero. How could you not have one?"
" Well besides me being a different species, a mark on my ass doesn't define what I do or who I am. In my opinion, a Cutiemark is something that shows what you're good at, not what you're meant to be in life. Take your cousin Applejack for instance." I grabbed ahold of her and brought her close to me. " Her Cutiemark is three apples, telling us that she has a talent for working on an apple farm. As true as that is, she has done a lot more than just that. She is a bearer to the element of honesty, a newly appointed princess, wife to a dashing Werewolf and mother to little Jack here." Jackie blushed at the list of credentials I kept naming off while Jack giggled when I patted him on the head.
" I know that my mark will come when I'm ready, but what about the bullies."
" Two things. One, tell your folks about the bullying, they can often make the situation better. Two, those who are bullying you, are trying to mask their own insecurities by putting others down with what they're insecure about."
As I gave her sage advice, Luna had a question for me. " Sweetheart, how would you know what it feels like to be bullied?"
" I guess I never told you two about my elementary school days. You may not know this, except for you dad, but I didn't know I was a werewolf until middle school, back then I thought I was a regular kid going through early puberty with all the hair growing on me." This got a laugh from everyone. " Yeah, a lot of the kids laughed at me because of that too. For the most part, I took it on the chin and let it be. However, there was this bully I had in the second grade, though he wasn't the problem, he had an older brother in the fourth grade who was much worse. Though he wasn't the problem either, one of them was usually suspended or in detention, it was when they were together, they were vicious and caused kids a lot of pain."
" What happened to them?" Babs asked, hoping for a solution to her problem through my experience.
" Well, I got bigger and stronger." My wives seemed dissatisfied with that. " Also, dad took me out in the woods one weekend and revealed what he and I really were. And so with that knowledge, I wasn't afraid of those two anymore. When I went back to school on Monday, those two went and caught me between recess and were about to beat me up. You know what I did to them?" Dad had a smirk while the others shook their heads no. " I wolfed out for the first time and scared the crap out of both of them. From then on, I feared no living being, and those bullies never so much as verbally abused anyone."
Babs had her jaw unhinged at the story of my childhood. " That was so cool! The instant I get back home, I'll tell how the teacher about the other kids bullying me."
" Now that's a very wise decision, can't believe I didn't come up with it." We all laughed at my joke as we continued our lunch and made more small talk.
Later that evening in my living room.
Everyone was sitting in the living room for a family movie night. I popped in the movie that we would play while I brought over some popcorn to the couch. I plopped in-between my wives and looked to the Crusaders and their newest member, Babs Seed. " So, the first day here and already a member of an exclusive club. How are we feeling about that?"
Babs showed off her new cape, signaling her membership into the Crusade for a Cutiemark. " It feels great to be a member of a club, though the initiation speech could be shortened a little."
" I said I would revise it after we make a new float." Scoots told Babs in a somewhat annoyed tone.
" Don't worry, your mom and I will help with that if you want." Bright gave Bloom a noogie, making her giggle. In truth, it should be me lending a hand in a new float seeing as it was my dog who ruined it by chasing two trespassers named Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. Why those two were on the farm, I'll never know.
Before another word can be said, Discord appeared behind the couch with a drinking helmet and a foam finger. " Enough chit-chat, get on with the movie."
" Alright fine, you mismatched zoo animal." I took hold of the remote and pressed play. I decided to play an old favorite of mine when I was a boy. " Alright, here we go with ' Raiders of the Lost Ark'."
Everyone was captivated when Jones made his appearance. They were on edge when he and the other guy went through the temple and tried to avoid the traps. When he went for the idol and the big trap was sprung, they all screamed a bit. When the chase against the natives started, we cheered for him to run faster. We chuckled when he found a big old snake in his seat and started freaking out.
Soon we came to the part where he was back at the college.
Granny giggled at how the girls flirted with Jones. " That's how I met your father Bright."
" Wait, Pa was a professor?"
" No! That's just one of the ways I flirted with him when he worked as a farmhand." Everyone shuddered at the mental imagery of that while Jones was explaining what the Staff of Ra is to the military intelligence guys.
An hour later
Nearly all the popcorn had been eaten and everyone was holding in the need to use the bathroom in hopes of not missing the final confrontation between Jones and the Nazis. We got to the scene where Indy and Marrion were tied to a pole and the Nazis were about to open the Ark. I hope the kids won't be too traumatized.
At first, the kids thought the bad guys had won, that quickly changed once the spirits started coming out. Once the girl revealed itself to be deadly, the whole Apple family started screaming along with the Nazis. Once the faces started to melt, Pear quickly excused herself to the bathroom. After Indy was back in the states and the movie ended with the Ark being put in the warehouse, our house guests made their way back to the farmhouse.
With the mess cleaned up, I took the boys to their room to be tucked in. " Goodnight boys, I'll see you both in the morning." I gave a kiss to each of their foreheads and left them to dream. I made my way over to me and Jackie and Lulu's bedroom and found that my Valkyries were already fast asleep. I gave an amused chuckle and slip into some pajama shorts before sliding in between my wives. They must have noticed my presence as the cuddled close to me. I gave each of them a kiss on the lips and joined them into the land of dreams.
Author's Notes:
Alright, I hear you now. Babs was supposed to be a bully and learn a lesson at the end. That might be true, if not for the fact that Joe was her idol and they all talked about the whole bullying thing in the first place. Also, the reason she became the bully never happened since they were chased away by Hercules.
For those wondering, yes, I was bullied in school and more often than not, made the situation worse by not telling an adult and fought those who bullied me. Don't know why I wrote that, but whatever.
Anyway, I believe it's time for a dual between a humiliated show-mare and the Wolfman, enjoy.
The Wolfman vs the Magician.
Manehatten, the same Bizare Joe found the Krusty doll. Third Pov.
A caped figure had walked into the shop and started looking at the various objects. Unlike the few ponies that enter the shop, the one that entered didn't browse, the customer was looking for something specific. After tossing a zebra skull to the side, a light came on from behind. The one who turned on the light was the same stallion that Joe had met. " May I help you?"
The stallion went behind his front counter and inquired to the ponies business. " Something drew you to my shop, something powerful. Was it the Frogurt?" The cloaked figure shook its head before pointing a hoof over to a display of an amulet that resembled an alicorn. " You have a keen eye, traveler. The Alicorn Amulet is one of the most mysterious and most powerful, of all the known magical charms." The figure then pointed towards the amulet again, saying that it was what it came for.
" I'm afraid that this item is too powerful, not to mention that it carries a terrible curse." The shop owner waited for the figure to say something to that but remained silent. " I'm sure you're wondering if that's bad or good, right?" Still, the figure said nothing, instead, it threw a large bag of bits on the counter. Seeing all that money, the shopkeep had this to ask. " Would you like a free Frogurt with that?" The figure ignored him and instead levitated its purchase from the display and left the shop. " Hrrmf, at least my last customer would say something."
Ponyville Marketplace. Joe's Pov.
I was walking down the market, looking for some ingredients to make my famous Pecan pie. Since Luna told me that delegates from Saddle Arabia were coming to see me and hear Mimirs story since they couldn't make it the first time, I decided to break the ice with some Texas-style pecan pie. I had Orion and Jack with me who now reached my hip, to have a nice father-son outing while Luna was in Canterlot and Jackie was doing her own errands. I went looking for some fresh honey, and pecans with the boys.
" Okay, Granny said the best place to get honey, is at beehive's booth... You know boys, daddy is getting tired of all these obvious names."
" Why daddy?" Orion had asked while walking on my right side.
" No real reason son, maybe it's just that I grew up where people had different names. Anyway, I think I see the stall over there." We made it to Beehive's stall and looked over the honey.
Jack pulled my pant leg to tell me something. " Great granny smith said the clearer the honey, the sweeter it tastes." I gave him a smile and ruffled his hair.
" The lessons your Mamma Luna gave you two are really paying off ain't they?"
Orion came back with this. " Mommy said that ' ain't' isn't a word."
" Shut up you little rascal you." I started grappling both the boys, making them laugh at my antics. I continued wrestling with the boys when we heard a scream come from down the way. We stopped our wrestling and went to check what the commotion was.
We found our way over to town hall where we saw our friends being terrorized by some hooded figure. The figure then shot a red beam at Rarity, giving her a tie-dye dress that one would see at Woodstock. " You beast! This shade of brown should be used by accents." She then fainted where Jackie quickly caught her.
" Come on Applejack, we got to get her into a nice soothing pink STAT." Pinkie and Jackie took Rarity away from the scene to put something else on her.
I made my way to the middle while the boys went over to Twilight. " Alright, what the fuck is going on here!?"
" Well well well, if it isn't" The figure removed the hood to reveal one Trixie Lulamoon. " Prince Joe." Her eyes flashed red and an evil smile spread across her face.
" Trixie? What in the Hell are you doing, terrorizing these citizens like you are?"
Snips and Snails were giggling off to the side, it seems Trixie heard them. " You two, keep quiet!" She fired another beam at the two, making their horns meld together, making them scream and run around like cartoon fools.
" Enough!" I wolfed out, hoping this would end her attacks on the onlookers. Admittedly she recoiled a bit, seeing as she never saw me wolfed out. The moment quickly passed as she regained her evil smirk. " For the last time Trixie, tell me why you're doing this?"
" To draw you out, to make everyone witness that Trixie has more magical abilities than you!"
" Oh yeah, how you planning on doing that?" I suspect a challenge might be her answer.
" I, The Great and Powerful Trixie, challenge you, to a magical duel!" Called it. " Winner stays. Loser leaves Ponyville, forever!"
Without even giving her challenge a second thought, I answered: " I accept your challenge. Though may I ask why you're challenging me? If it's about that time you came here, I mean that was over two years ago."
" Yes, and I had to live every day of those two years in humiliation!" She then pulled up a screen to show her events since we met. " Ever since you showed me up with your tricks, I became a laughing stock. Everywhere I went I was laughed at and was even discredited for defeating that Ursa Major. I even had to take a job on a rock farm just to earn a living." Her magic screen vanished as she continued her rant. " A rock farm!"
" Hey, you're lucky a rock farm would take the likes of you!" Pinkie yelled over to Trixie. Guess hearing Trixie bad talk her family's farm made her upset. Trixie responded by magically removing Pinkie's muzzle and making it disappear.
For the first time that day, Mimir made himself known. " I was waiting for someone to do that for a while now."
" Quiet head." I returned my attention to Trixie. " Return my friends to their natural state, and we'll have at it." With a smug smile, she undid the damage she had done to Rarity, Snips, Snails and of course, Pinkie, who was glad to have her mouth back. " Good, now, what are the rules?"
" I already said the rules."
" Those were the conditions, I need to know the rules of engagement so we can have a proper fight." I gave her a grin, making the audience laugh.
" Fine, since I just want you humiliated, no lethal spells of any kind."
" Good, now here's another. No using onlookers as targets or as an instrument of destruction to the challenged." Her eyes went wide, it seems she had the idea to use our audience to her advantage.
She regained her composure and went about her act. " Any other rules?"
" Rules, no, though I do believe I have one more condition." I unsheathed Frostbite and placed it on the ground while turning back into my human form. " With the condition of the loser leaving, they must also relieve their artifact. Me, my ax Frostbite. And you, that necklace around your neck." Her smug smile once again morphed into a look of surprise. " Did you really think I wouldn't notice that or how the aura of your magic went from a light pink to a blood red? You didn't get better through your own talents, you just went and made yourself more powerfull with a trinket." As I kept goading her ego, her face would scrunch into anger. " So even if for some inconceivable way you beat me, all the credit goes to that necklace, not you."
" Enough!" She had enough of my taunting and fired a spell at my face. The result of the spell impacting my face, was that my mustache and beard turned purple with yellow polka dots while the hair on my head turned into grass. " Ha! beat that monster."
Without even lifting a finger or channeling any aura, my healing factor rid me of my hair's discoloration and grass-like nature. " Very nice attempt my dear but I'm afraid that won't be enough." With my hand engulfed in my own blue aura, I sent a blast of magic that hit Trixie right in the middle of her chest. The result in which was this.
The whole audience laughed their asses off as Trixie wondered what exactly I had done to her. " What? What did you do to me?" She conjured a mirror and looked to see her new look. " Eeeeekkk! That's not funny!"
" I beg to differ."
She rid herself of her screwball form and glared at me. " Enough games you barbarian!" She fired a spell again but this time, it hit the ground beneath me. I expected the ground to turn to quicksand or fire to spew from where I stand. Instead, two hands made of stone grabbed ahold of me. They squeezed me a bit while Trixie came up to gloat. " Ha! You can't use magic if you can't use your claws."
" Heh. Heh heh. Hahahahaha!" My laughter made Trixie take a step back. " Ohh Trixie, like so many others you see but you do not observe."
" And what, praytell, do you mean by that?" Instead of answering her, I went and began pushing against the rock hands holding me. Within seconds, the constructs crumbled and exploded from my Herculean strength. " Oh, that's what you meant."
" Yes, and since you've resorted to conjuring giant appendages, I believe I'll summon a friend of mine." With a combination of elemental and illusion magic, I made it seem like the earth was shaking to bring forth a great beast.
" What madness are you bringing forth you imbecile!" Trixie sounded like she was regretting her challenge. When the spell was through, the sun was being blocked by a massive form that loomed over the town and most of the countryside. When Trixie and the audience looked to the sky, all they saw was the head and a small fraction of a massive serpent.
Trixie stared wide-eyed at the beast staring down at her. " What is that!?"
Mimir, seeing the fake giant, decided to help the challenge along. " That Lass is Jormungandr, the Midgard serpent." The image loomed closer, making it seem even larger than before. " Would you mind brother, if he and I had a conversation?"
Smirking slightly at his idea, I lifted him to face the beast. " As you wish, head."
" Thank ya, now, don't be too judgemental with our talk, I've never really spoken to a giant snake before." He cleared his throat and spoke to the image in an ancient tongue. " Hello, Jormangandr, remember me?"
The serpent responded in a thunderous voice. " How could I forget the wisest of the Aesir?" The audience had to cover their ears so blood wouldn't spill out. " Why am I here, instead of the depths of Midgard?"
" My friend holding me has brought you here to show up that blue mare across from him." The serpent then moved his eyes over to Trixie, who at the moment was trembling in fear. " Any thoughts on how to do that?"
The world serpent then grinned evilly at Trixie. " I could always swallow her."
Mimir then spoke normally to the audience. " Well, I suppose that'll end the battle fairly quickly?"
Trixie looked to Mimir. " What did he say!?"
" Oh nothing, he just suggested he'd end the duel by swallowing you whole." Jormangandr opened his mouth wide and started sucking in large amounts of air, making it seem like a hurricane was going on.
I crossed my arms and gave Trixie a choice. " So what's it going to be Trixie, you wanna surrender or do feel like seeing what the inside of a giant snake looks like?"
Trixie looked at me, then behind me at the giant snake with a look of hunger on its face. Seeing as she didn't want to be eaten or get chased everywhere she goes, she gave in. " Alright, you win! Just call off that beast!"
" Not until you uphold the conditions of the challenge." I held out my hand, gesturing for the necklace around her neck.
She was reluctant to give it up at first, but with the illusion of the world serpent drawing closer, her reluctance jumped out the burning building. " Fine here!" She pried the necklace off her neck and once it was off, the aura around her horn lost its blood-red tint and once again became its light pink color. She threw it at me where I caught it. " There, you have my amulet, now call off your beast!"
" Sure." With a snap of my fingers, the giant serpent lost its details to reveal a large cluster of clouds in the shape of a serpent which quickly dispersed to reveal the sun.
Trixie had her jaw hanging as the realization that she was being terrified of a bunch of clouds hit home. " You...you....you tricked me!"
I just shrugged. " It is called magic trick, people always seem to forget the trick part." I went ahead and pocketed the amulet and walked over to Trixie. " Now about those conditions." Her head dropped in shame as she started to leave. Before she could even make it five feet, I stopped her. " I think we should come up with a better solution."
" But I lost and threatened others just to draw you out in the first place. Why would you even want to think up a better solution?"
" I'm the one who drove you to get the amulet in the first place. Even though it wasn't my intention to humiliate you during your show, I did. So for that, I apologize for ruining your show and by extent your reputation."
Trixie had tears in her eyes as I made amends for my transgressions towards her. " That's all I ever wanted to hear. Thank you." At that point, my sons had joined me at my side which Trixie took note of. " Are these your children?"
" Yes, this is Orion" I patted Orion's head. " and this is Jack." I rubbed Jack's head. " Boys, this an old acquaintance of mine, The Great and Powerful Trixie." Trixie smiled at me using her stage name. " She gave me a way to test my magic in both a competitive and fun way."
The boys went up to greet her, starting with Orion. " Hello, Miss Trixie. I liked the magic hands you made out of the rocks."
Jack went up next. " I liked it when you made daddy's hair funny looking."
" Hehe, that was pretty funny" Trixie giggled at the spell she did to me earlier.
" Speaking of, there's still the matter of your punishment for terrorizing the citizens." I contemplated on how Trixie could make proper amendments. Finally, it came to me. " How's your firework magic?"
The delegates from Saddle Arabia arrived with the coming night. Mimir told the origins of Equestria to them, which they were very surprised to hear. When the tale was done, Trixie gave off an amazing firework display while Twilight did a floating animal figure eight, for some reason, while we all had pie. After Trixie did her display and apologized to Rarity and Pinkie, she left to go back on the road with the promise she'd return one day.
With a moment to myself, I inspected the amulet with the help of Mimir. " So, any thoughts on this amulet Mimir?"
" Give me a moment brother," Mimir observed the amulet for a minute before letting out a huge gasp. " by Odin's beard, do you know what this is?"
" It's the Alicorn Amulet." Twilight and Celestia came over with a book that had a picture of the amulet. " It says that whoever wields it, will gain untold power. Though once it's worn, it starts corrupting the user."
" You're half right Lass. It's the gem in the center that holds the power that it gives to the wielder. But without the weapon it was created for, the magic goes wild and corrupts the one who uses it."
" So without the weapon to focus the gem's power, it'll keep corrupting others with untold power?" Celestia sounded worried that the amulet might fall into worse hands.
" It will if it weren't for the fact that Joe already has the weapon." Those two were surprised at that fact, though I had my suspicions since there was a little slot in the handle. " The gem was named, Frost Giants Frenzy. It gives the ax's frost rune's a huge boost, to the point you can fire a beam of concentrated winter at your target as well as other attacks if you get creative."
Twilight asked the next question. " But how did the gem wind up in the amulet, instead of the ax in front of us?"
" Well, Faust never really saw herself using the ax, she mainly used her magic and kept the ax more as a symbol than anything, which is why the gem was never put in the ax. The only reason I know what it can do is that Brok kept boasting about how powerful it could be, Faust just didn't feel the need for it."
" If she had used it, she might be here with us." Celestia shed a single tear at the thought of her mother and what might have been.
" When the two were brought over from Asgard, whoever found the gem must not have known it went with the ax and decided to place it in an amulet instead."
" Well, what we have to do now is crystal clear then." I removed the gem from the amulet and hovered it over the slot in the ax's handle. I looked to the two ponies watching me and smirked. " Hope we don't blow up." With that, I placed the gem in the ax. The moment the gem went in the handle, it went from its blood-red coloration to an icy blue. When it was done changing, the ax starting glowing a bright white with blue streaks. Once the light show ended, the ax took on a similar but at the same time, different look.
As we all gazed at the ax's new look, one thing came to mind. " This will certainly be a game-changer."
Author's Notes:
First, the gem that was in the amulet will be the only gem that will go in the ax so no more finding other gems to add more power to the ax. Second, I should be doing a birthday chapter for Jack and Orion in a bit, though it might be awhile. Third, the camping episode is next with a twist ending Shyamalan wished he came up with.
Clip.
Another.
The Great Outdoors. ( Edited)
A couple of days after my duel with Trixie and my ax getting an upgrade, I decided to test what it can do. I set up a few training dummies, a large brick wall, and a large wicker troll in an open field next to where we kept the cows. Since I was testing something new and possibly dangerous, I had a small audience to witness Frostbite's new abilities. As always, my beautiful brides sat to the side with our sons watching with great interest. Rainbow said she would be by soon once she got a drink from her favorite vendor, but she was taking too long so I decided to go on ahead.
" Alright, I'm tired of waiting, let's get this going." I unsheathed Frostbite and aimed down at the first five targets. " Okay, let's try that ice beam." With a little effort, I aimed the ax like one would use a shotgun and sent a beam at the group of wood and straw dummies. I kept the beam going until the small group was encased in ice. The spectacle made my wives holler in celebration.
" Most excellent Dear."
" Very impressive Sugarcube. What else can you do with that thing?"
" I thought we decided not to talk about our bedroom activities in front of the kids?" Luna giggled while Jackie sputtered at my jab. " Just kidding Honey." I looked at the brick wall and came up with a new technique. " Okay mister wall, time for you to come crashing down." I channeled some more frost into the head of the ax, making it look like an oddly shaped hammer, and tossed it towards the wall. Once the ax made contact with the brick wall, it shattered an explosion of brick and ice, leaving not even the foundation of the wall. My Valkyries cheered at the destruction while Jack and Orion tried catching the falling shards of ice.
" Nicely done brother, now try that technique I told you about on that wooden troll over there."
" With pleasure head." I ran over to the makeshift troll while summoning Frostbite back to me. Once it was back in my grasp, I slid between the legs of the oaf while slicing the earth with the ax beneath it. Once I turned around to face the back of the dummy, a large ice-spike went and impaled the troll through the groin, and came out the top of its head. " Heh, call me, Joe the Impaler."
" Maybe later tonight dear." Luna came over with a sultry look while fanning herself with her wing.
" We can't tonight Lulu, remember we have that camping trip with Bloom and the boys."
" Oh, of course, how could I forget our first family camping trip like that?" Been thinking too much about other nightly activities.
Before more could be said, we heard a crash coming from where we kept the hay for the cows. We all went to investigate the disturbance, only to find that it was only Scootaloo who landed in one of the bales of hay. " Hey, Scootaloo, you alright?"
Scootaloo emerged from the bale and dusted herself off before answering. " Yeah, I'm good."
" What was it Y'all were doing, to cause such a wipeout?" Jackie came over and started brushing off some of the hay from Scootaloo's mane.
Not deterred from the brushing, she told the tale. " Well, I was racing through the streets to get to our club meeting. On my way over, I see an overturned cart and decide to use it as a ramp. I was able to get some major air from that jump and I would've stuck the landing, but then I saw this awesome explosion. I made the mistake of admiring it and it caused me to stall, making me fall in the hay." She looked down with embarrassment.
I rubbed the back of my head, knowing the explosion was caused by my attack on the wall. " Sorry about that Scoots, that was me that caused the explosion. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
As Scootaloo pondered how I could repay her, Mimir spoke up. " Why not invite her on the camping trip with you?"
" That ain't a bad idea Mimir, we could also get Sweetie Belle to come along, though I don't reckon Rarity will join."
" Well, what do you think Scoots, wanna join us on our way to Winsome falls?"
" I'd love to!"
" Awesome, and just to sweeten the deal, I'll even invite Rainbow Dash." Not even a moment later, my neck was being squeezed tight by the orange filly. " Alright, let up so I can ask her to join us." I wheezed out before she let me go.
" Thanks, Joe!" She got back on her scooter and started buzzing her wings. " I gotta tell the others before I pack." With that, she zoomed off to meet the others at the clubhouse.
I smiled at the enthusiasm she gave off. As we waited for Dash to get here, Luna came over and kissed my cheek. " That was very nice of you Dear."
" It's the least I could do," I told her as I watched Scootaloo disappear in the distance. " though maybe I can do a little more."
I stood with my family, along with Scootaloo, at the edge of the Whitetail Woods where our journey would begin. Dash had gone ahead of us to our first campsite to get the area ready. While we waited for Rarity and Sweetie Belle to get here, we checked over our gear. " Got the canteens, Jackie?"
" Right here, darling. Got the bug spray Applebloom?"
" Got it right here Sis. Did you bring the trail mix Princess?"
" I have it right here Bloom, and I keep telling you, call me Luna." She stuck her tongue out at her, making Bloom giggle. " Did Rarity say when she and Sweetie would be here?"
Scootaloo answered. " Sweetie said Rarity had to pack some essentials." Within a minute, we were a witness to what Rarity considers to be essential.
Coming up from the lip of the hill was Rarity and Sweetie with a huge cart of suitcases, with Sweetie pulling the damn thing. " Heeey, so good to see you all." I gave her a disapproving look. " What?"
Without saying a word, I went over and unhitched Sweetie from the cart while giving Rarity an even dirtier look. " Bringing all this crap is one thing, but having your little sister pulling the cart is damn near monstrous!" Rarity looked ashamed for what she did as I started pulling the cart along the trail. " Also, what did you pack in these suitcases? Let me guess, you went and packed the kitchen sink?"
" Nooo! One only should bring their portable sink when camping." This caused me and surprisingly enough my boys, facepalmed at Rarity bringing a sink on a camping trip. " So, are we ready for the trip?"
" Since we've been waiting for you, yes we're ready." We headed off for our first campsite of the trip.
While we walked the trail, we had to endure the horrible agony of Rarity's complaining. " Ugh, all this dirt is really messing with my hooficure. When are we supposed to be there? Can we please take a break? I'm thirsty. Where's the mare's room? I need a restroom break." After only five minutes of this bullshit, I had enough of it.
" Rarity! If you don't quit your complaining, I'm gonna stuff you into one of your suitcases till we get there. Do you understand me!?" Rarity quickly shut her trap and we continued on our way to the campsite. Feeling that my outburst put some tension on everyone, I tried to lighten the mood. " Hey, how about I tell you all about Beowulf's last battle?"
The Crusaders were all excited to hear about that, while Rarity had a confused look. " Isn't that the name that red dragon called you?"
" It is. Since they didn't know me at the time, I decided to go with an alias. Anyway, here's Beowulf's last battle, with a fire-breathing dragon."
( This is just to save some room for the rest of the story.)
" And when Beowulf passed into the halls of Valhalla, Wiglof took the throne, and from then on, Beowulf's name would be remembered till Ragnarok." My audience was captivated by the story behind the greatest hero of the old Herot.
" I can't believe he ripped out a dragon's heart like that!" Rarity was a little sick at the mention of having something having their heart ripped out.
" Why's it so hard to believe? Shit, I ripped out a dragon's heart."
" We know dear, but Beowulf was just a man, not a werewolf with enhanced alicorn powers." Luna went and bumped my thigh with her flank as we kept on walking.
" Still, I think what Joe did to that dragon was awesome!" I tussled Scootaloo's hair as she praised my name.
Our walk came to a halt as we came upon our first campsite, where Dash was setting up a few things. She flew towards four trees at high speeds and performed a kung fu kick that clear cut the middle of the trunks. With them, she placed the logs in a square in the middle of the clearing. She then dove into the river and retrieved some stones for the campfire. Once she landed, we had the start of our campsite. " Sup Chumps."
" Not much Chumpette, nice display though." She blushed at my compliment while Scoots went over to her.
" Hey Rainbow Daaaa-" Scootaloo tripped over one of the logs, making her do several somersaults which launched her into the air for a bit before landing hard on the ground. She held in her tears to complete her greeting. " what's up?"
Rainbow went and asked why we were so late while Luna and I went over to see if Scoots was alright. " You alright Scoots? That was some wipeout."
Luna went and checked to see if she had any blood coming out while she answered my question. " Yeah, I'm alright, I just hope I was able to impress Rainbow Dash." She said with a hint of hope.
Luna responded to that while finishing her examination. " I'm sorry to say this Scootaloo, but I'm afraid Dash wasn't all that aware of your feat." Scootaloo seemed upset at that, luckily Luna came back with this. " Though if it's any comfort, your tolerance for pain is extraordinary."
Scoots gave her a small smile after that and embraced her in a hug. " Thanks, Princess."
Luna then returned the hug. " Anytime little one, and please, call me Luna." They broke the embrace and Scootaloo went to join the other Crusaders while Luna came over to my side. " She really is a strong filly."
" That she is." Before I could say more, the sound of something being inflated drew our attention. It seems the noise was coming from Rarity and the tent she had brought, well I say tent but it was more like a miniature mansion made of fabric. " What in the hell is this?"
Rarity appeared on the second story balcony. " This Joe is the highest quality tent in all of Equestria. Sweetie, be a dear and fetch me some flowers for my bedside vase." She dropped a vase that Sweetie quickly took and went to get flowers for it.
Jackie just shook her head while Rainbow did an impersonation of Rarity to Scootaloo. " Scootaloo, would you be a sweetheart and gather some firewood?" Scoots and Bloom giggled at the impression. " Seriously though, could you get us some firewood?"
" Right, on it." She went to go get some logs for the fire while I went about setting up a tent for me and my family.
That night.
We were all gathered around the campfire to enjoy a nice dinner, in mine and the boy's case, an open fire bratwurst on a roll. While we were eating, the girls were jumping all over the place thanks to the soda I provided them. " Woohoo! This is great! Whadda you call this stuff?"
I took a sip of my beer and answered. " It's called Big Red. Kinda tastes like liquid bubblegum if you ask me."
" Oh dear, they'll be up all night at this rate." Rarity complained while she watched her sister bounced around the camp as Pinkie would.
" Don't worry about it Rares. This will get them to calm down." Rainbow flew to the top of Rarity's tent to make a proclamation. " Gather around for a truly awesome story!"
Scootaloo stopped her zipping around to ask a quick question. " Is this the story about when you saved Rarity from becoming a stain on the ground from the young flyers competition?" Rarity looked embarrassed by the mention of that little adventure.
" Nooo, that's not the story I was thinking about."
" Is it the story of when daddy saved Mom-mom and Pop-pop?" Orion asked Dash while Luna squeezed him with a hug.
" I don't know how that happened little dude, plus I was thinking of a scary story to tell." She made her voice deeper to try and make that sentence seem scarier. It didn't work for most of us. " It all happened on a night just like this. In a forest...just...like...this."
" Oh, gods, Mimir wake me she's done."
" Will do." I started leaning against the log and tuned out the crappy story Rainbow was about to spew out.
" You've got it!" I was woken up from my nap by Dash screaming in my ear. Unfortunately for her, the wolf inside me, as well as a couple of years of Marine corp training gave me some extremely rapid reflexes. Which, is why Dash was once again being strangled for what seems like the millionth time since we met. " Joe...please...let me...go."
After wiping the sleep from my eyes, I realized what I was doing, and continued doing it with more vigor. " Rainbow. Do you know the expression? Don't poke a sleeping bear. Well, it's infinitely worse with werewolves."
After I let her go and she regained her breath: " I'll try to remember that next time." Her nervousness melted and she put on her bravado again. " Alright Joe, time for you to tell a scary story."
" Nooooo!" We all looked to Jackie and Rarity as they shook with fear after yelling.
" Please darling, not another story from that Vincent person. I still tremble when I hear my clock ticking." Rarity proclaimed while looking around the woods.
" Oh come on, it wasn't that bad." They just looked at me with a stern gaze. " Okay, how about if I promise to just show a small illusion before we retire, would that ease your mind?"
" Yes Sugar, it really would." Jackie eased her stare on me and came over to snuggle with Luna, the boys, and me.
" Alright, now this is a parody of a horror movie, done by the greatest creation of Matt Groening." I put up a screen in the middle of our dying campfire and let the show begin. " I give you, The Shinning!"
When the illusion was over, the kids were rolling on their backs with laughter with Rainbow joining them. " Well, I believe it's bedtime for the youngins." I grabbed my boys and headed for our tent. " Goodnight girls. Lulu, Jackie, care to join me?" They went inside the tent with Applebloom following behind them. I stepped into the tent and put the boys in their sleeping bags, tucking them in before placing a kiss on their foreheads. " Goodnight my little pups, mama Luna will make sure you have sweet dreams tonight."
Luna came over to the boys and gave the boys a kiss. " Goodnight my angels. I'll be with you in your dreams soon."
Jackie came over to say goodnight to the boys. " Mama will see you two in the morning." She gave them each a kiss on the forehead before heading for our large sleeping bag.
They both told us goodnight before slipping into dreamland. I joined my wives in our joint sleeping bag and got comfortable. " Goodnight Bloom."
" Goodnight yall." she slipped into her sleeping bag next to the boys and let sleep take her as well.
" Goodnight my beautiful valkyries." I got in between my wives, gave them each a kiss, and allowed myself to slip from consciousness.
The realm of dreams.
I was lounging in a chair on a beach with a double shot of rum and coke just watching the waves roll by. I was on the beach just outside the city of Corpus Christi, listening to the sounds of the waves and the smell of the sea. I made for a swig of my beverage until I heard the familiar sound of a door opening to my side. I put on a devious smile and addressed the new arrival. " Hello, my little Moonpie. Care to join me for a drink?" Luna materialized a chair beside mine and sat down while she produced herself a hurricane to drink. " Taking a break for a bit?"
She took a big sip from her drink before answering. " It's been a quiet night so far. But I suspect the story that Dash told will have one of the children have a nightmare." She took another swig before looking out at the vast ocean before us. " This is a very lovely spot dear."
" Thank you. This is actually where my parents and I had our first vacation together." A sad smile graced my face after saying that. This did not go unnoticed by my lunar wife.
" Joe, how come you never talk about your mother?" She gave me a worried look, telling me that she wanted to know so she could help. I was about to tell her the sad story of my mother when all of a sudden, a crimson mist rose from the sand below us. Over time, and a brief explanation from Luna, I've learned that the mist had meant someone in the dreamworld was being plagued by a nightmare. Luna took a quick note of this and got up from her chair. " I'm sorry my love, but I'm afraid duty calls." She made for the door that led here in the first place and was about to go through, but then she had a great idea. " Joe, would you care to join me?"
Replacing my sad smile with a genuine one, I hopped out of my chair and was by her side without a moment to spare. " As if you really had to ask." I gave her a kiss before holding the door open for her. " After you, Your Highness." I gave her a cheeky grin which she returned.
" Why thank you, Your Highness." She went out the door with me following. Once we were out the door, we were greeted by a starry hallway with doors lined on both ends, each one leading to a different ponies dream. On the ground below us, the red mist trailed off to the right. " Follow me, dear."
I gave her an eye-roll before following her sweet flank. " You forget, I was the one who helped you with the post-invasion nightmares. Surely whatever we have to face won't be as bad." We continued our path through the doors, till the mist ended at an orange door with a purple framework. " Why does this door seem familiar?" I looked to Luna for answers
" It's because it is the door to our dear camping friend, Scootaloo." My focus went back to the door and urgency to help came over me. " Ten bits says it's because of Dash's story."
" Fifteen says it's a combination of hers and mine."
" Done!" We kissed on the deal and stormed through the door. When we entered the dream, we were in a huge mountain lodge common area. We were on the stairs above, overlooking the place when we saw Scootaloo walking up to a typewriter on a desk.
Scootaloos Pov.
I looked around the place trying to find if there was anyone else. " Hello, anypony here?" I spotted the typewriter and went to see what it said. It read: ' Where is my horseshoe?' and beneath that read: ' Feelin fine.'. " That doesn't look good." All of a sudden, lightning flashed from outside, illuminating the room around me. During the flashes of light, I could see that someone had written on the wall and it was always the same two sentences. ' You've got it!' and ' No tv and no beer make Homer go crazy.'. The writing on the wall suddenly made me afraid. " Yeah, this is definitely not good."
SLAM!! The noise of a door slamming open frightened me to the point I nearly wet myself. When I turned around, I was met by two people I thought I'd never meet. The first one I recognized as Homer Simpson, the character from Joe's tale. The second one was an old mare that fit the description of the Olden Pony from Dash's story. The old pony started walking to me but was stopped by Homer. " Hey, I got first dibs on this one!"
" But she has my horseshoe! And since when did you think it was a good idea to interfere with my victim?"
This seemed to make homer mad. " Why you little!" He grabbed her by the throat and started strangling her. " I'll teach you to talk back to me in front of the one who hid all the beer and took out the cable!" As the two were going at it like that, I decided to make a break for it. " Hey, get back here!" Homer let go of the mare and they both started chasing me down the halls.
" Get her, she has my horseshoe!"
" Forget the horseshoe, she knows where the beer is." While they chased me down, Homer grabbed one of the axes from the wall. " Must...kill...Scootaloo."
After hearing my name and what he planned to do, I just kept running faster. " Somepony help me!"
Joe's Pov.
After watching the scene unfold before us, we decided that action needed to be taken. " Okay, Luna, you take care of the old biddy, I'll go after Simpson." She nodded her head and went for the Olden Mare while I made my way towards Homer. To be honest, I hade mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I needed to save Scootaloo from mental damage from the nightmare, but on the other hand, this is Homer Simpson! How could I do something to my tv idol?
" Tell me where the beer is and I won't hurt you!" Homer was keeping pace with her and was swinging the ax wildly.
" Help!" Alright, the choice is made.
When Scootaloo turned a corner, I teleported in front of Homer before he could turn and continue the chase. Seeing that I just wanted him stopped, I summoned a small tv with Kent Brokman and held it to his face. " Look here boyo!"
At once, the rage that was displayed in Homer's eyes left him as soon as he saw the tv. " Gasp! Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover." As Homer became engrossed with his new toy I decided to see how Scootaloo is doing.
I made my way down the hall, only to find Scoots in a fetal position softly crying in the corner of the halls. I approached her very carefully. " Scoots, you okay?"
Scoots gasped lightly as she heard me approach and call her name. " Joe!? What are you doing here? How did you get here?" She wiped a few tears away as she looked at me with relief.
" Well, having your wife being the protector of dreams really helps in traveling other dreams. As to why I'm here," I pointed around our environment. " it's to stop the nightmare you were having."
Her look of relief slowly turned to one of shame. " I didn't want Dash to know I was afraid of her story. So I put on a brave face hide my fear." At that point, she started to sniffle. " I just want her to think I'm cool." She started breaking down in tears again. I was about to go and comfort her but then-
" You've got it!" The old hag had somehow found her way over to us and scared the shit out of Scoots.
" AAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhh!" It seems the old pony scared her so bad that she made Scootaloo wake up in fear from her nightmare. In doing so, both Luna and I were expelled violently from from her subconscious.
After recovering from our ejection I looked to Luna. " What happened? I thought you had stopped that old mare?" I asked with a hint of anger in my tone.
She gave me a small glare before answering. " I did capture the mare. After I made sure she was secure, I went to check on how you were holding up with the fat one. After finding him mumbling how his urge to kill was fading, I went looking for you. Perhaps she got out of her bindings somehow?"
Seeing as how anger would get us nowhere, I came over and gave her a hug. " Forget about it, Darling. We did what we could for her and didn't give up. All we can do now is either wait for her to dream again or if she doesn't, we can talk with her in the morning."
Luna returned my hug with more force. " I guess so my king. I just really hate it when I can't prevent a nightmare from happening."
" I know you do, but don't let it stop you from trying." I kissed her forehead before getting up. " I'm gonna head back over to my dream for the rest of the night and I'll see you, Jackie, and the boys in the morning."
Luna gave me a smile before heading down the other end of the hall. " Alright my love, pleasant dreams."
" Well, if they're not, I can always count on you to make them better." This brought an even brighter smile from my wife before she went through another door. Finding my way back to my dream door, which was dark as ebony with a golden knob and my family crest in the center of the door, I went in and once again enjoyed the beach.
The next morning.
I woke up sandwiched between my beautiful wives as the sun started rising from the east. Seeing as I kept hearing the sound snoring, I figured I was the first one up. I got up quietly and made for the campfire to start a nice woodland breakfast of flapjacks and mixed berries fresh from the bushes. As I got the fire started and got fresh water from the river, the tent that Dash and Scootaloo shared was opened by the little daredevil and she looked tired. " Morning Squirt. You doing alright?"
Scootaloo made her way over to one of the logs we used for sitting around the fire and plopped her back on it. " I had a terrible night last night."
" I remember. You had a bad dream involving Homer and that old mare who misplaced a horseshoe." She wiped her head at me and looked surprised by what I said.
" You mean you were actually there? I thought you were just part of my dream. Though you usually play a different roll in them." She whispered that last part, hoping I wouldn't hear it. But, do to my heightened senses, I did hear her and chose to feign ignorance for the moment.
" Yes, I was there and I'm sorry Luna and I were unable to stop that old mare. Though I did have a fun time meeting Homer, even if it was to stop him from chopping you to bits." My attempt to cheer her up with humor didn't have the effect it should have, but I guess it has something to do with her looking like she hadn't slept after the nightmare. " Scootaloo, did you get any sleep after that nightmare?"
" No, I was too scared that I would wind up back in that creepy place with those two, that I stayed awake all night." She slumped back on the log and closed her eyes to get a small glimpse of sleep. Seeing that she looked exhausted, I sat next to her while hovering over her head, a plate of flapjacks with crushed berries acting as syrup. She quickly woke up from the smell and took the plate from me and started digging in with the fork I offered her. " Thanks, Joe." She said after swallowing a massive amount of hotcake.
" Anytime Squirt." I went back to making breakfast while Scootaloo kept eating. After the fourth stack was about done, I directed my attention back to her with a concerned tone. " You know, if you were scared of the stories we told last night, you can tell us, Alright?"
She paused her eating to look at me. " You mean that?"
" Of course, there's no shame in admitting your fears. In fact, I find it quite liberating." She smiled at my honesty and wrapped me in a hug. I smiled and returned the hug just as my boys came out of our tent, no doubt smelling the pancakes cooking in the skillet. " Morning boys, wake up the others for breakfast, alright."
" Okay, daddy." They said in unison while banging on all the tents, waking everybody up. They all came out to enjoy a hot breakfast to start the hike to our next campsite.
" And that's how I came to know the mighty warrior, Siegfreid. Slayer of Fafnir and stealer of the Valkyrie Brunhilde's heart." Mimir finished telling us of the story of the second greatest hero of the Norse.
Rarity was the first to say something. " He certainly seems like a capable fighter, but it makes me feel sick to hear about that dragon's death."
" I know you and Spike are in a relationship, but not every dragon is going to be like Spike. Plus, Fafnir started as a dwarf." Once again I was lugging the cart Rarity brought with her so Sweetie wouldn't have to. Not only was I pulling the luggage but also a sleeping Scootaloo. I kept it quiet so she could get some sleep so she could have fun with the others around lunchtime. Before we left, I told Jackie what Luna and I did for Scoots in the dream realm, and she said she would keep silent but still help in whatever way she could.
" He reminds me of you a little Sugar." Jackie smiled back at me while continuing our trek. " Let's get a move on, otherwise we'll be on the trail after dark."
" What!?" Scoots jumped out of the cart and got on her scooter. " I'll just, go on up ahead and scout the trail." Before anyone could protest, she zipped down the trail and out of sight.
Rainbow looked ahead and asked this. " What's up with her?" Luna picked up a small pebble with her magic and chucked it at the back of Rainbow's head. " Ow! What was that for?"
" Thought I saw a mosquito near your head and my aim was off." Luna chuckled at the half-baked excuse that Rainbow actually bought.
" Alright, just warn me next time." Rainbow continued flying ahead and forgot about her original question. When no one was looking, I gave a quick pinch to Luna's flank, saying she did a good job. A couple of minutes of walking later and we were treated to the sight of Scootaloo sleeping on top of a bush. " Hey, Scoots. Whatcha doing?"
The question quickly woke her up and she tried to play it off cool. " Oh, um, don't come this way." She got up from the bush in the ditch and got back on the path. " Best to keep on the trail, it's much easier and safer than going through the bushes." She continued walking with us before we could really ask why she was in that ditch.
She walked along with Applejack while I retrieved her scooter for her. I had just caught up to them and was about to give her the scooter back, but I stepped on a branch and the sound frightened Scootaloo. " Aaaaahhhhhh!" She rocketed up into the sky and held onto a nearby cloud for dear life. The part of the cloud she hung on to, didn't last long as it broke off and she started plummeting toward the ground. She would've made a huge crater in the dirt, had I not caught her before she landed.
" Scoots, you okay?"
" Yeah, I'm fine, totally." She was convincing no one.
Applejack quickly put in her two cents. " Scootaloo, you're more nervous than a worm in an apple on cider making day, what gives Sugarcube?"
Scootaloo looked to me, asking if she was in the loop about her fear of Dash's stories. I gave her a slight nod which quickly dissolved her fake bravado. " I'm sorry Applejack, it's just that I really didn't get much sleep after the nightmare scared me awake. Now I'm just trying to stay awake and not get spooked by every little thing." Off in the woods, an owl gave off a hoot, scaring the crap out of her. " See what I mean."
Jackie came over to give her a hug. " It's alright Sugar, we all get scared from time to time. Like the time I thought this knucklehead went and got himself killed, I was afraid that Luna and I would lose him forever." She nuzzled my nose with hers, before breaking the hug.
" Here, try and catch some sleep before we get there." I placed her back on the cart while trudging forward.
" Thanks, Joe." Scootaloo then closed her eyes and went back to sleep.
Satisfied with my work, Luna came over with Jack sleeping on her back and kissed my cheek. " That was very nice of you sweetie." I returned the kiss and we kept going, that is until Luna noticed Orion playing with a wasp nest. " Orion! Get away from that. Now!"
We arrived at our campsite just as Luna raised the moon and started making up camp. Since we were camping near a cave and nothing was living there, we decided to sleep in there instead of pitching up tents. I unhitched myself from the cart and headed for the tree-line. I unsheathed Frostbite and called back to everybody. " Hey, check this out." I channeled power into the ax and sliced the air four times, sending ice blue waves to a tree on the far side of the camp. After that, I sheathed my ax.
As I watched the tree, Dash went ahead with a question. " Um, what was that supposed to do?" I held up three fingers, that went from two, then finally one. Soon the tree I sliced at, gave off a whine and slid down into three logs that will serve as our seats while the top will make an excellent bonfire. When I turned around, Dash had a slack jaw and I'm not sure, but I think she almost had an orgasm. " That. Is so. Awesome."
" You're welcome." I gathered up the wood and placed them around in a circle and lit the branches to start a wicked blaze. Once we had the fire going, we all sat down to roast marshmallows for the smores. After we had our campfire treat, we all talked into the night, the kind of talk you have when you're a kid, and seemed important until you discover girls. " Did you ever notice how in Supernatural, that every season one of the brothers keeps sacrificing himself so the other one can keep going, only for everything to return to normal for them at the beginning of the next season?"
Only my wives, boys, and Applebloom understood what I was talking about, so Luna gave the first theoretical answer. " I believe they do that because they have no other way to go about the storyline."
Jackie responded with this. " I think they do that as a reoccurring gag, kinda like how they keep trusting, then mistrust Crowley every few episodes." Since none of the others were following along with the train of conversation, Jackie changed the topic. " Hey Dash, did you ever get that reply from the Wonderbolts Academy?"
Dash swallowed her third Smore before answering. " Not yet. They said to wait two weeks for a reply, and I sent that letter before we left, so I've got some time before I hear from them." She ate her fourth Smore and rubbed her hooves in anticipation for the next campfire activity. " Now, since we already ate, how about another story of terror to stiffen our spines?"
When she asked the question, I looked over to Scootaloo to see that she was very uncomfortable with that idea. In order to save her the embarrassment of having to ask to skip the story, I volunteered my services. " I'll go ahead and tell the story Dash."
" Ugh, fine. Just don't do the Simpsons again, it's not scary."
" Don't worry, I have a story in mind that's actually a continuation of the story I told one evening. I know that Jackie and Rarity are quite familiar with it." I looked at both of them as they held their sister while quaking in fear at the remembrance of my horror story. " Rest assured my love, this one is not as intense as the first but still quite entertaining."
" Ahm not scared! I just...uh...don't want you scaring our sons is all." She then grabbed Orion and Jack and held them close to emphasize her point.
Jack just came back with this. " It's okay mama, mommy let us watch The Lost Boys when you and daddy went to the crystal place to stop that bad pony."
Orion went and joined his brother's point. " Yeah, but it was more funny than scary."
Jackie looked between the boys in disbelief that they had teamed up against her. " Alright fine, just hurry up and get it over with." She pouted while I took the boys from her.
I sat the boys on my lap and got comfortable. " Okay, here we go with The Sphinx, narrated by Vincent Price." With practiced ease, I conjured a screen in the middle of the dying fire, and let the show begin.
https://youtu.be/XbhZr_--YRc?list=LLCzG2W-JN2NHN-SokErZefw
After the story, the Crusaders giggled at the absurdity that a grown man was afraid of a small bug. As for the others, they gave a small giggle at the end, though Dash was in a fetal position and covering her ears. She had been that way since the Sphinx's second description and sight. Payback can be a real bitch.
Once Vincent was done telling the tale, Dash plastered on a brave face and put up an act. " Not bad, though you could've made it about twenty percent scarier."
Even though I knew she had been frightened by my story, my pride took over and made these words blurt out. " Well, if you think you can do better than please, scare me."
Dash immediately gained a shit-eating grin. " Gladly." And she was off telling her tale.
As she was telling her story about the Headless Horse, I caught a glimpse at Scootaloo hiding behind the log she was sitting at earlier, and she trembled at the crappy story. " Aw shit." I fucked up and most likely need to visit her dream tonight after Dash's story's over.
Dream realm.
Luna and I were once again in the dream realm, waiting to see if my goading Dash into telling a story gives Scootaloo a nightmare. While we waited for any sign I paced back and forth in front of her door, while Luna tried to reassure me. " Honey, you mustn't blame yourself if Scootaloo does indeed have another nightmare. For all we know, she's dreaming about earning her Cutiemark again."
I just shook my head while I continued my pacing. " No, no I saw how she was acting when Rainbow told that story. She was fearful and did everything in her power to keep us awake so she wouldn't have a nightmare, hence the singing. If we don't stop the nightmares, she could become timid and fear what is not there!" I yelled out the last part because I went through something similar, and Luna could tell.
Luna stopped my pacing with her hoof and made me look in her eyes which were filled with concern. " Joe is there something you wish to tell me?" I looked back in her eyes and sighed before turning from her. " Darling please, you know you can tell me And Applejack anything. So please, tell me what's bothering you and why you feel the drive to make sure Scootaloo no longer has nightmares?"
After a moment or two had passed, I relented and looked back to my wife. " Do you remember, after Mimir told the story of this world and your parents, and I comforted you and your sister about your mother?" She nodded her head, remembering the event. " And do you remember how I said that I knew how it felt to lose a mother?" She started to understand what I was talking about as a couple of tears started to leak from her eyes.
Luna placed her hoof on my cheek. " Honey, what happened to your mother?"
I placed my hand around her hoof and gently rubbed my thumb over it and told her my story. " My mother was Emily Lee Huffstutler, one of the most beautiful women in all the nine realms. She was a Texas ranger and she was very good at what she did. She would go after the nastiest criminals that walked the streets of Austin and put them away for a long time. She would always make me happy whenever I came home from school after I was teased. And I'll never forget the lullaby she sang to me every night."
" But then one day, something bad happened. Mom and I were home one day while dad was working. She was reading me a story in my room when a man came and busted down the door. He was one of the many criminals that mom put away before I was even born. He had escaped Travis county prison a couple of days before and went looking for revenge. After he came through the door, he shot her three times in the chest."
" I watched all of this from my hiding place in the closet she shoved me in before he could find us. After he shot her, I started crying for her to be okay, that's when the guy found me. He was about to shoot me as well, but then his head was blown off before he could point the gun at me. When he fell to the ground, I saw that mom had fired her gun that she always kept with her, and shot him before he could try and kill me. When the danger was over, I ran over to her and held her while she tried to cling to life. Before she passed, she left me with these words, ' Protect the innocent, punish the guilty, and always treat the ones you love better than any treasure the world can offer.' after the last word, she kissed my forehead and her life was over. I held her for many hours, crying into her neck, hoping beyond hope that she would wake up. But she didn't."
Luna had tears flowing freely while I told my mother's story. " Since that day, I would wake up in the middle of the night, screaming at the top of my lungs at the nightmare of that man who took my mother away. The nightmares made me fearful of the world around me, so much so that I wouldn't speak for three weeks. After six months, I overcame my fears and vowed to live by my mother's dying words, becoming the man that I am today." After my story, Luna grabbed ahold of my neck and held me close while she wept.
" Darling, I'm so sorry that happened to you." She and I held each other while we tried to stop our crying over a past event. Finally, after a few minutes, we broke the hug while wiping away our tears. After Luna composed herself, she went on with what was on her mind. " So you think the nightmares that Dash has been giving her for the past two nights will effect Scootaloo's psyche as it did yours?"
" Yes well, not to that great extent, but enough that she'll become paranoid over the little things. Like when she got scared when that branch snapped and sent her launching into the air, clinging to a cloud. If we can prevent the nightmares, then hopefully we can solve one part of the problem. The other part will have to be done in the waking world."
Luna smiled and nuzzled me. " Don't worry, if she does have another nightmare, we'll be sure to stop it." No sooner had she said that the red mist appeared before Scootaloos door. " Well, it seems you were right."
" Unfortunately. C'mon, hopefully, this won't be too hard to handle." We went through the door and prepared ourselves for the worst. When we went through the door, we were met with a foreboding forest, complete with knarled branches and a red atmosphere. " Really hope we're dealing with the Headless Horse and not the paranoid version of that bug."
" Why, you afraid of that little bug?" She teased me as we went searching for Scootaloo.
" The way Vincent told it and the music really brought that bug to life. Hell, I had nightmares about that thing when I first heard the story the first time."
" Hmph, big baby." We continued on our way through the dream forest, looking either for Scootaloo or the nightmare monster, whichever comes first.
" AAAAAAhhhhh!" As it turns out, we heard Scoots before we saw her such is the basics in hunting.
" Luna, take to the skies, I'll go on foot." I wolfed out and got on all fours. " Good luck."
" You too." She took off and went for the source of the scream.
I started for the source of the noise and ran full speed. Hopefully, I can take that thing down before it gets to her.
Scootaloo's POV
I don't know how I got here. The last thing I remember is trying to get everyone to do some more stuff to do, instead of going to bed. Now I find myself walking down a dark forest with creepy looking branches. When I stopped to look around, I kept hearing hoof-steps, meaning there was somepony else out here too. As the noise got closer, I was reminded of the Headless Horse.
I started trotting away from the noise but it kept getting closer, so I went into a trot but the hoof-steps just kept getting closer. I looked over my shoulder, only to see the shape of a horse without its head chasing me. " AAAAAAAhhhhh!" I looked ahead and ran for my life. " If the Headless Horse catches me, I'm never gonna be heard from again. And I wanna be heard from!" I kept running, hoping to get away from that monster. While running, I tripped on a root and tumbled down a hill.
" Waaaaah oof." I landed face-first at the bottom and it really hurt. As I was rubbing the dirt off my face, I could hear the monster stop at the top of the hill. I turned around to see that the creature was making it's way down the hill, right towards me. As it got closer, I backed away from it until I was backed up against a cliff. I looked for any way out, but I had to face the fact that I was doomed. When the Headless Horse got within a few feet of me, it reared up and got ready to attack. " It's all over!"
" Rooooaaaaarrrrr!" I heard a roar off to the side and looked to see what made it. To my surprise and relief, the roar came from Joe in his werewolf form. The roar also caught the attention of the creature that was chasing me. " Leave her alone you headless bastard!" He then launched himself over at the headless monster where they started to fight.
" C'mon Joe, kick that monster's butt!" I started cheering him on as he was putting the hurt on the Headless Horse. " Tear that thing a new one!"
" I believe he very well could." I jumped a little at the noise that came beside me. I turned to see who was beside me, only to sigh with relief when I saw that it was Princess Luna. " It always excites me to see him in combat."
" Princess, what are you two doing here?" She gave me a knowing smile while gesturing all around us. " Wait, is this another dream?"
" Indeed it is. Joe saw how you were reacting to Rainbow's story and thought that we should keep an eye on your door, just in case." I was so happy with that, I just went ahead and hugged her. " Hmm-hmm, you are most welcome Scootaloo." She returned the hug while Joe was shaking the Headless Horse like a ragdoll in his maw.
As I was watching Joe tear that monster apart, a question came to mind. " Luna, why does Joe care if I have nightmares or not?" Her smile quickly turned into a frown and I think I saw the start of a tear in her eye. " What? What's wrong?"
" I think it would be best if Joe told you himself." We both looked back to the beating Joe was giving the nightmare while I pondered why one of my idols would care so much for me.
Guess I'll just have to ask him when he's done mangling that thing.
Joe's POV
I had just finished disemboweling Scootaloo's current nightmare and started heading over to her and my wife. Thankfully there was no blood on me to frighten her even further. When I got close enough, I wrapped her in a hug. " You alright Scoots?"
She nuzzled into my fur and tried her best to return the hug to my larger form. " Yeah, thanks for saving me again." Luna came over and us both in her wings. " And thank you, Princess, for helping." Luna smiled at that, but then she gained a serious expression. " Oh, right. Joe, why do you care so much about preventing me from having nightmares?"
Luna then looked me in the eye. " I think you should tell Scootaloo what you told me before her nightmare began."
" Sigh, you're right, I should. Scoots, there's something I think I should tell you." I sat her on my lap while turning back to regular form and told her the tale of my mother. As I went about my story Scootaloo's mood went from curious to sad and then to full-on sorrow. When I was done telling her, she had tears streaming down her eyes. " And that's the reason why I wanted to prevent these nightmares you've been having, so don't go through the same thing I did."
Scoots sniffled for a bit before she answered. " I'm sorry you went through that Joe. Thanks again for helping me through that." She gave me another hug which I returned.
" You're welcome." Just then, the world around us became fuzzy and everything was being pulled towards the moon, signaling the end of this dream. " Looks like our work here is done." I went over to Luna and held her around her barrel as we flew up towards the moon with the rest of the dream. " We'll see you in the waking world Scoots!" I said to her as Luna and I left her dream.
Joe's tent. The camping tent, not the one in his pants.
" Oof." I was suddenly awoken from my slumber by a small body landing on my stomach. As it turns out, it was Scootaloo that not only woke me up but both my wives as well. I looked at my watch to see that it was only three o'clock. " Scoots what are you doing, it's three in the morning."
" I know, I just woke up from that nightmare you saved me from and wanted to thank you again."
Jackie let out a huge yawn before directing her attention to us. " That's very kind of you Sugar, but couldn't it have waited until sunrise at least?"
Scootaloo gave a sheepish grin. " Sorry Applejack, guess I'll go back to sleep."
She went for the tent flap and was about to head out, but I stopped her with my hand on her shoulder. " Actually, Jackie, Lulu, and I have something to ask you. We were going to ask you at the end of the trip but seeing as we're awake and it would be futile to go back to sleep, I think now's about as good a time as any."
" Um, sure. What did you wanna ask me?" Scootaloo turned to where she was facing all three of us.
" Well, before we left for the trip up here, I discussed with my Valkyries about an important and life-changing decision."
Luna took the conversation from there. " We've talked to Joe about one day trying for another child, hopefully, a daughter. But since he's sure that we would only get another boy."
Now Jackie took the reigns. " We decided that adoption would be the best course of action. And it just so happens we know a filly that could use a permanent home." She smiled slyly over at Scootaloo after that information.
Scootaloo's eyes started to widen at the realization we were hinting at. " Are...are you saying that...that you want me to-."
" Be part of our family? Yes, that is exactly what we're asking." Scootaloo just stared off into space while her jaw was hanging open. " Oh dear, I think we broke her."
Suddenly, she sprang back onto my stomach and openly wept. " Yes yes yes yes yes yes! I do want to be a part of the family." At her confirmation, all four of us squeezed together in a group hug. " You know, I thought I'd get Rainbow Dash to be like a big sister to me. Instead, I get a whole family."
" Complete with two mothers, a father, two brothers, an assortment of aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. I think we might be spoiling you here." They all laughed at my joke and we continued the embrace. " Welcome to the family Scoots."
" Thanks...dad."
Author's Notes:
Okay, a few things. First, sorry for the delay but it was worth it. Two, there was no need for Scoots to run off and fall into the river since the cryptic message Luna gave her wasn't delivered. Three, I can hear it now. " Scootaloo has parents that we found out about in season 9." Well, I got news for you. I had already written her in as an orphan before I learned that she had actual parents! And it was too late to change it! Sorry. Anyway, now it's time for the Wonderbolt Academy. The next couple of clips will give you a clue as to how it'll go.
Full Metal Wonderbolt
Prelude
The day we reached Winsome Falls, we announced to everyone that Scootaloo would be joining the family. The boys were overjoyed to be getting an older sister, while Bloom was happy to have Scoots as her niece. When we got back to Ponyville, all our friends and family were overjoyed that Scootaloo would be a part of my family. We went over to townhall and made it official, now Scootaloo is Scootaloo Emily Huffstutler, Princess of Equestria and Herot. She asked if it was alright to use my mother's name as her middle name and I quickly agreed.
About two weeks after our trip and bringing Scootaloo into the family, my wives, children and I were having a picnic with our friends next to Rainbows mailbox. Which is where we go to now.
I was serving up some sandwiches for my kids while trying not to get irritated by Pinkie bouncing around the mailbox. " Pinkie, the mail usually arrives at one o'clock, so could you stop pacing?"
She stopped in mid-air before plopping back to earth. " I'm sorry, but I just wish the mail pony would come already, I can't wait another minute to find out if Rainbow dash got in or not." She then started shaking slightly while keeping her eye's on the mailbox.
" Pinkie, you're more nervous than Dash is." Really Twi, 'cause she doesn't look nervous to me.
" I'm not nervous at all. When I get into the Wonderbolt Academy," She didn't even finish her sentence before Pinkie came to shake her.
" If, you get in, if. Don't jinx it."
" I'm telling you guys it's in the bag."
" Don't jinx it!"
"To be honest, I don't think they would refuse her application, what with her being an element bearer and the only one who can perform a sonic boom without the need for jet engines."
" Aye, you're no steed of the Valkyries, but you do have an incredible amount of speed on ya." Mimir was being generous with a compliment as he kept trying to keep his drink from going all over the place.
" Don't worry about it Dash, if anyone was born to be a Wonderbolt, it's you." Scootaloo was giving her idol some encouragement earning her a noogie from me.
After a couple of minutes encouraging our friend, one of the pony's from the post office came over with a couple of letters in his hoof. " Excuse me, I have a letter for one Rainbow Dash and another one for a Joseph Huffstutler." Dash went and snatched her letter from him while I grabbed my letter and handed the guy a couple of bits.
" Thanks, Cliff." I walked back over to the others just as Rainbow finished looking over her letter. " So, what's the word Dash?"
She looked up from her letter and she looked heartbroken. " I...didnt get in." We all looked shocked that Dash wasn't accepted into the academy, that is until she grinned and turned the letter around showing that she was indeed accepted. " Gotcha hehe hehe. Man, you guys are so easy to fool." Dash was then tackled by Pinkie.
Luna came over to me while watching Pinkie using Dash as a stress ball. " So dear, what does your letter say?"
I looked at the letter and saw that it came from the Wonderbolts Academy, from the office of Captain Spitfire. " This is interesting, it's from Captain Spitfire." I opened the envelope and read the letter inside.
Dear King Joseph.
This is an inquiry to see if you are willing to oversee the recruit training for this year at the Wonderbolts Academy. Seeing as your military is the envy of all the other militaries in Equestria, we were hoping that you could give the next generation of Wonderbolts, a better start than what we were given when we went through basics. It would be only for a week and you would have free range on how to train them. Please consider my offer and report to my office for further details if you're interested.
Sincerely, Spitfire, Captain of the Wonderbolts.
I Folded up the letter and put it in my pocket just as Orion landed on my back. " What did the letter say, daddy?"
" Well, it seems that the captain of the Wonderbolts, wants me to help whip the new recruits into shape. But I'm not sure I should."
" Are you kidding! this is the chance of a lifetime!" Scootaloo buzzed over to me after Dash already left for the Academy. " Think about it, you get to train the Wonderbolts and make them like your Ghost Warriors." Now that part actually intrigues me.
" Well, I have been meaning to introduce my military training to the guards of Equestria, and I believe that the Wonderbolts might just be the foundation stone." I brought all three of my children in a hug and kissed their foreheads. " I better go pack. Scootaloo, make sure your brothers don't get into trouble. And boys, don't let your sister burn the house down with her attempts at getting her Cutiemark."
" Gotcha dad!" They started grappling each other after I teased them to keep an eye on each other.
I walked over to my wives as they helped put away the picnic, and placed a kiss on each of their cheeks. " You two think you can manage without me for a week?"
Luna nuzzled against me. " I believe Applejack and I can manage for a few days." She then rubbed her wing along my crotch, " But just so you know, once you get back from your little vacation from us. We are going to make our last sex marathon look like foreplay, compared to what we have planned once you get back." She then licked the tip of my nose, then went back to helping the others.
I stared dumbly ahead while trying to form an intelligent come back. Instead, I just babbled mindlessly. " Oh gah shaka, oh gah shaka. Alright, I'm gonna pack a few things and head over to the academy." I teleported myself to the house and started packing.
Back at Dash's mailbox, Jackie was chuckling at my reaction and departure. " Sweetheart, you really know how to leave our hubby flustered."
" One of my many hidden talents."
" Don't forget to write!" Pinkie yelled into a large megaphone, makeing the very mountains bend with her voice. " Do you think they heard me?"
Outside Spitfire's office.
I had just arrived at the Wonderbolts Academy dressed in my old Marine Corps uniform and a clean shave. When I was first spotted by these aerial dogs they all gawked at my very presence. After a short walk through the barracks, I was outside the captain's office. I gave a quick knock and was asked to come in. When I entered, the room was decorated with posters, medals and any other small knick-knacks depicting the Wonderbolts, and sitting at her desk was Spitfire herself, looking over documents. When she looked up from her papers and saw me, her serious demeanor vanished and was replaced with an excited smile. " Your Highness, I'm glad you could make it."
" Glad to hear that captain, though in the future if you want me to do something like this, may I suggest you send the request at least a week before-hand."
" Duly noted." She looked me up and down, admiring my uniform. " Nice suit. Something you wore back on your world?"
" Correct. Standard issue Marine Corps uniform. Best military branch in America."
" I'll take your word for it. Now, considering that you're here and in uniform, I'm guessing you want the job I offered you in the letter?"
" You guessed correct, though I have some questions about the job description."
" I thought you might." She sat back at her desk and offered me the seat across from her. " What is it you want to ask me?"
I sat down in the offered chair and went about my questions. " In your letter, you said I have free range on how to train the new recruits. Now you probably don't know this, but the way I was trained as well as the way I trained my Ghost warriors is far different from any and all military training that Equestria has known. It requires yelling, insulting, and pretty much weeding out those who don't have what it takes to be part of the corp. So my question is," I leaned forward so we were meeting eye to eye. " are you okay with that?"
She considered my question for a moment before answering. " As long as it's nothing illegal, you'll have free-range on how to train them. Like I wrote in my letter, I want the newbies to be tougher than the previous generations."
" That's good to hear because I've been dying to see some of my technique's on those that rely on being on all fours. Now, one more question before I head out there. What kind of weapons do you train your troops with?" Spitfire gained a questioning look, saying they don't train with weapons. " Well, that's about to change today."
" Alright. Any other questions?"
" Just one. What's my rank?"
" Well, since you are the king of Herot and Prince of Equestria, I guess co-captain."
I gave her a wide grin. " Excellent, let me go get a few things from Herot's barracks then we can get started."
An hour later, Wonderbolts runway
I was walking down the runway with the captain and two other Wonderbolt members that looked like they should star in a pony version of Top Gun. They followed behind me while I observed the fresh meat up ahead and let me tell you, they looked like the typical hot shots that were big in their home town and thought they have what it takes. While admittedly some will be accepted, the slackers need to be put through the grinder and molded into elite killing machines.
But right now they were talking to each other and being very unprofessional. Time to show them who's in charge. " Straighten up! Eyes front maggots!" At the sound of my voice, they all straightened up and kept their eyes forward. I walked in front of them, inspecting each and every one of them. " I am co-captain Huffstutler your senior drill instructor! From now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be sir! Do you maggots understand that!?"
In unison, they answered. " Sir yes, sir."
" Bullshit I can't hear you, sound off like you got a pair!"
" Sir yes, sir!"
" That's more like it! Now listen up maggots! I don't care who you are, I don't care what connections you've got, I don't care how fast you are, how slow you are, how smart you are, how dumb you are, or where you're from! Here you are all equally worthless, and my goal here is to teach you all how to walk, talk, fly, sleep, eat, shit, piss, and fight like how a Wonderbolt should! Do you maggots understand that!?"
" Sir yes, sir!"
" If you disgusting wastes of space leave this academy if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon, you will be a minister of death praying for war! But until that day you are pukes, you are the lowest form of life on this or any other realm, you are not even fit to have wings on your back! Because I am hard you will not like me, but the more you hate me the more you will learn! I am hard but I am fair, there is no bigotry here! I do not look down on mares, stallions, idiots, dumbasses, pot-heads, chronic masturbaters, or anything in between, here you are all equally worthless! And I aim to weed out all nonhackers who do not pack the gear to serve as Wonderbolts! Do you maggots understand that!"
" Sir yes, sir"
" Bullshit I can't I hear you!"
" Sir yes, sir"
I stopped in front of the largest stallion in the group to start off the individual pep talk. " What's your name scumbag!?"
" Sir, private Bulk Biceps, sir"
" Bullshit from now on you're private Snowflake! Do you like that name!?"
" Sir yes, sir"
" Well, there's one thing that you won't like private Snowflake, they don't serve muscle shakes and protein bars on a daily basis in my mess hall!"
" Sir yes, sir"
Off to the side, one of the recruits whispered a little joke under their breath. " And here I thought he was just here for a publicity stunt." Unfortunately for him, I heard it.
" Who said that? Who the fuck said that!" I started searching through the recruits, putting the fear of the gods in them. " Who's the slimy little common of shit, twinkle-hoofed cocksucker, who just signed their own death warrant!?" None of them spoke up to confess. " Nobody huh!? The Fairy-fucking godmother said it! Out-fucking-standing, I will P.T. you all until you fucking die! I will make you all regret the day you came out your mother's fuck-hole!" I went and grabbed a stallion with a white coat and black mane, and got in his grill. " Was it you, you scrawny little fuck, huh!?"
" Sir no, sir!"
" You little piece of shit, you look like a fucking worm I bet it was you!"
" Sir no, sir!"
" Sir I said it, sir!" I turned to who said they did it, and I found that it was Thunderlane, one of the guys I meet when helping create that tornado over the reservoir.
I let the pile of shit slip from my hands and went for Thunderlane. " Well, no shit. Looks like we got a fucking comedian, private Joker. I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you, you can come over to my place and fuck my sister." I then gave him a quick punch to his side, making him wince in pain and lay on his side. " You little scumbag, I've got your name, I've got your ass! You will not laugh, you will not cry, you will learn by my hand, I will teach you! Now get up, get on your hooves!" He got back up and stared ahead. " You had best unfuck yourself or I will tear off your wings, and use them to wipe my ass!"
" Sir yes, sir!"
" Private Joker, why did you join this outfit!?"
" Sir, to be a great flyer and the best of the best, sir!"
" So, you want to be the best huh!?"
" Sir yes, sir!"
" Let me see your war face!"
" Sir!?"
" You got a war face!? Aaaaahhhh! That's a war face, now let me see your war face!"
" Aaaaahhh!"
" Bullshit you didn't convince me, let me see your real war face!"
" Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!"
" You don't scare me, work on it!"
" Sir yes, sir!" I let him off the hook and went for the one I accused of talking during my speech.
" What's your excuse?"
" Sir excuse for what, sir!?"
" I'm asking the fucking questions here private, do you understand!?"
" Sir yes, sir!"
" Well, thank you very much, can I be in charge for once!?"
" Sir yes, sir!"
" Are you shook up, are you nervous!?"
" Sir yes, sir!"
" Do I make you nervous!?"
" Sir!?"
" Sir what!? Were you about to call me an asshole!?"
" Sir no, sir!"
" How tall are you private!?"
" Sir four foot seven, sir!"
" Four foot seven, I didn't know they stacked shit that high! You trying to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere, huh!?"
" Sir no, sir!"
" Bullshit it looks like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress! I think you've been cheated! Where in the Hell are you from anyway private!?"
" Sir Manehatten, sir!"
" Holy dog-shit, Manehatten, only gators, and queers come from Manehatten private Yuppy! And you don't look much like a gator to me, so that narrows it down! Do you suck dicks!?"
" Sir no, sir!"
" Are you a peter puffer!?"
" Sir no, sir!"
" I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach around, I'll be watching you!" I continued my walk and headed for the mare at the end of the line, standing beside Dash and was checking her hoof for dirt. " Did your parents have any children that lived!?"
She gave me a cocky grin before answering. " Sir yes, sir." She didn't even sound off. Ooh, this is gonna be fun.
" I bet they regret that! You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece! What's your name Dipshit!"
" Sir Lightning Dust, sir!"
" I don't like that name, reminds me too much of talking cars and speed-freaks! From now on you're private Pyle!"
" Sir yes, sir."
" Do you think I'm cute private Pyle, do you think I'm funny!?"
" Sir no, sir."
" Then wipe off that stupid looking grin off your face!"
" Sir yes, sir." Despite her confirmation to quit grinning, she just went ahead and kept grinning while staring in my face.
" Well, any fucking time sweetheart!"
" I can't help it, you're just making it soo hard not to burst out laughing from your yelling." Oh, she is crossing every major line. Time to pull out all the stops.
" Private Pyle, I'm gonna give you three seconds, exactly three seconds, to wipe that stupid grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull fuck you! One! Two! Three!"
" Dude, you just don't give up. Do you?"
" That's it, get on your haunches Scumbag!" Lightning rolled her eyes, but none the less, she went on her haunches. I then held my hand by my side in a strangling position. " Now choke yourself!" She looked questioningly at me before going to choke herself with her hooves. " Not with your hooves shit-for-brains with my hand!" She then went and tried to pull my hand towards her throat. " Don't pull my fucking hand over there, I said choke yourself! Now lean forward and choke yourself!" With some hesitation, she leaned forward and leaned her throat onto my hand, the weight of her body making it difficult for her to breathe. " Are you through grinning!?"
With some struggling, she answered in a strained voice. " Sir yes, sir."
" Bullshit I can't hear you!"
" Sir yes, sir!" Her voice got a little louder, but the lack of air was making it difficult for her to talk.
" Bullshit I still can't hear you, sound off like your life depends on it!"
With a will to live and to get out of my grasp, she let out the appropriate response when addressing her drill instructor. " Sir yes, sir!"
With a proper sound off, I let her go. " That's enough, get on your hooves!" Dust, now known as Pyle, got back on her hooves while regaining her breath. " Private Pyle, you best square your ass away and start shitting me diamonds or I will definitely fuck you up!"
" Sir yes, sir!"
I walked away from her and went towards the middle of the runway to address all the recruits. " Thanks to private Pyle and her insubordination, I want five-hundred laps from all of you!" At the mention of exercise, all but Dash and Pyle groaned. " Move your asses before I kick 'em!" Immediately, all the recruits zipped off the ground and started their laps.
With the recruits in the air, I went over to Spitfire, who was staring blankly in front of her with her jaw hanging. " A bit more than you bargained for there captain?"
She shook off her stupor and regained her composure. " Impressive work your highness. I doubt even I have what it takes to make a speech like that."
" It's all about the proper motivation Spits. Now, did your boys set up the barracks, as I asked?"
" They should be finished by the time these newbies finish their laps."
" That's good to hear. By the end of this week, these guys will be lean, mean, fighting machines, those that can hack it anyway." We shared a brief laugh while we continued to watch the recruits do their laps with Spitfire timing them. As I was watching them, my thoughts kept wandering towards my family, and how they were doing. I hope they're doing alright without me.
Wonderbolts barracks.
It was almost time to call lights out for the day and I was about to give my last order for the day. I walked down in the middle of the recruits standing next to their bunks, each of them holding a six-foot spear. After reaching the end of the room, I turned around and gave my order while walking back to the other end of the room. " Tonight, you pukes will sleep with your spears! You will give your spear a name because this will be the only pussy or dick, you people are going to get! Your days of clopping to images of celebrities on the front of magazines in the supermarket are over! You're married to your spear now, this weapon of steel and wood, and you will be faithful!" After I reached the other end of the room, I turned to address them again. " Prepare to mount!" The recruits got ready to mount their bunks and waited for my order. " Mount!" With near-flawless execution, the maggots had mounted their bunks and held their spears close to their chest. " Pray!"
In unison, they spoke a revised version of the rifleman's creed. " This is my Spear, there are many like it but this one is mine. My spear is my best friend, it is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my spear is useless, without my spear, I am useless. I must use my spear true, I must thrust faster than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must kill my enemy before they kill me. I will. Before the Gods, I swear this creed. My spear and I are defenders of my country. We are the masters of our enemy, we are the saviors of our lives. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen." With that last word they put their spears to their side and got ready for sleep.
" Good night, maggots!"
" Good night, sir."
With my work being done for the night, I turned out the light and headed for the room that was given to me. " This is going to be a long week."
The next morning. Five o'clock.
" Reveille! Reveille!" I came into the recruit barracks while banging the butt of Frostbite inside a trashcan. " I want everyone in uniform and out the door in five minutes!"
" Sir yes, sir!"
I put the can back over by the door and headed out the barracks where Spitfire was trying to stay awake with a cup of coffee. " What's the matter, captain? Been a while since you've been up this early?"
" Yaaawwnn. I don't think I've ever been up this early even when I was going through basics."
" By Odin's beard, how can you even call yourself a soldier if you've never even risen before the sun?" I had no idea the situation was this bad, even the superior officers are lacking in grit. " How 'bout you join me and the recruits for our morning exercise?"
" That sounds good to me." She chugged the rest of her coffee and woke up fully just as the recruits started filling out of the barracks.
" Alright, listen up! Today, we're going to fly as far as we can before Celestia raises the sun! Once the sun rises, we're going to land and march back here, do you get me!"
" Sir we get you, sir!"
With their confirmation, I spread out my wings and flew towards the western horizon, prolonging our flight. I flew at a moderate pace over fields, swamps, and deserts just to make the march back a real challenge. Following beside me was Spitfire, who kept looking over the terrain we were going over with a grimace, guess she's regretting her decision to tag along.
After about an hour of flying later, the sun had risen and our flight time was over. " Land you miserable maggots!" We all landed in a field close to the griffon empire's border. When I looked back at the recruits, many of them were panting and massaging their wing joints. " Alright, that was the easy part, now it's time for the real work out!" I jogged ahead of the squadron while they tried to keep up with me.
About an hour into our march I decided to make things interesting with a little marching song. " Repeat after me Maggots!"
" Momma and Papa were laying in bed!"
" Momma and Papa were laying in bed!"
" Momma rolled over, this is what she said!"
" Momma rolled over, this is what she said!"
" Gimme some!"
" Gimme some!"
" PT!"
" PT!"
" Good for you!"
" Good for you!"
" Good for me!"
" Good for me!"
" Mmh good!"
" Mmh good!"
" I've been devoted to the sun and moon!"
" I've been devoted to the sun and moon!"
" Gonna run and fly till I drop dead!"
" Gonna run and fly till I drop dead!"
" Chrysallis is an evil bitch!"
" Chrysallis is an evil bitch!"
" Gonna stomp her in the ground like the bug she is!"
" Gonna stomp her in the ground like the bug she is!"
Our march ended around noon and when we had gotten back, nobody looked like they were up for any more physical activity. Knowing that these guys were at their limit, I decided to be nice. " Alright, you miserable sacks of shit listen up! Since it looks like our routine was a little more than you could handle! I've decided to give you over to captain Spitfire for the rest of the day!" This received a lot of cheers and caused them to jump around in celebration. I left Spits in charge of them while I headed for my temporary office.
Two days later.
I was sitting in the office that was provided for me looking over some papers that needed my signature. Most of them were just progress reports on the recruits and a few requests from the other military branches to see if they could use my training methods as well. Seems word about my technique got around quick. As I was going through them, I got a knock on the door. " Come in." When the door opened, my favorite daredevil came in to see me. " Private Dash, well ain't this a pleasant surprise."
" Hey Joe, got a minute?" She looked heart-broken about something, wonder what it is?
" Sure, pull up a chair, I need a break from paperwork anyway. I don't know how Tia does this every day without punching a hole in someone's head?"
" Heh, good one...listen. Did you hear about my partner?"
" No. Who is it?" This ought to be good.
" It's Lightning Dust!" I raised an eyebrow at her, saying she forgot one important thing. " Uhh, I mean private Pyle."
" And what's wrong with that? From what I hear, you two had the fastest recovery time on the Dizzytron. It makes sense that Spits put you two together."
" Yeah, but she made her Lead Pony and me Wing Pony! I was the fastest one to recover from that thing! I should be Lead Pony! Can't you do something about it?"
" First off, it's not my call to make, Spits is in charge of the teams, I just make you all go through Hell. Second, from what I heard, Pyle went through the Dizzytron at max speed. Now Pyle may be a self-absorbed, competitive show-off that needs an ass-kicking from time to time but she's got guts and guts is enough. Anyway, just because she's Lead Pony, doesn't mean your input will be shot down. Now, is there anything else you would like to address?"
" Sigh. Sir no, sir."
" Alright then, carry on Private." Dash left out the door while I went through my papers. " Hmm, maybe I should train the guards up in Canterlot next?"
The next day.
" You two did what!?" Dash had just delivered the news to both Spits and me about the tornado they made to quicken their cloudbusting. At first, I was a bit miffed that they did that because of collateral damage and possible endangerment to life. However, when she got to the point where the tornado caught a balloon coming up to the academy, I was angry. Then she told us who was in the balloon. " Tell Pyle, I want to see her in my office! Now!" Rainbow zipped out of the room to go get Pyle. " Spits. Whatever happens...let it happen." After that, I walked out of her office and headed for mine.
While Spits watched me go out the door, she had this thought. " Why do I have the feeling we'll be losing a recruit?"
I was in my office with my back turned to the door, waiting for a certain private to show up. When I heard a knock come from the door, I spoke in a calm and neutral voice. " Enter."
The door opened to reveal one very nervous looking private Pyle. " Dash said you wanted to see me, sir."
" Take a seat, Pyle." I heard her take a seat on the other side of my desk and waited for me to say more. " Do you know why I asked you in here today?"
" To compliment Dash and me on our cloudbusting and the record we set?" I turned around so she could see how pissed off I was. " Or....something else entirely?"
" Actually, I do want to talk to you about your technique, and how you put the lives of several civilians and five members of the royal family in serious danger!" She started shrinking in her chair with every word I said. "The tornado itself was a really dumb move. First off, you not only put yourself and your partner in danger, but you also put the other recruits in danger. That alone would put you in the stockade for a few days." She started shaking at the news of possible stockade time.
" But...but what about Dash!? I mean she created that tornado with me."
" True and I will be having words with her as well. But since you're the Lead Pony and it was your idea, this is all! On! You!" I poked her in the chest with those last three words, driving my point home. " Now, I have an order from Spits that will determine your fate at the Wonderbolts Academy."
" What...what is it?" She stammered out, hoping the worst isn't as bad as she was imagining.
" Let's just say, it's a lot more mellow than what I would have done." I withdrew some papers from my pocket and read what it said to her. " By the order of captain Spitfire. Recruit Lightning Dust, will be placed in the stockade for the remainder of her training. Once the recruit training period is over, she will be kicked out of the Wonderbolts permanently." I handed the letter to her to show that I wasn't bluffing.
Once she looked over the paper, she became outraged and turned it on me. " This can't be real! I showed that I had more guts out there than anybody! Hell, you guys should have made me a Wonderbolt the minute I landed here! I-" I had enough of her back-talk and slammed her against the wall while baring my teeth.
" You're lucky I decided to let Spitfire decide your fate, instead of what I had in mind!" I removed her Lead Pony badge from her uniform and tossed her out the door where the Top Gun look-alikes were waiting. " Take this piece of shit to the stockade before I decide to rip her wings off, and toss her over the side!" They gave me a shakey salute and ran off with Pyle in between them.
With her out of sight, my rage disappeared and my thoughts became clear. Looking at the badge in my hand, I went outside where my friends and family were waiting for me. When I got out there, the kids were being held by Jackie and Lulu, no doubt comforting them over the ordeal they went through. I Came up from behind and brought them into a hug. " Are you all alright?"
Both Jackie and Luna nuzzled me while the kids hugged me around my waist. " We're a bit shook up from that twister, but it's not like it's the worst thing that happened to us."
" Our situation would have been a lot laxer, but a piece of debris knocked me out for a time." She parted her mane to reveal the growing bump on her head.
" Oh, you poor baby. Come here, let me make it all better." I leaned her head towards me and gave her bump a quick peck. " Better?"
" Much better."
" You should have seen it, Dad. We were on our way to give you and Rainbow dash a care package, then a random twister caught our balloon. We kept spinning around for what seemed like forever. Momma Luna was about to stop us from falling, but then this went and smacked her right in the head." Scootaloo then showed me what appeared to be a piece from a blackboard. " Not long after that, the ropes holding the balloon snapped and we started to fall. We all would've been paste if Rainbow Dash hadn't saved us."
" I know, she told me the whole thing." I directed my attention over to Dash who was looking a little ashamed, no doubt about her part in creating the tornado in the first place. I went over to her and loomed over her. From her expression, she most likely expected me to either yell, strike or choke her. Instead of any of those things, I brought her in for a hug. " Thank you, for saving them Dash."
At first, she was shocked that I went and hugged her, but then it melted and she returned the hug. " Like I would ever let anything happen to our friends." After that, we ended our embrace. " What happened to Lightning Dust?"
" Private Pyle has been sent over to the stockade for the remainder of her training period. After that, she'll be kicked out of the Wonderbolts Academy." Dash nodded her head in understanding, knowing that I would have done something worse if it was up to me. " And since she's in the stockade, it seems that her Wing Pony has been promoted to Lead Pony to the rest of her class." I went ahead and pinned the golden badge on her uniform. " Now go. Be the leader I know you to be."
" Oh my gosh this is so cool. It's always been my dream to-"
" I didn't say talk, I said get up there and give me fifty!"
" Sir yes, sir!" With that, she zipped on over to the other recruits and started to do their fifty laps.
" Wait! You didn't get to open your care package!" Pinkie yelled over to Dash while holding a crushed box. " Oh well, the cookies are probably crumbs anyway." She then tossed it aside and we all went about our day.
Author's Notes:
First, I have been very eager to do a chapter about this episode. So much so, that I contemplated skipping a few chapters, but you know what they say about delayed gratification.
Second, this chapter was heavily inspired by, as the title suggests, Full Metal Jacket.
Third, in all honesty, I kinda wanted Dust to be a better character in the whole story. I just had no idea how to go about it.
The next chapter will have to wait due to the holidays and I want to finish my second story before I go further.
Now, I bring forth the clips.
Country fried reunion
I was in the barn with Bright, Pear, and Granny looking for a box containing a few things needed for the family reunion. After thirty minutes of searching through the rafters, I found a box with a quilt inside. " Hey, is this what you're looking for Granny?" I came down the ladder and showed her the box.
She took a look inside and a smile graced her face. " Indeed it is Youngin. Bring it in the house and we'll have a look-see." We went into the house where Jackie and Lulu were cooking us up some supper while the kids played in the living room. When they saw us coming in with the box, they stopped what they were doing and came to see what we brought in. " Gather round yall, we're gonna peek at some family history." She pulled out the quilt on top and unfurled it for us all to see. " Ooh, this takes me back."
Orion came and felt the quilt. " What is this great Granny?"
" This my little angel is a quilt that our family has been making ever since we settled here at Sweet Apple Acres. We started it with my mother and my cousins when they came around every reunion."
Jack asked the next question. " What do all the patches mean?"
Pear went and answered that one. " Each patch represents a pony that was either born or brought into the Apple family. This reunion, we'll be adding all of you to the quilt." She gestured towards Luna, Jack, Orion, Scootaloo, and me, and if dad were here him to.
" That sounds like fun Pear. Tell me, what do you all do at these reunions?" Luna inquired while holding Orion close.
" I'll do you one better Luna, I'll show you." Granny went over to her rocker and brought out a photo album that looked quite old. She opened up the album while we gathered 'round her. " We've been hosting the reunion here at Sweet Apple Acres ever since we planted roots here." She pointed a picture over to a mare making what looks like applesauce. " This right here is my aunt Applesauce when she was about Bloom's age." She then pointed over to a picture of an older Applesauce. " Now she used to go by another name, but we all started calling her applesauce after her teeth fell in a batch of apple jam. Never did find them in all those jars."
Suddenly, Discord teleported into the room and had a set of teeth clamped on his tongue. " I was making a PB and J sandwich and when I took a bite, the sandwich bit me." We had a small laugh at his expense. He got the teeth off his tongue and started to notice what we were doing. " Ooh, what do we have here?"
" Howdy Discord, we were just looking over some photos of past reunions. You know you're welcome to attend."
" Thank you, Granny. I'll be sure to liven up this reunion." He gained a mischievous grin, no doubt planning something.
Granny continued to look through the album while pointing out ponies that she grew up with. Finally, she got to one of Jackie when she was little. " And here's a picture of Applejack's first reunion. She went under the fritter table and darn near ate all the fritters." She then showed us a picture of when Jackie was a foal.
We all awwed at my wife as a baby. Jack went and said to his mother. " You were cute as a baby mama."
" Yeah, what the hell happened?" Bright made a joke at Jackie's expense which earned him a jab from both Jackie and Pear.
" Now bright. You best be nice to my granddaughter before I give you a whooping!" He quickly shut his trap after that. " Ooh here's something. Applebloom, you know how Babs is your favorite cousin? Well, Applerose is mine." She pointed over to a picture when she was young and was racing with I assumed was Applerose. " Every reunion we would compete in the seven-legged race, though we never did win a single one of them."
" Looks interesting. Maybe Jackie and I should race against you and David Sweetheart?" Luna gave me a sideways smirk.
" Just try and not cough too much while you two eat our dust." My wives responded by sticking their tongues at me.
Granny went on with her story, ignoring our banter. " And of course, we can't forget the family photo in front of the barn." She went and showed us a few past photos that showed the progression of both time and the Apple family growth. " And with you, two back in the family." She pointed to Bright and Pear. " It'll be the happiest reunion ever. Of course, we can't forget the addition of our seven newest members." That of course was directed to the kids, Luna, Dad and me. " You know, with all this going on, I don't know how I'll be able to enjoy any of it with all the planning that needs doing?"
Bright came over and put her in a hug. " Don't you worry about a thing Ma. Pear and I'll take care of the reunion this time around." This made Granny all teary and embrace her son even tighter. Bright then looked over to me and my Valkyries. " And I'm sure you three will pitch in."
" Of course we will Pa. With Joe and Discord's help, we'll have the most interesting reunion ever." We came into a group hug before we went to the dining room for supper.
The next morning.
I was up before Celestia even had a chance to raise the sun. I went over to where most of the activities were to be held and started working. By the time the first rays of sunlight hit the farm, I had set up most of the banners and the beginnings of tonight's bonfire ready. I started working to get some of the tents set up for additional shade when the sound of wing flaps caught my attention. I put a hand on my ax and turned in case the sound came from an uninvited guest. What greeted me was Celestia coming in for a landing outside the fence.
As soon as I saw her, my hand left Frostbite and a smile was on my face. When she touched down, I went over to greet her. " Celestia, what brings you over to this little slice of heaven?"
" Oh, I just thought I'd go for a little morning flight before day court officially opens." She gave me a none-to-convincing smile trying to hide her obvious lie. All I did was stare at her with a flat expression. It didn't take long for her to crack. " Okay! I'm sick and tired of hearing a bunch of spoiled brats bickering about the most stupid fucking things! I was hoping I could hide out here for the day?" She started to give me puppy dog eyes at the question to hide here.
" Celestia, you are always welcome here. Not to mention you couldn't have picked a better day to do so. We're having us a family reunion today and since you're part of the family." I ended with giving her a shit-eating grin saying she could hide here for a bit.
This, of course, caused her to wrap me in a hug. " Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She spun me around while I was in her grasp, repeatedly thanking me for the excuse to be away from court.
" You're welcome, Tia. Now could you please let me go? I still need to get the oil for the fritters set up."
She set me down with a blush. " Sorry." Before more could be said, she was tackled by three children.
" Aunt Tia!" All three of my children pronounced while tackling her to the ground.
Celestia giggled while holding her niece and nephews. " It's so good to see you three again."
" Are you here for the family reunion Aunt Tia?"
" I am Orion. I decided that the nobles in Canterlot can bicker amongst themselves. That way, I can spend time with my family." She nuzzled against them while I watched them with a smile.
" Well, isn't this a pleasant surprise." Lulu and Jackie were coming over the hill to see our kids pinning Celestia on the ground. " Our sister has stood against many a monster and often comes out on top. But it would seem that our three children have bested her in battle." Luna both praised our kids and poked fun at her elder sibling.
Celestia stuck her tongue out while getting on her hooves with the kids on her back. " I may have let them win this battle, but the war continues."
At that point, all the Apples from the farmhouse came out to see the commotion. Granny spoke for them all. " Well, this day just got interesting."
A few hours later.
We had everything set up for what was to be the best reunion ever. We had enough fritter ingredients to feed a small army for days. We had a bunch of games strewn about the place for the kids to enjoy while we had the seven-legged race set at fifty yards. Hercules and Hobbes, laid out near the barn acting as petting zoo animals. I was able to get some extra sewing supplies for the family quilt as well as a new pillow for Mimir. A large screen was set up behind the barn for movie night. And finally, Discord came over with his camera strapped around his neck, waiting to snap photos for the reunion.
I went up to the front gate where Bright and Pear were to see how they were doing. " You two think you can handle greeting everyone? I mean it's going to be a shock to all of them when they see you regardless."
Pear went and put a hoof on my arm. " It'll be alright Joe, besides, the Princesses and the grandkids will buffer some of the shocks from us still being out and about." She assured me.
" Also, I want a chance to scare the crap out of some of my cousins." This earned him a smirk from me while Pear elbowed him in the ribs.
Not even a moment later, I heard a rumble of hooves off in the distance. Taking a quick glance toward the horizon, I saw carriages, a zeppelin, and just plain ponies trotting towards us. " Looks like you'll get your chance Bright."
It seems the crowd I was introduced to when I first got here, was but only half of what awaited us today. An assortment ponies, young and old, came marching down the hill. A few looked shocked to see me at the front gates, but everyone stopped and stared at the long lost couple that stood by me. After a momentary pause at seeing them, a general rush came to see them. " Okay, it looks like you two have this. I'm gonna see how Jackie and Lulu are doing." I made my way over to them while they made sure the kids got ready for everyone.
Jackie saw me coming and stopped fussing over Scoots' hair. " Hey, Darling. I heard some kind of rumble, is the family close by?"
I hefted Orion on my back and answered. " They're at the front gate actually. They just stopped to see whether or not your parents are real or not."
" Hehe, yeah I can see that. It still comes as a shock to me most mornings." She then came over to nuzzle me. " But I'm glad you were able to find them."
" It's what any good husband would do." I led them over to the front gate where it looked like things were winding down a bit. Once they caught sight of all six of us, their jaws started to unhinge. " Welcome everyone, to the Apple family reunion!" This got a cheer from the others and they entered the farm for a good time.
I saw Scoots and Bloom, head over to Babs when they saw her and started catching up on things. A crowd had gathered around Celestia as she was an unexpected bonus, though she quickly excused herself and headed off somewhere. I saw a few Nags head over to Granny to talk about their lives. As for the rest of the children, they started crowding me and exclaiming how cool I am. As the kids crowded me, Luna and AJ giggled at the extra attention I'm getting. " It would seem the children see you as a superhero."
" Maybe Luna and I should get you a cape to complete the look?"
Waving a few kids over to some games, I answered my wives. " You two know that a cape would get in the way of me drawing Frostbite. Besides, I thought you two preferred me without clothing?" This caused them both to blush at my acquisition. " Come on. Let's introduce the kids to everyone and get Mimir over to the sewing station."
" In case you forgot brother, I have no way to make anything since I don't have a body."
" True, but I think these elderly mares would love to have you entertain them with stories from your time in Asgard. Plus they'll like to have someone listen to them while they prattle on." This caused him to roll his crystal eye while I placed him back on my belt. I put the boys on my shoulders and headed for Granny while Scootaloo came over after she talked with Babs.
When Granny saw us coming, she waved us over. " Everyone, this is my cousin Applerose" She pointed her hoof to an old mare with greyish pink hair. " and this is my Aunt Applesauce." She then pointed to another mare that gave us a toothy smile with what was clearly false teeth. " Girls, this is the family Applejack started with." She then started pointing to all of us. " Applejacks husband Joe. Her wife Luna. And these are their children. Orion, Jack, and Scootaloo."
Applerose came over to the kids. " Oh aren't you three just the cutest." She started patting them on their heads while they blushed at the attention.
While they were being given attention, Applesauce started eyeing me like a piece of meat. She then went over to Jackie. " Any chance that hunk of eye candy has an older brother?"
Before Jackie could answer, I went ahead for her. " I'm afraid that I'm an only child. However, I think you might have some luck with my father." I smiled at the thought of her giving chase to my dad.
" Speaking of, where is your father dear?" Luna looked around but hadn't seen him. " He didn't decide to not show up did he?"
" He's coming, he just had to do a little smoking before the feast tonight. I'll go check if he needs help but first." I unhooked Mimir from my belt and placed him on a stool with a pillow on top. " Ladies, this is Mimir. He'll keep you company while you're quilting."
" A pleasure to meet such charming young mares such as yourselves." Applerose gawked at the talking head, while Applesauce gushed at being called young.
Without missing a step, I headed for the small toolshed that dad and I converted into a smokehouse. As I was walking up there, I would see that the whole place was filled with smoke and I could hear a few people coughing in there. I went to the door and knocked. " Dad, you in there? Come on the whole family is practically here, time to meet the others."
A moment passed before the top half of the door was opened. A cloud of smoke burst into the open air and out of the smoke my father appeared, and it looked like he had been doing more than just smoking meat. He had a small coughing fit before speaking. " They're already here? Guess I better go meet them." He emerged from the smokehouse with a bit of a stumble. " Wow, it's bright out here."
I closed the door only for a talon to hold it open. " Discord? Can't say I'm surprised."
Discord came out of the door and looked completely blitzed. " Joe, I need your help. I can't seem to find my car."
" Dude, you don't have a car."
" I know, someone took it when I wasn't looking." He started looking around for a car that wasn't even there.
" I have an idea. Why don't you head on over to where everyone else is and ask them if they know where your car is? And while you're there, you can take pictures of potential suspects." He gave a salute before floating over to where the party was. I made to close the door again, but this time the door was stopped by a white foreleg with a golden horseshoe wrapped around the hoof. The leg, of course, belonged to my sister-in-law, Celestia. " Shit, I knew you wanted to unwind, but this is a bit much."
When she got out of the smokehouse, I was able to see what she had been doing within the span of only five minutes. Instead of having her head held up high, she was now slouching. Her hair looked frayed in certain places, her crown looked ready to fall off, and her eyes were slightly red and puffy, to top it off, she had a lit joint in the corner of her mouth. All in all, she was baked. " Hey Joe, what brings you to my chambers?"
" Celestia, you're not in Canterlot, you're at Sweet Apple Acres. How you ended up this high is beyond me, but you need to sober up if you want to continue being at this reunion." Normally I could care less if Celestia got high or shit-faced and would actually join her. But being that there are kids at this reunion, I wanted her to at least be a good influence.
She looked around to see that she was indeed at our farm and it looked like she was starting to freak out. " By my mother what was in this shit? I smoked a lot of shit in my time but this is some really heavy shit." She started to freak out with every word she spoke. I decided to step in and help.
" Okay, first, let's get rid of this." I took the joint from her mouth and snuffed it out. I then reached into my pocket and gave her some Advil. " Here, this will make you feel better." I went back to go to the party when I realized I hadn't given her Advil. " Hey, hey don't take that."
" ....What?" She looked at me with confusion.
" I almost gave you the wrong shit, Sis." I reached into my pocket and retrieved the actual Advil.
Now she looked worried. " I already took them, Joe."
" Hohohohoho." In situations like these, you have to be professional. On the other hand, I just gave drugs to my sister-in-law who's practically a goddess, so I think I had the right to laugh.
" Hey what do you mean ' Hohohohoho'?" Now she was beyond freaking out.
" You just went and ate the most acid I've ever seen anyone take in my life." Aside from myself, of course, wait, why did I even have acid in my pocket?
" What the hell! I've never had acid before."
" Geez, I hope you're not busy for about a month. Hehehehe."
" What's gonna happen? Will I be able to raise or lower the sun? Will the court even be able to function without me? Where will" I decided to stop her ranting and grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her.
" Mellow out dammit!" She looked me in the eye. " Now just go ohm."
" What?"
" Do it. Ohm."
She shakingly went " Ohm."
" Ohm."
" Oh shit."
" Mellow."
" Mellow."
" Mellooow."
" Mellooow."
" There, you feel better now?"
" Yeah, I actually do feel a lot better."
With that small pause, I had my face turn werewolf and roared. " Rawr!"
She covered her face with her wings at that. " Aah! Why would you do that?"
" I heard it helps. Now come on, let's head on over to the party." We headed over to the party where I saw them set up some instruments for some singing. " Looks like they have some music in mind." We walked over to the small band to see what they were about to play.
When I looked upon one of the mares, I had to do a double-take. She looked like that cellist Octavia that lives nearby, but her mane and coat colors don't match at all. I went over to her. " Excuse me, I don't think we've met. My name is-"
" Joe. Prince of Equestria and King of Herot. Darn near everybody has heard of you." I took a moment to realize that she was right. Sometimes it's easy to forget that you're a celebrity. " My name is Fiddlesticks, one of Applejacks cousins."
" Well, it's very nice to meet you, tell me, does a mare by the name of Octavia Melody mean anything to you?"
" I should say so, she's my twin sister." I was really shocked to hear that. Well, maybe not that shocked. " So, your highness, do you play?"
" I dabble. Mostly I just play guitar and piano, though I've been known to draw a violin bow from time to time." This got her interested.
" Would you care to play a song? I'd like ta see how I stack up against royalty."
" Alright, you're on." I summoned some sheet music that would be perfect for this and gave it to her. " Let me go get Pear and we can get started." I departed and went looking for my mother-in-law. It didn't take me long to find her. She was with Granny and the others going over pattern ideas for the quilt. " Hey, Pear, you got a second?"
She looked over to me with a smile. " What can I do for ya son?"
" Well, I was about to do some music with the others and I was wondering if you'd lend your guitar skills?" I put on a hopefull smile hoping she'd go for it.
" That sounds like a great idea. Let me go get my guitar and I'll meet you there." She got up and headed for the house to retrieve her instrument. While she was doing that, I headed towards the fryers for a bite.
When I came to the fritter station, I saw Jackie talking with some of her cousins while helping make those delicious treats. I went behind them to try and surprise her when I was an inch away, she turned and jammed a fritter in my mouth. " And this here is my husband, who thinks I can't hear him sneak up on me." Her cousins giggled at me while I just chewed with a flat stare.
After swallowing my snack, I wrapped her in my arms. " It's nice to see you all again. And for the record, I'm very capable of sneaking up on her." I made my point clear when I pinched her on her cutie mark, making her yelp and causing them to laugh. " Hey, where are the kids?"
" They're over by the games with the other kids while Luna acts as a referee to some of the games."
" Well, that answers my next question. If you need me, I'll be over there where the music is playing." I gave her a kiss and went on ahead to the band.
As soon as I got there, Pear had grandpas guitar and was going over the music. " You're just in time son, we got the whole band together."
" Well alright, let's get started." I walked in the middle of the band and got hold of the microphone. " Alright you Apples from near and far, yall having a good time?" A chorus of cheers went up as my answer. " That's what I like to hear. But let's bam it up a notch and get some music going." Another round of cheers. I looked at Fiddlesticks and signaled for us to begin. " Alright, let's get started." I turned into the wolf, summoned a golden fiddle and we started to play ' The Devil went down to Georgia'.
Braeburn had the job of narrating while Fiddlesticks played Johnny. I knew the devil doesn't win, but I played him perfectly and overall had fun. When I had been beat, I laid the fiddle at her hooves and did a low bow. When the song ended, we were subjected to a round of applause. When it started to die down, I saw that both my wives were in the audience and it gave me an idea. Replacing my fiddle with a guitar and giving everyone else different sheet music, we started up again. " Alright, this one's for all those who are married." I started playing ' She's a Hottie'.
A lot of the lyrics were lost on them but what they did understand put them in a good mood. I had both my wives and most of the mares blush like never before every time I mentioned that she's a hottie. When we finished the song, more applause. When that settled down, my wives came up and brought me in for a kiss. " That was a nice song sugar."
" Indeed it was, but now I believe it's our turn to liven this place with music."
" Oh? And what did you two have in mind?"
" Just sit your keister on over there and we'll show ya." Jackie gave me a mischevious smile and grabbed my guitar while Lulu sent me onto a bench. Jackie went next to her mom and Luna took the microphone to sing. When they started to play, I couldn't help but smile at the song they had chosen.
As I was listening to Luna sing, I couldn't help but think of her in a pair of Levys and a stetson. It got me slightly aroused. Whenever she asked the girls for a Hell yeah, they would answer, even Celestia would join in on it. At the end of the song, I immediately tackled Luna to the ground and invaded her mouth with my tongue. When I let her up, she was panting heavily and looked ready for more. Instead, I decided to be a tease and do the same for Jackie. After I let her up I spoke to them both. " You were right, that was a nice surprise." They were too flustered to respond.
Dad had this to say. " Boy, don't you have any shame? Making out with your wives in front everybody like that, I oughta put you over my knee." He mockingly berated me in front of everyone getting a laugh or two.
" There's no shame when it comes to loving these two." The comment made my wives blush even more and got even more people to laugh.
After we had our fill of music, my Valkyries and I went to see how the kids are doing. We made it over to the games to see Jack and Orion come in second place at the seven-legged race, Bloom and Babs came in first while Scoots came in third with one of her new cousins. We applauded them when the race was over and we wrapped them in a hug. " Nicely done, keep practicing and you'll be able to beat your Aunt Bloom."
" It doesn't matter, we had fun and got to hang out with our cousins," Orion told us while he untied his arm from Jack's arm.
Jack then made this suggestion. " Why don't you three compete?"
Before any of us could answer, my dad came up flanked by Celestia and Big Mac. " That sounds like a great idea." Dad wrapped me with one arm and jostled me. " Me and Joe vs all of you."
" You're on!" Celestia's wing grabbed a hold of Luna's withers and pulled her close.
" Eeyup." Big Mac and Jackie shared a hoof bump and stared us all down.
I shook my head and grinned at them all. " Let me know how my dust tastes." With that, we got ready for the race.
All six of us stood at the starting line ready for the race. Celestia and Luna were to my left, Jackie and Big Mac to my right, and me and dad, in our wolf forms, in the center with a length of rope wrapped around our arms and forelegs. The kids sat at the side to see who the winner would be and to cheer us on. When we were ready, the kids told us to get on our marks.
Orion started off. " On your mark!"
Now Jack. " Get set!"
And finally, Scootaloo. " Go!" We were off.
Luna and Celestia took an early lead with Jackie and Big Mac keeping pace. Dad and I were having some difficulty. We both knew how to run on all fours, we just weren't that coordinated being tied together. As if it wasn't bad enough we were losing, our race had gathered a large audience to witness me and my dad's suffering. A minute later, Celestia and Luna crossed first and Jackie and Big Mac came in second. After four minutes of racing, dad and I crossed the finish line, only to be greeted by the smug smiles of my wives, Celestia, and Big Mac. " Okay, so we suck at seven-legged races." This got them all to chuckle.
" We would have won if you had just kept your steps in sync with mine." Dad then made me smack my face with my hand thanks to the rope.
In retaliation, I made dad slap himself with his hand. " If we kept our leg that was tied in the air, we wouldn't need to keep in sync!" After that, we started wrestling in the dirt while the others watched.
After a few minutes of us making jackasses of ourselves, Luna brought me over with her magic while Celestia did the same with my dad. " Now honey, you're setting a bad example for the children, fighting your own father like that." She told me while I was upside down in her aura.
" I'm setting a worse example by not finishing what he started." We both struggled in the magical grasps we were in to continue our fight.
" How about we end it?" Celestia nodded over to Luna, who nodded back and forced us into a head butt, making us both disoriented. " There, problem solved."
As I was clearing the stars from my head, Jackie came over with a good suggestion. " Why don't we go ahead and do the hayride honey?"
" Yeah, yeah that sounds like a good idea." I walked over to my truck with the crowd following me. After a short walk, we made it to my truck. For the reunion, I covered the bed of the truck with hay while also attaching one of the wagons to the back for extra room. " Alright, all aboard." All the kids got in the bed of the truck while the adults took the wagon. With dad joining me in the front, I gave the engine a turn and a rumble let out before I started the ride. Seeing as I had Celestia on as a passenger, I decided to mess with her with a song. With that, I went and played ' Sunshine highway' by Dropkick Murphys.
Due to the good mood, we were all in, the magic of the Harmony song allowed the males on the ride to sing along perfectly with the band. Celestia stifled her laughter once she actually started listening to the lyrics. Foregoing the music, the ride through the orchard was a beautiful sight. The transition from red, green and golden apples was close to mesmerizing. We drove by the ravine that started Pear and Bright's journey, the house I share with my family, and finally, the tree that Jackie's parents planted and where my wives and I made our vows.
When we returned to the farmhouse, it was time for the family photo before the light was lost. We all gathered in the front while Discord got the camera ready. The children made up the front row, the old folks sat behind them while the rest of us surrounded them from shortest to tallest while I was positioned with my family. Once we had taken our positions, Discord set the timer and got in between dad and Celestia. Five seconds later, the moment was captured for future Apple generations to see.
The day had given way to the night and the bonfire burns bright. The remains of a large feast littered the ground where Hobbes, Hercules, and some of the pigs were helping clean up. A few family members left soon after the feast while most had set up tents to stay for the night. Those that did stay, were to join us for the movie once the bonfire had died down a bit. " Damn that was good brisket."
" Have you ever known me to make a bad brisket?" Dad told me while he patted his full stomach.
Discord was picking at his teeth with his antelope horn before he commented. " In my opinion ( Burp) it could have been less greasy and have more bark."
" Yes, well I can't say for the taste, but it did smell good," Celestia commented while polishing off the apple cake. " Now then, since the meal is over with, I believe it is time for the final event." She gestured over to the projector that faces the side of the barn.
" I suppose you're right." I got up, wiped off whatever crumbs were left on me, and headed for the projector. " Alright, who's ready for the final event?" I got my answer from the whoops and hollers all around me. " Very well then. Let's get started." I flipped on the projector and sat down with my kids as we watched ' The Road to El Dorado'.
The intro captured everyone's attention and one couldn't help but compare Tulio and Miguel to Celestia and Luna, one of the reasons I picked this. We watched Cortez give his speech about heading to the new world and met Altivo. Then we came to the dice game.
We watched as the bull chased those two through the streets, making them wind up on one of Cortez's ships. We witnessed their escape and rescue of Altivo. Now they reached land and have started their journey for the city of gold.
I couldn't help but feel some nostalgia when they traversed through the jungle, as it reminded me of when our friends and I went looking for the elements, and it seems Jackie felt the same way. At least we didn't get our butts chomped on by a fish.
Soon, they entered the city and were given an audience with the chief and high priest, all while being mistaken for gods. A minute later, their divinity was being questioned.
We laughed at the most convenient act of nature ever and watched as they were led to their temple. After their encounter with Chel, they got ready for the feast that was to be held in their honor.
Luna and Celestia were both laughing through the whole song, summarizing their roles as leaders in simplicity. A few of the colts and fillies started dancing when the music started and many adults started drinking. When the sacrifice was stopped, a sigh of relief was given by all, though it did catch again when they saw all the gold that was offered. We became glued once Miguel went out on his own.
We all felt warmth in our hearts while he explored the city and interacted with the people. Every adult held in their laughter when Chel and Tulio were interrupted by Tzeke-Kan, though they became disgusted from the analogies about humanity. Luckily the ball game perked us up again.
Everypony was intrigued by the game and many looked like they would try to recreate the game when they get home. While we watched, Scoots sat on my lap and asked me: " Do you think we can play that game sometime?"
" Maybe, but for now, let's just keep watching the movie." When we turned back, Tzekel was getting ready for his ' cleansing' plan.
The girly scream from those two came as a pleasant surprise before the chase ensued. When Miguel and Tulio were fighting, it reminded Celestia and Luna a little too much about their fight all those years ago, hence them holding each other in their wings. They stayed that way through the whole next scene.
Tears began to fall from everyone present as the friendship between the two of them seemed to vanish. Then we heard the cannon fire. Once they made a plan to hold back the army of Cortez, they put it into motion.
We all applauded when the movie was over and those who decided to stay went for their tents. The rest of the Apples went inside the farmhouse while my family and I
started for home, with one extra addition. " Are you sure you don't mind me staying the night?"
" It's no trouble at all sister, as long as you're fine with sleeping in the guest room."
" Not at all." Celestia then came over and wrapped me in a hug. " Thank you once again for allowing me to stay. Though maybe not give me anymore acid?"
I responded by wrapping my wing against her. " You're always welcome here. And as far as the acid, it was a mistake on my part." We all went inside the house for a good night's rest after a fun-filled day.
However, before we could retire, Discord had come up to me. " Hey, were any of you able to find my car?"
Author's Notes:
Okay, sorry for the delay but work has been kicking my ass recently. Yes, I skipped an episode but if you think about it, it's just a side story to another episode. Anyway, time to start on the next one. Also, like, comment, and follow. It really isn't that hard.
Clip.
Spikes training.
I was in the market, looking to see if the three flower mares had made progress with the Bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrushes. When I made it to their shop, I was met with Roseluck. " Hello Joe, what brings you by?"
I gave her a friendly smile. " I was doing some shopping and I thought I'd check and see how the flowers I gave you are doing."
She went and pointed over to the empty baskets that usually held said flowers. " As you can see, they sell better than Pinkie's cupcakes."
" Glad to hear. Tell Daisy and Lily I said hello." With that, I was on my way towards the center of town. On my way over, I heard a scream.
" Hey, my balloon is getting away!" I looked to see that the local balloon ride was floating towards the Everfree forest. Seeing that it started to descend into the forest, I thought I might as well go after it since I really don't have anything to do.
" Don't worry, I got it." I leaped from the ground and flew towards where I last saw the balloon. I touched down in a clearing and started looking. " Now, if I were a hot air balloon descending into a forest, where would I be?" I realized just how stupid that question was and slapped myself. After a minute or two of walking around the forest, I heard another scream, and this one I recognized all too well.
" Heeeellllppp!!!" The sound of Spike screaming as well as the barks accompanying it, made me realize that he could be some creatures dinner. Without losing a step, the wolf had taken over and I raced towards the commotion. I stopped at the top of a cliff to see Spike was being pinned at the bottom of the cliff by three wolves made of wood and foliage. Timberwolves. I didn't have time to wonder too much about them as they started closing in on him. " Oh, crap!" The wolf in the middle lunged forward.
" Rooooaaaaarrrr!" The wolves stopped their attack when they heard me. All three of them trembled when I jumped down and put myself between them and Spike. " Leave this one be! Go and find prey somewhere else!" I warned them while getting ready for a fight. The lead wolf, most likely the alpha, got bold and bared his teeth. " Spike, when they attack, I want you to run." As if on cue, the alpha lunged. " Run!"
Spike was making his way for the clearing and oddly enough, the balloon I came in to look for. While he ran, the timberwolf alpha and I started clawing and gnashing at each other. His claw strikes did more harm to him than me since his paw shattered against my skin, though the bite had some force behind it. While he and I were going at it, the two betas that were with him decided to go after the one that ran off. " Shit." I decided to stop fooling around and brought Frostbite down on his skull, shattering him into nothing but twigs and branches.
With him taken care of, I went after Spike's pursuers. Spike may have had a head start while I fought the alpha, but the betas were catching up quickly. Fortunately for him, I was much faster. I launched Frostbite at the wolf on my right and nailed him in the side, making it stumble and break apart like its leader. I launched myself towards the last one while summoning my ax, and smashed onto it's back. The impact caused it to explode in a mass of branches and splintered wood.
With all threats gone, I shed the wolf form and saw to Spike. " Spike, are you alright?" He just stared at me in astonishment. " Uh, Spike?"
" You...you saved my life."
" Well, yeah. But it's not like it's that big of a deal. I mean, remember our trip to the griffon empire?"
" I remember. But in all fairness, I don't think they were going to kill me. Also, I hate to bring it up, but I was in that situation because of you." That last part hurt, but ultimately true. " This time was different and I owe you my life. So from now on, I'm at your service."
" How about we get this balloon back into town, then we can talk." I grabbed the rope holding the balloon, and we both headed out of the forest.
I was sitting in my recliner at home reading the paper while Spike was going from one room to the other, cleaning whatever he saw was dirty, though he refrained from going in the trophy room. As this was going on, Jackie and Lulu would look from Spike, themselves, then to me. Finally, Luna spoke up. " Honey, why is Spike cleaning the house?"
" Earlier today I saved him from a small pack of timberwolves, and thanks to his code on being a noble dragon, he feels that he owes me a life debt."
" Joe, I'm happy that you saved his life, but don't you think this is taking advantage of him? Besides, what about his life with Twilight, not to mention Rarity?" Jackie sounded a bit miffed that Spike was put into such a position.
" I'm very well aware of that, and I don't want him to be a serving maid around here. Besides, he makes more of a mess than he does cleaning one." At that moment, one of the vases crashed to the floor because Spike bumped it off with a broom. " Case in point."
" Why not just tell him that you don't want him to do anything for you?"
" 'Cause Jackie, it goes against his code of honor, and I have to respect it. Even if it was written in crayon." I put down my paper as I contemplated what to do. " I can't relive him of what he feels is a life dept without him either saving my life or someone I love. I won't risk any of your lives and my life will never be in true peril. There's got to be something I can do?"
Luna then came over and draped a wing over my back. " If only Spike knew how to fend for himself, then you would not be put into such a position."
" Yeah, if only" Suddenly, Luna's words made more sense. " Luna you're a genius!" I planted a kiss on her lips and went to find Spike.
Dumbfounded, Luna looked to Applejack. " What just happened?"
" I think you solved our hubbies problem. Come on, let's see what the kids are up to."
I walked down the trail towards Herot with Spike by my side. I didn't tell him what the reason for our trip was, but I just told him it would help me out. On the way, Spike would bother me with all the different ways he'll make up his life debt. After a while, we made it to my kingdom. " So what are we doing here Joe? Do you need me to do something around here?"
" Something like that, let's stop by townhall for a minute." We journeyed to the top of the city where townhall was at. The building was made of red granite, the same that was used to make the capitol building in Austin and had a wolf on each side of the stairs. The guards gave us a salute which I returned and we headed inside. As we walked through the halls, some of the history of the world held by the Diamon dogs could be seen carved into the wall. When we got to the main part of the building, I went over to the dog sitting on the throne. " Kamehameha!" Since I don't spend much time here as I did before I became a father, I made Kamehameha the mayor of Herot.
Kamehameha looked up from some papers and smiled at me. " My king!" He came over to us and we shook hands. " It's good to see you again my king."
" It's good to see you as well my friend. How's the wife and kid?"
" Abigal is still the love of my life, and little Hrothgar killed his first deer last week." He led us over to the desk where he had some papers that no doubt would need my signature. " These are the papers that came from the crystal empire. I would have brought them over like I always do, but it seems you saved me the trip."
" Yes well, I came here for more than just government business. You remember Spike right?" They both exchanged a small greeting. " Anyway, I saved his life and due to his dragon code, he owes me a life debt. And since I don't really want him to be a serving maid to me, I thought up a better solution."
" Wait, you don't want me to help. But my code-"
" Will still be honored, but in a different way." I signed the last of the papers and looked over at Spike. " Your code says that you must serve me until the debt is paid. And the reason you owe me a life debt is that you couldn't fend off those Timberwolves and needed your ass saved." He started to feel down about that. " Which is why I'm going to train you to become a warrior, so you can defend yourself."
He just stared at me after I said that. " Are you serious?"
" Very. I'm gonna teach you how to fight, and I'm gonna teach you to hunt." We headed out of townhall and into the city. " I've already spoken to Twilight and Rarity about this, so there's no need to worry about them looking for you."
" ( Whew) That's a load off my mind." We walked past the training grounds and into a room designed by me. It had many obstacles designed to test one's metal. In the center of the room, multiple circles could be seen carved into the floor. I led Spike over to the center circle and proceeded to one of the outer circles. " So, what do we do first?"
" Before we go further, I want you to look where you are standing." He took a brief moment to look at his surroundings. " Where you stand now is called a training circle, the master's wheel. This circle will be your world, your whole life. Until I tell you otherwise there is nothing outside of it."
" But what if I-"
" There is nothing, outside of it. The world you came from, the friends and family you have do not exist until I say they exist." I then started walking around him. " As your skills as a warrior improve, you will progress to a smaller circle. With each new circle your world contracts, that much closer to becoming a warrior and hunter, that much closer to repaying the debt you owe me."
He gave me a sly smile. " I like that part."
I smiled back at him. " Good, now go over to that weapon rack and pick one."
Spike went over to the rack and browsed the weapons. He saw a double-bladed ax and tried to lift it. The weapon didn't budge. He then picked a rapier and gave it a few swings. The blade wobbled too much for him and he kept shaking, needless to say, he put it back. A spiked mace caught his eye and he went for it, but much like the ax, it was too heavy for him to wield properly. Finally, after many tries, he found a weapon suited for him, a hunting dagger designed for combat.
Spike brought over the knife for me to inspect. " Let's see. Sharp edge, double-bladed, fine material, good length for someone your size, very nice choice." I gave him back the knife. " Now, show me how to use it on that dummy over there." I pointed over to mannequin in the shape of a pony, Rarity was generous enough to trade it for some emeralds. When Spike went up to it, he just looked at it with the knife in his claw. " What are you waiting for? Attack!"
He stared at the mannequin while the knife trembled in his grasp. Another moment passed before he turned to look at me. " I can't do it. I've lived with ponies all my life. I can't just-" Slam! He was interrupted when I embedded Frostbite into the dummy.
" I'm married to two beautiful mares and I call many ponies both friend and family." I walked over to the dummy and pulled out my ax. " But that does not mean that there are ponies who will attack you, given the chance. You recall both Blueblood and Sombra, correct?"
" Yes. I remember them."
" Good. Now use the memory of them, quit being a pussy, and attack the dummy!" This seemed to light a fire in his belly as he let out a primal scream and lunged at the dummy with his blade. He held the knife in a reverse grip and kept stabbing at the dummy in different places, though he did focus his attention on the chest and neck. " Enough!"
He stopped his attacks and saw his good work. " Did I do that?"
" You did. Now, we'll have to work on your technique, but you do have the raw power behind it." I patted him on the back before leading him over to some targets. " By the way, what were you thinking about when you kept stabbing that dummy?"
He stared ahead without really even looking at anything. " I thought about when Blueblood slapped Rarity across the face." He then looked up at me. " There's something I want you to know. If you hadn't gone and did what you did to him, I would've barbecued his face off."
I started to chuckle at that. " Sorry I made you lose your chance." I made him stop in front of a target while I went for a bow, a sling, and a javelin. I brought them back over to him. " Alright, pick one and start firing at that target over there." He looked at all three weapons and picked the bow.
With the bow in his hand, he took an arrow and aimed it down the range. He pulled back on the string and let the arrow fly. The arrow embedded itself between the eyes of a stuffed boars head ten feet above the target. " Well if you were aiming for the boars head, then you're a crack shot." I got on my knee and told him to load the bow again. " Okay, there ain't no wind, so you don't need to compensate for that. The amount of power you pull back on the bow will determine how far and how fast the arrow will fly. And finally, the arm you use to hold the bow will act as a guide for where you're aiming."
He nodded my way and pulled back on the string again, though he took his time. After ten-seconds of aiming, he let the arrow fly and this time, it hit the target, right in the nine-ring. " I hit it. Look I got it!"
" Perfect. Do it again." Spike kept firing arrow after arrow at the target, hitting different rings every time and even hit the bullseye a couple of times. Once the quiver had run out of arrows, we went to check his progress. " Alright, for the most part, you did well, but it's these areas here" I pointed to the arrows that hit the outer-rings of the target. " that need improvement."
One week later. Everfree forest.
A week passed since I started training Spike. In that time, his skills with a bow and dagger have greatly improved, to the point where we had to move his training to the forest. For the most part, his combat training is over, now he needs to go through the hunting phase of his training. The only things we brought with us were water-bottles, a couple sleeping bags, and Spikes weapons. As we stood before the forest, I looked over to Spike to see that he was a bit nervous. " You alright?"
" Yeah. It's just, the last time we were in this forest. I was attacked by Timberwolves."
" It's also where your journey began. And when your training is complete, it's where it'll end." I patted his back and we entered the forest.
I decided that we would make Celestia and Luna's old castle our campsite while we hunted. On our trek towards the castle, we came up to the river where Steve was, and lo and behold, there he was. " Steve! How the hell are you? It's been a while."
" Oh, hello Joe, I guess it has been a while because I swear you didn't have wings when we met."
" Hehe, buddy, that ain't the half of it." We sat down by the riverbank while Steve listened to me talk about my life thus far. He must have liked it if him hugging me is any indication.
" I can't believe that you did all that in such a short time. Oh, you have to let me meet the kids." Steve kept gushing over all the details from my story.
" One day I will, but for now, I got to teach this one how to hunt." I ruffled Spike's spines at that. " Anyway, we'll be in this place for a while, so we'll definitely stop by."
" That'll be nice. Oh, and just between you and me, There's a small drove of boars in a valley two-miles up the river"
" Perfect, that'll be our first stop. Okay, tomorrow we'll hit up the valley and hopefully get a kill. Want us to bring ya something if we kill one?"
" Actually, if you wouldn't mind bringing me the fillet, that would be fantastic." We agreed on it and Spike and I went headed up to the castle. We finally made it to the castle and started making camp in the old throne room.
After we set up our little shelter, I led him over to the stream across the gorge. I gave him a net and pointed over to the deep end. " Spike, go set that net over there, and before the end of the day, we'll have us some supper."
" Gotcha." He went and set the net along the river and put heavy rocks on the end so the net wouldn't just float away. " So, what kind of fish are we trying to catch?"
I sat down in a lawn chair while gesturing him to take the other one. " First rule of fishing. Never go in with a plan to catch a certain type of fish. Second rule. Always try to keep your voice to barely above a whisper."
" So talk like Fluttershy."
" Exactly. The third and most important rule when fishing." I reached into a cooler I had brought and tossed Spike a beer. " Get drunk and swap manly stories." I cracked open my own beer and relaxed.
"The best training I've had so far." He took a swig and sat on his lawn chair.
" Wrong. The best kind of training is one that gives you skills that you never had before, the reflexes and strength to defeat your enemy." I gave him a sideways smirk. " The kind of training that'll impress a certain unicorn."
" Heh, she and I are already dating. What more could I ask for?"
" Ha! One day, maybe soon, you'll look back on what you just said, and slap yourself for thinking yourself content." We both took a sip of our beer just as there was some thrashing in the river. " Well, that didn't take long." I got up and went to inspect Spikes catch. I pulled the net onto the bank and took a look at what we caught. " Well let's see. We got us a couple of trout and a river eel. Looks like we'll eat tonight."
I taught Spike to gut and clean the fish while I got the fire started. When the fire got nice and hot, I laid the fish and eel on a skillet to cook. " So, when does my training end? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for the skills you taught me and the chance to fulfill my dept. But I miss Twilight and Rarity."
" Especially Rarity?"
" Especially Rarity."
" Don't worry Spike. The combat part of your training is over, but that is always the easy part." My tone became serious and my expression was as hard as stone. " What comes next will test your resolve. It's one thing to fire an arrow at a target and slash and stab at something that won't fight back. It's when you shoot at a living, breathing creature, and see the life leave its eyes, do you finally become a warrior. All you can do is hope what you hunt and fight have a quick death."
Spike rolled that around in his head for a while, trying to see if he could really stomach that. After many minutes passed, he looked to me with a questioning look. " What was the first thing you ever killed?"
I paused my cooking for a moment, before returning to the fish. " When I was twelve years old, my dad took me to the woods for our first hunting trip. Hog and bear were in season, so we went looking for hogs for me to hunt. With a bow in hand, we went looking for a decent-sized pig to take down. After two hours of following tracks and sounds, we found a monster of a hog. Once we got into position, I took my bow, aimed for the heart and fired. It was a clean kill."
" Wow, so we're pretty much doing the same hunt when you were a kid?"
" Well, I didn't really finish my story." This piqued his curiosity. " After I had made the kill, dad told me to eat the heart of the hog. It tasted pretty good, though it was pretty chewy. Anyway, as I ate the heart, the scent of the hog had caught the attention of a black bear. When I was done with the heart, I was attacked by the bear. It was short-lived and I had taken my first kill in battle. So hopefully, you just take down a boar tomorrow, and then we can go home and show our friends your skills."
" Yeah, alright. Hey is that fish done yet?"
Dawn.
Spike and I traveled up the river to the valley Steven told us about. We kept to the brush and away from the river, so we don't scare off our prey, and looked for signs of anything close by. " Remember, we're more likely to hear our prey before we actually see them."
" Gotcha." We crept through the forest, doing our best not to step on any dry branches, and listened for any boars. About ten minutes later, Spike had caught something. " Joe, over here." I went over to see he found some tracks, as well as some hog-shit. " These feel fresh. And that smells like it was just dropped. It's close by!" Spike, in his excitement, ran ahead to where the tracks led.
" Wait!" I caught up to him and held him by the arm. " We must step cautiously, we might not be the only ones on the hunt." He nodded in understanding and we proceeded with care. Not a minute later than we heard the sound of a lone hog. " Stop." We both stopped as we saw a boar come out of the brush, sniffing at a fallen log for truffles. The boar had to at least be four-foot even and weigh a good two-hundred pounds, the perfect game for one's first hunt. " Get your bow ready."
Spike slung his bow off his shoulder and knocked an arrow. He pulled back on the string and aimed. " Where should I aim for?"
" Go for the neck, where the windpipe is."
" Got it." He adjusted his aim and took a steady breath. With his aim fixed, he let his arrow fly, hitting the boar in the windpipe. " Got 'em." The boar squealed in pain and desperation for his suffering to end. We both went over to the boar and held it down. " Now what do we do?"
" I'll hold down the beast, while you end its suffering." Spike looked to me as if he couldn't comprehend what I meant. " Your knife boy. Use it to finish the kill." With some reluctance, he unsheathed his knife and placed it on the boar's throat but proceeded no further. " What are you waiting for? End its suffering." After a moment passed, he thrust the knife into the beast, silencing his cries of pain. " Well done Spike, well done."
" I feel strange. I don't feel good or bad, I just feel, empty."
" It's the shock of making your first kill. The feeling will pass, but for now." I used my claw to cut open the belly of the hog and reached in for the hunter's delight, the heart. Once I pulled it out, I gave it to Spike. " Honor the kill, and gain its strength. Eat it."
Spike looked at the heart with some skepticism but took hold of it. He inspected the heart for a little while before he took a small bite. He slowly chewed at the heart before swallowing. He then looked at me. " You were right. It's a bit chewy."
I smiled at his recovery. " Told you it would be. Come on. let's get this thing gutted and-" My eyes went wide when I saw something rustling in the woods. " Move!" I had just enough time to push Spike out of the way when a giant form burst from the trees and pinned me to the ground.
" Joe!"
" Run to cover!" He did as I told and ran back to where we came. With him out of harm's way, I could focus on the thing that pinned me down. It looked like a Timberwolf but it had to at least be four times larger than an average one. The legs had to be as wide as redwoods and the teeth looked like giant wooden spikes. I struggled under its paw but it wouldn't budge. With a defiant sneer, I spat in its face. " Come on you hunk of firewood! Take a bite out of me!" The monster looked ready to do just that when suddenly, I heard Spike call out.
" Leave my friend alone you overgrown toothpick." I saw him bring up his bow and shot two arrows right in the monster's eyes. The wolf howled in agony as it was blinded by my pupil. This gave me the opportunity to escape from underneath it and wolf out. I went for an attack but was stopped when an arrow engulfed in flame was shot into the gullet of the beast.
The fire quickly spread throughout the beast and soon it was reduced to ash. With the monster gone, I went over to Spike. " Spike, do you realize what you've done?"
" No. What did I just do?"
" You killed that giant Timberwolf and saved me. Which actually means two things. The first is that your training is complete." He smiled at that notion. " And you saved my life." Now his eyes went wide with astonishment. " So it looks like you honored your code twice over."
Spike rid himself of his shock and lunged at me for a hug. " That means we can go home! Right?"
" Might as well, the damn beast ruined that hog when it attacked us." I hefted him onto my shoulder and journeyed back from where we came. " Let's get our stuff from the castle, then head home."
An hour later.
I sent Luna a message, saying we were coming home within the hour. So it didn't surprise me to see our friends and family waiting for us at the forest's entrance. When they saw us approach, Spike was tackled by Rarity while Luna and Jackie pinned me to the ground and peppered me with kisses. When we got up they noticed Spike carrying weapons. Rarity was the first to say something. " Spikeypoo, why do you have those with you."
Instead of answering in a conventional way, he took Rarity in his arms and brought her in for a deep kiss. At first, Rarity was in shock, but it quickly melted into deep bliss. When they broke their kiss, Spike took hold of Rarity and went in the direction of her boutique. Dash was the first to recover from what we saw. " What kind of training did you give him?"
" Believe me, I didn't teach him that. But if what I think is about to happen, then I owe him a beer tomorrow." None of them understood what I meant by that, but I'm sure Rarity will tell them when they have their next spa day. " Anyway. I've been away from home for a week and need some time with these two." I put an arm around both my wives and headed home for some much needed 'Playtime'.
Author's Notes:
Not sure what to say about this, except, Spike is now a badass. Or at least a badass in training. I thought about making this chapter a comedy but thought better of it. And from the looks of things, Joe owes Spike that beer he promised him at the bowling alley.
Now we come to a dilemma here. What am I going to do with a chapter about Discord, since he's already reformed and doing his own thing? Can someone say, movie reference montage and possible overload? I think it is!
So think about what you think I should add in the comments section and I'll get to it.
Clip
Discords day off. ( Discord's P.O.V)
Author's Notes:
For this chapter, I, your favorite Draconequus, shall take you on a journey you will never forget. And the only way to forget this adventure is if you took a ' Forget me shot' over at Moes.
For the next few minutes, you will be a witness to the day to day routine that is my life. So, have fun and don't forget the popcorn.
Also, a little spoiler. Whenever there is an episode based around me, you will be seeing the world through my eyes, instead of Joe's.
Might as well give you all a clip for all the trouble you guys took to read this little note.
Celestia decided that it was time for me to wake by making her sun, shine through my window. Seeing no real point in going back to sleep, I rolled off my bed and went to take a pudding bath. With myself submerged, I took a look at my calendar. " Let's see, what do I have on my agenda today? It's Tuesday, so I'll have to stop by Fluttershy's cottage for tea. Make sure to bring the cucumber sandwiches. Joe wants to know if I'm up for a family game night. Might do that, as long as there's beer." As I kept looking at my schedule, I saw that I pretty much had the whole day to myself.
Seeing a chance for a day off, I teleported out of my room and into the kitchen, startling Luna in the process. " Gah! Discord, what did we talk about teleporting in the house?"
" Never in the shower?" She gave me a glare. " Never in the house. I know, but when you've teleported from point A to point B for most of your life, it's going to be a hard habit to break."
" I understand but you still need to make an effort."
" Noted." Just as I was going for some milk for my bowl of nails, Three bodies wrapped themselves around me. " Well, if it isn't my favorite little chaos makers. I hope you're all doing well?"
" We're doing great. Guess what dad told us?" Jack practically bounced in excitement.
" Well don't keep me in suspense." I conjured a tape-recorder and put it between the three of them while putting on the guise of a reporter. " Tell me everything."
Orion took the lead. " Dad said that since Jack and I have grown up so fast. We get to start School with Scootaloo next week."
" Yeah, my brothers get to be my new classmates!"
I just raised an eyebrow at that. " That's the news? I thought there was going to be an interdimensional war or something. My editor's going to kill me." I tossed the recorder out the window whilst turning it into a parrot.
" Now Discord, it may not sound interesting to you. But the boys do need an education. Plus, it'll be good for them to be around other children." Luna came up at brought all three of them in a hug. " Though speaking of school, you need to get ready Scootaloo."
" Yes, Mama Luna." Scootaloo scampered off to get her bag before heading out the door with a piece of toast in her mouth.
When Scoots was out the door and Luna went to make breakfast, I brought the boys close to listen to my advice. " Listen up boys, 'cause I'm only going to say this once. Schools were designed to rid you of individuality and free-thinking. So my advice, learn what needs to be learned but learn the important stuff on the streets. If you do that, then one day you'll be like me." I was then put in a headlock by David.
" But if your both lucky. You'll turn out like your dad and me." He then tightened his grip on me while the boys did their best to stop laughing. " Discord didn't I tell you to let my grandkids get screwed up by their parents, that way I can only blame one party." He let go of me and we sat down for breakfast. " So it seems I have the day off from guard duty. You got anything planned?"
" Well as you know it's Tuesday, so I'll be heading over to Fluttershy's for tea. Other than that, I've got nothing planned." I poured my nails into a bowl only to let out a groan. " Dammit. These aren't the ones with marshmallows."
" Well, if you're not against it. Mind if I join ya?"
" Sure, it'll be nice to have another person to talk to. Though to be honest, I never saw you as a tea drinker."
" Normally I'm not. But I need to do something other than just sit on my ass and watch tv." Dave took a sip of his coffee before continuing. " And if having tea with a few friends is the way to do it. Then so be it."
" Well, I'm sure Fluttershy will appreciate the extra company. However, we have a few hours before that happens. Anything else you want to do?"
" Could just walk through town and play it by ear."
" Now that sounds like my kind of plan." I took my bowl and swallowed it and all its contents before getting up. " Let's go."
" Boys!" Both Dave and I turned to Luna. " Don't get into to much trouble while you're out."
" No promises." We both said in unison, making Luna roll her eyes before serving her sons their breakfast.
Dave and I left out the door and headed out into town. Our first stop had to be the Quik Stop next to Quil and Sofas. Once we got there, the clerk who ran the store was having a heated argument, must be about their relationship. I went and picked some snack cakes for the tea party while Dave grabbed some chips. When we went up to pay, the mare was heading out and the guy looked pissed. When we went up to pay, the guy turned his anger on us. " Thirty-seven! My marefriend sucked thirty-seven dicks!"
" In a row?" That's all I could really say about something like that. He didn't look too pleased about that. " Sorry. I thought that's what you were going for."
" Whatever, don't worry about it. Just these then?" He gestured to the stuff me and dave had grabbed.
" Yeah and a pack of wraps." He gave us our stuff and we left. As we kept walking down the street, one thing kept bothering me. " Do you think that guy was supposed to be working today?"
" Don't know. Don't care."
" My thoughts as well. So what should we do now?"
" Well, I just remembered that Rarity has some clothes ready for me. I suppose we could stop by and pick them up."
" Better than what I had in mind."
" And what did you have in mind?"
" All I have to say is that you and I would be running away from a very angry Celestia with bananas braided in her hair." Dave just shook his head.
We made our way to Rarity's shop, but when we tried to enter, we found the door was locked even though the sign said open. Dave knocked on the door and a guy answered from behind the door. " Who is it?"
" It's Dave. I've come to pick up my order."
" Who?"
" It's Dave. Could you open up the door?"
" Dave's not here dude."
" Noo, I'm Dave!" We waited a minute for him to say something, but nothing came. Dave knocked again.
" Who is it?"
" Alright, I've had enough of this." I teleported myself in and unlocked the door for Dave. When I looked around to see who we were talking to, I was met with a stallion with a bushy mustache, a white coat, and three footballs as a Cutiemark. Upon further examination, I could see he had been blazing up a storm. " I'm sorry but, who are you?"
" Name's Hondo Flanks, but everyone just calls me Magnum." He gave us each a fist/hoof bump then squinted at us. " Who are you guys?"
" Well, I'm Discord, lord of chaos, and this is my hetero lifemate, Dave." Dave didn't seem to like that title much. " And we're here because Rarity has some clothes that he needed to pick up."
" Ooohhh. Alright well, my daughter is talking with my wife at the moment about mare stuff. So if you guys just want to wait out here, we could pass the time with one of these." Magnum reached up into his mane and pulled out a large joint.
" That's the smartest thing I've heard all day." We went inside and got blitzed.
Dave and I left Rarity's with his order of clothes and started heading towards Fluttershy's cottage. Before we left, Dave decided to dress up for the occasion for whatever reason. Not wanting him to feel left out, I put on the duds I wore at Joe's wedding. " Okay, I get the jacket and the pants, but what's with the pencil mustache?"
" I find that it adds to the ensemble. Plus I like to twirl it between my fingers when I'm thinking." To emphasize my point, I started to twirl it. Unfortunately, this caused it to break in half. " Lousy cheap piece of crap!" I tore off the stache and we kept going. Within moments we had reached our destination. I went ahead and knocked on her door. " Fluttershy, Me and a guest are here for tea."
A moment later, the top half of her door opened to reveal the kindest pony that I've ever met in my very long life. " Oh. Hello Discord, it's nice to see you again." She then looked at Dave. " Hello Dave, are you joining us for tea?"
" Yeah. I needed some time away from my son and his antics. I hope it's not too much trouble if I join you guys."
" Oh, it's no trouble at all, there's plenty of tea and pastries for everyone." She let us inside her home and led us to a table with a small tray with a tea set. We each took a seat while Fluttershy poured each of us some tea. " So, did anything interesting happen with you two this week?"
Dave started off. " Well, I caught a couple of colts behind Bon-bons candy store spraying graffiti on the wall. They were drawing some lewd pictures between Bon-bon and Lyra, so I decided to let the grey wolf scare them a bit." He took a bite of a scone while reliving that moment.
" Oh, David. Did you really have to show them your wolf form?" Fluttershy would never admit it to either Joe or Dave. But she has a small fear of their wolf form, nothing visible of course. The only reason I know of it is that she had confided in me.
" I didn't have to. But I hardly ever get to let my other side out. I mean, back on earth, the only people who knew about this side of me were my parents, my grandparents, my son, and Emily. I had to hide it for so long, that there were actually a few times I forgot I was a werewolf. But here, amongst everyone here, I can show my form without fear."
Flutters looked a little down after hearing that. " I'm sorry if I made you feel like you should be ashamed of your other side."
" It's alright Miss Shy." Fluttershy gave that cute smile she always has while hiding half her face with her mane. " What about Discord. Anything you would like to share?"
" Well, as a matter of fact, I did discover a new type of snake."
Fluttershy became interested in that. " Really? What kind of snake was it?"
" It's a rare snake that many in the region have called, a Trouser snake." Dave near spat out his tea when he heard that.
Curious, Fluttershy asked: " What's a trouser snake?"
Before I could tell her or show her my snake, a small flame appeared on my left shoulder. " Mwahahaha." Out from the flame appeared a little me wearing a devil costume. He directed his attention to my pants where I followed. Finally, he asked: " What the fuck are you waiting for? She went for the setup. Reach in your pants and pull your cock out bitch. Mares like that kind of shit."
Before I could really think about what he said, another flame went off on my right shoulder, revealing another me in a devil costume. " Mwahahaha. Right about here is where the angel is supposed to show up and tell you not to pull your dick out. But we bitch-slapped that mother fucker and sent him packing, so it's smooth sailing. Let 'em rip boy." After that, they both left while I smiled towards them.
Flutters just looked over at Dave, silently asking what's going on. He just shrugged not knowing the answer either.
I was about to unveil my rod when a bright light went off on my left shoulder. It was another me but this time he was dressed like an angel. " Celestia needs to lay off the cake." He sang while strumming a harp. " Oh sorry, I'm late. So what's the deal here?" We both looked to my crotch where I was about to unzip my pants. " Oh, shit don't tell me you're thinking of whipping your dick at this fine piece of ass are you?" I nodded my head yes and got hit with his harp. Seems that was the wrong answer. " Tell you what, look over at Dave and see if he thinks it's a good idea for you to whip your dick out." I looked over at Dave and nodded over to Flutters. He slowly shook his head ' no'. " That's it, boy, put the dick down. You gotta go from the heart, no little perv bullshit is going to work for this one. Be smooth. Be saint Discord. Now I gotta beat the shit out of two sucker-punching little bitches. Remember, don't pull your dick out until she asks or until she's sleeping. Peace." And with that, he disappeared.
Coming back to reality, I tried to change the subject. " I forget why they call it that. So what about you my dear, anything new with you and your animal friends?"
She perked up at that. " Actually, there are a few things. Angel is due for his monthly tail fluffing. Harry went and caught the biggest Salmon and shared it with a sow that he's found an interest in. Oh, and Hobbes even paid me a visit the other day."
" Really? What made him want to visit you? Not that there's anything wrong with it, I'm just curious."
" He said that the crusaders were going to try for a tiger taming cutie mark and he heard from the other animals how most of their adventures turn out. So while they were arguing whether to use a chair or whip first, he slunk out the farm and made his way here."
" Ah, those three. I owe them a debt of gratitude you know. When they were up in Canterlot for their field trip they had a little fight where I was in the garden. That small amount of chaos they caused was enough to free me from my stone prison. Some would say they did bad. But if you ask me, it was for the best. And if it weren't for them, I would never have met any of you." Especially you, my dear Fluttershy.
" Well, if you feel like making it up to them, you could always supervise them while they crusade?" I pondered Dave's idea and found it boring.
" Yes, well, as the Lord of chaos. It goes against my nature to prevent chaos, and those three do a fantastic job of creating it." I took a sip of tea while my tail took a bite from a croissant. Suddenly, I had remembered a juicy bit of gossip. " I just thought of something. You know how Joe went and took Spike under his wing for a while?" They both nodded yes. " Well, when they both got back, Spike had taken Rarity to her home and a fantastic thing has happened."
" What, the had sex or something?"
" David!! That is not something you discuss with others. Also, Rarity and Spike may be in a relationship, but I don't think they're quite ready for that."
" Now you say that, but the actual fact is." I paused there to see if she'd get it.
She got it if her eyes widening is any indication. " So...they?"
" Like Jackrabbits in the middle of a summer afternoon on a hot skillet while overdosing on viagra and Spanish fly put together. Nearly caused the building to shake," I told her while wearing a straw hat and a stalk of wheat between my teeth. This got Dave to laugh and nearly choke on a biscotti while Fluttershy's face did an impression of a tomato. " Okay, so it wasn't quite like that, however, we can no longer call Spike a baby dragon."
After a few minutes, Dave stopped laughing. " Changing the subject. I hear that the Equestrian Games are looking for a city to host the events."
Fluttershy's face became its yellow complexion again and turned to Dave. " That's true. In fact, Princess Celestia has asked the girls, Joe and I to help the Crystal Empire win the vote from the games inspector."
" It'll certainly give that place a boost in tourism. And with the endorsement of both the heroes and Prince of Equestria, It's sure to get the vote."
" I have no doubt about it, and if I can be of any assistance, feel free to ask."
" Actually Discord, if you wouldn't mind watching over the animals while I'm away. I mean, if it's not too much trouble?"
" It's no trouble at all my dear, as long as I don't have to look after that little terror, Angel. Speaking of, where is that little rodent?" All of a sudden, the little vermin had jumped onto my head and started beating me with a carrot. " Ugh, speak of the devil and the devil shows up."
" Angel! You get off him this instant."
" It's alright my dear, we were just about to leave anyway." I drained the rest of my tea and got up from my seat. " Thank you for the tea and company. I hope to see you next week." I gave her a hug which she returned, and I was out the door with Dave behind me. " It's always nice to share tea with her."
" Sure was better than what I expected. But tell me honestly. Do you have a thing for her?"
The question made me stumble a bit in our walk home. " What?! Pfft, don't be ridiculous. Of course, I don't have a thing for her."
" Well, if you're not going to try anything, I might just ask her out sometime." I did not like what he said at all.
I grabbed him by his shirt and pierced him with my gaze. " If you try to make a move on her! I'll have your hind turned into a rug and wear your skull as a headdress!" Instead of him trying to escape or tear my head off, he just gave me a smug smile. " You were just playing with me?"
" Like a violin. Now put me down, before you ruin the shirt." I set him down and he dusted himself off. " Okay, now that we established that, let's head home."
Dave kept walking down the path towards home while I just stood there with my thoughts. " ( Exhale) Weirdest day of the century." I trudged along the path, thinking what the future may hold for me. And, maybe, with a certain pegasus.
School days, fool days.
I woke up to the sound of my kids jumping on my bed. " Wake up! Wake up! It's the first day of school!" They yelled in unison. It wasn't really the first day of school, that was two months ago. It is, however, the boy's first day of school. With the combination of the werewolf gift and alicorn blood, they grew to the point that they looked twelve years of age, with the intelligence to match.
" Alright, we're up. Go downstairs and I'll make a special breakfast for the occasion." The three of them went downstairs to wait for us. I sat at the edge of the bed and pondered something. " It might just be me, but I'm fairly certain children aren't supposed to be this excited about going to school." Jackie got off the bed and swished her tail in my face.
" I think it has more to do with the boys are excited to do something with their big sister and play with other children other than Applebloom and Sweetie." She made her way to the bathroom to start the shower routine.
As I pondered her words, Luna came up behind me and wrapped her hooves around my neck. " Our children will have a difficult time growing up, what with them being royalty and having near-limitless power. This will give them the opportunity to have a sense of normalcy." She kissed my neck and got off the bed while trailing her tail along my chest and crotch. " Don't take too long with their breakfast darling." She flicked my nose with her tail and proceeded to join Jackie in the shower.
I got dressed and made my way downstairs to feed my children before they headed off for school.
Jacks Pov.
I sat at the table with my brother and sister while waiting for dad to finish making a special breakfast for us. " So, Sis, whats school like?"
" Yeah, we never get to hear about your days at school. You just talk about all the different ways of getting your Cutiemark." Orion pointed a fork at her while saying that.
" Well, Miss Cheerilee is really nice and hardly ever gives homework."
" I'm loving it so far," I commented while sipping my milk.
" Anyway, we learn history, math, science, and social studies. And of course, there's recess, where we get to play outside and eat lunch." Scoots then got a sour look. " Although, there are a couple of things that make school unbearable."
" Oh yeah, what two things are those?"
" Diamond Tiara, and Silver Spoon." She said with a bit of venom.
Orion had this to say. " I remember you and aunt Bloom talk about those two. Don't worry about us though, Jack and I can deal with a couple of spoiled brats."
Dad came over with breakfast at that point. " As much as I'd like to hear about you three dealing with bullies, I don't want to hear about any of you picking a fight on your first day. At least give it a week." Dad placed a stack of pancakes for each of us. Scoots had her usual berry mix syrup on hers, while Orion had bananas. Finally, dad placed in front of me a stack with strawberry syrup. " Now eat up, your mothers and I want to see you off before you three go to school."
" Okay, Dad." We went and shoveled pancakes down our throats so we can get our butts to school.
Orions Pov.
My brother, sister, and I were being squeezed to near death by our mothers. " Ooooohhhh, our son's first day of school. It feels like only yesterday, we were changing your diapers."
" Mom, we'll only be gone a few hours." Mom snuggled my neck, afraid we would disappear forever. " We'll see you when we get back."
" Ah know, but that doesn't mean we won't miss you while you're gone." Mama kept fussing over our hair and spat on her hoof to rub dirt off of Jack's cheek.
Luckily for us, dad was able to save us. He grabbed both our moms and pried them off us. " Alright, come on. If you two keep fussing over them, they'll be late for school." He dropped them both on their butts then brought us in for a hug. " Now, be on your best behavior, make new friends, and try not to fall asleep when Miss Cheerilee is teaching." He kissed our foreheads and let us go. " Now get going before I sic grandad on ya."
" Shut it, boy!" Grandpa yelled at dad from the living room.
Scootaloo looked over at the clock. " As much as I'm loving the attention, school starts in thirty minutes."
" Alright, I won't be responsible for you three being late." Dad brought us into one final hug and gave us our lunches. " See you three later."
" Bye Dad! Bye, Mom! Bye, Mama!" We told them and headed off to school.
Third Pov.
The three Huffstutler siblings walked down the dirt road heading for school. For the eldest sibling, this was a typical day for her, though it had the added zing of having her brothers joining her. For the werewolf brothers, they were about to enter a whole new world. This was a chance to meet other kids, make new friends, and learn something new.
Within minutes, the schoolhouse came into view, and waiting for them at the door, was Applebloom and Sweetie Belle. " Hey, you three!" Bloom ran over to the trio and embraced them in a hug. " You two ready for your first day of school?"
" A little." Jack looked a bit nervous. " What do they expect us to for our first day?"
Sweetie came up to them. " On your first day, they have you go up to the front and introduce yourself. Although, with you two, I don't you'll need much introduction."
" Hey, they may know our names, but that doesn't mean they know who we are," Orion interjected.
As they were discussing things, the bell rang, and Miss Cheerilee stepped out. " Good morning everyone. Girls, go take your seats, I need to talk with Jack and Orion." The girls went inside while Cheerilee came up to the boys. With a warm smile, she greeted the two boys. " Hello boys, my name is Miss Cheerilee, and I'll be your teacher."
" Hi, Miss Cheerilee." They said in unison.
" Now, before we get started, I'd like you both to introduce yourselves to the class. Now, follow me." She led them both into the class where the rabble of the classroom went silent after seeing the two newcomers. The two boys stood at the front next to their teacher, waiting to introduce themselves. " Good morning class. Today, we have two new students that will be joining our class." She then motioned for the boys to step forward. " Go on."
Orion was the first to step up. With confidence befitting a warrior, he spoke loud and clear. " Hello, my name is Orion David Huffstutler." He stepped back so his brother can have his chance.
With his brother introduced, Jack took a step forward with his head held high. " Howdy, my name is Jack Sidney Huffstutler. And we're-"
Both brothers linked their arms together and yelled. " The Wolf Brothers!" They gave the whole class a big smile while spreading their wings our wide.
The majority of the class clapped their hooves at the introduction the boys made. " Alright, calm down. Thank you, boys, now go and take those seats over by your sister."
" Yes, Ma'am." The boys went to the desks by their sister and sat down. Orion sat between Scoots and Bloom, while Jack sat between Scoots and Sweetie.
" Okay class, let's get on with the lesson plan." Cheerilee went up to the blackboard and started the day.
Recess. Orions Pov.
So far, today has been pretty good. Jack and I started school, introduced ourselves to the class, and even did well answering random questions. Now, we were outside enjoying lunch with Scoots, Sweetie, and aunt Applebloom. I was looking through my lunch that dad packed, and noticed a couple of voices behind us. " Well look what we got here Silver, a couple of monkeys that learned to talk." We all turned to see that it was Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.
" I see them, Diamond, which makes me wonder why they're even here? Didn't you know that they don't allow monkeys or dogs in school?" Silver gave off a smug smile after the insult.
Jack and I looked at each other, then at the spoiled brats, then back to each other. " So, want to play catch after we eat?" The spoiled brats gawked at our reaction.
" Sure. I brought the football with me, wanna play with, sis?" Diamond and Silver couldn't believe that their insults were being ignored.
" I'd love to, wanna play to girls?" They all agreed and we headed over to the open part of the playground.
When we started playing our game, the two rich girls came over and tried to antagonize us again. " Hey!" Jack and I turned over to Diamond. " Didn't you hear what we said!?"
" Oh, don't worry, we heard you," I told her while catching the ball.
" We just don't give a damn." Jack crossed his arms while smirking their way. " As dad would say. ' Your words are as twisted and feeble as an old woman's'."
This got Diamond really mad. " Well, my dad is the owner of Barnyard bargains and the richest pony in ponyville."
Now, it was my turn to come back. " Well, our father is the king of Herot, the prince of Equestria, and the hero to both. Not to mention, our mothers are the queens of Herot, Mama Luna is the princess of the night, and Mama Applejack is the bearer to the element of honesty. So your father's moderate wealth and small influence mean little to nothing to us." I turned back to the game and threw the ball to Sweetie.
What I said must have made something snap in her, 'cause what she said next, was just downright stupid. " Your parents consist of a country bumpkin, Nightmare Moon, and a flea-bitten mutt!!" Silence was met after she said that. All the foals were starring at Diamond Tiara with unbridled horror, even Silver Spoon started inching away from her long-time friend.
I clenched my fists tight and let loose a growl. " You can insult Jack and me as much as you want. But no one insults our parents." Jack now stood next to me with the same anger as I did.
Not deterred by our anger, Diamond continued with her taunting. " And what are two runts like you, going to do about it?"
" This!!!" We both donned our wolf forms and started for our prey.
3 o'clock. Joes Pov.
I stood outside the door of the schoolhouse beside Filthy Rich. Earlier, Scootaloo came home and told me that Miss Cheerilee wanted to see me about the boys. That's never what a parent wants to hear.
As I stood outside the school, I tried to make small talk with Filthy. " So, any clue as to why we're here?"
Filthy let out a long sigh before speaking to me. " I'm usually called here at least once a week because of my daughter getting into trouble with another student. And seeing that you're here. I'm going to guess it has something to do with your kids."
" ( Sigh) I only hope that it's just a small disagreement, frankly, I'm a little disappointed that one or possibly both my boys got in trouble their first day."
A moment later, the door opened with Cheerilee coming out part of the way. " Mister Rich. Mister Huffstutler. Please come in." We followed her inside to find the kids sitting at their desks. My boys had their clothes torn to shreds and their heads down in shame. Diamond, on the other hand, was shaking and shifting her eyes everywhere else besides my boys. Cheerilee led us over to her desk and sat behind it. " I assume I don't need to tell you why you're here."
I looked behind me towards my boys. " I can take a pretty good guess."
" Let me give you both the rundown of what happened. A few students witnessed Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, approach Jack, and Orion and verbally assault them with insults." Mr. Rich gave a disapproving glance over to his daughter. " At first, the two boys ignored the insults and even went to play a game with the other students. However, it would seem that one insult took hold. The boys then proceeded to change, and chase Miss Tiara around the school, nearly giving her a heart attack." Now it was my turn to look at my boys with disapproval. " Now, as far as punishment goes, the boys are being given a stern warning, seeing that it's their first day. Diamond, however, will be staying after class for a week."
" Thank you Miss Cheerilee, I believe that is the best course of action for my daughter. Come along Diamond, it's time to go." Diamond quickly left her desk and zipped out the door with her father right behind her.
I turned to my sons and gave them a glare. " Boys. Follow me." My sons got up from their seats and followed me out the door. When we were a good distance away from the school, I led them up to a lone cloud and sat them down. " So. Wanna tell me what happened?"
They looked between each other before Jack started. " We did what you said and ignored them when they made fun of us and went and played ball with Scoots."
" But then she started to insult you and our moms. We told her to stop, but she just kept going. So...we wolfed out and started chasing her."
" We weren't going to hurt her, just scare her a little bit."
They both started to cry after explaining the situation. At this point, my anger had melted away and I brought them in for a hug. " Alright, come on, don't cry. Look, I'm not mad, just a bit disappointed that you two would do this on your first day of school." I broke the hug and made them look at me. " Look, I won't tell your mothers about today, but you two have to make me a promise. From now on, unless someone is really trying to hurt you, you won't wolf out on anyone."
" We promise." They both had smiles on their faces as they found that they weren't in huge trouble.
" Alright, let's go get your sister and head over to Sugarcube Corner. Then we'll head over to Rarity's and see if she can fix your clothes." We glided down off the cloud and headed for home to get my daughter, and put this crazy day behind us all.
Author's Notes:
I thought it would be nice to have a chapter about the boys and their first day of school. Then I come to realize how much it hurt to do it, I mean that physically hurt. But, no matter, because now, we head back to the Crystal Empire to win them the vote for the Equestrian games.
Clip.
Games ponies play.
Today was the day we headed to the Crystal Empire to win them the vote for the Equestrian games. I was gathering all the luggage while Jackie and Lulu said goodbye to our kids. " Now, you three behave for your grandfather and uncle Discord."
" And don't let Discord talk you into something you know you ain't supposed to be doing."
Discord appeared behind Jackie after saying that. " Oh, don't be such a spoil-sport. You know very well I would never do anything to put them in danger." He then slunk over to them and brought them in a hug. " Besides, what kind of trouble would we even get into?"
" The kind that leaves one stranded in the middle of the badlands wearing a Santa Claus suit and having a buzzard pick at your ear." I glared at him as the memory from last week was still fresh in my mind.
" Well, you know it's not my fault that you lost that hand. Also, it was my first time drinking tequila."
" Anyway." Luna decided to use some of her Canterlot voice to stop our argument. " We'll be back sometime tonight." She used her wings to bring them in a hug. " We'll miss you terribly."
" We'll bring you all back something from the Empire." Jackie then joined the hug.
" If we don't wrap this up, the train will leave before we even have a chance to head out the door." I hefted our luggage and held the door open. " Do me a favor, don't burn down the house down while we're gone."
" Yes, daddy!" I smiled their way and left out the door with my Valkyries following. I wonder if there'll be any problems on our journey?
" Noooooooo!!!" When we got to the station, Pinkie was acting like it was the end of the world.
" Um, Pinkie. What's with the hysterics?"
" What? I was just answering Twilight's question regarding whether or not to let the games inspector down." She said in her usual nonchalant manner thinking that it was normal. And it is.
" Oh, okay." I looked around the station for my scaled pupil but couldn't find him. " Hey, where's Spike? He should be here as well."
" He's back at the library doing a little pet-sitting while we're away." She sounded a bit irritated but I didn't ask why. " Anyway, you three ready for the trip?"
" Indeed we are Twilight. I can not tell you how long I have waited to see that wondrous place again."
" Speak for yourself Lass. That place can kiss the deepest and darkest part of my ass, wherever it is." Mimir was none too happy about going to the place where he had been imprisoned for so many centuries.
" I kept telling you, Mimir, that you could have stayed at home."
" You mean left alone with those three terrors? I'd rather be between Fenrir's teeth." Guess he never got over them using his head as a soccer ball.
Before we could hear more from Mimir, a letter appeared in front of Luna. " Hmm, a letter from Celestia. Wonder what she wants?" My darling Moonpie read through the letter and as she got to the end, She let out an irritated huff. " It would seem that our dear sister has forgotten to inform me of a meeting between Equestria and the ambassadors of Neighpan. So it seems that I will have to attend and miss helping you all with the games inspector."
" Oh, dear. Are you sure that you're needed? I'm certain that Princess Celestia is more than capable of meeting with the ambassadors on her own." Rarity made a good point. Why does she need to be there?
" I would leave it to her. But they insisted on me being there as well. Something to do about tradition or something along those lines."
I brought her into a hug and kissed her cheek. " I know how much you want to see the Empire again. But, sometimes, duty calls and we're forced to answer that call." This did little to lift her spirit. " Tell you what, next week you, the kids, and I will go up to the Empire with no strings attached. Just see the sights and sounds, and have an overall good time."
A big smile appeared on her face. " That would be most wonderful dear." She kissed Jackie and me before flying off to Canterlot.
" Oh, I'm sorry that Luna can't come with us."
" It's alright Shy. We'll just have to make do with who we got." Way to lighten the mood Dash.
" All aboard!" We heard the conductor yell out.
" Well, it looks like they're playing our song." I placed the luggage in the luggage cart and went to my wife and friends. " Let's get going." We boarded the train and left for the Empire.
After three hours of watching Jackie and our friends do a cheerleading routine, we made it to the Crystal Empire. I got up from my seat and picked Jackie off the floor. " And this is why you should remain in your seat when the train is coming to a halt."
She gave me a smirk before punching my arm. " Just get our bags before you lose your chance at any of this tonight." She started to leave the train with the others while flicking her tail to the side. By the gods the things I'm going to do to that mare when we get home.
I grabbed our bags and departed the train. When I looked toward the Empire, I had to avert my eyes from the glare it gave off. " By the gods, what it this the emerald city?"
" Hehehe, silly, there are no emeralds here, just crystals. Like the name suggests."
" Pinkie, I was referring to a fictional city from a book called ' The Wizard of Oz'." Crap, I said a new book title in front of Twilight.
" Gimmie that book!" Twilight latched onto my chest and tried to shake me down for a book I didn't have on me.
" Twilight, if you don't let me go, I'll be forced to return both your birthday and Hearthswarming gifts to the bookstore back on Midgard." This got her to let me go in an instant. " Now, where are we supposed to be meeting Cadence?"
Twilight composed herself after going off the rails like that. " She said to meet her at the spa over on Geode street." Great, more puns.
We walked down the crystal streets where we saw many of the citizens, cleaning and polishing the buildings to a clear shine. As we passed them, many of them would stop what they were doing and pointed my way. " Look! It's the slayer of Sombra!" A random mare called out in the crowd. Suddenly, I was surrounded by Crystal ponies asking me all sorts of questions, I think a few of them even asked for a date.
" People, please! Look, I know how it must feel to see someone you idolize walk down the street. But I have somewhere to be to help you all win the vote from the Inspector." This seemed to stop their hounding for now and they went back to what they were doing before. " Geez, you'd think there was a giant statue of me or something."
" ( Gasp!) There is darling, look!" Rarity pointed towards the castle where a statue made of carved crystal stood at the bottom.
We went to the statue to see exactly what it depicted. Just as Rarity had said, it was a statue of me but was also of Spike. The statue depicted me standing tall with Spike on my shoulder and my wings spread wide. Spike had the Crystal Heart held in his claws while I held Frostbite above my head. In my other hand, I held the head of Sombra, which they made out of ebony. And finally, sitting by my legs was a massive wolf, gazing down at us. As the girls admired the statue, all I could say was this. " I look like Perseus in Clash of the Titans."
" It really is a nice statue, though a bit gruesome in certain places." I think she meant the head I was holding. " But my Spikey does look good."
" Come on! Enough sightseeing, we need to get to the Princess!"
" Calm down Dash. We have at least a few hours before the inspector arrives. Besides, I think I see the spa over there." I pointed over to a building with a blue roof and pink hearts dotting the roof. When we entered the building, I could see Cadence being worked on by a couple of spa employees. " Is this truly any way to greet your Aunt and Uncle? By getting your hair done when it was already perfect."
Cadence jumped at my voice. " Joe! Applejack! Twilight!" She jumped off her chair and did her greeting dance with Twilight. Once that was done, she came up to me and Jackie. " Joe, Applejack. It's good to see you again." She embraced us in a hug. " Where's Aunt Luna? I thought she was coming with you?"
" When we were about to depart for the train, a letter from Celestia was sent to her, telling her to meet with the ambassadors of Neighpan. She was upset that she couldn't come, but such is the burden of the crown."
" I know that burden all too well."
" Though I did promise to bring her and the kids up here for a visit." That brought a smile to her face. While we talked, a messenger arrived for her.
" Princess, I have two important messages. The first is that your mane stylist has the flu, and will be unable to style your mane for fear you would get sick as well."
" Oh dear, that is unfortunate. Does anyone here know how to do the ceremonial headdress?" All the employees shook their heads ' No'.
" Pardon my asking, but what is the ceremonial headdress?" Rarity looked ready to faint.
" Well, when the Empire was at the height of its power. The queen would wear crystals that were braided into her mane in a very specific way. Since the inspector is known for doing her homework, I thought it would be appropriate to have the same done to mine. But since the stylist is sick, I guess we'll have to make do with what we have."
" Wait! We can't overlook this, you need to have your mane done up with those crystals!"
" Garsh Dash, I had no idea you cared so much about fashion." Good one babe.
" You know, if you have the instructions on the headdress, I think I can do your mane." Way to step up Rares. Cadence floated a scroll with the instruction and when it was unrolled, it had more steps than the tango.
" Are you sure you can handle this Rarity."
" You kidding? When it comes to this sort of thing, there's no one better than Rarity." Rarity blushed a little at my complement. Suddenly, I remembered there was another message. " Hey, what was the other message?"
" Oh, right. The games inspector, Ms. Harshwhinny, will be arriving on the next train." The whole room gasped at the news that we had less than an hour to prepare.
I grabbed the messenger by the collar and started shaking her. " Next time, lead with the information that affects all of those present."
Jackie wrapped her hooves around my arm and pulled me away from the messenger. " Darling, throttling the messenger ain't gonna help us any. We need to come up with a plan."
" I've got one. Joe, you go find Shining and tell him the situation."
I gave off a salute. " With haste."
" Rarity, you stay here and makeup Cadence's hair."
" Will do darling." She looked at the scroll and got to work.
" The rest of us will meet the inspector at the station. Joe, meet us at the station when you're done."
" Will do. Where is Shining anyway?"
" He should be at the stadium, training the athletes for the games."
" Then I'm off to the stadium." I gave a kiss to Jackie and waved to the others as I flew out of the building. Seeing as I had no idea where the stadium was, I flew up high and searched for the stadium. When I spotted it on the other side of the empire, I made it there in two minutes. When I landed, I spotted Shining giving orders to the athletes running the track. " You know, if you want them to move faster, you could just use a riding crop."
Shining turned at the sound of my voice. " Joe!" He ran over and we fist-bumped. " It's good to see you again buddy."
" Likewise." I looked around and saw that the place was in pretty good shape. " Seems you got everything ready for the inspector. By the way, the inspector will be on the next train."
" What!?"
" Relax, Twilight has a plan to deal with her. Speaking of, I need to get going." I waved to him and the other athletes before taking off for the station. When I got there, the only one there was a mare looking very impatient. Judging from her clothing and trophy Cutiemark, I'd say she's Ms. Harshwhinny.
When I landed, she jumped a little bit. " Sorry if I startled you. You wouldn't happen to be the games inspector, would you?"
She recovered from my landing and composed herself. " Yes, I'm Ms. Harshwhinny." She gave me a once over. " You're Joe, king of Herot."
" Last time I checked." I looked around the station for any sign of Jackie or our friends. " Well, seeing as the rest of the welcoming committee is running late, I guess it's up to me." I Grabbed her bag a motioned her to follow me. " First, I'll show you to your stateroom at the castle. Then, we'll check out the local hotspots of the Empire. And finally, we'll head on over to the stadium."
" That sounds good to Aah!"
" What!?" She pointed toward my belt where Mimir hung from. " Oh, no need to be frightened," I grabbed him off my belt and brought him close." this is Mimir, wisest of the Aesir."
" A pleasure to meet you." She recoiled a bit from his greeting. " I know, I haven't had a chance to get my beard trimmed, I must look a mess."
Seems his joke lightened the mood. " Good save buddy, now let's get going."
We dropped her bag off in her room and decided to roam the halls. " Over there is the throne room. There's a secret chamber leading down into a dark room where I found this knuckle-head."
" Fascinating, but what about the other rooms?"
" Well, I can only assume they hold either random crap or are just extra rooms for guests. But enough about the castle, let's head into town for some lunch." We headed out of the castle and wandered the streets for some grub. While we kept walking, one building caught my eye. " Hey, a karaoke bar." The building was made of blue crystal and had a sign of a martini glass with a microphone in it.
" Sounds good to me. Hope they have someone who knows how to sing." We went inside to find hardly anyone in there. When I looked at the clock, I could see why." It would seem we got here during the dead hours."
" All that means is there's no wait for a table." We were led to a small table by the hostess and were given menus. As I looked through the drinks, I couldn't help but notice the karaoke machine was currently vacant. " Excuse me, I'll be right back."
" Where are you going?"
" I'm going to liven this place up." I got up on the small stage and plugged my phone into the machine. I scrolled through the music and stopped on a song that would fit this place greatly. " Alright, here we go." I pressed play and started to sing Tightrope.
While I was singing, the place started filling up with ponies from outside who heard me singing. During the solo's I would play air guitar which the crowd seemed to like. When the song ended, I wiped the sweat off my brow and gave a low bow. " Thank you, thank you." I looked at my watch and saw we still had time to kill. " Alright, I think I have one more song left in me if you all feel like hearing it?" The crowd gave applause saying hell yeah. " Well, here we go then." I scrolled through my phone again and stopped on Man in the box, by Alice in Chains.
As I was singing, the place became even more crowded, seems my voice is a beacon for restaurants. When it came to the parts of the song that needed another voice, I held Mimir up to the microphone. He did a pretty good job. When we were finished, the roar of applause was almost deafening. After I gave my bow, I journeyed back to the table I left Harshwhinny at. " Sorry for my small absence, but I can't help it sometimes."
" It's quite alright, your highness. I know that feeling from time to time." Hard to tell with the way she holds herself.
" I can almost see that, and do me a favor, just call me Joe."
" Very well." She got up from the table and headed for the door. When I looked back at the table, I saw that she had already eaten while I was singing. " I think we should head to the stadium now."
" Sounds good to me." I left the hostess a small bag of bits and left with my charge over to the stadium. As we made our way to the stadium, I noticed that the spa was on our way. " Pardon me, but I need to pop in here for a moment." I left Harshwhinny by the front door and went inside. " Hey, Rarity, you still working on Cadence's hair?"
" Joe!" She pulled a privacy screen in front of Cadence and came over to me. " Joe, why aren't you with the others greeting the inspector?"
" What are you talking about? I've been showing the inspector around for the past hour. I've been wondering where they went to." Rarity's angry look turned to one of horror. " What?"
" I don't know how to tell you this, but I believe the girls are escorting the wrong pony, thinking she's the inspector."
I had a far off look before I busted out laughing. " How in all the realms did they get the wrong pony? Wait, Dash, if she was the one to lead them on, then that explains everything." I looked over to the privacy screen where Cadence was still behind. " So what's up with Cadence? You need more time or should I let the inspector meet her?"
" Absolutely not!" She stopped herself before making more of a spectacle. " I mean, she needs a little more time. I may have tried to skip a step or two, and it turned out to be a disaster."
" Oh come on, how bad can it be?" I went past her and took a peek behind the curtain. What I saw made me recoil in horror. " By the horrors of Helheim! What madness conjured a beast so foul!" I ran out of the spa, rubbing my face in the street, doing my best to unsee the atrocity that is Cadence's hair.
Harshwhinny ran up to my side. " What happened? Is there a monster around here?"
I recovered quickly from my act. " Despite my reaction, I was making a joke with a friend of mine. Sorry if it gave you the wrong idea."
Her worried look became one of annoyance. " I would think that a member of royalty would act more professional."
" You'd think so, but no." I got up from the ground and pointed over to where the stadium is. " Come on, the stadium is just a few blocks that way." We started heading in that direction while making small talk on the way over. Within moments, we arrived. " -and that's how I saved my brother-in-law from a nasty love poison. Oh, look, we're here." I was about to lead her inside when all of a sudden, one of the side entrances burst open. The pony that broke the door had a pot on her head and crashed into me.
With the pot off her head, she looked up at me and gasped. " Oh, my word."
I let out a light chuckle before helping her up. " Everything alright mam?"
It took her a moment, but she regained her senses. " Yes, I'm alright. You just gave me a bit of a fright. Um, do pardon me for asking, but are you, king Joe?"
" I am. And who might you be?"
" Oh, where are have my manners fun off to. My name is Peachbottom. I came here to enjoy a little vacation and have been loving it so far." She then set me with some sultry eyes. " And I never would have guessed that my little tour would have me run into you."
" Yeah, quite literally at that too. You said you were being given a tour, would one of the ponies giving said tour be wearing a stetson?" I think I found our mismatched inspector.
" As a matter of fact, there was. Pretty little country pony like me, do you by chance know her?"
" We crossed paths from time to time." I looked inside the stadium to see her and our friends running towards us. " Speaking of, there she is." Jackie stopped in front of me and was about to say something, but I stopped her with a kiss. " Hey, beautiful. How's your day been?"
" Joe, where have you been!? The girls and I have had to show the games inspector around for the last two hours. What were you doing?"
" The exact same thing, except with the real inspector." I pointed over to Harshwhinny, who had a small smile watching everything unfold. " Honey, this is Ms. Harshwhinny, the inspector for the Equestria Games. Ms. Harshwhinny, Ms. Peachbottom, this is my wife, Applejack." they shared a quick greeting before the rest of our friends came running out. " Hello, girls, you'll never guess who I bumped into."
After getting everyone else on board with the real inspector, we got the vote and were about to tell the empire. Cadence stood at the balcony with her hair done up in gems and told everyone the good news. And the winner to host the Equestria Games is, the Crystal Empire!" This got everyone down below to cheer and go wild.
" This calls for a celebration." I conjured some magic and let lose some celebratory music.
While the crystal ponies celebrated down below, I went over to Ms. Harshwhinny. " It was a real pleasure showing you around the Empire. Maybe one day, we'll meet again."
" Likewise." I shook her hoof and went over to my wife.
" Did, you have a nice time with your inspector?" She gave me a quick slug on my arm for my smart-ass remark. " Okay, I'm sorry. But at least we got the Empire the vote."
" Yeah, you did." She then smiled and nuzzled my chest. " Come on, I'd like to get home to Luna and the kids." I agreed with her deeply and started my way down with her to the station.
Author's Notes:
Okay, a little twist on the original but that's to be expected. Not sure why I choose a karaoke bar, but someone might like it. Also, if there's anyone who really paid attention to the statue description, I would love it if they drew it, just to see what you see.
Anyway, on to the next adventure, which also takes place in the Empire. Why? Because Joe promised his sweet Moonpie that he would take her.
Alright, here's your stupid clip.
A little vacation, and finding the key.
" I can't believe we're going to the Crystal Empire!" Scootaloo and the boys could hardly stay in their seats as I drove them and Lulu up to the Crystal Empire for a weekend vacation. Ever since Jackie and I returned from our trip getting the vote for the games, the kids have been counting the days till we left. Luna wasn't as hyper as the kids, but she was just as excited to see the Empire again.
" Believe it, honey. Oh, I can not tell you how long I have waited to see that beautiful place."
" I'd say a thousand years, give or take." This earned me a slap from Luna's wing. " Hey, hey. no messing with the driver."
" To be fair, brother, a man should never talk about a ladies age. Even if you are married to her."
" I'm starting to question why I keep bringing you everywhere I go?"
" Because I'm the voice that steers you in the right direction. As for why you're bringing me with you now, I want to sift through that treasure room and see if we can find the key to the realm between realms." Huh? Knew I brought him along for a reason.
After a couple of hours driving through snow riddled roads, the Empire was insight. " Look, everyone, we're here." The children looked out the window to see that the tops of the crystal buildings getting closer. As soon as the fields of snow turned to grass and wildflowers, I parked the truck over by the train station. " Alright, I want you three to stick with us, while we're visiting. No wandering off on your own." With them nodding their heads, we got out of the truck.
Once we stepped out of the truck, a group of five crystal guards came up to form ranks around us. When they saw it was me that they almost pulled a spear on, they quickly put their weapons away. One of them, a pegasus with an orange coat and blue mane, came up and gave me a half-ass salute. "Apologies, sir, I mean, your highness. We thought the chariot you rode in was some kind of wild creature."
" Really? I didn't know creatures had headlights for eyes or rubber tires for feet." He seemed to blush at his own stupidity. " Now, what's your name soldier?"
" Flash Sentry, your highness."
" Well, I will say that you guys got here fast and were well prepared to handle a threat." The gathered guards gained a look of pride from my comment. " However, since you were about to point your spears at me and my family, I'm going to have to punish you all." All five of them started to look worried about what I might have planned. I went to the back of my truck and opened up the tailgate, revealing our luggage. " As punishment, you will carry these bags to the castle, and set it in the throne room." As they let out a breath of relief, they gathered our things and made for the castle.
Luna came up beside me and started to giggle ar what just transpired. " It never ceases to amaze me how you can make a guard or soldier feel proud one moment, and then have them feel fear the next." She gave me a peck on the cheek and started leading toward the Empire with the kids in tow. " Come along my king."
" Of course, there's so little to do, so much time to do it... Strike that, reverse it." I caught up with them and we headed for the castle. On the way over, we stopped to admire the statue they built of Spike and me. " So kids, what do you think of the image the good ponies of the empire made of your old man?"
Scootaloo started off with the comments. " You look, awesome dad."
Jack went next. " I like the detail in the crystal."
Finally, Orion. " You look kind of fat, especially in the ass."
" Orion! What have I told you about mentioning my weight on art?" Luna then gave me the stink eye for forgetting to mention something. " Oh, and don't curse."
" Sorry, dad."
" It's alright son just don't do it again. And if you do, don't do it in front of me or your mothers." This earned me another slap from Luna. " I mean, don't do it at all."
" Better. Now, let us go and see Cadance and Shining, I haven't seen them since the wedding." We went inside the castle and headed straight for the throne room. When we entered, the only two beings to be found were Cadence and shining, and it looked like they were on the verge of doing something not meant for the eyes of children.
Since they hadn't noticed our presence yet, I thought it would be funny to mess with them. " Of all the rooms in the castle, you could be doing that in, you two decide to do that here!?" This caused them to jump and crash off of the throne.
Cadence was the first to recover. " Aunt Luna, Uncle Joe. I thought the train from Ponyville wasn't arriving until three." She came over and wrapped us in a hug.
" My husband thought it would be a nice surprise to take his truck and get here early. Though I think we were given a pretty big surprise ourselves." This got Cadence to blush while Shining did his best to look professional. Luna returned Cadence's hug. " It is good to see you two again."
" It's good to see you as well, Auntie." She then noticed her cousins. " Oh my gosh! You two grew up so fast. And Scootaloo, I was so happy to hear that you joined the family." She brought all three of them into a hug and started to smother them.
I went over to Shining, who was watching all this unfold. " So, Cadence seems to be a little crazy around the kids. Any reason for that?" I had a hunch. But, I also like to see him sweat.
" Uh, well, ever since we paid a visit to the local school to give them a history update, Cadence has been wanting a foal. So every night and whenever we could find the time, we've been trying to get her pregnant."
" Well, that explains the cuddling, and I think I see what you need to do. Instead of trying to get her pregnant, just have a night of passion. Though you might want to take a week off."
" Good idea. Think she'll go for it?"
" If I've learned anything in my twenty-three years of living, is that females will always take our ideas, put them to a grinding stone, and come up with what they think is better. So she might go for the passion, but she might see the week without fucking as a sign that you are no longer interested. If that's the case, then tease her during the whole week and make sure she knows you still love her." He accepted the plan and gave me a fist bump, though I think he might screw it up at some point.
Suddenly, a body was draped over me. When I turned my head, I saw that it was Jack. " Dad, can we go explore? I want to see what you and Spike saved from that unicorn."
I chuckled while putting him down. " Okay, we can go explore for a bit." I went over to the rest of my family. " Jack and I want to explore for a bit. Anyone want to join?"
Orion struggled from Cadence's grip and joined my side. I looked at Scoots to see if she'd join us. " I think I'll stay with mom and Cadence. If that's alright?"
" Just as long as you stay out of trouble, it's fine with me." I gave her a kiss on the forehead and a kiss on the lips for Luna as we started for the door. Before we left the room, I had an idea. " Hey, Shining, why don't you join us, we can make it a guys day."
" Sure. As long as you three don't mind my charm and quick wit." He gave his wife a kiss before heading out with me and the boys. When we got out of the castle, Shining directed us over to a park. While Jack and Orion started playing with the kids on the playground, Shining and I sat at a bench. " So. What are the plans while you're here?"
" I promised Luna that we would come here and just enjoy our time here." He looked at me with a knowing smile, saying that he knows I have a second agenda. " And, I want to comb through the treasure room with Mimir to see if we can find the key to the realm between realms."
" Heh. That does sound like something that needs to be found. But what does the key even look like?" For that question, I brought out Mimir.
" The, realm key is a unique artifact and can easily be mistaken for a piece of armor or jewelry. Lucky for you two, I happen to know what it looks like." With his magic eye, he projected an image of the key.
The key did look unique and possibly easy to find, even in that large treasure room. Unfortunately, Mimir kept the image up too long. " Hey, Dad, what's that?"
Jack caught me off guard and I nearly jumped from the bench. " What this? Oh, it's just...it's..." I learned long ago, and from sit-coms, that lying or adverting the question leads the child to follow you or get them into trouble. " Ugh, it's the key that your grandma Faust used to help make this world. Mimir and I are going to root through the treasure room and try to find it." At this point, Orion came over to catch the end of my explanation. " And since you two just had to find out. You can help me and your cousin find it."
" Cool, when can we go?"
" Hold your...just hold on, boy. We can rummage through the treasure room after we grab a bite to eat." I got up from the bench and Shining led us to restaurant row. " So, where can we get some good grub around here?"
" Depends, what are you hungry for?"
" I wouldn't mind some pizza. But I'm sure they don't have any meat toppings."
" Actually, to accommodate some of the griffin and diamond dogs for the games, most of the restaurants have added meat to their menu."
" Why didn't you lead with that? Come, children, we're going to Conans."
" Where?"
" Sorry, you lead the way to the best pizza place this place has." We walked onward to food.
It was one O-clock and we started heading for the treasure room. We made it to the throne room and stopped there. " Alright, I'm going to give this a shot." I focused all the hate and anger from my past and let it enter my magic. My aura turned from its natural blue coloring to a dark sludge-like substance. With the magic attuned to Sombra's, I aimed for the crystal at the top of the throne and shot a beam right at it. Once it hit, the floor opened up to reveal the familiar staircase leading down.
When it was over, Shining came up to me. " Why didn't we just teleport into the treasure room? I mean, it's not warded and you know where it is."
" ..........D'oh!" I opened a portal and we stepped into a sea of gold and jewels. " Okay, we all know what the key looks like, so start rummaging." Jack and Orion went off to the right, Shining went left, and I dove in the center ala Scrooge McDuck.
We spent at least two hours in that place and so far, we found nothing. It really didn't help that the boys kept pestering me to keep something they found interesting. " Hey, Dad, can I keep this shield?"
" No, Orion."
" Hey, Dad, can I keep this helmet?"
" No, Jack."
" Hey, Joe, can I keep this sword?"
" No, Shi...Wait you don't need my permission to keep any of this, this is all your crap."
" Oh, yeah." He put the sword in a sheath attached to his back and continued the search. After tossing yet another crown into the discard pile, Shining expressed his thoughts with us. " How did Sombra manage to get all this stuff here anyway?"
Mimir answered for me. " Well, at first, he just totted the stuff with his magic. But after a while, he used Draugr to carry the treasure and guard it once they got back."
" What in Celestia's name is a Draugr?"
" Draugr used to be living beings who were brought back from the dead, either through a necromancer or the spirits unrest." I tossed a bowl of rubies into the discard pile when my explanation hit me. " Wait. Did you say that Sombra brought them back?"
" Aye, he did. Bunch of scoundrels and criminals from forgotten graves since before Equestria was created. But I wouldn't worry about them, I'm sure with Sombra dead, the magic holding those bastards together will have worn off."
Before I could offer my doubts about them, I heard my boys screaming from the other side of the room. " Dad! Zombies!" I dropped the gold bar and rushed over to my boys with Shining right behind me. When we cleared the room and made it to the other side, we caught our first look at Sombras minions.
A group of ten shambled out from the gold and treasure. At first, they acted like your typical zombie, a shambling mindless horde. Once they saw that there were intruders digging through their master's horde, they became vicious. Two of them went for Jack, while Orion had to deal with three. At first, I worried about them, but then I saw them tear apart the dead flesh bags. Those boys make me so proud.
While they tore them apart, a Draugr came behind Shining. " Shining, behind you!" He ducked a swipe from the Draugr's ax and blasted him with his magic. It didn't do anything.
" How is that possible?" He side-stepped another swipe from the deadman's ax while pondering how to hurt this thing. " That blast was strong enough to destroy a manticore."
" It's no use fighting them with magic. Only physical blows can harm undead creatures."
" Thanks for the tip head." I unsheathed Frostbite and decapitated three of them with one swing.
Shining faced the Draugr again and drew his newly acquired sword. The monster made a swipe for his head and would have lopped it off, but that was before Shining thrust his sword through its skull, setting it aflame. As the blue glow left the Draugr's eyes, the last one made for Shining's back. " Behind you!" With a quick twirl, he sliced the sword out of the dead Draugr and into the belly of the one still standing, setting his torso on fire.
With the threat gone, we regrouped in the center of the room. " That was a very impressive security measure. But still no match for us." Shining came over and studied his weapon. " Never really took you for the fire type Shining."
" Let me take a look at that." Shining levitated the sword sideways so Mimir could examine it. After a while, Mimir revealed the sword's secret. " Another weapon crafted by the dwarves, no surprise there. The metal is made from mithril, like most weapons of Asgard. From the way, it burned through those Draugr' I'd say it was infused with a fire giants tear."
Shining grinned and sheathed it on his back. " Oh, I am so keeping this." Before our search could continue, a rumble went through the whole room and made us stumble. " What was that, more Draugr?"
" No. That sounded much bigger." The rumble came from our left and we beheld a new threat. One, very big threat. " Uh, Mimir, what is that?"
" That, Brother, would be a Troll."
The beast lumbered over to us while carrying a giant stone pillar with him. " You are most unwelcome in my masters home." He hefted his pillar and brought it down on us.
" Look out!" We scrambled from the brutes weapon and got into attack position. " Shining, keep to it's back!"
" Got it!" Shining ran around the beast while slashing at his back.
" Boys, grab a weapon and help us bring this thing down!" The boys ran off to look for a weapon to fight this Troll. While they searched, I faced the big galoot. " Come on Oaf. Show me what you got."
" Hmm, it has been a while since I tasted the flesh of a human." He swiped the pillar across the ground, making a wave of gold try to bury us. " Perhaps it is time I reacquaint that taste with you?" He made a grab for me but with Frostbite, I made him reconsider.
" That's where your mistaken monster. You see, I'm not human." I tore off my shirt and wolfed out, making the Troll lift an eye at my transformation. " I. Am. Lycan!" I jumped off the ground and slammed into his gut. This made him stumble and fall on his back.
" Grrr, impressive Dogman. But not enough!" He grabbed me in his massive hand and started to crush me. " Whatever power you may possess." He then slammed me on the ground, hard. " It's not enough to defeat me."
As I struggled in his grasp, I smiled at his face. " Then it's a good thing I didn't come alone." As soon as I said that, a wave of magic slammed into him, making him let go of me and slam into the opposite wall.
" Get off my dad you beast!" Orion yelled at the Troll while wielding a sword that glowed like the night sky. Explains where the blast came from.
" Yeah, get your butt ugly face outta here before I smash your head like a pumpkin!" Jack stood by his brother's side while wielding a large Warhammer.
With the troll off of me, I picked myself off the ground and went over to my boys. " Nicely done. We'll talk about you two keeping those when this is over." Behind us, I could hear the Troll pick himself up from Orions blast. " But for now, watch your old man work." I took hold of Frostbite and sped up to the Troll.
When he had gotten to his feet, I jumped to his head and smashed his left tusks off. With him slightly dazed, I punched the back of his head, then hooked his forehead with Frostbite. With his head hooked, I made him stumble backward, making him launch his pillar in the air. With the pillar in the air, I used my ax to grab it, and with the pillar in my hand, I brought it down on the Troll's head, smashing it into a bloody pulp.
With the Troll dead, I went over to Shining and my boys. " So, should we continue our search?"
Shining shook his stupor and fixed me with a look. " You took down a giant monster, and you're not even going to acknowledge that!"
" What did you expect? A witty one-liner? Alright, fine." I went back over to the Troll and stared at where his head used to be. " Did not know who he was fucking with." I looked back over at Shining. " Happy?"
He gave me a satisfied smirk " A little." He then redirected his attention to the weapons my sons were carrying. " So, what made you two go for those weapons when there are others just laying around?" That...is a very good point.
" When I was looking for something to fight with, I heard a ringing sound come from this. When I picked it up, it said its name was Nightfall."
" The same thing happened with this hammer. It rumbled to get my attention and when I picked it up, it told me its name was Earthquake."
" I have heard those names before." I brought out Mimir to tell us more. " When Sombra used the key to the Bifrost, he made a raid for Broke's armory. It was there where all these weapons came from." Damn, I bet Broke was pretty pissed about that. " The sword is capable of slicing through almost anything. It can also send energy waves if it slices thin air." Orion looked very happy with his choice of weapon. " As for the hammer, as its name would suggest, causes minor quakes when it strikes the ground with the flat end. The spike on the other end, causes earthen spikes to shoot up from the ground. Use these weapons wisely lads."
" Oh, they will, otherwise they'll feel the back of my hand." With the situation sorted, we continued our search for the key to the Bifrost. After searching for another hour, I started to get frustrated. " You'd think with all of us searching, we would have found the key by now!"
" Do you mean this key here?" We all looked to the door leading to the throne room to see Luna, Scootaloo, and Cadence, standing in the entryway. And they didn't look too happy.
" How did you three know we were here?"
" We could hear the rumbling through the whole castle." Right, should have known that fight would bring an audience. " What were you thinking, fighting the undead and a monster...without us." Their unhappy smiles vanished and became smirks. " While that giant sent a wave of treasure, this flew out of it." She waved it in front of me like it was the keys to a new house or car. " So...care to take this for a spin?"
The next day.
We made it to the nearest unused door and brought out the key. " Alright, so how does this work Mimir?"
" To travel the realms, all you need to do is have the key to touch the door and say the name of the realm you want to travel to." I put Mimir back around my belt and brought the key to the door in front of us.
" Alright, let's make this simple. Midgard!" The key started glowing a faint blue, the same with the door. A couple of seconds later, the light flickered and died down. " Umm...was that supposed to happen?" To make sure the key worked, I opened the door, finding a mop and a bucket, instead of Midgard. " It didn't work. But why?"
" Sombra must have done something to it while he controlled it. I'm afraid if we don't find out what he did, then that key will become just a fancy paperweight."
" So, want to take a crack at it, babe?" I offered the key to Luna, but she just pushed it back to me.
" I'm afraid that I'm not well versed in dealing with repairing artifacts. Though we do know someone who might, or at least can quickly learn it."
" You mean cousin Merle, mom? He's an expert in the field of magical artifacts."
" Yeah, but last I checked, he's on a trip to the Badlands. Let's just go see Twilight."
" That's who I was talking about, Dear."
" I know. I just like messing with you and Jackie whenever I get the chance."
" Yes, yes romance in the air and hearts all a flutter, now could we please go and see about getting the key fixed!"
" Alright, Mimir, let's just get our things and we'll go." We made our way back to our room and got our luggage, with two new additions. " Now remember boys. Just because you have those weapons, doesn't mean you get to carry them around all the time, especially at school."
" Yes, Sir."
" Okay, Dad."
" Good to hear." I saw that Scootaloo looked a little down. No doubt 'cause her brothers got to keep something cool. " Now, Scootaloo, no need to look sad. I was able to scrounge around the treasure room and find something that I think you might like." I reached into my bag and brought out a small piece of headgear that will definitely make her day.
" Wow! It's beautiful." Once she put it on, a golden glow spread throughout her body, before fading into her skin. " Woah. What was that?"
" That Lass was the magic of the Valkyries crown. Those who wear it, have the ability to fly."
Once Scootaloo heard that her new accessory allows her to fly, she couldn't keep herself grounded for long. She leaped from the ground and started zipping around the room. " Best. Gift. Ever!" Once she had her fun, she sped over to me and wrapped me in a hug. " Thank you, Daddy!"
" No problem sweetie, I know you had difficulty with trying to fly on your own, so this will give you the chance until your wings are strong enough. But for now," I placed her on the ground and spread out my wings. " Race you three to the truck." With that, I started off the race with my kids.
The drive back home was quite peaceful and we were able to reach Ponyville by nightfall. Before we could get home, we saw Jackie and all our friends out by the library, only Twilight wasn't there. When we went to investigate, they looked like someone had just passed on from this realm. " Jackie, girls, what happened?"
Pinkie zipped over to us and explained the situation. " YoullneverbelieveitFirstweallwokeupwiththewrongcutiemarkandstarteddoingeachothersjobsandlivesThenTwilighthelpedusrememberwhoweareandevencompletedaspellshewasworkingonbutwhenshefinishedourelementsblastedherandwedon'tknowwhathappend!"
When she finally finished, I tried to interpret what she said. " Alright, so you went and...what now?" Before Pinkie could slow down her explanation, a bright light went off in the air and it had Twilight's Cutiemark. " What the Hell!?" The light slowly descended down from the sky and made its way to our group. Once the light had reached the ground, it flickered out to reveal Twilight. " Oh, Twilight, there you are. It seems you had everyone here worried."
Twilight picked herself up from where she landed and we saw that she had a couple of new additions to her person. A pair of lavender wings. Jackie was the first to recover from our collective shock. " I don't believe it. Twilight, we thought you were done for." She then wrapped her in a hug with tears streaming down her face.
Dash was next to come up to Twilight. " Aww yeah, Twilights got wings! Looks like I got me a new flying buddy!" Guess Dash and I have to teach her to fly.
Rarity put in her two cents. " Why, you've become an alicorn. This is terrific."
" Alicorn party!" And Pinkie is going to throw a party, no surprise there.
Orion and Jack went to look over Twilight's new wings. " Twilight, you look like mom and aunt Tia."
" Yeah, it's like you're a princess or something?"
" You couldn't be more right, Jack." Off to the side, Celestia had landed and came up to our group. " Through great struggle, Twilight has become an alicorn princess."
" Hold on a second." Pinkie pulled out a glass of water from...somewhere, drank it and do a spit-take.
" Indeed. When Twilight completed Starswirl's incomplete spell, she showed us that she is ready to become a princess."
We all stared at Twilight to see what her reaction to all this was. All we got out of her was this. " Since when did Jack and Orion get weapons?"
Author's Notes:
Alright, so they found the key but there's a problem with it. The boys have their own weapons and will make use of them in the future. Scootaloo now has a way to fly. Now, we head to the next big adventure, retrieving a stolen crown.
This may give you a hint.
Now for the fun clip
Through the looking glass.
Recap.
Okay, where to begin? Oh, I know, we'll start on the day Twilight was coronated. It was a glorious day, all the royals had our best suits on, Rarity even had a new one ready for me, though I had to be in my wolf form.
We stood at the foot of the throne room in Canterlot while Twilight walked down the aisle to receive her title and crown. The crown was just her element tiara but no one really gave a shit. As far as royal duties, she really didn't have any, though she did have authority. After the ceremony, and I'm not proud to admit this, I did try to throttle both her and Celestia for making Jackie and the others switch Cutiemarks.
After that, the boys got to show off their weapons and everyone was impressed, although, Jackie was a little concerned. When Scoots showed off her headgear, everyone was over the moon, especially Dash.
That was a week ago. Now, we were on our way to the Crystal Empire, again, for a royal summit. It used to be called the Princess summit, but with me being a king and Jackie and Lulu being my queens, we renamed it the royal summit.
End of recap
" Wow. We look good in crystal." Spike was admiring the statue of us while the rest of our friends and family made our way inside the castle.
" Yeah, it is impressive. Now come on, we're expected in the throne room." I directed Spike over to the door leading into the castle.
Before we could reach said door Rarity let out a huge gasp over at Twilight. " Twilight, where's your crown? You didn't leave it back in Ponyville, did you?"
" Rarity, relax. I have it in my bag." Spike presented the bag which held said crown. " The reason I'm not wearing it is that I feel self-conscious about wearing it. I still haven't gotten used to these yet." She started flapping her wings, trying to get airborne. All she was able to do was get a few feet in the air before faceplanting back on the ground.
Rarity made to shed some light on her situation. " Twilight, you're a Princess now. Embrace it! I'm telling you if I had a crown like that, I would never take it off. Why I'd sleep in the thing." And... she's making it all about herself again.
" I would not recommend that course of action. I remember how my crown used to give me awful bed-head whenever I slept with it on."
" Speaking of, when do I get some sort of fancy piece of headgear to show I'm a princess?"
Pinkie zipped over and snatched Jackie's hat. " Silly, you've always had a way to show you're royalty." She then put the hat on her head. " Hey, look! I'm Applejack! Howdy, howdy, howdy!"
" Aha, Ahaha, Gimme that." Jackie swiped her hat back from Pinkie and made her way inside the castle. When I looked back to Twilight, it seemed the small banter cheered her up a bit. At least, for the moment.
When we reached the throne room, the doors opened for us. Awaiting us inside was Celestia and Cadence, along with a cadre of guards playing bugles. It seems like overkill to me. While we walked in, Twilight looked around the throne room and bumped into a familiar guard. " Presenting! Princess Twilight. Princess Luna. Princess Applejack. And, Prince Joseph." This displeased me.
" Sentry! Front and center!" He zipped over and gave me a salute. " There are two things wrong with what you just did. One. You were supposed to be at the back by the doors to announce us. And two. You stood too far into the formation to where someone could bump into you." My explanation seemed to be making him sweat. " As punishment for your misconduct, you are to run around the outside of the castle two-hundred times. And if anyone should ask why you're doing that. Just answer that you're a running fool. Now move!"
" Sir yes, sir!" He gave me a quick salute and headed out the door.
While the rest of the room was flabbergasted at what happened, Spike just laughed and gave me a fist bump. " Wow, Joe. That was a shocking abuse of authority."
" Hey, I"m a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule." This got a laugh out of him, my Valkyries, Pinkie, and Dash.
" Yes, well, as fun as that was, I believe we should retire for the night." Celestia had a point. It was pretty late and I did feel like bedding down with my wives.
Surprise motherfucker! Sex.
My Valkyries and I made it to our guest room in the castle. Since the kids and Mimir were being watched by dad and Discord back home, we had the whole room to ourselves. As soon as the door closed, Luna's magic engulfed me and I was flung onto the bed. When I turned to face them, they were walking on either side of the bed with a hungry look in their eyes. " I hadn't realized it had been that long." Luna made to take off my pants, but I put up a hand to stop her. " Hold on. I didn't bring any condoms with me."
" Don't worry my king. I have learned a spell that puts a barrier around the womb." She then took off my pants, revealing my semi-erect cock. " So now, we can go back to enjoying our sessions bare-back."
" That's all I needed to hear." Jackie hoped onto the bed with me and took my dick in her mouth. While she was busy sucking on her lollipop, Luna cast a spell on both her and Jackie. Once Jackie felt the spell being cast on her, she pulled away from my now fully erect dick with a pop and looked me right in the eyes. " You're going to stuff me and Luna until our bellies are swollen with your baby batter." That was all I needed to hear.
With the snap of my fingers, all my clothes were gone, and I pounced on AJ, making her lay on her back. With her pinned under me, I started teasing her drooling snatch with my sword. " I hope you don't mind not walking right for a few days." With that little warning, I plunged into her pussy.
" Yes! That's what I'm talking about!" She started moaning as soon as I started pumping in and out of her like a machine. With a few hard thrusts, I was able to push her head over the side of the bed. While I kept thrusting into her, Luna grabbed a hold of Jackie's head and put it between her thighs.
" Since our king is servicing you first. You can please me with your tongue." With that said, she dropped her pussy onto Jackie's mouth and started to grind on her. Once Luna's pussy was close enough, Jackie started to explore her folds with her tongue and lap up the sweet nectar.
Seeing the display before me and feeling Jackies walls without any kind of barrier between us, made me close to climaxing. " Get ready Sugar. Here it comes!" With a few more thrusts, I bottomed down inside her while bringing Luna's mouth into mine, and let loose a flood of my seed into her belly.
" Aaaaahhh!!!" With her belly being filled with my hot spunk, Jackie had a leg quivering orgasm. " Haaaahhhh, I haven't felt an orgasm like that since our first time."
" Mmm, it would seem our husband has left quite the mess in you. Here, let me help you with that." Luna bent over Jackie in a sixty-nine position and started cleaning my cum out of her. While she was doing that, I positioned myself behind her and inserted a couple of fingers in Luna's waiting pussy. " Oooh! That's right, play with my love button."
While I fingerbanged Luna, Jackie took it upon herself to suck on Luna's clit. " Mmmm, nothing better after getting filled than to suck on a little moon candy." As much as I love our pillow talk, we really need to stop with the puns.
Seeing luna's cunt getting worked on by both my fingers and Jackie's tongue, gave rise to my spear. Dammit! No more puns. " Alright, get that ass ready for a pounding." I grabbed hold of her ass and entered her sweet honeypot. Once I entered, I gave her snatch a mighty pounding. Luna's moans were being muffled by Jackie's pussy, electing Jackie to work harder on her task. After a few minutes of thrusting, I reached my peak for the second time that night. " Get ready for my load!" After a few more hard thrusts, I let loose a tidal wave of sperm into Luna.
" Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!" Luna had her largest orgasm yet judging by her use of the royal Canterlot voice. When I retracted from her, a waterfall of our love juices spurted out right into Jackie's open mouth, though a lot of it covered her face. " By the stars above, that was fucking great!"
" Yeah, it was." I flopped onto the bed trying to regain my bearings. I didn't have long to wait since two pairs of hooves turned me over.
" I told you, Sugarecube. We ain't done until we look ready to burst."
" So you know what that means." Luna reached into her bag with her magic and brought out a riding crop. " Round two."
No mas! No mas!
After many rounds and eye-opening fetishes, we hunkered down for the night. We were a bit tired and didn't even feel like untangling ourselves from each other, so when we heard Twilight screaming about theft, we were slow to rise. " Stop! Someone took my crown!"
Not really having a clear head after our session, I plopped off the bed, wolfed out, and made my way into the hallway. " Which way did they go?" Before I could get my bearings, a pony in a cloak used me as a springboard. " Hey, what the hell-" Before I could make heads or tails of what just happened, Twilight crashed into me. " What the hell?"
" Sorry, but she's getting away with my crown!" She pointed over at the thief that was getting away. She stopped for a moment to give us a mocking wave before heading further down the hall.
" Grrr, no one steals from my friends and gets away with it!" I untangled myself from Twilight and made for the chase. I was able to catch up to her rather quickly, but once I got close enough, she teleported further down, blinding me with her cloak. " Hey, who turned out the lights?" As I ran around blindly, I crashed into the thief. " Aha, now I got ya." I used the cloak to grab hold of her and started punching what I assumed is her face. " Take that you no good bacon-haired thief!"
As I kept wailing on her, the voice started sounding more masculine. " Ouch! Joe, stop punching me...it's me...Shining!" I quite pummeling him and got him on his hooves. Twilight and the girls went after the burglar while I tended to Shining. " Why did you beat up on me?"
" Sorry, I was blinded during the chase and I thought you were the burglar." I looked at his head over to see that his nose was bleeding. " Oof, you might want to have that looked at." Suddenly, we heard an influx of magic. " Come on. We've got a thief to stop." We both ran down the hall and made it to where the girls were. " Well, did you stop her, where is she?" Instead of answering me, they all just kept staring at me. " What?"
Dash decided to speak for everyone. " Nice tool, Joe." I had completely forgotten that I ran out of the room naked.
The next morning.
After a quick breakfast, we all went to the throne room for Celestia to tell us a little bit about our thief, I even brought Mimir for this. " The one that has taken Twilight's crown, is an old student of mine. Her name is Sunset Shimmer, and she began her studies with me not long before Twilight did. She was a bright and very talented student, but she always wanted more. When she felt that she wasn't progressing as fast as she wanted, she started lashing out and mistreated others. Then, one day, she disappeared into the mirror, the same one she went through the other night." She got up and led us back to the room where the mirror is. " The mirror used to be in the castle back in Canterlot, but with Cadence and Shining taking over the Crystal Empire, I thought it would be safer."
We stopped in front of the mirror that was the center of our attention. " But, I don't understand. Why did she take my crown? Where did she go?"
" I would think it obvious why she took the crown. For power. That crown holds the element of magic and a small piece of Faust. In the wrong hands, it could turn deadly." All the faces in the room grew worried over Mimirs explanation. " As for where she went, even I'm not certain. Mirrors have always held different worlds and realities inside. Some of them so similar, you could spend your entire life trying to find any difference. Others, however, so different, you couldn't tell which way is up or down, defying comprehension."
" Ooooh, multiverse law. I always love those." I stepped up to the mirror and placed my hand against the glass. The glass gave way and light formed around my hand. " Hmm, wonder what kind of world they got on the other side?"
Celestia took back the crowd. " That is an answer even I don't know. But, I do know one thing. If Equestria is to survive, it needs all the elements together." I think I hear a quest coming on. " Twilight, you must journey through the portal and retrieve your crown."
Now my darling Moonpie steered the conversation. " But be warned, you can only remain inside the portal for three days. After that when the moon reaches its highest point in the sky, the portal will close for thirty moons."
While we all stared at Twilight, she gained her courage and stepped over to the portal. " I'm going in."
" Not without us you're not." I grabbed hold of Spike while directing a thumb to each of us.
" What!?" Was the response I got from everyone in the room.
" Whadda ya mean, what? You expect me to just stand here and let Twilight go into potentially hostile territory without some form of back-up? Yeah, keep dreaming, Spike and I are going." I put him down, gave Mimir to Luna, and made our way beside Twilight.
Twilight had some tears in her eyes. " Thank's you guys."
" Hey, you were the one who gave me life, it's the least I can do."
" I'll always have yours and the girls back." I then went and leaned next to her ear. " Between you and me. This sounds like an excellent opportunity for another adventure." I chuckled at that while she just rolled her eyes. " Now come on, we're wasting time."
Before we went through the mirror, Shining stopped me with his hoof. " You bring my sister and brother back in good health, you hear?" I nodded yes while holding in my laughter. It was hard to take him seriously when his muzzle was still a bit broken.
" You pft...have my word as a king and a warrior. By the way, I'm sorry about your muzzle. Here, let me just," I pressed his muzzle with two fingers and pulled.
" Ow! Ow! Ow!" While he was holding his muzzle in pain, I grabbed a hold of my traveling companions and leaped through the mirror. As soon as we entered, our world became a kaleidoscope of moving colors and flashing lights. Our bodies felt like they were being stretched and pulled in ways we never felt before. Soon enough, we just couldn't take our ordeal and we blacked out.
I opened my eyes only to close them quickly due to the bright light. " Shit. Feels like the morning after Shining's bachelor party." With a little more effort, I got up from the ground I lay upon. When I got up, I took note of our surroundings. From what I gathered, we stumbled upon a suburban neighborhood and stood before a large two-story building with a large lawn. Behind me, stood a statue with a horse standing on its hind legs. " Hmm, guess that's the portal back? Hey, where the hell is Spike and Twilight?"
" Uh, down here." I directed my focus down where I heard Spike. When I looked down, I was greeted by a dog with Spike's scale color scheme.
I stared at him for a solid minute before speaking. " So...you're a dog huh? How's a...how's that going for you?"
" So far, not to bad, though I do have this urge to bite at my crotch." He looked over to his left where a teenaged girl was laying on the ground. " And I think that's Twilight. Though her Cutiemark on her skirt is a dead give-away."
Spike came up to her face and tried waking her up. After a minute of unsuccessfully trying to wake her, he gave up. " It's no use." He then looked at me. " Care to give it a shot?"
" Seems like a reoccurring theme in our lives, Twilight being unconscious and me having to awaken her. Such is life." I got in the usual position and readied my hand. " Twiliiiiiight.... time to wake uuuuupppp. ( Slap) Rise and shine, Egg-head. ( Slap) Get up, we have a crown to find. ( Slap) Fine then, just so you know, you brought this on yourself. ( Slap) That's for changing our friends Cutiemarks! ( Slap) That's for all the dog jokes behind my back! ( Slap) That's for not coming by the house just to say high! ( Slap) That's for all the furry midgets in the world! ( Slap) That's for always working late! ( Slap) That's for making me take multiple trips to Midgard for you and your crazy book fetish! ( Slap) That's for being the main character in the series! ( Slap) And finally! ( Slap) That's to wake you up so we can start this adventure!" She didn't stir from her slumber. " Alright, let's try something different." I wet my index finger and stuck it in her ear.
The wet-willie I gave her made her wake up with a start. " Eeeewwww! that is so gross!"
" Yes, but effective." I held out my hand for her to take and when she reached up to take it, she took note of her new appendage and withdrew it to study it. " Yes, that's correct, you are now a human. Now get up, you can freak out about it later." I got her onto her feet and looked her over. She was slender and had the same skin color as her fur and was about a head shorter than me " Gotta say, you look good as a human."
" Thanks, I guess." She tried standing on her own but ultimately failed. " Uuuuggghh, how am I supposed to get around on just two legs?"
" Well, you're gonna have to learn quickly, because every moment we spend teaching you to walk, is a moment we lose trying to find your crown." I know I'm being a little harsh, but we needed to get going. Seeing her downtrodden look, I decided to give her some help. " Here, lean on me, I'll help you walk around." I hoisted her back on her feet and helped her get around. After a few minutes, she was ready to walk on her own.
" Thanks again." She started taking in her surroundings now that she could stand without training wheels. " Where are we exactly?"
" I'm not sure. I thought at first we had arrived somewhere in Midgard, but with you turning into a human and Spike becoming a dog. I think we entered an alternate version of Equestria." I looked over at a sign on one of the shops to see it read a very familiar sweet shop. " See, look over there, it's Sugarcube corner."
" At least we have somewhere to get a quick bite." Spike then started scratching his head with his hind leg and realized what he was doing. " Hey, Joe, do you mind turning me into a human, like when we went to Vegas?"
" Sure thing buddy." With a wave of my hand, Spike's body went from canine to human. " There you go. Might as well take care of this as well" I waved more magic onto my wings where they became cloaked from sight. With another wave, I shrunk Frostbite to the size of a key so no one would become suspicious. " Alright, let's go find your crown Twi." I started sniffing the top of Twilight's head.
" Um...Joe...what are you doing?"
" Duh, I'm trying to pick up the scent of your crown that's been on your head, or did you forget that I'm a Werewolf?" Her cheeks turned red in embarrassment after remembering that fact. After I got her scent, I started sniffing the air around us. After a few more sniffs, I had picked up the trail. " The trail leads over to that building over there."
" You mean my crown is held up in that castle over there?"
I raised an eyebrow at the building up ahead. " Uh, Twilight, that's not a castle."
" Well, what is it then?"
" Well, my stomach aches and my palms just got sweaty. It must be a Highschool." I led the others over to the Highschool while following the scent. We went into the school and saw that the halls were devoid of life, classes must still be in session. " Okay, the scent is getting stronger over there." I pointed down over to where there were a crap ton of lockers. " Now, let's try and find the crown before-" Ring ring ring ring ring! "-the bell rings...Crap!"
Before we knew it, the halls became infested with students that looked an awful lot like ponies we know back in Equestria. It was to be expected to be sure, but it was still weird to see friends and neighbors I've come to know, have different bodies and actually wear clothes. As soon as I could find a gap between the crowd, I took Twilight and Spike by the hand and dashed us over to the lockers. " Whew, reminds me of my days back in school."
" What? The strange sights or the unfamiliar yet familiar people that look like our friends?"
" No, dipping and diving around people to get from point A to point B. How do you think I became my school's Runningback?" Before we made it over to where the scent got stronger, we bumped into the human version of Flash. " Oops, sorry buddy."
" Hey, no problem." Hey got off his ass and took a look at our trio. " So, you guys new here?"
" Uh, yeah. We're foreign exchange students from...um...Texas. Over in...Austin." Hopefully, this Flash is just as dumb as the one back home and just accept my story.
" Oh, that's cool." He reached his hand to us for introductions. " Hi, I'm Flash."
I took his hand and gave it a firm shake. " Name's Joe." I pointed over to my two companions. " These are my cousins, Twilight and Spike. We were going through the school to get our bearings before we start our classes next week. So if you don't mind, we'd like to continue. But who knows, maybe we'll see each other at lunch?" We passed him by and went down the hall. " No matter what reality, that guy's so dense."
" So true." We kept on going through the halls in our search.
When we neared a corner we heard a familiar voice. " Oh..I'm really sorry. I..I just found it and I thought I should give it to her. I didn't know you dropped it."
" That sounds a lot like Fluttershy." We rounded the corner to see a human version of Fluttershy being loomed over by a girl with red and yellow hair. At least we found the thief and from what we're hearing, she doesn't have the crown.
" Well, I did and I was about to get it before you went and ruined everything. You shouldn't pick up thing's that don't belong to you." The irony is lost on her.
" It...it doesn't actually belong to you either."
" Excuse me!" This caused Fluttershy to sink under Sunset's gaze. It made my blood start to boil. " That's what I thought. It's as good as mine and you know it! You really are pathetic! It's no wonder all your friends are stray animals!"
Before Spike or I could do anything, Twilight stepped out to defend our friend's doppelganger. " How dare you speak to her that way!" There goes our stealth.
Shimmer turned her attention from Shy, to us. " What did you say?" Seems no one has ever questioned her authority before, until now.
Twilight started walking up to her. " I said. How dare you speak to her that way." They were both sizing each other up once they met in the middle.
I half expected Sunset to throw a punch or lash out in some way. Instead, she just gave her a smirk. " You must be new here." She then flicked Twilight's nose when she was distracted. She started walking away while giving her one last little fact. " I can speak to anyone anyway I want." The few students that were between her and us, immediately parted for her, hell, a guy even put himself in his own locker. When she was stopped by both Spike and me, she just raised a brow at us. " What are you dorks doing? Move!" All we did was keep stand and cross our arms. " What are you, deaf?"
I gave her a wolfish grin while baring my fangs. She seemed to remember me with the look of surprise on her face. " Oh, good, you recognize me. That's good because I remember you." She started to visibly sweat at that point. " Why don't you run along, before I decide to show you my other side." I made a low growl, making her shake before she ran off.
When she was out of sight, human Fluttershy spoke up. " I can't believe you three stood up to her."
" Well, we couldn't just let her push others around." Ah, Twilight. Always the first to defend her friends
" I know, it's just that, no one ever stands up to Sunset Shimmer." Why not? She seems to have no real power and is lacking in muscle mass, although, most of these guys look like they could hit the gym.
I stepped up to her. " It always has to start with someone." When she looked up at me, her breath caught in her throat and her cheeks became red. Must be my beard. " My name is Joe. These are my cousins, Twilight and Spike."
With hesitation, as per her character, she gave us her name. " I'm Fluttershy. I don't think I've seen you three before. Did you just transfer to Canterlot High from another school?"
" We did. We're foreign exchange students from Austin Texas. Um...we couldn't help but overhear the conversation between you and...Sunset was it? She said you picked something up that was her's. What was it exactly?" I had a hunch that it might be the crown, but with how petty and rude Sunset seemed, it could have been a pack of gum for all I know.
" It was a crown. Earlier this morning, I was passing out fliers for more volunteers at the animal shelter like I do every Wednesday. When I wasn't looking, a crown came up behind me and hit me in the head." Must've been when Twilight Tackled Sunset in the mirror room. " Since I didn't know where it came from, I figured I should give it to Principal Celestia." Pfffttt hahaha. Oh, I am so going to rub that in her face when we get back.
" Hey, speaking of the Principal, we need to go see her about our classes and such. Could you please point out her office."
" Of course. Down the hall, third door on the left." We thanked her and headed for the office just as the bell rang.
When we got to the office, I stopped Twilight and Spike to discuss a game plan. " Okay, we'll ask about the crown. Hopefully, she'll let us have it back. If there are complications, do what we do best."
" Make up a half-assed backup plan?"
" Spike! That's not what we do."
" Actually, that is the plan." Twilight rolled her eyes before falling in line. " Alright, let's do this." I knocked on the door and waited for a response.
" Come in." We entered the office to find the human version of Celestia going through papers. I guess some things never change.
" How may I help you today?"
" Yes, we're new here and we wanted to ask you about a crown that was brought to you earlier. We-" I was interrupted by her holding her hand up at me.
" I know the one you're talking about." She got up and went over to her filing cabinet. " I had vice-principal Luna put it somewhere for safekeeping, I have no idea how it ended up on the front lawn." She then directed her attention to Twilight. " Were you interested in running for Princess of the Fall Formal this year?"
She looked a little shocked at that. " Princess of the Fall Formal?"
" It's Canterlot High's big fall dance."
" Like the Grand Galloping Gala." I tried to cover her mouth, but it was too late.
" The Grand Galloping Gala?" Nice going Twi.
" It's a dance back at our old school. It was very horse-themed you know." I glared over at Twilight, reminding her to keep a low profile.
" And was there a princess?" I looked over to the sidewall to see three photos of Sunset wearing a crown, each one of them looked like she was progressing into an evil dictator.
" Yeah there was but she can be a real pain in the ass from time to time. Alway's reminding everyone about the importance of book conditions and late fees." She gave me a weird look after I said that. " That's why I don't check out books over there anymore." Twilight elbowed me in the ribs for that jab. " Anyway, that's why we're here, to see if my cousin can compete for the Fall Formal."
" Well, if you want to compete, you'll have to let the head of the Fall Formal planning committee know that you'd like to be on the ballot." She led us out of her office and went back to work. " If you need anything else, my door is always open." She then closed the door. The irony in all that.
As we went down the hall, Spike shared with us his thoughts on what just went down. " Why the hell didn't we just tell her the crown was your's Twilight? We could be heading home right now. Joe, don't you have the crowns scent still?"
" I tried to catch the scent in her office. All I got was paper, ink, and to no one's surprise, cake. The scent I picked up earlier has faded and I have no idea where this worlds Luna hid it. We try and find it by force or stealth, they'll come looking for it, and that could turn ugly. Twilight getting on the ballot and winning the crown is our best bet. Even if Sunset were to win, we'll know where the crown is and take it later." My plan may have sounded complicated and might have a flaw or two, but it was the only one we had at the moment.
" Sigh, whatever. So, how do we find the head of the committee?"
Before I could answer him, the bell rang again. Soon, another stampede of students came out into the halls, though this time, they all headed in a single direction, the cafeteria. " How about we get some lunch first, I'm starved." We followed the crowd and wound up in the cafeteria and oddly enough, got in line behind Fluttershy. " Hello again." She nodded while we got our food.
Twilight went over to Fluttershy while we filled our trays. " I know we just met, but maybe you can help me with something." She absentmindedly took a beef burger while talking. To save her a few years of therapy, I took her burger and replaced it with a veggie burger.
" Of course. Anything for you three after you stood up to Sunset for me." She sent me a wink my way. This is starting to feel a lot like my years in Highschool.
While grabbing for a fruit salad, she revealed our plan. " I've decided to run for Princess of the Fall Formal and-" That's about as far as she got before Fluttershy started freaking out.
" Gasp!" She went and spilled the whole salad onto Twilight. " Oh, sorry." She went and grabbed a stack of napkins and went to town on Twilight's clothes. " Running for Fall Formal Princess is a really bad idea."
" Really? Why?" I suspect it has something to do with Shimmer.
" Sunset Shimmer wants to be Fall Formal Princess, and when she wants something, she gets it." Called it. " She'll make life awful for anyone who stands in her way." While I paid for our lunches, I had to do a double-take on the woman at the register. I had no idea Granny was fat.
While we went towards a table, Twilight tried reassuring her. " I have to try." Way to sell it Twi.
Fluttershy just gave us a look of defeat. " I don't think you understand. In order for you to win, you would have to get everyone to vote for you instead of her. That means you need to convince the Athletes, the Fashionistas, the Dramas, the Eco kids, the Techies, and the Rockers."
" Why is everypony" Spike slapped her upside the head for making another slip. " Uh...I mean, everybody, separated this way?"
" Wait, you didn't have groups at your old school?"
" We did, but my cousin is a bookworm and never noticed anything that wasn't on the printed page." Shy nodded her head in understanding while Twi jabbed my ribs with an elbow. " Anyway, I think with our help, Twilight can get the vote from the Jocks, Hipsters, Queens, Hippies, Nerds, and Metalheads." Shy held in a giggle while Twi elbowed me again.
We found a table and sat. " So, all we have to do is convince everyone to vote for Twilight, instead of the school bully. Can't be too hard."
" That's where you'd be wrong, Spike. From what I've gathered, Sunset's established herself as the figurehead of Highschool society. The other students fear what she might do to them if they cross her, and with today's technology who knows what she'll do." I then started to ponder something. " Of course, there might be a small pocket resistance that wants to end Sunset's reign of terror and will help us. But Sunset most likely saw that coming, so she used sabotage to separate them so that wouldn't happen."
The whole table, as well as some of the ones eavesdropping from other tables, kept staring at me like I had a screw loose. " Joe, that is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard today! Where did you even come up with that?"
" I read the script."
" What?"
" I watched a lot of movies involving Highschool shenanigans." Twilight rolled her eyes while the others laughed. " So, where might we find the head of the committee?"
We made our way to the gym after we ate to find the head of the committee. Even though she didn't give away a name, I had a suspicion as to who we would meet. " So, five dollars says the head of the committee is the human version of Pinkie Pie," I whispered over to Spike.
Spike just scoffed. " Fools bet. I bet ten dollars she can do all the things our Pinkie can do," He whispered back.
" You're on!" We shook hands then proceeded to butt our heads together.
" Will you guys quite it. Let's just find whoever's in charge and get-" Once again, Twilight was interrupted by a loud and familiar voice.
" Incoming!" Above us, a hailstorm of confetti rained down on us, turning us into mummies from the sixties. When we got ourselves unwrapped, we came to find the head of the party committee, and wouldn't you know, it was Pinkie.
While Twilight went to make introductions, I fished out ten bucks and gave it over to Spike. " Hehe, easy money."
" Yeah, yeah, keep laughing lizard-boy. Just remember who can easily turn you back into a dog, see how long before you start chewing on your own ass." He quickly shut his mouth while pocketing his money.
Before more could be said, Pinkie grabbed us both by our shirt collars. " As for you two. You remind me of the dog that belongs to your cousin's clone." That one was directed at Spike. " As for you. You're a legend in an alternate reality and can become a wolf-like creature whenever you want...also, I'm Pinkie Pie...can I get your number?" What is it with these mirror versions of our friends and their attraction towards me?
When she released us, I tried to play it off. " Yes, well. I do create characters for Gearbox Software. As for my number, I'm kind of already promised to...someone else." Starting to get tired of making up bullshit. " So, you're the head of the committee?"
" I prefer the title, Premiere Party Planner Extraordinaire. But yes, I'm head of the Fall Formal committee." She then pulled a balloon from her hair and started to air it up.
" Of course you prefer that. Anyway, Fluttershy informed us that you're the one we need to speak to about getting my cousin on the ballot." Her expression went from carefree, to deadpan.
" Fluttershy huh." She let the ballon she had pop in her grasp. " Don't let the whole shy thing fool you, she can be a real meanie." All three of us looked between one another before laughing our asses off. " Hey, I'm being serious, this time."
" By the gods, what the hell have you been smoking? That girl is too kind-hearted to even be considered mean."
Pinkie just rolled her eyes before regaining her trademark smile. " Anywho, I just need you to fill this out and you'll be on the ballot for Fall Formal Princess." She gave Twilight a clipboard and pen from out of her hair and waited for her to sign. At first, it looked like Twi was about to sign with her mouth, but she thought it would be too weird, even for Pinkie. She then tried writing with her hand, but it just looked like she was carving a message in a prisoner's ass. When she was done, Pinkie couldn't believe what she was reading. " Wow! you have really bad hand-writing. It's almost as if you've never held a pen before." Twilight tried to play it off with a laugh and even looked to me for help. Hey, don't blame me for your penmanship.
Before we could go further into our plan, a very familiar voice made me choke on my breath. " Somebody order a dozen cases of fizzy apple cider?" I turned towards the door to see the human version of my sweet country maiden, Applejack.
It took all my willpower to remind myself that this is a completely different person, not my wife, and not to run over and embrace her. While she was bringing in the drinks, another familiar face walked in. " Alright AJ, here are a few more cases." The familiar face being my brother-in-law, Big Mac, though it looked like he had all his teeth. " I'll go get the rest."
" Sure thing Bro." While she went to bring the cider over to the snack table, her eyes caught hold of us. " Hey, I know you three."
We all had stunned looks on our faces. Twilight was the first to recover. " You do? How?"
" Word about you three has been spreading around ever since you gave Sunset the what-for earlier today." She then set her eyes on me. " And of course, we all heard about this handsome devil scaring the crap out of Sunset." My cheeks started to redden as she made her way over with a couple of ciders and handing me one. " Hi...name's Applejack."
I reached out my hand and gave hers a firm shake. " I'm the one known as Joe." She giggled while taking a swig. Before the moment could go any further, Pinkie interrupted.
" Anyway, Twilight over there is running against Sunset for Fall Formal Princess." AJ's eyes went wide before she did a spit-take right in my face.
" Oh, sorry Joe." She offered me a handkerchief which I took gratefully.
" No problem." I used the offered cloth and started wiping my face. " From what we've been hearing about Sunset so far, that was probably the correct response. Could you direct me to the nearest bathroom." She pointed down the hall where the bathroom is. " Thanks, darling." I gave her a wink before heading off.
Once I made it into the bathroom, my charm turned into worry as I went to the sink and kept splashing water in my face. The water got rid of the cider on my face, as well as all my thoughts about being with this world's Jackie. " Okay, calm the fuck down, and get a hold of yourself. You are married to your Jackie and your Lulu. She may sound and look similar to your country maiden but she! Is! Not!" I took a long breath before heading back over to the gym.
When I got back, Twilight and Spike had left, leaving a pissed off Jackie and a still smiling Pinkie. " Did I miss something? Where'd my cousins head off to?"
Applejack calmed down a little and answered. " They left looking for their lockers, at least that's what Twilight said. If I were you, I'd hurry up and find them, 'cause Sunset and her cronies are looking for them as well."
" Thanks," I remembered the handkerchief and held it out for her. " I believe this belongs to you."
She smiled before pushing my hand back. " Keep it. A little reminder of me." She winked my way before going about her business.
I stuffed the cloth and headed for the scent of my niece and nephew. A minute or two later I found both them and Sunset. From the looks of things, she had been threatening them and I was catching the ass end of it. " You wanna be a princess here? Please." She started walking my way but hadn't seen me yet. " You don't know the first thing about fitting in." Before she could go further, she bumped into me. " Hey, watch where...you're...going." Her eyes shrunk down to pinpricks after realizing who she ran into.
" Hmm, it seems someone forgot their lesson from earlier." I let out a low growl and held out my hand. With her attention on my hand, I morphed it into a claw while adding a blue flame to the ends of each fingernail. At the sight of my magic, she started to shake with fear. " Just keep pushing me, and I'll make you regret every decision you've ever made after leaving Equestria." With that, she went past me and ran off. " Hehe, that's gonna be fun while it lasts."
Spike and Twilight came over and I gave a disappointed glare over to Spike. " What good is that training I gave you if you're not going to use it."
" If I had, she would have just shown her injuries to someone with authority and then we would need to make a hasty retreat, compromising the plan entirely." I thought about what he said and realized that he was right. " Anyway, we were about to head to the library for research. Wanna come along?"
" As much as a study session with you two sounds fun, I'm going out to get us a hotel room for the night." I left them to there own devices while I headed out the door.
As I was walking by the statue, I placed my hand where the portal is. " Don't worry, we'll be home soon." I pulled my hand away and made my way for the city. When I made my way to an empty alley, an idea formulated in my head. " I wonder." I made sure no one was around and made my right hand into a claw. Doing one more check to see if anyone was watching, I slashed the air in front of me. The results were interesting. " Hmm, this is interesting."
The next morning.
We made our way back to the school after our day of reconnaissance and made our plans on how to get Twilight the vote. I suggested this sign.
Sex!
Now that I have your attention.
Vote for Twilight.
" I think that'll get people on board. What do you guys think?"
" I love it!" Spike was going over my phone, looking for some music to use in case it comes to that.
Twilight just huffed at my sign. " I don't think that will help. Besides, I've composed a list of how to win over the different groups of students, also, the notes you gave me from that Ridgemount High place were really helpful." I start to chuckle at the fact that she took those seriously.
" Glad I could help." We had reached the school and entered the halls. As soon as we were spotted, all the students started hiding their mouths while snickering. At first, I thought one of us had something on our clothing or something like that. When I did a once over for all of us, I saw that wasn't the case.
" Why are they all laughing at us?" Before Spike or I could answer her, she was grabbed and pulled into a side room. " Woah!"
" Hey!" Spike and I barged through the door, ready for anything. What we saw, was Twilight getting measured by someone. " Excuse me, but what the hell do you think you're doing?" The person that grabbed Twilight turned to us and we were shocked to see who it was. Actually, at this point, it wasn't that surprising to find the human version of Rarity.
" Just a moment darlings, I need to make one final adjustment for Twilight." She reached into her pack and brought out a dress and wig then draped it over Twilight. " Perfect. Now no one will recognize you."
" Why would I want anybody to not notice me?" I really hope Rarity isn't working for Sunset.
Before we could get any answers, the other girls came in through the other door led by Jackie. " There you are Twilight. We've been looking for you."
Pinkie jumped over to her and gave her a once over. " I love your new outfit."
" I do have an eye for this sort of thing. Not that you seem to care." She directed that over to Pinkie and she was shocked to be blamed for that.
" I hate to break up this small feud. But why would you want Twilight to not be recognized? I mean we're trying to get her the vote for the Fall Formal, I even made a poster for it." I let them have a look and the only one that didn't look away in disgust was Pinkie. " Does anything from TV actually work?" I crumpled up the poster and tossed it into the wastebasket.
" Yes, well, despite the poster. I take it you three haven't seen the video yet?" We just looked at her with confusion.
" Nope, they haven't." Pinkie brought out her laptop and brought up this world's version of Youtube and clicked on a video of Twilight. " It's really not that bad." It was really bad. The video showed Twilight in the library, acting like a clueless moron, banging on the computer's keyboard, picking up books with her mouth, and to top it off, being afraid of a damn copy machine. The whole thing was being narrated by Sunset, making it sound like a campaign video, though I suppose that's what it's meant to be. When it was over, Twilight closed the laptop and looked to be on the verge of tears. " I take that back, it's pretty bad."
" I can't believe it. Is that why everyone was laughing at me?"
" No shit that's the reason. I guess my warnings did nothing to stop her. I might have to up the anty a bit." I told them while cracking my knuckles.
" This is awful, no one will vote for me after this!"
Fluttershy was the first to come over and comfort her. " Not that it will make any difference, but I'll still vote for you." All this seemed to do was cause Twilight to bang her head on the desk she was sitting at. " It was very nice of you and your cousins to stop Sunset from picking on me." Even in a mirrored world, these girls represent the elements back home.
" If you still wanna run, maybe there's something I can do to help." This earned her the stink-eye from Fluttershy.
Shy leaned in to whisper between us. " Word of advice. Don't accept her help, she doesn't take anything seriously." Only half true.
It seems she was able to hear us. " What! Why do you have to be so awful to me!?"
Rarity decided to add her two cents. " Don't even try to play innocent Pinkie Pie. You are no better than she is." She went and pointed an accusing finger over at Fluttershy.
Pinkie grabbed Rarity by her shoulders and screamed, " And what is that supposed to mean!?"
" Will ya'll just shut it already!" They all looked over to Applejack who was watching the whole thing on the sidelines. " Get over what happened and move on."
" Oh, just like how you got over what happened between you and Rainbow Dash." Rarity accused her.
" She said she would get the softball team to make an appearance at my bake sale. I tell everybody they're coming and not one of them shows up. She made a liar out of me. That's different." This sparked a powder keg between the four of them and they started arguing again.
Seeing as how this was getting us nowhere, I decided to do the only logical thing. I reached into Pinkie's hair, brought out an air-horn and let it loose.
The noise ceased their argument. " Enough of this bullshit." I gave Pinkie her horn back and reached in Twilights bag. I brought out the yearbook she got from the library and showed them the group picture in their freshman year. " Now, how about you four explain how you went from being friends to trying to tear each other's throats?"
Twilight seemed to have a theory. " I think Sunset was behind this."
" Yeah, she seems to be the cause of every other problem here. Just another reason to crush her." Love that enthusiasm, Spike.
" It's a nice theory darling, but Sunset Shimmer had nothing to do with it." Is, is she kidding me?
Fluttershy started listing reasons for not liking Pinkie " She's right. Sunset's not the one who ruined the silent auction for the animal shelter by bringing fireworks and noisemakers. It was supposed to be a serious event, and Pinkie ruined it."
" What are you talking about!? I got a text from you saying that you wanted a big party." Hmm, interesting.
" But, I never sent you a text." Both of their eyes widened in realization.
" You don't think she's the one who's been sending me e-mails every time I volunteer to help with Pinkie and her decorations? Each time it says she has all the help she needs, only to find out later that she did it all by herself."
" I never sent you any e-mails like that."
" Can everyone see where this is going? Sunset has been deliberately driving you all apart, and through text. Wait, you never texted back or better yet, called to confirm this information?" They all looked away, telling me that the thought had never occurred to them. " Ugh, this is why I don't text."
" So, if she's been the one behind all this, then that means she also did the same with Dash."
" You telling me you never once asked why she didn't show up?"
" I guess I kinda stopped talking to her after that." A lone tear had escaped her eye after realizing she had been avoiding her long-time friend.
I came up and put my arm around her. " Why don't we go find her and make things right?" She smiled and nodded her head in approval.
" That's very nice darling, though what are we going to do about the video about Twilight?"
" Don't worry, I got it covered." I brought out my phone and went over to Pinkie's laptop. With both of them out, I downloaded a video to distract the masses from Sunset's video. " There, that she keep them distracted." I pulled up the video so the others could see what I put up.
" There, that ought to distract them." I got up and led them out the door. " Okay, let's go find the last member of the gang." And we were off to go find Rainbow.
We made it to the soccer field where Applejack went to confront Rainbow Dash. I sat with the others while they started talking. " Ooh, they're talking, that's a good sign." Rarity announced the obvious to us. Another minute passes and they're hugging after what must have felt like forever.
" Huuuggss! Hugs are always good." That they are Pinkie, that they are. The duo came over to us to make the introductions, even though we already know her.
" So, it turns out that someone, and I think we can safely assume that it was Sunset, told Dash that my bake sale was on a different day. Dash had shown up with the softball team and thought I had canceled on her." And we come full circle.
" Yep, we buried the hatchet and we're friends again." She then directed her attention to Twilight. " So, you're looking to dethrone Sunset Shimmer, and become Princess of the Fall Formal, huh?" Twilight just nodded her head, yes. " Awesome! I'll totally help you with that, on one condition though."
" Let me guess, you want to have a game of one-on-one with Twilight?"
" Nope. I want a one-on-one game with you, big guy." This earned a gasp from most of the girls.
" Sure, but why me? Twilight's the one running for Princess."
" True, but, and don't take offense Twi, but you look like you could be more of a challenge. First to five goals wins." She sent me a wink before throwing the ball in the air and kicked it while it was above her head and into the goal. " One, zip!"
" Oh, that is such bullshit! Spike, plug in these tunes while I mop the floor with her!" I handed my phone to him and got ready to put this world's Dash in her place.
" On it!" He took out some speakers I bought the other day and plugged my phone in. When we got in position, he pressed play.
I started as Goalie for my net while Dash came running up with the ball. When she was close she kicked the ball like it was shot from a cannon. As the ball sped up to me, I pulled my head back and struck the ball with enough force to launch it into her unprotected net just as the lyrics started to pick up. Dash and the others were gobsmacked at what just happened, good. One, one.
With me handling the ball, I made my way towards Dash's goal. She attempted to take control from the side but I just kicked it in the air and head-butted into the net again. Two, one.
Dash had the ball again and tried zig-zagging around the field to try and get the upper hand. I cut off her plan by kicking the ball up in the air and roundhousing it in mid-air, right into the net. Three, one. " Come on Dash, at least make it a challenge for me!"
This seemed to elicit a smirk from her. " One challenge coming up." She kicked the ball in a high ark from her goal while I was just a few feet away from where she stood. " How's that for a-huh?" She didn't get the chance to finish since I started at a dead sprint over to my goal. Before the ball could reach its zenith, I made it over to my goal. As the ball made it's way down, I slowly turned my back on the ball and waited. " What's he doing?" When the ball got close enough, I performed a backflip kick, rocketing the ball back to Dash where it caught her in the stomach and pushed her into the net. Four, one.
I ran over to the goal to see if Dash was okay. " Hey, you alright? Do you need a minute?"
She groggily sat up and gave me a glare. " I'm not giving up until the game's over!" I looked to the ball that was by her and tapped it into the net, winning the game. " Okay, now I give." She slumped back onto the ground, admitting defeat.
I shook my head while putting her over my shoulder. I walked back over to my audience who all had wide-eyed looks. " Who's up for coffee? My treat."
Sugarcube Corner. A place to go when you need a nice cup of coffee and plan on how to take down a schoolyard tyrant. When we all had our beverage, we tried to formulate a plan. " So, any bright ideas on what to do?" I asked them while Twilight was cleaning the coffee that Flash spilled on both of them.
Applejack was the first to speak. " In all honesty, there aren't that many options. The dance is tomorrow and people will still be talking about the video Sunset posted about Twilight. The video that Joe posted earlier might sidetrack them for a little while, but we still need everyone to see her differently."
We pondered on how to make them see Twilight in a different light but came up short. At least until this happened. " I've got it!" The whole place was brought to our group discussion. Rarity blushes in embarrassment before clearing her throat. " I mean, perhaps I have a solution." She reached into her gym bag and brought out a fake pair of pony ears and a tail. " Now, this might be an absolutely preposterous idea, but, what if we all wore these as a sign of unity?" We just kept staring at her. " Freshman year they were very popular, a way to show everyone their school spirit, you know. Go Canterlot Wondercolts!" And we just kept staring. " I haven't sold any of these in ages." Called it. " Look, each one of us may be different, but deep down we're all Wondercolts." Sounds like a soon to be canceled Saturday morning cartoon. " Sunset Shimmer was the one who divided us. Twilight Sparkle is the one who united us. And we're gonna let everyone know it." She managed to put a pair of ears on all of us while giving her speech. " What do you think?"
We silently agreed with her while Spike leaned over to whisper something. " Now you see why I fell for her."
" Really, I thought it was because of her ass," I whispered back to him.
The day of the dance, 12 o'clock.
We were all in position. Rarity was with the Hipsters, Dash with the Jocks, Pinkie by the lunch line, Shy sat with the Hippies, Applejack sat with the human CMC, Twilight waited outside for her grand entrance, and Spike and I sat in the corner waiting for our cue. Once the girls put on their ears and tails, they started to stomp their feet on the ground and bang on the table in a rhythm almost like the one from Queen's song We will rock you. Once the banging gained enough attention, I plugged my phone into the speakers while Spike turned up the volume. Once that was done, the girls started their routine.
( Stop at 3:30.)
https://youtu.be/o2t4CahftYo?list=PL8pKbmq9QdC4n_vx6exXCOkDWoxZ4udJr&t=53
As they sang and danced, the groups of students started intermingling with each other. When they started getting more chummy with each other, Spike and I distributed more ears and ponytails to the joyful masses that started getting onboard Twilight's bandwagon. To be honest, Spike and I had to hide our stiffies when we saw the alternate versions of our loved ones dancing amongst the crowd.
When the song was over, Spike and I went around the room with a clipboard each and started getting signatures, cementing Twilights road towards her crown. When we had everyone's signature, Spike and I opened up some soda and toasted to our success. " Here's to getting that much closer to getting Twilight's crown and getting closer to going home."
" Cheers." We clinked our bottles and chugged.
We were walking down the halls after lunch to see everyone wearing the pony accessories and intermingling with people outside their regular groups. It seems like the plan's working. " Gotta say Twi, it looks like you're gonna win." She gave me a small smile while we continued down the hall. As we kept walking, we ran into some familiar faces. The group consisted of three people, the human versions of Snips and Snails, flanking a smirking Sunset Shimmer. " What the hell is she smiling for?" All three of them walked by us, Snips and Snails snickered at us while Sunset kept her smug demeanor, even when she walked by me. This can't be good.
Sunset walked up to what looked like an administrative office. Since it wasn't Celestia's office, it could only belong to one other person. She knocked on the door and put on a sad and pleading face. When the door opened, my breath caught in my throat at the sight of the human version of my moon bride.
The sight of her had me stupified to the point I didn't even register what was being said until Spike started shaking me when they left. " Joe, come on, we need to follow them." I shook off the cobwebs and proceeded to follow them with Spike behind me.
We followed them to the gym and found the place had been trashed. " This is just awful, and after Pinkie worked so hard to make things so perfect." Sunset put on an innocent-looking farce while saying that. You're not fooling anyone. " Why would Joe and Twilight do this?" Oh, that is such bullshit.
" Why would you think Joe and Twilight were responsible for this?"
" Because I have proof." She holds out a manilla folder with what might hold false evidence.
" I call bullshit!" I got out of my hiding spot and confronted them. " Let me see that folder." I swiped the folder and fished out the contents. What I found was some poorly put-together photos depicting Twilight and me, destroying the gym. " These are clearly fake."
" What!? These are real photos. Look, that's you kicking the tables, and that's Twilight popping all the balloons."
" Yeah, you're right. But if I do this," I peeled off the glued on figures and switched them. " it looks like I'm popping the balloons, and Twilight is knocking over the tables."
Luna looked over the photos while Sunset tried to explain the situation. " I..I had no idea that Snips and Snails gave me false evidence. I guess those two just don't like you two that much."
" Which I find odd since we haven't met yet." I then give her a devilish grin. " But they seem to know you, at least, enough to share false evidence that would frame your competitor and their associates. Which makes me think that they're working for you."
Luna gave Sunset an accusing eye while she started shaking. " I can't help it if those two have a crush on me and want to see me win. I just wish they hadn't trashed the gym and try that frame-up." Whatever. Do you honestly think anyone would fall for that?
Luna let's out a long sigh before gathering all the photos. " I'll have to suspend those two for what they did." You've got to be kidding me. No way in hell is Luna this dense, at least my Luna isn't. " For now though, I'll have to inform my sister that the dance will have to be rescheduled." She turned towards the door but not before giving a stern glare over to Sunset. " Tread carefully, Miss Shimmer." After that, she leaves the gym and heads back to her office.
With her gone, I turned my attention to Sunset. " You just don't give up, do you?" I made my way over to her and grabbed her by her jacket. " This is your last warning. "Cause if I have to tell you again," I made my whole head morph into my wolf form and let out a low snarl." There will be blood." The instant I let her go, she runs out of the room and slinks back to the dark crevice she came from.
When the commotion was over, Spike and Twilight, who had just arrived to see what happened, came over to find me. " You know, I keep forgetting that underneath that Fratboy king, there's a feral side to you." I gave him a fistbump while they inspected the damage. " Damn, who summoned the tornado?"
" Not a tornado. Just a couple of Sunset's lackey's by the name of Snips and Snails." I motioned all around us. " And it's because of those three, that they have to postpone the dance." The moment I say that Twilight starts freaking out.
" What!!!" She turned on her heel and headed out the door.
Spike and I looked between each other before following her. " Do you think it was something I said?"
" Eh, maybe?"
We Followed Twilight to what looked like Rarity's boutique. When I told her and Spike the dance had to be postponed, Twilight became frantic and ran to where we would meet up with the others after school. When Spike and I went in, the girls were all staring at a fitting room, no doubt Twilight was in there hiding. When Rarity saw us come in, she asked the obvious question. " What happened, why did Twilight look so upset?"
As we walked over to the fitting room, I answered her. " Just a little snag. Don't worry, we have it under control." I leaned into the curtain and talked to Twi. " Twi, you mind if we come in?" A moment of silence went by before the curtain opened for us. " We'll be just a minute girls." Spike and I walked into the fitting room to find Twilight in the fetal position. " Twi, what the hell is the matter with you?"
She gives me a stern glare after I said that. " What's wrong with me? How about the fact that the dance has been canceled and our chances of getting the crown before the portal closes are now slim to none!" Her anger then switched to tears. " What are we gonna do? I don't wanna be away from our family and friends for a whole thirty moons. We need to make a plan."
Before I could say anything, Spike went ahead and spoke up. " I have one." We looked toward him, waiting to hear him out. " We need to tell them the truth about our situation. Let them know what's at stake"
Twilight looked ready to protest the whole thing, but I stopped her with my hand. " That might actually be the best course of action."
" What? But you're the one who said we shouldn't reveal ourselves."
" One, I never said to not reveal our nature. Two, these versions of our friends will take the news quite well, or at least be impressed with the fact we come from a different plane of reality. And three, we need them to help clean up the gym."
Twilight thought over what I said. " Do you really think they'll accept us?"
I knelt down beside her and looked her straight in the eye. " They accepted what was in your heart, just like when we meet them back home. This will just be the icing on the cake for them."
This brought a smile to her face and she brought us both into a hug. " I'm glad you two came with me." She then got up with a determined face and went to tell the others the truth. " Girls, I have some bad news. The Fall Formal isn't happening tonight."
Pinkie was the first to react. " What!?" And in typical Pinkie fashion, nice.
" It had to be postponed because Sunset Shimmer had Snips and Snails ruin all of Pinki Pie's decorations."
" What!?" Seems that pissed her off even more. I can't wait to see how she handles the truth about us.
" But the Fall Formal has to happen tonight."
" Wha-" Pinkie was silenced when Applejack put her hand on her mouth.
Twilight was struggling to find the right words to tell our friends the truth. " You see..."
Luckily, Pinkie does the hard work for us. " You three are from an alternate world where you're a pony princess, Joe is a werewolf-alicorn king, and Spike is a dragon. And the reason you three came over here is that the crown holds a magical element that powers other magical elements but they can't with one missing. And if you don't get it tonight, then you three will be stuck here for a really long time." She then finished with her signature smile and squeak noise accompanying it.
Twilight and Spike had their jaws hanging open like a couple of jackasses while I suppressed a smirk. Spike then went and reached into his pocket and gave me back my ten dollars back.
Finally, Dash broke the silence. " Yeah... I'm pretty sure that isn't the reason."
" Actually, she's spot on. Though she forgot to mention that these two are my niece and nephew by marriage and that Spike came out of the portal a dog." Now they were looking at me like I had a screw loose, well, except for Pinkie. " I can see that you don't believe me." They shook their heads no. " That's fine, I prefer to demonstrate anyway." I started taking my shirt off and brought out Frostbite. With the girls giving me their full attention, I started to wolf out while also unveiling my wings and resizing my ax. When I had finished, the girls had a mix of reactions between shocked, horrified, and I think turned on. " So, do you believe us now?"
Silence. The silence was all that was meeting us after I wolfed out on them. When none of them moved or said anything after five minutes, I decided to revert back to my civilized nature and put my shirt back on, this still did nothing. " Crap! Joe, I think you broke them."
" Wait a minute Spike, I think I know what needs to be done." I stepped in front of them and snapped my fingers. The moment I did that, they shook off their stunned reaction and focused on us.
Applejack was the first to speak. " Okay, so you're a werewolf, that's obvious enough." I gave her a smirk for that. She then pointed to Twilight and Spike. " And you're a pony? And you're a dragon?"
Rarity then looked to me. " You're a King?" She then looked to Twilight. " And you're a Princess?" This feels like the time we met back in Equestria.
" You're from another world?" Fluttershy was able to get over her fear. " And Twilight and Spike are your niece and nephew?"
" Yeah, but only through marriage." I looked over at Rainbow and saw that she had a neutral look on her. " What, nothing to say after all this?"
" Just this." She rushed over to me and wrapped her arms and legs around me. " You guys are the coolest thing ever!"
This broke the tension for the whole group and they all came in for a group hug. While they were embracing the three of us, I saw Spike having his face smothered by Rarity's chest balloons. He seemed very happy about it. " Hey, don't forget you have a marefriend back home."
He pulled himself away from her to answer me. " Technically, since this is the alternate version of Rarity, it means-"
" It's still cheating dumbass." He just rolled his eyes before going back to the embrace.
We all went back to the gym to inspect the damage so far. "As I said on the way over, it's not that bad, however, we do need to clear away all the debris and put the decorations back up." The girls were on board and we started cleaning with push brooms we found in the supply closet. " Alright, let's get r done. Oh, I hope Larry doesn't sue me." The girls had themselves a laugh and went to work.
As we were cleaning the gym, the girls would get close to one of us and ask questions about us and the world we come from. Rarity was the first to start the inquiries. " So tell me, Joseph, how is it that Twilight and Spike are related to you?"
" It's a bit complicated if you think about it. I married two beautiful mares, and from one of them I became an uncle to her niece, and then that niece went and married their brother, making me their uncle. Did that make any sense?"
" It does, but you said you had two wives, is that even legal?" Guess this world don't have that option.
" It is legal. They call it herding, though I prefer the term pack, given my wolf-like nature." Satisfied with my answer, Rarity went to go clean somewhere else.
Next up, Pinkie. " Rarity told me you're married to two mares, so I guess my question is, anybody I know?"
I contemplated whether I should tell her while a few students came in to help with the cleanup. After a minute had passed, I saw no problem in telling her. " I believe you call one of them Vice-principal," Her eyes widened at the notion that Luna and I had tied the knot. " and the other one is totting that table all by herself." I pointed over to Applejack who was carrying a table with one hand while the two jocks behind her were used to carry a table. " I swear that woman has the strength of Thor himself."
" Oh my gosh, that is so awesome! Was I invited to the wedding?"
" Hell yeah, you were, you and the others were the bridesmaids. Besides, you really think I would have a party that's not planned by you?" This brought a huge smile to her face and she hugged me with all her strength, which was a lot since I felt my eyes bulge out of my skull. When she let me go, she skipped over to another part of the gym and used her hair to sweep up the floor. " That's disgusting."
While more and more students started coming in and started helping, a certain country girl dragged me by the ear to a corner where no one could hear us. When she released me, she made me look into her stern eyes. " Pinkie went and told me about the relationship between you and me, and I got some questions for you!"
" Fair enough, ask away." Hopefully, she doesn't get angry. Alternate world or not, I hate to see her mad.
" First question. Where do we live?"
" Sweet Apple Acres, in a house built on the property not far from the original farmhouse."
" Good, I'd hate to think of life away from the farm." I smiled at her thinking. " Second question. How long have we been married?"
" Going on nearly four years, in fact, our anniversary is only a couple of months away." With each question, her stern gaze softened.
" Alright, final question. Do we have a family?"
This brought a wide smile to my face while I dug through my wallet. When I found what I was looking for, a picture of my wives and kids in front of the barn, I handed it to her. " That should answer your question." When she looked at it, she covered her mouth while tears threatened to escape her.
" Tan my hide, they're beautiful. What are their names?"
" Well, the one with the blue hair and wings is Orion, he's mine and Luna's son. The one with the blonde hair and orange wings is Jack, he would be your's and my son. And the filly in the middle is Scootaloo, we adopted her last summer. And I don't think I need to point out who the other three are." She smiled after I was done pointing out my family to her and handed me my photo back.
" It looks like you have a wonderful family." She then starts to tear up and her smile slowly disappears.
Not wanting to see her sad, I brought her into a hug. " Don't be like that. Someday you'll find someone to be happy with." I then had an idea. " Also, if there's a city or state with the name of Griffonstone, you might want to look for these two." I brought out another photo of when Jackie gave birth to Jack and her parents were by the bed, then gave it to her.
When she saw the familiar couple in the picture, she nearly choked from surprise. " They're alive?"
" Yes, in the world we come from, but that was a while ago and I had to rescue them. Hopefully, they still are over here." After hearing that, she squeezed me tighter and gave me a peck on the cheek.
" Thank you. I'm sure my pony-self is very lucky to have you."
" I reckon so." This got her to chuckle before she broke from the hug and went back to cleaning and decorating the gym. I went back over to help, but a certain rainbow-haired girl decided to block my path. " Something I can help you with?"
" Just got a question or two." She took a step forward and got in my face. " You ever kill anyone?"
I did not hesitate to answer. " Yes, I've killed many creatures and beings who would do wrong." Her eyes shrunk after hearing me talk about killing like it was nothing. " But I saved more lives then I have taken." This did little for her shock.
" What were there names, or did you even bother to learn them?" I guess she's starting to see me as a monster.
" Some of them didn't bother giving me a name, the dragon and griffon slavers were one of the few I didn't bother with, same with the changeling soldiers. Blueblood, Sombra, and the Caribou royal family, them I had the pleasure of their names before they met their fate."
" Did you say Blueblood?" I nodded yes, wondering where this was going. " That creep was the old bully here before Sunset arrived. Since he's the principal's nephew, he pretty much ran the place." She then gave me a smirk. " Glad to know he got taken care of elsewhere." This brought a laugh from both of us. It seems no matter what dimension, Blueblood is always a prick. " And the ones you saved?"
" A few dozen from the gladiatorial arena, the entire populace of the capital, the residence of our hometown, and the residence of the recently returned Crystal Empire. I think that rounds up to a few thousand at least." This made her jaw hang open from the sheer amount of awesomeness of my exploits.
" That is so awesome!"
" Funny, that's what the other you, say's all the time." This got her to punch me in the arm before heading back over to help the others. " Yeah, and she does that a lot too." I was about to go about and help with the streamers, but I stopped when I felt a tap on my shoulder.
When I turned around, I came face to face with my favorite animal caretaker. " Ah, Fluttershy. I was wondering when you would ask your questions." She fidgeted with her hair while she kept starring at the floor. " Well come on, spit it out. I know you're shy, I mean it's in your name, but we need to-" I was interrupted when she rushed me with a hug, effectively shutting me up.
" I just wanted to thank you for coming to my world." She then looked me in the eyes. " Because of you three, I have my old friends back, and our school is finally coming together for the first time in a long time."
I smiled at her while patting her shoulder. " I'm glad that we could help. Speaking of, let's go back to cleaning the gym." She released me from her hug and went about helping Rarity with the streamers.
A couple of hours passed and pretty much the whole student body had come to help set up the gym for tonight. Sometime before the sun started to dip over the horizon, the gym was decorated and ready for a dance. While Spike, the girls, and I admired our hard work, Celestia and Luna entered the gym with Luna carrying what looks like a ballot box. " Well, it looks like the dance will continue as planned after all." It better, what with all the work we put into this. " So get out of here and get ready. Also, don't forget to vote for the Fall Formal Princess on your way out."
While everyone started heading out, a lot of them would tell Twilight that she has their vote. While I was enjoying our success, Flash came up to me with his hand extended. " Joe, how you doing man?"
" Doing just fine, all things considering. Did you want something?"
" Actually, yeah, I do. See, I kinda smashed my hand while helping with the setup," He showed me his left hand and it was covered in bandages. " and I was wondering if you would take my place as the lead guitar player?"
I couldn't believe what I was hearing, another chance to show these clowns some of my music, and it's being given to me on a silver platter. " Hell yeah, I'll take over for ya."
" Awesome." He then looked over to Twilight. " Hey, do you think you can ask your cousin if she'd-"
" If you don't finish that sentence I'll put in a good word for you." He gave me a thumbs-up before going to tell his bandmates the good news. " Well, better get ready for the night."
Three hours before the portal closes.
We arrived back at the school, in a limo of all things, after getting dressed for the big night ahead. The girls were all wearing beautiful dresses while I went ahead and brought out the tux I wore at the Gala, and we proceeded to the dance. When we reached the gym, I pulled Spike aside. " Keep an eye out for Sunset and her goons in the crowd, I'll be watching from the stage." He gave me a salute and walked in with Rarity.
I made my way over to the stage where Flash and the rest of the band was. " Hey, guys, how you doing? Flash, I got Twilight to agree to dance with you until they announce the Fall Formal Princess, it's up to you if she wants to dance with you afterward."
" Awesome, you rock dude!" I gave him a high-five after that, unfortunately, it was the hand he injured. " Argh!"
" Oh, sorry about that." He waved it off as he got off the stage and headed for Twilight. With him gone, I turned to the band and handed them some music sheets I had printed up. " Okay, boys, just follow the music and try to join in with the lyrics when needed." They nodded while getting their instruments ready and looking through the sheet music. I grabbed the guitar and took hold of the microphone. " Alright, Canterlot High, are ya'll ready to get this dance started!?" My question was answered by the roar of a bunch of teenagers whooping and hollering for us to get started. " Alright then. Let's start the evening off with a little music from where I come from." I put the microphone on the stand and got the guitar ready. " Let's start off with a little 'Spoonman'." And off we go.
The crowd loved the song, and I loved to play it. While I had the song going, I kept an eye out for Sunset or her cronies. So far, I haven't seen hide nor hair of any of them. I figured they were off somewhere, plotting on getting the crown when it's revealed for all to see. When we finished the song, we had the whole school pumped up for the night. " Okay, that was a nice appetizer, but what say we kick it up a notch?" Again, whooping and hollering. " Okay, I think I got a song to keep the good vibes going." I signaled for the others to turn to the other song and got the guitar ready. " Alright, now. Let's go on and head over to, The Danger Zone." Here we go again.
The audience was a little surprised when I had to pitch my voice a little higher than normal, but it soon wavered off when they started listening to the lyrics. I saw Twilight blush a little when the lyric involving her name came up, and I almost messed up the lyrics trying not to laugh. Dash and a few of the Jocks really got into the music and started banging their heads. Near the end of the song, I spotted Celestia and Luna coming up to the stage, with a case in Luna's hands, so we had to cut the music short.
While the two of them walked across the stage, I looked over to Spike, standing at the side entrance, to see if he had located our potential thief. He gave me an ' Okay' signal and relaxed for the moment. Seeing that the coast was clear, I relaxed a bit and listened to Celestia. " First off, I want to say how wonderful everything looks tonight. You all did a magnificent job pulling things together after the unfortunate events of earlier." Unfortunate events my ass, that was sabotage. " And now, without further ado, I'd like to announce the winner of this year's Fall Formal crown." Luna came over and opened the box, revealing Twilight's stolen crown, and made her way to Celestia. " The Princess of this year's Fall Formal is--" She then got a text from her phone and took a look to see what's going on. " Would the owner of a black car please move it off the-"
" Oh alright. Twilight Sparkle!" The whole room was in an uproar when she announced that. Twilight went up to the stage when the girls finally let her go from their group hug. Twilight stood in front of Celestia and bowed her head while Celestia bestowed her crown to her. " Congratulations Twilight." The crowd cheered louder than before and it looked like we had won and go home. However, it's that kinda thinking that gets us in trouble.
While the cheering started to die down a little, I heard a panicked scream come from my pupil. " Joe! Help!" I looked to the back of the room to see Spike getting dragged away by Snips and Snails, and Snails had a cloth over Spike's mouth, most likely chloroform.
"Spike!" This got the attention of Twilight and the other girls. While the girls made their way through the crowd, I dropped the guitar and jumped over the crowd, causing many ooh's and aww's. I busted through the double doors and caught a glimpse of those two, dragging away my buddy. " Come back here with my nephew you damn glue-sniffers!" I had no idea how they kept getting ahead of me while carrying an unconscious Spike, but they managed to do it. I saw them leave out the door towards the front lawn and started high tailing it. I saw them stop just a little ways past the statue and faced me with smirks. " I don't know what you two are smiling about, once I get my hands on you two, you'll be sipping all your meals through a straw for a long time coming!" When I got close to them, a large lump of metal came around the statue and slammed into my face and it was lights out.
A few minutes later, Spike shrugged my shoulder to wake me up. When I woke up I had blurry vision and a massive headache, whatever hit me, really did a number on me. When I looked around the lawn, it was a disaster area. The entrance to the school had been decimated, leaving a giant hole to walk through. Standing outside the hole, the whole school was shambling about like zombies, which actually explains the glowing eyes and brain-dead moans. But that wasn't even the worst part, floating above everyone, was Sunset Shimmer, wearing Twilight's crown, looking like a winged fire-giant from Musphelhiem. " What in the hell?"
Sunset and her army of brainwashed teens made their way to the portal, no doubt wanting to invade Equestria. The only thing standing between them and the portal was Twilight and our friend's counterparts. Sunset just laughed at their courage. " Awww, would you look at that, the gang's all together again! Hahaha!" She then formed a giant ball of fire between her hands. " Now step aside! Twilight and that filthy mongrel have tried to interfere with my plans one too many times already, and they need to be dealt with!" She then sent the ball of fire towards them. They huddled together just before the blast hit them.
" Noooooo!!!!!" We couldn't believe what we just saw. A family member, one that I had the pleasure to get to know for a few years, destroyed with our friend's counterparts by a ball of fire. A ball of fire sent by a power-hungry bitch in need of some much-needed punishment. While she was laughing at her success, I tore off my tux and transformed, while letting loose dog of war known only as, the Fenrir. Unlike the last two times, the Fenrir was let loose, someone close to me had perished. This caused my wolf-form to grow slightly larger than normal and my blue magic turned blood red.
While Sunset was gloating over her victory, I flashed my ax for the world to see, and went to confront my niece's murderer. " You!!!" Her laughing died and she looked toward me. Even in her now demonic-looking form, my wolf form sent shivers down her spine. " Your blood will be spilled for miles around after what you've done!!!" I leaped through the air and grappled her in midair.
Twilight's POV.
The dust had settled after Sunset threw her fireball at us and to my surprise, we were completely alright. We were protected by a pinkish aura that seemed to appear when we all came together. The girls were a little shocked to see the aura surrounding us, but with the things they've seen today, I think they were getting used to how things worked around me. When I looked at the girls, I noticed they gained some pony features, namely pony ears and their hair extended to make it look like a tail. As for Dash, Fluttershy, and me, we sprouted wings from our backs.
The girls noticed this as well and started gawking at their new additions. The scene made me smile warmly until I remembered that we still had a transformed Sunset to deal with. " Girls, we need to focus and takedown-" I turned around to face Sunset, only to face open air. " Where did she go?" I hope she didn't go through the portal already, though seeing her army was still here, I don't think that was possible.
While I was contemplating where she went, Fluttershy brought my attention to her. " Um...Twilight. I-Is Joe usually like t-that?" Fluttershy directed my attention skyward where Joe was battling Starlight in his werewolf form, only this time he radiated an aura I've only seen at Froggy Bottom Bog, but it looked more powerful.
" Oh no, this is bad, really really bad."
" What do you mean? From what I'm seeing, Joe's taking care of the problem for us." Dash crossed her arms and smirked at the battle happening above us. " I say we just kick back and watch the show."
" I agree with Dash, looks like Joe has it covered." Applejack replied while watching Joe send a beam of ice towards Sunset from his ax.
" Normally I would agree with you, but right now, Joe isn't in his right state of mind!" They all stared at me confused, silently asking for more information. " Let me explain. Whenever Joe becomes extremely angry, his wolf-form becomes more deadly and he becomes more feral and even has a small trance where he just has to draw blood. He and his family call this state of mind, The Fenrir." The girls started to look afraid after my explanation.
" Um, Darling, how bad is this Fenrir state of mind?" Rarity asked while Joe had sliced the top of Sunset's hair off with his claws.
" Well, he's only gone through the Fenrir two other times, and I was a witness to both of them. The first time he went into that frenzy, he pulled out a dragon's heart and ate it in one bite." This caused all the girl's eye's to go wide while Rarity tried to hold in the contents of her stomach. " The second time, he tore through a hydra's body from the inside." There goes Rarity's dinner. " I know, it is a bit disturbing, but I've never seen him get like this."
" Wait, you're saying he got worse?" I nodded yes at Pinkie's question. " Why?"
" Well, the reason he turned to the Fenrir the first two times, was because Spike and I were in danger of the dragon, and the hydra swatted Luna out of the air and knocked her unconscious. This time, however, when he saw Sunset blast us and the dust hadn't settled yet, he probably thought we were dead." They saw where I was going with this and concentrated on the battle happening above us. " I know what I have to ask is slightly insane, but I need all of you to help me stop Sunset, and bring Joe back to reality."
" Um, okay, but how?"
I gave Fluttershy a determined look while addressing everyone. " With the magic of friendship!"
Joe's POV.
I chased Sunset in the air slashing wildly with my ax, hoping to slice a chunk off of her. " I'll have your head on a spear and your wings above my recliner!" Sunset realized she couldn't take me on the offense, so she decided to flee. This only incurred my wrath. " Fleeing will only prolong your demise, you videogame villain knock-off!"
As I kept chasing her, she would try and talk her way out of this. " Look, I get it, you're angry and want payback. But killing me won't bring them back."
" Maybe so, but at least they'll be avenged!" I made to chop her leg off, but she was able to dodge my strike. While she went and dodged that, I was able to grab her by the throat and launched her down to the ground. The impact from her hitting the ground caused a huge crater to form. I descended onto the ground and waited for her to get up, so I can bring her more pain before ending her.
I saw her crawl up the crater wall and rest on the edge. When she attempted to crawl the rest of the way up, I stomped on her hand with my clawed foot. " Aaaaaarrrrrgggghhh!!!" I basked in her pain while grinding her wrist to gravel. When I went to do the same to her other hand, she pleaded for her life. " Please, please I will do anything to make this right, just please stop."
" You know what, there is a way for your suffering to end." She started to look hopeful for a minute, but that was before I got my ax ready to strike her down. " Say hello to Blueblood in Hel for me!!!" I let out a war cry and made to remove her head from her shoulders.
" Joe, Stop!" The blade stopped right on her neck, just before it could break the skin when I heard the sound of my departed niece. At first, I thought it was my subconscious telling me what Twilight would do or want. " Joe, we have a way to stop her. You don't need to kill her." Okay, the subconscious is never this clear, plus it came from behind. I let Sunset fall back into the hole she created and turned to the noise behind me. To my shock and infinite relief, Twilight and the others were perfectly fine, they even sported some extra pony additions.
I dropped my ax and made my way towards them while the effects of the Fenrir dissolved from my wolf-form. When I was standing in front of Twilight, I reached a trembling hand and placed it on her shoulder, making sure this was real. " You...you're all alive?" I asked in a quivering tone. When she placed her hand on mine and nodded her head, I couldn't help what happened next. I brought her in for a massive bear hug and openly sobbed on her shoulder. " Thank the Allfather you're all still alive!" I let her go and let the mood sink in. " How'd you all survive that blast? And how'd you all get pony parts?"
" The crown may not be on my head, but the element inside is still connected to me. When we huddled together as the fireball hurdled towards us, the connection I have with the element and the others protected us and gave us magic just like we have back home." Sounded ridiculous to me, but right now I was just happy to see them alive. When she looked behind me, she saw Sunset limp out of the hole and laid there from exhaustion. " Here, let the girls and I handle this." She and the girls walked past me to deal with the beaten demon. " Why don't you look for Spike, I haven't seen him since this whole thing started."
" Will do." I turned back into my civilized form and went searching for my buddy. It didn't take me long to find him since he landed on two demonized knuckleheads a few feet away. " Spike, what are you doing?"
" I'm trying to knock these fuckers out." Seeing that he was struggling with them I thought to teach him a little trick of mine.
" Well if you want to knock them out then all you have to do is this." I grabbed ahold of Snips and made him face me before delivering a swift punch to a certain area in his throat, knocking the sucker out for a while. " Alright, now you." Spike grabbed Snails by his shirt and punched him in the same area I showed him, effectively knocking the dimwit out. " Nicely done my scaley protege."
" Thanks." He stood up from the two lumps on the ground and brushed himself off. " So, what happened with Sunset, and where are the girls?"
Before I could answer, a large swirling rainbow deathray, rose up to the sky before coming down upon the demonic form of Sunset Shimmer. " Right over there." Once it hit her, the beam spider-webbed towards the brainwashed teens, as well as Snips and Snails, curing them of their inflictions. After that happened, the area around us was subjected to a blinding light, kinda like a flashbang grenade.
When the light had gone out and I could finally see, I saw the girls strewn about the place taking a fucking nap on the job. Spike and I went over to them to see if they were okay. " Twilight, you awake or do I gotta slap you around again?" At the mention of being slapped again, her eyes shot open and she sprang up. " Damn, went and took all the fun out of it."
" Well excuse me if I don't like getting slapped in the face multiple times."
" Then why do you keep passing out?" She rolled her eyes at me before moving over to the crater with the others to where Sunset fell into again. When we reached the edge and looked in there, Sunset no longer looked like a demon, and as an added bonus, her injuries were gone, lucky her. " Well let's just have her head and be done with it." I readied my ax and was about to jump down there, but Twilight held me back with her hand.
" How about letting me handle it?" She whispered over to me before addressing Sunset. " You will never rule in Equestria or any other world. Whatever power you may have had is gone. Tonight, you've shown everyone here who you really are, you've shown them what is in your heart." A crowd started gathering around the crash site, adding to Sunset's shame, like salt in an open wound.
Sunset looked up and had tears flowing down her face. " I...I'm...I'm so sorry. I didn't know there was another way." Now that I look at her, I don't see a tyrant bent on world domination. Instead, I see a girl who just went down the wrong path in life.
" The magic of friendship doesn't just exist in Equestria, it's all around us," She then looked at all of us. " if you're willing to look for it." She then turned back to Sunset. " You too can seek it out, or forever be alone. The choice is yours to make."
Sunset then crawled out of the hole for the third time since this all started. " But all I've ever done since being here is drive everyone apart. I don't know the first thing about friendship." For fuck's sake, you'd think friendship is an advanced college course or something.
Twilight then took her hand and pulled her out of the hole. " I bet they can teach you." She went and directed Sunset's gaze towards our friend's counterparts.
As the girls gathered around Sunset, Celestia came over with Twilight's crown, wondered where that went. " I believe this, belongs to you." Even though this wasn't our Celestia, Twilight still felt the need to kneel before her. " A true leader leads not by forcing others to kneel before them, but by inspiring others to stand with them." She then placed the crown on her head, again. " You have shown us all that you are capable of just that. I hope you see it too, Princess Twilight."
She smiled at each and every one of us before answering. " I had my doubts at first, but after everything that's happened, I think I do." The crowd gave a cheer when Twilight finally accepted her new role as Equestrian royalty.
As the noise quieted down, Flash came up to Twilight looking very nervous. " Hey, umm...this might be the most awkward moment to ask, but would you like that dance now?"
Ignoring my ' what the fuck' look, Twilight took his hand and led him back to the gym. I looked around to see that everyone was just heading back to the gym like nothing even happened. " Fine! Go back to dancing! Not like we just had an epic battle that tore the front of the school and left a massive crater!"
" Joe, relax. We still have over an hour before the portal closes. Let's just enjoy what time we have left." Spike started to lead me back for more fun.
To celebrate our victory over Sunset and retrieving Twilight's crown, I let out my wings for all to see and rocked this place to its core. " Alright, ladies and gentlemen, get ready for the best show you've ever seen in your lives!" I was given a huge cheer after saying that and got ready. I created my own band members and let loose, the music.
The difference in the genre had confused a few of them, but they soon got used to it. I saw the girls showing off their new pony forms and becoming more popular than before, I even saw Dash fly around with Scootaloo on her back. When the song neared its end, I lifted myself off the stage with every ' yeah' and ended it by landing on the ground and creating a colorful shockwave once I did. When I looked at the position of the moon, I saw we had enough time for one more song. " Okay, are time is running short so my companions and I will have to leave soon!" This received a groan from everybody present. " So this next song needs to really kick ass!" A deafening cheer went out from the crowd as I got my guitar ready. Before I could get started, I saw Sunset watching all that was going on from behind the door. So, I decided to leave a little message. " Here we go!"
Everyone was a little put off by the creepy vibe at the beginning. Though, that quickly changed when the guitar started. As I kept singing the lyrics, I would slowly turn into my wolf-form in places that wouldn't be noticed at first. Once the part about hunting someone down came up, I unleashed the glory that is my wolf-form for all to see. At first, they didn't know what to do, they just kept staring trying to process what they were seeing. When the song ended, I let loose a long and loud howl. Once they heard the howl, a round of cheers greeted me. When I looked to where Sunset was, I saw she had her head low and her hands were shaking, message received.
I lept off the stage and headed for Twilight and Spike. To no one's surprise, those two were dancing with our friends. " Spike, Twilight." Every one of them looks to me as I point towards the moon. " It's time to go." As I led them out towards the lawn, the others followed behind to say their goodbyes.
" Well, I guess this is goodbye?" They all gathered in a hug while Spike and I watched from the sidelines. " You'll remember to look out for Sunset right?"
" Of course darling, though I do expect an apology for the things she has done to us."
" You mean getting her ass handed to her by Joe wasn't punishment enough?" Dash had a point, but it failed to really redeem Sunset's actions.
Jackie came over to me with her hat in her hands, I know that look." So, ah guess ah won't see you for quite some time huh?" She sounded a bit sultry in her tone, guess she still has a thing for me.
" Applejack, I know you find me attractive and if I'm being honest with myself, I find you attractive as well." She smirked at that bit of honesty. " But I have a family that I love and they love me. But like I said earlier today, you'll find someone to make you happy." She smiled lightly at that while I brought her in for a hug. " Don't forget what I said. Griffonstone, a gladiatorial arena, your mom and dad." she tightened the hug after I said that before releasing me. " Until next time."
I turned from them and joined Spike and Twilight at the portal. " That crown really does suit you Twi."
" You know Spike, I'm starting to feel comfortable wearing it."
" And your wings?"
" I've been walking around on two legs and picking things up with these," She held out her hands emphasizing her point. " I'm glad wings are all that I'll have to deal with. No offense, Joe."
" None, taken. Now let's go home." We made our way to the portal and went through the portal.
We stumbled out the other end of the portal and wound up dogpiled in the storage room where our journey began. " Alright, get off of me. This is no way to look when returning from a inter-dimensional journey such as this." We untangled ourselves from the ground and looked to find we weren't alone. " It seems we have a welcoming party." Which consisted of my wives, our friends, Celestia, Cadence, and Shining.
Once Shining laid eyes on Twilight, his brotherly instincts kicked in. " Twilley!" He ran over and tackled her into a hug. He then looked at me. " You kept your promise."
" Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me? And no, Vegas doesn't count." We both had a laugh while Twilight went over to the others to tell of our adventure.
Celestia came over and gave me a worried look. " Joe, what happened to Sunset Shimmer? You didn't...kill her, did you?"
" There was a time when I wanted to bury my ax in her neck and feast on her flesh, but that was when I thought she had taken Twilight from this world." She just stared at me with a shocked look after hearing that. " But don't worry, she's in good hands with the residence of that world. By the way, did you know in that world you're a Highschool principal?"
" That is a scary thought and I will need large amounts of alcohol to erase that mental image," She told me flatly before turning to Twilight.
Before I could recover, I was grabbed from behind by my two Valkyries. " So, my king. Did you learn anything from your adventure?"
" Nothing that I didn't already know. Though I might have some new ideas for the bedroom."
" Oh yeah, and what's that Sugarcube?"
I took them both in my arms before leading them back to our room. " Well, it involves a bit of role-playing. Luna would be the vice-principal whereas Jackie and I will be the two students sent to your office. I think you can guess where we go from there."
" Mmm, I love it." Luna went and groped my crotch with her wing as we made our way to our room.
" It'll be nice to finish what we started that night." Jackie nudged me with her elbow as we walked. Finally, we made it to our room and got ready for a wild night.
Author's Notes:
First off, I'm sorry it took so long, but if you look at the word count, you'll see why. Don't worry though, thanks to the quarantine, I have a lot more free time to write.
How about a game? Try and find all the movie quotes used in the chapter. Don't worry, they are very obvious.
Clip.
Where the hell's the weed killer?
" C'mon Twi, you gotta be able to fly in two days for the celebration!" I was in the Canterlot gardens with my wives and our friends, supervising Twilight's flight lessons. So far, she crashed into four clouds. three trees, a castle spire, and I lost count of how many times she face-planted the ground. " Stop flapping your wings one at a time, flap simultaneously!"
" I'm trying my best." She pouted while looking like a drowning animal.
" Your best is an idiot!" I took to the sky and showed her how it's done. " Remember Twi, flying is similar to swimming. Okay, let's start with the basics. To stay aloft, give strong, even flaps like so." Twilight mimicked my flaps and did a pretty good job keeping air-bourne. " Alright, not bad. Okay, now fold in your forelegs and scoop large amounts of air and rise higher in the air." I did those actions and rose higher into the air. Twilight had a little difficulty in getting some lift but after a minute she was able to get to my level. " Good, now lean forward with your wings spread out, and we'll glide down for a landing." I dove down towards the ground in a steady glide and came in for a soft landing. When I looked at Twilight, I saw her glide down and she was doing a pretty good job. But when she touched down, she tripped on her hooves and face-planted again. " And there we go again."
Dash came over and stared at the whole mess. " I don't see why I'm not the one teaching her?"
" 'Cause Dash, you would have been having her do barrel rolls and corkscrews."
" Yeah, because that's awesome." All of us rolled our eyes before continuing.
After a couple more hours and slightly more property damage, we decided to call it quits for the day. " Okay, you made some progress, now if we can just work on your landings, you'll be golden Princess."
" Thanks for the boost of confidence." She shook off the dirt from her mane and made her way over to the blanket we had laid out. " How many lessons until I can properly fly?"
" Well, seeing as how you and I got our wings later on in our lives, I'd say we should have started these lessons a few weeks ago. Hahahaha!" Twilight buried her face in her hooves while a few of us laughed our asses off.
After we had a good laugh, Luna went to cheer Twilight up. " Don't worry Twilight, my sister and I both have faith that you can do your part for the celebration."
" Do you really think so?" Twilight started to perk up at my wife's words.
" Of course. Tia hasn't stopped talking about how you doing this, will be making this year's celebration a happy one."
" Hmph right, as opposed to all the other years she raised the sun for the celebration. I remember seeing her for the first time at my first Summer Sun Celebration, and she was happy as can be." She finished with a smile, but it faltered when she saw Luna's somber look. " What?"
" Tia may never admit this, but she always hated this celebration."
" What!?" Was the collective question from everyone besides Jackie and me.
Rarity decided to inquire why Celestia hates the celebration. " Why would Princess Celestia not like the celebration? It's a wonderful celebration beloved by all."
" That may be, but for Tia, it was the day she banished me to the moon for a thousand years." A sad silence was met after she said that. " When the darkness took over me, Tia used the elements on me and sent me to the moon, and of course, took the potion I crafted."
" Hey, I'm grateful she took the potion. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here." I snuggled up close to Luna to give her a bit of comfort.
" Okay, that part, I'm thankful for. Though I do wish whatever made me into Nightmare Moon never happened." Wait, what?
" Luna, you saying you don't remember how you became that thing?"
" Well, sort of. I remember one day after no one showed up for night court and feeling extremely jealous of my sister. I went to confront her about it, but then I felt a sharp pain and blacked out. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in the ruins of our old home with all of you surrounding me."
We all soaked in the information Luna told us and started to get a new perspective of the past. How is it that I never asked her this before now? " Well, circumstances aside, it carved the future you have now." She smiled and brought me in for a loving embrace.
" Thank you, dear." When she opened her eyes, she noticed the position of the sun. " Oh, look at the time, you'll miss the train home."
" Crap, you're right." I gave her a kiss before motioning everyone to the station. " We'll see you, Spike, and Twilight after the ceremony."
" I'll be counting the hours. Oh, I forgot to mention, Discord went to a pocket dimension for a small vacation, so don't get worried if he isn't home."
" Well, there goes poker night. With Scootaloo having a sleepover at the clubhouse and Dad visiting Austin with his buddies, I guess I'll teach the boys to use their weapons." Luna slapped me with her wing and Jackie slapped my leg. " What?"
" We keep telling ya, no training until their a bit older." Jackie scolded me while heading towards the train with the others.
" Alright, fine, no training of any sorts with the boys." Jackie nodded, satisfied with my answer, though she didn't see my mischievous grin.
Sweet Apple Acres wheat field, midnight.
With the moon full and the stars shining bright, I brought the boys out into the field when I knew their mama Jackie would be asleep and mama Luna would be patrolling dreams. I've actually led them on nighttime training sessions before, but this will be the first session with their new weapons. " Okay, boys, I'll get some targets set up, then you two can attack them."
" Okay, dad, but what are you going to do when our moms find out your training us with our new weapons?" Jack inquired as he did a few practice swings with his hammer.
" If you two keep this our little secret, I won't have to answer for anything," I told them while patting them both on the back.
" Okay, and when that fails?" Orion asked me while examining his sword.
" Better to ask forgiveness than to ask permission. Also, I'll be hiding out in the bunker at Herot, I heard they put in a pool table." I continued to set up the targets after giving my sons some much-needed life lessons. It took me thirty minutes to set up ten wooden targets in the shape of Draugr and a couple of trolls, each of them having a red or blue paint mark. " Alright, listen up boys. Orion, you attack the targets with the blue marks and then I want you to take down one of the trolls. Jack, when your brother's done, I want you to take down all the targets with a red mark and take down the other troll. And one more important thing, make as little noise as possible."
" How come?"
" 'Cause Orion, you might find yourself in a situation where you need to make as little noise as possible while fighting a horde of enemies. There might be some hostages near the fighting, and their survival depends on you killing the enemy quietly."
" That, and the fact you don't want us to wake Mama Applejack so she can chew your butt a new one."
" I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer." I gave both their heads a shake before heading over to the fence with Jack. " Okay, show me what you got, son!"
Orion gave me a nod before running towards his targets. His first two targets were placed close together by two feet, so when he got close, he sliced both their heads clean off. He didn't stop there, he used his momentum to run through a target through the gut and sliced upward, making the target look like a half-sliced hotdog. With his last two targets, he sliced the legs off one while taking the head off the other with the same swing then plunged his sword into the one with no legs. With the Draugr taken care of, he set his sight on his troll. He pulled out his sword with a reverse grip and sent an energy blast at the base of the troll, making it start to fall forward. While the behemoth started to come down, Orion got underneath where its head would land and readied his sword. Once the head was in striking distance, my boy sliced the head off just as the body slammed on the ground. With that done, he looked at me while sheathing his sword. " How was that Dad?"
" Not bad, but next time, try and go for an instant kill." Orion rolled his eyes before heading over our way. " Even though they were dummies, the one that had chopped its legs off would have wailed in pain, sounding off the alarm." When he came over, I gave him a one-armed hug. " I'm just messing with ya, you did a great job and you've shown some impressive moves out there." Orion chuckled while I gave him a noogie.
I turned my attention to Jack and motioned him towards the field. " Alright, Jack, show us what you got."
" You got it Pops," He told me while doing some fancy moves with his hammer. Instead of running towards his targets, he launched himself in the air and dive-bombed his targets, kinda like a game of whack-a-mole. A couple of his targets wound up launched in the air and then were smashed into the Everfree with his hammer. All that's left is the troll. For that, Jack took his hammer and smashed one of its knees and made it fall to the ground. With it on the ground, Jack took the spike of his hammer and used it to plunge a hole in the back of its head. After that, he removed his hammer from the troll and proceeded to lean on it while shooting his brother a smug look. " I believe I had the fastest time on that."
" Maybe, but I had the best style." They both started to argue over who attacked their targets better while I just watched.
" Enough!" The boys quite their arguing and gave me their attention. " You both did a good job taking down your foes and that's what matters." I gave them both a pat on the back and started clearing some of the rubble. " Now how about you two do something helpful and help me get rid of this before either of your mamas has a fit?" The boys let out a small grumble before helping me clean up all the destroyed targets. " Okay, let's put this stuff deep in the forest, no one will ever know you two made a mess."
" Hey! This was your idea Dad!"
" Hey, I'm not the one who made a big mess out of the field." I laughed at their expressions of annoyance while we headed deep into the forest to dump this crap. We walked a good five miles into the woods and placed the targets in an abandoned fox den. " Okay, remember where we put this stuff." And with that, we started heading back.
While we were heading out of the woods, I kept felt a strange presence creeping around us. Every time I felt a disturbance, I looked around but all I saw were plants. Finally, Jack broke the silence. " Hey, Dad, do you think we're being followed?"
" Yeah, I do. But I don't really hear or smell anything. Maybe your old man's just getting paranoid or som-" Before I could finish my sentence, something grabbed me by my ankle, and started dragging me back into the forest. When I looked down at my foot, I saw that I was being carried off by a fucking vine. " Hey, get the fuck off me you damn weed!" I chopped off the weed with my ax and regrouped with my boys. " Okay, I'm not paranoid and the forest tried to eat me. Shit, I didn't realize it was Wednesday already?"
" Um, Dad, we're not out of the woods yet," Orion told me while pointing behind me.
When I turned around, I saw a cluster of what seemed like thousands of vines, snaking their way towards us. " Oh shit!" I grabbed the boys and ran out of that forest. As we kept running, the vines would follow us and more seemed to sprout out from the ground, joining in the hunt. " Oh fuck! Boys, we need to get airborne!" We lept from the ground and burst through the canopy to reach the skies. Once we were out of the forest and a safe distance away from those vines, we landed on a cloud to catch our breath. " Fuck."
" What the Hell were those? They looked like something aunt Rainbow Dash showed me, though didn't look like tentacles." I slapped Orion upside the head for admitting to looking at porn before observing our situation.
" I'm not sure what those were, but whatever they are, they need to be dealt with." I made to get off the cloud, but one of the boys was holding me back. " Okay, whoever's holding me better let go, this is no time to be playing games."
" Ugh, Dad." I looked over to Jack, only to see him stuck to the cloud. " I think we landed on a cloud made of flypaper."
All three of us struggled for a good minute or two before the cloud busted from our efforts. Before I could contemplate what the hell has been happening so far, Orion taps my shoulder. " What son!" He pointed over to my right where the most disturbing thing had caught my eye. " Oh." Somehow, the sky was being dominated by both the sun and moon, with one side looking like the day, and the other side night. If it weren't so devastating, it'd be beautiful.
A million thoughts kept slamming into me after seeing all of this. Is the Everfree rebelling? Are Celestia and Luna having another spat? Did someone fuck up at the weather factory? As these thoughts kept running through my head, Jack brought my attention to him. " Dad, those vines are taking over the farm!"
All our attention was directed towards the farm where the vines started to creep over to the house and over the orchard. " Oh hell no! Boys, wake the family, I'll try and stop these weeds." Jack went off to the farmhouse while Orion went to our house. With the boys rousing the family, I went for the nearest cluster of vines and started raising hell. " Alright you overgrown crabgrass, taste the cold!" I aimed my ax in the middle of the cluster and fired off a beam of ice, freezing the roots in place. With the vines immobile, I plucked a large boulder out of the ground and chucked it in the middle of the cluster, shattering the invasive plants from destroying our home. " Get off my property you damn weeds."
While I sliced a stalk of five, Jackie came over with the kids and the rest of the Apple family. " Honey, what's going on? It's three in the morning and both the sun and moon are out, and what's with all these weeds?"
" I wish I had the answer for you, babe, but so far I'm just trying to keep these damn things from taking over the farm!" I got rid of some more vines that started to grab around my waist. " Where's Mimir? He might have the answer to some of this."
" I got him right here Dad." Scootaloo came over with Mimir in her hooves.
" Good job Scoots, now grab a knife, trowel, or something to get rid of these plants." Scoots nodded and went off to find a cutting tool. With everyone fighting the vines, I brought Mimir to a vine that's been chopped off. " Alright, Mimir, what can you tell me about these weeds."
" Hmm... they look like Hel Bramble, a weed that is commonly found in Helheim. Usually, these plants would serve as food for reavers and damned souls, but without the cold winds of Hel, they seem to be growing wild and aggressive."
" Great, we got a bunch of supercharged Hel-weed, but what does that have to do with the sky?" I pointed Mimir skyward to observe the madness that is happening.
" I haven't the slightest clue for that, but you may want to go to Canterlot and talk to Luna and Celestia about that."
" That sounds like a plan." I put Mimir around my belt and headed towards Jackie. " Honey, I'm heading up to Canterlot to see what's going on with the sky. Hopefully, Lulu will know what's going on and this can be resolved quickly."
Jackie brought me into a hug before looking me in the eye. " Just promise me you'll come home safe."
" I might get a dent or two, but I'll come home for some lovin'." I gave her a deep kiss before opening a portal to the front of Caterlot castle. As soon as I went through the portal, I went searching through the castle for either my lunar wife or Celestia. I started my search in the throne room, thinking I might find at least one of them, but I didn't. I then went for Luna's old room to find her, and maybe get a quickie while I'm at it. Unfortunately, she was not there. My next stop was the kitchens to see if Celestia was chowing down on a cake. But, she wasn't there, so I went roaming around the halls for them, but before grabbing myself a scone and a coffee.
After thirty minutes of searching, I decided to ask one of the guards where they are or where they went. " Hey, G.I. Schmuck, any idea where I can find the Princesses?"
" Your highness. I'm not sure how to tell you this," In my experience, that phrase is something you never want to hear. " but both Princess Luna and Celestia, they just vanished."
" What!" I grabbed the guy by his throat and pinned him to the wall. " What do you mean they're gone!? What happened to them, who took them, why aren't you answering me dammit!?"
" Brother, there's no need to strangle him!" I calmed down from my rage and dropped the guard. " That's better. Now, what exactly happened here, my good man? Surely there must be something that can tell us what happened to the Princesses?"
The guard cleared his throat before answering. " No one is quite sure where they went or who might have taken them. Right now, we're all trying to keep the populace calm while we continue the search."
" ( Sigh) Alright, can you at least tell me where Twilight is?"
" Princess Twilight and Lord Spike have left for Ponyville when we received word that the Everfree is taking over. If I may speak plainly Sire, this is turning into a shit show."
" Granted and you're right. To be honest, I don't know how it can get worse."
" I hear you, I just hope the Princesses don't notice the two giant holes in the castle before we have a chance to patch it up."
"..........There are two giant holes in the castle," The nodded at my statement " and we have two Princesses unaccounted for, and you didn't think those two coincide with each other?" He had a thoughtful look on his face before shaking his head no. " Tell you what, you show me one of those holes, and then take a break. But while you're on that break, I want you to think of this. ' Use that thing on top of your shoulders for more than just a hat rack'." The guy nods to me again before leading me to one of the holes. " Certainly not dealing with a lot of brainpower here."
" Nah."
I observed the hole that was in the middle of the hallway and I have determined that this is where Celestia was dragged down into, what with the smell of cake and eucalyptus shampoo. As I examined the hole, I saw that there were no visible marks on the sides of the hole. I thought it might be a machine that did it, but I saw that the hole was a bit wider the deeper it went, reminded me of the weeds I'd pull up around the farm. " That's it!"
" What's it, brother?"
" This hole was made by a plant! And what's attacking out of the Everfree as we speak?" It started to dawn on Mimir at this point. " Exactly!"
" Well, what should we do now?"
" Seeing as Twilight is over in Ponyville, I say we head back there and see if she and the others can help us." I stepped away from the hole and opened up a portal, leading us to the front of the library. When we went through, all the girls, the kids, and Spike were huddled around Zecora while she fished in a cart that looks like it was carrying everything from her house. " Hey everybody." They all turned to me as I came up and Brought Jackie in my arms. " I assume that Twilight has informed you all about the situation so far?"
" Yeah, a bunch of weeds is taking over the town, messing up the clouds and messing with everyone's magic, and the Princesses are gone. Yeah, I think we got it," Dash told me with an irritated tone of voice.
Mimir then steered the conversation. " For the most part that's true, but allow me to enlighten you all with some new information. The vines that are taking over are actually Hel Bramble, a plant that is usually found in the realm of Helheim. Normally, they wouldn't be any bigger than a shrub bush, but since the raging cold is not here, they're growing at a fast pace. As for the Princesses, the Hel Bramble is responsible for that as well."
" What? How can a plant be responsible for kidnapping the Princesses, but no one else?" Twilight inquired while bits of her hair started fringe.
" I Don't know, but what I do know, is that we need to head to the source of the bramble if we have any hope of finding them." I pointed in the direction of where all the bramble had been originating from, the Everfree forest.
" But the forest is large and filthy," Rarity expressed her disgust for the forest. " Where would we even begin to look?"
" That...is a good question. Mimir, any suggestions?"
" If I still had my shoulders, I would be shrugging them right now. I have no idea where the roots would be."
" Perhaps, I can be of some assistance." Zecora came over with a vial with a purple liquid inside. " This potion, when combined with alicorn magic, will turn white and reveal the secrets to our dilemma." She handed the potion over to Twilight and took a step back.
Twilight laid the potion on the ground and blasted it with a little of her magic. Once the magic stopped, the liquid went from purple to a milky white. Once it was white, Twilight brought it to her lips and took a swig. After a moment of nothing happening, Twilight spoke. " It doesn't seem to be wor-" She stopped talking after her eyes started glowing white and she went stock-still.
At first, we were all in a panic and thought something went wrong with the potion. After five minutes of nothing happening, we just started staring at her, waiting for something to happen. After a while, I started to get impatient. " Here, give me that thing." I took a hold of the potion and took a swig from it. While I waited for this stuff to kick in, I tried to identify the taste. " Zecora, next time, add some-"
" -Kahlua. What the hell?" I found myself in an unfamiliar hallway instead of outside the library. " Great, now where the hell am I?" I started making my way down the hall to see if I can find a way out of here. " Heeelllooo, anybody here?" Off in the distance, I could hear a door opening and then slamming, so I went to investigate. When I rounded the corner, I was met with Luna heading right for me with an irritated look. " Luna! Oh, man am I glad to see," My words were caught in my throat because the next thing I knew, Luna was going right through me as if I were a ghost. When I turned around to see she just kept on going, a single thought came to mind. " What the fuck?" I shook off my surprise and followed her down the hall.
As I followed her down the hall, Luna went and started talking to herself. " Not a single petitioner for night court in months, and she says that it's no big deal? Easy for someone that has the court to herself and is adored by all our subjects." She then let out a snort that I've only seen her do twice in our marriage and both times I felt sorry for whoever was the target of her anger. " Well, we'll just see how she feels when I come bursting in and disrupting her precious day court." As I was listening to her rant, I started to realize where and more importantly when I am.
" Wow, so this is what the old castle used to look like? Damn, even then it was a dump." I kept following her to see exactly how this whole Nightmare Moon thing started.
As we kept going I noticed that her angry ranting turned into contemplation. " Maybe...maybe I just need to show everyone how much fun our night can be? Then maybe, our court will have some business." She stopped in her tracks and nodded with determination. " So be it." She turned back around and made her way back to where I believe her chambers were, no doubt to draw up some plans for her subjects.
" That's my girl." I went to follow her to see what she had in mind, but something stopped us both in our tracks. Out of nowhere, a creature resembling a floating brain with tendril dangling from its body crashed through the nearest window and stared down at Luna with its one eye.
" What in the hell is that thing?" The creature made a lunge for her but Luna was quick to dodge out of its way. She then aimed her horn towards the thing and fired her magic, blasting the thing like a water balloon. " Yeah! That's what I'm talking about Babe! You show that thing who's boss!" Even though I knew she couldn't hear me, it felt nice to cheer my Lunar wife on.
As Luna was catching her breath, another one of those creatures came through the same window and blasted her with some kind of sludge-like substance while her back was turned. " Aaaahh!" The sludge had some sort of paralyzing effect on her as her movements started to become sluggish. " Uggghhh, someone, please, help." No sooner had she said that she fell unconscious. Once she was out like a light the creature then latched onto the back of her neck and started infusing itself with her. I wanted to go over and do everything in my power to git that thing off of her, but my efforts would do next to nothing at this point.
I kept starring at her for what felt like an eternity, waiting for any sign to indicate she was okay. A moment later, Luna started to stand up. I went over to check to see if everything was alright, but when I did, I recoiled at what I saw in her eyes. Instead of the blue eyes that I've come to love seeing every waking moment of my life, I saw instead greenish-blue eyes with a slitted pupil like a reptile, the eyes of the first enemy I've fought in this world. The eyes of Nightmare Moon. " Nooooo-"
" -Ooooo!" I found that I was back in front of the library, startling everyone in front of me. I fell to my hands and knees and started babbling. " It wasn't her fault. It wasn't her fault. Something made her do it. Something made her do it." While I kept ranting, Jackie and the kids came over to comfort me.
" Honey, what's wrong? Who's not at fault?" Jackie asked me while holding head in her foreleg.
" I saw how it happened, I saw how Luna became the Nightmare. It wasn't her fault."
" Um, Joe, I hate to tell you this, but I saw how she became Nightmare Moon. She tried to pour that potion in the water supply and almost killed Celestia. I know it's not what you want to-"
" You don't have the whole story!" I yelled, stopping Twilight from pissing me off any further. " I went back further, further than when she attacked Celestia. I saw what made her a monster."
" Well, are you going to keep us in suspense, or are you going to tell us what it was?"
" I don't know what it was Spike, but maybe this will help." I pulled up a screen with my magic and let the others look at what I just saw. As the memory played out, everyone started to get clarity on what really happened. When the creature I mentioned showed up, Mimir let out a gasp. When the memory ended, I asked him, " You know what that thing is, don't you?"
" I do Brother. Those creatures are what is known as Nightmares. A creature that causes others to have horrible dreams and then feeds on the fear the victim is emitting. They've also been known to take over the bodies of its victims, usually, those who have influence over others such as kings and queens, and in this case, Princess Luna." While Mimir kept describing the creature known as a Nightmare, my anger towards it rose even higher.
" So, history was wrong about the whole Nightmare Moon thing?" Twilight then realized that the image she saw was only half the story and she looked a little down about her accusation. " I'm sorry Joe, Applejack, for accusing Luna."
" It's fine Twi, but you can apologize to Luna in person when we find her."
" Wait, you two didn't find out where the Hel Bramble originated from." Twilight and I looked between us, saying we didn't have an answer for Spike. " What was the point of drinking this stuff then?"
" Maybe another sip will take us back further. Hey, Zecora, will the potion still work if I add a little something to it?" She nodded her head, giving me the go-ahead to add a bit of flavor to this concoction. " Good to know." I took out a flask from my pocket and poured a little Jack Daniels in a cup that Spike had given me. I poured some potion into the cup and raised it for a toast. " Bottoms up." I downed the whole thing in one go and waited for it to take effect. " Well, that certainly tastes-"
Let me know if this joke is funny or not.
" -Better than the first swig." I looked around to see that the potion had taken effect again, though maybe adding alcohol was a bad idea since everything around me looked like a combination of Wonderland and an ether binge. " Damn, I hope this isn't permanent."
" Don't worry, it's just until you get some answers." I looked to my left to find Discord standing right by me. " How's it going?"
" Discord, when did you get back from vacation? We could use your help with the Bramble."
" Yes, I bet you do, but you see, I'm just a figment of the potion you drank. And this," He gestured all around us. " is when I ruled over the land of Equestria."
As I looked around, I could see how this would be a world created by Discord. " Well, if that is the case, then how come you can see and hear me?"
" I'm the Lord of Chaos, need I really say more?" Something then caught his attention. " Listen, I'd love to stay and chat, but the Princesses have arrived to encase me in stone with the elements, so if you don't mind, I need to get into position." He went over to a throne on top of a hill and started to brood menacingly.
Just as fast as I got there, I returned. Spike then came over. " So, did you find anything that might lead us to the Princesses?"
" No, no I didn't, but I do have some ideas to sell to the guys that made Monty Python." I looked over to Twilight to see that she was still looking into the past, probably a more detailed version of what I just saw. " Well, since Twilight is still in a trance, I think I'll take another swig, see where it takes me this time." I grabbed the vial and drank a good portion of it. " Alright, before I space out again, boys go ahead and tell Mama what I've been teaching you at night on those vines."
" And what exactly does that mean?" Jackie asked me while raising an eyebrow.
" I'd love to tell you, but I-"
Know what, I think this is pretty funny.
" -Think the potion is about to kick in." I now found myself in a cave at the bottom of a trench. " This better be it, otherwise I'm just gonna start torching the forest." I looked behind me to see what I might find, only to pause at what was in front of me. " ( Whistles) Now that is a tree."
The tree in question looked like a willow/oak tree combination made entirely of crystal. Carved on the trunk of the tree, was a carving of the sun and below that a crescent moon. In the center of the tree where the trunk meets the branches, the symbol of a star was present, kinda looked like Twilight's Cutiemark. On the branches, five multi-colored jewels that I was quite familiar with were embedded at the ends of each branch. All in all, it was a beautiful sight. " Guess this is where they originally had the elements."
" Do you truly believe the elements will be safe here with the Tree of Harmony, Lord Elrond?" I turned around to see who was speaking, only to be shocked to find that it was Faust herself, along with a man who looked like a regular person but with pointed ears.
" I believe so, Lady Faust. The tree connects this realm with Yggdrasil and the other realms. The elements keep any and all beasts at bay and lie's just underneath your new home. Yes, I do believe the elements will be safe here." The guy then chuckles at the carvings on the trunk. " I see you've added your own addition to the tree."
" Can you blame a mother for leaving a little gift for her children?" Faust walked over to Elrond and gave a curt bow. " I'd like to thank you and all those in Alfheim for providing these crystals to protect this realm."
" It is our pleasure to help those who would help others. Now come, it's nearly time for tea and you know how my queen gets when I'm late."
" Of course, let me just," She reached into her saddlebag and retrieved the Key to the Realm between Realms, and brought it towards the tree. Once the key made contact with the tree, the bark had morphed into a doorway and a portal to one of the realms had opened. Unfortunately, the gate had led to Helheim, blasting the two with a powerful blast of winter cold. While the two of them fought against the wind trying to change the portal, I saw what looked like a tumbleweed made of Hel Bramble come through the portal and shatter against a nearby rock, littering the ground with the seeds inside. While I watched the seeds sink into the earth, Faust opened up a portal leading to a realm filled with crystal plants and bustling with elves. " Sorry about that, still trying to get used to this thing." They both exchanged a laugh before heading through the portal.
When the portal closed, I expected to wake from my trance and head over to the source of these things, but suddenly, a rift had opened next to the portal and out stepped a man with a look of mischief permanently on his face.
" Well, well, well, it looks like someone left some Hel Bramble for me to play with." He bent down and grabbed a few seeds that haven't taken to the earth yet, and worked some magic into them. " This ought to give these ponies a little future excitement." He then planted the seeds and let out a low chuckle. " Have fun my little ponies, courtesy of the master of tricks and lord of chaos himself." With his work done, he opened a rift and laughed while making his exit.
For the third time today, I woke up to see everyone looking at me, ready to hear some answers, Though Jackie was giving me a disapproving look. I looked around to see that the ground was littered with pieces of Hel Bramble and the ground looked like it had seen an earthquake. " I take it the boys showed you what I've been teaching them?"
" Yes, and even though Luna and I told you not to teach them with those weapons, I can see how it can come in handy." She went over to the boys and brought them into a hug. " I'm proud of you boys for fending off those plants while we tried to make a plan."
" Thanks, Mama," They both said as they returned the hug.
" So... does this mean I'm not in trouble?"
" Nope, I'm still mad that you lied to Luna and me." Well, guess I'm sleeping on the couch for a bit.
" Okay, this is getting boring, did you two see anything that can help us or not!?" Dash shouted at both Twilight and me after kicking a vine into the woods.
" I did." Twilight came up and went into lecture mode. " From what I could gather, the forest has been kept in check by something known as the tree of harmony, it is also where the elements of harmony were kept. When the Princesses took them to imprison Discord, the tree kept the forest at bay on its own. Now, the magic of the tree has stopped, allowing these vines to take over." Everyone started to look worried after hearing that. " But I still don't know how these Hel Bramble got here, or where the tree is."
" I do." I made my way past the others and headed for the forest with everyone but Zecora following. " The tree is somewhere at the bottom of the canyon where the old castle is." I unsheathed Frostbite and sent out a frost wave toward a patch of advancing Hel Bramble, freezing them in place. " As for the Bramble, Faust brought it here by accident when she opened a portal to Helheim. She meant to open a portal to Alfheim to have tea with a man named Elrond but somehow the key went on the fritz."
" Hold on Brother, did you say Elrond? As in the Elf king of Alfheim?"
" I suppose so. But that wasn't even the weirdest part. After Faust and Elrond left for Alfheim, someone came through a rift made by his own power. He took some of the seeds and used his magic to make the seeds do his bidding."
" Who do you think did it darling?" Rarity asked while avoiding a vine trying to wrap around her leg.
" Well, Rarity, just before he left, he called himself the master of tricks and lord of chaos. So I think it's safe to assume it was Loki, the god of mischief."
" Isn't that the same feller that made Discord?"
" He is, and I think he's the reason why the plants took Celestia and Luna as well." They all let out a gasp before following me further into the forest.
The trek through the forest was a lot like our first one when we first met, except this time, we had Spike and the kids coming with us, we were out to save both the Princesses and we're returning the elements. What could go wrong? " Okay, Dash, Scoots, I want you two up there and yell out if anything big is coming our way."
" Sure, Joe." Dash gave off a salute before zipping into the air.
" On it Dad." Scoots gave me a hug before following Dash up in the air.
" Boys, Spike, be ready for anything, and I do mean anything." The boys and Spike nodded and got their weapons ready.
" What do you mean by be ready for anything?" Twilight asked as she came up on my right side.
Pinkie then popped her head out of a large flower. " Yeah, it's not like we don't know what's already in the forest." The flower then went ahead and closed around her. When I looked to my left, Pinkie was waiting for me to answer.
" I know we have a pretty good idea of what's in here, but I have a feeling that Loki did more than just mess with the seeds. I mean, he placed the seeds next to a tree that acts as a home for the elements and doorway to the other realms. I'm just saying, it's best to be a bit more cautious." The girls saw the logic in my thinking and we pressed forward.
After a while, we reached a little swamp area after deciding for a shortcut. " C'mon, we can cross here." Twilight lept onto a rock path by the edge and started making her way over until the rocks started moving that is. " What the?" The rocks rose up from the water to reveal a cragodile, a crocodile with a skin made of rock. " Aah!" Twilight lept off the beast and now it started heading right for us.
" Scatter!" The girls got behind me while Dash and Scootaloo came in for a landing. Spike and my boys came up to the front with their weapons. " Spike, go for the eyes. Jack, I want you to start hammering away at its skin. Orion, find a weak spot."
Spike went and let loose a couple of arrows at the animal's head. One made its way into the Cragodile's nose and the other one put out the right eye, this caused the large reptile to let out a roar of pain. While its jaw was open, Jack came over and smashed Earthquake across the croc's mouth, now Gummy isn't the only reptile with no teeth. With the croc writhing in pain, Orion landed on it's back with his sword at the ready. With careful aim, Orion plunged Nightfall into the spinal cord, ending the life of the rocky beast.
With the Cragodile dead, Spike and the boys cheered over their victory over the creature. " Hell yeah! That's what I'm talking about!" Spike shouted while putting Jack and Orion in a double headlock. " Jack, that move with your hammer was awesome."
" No, no, what you did with your bow was pure genius," Jack told Spike while giving him a slap on the back.
" Uh, hello, I was the one to finish it off," Orion told them both.
While the three of them celebrated the kill, I looked to the girls to see that some of them looked frightened at what just happened, especially Fluttershy. " Hey, are you all okay?"
Jackie was the first to recover from the shock. " Yeah, we're all fine. It's just a shock to see our boys take down a living thing." She then walked over to our sons and brought them in for a hug. " But I'm glad to see that they're okay." Jackie let out a tear of joy knowing that our boys were safe.
Rarity then went up to Spike. " Spikeypoo, I usually don't condone this sort of thing, but you did it to protect us." She went ahead and nuzzled her cheek with his. " Now that's what I call a noble dragon."
While Spike and Rarity were having their moment, the rest of the girls came over to congratulate the boys, though Fluttershy did give the dead croc a sympathetic look. " Before we keep going, let me do something with this croc." I grabbed a few non-Hel Bramble vines and tied the dead croc up high in the tree. Hey, it's been a while since I had some gator balls. " Okay, let's get going." We proceeded on our way to the Tree of Harmony.
While we kept walking through the forest, the vines would come out of the brush and try to ensnare us. Luckily, they're quickly cut down by either Frostbite, Nightfall, or Jack's claws. Occasionally, we'd come up against a vine that tried to spray us with some kind of paralysis spray. Luckily for the rest of the group, the boys and I are immune to the spray and took care of the problem.
Soon enough, we reached a familiar chasm to a familiar castle. " There it is. The place where it all started," I told the girls while staring across the chasm.
" Feels like only yesterday I saw you leap across to save Dash from those Shadowbolts," Jackie said aloud, getting me to smirk and causing Dash' cheeks to tint pink.
" So where is the tree supposed to be anyway?" Dash asked after recovering her color from her cheeks.
" The vision told me that it should be at the bottom of the chasm. The question now is, how do we get down?" As if to answer Twilight's question, we heard Pinkie take a tumble down a set of stairs that have been carved into the rock.
Pinkie picked herself up and shouted up to us. " We take the stairs silly." We chuckled at her antics and followed her down.
When we reached the bottom of the stairs, we had our first glimpse of what the vines were doing to the tree. The bluish-white glow that Twilight and I saw in our visions had been taken away, leaving it grey and less vibrant. The vines surrounding the tree oozed with a sickly green and made the tree even worse than it should. " By the gods, this worse then I could've imagined." At the bottom of the tree by the roots, there laid two coils of vines with a very familiar scent. " Those vines, that's where Celestia and Luna are!" I made my way toward the vines to free my wife and sister-in-law.
As I made to take off the vines, a large one wrapped itself around my waist before chucking me across the cave. " Aaaagghhhh!"
" Dad!" The kids came over to check on me while the others were doing their best to avoid the Bramble.
" I'm fine, no need to worry about me." Suddenly, the vines around the tree started shifting away from the trunk while the tree opened up, revealing a doorway. " That over there we might have to worry about." Instead of the bright glow the door was meant to project, the door radiated a red glow before us.
" Wh..what's happening?" Fluttershy asked as she looked at the door in fear.
" The tree is opening a doorway to one of the other realms, and from the looks of it, the Bramble is using the tree to call for help," Mimir explained while he watched the whole thing.
" Exactly what kind of help is it calling for Head?" I soon got my answer as three figures lept out of the tree and started looking around. The creatures looked like a hybrid of a man and a deer, they looked starved to death and their eyes glowed like hot embers from a fire, worst of all were their teeth. instead of flat teeth to match with their heads, the teeth were long, sharp, and stained with blood. It took me a minute but I was able to identify the beasts. " Wendigos."
When the three of them spotted us, the lead wendigo let out a roar that sounded like a mix of an elk cry and a man's wail. Once the cry sounded, the two wendigos with it charged at the girls. " No!" The boys and I attacked the charging wendigos before they reached the girls and Spike while Scootaloo started zooming between the three beasts, distracting them while we took care of them.
" Oh my goodness! What do we do?"
Twilight turned to the others with a determined look. " We have to return the elements to the tree. It's the only way to reverse this." The girls went about removing the elements from their jewelry while we took care of the wendigos.
I held off the lead windigo while Jack and Orion took care of his friends. Unlike the countless monsters and villains I've faced, these guys actually made me bleed with their claws and teeth, and worst of all, their cold nature messed with my healing so I just kept bleeding. " If you think a few wounds are going to stop us, think again!" I wolfed out on the wendigo and started biting back. Fucker tasted like a month old dead deer that's been left in a snow storm. " Not to sound pushy or nothing, but could you girls please hurry up!"
" Don't worry Dear, Twilights' almost got it." Jackie pointed over to Twilight that went and got attacked by a bunch of vines. " Uh... we might need a minute."
Jack went and caved in the head of the wendigo he was fighting with Earthquake before looking their way. " It's alright Mama, we can take care of these things." As if to prove my son wrong, the tree opened up again, letting out another creature. " Me and my big mouth." The creature in question was an old hag dressed in rags that have been decorated with bones. Her face was covered with the skull of some kind of horned animal and she carried a staff with a deer antler atop it.
Seeing a new player on the field, I ripped the wendigos head off before giving this new threat my full attention. " Head, what are we dealing with now?" I asked Mimir while making him face the hag.
" That Brother is a Revenant. A dead being that has been consumed by both dark and wild magic, turning it into the creature you see before you."
Orion went and tore open his wendigo's jaw apart before looking at the Revenant. " Nah, that thing doesn't look so tough." The hag directed her attention to Orion before unleashing a toxic wave of magic toward him with her staff. The magic made the earth rise slightly and raised a foul scent into the air. Before the magic could hit him, Orion dodged out of the way before sending an energy wave at her with his sword. " Take that you old witch!" Orion's smile faded when he saw that the hag used her magic to become intangible before zipping over to him. Once she came within striking distance, she became tangible and struck Orion across his chest, sending him over to the cave wall. " Ugh, I take it back, she's pretty tough."
The Revenant then made her way to me to strike at me, but when she became tangible again, Spike shot an arrow at her, stunning her for the moment. I then grabbed her by her headdress and started punching her repeatedly. After I felt satisfied with giving her a good throttling, I took her head with both hands and snapped her neck before throwing her to the ground, turning the Revenant into dust. When I looked over to the others, they all had slacked jaws. " Twilight, if you don't get those elements in the tree in the next two seconds, I'm gonna shove this staff up where the sun don't shine!" I told her while holding up the staff with the antler pointing at Twilight's flank.
This got her to gulp a mouthful of air before she levitated the elements over to the branches. Once the elements made their way to the branches, the crystal of the tree encased the elements back into place. Twilight then placed her element in the center of the tree, causing a chain reaction to the other elements. Once all the elements were in place, they started producing a light that started to spread throughout the entire tree. As the light kept spreading, the vines around it started to unravel themselves from the tree. Once the tree had reached its limit, it sent out a powerful wave of energy destroying the vines as well as the remains of the wendigos, " There, the elements are in, now please throw that thing away." I gave her a satisfied smirk before tossing the staff into the woods.
" All you needed was the right motivation." Before any more could be said, our attention was brought to the two coils of Hel Bramble that haven't disappeared yet. Slowly but surely, the Bramble started to vaporize, revealing two familiar alicorns.
" Luna!" Jackie and I screamed while running to her.
" Mom!" Our kids yelled while joining in the group hug.
So the moment wouldn't be awkward. Twilight brought the girls, Spike, and Celestia in for the group hug. " It's good to see that you're both okay. Tell me, what was it like being in those vines?"
Celestia let out an irritated huff " I can tell you this, it was not very pleasant."
Before she went into detail, the tree started acting up again. A bright light emitted from the elements before it started moving down in a rainbow trail towards the trunk to the roots. Once it made it to the roots, a flower started to grow where the light stopped. Twilight approached the plant and gave it a careful prod, this made the petals open revealing a crystal box with a single keyhole.
" I don't get it. What's in here, and how are we supposed to open it?"
I walked up to the box and brought Mimir's focus to the box. " What do you think, Head?"
" I can't be sure of what's inside, but that keyhole looks familiar. Brother, do you have the key with you?" I reached around my belt and brought out the key for everyone to see. " Good, now, place the key into the lock, then we'll see what's inside." I nodded before placing the key into the lock and gave it a turn.
Once the key turned, the key sank into the box and caused it to glow a brilliant array of colors. Behind the box, the elements from the tree also started to glow with the light of their own color. Soon, the box shot out light into the air that was quickly joined by the other elements. The lights came together and formed a shape. The shape was that of a pony, but the image was blurry and no details could be made. After another moment of watching the light show, details started to show. The most noticeable thing about the image was that it was tall as Celestia and had an eggshell white coat. The next thing to come to light was the mane and tail which were an autumn red. The next two things that made us all do a double-take, was the appearance of a horn that was much larger than Celestia's, and a pair of wings that nearly reached my wingspan. The icing on the cake was the appearance of an inkwell and feather Cutiemark adorning her flanks. We each had to take a moment to collect ourselves, as we were a witness to the holographic image of the creator of Equestria, Queen Faust.
When she opened her eyes, everyone bowed, save for Celestia, Luna, and me. " Please, there is no need to bow." Her voice was that of the sweetest muse and seemed to come from all around us. When everyone stood, Faust looked at all of us with her motherly gaze, but when she spotted Celestia and Luna, tears started to fall. " My precious angels, look how much you've grown."
Celestia and Luna approached the hologram of their mother and did their very best to not openly weep in front of everyone. Celestia was the first to say something. " How is this possible? We were told you had been killed by a frost giant."
" Who told you that?" I brought Mimir into her line of sight. " Oh, Mimir, what happened to your body?"
" Bit of a long story lass. It's good to see you again."
" It's good to see you too. And to answer your question, Tia, my body was destroyed by the giant, but my spirit lived on in the elements that a dear friend of mine made to protect this world." Faust then brought her attention to me. " Hello again Joseph, it's been a long time. I see you still have my ax."
" It's good to finally meet you face to face." I smiled her way before gesturing to my wings. " I never did thank you properly for the gifts you gave me. Now I have that opportunity."
" There is no need for thanks, as long as you use my gifts for the good of this world, then I have no regret in giving you my ax and powers." Her attention was then brought over to my kids as they came up to meet her. " And who are these three little cuties?"
Luna went and answered while she stood next to me while Jackie also came up towards us. " Mother, these are our children. Jack, Orion, and Scootaloo. Kids, meet your other grandmother." The kids said their hellos making Faust smile even wider. Luna then went to introduce us, as her family. " Mother, this is Applejack, my wife and herd mate. And you already know Joe, he's our husband." Faust was overjoyed to see that her youngest daughter had a family.
" I don't mean to butt in, but what's the box for?" Mimir asked while trying to keep his tears in.
" Right sorry, ehem. The box is a gift for the new princess, it'll also one day open up the Bifrost."
" Okay, but how do we open it? Do we just give the key another turn?"
" I'm afraid it's a bit more complicated than that." Before we could ask what that meant, Faust spread out her wings and bright heavenly glow made its way onto her.
" To travel the path of the Gods, and open the doors to enlightenment. A threat to all must first rise, to challenge the hero's resolve."
After she gave us the message, the light from the key and elements canceled out. The image of Faust started to disappear much to Celestia and Luna's disappointment. Before she vanished completely, she blew her daughters a kiss goodbye before she vanished in an explosion of light. As we watched the specks of light float around the cave, Mimir broke the silence. " That mare always had a flair for the dramatic."
I made to grab the key back, but it wouldn't budge. " I guess that's where I'll leave it for now." I decided that we had enough excitement for one day...or night, I haven't checked the time yet, and I opened up a portal to Ponyville. " C'mon, let's go home and get ready for tomorrow." We all went through the portal and headed back to our own homes.
The next day in Canterlot, right after the celebration.
I was sitting down on one of the many benches that surrounded the local park and I was telling Celestia and Luna what I saw in my first potion induced vision. " So you see, the reason for Nightmare Moon, was because of a creature called a Nightmare."
Celestia brought Luna into a hug after hearing the end of my story. " I'm sorry Luna if I had known what had happened-"
" It's alright Tia, you didn't know and I was being controlled, so I couldn't really tell you anyway." Luna returned the hug to Celestia. " Oh, before I forget. Joe. Jackie and I have agreed that the boys can continue their training. But since you lied to us, you'll be sleeping on the couch for a week." Crap!
As I was watching the nice sisterly moment, and dreading my week on the couch, I had a disturbing thought. If the vines could make those monsters come through the tree to stop us, who's to say it didn't do that earlier, and if so, what other monsters could be lurking in that forest?
" Hey, Dad. Jack and me are about to race Scoots and Aunt Dash around the gardens. Wanna be the referee?"
" Sure, why not." I got up from the bench and followed my son toward the gardens, pushing my earlier concerns to the back of my head.
Author's Notes:
I'm very sorry for the long delay, but this was a two-part episode and I had to come up with a whole bunch of this on the fly. Also, I got my job back so that explains the delay.
Other than that, tell me how you felt about the chapter in the comments below, it usually helps the story along.
Clip.
Castle Mania, and an old friend.
Recap
After the celebration, we told the populace about the real incident with Luna becoming Nightmare Moon. For those that still saw Luna as a monster, they didn't believe a word I said, that is until I showed them the memory of my potion induced trance. Once it was revealed, many historians had to redo their work and a few naturalists added the creatures the boys and I fought to their bestiaries.
As promised by my wives, I spent a week on the couch for lying to them about training the boys with their new weapons, though every morning I'd wake to have them both in my arms 'cause they snuck in with me during the night.
Anyway, ever since Faust gave us a foreboding warning about a threat to all, Twilight has been going over every book she can about what that threat might be. Which is where we head to now.
" So...Applejack is doing what again?" Luna asked me while we walked over to the library.
" She and Rainbow Dash are competing on who the most daring pony in all of Ponyville is. I swear those two are the most competitive beings in all the nine realms, aside from me and my old buddy." That last part piqued Luna's curiosity.
" And who is this friend you speak of that you'd compare yourselves to Rainbow Dash and our dear Jackie?" She asked me while bumping me with her flank.
" Bob Lee Swagger. He's an old friend from Parris Island, a bit older than I was, but he was still a good friend. We were bunkmates while we went through training. I went through regular infantry training while he went through Scout sniper training with his old friend Donnie. After we graduated, he went over to Africa for a mission, and I haven't seen the boy since. I might have to look him up after we're done here. He was the only one I ever told about my gift." I then remembered all the shit we did while on leave. " This one time, we went over to Jacksonville and stopped at this bar. All I gotta say about that night is that Swagger wound up in a penthouse with the hostess from the bar, while I spent the night in the history museum, sleeping among the neanderthal display. It was actually the last time I saw him. Over six years ago."
Luna suppressed a laugh with her wing. " Well, he sounds like a good friend." We made it to the library and went in. What we saw made us do a double-take, books were scattered across the floor and in one corner, there was a mountain of crumpled papers. " It would seem that Twilight is in the zone."
From the mountain of papers, Spike emerged. " You have no idea." Spike got out of the papers and led us up to the second floor. " Hey, Twilight, you got visitors." The moment we saw Twilight, we recoiled at the sight.
Twilight's mane was a fucking rats nest, her coat was splotched with food and coffee stains, and the less said about the smell the better. She had multiple books in front of her and multiple notebooks in her magical aura taking down notes. When she looked over to us, she had dark spots under her eyes and what I think might be mustard on her left cheek. " Oh, hi Joe, Luna, what are you two doing here?"
" I don't know anymore. I mean, at first, we came over to help with your research, but now I think we need to do something about your lack of hygiene." I emphasized my point by grabbing a discarded pizza box from off the ceiling.
Her cheeks flushed red when she finally took a look at herself. " I guess I got caught up in my studies again."
" Twilight, you spent four days doing nothing except study, eat, and go to the bathroom." Spike listed off Twilight's routine for the past few days while cleaning up some of the mess.
" I see, and were you able to find anything useful during your study binge?" I grabbed one of the discarded papers and saw that it was just a bunch of doodles.
" Uuuugggghhh! I've gone through every book in this library, hoping to find a small hint of what Faust meant about a great doom to all, but I've come up with nothing!" After she had her small freakout, she slammed her head onto the open book in frustration.
Luna went over and draped her wing over Twilight's back. " Twilight, we appreciate that you're looking into a threat against the nation, but you need not push yourself to this extent."
" I know, I just hate it when I can't find the answer to something."
Luna pondered away before coming up with something. " This might be a bit of a long shot, but we might be able to find something in the castle Tia and I shared. I believe the library might hold the answer you seek." At the mention of 'library', Twilight perked up and galloped toward her saddlebags.
" You had me at 'library', let's go." Twilight was halfway down the stairs before I grabbed her by the tail and dragged her back here. " Hey, what gives?"
" We ain't going nowhere till you have a shower," Twilight remembered the state she was in and headed for the shower with red cheeks. While she was cleaning up, I looked over at Spike. " Ready for another adventure, my draconic student?"
His response was to look at me with a smug smile. " Born ready."
Castle entrance.
After Twilight cleaned up, we made it to the castle. When we made it to the library, Twilight nearly came right then and there. " Okay, Spike and I are going to do some exploring. I'll let you Twilight-sit for a bit." I gave Luna a quick smack to her flank before Spike and I left her to deal with Twilight.
When we got out of the library, Spike told me this. " You know you're gonna pay for that later right?" I pushed his head to the side while he laughed.
" Better to deal with an angry Luna later, than having to deal with Twilight being around new books now." We both laughed at that while we continued roaming this old castle. As we made our way through the halls, I caught a whiff of something that always leaves my mouth watering. " I don't know about you Spike, but I smell a large amount of alcohol somewhere around here."
" Well, what are we doing just standing here? Let's go." Spike followed me as I kept following the scent of thousand-year-old alcohol.
I followed the scent of whiskey, wine, and other aged alcohol further into the castle. We kept going down towards the unknown parts of the castle until we hit a large wooden door that was big enough to fit an elephant. When we opened the doors, our jaws dropped at the sight of a large room filled with hundreds of barrels of sweet ambrosia.
As Spike and I drank in our surroundings, only one thing came to mind. " Spike, I think we've died and gone to Valhalla!" We wasted no time in heading into the old cellar and went over the barrels for the drink of our choosing.
Undetermined amount of time later.
" And that's why you never push the head of a unicorn or in my case alicorn when she's giving you a blowjob." Spike and I were drunk as fuck, and we started swapping stories.
" We haven't gotten to that stage yet, but I'll be sure to remember that." Spike took another swig from his cup of mead before continuing. " Speaking of, I've learned that the base of a unicorn's horn, is very sensitive and acts as a second g-spot. But you can't grab it too hard or she'll get a migraine."
" Duly noted." I went for another drink before I heard a noise from the floors above us. " Hey, Spike, did you hear that?"
" Right now I'm trying to stop the ringing in my ears."
While Spike was fidgetting with his ears, I stumbled over to the doorway and listened for any sort of sound. When I peeked my head out the door, I was greeted by someone putting piano wire around my neck. " Grrrkkk!" I struggled with my attacker with mixed results. If I weren't drunk off my ass, I'd have taken care of this asshole, but whoever had me knew what they were doing.
While my struggle with my attacker continued, my attacker let out a cry of pain. The piano wire around my neck slacked and I was able to look at my attacker. The first thing I discovered, was that my attacker was a man. He was about 5'8, dark hair, buzz cut, and was armed with an M9 Beretta. When I examined his back, I saw one of Spike's arrows pierce his lung, explains the cry of pain.
When I removed the arrow from his back, Spike came by to see what he'd done. " Crap! Joe, are you alright?"
" Yeah, I'll be fine." I turned the guy over to check and see if there was anything that could tell me who this guy is, or rather was. After frisking his pockets I found no ID or wallet, only a note. Here's what it read.
The target knows too much about our operations. Kill him quickly and quietly, no witnesses.
Col. Johnson.
After reading the note, I realized we were dealing with a wetwork member. " Hey, who was that guy?" Spike asked me while checking the guys gun.
I grabbed the gun before he could hurt himself and pointed over to the guy. " He ain't got any ID on him, so I can't give you a name. But, given that he has no identification, a handgun, piano wire, and this note telling him to off someone, I'd say he's a mercenary. A hired gun."
" Wow. But, what's he doing here, and who's he trying to kill?"
" Well, this guy might've come over here when the Hel Bramble was surrounding the Tree of Harmony. As for who he's trying to kill, I don't know, the note didn't give the targets name, only that the target is male. His target may have come through the portal as well, and if the guy was in here, then his target might be in the castle as well."
" Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?" Spike looked a bit nervous as he knocked an arrow in his bow.
" If this guy had an Id or dog tags, then the other guy would definitely be a threat, but since he doesn't, I'd say just use caution." I grabbed the body and placed him in a closet. " We'll deal with this one later, but right now, let's see if we can't find this other guy." Spike nodded before following my lead.
While we started searching the halls, we heard random organ music playing through the castle. " What was that?"
" Organ music. Either Luna and Twilight are playing around, or Pinkie's around here." We continued on our search with the added music to add a bit of drama.
We turned a corner and found ourselves in a hall lined with suits of pony armor. As we inspected the armor, we saw one that was crumpled on the floor. " It seems like someone was here," I gave the helmet a quick sniff before putting it back. " and it would seem that Dash and Jackie are here as well."
" What makes you say that?"
" 'Cause this helmet has Jackie's apple shampoo smell on it and there's a multicolored hair on the pedestal there." I got up and quickened my pace. " If they're here, then they as well as Twilight and Luna are in possible danger." We both ran ahead and made our way towards the library to check on Luna and Twilight. When we got to the library, we found them both in a secret room, giggling over a book. " Well, it looks like you two are hard at work."
They both looked up from the book and recoiled at our smell. " I see you've found the cellar," Luna remarked while scrunching her nose.
" Not to mention, you've been playing the Organ to the outside while we've been trying to find something."
" First off, What? And second, we've been in the cellar for the last few hours. And finally, we have a problem." This grabbed their attention. " Someone from Midgardtried to kill me in the cellar and-" I didn't have time to finish as Luna brought me over with her magic.
" Who tried to kill you, where is he? I'll tear them to shreds!" I gave her a boop on the nose, causing her to calm down.
" No need to worry about that, Spike got him with his bow." Spike did a little pose while holding up his bow. " What we need to worry about now, is the guy he was after." I showed them the note and continued looking around the place.
" Why do we need to be worried about the guy he was after, how do you know he's here, and how would he have come here?" Twilight asked while floating the note back to me.
" I believe they came over when the tree was being overtaken by the Hel Bramble. I doubt the guy who tried to kill me would still linger around here if the other guy wasn't here. As for worrying, his target might be deadly and know how to kill. Also, Dash and Jackie are around here so we need to find them and get out." Both their eyes widened before they followed me out of the library.
Before we could get very far, Spike was attacked by a white furry face-hugger. " Aaaahhh! It's trying to eat my brains! Get it off of me!" I went over and plucked the ball of white fluff off of him.
While Spike was recovering from his attack, I brought the fluffball to me. " Angel, what are you doing here?" The rabbit started squeaking and making gestures with his paws. " Fluttershy and Rarity are here too? Perfect, just perfect." I put him down while continuing our search. " Great, now we have to worry about two more of our friends being in danger." We made our way towards the main hall to start our search but were stopped when we heard four familiar voices screaming at the top of their lungs. " What the hell?"
We made our way just above the main hall to find our friends and loved ones, though they were acting like complete idiots. Dash was flying around the place, bumping into pillars, walls, pretty much anything. Jackie was doing pretty much the same thing but on the ground. Rarity was under an old tapestry, crying her eyes out for some reason. Finally, Fluttershy was trying to lift a pillar from a pile of rocks, crying out how she needs to save Angel. " Enough!" Twilight had enough of this bullshit and froze everyone in their place.
Jackie was the first to notice us. " Huh? What in the world are you four doing here?"
Fluttershy was still struggling with the pillar. " Must...save...Angel." She looked our way hoping to get some help, only to see her pet rabbit safe and sound. " Oh." Her cheeks started turning red after that discovery.
" Fluttershy? What are you doing here?" Rainbow asked while engaging in cartoon physics by not falling while she was in midair.
" She's with me." Rarity answered while still under the tapestry.
We descended the stairs while Twilight canceled her spell on the others. When they could move again, Twilight went ahead and asked, " Have you four running around here all night scaring each other?"
They all looked a little embarrassed before Dash addressed us. " That depends, were you four posing as the pony of shadows?"
" .....The what?" I asked, having no idea what she was talking about.
" It's nothing to worry about Joe, it's just an old ponies tale to scare little foals around a campfire." All of a sudden, the organ music starts up again.
The girls huddled together once the music started again and Shy looked like she was about to piss herself. " If there's no pony of shadows, then who is that?"
" Don't be alarmed, but there may be a potential threat from Midgard." This got the girls to start shaking again. " Spike already took care of one threat, but it would seem he was hunting someone down. We're not sure if this other person is a threat or even here, but that organ might lead us to him."
" Follow me, I remember where we had the organ placed." Luna took the lead and led us to where the organ is. As we continued on our path, the music became more intense. Luna was about to show us the room where the organ is, but then the music came to a screeching halt. " Quickly, they might be on to us."
I entered the room where the organ is and got ready for a fight. When I entered, I was met with Pinkie Pie being attacked by a man covered in a makeshift ghillie suit. " Hey!" The man brought his attention over to me. " Why not pick on someone your own size?" The man looked stunned to see another member of his realm here, he let Pinkie go and stood with his arms up and slowly took off his camo. What I saw when he revealed himself was the biggest shock I've had in my life. " Swagger?"
" TEX?"
" By the gods, I haven't seen you since..."
" Jacksonville." Swagger let down his guard and he came over. " Holy shit, how the hell did you end up here, and with wings?"
" It's a bit of a long story. What about you, how have you been?" At this point, my wives and friends decided to make themselves known, this caused Swagger to be on edge.
" Who the hell are you?" Swagger brought out a combat knife and got in a stance, ready to pounce at a moment's notice.
I got between them and Swagger. " Stand down man, they're not your enemy!" Swagger looked between me and the group before relaxing his stance. I motioned Spike and the girls forward to make proper introductions. " Swagger, these are my friends, Spike, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, Twilight Sparkle, and Pinkie Pie." I then brought Luna and Jackie into my arms. " And these are my two beautiful wives, Applejack and Luna." My wives had red cheeks and gave me a peck on the cheek.
When Swagger saw my wives show me affection, he was a little shocked. " So, should I ask the obvious question or do you want to start from the beginning?"
" I suppose I should start from the beginning." We all made our way back to the secret room in the library and I told my story to my old friend. As I told my story, Swagger's expression kept changing, ranging from shocked, surprised, amused, then back to shocked. The girls would pitch in whenever I missed a detail or just felt like adding their commentary.
When I was done with my story, Swagger only had this to say. " Fuck, a lot has changed in six years." He then brought his attention to my friends. " I'm sorry for thinking you were a threat, I especially want to say I'm sorry to you, Miss Pie." Everyone smiled and gave him an approving nod. Just then, Swagger remembered something important. " Listen, I don't mean to break up the mood here, but there's..."
" A hitman who was ordered by a Col. Johnson to kill you." He looked at me thinking I could read minds or something. " Don't worry about it, my little student here took care of him." I then fixed him with a serious glare. " So tell me. How is it that a gunnery Sgt. is now a target for some hitman."
" I guess you didn't hear about what happened? Well, it all started in Ethiopia." ( Spoiler for the movie Shooter.) He started telling us his story from three years ago back in Africa. How he and Donnie covered the retreat of a mercenary group, though he didn't know it at the time. The girls shed a tear when they heard that Donnie was killed by an enemy chopper. He then cuts to how Johnson came to his place in Wyoming to talk about stopping someone from killing the president. He took the job. When he told them to take out the shooter in the steeple, that's when they betrayed him.
The girls cringed when Swagger told them about the impromptu field dressing he had to do on himself before he made it to Sarah's. When he got better, he made it so the FBI agent he encountered would be on his side. They both went on a search on who the shooter was and narrowed his hide down in Virginia. He found that it was the man in the wheelchair he met earlier and he told him everything. Rarity and Fluttershy fainted when they heard how there was a mass grave of four hundred bodies and how he unwittingly recovered the retreat of the mercs who did the job.
Dash then got excited when he got to the shoot out between the mercs and him with Memphis giving him a hand. I wanted to spill blood when Swagger mentioned them taking Sarah hostage, but then I smiled when he told me how she killed her capture. I couldn't help but laugh at how Swagger explained how the frame-up was total crap since he had all the firing pins switched at his place.
" After they dropped the charges on me for killing the Archbishop, I took out Johnson and the Senator, ending those bastards network for good, or so I thought. Last week I went back home to bury Sam, give him a proper funeral and all. After I put him to rest in the garden, I was attacked by that guy you two ran into. Seems Johnson was able to get a message out before I got to him. We struggled for a bit and we found ourselves falling off a cliff. I thought for sure I was going to die, but then this bright light came from below and sucked us both in. Next thing I know, I'm waking up in a cavern covered in vines."
" I went up top to see where I landed, only to find a large forest with more of those vines, and of course this castle. I've been here ever since, surviving on whatever I could scrounge up and avoiding and hunting the guy who came with me. Everything else, you already know."
We all took a moment to process the story that we were just told and tried to come to terms with it. Finally, Twilight stood from her spot, walked over to Swagger, and wrapped her wings around him. " I'm sorry that those awful people did this to you. I'm especially sorry to hear about your friend Donnie." It took Swagger a moment to register that he was being hugged by someone who he thought a week ago was just an animal, but once he did, he returned the hug.
When they separated, Swagger saw the grin I gave him. " What are you smiling at TEX?"
" Nothing, nothing." I stood up from my seat and walked over to my friend. " So, you ready to go home?"
Swagger gave me a confused look. " What?"
" What do you mean what? I can take you home, you can live your life." I then went and noticed his somber expression. " Or...maybe you have something else in mind?"
" Not that I don't appreciate the offer or even mind going back, but I just don't think it's in the cards for me."
" I beg your pardon, Robert, but shouldn't you be happy that you get to go home? I mean, I know if I was taken from my home by odd circumstances, I'd want to return immediately."
" I should be happy, but after everything that's happened, I planned on going to a different country to start over. I guess a different world will be just as good. If you'll have me that is?"
I clapped my hand on his shoulder and let out a hardy laugh. " As if you even have to ask. You're more than welcome to stay here, though I'm not sure what to do about your living arrangements?"
Twilight was the first to respond. " I have a spare room he can borrow!" Maybe a little too quick but I'm not one to judge. " I mean if you don't mind staying in a library," Twilight added with a blush.
" That's fine by me, as long as we can get out of this place." We all got up and started heading for home, though not before Luna grabbed that book I saw her earlier with. I can't wait to see how everyone's going to react to Swagger.
Author's Notes:
Okay, so Joe is reunited with his old friend Swagger and I expect some grand adventures to be had between the two. Now we head on to a ' Daring' adventure.
Bob Lee Swagger is a character created by American Novelist Stephen Hunter. The image and story you saw of Swagger, was from the movie Shooter.
Now for the fun clip.
Daring Do and the Wolfman.
Recap.
It had been a month since we came back with Swagger. We introduced him to the town and surprisingly enough they took it well, though we had to forgo telling them about his past. Seeing as Twilight was giving him room and board, I thought I'd help him by giving him a job. Seeing as how I wanted my army to have a few snipers in the mix, I put Swagger in charge of training a few recruits in the art of sniping.
Lately, though, I've had to deal with Rainbow Dash constantly bugging me about the release date of the new Daring Do book. I pretended to give a rats ass while I was around her, but truth be told, I couldn't stand that book series, I felt it was plagiarizing Indiana Jones. I know Miss Yearling doesn't mean to do that, but I also don't have the heart to write to her and tell her what's going on.
Right now though, the wives, kids, and I were heading over to Twilight's place for some form of holiday. Which is where we head to now.
" So let me get this straight, We're heading to Twilight's to celebrate what now?"
" I believe the invite said it was for ' National Random Holiday Party Day'. I was unaware of such a thing, perhaps it is a recent holiday?" Luna pondered while we kept walking towards the library.
" No, I think Pinkie just wanted an excuse to throw a party not that I'm complaining," Jackie explained to Luna and me before we made it to the door. Jackie opened the door and made our presence known. " Howdy, y'all!" We were greeted Twilight, Pinkie, Rarity, Fluttershy, Spike, and off in the corner of the library, sat Swagger with a cup of punch and they were all wearing different hats.
" Glad you could make it." Pinkie appeared in front of us and stuck a hat on all of us. Luna's tiara was replaced with a fake queens crown. Jackie's stetson was replaced with a foam stetson with an apple pattern. The boys were both given a top hat while Scootaloo was given an old Yankees baseball cap. Finally, Pinkie plopped a brown fedora on me. " Welcome to the party."
" Wouldn't dream of missing one of your parties." I went passed the others and plopped myself next to Swagger who had an Eagles cap on. " So, how's living with the walking talking encyclopedia?"
" It's not that bad actually. For the most part, she's studying or pleasure reading, though I do get the odd question from time to time. As for the town, it's nice enough, though there are times when I feel like I'm being watched."
" Yeah, they'll do that, they're just curious about you is all. Give it a week, you'll feel right at home." I then remembered why I came over. " So, you find someone that catches your eye?" Swagger nearly did a spit-take at my enquire. " Hahaha, I'm just messing with ya."
A moment later, Dash came through the door, still talking about the release date for the next Daring Do book. " Hey, Twilight, aren't you excited that-" Pinkie interrupted her with a noise-maker.
While Dash saw us all having a good time, Twilight came over to greet her. " So glad you finally made it."
Dash looked at all of us and asked the question, " What's everybody doing here?" I decided to answer.
" We are celebrating a random holiday party. I'm surprised you didn't have it marked on your calendar." I told her while adding some whiskey to my punch.
" Why didn't anyone tell me?"
" Jack, Orion, and I've been knocking on your door for an hour trying to invite you to this but you didn't answer," Scootaloo told her while adjusting her cap over her headband.
" Oh, sorry about that Squirt, I was too busy reading the last Daring Do book, because, in three months and twenty-six days, I'll get to read the new one." She then went and chugged down a glass of punch.
" Ooh, haven't you heard? The release of the next book got pushed back another two months." Once Twilight told her that, she spat her punch right in her face.
" Two more months! I've been waiting soo long already." She started to visible shake at this point. " I don't think I can take another two months. I'll never make it." She then went and flopped down onto the floor, where Pinkie went and plopped a party hat on her.
" I don't get it, why don't you just pick another book series, it'll certainly help pass the time until the next book." Swagger suggested while watching all this unfold.
" I've already tried, but nothing can compete with the action Daring Do brings to the table. They're just too boring."
" What about that series I suggested to you?"
" Sorry, giant sharks just don't do it for me." Before I could tell her any details about the MEG series, she went back to Twilight about the Daring Do book. " Did they give a reason why the book's being delayed?"
" The publisher just said that author A.K. Yearling won't be able to finish the book for another two months. Cupcakes?" She offered up a plate of cupcakes where Pinkie went and gobbled up one.
Dash looked pissed at hearing that. " How could you know that before me? I'm the series biggest fan!" Pretty sure anyone who buys a newspaper can figure that out.
" I'm just a big a fan as you are, in fact, I was the one who introduced you to the series." Burn! " A.K. Yearling is my favorite author, I know pretty much everything about her, where she grew up, where she studied literature, where she wrote the first book."
" Her sexual orientation," Swagger whispered behind Twilight's ear.
" Her sexual orientation...hey!" Swagger and I both shared a laugh at that.
When we were done laughing our ass off, Rainbow looked ready to ask a question. " Do you by chance know where she lives?"
" Uh, no, though I could probably figure it out somehow. Why?" Because we need to start off a wacky adventure somehow.
" The book is obviously being delayed because the author is too busy dealing with everyday nonsense, that she doesn't have time to spend her every waking, breathing moment writing. So that I...I mean fans like me, can get to read the next book ASAP."
" Dash, you can't rush the writing process, you might wind up getting a crappy story. Besides, the author might just have writers-block, and you can't really help with that."
" So if we find where she lives, we can offer to do her laundry, cook her meals, you know just whatever. Who wouldn't appreciate that?" People with dignity.
" I don't know Rainbow, I think what she wants most is respect for her privacy," Twilight told her after rolling her eyes.
" She could always just say no." Yeah, but will you honor that or just keep pestering her till she says yes.
When I looked at everyone, they all seemed to be on board with this. Not wanting to be left out, I joined them. " Alright, let's do this. I want to know how she rips off Indiana Jones." Once I said that the only ones who didn't look at me funny were my wives and kids.
" Who the heck is Indiana Jones?" Dash asked while taking off her party hat.
" Only the best archeologist and adventurer that's ever been created for both literature and film." Dash raised an eye thinking I was lying. " Don't believe me? Here, I'll show you." I put up a screen and the kids grabbed some snacks to enjoy the little show.
After they got over the shock of seeing a real adventurer, I clapped my hand on Twilight's shoulder. " So, how's about getting that address?"
Once Twilight was able to get the address from the publisher, one of the perks to being royalty, we made our way to A.K. Yearling's home and for some reason, Pinkie was dragging a red paintbrush behind us. Luna decided to stay behind with the kids while the rest of us went for an adventure. After going through forests and mountains, Swagger and I realized that Miss Yearling must be a recluse. " If she's this far off from the rest of the world, then she definitely doesn't want any company."
" How would you know that Bob?" Twilight asked.
" Because that's what I did for the past three years." We made our way past a bit of brush to see the small cottage that's owned by Miss Yearling, but when we found it, we saw that it had been ransacked. " It would seem that someone has already met with our author." We all went inside the house to see that the inside was just as bad as the outside. Furniture was overturned, books were off the shelves, there was even a sink in the middle of the living room. " Damn, looks worse than my old dorm room from college."
" Someone certainly made a mess in here." Jackie pointed out while turning the table right-side up.
" Hmmm, maybe, or maybe A.K. Yearling is a terrible horrible unbelievable slob!" Pinkie told us while appearing in different places of the house all at once.
Swagger leaned over and whispered, " How the hell does she do that?"
I whispered back, " My working theory is that she can do mind over matter, but she doesn't realize she's doing it. Either that or she has the same ability as the Animaniacs." Swagger kept looking at me weird while I just shrugged and turned to the girls. " It would seem that someone was looking for something."
Swagger examined the damage himself. " No real sign of a struggle, so Miss Yearling wasn't home. Though I can't really say if the intruders found what they were looking for."
Twilight started cleaning up the mess. " You don't think something terrible happened to her, do you?"
Rainbow popped herself from the junkpile in the middle of the room and looked on the verge of panic. " I know, there might be no more books!" She then saw all our facial expressions and saw that we were not amused. " But of course, I'd be worried about her too."
Before we could call her out on her selfishness, a new voice brought our attention to the front door. " What are you all doing here?" The figure to enter the house was a mare with a purple cloak, red frame glasses, and some sort of bonnet. This could only be A.K. Yearling.
The moment Dash saw her, she unleashed her inner fangirl. " A...A...K...Yearling?" I had no idea ponies could do duck-face.
Swagger was the first to explain our being here. " I know this may look bad, but we had nothing to do with the state of your house."
Yearling came into her house looking around at all the damage. " What happened in here, and why are there three royals standing in my living room?"
" That's actually a good question, and it all started a few hours ago." I started walking around the room while explaining the situation. " My friend over here was complaining about the book being delayed and wanted to pretty much become your serving monkey. After she explained that, I thought she was crazy, but then it occurred to me, this would be my chance to ask why your character Daring Do, is so similar to Indiana Jones. Of course, I'm not one to criticize your work, I think it's pretty cool, just need to know how you came up with the idea." When my explanation was done, I turned to Miss Yearling, only to find her pulling a golden ring out of a fake book, not listening to a thing I just said.
" Hah, it's safe." She put the ring under her cloak before turning to me. " I'm sorry your highness, you were saying something."
" Hmm, just that we had nothing to do with this mess and we're here to see about the book being delayed. But, I can see you're busy with cleaning this place up, so we'll be on our way." I led the others out of the house and over to some shrubs. Once we were behind the foliage Swagger and I hid from the view of the house while the girls watched us with curiosity.
" Why did we leave the house just so you two can watch the outside? I wanted to see if we can help speed the book up but-" I held up a hand to keep her quiet.
" You need to keep quiet Skittles, it's time for a stake-out." Swagger told her while keeping an eye on the house.
" Stake-out? Why would we need to stake-out A.K's house when we know she's already in there?" Twilight asked while pointing over at the house.
" I'm aware that she's in there, and I'm also aware that whatever she had hidden is still there," I told them while indicating the gold ring from earlier.
" Which means the ones that trashed the house will be coming back for it," Swagger went and finished the explanation.
" What makes you think that'll happen?" Pinkie asked while petting a squirrel that came out of the bushes. I pointed over to the top window where three very shady looking ponies, just entered. " Ooh, you guys are good." Pinkie pronked over to the house while we followed.
We made it to the back window to see Yearling start cleaning her living room when the three intruders started to corner her. The girls, Swagger and I were about to go in and bust a nut in someone's ass.......I mean, bust a cap in someone's ass, but our busting was stopped when Yearling started using her own clothes to attack her attackers. As she kept attacking the three ponies with her clothes, the ones she wore underneath revealed a shocking secret. Underneath the baggy cloak, Yearling had on an explorers outfit and a pit helmet, in short, she looked like the Daring Do character in her books.
As we saw the reveal, Twilight and Dash couldn't believe what they were seeing. " A.K. Yearling is Daring Do!" They both said in unison.
" Damn, and I thought I had a dual personality."
" A.K. Yearling and Daring Do are one and the same, my mind is officially blown." Twilight was gushing over this development.
Dash tried to act nonchalant about this new development. " Eh, I knew it all along." My ass! After a while, we watched as Daring started kicking the collective asses of those three intruders. When she got cornered, Dash did something stupid. " Daring Do!" The noise caused Daring to let her guard down long enough for her attackers to get the jump on her.
During the scuffle, the ring that caused the fight sailed through the air before making its way toward the front door. I expected one of the three intruders to go after it, but then a new face made themselves known. The pony was dressed in a white shirt and had a red ascot around his neck and his Cutiemark was a golden skull with jeweled eyes. " Many thanks, Daring Do, you have no idea how happy I am to see that you kept my finding in such a fine condition," The new guy mocked while Daring was having some trouble standing up.
Daring tried to face him, but then her right fore-leg gave off a crack and she collapsed. " Give it back Caballeron!"
" That's Dr. Caballeron to you."
Dash got even more excited and grabbed Twilight. " He's from book four. Daring Do and the Razor of Dreams, he wanted to partner with Daring on her adventures."
Twilight answered, " I know but she refused. I can't believe it, the real Daring Do and the real Caballeron."
" Not the most shocking reveal, but it's certainly up there." Swagger brought out his knife while Daring was shooting some exposition to the Doc. " So...are we going to help her out, or are we just going to keep standing here gawking?"
" Yeah, this has gone on long enough," I unsheathed Frostbite and made my way to the front to confront the four ponies. When the guys made their exit, they ran smack-dab right into me, and they looked ready to piss themselves. " Hi fellas. Going somewhere?" Before I could teach them the error of their ways, Caballeron pulled out a golden crystal and smashed it in the middle of his group, making the whole party disappear. " Dammit, next time, attack first ask questions later. or better yet never." When I went in to see what the others were doing, I saw Swagger applying a splint to her broken leg.
When she saw me, a glimmer of hope graced her eyes. " Did you stop them, your highness?"
" First, call me Joe. Second, no, those sons of bitches used some kind of crystal to teleport there ass's to who knows where."
" Caballeron used one of his homing crystals for you? He only uses those to get out of the direst situations, you must be better than what the papers suggest." She pointed over to one of her open books that were filled with newspaper clippings, all of them surrounding me and my adventures.
" Wow, someone famous has a scrapbook of me, I'm flattered. Also, I guess I can't fault you for your likeness to Indiana Jones since you're just living your life."
" Umm, who's Indiana Jones?"
" He's a human, like my friend here, and he lives a double life. A college professor and an international archeologist, I'd show you something but I believe the clock is running against us." I pointed out the door where the four nitwits made their escape.
She got up from the floor and made her way to the door. " Then I haven't a moment to lose." She went out the door and headed off to where the thieves were. Before she made it very far, she turned toward Swagger and me. " You two coming or what?" To say that we were surprised would be putting it lightly. Dash, on the other hand.
" You want them to come with you, what about us!?" I could feel the tension building here.
" I usually work alone during these adventures, but since Caballeron has the final Ring of Scorchero, he'll try and sell it to Ahuizotil so he can bring eight-hundred years worth of unrelenting heat to the valley."
Swagger looked over at me. " So this a normal day for you?"
" Nah, this is a bit weird even for me."
Daring continued. " So I would appreciate it if you two would help me get it back."
" Okay, we'll go with you, but only if they come with us." This caused Dash to squeal like a girl.
" No chance, they'll screw everything up." She pointed toward the girls, more accurately, Rainbow Dash.
Swagger offered this. " They'll observe, not participate. If you don't like it, then you can get the ring on your own." Daring didn't look too happy about the offer, but she accepted none the less. " Good, now the first thing we gotta do, is figuring out where the guys who stole the ring would regroup."
Dash saw this as her moment to shine. " That's easy, they're obviously heading for the Tenochtitlan Basin. Ahuizotil needs the last ring to take control of the dark tower, and that will the perfect place to make the trade-off."
" Perfect, lead the way, Miss Do." She took the lead and we followed her through the forest.
On the way to the drop-off, I would tell her about a few of mine and the girl's adventures. To say she was impressed would be an accurate statement. " Wow, I can't believe you take advice from a severed head."
" Mimir is more than just a severed head, he is the wisest of all the Aesir gods. In fact, I should get him and the others to join our little adventure." Before Daring could protest, I opened a portal to my living room. I stuck my head in to see Luna and the kids watching a movie. " Hey, babe, you doing alright?"
Luna and the kids were a little surprised to see me, but they quickly got over it and came through the portal with Mimir in tow. " Hello dear, how'd the visit with Miss Yearling go?"
" It took a weird turn from visiting an author to going on an adventure with Daring Do herself." I pointed beside me to show them the one and only Daring Do.
When Luna caught sight of her, she was a little surprised to see her. When the kids saw her, they went nuts. They crowded around her and started gushing around her. " You're the real Daring Do?" Scootaloo asked with wonder.
" Can I see your whip?" Orion asked while pointing at her side.
" Why didn't you switch the treasure with something else in the first book?" Jack asked while comparing her to Jones.
Recovering from the barrage of questions, Daring answered. " Yes, I am. No, you can not. And I didn't think about that."
As the kids kept pestering her, I brought Mimir over for a little talk. " Head, do you have any information about the ten Rings of Scorchero?"
" Yes, I do brother. Scorchero was a fire giant blacksmith that crafted Surtr's sword. When he had on his rings, his hands became his own forge."
" So...the rings could, I don't know, heat up a valley for eight centuries."
" Give or take a decade." With this information, I put Mimir around my belt and told Daring what I was told. She was surprised by the information, then high-tailed it down to where Caballeron would make camp. It was night when we came upon their camp at the edge of a large fortress and saw them eating hay. " So, these are the bad guys? Gotta say they don't make bad guys like they used to."
" Give it time Head, we might just come across a bigger threat." I turned over to Swagger and Daring, only to see Daring applying a beard made of foliage. " Uh, what are you doing?"
" What? You never heard of a disguise?"
" We're very well aware of a disguise. What you have is a beard made of leaves," Swagger told her while getting my Garand ready. " Here's how it's going to be, you'll confront those guys and demand that ring back. When they refuse, Joe comes in to convince them to give it to you." Swagger then went over to the nearest tree. " I'll provide cover from the trees." He made his way up the branches while Daring watched him.
" Commanding guy your friend."
" He just has more military knowledge than I do. Now come on, let's go get that ring back." Daring and I made our way to the edge of the camp where I stayed behind while she made herself known.
" Caballeron! I believe you have something of mine, and I want it back!" Initially, the Doc and his goons were surprised to see her so soon if at all. But, their surprise was quickly replaced with a smug sense of overconfidence.
The Doc was the one to boast for the group. " What makes you think I'd ever give you this ring?"
" Why, Caballeron, I thought you had the decency to offer jewels to a lady freely." Okay, I'll give her props for that one. Caballeron's smug expression changed to slightly annoyed. " Well, you could always just talk to him?" She pointed over to the bushes where I was hiding. Time for round two.
When their eyes were on the bushes that hid me, I made myself into the wolf and let the fire illuminate my eyes. Once the goons saw the glow of my eyes I let loose a low growl before slowly revealing myself to them. As they started shaking in their horseshoes, I bared my teeth to them. " The ring. Now!" The Doc trembled from the sight of me and threw the ring at my head before running off with his crew. " Well, that was rude." I removed the ring from around my neck and stared at it with a growing need to keep it all to myself. " My Precious."
This did not go unnoticed by Daring. " Joe, are you okay?" The question brought me back to reality.
I shook the cobwebs from my head and looked over to Daring. " Yeah, yeah just... admiring the ring." I made to give her the ring, but, I was blindsided by a massive hand and sent into the forest while dropping the ring and Frostbite. As I sailed through the trees, I collided with Swagger, knocking both him and me out of his sniper's nest. When we landed on the ground, the girls and the kids surrounded us with Lulu and Jackie holding my head and Twilight checking on Swagger.
Swagger was the first to come around. " Did anybody get the license plate number on that thing?"
I got up from the ground and saw that a creature had emerged from the trees and started for Daring. The creature resembled a large dog with a cat's head and monkey paws at the end of each limb including the tail, not to mention he was wearing jewels from what looked like Aztec origin.
The creature started to advance on Daring. " Daring Do, give the ring to me. Now!" He slammed his fists against the ground hoping to squash Daring for good. Luckily for the adventurer, she was quick on her hooves and avoided his attack.
" Now Ahuizotl, you know I love you, but I can't give you the ring till I've properly proposed." She taunted towards him while securing the ring around her neck.
The creature, known as Ahuizotl, got up and brushed the dust from himself. " Interesting. Because my friends here have a proposal of their own." With the snap of his fingers from his tail, a pack of jungle cats lept from behind him ranging from a tiger, panther, cheetah, bobcat, and even a little house-cat that let out a small hiss. The cats caused Daring to back herself into a corner and get ready for the inevitable attack.
I saw this as my chance to help out and lept into the middle. I landed in a kneeling position and hid with my wings covering me. The cats stopped their advance and stared at the new figure before them. With their focus on me, I slowly stood, revealing my feral glory, making them shake with fear. Standing at my full height, I let out a low growl while brandishing my claws. " Hello, pussies. Roooooaaaaarrr!" All the big cats let out a loud yowl before running in whatever direction they could, leaving the little white cat alone to face me. The cat looked at me and expected me to maul him. Instead, I did this. " Boo." The cat was gone before I had time to blink.
With Ahuizotl's feline minions gone, I faced the blue monkey-dog. " So. Was it you that sucker-punched me?" He gave me a death glare before pulling out a dagger made of obsidian. " Alright, you want a piece of me? You come and get it!" With a primal scream, Ahuizotl charged me with his dagger. He went for an overhead strike on my head but it was blocked by my left arm while I delivered a right hook to his jaw. Before he could recover from the hit, I grappled him to the ground and kept him pinned down. " So, you ready to give up?"
While he struggled on the ground, his tail grabbed his blade and sliced my stomach open. While I was putting my guts back in place, Ahuizotl grabbed Daring by the ring and knocked her ass out. Before he left, he caught sight of the rest of our group heading towards us. He brings up the knife to Daring's neck and halts their advance. " Unless you want the ground to drink her blood, I suggest you back away." Everyone started backing away in hopes of saving Daring while my stomach started to heal from the wound. " That's good and just so I know you won't follow." He grabbed the dagger by the blade and threw it towards the group before bolting for the Fortress in the distance.
The blade flipped through the air and made it's way right for Twilight. They all saw the blade coming, but they were like deer in headlights and it looked like Twilight was doomed. Lucky for her, she was with a trained marine scout-sniper who pushed her out of the way. Twilight lands on her side but quickly picks herself up. " Thank you, Bob, I don't know why I didn't through up a shield? I guess I was just a bit...Swagger!" Her scream was the result of seeing Swagger hunched over on the ground, with the knife sticking out of his left ribcage.
We gathered around him to see if the damage wasn't as bad as it seemed, but we've never been that lucky before. Swagger made an attempt to pull out the knife but a spray of blood started gushing out, so he had to put it back in. " Damn, this is really going to spoil my weekend." The girls and kids were freaking out about Swagger's injury. " Any chance of getting to a hospital?"
Seeing that my parts were back in place, I helped him to his feet. " Say no more, just let me get the door." I opened a portal to Ponyville General and turned to the others. " Okay, I need one of you to make sure he gets in safe."
Twilight immediately stepped forward. " I'll do it. I'm the reason he's hurt, I'll make sure he gets better." Twilight grabbed Swagger in her magic and went through the portal with him.
With Swagger in good hands, I turn back to the rest of our party. " Okay, we need a game plan on what needs to be done. Dash, any thoughts?" At first, she was surprised to even be considered on being called for a plan. " Come on Dash, you probably know more about what Ahuizotl's up to and what he'd do with Daring if he ever caught her, so come on, let's hear it."
Finding my words to be true, her confidence came back. " Alright, here's the plan." We listened intently on how to save Daring and foul the bad guy's plan.
Sunrise.
I wandered through the fortress with the others while Dash went to find Daring. We could easily go with her, but you know what they say about too many wheels, plus she wanted a chance to prove herself to her idol. While she was doing that, we searched for where they would perform the ceremony. I rounded a corner and bumped into Dash and Daring, startling the two out of their skins. " Relax will ya, it's only us."
They sighed in relief before Daring spoke. " It's nice to see that I have others to watch my back, especially Rainbow Dash here." This got Dash to squeal in delight before composing herself. When Daring looked at our group, she noticed we were missing two members. " Hey, what happened to Princess Twilight and Swagger?"
" While you were sleeping on the job, Ahuizotl sent that knife over to Twilight, and Swagger wasn't going to have any of that. She's with him at the hospital in Ponyville." Before more could be said, a rhythmic beat could be heard further down the hallway. " It sounds like they're starting the party without us, and I know Pinkie hates being late to a party."
" Damn right I do." She then pulled out her party shotgun, a new model to her party canon, and gave it a pump. " Let's make them smile."
" She scares me when she gets that way brother."
" And here I thought you had a sense of adventure?" We crept along the hall to come to a room with Ahuizotl and a bunch of ponies that reminded me of the ancient Aztecs. The center of the room had a golden spire under an open part of the roof and at the base of the spire were nine gold rings, waiting for their lost brother to join them. " Alright, what do we need to do?"
" I need you all to distract Ahuizotl's followers while I remove the rings from the spire," Daring told us while pointing at the opposition.
" Alright. Dash, help Daring with the rings. Scoots, take your mothers and aunts, and distract the guards. Boys, we'll take on the big guy." Everyone nodded their agreement and we stormed into the room.
Our presence startled the ponies in their spear banging and made them charge at us. Scoots led the charge against the Aztec ponies with the girls while the boys and I went for the big guy while wolfing out. " You! How are you still alive?"
" What, you think that little toy of yours was enough to put me down? Well think again!" The boys flanked the monkey dog while I went for the frontal assault. Ahuizotl made to avoid the boys but in doing so, became wide open for my fist. I punched him right in the gut, sending him to the other side of the room. " That's for slicing open my stomach!"
While he picked himself up, Jack came over with Earthquake and smashed it on his hand-tail, making him holler in pain. " That's for taking Daring Do!"
While he was holding his tail, Orion sliced his nose off with Nightfall, giving him a new look. " And that's for uncle Swagger!" Orion then went and grabbed him by his ponytail, and sent him hurling through the open ceiling. With him gone, we regrouped near the spire. " How did we do dad?"
" Not bad boys. Though, maybe next time, don't throw the bad guy away from the fight." They nodded their heads at my fatherly advice. When I turned toward the Aztec horde, I saw that they were unconscious and piled high with Scoots standing atop them. " That's my girl, give 'em hell Scoots!"
" Thanks Dad." One of the guys started to wake up from the bottom of the pile. Scoots just hopped off the top and landed on his head, knocking him out. " Back to bed."
" Thatta girl." I felt a body bump into me and saw that it was Dash helping Daring with the rings. " You two ain't done with that yet?"
Dash had this to say. " Hey, this is harder than it looks."
" Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know, lifting a few gold rings over a spire was so difficult? I guess beating up someone else's bad guy and his followers is a cakewalk?" Both of them rolled their eyes before going back to the rings. " Wouldn't it help if the spire was destroyed?" They both looked to each other before dropping the rings so they could do a facehoof.
Jack pushed passed us and lifted his hammer. " I got this." He placed the hammer where the top of the rings stopped on the spire and pulled back. After a couple of seconds, he let his hammer smash across the spire, breaking it into two halves. " There, problem solved." As soon as my boy said that, the whole temple started shaking. " I hate it when that happens."
" We gotta get out of here, now!" Daring told us as the ceiling started collapsing around us.
" I got this." I slashed open a portal back to Daring's house. " Alright, everybody, let's go!" The girls and kids went first while Daring and I made sure no one was left behind. When they all made it through, Daring and I went through just as the fortress collapsed. After we had a chance to catch our breath, I looked to Daring. " Well, that was fun."
" It was. Thanks for helping me out with Ahuizotl, and I'm sorry about your friend." She went over to Dash and held out her hoof. " Thank you, Rainbow Dash, for showing me that I don't always have to adventure alone." Instead of shaking her hoof, Dash grabbed Daring around the waist and started squeezing her like a python. " Okay, I'm feeling the love. Now please let me go." Dash let her go while her cheeks became red. " Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a book to finish." With that, she went back inside to finish her book. As she disappeared into her hovel, I couldn't help but think about how Swagger is doing.
Ponyville General. Swaggers POV.
I woke up in my room in the hospital after they patched me up. When I got here, a lot of the doctors and nurses had no idea what was going on, seems they don't get a lot of patience with stab wounds and had to get a retired military doctor to do the job. After they were done with me, they said they wanted me to stay overnight so the stitches could heal properly.
I made to sit up from my bed, but a weight on my chest made me pause. When I looked down, I saw that Twilight was fast asleep atop my chest, seems she came in after I fell asleep. When I looked at her face, I saw tear stains on her fur under her eyes as well as my hospital gown. It seems she still blames herself for me getting hurt. Not wanting to wake her, I leaned back on my pillow and gently stroked her mane, making her smile in her sleep.
A few minutes of bliss passed for what seemed like hours as we stayed that way. Finally, Twilight stirred from her sleep. " Good morning." This made her get up with a start and accidentally bump against my stitches. " Aah, easy."
" Oh my gosh, Swagger, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do that!" She scampered off the bed and started acting hysterical.
I sat up in my bed and gestured for her to calm down. " Calm down Twi, you just brushed against it, the stitches are still in place." This seemed to calm her down greatly. " How long you been here?"
" Ever since the doctors left. Listen, I wanted to thank you for saving me from that blade." I saw that her eyes were darting all over the room and her hooves were fidgeting. " I also wanted to apologize. If I had done something, anything, you wouldn't have been hurt." I saw that her eyes started to tear up again.
I got up from the bed and brought her in for a hug. " Don't do that to yourself. A lot of people would freeze while having a weapon thrown at them."
" But you didn't! You put yourself in the knife's path and got hurt, whereas I could've teleported us out of the way, or throw up a shield, or hell just about anything but I didn't! I just stood there and watched someone I care about get hurt. All because I didn't react fast enough." She started bawling her eyes out and shook in my arms. Not knowing what else to do, I decided to do what I usually do when Sam was upset or scared, I started scratching behind her ears. This seemed to have the desired effect and her crying subsided. " Thank you, I needed that."
" Anytime." Twilight stopped shaking and started nuzzling into my chest. " Listen, you don't need to apologize for what happened, you weren't the one who threw the knife." I pulled her back a bit so I could look her in the eye. " Look, if you still feel bad, I can always teach you how to react quickly in situations like the one we were in. Would that make you feel better?"
Twilight wiped a few tears away before giving me a smile. " I'd like that very much." What happened next caught me completely off guard, she leaned over and kissed my cheek. It must've been just as surprising to her as it was for me, 'cause the next I know, Twilight's recoiling at what she did. " Oh my gosh! Swagger, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over-" I stopped her babbling by bringing her in for a proper kiss.
After a minute, we broke the kiss. Twilight was speechless on what just happened. " That should make up for the knife." That got her to let out a giggle before nuzzling up to my chest.
While we were enjoying the moment, the door opened to reveal Tex. " Hey Swagger, just thought I'd-" His words caught in his throat when he saw Twilight nuzzling up to my chest. He kept starring at us for a while before backing out of the room, and shutting the door. Twilight and I looked at each other for a bit before breaking out in a fit of laughter over what just happened.
Author's Notes:
And so ends the Wolfman's adventure with Daring Do. Also, as I said before in my other notes, you guys help the story along in the comments. It's one of the reasons that Swagger and Twilight are becoming a thing.
Anyway, now it's time for another chapter involving the kids.
Time for some clips.
Flight of the Valkyries
Recap.
Three weeks went by since our adventure with A.K. Yearling, also known as Daring Do..... Hey! Anyway, the day after our quest, I went to check on Swagger, only to receive the biggest surprise since my wives told me they were pregnant. Swagger and Twilight hooked up. I figured I'd keep it quiet since I found out on accident, but when you're married to the element of honesty, you can't hold on to a secret for long.
Next thing I know, I'm hiding Swagger from an over-protective Shining Armor and an inquisitive Cadence. After a few explosions and a couple of musical numbers, Swagger was invited to meet with Twilight's parents. I do not envy him.
Anyway, I get a letter from Mrs. Harshwhinny asking me to help her with a sports promotion involving the kids at the school. And that's where we head to now.
I waited outside the schoolhouse for Julia to give me the signal. Sorry, Mrs. Harshwhinny. Anyway, I told my kids that they'd be getting a big surprise sometime today, boy were they in for one. I started hearing the end of Harshwhinny's speech, so I got ready to show myself. " And now, I would like to present the one who'll be coaching your teams, though I don't think he needs much introduction." That's my cue. " Children, I'd like you to say hello to..."
I opened a portal into the classroom and jumped through. " Joe, the king of Herot, and your coach!" The second I appeared, all the kids gave off a cheer, though when I looked over to my kids, they tried to hide their faces. Can't say I blame them, having your parent come in while class is in session is always embarrassing, and I'm gonna milk that. " Jack, Orion, Scootaloo! Didn't I say I had a surprise for ya!" This caused the class to giggle their way while my kids tried their best to become invisible.
" Ahem!" I turn my attention over to Julia to see she was unamused with my antics. " Must I remind you, that as a coach, you must maintain a professional attitude?"
" Come on Julia. If I don't embarrass my children in front of the class, then what kind of father would I be?" Julia rolled her eyes while my kids shrunk further in their desks. " Alright, time to be serious. As you may all know, the Equestria Games are only a few months away and will be held in the Crystal Empire. Many creatures will attend the games as athletes, but, you will have the opportunity to support your town. By carrying the Ponyville flag at the Equestria Games!" This got a round of applause from the whole class.
" Settle down now, please." When the noise trickled to a stop, I continued my speech. " Now then, for those of you who wish to participate, you will need to make a team from two to five members. Once you have your team, you'll create a routine on carrying the flag. The routine will be judged on grace, style, and originality. While you work on the routine, I will coach you on where you need improvement and whether or not it's appropriate for an audience. And to help me with that, I'd like you to meet my assistant coach, Discord."
Discord appeared out of Diamond's desk, making her yelp, and stood by me. He had on a pair of denim overalls, a straw hat, and a corncob pipe between his teeth. This is what I get for letting him watch the Waterboy. He turned to the class and gave a terrible cajun accent. " A fine lookin' bunch we got here. Might 'ave ta, put sum through the grind though." I slapped him upside the head, making him spit his pipe out. " Ouch! Was that necessary?"
" Damn right it was necessary. Now quit acting like a fool." He retrieved his pipe and started smoking pink bubbles. " Anyway, in three days' time, the teams you formed will be judged by Mrs. Harhwhinny and three other judges, in the Crystal Empire. The team that wins, will carry the flag for Ponyville during the opening ceremony." Again, the children got excited about the chance to win. " That's what I like to hear. Now, all teams will meet us at the front of the school at three o'clock sharp. I'll leave the rest of the details to Mrs. Harshwhinny. See ya!" With that, Discord and I left the schoolhouse.
On our walk home, Discord made idle conversation. " This will certainly be three fun-filled days. By the way, I'm surprised you asked me to help coach these kids, instead of your buddy, Swagger."
" To be honest with you, I feel we haven't spent enough time together and this felt like the perfect opportunity. Not to mention that Swagger kinda scares the kids a bit, not my kids but the other kids you know." He nodded his head while we headed home till three.
3 o'clock
Discord and I stood in front of a stage in an open field a few yards away from the school. " Well, I hope these kids give us one-hundred percent," I told Discord while checking over my clipboard.
" I hope we see a few flops." Discord conjured a couple of lawn chairs, a plastic drinking helmet, a giant foam finger, and a tub of popcorn. " Alright, let's get started!"
The first routine we had to watch, was Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. They both had on matching dresses with too much frill to it. " Alright, show us what you got." When they did their routine, it was just their handshake they do while holding up the flag for Ponyville at the end. We both waited to see if there was more, but there wasn't. " Okay, a few notes. One, the routine was too short. Two, you forgot to showcase what your town means to you. Finally, the dresses need to go." Diamond let out an irritated huff and got off the stage with Silver Spoon following behind.
" Well, that was terrible," Discord told me while filling his helmet with more beer. " Who's next on the block?"
I looked at my clipboard and saw who was up next. " Snips and Snails. Hopefully, they have something organized." The two young colts made it onto the stage. Snails carried a bucket of lobsters, while snips carried a couple of beach balls, and they both had rainbow afro wigs on. " This oughta be interesting."
" Twenty bits says the fat one messes it up." Discord proceeded to stuff his face with popcorn while the two started their routine. The two of them balanced on one hoof on each ball and started juggling lobsters at each other while singing the Ponyville anthem. So far, they were doing pretty good, until one of the lobsters went right into Snips' mouth tail first and clamped on his nose, causing him to land on his head. Luckily, his afro broke the fall. " Hahaha, that was beautiful!"
I slapped him upside his head before going back to the two colts. " You two alright?" Snips was doing his best to get the lobster off his face while Snail gathered the rest into the bucket. " Okay, well on the note of your routine, it was pretty good, but for your safety, let's get rid of the lobsters and replace them with something else, preferably something that doesn't bite or snap." They gave me a confirming wave before gathering their things and left the stage. " You know, apart from the lobster in the mouth, those boys had a decent routine going."
" Yeah, I'll give them that." Discord went and tossed me a beer while snatching my clipboard and gave it a look. " Oooh, now this will certainly be interesting."
" What, who is it?" Before I could get an answer from him, the stage started to fill with fog while music could be heard. " Nevermind." I sat back in my chair and watched as my kids and the rest of the crusaders come onto the stage before closing the curtains. " Okay, show me what you got."
The boys provided the music with the magic of the harmony song and props with their illusions while the girls started the routine with Scoots narrating. " Since the dawn of recorded time, in one town of amazing amazingness... different creatures coexist."
The curtain opened back up and Bloom stepped on the stage with ribbons on her forelegs to start them off. " We are Earth Ponies..."
As she moved across the stage, Sweetie came out from the opposite direction. " We are Unicorns..."
Sweetie hoped across the stage while Scoots landed on a cloud. " We are Pegasi..."
The boys then came onto the stage fully wolfed out. " We are Lycan!"
The background then changed to Ponyville's eastside while Scoots took back the narrative. " And the town where friendship reigns are our home." They set up a hoop with a tarp in the middle. " Now welcome to the stadium, the flag of the place we love best..." Scootaloo then burst through the canvas on her old scooter with the ponyville flag attached. she then swerved to the right and then back to the center, leaping off and being caught by her brothers while Sweetie and Bloom stood on her outstretched hooves.
" Ponyville Forever! Yay!" The cheer ended with Scootaloo's scooter passing in the background with the flag while the boys added some fireworks and a long and loud howl.
When it was over, my jaw was hanging open and Discord was in freeze-frame with his popcorn halfway into his mouth. It wasn't until the kids got off the stage and came up to us did we regain our senses. " So, Joe, whaddya know?" Bloom asked me.
" That was very good. You five met the criteria needed for the routine and you did it with style and grace, also, nice use of the Hey song." They looked very proud of themselves and they should be. However, I still needed to give them notes. " I do have one little note for you. At the beginning of your routine, maybe try to use better grammar." They nodded yes before heading off to do their own thing.
While they headed off Discord came up to my side. " That may have been the best routine out of the whole bunch!"
" Yeah, they did pretty well."
At the dinner table.
" You should have seen them, they had the best routine out of all the others!" I was at the dinner table with my wives, kids, dad, and Discord, and I was telling them how proud I was of their routine. "Scoots did an excellent job narrating the routine and the five-star pyramid at the end was the piece de resistance. Also, good job on using the harmony song to your advantage boys."
" Thanks, though, I provided the music while Jack did the illusions," Orion told us between bites of his chicken.
" Well, I'm very proud of all three of you. And, to celebrate, mama and I made a special dessert." Luna and Jackie got up from the table and went into the kitchen.
While they went to go get dessert, I noticed that Scoots looked a little down. " Hey, Squirt. Something eating at ya?"
She stopped picking at her salad and gave a huff. " It's not a huge deal, but a little bit after we did the routine, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon came up to me. They said that since I can't fly on my own, Mrs. Harshwhinny won't accept our routine. So I've been trying to fly without my crown and I couldn't even get all my hooves off the ground. So...I've been thinking about dropping out of the team."
The boys nearly did a spit-take at their sister's news. It would seem that my little girl needs some sound advice from her father. " Scoots, I know you're self-conscious about your wings, but that doesn't mean you have to quit. Besides, the routine wouldn't work without all of you together." Scoots seemed to see my point and a small smile appeared. " Also, those two telling you all that, shows that they're afraid of your routine, and rightly so." This made her smile grow even larger.
" Yeah, besides, when has Diamond and Silver ever said a kind or truthful word to any of us?" Jack asked his sister, proving my point even further.
" Okay, I guess you're right. But I still want to be able to fly with my own wings one day."
" Well, if you want, I can help you build some muscles in your wings on the weekends?" She nodded her head at that idea just as the ladies of the house came in with a large apple-cobbler with a tub of vanilla ice cream. " Woohoo! That's what I'm talking about!"
Two days later, Crystal Empire.
Today is the day the kids show off their routine to the judges at the empire. On the days leading up to today, Discord and I coached the teams and improved their routines, those that took our advice. Snips and Snails still used live lobsters, but they were smart enough to but rubber bands on the claws. The rich girls made their routine worse by adding more lace and added more moves to their hoof shake. The only cheers they got were from their parents. When my kids and the crusaders did their routine, the whole stadium was in an uproar, no surprise there.
With the routines for Ponyville and the other towns done, we waited for Julia to announce the team to carry the flag for Ponyville. " And the team to represent Ponyville for the Equestria Games is... Cutiemark Crusaders!" As soon as they heard their name called, they went wild. Scootaloo and the other crusaders came together in a group hug while Jack and Orion let out a victory howl. While they celebrated, Julia came over to me. " It would seem the apple doesn't fall far from the tree when it comes to acting professional."
" Yeah, I still have to teach them humility after victory. But right now, I think I'll add to their moment." I conjured the forces of the harmony song and let it loose to help celebrate the winning team.
As the song played on, Julia rolled her eyes before handing out the floral wreaths to the kids. While that was going on, Discord appeared next to me. " Well, that was fun. We should do something like this again."
" Anytime buddy." Knowing my luck and the way this world works, that time could be right around the corner.
Author's Notes:
I really didn't know how to work with this episode seeing as Scootaloo has a family to support her through Diamond and Silver's taunting. Anyway, onto a chapter derailing from the episodes.
Clip
Meet the Sparkles.
Swagger's POV
It had been five weeks since Twilight and I confessed our feelings toward each other, and four weeks since I had to avoid her overbearing brother and inquisitive sister-in-law. Luckily, my old friend Joe came to the rescue. Hey played peacemaker between us and suggested we have dinner at Twilight's parent's house, that way her whole family gets to know me. After a couple of letters and re-scheduling, we had a date set and ready. Now, I'm on a train with Twilight, heading towards Canterlot.
" So, I know I should've asked this a while ago, but do you think your parents will be okay with you dating someone who isn't a pony?" That question sounded a little racist, or, speciesist, but some parents are like that. It didn't help when she told me the story about Hearths Warming.
" In all honesty, I don't know. You're the only boyfriend I've ever had, so I think they're just glad I found someone?"
" I can imagine they would react like your brother did, at least your father will. I can't say how your mother will react." Before we could ponder anymore on the subject, the train came to a halt. " Looks like we're here." I grabbed our stuff from the over-head and followed Twilight off the train.
As soon as we departed, Twilight and I were swarmed by the locals. Half of the crowd questioned Twilight on her ascension while the other half mistook me for Tex. " Princess Twilight, what's it like being an alicorn?"
" King Joe, why don't you have your wings?"
" Are you two here because of some disaster?"
" Does this suit make me look fat?"
Twilight and I couldn't take it anymore so she teleported us in the district where her parents are. " Thanks, beautiful." Her cheeks flushed red when I called her beautiful. " So, which house is it?"
She shook off her flustered smile and pointed down the street. " Just down that way, they should be expecting us in a few minutes, so we better hurry." She led me down the street to her childhood home and she seemed to have a small skip in her step as we approached a two-story house, with a well-kept lawn surrounded by a picket fence. " Here we are!" She knocked on the door and got giddy for the big unveiling. " Nervous?"
" Not the most dangerous thing I've ever done." But this may be a close second.
We didn't have to wait long as the door opened, revealing a unicorn couple. The stallion has a blue coat with a darker blue mane and tail, and his mark's a crescent moon inside another crescent moon. The mare shared a shocking resemblance to Twilight with a grey coat and a purple and white striped mane and tail, and her mark's three purple stars. These two can only be Twilight's parents.
" Mom! Dad!" Twilight brought the two of them in a hug before directing their attention to me. " Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, the one I told you about in my letters."
I held out my hand for a greeting. " Bob Lee Swagger, it's very nice to meet you."
Twilight's father came up first. " Name's Night Light, nice to meet you." He shook my hand and gave me a small smile, though I could see in his eyes that he was scanning me for some small imperfection. Typical of any father with a daughter.
When we separated, I was brought into Twilight's mom's magic and started to get squeezed to death in her hooves. " Ooooohhhh, my little Sparkler finally found a boyfriend!"
When she let me go, I looked over at Twilight with a smirk. " Sparkler?"
Twilight's cheeks turned red and she looked to her mom. " Mom, I thought we agreed you'd never call me that anymore!" She said with a hint of venom.
Her mom took her attention off me and scolded her daughter. " Correction, you agreed, I agreed to do no such thing." She faced me again. " I'm sorry, my name's Twilight Velvet, I'm Twilight's mother."
I took her hoof in hand and gave it a gentle kiss. " It's a pleasure to meet you, mam." She blushed at my charm and did her best to play it off. Still got it.
Having seen enough, Night Light cleared his throat, directing our attention over to him. " How about we go inside, Shining and Cadence are already here." He turned back into the house with us following behind. We entered the house and went into a nice sized living room. Waiting for us in the Living room, were Twilight's brother and his wife whose names I now took as Shining and Cadence.
When Shining's eye's landed on me, I could see the deep mistrust he had towards me. I could tell it would take a lot to get through to him. When Cadence looked between Twilight and Myself, she tried to hide her giggling behind her hoof. Guess she sees something between us.
Twilight and I took a seat on one of the couches while Velvet brought out some tea and a cheese plate. " Alright, here's a little something to tie us off before dinner." She set the tray down and served everyone a cup. After everyone was settled, Velvet started the conversation. " So...how did you two meet?"
" We actually met through TEX." Everyone except for Twilight wondered who I was talking about. " I believe you know him best as Joe." Realization struck after saying that.
Cadence picked up after that. " How exactly do you know Joe?"
"He and I were bunkmates on Paris Island during Marine corp training. He went through basics while Donnie and I went through Scout-Sniper training. We've been friends ever since."
" What exactly, is a Marine, and for that matter, what's a Scout-Sniper?" Night Light asked while eating a cheese cracker.
" Well, a Marine is a soldier in the U.S. military, in fact, they're the best military branch in the U.S.." The guys had a small smirk while the girls seemed intrigued. " As for what a Scout-Sniper is, well you're looking at one." The girls giggled at my joke while the guys let off a groan. " Seriously though, Scout-Snipers work in teams of two, there are the spotter and the gunman. Donnie was my Spotter while I held the gun." This got them all intrigued.
" Well, it's very nice to see that Twilight has finally found someone, and especially at keeping the tradition alive." At hearing tradition mentioned. made me wonder what Velvet meant.
" Sorry, I don't follow, what tradition would that be?"
" Oh, it's nothing really, not even really a tradition. It's just that the mares in the Sparkle family have always fallen for military stallions." She then turned toward her husband. " When I was working in the Royal Archives, I bumped into Night after he walked out of the guard's lounge. Needless to say, I fell for him immediately." The married couple then went and shared a kiss.
After a while, Shining decided to speak for the first time that day. " So, Swagger, what rank are you, exactly?"
" Before I retired, I was a Gunnery Sergeant. Although, being the only sniper instructor to Herot's military, TEX gave me the rank of General." All at once, Night and Armor stood from the couch and quickly put up a salute. " At ease soldiers." They both realized what they were doing and brushed it off while the girls laughed.
While the guys composed themselves, Cadence took back the conversation. " So, I have to know. Where did you two realize you were right for each other?" At that question, I subconsciously moved my hand where the knife entered my side. This didn't go unnoticed by Shining.
" Truth be told, we confessed our feelings at the hospital." This made Night Light furious and he grabbed me with his magic.
" What did you do to my daughter you bastard!?" He started to shake me violently while Velvet and Twilight tried to calm him down.
" Dad, stop it! I wasn't the one who got hurt, Swagger was the one in the hospital!" Twilight yelled in her father's ears while holding his foreleg.
After hearing his daughter's explanation, he calmed down and set me down on the couch. After everyone sat back down, Night Light asked a follow-up question. " May I ask why you were in the hospital?" Instead of answering, I lifted my shirt and showed them my scar. " Wow, what happened there?"
" Some kind of dog-cat thing with monkey paws threw a blade and it struck my side, almost pierced my lung." I put my shirt back on while the others stared at the spot where the knife went in.
While the others kept starring, Twilight tried to hide her tears. Finally, Velvet noticed her daughter holding in her tears. " Honey, what's wrong, why are you crying?"
" ( Sniff) I'm sorry mom. I just get sad every time I see that scar." I put my arm around her and started to scratch her ear, it always calms her down. " Thanks, Swagger."
" Anytime Sparkler." This got her to give me a small glare before she nuzzled into me.
" Twilight, why would you be upset about his scar?" Hearing this only made Twilight start to cry again. " What, what did I say?"
" I'll tell you why his scar makes me upset. It's because the knife that went in him was meant for me!" After her outburst, Twilight tells the story from a month ago. They were shocked to hear that we met the actual Darring Do. They cringed when they heard how TEX got his stomach sliced open. They then got worried when Ahuizotl sent the knife her way, but breathed a sigh of relief when I pushed her out of the way. Cadence swooned when she told them how we confessed our love at the hospital. " And that's how we became a couple."
Everyone stared at us with bewildered eyes. After a while Cadence was the first to break the silence. " Ooohhh, that sounds very romantic." She got up from her seat and brought Twilight in for a hug.
While those two were having a moment, Shining came over to me. " Swagger, I uh...I just want to say." I stopped him with a pat on the back.
" No need for apologizes, you were just doing what any brother would do for their little sister. Though, I think you went a little overboard by sending a firebolt at me while I was using the outhouse." We both shared a laugh at that memory. " So, wanna start over?"
He raised his hoof which I took in my hand. " I'd like that very much."
While Twilight and I were getting along with her brother and sister-in-law, I heard Velvet whisper over to Night. " So, which one do you think will give us grandchildren first?"
Author's Notes:
Okay, I'll be the first to admit it. I suck at writing Slice of Life. Unless there's combat or bloodshed, the quality will most likely drop. On a side note, how would you see Swagger as a pony?
Well, time for a clip.
Screw it, here's another.
Worst. Comic book. Ever!
Prologue.
It has been nearly three months since Faust told us of the threat to all Equestria, and so far, we've come up with no way of knowing what or when it could be. So, to prepare for the worst, we decided to fortify Luna and Celestia's old castle, so when the threat does arrive, we'll at least have a place to go. And for the past couple weeks, that's where we've been.
I started unloading a cart of cobblestone to start rebuilding the west wall when I heard the familiar footsteps of my scaled pupil. " Yo, Spike, what up?" When I turned toward him, I saw that he wasn't in the best mood. " Hey, what's with the face?"
" Ugh, where do I even begin? First, Twilight kicks me out of my old basket in her room. So now, I have to live in the guest room that Swagger was using."
" Spike, you're a teenaged dragon now, you need your own space. Also, I thought you outgrew that basket?"
" That is beside the point. Anyway, I tried to help out around the castle, but everyone keeps saying they don't need my help."
" And I'm going to guess you came over to see if you can help me with the outer defenses." He gave me a questioning smile hoping I'll say yes. " Okay, you can start by burning away those creepers on the north wall, then you can help me put down some of these stones."
" On it!" Spike went over to the north wall while I started unloading the stones. After making a large pile by the destroyed wall, Spike came back. " Alright, now what do I do?"
I pointed along the wall where the wall was destroyed. " I'm going to get rid of the rubble along the base. While I'm doing that, I want you to start placing a foundation stone." He gave me a thumbs up while I started getting rid of the rubble. When I was finished with the wall, I turned to see Spike was half-way done with laying down the foundation. While I was watching him do that, I noticed he had a comic sticking out of his pack. " Hey, whatcha got there?"
" Oh yeah, I was going to show you this later, but I guess you can see it now."
Spike took the comic out of his pack and showed it to me. When I saw the cover art, I had to do a double-take on what I was seeing. " Is this... the Avengers... as ponies?"
" Heh heh, yeah it kind of is. Do you remember those comics you showed me when you first arrived here?"
" Yes briefly," I told him while I went about putting the stones into place.
" Well, when I went up to Canterlot for that errand Twilight needed, I visited my favorite comic book store while I was up there. Anyway, I showed the comic you gave me to the owner, and he started making his line of comics based on that."
" Wow, that's cool. What's the guy's name?"
" He's a unicorn by the name of Stanlee Nicholson." Wow, that's perfect.
Seeing that we did enough to earn ourselves a break, I led him back into the castle, towards the private room in the library. " So, what's the adventure so far?"
" Well, the Avengers are trying to stop an old foe of theirs from waking something up with an ancient ax he's trying to steal, all while trying to save the city of Maretropilos." Fucking puns! Although that does sound pretty good. While he was reading, Swagger, Jackie, and the girls came in the room for a break themselves.
" Howdy Spike. Darling, taking a break?"
" Yes Darlin', we got the north wall repaired, for the time being, so Spike and I decided to kick back a bit." I brought out my flask and took a swig before addressing the others. " How're the repairs on your end going?"
Twilight answered first. " Pretty good. Swagger helped me figure the best places for some trap runes." She went and nuzzled him while Swagger gave her a scratch behind the ear, making her purr like a cat.
When Swagger was done, he turned to me. " I placed a few pipe-bombs along the perimeter of the castle, a few napalm bombs along the forest, and a few alarms along the halls." That'll put a dent in something.
" Nice job, Swagger. what about you Fluttershy, how goes clearing the place of all the critters?" Don't want anything accidentally activating any of the traps.
" Nearly finished. A few spiders and mice are gathering all their things before heading out."
Pinkie then came up. " Oh! Did any of the mice have tables made from discarded matchboxes or chairs made from bottle caps and paperclips?"
" That's it, no more Tom and Jerry for you." Pinkie's mane started deflating after hearing me deprive her of a cartoon. " Okay, you can still watch it, but just remember the difference between reality and fiction."
Her mane became its usual puffy mess again. " No chance on that ever happening." I tried.
While we kept going over the castle's progress, Spike went on reading his comic. Just as he was getting to a particularly good part, the next page was completely blank, save for a small scribbling at the bottom right of the page. " Hey, what gives? Why'd the story just drop from there?"
Rarity leaned over to investigate. " Perhaps they cut the story short so you'd have to buy the next one." She then noticed the small writing at the bottom of the page. " What's that writing at the bottom?"
Spike took a look at the page but couldn't make out what it said. " Crap. Anyone have a magnifying glass?" No sooner had he asked that one floated toward him in Rarity's blue aura. " Thanks, beautiful." They shared a quick kiss before Spike went for the inscription. " Hey, listen to this. 'You can return to the place you started when Doom is brought down'." He stared quizically at that for some time, before reading the next line. " 'Take a closer look, to join the adventure in this book.'" No sooner had those left his lips, a bright almost blinding light escaped from the blank pages. " What the hell!?" Before we could act any further, the book started sucking Spike into the pages.
" Spike!" We all yelled once the book started taking my scaled pupil.
Before he could get sucked in, Swagger and I grabbed hold of him pulling him back towards us. It started working and we got most of him out of the book. The book had other ideas and started sucking all three of us in. " Holy shit! This thing's got more suction than a street-corner whore!" Twilight eyed Swagger after saying that before joining the other girls in pulling us away from the book.
Before we could make any leeway with Spike, the book decided to turn the suction up to Fuck, and brought us all into the pages. While we were being pulled in, Dash had this to add to the situation. " Guys, this sucks!"
" Why you little!" I let go of Spike and wrapped my hands around Dash's neck. " I'll teach you to make terrible puns while in mid-peril." Soon, our struggle ceased with one last pull from the book. Soon, we found ourselves being sucked into the pages of the comic.
Now the adventure can begin.
Something felt off. Which is to be expected when weird shit like being sucked into a book occurs. In all honesty, I expected to wake up on my back in a different location. I expected to hear different voices and other noises that wouldn't belong in the previous setting. Hell, it didn't even bother me to see the night sky. No, no what bothered me, was the fact that I couldn't feel my wings or even the presence of my mana pool.
I stood up from my resting place, which happened to be a rooftop, and started examining my body. The first thing I noticed was that I was at least a head shorter than I should be, judging by how close the ground is. My muscles seemed larger but I feel they lost some strength. Luckily, my senses were still as strong as ever. When I tried to become the wolf, nothing happened except for a tingle at my knuckles. To top it all off, I was wearing a leather jacket, blue jeans, and a white t-shirt. I would've investigated more, but the sound of a bunch of bodies stirring and groaning brought my attention over to the other side of the roof.
On the other side of the rooftop, my wife and friends lay in a pile, clothed in some very odd garments, or at least odd for them. The first to emerge from was Swagger, and it looked like his left arm was covered by a metal sleeve. upon further inspection, I could see that his hair had grown a bit past shoulder length. His eyes and mouth were covered with a tactical mask and goggles. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he looked like.....Noooo. " Swagger, is that you?" Damn, my voice changed to, and yet it sounds very familiar.
Swagger turned to me and he had to recoil at my new look. " TEX? What happened to you?" He then started looking at himself. " What the hell happened to me?" He started flexing his left arm and came to a shocking surprise. " I can't feel my arm! What the fuck is going on!?" While he started freaking out, the girls and Spike fully awakened.
Seeing her lover in distress, Twilight moved to his side to calm him down. Unfortunately, the red cape she was wearing made her trip and faceplant the roof. " Ouch! where'd this cape come from?" She stood to her full height and saw that she was wearing a red cape, blue robes, and a golden amulet in the shape of an eye. " What is all this?"
While those two were getting a grip on what's going on, I turned to the rest of our friends and Jackie. As I observed before, they all had attire that now that I had a good look at, looked like the attire of a very famous comic book team. Looking back at Twilight and Swagger, I realized that he looked like Bucky Barnes, better known as the Winter Soldier. As for Twilight, she shared a shocking resemblance to Doctor Strange.
Seeing them turned into comic book characters, I turned to see what the others have turned into. Rarity had on a black suit with gauntlets on her fore-legs, a symbol of a red hourglass adorned the back of the suit where her Cutiemark is. Yeah, that's Blackwidow all the way. And with the way she was eyeing her ensemble, it looked like she approved. " Well, I'm not sure how this was put on me, but the design is simply wonderful." Dammit, quite lingering on her ass!
To distract me from temptation, I looked over to Dash. Like the others, she also had a costume on, though this one seemed to hold more divine meaning. She wore a suit of armor that looked like it was made of silver dragon scales. A long red cape flowed in the small breeze of the night. Her head was covered by a helmet that covered her eyes where she could see through the two slits, and on each side of the helmet was a silver wing. Finally, beside her leg, lay an all too familiar-looking hammer, Mjolnir. Given her helmet style, she most likely took on the role of Jane Foster's Valkyrie, instead of Marvel's interpretation of Thor. She started looking over herself and a large grin appeared on her face. " Oh yeah, this is so awesome!"
The next of our friends I turned to was Spike. He had on black pants and torso padding with purple highlights. Strapped to his back was a quiver of arrows and a collapsable recurve bow. To top it all off, he sported a pair of purple shades. While he looked over himself. he gave a nod of approval at his attire. " Yup, this will come in handy."
While Spike was admiring his attire and weapons, I looked over to Fluttershy. Her attire was a black and yellow striped dress, yellow boots, and gold earmuffs that resembled a bugs antenna. " Oh my. This is very-" Suddenly, she shrunk to the size of a bug and started discharging bolts at random from her forelegs. " Eeeep. Sorry sorry sorry." Just as fast as it happened, she regrew back to her original size and sprawled on the rooftop panting. It seems she's taken on the role of Wasp. " Let's not do that again."
Coming over to comfort her, was my wife in new duds as well. Instead of her usual stetson, it was replaced with a blue mask that had a capital 'E' in the middle. The rest of her body was covered in a blue and star-spangled suit. And sitting across her back, a circular shield with a star in the middle. She's acting as Captian America, or in this case, Equestria. Even though Cap is a male superhero, Jackie makes that suit look sexy. " Calm down Sugarcube, just take a deep breath."
While she calmed Shy down, I turned to our party planning friend to see what hero she became. I only needed a glance to see that she became an anti-hero. Her entire body was covered in red and black spandex with two swords strapped to her back. The only reason I could tell it was Pinkie, was that her mane and tail were poking out of her costume. Suddenly, she starts gripping her head and yelling. " Gah! There are two voices inside my head!" Deadpool. Not surprised by that. " Shit! Fuck! Chimichangas!" She quickly put her hooves to her mouth before more obscenities could be said.
Twilight tried to bring our focus back on track. " Can someone please explain what the hell is going on!"
Spike, saw this as his opportunity to shine. " Isn't it obvious. We entered the comic I had with me and turned into the characters as well. Fluttershy, you've become Wasp. You're able to shrink to the size of a bug and shoot electric blasts. Dash, you've become Valkyrie. You wield Mjolnir and control thunder itself. Almost as powerful as Thor but not quit, Rarity." He had to take a moment to compose himself over her attire. " You've become Black Widow. A super-spy with gauntlets that fire ' Widows bite' bolts that send a shock to the victim. You also have the agility that would put a snake to shame." He sent her a wink after that comment, making her blush. " Applejack, you've become Captain Equestria, a super-soldier with advanced fighting techniques. The shield on your back is made of a fictional metal called vibranium and is indestructible. Pinkie, you've become Deadpool. You... pretty much do the same thing you've always done, with the addition of a healing factor and ninja skills."
" But what about the voices? Fuck! And the cursing?"
" That's just a small drawback." He then pointed over to Twilight. " As for you, You've become Doctor Strange. Master of the arcane arts and Sorcerer Supreme." Twilight seemed to get a bit of a high on that bit of information. " As for you two," He pointed over to Swagger and me. " Swagger, you've become the Winter Soldier, a former villain that was being used by the criminal organization known as Hydra. And Joe, based on the clothing and the hair, I'd say you've become the Wolverine." That came as a shock to me, though not an unpleasant one.
" And judging from your outfit and bow, I'd say that you're none other than the marksman known as Hawkeye." He puffed out his chest with pride with that knowledge.
While everyone was admiring their new looks, I started to hear a commotion down on the streets below. Ignoring them for the moment, I looked over the edge of the roof and saw that we were across the street from a research and development center, which was being raided by a group of ponies in grey uniforms and gas masks. " Hey, guys." Everyone stopped what they were doing and headed for where I was leaning. " I think we have a fight on our hands?" They all looked down to see what was happening on the streets below. " Spike, what was happening in the comic before we got sucked in?" Before Spike could ponder on what went on before we got here, a group of mechanical dogs, circled the ponies and started to attack. " Nevermind, let's just get down there and kick ass!"
Seeing that we had no time for a recap, I lept off the edge ready for a fight, only to remember I no longer had my wings. Rather than flail about in horror, I readjusted into a head dive with my arms outstretched. Seeing a couple of those mechanical dogs right under me, I channeled what would usually cause my transformation into my arms. With a sharp 'Snikt' from my knuckles, the famous adamantium claws came out. And were aimed right for the two dogs below me. " Raaaaaaargh!" By the gods that felt good to let out. I landed on the street in the usual superhero landing position with my claws impaled in the heads of the mechanical beast.
The fighting between the gas mask ponies and mechanical dogs ceased once I arrived. The others joined me via using Twilight's portal spell and joined behind me, though the bad guys' attention was still on me. One of the ponies then grows a spine. " Just who do you think you are?" As I looked at the goon, I saw a symbol on his flank where his Cutiemark would be and saw that it was the symbol of HYDRA.
To answer the nameless goon's question, I rose from my position while retracting my claws, letting the dogs slip from my grasp. " I'm the best there is at what I do. But what I do best-" I then crossed my arms in an 'X' while popping the claws. " -isn't very nice." I could practically feel the eye rolls from Swagger and Spike.
The goon returned to his senses and turned to his comrades. " Avengers have arrived! Tell the Beta team to retrieve the artifact. Everyone else, engage!" As soon as the order was given, the other HYDRA agents and even some of the robot dogs charged at us.
Seeing that a fight was underway, Dash rose in the air and started spinning her hammer before releasing it at five mech-dogs, turning them into scrap metal. " Oh ho yeah, this's so cool!"
Three mech-dogs made their way towards Jackie and started firing lasers from their eyes. With the lasers heading towards her, whether it be by instinct or the comic gave her the reflexes to do so, she brought her shield to block the incoming lasers. While the barrage kept coming, she would angle the shield to where the ricochet blasts would hit stray enemies that tried to surround her. When the dogs ceased their fire, she removed the shield from her arm and flung it at the dogs, ricocheting from one dog to the next before returning to her. " Woo wee! That was something else ah tell ya what." She sent me a wink my way before charging into the fray.
" Ooh, that mare. Can't wait to bend her over my-"
" Joe! Please, not while I'm around." I heard the small voice of Fluttershy to my right and turned to see that she was perched on my shoulder. " Hello."
" Shy, what are you doing? You should be fighting the goons with the others." I pointed out to where Spike hade captured a group of Hydra agents with a net arrow while Rarity beat the crap out of a few more with her electric batons.
" Oh, I know I should, but I just can't seem to bring myself to hurting those poor little doggies." An explosion to our right brought our attention over to a bunch of those, little doggies, firing, and biting at a swearing Pinkie. On the bright side, I'm glad to see her hack and chop with her swords.
" Yeah... how about you go and find out what those guys are trying to get in that research center," I told her while pointing over to the three Hydra agents entering the building with a giant hole in it. " while I go and slice n dice those fools surrounding Swagger and Twi." I pointed over to the two, who were starting to get overwhelmed. Flutters gave me a weak nod before zipping over to the recovery team. With her off my shoulder, I went full rampage on the bots and ponies surrounding my best friend and niece. " Come on you miserable maggots! Let's dance!"
Back in the real world. Luna's Pov.
I wandered the halls of my old home after leaving the children with David and Discord, hopefully, they won't turn the halls into a slip n slide again, and went looking for my husband and wife. " Jackie! Joe! I've come to offer my assistance in fortifying the castle." I decided to check the secret room in the old library, to see if I could find them there. Whilst I searched for my two loved ones or any of the others, I would notice the runes placed by Twilight and the various traps rigged by Swagger, and it brought a smile to see how far along this place was coming.
When I made it to the secret room, I found it empty yet, it had the tell-tale signs of being occupied within the last hour. " Hmm, maybe the left for the dining hall for lunch?" I was about to head towards the dining room, but a glow on the floor had caught my eye. When I went to investigate, I saw that it was one of Spike's comic books. " Curious, why would there be a light coming from here?" With my magic, I lifted the book toward me and turned toward the page where the light was coming from.
The moment I flipped to the page, the light from the book became almost blinding and a strange force started sucking me in. " What's the meaning of this!?" I tried with all my might to escape the strange vortex that kept pulling me to the page. But no matter what I did, the force behind the magic comic kept getting stronger. Before I knew it, the book had swallowed me whole, transporting me to who knows where.
Luna's Pov. Other side of Maretropolis.
I woke up with a throbbing headache and a terrible case of heartburn. When I rose from the concrete ground in the unfamiliar alley, I noticed that my forelegs were covered in fake studded leather. Upon further examination, I saw that I also sported a jacket made of fake leather and had three metal studs on the shoulders. " Hmm, not my usual attire, yet I find it oddly satisfying."
While I kept admiring the new look, I failed to notice the ponies closing in behind me. " Well well well, look what we got here boys." I turned to the voice to see who I was up against. When I looked behind me, I saw three ponies walking down the alley towards me. The one on my right was a lanky pegasus with a disheveled left-wing and twitchy eyes. The one on my right is a large earth pony whose size could rival Big Mac. He had a spiked mane and an iron club hoof guard on his left foreleg, clearly the muscle of the group. Finally, there was the third pony in the middle, a unicorn with a slight split down his horn, and an iron chain wrapped around his barrel. He seems to be the leader. " What's a pretty little thing like you doing on our turf?"
Feeling my pride and authority being insulted, I stood tall and let them know who they were dealing with. " Listen here, you low-life thugs. I don't know who you three think you are, but you have just insulted the queen of Herot and princess of Equestria. So unless you want a well-deserved thrashing, step aside." Now comes the fear-induced quaking.
Instead of quacking fear, the three burst into laughter they found my authority funny. " Get a load of this story. Ha! Princess of Equestria, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't be running around in faux-leather." Have to admit, he has me there. " Now then, if you want to continue stepping on our turf, then you'll have to pay up." His horn glowed around his chain and started snaking around him. " And I think I know the perfect payment." Before I had time to form a shield, his chain wrapped around me and constricted me like a python.
With the chain wrapped around my wings, I had no hope of getting airborne. I tried using my magic to escape my predicament, but then the pegasus slapped a suppression ring on my horn. " Ah ah ah, no cheating." The scum made for a pass at me but I showed him the error of his ways by bucking him right in the jewels. " Arrrgh!"
" Hmph, serves you right." Just as I was enjoying my small victory, the throbbing in my head and the small heartburn started to grow into a blazing heat. " Urgh, what's going on?" My little bout of discomfort was enough for the brute to take hold of me. " Ugh, get... get... heh heh get off of... heh heh ha ha hahaha!" I don't know why this was making me laugh, but it felt like another being was taking over me.
" Hey, boss, seems the bitch is already going crazy over us." The brute kept me pinned under him while the burning sensation kept coursing through my veins. " Hey, you mind if I have the first go?"
" No way dude, that bitch got me right in the nuts, I deserve to empty them in her first." The pegasus I bucked in the nuts piled on me trying to position himself as best he could with his friend on top of me.
" Now fellas, we don't have to fight, we can all use her at once." Their leader approached me from the front just as the burning turned into a raging inferno inside. " Open wide bitch."
Stopping my fit of laughter for a moment, I looked the filth in the eye. " Sure thing, Bitch!" I opened my mouth wide and directed the inferno out of my body and onto the leader. What left out of me could easily be mistaken for dragon fire, but it had a strong smell of sulfur to it. The instant the flames hit him, he started screaming at the top of his lungs, causing his two friends to let me go. With my body free from constriction, I started to feel a change in my body. The fur and flesh started to burn away revealing my bare-bones, setting them aflame.
The two gang members went to comfort their friend while my transformation came to completion. " Ugh, boss, I think we should get out of here." The twitching pegasus mentioned to his fried leader. Hearing them talk of escape just made the fire around me burn brighter.
" Oh no, the party's just begun." The heat from my horn turned the ring to molten slag, and I was able to manipulate the chain around my barrel and wrapped it around the pegasus and earth pony. With the chain wrapped around them, I went for the char-broiled leader. " Hmm, you have a certain smell about you. Do you know what that smell is?" The coward started shaking and backing into the wall. " That smell is all your sins and misdeeds that you've committed throughout your life. And I think it's time they were burned."
I grabbed him in my magic and brought him close. " No. Please. Don't hurt me."
I brought him close, so he could look into my eyes. " Look into my eyes! Your soul is stained by the blood of the innocent! Feel their pain!" What came next was almost indescribable. As I looked into his eyes, I could see all the horrible deeds he has done, from simple robbery to murder. With each sin revealed, his eyes started to burn away to nothing but crisp charcoal. With all his sins burnt, he fell to the ground with burnt sockets and a gaping mouth. With him down, I turned to his friends. " So, who's next?"
Joe's Pov
I finished slicing the last of the mech bots before regrouping with the others. " Okay, the lackeys are taken care of, now let's get to the main bad guy." We all headed for the gap in the research center, before coming to a sudden halt at the approaching figure coming out. " Oh, crap." Out of the hole, came a familiar Villian.
The villain in question was a griffon with a metal suit and face mask, and to top it off, he had a green hood and cape around him. Doctor Doom. " Well, it would seem that the Avengers have arrived. A predictable occurrence, but annoying none the less." On his back was a weapon the goons were most likely sent to get. And it looked just like MY AX! " So, Avengers, have you come to see my rise to power, or be destroyed?" He asked before tossing a knocked out Fluttershy our way.
Spike took the reigns on this. " Hey, Doom. Did you get a haircut?" Note to self, teach Spike better lines.
" Hawkeye, you seem to be lacking on your usual humor. Never the less, you, your team, and even that sword-wielding maniac over there" Doom directed his gaze over to Pinkie who at the moment was decapitating already dead doom dogs. " have been nothing but thorns in my side for too long." He revealed his metallic wings and rose to the air while unsheathing Frostbite. " Now, face the force of the gods!" He shouldered my ax and powered it up.
" Duck!" We all ran out of Doom's sight just as he fired a large wave of winter at us. Everyone was able to dodge the blast in time, though my leg was not so fortunate. " Gah!"
" Darlin'!" Jackie ran up to me while shielding herself from any more attacks. " Hold still honey." She raised her shield and smashed it on my frozen leg, freeing it for the time being. " There you go darlin'."
" Thanks, babe." I kissed her before we headed back into the fray. " We need to get my ax away from that maniac," I yelled out to everyone.
Dash went hammer to ax with Doom before he grabbed Dash by the throat and tossed her onto Pinkie. " Wow, usually I have to pay to get a girl thrown at me. Stop it voices!"
When Dash got her head out of Pinkie's crotch, she turned to us. " Any idea how we're going to do that?" She pointed over to Doom, who was currently dodging arrows and stingers from Spike and Rarity.
" The best way to take down Doom is to keep him distracted and take away whatever new weapon or power he posses's."
Jackie dodge-rolled over to us when Doom sent an ice spike her way. " Can't you just call it back to you?"
" Believe me, I've tried. But either Doom's done something to the ax or it doesn't know it's me 'cause currently I'm Wolverine." To prove my point, I tried summoning my ax in the usual fashion. Nothing happened. " Okay, here's the plan." I brought an unconscious Fluttershy around and brought them in a huddle. " Shy, I want you to be like the wasp you've become and sting the hell out of him." Shy gave a nod before zipping off toward Doom's head. " Twi, conjure up as many fireworks and illusions as you can and direct it all over him."
" You can count on me." Her horn lit up and a multitude of sparklers and whizz-bangers flew all around Doom whilst avoiding Flutters.
" Okay, now we just to get the-" My plan was interrupted when a blast of freezing wind blew Shy out of the air and canceled out Twi's illusions.
" Enough of this! I think it's time you see what this weapon can do." He lifted my ax and let the frost runes power it up. " Now, feel the power of Jutonhiem!" Before we could move to stop him, he plunged the ax into the pavement. When the ax struck, I expected ice spikes or chunks of a glacier to rise from the ground, instead, the ground started shaking and rising for at least four hundred yards.
While the ground kept shaking, Swagger stumbled over to me. " Tex, you have any idea what's happening?" To answer his question, a giant blue hand rose from the cracks a block away from where Doom plunged the ax. " Nevermind." On the other end of the street, another blue hand rose, sending a bagel stand into the stratosphere. Finally, emerging from the middle of the two hands, a mound of freezing blue flesh rose with Doom atop it. Within moments, the earth gave way for a massive frost giant.
When the giant stood at its full height, it was as tall as any of the skyscrapers around us and as wide as a small mountain. With Doom on the giant's head and the ax embedded in its skull, he ordered the behemoth around. " Now monster! Wipe out the Avengers!" Taking his order literally, the giant reeled his arm back for a mighty swing.
" Twilight, Shield!" Twilight was able to erect a bubble shield around us just as the giant hand made its way to us. " Brace for impact!" When the giant hit the shield, we went sailing like a golfball through the green. As we sailed across the city, I could see Doom directing the giant towards the outskirts of the town, likely towards his lair. After a minute or so our momentum slowed and we started to descend into an alleyway. Once we hit the pavement, Twilight's shield canceled out and we bounced around the alley, leaving me to land in a dumpster. " This... is humiliating." To add insult to injury, the lid closed on the dumpster.
When I got out of the bin, I regrouped with the others to form a plan or at least something resembling a plan. Spike went ahead and summed up the situation " Okay, so Doom has Joe's ax and summoned a frost giant that just smacked us across town. We're boned."
" C'mon Spike, it ain't that bad. All we have to do is get the ax away from that varmint, and we'll have saved the day." Jackie tried to make light of the fact we were all just bitch slapped by a giant popsicle. " Look on the bright side, he'll be easy to follow."
" Yeah, we can follow them, but how do we take down that giant. I doubt this hammer will do much." Dash lifted her hammer before letting it drop on Pinkie's hoof.
" Gahhhh ha ha ha!" Dash got the hammer off her to see that Pinkies hoof was smashed to shit. " My hoof!" Three seconds later, her hoof was back to normal. " I love having these healing powers." While she admired her healed hoof, her attention was then brought to the three bodies with burnt eye sockets laying on the dumpster. " Hey, guys. I don't remember taking out these guys. Did you guys take a fire poker to their eyes?"
Hearing about bodies made us turn to what Pinkie was looking at. Shy screamed at the top of her lungs then proceeded to faint. The others had varying degrees of disgust, except for Spike, Swagger, and me. Spike went up to examine the bodies. " Guys, these three are still alive." That really brought our attention to the unknown trio to see they were still breathing.
" Hold on. Burnt eyes, still alive, and twitching. Oh shit." An orange light and a soul shattering laugh went off behind us. " Fuck." We all turn around to see a flaming skeletal alicorn with a leather jacket and iron chain wrapped around its waist. " The Ghost Rider."
Twilight was the first to say something. " Please tell me that skeleton is on our side."
" Maybe this will convince you." The flaming bounty hunter told us in a slightly feminine voice while making her way to us while the flames turned to a blazing blue. " Pucker up, my king." With no other warning, the Devils bounty hunter made out with me.
At first, I was stunned as were the rest of the group, then I started to put the pieces together. Alicorn skeleton, blue flames, female voice, and using a familiar pet name! When she parted from me, I stared right at her. " Luna?" She let out a small chuckle before extinguishing her flame, revealing my lovely lady of the night. " Luna!" Seeing that the firey anti-hero was Luna, everyone gathered to greet her. " Honey, how'd you get here?"
" By accident. I tried to find you and Jackie in the library's secret room, when I went in the room I found one of Spikes comics on the fool and it was glowing. When I opened the book to investigate, the book sucked me into this alley with this attire. Not long after that, those three tried to have their way with me." Jackies and my attention went to the three goons. Jackie gave off a low growl while I popped out my claws. " Don't worry you two. As you can see, they've been taken care of."
" By barbecuing their eyes?" Pinkie asked while holding a marshmallow on a stick over one of the thug's eyes.
" Not exactly." Spike directed our attention to more comic book knowledge. " The Ghost Rider, which you are now, Luna, is infused with Hellfire, a fire that not only burns you but your soul as well." All the girls' eyes pinpricked at that. " One of the ways that the Rider can use it, is with a technique called, the Penance Stare. It allows them to look into their victim's soul and burn it with all the sins they ever did in life."
" It's true, I looked into each one of their souls and witnessed all the wrongs they ever did in their lives and turned it against them." Luna started to shudder for a second. " Believe me when I say, they deserved it." I put my arm around her to try and comfort her ordeal. " So, I've been wondering. How do we get out of here?"
" So far the working theory is that we stop the bad guy, retrieve my ax, and save the day."
" The only problem is, the guy we have to defeat has a frost giant as his own pet! How would we even fight something like that?"
" Dash does bring up a good point. Do we even have anything strong enough for something that big?"
" Well, if we had the Hulk, Captain Marvel, or..." A sly smile worked it's way on my face as my attention went to Luna. " The Ghost Rider."
Luna was very surprised after I said we needed her to take down a giant. " You believe I'm capable of such a feat?"
" Hell yeah, we do. In fact, I think I have the perfect plan in mind." We all gathered around Spike to hear about his master plan. Hopefully, it goes a lot better than mine did.
We followed Doom's path of destruction, avoiding his line of sight. " Damn. How much do you think it costs to fix a city on a daily basis?"
" I believe the average cost is 1.5 million bits per square mile for a large city like this. Though that was the cost from a thousand years ago, it might have changed while I was away."
" Guy's! Can we focus here." Luna and I stopped our conversation and listened to Spike. " Okay, everyone remembers what they need to do?" We all nodded, remembering our part. " Good. Rarity, follow me. Joe, Luna, get behind the giant. Everyone else, distract Doom." With the instructions given, we got into position. Spike and Rarity teleported in front of the giant and made themselves known to Doom. " Hey, ugly! Is that a wart on your head or a bad case of lice?! Oh wait, it's just Doctor Doom!" This got the giant to stop and brought Doom's attention.
" So, you and the Widow survived, how annoying. However, I am nothing if not merciful. Bow before me now, and my slave shall not smear you with his boot!"
" Hmm, it's a tempting offer darling, but I believe my Spikey has a much better offer." Doom didn't have long to ponder the meaning before Spike launched a barrage of exploding arrows at the giant's eyes, making it stumble a bit.
Doom tried to regain control of the beast, but with Dash's lightning, Pinkie's gunshots, and Twilight's illusions, he was having a very hard time doing so. " Fools! Your minor distractions can not stop my plans of domination! The world will kneel before the iron claws of Doom!"
" Always with the monologue. Can't a villain just shut up and shoot." Swagger commented while firing off his M60.
" Sound advice, Winter Soldier. Let me practice that on you!" Doom took the ax from the giant's head, releasing the giant from his hold for the moment, and aimed it at Swagger. Without saying a word, Doom fired a beam of ice at him.
Swagger ducked behind a nearby newspaper stand to minimize the damage. After a moment passed by, Swagger only felt a nip in the air. When he looked up from the stand, he saw that the blast was being blocked by Twilight's shield. While holding up the shield, Twilight turned and gave him a sly smirk. " See, told ya I'd make it up to you." Instead of answering her, Swagger came up beside her and kissed her before returning fire.
With the ax out of the giant's head, it was time for Luna's part. " Here goes nothing." She became the Rider and brought out her chain. With a little effort, she set it aflame and sent it toward the giant's legs. Being magically lengthened and burning with a fire equal to the sun, the chain was able to wrap around the right leg, and when she tightened it, the leg was lopped off.
" Raaaaaaaaawr!" The beast cried out in agony while trying to keep it's balance.
When the giant went to lean on the nearby buildings, I saw this as the perfect opportunity to grab Frostbite. " Luna, you ready for the fast-ball special?" She nodded my way and engulfed me in her magic. She swung me around a couple of times and launched me toward Doom. When I got close, I popped my claws and aimed for his chest. " Raaaawr!" Doom turned in time to get a chest full of adamantium. Once he was impaled, he dropped the ax and I catapulted him toward Pinkie.
While he was flying through the air, he threatened me. " Fool! I've survived worse from cosmic giants. Your claws mean next to nothing!" His rant would've continued, had he not landed on Pinkie's rocket launcher.
" Hi Doom, bye Doom!" Pinkie pulled the trigger and sent Doom on a fiery ride, right into the giant's face. When they collided, the giant's face exploded in a spray of blue brain matter, no idea if Doom survived that. Seeing her good work finished, she went and took a whiff of the smoke coming off the launcher. " Sniiiifff, aw yeah. I'm touching myself tonight."
" Pinkie! TMI!" Dash stated while hiding the red in her cheeks. " Joe, grab the ax so we can get out of here."
" Alright, this was fun while it lasted." I rummaged through the brain matter and found my ax near the frontal lobe. The second the handle made contact with my hand, the same force that brought us here appeared in the sky above us and sucked us in.
Back to stupid reality.
I found myself at the bottom of a dogpile where someone's flank was in my face. " Unless this is Jackie or Lulu, get off my face." As we all separated from the pile, I found that Shy was the one who sat on me. Needless to say, we were both acting very shy.
After that moment of awkwardness, everyone expressed the joy of being a superhero. When the mood settled down, Twilight congratulated Spike on his comic book knowledge. " Spike, your knowledge saved us from being in that book for who knows how long, and I hope you know that."
" I do, and I also know that I won't always be needed for certain things and that changes are coming." Spike then looked over to Swagger. " Sorry if I gave you shit the past few days."
" It's alright little dude no hard feelings. By the way, do all comics do that? If so, I need to get a few of them."
" No, I got this from my buddy in Canterlot at the house of enchanted comics." He was oblivious for a moment before it started to hit him. " That would explain us being sucked in, though I didn't think he was being literal with the title."
While most every one groaned and left the room, I pulled him aside. " Can you give me the address? This will make the perfect gift for the kids." He started writing down the address as we left the castle.
Author's Notes:
I'm very sorry for the delay, but work has been working me like a dog. It was also a pain to come up with who would be who as a comic character. If you believe someone should have been someone else, then say so in the comments. I would also like to say, that I will be going back to skipping certain episodes and put them in a flashback.
Now, with all that being said, time for a clip.
You know what, you deserve another for being so patient.
Forget it Spike, It's Manehattan
Recap.
A week after our comic book adventure, the orchard became infested with Vampire Fruit bats. It sounds crazy I know, but the suckers do exist. While they may be beneficial to the farm in the future, they threatened the crops and Jackie's prize-winning apple, the damn thing's as big as Hercules. Anyway, While Jackie started singing a song about getting rid of them, I had Discord snap them in front of me and spoke their language. After some convincing and negotiating, we let them have twenty of the oldest trees in a cornered off section of the orchard. All the while, Discord kept saying, " We can't stop here! This is bat country." while wearing Hawaiian print and smoking a cigarette.
Anyway, with that problem done, we were able to get the harvest done in record time and looked forward to the next big event. That being Rarity's fashion competition in Manehattan. Which is where you will find the girls, my wives, Swagger, Spike, and me departing the train.
End recap.
We just got off the train and left the station to the big city. Spike, Swagger, and I had the unfortunate job of carrying Rarity's luggage and fashion entry's. " Okay, I can see how the entry clothes would need different suitcases. But what the hell are all these other bags for?"
" Why, only the essentials. A dress and suit for all of us for the play tonight. Some garments for afternoon tea. Some sewing tools for emergency dress repairs. Some back-up sewing materials in case I lose the first. The good tea set. Suits to wear in a cab. Some extra material for my dresses in case the model does something to the dress. And a bottle of champagne and glasses to either celebrate my winning with my friends or to drown my sorrows if I lose." My eye kept twitching at every item listed after the get-ups for the play.
Swagger decided to pick it up from there. " Aside from the repair kit and the Champagne, the rest of this is just a load of crap that's starting to give me a hernia." The wimp was only carrying one large suitcase while Spike and I had about eight items of varying sizes on our backs. " What the hell am I carrying anyway?"
" Oh, that would be the dining set to use at the hotel." Nevermind, he's doing pretty good. " Don't worry Robert, the hotel is only two blocks away." True to her word, the hotel was only a short distance away.
When we offloaded everything in Rarity's room, we had two hours before her she had to sign in, so we decided to go out sightseeing. " Tex. You ever find it weird how a lot of the places here are similar to places back home, but with a pun attached to it?"
" A lot of the times I just ignore it, though sometimes I will call it out if it really bugs me." If there's one thing I hate more than anything, is fucking puns that ain't even clever. " Anyway, there are difference's to the similarities besides the obvious horse pun."
" Oh yeah, like what?"
" I'll let you know when I find 'em." As we kept going. Rarity would offer help to random strangers. She would help a cab driver with his broken wheel, though it was a team effort. She offered a stallion her scarf when he seemed cold, it's called going inside you moron. To thank Spike, Swagger, and me for hauling her shit around, she bought us a hot dog each, at least I thought it was a hot dog before I took a bite. Dammit, they couldn't even do a stupid tofu dog. " Okay, I'm getting really tired wandering around this city. How much longer until your show?"
" The show starts at three o'clock." When she looked at the clocktower, she saw that she only had ten minutes to get there. " Oh my goodness, I'm going to be late!" As to be expected, she started freaking out. " I need to get to the Runway plaza before I'm disqualified, and my dresses are all the way across town! What am I going to do!?"
" Uhhhh gee I don't know? I mean, you could ask me to open a couple of portals, one to your room to get the dresses, and another to take us to Runway plaza with time to spare. But that's just a suggestion."
" Honey quit pestering our friend and just open the portals!" Jackie told me while Luna gave me an unamused look.
" Okay, okay. Geez, it's like you've never heard of foreplay." This got most of the girls to get crimson cheeks. Doing as I suggested, I opened a portal to Rarity's hotel room and retrieved her dress entry's. With that done I opened a portal to the plaza, having remembering where it was from my first trip here. Why I thought I would find a toy for Bloom there, I'll never know. " Alright, c-train to Runway plaza. Next stop, Central park avenue." This earned a laugh from most of the group, though Rarity had more pressing concerns at the moment.
" Hah, thank you so much, darling." Rarity grabbed her entries and went through the portal with us following close behind. Rarity went to the front desk and grabbed the attention of the mare on the other side. " Good afternoon. I'm here for fashion week."
The mare replied in a bored tone, " Everypony's gathered in front of the runway and about to start. So you'll just have to bring your dresses along with you and store them backstage later." Her tone and outfit made me think of Ghostbusters for some reason.
" Of course, thank you. Spike, would you mind helping me with these?" She sent him a sultry look that made him melt.
" Like you really have to ask babe." Spike helped take the dresses backstage before turning to us. " We'll meet with you guys later."
" Alright, we'll see you guys at the hotel tonight." We wished Rarity and Spike good luck and made our way back on the street. " So, now what do we do?"
We pondered on what to do till Shy came up with an idea. " How about a picnic in the park?"
" Sounds good to me, I know a market on the way that has some choice produce." We all agreed to the idea and went on our way.
Spikes Pov.
I stood by Rarity as she was being slightly chewed out by Prim Hemline, the host of this whole show. It took all my will power to stop myself from yelling at her to back off, seeing as it would impact my marefriend's reputation in a negative way. Finally, she ceased her rant and went back to her hidey-hole leaving everyone else to put away their stuff. " Don't let what she said, get you down. Once she sees your line of dresses, she'll forget you came here with only minutes to spare." This earned me a smile from my Marefriend.
" Thank you for the kind words Spikey." She leaned forward and we shared a kiss. " How did I ever get along without you?"
" Let's not think about it." We started nuzzling each other before one of the competitors came over and fucked it up.
" Well, if it isn't Rarity. It's me, Suri Polomare, from the Ponyville Knitter's league." The mare in question had a light purple coat and an even darker purple mane with three buttons as her Cutiemark. However, what really caught my attention was her voice. It sounded a little slow with an accent that would definitely fit around here, yet, it also sounded condescending.
" Oh! Yes of course, of course! I thought you looked familiar but I just couldn't place the name. You haven't been back in Ponyville in years."
" Because I moved here to make it big in the big city, hehe. Ok." I'm never going to get used to that voice. Rarity was about to congratulate her, but then she was brought cheek to cheek with Suri. " It's so good to see you. And now here we are... Competing. Hehe, ok." I'm starting to suspect she might be high.
" Yes, well good luck." Rarity made for us to retreat with her dresses.
" Oh trust me, I don't need luck. Would you like a hoof with your things?"
Not wanting to be overly rude to the mare, Rarity decided to throw her a bone. " I suppose I can give my Spikey a break and we can move them to the back." The two of them moved the dresses to the back with me following close behind.
When we got to the back, Rarity slipped off the covers for the dresses and made her way to the locker to store them. When Suri saw them, she became more lively. " My, your collection is gorgeous!" She started circling the dresses like a shark would circle a wounded seal.
" Thank you, though I'm sure your collection is equally lovely if not more." I doubt it.
" It's all right, but it is nothing compared to what's in front of me." At least we could agree on that. " Take my culottes for example. They are simply crying out for just the right accent but I haven't the slightest notion where-" Her ranting stopped when she saw Rarity bring out the emergency fabric. " (Gasp) Actually, just a touch of this fabric could be perfect with it. Would you mind terribly if I took a swatch?" The nerve! As if Rarity would fall for-.
" Oh, not at all." Dammit! " Here, I have loads extra." Rarity made to give her the whole thing, but I stopped her.
" Rarity, a moment, please." I led her away from Suri and brought her close. " Listen, I know you're just being generous, it's one of the many qualities that I love about you," She rolled her eyes while smiling with a cute blush. " However, I do need to remind you that this is a competition and you can't give too much leeway toward your competitors, even if you do know her."
She looked conflicted with my logic but reluctantly saw the point. " What would I do without you?" She took her fabric and unraveled a small amount for Suri. " Spikey, if you would do the honors." I sent her a smirk before delivering an even cut with my knife. " Thank you, darling." She kissed my cheek and brought over the fabric sample while I locked the rest of it away. " Here you are dear, I hope this will help."
" Oh trust me, it will." I don't know why, but the way she said that sounded a bit ominous.
When she left with her sample, I burped up a letter, since the flames tasted like alcohol, I assumed it was from Joe. The words in the letter confirmed my suspicions. " Hey, Rarity, are we almost done?"
" Yes, of course." Rarity stored the last of her dresses and came over. " Why do you ask?"
" Joe sent me a letter telling us to meet him and the others at the park for lunch when we're done." I wrote a response on the back before sending it to him. " I wrote him back saying we'll see him in ten minutes."
" Well, we mustn't keep our friends waiting." She headed out the door but stopped at the doorway. She sent me a smirk before giving her tail a flick to the side. " Don't keep me waiting." With that, she left out the door, waiting for me to follow. She always knows how to rile me up.
The next morning.
It's the second day of the competition, and I was by Rarity's side once again, this time in her room at the Marriott, lying in bed with her. After staring at her sleeping form for what felt like an eternity, her eyelids opened to reveal the blue gems behind them. When she saw my smiling face, she couldn't help but smile back. " Good morning, gorgeous. Sleep well?"
" Hehe, I believe you already know the answer to that." We shared a kiss before leaving the comfort of our temporary bed. I went over to the small kitchen and started to make coffee for the both of us. A few minutes later, we had us some freshly brewed java. I poured it into a mug and offered it to my love. " Thank you, darling." After taking a sip, she looked at the clock on the wall. " Oh, dear! I only have three hours if I want to be early!"
" Well here, let me tell the others and we'll be on our way." I opened the door and came to face Joe and Swagger. " Oh, hey guys, what's up?"
" Hi, Spike. The girls are having a spa day, so Swagger and I were wondering if you wanted to go to a ballgame with us on Midgard. You in?"
" I don't know guys. Rarity needs me as her assistant for the competition."
Just then, Rarity came by with a few things in her magic. " It's alright Spike, you go and enjoy your sporting event with the boys" I made an attempt to argue with her, but that was silenced when she kissed my cheek. " I'll be alright."
Rolling my eyes, I returned her kiss before leaving with Joe and Swagger. " That mare, what would I do without her."
Swagger went and ruined the moment. " Most likely something with your right hand."
" Now Swagger, that may not be the case. He probably does it with his left." And Joe had to go and make it worse.
" Shut up jerks. Just make sure the hotdogs are real this time." With that, Joe opened a portal and put my disguise on.
A few hours later.
" That was the best game I've ever seen in my life!" The guys and I were walking out of Minute Maid Park after a great game. " I can't believe the Astros ended the game with a grand slam."
" Yeah, they certainly got better." We ducked into an alleyway so we wouldn't be seen going home. When we were sure we wouldn't be seen, Joe slashed open a portal into the girl's hotel room. When we entered, we saw that the girls were huddled around Rarity, who was bawling her eyes out. " Hey, what the hell's going on?"
" It...it... my work was stolen from me." Hearing this made me run to her side. " Oh Spikey, it was horrible."
" What happened? Tell me everything."
" It... it was Suri. Somehow she was able to get more of my fabric and stole my whole dress line." Hearing that made a small puff of fire leave my nostrils. " She had her assistant create the dresses and now I have to come up with a new line by tomorrow."
Twilight came over and laid a hoof on her shoulder. " Don't worry Rarity, we'll help you come up with a new line." She directed her attention to Swagger and Joe. " You two are going to help, right?"
Joe looked to be pondering something while Swagger stepped up. " We'll help, though I don't think you'll need to make any more dresses."
" What do you mean, Robert? Unless I come up with a new line by tomorrow, I'll be disqualified, my reputation will rapidly decline, and I'll be ruined!!!!" Pinkie brought out Raritys fainting couch and plopped it behind her just as her rant was over. " Thank you Pinkie darling." She went and proceeded to faint and started to cry again.
Joe was done with all this. " If you're done, I have a solution to your situation." This piqued our interest and we huddled to hear the plan. " Okay, while you girls go about your planned activities, Spike, Swagger, and I will do a little covert operation."
" Joe, is this just so you can skip the play tonight?" Luna asked Joe while raising a brow.
" I will never confirm nor deny, but rest assured that by tomorrow, Rarity will win Fashion Week." Joe then continued with his plan.
The next day.
We were all sitting in the crowd at the Runway Plaza and just went through watching Suri's knock-off designs. As Suri told everyone about the designs, Joe leaned over to me. " You ready?"
" Born ready." We bumped fists just as Prim came onto the stage.
" Let's have another round of applause for Suri Polomare's amazing collection." The audience cheered for the fake. Can't wait until they turn on her. " And now, Rarity from Ponyville, with a unique line of her own." Here it goes.
The curtains opened up to reveal the four models showing off Rarity's clothes. At first, the audience was amazed by the designs, however, a few ponies started to see that her dresses were similar to Suri's, even though it's the other way around. When the models finished, Rarity came up to the stage where she was given some mixed applause.
Prim was none too happy and came onto the stage. Suri followed her to back up whatever lie she had cooked up. " Rarity, what is the meaning of copying Suri's line? Is this how you make a living, by copying other's work?" At those words, Joe and Swagger got up. Guess it's time?
" That is a bullshit claim and I aim to prove it." Joe made his way onto the stage with Swagger and me following. " It is Suri Polomare that has taken Rarity's fabric and used it to make her line. And not only did she steal the material, but she also had her assistant make the entire line, taking the credit for two deserving ponies." The audience was shocked to hear about the fraud, though Suri seemed to keep her cool.
" First of all, I didn't steal any fabric or have my assistant do all the work. And secondly, you have no proof that I did any of that."
Swagger then motioned for someone in the back. " We may not have evidence, but we do have two ponies that can testify to what you did." Out from the back came the two ponies that would put Suri in her place. Coco Pommel, and the Runway Plaza's head of security, Night Watch. " For those that are unaware, the stallion to my right is Night Watch, head of security here." Suri started to sweat at the sight of him. " And the mare on my left is Coco Pommel, Suri Polomare's own assistant." Now her facade quickly fell.
I Went over to Night Watch. " Night Watch, could you please tell us what happened two nights ago?"
" Certainly." Night Watch was a unicorn stallion with a dark blue coat and silver mane with a flashlight as his Cutiemark. " On the night in question, Miss Polomare came to asking if I could help her get some fabric she left behind in her locker. I took her back to the storage area and waited for her to come back. A minute later, she tells me she replaced the key we gave her and asks if I can unlock it for her. I ask her which one is hers and she says it's the one with this fabric, the one she gave me here." He then pulls out the fabric that I had cut for her. " After that, she took the fabric and just left without even bothering to relock her stuff. The next day, the King and his buddies ask me if I had seen a mare asking for help retrieving that very same fabric. I told them I did, and the next thing I know I'm being asked to uncover fraud." The whole crowd turned an angry eye toward Suri.
The next one to speak out against Suri was her own assistant, Coco. " Suri came back to her shop and slammed the stolen fabric on a design I was working on and told me to make an entirely new line by the next day. I worked all day and all through the night to make those dresses that she took credit for without even a nod of approval. When we showed the dresses yesterday, Rarity came in and accused my boss of stealing the fabric, which she nonchalantly admitted to while claiming her line would be seen as 'copycat'. And after all that, she just demands that I go and get her coffee!" At the end there, she was seething and glaring at her boss. When she was done with her rant, she went up to Suri. " Just to make sure you and I are on the same page. I quit!!!" She then returned over to Swagger. " I needed that."
" I'm sure you did." I went over to Prim Hemline for her verdict. " So, do you still think the copycat is Rarity?"
Prim gave Suri an angry glare. " No, I most certainly do not." Prim then fully faced Suri. " Miss Polomare, for stealing both material and design ideas from a competitor, you're disqualified from Fashion week!" Suri was left speechless as Night Watch came over and took her away. Prim then made her way to Rarity. " Miss Rarity, please forgive me for accusing you of fraud. These dresses truly are divine and I believe the judges would agree." We turned to the judges to see them hold up a perfect score.
Rarity was so overjoyed, she picked me up in her magic and peppered me with kisses. " Oh, thank you, Spike! You're a genius!" Behind us, Joe cleared his throat, indicating she forgot something. " Oh, and of course I can't forget about you two." Joe grinned while Swagger nodded.
" Actually Rarity, there's one pony you forgot to thank." I pointed over to Coco, who at the moment was coming down from the high of telling her former employer off.
" Thank you, Spike, you're absolutely right." Rarity and I made our way over to Coco. " Coco, I appreciate what you did for me, I know you risked a lot by doing so, and I wish to repay you."
" You don't have to. I just wanted to make things right."
" And you have, but I insist that I repay you. I have a costume designer for the theatre who offered me a job designing the costumes for the next play. I can see that you have a gift for making and designing dresses and I know that you'll be needing a job. How would you like to work with my friend for his next show?"
" That would be fantastic!" She reached into her bag and retrieved an interesting spool of rainbow thread. " Here, take this as a sign of friendship, and for showing me the way."
Rarity accepted the gift and brought her in for a hug. When they separated, the judges came over and gave Rarity her trophy. After the ceremony, we gathered our things from the hotel and headed home.
I was back in Ponyville organizing a few things in Rarity's boutique when I came across the rainbow spool. " It was nice of her to give this to you. What do you think you'll make out of it?"
" I'm not sure darling, though I know inspiration will strike when it does." She then came over to whisper in my ear. " By the way, if you want your thank you gift, I'll be waiting upstairs." She then turned around and sauntered up the stairs.
" Ooh yeah." I dropped the last of the boxes and raced up the stairs after my fair lady. Her generosity knows no bounds, especially in bed.
Author's Notes:
Alright, I thought I'd experiment a bit and do this chapter mainly through Spike's Pov. And for those that are wondering why I didn't put a shine to Rarity's eyes or the spool, is because the box only has one keyhole. Anyway, guess it's time to train for the games at Rainbow Falls.
Clip.
Since it's based in Manehattan.
Rainbow falls.
A quick recap.
Three weeks went by after our trip to Manehattan, and the only thing that happened between then and now, was that Pinkie found out she's a distant relative to the Apples. Not much to really say about that though.
Not so fast mister!
Woah hey, how did you get into my thoughts Pinkie?
These are your thoughts? I thought this was just a recap for the readers?
It is.
So... is it your thoughts or a recap?
Neither it's both. Wait a minute, what are you doing here?
I'm here to correct how underplayed my discovery was. I mean, we took a road trip to Goldie Delicious to find out about our heritage 'cause the one I had, had a smug on it.
It wasn't that epic. We took my truck down to her cottage and got clarification. Where's the epic.
You mean we didn't go river rafting after the applecart broke down from too much weight?
Nope.
We didn't go through the scariest cave in Equestria and down a waterfall because we lost the map?
Nope.
We didn't learn any life-changing lessons?
N. O.
Huh, guess that happened to a different version of us. Oh well.
Anyway, all of us, minus the kids and Luna, were heading to Rainbow Falls for the qualification tryouts. Dash, Shy, and oddly enough Private Snowflake were competing for the relay. Good luck with that. As for Swagger and me, we would be there for Herot's athletes.
End recap.
The train pulled into a stop at the station at Rainbow Falls and we all filed out. While the girls made their way toward the relay section, Swagger and I went over to my kingdoms athletes. " Alright guys, get your shit and meet us by the ground events!" Our athletes consisted of three Greyhounds for the ground relay, a Bernard for the wrestling event, and a Husky for the following events, discus, javelin, hammer-toss, and shot put. Yeah, we're going to dominate.
" Yes my king!" They filed out of the station and toward the training grounds with us leading.
While we were walking around, Swagger and I couldn't take our eyes off the falls. " How can there be a waterfall made of rainbows?"
" They make it over at the weather factory in Cloudsdale, and whenever they pass by, they dump the run-off here." For the millionth time since he's been here, Swagger looked at me funny after explaining things about this world. " Hey man, you asked." He just shrugged and kept walking.
While we made our way to the ground games, we passed by the aerial relay and I saw two familiar ponies. " Swagger, come here, I want you to meet a couple of ponies." We took a detour and headed over to Spitfire and Soarin. " Hey, you two aerial dogs. How the hell have you been?"
Spits and Soarin along with another Wonderbolt whose name escapes me were wearing silver jumpsuits. Soarin came up to greet us. " Joe, hey long time no see. What's going on man?"
" Hah, you know, just leading some of my athletes over to ground games, see if they'll qualify for the games. What about you, what game are you going for?"
" Spitfire, Fleetfoot, and I are qualifying for the aerial relay for Cloudsdale." The two mentioned Wonderbolts made their way over to us. " Fleetfoot, this is Joe, king of Herot and prince to Equestria. He also instructed the newbies this year."
" Wow, the legend himself!" Fleetfoot had a voice that sounded like she had laryngitis or something and sported a pair of shades like Spits. " I caught a glimpse of you training the new batch overhead, and I felt a bit scared there." We all had a small laugh at that. " So, are you here to compete as well?"
" Nah, it'd be unfair to the other athletes. So, I'm just coaching the athletes from my kingdom." They nodded in understanding. " By the way, this is my good friend Swagger. He was at Paris Island with me during our training, and he's also my General for the future Sniper unit of Herot."
" Bob Lee Swagger. It's nice to meet you all." He gave each of them a handshake before straightening up. " Tex tells me you guys are the elite flyers here."
" We are. And thanks to Joe here, everyone will soon be calling us death from above." Soarin had a goofy smile on his face when he said that. " If you'll excuse me, I got to train real quick." He put on his goggles and shot off the ground.
" Interesting guy. Well, it was nice to meet you all, and I hope to see you around. C'mon Tex, let's get going."
" Yeah alright. Spits, it was good to see you again. Fleetfoot, looking forward to seeing you around." We waved them goodbye which they returned, and we went on our way to the training grounds.
We've been on the grounds for two and a half hours and the athletes were doing great. The three greyhound girls, Angela, Sandra, and Rita, were making Speedy Gonzalez look like Regular Gonzalez. Alfred was making record takedowns in the ring. Homer was an ace with the javelin. Peter was second in shotput, the best went to a minotaur. Glen's Discus sailed through the air with style and grace. Finally, Stan couldn't be beaten at the hammer throw. By the end of the first day, I feel we had it in the bag.
" Alright, hustle up!" All my athletes paused their training and grouped around me. " Everyone, I can say with absolute certainty, that in two days time, you'll all qualify for the games and make all of Herot proud!"
" Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!" Swagger and I left them to their celebration while heading over to the aerial relays.
" So Rainbow Dash needs two members for the aerial relay, and she picks Fluttershy and Bulk Biceps?"
" First off, his name is now Private Snowflake. Second, Shy has the capability to fly fast, she just needs the right motivation. And third, they were the only ones to volunteer that haven't chosen a different event." I explained to him as we came upon the girls and Snowflake. " Well, we're a shoo-in for the games. How 'bout yall?"
Dash was the one to answer for everyone. " It could be better. Bulk needs to fly without holding his breath as well as get through the loops. Fluttershy's doing alright but needs to be more assertive when grabbing the baton. If it wasn't for my speed, we wouldn't have a chance at qualifying." We both laughed at her confidence.
" Don't worry, I think I can help both of them." I walked over to Shy while she was eating a fritter. " Dash tells me you have trouble handling the baton?"
" Oh...um...I try to keep it in my hoof, but then I think I'm going to drop it, and then it does." She hung her head low, only for me to raise it again.
" Tell me. Would you drop medicine that could save one of your animal friends?"
" Oh my gosh, I would never!"
" Then that's what you'll do. Private Snowflake will give you the baton aka the medicine, and you'll fly that medicine to Dash aka the animal, as fast as you can. Think you can do that?"
" Well, I can certainly try. Thank you, Joe."
" You're welcome Shy. As for Private Snowflake here" I patted him on his shoulder " I have the perfect solution for him."
Snowflake grinned at that. " Really, how so?"
" Get your miserable corpse up in the air and through those hoops, or I'll put my boot so far up your ass, the sweat from my knee will quench your thirst! Now move!"
" Sir yes, sir!" With speed he didn't even know he had, he launched himself into the air and started flying through the rings with swift precision. In no less than two minutes, he made it through the course and landed back with us, breathing heavily.
I then turned to the rest with my arms spread. " And that ladies is how it's done." I was given a few claps for motivating Snowflake. When the moment was over, we all heard a bang overhead, followed by a scream. I looked up just in time to see Soarin slam into me. " Gah!"
We laid on the ground with stars filling our vision. Dash got Soarin off of me and tended to him while Jackie cradled my head. " Joe, are you alright?"
" Don't worry darlin', you know I survived much worse. Though I always appreciate your concern." I gave her a kiss before turning my attention to Soarin. " You okay there pal?"
Soarin was being held by Dash while he wailed in agony. " Ow! My wing! Ow! My liver! Ow! My lasagna!"
" Soarin, lasagna isn't a major organ." Dash corrected him.
He looked at her quizically " It isn't?" His anatomy lesson was cut short when he felt the pain in his wing again. " Ow! Dammit that hurts."
" What the hell did you do to cause such a wipeout?" I asked him while getting back up.
" Well, I was going through the course for my leg of the race, when I heard those two cheer-ponies. I went to look at them, and then I banged my wing against the loop, making me spin out and land on Joe there."
Swagger came over to share his opinion " There's your first mistake right there. You were checking out the cheerleaders on the sideline."
" As a former high school football player, I can tell you it's important to keep your head in the game. 'Course when I was sixteen, I was checking out the chicks on the sidelines, heh heh." This earned me a slap upside the head from Jackie. " Hey, this was before I met you and Luna. Plus, I was a teenager, the only thinking I had, came from my wang."
While the girls cringed at my joke and the guys nodded, the rest of Soarin's team came over to see the damage. " Soarin, what were you doing rubbernecking the chicks?"
" Sorry, you know how I get around cheerleaders." He tried to stretch his bent wing, but it didn't look like it would get him up in the air anytime today. " Dammit. I think I need to get this looked at?" As if sent by the gods, or from some onlooker, an ambulance cart came over to get Soarin. What's with the cart? His legs ain't broke. When he got on the cart, he turned to Dash. " Hey, thanks for helping me out Dash." He then sent her a wink before they carted him off.
While the girls giggled at Dash and her red cheeks, Swagger and I decided to head back over to the ground try-outs. " Think he'll be okay?"
" Hey, he can do a lot worse than Dash." Bob then went and slapped the back of my head. " Oh, you meant his wing. Yeah, he'll be alright. If he's still in sickbay, we'll bring him a beer." With that settled, we went back to my athletes.
A few hours later.
While I watched my athletes continue to train, I would catch glimpses of Dash flying with both her team and the Wonderbolts. " What is she up to? Swagger, keep an eye on things here, I got a small errand to run."
I saw her land over to a nearby pond and decided to confront her. " So, how are things going for the Ponyville team?" My presence made her jump and land in the pond.
She sputtered out water when she surfaced. " Joe, what're you doing here?"
" I thought I'd get a drink of water, after all, it's thirsty work watching you fly for two teams." Her eyes shrunk to pinpricks after I called her out. " What are you thinking, juggling two teams at once? For one thing, you're going to fly yourself towards exhaustion, to the point you'll be unable to fly for either one. Secondly, by flying with the Wonderbolts, you're letting your town, team, and more importantly, you're letting your friends down."
After my little speech, Dash looked conflicted about the whole thing. " To be honest, the Wonderbolts just want me to be their third during practice, at least until Soarin's wing heals up. Besides, I've seen the other teams practicing, and we'll still qualify for the games. I just really want to fly with the winners instead of... um, the... non-winners."
I was about to scold her, but then Spits and Fleetfoot made their way over. " Rainbow Dash, got a minute?" Dash gave me a look saying to wait while she went over to them.
Fleet spoke first. " You could really be an asset to our team so, we want you to join the Cloudsdale team... permanently." What!?
While Dash tried to hold in her excitement, Spits came with this. " It looks like Soarin's wings won't heal in time for the trials. We want you to fly with us." And they can't bring in another Wonderbolt because...?
" Of course, this means you won't be able to fly for Ponyville." My concerns exactly. " But let's face it, even with you on their team, their chances of qualifying for the games are pretty slim." We looked over to Shy and Snowflake practice handing the baton, only for Shy to accidentally knockout Snowflake.
" So... what's it going to be?" Dash looked conflicted over the whole thing and couldn't answer. " Take some time to think about it." And just like that, they flew off to their tent while remembering to wave at us.
As soon as they were out of earshot, Dash started celebrating by zipping along the ground. " They want me to fly with them! It's like a dream come true!"
" Yeah, well wake up from that dream, 'cause now you got a choice to make. Either fly for Cloudsdale and let your team down, not to mention waste Jackies time by making her make all those Brown Betty's for nothing, having Pinkie cheer for a lost cause, and having Rarity's uniforms never to be seen! Actually, the uniforms are crap and create too much drag. Or, you can fly with your team and do your best to qualify, and win or lose, you can say that you tried!" I was fuming at this point and rightly so.
" But this is my chance to fly for a winning team. What would you do if you were me?"
" What I'd do doesn't matter, this is something you have to decide for yourself." I started making my way back over to Swagger and my athletes, but not before looking over to Dash one last time. " I hope you make the right decision." With that, I left her, hoping that she would make the right choice.
The next day.
After hearing how Soarin was still in medical-bay, Swagger and I made to visit him with the cold one we promised. " So how bad do you think his wing is? I mean, I don't know anything about wing anatomy, other than that one thing Twilight showed me, but his wing didn't look bad enough to be out for this long."
" I didn't think so either. But since neither of us has a medical degree, our opinions mean Jack shit." We made it into the building and found the room Soarin was in. " Hey, buddy, how ya feelin'?"
Soarin laid in one of two hospital beds with his wing bandaged. " Hi, guys. Did you bring the beer?" We gave him a smile while I held up the cooler. " Now that's what I'm talking about." We made our way to his bedside and handed him the beer. " Thanks. So, how are things on your end?"
I gave him a shrug. " Not too bad. My athletes qualified in the event they were chosen for, so I'm pretty happy about that. How about you, how's your wing feelin'?"
He took a long swig from his beer before answering. " It's doing fine. The doc gave me the go-ahead to fly. I've just been waiting for Spitfire and Fleetfoot to come by. To be honest, you guys are the only ones to come and visit me." At hearing that, Swagger and me shared a look. " What? What's with the look?"
Swagger asked this. " You're saying that your wing's been fine for a while now and you're able to compete?" He nodded his head yes. " And your team mates didn't even come to visit you?" Another nod.
Seeing the situation for what it was, a low growl left my lips. " Soarin, get your ass up and follow me." With some reluctance he chugged the last of his beer before following us out of the room. " Can not believe she would outright lie about this."
" Who?" Soarin asked while keeping in step with us.
" Spits. She told Dash that you were still unable to compete for the qualifying race and asked her to take your place. As far as I know, she hasn't agreed to the offer, but that might change today." Soarin started to look conflicted over the whole thing. " I wouldn't blame Dash too much for this."
" Why not? She pretty much stole my position on the team, why shouldn't I blame her?"
" Because, Spits made her a difficult offer to refuse, a chance to fly with her idols and be on a team with a higher chance at winning. Could you honestly say you wouldn't be conflicted?"
He took some time to think about it. Once we left the hospital and made our way toward the field, his anger melted. " Yeah, I guess you have a point there. I still don't understand how my team would just drop me like that?"
" You mean besides your tendency to check out the ladies while you fly?" He let out a nervous chuckle after I said that. " I'm assuming you and the other Wonderbolts know that Dash is one of the fastst flyers around. What better pony to have on your team than her?" As we started making our way to the Wonderbolt tent, we ran into Dash, who was putting on a lot of bandages. " Dash, what are you doing?"
Once again, she jumped at the sound of my voice. " Quit doing that!" Her eyes then settled on Soarin. " Soarin? What are you doing here, I thought you were still in the hospital."
" I was, till I learned that Spitfire lied to the both of us." Dash looked shocked at hearing that accusation. " Joe said that Spitfire told you I was out of comission when in fact she hadn't even come to visit me once."
" What!? Why would she ask me to replace you if you're able to fly afterall?"
" Because, you're a much better choice than I am." He said in a somber mood. " And what's worse, is they're right. You're a way better flyer than I am and you don't get distracted easily."
Dash had red cheeks when Soarin was done talking. " Wow, you really mean that?" Soarin nodded, feeling a bit red in the face as well. Feeling a wave of determination, Dash got rid of the bandages and waved us along. " Come on, we have some ponies to see!"
We all marched over to the aerial relays and found both the Ponyville team and Cloudsdale team there. The moment I say Spitfire, my inner drill instructor kicked in. " Spitfire! What is your major malfunction!?" Spits spit out her water and looked over our way. " You've got some nerve pulling a stunt like this, leaving behind a team member and trying to steal someone from another team! What the hell crawled inside your head and ate what little brains you had left to think that was a good idea!?"
Spits babled out nonsense trying to come up with a good excuse. Luckily, she was saved by Dash. " How about you take back Soarin, I'll stick with Ponyville, and we'll forget this whole thing happened, deal?" Spits quickly agreed and flew off with Fleetfoot, escaping my wraith for the time being. With them gone, Dash turned back to Soarin. " Listen, I'm sorry if having Spitfire want to replace you with me made you feel inadequate. Are we cool?"
" We are, and hey, they weren't wrong about you being an awesome flyer, because I know you're an awesome flyer." They both started to get red cheeks as the conversation continued. Soarin made to leave but not before doing something very bold. " Hey, Dash."
" Yeah?" Without warning, Soarin gave a quick peck to Rainbow's lips before flying off with his team. Stunned at what just happened, she just stood there with her jaw hanging.
Seeing how she hadn't moved for five minutes, Fluttershy came over to see if she was alright. " Um, Rainbow Dash, are you okay?" Instead of answering in a calm and collective manner, Dash shot up in the air and started doing a whole bunch of aerial moves while screaming with joy. " So... is that a yes or a no?"
The judge started handing out the medals to the athletes that qualified and I'm proud to say, that all my citizens did perfect. On the other side of the field, the aerial relay team for Ponyville were recieving thier medals. When the judge moved on to the next team, I saw Soarin walk over to Dash. He pulled off his Wonderbolt badge and gave it to her. In exchange, Dash returned the kiss that Soarin gave her earlier in full vigor.
The spectacle got the whole crowd in an uproar, though Twilight seemed to be the loudest, and what the hell was she wearing? " Swagger, your girlfriend is truly a strange one."
" Yeah. But I wouldn't want it any other way." We shared a laugh before heading towards the station with the others. When we caught up with the girls, Swagger asked the obvious question. " So, you and Soarin huh?"
" I guess... I mean... I do kinda like the guy. And besides, we might be flying together in the near future." We chuckled at her moment of romance as we boarded the train.
I relaxed on the bench with Jackie cuddling next to me. " You know, I never thought I'd see the day where Dash would date someone."
" I'm not all that surprised, I mean, if they can invent a car that runs on water, I'm sure there was someone for Dash."
" Honey, are you talking about a boat? 'Cause those things have been around for a while."
" No not boats. It's a car that... just forget it, let's be happy that Dash has entered the dating game." Jackie gave me a peck before curling back next to me and started drifting off, with me following close behind.
Author's Notes:
Okay, so a different take on the original material, but at this point, it's to be expected. Also, I found this chapter to be a great shipping opportunity between Dash and Soarin.
Next up, three pals head to Midgard, with crazy results.
Clip.
Another one just 'cause I feel like it.
A human, a werewolf, a unicorn, and a draconequus walk into a bar.
I made my way down the road towards the library to return the books the kids borrowed, I just hope Twilight doesn't notice the torn page on the Daring Do book. Oh who am I kidding, she'll know the second I bring it in! Okay, here's what I'll do. I'll bury the books, set the hole on fire, and cruise down to Tijuana for three months. Or I could just pay the small one-bit fee, either one works. As I weighed my options, I saw Spike come out to get the mail. " Hey, Spike. How's it going?"
" Can't complain. Just taking it one day at a time." We made our way inside while he flipped through the letters. " Let's see. Bill, bill, subscription to Playcolt magazine, save that for later. Oh, Twilight. I got that letter from Cadance." As soon as he said that, Twilights magic snatched the letter from him. " Hmph, rude."
Twilight took the letter and read it through. When she reached the end, her expression brightened immeasurably. " Yes! Cadance can come down for a visit! This is the best news ever!" She then saw who was in the room with her. " Hey... hehe. How long have you been standing there?"
" The whole time. So, Cadance is coming down for a visit, that's cool. What about Shining, is he coming along too?" I asked while putting the books on the counter.
" I don't know, let me check." She re-read the letter to see if she had missed that detail. " It doesn't say." From upstairs, Swagger made his way down and towards Twilight. When Twilight saw him, she immediately pounced on him. " Swagger, great news. Cadance is coming over for a visit! Isn't that great?"
Swagger slowly pried her off before answering. " It sure is. Does that mean I have to be on my best behavior?"
" Only if you want any lovin' the night after." She sent him a wink his way with a sultry smile.
She would've continued that line of speech had Fluttershy not come in. " Hello, I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" Twilight squeaked and faced her yellow friend. " Oh, I can come back later."
" No, it's fine. They can always continue their talk later tonight. So what brings you by Shy?"
" Oh, I just got the most interesting news, I just had to tell someone." She reached into her bag and brought out a letter which I took a hold of. " The Equestrian Society for the Preservation of Rare Creatures has given me permission to observe the rarest, tiniest, most adorable magical creatures in all of Equestria, the Breezies!" She was so excited, she started dancing on her hoof-tips.
" Well, that does sound important and I hope you have a good time," I told her while giving her letter back. As soon as the parchment left my hand, the door behind me burst open and flattened me to the ground. " Can I assume that Pinkie was the one to do that?" I lifted the door off me to see that Pinkie was bouncing around the room. " Point to me. What's going on Pinks?"
" I just received the most important piece of mail in the history of the world!" She then pulled out a flyer for all of us to see. " It's a flyer for a half-off sale on used patio furniture! Isn't that great!?"
" Pinkie, you rent, and you don't even have a patio."
" I know, but it's half off!" I just shook my head and let the door fall on me again.
The next day.
All of us were at the train station to see Fluttershy off for her adventure. The train made it's way to a stop and we started saying goodbye to our animal-loving friend. " Here's a wrap in case you get cold darling." Rarity went ahead and put a small blanket in Shy's saddlebag.
Jackie placed a basket of apples for her. " Here's a nice bushel of fresh apples in case you get hungry. I had some fritters for you as well, but somebody got hungry on the way here." She directed a dirty look at me.
" (Burp) Tell ya what, you stop making such delicious fritters and I'll stop eating them."
Twilight continued the send-off. " Have a great time." She told her while adjusting Shy's hat with her magic.
" Oh, I will. And I hope you have fun with Cadance!" The train let out a whistle signaling departure time. Shy grabbed the basket and boarded while the Conductor called for everyone to board. When the train started to move, Fluttershy waved to us from the caboose. " Goodbye! Goodbye, everybody!"
As we all waved goodbye, Pinkie decided to go the extra mile. " Wait!" Pinkie lept onto the track and ran right behind the train. " We'll never forget youuuuuu!" When she could no longer keep up with the train, she stopped, and then got distracted by a balloon that floated by.
While Pinkie came back with the balloon, a flash went off behind us. " Did I miss it?" Discord had appeared to say goodbye as well, but it would appear he came a little late. " Crap! I missed it. How will I ever cope without her?"
" I got a twelve-pack back at the house."
" That'll do." His mood quickly perks up. " So, when's Cadance supposed to get here?"
" In a few minutes. I've really been looking forward to spending some quality time with her. I just hope nothing goes wrong."
" Why would it? It's just a one-day visit and knowing you, I'm pretty sure you have a plan already." She was about to go into a lecture, but I quickly stopped it. " We don't need to hear it, just have a good time."
Off in the distance, another train made it's way over, though this one looked very different. For one thing, it only had three cars connected to the engine, moved at a much faster speed than any of the normal trains, and to top it off, it was made of crystal. Guess that's the train from the Empire. When the brakes were applied, it made a sound like knives on a chalkboard as it came to a stop.
While we cleaned our ears of that awful sound, the car to the front opened up where a red carpet opened up with two crystal guards coming out. Another second or two, the door opens again, and outcomes Cadence, looking as regal as ever. Twilight went to greet her, but then Cadance went all protocol on us. " Your Highness." She made a bow making everyone but Swagger and me follow suit.
" Ya, done?" Cadance smirked and rushed over to Twilight and brought her into a bone-crushing hug. We all laughed at the display and greeted Cadance. "It's good to see you Cadance." Jackie and I gave her a quick hug before I pointed over to the train. " You need to rethink your mode of transportation, or at the very least put some oil on the wheels."
" See, I told you he'd say something about the train." Inside the train, another body came out to reveal itself as Shining Armor. " How's everybody doing?"
" Shining!" Twilight zipped over to her brother and hugged him. " Why didn't you write that you were coming?"
" We decided to keep that a surprise. Besides, this is meant to be yours and Cadance's day. I just came along to get out of the Empire and do something different." At the mention of Shining not joining his wife and sister, gave me a great idea.
" Well if that's the case, why don't you come along with Discord, Swagger, and me? I'm sure we can find something to do?" Shining shared a look with his wife and sister silently asking permission which they nodded to.
" Yeah, that sounds pretty good actually." He gave Twilight a hug and Cadance a kiss before following our lead.
Before we could step off the station, I was grabbed in Cadance's magic while Swagger was brought over in Twilight's. Cadance made me face her and she had a serious expression. " Before you four go and do whatever it is you're going to do, I need you to make me a promise." She brought Shining over and put him between Twilight and herself. " I want you to promise me that you'll keep an eye on my husband and not let him get into trouble."
" And you mister, you make sure my brother stays in one piece," Twilight told Swagger in a half-serious half playful manner.
I chuckled at the treatment and patted Shinning on the shoulder. " Don't you two worry about a thing. We'll take good care of this idiot."
" If anything, Shinning here will most likely keep us out of trouble." Swagger pointed out while giving Twilight a little pet under her chin.
Satisfied with our answer, the two alicorns let us go and went to their planned activity. With them heading off to who knows where I turned to the girls. " Well, I guess I'll see you around. Honey, I'll meet you back at the house after a while." I sent her off with a kiss and I left the station with my companions. " So, what should we do?" Now that we had a moment to think about it, we had no idea what to do.
After a few moments of silence, Discord came up with something. " Why don't we head over to Berry's bar for some drinks?"
Most of us agreed to the idea, though Shining looked skeptical. " I don't know guys, I mean it's only half-past twelve."
I hooked him by his neck and led him to the town's watering hole. " It's five o'clock somewhere. Besides, I don't hear you coming up with any ideas." Seeing my point, he goes along with the plan to get plastered in the afternoon.
We entered through the door of Ponyville's favorite, and only, watering hole, Berry's bar. A quick look around the room showed us that this place was dead save for the jukebox playing, not surprising seeing as most of the regulars don't come in until four. We found ourselves a table near the back where Berry sought to our thirst. " Alright, boys. What'll it be?"
I started the rotation. " I'll have a mug of your house draft and chips and salsa for the table." If only they had creamy jalapeno.
Swagger went next. " I'll take a double shot of rum and cola and a separate shot of whiskey."
Discord was next. " I'll take a short trip to hell, right after I get this sand out of my crack." He laughed his ass off while Berry just rolled her eyes at the dumb joke and wrote it down.
Shining was the last to order. " I'll just have a diet cola." The music scritched to a halt as we all looked at him. He noticed us staring at him and he started to get uncomfortable. " What?"
" Maybe you haven't noticed, but this is a bar, not a soda shop. Now order a real drink before I swat you upside the head." A little extreme, but we're here to get our drink on.
After giving the menu a quick look, he reordered. " I'll take a gin and tonic." Better, but not by much. Berry left to get our drinks and food leaving us to talk amongst ourselves. " So, how have things been with you guys?"
Discord took this opportunity to boast about something crazy. " Well, I went and visited Canterlot yesterday and visited Celestia. Apparently, I popped in while she was mediating between two con artists and a couple of hippies over a cart. I suggested they cut the cart in half, but then the hippies freaked out and said it would make the cart useless. However, it was thanks to their freak out that they won the cart back from the cons."
" Well, I got sucked into a comic book, uncovered a fake in the fashion world, and helped coach the athletes for Herot." Swagger summarized his view of our adventures just as our drinks and chips arrived. " But most of my time is taken up by drilling the recruits for the scout/sniper unit and the library. Although, Twilight and I did go on a date last week." Shining had a bit of an eye-twitch at that last one.
" Well, I did the first three things he just said, seeing how I was there with him. But other than that, Discord and I took care of a bat problem on the farm, found out that Pinkie is a distant relative to Jackie, and the boys are becoming real experts with their weapons." Suddenly I remember something the boys told me while at school. " I do have one problem though. Apparently, some of the colts in their class have been eyeing Scootaloo, Sweetie, and Applebloom. Now, with Sweetie and Bloom, I'll leave it to their parents, but with Scoots, I've got a real problem." The guys leaned further in to listen better. " I know that at some point, Scoots will be interested in colts her own age and I'm fine with that. But the question here is, how do I protect her from the wrong kind of colt?"
Shining raised a brow at that. " And what do you mean by 'The wrong kind of colt'?"
" I mean the kind that's not going to go from the first date to getting her in bed the same day." The guys nodded their heads while I drank two-thirds of my beer in one gulp. " I trust Scoots and even my boys to do the right thing when they start dating, but I need to make sure the ones they're dating keep in line. Any suggestions?"
Shining oddly enough spoke up first. " If you want to keep a colt in line when dating your daughter all you have to do is look intimidating, and with you, it won't be hard." Don't know if that was a jab or a compliment.
" Yeah man, just walk into the room wolfed out and smear something red on your face, that'll intimidate Scootaloos date." Discord suggested after sipping from his glass.
" No, it'll scare the crap out of the boy and most likely ruin Scootaloo's chance at ever having a date while living with her family!" Swagger seemed to be thinking rationally. " Listen, just meet the boy at the door and be friendly and straight to the point on what will happen if he hurts Scootaloo in any way."
I rolled their advice in my head for a bit before I smiled, satisfied with the given knowledge. " Thanks, guys. Just for the advice, drinks are on me."
This caused Discord to spit out his drink. " You mean it wasn't before?" We chuckled at Discords cheapness and ordered another round.
Two hours later. I think?
The four of us were still at the bar with a good buzz going between us. During times of intoxication between friends, damn near anything can come out of our mouths. " So, for whatever reason, this fool thinks it's a good idea to go to a strip club, the day before we officially graduate Boot." We all laughed at Swagger's story about our time on Paris island. " So we wind up in a sports-themed club and Tex here, volunteers to be the one to wrestle the girls in the mud."
" Hold on now, that's not what happened. They practically begged me to come up there against those four fine ladies. I put down fifty dollars that I could get each of their bras within three minutes. It took me less than a minute to accomplish that feat. At the end of the night, we were back in our bunks, cleaned of all that mud and stripper smell, with no one being the wiser." Swagger and I shared a clap at the memory of that night.
" Damn. You guys had a wild time. I wish my younger years were half as interesting as yours."
" Oh come on. You're a unicorn from Canterlot, you dated an alicorn princess in high school from what Twilight says, and you climbed through the ranks in the royal guard. How is that not exciting?"
" My climb through my career was due to a mixture of having Twilight being Celestia's number one student and the fact that the ranking officers were either incompetent or being bribed by Blueblood and his followers. Thanks for revealing that by the way." I raised my glass in acknowledgment. " And as far as my early relationship with Cadance, I mean it was pretty good I have no complaints. But I just wish we could have been a little more open with each other. For Celestia's sake, we didn't even have sex until our honeymoon." The rest of us spit our drinks out hearing that bombshell.
" Hold on a second! I caught you in Cadance's room with whipped cream." Discord told him, making him blush a little.
" Yeah! Yeah, I remember stopping at her room on Hearts and Hooves Day and it looked like you two were in the middle of fucking like rabbits." This made his cheeks grow redder.
" Well, we never really went all the way those times. I mean, we'll fool around with our hooves or mouths, but we waited to go all the way once we were married."
" Let me get this straight. Other than the fact you lived most of your life as a virgin, but the princess and alicorn of love, was giving out love advice and tips on how to score, and she ain't never been laid till after you two tied the knot?" Shining processed my words before nodding yes. " Fuck, I don't know whether or not that was good luck or false advertising."
" Whatever dude. So, Swagger, you treating my sister right?"
" Of course I treat her right. The fact of the matter is, I treat her like a princess." After hearing that, Discord and I laughed and nearly spilled our drinks. " What's so funny?"
" The part about treating her like a princess." I then pointed to everyone around the table. " Everyone at this table has been in the presence of a princess with varying degrees of spent time. For example, Discord here likes to pull the occasional prank on Celestia. As for Shining and me, we treat our wives as if they were the most precious being in all of existence, though I do tend to mess around with Jackie and Luna a little."
" Well, I don't really pull pranks on her, though I do indulge her with a few jokes. As far as the other thing, we do love each other and share the same bed," Again, I see Shining's eye twitch. " but we're not exactly joined at the hip if you know what I mean."
" Hey, you two are just dating. Can't expect much until you sling her a ring." Shining immediatley spat out his drink and started coughing. " Aw calm the fuck down you simple minded prick. It ain't like Twilight doesn't know what she's doing."
" Shut up man! Look, I know Twilight isn't a virgin and that she wasn't one when Swagger came along." Swagger tried to ignore the conversation and hid behind his drink. " But that doesn't mean I want to talk about my sister that way."
" Alright, cool your jets now, this ain't nothing but healthy conversation among friends over some drinks. Now, if we can't talk straight here, then where the hell can we?"
" Okay I get it. Can we at least steer the conversation towards something else, like how Discord here is the only one of us that's still single."
" What're you talking 'bout? I've always got ladies around my arms." Discord brought Berry over with his lion paw, which was his biggest mistake. Berry Punch being the owner and bartender of this bar for many years, lives up to her name by punching Discord right where his twig and berries are making him let go of her. While holding his two best friends he comes back with this. " Though they don't stay around for long." We all laughed while Discord rolled on the floor in pain.
When he came back to the table, we continued the train of conversation. " You know, Shining has a good point. Discord, in your long life, before you became a statue, did you ever have someone to be with?"
He pondered for a minute before answering. " Well, I thought I was in relationship two hundred years before I was stoned, but it turns out it was just a radiator. But seriously though I have never been in a serious relationship, I mean, who would go out with a guy like me?"
" Hey man, if someone like Joe Dirt can find love, then I'm sure you'll be able to find someone who'll like you, perhaps a certain pegasus with a fondness for animals?"
" I don't know Joe, I mean we're just friends who meet up for tea and light conversation. Other than that, I don't think she'd want to be with me." While he started to feel down in the dumps, we all started to chuckle at his logic. " What are you laughing at?"
" The fact that you're being an idiot." I went and wrapped him in one arm and brought him close. " Look, I may not know Fluttershy as well as you or the girls but I do know this. That mare is sweet on you, more so than anyone else. Truth be told, I think she likes you but is too shy to admit it, well, shyer than she usually is. Maybe, you just need to make the first move?"
" Yeah, before you know it, we'll be hearing wedding bells and watch Fluttershy walk down the aisle." Swagger teased him while giving him a pat on the back.
Discord groaned before finishing off the rest of his drink. " I regret suggesting this place." We all laughed at Discords misery before pouring another round down our gullets.
Back at the station.
The four of us waited at the station for the girls to see Cadance and Shining off. While we waited for them to get here, we did our best to sober up. " Alright, drink up guys." I conjured up some coffee and distributed them to the guys. " Here's to hoping for a mild hangover."
" Amen!" We downed the coffee just as Twilight and Cadance came onto the platform.
Swagger stumbled over and wrapped his arm around Twilight. " Hey beautiful. How was your day with Cadance?"
Ignoring the smell of alcohol on his breath, Twilight told us about her day. " We went to the Starswirl the Bearded traveling museum and saw all the antiques that he owned. After that, we went over to the cafe for lunch and caught up on a few things. What about you, how was your afternoon with the guys, did you keep an eye on my brother?"
" It was pretty good and we kept a good eye on him. We went over to Berry's and had ourselves a roundtable discussion."
" Really, what about?"
" Oh, you know, just guy stuff mostly." He then starts to knead his fingers through her mane. " I'd be happy to tell you some of it back home." This caused a tingle in her spine and a slight purr to escape her lips.
Cadance went and commented on their moment. " It would seem that Twilight is part cat, going by how loud she purrs." She told to no one in particular just as the train came in, this time without the horrible noise.
Shining went ahead and pulled Cadence by his side. " You know, I can make you purr like that too if you want?" As soon as the door to the car opened, Cadance dragged Shining in and closed the door.
As the train made to depart, the front car started rocking. " Hope they don't derail the train." I turned to Twilight and Swagger while putting Discord in a headlock. " Well, I'm going home to be with my family." I looked to Discord. " Guess I'll take this knucklehead with me." I looked back to Swagger and Twi. " I'll see you two around." Having left Swagger in good hooves, I went home with Discord under my arm. Well, stumble around in the general direction of home anyway.
Author's Notes:
Seeing how Discord is Joes familiar, there would be no need for him to act the way he originally did. Also, I'd like to apologize, because like I said in an earlier chapter, I suck at writing mundane event chapters.
Luckily, the next chapter is one big party for everyone.
A clip and a clue.
And because I want to see something gory.