Alright, so as odd as this sounds, I wasn’t as incapacitated by the invasion of my dream as I pretended to be. It was actually over in a couple of minutes once I stopped fucking about, but anyway, Ladesa and I had a bit of a time trying to wake Garrison until he actually came back. My traitorous, faggotry-filled heart ached in the most gayest of ways for him, making me long to reach out and comfort him, but the only part of me that was a bitch was the body, not the soul.

Or so I thought.

After the little episode that ended with Ladesa giving me a hug that I didn’t really want- Well, not from her at least, but gay shit gets dipped on. On some real, though, the hug was alright, but I just wanted to fuck Garrison and get a long ass nap in, and half of that shit wasn’t happening on my watch. We were all pretty shaken from having our minds invaded so casually, but no one took it harder than Garrison. From the moment I got calmed down to the point the Sun rose, he sat, perched on the balcony’s railing like a… Well, like a Thief. Dude definitely suited the role with his slender-though-toned build and his assortment of scars, both fresh and long-faded. There were a pair of lines over his left eye that I hadn’t ever noticed by looking at him before, but in my general awareness of what was going on in Canterlot, I couldn’t help but keep coming back to Garrison’s room to look at him.

That, of course, made me highly suspicious of Lujei and her tampering since I was otherwise unmotivated to do much other than not humiliate myself (Hubris; thy name is my own), so I knew that it had to be that conniving cunt getting into my head. I barely even had to do a Diagnostic Spell to tell that ‘Mariana’ AKA ‘Mari’ was literally bonded to my soul. Kinda. It’s more like my Aetera contained so much more raw energy than hers could handle that I kinda-sorta ended up supplanting her rather than ‘bonding’ with her, or rather, I ate dat bitch like vore. Freaky, but it’s about as accurate as I can get without skipping around in the story, so…

… Cool, I’m just gonna keep going. So Mari was influencing my emotions, which really wouldn’t have been a Goddamn problem if it wasn’t for one tiny hiccup that I’m pretty fuckin’ sure Lujei knew of: Mari evidently had a String of Fate and the connection was suckfully strong.

{Ow.}

It meant that I had no choice but to love you, Dude. Dealing with the fact that another person’s emotions were ruling their body while I was trying to control it was as jarring as being in Mari’s Shell in the first place. It gave me a fucking massive headache that I ended up eating a few handy dandy Vicodin for since Magic Purse and after that, I was good to go. After a blunt, I was good to flow, so I started spitting rhymes for no real reason, just talking to be talking for the sake of filling the silence with tales of violence. Ladesa was fond, but Garrison… The look in his eye reminded me of what I’d seen in Pinkie’s eyes before we actually came together; a sort of longing that wasn’t just lust or misplaced infatuation. It wouldn’t have surprised me to find that Garrison already liked me as a person from what he knew of me as a guy if he was digging me so deeply as a female, but then I wondered if that was the Faggotry and considered blowing my brains out to solve the problem, despite the consequences.

Soon enough, Celestia sent some cuckbag to come and get us, but I couldn’t have given many fucks less about whatever the fuck it was that we were supposed to be doing because I couldn't remember what I was supposed to fucking do. Well and truly lost beyond hopping into the Ever-Free-Candy Van, I just followed Garrison and Ladesa on auto-pilot, letting the conscious mind take over for my body while I nabbed one of my Dupes and inspected it. As I’d feared, Mari and I were effectively a single being since I’d willingly gone into her body, but what I’d only learned at that point was that she’d willingly accepted me. With that on my mind, there was a task to be completed post-haste like a Postman going postal playing Postal in a Post Office before his boss goes postal about him playing Postal in the Post Office during the posted hours-

{Lover; get on with it- Agck!}

[So glad I was born a girl. So what did you have to do?]

I had to go and see if Mari was actually still conscious in my body and I had to see if she could bear taking over so I could die in peace… Yeah, I’ll just carry on then. So I entered my mindscape and organized the chaos diarrhetically in the leftmost fillet, which ended up dropping Mari out of her hiding place in a Guedliu Shrub that had grown at a ninety-four degree angle instead of a forty-seven degree angle. Her climbing abilities were to be appreciated, but her falling abilities were lackluster to say the least.

“Hello there, dear Hostess! It is I! Your friendly neighborhood parasite!” I shouted, walking over to her. The colored sand was a nice touch, if I do say so myself.

Mari stared at me, tears streaming down her face while she giggled. “You… She did the same thing to you, didn’t she?”

“I don’t know and I don’t want to talk about it. Would you mind choking me out?” I asked pleasantly. “Or do you know how to work a gun? I got guns. Quick and easy, and I’m asking for it so you can have your body back-”

Mari laughed at me, more tears streaming down her face. “That’s so funny! And here I was hoping that I’d eventually just fade away so I wouldn’t have to feel you in me anymore! Nope! You gotta kill me, Gal. It’s a mercy at this point.”

“What, you want me to live in your body? I was born a man!” I guffawed.

Mari rose and we charged each other at the same time, slamming our heads together as we did in an attempt to kill ourselves and be free of the nightmare altogether, but we just… Well… I digested her and she gestated me, making me develop more of her mannerisms and coming over to her mindset, which was pretty shitty because Mari was appalled by Blood Magic and I already chided myself over knowing it in the first place. However, I was feeling like less of a queer and more like a dude in a woman’s body, so I considered that a net positive and came back to the real world for the sake of seeing if we were somewhere I could get some juice.

When I shook my head and cleared my eyes, we were in a Teleportation Station and I had my Glock on a shoulder holster I’d originally made for Diane, thus making it just a little loose at its tightest, my Bunker Buster on my left hip along with my portable ATD, and a few ‘presents’ on my right hip for insurance. I took a glance at Ladesa and saw through her cloak that she was wearing some pretty well enchanted bracers along with the High-Jump greaves I’d crafted for her for shits and giggles. Other than that, she only carried Filthy Jerry and a couple of six or so inch long knives with her. Besides her travel kit, of course, but that shit’s not important. Garrison, on the other hand, was armed to the teeth with his steel-capped quarterstaff, dueling knife, stiletto, odd lever-action pistol, throwing knives in his boots, and those interesting wrist-blades of his. I almost felt underprepared in comparison to Garrison, but I knew that I was probably more of a threat since, you know, Demons on call.

Seeing as how everyone was kitted up and we were already walking off of the Rune Circle, I figured that we’d just arrived in Minosia and wondered how much I missed. After a quick memory check, the key things I found were to not mention Celestia, don’t get caught, die if you do get caught, and don’t expect Equestrian assistance. That’s all the briefing boiled down to since we were going to be on our own for the rest of it. I mean, Celestia wanted at least two out of the three of us to die, obviously. Otherwise, she was just fuckin’ dumb. Bitch basically gave us nothing to go on, but luckily Garrison was starting to remember shit as we walked along the hot-ass roads in the hot-ass Hellhole that was Minosia.

I took in the geometric, dull designs of Grey Grotto and was reminded of Athens, Greece pre-Twenty-Thirty-Eight Full Historical Restoration. It was actually pretty interesting, but the fucking Minotaurs, man. All of those muhfuckers were either giving our already paranoid trio odd looks; most likely for wearing cloaks in the middle of Minosian summer. However, pulling my hood down only garnered more attention from the other races that strolled the streets, and unfortunately it was the wrong kind of attention. It would have taken a sane person to miss the purplish Stallion stalking us, but it would have taken an actual idiot to not realize that they’d been spotted. I mean, I turned, looked dead at him, shook my fucking head, and he still kept it up. I didn’t even have to say shit because Garrison, while in the lead, cut us down an alley real quick.

He stopped, waved Ladesa past, and asked, “How do you want to handle this?” His voice was authoritative, but I knew that how I responded in the moment was have a lot to do with how he dealt with me in the future. That being said, I slipped on some gloves with a nice little pattern on them that I’d designed myself. “... Pretty, but what do they do?”

I knew how to roll my eyes, but my smirk was prolly all sorts of fucked up. “Wait, watch, and wonder.” I leaned against the inner wall.

Ladesa and Garrison both stood at ease, but I didn’t doubt that they were bred to snap and dash at a moments notice, not unlike T- myself. Not unlike myself. Knowing that they were thieves, I could safely say that we all got our ‘GTFO’ skills from dodging Five-O. I wasn’t worried about getting caught: I was worried about leaving a mess in our wake if shit went sideways like it always fucking does. However, shit didn’t go sideways because my stalker was stupid enough to take more than two steps down the barren alley. A brick shot out of the wall and hit him in the knee with a nasty crack, felling him and making the Stallion cry out. Garrison and Ladesa maintained overwatch from above while I approached my would-be assailant calmly, with poise and grace.

{You were lurching}

Shut up. Anyway, I gave my would-be attacker a look and said,“Good move, Shitdick. Fuck with the sexy stranger, why don’t you?”

He glared up at me. “I was trying to warn you!”

“Of?”

“Like I’d tell you now! You just broke my leg!”

“Should have caught up faster. At least you can crawl away knowing I’m in good hands.” With a wink and a peace sign, I started backing away.

“Wait! You can’t just leave me here!” He cried pitifully.

“... I mean, like, why not tho?”

“I was trying to help you!”

“And then you decided to not do that. And, if , and this is a helluva an ‘if’ right here, you actually were trying to help me, then surely you would mind if I checked to see, right? Or maybe you would like to explain why you’ve been following me for miles, ignoring the fact that we’ve made eye contact, and finding that solid logic as to why you shouldn’t just wave?”

“... It would be an invasion of my personal privacy-”

“Give me a reason not to kill you here, Dude. Shouting for help is a bad one.”

“... Mercy?”

Garrison dropped down beside me. “And I believe that this is a good reason for both of you to keep your hoods up. I’m beautiful, but no one wants man arse around here. At least not publicly.”

I nodded and looked at the guy on the ground. “So how much mercy were you about to have for this fiery puss?”

“Um… What?”

“S’what I thought.” I removed a glove and whisted for my lovely Agonies. I didn’t dare risk using them against Lujei since they weren’t nearly as strong as Okthus, even when all thirteen of them were together, but still. They came and disposed of the trash when I gave them permission to drag the wannabe rapist into the Nether for a few eras of devourment and whatnot. Sounded fun to me.

Garrison and Ladesa stared for a solid thirty seconds before Ladesa said the wisest thing she’d ever said to me: “Remind me not to fuck with you, Bruvva.”

I wasn’t really digging the ‘Bruvva’ thing, but I could deal with it. “Do you actually need a reminder?”

She pursed her lips. “I’d consider it a favor.”

Garrison nodded. “I was already intending on making it fast if I ever did have to kill you, but now I think I’ll just run.”

Mari’s faggot-ass heart throbbed at the mention of Garrison casually killing me in cold blood. “Yeah, thanks man. ‘Preciate it.”

He looked back at me with a cool, amused smile. “I’ll avoid harming you intentionally.”

“Wish you’d make the same promise to me, Triboy.” Ladesa muttered.

He passed her a look. “I’m as loyal to you as you me, Sister.”

She smirked in turn and they touched knuckles, so I did a little digging into their past, but that’s not quite my story to tell. I did, however, ask something along the lines of, “So how does a manwoman get into this brotherhood shit and off of his Fuck-It list?” pointing at Garrison.

The man himself blushed for the first time since I’d met him, though it’s not like we’d ever gotten that well acquainted. I’d wanted to get to know Max’s original heir before I suddenly hopped into a Shell that had the hots for him, but now I wasn’t so sure if I should carry on and just try to be cautious or avoid the guy all together. In a way, I wanted to avoid getting too close to Garrison, but I didn’t know how to break True Love’s grip at the moment, and without a doubt about Lujei purposefully intertwining my Fate with Garrisons even further. There were a few things I knew I wanted, and one thing for certain that I didn’t want. I did want Lujei to find a nice place in Smileton and have a cup of tea with Kali, I did want have friends with powerful Magic, and I did want to get my fucking body back. As of right now, you see how that’s going.

{At least you’re cute.}

[That’s… You’re… Uncle, are you serious right now?]

{She’s cute!}

Yeah, thanks a ton. I can feel you thinking of my ass.

{I will neither confirm nor deny this, but I will encourage you to continue to tell your tale.}

Get your mind off of my ass and back into this half-assed retelling.

{It’s your turn to- What are you doing with your bracelet?}

One sec.

{Interesting. Is that a little- Ow. Yes it is.}

Slingshot? Yeah. Not meant for killing, but it maims when it needs to with a little help.
Care to keep being a smartass?

[Pfft, you guys are better than watching Momi and Cadance go at- Ow! Just keep telling your darn story if you’re gonna be mean!]

… Yeah fuck it. Where did I leave off?

{Still bitching about being a woman and being in love with me.}

Yup, it’s coming back to me. So I made Garrison blush, which, to be honest with Mari because they were her fucking feelings, she found it adorable. She waited, literally holding her breath until Brothaman said, “I’m not even doing anything at this point!”

“But am I still on the list?” I asked, my face hot and my tone flat. At least I had control over my voice.

“I don't control that.” He groaned.

Ladesa looked way too amused, but I looked at the situation from her prerogative and laughed my fucking ass off with Mari in the back of my mind while we tried to get our minds off of the horrible abomination we’d become. It was actually pretty easy since I was Super Sane and Lujei had just driven her straight insane, so we just had a chuckle about that inwardly while Ladesa snickered about it outwardly.

“Look. I’m sure Mari’s hot-”

“Mari?” Garrison asked.

“The Shell.”

“... So her name was Mari…” He said wistfully, making me shove Mari into the front of the body for a change since her guard was down. I sat back and ‘relaxed’ as much as I could while being a multi-limbed thing formed from a failed mutual suicide attempt. All about perspective.

“... Hi…” Mari said shyly.

His jaw dropped and a smile soon split across his lips. “The woman herself, I presume?”

“... I really hate to ask, but can someone shoot me?” She asked sheepishly.

Garrison blinked and Ladesa let out a low whistle. “Jay making you that miserable already?”

“It’s not that; it’s really not! Jay’s a very pleasant gal-”

“Jay’s a guy.” The only guy left ‘corrected’.

“Yeeeah, I wouldn’t call her ‘Jameson’ to her face anymore. There’s a reason she didn’t mention my full name.” Mari explained. “Still, she would gratefully appreciate a bullet if you’d be kind enough to spare a dozen, but there are- Some stuff- Yeah, no, Jay?”

I rattled our fifth-quarter lung with a sigh and took over since she’d gone and given herself unmanageable flashbacks. “Great, now she’s going to be useless.” I muttered, shaking my head. “Whatever. Where the fuck were we even going in the first place?”

Ladesa opened her mouth and I raised a hand. “You asked me to warn you.”

She closed her mouth.

Garrison didn’t need a warning. “So you’re just going by Jay for now?”

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It works for now. Again: where were we going?”

“We’re heading to the Broadhead Tavern where we’ll be meeting one of my old contacts from a rebel group named Bite-Back. Dagger Fall’s the name, and apparently he’s one of my most loyal comrades, so here’s hoping that this guy doesn’t immediately try and kill us, no?”

“Well if he does, then we’ll find out if you need to be quicker on the draw of faster on foot.”

He gave me an amused smile for that one and Desa got a chuckle out of it, so with that, we were back on our way to the Broadhead, which was apparently just one of an international franchise. As it was, our walk was hot and sucky, but Mari wasn’t much on sweating, Ladesa was a Demi-God, and Garrison was generally stone-faced enough to give off the impression that it wasn’t bothering him, so I think we all faired for the better, in all honesty. I was still causing us to lose time from not knowing how to work my Shell properly, but it wasn’t too much of a time loss in general.

When we finally got to the tavern in the heart of the town, we were ready for a sit and spell since we’d lost a few more tails along the way. It was a bitch to keep our body count down since apparently calling Demons in to do your dirty work is frowned upon in this establishment, but it wasn’t really that much of a problem with two master thieves helping me do it. Garrison had no clue who our contact was supposed to be per se, though we knew that he was a black Stallion with a penchant for looking shifty. Lo’ and behold, Garyboi eventually found him at the bar halfway sloshed from waiting on us so long. We dragged him over to our booth so we could get the fucker a little sobered up before talking, and that wasn’t too bad. He could hold his liquor well enough to not be sloppy, but he was still obviously inebriated.

The first words he had to say for us when we got settled into a more private little booth were, “It really is good to see you, Gauche. You’d never believe the way Frieda’s been leading the crew; she’s smarter than any of us thought.”

Garrison rolled his eyes. “Of course the woman’s brilliant. That’s why I left her in charge.”

Dagger sighed. “Still. Even if you left her behind for some more cute Griffins, you came back with these two!” He gestured toward Ladesa and I with a look of pure jealousy.

Ladesa scoffed. “Look, Bruvva, neither of us intend on sleepin’ with tall, dark, and sketchy, so why don’t you just take us on back to where we’re supposed to be going?”

“Because, Cutie, I have to know if I can trust you. Gauche might well be compromised for all I know..” There was a collective eye roll and Dagger chuckled. “Yeah, kidding. Lemme sober up a bit more and we’ll get you back to base.”

“Good. Mari evidently didn’t get much exercise since my feet are fucking killing me.” I bitched.

The Stallion looked under the table for a moment before scratching his head. “I don’t know how to rub feet per se, but I could-”

“No.” My tone was flatter than Earth-chan.

“... Fair enough. Well, in light of that swift rejection…” He paused for a moment. “Yup, let’s go.”

Everyone else was in agreeance as well, and it’s not like he knew what our mission details were going to be, so it was in our best interest to get out of the sketchy tavern and into Bite-Back’s base or whatever. As we walked along, my interest in what we were doing waned and I started feeling the death and decay that lay beneath our feet in the catacombs below. They were crazy intricate and incredibly well designed, but the main thing about them was that they spanned the entire Goddamned city. Anywhere you wanted to go, you could most likely reach by going through the catacombs, and that scared me a little bit since I was betting that the underground rebel force probably took the ‘underground’ part a little too seriously.

Much to my chagrin, we were, in fact, headed underground, but even though I could technically call myself a Necromancer, I still didn’t like being around so many skeletons and bones. Call me squeamish, but there’s just something about mass death and destruction that didn’t make my newly minted clam condensate, y’know? I wondered how long it took to construct or dig through the massive amount of dead people, but then I decided to stop worrying about it because fuck that noise. Looking into how any of them died would have been pointless and uncomfortable, so I avoided doing that and made some idle chatter with Ladesa about what I was going to do to her mother in great detail. She and Garrison both found it hilarious for some reason, but they wouldn’t tell me why.

Eventually we got to this one dude’s room, and I should have been paying more attention at the time, but I think he was a Quarter Chief or something, right?

{Yep. Quarter Chief Kerrick.}

Right. So we got to his office and the guy looked pretty old to be in the rebellion business. His beak was cracked and he had a blind eye, but other than that, he still seemed like he could hold his own just fine. There was an air of intelligence in his eye that made me respect him, but there was also a certain ruthlessness about his vibe that I wasn’t digging. However, smart, ruthless people don’t always turn out to be reckless, so I was willing to listen to his plan before giving my own.

“Garrison, I see you’ve returned with another beard. And two more lovely ladies, of course.” Kerrick said dryly.

“I remember you now, Kerrick. Apologies if I’m fuzzy on things. It’s been a thousand years since I’ve set foot in Grey Grotto.”

“Magic?” The old Griffin asked boredly.

“Basically. What’s new around Bonetown?”

He scoffed and clicked his beak once. “Who do you want to hear about first? Your stalker or your worshipper?”

“Stalker.”

“Frieda’s been doing a damn good job as a Cell Leader, and it’s looking like she’ll become a Division Head soon if she passes the written test. She’s been taking after your style of leading.”

Garrison smirked. “So how’re the factions getting along?”

“The Bite-Back purists are getting along with your ‘Guildees’ just fine. In fact, your Guildees are some of the most well respected people in Grey Grotto right now, Frieda included.” Kerrick said, his tone never getting any less dry, even as he was praising Garrison. “A lot of corrupt politicians have been taken out and the money for the hits has been coming back into the community rather than just staying down here. I just wish you’d actually come back for good.”

Cult Leader Guy shrugged. “What can I say? If it weren’t for us working together to take Odysseus down, none of it would be happening. You underestimate your own abilities, Kerrick.”

He clicked his beak twice. “Sure. And I’m a Dog.”

“Woof woof.” Garyboi chuckled. “So what about my worshipper?”

“Tangerine Breeze is the best medic Grey Grotto’s seen in the last century thanks to what you did for that Mare, Gauche.” Kerrick said, his tone finally changing. He obviously had a soft spot for the girl. “Killing Odysseus set her heart and mind free so that she could fulfill her true desires. She’s probably at one of the hospitals in town working on a special patient or something of the sort since she’s not forced to be with Bite-Back anymore.”

The smile on Fuckface’s fucking face made my heart flutter like a gay butterfly over a field of cotton-candy-pink tulips. “Well, well, well! I figured she would have been eager to go back to Equestria, but I’m glad that she’s decided to stay and lend her able hands where they’re needed most. I’ll have to find her some time and collect a hug for time lost.”

“She’ll probably suck you for a lock of your mane.”

“Damn.” I commented.

“As nice as that would be, I like my hair where it is for the time being. Speaking of the time, I think we’re ready to move onto the mission, no?”

Kerrick raised a feathery brow. “And you don’t want to hear about your three-hundred strong following?”

“... Beg pardon?” Garrison asked.

“You see, you’ve never made an anonymous donation in Grey Grotto. Oh, and that number? That’s just Bite-Back. Your supporters in the streets are even greater in number; especially among children and parents.”

“What?” I asked for the sake of being included in the conversation and curiosity.

Birdcat looked at me with mild surprise in his eyes. “Oh? You didn’t know that our dear Gauche was a philanthropist through and through?”

“I did not.” I glanced at him. “So what kind of scratch are we talking here?”

“Not that much in the grand scheme of things.” Garrison said a little bitterly.

Kerrick laughed at him. “Gauche, every donation that your followers have made have been made in your name. You’re practically considered a walking blessing at this point.”

“Victus… So how am I going to kill Herodotus and still look like a Saint?”

We were finally down to brass tacks, so Birdcatman stood up and gestured toward the door. “We’ll head to the briefing room for that so we can send for Frieda and Sole Fist. They’ll be your liaisons for the time being, and Frieda’s going to be the one briefing you on the plan.”

“And you?” Garrison asked.

“I will be meeting with the contact who will be getting you and your cohorts into the home of the Iron Throne while Frieda assembles the rest of your ‘herd’-”

“You got me so fucked up, Bruh.” I interrupted. “Fuck that shit, I’ll cast a Glamour or walk the fuckin’ wall if I gotta. Like this muhfuckah boutta walk inna cut on some nigga’s arm like some fag shit; the fuck?”

Kerrick stared at me. “... You have the foulest mouth I have ever heard on a woman.”

“Fuck you.”

He winked at me. “Maybe, Spitfire.”

Ladesa giggled and Garrison tactfully said, “I remember the way to the briefing room, so we’ll get a move on. It was good to see you again Kerrick. Perhaps we’ll grab another cup of milk tea sometime?”

The Griffin Shitbitch nodded. “Sounds good to me. I’ll see you all another time.”

“Later.” Ladesa said casually.

I pointed a finger at him. “I’ll cut it off.”

He winked at me and Ladesa dragged me away before I could hex him with some real shit, which probably wouldn’t have ended well for either of us in a place with so much Necrotic Magic gathered in one place anyway. Hell, one bad hex aimed at a wall could bring half the Catacombs down on our heads and there’d be no saving our asses, so it was probably for the best. However, that didn’t mean that I had to be happy about being hot as fuck. It seriously bothered me that people on different planets kept seeing me as like, some thing to fuck instead of a person with skills and abilities, but then I look into Garrison’s eyes and I see appreciation and Bam! There goes the gay again.

[... You bitch about thinking Uncle Gary’s cute a lot.]

That’s because it sucks. Anyway, ‘Uncle Gary’ had no idea where the fuck the briefing room was, so we had to ask for directions every once in awhile to get there on time. There was another Griffin in there, but this time it had some dark plumage around its eyes and generally looked like a female, so I assumed that it was a Birdcatlady. “Sheesh, Gauche, took you long enough.” She clicked her beak.

Garrison chuckled. “I was putting off meeting my stalker, as I’m sure you can identify with.”

‘Frieda’ as I’d assumed in the first place, rolled her eyes. “Kerrick’s just jealous because he doesn’t inspire as much loyalty as you do. Honestly; it’s amazing what some skill, brutality and smarts will do for you.”

“Isn’t it, though? So how did you like seeing Odie rot away?”

“It was pretty gruesome near the month mark, but other than that it was worth it to hear him groan from time to time. Apparently the last Dog to go see him in person puked like, a dozen times before getting anywhere near the sleigh.”

“Scaphist?” Ladesa asked. Garrison nodded and she hissed. “Damn. What’d he do?”

“Broke a few bones. Made me eat a Satyr.”

“... Oh yeah, that guy was definitely going to Hell.”

“Sacrificed him to Dissida and all.”

“Freakin’ weirdo.” Frieda scoffed. “So...?”

Garrison rolled his eyes. “So what? If you want a hug, you’re going to have to shake that lazy tail and come get one.”

She glared at him for all of two seconds before she started walking. “You always make me come to you.”

He met her halfway. “It’s more fun when I make you do some of the work, you know.”

“I think you’re just a prick.”

“True. So how’ve you been, Frieda?”

“I’ve been good, but I hear that we’ve got a hiccup in the plan?”

They let each other go and Garrison pointed to me. “That’s Jay. She’s a man that was forced into a woman’s body for some reason that she hasn’t told anyone. The problem is that the owner of her body loves me, but Jay does not.”

“I ain’t takin’ no damn damn dick.” I spat.

Frieda chuckled at me, and I actually found her laugh pretty sexy. It was something worth hearing. “It’s not as bad as you think it is, Hun.”

I gave her a shitty look. “Neither is being in an abusive relationship, but I’ll be damned if I dip my nonexistent dick into another one.”

“Damn, you’re depressing.” She replied bluntly. “You look like I need a drink, honestly.”

“Grab me one too and I’ll be your best friend.” I snorted.

“I thought you were my best friend!” Ladesa joked.

I took a lock of my hair and examined it. “My best friend happens to be more pink than orange... Well, we could probably tell people that we’re sisters if nothing else. ”

“Then why don’t we go in as a pair of noble sisters with Gauche and someone else as our guards?”

Frieda shook her head. “The herd’s the safer bet. I mean, Tartarus, if we could have Gauche go in as a female, then it would be even better. We sisters don’t get a shred of respect in this city, so it’s pretty fucking easy for us to just play dumb and do what we need to.”

“Don’t have anyone that can turn Gauche into a girl?” I asked.

“Not that we know of.” She sighed.

“I mean, I could probably do it…” I said uneasily.

Garrison looked at me with a worried expression on his face. “‘Probably’?”

“It’d have to be a Rune Circle and I’d have to write it from scratch, my Mans. Either Lutorah or Sola-Festus would be the go-to’s, but I don’t know the proper polygons for those.” I collected a lot of stares and looked around for like, two seconds. “Is this shit not common knowledge or something? I mean, pick up a book you Fucks.”

Ladesa gave me a look. “Nerd.”

Frieda sighed. “It’s not worth the risk. We’ll just have Gauche go in with you two in his herd.”

“Fuckin’ gay.”

“If you’re a man in a woman’s body, then yeah, kinda.” Frieda said amusedly.

“I’ll choke you.”

“Mmm, you know just what I like, don’t you?” She winked at me.

“Lose the beak and get some skin instead of feathers. Then we’ll talk.”

She looked at Gauche. “Seriously, it’s only you Humans that don’t fall all over themselves for a chance with me.”

“We’re not all into the skin-deep desires, Lover.” Garrison drawled.

“Still, would it kill you to show a girl a little bulge or something?”

“If only he had the package for it.” I sighed.

Garrison raised a brow and looked around before raising his hand. “Anyone who’s fucked a deity into becoming their slave, raise a hand.”

His hand stood alone.

“That’s what I thought. Garrison Cosantoir gives the goodness, and don’t you forget it.” He said, not looking at anyone on purpose.

I still glared at him, trying to throwing invisible daggers with my eyes. It wasn’t going well. “The only person that could possibly apply to would be me, and I don’t give a fuck what it looks like,” My eyes closed and a fucking cunt decided that it would be funny to say, “I’ll take it anyway you wanna give it to me, Stud.” I punched myself in the face and glared at nothing. “Bitch, I will bite our fucking tongue off!”

“... Whoa.” Frieda said.

“... Yeah…” Ladesa murmured.

“Jay, it’s okay.” Garrison soothed. “I know it’s Mari, not you.”

I took a deep breath and tried to let it go. “... It’s been a long day, Y’all. Can we get somewhere to sleep?”

“Desperate enough to risk it?” Ladesa asked.

I stared at her. “I didn’t need to sleep back when I was a guy for some reasons. I actually require real rest now.”

“Eh. It’s not like these two are going to be up for the next three days, right?” Frieda asked.

“I can do it.” Ladesa said. “All I’ll need is some decent mead.”

Garrison shrugged. “I have business to attend to, but I’ll sleep for the last day before the plan. Other than that, there are things I want done before we can begin.”

Frieda nodded. “Your rooms are already set up. I’ll take you guys there and get you squared up as far as equipment goes.”

“We’ll wait for Jay to get up so she can check over our stuff again. She’s our Artificer.” Garrison said.

“I’m also the best shot in the team.” I sniffed.

“Tch. We’ll see.”

He got a look for that, but Frieda decided to save his ass before I choked him out then and there, leading us to our rooms in further down the same hall we’d found her in. Apparently we were getting an Underboss’ quarters, which meant that there were three separate rooms for everyone to go and get settled into. Garrison got the biggest room since it was his mission, I got the one with the biggest desk, and Ladesa got the second biggest one because she just wanted it. I gave it up because I wanted to do a little upgrading before we got started with doing anything, and the room with the desk facilitated that best.

Frieda, Ladesa, and Gary-boy all dipped out like, five minutes after we set our shit down. Ladesa gave me a knife to work with and Garrison finally trusted me with his gun, which was definitely my priority. However, if I wanted to actually get Ladesa’s shit done, then I was going to have to do it first. Still, even something as basic as carving up a knife was fun when you knew how to make it dope, so I put a few extra runes on it and decided to get a little jiggy with it instead of going straight to sleep.

From what I could tell, the circle I needed was going to have to be a hexagon and I was most likely going to have to use Alchemical Tweek-Speke to get it done, so I started writing down the instructions for the upgrade into the Rune Circle on the floor before setting Ladesa’s knife in the middle of it. She didn’t strike me as a woman who liked to work with blood and what not, so I’d included a vampiric nature to the blade so that it would drink blood as well as adding a muting effect to it. I couldn’t do that with our guns since I’d have to silence the bullets, not just the guns themselves, but even then I’d have to do them individually. It just wasn’t worth the time.

Once I was done with the lame part, I got to the good shit, which was just… Wow. Pamaus, as Garrison told me she was called, was a beautiful weapon. I’d never seen a lever-action pistol before, and the thing was definitely odd, but I already had plans on how I could upgrade it. There wasn’t much I could do to kill the recoil or do to increase it’s prettiness, but what I could do was make it shoot faster and harder by a considerable margin by using my blood as a catalyst for a Flash Set Rune, and I made the lever cock a little easier since the flip-cock is a stupid gimmick that only works if you actually have the time to do it right. Once I had those two things done, I took a bath and found out what my vagina felt like. I didn’t like touching it and I didn’t like feeling me touching it, and my tits weren’t much better. I ended up going to sleep with a heavy heart and a mind full of irritation, but at least I got to sleep.

While Jay was off having an existential crisis and was generally having fun being an emotional wreck that was sent on a mission to die, Ladesa and I were making merry with Frieda, and by that I mean that they were relentlessly poking fun at me and I was grinning and bearing it to the best of my abilities. It wasn’t that hard to turn the tables on them from time to time as we strolled the corridors of Bonetown, but stomping my old grounds wasn’t a feeling I was fond of. I’d nearly died three times in Minosia and I wasn’t looking to push my luck, but two Gods had literally guided me into these lands for some great purpose, and I wasn’t about to piss the one that had killed the first God off by not doing what I was told.

“... And then the guy just up and tries to leave without paying his tab, even though he’s covered in gold! Can you believe the nuts on some of these nobles around here?” Frieda squawked.

“Tch, you’re telling me. I can’t wait to take ‘em all down a peg or two tonight. And then again tomorrow night~!” Ladesa giggled.

Frieda gave her an odd look. “What do you mean by that?”

“We’ve got multiple strolls planned on a few targets we passed on our way in. If you’d actually like to hire us for a few jobs while we’re waiting for the main one, we’d be happy to put the extra in her pocket and in some hospitals.” I answered, smirking.

“Hey, stick to the North side of town and you’ll have free run of the entire quarter. Anything you grab, you know where to sell it.” Frieda replied.

“What, you don’t want to come with us?”

“I wouldn’t mind, if this is an invitation.”

“It is.”

She clicked her beak three times in a rapid staccato. “Sweet. Can’t wait to rob some more rich fools!”

“It’s always been a favoured pastime.” I chuckled. “So how have you really been since I’ve been away, Kittybird?”

Elfrieda gave me a shitty look. “I still hate that nickname.”

“So you haven’t gotten much sweeter.”

“I’ll peck you, you fucker.”

Ladesa giggled. “Go for the eyes!”

“Fuck both of you. What time is it, Frieda?” I asked.

“Time for you to get a watch.” She answered flatly.

I wasn’t having any of her shit, so I blew a stiff updraft between her legs and made her face light up. “You were saying?”

“The fuck was that!?”

“Hmm?”

Ladesa looked at her. “Are you alright?”

“Something just flew between my legs!”

“Was it a fetus?” I asked.

Both of their jaws dropped and I looked at the ground between her legs. “What? Don’t you lay eggs anyway?”

“Dude! That’s super fucked up!”

“Gauche, honestly.” Ladesa admonished severely.

I rolled my eyes. “Next thing you know, I won’t be able to make any jokes about you being chicken either.”

Frieda gave me a look. “You can’t eat my eggs.”

“You seriously lay eggs?” Ladesa asked, shocked.

“I’m a Griffin. We lay eggs. Get over it.”

I raised a brow. “Would you mind letting me keep the shell from one of your eggs? I’ll give you a lock of my hair in exchange.”

“That is so weird…”

“So is the fact that you actually push eggs out of your quim.”

“Fuck off and find a clock or something. The day was getting ready to close when you guys got here, so it’s probably time to start gearing up to hit our marks.”

Ladesa narrowed her eyes at Frieda suspiciously. “And how exactly do you know when we came into town?”

The Griffiness raised a brow. “I had someone watching all day. Duh. Like I was about to let Bite-Back-Minosia’s liberator walk around without having posted men watching for trouble.”

I stared at her. “... They’ve all checked in, haven’t they?”

“Yes, why?”

“We had a few casualties along the way.” Kinda. It was certainly casual.

“Murderous lunatic.” Frieda scoffed.

“I both resent and resemble that statement.” I said dryly.

“True. So how to you guys wanna burn a little time?”

“Wanna go get some snacks? I’m fucking starved.”

“Seconded.” Ladesa raised a hand.

Frieda nodded. “Thirded. Let’s go get snacks. I think we’re having chicken and dumplings today, so you should be able to get a good meal, Gauche.”

“Aww, you remembered my aversion to red meat!”

The corners of her beak curved into a smirk. “How else am I supposed to be your stalker if I don’t know every little thing about you?”

“Fair point. Lead the way, stalker.”

And Frieda did lead the way with her seemingly bouncier posterior en tow. Her tail flicked from side to side rather lazily as she and Ladesa chatted about stealing, sexing for fun, and doing other things that weren’t as interesting as Frieda’s tail. I felt myself stoop into a Hunter’s stance as I followed them along, erasing my aura from the air as I honed in on my target: the puffball tip. I followed it with my eyes with ease; it was swishing so slowly, after all. My entire focus landed on the hunt, and when the tail stopped for just a moment to long, I pounced, grabbing Frieda’s tail and dodging her blows while slobbering all over the tip of it.

“Garrison, you fucking looney! What the fuck are you doing!?” Frieda shrieked, trying to get away from me.

I leapt away from her because I snapped out of the flashback. “Sorry, I was going to try and eat your heart for a second. Thought I was in Hell.”

“Dude.” She stared at me. “Dude.”

“I’m kidding. I was fucking with you.”

“Fuck. You. Ass. Hole.” She growled, her cheeks bright red. “Now I have your fucking drool all over my tail!”

“Smell it. Trust me.” I winked at her, giving her a knowing smile.

She glared at me some more, but she did as I said before looking at me weird. “Your spit smells like sweet peppers.”

“Exactly.”

“I can smell it from here. It’s weird.” Ladesa said awkwardly.

“Shut up and let’s go get food.” Frieda sighed.

“Sounds good to me.”

I shrugged and started walking next to them from there on out, but after our meal, none of us were quite ready to get out and about into the night, so we just talked and caught up a little bit on some of the events that had been going on in Minosia over the past six months. Apparently Bite-back was gaining steam now more than ever without someone like Odysseus leading the charge, and since Kerrick was a fantastic administrator and knew how to garner respect from the masses, Bonetown was seeing more recruits each and every day. However, new recruits meant that more people needed to be trained, so it was agreed that Ladesa, Frieda, and I would each take out someone who was suited toward stealth and show them the ropes of breaking and entering. Ladesa ended up with a Molly named Ethel, Frieda nabbed a Tomcock named Lukas, and I was paired with a kindly Baboon who was very fond of smiling and fist-bumps.

Tecorr wasn’t bad at sneaking or anything when I got him out onto the field, but the guy had a mouth on him like you wouldn’t believe. He was constantly talking or whispering about something to the point where I threatened to sew his mouth shut and ditch him cold if he didn’t quiet down for all of two seconds. The fellow eventually shut up when I hit him in the liver for not doing what I told him to do, but when it was all said and done, we got a nice haul that we had to take back in three parts over the course of the night, and it made us both about seventeen thousand drachs apiece, so I considered it a profitable night. Tecorr asked to work with me another time, and I was all for it, but I told him that he was going to have to learn how to shut up on the job before he got himself and whoever he was working with killed.

Frieda and I showed up with our trainees and went over a few more things with them together, though it was mostly me who was doing the talking. However by the time dawn broke, Ladesa was nowhere to be seen and that was raising alarms in my head like you wouldn’t believe. Frieda sent out some of her waking squad to search for hide or hair of her, and when Jay woke up, we had her search in whatever freaky way she wanted to so we could find her. The thing about that was… Well… It sucked limes. Jay knew exactly where Ladesa was, but the only way we were going to be able to break her out was by going into the castle. If she was a full on Goddess, she would have been fine, but Ladesa didn’t have a way to get out of her cell, and her trainee was the cunt who turned tail and snitched her out at the last second, according to Jay’s findings.

Ethel, The Molly, had a room in Bonetown. Where there’s a room, there’s a scent. Frieda had someone show me the way so she could get some sleep and that someone just so happened to be Steely, the Minotaur who almost tried to kill me because I called him a Tribad. I decided not to do that again and Steely was pleasant enough because of said decision, but what was most important was that we now had three fantastic noses (Including Cluck) to follow the lead of our traitor so we could bring her to justice down where it really counted.

Cluck stuck his nose into her room and had the scent just like that, but Steely and I had to grab articles of clothing to get a grip on where she was going. I grabbed a shirt and Steely grabbed some knickers-

{Are you sure it wasn’t the other way around?}

Not enough to answer that. Anyway, once all three of us had a scent to go off of, we took to the streets of Grey Grotto to look for the cunt who stole my partner. Well, Steely and Cluck took the streets; I searched in the sky, following similar scents as they wafted around in the breeze for a few hours until I found one that smelled really similar to the person I was trying to find. The trail lead me directly to a Molly and a Dog going at it in the middle of town, or just about ready to start going at it. I didn’t want them to do that, so I stepped into the middle of things and dropped the Dog by whacking him with Doug. Doug is a good whacker.

When I was done downing the Dog with Doug, I turned to the Molly and gave her a smile. “Wotcher.”

She nearly pissed herself. “... H-How…?”

“You’re smelly.” I chuckled. “Any last words?”

“We both would have went down if I didn’t sell her out!” Ethel cried. “I didn’t do it because I wanted to!”

“Too bad. I suggest heading back to base without making me chase you.”

Long story short, she made me chase her. Ethel took off like a flash of lightning, so I leapt into the air and followed her from above for a few blocks while she looked behind her from time to time to make sure that I was gone. Instead of, you know, being gone, I swooped down on her when I knew we were near one of the entrances to Bonetown and just suffocated her for a bit to keep her nice and subdued. It was actually painfully easy to kidnap her, all things considered, though I supposed that twelve hours of searching for her would invalidate the ‘easiness’ of the situation if there actually was any at all.

I didn’t personally see to Ethel’s punishment, but I did give the orders to have a bottle of the hottest chili sauce available be broken inside of each hole that something came out of. I would have either done or overseen the event personally, but I was waiting on Jay to come back to the briefing room so we could come up with an adequate plan to get Ladesa free, kill Herodotus, and get cream ice ice cream. It sounded like a good start to me, but then Jay took forever in getting to the briefing room and I was left wondering what the fuck took her three hours to do.

As soon as she walked in through the door, I asked, “Heya, what the fuck took you so long?”

She sighed. “My Mistress beckoned. I have a plan that you’re not going to like.”

“... Go on.” I said, rolling my hand forth.

Jay took a deep breath. “I can get into the castle as a Lady. From there, all I need to do is track our Dude down and fuck him up, but I need you to be the one to go and get Ladesa.”

I stared at her beautiful face like she’d lost her pretty little mind. “... You want to split up?”

“No. I’m saying we have to. Herodotus knows to expect a Human male with dark brown hair because Lujei decided to be a fucking cunt for some fucked up reason or some shit-”

“How do we know that she’s actually done that?” I asked dutifully.

“She tortured two people to the point where they were willing to make their souls forcibly leave their own body and shoved them together. There’s a reason I don’t want to be called Jameson anymore. It’s no longer who I am.”

“Then let’s figure out who you are now some other time and go find our friend, no?”

“That’s where you’re going to have to do some of your own digging, my Mans. The keep is probably locked up tighter than your single great Aunt’s snatch to keep the Minotaurs in and the Cats from getting them out.”

I raised a brow at her and she raised a brow in turn. “Humans are the superior species, of course.”

“Of course.”

We touched knuckles and started getting down to the nitty gritty details of the plan after we collected some knowledgeable former guards that were more than happy to help us shed some blood for a righteous cause. Specifically the one they were fighting for anyway, but you know the drill. The Bull named Dicius was indeed dicey, but his information never seemed to be unreliable, and his maps of the keep and its layout were perfect for getting me through the wonky bits of the recently renovated structure. Jay, however… Well, I’ll let her tell her part of the story.

{Fuck you.}

Gladly. So The plan was cast in gold and gilded in platinum with its simplicity and grace. The first thing I would do would be fly down to the roof and enter through the hatch up there. Then, after sneaking past, killing, or otherwise subduing the guards that were supposed to be posted there, I was to head to the Warden’s Office, which was supposed to be on the same floor, and ‘interrogate’ him for Ladesa’s exact whereabouts. I knew that I could easily get in and get out with little trouble, but something was just killing me about Jay’s mysterious Mistress that was apparently pulling a Maximus and wanted to control everything from behind the scenes.

I wasn’t digging it.

However, I had a plan, and that’s all I needed for the time being. I also got to fuck with Jay for hours on end, so that was nice.

[You never sound like a nice guy in these stories unless you’re talking to a cute little Mare.]

{He has a type.}

Cute little mares are nice to me, so I’m nice to them. Isn’t it time for a break?

[Wait, you can’t be serious! What about your rescue!?]

We’ll get to it next time. Hell, consider this break the interlude that happened in the two days before Jay and I made our move.

[You guys seriously need to learn how to tell a story. It’s like you’re doing it in chapters or something.]

{Shut up before you break the thing.}

[What thing?]

{The thing.}

Yes, shut up and don’t break the thing. Now go to bed.

[... bed.]

“Holy. Shit.” I breathed.

Noir slapped the fuck out of me. “FUCK YOU!!! FUCK FUCK YOU FUCKING WHORE BITCH CUNT FUCKING FUCK YOU!!! FUCK AND FUCKING DIE OFF IN A GODDAMN WHORE HOLE YOU BACKSTABBING SHIT STAIN!!!”

In all honesty, I did a lot backstabbing to get yelled at for, and I definitely deserved a little more than being strangled since I don’t actually breathe, but you know, I don’t actually need to, and Noir was just Time. It’s not like she was a Nameless One or something, so I put a finger on her lips and gave her a look, mouthing, ‘Let go.’

Her eyes were already blood red, but I applauded her for trying to squeeze harder. Literally. “DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE-”

I removed her hands from my person and pursed my lips. “You’re really edgy, you know that? Dark color scheme, generally angry, not afraid to lash out. Work on your people skills.”

She ground her teeth fiercely, her knuckles popping under the pressure of her grip. “At least I didn’t kill my husband and wife.”

I raised a brow at her. “... I beg your pardon?”

Her face fell flat and she used the brief gap in my defense, little more than a jiff, to pummel me in the face for the equivalent of four days. It was like getting hit by nothing because I didn’t feel like feeling it, nor did I feel like retaliating, so I just let Noir come to the conclusion that I didn’t really give two Donkey’s dongs about her little outburst. “... Do you honestly not remember?”

“I remember trapping Roxy in a time loop for a little while and sending Max off to die in peace away from the things that made his life cosmically complicated in the first place. That’s just the tip of the iceberg, though.”

“... So they are both still alive?”

“No, not quite. Not as far as you go, anyway, since you can’t see or feel them.”

“But I have your word that they are alive?

“You have my word that they’re technically still alive, yes.”

“That inspires little to no confidence.”

“Well, shoot. And here I was hoping to assuage your fears.”

“You have done nothing of the sort.” She answered flatly.

I sighed and nodded. “I see where you’re coming from-”

“You killed the closest things I had to friends.”

I created a couple of adorable chibi dolls for her. “I didn’t ‘kill’ them, I duped them into not being as powerful as me. There’s a distinct difference.”

Noir punched me in the past for being, as Max would call it, an ‘Icy, cold Twat’. “You’ve changed for the worse, Twilight.”

“Noir, just let me explain what happened and you’ll understand why I had to do exactly what I did.”

“... If I do not like your answer, the Elements of Existence will rebel against you.”

“Duly noted. Where do you want me to start?”

“Begin with why you’ve banished Max, and do not be slow about your answer.”

“Alright, so we both know that Max was aging rapidly, right? We’re both well aware of the fact that he was going to have a Godly Supernova and would have ended up wiping out the existing universes.”

“Yes, Max would have eventually destroyed all that existed, but he was doing better, was he not?”

“No, not really. By the time I confronted Max and checked up on him one last time, he was barely stronger than you, and Roxy was weak herself from the lack of desire to exist. Anyway, as you may know, the Fate’s aren’t allowed to overturn the judgement of another Fate since it’s just disrespectful, and I didn’t want to show any disrespect while in a new position, so I found the dirtiest loophole I possibly could and exploited it like Max used to exploit Cadance’s love of taffy.” I paused and waited for a moment, but Noir didn’t say anything. “Okay then. So the situation with Max was incredibly weighted in the favour of complete annihilation because Crimson was a prick, but when Max let me be Fate, I got a little frisky with the rules and saw that Crimson might have condemned Max to never have an actual heir. That upset me a little bit, so I starting weaving my own Fate that could be stitched back into Max’s Life, but something was stopping me from outright stripping Max of his power and sending him back in time so I could completely flip his Fate on it’s head, and that ‘thing’ just so happened to be Roxy.”

“Wait, so Roxy would have prevented you from saving Max?”

“She would have stopped me from effectively killing him and giving him to one of my lesser aspects in a peaceful Parallel, yes. I mean, to get the power to subvert both Max and Roxy, I had to drain my universe of energy and steal a little from Roxy’s to supercharge Max and give him another stroke, which resulted in a backlash of Magic so potent, it switched his path with a Kaid Gadai that should have died when Alexander Graham got ahold of him.”

“So this wasn’t just a power grab for the seat of Maximus Omnium?”

I sighed. “Not even close. No,I might be the Omnium now, but I don’t want this level of power, Noir. I just need to hurry up and get my own heir so I can relax before the bronze pea and the black pea fuse completely.”

“... What?”

I held up the bronze pea, contained in the Essedice Cube as it was . “This. This is an entire subset of Parallels.”

Noir stared at it in awe for a moment. “... That is not yours…”

“No, it was Max’s. It was his symbol of hope. The thing that got him through his time as a slave… Do you know what it is?”

“Tell me.”

“... It’s our Happily Ever After. It’s what would have happened if Max had never run into Rainbow and had come straight to me. It’s all the possibilities of our love and the minor twists and turns that the path may have taken… It’s our true happiness.” I looked at the cube sadly for a little while longer.

“What about the black pea?”

“I don't know what Parallels lie within, but I do know that there are more than one in the black one. Max protected me until the very end, even though he thought I betrayed him.”

“I cannot say that I am convinced that you did not.”

I shrugged. “Then I’m sorry, but that’s what it is. If you don’t like it, then hopefully there’s some solace in your future that doesn’t come from me.”

Noir glared at me. “Show him to me.”

“No can do. He’s outside of your influence.”

“... I am Time itself.”

“He exists outside of the Triple Sixes, Noir.”

“... Oh.”

“Don’t worry about him and tell me how you’ve been! I’ve been a little looney for awhile due to the immense shock, but that’s good and gone now.”

Noir stared at me before shifting away, which I found to be rather rude since I’d just made a polite inquiry about her wellbeing, but I didn’t let it get to me. Instead of tracking her down and flaying her alive for showing me that level of disrespect, I went to Heaven Central and was immediately recognized by about half of the living beings there as being Max’s wife and the other half saw me as what I was. I had nothing to say to them as the plaza fell silent, all eyes turning toward me as I, the God who defeated Kaid Maximus Omnium, strode forth and got a corndog. It was a tasty. That being said, I considered what I should do since I had ultimate power and no desire to use it.

We could always peep on cute guys~

‘We could definitely do that.’

Or we could bathe in the blood-

‘No’

Not happening.

‘We’re going to check out a cute guy.’

Ugh. Blood.

‘Morbid.’

Oooh! I spy a cute little guy with green eyes!

‘Hmm? Oh, he is cu- That’s frigging Garrison. Didn't I change his Fate?’

Not my area of expertise, Sweetie.

‘Fair enough. I should go say hi.’

I don’t think he has time to talk.

“Like I care. I’ll make him make time for me.” I muttered to myself.

Eh.

Blood.

“Oh shut up. What else are we supposed to do?”

We have infinite fingers~

… Fingers.

“... Fine.” I sighed, shifting back to my office in Heaven Central. I won’t say what I did there, but at least I was finally sane enough to actually enjoy it.

Author's Notes:

If you were a wizard, what spell would you invent and why?

As Always,❅Stay Cool, Kids❅