I got nudged while my face was toward the sky, and when I looked at the person nudging me, Applejack and Ladesa were both giving me odd looks that amounted to ‘Whatcha doin’?’ in either of their accents. I didn’t really want to get up and be bothered with them, but I figured it would be better to just get it over and done with rather than drag everything out until it became an even bigger deal than it already was. I got off of my arse and onto my feet with a heavy sigh and locked eyes with Applejack, trying to slip on my Flash Face.

“Heya, ladies. So there’s some news you’re going to hear about sooner rather than later, so-”

Ladesa cleared her throat, so I stopped talking. “I already told Applejack about the Thieves Guild.”

I stared at her. “You what?”

“Yeah, once me and Desa got away from everypony, I asked what she used to do and she was honest with me. I don’t agree with what y’all do, but I had a funny feelin’ that Celestia was gonna put a stop to it anyway.” Applejack clarified.

“Ah. Yeah, she put the kibosh on any of our usual activities, Raspberry.”

Ladesa frowned. “Like we’ve let Royal blood stop us before.”

“You might not, but I will. I’ve got Celestia’s eye on me, and I have to work for her as a Ranger anyway, so…” I ran a hand through my hair and sighed.

“Don’t sound so upset about havin’ to live honestly, Sugarcube. It really ain’t as bad as you’re probably thinkin’ it is.” Applejack said soothingly.

“I don’t mind the thought of being a Ranger, Applejack. I really don’t. It’s just that Ranger’s from Avalesce usually went on dangerous missions that involved taking lives, and that’s what I was trying to avoid by coming here. It also doesn’t help that I met ‘Faith’,” I hit her with some heavy air quotes, “and he basically told me to do what he said or die horribly.”

Applejack paled and Ladesa frowned hard. “Why don’t we just go after this Faith guy then?”

“You/We can’t.” Applejack and I chorused.

“He’s the Allfather. He’s the Creator, that which resides above the Gods themselves.” I grunted.

“Oh, so you met Max? How’s he doin’?” Ladesa asked casually.

“Seemed a bit mad if you ask me.” I said quietly.

“That’s him alright. Did he threaten you directly, or was he talking to the Princess and you just happened to be in the same room?” She inquired further.

“He threatened me directly. Apparently if I don’t do what he wants, then he’s going to make Equis into a real Hælhole.” I replied, stressing out again.

“... Yeah, that doesn’t sound like Max. Anybody got a bottle of something distilled and strong?” Ladesa asked a bit nervously.

Applejack raised a finger and looked off to the side for a second. “Max says that Garrison is a Chosen, whatever that means.”

Ladesa’s freckles stood out that much more on her face as she paled. “Oh shit.”

“Prophesied one?” I asked blandly.

“There are probably some words about you somewhere.” Ladesa chuckled nervously before breaking out into awkward, pressured giggles.

“... You alright there, Desa?” Applejack queried.

“Uh… Well… Gods tend to be Chosen or Favoured, right? And if there’s a Chosen in a place, then they tend to have either Hæl on their doorstep or Hæl in their house.”

“... I don’t think I’m likin’ what I’m hearin’.” Applejack murmured.

“I’m more surprised by the fact that you’re not cursing us for being thieves.” I said, trying to derail us from the elephant in the room.

“Ladesa and I had a good while to talk, and the way she explained it was that there wasn’t much of a choice in y’all’s world.” Applejack answered. “When she said that the Guild only targeted crooks and bad folk in general, it got a lot easier to feel for y’all rather than to be one of the outsiders lookin’ in. I mean, I saw some a’ what went down in the Catacombs under Minosia, and I saw that ya lead a real dangerous life that I don’t think ya wanted in the first place.”

I snorted and gave her a smirk. “Brilliant, aren’t we?”

“I pay attention.” Applejack gave me a little smile in turn as she looked behind me. “Hey, looks like Pinks and Maud are comin’ along now.”

I turned and waved them over before looking at Applejack and Ladesa in turn. “Ladesa, what do you want to do while you’re here?”

“Uh… Are ya askin’ me if I wanna go with you wherever you’re goin’, or are you askin’ me if there’s just somethin’ I wanna do?”

“Do you want to come with me?”

“Yeah. I feel like we’re supposed to stick together.” She gave me a smirk. “What, you don’t want to get shown up by someone who’s mentally a decade younger than ya?”

“You should’ve had plenty of time to pick up the tricks of the trade. I mean, I was a Varas at your age.” I shot her a wink and she flushed.

“You got lucky, punk!” Ladesa objected.

“Wait, so is Varas some kinda title rather than a name?”

I pointed at myself, then at Ladesa. “Garrison Varas, Ladesa Varas. We’re both members of the same family and we carry the same rank.”

“Don’t ya boss Ladesa around though?”

Ladesa rubbed her neck. “W-Well everyone in the Guild knows that Garrison is like Desmond’s son, so it’s not usually a bad idea to follow what he says. I mean, Garrison’s Gadai were the best of the bunch.”

I smirked as Maud came up beside me and Pinkie joined Applejack. “Did we miss anything?” Pinkie asked far too loudly.

“Just that Desa and Gauche were in some kinda Thieves Guild and that apparently Gauche is some kinda hero already, just for the opposite side a’ the law.” Applejack informed.

“The danger is sexy.” Maud monotoned.

Pinkie gave her a look. “Maudileena Daisy Pie, we talked about this!”

Maud stuck her tongue out at her sister. “Gauche is a better Stallion than that dreadfully boring Mudbriar.”

“Yeah, but there could be a stallion out there that’s even better for you than some pony who doesn’t even like strawberries!”

“Maud doesn’t even like strawberries.” I said confusedly.

Maud gave me a peck on the cheek and Pinkie pouted. “I bet you don’t even know what her favourite food is!”

“Fried marigolds tossed in a mango-Minosian Gold chutney.” I answered easily.

“Her favourite rock!?”

“It changes depending on the day, but Boulder tends to be her first answer, recently epidote has been her second, and Thunder-Egg agate is usually up there.”

Pinkie frowned harder. “What’s her favourite holiday!?”

I looked at Maud. “Sibling Celebration Day, though it’s an Equestrian holiday.”

“Errg! I bet you don’t know what colour her eyes really are!” Pinkie challenged.

“Celadon.” I replied casually.

“Oh.” Pinkie deflated.

“Ha.” Maud said, a tinge of triumph in her voice.

“Okay, so Gauche is better than a thought, but that doesn't change the fact that he’s gonna have to be a Ranger! You two are never gonna get to see each other!”

“No, Celestia said that Gauche is going to be stationed in Jolly Junction.” Twilight said, having joined the group while everyone was focused on myself and Pinkie. “Celestia is a Mare of her word, so Gauche and Maud are going to have plenty of time together, as little as that pleases you.”

“I’m fine with Maud finding a good Stallion, but why Gauche!?” Pinkie moaned.

“Why not me? Maud and I are both the best at what we do, we’re both interesting in our own rights, Maud’s brilliant while I’m crafty, she’s strong while I’m dextrous, and she’s pretty cute while I’m pretty… Er…” I trailed off, hoping that the self-deprecation would earn me a few points.

Maud held my arm. “You are handsome, and do not let a single pony tell you any different.”

“I’m not a Pony, so I can tell you that you’re not exactly Sylphis incarnate.” Ladesa teased.

“I’ll punch you for every freckle.” I warned.

Ladesa just smiled at me and Maud huffed. “My Stallion is cute. I will hear no further disagreeance.”

Twilight just shook her head. “Gauche is fine to look at, but he’s a thief!”

“He has stolen my heart.” Maud answered.

“I don’t wanna give it back either. Not until you give mine back.” I commented smoothly.

“It seems like a worthy trade, but I would prefer to keep what I have at the moment.”

Twilight frowned and looked at Maud. “How can you just gloss over the fact that Gauche is a criminal!?”

“Nopony has ever gone hungry because of Gauche’s actions, and those that he has hurt have hurt others in far worse ways than he them. Gauche’s justice is not Equestrian, but it is justice nonetheless, and I am more than willing to love a Stallion who sticks to his convictions.” Maud replied drolly, as per the usual.

The purple Princess rubbed her face with both hands. “Are Pinkie and I the only ones seeing sense right now?”

“Sugarcube, ya gotta understand what it’s like to live a rough life to understand why Gauche does what he does. Max told me that he himself, as in the Creator of All Life, used to be a thief to make ends meet.” Applejack defended.

“And Gauche is infamous for givin’ a lot of what he steals to orphans.” Ladesa chimed in, garnering attention from the Mares in spades, including Maud, who should have already known about my generous streak. Once Ladesa realized that all eyes were on her, she blushed and continued. “W-Well, it’s just odd to see someone give away so much. I mean, last I heard, Gauche gave away at least five thousand shillings to people he didn't even know because they needed the funds, and I just thought it was important to the conversation, y’know? I-I mean…”

“It is important to the conversation, Desa.” Twilight said gently before looking at me. “Did you really donate so much money to foals in need?”

I blushed, my face growing hot as I rubbed the back of my neck. “W-Well, I-I just know what it’s like to go hungry because the orphanage can’t afford to feed everyone for the day, y’know? I-I just didn’t want the next generation of kids to have to grow up like I did with a bowl of porridge in the morning and a beating at night if you asked for more than what you got.”

“... You got beat if you asked for dinner?” Applejack asked softly.

“... Yeah?” I answered. “It wasn’t uncommon, even with kids who had parents, you know. When there isn't food to be eaten, no one likes to be reminded.”

“... What else did you get beaten for?” Twilight asked.

I shook my head and blew some air through my lips. “Uh… A lot of stuff, honestly. Eating too quickly, eating too slowly, not going out and trying to make some money, making too much money in one day, trying to keep a pence or two for myself, looking out for my sister, not praying to Jus on the weekends, praying to Furladra before I was a Guild Member, praying to Zdenek for a swift, painless passage for Aria-”

“You can stop.” Pinkie said awkwardly. “I think we get it…”

“... You stole because there wasn’t much else for you to do…” Twilight murmured.

Maud nodded. “Not every country is like Equestria. I doubt that Celestia wants Gauche in her country, but I would be more surprised to find that she would judge Gauche based on his troubled past.”

“... I’ll try to talk to Celestia since the Truth Spell didn’t go off at all while you were talking, but she really isn’t fond of you, Gauche. In the meantime, I think we still have to go to Ponyville, don’t we?” Our resident Princess half asked, half suggested.

“Yay, another train ride!” Pinkie exclaimed.

I blanched and everyone looked at me with dreadful smiles that were more natural on a Dragon’s face than on Ponies’ faces, but it didn’t matter much. When we went back to the Train Station and bought tickets, the majority of our group was eager to go and get lunch, but Maud and I talked them down into waiting until we got to Ponyville since I was just going to throw it all back up anyway. Ladesa made the fair point of asking why everyone had to suffer with me until Maud pointed out that she was only invited along because I wanted her around in the first place, which shut her down pretty hard. The rest of the Mares didn’t mind waiting another couple of hours for lunch, and with that, we agreed to wait on lunch.

I’ll skip the train ride since that one sucked too, but this time I just laid my head on Maud’s shoulder and choked down the ever-present feeling of drowning that was marking the day with more than a few bad notes. At least Twilight was fine with me, and Applejack was good to go, but Pinkie? Pinkie was a wildcard, and I was afraid that she was going to drive a wedge between Maud and I that was going to end our relationship before it naturally ended, whether that be through some form of argument or death doing us part. I rather like Maud for who she was and her obvious love for me, which in turn spurred love from within myself toward her, but I couldn’t help but feel like I was leaning on her a little too hard ever since I got my shit pushed in by Odysseus.

My thoughts made the ride pass quickly enough, and once I got onto solid land once again, I put myself back together quickly enough for Twilight and Pinkie to not ditch the rest of us in search of tasty eats. Maud warned me quietly that there wasn’t going to be any meat in Equestria, and that was true for most places. However, I knew that I had a similar diet as to that of a Dog, so I could base my food stuffs off of what Dogs could eat rather than what they would eat since a few of them were known to eat grass, bark, and a few other weird things. We settled on a place called Leaves and Stems for our midday lunch, and I ended up with an egg and cheese sandwich since they weren’t picky about serving breakfast for lunch. Twilight got a lavender salad, Pinkie ordered honey cakes, Maud got chopped spinach salad with some fancy kind of vinaigrette, and Ladesa ordered a ‘tofu’ burger with ‘fries’, though she said that the fries were the best part of her meal. We traded bites of our respective sandwiches and Ladesa’s was honestly edible, but it was some kind of terrible, though she was fond. How? I don’t know, but it wasn’t my problem.

It was agreed that Maud, Ladesa, and I would stay in Ponyville for a couple of days, and as such, Applejack asked if Ladesa and I wanted to stay with her since her family home had enough rooms to give us each our own beds for multiple nights, which left Ladesa and I a little staggered since Applejack had told us that she was a farmer. Farmers in Avalesce usually squeeze their kids in three or four to a room, but apparently Equestrian farmers had the dosh to back up their lands. Like earlier, Ladesa and Applejack talked between each other and seemed to get along a little better than I would have expected, but I guessed that their similar tough-girl facades brought them together in a way, and while they walked together, Pinkie stole Maud from me, so I had to listen as Twilight showed me every little detail about her adoptive hometown.

With Jay finally making his way out of the Everfree, Fluttershy’s cabin was terribly far from where he was, so he tried to comb out the bits and pieces of plant life that were stuck in his hair as he crossed the open land between Fluttershy’s cabin and the Everfree. A few of her animals took interest in him since he smelled a little like Fluttershy, which confused their fun little animal noses as he stopped and petted a few of them every now and again. Animals generally didn’t like Jay before Arkaid’s Fluttershy had saved his life, but now that he carried a bit of her scent wherever he went, it was like the fauna-based curse had been lifted and he was allowed to commune with nature. It’s not like he could talk to animals, but he still thought it was cool that he didn’t have to worry about getting attacked while at Fluttershy’s place.

After he’d scratched behind a few ears and dropped off the fruit he'd gotten from the Matron’s wards, Jay knocked on Fluttershy’s door and after a few moments, Harry the bear opened the door with his muzzle and eyed Jay intensely, to which the man replied with, “Sup? Is Fluttershy around.”

Harry grunted.

“I see. Do you know when she’ll be back?” Jay guessed.

Harry let out a little roar and walked back into Fluttershy’s domicile, leaving the door open before letting loose an eardrum-rupturing roar. Of course it didn’t actually rupture any heard eardrums, but he was a loud ‘little’ fucker, and Jay was a little less than pleased to have been caught with his hands away from his listening holes. However, Fluttershy quickly appeared from further within her house and started to admonish Harry before she locked eyes with Jay. She timidly approached the door as Jay gave her a pleasant smile.

“Hey there, Beautiful. Mind if I have a moment of your time?”

“Eep! I-I Er… Um…” Fluttershy stuttered.

“I see you and through you, sister. Help me.” Jay said, quoting me perfectly.

“O-Oh. I-I didn’t know you were one of us.” Fluttershy said, perking up a bit.

“A Vampire? Not quite.”

“Oh.” Fluttershy shook her head a bit and guided her hair back into her face.

“I’m a Thrall, made so by someone who needed me to live past the day I was supposed to die. I was sent here by a guy with too much power for his own good.” Jay explained.

“I-I see… D-Do you n-need something from me?”

“A dose of your venom, if you can spare some at all. I know it’s a lot to ask since I’m a stranger-”

“N-No! It’s no trouble at all!” Fluttershy interrupted before realizing her error. “O-Oh, I’m sorry… I-I didn’t mean to c-cut you off.”

Jay gave her a gentle smile. “It’s fine, Fluttershy. It really is.”

“... How do you know my name?” She asked carefully, coming a bit closer as she spoke.

“I knew a different version of you. She was a Human like me, and she’s the one who turned me into a Thrall.”

Fluttershy’s eyes shot open. “The Multiverse is real!?” She exclaimed softly.

Jay nodded. “Yeah, apparently. That’s what the Creator of the universe says at least.”

“That’s incredible! What was the other me like?” Fluttershy asked excitedly.

Jay chuckled and picked another bit of twig out of his hair. “Honestly? She was the sweetest thing on two feet, and she was very considerate. She had a sensual side that I enjoyed seeing, but her alternate personality wanted me for my body and not much else. Fluttercup herself, however, was like, easily one of the most elegant and graceful women I’ve ever met, and she was modest to boot. She had the Shy Girl angle down to a ‘T’, and the only thing better than getting a kiss from her was cuddling with her.”

Fluttershy took stock of her assets, comparing herself to the ‘Mare’ Jay had described, and she saw that she fell a bit flat in comparison. Fluttershy felt like she wasn’t all that sweet, nor terribly considerate at times. Her sensual side was nearly nonexistent since she’d never had a stallion, and her own alternate, Shade Rose, was something of an enigma to her since she so rarely chose to say anything. However, Fluttershy knew that she was graceful and modest, but elegance wasn’t something she could say she had, and being shy was literally in her name.

“I-I see…”

Jay did his best not to let anything show on his face and chose his words carefully. “... You know, you look a lot like my Fluttershy, just a little shorter and… Furry. Yellow and furry. With wings that don’t disappear on command, I’m assumin’.”

Fluttershy blushed and let one of her wings come around so she could hold onto it and straighten out her already perfect feathers. “W-Well, Pegasi can’t really get rid of their wings…”

“Icarians, the Arkadite equivalent to Pegasi I’m guessin’, had ethereal wings that were beautiful, but complimenting someone on them was supposed to be bad for some reason. I was a Medeis, a Unicorn in other words, so I never figured out why.” Jay scratched his head.

Fluttershy’s blush grew deeper. “I-It’s just…” She said something, but it was too soft for Jay to hear.

He came in a little closer and focused on her voice a little harder. “If it’s somethin’ embarrassing we can leave the topic where it is.”

Fluttershy peered out from behind her wing. “... Do I remind you of your Fluttershy?”

“... It’s like meetin’ her all over again.” Jay confessed, feeling a little awkward.

“... W-Would you like a cup of tea?” Fluttershy asked, not knowing where else to go with some’pony’ who had obviously fallen in love with a person who was apparently just like her.

“I’d love one. Especially if you spit in the cup and pour the tea over it.” Jay jested lightly, trying to bring some levity into the situation.

Fluttershy gave him an odd look. “... Y-You’d drink that?”

“If I didn’t know you did it, probably. It’s not like it’d be terribly noticeable.”

“... I-I wouldn’t do that…”

“Thank ya for that.” Jay looked at Harry and Harry looked back at him. “You want a hug, Bruh?”

Harry shrugged and lumbered off to Fluttershy’s hearth and called it home for a little while, so Jay came closer to Fluttershy and stopped a few steps away. “I’m following you, Flutters.”

“O-Okay… I-” Fluttershy fingered her wing, ending her words abruptly

“Have I told you my name yet?” Jay asked when Fluttershy stopped talking.

“... No. Th-That’s what I was going to ask about…”

He gave her an easy smile and I may or may not have tapped Fluttershy’s hypothalamus for that one. “Name’s Jameson Underwood, but most people call me Jay.” He extended a hand.

Fluttershy let her wing go and held it with one hand before daintily shaking Jay’s hand. “I-I’m Fluttershy. It-It’s nice to meet you, Jay.”

“It’s nice to meet you too, now bite my shiny yella ass.”

Fluttershy’s blinked and blushed. “Wh-What?”

Jay cracked a smile and chuckled at her reaction. “I’m just messing with you. You don’t actually have to bite my butt.”

“... D-Don’t you need a dose of venom so you don’t have to f-feed?” Fluttershy asked.
“I can wait a little longer, especially since I have the feeling that your company is going to be worth the wait.” He flirted, not really knowing that he was doing it.

Her blush returned and she took a step back. “Wh-Why don’t I get st-started on the t-t-tea?”

“Is there anything I can help with?” He asked politely.

“Um… C-C-Can you… Um… Can you l-let m-m-me have… I-I mean… Just a little…?”

Jameson knew what she was getting at. “Don’t drain me completely and you can have as much as you want.”

“I-I don’t need that much! I-I’ve just been a little thirsty t-today and since you haven’t had venom in a little while…”

“I understand, Flutters. My Fluttershy said my blood was nice and savory, kind of like black tea if you’re into that kind of thing.”

Her brows lifted and she held her fingertips to her mouth. “Y-You mean you don’t taste like most ponies?”

“I’m not a Pony at all.”

Fluttershy tilted her head. “I-I know…”

Jay gave her an odd look and a smile. “Why would I taste like a Pony if I’m not one?”

“E-Even some Dogs taste like Ponies…” Fluttershy briefed.

“Ah, I see. Here’s hoping I don't taste like your average Dog.” Jay said disdainfully.

“You can’t really control how you taste…”

“You can if you cut back on the red meat and eat a lot of pineapples.” Jay teased.

The joke flew and flew and flew. “... Y-You’re a carnivore?”

“Omnivore. I’m guessing that people around these parts don’t eat meat?”

“Ponies are herbivores, and most of Equestria is made up of Ponies…”

“Can we talk about the other countries over tea?”

Fluttershy seemed interested at the prospect and nodded, so she turned and let her wing go, furtively casting glances back at Jay every now and again while he subtly maneuvered himself into her line of sight more often than he stayed out of it to keep her at ease. Most of their morning was spent talking, and a lot of that talking was done over tea with few enough bathroom breaks between the two of them. Fluttershy was steadily falling for a ‘Stallion’ who showed genuine interest in her and her activities while Jay was finding new things to love about the Fluttershy Collective, and was noticing slight differences in his Fluttershy and the one before him. Where Arkaid’s Fluttershy was still ready and able to complete whatever task was set in front of her, Equis’ Fluttershy had a little less confidence, and it showed in her body language. Whereas Arkadite Fluttershy was consistent with what she wanted, Equis’ Fluttershy tended to be a little ambiguous with what she wanted and when she wanted it. However, both Human and Pony were glad when Jay asked where Fluttershy wanted to draw blood from, but because of their status as near strangers, Fluttershy chose to bite his wrist, which neither of them were terribly satisfied with. Jay was fine with it and Fluttershy was happy to have a meal, but both of them wished that Fluttershy had been brave enough to ask to draw from Jay’s neck, which would have given Fluttershy a tastier meal and Jay a better high from her venom.

It didn’t matter much in the end, but either way, they found each other good company, despite Jay looking like he was supposed to after two weeks and change in a murder forest and Fluttershy being able to smell the forest and its ‘wonder’s on his clothes and skin. She subtly asked him if he’d like to go shopping for more clothes, but he assured her that he had clean clothes in his bag, it was just a matter of finding someone who was willing to let him make a mess of their shower. Fluttershy just so happened to be a softy like that, and after a long shower (For a guy who wasn’t beating his meat), Jay came out fresh and relaxed with a smile on his face and gratitude to be shared. Once he found the Beastmaster/Animal Caretaker in her living room, he decided to show his gratitude.

“Hey Flutters, do you know what an Artificer does?” He asked when he was seated, another cup of tea in front of him.

Fluttershy smiled into her cup, enjoying the scent of her tea and the occasional waft of the just-in-case ‘Stallion’ soap she’d bought. It didn’t hurt at all that Jay’s shirt was a little tight, courtesy of his now ex-girlfriend’s tastes. “Mhmm.”

“Is there anything you want enchanted? I can do a pretty decent number of things, and I can do a few general health charms if you’d like. I also packed a few useful books to widen the library, but you never know-”

“Ah, that sounds nice.”

Jay gave Fluttershy a look, but she was still just smiling at her teacup. “Fluttershy?”

“Mhmm?”

“... Do you want a charm or a talisman or something?”

“Oh, that sounds nice.”

“Yes, but what do you want?”

“Mhmm.”

Jay gave her another look, but this one was kinda fucked up. “Are you paying attention?”

“Right, right…”

“I’m going to deep fry Angel if you want some.”

“Deep fried food isn’t healthy.” Fluttershy commented, finally drawing her gaze away from his chest to see Jay giving her a withering look. “Er- I… Was it something I said?”

“What did I say I was going to deep fry?” Jay asked a little irritably.

“Um… Hay?”

“Angel.”

Fluttershy paled. “... Y-You weren’t b-b-being serious, r-right?”

“Of course not, but I’d like to know what you were thinking about so hard that you couldn’t hear me offer to repay you for the tea, your time, and the shower.”

Her face turned beet red in a second. “O-Oh, y-you wouldn’t be interested.”

“I think I’d be the judge of that in most cases.” Jay joked gently.

“... W-Would you like to go for a walk?” Fluttershy asked timidly.

“I’d love to. Where we goin’?”

“... Umm…”

“And over there is Ponyville Park, and that bench is the only one for about two hundred and sixty five yards! Isn’t that just odd?” Twilight asked. “Most of the benches are only two hundred yards apart, and- Oh? I don’t think I’ve ever seen that guy before.”

I looked at the unimportant bench Twilight mentioned, actually paying attention for once in the past thirty minutes and looked at the fellow on said bench for all of two seconds. “Small town?”

Twilight broke off from the group, shortly followed by Pinkie, which made Maud and I follow up until Pinkie said, “Hiya! I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in Ponyville before!”

“Just got in from the Everfree. Been in that Hellhole a couple weeks now.” The tired male voice replied. “Hey, Pinkie, can I ask you something?”

“Wait, how do you know her name?” Twilight asked as Maud and I came a bit closer.

“I know yours too, Twilight Sparkle. Have either of you guys seen a Human walking around here? Probably got dark hair and green eyes.”

They both looked back at me, all of eight feet away and I shook my head. They looked back to the Human who somehow knew them since he still hadn’t seen me. “Why are you interested?” Twilight asked.

“A friend of mine told me to find him. It’s not a big deal if you haven’t seen him or anything, I just figured I’d ask.” He said pleasantly, though his accent was kind of like an Equestrian’s, and that in and of itself was odd.

“Oh, uh… We’ll let you know if we find the Human you’re looking for. I’m sure he’s around here somewhere.” Twilight giggled nervously.

The fellow turned to fully face her with a smile. Odd spectacles adorned his face, shaded as they were, and he brought them down to the tip of his wide nose to wink at Twilight. “Never told you it was a ‘He’.”

“Ah-heh-heh… Er, well… Fifty-Fifty shot?” Twilight said awkwardly.

I decided to come to her rescue. “Why do you want to meet me, Bruv?”

The stranger replaced his spectacles and looked at me. “Are you a friend of Garrison Varas?”

“Wouldn't say we’re friends, but I know him.”

The fellow nodded as a soft voice called out, “Twilight! Pinkie! You’re back!”

“Fluttershy!” The girls cried, racing off toward a yellow Mare with a light pink mane.

I looked at Maud, and then at the olive-skinned fellow. “What’s your name, Bruv?”

“Jameson, but everyone calls me Jay. Are you Garrison Varas?” He asked not-impolitely.

“Sure am. Whatcha need?”

“I don’t need shit, to be honest with you. I’m here as a favour to a friend who wants me to check your gear out. I’m a glorified tinkerer, and my best guess is that I’m supposed to be blowing my Magic on upgrading your shit.” Jay answered blithely.

“Let me save you the trouble. No one touches my gear ‘cept for me and her.” I pointed at Maud.

He raised a brow from behind his shaded eyeglasses. “Whether you let me or you make me, I gotta tell you that I need to see your wrist blades and see the mark on your chest to fulfill my part of the contract with Hermes.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You worship the Elder Gods?”

Jay snorted like I’d just told him that ink tastes like licorice. “Bruh, like, why? Why would I worship somebody less powerful than the Almighty? I mean, the Torch Bearer ain’t exactly kind all the time, but he’s good enough to get shit done.”

“So Max sent you.” I stated rather than asked.

Jay shrugged. “I wouldn’t say that, but if you wanna go with that, go ahead.”

“Why do you need to see my wrist blades?”

“Well, the first thing I’m gonna do is put a runeset on them and add in sharpness and durability mods to make them do killin’ more gooder. The second thing doesn’t matter and the third doesn’t exist because the second one is void anyway.”

I shook my head. “I’m not handing my shit over to a stranger who knows too much about me. Sorry, but I’m not really interested.”

Jay pulled something out of a bag and let his arm hang over the edge with it in his hand. “Ya see, I just learned that my brother never gave two shits about me, and then I figured out that he’s been dead for six months while I only saw him about three weeks ago. Got out of the Everfree earlier today, and I honestly gotta say that I don’t give two shits about what you want. I’m enchanting your shit, or you’re regretting your life in about thirty seconds.”

Jay’s head jerked forward at the same time mine did, so I assumed that Max slapped both of us. “Quit being tough guys and just do what the fuck I said to do! Garrison? Hand ‘em over. Jay? Enchant the fuck out of ‘em.” Max groaned from the Ether.

Jay grumbled something to himself and stowed the thing he’d grabbed and held his hand out. “You really gonna make me wait all day, or do you want me to take ‘em and give ‘em back when I’m done?”

I rolled my eyes and started unstrapping my gauntlets. “How long is this gonna take.”

“It’s been a minute since I’ve had to enchant anything other than a tree, so about fifteen minutes.”

“That is exceptionally fast for a common Enchanter.” Maud droned.

“I’m not an Enchanter, Miss Monotone Maverick. I’m an Artificer.” He dug around his bag and pulled out an odd looking device that looked to be a scraping tool of some kind with a steel head and a handle made of crystal and wood. The crystal glowed gently in the afternoon Sun, putting off a cool blue light that faded after a moment.

“... So you’re a tinkerer that enchants stuff.” I simplified.

“The word is literally Artificer.” He deadpanned.

“Just trying to put it into simpler words, Bruv.” I said, handing over my gauntlets, expecting it to take him forever to find out how they worked since Daelus’ crafts were complicated.

He exposed the blades before I finished the thought. “Reactive-locking one-hitch spring-assist with retraction mechanisms? Not bad.” He gripped his tool and flipped the first gauntlet over, getting started on his work.

Maud and I watched over his shoulder before we were joined by Pinkie, Twilight, and Fluttershy, though none of them made a noise as they joined the peanut gallery to watch Jay finish enchanting my hidden blades. Once he was done with one, he moved onto the other and managed to finish that one a lot faster than the other, but then he apparently had an idea because he started on another rune to go along with the first one. It took him around five minutes to clean it up a bit before moving onto the first gauntlet again, but as it was last time, it took him a considerably shorter span to complete his task.

“There. Shit should poke folk better, and if you manage to land a hit, it’s gonna fuckin’ hurt.” Jay said, handing my shit back to me.

“Thanks, Bruv. What do I owe you?”

“I could use a bite to eat, if you don’t mind paying for lunch.” He said casually.

I dug out a twenty-five bit coin from my pocket. “Should do for you and a friend if you’ve got someone to go with.”

Jay looked to Fluttershy. “What do you say, Flutters? You have a chance to eat yet?”

She passed him a partially melted bowl of something or other that he accepted with a chuckle. “I-I didn’t want to bother you.”

“Oh, we should’ve gotten some ice cream!” Twilight said regretfully.

“Ice cream?” I asked, looking to Maud. “Is that anything like cream ice?”

“... The words are swapped. It is a dessert made from cow’s milk.” Maud replied plainly.

“Ah. Yeah, let’s go get some ice cream.” I scratched my face.

“Yay!” Pinkie cried. “I knew you couldn’t be all bad! What’s your favourite flavour, Gauche?”

“Gauche? Thought your name was Garrison.” Jay said amusedly.

“Gauche Suede is a nickname.” I explained.

“Can’t dress for shit, can ya?” He chuckled.

“He can’t.” Maud answered for me.

“I can dress just fine, dammit!” I argued.

Maud tilted her head at me. “Did you or did you not try to buy a woman’s blouse because it was in your size?”

Everyone present cracked up at that, but hearing laughter at my expense made me realize something. “Heya, while you lot were laughing, did you happen to think of where Ladesa and Applejack went?”

Everyone looked around, but Jay was the one to say, “They’re at Sugarcube Corner. You’ll meet up with them in fifteen minutes if you leave in a sec or two.”

Everyone stared at him and Twilight asked, “How do you know where they are?”

“I looked around.” He answered cryptically, adjusting his spectacles.

“The fuck.” I said, looking around.

“... Sugarcube Corner is ten minutes away…” Twilight muttered.

Maud looked at Pinkie and Pinkie beamed. “I should’ve known all along! You were the one I felt pop up!”

Jay gave her a nod. “Tell the Arcadian Pinkie I said hi, will you? I know you can get in touch if you want.”

“I don’t kno~ow! What’s in it for me?” Pinkie asked sweetly.

“What do you want?”

She skipped over and leaned down to whisper in his ear and he nodded. “I can do that. Secrets held and all that.”

“Goodie! Now stop looking into other people’s futures, Buster!”

I assume he rolled his eyes, but he still ended up turning his head toward Fluttershy. “You wanna hang out with your friends, or are we doing something?”

Fluttershy crumbled under the attention she was receiving. “Um…”

“I won’t be offended if you don’t want to spend your day with me, Sweets. It’s all good.” Jay said casually, sounding like he’d probably manage to find himself something else to do.

“W-Well…”

“Do you have a house here in town, or are you staying at the local inn?” Twilight asked.

Jay’s face grew a little ruddy. “I was probably going to grab a room at the inn-”

“With what bits?” Maud asked. “You needed recompense from Gauche to pay for lunch.”

“Ah. Ah-ha-ha… Yeah, no, I have bits, they’re just from a different planet.” Jay answered a bit awkwardly.

“So they are worthless here?” Maud droned.

“They’re still made out of precious metals!” He objected defensively. “I’m sure I can do something with them until I get something sorted out.”

“So what are you going to do before you manage to get your fake bits sold?” Twilight asked testily. “Because using forged bits is a crime.”

“They’re not forged, they’re foreign. I’ll probably have a smelter or something melt them down for me so I can use the ingots-”

“You have to pay to use someone’s smelter, Jay.” Twilight informed.

“Time is money when it comes to casting. You would most likely have to haggle to make it out of the deal with enough bits to fund yourself for a few weeks, let alone a full month.” Maud added.

“Okay, okay, just back off, will ya? Jesus, it’s like y’all ain’t heard a’ someone bein’ broke or some shit.” He grumbled.

“You said you were an Artificer, right? Why not buy the materials for a stall and set up shop in the market offering your services?” I asked. “I’d be willing to loan you the money for a start up and you can pay me back when you start raking in some income.”

“Oh, I’d be willing to give you a stall and wave the normal fees for a week so you can get your business started.” Twilight offered with a smile.

Jay looked at her for all of two seconds before turning to me. “Yeah, how much do you think it’s gonna be to get the materials? I can charge up to twenty-eight bits for an E-Class rune, and I can make those like they’re going out of fuckin’ fashion since I’m a low ranking B.”

“... The ranks mean nothing to me, but the going rate for lumber in Minosia was a drach a foot for a two by four. Should equal out to about forty bits to get up and running with the simple construction, but decorating is going to be another thing.”

“Are you just going to ignore the fact that Twilight offered to pay for this?” Maud asked, tilting her head slightly.

“I’m not ignoring it, I’m choosing the loan route because I don’t like gifts. A man has to make his own way in the world.” Jameson said wisely.

I nodded. “And I can respect that more than asking for a handout.”

“... Stallions.” The Mares of the group chorused.

Jay and I traded a look. “Women.”

Maud hit me for that. “Needlessly paying for something that you could have for free makes no sense.”

“There’s no such thing as a free meal. Someone somewhere cooked said meal, and their time is money. You might not have to pay for it, but someone along the line has to, and I get where Jay’s coming from on this. Twilight and I might be strangers, but when a stranger offers you a meal ticket as opposed to a work-offer, is it really that hard to see which one a hard worker would rather have?” I asked.

“I ain’t a hard worker, I’m a smart worker. I smartly choose to work hard.” Jay quipped.

“I’ll fuck you.” I pointed a finger at him.

“I’ll suck you clean when you’re done.” Jay countered.

“I’ll reach around and-”

“Dear Celestia, will you two please stop!” Twilight cried.

“I dunno, I was getting into it!” Pinkie said cheerfully.

Her purple friend turned bright red as Fluttershy’s desolate look grew. I wondered why that was until Jameson said, “I think it’s safe to say that neither of us are actually willing to do that shit.”

“Verily. I’m not fond of men in that fashion.” I chimed in.

“That I know.” Maud stroked my cheek, making Fluttershy and Twilight blush brighter than ever.

“Oh my gosh! Maud, not you too!” Twilight cried.

Maud gave her a mild look. “Gauche and I have been a couple for a month now. It is only natural that we consummate our relationship.”

I cleared my throat since it suddenly seemed awfully full of phlegm at the moment while Twilight carried on. “Still, you don’t have to say it!”

“Maybe you should be looking for a Stallion, Twilight.”

“I-I-I- Er, Um… Ma-Maybe another time?” She replied uncomfortably.

“Ah, you must be gay.” Jay said like an actual barbarian.

I cracked up on the spot while Twilight stammered and spluttered. “N-N-No! I-I-I like Stallions!”

“Is there something wrong with being gay, Princess?” I asked to add a little extra to the moment.

“Wh-What!? No! There’s nothing wrong with being gay!” Twilight exclaimed.

“Stop teasing Twilight, you two.” Maud ordered.

“Yes, mother.” Jay said flippantly. Before he could move, Maud hit him and it sounded a lot like, “Fuckin’ ow!”

“Do not sass me, young Stallion.” Maud deadpanned.

“I was agreeing with you, Droll Dork!”

“Oi, I’ll really fuck you for disrespecting my woman.” I said.

“Tell her to keep her damn hands to herself! She hits too fuckin’ hard to be doin’ that shit.” Jay grumbled.

“You’re not the one who has to deal with it all the time.” I muttered to him.

“I do not abuse you.” Maud said somewhat defensively.

“You don’t kiss my boo-boos either.” I said carelessly.

“Would you like me to make boo-boos so I can kiss them?”

“No. Please no.” I replied with wisdom.

“Let’s go to Sugarcube Corner already! We should’ve left five minutes ago!” Pinkie said a little grumpily.

“I’d agree, but I’d like to go home and relax for a little while to be honest. It’s been a busy day.” Twilight said, sighing.

“Teleport lag is pretty unpleasant if you are unused to it. Gauche and I will accompany Pinkie to Sugarcube Corner.” Maud declared for me.

“Yay!” Pinkie clapped her hands rapidly.

Jay looked to Fluttershy. “I’m not doing anything important at the moment. Whaddaya say?”

“Um… I’d like to continue our walk…” She said shyly, her demeanor indicative of her name.

“Have a nice date you two.” I gave Jay a wink.

Both of them blushed, though Fluttershy’s was more noticeable than Jay’s. “I-It’s not a date!”

Twilight grinned. “I don’t know, Fluttershy. Walking in the park on a beautiful day with a handsome Stallion all by yourselves? It sounds like a date.”

“If Fluttershy says it’s not a date, it’s not.” Jay said frostily, looking at Twilight.

Twilight absolutely missed his tone. “If you say so~”

“It’s totally a date, Bruv, but denial is the first step to acceptance.” I murmured to Jay.

“It’s a fuckin’ date, but she’s real timid like that.” Jay whispered back while the girls got into it. “She’s already taken a shine to me, but we’ll see how it goes from there.”

I glanced over at Fluttershy and she seemed to be conflicted between looking at Maud, Pinkie, and Twilight as they argued over what constituted as a date, and Jay and I as we kept our thoughts quiet. “Best of luck, Bruv. That one’s well endowed.”

“Fuckin’ A right she is. There was a Human version of her on the planet I just came from, and you wouldn’t believe how great she was. I’m hoping that I can start something new with this one.”

“Here’s to arse and all who have it, no?”

He chuckled at that. “Hey, you much of a drinker?”

“No, not really. That and the Creator just told me that it’s going to be hard for me to get drunk, so if I drink, it’s gotta be something decent-tasting.”

“I don’t really drink myself, but I wouldn’t mind meeting up for a mug of something cold and bubbly later.”

I scoffed. “Cold beer? That sounds disgusting.”

“It’s the only way to drink it, you savage.” Jay laughed.

“No, you drink water cold. Anything with alcohol needs to be warm so it goes down easier.”

“Hey, what are you two whispering about!?” Pinkie asked at her usual volume.

“Liquor.” I said.

“Beer.” Jay replied simultaneously.

Jay looked at me. “Can’t say I drink much liquor.”

I leaned on the bench. “Neither do I, but let’s get fucked up tonight and let our worries wash away with the tides, no?”

“A-fucking-men to that.” He said, his voice dipping.

Maud stared holes into my head. “Were you planning on leaving me for a night on the town?”

I looked to Jay. “Were you expecting me to bring her?”

“Kinda sorta.” He answered like a kinda sorta brother-in-arms.

I looked back to Maud. “Well I kinda sorta thought you knew you were invited. I’ve never gotten to see you drunk anyway.”

“Maud doesn’t drink!” Pinkie exclaimed.

“I started drinking.” Maud said flatly.

“Oh.”

Twilight sighed. “Looks like you won’t be having your sister’s slumber party tonight, Pinkie.”

Maud looked to her sister. “Did you plan an event without my knowledge?”

Pinkie smiled. “It was gonna be a surprise!”

Maud looked at me. “You are not staying in Pinkie’s room with me anyway. Your time is yours to do with as you please.”

I raised a brow at her. “We’re going to be living together soon enough, Maud. It’s not like we’ll be missing out on much.”

“I never said that we were.” She answered.

“We’ll have more chances to do a pub crawl with just the two of us or we can do it with friends. I doubt this is going to be the last chance we have.” I said soothingly.

“Gauche, your time is yours to spend.” Maud maintained.

“But you don’t want me to go out drinking.” I stated.

“Maud literally just said it was fine.” Twilight retorted, bewildered.

Pinkie pursed her lips and looked off to the side while Fluttershy nodded to Twilight’s beat. “M-Maud wouldn’t have said it was okay if it wasn’t.”

“She never said it was okay, she said that his time was his to spend, and in Human Female, a special kind of language, that means ‘Don’t go out with the boys and stay at home with me tonight.’” Jay clarified.

“Maud’s a Mare.” Twilight pointed out.

“Is he any less correct?” I asked.

Maud never let her eyes stray from me. “I will be with Pinkie, my sister, and you will be with a strange man in a town you have never been to. Am I wrong to suspect that your night will see its end in another Mare’s bed?”

“Yes.” Jay and I answered at the same time. I gave him a weird look and he said, “It mighta been a custom for dudes to take multiple wives back on Arcadia, but if Gauche is only with you and you’ve been together for a month, then he probably comes from somewhere monogamous. If he’s as old-fashioned as his accent, then dude’s not about to cheat on you.”

“Other than with Furladra.” Maud said, her voice dipping slightly.

“She’s literally the woman I’ve devoted my life to, Maud. I chose you over her, it’s just that when you’re Goddess wants a kiss, you don’t exactly put a finger on her lips and tell her no.” I said uncomfortably.

“You got kissed my a minor God?” Jay asked. “Lucky fucker.”

I gave him a dark look. “I’m so fucking lost as to what she actually wants from me, it’s ridiculous.”

“Fair enough. Maud seems like a pretty good woman.” He said, throwing me an arm-sized bone.

“Bruv, I couldn’t ask for anyone better. She’s smart, sweet, sexy, and you should see her throw a punch. If you’re into a woman who can handle herself,” I pointed at Maud, “she could probably take you.”

“I don’t know what the term for a Mundusian is here, but she feels like a Double A rank at least.” He dropped her glasses a bit and squinted at Maud before blushing and shoving his glasses back onto his face. “Yup, Double A.”

“What’s that mean?” I asked.

“Means I don’t want to fuck with her if we’re standing less than fifteen feet from each other.” He answered wisely.

“Add five feet to that and you would have my effective range.” Maud said proudly.

“Fuck.” Jay said calmly.

“Can we go get ice cream now?” Pinkie asked.

“E-Excuse me?” Fluttershy asked.

“Welp, I’ll see all of you later then, I guess.” Twilight said.

“E-E-Excuse me, but-”

“Farewell, Twilight.” Maud said.

“Fluttershy? You had something you wanted to say?” I asked, garnering everyone else’s attention.

“W-Well… It’s… It’s just that we haven’t found Jay a place to sleep yet…” Fluttershy said nervously.

Jay blushed. “Don’t worry about that, Flutters. I’ve got it covered.”

“What is your plan?” Maud asked bluntly.

“That’s for me to know and you to find out.” He said, using the age-old adage.

“So you’re camping.” I surmised.

“Well shut up though.” He said, tilting his head at me.

“Th-That’s not necessary! Y-You can stay at m-my house!” Fluttershy offered bashfully, hiding behind her mane. “I-If you want, that is.”

It wasn’t any of my business, so I shut up, but she did get some weird looks from Pinkie and Twilight. “How well do you even know Jay, Fluttershy?”

“W-Well, we met earlier, but he seems like a really nice Pony! He offered to make me a Health Charm to pay me back for making tea and letting him use my shower!”

Jay blushed and scratched his cheek. “I offered to make you a talisman.”

Twilight’s jaw dropped. “You’re a C-Rank Artificer!?”

“B-Rank.” He corrected.

Twilight whipped around and started whispering rapidly to Fluttershy before drawing Pinkie into their little circle. When they were finished, the purple one and the pink one parted to expose the yellow one, whose face was bright pink, her eyes on the ground. “W-Well, i-i-if you w-wouldn’t mind…”

“Wouldn’t mind what, Sweets?” Jameson asked gently.

“W-Well, w-w-would you m-mind making me a ch-charm bracelet instead?”

He frowned deeply. “I wouldn’t mind, but that’s something an amateur does when they don’t know how to make a runeset properly. I can make you a bracelet full of the stuff that would go into the talisman, but it’s going be a little on the shit side since every rune would be based on the size of the charm, and that would probably mean you’d either have duped runes in different charms, or I’m going to have to waste a lot of Magic on filling a bunch of D-Rank runes in the first place.”

I blinked, Maud did her Nod, Pinkie just smiled, and Twilight seemed impressed. “He’s the real deal, Fluttershy.”

Fluttershy smiled. “I keep telling you that I’m a good judge of character!”

“Evidently not.” I scoffed. “He was staring at your butt the entire time.” Use it, Bruv.

Fluttershy blushed, despite the truth in the following words. “B-But I was facing Jay the entire time.”

“Doesn’t mean I wasn’t looking. Actually, I was glancing through your very soul~!” Jay wiggled his fingers at her before getting off of the bench. Decent, I suppose. “On that note, it’s time for the party to split up. It was almost nice to meet y’all.”

I passed him the two-finger salute. “It was decent to meet you. I’ve seen worse.”

“You didn’t try and kill me on sight, so I’ve seen worse too.” Jay chuckled. “Have a nice one, Bruh.”

“Walk easy.” I took up a spot next to Maud while her sister and Twilight said goodbye to Fluttershy and her beau.

We ran into Ladesa and Applejack as they were coming out of Sugarcube Corner, and they were casually shoving each other back and forth while laughing about something or other when we got to them, which made it pretty obvious that they were hitting it off as friends pretty well given that they got a chance to know each other. Twilight disappeared to go to her house, and with our group shrinking down to five, Maud, Pinkie, and I all got milkshakes while Applejack and Ladesa continued their conversation about boys/colts and their attachments to weapons, which got Maud to chime in from time to time. Between the three of them taking constant shots and Pinkie giving me silly looks every time she thought no one was looking, my patience wore thin, but there was little that I could do about it other than order the only alcohol they served at Sugarcube Corner, which was a liqueur that was far too sweet to be enjoyable.

We eventually got moving again, but Pinkie convinced Maud to stay with her, and it was clear that there wasn’t any room for me there. I would have tried to hang with Ladesa and Applejack, but I didn’t want to ruin their bonding time by interrupting them and their constant conversation that never seemed to end, so I asked where Twilight’s house was and started my way through Ponyville, though Twilight’s library was only supposed to be a couple of blocks away. It wasn’t a long walk, and the people I passed were generally friendly, but I knew I was being watched, and I caught sight of a tail on my way over to Twilight’s place, so I started up my usual routine of passing by my destination, cutting through alleys, and then waiting behind some sort of container for refuse. The walls in Ponyville were too far apart to climb the usual way, so I just hid behind an excessively large rubbish bin and waited for my pursuer to come to me, and when she did, I slammed her against the wall and pressed my blade against her throat.

“Heya.” I said calmly.

The pale coat and the gentle magenta of her mane definitely helped her appearance along, but her lavender eyes and general facial structure struck me as odd, mostly because she was so damnably attractive. However, the look in those eyes told me that she wasn’t intimidated in the slightest. “Unhand me, you criminal scum!”

“So I’m a criminal, no?” I asked blandly. “Explain my crimes to me.”

That shut her up.

“I’m guessing Celestia’s having you follow me?”

She looked down her nose at me. “Kill me and Celestia will be here within moments.”

“Keep following me and she’ll never find you. I’m going to keep my nose clean, and you’re going to keep your nose out of my business. Capische?” I said, meeting her gaze readily.

“You’re powerless.” The nameless beauty seethed. “I bet you think you’re something tough, handling a Mare like a sack of rocks, don’t you, big colt?”

“I think I want to be left. The fuck. Alone. I really don’t see why that’s a big deal. I leave you alone, you leave me alone. That’s how life works, iddinit? No, it’s not. Which is why I’m going to give you a message for Celestia: Keep sending people after me and bodies start popping up. I don’t like the situation; no one fuckin’ does. Get over it.” I eased up on my tail, but didn’t put my blade away. “Leave.”

She clutched her throat and glared at me. “My orders stand.”

“Then ya might as fu-ckin’ well come along with me like a normal person. We’re going to the library, so c’mon!” I growled, snatching her hand and dragging her out of the alley.

“Unhand me you brute! Help! Help! This Stallion is assaulting me!” She cried, garnering attention as I dragged her along.

“Help! Help! This Mare keeps following me and taking pictures of me!” I shouted louder. “Help! Help!” I mocked.

She started trying to beat my wrist to make me let go, but gauntlet, so she ended up hurting herself more so than me. She didn’t keep yelling for very long, much to my ears’ pleasure, though we did get an awful lot of odd looks when she fell and I didn’t stop dragging her around. Honestly, Unicorns are so physically weak, it barely takes anything to overpower them, and few enough can do more than cast spells like ‘Heat Water’ or ‘Levitate’. I was betting that my current ward was one of the few that couldn't really do anything, so I started feeling bad for picking on the weak and let her go suddenly when we got within thirty seconds of a giant tree in the middle of town, which was supposedly hollowed out.

I whipped around and stared the woman down as she sprang to her hooves and tried to clear the dust from her overly ‘inconspicuous’ clothes. “Now. Are you going to come inside like a normal person, or am I going to have to tie you to me so I don’t have literally drag you around? Because I’ll fuckin’ do it, woman. You can bet your left tit that I’ll fuckin’ follow through.”

She spat at the ground beneath my feet. “I hope you get arrested for something minor and get the maximum sentence!”

“I hope you learn how to properly follow someone.” I shot back scathingly. “Are you going to answer the damned question, or are you going to watch a ‘cwiminal’”, I made it extra patronizing for flair, “go and visit one of the country’s Princesses while armed and pissed off?”

The pale woman somehow grew paler as her pupils shrank. “T-Twilight is innocent! The Mare has done nothing wrong! A-And Celestia-”

“Won’t be able to save either of you if I don’t let her.” I interrupted. “Not only will you fail Celestia, but you’ll fail your whole country and the youngest Princess. All because you pissed off the guy who wasn’t even supposed to know you existed.”

“... If you assassinate Princess Twilight, the entire world will hate you.” The woman informed falsely.

I laughed in her face. “If I killed any of the Equestrian Royal Family, I’d be a man richer than your wildest dreams, Lover. Now; are you coming with me?”

She swallowed hard and glared at me. “You won’t get away with this, you utter cretin.”

I gave her a smile. “When I start doing things-” I thought about it. “Yeah, when I start doing things in general, let me fuckin’ know, ‘cause I ain’t done shit yet, and I’m still being treated like priority number one on the wanted list.”

The Mare just shook her head slowly, her lip curling. “Celestia wouldn’t crack down on an innocent Stallion.”

“Do I look like a Stallion to you? Maybe she’s just racist?”

“As if any of the other races matter inside of Equestrian borders.” She huffed.

“Aww wow, you are some kinda fuckin’ dumb.” I chuckled in amazement. “I really hope that every country on this planet comes to destroy Equestria with someone like Celestia on the throne and citizens like you running amok. This place must be Hæl with a pretty coat of paint.”

She scowled at me. “It’s not Her Majesty’s fault that the rest of the world isn’t able to live in peace and harmony like Equestria-”

“Wanna know somethin’, Lover? Half the Ponies that I’ve met outside of Equestria hate Celestia because she let’s corrupt Nobles do as they please, sides with Aristocunts in most matters, makes laws that bar the lower class from gaining ground, and she heavily taxes wares from extra-Pony countries. Celestia isn’t as nice as you think she is, Lover. The wretch will turn on you the moment you don’t look like you’re doing what she says, and she’ll smile while she fuckin’ does it to keep up appearances.”

“That’s it! This treasonous slander has gone far enough!” The woman yelled loudly. “I will no-”

I spit in her mouth and she choked on it. I patted her on the back as I said, “Bye, dumbarse.”

I made it exactly three and a half steps before my gut told me to made a leap to the right, so I did and a bolt of Magic flew past me and hit some random guy in the chest, knocking him off of his hooves and flooring him in the blink of an eye. Gasps were heard from the same side and across the street as the Stallion’s wife fell to her knees beside him and tried to rouse him. The woman looked horrified as she ran over to check on her accidental victim, which made me want to laugh since she was a right cunt anyway. I wrote out a quick note with some parchment I kept in a pouch and a handy self-contained ink pen that Maud had told me to buy before sending it off to Celestia to let her know exactly what had happened because she’d sent a fool to stalk me.

The pained moans of the Stallion that ate the bolt of Magic meant for me were enough to set the Mare who’d cast the spell into a flurry of apologies, which were all ignored in favour of a growing mobs angry outcries. I heard, “It was meant for him! The Stallion with the black mane!” as I walked away, but it wasn’t my problem. I had books to read, after all.

Jay and Fluttershy followed cautiously at a distance as Gauche mocked the woman who’d been tailing him, something that Jay had pointed out after coming across Gauche by happenstance while on his walk with Fluttershy. They’d had the intention of just enjoying the sights around town, but when Jay saw a sketchy looking woman in a trench coat follow Gauche into the alley, he’d told Fluttershy to stay back while he did some recon. Jay expected Gauche to outright kill the woman since he’d used Super Sanity to see the blood on his hands as well as Maud’s, but much to his surprise, Gauche just grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the alley, making the mixed guy run for cover to avoid being spotted, though he didn’t know why he was hiding. However, once he’d got Fluttershy to come along with him, they saw the yet unknown Mare cast the spell that had downed the poor Earth Pony Stallion. Jay had seen Gauche spit in her mouth, but Fluttershy had missed that little part of the encounter other than seeing the Mare go from yelling to covering her mouth and spitting many times over the course of a few seconds, and then to assaulting ponies on the street.

“Oh my! Is he okay!?” Fluttershy cried, her heart bleeding for the injured stallion.

Jameson hefted his backpack. “Come on. If she can’t fix it, I might be able to before we have to get him to a hospital.”

Fluttershy looked at Jay, barely paying attention to the fact that he’d taken her hand and was leading her over to the scene of the crime. She did, however, notice that he looked rather handsome when he took charge of a situation, which he did shortly after clearing most of the mob that had formed around the poor fellow. “Oh dear…”

“Hey, I need someone with a crystal battery or a decent MP, ASAP! Is there another Unicorn here?” He called out confidently, his days of patching up his brother’s fellow gang members in sketchy bandos serving him well.

The Mare who’d cast the spell raised her hand along with one other person. “I can-”

Jay jammed a finger in her direction. “Other than casting spells, how can you use your Magic? Can you transfer it?”

“Y-Yes! I can try!” She said quickly.

Jay offered her his off hand and dug around in his bag to pull out his ATD (Artifact Transconversion Device) and looked at the other Unicorn who was stepping forward. “You; Can you teleport a message to the nearest hospital?”

She shook her head. “That’s a lot to ask of a normal pony.”

Jay rolled his eyes before using his ATD to trim around the hole in the man’s shirt to give him more access. “Alright, so I’m doing something highly illegal that no one’s going to say a word about, alright? I’m not trying to get arrested for saving this guy’s life,” Jay focused his Magic and started stealing some from Garrison’s former tail, “so everyone keep quiet about this.”

“What are you going to do!? Is my husband going to be alright!?” Wife Lady asked, barely keeping herself together.

Jay pressed the ATD against a patch of ruddy skin that stood out brightly against the Stallion’s green coat. “He’ll be just fine, Ma’am. He’ll have a scar, but he’ll be good as he was a few years ago here in a minute.”

As it was, the Stallion was struggling to breathe and was getting paler by the second, but as Jay made the man bleed, his color started returning, and after a minute and five seconds, he was breathing easily, the excess Magic having been drained from his system via Blood Magic. When the fellow’s burned chest started to heal, the man almost got to scratching before Jay called out for two strong Earth Ponies to hold his hands down before he could cause more scarring than he was already going to have, but it’s not like the fellow was struggling terribly hard after he became conscious. Groggy and more than a bit loopy, the fellow took his time in sitting up, but in the end, he was going to make it to see another day. Jay advised the couple to go to the hospital anyway just to check and see if he was going to be fine, so they thanked him again and had a crowd of people helping the Stallion get his footing- Er, Hoofing as they walked along.

The woman who’d caused all the kerfuffle didn’t escape, but that was mostly because Jay never let go of her. The rest of the veritable mob made sure that she wasn't going anywhere until the police came, and when Fluttershy tapped Jay on the shoulder, she just had to say, “That was really brave of you, Jay. T-Taking charge like that…”

Jay smirked and pulled his collar down, exposing two scars similar to that in which he’d given the injured Stallion. “When you know how to heal, it’s less of a choice and more of a responsibility, Darling Starling. Isn’t that a part of the reason why you look after so many animals?”

Fluttershy blushed at Jay’s words. “A-Am I the D-Darling S-Starling?”

“Well, they are some pretty birds, and I’ve noticed that a lot of them have yellow feathers.” Jay said, letting her focus shift where it pleased.

“O-Oh… J-Jay?”

“Yeah?”

“... W-Why are you b-being so n-nice to me?” She asked hesitantly.

Jay took a deep breath and sighed. “... To be honest with you, I think I’m hopin’ that you’ll fall for me like the other Fluttershy did. I see her in you, and it’s like looking at a furry, somehow cuter version of the woman who had the most of my heart, and I wanna start somethin’ new with you, see where it goes. Sorry for trying to get close too quick, it’s just-”

“J-Jay?” Fluttershy asked, making Jameson stop cold.

“Yeah?”

“... I think you’re really nice.”

“... But?” Jay asked, his heart aching a little, having a feeling about what was coming.

“... I’m not your Fluttershy.” She said softly.

“You don’t have to be her. You’re your own woman, Flutters.” Jay replied.

“... But… Don’t you want your Fluttershy?”

“Of course I do, but I have severe doubts that I’ll ever see her again, and I’ve had those doubts ever since the Everfree swallowed me up for a couple weeks. I wasn’t expecting to ever see her again, Flutters. Wasn’t really expecting to see another soul again.”

Fluttershy thought about what he’d said and I gave her the brainpower to think about it a little harder since Ponies are actually dumber than the fuck sometimes. She furrowed her brows and pouted, her mind raveling and unraveling the meaning behind what Jay had said, and what he’d basically told Fluttershy was ‘I like you for you, and I know I like you for you, but I like another you for you too.’ and that was rather confusing for the poor Mare. She didn’t quite grasp that she was still a different person entirely to Jay and that he’d seen a few of her own personal quirks that made her seem less like his Fluttershy, having gone with the assumption that every Fluttershy was the exact same. She took a look at that assumption and decided to ask him about it.

“... Jay?”

The patient fellow blinked a few times, having spaced out himself. “Yes, Flutters?”

“... I-Is your Fluttershy e-exactly like me?”

He shook his head. “No. Your lips are slightly larger, fuller than her were and your physiques are similar, but you’re a bit slimmer than she was. You’re both shy, but my Fluttershy was more ‘play coy’ than outright bashful, if you know what I mean there. I can tell that you have a little confidence, but my Fluttershy was a bit of a doormat unless I or one of her friends was in danger. I haven’t spent too much time with you, but even the way you walk and your voices are different enough to make me certain that I’m looking at a different woman.”

“Oh.”

Jay gave her a gentle smile. “Should I be apologizing?”

“O-Oh no, no… You’re… I-It’s just that… Help me out here?” Fluttershy asked, sighing.

“You don’t really know what to make of a guy who’s practically already in love with you when you’ve barely known him for a day?”

“... Well, yes. That’s pretty much it…”

He shrugged. “There isn’t much I can do about that, Starling.”

Fluttershy blushed and curled a lock of her mane around a finger. “... I like that nickname.”

“I like this date.” He teased.

She grew rosier and glanced at him. “I-Is th-this a d-d-d-d-date?”

“Do you want it to be? Let me enchant you, Fluttershy. I’m sure you’ll only regret it when I’m talkin’.” He gave her a wink, turning on a bit of his goofball charm.
“... It can be… I-If you want!” Fluttershy blurted.

“It’s up to you, Fluttershy. I think we both know what I’d prefer, but I can deal with just being friends.” Jameson lied through his teeth. Both he and I knew that he’d be pining for the sweet little alien in front of him by the end of the week, and would probably stop staying at her house as soon as possible if she turned him down.

“I-I’ve never been on a r-real date…”

“I’ve still got the bits Gauche gave me for hooking him up. What do you say we find a place that serves a decent fish taco?”

Fluttershy’s eyes lit up. “You like fish too?”

Jay gave her a look and a smile. “I love fish. Fried, baked, grilled; you name it, I’ll probably eat it.”

“There’s a place in town that serves the best tuna steak you’ve ever had! I-If y-you care to go…” She started strong and finished meekly, just like most Fluttershys would have. It was cute.

Jay thought so too. “If you’re recommending it, then it has to be good, right? With your tongue for tea, it wouldn’t surprise me if you were just as picky with your food.”

Fluttershy blushed. “I-I’m not that picky…”

“So if I pan fry you some potatoes and stir fry some garden veggies for breakfast, you’d be perfectly fine with that?” He asked, gauging her response.

Fluttershy drifted off at the thought of a shirtless Jay rocking a manly black apron that said ‘Kiss the Cook’ on the front, serving her the dish he’d specified. She could almost taste the peppers he would mischievously slip into her food and she could see them both laughing as she doused her mouth with milk once her meal was done since Fluttershy actually liked mildly spicy things. After about thirty seconds with no answer from Fluttershy other than a contented sigh, Jay waved a hand in front of her face and gave her a knowing smirk.

“I’m guessin’ it sounds pretty good?” He asked.

She flushed quickly and nodded rapidly. “Yes!”

Jay chuckled and offered her his hand. “I’ll keep that in mind if I get up before you.”

Fluttershy was very tempted to let him borrow her alarm clock so he could make her daydream a reality, but she let her shyness get in the way of her ultimate goal of getting the handsome stranger shirtless in her kitchen. She resolved to make it happen one day, but maybe that day didn’t have to be today.

With a fool in my wake, I entered Twilight’s library and had a look at what went on inside of hollowed out trees. Apparently a lot of reading went on and not much else, because when I walked into one of the weirdest rooms I’d ever seen filled with all manners of strange devices, I saw a young purple Dragon reading some kind of picture-based book at the table. I didn’t want bother him quite yet since I didn’t know who he was, so I took my snoopy-doopy-doing into another room, which was the actual library itself. Due to my schedule being filled with shit, shit, and no shit at all, I started pondering which book I should go to first. There were plenty of them in the shelves that were built into the house itself and even more on standing shelves that filled the middle of the room, so I started with the ones on the outside of the room, but a lot of books were dedicated to historical events and non-fiction in general that made me bored just by browsing the titles. It didn’t help that I wasn’t necessarily the most avid reader when it came to most things, though my interest could be grabbed, piqued, and then sent to a glorious climax by the right motivator.

The trick, however, was to find something that I actually gave two shits about.

I’d done a little reading on the history of Equis as a whole, so I knew about the Discordian Wars, the Naga Horde, the Dragon Riots, a couple of Pony civil wars, and a bit of the Dog’s bloody power struggles in between different breeds, though there’d been little on the Cats since The Great Sands were awfully hostile to anything that wasn’t fond of heat, like Cats, Dragons or Naga. In other words, Equestrian history was so unreliably faked from the few books I’d picked up that there was no point in reading any of them further than the Joining of the Three Clans, which was a point in time where all three species of Ponies finally banded together and left a perma-winterized wasteland instead of trying to eke out an existence in a place where food would grow, the weather was always shit, and the Sun rarely rose.

With a little extra frustration added to my mind, I had to ‘stop’ and think in one of the isles, pacing as I went along. What did I really want to do? Was I looking for Twilight so I could further patch up my relationship with her, or was I actually looking to learn something? I decided that I could do both by asking Twilight to teach me something useful, thusly remembering that ‘she’ had summoned me with the intent to find a student of some kind. I hoped that she was talking Magic as far as the tutoring went, because it would be handy to have a little extra firepower. I mean, Rangers weren’t exactly known for having peaceful jobs, and I knew of a lot of Araluen Rangers that were ridiculous shots, simply inhuman, with a bow and I knew of far more Avalesch Rangers that could reliably shoot a snaphance up to about two hundred and fifty feet. Hæl, Captain Flint herself could cap someone’s hat (And possibly their pate, depending on if they’re shooting back at her.) from about a hundred yards with a flintlock, but I was going on about the dangers of being a Ranger, no?

Rangers… They don’t have it easy. A lot of guards go their entire lives without having to take someone else’s, but a Ranger? It’s almost guaranteed, and that’s just training. Will Charter, a Ranger I’ve mentioned before, told me himself that he didn’t know of an Araluen Ranger that hadn’t had to kill someone before, and Araluen was supposed to be one of the most peaceful countries outside of Tsuka. Shit was just the nature of the job, which was why a lot of Rangers either went for a full stealth approach for any of their missions, or kept at least a secondary snaphance on them, just in case they either ran out of arrows or had to make a quick shot from a close range. Yes, most Rangers were marksmen, but guns just aren’t as reliable as the bow, and the closest thing I’d seen to a gun on Equis was the thing that Jay had pulled out of his bag. It had a handle and something that looked kind of like a barrel, but it was neither round, nor did he load it, so I wasn’t that worried about the little ordeal.

With my mind made up, I decided to go back into the kitchen and bother the young Dragon from the doorway by way of saying, “‘Scuse me, Bruv, but could you lend me a hand?”

The Dragon jumped in his seat and snapped his book shut, slapping it down on the table. “I wasn’t reading it, I was just- Uh- trying to see if it was suitable for a younger audience! Yeah! That’s it!”

I blinked at him. “Can you help me find a book on Magicks? I need something for someone who’s starting out with the basics.”

The Dragon rose from his chair and I took in his appearance. Unlike most Dragons, he actually wore a shirt, though he skipped the trousers entirely. I would have placed him at about five feet tall, and according to the anatomy books I’d read while healing up from Odysseus’ beating, I could gather an estimate on his age, placing him around fifteen since Dragons grew about four inches a year after hatching. Something else that set the fellow apart from the rest of the Dragons I’d met was the luster of his scales, which was pretty negligible, all things considered. It was a telltale sign of a poor diet in a Dragon, and by that I mean he probably wasn’t eating enough red meat and gems to give his scales the proper hardness that a scaly fuck such as himself should maintain, but it wasn’t like it was my problem.

I examined him as he spoke, but it’s not like I was openly staring at him while he said, “Oh! What kind of Magic are you trying to learn?”

I thought back to what Furladra herself had told me. “Umm… Wind Magic?”

“I know just where to find that! We have a few books on Elemental Magicks in general, but Wind is one of the less popular ones. It’s been pretty well researched though!” He said quickly, likely either trying to gain my approval or make me think more of him.

I had to admit, the little guy was starting to remind me of Stephan, one of my younger Gadais. The kid always wanted my approval on everything he did, so I was careful with him as to keep him humble yet confident. I figured a similar approach would work with my new friend. “Hopefully we don’t have to look too hard, no? And what’s your name, by the way? I don’t think we’ve introduced ourselves.”

He gave me a toothy grin and tapped his chest with a thumb. “I’m Spike, Golden Oaks’ number one Library Aid!”

“... Is that anything like a Scribe?” I asked.

“... Kinda? I don't think anyone’s actually been a Scribe in like, two hundred years, Dude.”

“Apparently my world is about two hundred years behind yours as far as technology and culture goes. I swear, some of the things Equestrians wear!” I fanned myself, my eyes widening.

“Oh, so you’re kinda like Princess Luna, Mister…?”

“Garrison. Garrison Varas, though most people here on Equis call me Gauche or Gauche Suede.” Well, no one really kept the ‘Suede’ part, but I was hoping that I could get Spike to add it back on.

“Alright, Gauche,” Dammit, “why don’t we go find a couple of books for you?”

“Sounds good. Say, do you know where Twilight is?”

He furrowed his brows for a moment before they shot up. “You’re Gauche! You’re the guy Twilight summoned to be her student!”

I gave him a slow nod, wondering if he was slow himself. “That I am.”

“She’s up in her room if you wanna go get her, but I think she said that she was taking a nap.” Spike said dubiously. “I don’t know what kind of nap has someone moaning and groaning like they’re aching all over, but I’m not Twilight.”

My face flushed as I realized that he’d most likely heard her in the middle of some acts that I didn't want to know about. “Yeah, don’t go in her room if you hear... That. Women sometimes do that to work out knots in their muscles and stuff.”

“Why would she need to be in her room to do it if Mares do it in general?”

“Would you want to be heard moaning and groaning like you’d lost your mind?”

He took far too long to think about that. “... I guess not.”

“Right? Let’s go find that book and let Twilight work out whatever knots she needs to.”

“Books, and sure. You know it’s not just gonna be a one-size-fits-all kinda book, right? I mean, with Elemental Magicks, it’s really tricky to find your specific attunement, like whether your more suited to active type spells, passive spells, boons and wards, or Celestia forbid, combat Magic. Come to think of it, most Unicorns don’t even realize that they have Elemental Magic until they go in for a full physical when they become a grown-up, and no offense, but you don’t look like you just became an adult.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’d hope not since I haven’t been a boy in thirteen years.”

Spike’s jaw dropped. “Dude, how old are you!? You only look like, twenty-something!”

“I’m twenty-six.” I said flatly.

He gave me a funny look and started counting on his fingers. “... But… You gotta be eighteen to be an adult, and sixteen is marrying age with parental consent, so… How?”

“Marrying age was thirteen back in Avalesce, and most of Terra for that matter. Birre’ Scha’s legal age was ten.”

“Holy moly! That’s weird! Ponies younger than me got married in your country!?”

“Yeah.” I said frankly. “Generally to people about three or four times their age.”

“... That is so creepy. So very creepy.” He rubbed his arms.

I shrugged. “It’s life. Books or no?”

“Books. Definitely books.” Spike shuddered and we went into the actual library portion of what I assumed to be Twilight’s actual house at this point, but I didn’t really understand how a Princess was living in a hollow tree filled with books rather than in a castle or keep of some kind, but Equestria was proving to be weird and full of thin veils that were easily brushed aside to reveal more frustrating, more bullshit things that hid under a coat of happy smiley garbagè.

I wasn’t getting paid to think about that shit, and it wasn’t doing anything other than adding to the mounting headache I was experiencing so I stopped trying to make sense of the inane and started trying to give a shit about Spike’s lecture on Elemental Magic. “So Wind Magic is like, super fickle, right? It’s supposed to be the second hardest of the Elemental Magicks to learn, right under the stuff like Lightning and Magma-based Magic, but don’t let that discourage you! There’s a lot of good uses for Wind Magic, like cooling hot stuff quickly, making mini-tornados to… Well, Twilight tried to use one to clean up one day, but that ended pretty badly… There’s also… Um…” He struggled to find another use for Wind Magic.

“... Can you use it to blow things away?” I asked.

“That’s pretty much all it’s useful for to be honest with you.” Spike sighed. “I don’t know why you’d want to, but it’s not like I can use the stuff myself, so I never really bothered to research it.”

I shrugged. “It’s fine.” I watched as he grabbed a couple of books from a low shelf that I was never going to actually look at.

He checked the covers and looked at me. “Now do you already know how to use your Magic, or are you just starting out?”

“I have no idea what I’m doing whatsoever.” I replied bluntly.

“... Okay. I shouldn’t have expected you to know much about Magic since you’re not a Unicorn or anything, but… Y’know… Ya kinda need to know how to channel your Magic period before you can actually get into using it.”

I stared him in the eyes and gazed into the inky, slitted pools that were his pupils. The slight spark of intelligence I saw there was interesting in its own right, so I maintained deliberate, intense eye contact as I said, “You’re talking to someone from a planet where you have to sell your soul to get Magic unless it’s given to you by a God.”

‘He’s from a different planet?’ “You’re from a different planet?” He asked twice.

“... Why did you ask yourself and then ask me?” I inquired, confused.

‘Is this guy crazy or something? He might be. He is an alien after all.’ “I only asked once, Dude.”

“No, you just did it again. You said I was crazy and then you acquiesced and said it’s probably because I’m an alien.” I said, my brows furrowing as the pieces of the puzzle mashed together, not joining at all.

Spike eyes opened wide. ‘He’s reading my mind!’ “You’re a Mind-Reader!?”

I squinted at him. “Think of a random word. First three things that pop into your mind and don’t say them.”

‘Squeegee, vagina, books- Wait! I didn’t mean to think of that! What if he heard it!? Oh my gosh, what if he tells Twilight!?’ “Eh-heh-heh-heh.” Spike’s formerly green cheeks were now a rosy pinks and he steepled his fingers, not unlike Twilight herself. “... So…”

“Squeegee, skip, books, wait.” I said amusedly.

“... So we’re just ignoring that one?” Spike asked hopefully.

“Spike, you’re a young man. It’s natural to be thinking of women at your age.” I winked at him.

‘Is it natural to feel like slash wanna be one?’ “Right… Just don’t tell Twilight. Please?”

I broke eye contact, figuring that was the source of the knowledge I was gaining against my will. “Twilight won’t hear a word of it from me, but you do know that there’s probably a spell that could do what you want, ri-”

“Talk about it and I’ll roast you.” Spike warned shakily.

I gave him an easy smile. “I won’t tell Twilight about that either since there’s obviously a reason you wanna keep it quiet.”

He nodded and gave me a shifty look. “... You’re not still reading my mind, are you?”

“I think it only works if I’m making direct eye contact, Bruv. It took a few seconds to kick in when I started looking you in the eyes.”

“Good.” He nodded.

“I might be a stranger, but I’m good at keeping secrets, Spike. If you ever want to talk, you’re a Dragon; you’ve seen my face. Drop me a letter and I’ll try and make it face-to-face if I can, and I’ll write you back if I can’t.” I said kindly.

Spike handed me the books he was holding and gave me a tight smile. “... Could I ask you something?”

“Of course. Say the word and it never leaves this conversation.”

“The word… I… Um… Look, I’m not really good with words, but would you mind calling me Naisyn (Ni-sin) in private?”

“I would not, Miss Naisyn.” I said quietly. “It would be my pleasure to make you a little bit happier when I see you.”

Naisyn gave me a little smile. “Thanks, Dude. I know it’s weird, but… Well… You’re only like, the second pony who knows.”

“Who’s the first if it’s not Twilight?”

“Applejack. She caught me doing something and got me to confess everything.” Naisyn said, blushing.

“I’d ask what she caught you doing, but I’m going to make a couple assumptions here and say that if you wanted me to know, you would’ve told me, and if it wasn’t a secret, you wouldn’t have been caught doing it.”

… I’m pretty sure I should start referring to Spike as a ‘she’ since ‘he’ wants to be a girl, and I’m going to have to be careful about getting ‘her’ name right from now on. Naisyn nodded and gave me a bigger smile. “I like you, Dude. You get it.”

I fuckin’ don’t, but I’m not gonna tell you that. I shrugged. “I keep and open mind these days. When you walk into a world full of mythical creatures and Magicks out the wazoo, then you kinda have to.”

Sp- Naisyn gave me an odd look. “What would you have said to someone from your planet? As far as my secret goes?”

“Bully for you, Bruv. Want a pint?” I nodded. “Those exact words. To the letter.”

Naisyn giggled at that, and it was becoming easier to see some of the more feminine mannerisms she displayed. Like Twilight and Maud, Spike generally kept his arms folded like he was trying to show off his chest- FUCK.

I knew I was going to mess it up. In my defense, she looks like a guy, sounds pretty much like a guy (Except a little sweet on the inside.), and introduced herself as a guy. First impressions matter, dammit!

Starting over: Naisyn held her arms like she was showing off a chest she didn’t have, swung her tail like the females of Equis did (Males’ tails don’t move most of the time. Females’ tails are generally doing something, whether it’s bouncing or swaying from side to side.) and when I took the books from her, she held her arms behind her back and rocked side to side with her shoulders leading the motion. After paying a little attention, it should have been obvious that Naisyn was either gay or a Sugarlad, but I didn’t and still don’t think I’d/I’ve ever met someone who actually wanted to be the opposite sex. On a permanent basis, that is. Sure, most people jested with the idea of trying life as a man or a woman for a day, but that was mostly for sex related purposes or had ties somewhere in spousal abuse. Either or.

I didn’t understand Naisyn’s thing at all, but I accepted it as it came, and by doing so I gained a friend who had some interesting insights on Equestrian culture and Twilight herself. I didn’t actually get much studying done, but I did get Naisyn to spend most of her time laughing or trying not to laugh by telling some tame, non-murdery stories that were fit for the most sensitive of Daywalkers and generally just trying to be nice. She was a sweet lass with more in her noggin than I’d originally anticipated, though I wondered how much of it was crammed in there by Twilight and how much she herself had taken the time to learn. Speaking of Twilight, I learned that she was actually the one who hatched Naisyn in the first place and she thusly claimed the title of his big sister, leaving the title of mother to his original birth-giver.

“Why didn’t Twilight’s parents just adopt you?” I asked, confused as I propped myself up against the counter in the kitchen.

Naisyn shrugged from her seat, tapping her ‘comic’ book, though I was curious as to how it was comedic. I assumed that the pictures inside were humorous. “Don’t know, don’t really care to be honest with you. I was hatched in Equestria, but I was apparently laid in Draconia, so I have dual-citizenship anyway. It’s not like it actually matters.”

“Nai, that doesn’t make sense to me. If another child comes into your house, why would you not claim them?”

Naisyn shrugged again. “Suede, it really doesn't matter.”

I nodded and let off. “S’your life, Lover. Mind if I ask you something?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

I gave her a look. “You know you just said, ‘Yes I mind, ask your question.’, right?”

“There’s your question, and I’m not gonna answer it.” Naisyn huffed, blushing.

I got a chuckle out of that. “So what made you pick Naisyn?”

“As a name?”

“Yeah.”

“Ah… Well… I kinda just made it up out of Ancient Drakesh. It means ‘Absent of Emptiness’.” She explained, a little embarrassed.

“Is it because you feel empty sometimes?” I asked tenderly.

“... Stop reading my mind.” She replied, sounding hurt.

“Nai, you just said your name means ‘Absent of Emptiness’. It’s natural to assume that it’s because you want to be as your name implies.” I gave her an easy-going smirk. “And besides, I haven’t been creepily staring into your eyes, so I can’t read your mind.”

“... Okay, you get too much of it. Seriously, why are you so intuitive?” Nai asked, trading shame for anger.

“Nai, you- Well, let me amend myself before I say something that would hurt your feelings or belittle your struggle.” I folded my hands, interlacing my fingers as I usually did when I opened up. “I know where you’re coming from as far as the emptiness goes. I’ve been struggling with it for a long time, and that chasmic void is evil some days, and others it’s just not so bad. Makes it easier to smile around the people you love, y’know?” I shrugged halfheartedly. “I know it started when I got stabbed right between the shoudler blades in a figurative sense, back when I lost the woman I said I first said I was going to marry. When did it start for you?”

Naisyn shifted in her seat. “... Can we talk about something else?”

“Can Dragons use any other Magic than breathing fire or ice?” I asked, tossing her another topic.

She gave me a grateful smile. “Well, some Dragons can use rituals and spells to some success, and I happen to be one of ‘em! I’m not exactly great with rituals, but I can summon a mid-rank familiar with only two hours of prep time!”

I gave her a look. “Don’t summon me.”

She giggled at that, taking the bait readily. “I dunno, you seem like you could be handy with all that wind-breaking Magic you’re gonna learn.”

It took me a second to understand what she was saying. “I suppose I could learn how to shift the wind, but I’m pretty sure that’s most of what I’ll be doing anyway.”

Nai giggled harder after that. “Ah! It’s even better since you don’t get it!”

“Shut up, Naisyn.” I scoffed.

“Naisyn?” I heard Twilight ask from around the corner.

‘Spike’ paled and I held a finger to my lips. “That you, Twi?”

“I knew that was you!” She came around and stepped into the doorway, looking around. “Who were you talking to?”

“Ah, I keep getting Spike’s name wrong. There was a young Dragoness who looked a lot like Spike, but a little taller and bustier since, y’know, Dragoness. I keep fucking-”

“Can you not curse in front of my little brother?” Twilight interrupted.

“I’ll fuck you.” I pointed a finger at her.

She blushed. “You’ve said that before, haven’t you?”

“What does it mean?” ‘Spike’ asked.

“Don’t worry about it, Lover.” I said casually.

Twilight gave me an odd look. “Don’t tell me you’re hitting on Spike.”

I tilted my head at her. “I’m not a tribad?”

“What’s a tribad?”

“Your equivalent of ‘gay’, which is a horrendous way to use a word that means ‘happy’. I tend to meet a lot of dour homosexuals.” I jested smoothly.

“Well, your home country is Tartarus incarnate.” Twilight said frankly.

“Seriously?” ‘Spike’ inquired, looking at me.

I shrugged. “Never been to Tartarus, so I couldn't tell you. However, Twilight, I need a crash course on some Magic, and Spike here has been telling me that you’re the one for the job.”

Twilight gave me a grand smile. “Well that’s why I summoned you in the first place!”

I rolled my eyes. “Haven’t you met Max?”

“You mean Faith?”

“Wait, the guy who showed up out of nowhere and sent you to Minosia?” ‘Spike’ asked.

“Yes.” Twilight and I answered at the same time.

“His real name is Max?” Twilight queried.

I nodded. “And his real form is Human. I doubt that he comes from Terra since his fashion sense seems to be more Equestrian than anything, or he comes from the future of Terra. There’s any number of possibilities about where he’s from, but still. Max was probably the one who made you summon me, Twi.”

She sighed. “That’s what Applejack said too, and trying to get in touch with Fai- Er, Max, hasn’t exactly gone well for me… I guess he doesn’t need me anymore…”

I snorted. “Lucky you.”
Twilight gave me a pouty look. “Well at least if he was around I could learn more about Equis’ history!”

“He could also tell you about every little thing that’s ever happened since he decided to create the universe.” I said slowly.

Twilight blinked. “... He’s the Creator?”

“One of many apparently!” I said, flinging my arms out to my sides. “Magic~!”

“... What does Magic have to do with anything?” ‘Spike’ asked dumbly.

“My life wasn’t complicated before Magic came into the picture.” I chuckled. “Ah, shit.”

“Hey! What did I just say?” Twilight protested.

“Smear poo on your books?”

“Ewww.” She and Spike chorused.

“Guess I wasn’t listening.” I cleaned one of my ears.

“You’re just an ass.” Twilight said flatly.

“I think it’s just you. He’s been cool since he came in.” ‘Spike’ defended.

“Thanks, Lover.”

“Okay, really now: it doesn’t strike as odd, at all, to call a guy ‘Lover’?” Twilight asked with her perplexity growing steadily.

“Nope. What about you, ‘Spike’?” I asked.

‘He’ shrugged. “I don’t mind. Little gay though. Just a little.”

I shook a fist at him. “I’ll give ya a right wallopin’, I will.”

‘Spike’ giggled. “Oh, shush!”

“Okay, after hearing that I kinda get it.” Twilight said, making a bit of a face.

“Hear what?” Her little ‘brother’ asked.

“Hearing you say ‘Oh shush!’ like a Mare. It kinda makes me wonder~” Twilight teased.

Naisyn sighed and shook her head. “I’m not gay, Twilight.”

“Oh, I’m just teasing, Spikey-Wikey! I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.” She said, sounding far too amused for it to come out any sort of genuine.

I caught Twilight’s eye and gave her a dirty look as Naisyn said, “Yeah, yeah, it’s cool. It’s getting late, so I’m gonna call it a night. See ya in the morning, Twi.” She said, putting on a fake smile.

Twilight should have fuckin’ caught the levels of bullshit that were behind that smile, but she’s an actual dunce. “Goodnight, Spike. Love you~”

“Love you too.” Nai replied, her voice a little strained as she passed her sister.

Twilight looked back to me with confusion on her face, which quickly turned to shock when she saw the look I was giving her. “What? What did I do?”

I rolled my eyes and pressed the middle knuckle of my index finger to my mouth, trying to sort my words. “... Twilight. Are you dumb?”

She gave me an incredulous look. “I’d most certainly-”

“Bitch, I said are you fucking dumb?” I said through grit teeth.

Twilight took a step back. “... No?”

“Wrrrong. I suggest you don’t make another comment about ‘Spike’s femininity or apparent fuckin’ gayness unless you wanna twist the fuckin’ knife. That kid left the room with tears in those eyes.”

“Spike was fine.” Twilight said, scoffing and waving my simmering fury aside. “He’s just a little sensitive is all.”

I inhaled and steepled my fingers, pressing them against my sternum. “It’s not a matter of being sensitive; it’s a matter of being different, and having the person who raised you not see it. Ask Spike what he talked to me about while you were upstairs ‘working out knots’ and quoth ‘napping’,” I hit her with air quotes that were damn near tangible, “and hope that he can open up to you. Because honestly? Fuckin’ honestly? I’m ready to deck you right now, and it’s because you’re either blind, or you’re dumb. You either can’t see at all, which would be a pretty decent excuse right now, or you are mentally ill.”

Twilight didn’t really know how to respond to that. “... I don’t really know how to respond to that.”

“Don’t bother. Talk to ‘Spike’ in the morning and I’ll consider it a personal favour.”

Twilight rolled her eyes and looked at me, so I stared into her eyes as she said, “I, out of anypony, would know if something’s wrong with Spike-”

“So if Applejack was spending extra time with ‘Spike’, you would know the reason?” I challenged, making a guess.

‘...How does he know about that…?’ “Who told you that they spend time together?”

“No one. I took a shot in the dark with information I already had.” I answered cryptically.

‘Wait, what are they doing if Gauche is only guessing about it? What did Spike tell him?’ “... So you don’t know what they do when they’re alone?”

I shook my head. “I don’t, and I know you don’t. ‘Spike’ didn’t tell me everything, but he told me enough, and he asked me to keep our little heart-to-heart secret.”

‘Maybe I can weasel some more information out of him if I try the cute and concerned angle!’ “Gauche, I’m really starting to get concerned here…” She said, batting her eyelashes at me woefully, though she was not as good at it as Aria had been. “What if Spike needs me and I can’t get him to open up?”

I gave her a look. “Then you’ll have a lot more luck asking Applejack than you will me.”

‘Darnit! Maybe I can try sexy and-’ Twilight thought, opening her mouth and ‘subtly’ adjusting her posture to try and make her bust stand out more.

“That’s not going to work.” I said flatly.

“Wh-What’s not going to work?” She asked awkwardly, straightening up with a blush.

“I read body language and facial expressions too well for you to bullshit me, Twilight, and I’ve kept more secrets than days you’ve been alive. Believe me you when I say that I’ll take the vast majority with me to the grave, and if ‘Spike’ doesn’t confess ‘his’ ‘himself’, then you’re not hearing it from me.”

“Why do you keep putting emphasis on Spike’s name?” Twilight asked, finally having caught on.

“Ask ‘Spike’.” I replied drolly, scooping up my books from the table. “I’ll read these and be back tomorrow. I don’t know how long we’ll have for me to actually learn Magic, but I’ve already got a little of it down.”

“A little? What all can you do?”

I looked her dead in the eye and waited four… three… two… one… A second longer than it took for Spike. “Read minds.”

She rolled her eyes. “Only Unicorns and certain Shamans can do that.” ‘Can you really though?’

“No not really.” I deadpanned.

Twilight made a horse-like noise with her lips and it made me crack up because it was so accurate!

Can you really blame me? It’s fucking hilarious!

When I finished laughing, Twilight was tapping her hoof on the floor, which was an odd motion because pretty much every race on the planet had to raise their entire leg to do that, and she was no different, though that would make it normal… Fuck it, it’s odd to me. “Are you quite done?”

“Aw, shite! You know ponies do that on Terra too, right? Like, little horses. They make that noise.” I gasped for air.

“Aren’t Ponies animals on your planet?”

“Can you whinny?” I wheezed.

She fuckin’ did it and my shit was found somewhere over in Minosia because I completely lost it before remembering that I’d heard Dagger Fall bray. Meanwhile Twilight just gave me this half amused, half irritated look. “Whenever you’re done, you can take your leave. I think I’ve had enough of being nagged and laughed at for one night.”

I stopped laughing. Ice cold in a second. “If I need to nag you to get you to actually pay attention to Spike, then you’re gonna regret summoning me in the first place. I might not be an old woman, but I can fuckin’ nag.”
“Please don’t.”

I pointed a judicious finger at her. “Don’t make me.”

“You realize you’re talking down to a Princess, right?”

“I’ll stick up for a friend any day of the week, all comers accepted.”

Twilight pursed her lips. “... Guess I’ll talk to Spike in the morning. When should I expect you?”

“Eh, noon sound good to you?”

“Sorry, what I meant to say was I’ll talk to Spike in the afternoon. We don’t get up before eleven around this house.”

“So you stay up all night?” I asked, sensing a fellow Night Owl.
Twilight nodded, but her smiles were done for the day, so I saw myself out of her house and headed for the south side of town, where Applejack’s farm was supposed to be. I tried not to think as I walked, but as luck would have it, I stayed stuck in my head for most of the walk, though when I got to Applejack’s house, the lights were still on. I knocked instead of letting myself in and found Ladesa and Applejack sitting in the living room while Applejack’s Grandmother had been the one to answer the door. I didn’t stay and talk long, although Granny Smith was a treat, and the mood was good. However, no one asked me to stay any longer than I wanted and I got a room to myself with a pretty good bed inside, so with the fourth or fifth longest day in my life (It was fuckin’ up there.) over with, I tried to sleep.

How’s the saying go? ‘There’s no peace for the wicked’. I just so happened to fit the description. Who knew, though? Maybe the little extra life I would get from my sped up healing (I’m just going to call it a healing factor or something from now on.) would give me five or so good years where I could be purely altruistic?

Ha… If only if only...

Author's Notes:

Another chapter down.

As Always, Stay Cool, Kids