“Why did either of us think this was a good idea, Zecora?”

“You woke me up in the middle of the night, Glenn. What did you expect? Good ideas?”

“No, but—” He quieted himself as he heard a large number of hooves run by. A few seconds after the silence set, he let out the breath he was holding and turned back to the mirror. “Yes. Yes, I did. I mean, the capital of Equestria? What the fuck were you thinking?!”

Zecora huffed. “Well, if you let me finish what I was saying, I was about to recommend Neighra Falls, which is literally right on the border to the Northern Territory. But nooooo, you just say ‘yeah, it’s good’ and fuck off.”

The two continued to argue in the darkness of the abandoned house, Glenn quieting down every time his location might be revealed to the search parties. Apparently, the mare who saw him less than a single day earlier reported it to the ponice, causing nearly the entire force to go searching. They even managed to get the six she-devils on call, who were currently en route to the city, if the mare he’d eavesdropped on knew what she was talking about.

All-in-all, Glenn was most likely fucked, as Zecora liked to put it.

“No, Zecora, I can get out of this. Don’t fucking doubt me.”

“I bet you 100 bits you get your ass captured before you even get outside the walls.”

“You’re on. You owe me once I hop the border.”

Zecora grinned. “Oh, so you’re finally going with the logical option.”

Glenn scoffed. “Even people like me have to meet the stupidity quota of this world, you know.” There was a moment of silence between the two before they burst out laughing. “Alright, see ya, you’re gonna get me caught.” With that, he shut off the mirror and leaned back on the rotting wood, his smile nowhere to be found.

“I’m so fucked.”

“Glenn! Where are you?!”

“Motherfu—” Glenn bit his lip in hopes that it would stop any and every sound from exiting his body.

“I don’ think that stallion is around here, Twi. No stallion would wanta be in a run-down place like this.”

“U-um...he was in the forest last time, so...maybe he’s in the park—eep!”

“Great idea, Fluttershy! Let’s go!”

The thud of hooves vanished in the distance, leaving Glenn alone in the darkness.

It was moments like these he wished he knew how to teleport or turn invisible. Things would be so much easier. But, alas, magic was fucking hard.

Creeping ever so slowly to the doorway, he peeked his head out to see if the street was empty. Seeing that it was and that the sun was already setting, he exited onto the open street and into the adjacent alleyway.

“Wait, there he is!”

Glenn whipped his head around to see the technicolor fuckwads sprinting down the street after him. How the fuck did they see him from fucking kingdom come? He started a mad sprint down the alley, holding all of his profanities for when he was outside of the hellhole.

Quickly glancing back, he looked over who was in the slut squad. Seeing the living embodiment of a color theory chart coming his way at alarming speeds, he took a sharp turn out the alley and ran up to the closest stallion he could see, who was knitting on their porch.

Glenn felt sweat form on his brow with every slowly increasing in volume flap that echoed down the alleyway. “Excuse me, could you distract the blue multi-colored pegasus coming this way? Just for a bit?”

The stallion looked up from his work and gave Glenn a questioning look. “And what sort of trouble did you get into, lad? I ain’t want to be the stall that looks like a slut.”

Glenn shook his head, glancing back every few seconds. “Well, they’re actually trying to forcibly herd with me. A-And I already have some gir—mares at home.”

“Oh, I can understand your concern, then.” The stallion shook his head and warmly smiled. “Alright, I’ll see if I can catch her attention. You stay safe and get back to your mares, you hear me?”

Glenn felt a smile creep up on his face. “Yeah yeah, no worries, I’ll be on my way.” With that, he resumed sprinting down the street. He heard the rainbow mare’s flying cut short into a stutter as she came face to face with a smooth-talking stallion, followed by her friends catching up and shouting at her not to be a whorse.

Diving into another alley, he quickly came face-to-wood with a large picket fence blocking his way down the alley. Deciding that it would be best to progress forward rather than risk running back into the open, he gave himself a running start before taking a large leap towards the top of the fence. Instead of his intended goal, he smashed straight into the fence, which bounced him back to where he started. Clutching his nose and swearing under his breath, he shoots a beam of pure force from his horn, only for it to dissipate. He stepped back in surprise before audibly swearing and piling up the trash around him to form some makeshift steps.

“Who the fuck puts an anti-magic barrier on a wood fence?! Who fucking does that?!” He continued grumbling as he carefully traversed the precarious trash steps. One solid hop, and he grabbed onto the top of the fence pulling himself up with a sigh. “I could’ve exercised. I had a whole fucking forest to run through, but what do I do? Sit inside all day fucking reading. What the fuck, Glenn?” His musings were cut short by a sudden shout behind him, and the surprise caused him to fall off the fence and straight towards the ground.

Glenn ate shit for lunch, landing headfirst in the dirt. After his perfect ostrich imitation, he made a dash to the end of the alley. As he ran back out into the sunlight, he heard a loud swoosh, followed by a series of several similar thumps sounding from behind him. When he looked back, he saw that the mares had crashed on a conveniently placed pile of boxes right by the fence.

He suddenly felt himself tumble over, his bag flying off him as a heavy force hit him in the side. A quick blast of magic successfully removed the force, and only after he sprinted to his bag and picked it up did he notice that the object he blasted was a dazed ponicemare, ko’d on the ground next to him.

Pausing to stare at the pony, he turned and ran into the adjacent alley. After a few minutes of diving in and out of the alleyways, he skidded to a stop as he nearly came face to face with a small group of ponice blocking his destination. Not giving them a moment to speak, he slid several wooden pallets lying on the wall between himself and the mares.

“We’ve got you now!”

Glenn spun around to see the five that’d been chasing him all around this forsaken place blocking the other exit of the alley. Feeling panic rise up in his chest, he turned back and forth, attempting to keep watch of all the mares slowly encroaching onto his location, the ponice tossing the pallets out of their way. One of the ponice mares licked her lips. “Oh, you’ve been a bad stallion, making us search so hard for you. No worries, you’re safe now.”

In one last-ditch effort, he erected two force walls on either side, hoping to impede the oncoming finisher, but Twilight simply blasted through both of them like they were magic. Glenn felt his eyes and mind wander, ready to accept his loss and return to the imprisonment of herding.

“Wait, you guys seriously left the castle gates open?”

“What?” Twilight and the rest turned around to see, that indeed, the gates leading outside of the city were wide open. Before anypony could get a word in, a turquoise pony-shaped blur shot by them, out of the gates, and down the cobbled path, leaving all the mares too stunned to chase after him.

One of the other ponice mares sighed and facehooved. “I have no words.”

Glenn let out a bark of laughter, euphoric from joy and a lack of oxygen as the city slowly vanished in the distance. A few paranoid glances back and he found nopony trailing him. He slowed to a trot, then a walk, before he finally stopped under a tree at the bottom of the mountain. Collapsing onto the base, he spent several minutes taking deep breaths, a wide smile on his face.

“...Wow, what a rush. Fuck, that’s painful.” He let out a sigh, popped open his bag and pulled out the mirror, only to stop dead.

The mirror was cracked.

He quickly cast his spell on it, hoping it was still working.

He let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding as the mirror shimmered to life, Zecora looking amused on the other side.

“So, how are your state of affairs, Glenn? Got out with your ass intact?”

Glenn nodded, a small smile on his face. “Yeah, yeah, I did. You owe me 100 bits now, remember that.”

Zecora groaned, an over-exaggerated frown appearing on her face. “Of course, I’ll make sure I’ve completely forgotten by the time you get here.” The frown broke, replaced by laughter.

Glenn couldn’t help but join in.

Author's Notes:

Listened to this during creation:
Stories From Far Away on Piano - James Heather