“Ya’ve gotta be seein’ things, Twi. There ain’t no way no stallion would be out inna woods, nevermind the Everfree. I’m surprised most of ‘em can even walk around outside most days.”

Twilight groaned and lightly slammed her hoof on the table to bring validity to her statements. “I’m not ‘seeing things’, Applejack, I’m not that hungry for cock. Heck, I even have Zecora to back me up, I did see him exit her hut after all. We can go right now, if you’re that doubtful.”

The other five mares gave worried looks towards each other. This was bad news if there was a stallion all alone in the woods. It wasn’t safe there! There were monsters he could be hurt by, he could get lost, he could get cut up and trip over some roots and rocks! He could starve, he wouldn’t get his daily cuddles, he’d get dirty, and he wasn’t providing children for any mare! There’s no way he could survive by himself.

Seeing they were all thinking the same thing, the six mares took off out of Twilight’s castle and towards the Everfree Forest, in hope to catch this stallion and bring him back to civilization before something bad happened.

Even better, maybe he was finally the stallion that would complete their herd!

They quickly found themselves in front of Zecora’s hut, and threw the door in the doorway wide open. Twilight stomped up to the zebra. “Zecora, where is that stallion? Where is he right now?”

Zecora looked up from her brew, and scanned her eyes across the group. She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Ah, I thought you would come back, but I consider you quite silly for trying to ask that. As the stallion asked me not to tell, of the location in which he dwells.”

Twilight grabbed Zecora and shook her back and forth, apparently trying to shake some sense into her. “Zecora, this is important! We can’t leave that stallion alone! What if something bad hap—”

“Nothing bad will happen, that stallion is doing fine, around him the nature is rather benign.” Zecora pushed the alicorn off of her and returned to her brew.

Twilight stomped her little hoovsies into the wooden floor, attempting to establish dominance over the immigrant. ”Do you not understand how important this is?! A stallion is out there! Alone!”

Zecora shrugged her off. “I do not know what the problem is, but he asked me not to tell anyone where he lives. Now go, do not bother me no more.” With that, she shoved the group out of her home and slammed the door after them. Twilight stood there in shock, trying to come to terms with the fact that a mare refused to help a Princess of Equestria find a lost stallion. The nerve of her! She sighed and stopped herself from burning the hut down. She was a big mare! She could find this stallion all on her own! Well, her friends would help too, but that’s beside the point. She turned towards her friends. “Alright, it looks like we have to find this stallion on our own. What’s the plan?”

Rainbow Dash pushed her tuft out unnecessarilly, and struck a pose. “I’ll take to the skies and see if I see anything above!” With that, she took off above the forest.

Twilight facehoofed. “Looks like there’s five of us now. Any better plans?”

“Well, the rest of y’all can go scout around while ya and Rares use ya magic to do ya ‘scannin’ or whatevea it was called.” Applejack looked towards Pinkie and Fluttershy. Pinkie nodded enthusiastically and dragged Fluttershy with her into the forest before the pegasus could respond. The country mare sighed and turned back toward Twilight. “Sound good?”

Twilight and Rarity nodded, with the latter smiling. “I appreciate your thought towards me, darling. Best of luck!” Applejack rolled her eyes as Rarity waved her off, and departed into the forest after her two search-buddies.

After an unnecessary segment where Twilight explains to Rarity how to cast the scouting spell, the two unicorns blasted their magic goodness through the trees of the Everfree, and continued concentrating for what felt like hours. Honestly, it was probably much shorter, saying otherwise would probably ruin the dramatic effect. Twilight’s eyes shot wide open and she began sprinting into the forest. Rarity quickly broke from her trance to follow her. Twilight called out her findings, and the searching group quickly congregated at her location. She looked at the other mares excitedly. "I think I found the stallion!"

The other mares nodded and they ran as quickly as possible after Twilight. Soon enough, they reached a clearing with a rather average sized wooden house sitting in the middle. Applejack gasped and ran up to the building, rubbing her hooves against the wall. "Who's the mare who made this? This woodwork is incredible! I don't think I've seen anyone in Ponyville besides me and Big Mac who's done construction work like this.”

Out of nowhere, Rainbow Dash dives in from the sky and lands by her friends, her signature smirk plastered on her face. "Hey, it looks like you finally found the house. I was trying to find you and lead you here, but I couldn't see you past all the—”

"Shut up, Rainbow Dash." Twilight stepped up next to Applejack, also feeling up and observing the wood. “And this wood is quite worn down, and must've been out in the elements for at least a few months."

She turned to the door and gave it a few solid knocks. After a few moments of silence, the door creaks open. "Zecora, do you know anyone who’d be in the Everfree right now? And w—" The stallion looks at the group standing in the clearing, and the purple mare standing at the door, and quickly slams the door, a loud clicking sound following that.

Wasting no time, Twilight blasts down the door with a burst of her magic, and charges in after the stallion. Before she is able to take any other actions, she feels herself be picked up and thrown straight back out the door, the door she just blasted down quickly returning to its place, the hinges magically adhering themselves to the wall. She quickly rights herself on her feet, looking around in confusion. Not sparing another second, she again blasted down the door, the girls quickly trailing in after her. What greeted them was a cozy little living room, fireplace lit in the right corner opposite of the doorway, and the stallion in question sipping on his drink, reading a book at a table in the center of the room, and Zecora sitting on the side of the table, also enjoying a warm drink. "Get him, girls! Before whatever magical entity comes back!" Applejack dashed over to the stallion, but was greeted by an invisible wall, causing her face to comically smush itself into the invisible surface. Pinkie, who was trailing right behind Applejack, was met by an orange apple ass.

At this, the stallion looks up from his book and declares at the group. "Look, I know that you want to perform some heroics or some shit like that, but I'd much prefer if you just left me alone, all right?" With that, he looked back down at the book.

Twilight felt bewilderment fill her. “What are you talking about? It’s dangerous here! There was this magic that threw me out of the house! Who knows what it could do to a s—”

“Stallion like me, yeah yeah. Fuck off.” Glenn looked over towards Zecora. "Is there any tea left?" The zebra shook her head, and he sighed. "Shit, that was the last of it."

Fluttershy murmured from the rear of the group, "W-what kind of bad mare would teach you those words?" She let out a small sob and ran out of the house.

The rest of the mares could only stand there in shock as the turquoise stallion finished drinking his drink. Recovering from her shock, Rainbow Dash turned towards Zecora. “Hey, Zecora, why aren't you doing anything?! Help us bring the stallion to safety!”

The zebra simply smiled and placed her cup down on the table. “I think I can understand the issues you face, to a small extent, as experiencing things like this would bring quite the stress.” The stallion returned her smile and nodded.

Applejack stood up from her daze, righting her snout, and gave Zecora a death glare. “What kind of mare are you to just...just let the stallion sit there?! You damn zi—zebra, endangering all of our stallions!” She stomped against the wall, but she bounced off and fell back onto her back.

The stallion sighed. “Maybe I shouldn’t have started with a bumch of shit-talk. But this white-knighting shit just sets off my hair trigger like no tomorrow.” He shrugged and picked up his book. “Not like it mattered, looks like they’re still the exact same.”

Zecora nods and closes her eyes. “Mhm, their characters have simply failed to evolve. Maybe after the seasons pass, they’ll be much better off. Maybe in the 6th or so.”

The stallion rests his head in his hooves. “Shit, I don’t even know the fucking timeline, that could be literally any time. And maybe they won’t at all! This isn’t even the same uni—”

Twilight finally managed to use her brain for once, and broke the magic wall, allowing Rainbow Dash to fly up to the stallion and grab him. “Alright, let’s get him back to Ponyville! He’s obviously getting hysteric!”

“Ah fuck, no getting out of this fucking mess now. Keep watch over my house while I’m gone, thanks Zecora.” He waved at the zebra before he was extracted out of his house against his will. Zecora waved back, holding up a sign that said ‘Get fukt, nerd.’

The stallion couldn’t help but smile. He and Zecora got along so well.

“Wait, you want me to answer your fucking questions again?!”

Twilight looked up from her notes. “Yes! And tell the truth this time! Spouting such obvious lies like that doesn’t help anypony!” She managed to her him grumble ‘You fucking bitch’ under his breath before he sighed and waved at her to start. She smiled, and flipped to a clean page. “Alright, what’s your name?”

“My name is Glenn.”

“See, you’re lying again! Nopony has a name like that!”

Glenn grit his teeth and angrily let out a sigh. “That’s my name. That’s what it’s always been. Hell, Glenn can be an actual pony name. I’m not going to adapt some retarded pony name like ’Blueblush Bummerberry’ or some gay shit like that. Next question.”

“Um…” Twilight’s brow furrowed, and she looked over at her paper of questions. “Where do you live?”

“I live in the Everfree Forest, south end.”

Twilight pounded her hind hooves against the ground, frustrated. “There’s no way you live there! Nopony can live there! It’s dangerous! And random! The weather is crazy, the animals are crazy, and you can’t even own property anyways!”

Glenn groaned for what felt like the millionth time. “It’s perfectly livable, Twilight. My homeland was pretty much the same. It’s not dangerous, and it’s easy to adapt to the randomness. I don’t see the problem.” He stares at her dead in the eye. “Also, the last time I checked, no city owns nor lays claim to the land of the Everfree. I don’t need to own any property and go through your retarded legal system.”

Twilight felt sweat form on her brow. This stallion knew how the legal system worked? That’s impossible!

“How about we just do rapid-fire questions, so we can get through these, without you accusing me of fucking lying every time I say something your handicapped mind can’t accept as reality? Sounds good?”

Twilight gave a groan of her own. “Fine. Who are your parents, and where do they live?”

“Doesn’t matter, not in Equestria.”

“Who is in your herd?”

“No one. I don’t have a herd, and no interest in having one.”

Twilight felt her heart drop every time he said that. What awful situation did he go through to not get a herd? “T-talent and cutie mark?”

“None and none.”

Twilight threw her notepad on the ground. “How can you not have either?! Everypony should have a cutie mark at your age! It’s a fact of life!”

Glenn huffed and crossed his hooves. “And I told you that I’m not a pony. At least, not a pony by birth. I didn’t need a cutie mark in the past, and I don’t need one now.”

Twilight went over and embrace the stallion. “Oh, you poor, poor stallion. How could you be so disillusioned and so unfortunate? Don’t worry, Twilight’s here to help you heal.” Moments later, she was halfway across the room, unconscious from slamming into the wall at a relatively high velocity.

Glenn got up from his seat and walked towards the exit of the castle. He can’t help but feel his heart fill with sadness. It seemed like he would have to move again, now that the mares were on his back again. He tapped his forehead on the door leading outside. Why did he have to arrive in this fucked up world? The saccharine bullshit looked surprisingly pleasant at first glance, but he quickly found out that each gender acted as the other, to an extreme extent, and it also was assumed that stallions were hampered in every physical and mental category, therefore needed a mare to do pretty much anything.

If he ever got home, he was going to respect the fuck out of women. He finally understood.

With that, he creaked open the large double doors of the castle and peeked outside. Seeing that the coast was clear, he slipped out and sprinted back to the Everfree. Time to get the fuck out of dodge, and say goodbye to Zecora and the house that took a good 2 months to build.

Twilight groaned and reached up to hold her head. The last thing she remembered, she was comforting the poor stallion after he told her about all of his troubles. Now, she was lying on the ground with a splitting headache. Pushing herself up onto all fours, she looked around the room, and saw nopony around. Wait, where was the stallion? She felt adrenaline fill her veins and wake her up. Did he leave? Did he get lost in the castle? She rushed out of the room and began shouting through the halls “Glenn! Glenn! Where are you?! I’m over here! You’ll be s—”

“Twilight, what are you doing?”

Twilight skidded to a stop, seeing Spike walking from the opposite side of the hall with a bucket of ice cream. He stuffed another spoonful into his mouth and swallowed before continuing. “Why are you running through the halls like a madmare? You misplace a book or something?”

She knocked the bucket out of his claws. “Hey, eating that will make you fat! Anyways, have you seen Glenn? Stallion, kind of a turquoise color, unicorn?”

Spike sadly stared at his now-spilled ice cream. “W-well, I saw a stallion of the description exit out the front doors—”

“Thanks, Spike! Watch your figure!” With that, she dashes off to the entrance of the castle, leaving Spike to set up the rites for his melting ice cream.

Twilight threw open the doors, nearly knocking Pinkie clean off the castle stairs. The pink mare jumped up to Twilight. “How did it go?! What did you learn? Did you suck his dick? Did you get his name?”

Twilight pushed the bouncy mare out of the way. “No, I didn’t, his name is Glenn, and I can’t find him!”

Pinkie gasped. “Oh no! What happened?! Did some mare steal him for herself?!”

“I don’t know, Pinkie! One moment I’m comforting him, next moment I’m waking up on the floor with a splitting headache! Spike said he left the castle on his own, so there’s no knowing where he went! Get the girls, we need to find him!”

Pinkie gave the alicorn a short salute before sprinting off in the direction of Ponyville. Twilight followed, hoping they could find him before something bad happened.

“Well, I guess this is goodbye, then.”

“It seems it is.”

Glenn ended his hug with Zecora, and picked up the small amount of luggage. “Hopefully, I’ll be able to come back here sooner than later. I built this house, and goddamned if I don’t get to live in it properly.”

Zecora let out a giggle. “Do not worry, I will make sure nothing bad happens to it while you are gone. I have to admit, it’s much more pleasant than living in my alchemy hut. That place had quite the draft.”

Glenn shrugged. “Hey, commuting to work will get some meat on those bones, eh?” The stared at each other for a moment, before breaking out into laughter. It died down rather quickly, and he let out a sigh. “Still, I’m glad to have met you. Having at least one being in this world that isn’t absolutely fucking skewed was a breath of fresh air.”

Zecora nods. “Same to you. Sometimes, I do wish to return I could return back to my homelands so I don’t need to experience this unusualness, but you being here made it much more tolerable.”

Glenn gave her an inquisitive look. “Wait, why don’t you just head back? It can’t be worth staying here for anything.”

“Equestria closed their borders for immigrating or emigrating shortly after I arrived. Apparently the mares pushed some legislation to prevent stallions from chasing after other races. ‘Keep our stallions zigger-free’ or something like that.”

“Yeah, that sucks.” He looks at his bag, and back at her. “Hey, maybe you’ll finally get deported since you were seen with me.”

A look of realization slowly set on the zebra’s face. “...So what about your house? I can’t live in it while I’m out of the country, and they will definitely take the house for their own purposes.”

“I dunno, let’s burn it down or something. You have any animal bones around?”