~*~

That must be it. I can think of no other obvious answer and this one feels right in its own way. Fated. As if it had to be this way. Things all stayed the same before you came here, picked me up, turned my pages. I felt as I always had without you. But now here, with you, things are dIfferent and changing. You're the new factor that was introduced. Somehow, you're a part of this. This new power and feeling I sense within myself must somehow come from you.

Sure enough, when I think about it, I can look back and feel myself getting more and more confident, more alive with each turn of the page. With each page you turned you gave a littLe something to me. Maybe a part of you, or maybe you just filled in the blanks, in parts of me. You helped me remember what I missed about my life, what I wanted to be, what I never got a chance to have. You reminded me of the hurt and the pain that I suffered and am still suffering. You showed me what loneliness is like, by showing me the exact opposite. You showed me companionship, attention. You gave me something I want to take care of, protect, save.

You gave me something to fight fOr.

Was it all I needed? Something outside myself to care about? Something to be strong for, besides myself? It seems so small, so silly, so... crippling, even, to care for someone so much that you forget yourself for a moment. And I'Ve never even met you in person! I've never even seen your face! It doesn't make sense, none of this makes sense. Yet here we are. Yet here I am, bubbling under the surface. Feeling things I've forgotten and never fully knew. For you. About you, for the mere notion of your existence. I have to protect you, keep you safe from the same world that tried to destroy me and what I care about. I feel compelled to, I have to. You matter. To me, at least, you matter Enough to live for.

And thinking of you, thinking of this feeling I have for you, it makes me shake and rumble like an earthquake. It makes me want to rear back like I'm breaking the surface of a small pond and spatter water towards the skY. It makes me want to be whole again, and not for myself this time. I want to be for you. Be alive and whole so that you will be able to live a life that you deserve and have the happiness you deserve. And I will destroy any who would risk your harm, anyone who would stop me.

I knOw what I want to say. I know how I feel now, and I think I remember what this sensation is, this beat, this growth, this power. At last, after far too long of searching, I know. I know the words. They are not just words either, they are so mUch more. I finally know the words.

And I have already said them.

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