~*~

Maybe this feeling, this response I have to you... maybe it's giving me more than just hope. Maybe you're giving me back a part of myself that I lost somewhere along the way. Or maybe you're giving me back something I never had to begin with. There's always been a gap inside me, though it hasn't been an uncomfortable one. But your grasp on this book fills it in. The sensation of your touch feels like an all-too welcome intrusion inside me. Like being stabbed between a rib, I'd imagine, but in a pleasant way.

You can't touch my real body, but if you could, if you are willing, would you touch me here? In the empty space on this page. In the gap between my words. I won't know if you really are doing so or not, but I'll imagine you are. I'll picture in my mind you placing your warmth and sensation here. I'll do my best to visualize that you are really touching me, my true form, right against my chest. If I could, I would will it that you could feel my heart beat underneath, feel my lungs bring in air, hold it, and then release. You'll feel my life, my vibrancy, my wholeness. Maybe... you can imagine that yourself. Maybe if we both picture it at the same time, you'll really be able to feel that under your touch to this book. And maybe I'll be able to feel it back.

Will you try? To feel with me? Will you touch me? Here?

Thank you. Even if you didn't try, thank you. The thought of it is enough to put a picture in my mind, something for me to grasp at. Something real or whole. I don't know if you can imagine me fully, or feel me just through my language and ramblings... but I hope you can get a sense. Put together something like a shape, a smell, a sound. Something that represents me, more than a book. I'm not just paper and ink. I am so much more. I can be so much more.

Trying to feel you seems to make something tick inside my mind. Something shifts. Something moves and groans and tries to rise, like it's been asleep for far too long. Something is stirring in me and leaping to life all at once, far more violently than a flower blooming or a sun rising. The thought of you is a fire. I burn inside.

It almost makes me feel, really and truly feel...

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