~*~

Who do you look up to most in the world? Is it a teacher, a friend, a parent? Who, when you look at them, makes your eyes well up with longing of things you only wish you could be and do? I know you can hold an image of them in your mind, can't you. You can hear their voice, recall individual things they have said, every kind and unkind word from their lips. Talking to them makes you feel small, insignificant, like you'll never be good enough. And you trust them, don't you? You trust them wholly, with every part of your mind, your body, your life. You know who I'm talking about, that person you feel for.

Now, imagine them. Imagine you need help, and you go to them, open arms. You offer them everything you are and everything you have. You tell them of your plans and dreams, and how you're going to make a real difference in this world. You. Insignificant, little you. That you can be a hero, if they just give you a little boost, if they just give you a little hint as to how you can reach your dream. You'd trust them, to be kind, to help, to give even a tiny shred of their glory to you, in order to help you become even a fraction as great as they are. You're just asking them for help after all, right? And you look up to them...

Now, imagine they said no.

That kind of gut punch and betrayal... I don't have words for it. Even with all the words I have ever learned, everything I have learned to scrawl onto this page from my thoughts and feelings, I don't have language to portray that sensation. The closest I can think of is standing at the edge of a cliff, looking over the edge, certain you are alone there at the precipice... then feeling a sudden push to the small of your back. Perhaps you know that feeling. Do you? Has something like that happened to you?

Now double it.

Because your idol has not only told you no, but has told you that you are wrong. They speak as if you are foolish, as if what you are doing is not just a mistake, but an act of war or evil. And they look at you with such scorn and disgust, and you know then. You know right then that you were wrong about them. And the shine dies off of their outline, the sparkle leaves their smile. And you see them for the wretched, selfish, sentimental hag they are. You know all is lost, because all you have are words, powerless, empty words. You have nothing.

I had nothing.

But my suggestion, my motivation behind the words was enough for her. Maybe I frightened her. Maybe she was afraid I was too close to the answer. She told me I needed to learn the power of "just words" and that I needed time to think about right and wrong. She told me that my end did not justify my means, and that my means did not justify the end. She told me that I was the one hurting ponies now. I tried to tell her she was wrong, that I'd find a way to fix things, find the power myself, I think I even said sorry, maybe... and then she put me away. Away from everyone. Just like she'd done with her sister. If you'd felt this betrayal, if you had been shot down so thoroughly, by someone you trusted, don't you think you'd have the right to be hurt? To be upset? Don't you think you'd have the right to be angry?

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