Daring Do's Adventures in Whackademia
by Posh
First published
Daring Do solicits Rainbow Dash's assistance for her most dangerous adventure yet: She needs a date to a nerd party.
Daring Do solicits Rainbow Dash's assistance for her most dangerous adventure yet.
She needs a date to a nerd party.
Written for Aragon's "Comedy is Serious Business" Contest, under the prompt "We Learned Something Whackademic"
Pre-reading services provided by Danny "Editor Man" J, Oro "Eat This Entire Fist" Boro, and Dubs "Hugmuffin" Rewatcher. Cover art by wandrevieira1994, used without permission.
Daring Do Is in Your Bed
Rainbow Dash was sweaty.
It was the pleasant kind of sweaty, though – that lather that builds up after a heavy workout, the kind that signifies a job well done. She'd just come off of a long day of work and practice, and looked forward to a hot shower, and a good, eight to twelve hour catnap.
Her plans changed when she saw her front door. It was open – just a hair, just a crack – and that was disconcerting. She was pretty sure she'd remembered to shut it that morning, and she hadn't forgotten to close it behind herself since that first week she had Tank.
There was no denying the evidence, though. Her mind rifled through the possibilities – someone could have broken in any time after she left home that morning, robbed her blind, and left. Or they could still be in her house – for all she knew, she might be about to interrupt a crime in progress. What to do?
"Hmm." Rainbow Dash hovered, hind legs dangling, front legs folded. "A responsible mare would fly down to Ponyville, and file a report at town hall."
Then she snickered and slapped her knee.
"Yeah, as if."
Silent as a panther – a winged panther, at that – Rainbow Dash crept along the edges of the house. She decided to operate on the assumption that whoever had opened the door was still in the house, and glanced through every window, intent on ambushing the intruder on sight. The bottom floor was clear, and nothing looked out of place or missing, from her admittedly limited vantage. The second was the same. That left the third floor – ostensibly an attic, but in truth, her bedroom.
And if anypony was up there, then they'd be cornered, with nowhere to run.
Rainbow swept to the top floor, to her bedroom window, hooked her hooves onto the sill, and lifted her head to take a stealthy peek.
Indeed, there was an intruder. The sight of her delighted Rainbow Dash.
Daring Do reclined on the bed, her pith hat hung on the bedside table lamp. One hoof held a novel – Daring Do and the Infernal Machine – while the other lazily stroked Tank's shell. The tortoise was curled up beside the mare, wrapped in the feathery embrace of her wing.
"Huh," Daring Do muttered, angling the book down toward Tank. "Check it out, tortoise. There's a typo on this page – bottom of fifty-eight."
Tank lifted his head to the book, bit the page in half, and slowly chewed the paper.
Daring Do snorted. "You wanna be my new editor? Pay sucks, but you'll never go hungry."
"Daring Do is in my house?" Rainbow Dash whispered, quivering. "Daring Do is on my bed? Daring Do is feeding books to my tortoise on my bed?!"
Daring Do's ear piqued, and she turned to look at the window. "Oh, hi Dash. Y'know, you should really start locking your door when you leave the house. Anypony can just walk right in and—"
Rainbow Dash shrieked. She leaped into her bedroom, dancing excitedly, while Daring Do flattened her ears against her head.
"Daring Do broke into my house to lie down on my bed!"
Daring Do dug in one of her with the tip of her hoof. "Here I was hoping our friendship had advanced beyond the fangirl-squealing phase..."
Abashed, Rainbow slowed her dance. "Sorry. It's just... you're Daring Do!"
"As some are wont to call me."
"And you're in my room! On my bed!" Rainbow darted to her bedside, grinning. "Do you have any idea how many times I've fantasized about this? Exactly this?"
"You and about half my readership, I'm sure."
"And you're throwin' out awesome Daring Do one-liners – in my house, on my bed, while cuddling my tortoise, and I just— omigawsh!" Rainbow Dash made a giddy, high-pitched squeal in the back of her throat and pushed off the floor. "I can't believe you'd come to visit me! Here! At home! How did you know where I lived? When I'd get back from practice? I just – this is too – can I get you anything? Some juice? Or, ooh, what about a protein shake? I got like eight tons of whey in my kitchen that's about to expire—"
"Do yourself a favor and simmer down, Dash, before you sprain something." Daring Do shut the book and placed it on the bedside table, gave Tank a quick pat on the head, and slid off the bed to her hooves. "Finding your house wasn't hard; the rainbow fountains kinda gave it away. I didn't know when you'd be home. And I'll pass on the refreshments for now. Already drank all your OJ, anyway."
A blank look swept over Rainbow's face.
Daring Do's wings shuffled. "I got thirsty."
"Daring Do drank my orange juice," Rainbow whispered.
"Ugh, this is the Baltimare book signing all over again," Daring Do muttered, shaking her head. "Not that I mind being fawned over – occasionally – but I didn't just break into your house for shits and giggles. I mean, I giggled once or twice, and I did use your bathroom—"
"Daring Do sat on my toilet!"
"—but I'm really here because I need a favor. And it's..." A serious look swept over Daring Do's countenance. "It's not something I ask lightly."
"You mean it? Well, I'm your mare – what's the order of the day?" Immediately, Rainbow dropped to her hooves and saluted. "Adventure? Excitement? Artifact hunting? Saving the world?"
"No, nothing like that. It's more, uh... personal than anything else." Daring Do ran a hoof through her mane. "I... need a date."
Rainbow's ears, and wings, perked. "A date?"
"Yeah. To, um... to a reception." Daring Do coughed and glanced away. "An academic reception, to be exact. Hosted by the School of Archaeology, at the University of Fillydelphia."
Rainbow's ears, and wings, drooped. "Oh."
"Sorry if you were expecting something else," said Daring Do, eying Rainbow from hoof to head. "I know I'm coming out of nowhere with this – it took me by surprise, too, if we're being honest. I haven't been to one of these in years, and I wasn't really planning to attend one ever again. But I had lunch with my publisher the other day, and she said there was an invitation to this thing in my P.O. box – I keep one in Canterlot for official business. And I figured, why not?"
"So it's, what... some kind of egghead gala?" Rainbow Dash said. "Why're you asking me? This might shock you, but anything with 'university' in the title puts me to sleep. Literally. Ask Twilight; she'll tell you."
"I didn't think it'd be your bag. But, uh... the invite says I get to bring a guest, which means I'm expected to bring a guest. I was gonna ask my publisher, but she went into labor during lunch. Apparently, she's having twins." Daring Do shuddered. "Princess Twilight – funny you should mention it – was actually my second pick, but her girlfriend says she's been out of town all week, and she's not sure when she's coming back."
Now that she mentioned it, Rainbow Dash recalled Spike saying something similar – that Twilight got a message from Sunset Shimmer, and ran through the mirror to deal with it, without giving an explanation. Weird that she hadn't come back yet.
Then she frowned. "Twilight has a girlfriend?"
"Uh, yeah – that purpley unicorn in the castle? The one with the sparkly cutie mark, and the boingy mane?" Daring Do wound her bangs around her hoof and tugged on them to demonstrate.
"You mean Starlight?" Rainbow snickered. "She's Twilight's student. Not her girlfriend."
"It's cute how you think those are mutually exclusive options," said Daring Do, with a showy eyeroll. "I know it's not your regular thing, Dash, but you'd be doing me a huge favor. And it'd mean a lot to me, besides. So... you in?"
Rainbow cracked a grin. "Y'know what – why not? I've been hoping we could just hang out together, one of these days, without worrying about monsters or artifacts or whatever. Not that that stuff isn't fun – it'd just be nice to do something regular, for a change."
"I can't guarantee that this'll be 'regular,' exactly. But it's at least a change of pace from staving off the end of the world." A relieved smile spread across Daring Do's face. "The reception's tomorrow night; there's an evening express to Fillydelphia that should get us there in time. I, er, already bought you a ticket. Assumed you'd be coming along."
"You guessed right," said Rainbow. "What do we do 'til then? You got a place to stay?"
"Ah... no. But it shouldn't be too hard finding a place in town." Daring Do glanced at the bed. "'Course, if you don't mind—"
"Omigawsh, yes, you can stay here. Take the bed. Take the whole bed! You need more pillows? Blankets? Soothing ocean sounds to help you sleep?!"
"Some OJ'd be nice. For tomorrow morning." Daring Do smirked. "You're all out, y'know."
The Egghead Gala
Rainbow Dash hadn't worn this gown since her first Grand Galloping Gala. Wearing it now, it felt surprisingly loose. She knew she'd lost weight since joining the Wonderbolts, but she didn't realize how much.
Her date for the night cut a different figure in her own formalwear, if only in part because Rainbow was struck by how different she looked. She'd seen Daring Do incognito before, so the glasses and the prim, proper bun didn't take her by surprise. But the dress – a simple, yet elegant, black dress, purchased off the rack from Carousel Boutique – took some getting used to. Rarity had despaired at the late notice with which Daring Do visited her, moreso at having to cut holes in the sides to fit a pair of wings, but acquiesced to the customer's wishes. Nevertheless, she swore to prepare something unique and bold – "daring," she'd tittered – for Daring Do's next social engagement.
Whenever that would be.
They made quite a pair as they toured the University of Fillydelphia's campus, following the narrow, winding path to the reception hall. Fillydelphia proper didn't sprawl quite as far as Manehattan, but it was still a jungle of glass and steel and concrete, an environment where Rainbow Dash didn't quite feel at home. But the university, with its brick buildings and ivy-covered facades, its fountains and its well-manicured lawns, had an almost Ponyville-esque atmosphere, in which she felt far more at home, and at ease.
Wish we could do something about the stars, though, Dash thought, with a skyward glance. Which is to say, the fact that there were none.
"Can't ever get used to that," she muttered.
"Get used to what?" Daring Do said.
"The sky. The night sky. There's, like, no stars." Rainbow gave said sky another wary look. "It's not as bad over here as it is out in the city, but still. I'm used to seeing stars at night, and there's only one or two up there."
Daring Do nodded. "It's the light pollution."
"Well, I know that. Twilight explained it to me in Manehattan once. It's the same deal over there. Can't ever get used to it."
"Hmm." There was a wistful smile on Daring Do's face as she gazed around the campus. "Hold that thought for a while, would you?"
Rainbow looked quizzically at Daring Do. "You okay? I've never seen that look on your face. Kinda hard to tell what you're feelin'."
"Sorry. Old memories, I guess." She took a deep breath. "It's been years since I've been back – the place hasn't changed one bit."
"You went to college here?" Rainbow Dash shook her head disbelievingly. "No, scratch that – you went to college?"
"It's in every single one of my About the Author blurbs, Rainbow," Daring Do said chidingly. "Ugh, but nopony else ever reads those, so I guess I shouldn't be upset that you don't either."
Rainbow cringed. "I mean... I can start, if it really bugs you that much."
"You say that, but we both know you won't." Daring Do sighed. "U of F's my alma mater. I got my BA here. Almost got my MA, too, but uh..."
She coughed, and looked away awkwardly.
"That didn't quite pan out."
Rainbow Dash's lips twisted in confusion. "I don't suppose there's a class here that'd help me understand, like, any of what you just said. "
"For crying out loud, Dash. Not getting the language, I can forgive, but the acronyms – were you raised in a barn?" Daring Do rolled her eyes, but Rainbow caught a glimpse of a smile. "Yes, I went to college here. Spent five and a half years studying archaeology. A lot of my old advisors still work here, too; we'll probably bump into a couple of them tonight. You don't have to say anything to them, but be prepared to smile and nod a lot."
The path opened up to a well-kept courtyard, dotted by trees with strings of lights wound around their boughs and branches. A wooden bridge arched over a stream, and across that bridge was a vast hall with a glass rotunda. A few ponies in formalwear milled about outside the building – Rainbow guessed that was where the reception was being held.
Daring Do led her across the bridge, toward the rotunda, exchanging muttered pleasantries, smiles, and nods with some of the attendees outside. Rainbow mirrored her, and watched their faces for some flicker of recognition, of excitement – for "A.K. Yearling," but primarily for herself. Such things were wont to happen when a Wonderbolt went to social events.
But while the ponies were perfectly polite enough to smile and nod at her, not a one seemed to recognize her.
She was almost offended by that.
The pair came to a stop at the rotunda entrance. Daring Do examined a bronze plaque, green from years of exposure to the elements, attached to the reception hall's wall.
"'Come Loudey Memorial Rotunda,'" she read. There was something else, too, in smaller script, at the bottom of the plaque. She squinted to read it. "Bonna... bannata—"
"Bonitatem et Disciplinam et Scientiam Doce me." Daring Do's tongue rolled effortlessly over the unfamiliar syllables. "'Teach me goodness and discipline and knowledge.' It's the school's motto. Cum Laude was the school president, way back in the day – this place was built just before I started classes here."
There was a slight, almost imperceptible, tremble in Daring Do's voice. It was so unlike her to be nervous. Rainbow Dash leaned close to her ear.
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah. Yeah, just – like I said, it's been a while since I've been back. Nerves, that's all." Daring Do smiled disarmingly at Rainbow, then glanced at the front of her gown. "Apropos of nothing, but how much room do you have up front? In your dress, I mean."
"Uh..." Rainbow glanced down, frowning, and tugged at her bust line. "Enough to spare. Pretty sure I've lost weight. Why? I don't look like a tank, do I?"
"I'll let you know if it comes up." Daring Do straightened, and plastered on a smile. "Let's mingle."
The rotunda was larger inside than it looked from without, and a smidge more exciting, too. Wooden railings ringed the perimeter, carved intricately and polished to a sheen, and wrought-iron sconces fitted with gaslamps – or electric lamps made to look like gaslamps – lit the chamber in a vivid yellow glow. A stage was raised at the far end of the hall, with a podium and microphone, and rows of cushions were laid out in front of it – dozens of cushions, in total, enough to accommodate the bottoms of every one of the ponies conversing throughout the interior. The number of ponies, and the quality of their formalwear, reminded Rainbow of an eggheadier Grand Galloping Gala. Rarity would be happy there. Twilight, moreso.
There was a buffet table, too, boasting platters of fruits and vegetables, bread and hors d'oeuvres. And beside the buffet table was a bar, where a blue unicorn stallion stood in front of a respectable selection of wine and liquor. But the real eyecatcher was the glass ceiling. Rainbow craned her head back to get a glimpse of it – and nearly fell onto her haunches, shocked by what she saw.
The sky outside may have been a blank black canvas, but through the glass, they were all visible. Every star, every constellation, even the rich band of the Milky Way, all the products of Luna's hard work, stretched from one end of the heavens to the other.
That was something she wished she could share with Twilight.
Daring Do noticed her gawking. "The glass has been treated with some kind of magical process that lets it – more or less – completely ignore the physics of light pollution." She chuckled. "Unicorns, am I right?"
"Celestia," Rainbow breathed. "I— I think there's more up there than you'd see in Ponyville!"
"That's possible, actually. Light pollution in Ponyville isn't as bad as it is here, but it's not nonexistent, either. The sky you're looking at right now? That's one hundred percent natural." Daring Do nudged her flank against Rainbow's. "You feel better about the stars now?"
Rainbow thought of Twilight's face lighting up, and felt herself smile.
"...Yeah. I do."
"Thought you might." Daring Do stared at the night sky a moment longer, before pulling Rainbow Dash toward a table set up beside the door, where a curvy black unicorn mare with a mouse-brown mane sat.
"We'd better check in," said Daring Do. "Don't want them to think we're crashing this party, now, do we?"
The mare at the table had a thick sheaf of papers in front of her, and a pen floating beside her head. She looked barely more than a filly, but was bright-eyed and eager, and greeted the pegasi with a smile.
"Your name, please?"
"Check under 'Yearling,'" said Daring Do.
The mare had no reaction to the best-selling author standing in front of her, except to shuffle through her papers. "I have an... Annabelle Yearling. That's you?"
"It is."
"It is?!" Rainbow said, with a shocked look at her date.
Daring Do elbowed her. "Are we all set?" she said to the unicorn.
The unicorn nodded at the two of them, and gestured toward the crowd of eggheads. "Enjoy the evening, Ms. Yearling."
"'Annabelle?'" Rainbow repeated, as they left the table behind. This time, though, she had the presence of mind to speak more softly.
"What did you think 'A.K.' stood for?" Daring Do replied.
"I dunno! I never thought about it – I always assumed that 'Daring Do' was your real name, and 'A.K. Yearling' was, like, your secret identity, or whatever."
"Well, you were wrong, weren't you? So ixnay on the Aring-day-Oo-day," Daring Do hissed through clenched teeth.
Rainbow's ear flicked quizzically. "You gotta stop doing that. If you can't talk regular, then I'm not gonna be able to understand you, and I don't see how we're supposed to hold a conversation if—"
"Look," Daring Do interrupted, pressing her hoof to her forehead. "Outside of this room, if you wanna call me... that other name... then go nuts. In here, for tonight, I'm Annabelle. Or 'A.K.,' if you'd like.
"Alright, alright. Your night, your rules." A thought occurred to Rainbow Dash. "Hey, if the 'A' stands for 'Annabelle,' then what's the 'K' stand for?"
Daring Do didn't answer – she was staring into the crowd. Then, slowly, she waded inside, nudging her way past other attendees and muttering apologies as she went.
"Hell-oooooo?" Rainbow said, her wings keeping her close behind Daring Do. "What does the 'K' stand—"
Daring Do stopped so abruptly that Rainbow Dash collided with her backside. A withering glare forced Rainbow to the ground; she flattened her ears and bowed her head, grinning sheepishly.
Muttering something to herself, Daring Do turned away from Rainbow, and put her gaze squarely on a pair of stallions conversing in front of her. One was an earth pony, and young, at that – of age with the mare who had the guest list, from what Rainbow could tell. He was olive green, with a plain white mane, and the only piece of clothing he wore was a plaid kerchief around his neck, identical to the image stamped on his flank.
Rainbow stifled a chuckle at the congruity.
The other was far older – or so Rainbow assumed; it was hard to tell when he had his back to her. The ringlets of steel-gray mane crowning the top of his head were her only clue, along with the light dusting of dandruff on his tuxedo's shoulders – something Rainbow always associated with the elderly. The tails of his tuxedo obscured his cutie mark partially. but as far as Rainbow could tell, they were two cookies, one pink and the other white, stacked on top of each other.
"Do me a favor," Daring Do said to Rainbow. "Be on your best behavior, just for a minute."
Then she cleared her throat, and took a step closer to the stallions.
"Dr. Pfeffernusse?"
The older stallion's ears flicked, and his body seemed to stiffen, at the sound of Daring Do's voice. Slowly, he turned around, and Rainbow saw that her assumption about his age was dead-on. His face was lined and wrinkled – jowly, that was the word to describe him – and his eyebrows big and bushy, big enough to encroach upon the base of his slender horn. His eyes widened briefly, upon glimpsing Daring Do, before narrowing.
"Ms. Yearling," Dr. Pfeffernusse said softly. "It's been some time. You look well."
"So do you, Doctor." Daring Do smiled.
Pfeffernusse's lips twisted wryly. "I'll thank you not to lie to my face, young filly."
The other stallion, who was craning his neck to see over Pfeffernusse, suddenly broke into a giddy grin. "You're A.K. Yearling? The author, A.K. Yearling?"
"No, the patissier, A.K. Yearling." Daring Do shrugged. "Common mistake. Happens all the time."
"The author of Daring Do is being sarcastic at me!" The stallion made a squealing sound in the back of his throat, and pranced on tiphoof.
Rainbow Dash felt her face heat up, and leaned close to Daring Do. "Is... that how I sound when I do it?"
"No, no." Daring Do patted Rainbow's wing reassuringly. "You're far girlier about it."
Pfeffernusse watched the stallion prance, bemused, before giving his attention back to Daring Do. "You'll have to forgive Ascot here. As a graduate student, he's quite brilliant, but he doesn't always cope well with surprises. Regardless of whether they're positive or negative."
"Unfortunately, not everypony can be as cucumber cool as you, Doctor." Daring Do's smile shrank a bit. "Are you surprised to see me too?"
Pfeffernusse's regarded her silently for a moment. "Should I have expected you?"
"...I guess not." Daring Do cleared her throat, and gestured at Rainbow Dash. "I should probably introduce—"
"Ah, I don't need an introduction," said Rainbow Dash, stepping forward. "I'm sure my reputation proceeds me."
"Precedes," Daring Do muttered.
Rainbow Dash wave a hoof dismissively. "I've heard it both ways."
"No. You haven't." Daring Do's forehead creased. "This isn't what 'best behavior' looks like."
"Aw, c'mon D— Annabelle. Ponies know what to expect when they meet Rainbow Dash for the first time." She flashed a cocky, daredevil grin. "And it isn't 'best behavior.'"
Ascot's prancing slowed to a stop. He exchanged a look of confusion with Pfeffernusse.
"Uh... Rainbow Dash? From the Wonderbolts?" Rainbow's grin waned. "I mean, maybe the old guy hasn't heard of the Wonderbolts, but you have, right kid?"
Ascot shook his head.
What, seriously? Rainbow thought, huffing. "Okay, uh. Best Young Fliers? Sonic Rainboom? That's gotta ring a bell, right?
"Sonic... rainboom." Ascot looked at Pfeffernusse. "Is that a band?"
"Elements of Harmony?" Rainbow Dash's desperation was palpable, and sounded awful to her own ear. She couldn't imagine how bad it sounded to the others. "I helped beat Lord Tirek? King Sombra? Queen Chrysalis, Discord, Nightmare Moon?!"
"I'm told she prefers Princess Luna these days, miss," said Pfeffernusse sternly.
It dawned on Rainbow, then, just how dire her circumstances were. As a Wonderbolt, she'd earned acclaim, but this was an egghead gala. And, to a crowd of eggheads, her athletic achievements meant nothing.
You'd think saving the world five or six times'd get me some notoriety, at least, she silently grumped.
Daring Do patted Rainbow Dash's withers comfortingly, and glanced around the room. "Got a pretty good crowd in here. Dr. Garnish, Dr. Feldspar, Dr. Candelabra – so much distinction, you can practically smell it. Are they all presenting tonight?"
Pfeffernusse nodded. "As is Dr. Bailiwick."
Daring Do shot him an incredulous look. "You can't be serious."
"Did you forget to pick up a program? He's presenting first tonight. I'm supposed to introduce him and his research." He added, pointedly, "It's best if you steer clear of him."
"Thanks for the heads up." Daring Do muttered something under her breath that Rainbow couldn't catch. "What about you? Are you presenting too?"
"To say 'yes' would stretch the definition of 'presenting.' I'm fielding questions on my recent publication in the Journal of Equestrian Antiquity." Pfeffernusse drew himself up. "It's about pre-classical thestral settlements—"
"—In the mountains of Northern Equestria, and their relationship with the Crystal Empire," Daring Do finished for him.
Pfeffernusse, again taken aback, widened his eyes slightly.
"I'm a lifetime subscriber, remember?" Daring Do adjusted her glasses. "Kind of surprising to see your name in there, to be honest – you don't show up in those pages nearly as often as you used to."
"Yes, well." Pfeffernusse cleared his throat. "I've grown to value quality over quantity in my advancing age. Unlike many of my peers."
Daring Do chuckled. "Publish or die. Am I right?
"Mm." Pfeffernusse gave Daring Do a long, evaluatory look. "Publish and die, for some."
His voice was frosty, chilling away Daring Do's jovial attitude. She nodded, and said nothing else.
Some tiny spasm of regret flashed across Pfeffernusse's face for an instant, before he sighed and glanced toward the stage. "Begging your pardon, everypony, but we're a few minutes away from starting, and I really must be going. A pleasure to meet you, Rainbow Dash. Ascot – please refrain from raiding the buffet table during Dr. Garnish's lecture."
He looked for a moment at Daring Do, but appended nothing for her, and headed off toward the stage without another word.
Daring Do had a pensive look as she watched Pfeffernusse retreat. Ascot just looked very confused – about as confused as Rainbow felt in that moment.
"Did I miss something just now?" she asked, looking between Daring Do and Ascot. "I mean, besides the eggheadspeak, which was all over my head."
"Your guess is as good as mine," said Ascot. He bit his lip, and looked at Rainbow Dash. "Dr. Pfeffernusse is usually so... warm. And accommodating. I've never heard him talk like that before."
"Hope you never do again, kid," Daring Do said softly.
The other ponies in the reception hall began filing over to the cushions in front of the stage. Ascot excused himself politely, and went to take a seat beside the mare from the check-in table.
"We'll want to sit in the back row," Daring Do said to Rainbow Dash. "Should probably grab seats quickly; the back fills up the fastest."
"Why?" Rainbow said, as they made a beeline toward a pair of cushions. "Wouldn't most of the ponies here want to sit up front? Y'know, to soak up the eggheadiness better?"
"Sure, but they're far less eager to soak up saliva. And, seeing as Dr. Candelabra is presenting tonight, a water hazard advisory is in effect."
"Gyuh." Rainbow Dash made a face and glanced at the stage, where Pfeffernusse was conversing quietly with an older mare in an evening gown. "Did something happen between you and that old guy?"
"You could say that." Daring Do found a cushion, two seats into the row, and settled down, sighing. "Pfeffernusse was my academic advisor, back when I was a grad student here. My mentor, basically. We, uh... had a falling out over the direction I wanted to take my studies. Haven't even spoken to him in fifteen years. I assumed the invite came from him, but I guess I was wrong about that."
There was an uncertainty, a hesitance, in Daring Do's voice as she spoke of Pfeffernusse. She masked it well – mostly – but it was still plain to Rainbow Dash just how much it bothered her. For her part, Rainbow couldn't immediately relate. She'd never had a pony who she considered a mentor – never had somepony who was, to her, as she was to Scootaloo. The Wonderbolts served as role models and instructors, but none of them ever really troubled to take her under their wing the way she'd expect a mentor to.
Still, she had her idols – one of whom was sitting right beside her. She knew what their approval could mean to somepony. And she could guess how damaging their disapproval could be.
It would suck. It would suck a lot. She gave a lingering look at Pfeffernusse. I'll bet it'd suck to be on the other end of it, too.
Then a thought occurred to her, and she leaned over to Daring Do.
"Fifteen years, you said, right? How old are you again?"
Daring Do responded with a glare.
Whackademic Curiosity
The distant sound of rushing rainbow-falls underscored Twilight's delighted moans, as Rainbow Dash's muzzle busied itself upon her.
"Oh, Rainbow," she gasped, "this feels so much better than when I do it by myself!"
"'Course it does." Rainbow lifted her face from Twilight and chuckled. "I should be charging you money for this."
"Don't stop, Rainbow!" Twilight cried breathily, her chest heaving. "Don't ever stop preening me!"
Rainbow's teeth clamped down on Twilight's wing, and the alicorn princess cried out ecstatically.
"Ahem."
Rainbow rolled her eyes up, away from the wing between her teeth, and spotted Princess Luna standing a few feet away. Her face was set into a scowl.
Rainbow blinked. "Wan' sum?" she mumbled around a mouthful of feathers.
Princess Luna's eyes narrowed. "Haven't you something better to do?"
Confused, Rainbow tilted her head. She opened her mouth to speak, but her words were swallowed by the sound of the rainbow-falls building in intensity. Louder, and louder, and louder they grew—
Rainbow Dash lurched awake to the sound of violent applause – and the sensation of being violently shaken. Immediately, and instinctively, she started to stomp, looking frantically left and right. Her mouth tasted weird, too – kind of oily, with a weird texture along her tongue and between her teeth. Around them, the attendees were standing and filing out of the rows, to the buffet table and the bar, or picking up conversations left hanging when the presentations started.
"What'd I miss?" Rainbow mumbled.
Daring Do looked decidedly miffed. "Everything. You dozed off two minutes into Pfeffernusse's intro, and I couldn't wake you up."
"So, nothing important, then?" Rainbow grinned lopsidedly.
"Ugh." Daring Do stood, stretching out her legs and wings. Her left looked somewhat uneven, with some feathers slicker and straighter than others.
Rainbow must have stared too hard, because Daring Do snapped her wings shut, face red. "You snore like a rusty chainsaw. I had to shove my wing in your mouth to shut you up. Then you started... preening me."
Rainbow raised an eyebrow.
"...Well, it felt kinda nice, okay?" Daring Do muttered, glancing away.
Internally, Rainbow chuckled.
"So, what do we do now?" she asked, as she and Daring Do rejoined the throng at the front of the reception hall. "Catch a train back to Ponyville? Find a place to sleep in town for the night?"
"As if. The night's still young, and the presentations are only one part of the evening's festivities," said Daring Do. "We got plenty of mingling and schmoozing to do. Not to mention the free food..."
Glancing about, Daring Do caught sight of Dr. Pfeffernusse on the other side of the crowded hall. The same thoughtful expression that'd caught her before swept back over her face.
Rainbow nudged her shoulder. "You with me, Da— uh, A.K.?"
"...Hmm? Yeah, just..." Daring Do glanced quickly between her date and her mentor. "Could you give me a few minutes? I, uh, think I'm gonna try smoothing things over with Pfeffernusse. Meet you back at the bar, okay?"
"Sure thing, but—"
Daring Do was gone before Rainbow could finish her sentence.
"How long are you—" Rainbow grunted, took off, and hovered over the crowd to track Daring Do through it. "How long are you gonna be?"
But Daring Do was gone, another black gown among dozens of other black gowns.
Rainbow dropped down and folded her wings with a bitter groan.
"Schmoozing alone at an egghead gala," she muttered, trudging off. "Sure, that's my idea of a good time. Why wouldn't it be?"
A younger Rainbow Dash would have thought the answer would be "because schmoozing is boring." Far from it. She'd been to enough galas and social events with the Wonderbolts to know that, depending on the crowd and the event, schmoozing could be both fun and rewarding.
But this was the Egghead Gala, and she had nothing in common with anypony. Once more, she thought of Twilight, at how easily she'd handle a situation like this.
For some reason, thinking of Twilight made Rainbow blush.
Alone, Rainbow wandered the fringes of the reception hall, overhearing snippets of conversations from strangers on subjects she had no experience with. Most, she filtered out.
One caught her attention.
"...think you're all acting ridiculous. She's a bestselling writer and an alum; she's got every right to be here."
Rainbow's ear piqued. That was Ascot speaking, the grad student who'd been with Dr. Pfefferfurter, or whatever. She swiveled toward the source of the voice, and glimpsed him with a few other ponies. One, Rainbow recognized as the mare from the check-in table. The two of them were standing close together, with their flanks almost touching.
Aww.
Besides the two of them, there was a mauve mare in a mauve cape that matched her natural coloring far too well, and a minty-green stallion with a two-toned mane that recalled toothpaste.
The mauve mare snorted in response to Ascot's comment. "Is that a joke? She shouldn't even have been invited – and you shouldn't let yourself be seen with her. Pfeffernusse can get away with it. You, frankly, cannot."
"Yeah, it's fine if you like her books," added Toothpaste Mane. "But if you really want to meet her, then you should do it at a convention, or a signing, or whatever. Someplace where you're not likely to tank your reputation."
"She doesn't do signings," Ascot retorted. "She's, like, super reclusive."
"Whatever," the stallion drawled. "Point is, talking to her at an event like this is academic suicide. Chicory, help me out. Maybe you can get through to him."
The sign-in table mare looked between Ascot and Toothpaste Mane, blinking. "We're talking about that mare with the orange glasses, right? Annabelle Yearling? I didn't know she wrote a book, but she seemed nice enough when she checked in."
"You've never read— are you serious?" Ascot pulled away from her. "I don't think we should see each other anymore, Chick."
Chicory smacked him playfully, and pulled him in for a quick smooch.
Rainbow thought of Twilight again.
"Seriously though, Lamb," said Ascot, now nestled closer against Chicory. "I really think you're both overreacting. What's that thing Pfeffernusse is always saying? 'Hitch your wagon to a star?' What else would you call the author of Daring Do?"
"She's a star that's imploded, Ascot," the mauve mare sighed. "What are imploded stars known for, again? Remind me."
Toothpaste Mane and the mauve mare – one of whom was apparently named Lamb – shared a laugh, as Ascot fought to interject.
And Rainbow stood there, the wheels in her head turning. Daring Do had made it sound like it was only Pfeffernusse that she fell out with. But here were two other eggheads from the same school, cracking jokes about her, calling her names, and acting as if merely being seen with her would kill Ascot's academic career.
It wasn't just Pfeffernusse that Daring Do fell out with, Rainbow realized. Her whole reputation was shot.
And what is an imploded star known for? Rainbow Dash rubbed her nose grumpily. Twilight would know.
She was just about to interject – to relieve the beleaguered Ascot, and to defend Daring Do – when a stallion swept upon her, interposing himself in Rainbow's vision.
"You there! You, young filly, with the dashing mane! Could I beg a few minutes of your time?"
"Uh..." Rainbow recoiled, running a hoof instinctively through her mane. "I was in the middle of something, actually—"
"And I'll get you right back to it. You have my word!" The stallion gave a sloppy bow, baring the top of his bald head to Rainbow Dash. "Dr. Bailiwick, at your service. Perhaps you remember me?"
Rainbow tried very, very hard not to notice the bushy tufts of gray hair sprouting from Bailiwick's ears. "Er... you one of those guys who presented up there, weren't you?"
"Correct! Not that I expect you to remember that. Don't think I didn't notice you back there, with your eyes shut and your muzzle in Annabelle Yearling's wing, Rainbow Dash!"
"You know who I am?" Well, that put him head and shoulders above the other attendees. "Well, uh, nice to meet a fan, I guess. You want an autograph?"
"Why, are you famous?"
Rainbow blinked. "I'm starting to wonder."
"Well, at least I know who you are. You were at the Canterlot Garden Party, some years ago. You propelled a cupcake through the air, as I recall, and it lodged headfirst in my left ear. I was impacted with vanilla frosting for a week after!"
Bailiwick emitted something that was, at once, both belch and chuckle, sending a sour reek of alcohol to assault Rainbow's nostrils. His breath didn't simply smell like gin; it was practically gin in gaseous form.
"...Cool to see you again," said Rainbow Dash. Her nose was wrinkled, in a vain attempt to block out the gin-stench. All it did was make her voice sound higher and squeakier than the norm. "Well, uh, it's been fun, but I gotta go wait for somepony somewhere—"
"Wherever at? I'll keep you company."
"The bar. I mean—" Rainbow squeezed her eyes shut and cursed herself.
Don't try and shake the wino by telling him you're going to the bar, moron!
Bailiwick, predictably, was delighted. "I was on my way there, myself. Wanted to wet my whistle a bit."
"Think your whistle's plenty wet already," Rainbow muttered as Bailiwick looped a foreleg over her withers. It took everything in her not to buck him off right then and there – if what she'd seen and heard was accurate, then Daring Do's reputation was bad enough without her date for the night assaulting drunken eggheads.
No matter how bad they deserved it. And Bailiwick, that stinky, snickering, swaying old fart, certainly seemed to deserve it.
"One wet whistle deserves another, eh? Eh?!" he all but shouted in Rainbow Dash's ear.
"We'd better still be talking about alcohol, pal."
The unicorn bartender gave Rainbow and Bailiwick different looks as they approached together – Bailiwick, a look of exasperation, and Rainbow, a look of sympathy. "You want another gin, Dr. Bailiwick?"
"You want that letter of recommendation, Lingua Franca?" Bailick slurred back.
The bartender clenched his teeth, and floated over a glass, and a bottle of clear blue liquor. "For you, miss?"
"Cider. Sweet Apple Acres, if you have it."
"Not a drop, I'm afraid."
"Of Sweet Apple Acres?"
"Of cider. Period. Just wine and liquor." The bartender poured a glass for Bailiwick, and slid it toward him. "And water, of course."
Rainbow deflated and dropped her head to rest her chin on the bar. "Water's fine."
The bartender served her. She lost track of time after that.
Bailiwick talked, and drank, and talked less coherently with every drink he had. Mostly, he talked about buffalo: buffalo myths, buffalo legends, buffalo stampeding habits. Apparently, he'd spent some time among them in his younger years, which made him something of an expert. It was the first time that night anypony said anything to Rainbow Dash that she actually understood, having spent some time around buffalo herself.
She tried to follow along, despite his drunken slurring. There was talk about a fancy bird ending everlasting winter – which she knew about already – and something about the sun fighting a bunch of earth ponies – which she tuned out for making no sense. It was only after interminable minutes of buffalo-talk, and fifteen separate uses of the word "ethnography," that Bailiwick finally decided to change the subject.
"Sho, Raybowdish... dash... Raybowdash, that'chername... how'sh a, what'chacallit, a gal like you, wind up with Anna Karenina Yearling?"
...Karenina? Rainbow shook her head – no way that was legit.
"Blind date," she muttered into her water glass.
"Har! Yer a funny gal..." Bailiwick finished his gin and sighed, beckoning for the bartender to fill his cup again. "Bu' c'mon, y'gotta... I mean, I'm jus', I'm confushin. 'Cuz, you... on the one hoof... classy gal, goes to galas, goes to garden parties... an' on the other hoof..."
He made some sort of fumbling gesture with his hooves.
"Anna Yearling. Good wif'a servin' tray... 'n not fer much elsh."
Rainbow looked up from her water, suspicious. "What do you know about A.K. Yearling?"
"Ah... she hashn't told you yet? Shavin' it fer the third date, I sh'posh."
Bailiwick slammed back half his glass and coughed.
"Hokay. Sho. Anna Yearling – great student. One o'the besht. Pfeffernoosh's protege – he'sh real proud o'her. He forksh over bunch'a money, paysh for her t'go on field research, indie shtudy, way out pasht the Badlandsh. Shicksh monsh later, she comesh back, an' what'she talkin' 'bout?"
Bailiwick wagged his hooves in the air spasmodically.
"Artifactsh. 'N monshtersh. 'N the lost Oogah-Boogah shivilashin that wanted the Shaffire Shoresh, or whatever, ta do... shomethin'." Bailiwick snorted disgustedly. "Likely shtory."
"Uh, are you kidding me? That's what she did to drag her name in the mud?" Rainbow spat. "I can't even go to the bathroom without trippin' on a dark artifact, and stumbling into some lost civilizations' ruins. They're, like, everywhere."
"Aaaaaan' thass true! Thass true! An' nopony knows it better'n archaology students. 'N sapientology students. 'N paleontology students. Any-ology students."
Bailiwick finished off the last of his gin, waving the bartender away when he came to refill it. He stared at Rainbow Dash, swaying in his seat, and leaning on the bar for support.
"Yer not in th'field, so... y'don't know thish. But... D'you know how many poniesh try an' get ahead of th'pack by makin' up shtoriesh 'bout findin' artifactsh 'n losht shivilationsh? Get a bunch'a them erry year from shtudents what don't know better. Pfeffer's protege? She should'a known better. Didn't, though. 'N they laughed it off. Made a big stink o'er it, drove her outta th'academy. An' they were right to."
All she did was tell the truth, Rainbow thought. Her hooves pressed hard against the bar, digging deep into the polished wood.
And they laughed at her for it.
"Wha'm shayin' ish... yer prob'ly better off ditchin' her. Maybe shooner, not later." Bailiwick, leaned closer to Rainbow, his breath ginnier than ever. "Y'know, I-I got an office 'round here... Emeritush office... should be empty right about now, if you wanna, uh..."
He winked.
Rainbow was thinking of how much nicer Bailiwick's face would look with her hoof lodged deep in his eye socket, and was preparing to make that fantasy into reality, when a familiar figure crept up behind him, and tapped him on the shoulder.
"Ehhhh, jus' try an' throw me out," he growled, lurching around to regard the newcomer. "I'll have yer job, you— ah..."
"Hello, Dr. Bailiwick," said Daring Do calmly. "I see you remember me."
The color drained from Bailiwick's face. His eyes traveled up and down the length of Daring Do's body, from her hooves, to her upturned wingtips, to the tin tray of assorted breads balanced on said wingtips.
Daring Do leered at the inebriated scholar. "Care for some? It's complimentary."
Bailiwick made a slurred noise, slid off his stool, and stumbled away with a mumbled farewell to Rainbow Dash.
"Can't believe they keep inviting him to these," Daring Do growled, watching him flee. She shook her head, and looked at the bartender. "Hey, barkeep, nice job keeping Dr. Gropey Hooves off of my date, here. Were you gonna wait until after he tried shoving his tongue in her mouth to cut him off?"
The bartender's face reddened. "Hey, who do you think you are—"
"Somepony who knows how the game is played. Take my advice: you want to suck up to the faculty? Candelabra's always looking for ponies to pick up his dry cleaning." She jerked her neck toward the crowd. "Take a hike. Five minute break."
"I'd do what she says, dude," Rainbow Dash added.
The bartender hesitated, before stepping away and wandering off, casting wary glances back at the two pegasi.
"Y'know, I'd thank you," said Rainbow Dash. "But the truth is, I was ten seconds away from decking that gross old wino before you showed up."
"You should still thank me. You don't want to get a reputation for assaulting the big-name scholars at these circle-jerky meet-and-greets. Take it from me." Daring Do picked up her tray, balancing it on a curled foreleg, and hovered in front of Rainbow Dash. "We're gonna have to make a quick, discreet exit, so, uh... hold still for a second."
"Why, what're you— hey!"
With her free hoof, Daring Do yanked the bust of Rainbow's gown, and tilted the tray forward. Rolls of bread tumbled down the front of her dress, lodging snugly against her barrel.
Rainbow watched her work, an eyebrow quirked. "Is that why you were asking—"
"About how much room you had up front? Well, yeah. 'Cuz I don't have any, and, I mean, you can't expect me to leave a social function without stealing as much complimentary bread as I can. Right?"
Rainbow glanced down – her dress was lumpy, bulging noticeably in multiple places. "This doesn't exactly scream 'discreet,' y'know."
"Oh, you know what that word means. Nice – I wasn't sure that you would. Guess you picked up something from my books."
Daring Do set the tray down, and fussed with Rainbow's bust line, trying to keep the bread tucked inside.
"I take it things didn't go so well with Pfeffernusse?" Rainbow asked quietly.
Daring Do paused, before resuming her work.
Rainbow sighed. "Y'know, I heard about what happened. About why the other eggheads turned on you."
"Yeah? From who, Bailiwick?" Daring Do murmured. "Dr. Boozehound isn't exactly the most reliable source."
"...How about you tell me, then?"
Daring Do gave one last pat to Rainbow's bread-bust, and let her hoof linger, before dropping it down.
"...My first adventure. The one I— well, you've read Sapphire Stone. You know what happened." Daring Do looked into Rainbow's eyes. "I was a grad student. Barely in my twenties. Out on my own for field work. I got sucked into some stuff that I wasn't ready for. Almost did me in. But I survived, and came back home. And when I tried to present my findings to my peers and colleagues... they assumed I was making it up."
She gave a tiny sigh.
"That's what Baileywhatever said, too," said Rainbow. "So, Pfeffernusse, and all these other eggheads... they all think you're some kind'a fraud?"
"More or less." Daring Do turned away. "Y'know, I've done what I came here to do. What say we forget the rest of the schmoozing and mingling, and just get the hell out of here?"
They slinked away, keeping to the edges of the room, and tolerating the occasional glance or glare. Rainbow would stare right back, but Daring Do's gaze was kept dead ahead, the disapproving looks washing right over her.
"I don't get it, though," said Rainbow, as they neared the rotunda's exit. "Why do you put up with all that? You're, like, the most awesome mare in Equestria – in the whole world, even. What do you care what a bunch'a stuck-up eggheads think of you?"
"You don't understand, Dash. And I don't expect you to." There wasn't a hint of malice in Daring Do's voice; she spoke plainly, without inflection. "You're living your dream, after all."
"What, and you're not?"
"What do you think?"
"I think anypony would give a hoof and a wing to live your life. Adventuring by day, writing books about it by night—"
She was interrupted by a harsh laugh. "Sounds great, doesn't it? When you say it like that. And, y'know it's not as if I don't find it fulfilling. But it's— it's never been my dream, Rainbow Dash."
Daring Do stopped walking and turned.
"You think I went to college to be some kind of superhero? Or to learn how to write adventure novels?" She took a step forward, placing a hoof on her chest. "Ever since I was a filly, I wanted to be an archaeologist. Instead, I grew up into..."
Rainbow narrowed her eyes. "An archaeologist."
"What Daring Do does isn't archaeology, Rainbow." She fumbled for words, gave up, and turned back around. "Never mind. You either get it, or you don't."
She trudged toward the exit, toward the Fillydelphia night, with its black, starless canvas.
"Oh, Annabelle? A word, if you please?"
Pfeffernusse's voice made Daring Do freeze.
The old scholar slipped free from the rest of the throng, and headed toward Daring Do with a jowly scowl. Not far behind was Bailiwick, swaying, and looking somewhat lost. He was held between Ascot and Chicory, who braced him between their bodies to keep him from tumbling to one side or the other. The rest of the crowd, quite preoccupied already, paid them no heed.
Daring Do turned, and stood expectantly, as Pfeffernusse closed the distance between them. She tried to speak, but he silenced her preemptively with an upturned hoof.
"What did I say to you before?" His words were clipped and sharp. "Avoid Dr. Bailiwick. Avoid him. Not 'seek him out,' not 'make veiled threats at him.' Avoid him. How you secured an invitation to another academic event after assaulting him at your last one in Canterlot eludes me, but one would think you'd have the good sense not to rock the proverbial boat any further!"
"You know full well what kind of pony he is," Daring Do retorted. "You know he earned that concussion last time. And judging by the way he was talking to my friend, he clearly hasn't learned his lesson. Maybe I'm not the one you should be blackballing here, Pfeff."
She stepped away from him, turned, and cast a look at him over her shoulder. "It doesn't matter, one way or the other – you don't have to worry about me and your professor Emeritus getting into another one-sided tray fight. Dash and I are already leaving."
"Splendid. Fare thee well, Anna. In the future, please assume that any invitations to events hosted by this department were delivered erroneously."
Her back was to Pfeffernusse by then, so he couldn't see the wound that his parting shot made, the expression of pain that crossed Daring Do's face.
Rainbow Dash did, though. It was too much for her.
She rounded on Pfeffernusse, taking to the air – he, to his credit, stood his ground.
"What is your deal, you old windbag?" she snapped, as the academy – finally – took notice of the confrontation. "Where do you get off, talking to her like that? Holding this stupid grudge because, what, she didn't turn into a stuffed shirt like you and Drunky Hooves back there?"
Rainbow thrust a hoof toward Bailiwick, who quailed. The motion of her limb jarred loose a dinner roll, which slipped from her gown and landed at Pfeffernusse's hooves.
She flushed, yet steadfastly refused to budge from her pose.
Pfeffernusse regarded the roll coolly, before looking up at the pegasus.
"I admire your spirited defense of your friend, Rainbow Dash – you've more than lived up to your reputation as the Element of Loyalty. But you are an outsider, here, and you're quite out of line. I do not march into the Wonderbolt Derby, and pass judgment on you and yours for handling your business your way, and I would appreciate it if you'd show the academy and I the same courtesy."
Rainbow's hoof dipped, and her angry expression faded. "Wait, you... you do know who I am? So you were just clowning earlier?"
Pfeffernusse growled and pressed his hoof to his forehead. "Does anypony at this gathering not know who this mare is?" he shouted, his voice reverberating throughout the space.
There came no reply. Chicory and Ascot's hooves briefly raised, in unison, but Pfeffernusse's horn flashed, and a telekinetic sheath forced both limbs back to the ground.
Rainbow glared down at Pfeffernusse. "Whatever; that's not the point. Look. Maybe I am an outsider around here, but that doesn't change the fact that the way you've treated Da—"
She paused, caught herself, cringed, and soldiered on.
"...Da author of Daring Do is unfair. All of you!" She swept her hoof defiantly across the crowd of scholars. "All of you should be ashamed of yourselves. And you, most of all."
Rainbow pointed the same hoof at Pfeffernusse.
"You were her teacher, right? Her mentor? You're supposed to support your students, aren't you? You're supposed to listen to them – trust them – believe in them. Aren't you?!"
"Dash..."
Rainbow looked down – Daring Do had stolen up beside her. She raised her hoof, planted it on Rainbow's flank, and guided her back to the ground. She spoke in a gentle whisper, audible only to the three of them.
"He was the only one who ever did."
Rainbow Dash gaped at Daring Do. She tried to summon a response to that. Nothing came to mind.
"I believed her from the start." Pfeffernusse's face alternated between red and purple, but his voice remained calm as he spoke, even as fury simmered beneath his words. "Every word. Every detail. Everything about her story, I took at face value. Because I trusted her."
He glanced at Daring Do.
"Because I trusted you." He looked again at Rainbow Dash. "And I told her not to be cowed by the mockery of her colleagues, but to keep fighting for her work to be accepted by the academy. To not allow herself to be written off as another upstart, a dilettante, telling tall tales and shameless lies and big fish stories about artifacts and monsters."
Daring Do pursed her lips. "You know as well as I do that the academy never would've come around."
"They would have. I told you, they would have, if you fought hard enough. And I was willing to fight with you, until the end."
He chuckled bitterly.
"But it doesn't matter now, does it? Because you walked away. Dropped out of your program, threw away your career, your future as a scholar, so that you could write pulp fiction. Ensuring that your work – ensuring that you – would never be accepted within legitimate circles."
At last, Rainbow found her voice. "Who cares?"
Pfeffernusse and Daring Do both looked at her.
"You heard me." Rainbow turned to Pfeffernusse. "You said you believed her story – the one that got turned into the first Daring Do book. Do you still believe her?"
Pfeffernusse's jaw worked in silence before he nodded.
"Then you know how amazing it is that she went through what she did – and that she came back from it alive. The other books she's written? The adventures she's been on? They're no less amazing. And they're every bit as true."
She looked at Daring Do.
"I should know. Been there for a couple of 'em, myself."
The other pegasus broke into a small, guarded smile.
"So, maybe she didn't make it as an egghead," Rainbow continued. "Big whoop. The stuff she has done? It's made the world a better place. Kept it safe. The rest of these ponies might treat her like garbage, but you should be proud of her, Pfefferwhatever. 'Cuz she's made a bigger difference, with her life and her books, than every other pony in this room put together."
She ducked down, nabbed the dinner roll between her teeth, and wagged her eyebrows at Pfeffernusse.
"Fife shecond rule." Rainbow bit off a hunk of bread, swallowed, dropped the roll into her hoof, and took to the air again.
"Or five minutes, whatever. C'mon, Daring Do."
They stepped out of the rotunda, leaving behind its glass canopy and its expanse of stars, and into the balmy, summertime air.
Rainbow bit into her dinner roll again. "Sho. Tha' wen' well."
"Mm. Little better than I thought it'd go," Daring Do said pensively.
Rainbow swallowed. "Seriously?"
"Just a skosh."
"Huh. Well. They say if you set your expectations low, you'll never be disappointed. Not that I'd know either way, 'cuz I'm awesome, and everything." Rainbow shrugged. "We might wanna think about booking a hotel – it's probably too late to catch the train home."
"Oh, it definitely is. But the night's still young enough that we can put the hotel off a while longer." Daring Do's eyes twinkled. "C'mon – lemme buy you a drink. I owe you one. And you've more than earned it."
Hitch Your Wagon to a Star
The bar was dingy, dirty, noisy, crowded with drunk students from the university and – perhaps most perplexingly – run by a one-eyed griffon who polished his glasses with saliva and an oily rag.
It was still the most comfortable setting that Rainbow Dash had been in all night.
She and Daring Do sat at a corner booth, munching on bread from her bustline, and sipping pints of beer and cider. The latter held no candle to Sweet Apple Cider, but it was better than nothing, at least.
"You likin' it here?" Daring Do called, after minutes of silent eating and drinking.
Rainbow swallowed a bite, washed it down with a swig of cider, and sighed. "By contrast with the egghead gala? Totally. On its own? Nuh-uh. Why would anypony ever wanna drink here, huh?"
"Genji doesn't check IDs. I mean, just try and tell me those chuckleheads are of age."
Daring Do jerked her hoof toward the students, who were pouring beer down a funnel, and into a portly stallion's mouth.
"Used to hang out here all the time when I went to U of F," Daring Do added, looking into her beer. "Lots of memories tied up in this place – some of 'em fuzzier than others. Parties, keggers, ragers... heck, Genji took my virginity on this very table."
Rainbow scoffed. "You're making that up."
"Am I, though?" Daring Do batted her eyelashes coyly.
"Yeah. You are." Rainbow took another sip of cider. "No way you started college a virgin."
"You got me, Dash." Daring Do hooked her hoof around her mug, and held it up for a toast. "Here's to tall tales, shameless lies, and big fish stories."
Rainbow clinked her glass against the mug.
"Somethin' I don't get," Rainbow said, when she'd finished her sip. "Why'd you wanna go to that thing in the first place, if you knew it wasn't gonna go well?"
"Besides the free food?" Daring Do shrugged. "Like I said, I thought Pfeffernusse sent the invitation. Thought it was an olive branch."
Rainbow looked at her closely. "Is that the only reason?"
"...When all's said and done, I really like the way my life's gone. If I made it sound like I didn't, then I'm sorry. But, all the same, there are times when I miss academia."
Daring Do sipped her beer again, and sighed.
"Back in college, I thought that, by now, I'd be presenting alongside Pfeffernusse at events like that one. I know they're dumb – big, pedantic, scholarly circle-jerks – but that was the life I wanted."
Daring Do was quiet for a moment. Then she smiled wanly at Rainbow Dash.
"It was nice to pretend, for a little while, that I was still a part of that world."
Rainbow Dash reached down the front of her gown, and plucked out a breadstick, which she offered wordlessly to Daring Do. The other mare accepted it, with a wink, and nibbled on the tip.
"I'm glad you were there with me, you know," she added. "Maybe Princess Twilight would've turned more heads, taken the heat off me – and my publisher's always a safe bet – but neither of them are really what I'd call a... a friend. I think that's what I needed, more than anything, tonight. Somepony I could count on for support, when things went south."
Warmth spread in Rainbow's chest, and she couldn't stop herself from smiling. "What if I'd said no?"
"With Princess Twilight and my publisher out of the running, it was either you, or Quibble Pants." Daring Do bit her breadstick in half and shrugged. "I don't have many friends."
Rainbow smirked. "You probably made the right call."
The door at the other end of the bar opened, then. A stallion with a plaid kerchief around his neck stepped inside, looking woefully out of place among the partying college students. He glanced around, before spotting the two pegasi at the corner booth, and made his way over.
Rainbow nodded in his direction. "Hey, DD. We got company."
Daring Do turned in her seat, just in time to greet Ascot.
"Uh... hi," he said awkwardly. "Dr. Pfeffernusse said I might find you here – that it's an old haunt of yours. I've never been, myself. Don't, um, don't think I'll ever come back after tonight."
"Yeah, this place sucks," Rainbow said. "There's this other thing going on at the university, though – might be more to your taste."
Ascot sighed. "I know, I know – you probably don't want to see anypony from back there right now. But I owe you an apology – both of you, I think – so just... hear me out, okay?"
He looked pleadingly at Daring Do.
She kept him waiting for a long, slow moment, before nodding once.
Ascot bowed his head.
"...I was responsible for sending out the invites to tonight's reception. I was pulling old mailing lists, and I saw your name on one of them, and I thought... y'know... you're an alum, you were in the department. You had a right to be there, even if the faculty hate Daring Do."
Daring Do raised an eyebrow at that.
Ascot cringed. "I mean – whatever they think, it doesn't matter. Everypony in my cohort reads your books. They're the whole reason I wanted to be an archaeologist in the first place. I didn't actually expect you to show up – and I'm sorry for how everything went for you – but getting the chance to meet you, talk to you... it meant a lot to me."
He paused, waiting for a response. And, again, Daring Do let him wait.
Then she scooted over on the corner booth, and patted the spot beside herself.
Ascot, blushing and grinning, took the invitation immediately. "Thanks."
"Least I could do," Daring Do muttered. "If and when Pfeffernusse finds out that you were behind the invitation—"
"Oh, he knows. I came clean right after you left. He's... not happy with me right now." Ascot drummed his hooves on the tabletop, and sniffed. "Let him stew in it."
Rainbow laughed. "Alright, kid. You're officially okay in my book."
Daring Do slid her glass toward Ascot, and leaned her weight onto the table. "So, Ascot... tell me somethin'. Summer break's coming up, isn't it? When does yours start?"
"Uh... end of the month. Why?" Ascot took a sip of beer, wincing at the taste. "Ugh, that's revolting."
"Not a drinker? No problem." Daring Do smirked. "I'm gonna be going on an expedition soon – field research for my next book. I was thinking, if you're free, and that cute girlfriend of yours doesn't mind goin' without you for a little while... maybe you'd like to come along."
Ascot's eyes widened. "I... you... you're inviting me on an expedition? I get to work with the author of Daring Do?"
"Better plug them ears, Dash," Daring Do chuckled.
Rainbow did just that, though her hooves were nowhere near enough to block out Ascot's giddy squeal.
Yeah, I think I'll work on cuttin' that out from now on.
Author's Notes:
Special thanks:
-To Dubs Rewatcher, for putting in the time to help make this presentable
-To Aragon, for encouraging me to stay in the contest when all I wanted to do was quit
-To the Writeoff Association for all their nonstop encouragement
-To Editor Man, DannyJ, for always responding to my requests for feedback with a friendly and helpful "it was shit, kill yourself"
-And to all my readers, fans, well-wishers, and that small colony of remoras that leech my vital fluids from my underbelly.