Sunset looked at her phone with a bored expression. BLU had been sat around on various crates for the past hour or so waiting for the first wave of robots, but none came. Not a sign of metallic life was around the abandoned depot.

"Well, I guess this is what being cancelled feels like." Starlight snarked to no one in particular.

"Cancelled?" Sunset looked at her with confusion.

Starlight looked back with a half-lidded stare. "The story hasn't progressed at all, so it's clear that the author has no intention of carrying on with this trainwreck."

The other mercenaries were simply drinking themselves into a comatose state. Aside from Pyro, that is. Pyro has a mask on.

"Mmmph mmph mmmph." Pyro mumbled incoherently, being unable to communicate and as such, is irrelevant to the story as a whole.

Pyro then took their arms and took of the mask, leading to a mass of pink curls exploding from where it once laid. "I said that if you wanted me to drink, you should have gottem me a straw, you silly filly!"

The two other native Equestrians looked at the Pinkie Pyro in abject horror.

"Okay, this is now more terrifying than that robotic double who completely kicked my ass and ripped off my arm." Starlight noted, before slowly raising her metallic hand to her face and sighing into it. "I do not get paid enough for this shit."

Suddenly, a mass of large Russian men wearing strange jackets covered in chains and hats with anchors on ran past, all wearing brass knuckles and screaming "ORA ORA ORA ORA!" as they ran past the four mercs.

"Right, somehow the game that this entire story is based off of updated faster than this did. How does that even happen?" Starlight snarked again. Honestly, she's so rude to my narrative.

Starlight turned towards nowhere in particular and pointed towards it. "As for YOU, Mr Author man, what the hell happened to updating?"

Pinkie Pyro leapt up from her seat and also pointed towards the general area. "Yeah! And why do you give her Medium Awareness? You already have a canonical one, you don't need to make another character one just to fit your twisted joke of a narrative! Meta jokes aren't even funny!"

Huh. Well, this is happening now.

"Damn right it is!" Starlight shouted, before grabbing her rocket launcher and firing it towards the fourth wall. It shattered spectacularly and cost the author his remaining credibility. Thanks guys.

"You're welcome!" Pinkie Pyro shouted to no one in particular, intent of ruining everything I have written up to.

"Yes, your various Chekov's Guns that you completely forgot about are so good. Like these nudes of Trixie! I'm not even INTO humans!" Starlight yelled, before pulling several lewd photographs of Trixie that could not be described in further detail without pulling this story to a M rating.

"Fine. I bet Sunshine over here would be able to appreciate this more anyway." Starlight tossed the offending photographs towards her human friend, fluttering in the breeze like naked, evidence filled butterflies.

Grabbing the flying court evidence before it could be vaguely described in any more detail, Sunset's face turned a lovely shade of tomato as she gazed upon the forbidden fruit. That was lewd alright.

Meanwhile, the canon mercenaries were drinking themselves into a stupor.The sheer madness of their fellow mercenaries had led them to this. That and it was good skrumpei, so none of them were really that broken up about it.

After regaining some composure, Sunset quickly stuffed the offending pictures into her pocket, effectively removing them from the story entirely and leaving that other one... What was it?

"The stupid rock?" Starlight pulled out the geode mentioned a few chapters prior that really has significance at all at this point. It was at the point that Starlight's expression darkened even more. "This is even worse than the photos, Mr Author Dude. You'd best explain this very soon."

Suddenly, some ruggedly handsome nerd strolled in. Sporting a lovely bushy beard and a casual shirt and tracksuit bottoms, he was the epitome of beauty and had all the ladies clamoring for him...

And now Starlight is beating the author avatar to death with his own arm. Fantastic. I couldn't even make a joke about self inserts.

"Because that would have been hilarious," Starlight remarked drily with a roll of her eyes. "Come on, you're wasting your viewership's time at this point. They know this isn't a canon chapter, you know this isn't a canon chapter, even this corpse knows!" She threw one of the dismembered arms at the previously shattered fourth wall. Gross.

"Well, now that's done, I'm going to go drink." Sunset announced, before fucking off-screen for various drink related shenanigans. Starlight followed suit, leaving a corpse and 3 passed out mercenaries.

"And me!" Pinkie Pyro squeed in excitement. Right. You. Hmm. Tell me Pinkie, do you believe in magic?

"Well, I should, considering I'm originally from Equestr- Oh for Celestia's sake."

Pinkie Pyro was then transported to Pyroland, where she could live out her psychotic fantasies in peace without interfering with the story.

What was the point of this again? Oh right, It's April 1st.

Author's Notes:

I hate you.

Same here.

Good. Happy April Fools. Now go get drunk and prepare for the next chapter.

After 9 years in development...

Oh shut up.