"Is there a reason you're wearing your combat armor, Jane?"

Jane played with the fidget cube on the table, pausing only to look down at the alien alloy armor protecting her when Luna brought it up. "I don't know what to say. I feel better right now, wearing it." She picked up the small cube and and threw it across the room to land on a small box with other toys.

Luna nodded, taking a deep breath and setting up her pad as she took a sit across from her. "Do you think you can tell me about what happened to you during the last mission?"

Jane looked away and rubbed her arms. "I don't want to." She really didn't. She wanted to take a bath and scrub herself until it was all gone.

Luna sighed. "I understand, and maybe it will take time for you to talk about it. How about we talk about losing Sunset then, do you think—"

"I feel dirty," Jane blubbered out, leaning back in the sofa as far as she could, just so she could pull her legs close to her chest. She held them in place with her arms wrapped around them. It seemed less bad.

She realized she had her feet on the cushion and shot a look at Luna, but the counselor simply nodded.

"Dirty?" Luna prodded gently

"Y-yeah."

"You seem clean, your hair looks freshly washed, and your uniform under the armor seems recently ironed." Luna gave her an apologetic look. "I know that's not what you mean, but maybe you could tell me more?"

"I-I know." For a second, she could even smell her shampoo and the warm water had felt nice. Half the time. "I took two showers already, but I still feel like… like that stuff… the blood. It was slimy and.. disgusting. It's like it's still on me!"

Luna leaned back, eyes worried.

"It's still lapping at my skin, and snaking under my clothes and—" She bit her lip, her teeth digging painfully into the soft flesh. "I still feel it."

Jane slowly forced herself to relax. "I scrubbed until my skin was red. But… the soap doesn't work. I tried." She rested her head on her knees, shivering at the memory of invisible, bloody fingers traced circles around her belly, caressed her breasts. "I can still feel it."

"If you need a bit of time to—"

"I'll be fine!" Jane interrupted, smiling up at Luna, who didn't seem convinced. "It's stupid. Just some stupid PTSD. Others have gone through worse, right? They've gotten better. I know it's in my head, doc."

"It's not stupid," Luna said gently. "Can you… do you really feel like talking about it?"

'Would it be that bad?' Jane gulped. Would it really be that bad? To tell her? She was a professional… maybe she could prescribe her something, help make it go away.

She remained quiet for several minutes, but Luna did not interrupt her at all. She did something outside of Jane's line of sight, but she remained quiet, waiting patiently across from her.

"I-I was in the kitchen." She finally relented. It was funny how that start made the whole thing sound mundane. She continued, "Part of the mission was to retrieve some weapons hidden in the mansion's cellar by the crew that had brought in the food. Everything was fine at the beginning... I found the weapons, confirmed their state, loaded them, positioned them somewhere closer to reach, and then I joined Laetitia on the line.

"Until Central gave the signal, we were going to pretend to be… to be cooks." Jane smiled. "I never really cooked anything that wasn't field rations, you know?" Who needed to cook while dodging plasma bolts, after all? "But, I guess that my knife skills were convincing enough. Comes from murdering aliens, right? It's all in the wrist."

Luna didn't join her nervous laughter—not that Jane actually expected her to do so. Damn civilians. So she continued with the story. "It was fun, the mission was infiltration and capture, we weren't supposed to fight off a large group of enemies this time. But…" Jane's voice cracked a little and she quieted down.

Luna finally stood up and went to sit next to her. Thankfully, she didn't touch her, or try to hug her. She just sat there, calmly and composed, with enough space between them so that Jane didn't feel pressured when she did not want to be touched.

"I didn't realize things were wrong at first," Jane said, her voice lowering. 'I sound pathetic.' "I was just doing as I was told… Laetitia really knows how to cook, you know? Heh. Didn't even cry with the onions, Templars must-they must go through—" she felt herself choking and stopped, taking a few deep breaths. "Yeah. Those Templars have some intense training… can't even cry with onions."

Luna stood up while Jane stared blankly at the wall. 'Onions. Really?' She looked up when Luna approached with a glass of water, taking it carefully and drinking it all. She hadn't realized she was so thirsty.

It took some time before she found the will to continue. "Then I... " Jane took a deep breath, running her fingers through her hair. "I felt it. It was like the wind was licking my skin, burning it. It felt good. I felt-I felt myself get—"

She sniffled. 'Strong. She's not judging you, but you can't cry. You're not ten.' She shook her head, licking her lips and wincing when her tongue touched the tender area she had bitten earlier. "It's like mud."

It took a moment for Luna to ask. "Mud?"

Jane nodded. "Blood Magic. It's warm a-and cold. And it slithers around and—" She clenched her fists, closing her eyes. "And i-inside. I tried to control myself. I know I could have. I let it happen… somehow.

"It was stupid. It was all in my head. I-I kept chopping stuff up, but I could smell everyone now, including the two cooks who had just had sex with each other earlier that day. Everything became enhanced and overwhelming. And I couldn't do anything to stop it."

Jane felt a shiver run down her spine, an icy grasp in her stomach, but she did not want to stop now. If she stopped now she'd never say it. Too soon? Too late? Fuck it all to hell if she was going to bottle that shit inside.

It was very hard to say, however. "I was… I couldn't—it felt like I was feeling good, but my mind-I was screaming inside my head to stop. I could feel it-like something was t-touching me just right and there was nothing there!"

She felt her eyes grow wet and faced Luna, who nodded, not betraying her thoughts.

"It felt so good!" Jane sobbed. "And I wanted to throw up a-and scream! But I just couldn't risk the mission! I-I fucking came in the kitchen, in front of everyone there and—"

She held herself tight, her fingernails scratching the hard armor around her arms.

She could feel more sobs trying to explode out, shaking her body with how powerful they were.

'No. No! I control my body! She wouldn't allow herself that weakness. She would never lose control again. She bit her lips again and could feel her teeth breaking through the skin as she fought the emotional outbursts.

She could taste her blood, she could feel the tears, but she needed to continue. "I ran to the bathroom. I tried to wash my face and my hands. I can't believe I—in front of strangers… and Laetitia!"

"It's not your fault," Luna said gently. "You were being controlled." She glanced down at her pad. "You've been mind-controlled by Sectoids before—"

"It's not the same!" Jane snapped, looking up at the counselor. 'How can I even explain it to you?'

She shook her head. "You can fight those! Even if they make you do horrible things, like shooting your friends, you can fight! You can force your arm to aim off. The compulsion to shoot is stronger, but you have some control!

"You can feel your will, pushing back, you can struggle… but you don't feel good when sectoids control you! It's not sexual! Being mind-controlled by sectoids is disgusting. It doesn't make you feel like you want to taste everyone in the room, lick their sweat of their skin, give them pleasure as you kill them and suck their blood!" Jane cried.

"It doesn't make you act like a slut-demon!" Jane growled. "I can fight sectoids! Sectoids are easy! They are the enemy! I've become stronger, I can kick them out of my mind! But—"

Jane shook her head, just then realizing she had jumped up and marched across the room. She hadn't even noticed with how angry she was.

"But?" Luna asked, her voice small.

Jane turned away. She couldn't look at Luna while saying this. "This… thing. It wasn't an alien, Luna," Jane whispered. "This was done to me... by my best friend."

Her body trembled, out of control. She clasped and unclasped her hands and was about to bolt when she felt the warm, fuzzy blanket come around her shoulders.

She grabbed it tight, pulling it around herself and half-turned, to see Luna standing there encouragingly, with a small, comforting smile on her face. The counselor raised an eyebrow as if asking permission, and it took a moment for Jane to understand.

Jane nodded. Just a little, then rested her head on Luna's shoulder as the latter embraced her and held her close.

"It was Sunset." Jane hissed, sobbing into Luna's hair. "It was Sunset. My best friend, Luna. She did this." She heard her voice losing strength. "She did this to me."