TRANSCRIPT – WATER TELEGRAPH EXCHANGE BETWEEN EQUESTRIAN SPACE AGENCY AND ESA AMICITAS

ESA: Baltimare calling Amicitas, over.

AMICITAS: SG - Baltimare WTB?? I was in the airlock! Over!

ESA: Sorry, urgent message. Who is Rich Purnell? Over.

AMICITAS: Someone at Mark’s space agency. Seems to be working on Sparkle Drive applications. Some of the equations were beyond me, over.

ESA: We have mages and scientists from around the world working on those equations! If they’re right, this person solved the energy-mana conversion problem! We always thought that was impossible! Over!

AMICITAS: Repeat conversion of energy to mana is possible, over?

ESA: In theory, if the equations are correct. Practical application could take centuries, over.

AMICITAS: Was not planning on being here for centuries, over.

ESA: Sorry, Amicitas, just so excited. Please find out who Rich Purnell is ASAP, over.

AMICITAS: Fine. By the way, rethinking cave sealing spell options. Are you sure ceramics are a good idea, over?

ESA: Watertight, airtight, mineral. Strong if you make it thick enough. Best idea we have given your conditions, over.

AMICITAS: How many cups have you and Spike broken over the years, over?

ESA: Understood, but still our best idea. Over.

AMICITAS: OK, will contact Mark’s people. Please don’t splash me again. Out.

[10:35] WATNEY: Starlight Glimmer here. We’re preparing to seal the cave as you ask. We can change the dirt around the cave to another substance, but we can’t think of anything better than ceramic. Rubber would crack. Do you have a better material that we might know?

Also, please tell Rich Purnell that his equations are being examined very carefully by our best scientists. One of them could revolutionize magic on our world. Who is he? Could you tell us more about him?

[11:08] JPL: We’ll get back to you about the material. I don’t know Rich Purnell personally, but I’ll see to it that your message is passed on.

TO: NASA JSC Human Resources ([email protected])
FROM: Venkat Kapoor ([email protected])
SUBJECT: Need to find an employee

Who is Rich Purnell? Please send me the complete employment file ASAP.

Dr. Venkat Kapoor
Director, Project ARES

TO: Venkat Kapoor ([email protected])
FROM: Annie Montrose ([email protected])
SUBJECT: Rich Purnell

Who the fuck is Rich Purnell? I’m having to spread a bunch of bullshit to the media about him! And can we do a delay on releasing Pathfinder chat logs in the future? I don’t appreciate being blindsided like this. If you want me to do my fucking job, don’t drop this crap on my head!

Annie

TO: Venkat Kapoor ([email protected])
FROM: Theodore Sanders ([email protected])
SUBJECT: Today’s Pathfinder chat

Who is Rich Purnell, and how did he get the direct email address for Starlight Glimmer? And why am I learning this from CNN?

I want answers, Venk. I want them right now.

Teddy

“And tonight on the Watney and Company Report, the question the scientific world is asking tonight: who is Rich Purnell, and what does he know about the mysterious scientific discipline the aliens call ‘magic’? Tonight we’ll be speaking with experts from the paranormal community and renowned mathematician Charles Paravanian…”

Trending on Twitter

#BringHimHome
#BringThemHome
Star Wars – Birth of the Republic
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Potato Recipes
Tai Yang Shen

Author's Notes:

Sorry, but I finally got home at 2 PM. I had the KWLP playlist to assemble, and I'm exhausted. This is all I could come up with for today.

This is why I worked to have a buffer. I'll need to rebuild it, but fortunately this weekend's convention is small and relatively local, so I can sleep at home nights.