How long has it been? Seconds? Minutes? A whole hour? It didn’t bother the midnight runner so much, he was used to strenuous exercise, but this was a whole new level. His training was designed to enhance the body’s flow over physical barriers, the speed of which he skimmed the landscape to get from A to B was crucial in his line of work. At the moment, however, he was yet to train for situations where there was no point B. He was yet to train for when he had to run for his life.

He was yet to train for when a crazed, winged, and horned equine was pursuing him.

“Please come back! We mean thou no harm Shadowman!” the aforementioned indigo alicorn pointed out, scanning from the rooftops. “We only wish to tie you up and forever rub you in the face of our sister, thus putting her in a fit of jealousy for all eternity. Together we shall be the epitome of the Brony community.”

Slithering amongst the darkened corners of the alleyway, Shadowman took note of the offer and quickly dismissed it without hesitation. He was too busy wondering why he chose to go after his comrade, especially given the incident moments ago.

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“If you squeeze him hard enough, it is said he squeaks like a chew toy!” Frank yelled, sprinting down the side of the library whilst pointing to the darkened figure. The large oak library was all that stood between him and the mint menace.

“MINE!” the unicorn yelled, darting towards the library, plotting to seize the human.

“Oh? Is that true?” the Princess of the night asked curiously, stepping closer to the man shaking his head vigorously. “How adorable.” she cooed, earning the smallest of blushes from the man, further creating a squee from the mare. “We must know if this legend be true; Shadowman, you will come with us.” she stopped, regaining her Princess like composure. “There is much squeezing to be done.”

The phantom took no notice; he was preoccupied watching the ponytailed man and his hunter complete their third lap around the tree house. He was slowly backing up, feigning being trapped. Well as much as an emotionless assassin could anyhow.

His plan was default, his plan was instinctive: back up, and get the hell out of here.

“Come now Shadow; let us ask Twilight Sparkle if she hath the required items to constrain you until Celestia arrives.” Luna added, turning to face the library.

She waited for a few seconds, eyes closed to contain the joy in her heart, but found that she couldn’t hear footsteps she was waiting for. With confusion riddled across her face, she quickly snapped back to view the spot he was once standing at, only to find what appeared to be a trench coat floating away down an alleyway.

“Wait! Don’t go! We hath not yet discovered what thy birth mark looks like.”

She immediately gave chase, pursuing him through the alley and dropping her saddle bag, whilst the genius was stuck figuring out how to lose his mare.

Coming around, this time in a clockwise direction, Frank had barely managed to formulate a plan. It was not simple, it was probably stupid, he wasn’t likely to pull it off, but he had no other option. Coming around the front of the living building, he briefly stopped to open the door just enough to leave it slightly ajar, before having to keep on moving.

“Can’t we just talk?” he asked, panting whilst taking notice of a window.

“Yeah, back at my place.” he got in reply.

“How’s about we just do it here?” he suggested, spotting the back door of the library, and more importantly a ladder.

“Because HANDS!”

“WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?” he screamed, twisting his body around to reveal open arms and a bamboozled expression.

“Enough talk! You’re all mine!” His legs gave way as he felt something tackle him to the ground. It was the sight of darkened aqua and grass that filled his vision as he tumbled. Finally coming to a halt, inches away from the road, he looked down to find he was on top of the amber eyed unicorn.

“Well, I didn’t plan for us to reach this point… yet.” she remarked, blushing and slowly retracting her hooves.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. As much of a stallion as I am, I think you’re getting confused between the literal meaning and the-” He would have said something else, but something furry stopped him speaking. With her hoof pressed against his lips, he eyed the limb up before staring into her eyes with a deep fear.

“Hush now, we can start over, all you have to do is one thing.” She added coyly.

“Mumph?” he replied, arching an eyebrow whilst the hoof was still pressed against his maw.

He watched as she closed her eyes, appearing to be in a state of blissful sleep, before pursing her lips slightly and leaning forward. Quickly, as she removed the hoof, he brought his hand up. He made it into the form of beak and pressed against her lips. Silently, Frank gagged slightly as she embraced his hand, wrapping her hoof around his arm.

Upon believing that she was kissing funny shaped lips, and wrapping her hooves around a skinny neck, she yelped and batted his arm away. He quickly took the opportunity to make a break for freedom, pulling up his jeans that had mysteriously come loose. She reacted by scuttling to her hooves and once again chasing him.

He slammed the door shut, putting his back to the passageway. He was in a starfish position, scanning the contents of the room. With an echoing thud, followed by a small groan, he opened the door by an inch and saw the equine rubbing her snout.

“You okay?” he asked, slightly concerned.

“Yeah, nothing too bad.” She responded, still clutching her nose.

“Ah, good. I was scared for second.” He once again slammed the door shut, pulled over a chair and rested it under the door knob.

“What is going on down there?” Frank heard someone yell. He traced the small pitter-patter of steps past the table he sat at hours ago, past the bookcase that seemed to be in the middle of being restacked, up the staircase, to the landing where he gazed upon the small purple lizard from before.

“Oh hey Sabrina.” Frank remarked, feeling the door trying to open.

“It’s Spike, actually; what are you doing here? Aren’t Twi and the Princess looking after you and your brother?” The young drake continued hopping down the stairs, giving a slight scowl to man.

“That’s great Jennifer. Now listen, I’m going to need your-“

BADOOM.

Frank felt his spine shake as the unicorn bucked the door.

BADOOM.

“You won’t get away from me Frank! Bon Bon will see I wasn’t crazy!”

“Lyra? What is she doing?” Spike remarked, pausing halfway down the stairs.

BADOOM.

“She wants to put me in a glass jar. Or have my babies. I don’t know which is scarier at this point.” the man replied, scratching his head before shrugging.

BADOOM.

“Ewww. I don’t think she wants your kid bro, that’s disgusting.” The reptile feigned vomiting, puffing his cheeks out before pointing to his tongue.

“I ain’t eager to give them to her either, Olivia.” Frank added, becoming overwhelmed by a sense of dread.

“So what does she want?” Spike questioned curiously, scratching his chin and looking to the table.

“Me.”

“Twilight said she liked the show, but I never thought-“

“Shushshshsh.” Frank interrupted, bringing a finger to his lips. He scanned the room; the library was how it was moments ago, not a book out of place, not a chair gone; nothing had changed.

“What?” whispered the librarian’s assistant.

“Can you hear anything?” the man commented, stepping away from the door. His feet managed to knock over a small pile of books, causing him to jump slightly. He scowled at the offensive book cover titled ‘An herbivore’s guide to avoiding predators.’

“Great, now I got to-” the dragon hopped down and walked up to the man whilst pointing a claw at the man, and once again found himself being interrupted.

“Sshshshssh. SHSHSSHSH.” The man crouched down, coming eyelevel. “Shush, Jane. Can you hear something?”

“My name is Spike! S-P-I-K-E, Spike!” the dragon yelled, his jade eyes narrowing on the man.

The man took no notice of the dragon and continued with “Can you hear anything?”

Sighing, the dragon took a moment to put a claw to where (or so the human assumed) his ear was, and listened intently for any noise.

“NO, there’s nothing there.” Spike stated disgruntledly. The man stood up, scanning the room.

“Exactly.” the man responded morbidly, beginning to slowly ascend the stairs. It wasn’t till half way, whilst being followed by the agitated dragon, that something finally broke the silence.

Tap-tap. The sound of a thin sheet of glass being struck caught the attention of both the mammal and the reptile.

Tap-tap. Both of their eyes widened in horror to the sight past the table.

Between the two colossal bookshelves, above the radiator, were two maroon curtains. The cloth hung ominously, emitting more and more tapping noises. The drake’s heart went into overdrive; he could feel a small build-up of adrenaline course through his veins, as he slowly approached the two long sheets of fabric.

Tap-tap. The rhythmic beat beckoned him closer. The candlelight flickered as Spike faced the source with a mask of curiosity and fear. Frank steadily began climbing the stairs, keeping his back to the wall.

Tap-tap. The dragon skimmed his hand on the table as he passed by, subconsciously looking for somepony to grab onto.

He stood before the window, his claw timidly reaching out. Frank realised what was going to happen, and quickly scuttled to the balcony.

Tap-tap.

Tap-tap.

Taking a deep breathe, the drake mustered enough courage to yank open the curtains. His eye narrowed to the sight.

There, in the darkness…

Was nothing.

“Phew, must have been a bird.” Spike concluded in relief, wiping the sweat off his brow. He blindly spun around, a small smile plastered on his face. However, upon doing so he walked into something.

It was warm, furry, and mint green.

“Hello Spike. Have you seen Frank?” the equine chirped, her eyes shrinking to pin pricks.

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“Huzzah! We have done it. We shall claim the title of ‘The first and only equine to ever capture Shadowman.” cheered Luna, her wings aiding in her descent upon the cornered man. They were both standing beneath scaffolding, a thin beam of lunar light emitting from a lift used to transport supplies to the roof tops. The enclosure was littered with buckets, planks of wood stacked up for the repairs of the tavern the two found themselves behind.

The rapid breathing of the man told her he was exhausted, and slightly disappointed her to not get a better chase out of the man.

Another thing that confused her was why he was shaking his head.

“What? Do you mean, somepony else beat me to it?” she asked, cocking her head to the side. He remained calm, raising both of his hands and stepping forward. He nodded in reply, skirting along the wall. “Oh,” she said disheartened and frowning. “Was it Twilight?” she asked curiously eyeing him up. In response he shrugged, subtly feeling up the wall he clung to.

“The lavender unicorn, bearing a purple star and mane?” she asked, backing up the alleyway. She was anticipating him to make another break for it so she stopped along his intended path. He remained emotionless and only shook his head.

“Then it would surely be Rainbow Dash, her speed cannot be matched. She was the cyan pegasus, her mane resembles that of which her name implies.” the lunar Goddess added, watching him pause briefly. Once again he shook his head, maintaining that blank stare as always behind those shades.

“Pinkie Pie?” That suggestion got a new response: a slow nod, followed by what appeared to be a small shiver. “Well, at least there is some comfort in knowing it took her to catch you, but never the less, I can still say I caught you.” she added, smirking as he continued scooting over.

She paused, investigating his intended path. He was en route to her, but she couldn’t fathom as to why he was appearing to be so timid. As predicted he stepped over the helmets left behind by workers, then he continued onto the small platform that was hoisted up to the roof, but he was too large to fit through the hole. Feet away from her was a bin, with a rather foul smelling bag hanging out of it.

“Wait a minute…” Upon hearing these words, Shadowman cracked a devious grin; a microscopic one, but potent nonetheless. Quicker than Luna could comprehend, he grabbed one of the ropes of the pulley system, slid a blade out, and slashed another cord. She heard the rumble of a stone counter weight, the friction of the rope rubbing as it hoisted the man into the air, and felt the splash of liquid coat her back. She instinctively turned around, relieved to find that it was merely water that coated her wings.

Turning back around, she found the man hanging two stories up. She grinned as he steadily maneuvered himself around one-hundred- and eighty degrees. She wore a vengeful smirk to which he stared blankly back at.

Indeed there would be much more than squeezing to be done.

“Well now that you have had your fun, we can now use this rope to find out if you do indeed squeak. For now however-HEY!” she was halfway through her monologue when he started swinging along the underside of the scaffolding. He made his way along until he reached a platform, to which he climbed up a ladder to access the roof tops. Before disappearing, he caught the attention of the scowling Princess, giving a mocking salute, before departing into the night.

“Fine then, let us play this game.” Luna remarked, smirking devilishly. She rushed out from under the scaffolding, before leaping into the air and letting her wings take over from her hooves. She circled around, landing on top of the thatched flat roof top. She spied Shadowman bounding along the rooftops. She took flight once more, attempting to grasp him in her magic to settle the ordeal. However, she found that it was useless, for some reason she could not grasp him.

It was as if he was not there.

Regardless, she continued racing on with the moon riding high, the night covering all; she was in her element. Born to rule the night, no creature could escape her sight, no creature could elude her grasp, and no creature, not even Celestia, would ever be allowed to make a mockery of her and get away with it.

Meanwhile Shadowman couldn’t help but both feel a sense of pride for baiting her into such a trap, and yet fear the fact he managed to drop a bag of water upon a princess. Still, he wasn’t willing to turn around and apologise at this point.

He decided to follow the road to return to the library, leaping across to other closely packed houses. He would occasionally hear her majesty swoop down, causing him to dodge by either dashing to the side or rolling. A couple of times he found himself hanging off the side, but he quickly recovered and continued to give the irritated alicorn a run for her money.

She was also straining his abilities; he knew she was directing him to a dead end and he knew she was pushing his body to its limits. Perhaps if he had not been running all day, then possibly he could have managed to perform the more advanced tricks required to make such large clearings, alas he had to ignore the purple lizard and leave. Fortunately he spotted another exit.

He paused by a gap separating two houses; the distance was miniature, and exactly what he needed. It was his last chance to make a break for the library. He watched as his pursuer predictably positioned herself far ahead, swooping and bounding around gracefully. The need of his capture put aside, she was a rather eloquent equine; the way she flew and merged with the night, combined with that beautiful starlight mane, was something to be admired. As said before, however, he didn’t have the time.

Luna shot off like a hawk spotting a mouse in the field. Streamlined and focused, she didn’t hesitate to add extra speed by flapping her wings. The man was still, eerily still, but she was overridden by her need to A) Capture the fictional cartoon character and bring him in to be presented to Celestia. B)To find out if when squeezed he squee’d, and finally C) Earn bragging rights amongst her peers for knowing his actual eye colour.

She was less than fifty meters away when he was still standing there, shortly after it was fifteen, by which point Shadowman slipped through the space. He pressed his arms out to slow the descent, keeping his fingers in a claw stance as they tried to dig into the walls. He grunted as the feeling of hammers pounding his fingers blitzed along his hands. He fell to the floor with an unceremonious thud, thankfully landing carefully to avoid breaking his legs.

He wasted no time in picking himself up and charging down the cobblestone road, cradling his battered fingers. Along the way he could only think these thoughts:

Frank is still in trouble,

He still didn’t understand this god forsaken world, and

These ponies are heavy sleepers.

Not that it bothered him, until he realised it was probably so that the world could have its way with him, but he never would have guessed in a million years that a mythical pony would be an end to his life. Still, he didn’t want to brag about it.

Looking ahead, he spied something strange emerging out of the tree house. He cocked his eyebrow slightly, panting and still sprinting towards the library, as the object drastically lowered itself. He spotted the air balloon from before, bouncing along the floor.

Shadowman paused to consider his options; he could both run past it and hope to be able to outrun an ever persistent alicorn or he could hijack it and make a tediously slow getaway. He heard another factor greet him, automatically making the decision for him.

“Shadowman! Where’s your girlfriend?” Frank asked, grinning and clinging to the basket for his life. Alongside him was Spike at the bottom of the basket, a rope binding his claws and feet together.

“Can you untie me now? Lyra isn’t going to catch up, and I could get more heat into the balloon. I can feel the sapphires I had this morning beating the inside of my gut.” The drake had been bound up for interrogation, as the ever looming threat of being tickled to death was becoming apparent. Had it not been for Frank’s intervention, he would have surely peed himself.

Then he would have to clean that up too.

“No can do Lauren, we gotta make a pick up. Besides, the bunsen is buckled, so wherever we’re going we’re hopping there.” Frank replied, extending an arm out to grab his squad mate.

“MY NAME IS SPIKE! SPIKE! NOT ASHLEY, OR SASHA, OR EVEN SUSAN! IT’S SPIKE!” bellowed the angered purple hostage. The man grabbed the other, and even as the basket collided with the stone floor once more, he pulled Shadowman into the woven container. The phantom lay there panting, head resting next to the reptile’s. Frank inspected the horizon, spotting a small problem approaching rapidly.

“Okay let’s keep this short. Margaret, Shadowman, Shadowman, Margaret.” the ponytailed man stated hurriedly, using his hand to point out each individual.

“It’s Spike!” the baby dragon growled into the shades of the worn out man, staring into the reflection of his lenses. “And don’t you forget it.” he added, earning a tired nod from the mute.

“Well it’s nice to know we are getting along ever so nicely, but-” Frank flinched as the basket came to a sudden halt. “Could you tell your lover not to visit you during working hours Shadowman, she isn’t helping.” The man faced to edge of the basket, finding the Lunar Goddess clamping the basket down with her magic.

“Frank… You are here too?” she asked, tilting her head to the side.

“No, I died long ago, and I can safely say the afterlife is not all its hyped up to be." he replied with his arms crossed, tilting his head to match her own's orientation.

“PRINCESS LUNA! HELP!” The confidence in the man standing diminished as soon as he saw the worried look on her face.

“Was that Spike the dragon, the assistant of Twilight Sparkle?”

“No, it was my stomach.”

“Your stomach knows my name?”

“No…that’s what indigestion sounds like.”

“BLARGH!” Frank took a moment to spin around, and instinctively caught a rolled up scroll in his hand. Looking down he saw a smoke trail lead towards the dragon.

“Care to explain what that was then?”

"That was... this is the product of eating Albert's cooking." Frank stated, looking over his shoulder.

“Hey! That’s for Twilight. Or maybe it’s for Luna.” commented the dragon. Not that Frank cared who the letter was for, inside his brilliant mind, he had formulated a plot. All he needed was a distraction. He swiftly turned around, tidied up his slightly ragged hair before bestowing the Princess with the message.

“Madam.” he added in his best French accent.

He watched as she levitated the scroll out of his hand, his eye twitching as all he knew about physics broke before him. Once she opened the scroll, his neck cracked and he faced the dragon with a large grin. The dragon could only turn to Shadowman, who also gulped with him under the menacing gaze of his team mate.

The mistress of the night inspected the scroll, bringing it close enough to block her view of the basket.

Luna.

I hope this reaches you before you make contact with our new guests. Now I understand you may have only just reached the library my student currently lives at. I must warn you, and ask of you this:

DO NOT OVER REACT AND SCARE OFF THE HUMANS.

It is vital that you keep them calm, and please, I beg you, do not let your inner fan-mare scare off Shadowman or Frank. Yes you did read this correctly, the cast of My Big Human are in Equestria. Prince Albert and Hank are currently with me and the Elements of Harmony, and we are returning to Ponyville from the Element of Generosity’s home.

Remember, stay calm. We have time to celebrate afterwards... and possibly turn them into ponies with that spell I requested. It may seem extreme, but we have to think how the public will react to the humans. Besides, I would love to see Prince Albert as an alicorn, but will have to settle for an earth pony to avoid further suspicion. I shall see if I can, say, edit them to our liking.

I know you want to see Shadowman as a pegasus; My student and Rainbow Dash have confided to me that they wish to see Hank as an earth pony and Frank as a unicorn.

From your loving sister

Celestia.

P.S Do not let them out of your sight.

The recipient mentally facehooved, sighing as she realised that what she had done was exactly the opposite of what her sister wanted.

Well at least we have caught them- she was mentally going to congratulate herself, comparing how she caught not just one human, but two compared to Pinkie Pie’s measly one. However, a sudden yelp caught her attention as she dropped the parchment.

She spotted Shadowman standing up, resting against the side of the basket, his coat battered and slightly torn. She also spotted Frank standing tall, pointing something towards the base of the air balloon.

“NO, pulling my tail won’t get the right-Blargh!” Spike screeched, before burping up a large jet of green flame. The flame encased the entire balloon, shortly following the individuals inside. Luna watched in horror as the occupants of the hot air balloon, and the mode of transport itself, disappeared into a grass toned puff of smoke. The jade wisp flew over her head. She watched the trail disappear, before she heard the galloping of hooves behinds her.

“NOOOOOO!” screeched a small mint unicorn, going to her knees and stomping on the floor. “You Maniac! You blew it up! Ah, damn you Frank! Celestia damn you to Tartarus!” she screamed, waving a hoof in the air.

“WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP?!” Both Luna and Lyra turned to face the source of the voice to find a green pegasus, with a sleeping mask over his eyes, leaning his head out of a second story window. He abruptly closed the window, slamming it shut to emphasise his mood.

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Down the road from the library, a strange cluster of creatures walked towards the same destination. Two members of royalty, not related by blood nor species, strolled side by side. The Prince had been the focal point of both of the only white equines, whilst one was beautiful unicorn, the other was the ruler of the sun, a mighty alicorn. Not that that persuaded who he would talk to, he wasn’t much for preferring one person to another, he saw no reason to in this case. By the fashionista’s side was another strange trio. A lavender horned pony, a titan of a human, and a floating cyan speedster. At the back of the pack, three regular inhabitants of the land cautiously eyed the bipeds.

One was an apple farmer, constantly glancing over between the two strangers. Another was a timid butter pegasus, her eyes slowly getting heavier and heavier due to exhaustion. She was a startling contrast to bouncy cotton candy ball by her side.

“So, Prince Albert, it has dawned upon me that you do not have any place to stay, do you not?” Rarity asked, walking close to the human. He already knew the answer; the ship would be long under water by now and the trials of surviving a partially hostile village, combined with the late hour, were starting to take their toll.“

You are correct lady Rarity, we do not have a place to stay.” he admitted, before turning to face her. “I don’t suppose you would now anywhere for four humans to stay where they will be safe, would you?” he asked, resting his hand on his shoulder before making circles with his shoulder. Rarity’s eye sparkled slightly at the prospect of temporally housing a Prince under her roof.

Seeing this, the solar Diarch stepped in gracefully.

“Actually, the four of you would be welcome to mine and my sister’s castle. You can each have your own suite.” Celestia interjected, gaining the focus of the Prince. She gave small smile, her magenta eye looking into his.

“That does sound tempting; it would suit the needs of each one of us. Plus it would be wonderful if you wouldn’t mind telling me about your civilization, despite first impressions,” he said looking away from both, briskly walking to gain the lead. He turned around, and cracked a large merry smile. “I would be more than happy to give this wonderful land another chance.”

We can talk… and drink, oh Celestia stop. This is an incredible circumstance, I suppose it won’t hurt to take advantage of it. Wait till Luna finds out I’ve spent time with Prince Albert; I’m sure she’ll sulk, socks and all, at the news. Now, now, it may be fun and games for now, but I will have to work on getting them home. How unfortunate. she mused, letting her smile grow slightly.

“Oh, but if you would like another tour of the town without being bothered, surely you can stay here for a spell?”

What? Celestia’s recollection of her fan fiction burst like a popped bubble upon hearing the fashionista’s voice.

“I wouldn’t mind being able to walk around without being ambushed. This does seem like a wonderful society, and this, from my brief experience mind you, does have a lovely rural quality to it. I often did enjoy the countryside; there is so much adventure away from the hustle and bustle of the capital However, there will still be the matter of finding a place to stay.” He stated, pondering over his options.

“Oh, but I am sure my friends and I will find room for you, somewhere.” Rarity finished sweetly, batting her eyelashes.

Please, please, please, pleeeaase! I must dress a Prince! the unicorn begged mentally, maintaining that warm smile. And let him ‘chat’ with me a bit more of course.

“If that’s the case then-“

“Possibly, but if they come to Canterlot I can show them around the capital. With me being present, nopony would bother them.” Celestia remarked, her natural smile quickly becoming a strained false one. “Thank you for your offer Rarity, truly living up to your Element, but I believe he would prefer a larger accommodation for him and his friends. Wouldn’t you agree, Prince Albert?”

“Well, that is preferable, but we have slept in worse conditions and-“

“Oh, but with the Elements of Harmony by his side, surely he would be welcomed to the rest of this town, and within a week the whole human hunter ordeal will be a thing of the past. Besides, I’m sure the lovely gentlecolt would like some new attire.” Rarity added, tapping his torn jeans, She rested a hoof on the base of his shin, inspecting the fabric and the damage done.

“My sister and I will make sure that they receive a new wardrobe, courtesy of being so understanding. We can hire the finest tailors of Canterlot to make them dozens of outfits before a day is done.”

“Ladies, there’s really no need for this…” was the last thing Hank heard before tuning out. His mind drifted back to his current path, partly on the pavement, and sometimes stepping off when the pegasus had to float past.

“I hate it when he gets himself into these sort of things. Ever seen three duchesses drool over a single stallion?” Hank asked, switching glances between purple mare and the winged equine.

“Err…no, bout you, Twi?” Rainbow asked, turning over to fly the right side up.

“Well, I didn’t know at the time, I was just a little filly, but sometimes I heard a couple of mares talk funny to Lord Skip. Then there was the time I thought he was sucking the face off another mare, whilst lying on top of her.” She blushed, flustered with embarrassment, when both Hank and Rainbow Dash burst into a fit of laughter. “It’s not funny! I ran straight to Celestia, screaming that he was a monster.”

“Oh man, Twi that is good. You do know what it means now, right? Hehehe.” the speed demon snorted, nudging the librarian.

“OF COURSE I DO! I’ve read enough romance novels thank you very much.” The Element of magic huffed, pointing her snout to the moon. “Even if it was only the one romance novel, the mechanics are pretty clear.” she continued, preparing her lecture mode.

“Kid, you don’t have to tell me how to play tonsil tennis with another woman.” Hank remarked, smirking slightly.

“Oh, you thought I was going to- Oh that would be silly.” she stated, not only hoping to convince them but herself also. Hank gave a sceptic look, before turning away with a sly grin.

“You remind me of Frank. Before his first, he was a bloody hermit, now he still kind of is, but at least he can talk women and leave that stupid lab of his more often.” The grin on his lips grew wider whilst he recalled locking his brother out of his room when he was four. Unfortunately they shared rooms, meaning that Frank’s experiment escaped.

Hank, to this day, doesn’t even know what on god’s green earth it was… but it chased and ate the dog, then one of the walls, then the fridge, then itself. It was the most amazing thing he ever saw in his entire life.

“His first kiss?” Twilight asked innocently, earning a facehoof from the azure pony.

“Yeah, let’s go with that.” the behemoth chuckled to himself.

Walking at the back of the herd, watching both groups of three debate various things, Applejack thought it would be best to stick with those she was certain didn’t know anything about the show.

“Hey, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie?” the farmer whispered, earning the attention of the mares by her sides. She checked to make sure both the party pink pony and the soft daffodil pegasus were leaning in before she continued. “Alright, ah’m sure you two know these guys ain’t real, right?”

“Oh but AJ, look-”

“Pinkie Pie! Keep your voice down, I don’t want them hearing us.” the cowpony hissed, silencing the mare.

“But why Applejack? If…um… you don’t mind me asking.” gingerly asked the timid pegasus. She retreated slightly under her mane, watching as the apricot pony’s jade pools met her own teal eyes.

“Look, I know what these critters can do, and it ain’t pretty.” she admitted, maintaining the hushed tone. “They can do something fierce to a pony if they wanted to, especially that big guy.” She nodded towards Hank’s direction, and soon the three mares found themselves watching Hank narrate something with his hands and that spoon of his.

“Hank? He doesn’t seem so bad; Rainbow likes him and so does Twilight, but she prefers Frank.” Pinkie Pie pointed out.

“So far, and of course they’ll stick up for ‘em because they’re their favourite cartoon characters, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a bad side. And furthermore, what about that other fella, Shadow-thingy?” Applejack continued, rolling her hoof to find that foreign word.

“Shadowman.” Fluttershy added, timidly mind you. “He is actually really nice and said sorry for scaring me, sort of.” she finished with a mumble.

“What do yer mean sort of?”

“Well, you know he doesn’t like to talk, but I’m sure he was sorry.” Fluttershy added, inspecting the ground she was treading on.

“Fluttershy, you got be mighty careful of that one too. They’re the heavy hitters; he has these swords that can cut through-“

“WOOHOOOHOooooooah.” Pinkie spluttered, her body standing on its front hooves, her tail wriggling and snout twitching. Upon landing back the hoof stand, she earned the immediate attention of everypony and human in close vicinity.

“Was she raised by a circus?” Hank commented, mind numbed by the past antics the mare had already performed. It had only just dawned upon him that this might actually be happening.

“No, she was actually raised on a rock farm.” Rainbow added, floating backwards.

“She has this ability, ever since she was little, she can sense things.” Twilight contributed, sighing under his sceptical glance. “Like objects falling or doors opening,” she added, frowning at how ridiculous she must have sounded. “And she is never wrong.”

She stopped and turned around moments after Albert, Rarity, and Celestia also did, to face the pink mare.

“Must have been good ‘rocks’, I can see why she’d want out if this is what was happening to her.” Hank muttered under his breath.

“What is it Pinkie Pie? Are the other fellas doing okay?” Applejack asked, stepping beside Pinkie Pie. The mare responded by giving a concerned glance to everypony, before saying letting a frown form on her brow.

“Somepony stole my balloon!” she screeched, hopping up around, before landing before Albert.

“It was Mr Grumpy Pants wasn’t it?” she barked, stretching her neck to come eye level. “Wasn’t it!?” Albert raised his hands defensively, watching as Rarity came to his defence.

“Pinkie dear, perhaps you are overreacting a tad. Maybe Shadowman required it to find his lost friend, wasn’t that what you did to find Shadowman in the first place?” the seamstress inserted, causing Pinkie to ponder in recollection of today’s earlier events.

“Huh, guess you’re right, but still it’s not very nice to borrow somepony’s hot air balloon- hey is that Lyra?” she asked, pointing a hoof towards the library. Spinning around, the group each faced the direction the pink limb was pointed at.

True they spotted a pony, true it was aqua toned, but whether or not it was a Lyra was yet to be seen, as she quickly race out of sight.

“What was she doing in my library? It was supposed to be closed three hours ago.” the librarian queried, switching her focus to the unlocked tree house. The flickering glow of candle light crept out of the door and a thin beam of light passed through the curtains, highlighting the chipped curb.

“What about that lizard boy of yours? I thought he lived there?” Hank added, glancing down at the purple mare. Before she could answer, there was another outburst from Pinkie Pie in the form of gasp.

And craning her neck around Hank’s whilst clinging to his back.

“Maybe Spike took the balloon! I did say he could ride it! Oh, I forgot to tell him to tell me when he wanted to borrow it.” the mare chirped, cheek to cheek to the man. He turned to face her, deadpanning whilst she grinned.

“Will you stop going on about the stupid balloon,” he snarled, reaching behind to grab her by the scruff of her neck. His frown deepened as he said “What exactly do you want us to do? I can’t snap my fingers and have it magically appear.” Upon announcing that, using his free hand, he clicked his fingers.

There was a flash of green light, an eruption of malachite flames, and tendrils of dirty olive green smoke. The inferno shot up, lasting mere seconds, before in its place stood tall a massive hot air balloon. It was battered and charred, Pink and marked with three party balloons. Stunned was not the apt word to describe Hank’s mood at the moment. He was both terrified and in awe, the kind of mood you can only imagine a super hero goes through upon discovering his true potential.

Maybe there is something to the magic we have, I guess Frank was right…Fuck yeah. he mused, staring at his hand. Everypony was gawking at him, before turning their focus to the shuffling in the basket case. Hank was remembering his solemn vow, his oath to use any powers he gained for the greater good. Of course that was when he thought the oath would be to only have power over a few royal guards back home.

Using his morals to guide him, he continued hoisting the pink menace up and held her out like a lantern. Bringing up his fingers of doom, he snapped his fingers at her and waited the results. Disappointed to not see his arch nemesis in flames, he repeated the action in a futile effort to incinerate the demonic pony. He sighed, his life as a super hero flashing before his eyes.

“Where did this come from?” Albert asked, stepping forward to inspect the craft. The two mares by his side joined him, shortly followed by the rest of the group.

“Let’s never speak of what we saw ever again.” A voice groaned. Moments later two hands were seen clinging to the edge of the basket. They all witnessed a man rise groggily; the tail of his ponytail was slightly alight. “Ever.” he finished, his head drooping.

“Frank?” his elder brother asked, dropping Pinkie Pie on her haunches.

“Hank? Oh God, what did they do to you?” Frank remarked, pulling a smouldering phantom to his feet. Shadowman rolled his shoulders before patting out the flames on his arms. The pure look of horror on his face chilled the elder to the bone.

“Nothing, why?” Hank responded instantly, quickly studying his own body.

“Oh… I’ve only just realised you were always that ugly.” the younger remarked, smirking whilst pulling out his half-finished cigar. He heard a few a few giggles as he used his lit hair to relight the cigar; looking up he spotted the lavender one holding a hoof to her mouth as she chuckled, resulting in his grin to grow briefly before he took a drag.

“Hey, can anypony give a hoof here?” a younger voice cried out. Shadowman turned around, bent over, and plucked the dragon up. “Thanks, can you untie me now?” Complying, the man unbound the robe and watched the dragon hop out of the basket.

“Where did this come from? Spike what happened?” a bamboozled Twilight asked, gesturing to the balloon.

“Spike, did you send this to me? Sending live creatures and objects of this size is extremely dangerous-” Celestia interjected, stepping forward and switching to her default motherly tone. The solar goddess paused upon seeing Frank raise his hand.

“In his defence, it was me, and we were desperate. I recalled him burning that letter, which apparently arrived to you, resulting in you arriving. I figured that a princess is better than whoever was chasing me.” Frank responded, stepping between Celestia and the dragon. “And Shadowman’s been flirting again; he’s managed to get an alicorn to chase him. It’s the ballroom fiasco all over again.” he continued, switching to Albert.

Behind him, he could have sworn he heard Shadowman shiver slightly.

“Another alicorn? Princess, does that mean Princess Luna is here?” Rainbow asked, hovering by near the balloon. Celestia’s response was for her sigh before bringing a hoof to her temple. She nodded in response, mild irritation stamped on her face.

“Princess? Well that’s a new one.” Hank turned to Shadowman, now leaning over into the basket. The phantom was steadying his breathing, but managed to get a quick glance at the giant. “That’s a high score,” he chuckled. “Not even you got a Princess, Albert.”

“Aye, but I’m always hoping.” The Prince gave a mocking frown as he gazed upon Shadowman. “Maybe you can teach me your ways, Shadow?” The man in the charred trench coat’s response was to raise his hand and stick his thumb up.

“Well that’s fine and dandy, the fact that you’re putting yourself on the market, but can we please just sit down inside. I’ve had a long day.” said Frank, chucking the stub of the cigar to the curb before using his foot to smother it. “I’m not much for becoming a handsome ice pop.”

“Yes, Twilight, take the others to the library and make sure they remain there until I return.” The Princess asked, walking past the balloon. She smiled at Twilight as she stood by Frank. “I would prefer my sister to be present whilst we plan our next move.”

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“Shadowman? Shadowman? Where art thou, Shadowman?” The Mistress of the night had been searching valiantly for her favourite human; she was currently checking the alley behind sugar cube corner. It was not because her fan-mare side wished to seek out any truth about the fandom, to the contrary, it was simply because it was her royal duty to protect Equestria and she realised that these humans were a danger. Although they have not shown signs of aggression, it would only take contact with a hater to set them off.

“Over here dear sister, we have much to discuss.” the night goddess heard behind her. The minor irritation did well to cover the small fragment of pride hidden in her voice, however with both of them being sisters the younger picked up on it easily.

“Greetings Tia, we thought you might.” Luna slowly turned around, careful to avoid the waterlogged grid by her side. Close to entrance was her dove white counterpart; the moonlight bounced off of her golden regalia as she moved further down the side passage bearing a small scowl.

“Now, Luna, could you explain to me what part of ‘please control yourself, you did not understand?” the eldest remarked, stopping feet away from her sibling.

“The part where you failed to inform me the nature of the crisis, particularly where it involves the cast of My Big Human.” snapped Luna, returning a glare of her own. “Perhaps if you had told me Shadowman was in Equestria, then maybe I could have been more prepared.” she continued, inspecting her jewelled horseshoes. Upon seeing a slight speck of dirt, the Princess dipped the stain into the puddle. “I… am not in the wrong here Tia. I almost managed to gain their trust before they fled. I chased Shadowman all over Ponyville.” The solar Diarch’s gaze softened the moment her younger sister sighed deeply.

“And yet he eluded my grasp. True, maybe I did react like a foal on Heart warming eve when I should have been more serious about the situation, but I did have Equestria’s and the human’s own interest at heart. Could you imagine what would happen if the public found out without our supervision? They might as well be fed to a pack of manticores.” Luna commented, slowly making her way back to the main road. Her sister followed in her hoofsteps shortly after.

“Yes… I agree.” Celestia responded, grimacing slightly at the recollection of Hank’s experience. The sound of shoes landing upon the cobble stone echoed down the street.

“I do hope he is okay, and Frank also-” Luna was about to finish her sentence when Celestia rested a hoof on her shoulder, smiling as the midnight blue alicorn faced her.

“There is no need to fret; we have found them, and are waiting for your arrival in the library. Prince Albert has also agreed to something we both may enjoy together.” the eldest reassured, earning a cocked eyebrow from the younger. After a brief pause, followed by a small chuckle, Celestia explained the situation.

“Nothing like that Luna, like I would ask for you to ‘help’ with that.” A faint tint of sanguine appeared across Luna’s cheeks as she realised her misinterpretation. “No, I have managed to get him to agree to let him and Shadowman accompany us to the castle. Despite Rarity’s numerous attempts to sway him to take up residence with her.” she finished, frowning slightly at the floor.

“Oh, afraid of a little competition Tia?” Luna grinned, before theatrically placing a hoof on her forehead. “Are you prepared to fight for the one you love? After all, all is fair in love and war.” The deathly glare from her sister only resulted in the suppressed laughter of the mare.

“I do not love him, Luna. I am merely wanting to gain the responsibility of my favourite character.” she retorted, before lifting her snout to the sky and with a harrumph.

“So tell me, do you want a relationship like ‘My little shadow’ or ‘The Prince and I’?” The grin on her lips grew wider as her sister blushed ever so slightly. “Or maybe you’d prefer something along the lines of ‘Prince of Penetra’-”

“NO!” gasped Celestia, glaring daggers into the younger. “Don’t even bring up that foul combination of words. That…abomination is exactly why Bronies, especially humares given the contents of the story, are frowned upon.” She burned a stare into her sister’s memory, making her forge a silent promise to never mention that fapper-fic ever again.

“Fine… I wouldn’t even expect you to even kiss him.” Her face shifted, further increasing the height of the eyebrow and dropping the smirk she once wore when the ruler of the sun gave a grin of her own.

“What?” queried Luna.

“I didn’t have to.” Celestia replied in a quiet sing song voice, raising one of her hooves.

“Wait you mean, he…” Luna tilted her head slightly, as a sign to egg her sister on further.

“Not to the extreme, but he did give me…” She trailed off, leaving her sister in suspense.

Pause for dramatic effect; oh look she is practically dying to know.

She remained quiet, listening to her sister beg for her to tell her what she had been given. She merrily made her way down the road, the tree house coming into view as the indigo mare pouted and sulked.

“The royal welcome.” she finally admitted, resulting in her sister’s maw dropping to the floor.

“No.” Luna finally stated, her jaw forming into a shape of a smile.

“On this very hoof.” The divine held out her hoof, inches away from the face of the Mistress of the night. “Everypony got one, well except Applejack and Rainbow Dash, but he did it to me for the longest.” she added, watching her sister’s smile fall straight off.

“So what did you get out of Shadowman? Oh that’s right, Lulu wouldn’t get anything as extraordinary as ‘The royal welcome’. Hence proving Albert is the better human.” She concluded, watching her sister seeth. She restrained a titter as she watched her sister march ahead, her head held high.

“Where are you going, sister? Are you going to try and get him to sing as all of you Shadow fans claims he does?” sniped Celestia, following her sister.

“That’s true and you know it! He is the reason for the majority of the songs in each season.” Luna replied confidently, refusing to look back. They maintained a constant distance as they headed down the final hundred meters.

“Just because he is not on screen, does not mean it is him singing. If I recall correctly, he is mute.”

“When the humans searched the castle for the mysterious voice, they found no traces of its source and also they could never find Shadowman.”

“I believe you’re getting confused between canon and fanon; you’ve must have been reading too much fan-fiction.”

“Hank couldn’t find Dopey either in season four, but he was still delivering mail and muffins. Face it, it just wasn't his episode, and they used him to sing!” Luna remarked, locating the saddlebag that had been left on the street. She didn't need to turn around to know how her sister must have felt about leaving spells, capable of turning dirt into gold and fire into water, in the middle of the road. So she did what any other sister would.

She scuttled away pretending it never happened, alas the elder had already seen her crime.

Author's Notes:

Ladies and Gentlemen, and Pinkie Pie, could you give credit to my proof readers: dialgex and Recovery 565

As for now, I would like to ask something form you. No not you, yes you. You should know by now that Fanfiction may be an important part of the brony community. Same applies in my story. So if you feel you have a good My Big Human: Friendship is Expendable story I can use in the later chapters then let me know. Also, could you tell me which pony might have written it and what it is about. I cannot promise it will make an appearance but I will consider all that are posted.

Until next time.