Author's Notes:

I still live! Yes that's a thing! The book is doing well; we've almost sold 200 copies and I will be at Bronycon! At the Dead Tree Studios Table.

See you all there!

I’m the sort of person who, if I arrive in a city under siege, in the middle of nowhere, I’ll always find my way to be the leader of the rebels. I just don’t know how.
-Simon Sebag Montefiore

I sat there in the chair, as the building shook with the explosive force of two distinct artillery guns firing in tandem. They wailed away, and yet the building wasn’t going to fall. It was like massive frag grenades hitting the concrete outside: They wouldn’t actually bring the building down, just shake it and fracture the concrete.

I could tell they were actually trying now, but the bombardment was coming from the south, not the north where we had dropped the megaspell dirty bomb. Creatures were all diving for cover except me and Nyota. I sat there in the radio chair, waiting through the shelling, my knowledge of explosives making me fully aware we were perfectly safe here.

Once the shelling stopped the radio dial scrolled on its own to a new frequency. I started to speak when the static cut through to something disturbing:

“Oh you lot! The Roof siege is going pretty good! That Goddess with a Gun is willing to take on more of ya! Just get there already! Raider Radio officially endorses the idea of turning that stupid parking garage into a stronghold for ponies like us. So go sign up, at least long enough to enjoy the rape and pillaging!

“If you’re into murder and vengeance, that Long Eye of the Law bastard and that stupid little Angel with a Shotgun are both inside that place too! Perfect opportunity to put that Old World Bitch’s mouth to better use than…

“What do you mean they set off a megaspell? Who the fuck is they?” There was a shuffle and the cocking of a gun’s hammer heard over the microphone.

“Oh Shit! I didn’t cut it off, I’m sorry boss. There can’t be that many—” His voice ended with a gunshot. The sound of hooves approaching the microphone echoed around us. Three more gunshots hit and then the radio went to static again when the broadcast cut off.

I looked at Chifundo and Nyota, and they looked back at me just as confused. Alguacil walked in with a grumble, “Damn Raider Radio! I’ve seen over two hundred Regulators die from trying to take that place out.” He spat on the floor. “Ya know how we have to end this siege, right?”

I looked up at him and my gut twisted. The possibility of actually having to kill somepony face to face sent goosebumps rippling over my skin. He was right and my heart didn’t want to speak the words. Alguacil stared at me, his face turning to a grimace. “Say it Sunrise, say it out loud or I will.”

“We have to kill The Goddess with a Gun.” I said the words, my body running cold from lips to spine. Nyota placed a hoof on my shoulder as I felt the tears forming. A pit struck in my stomach and my heart sank to my hooves. Our course was set: Kill the Goddess or lose our friends.

Pink popped up with a wooden sign in my vision: ‘Quest Added: Justified Killing’.

I tuned the radio frequencies along my PipBuck, trying to see if our enemy had any frequency for their communications. I fiddled around until the sound of a ghoul who chain smoked too many cigarettes filled my ears. “Welcome to Raider Radio!” I paused and listened intently. There was something off about the way it sounded. “Today’s news involves dat siege at Da Roof.” There was an extra crackle in the background.

Is this an underground radio network for raiders? Wait! That crackle! I’m not tuned into Raider Radio, they are! I’m listening through one of their broadcasters! I realized I’d managed to scroll to an extra frequency to get into The Goddess’s Army communications. This was either dumb luck or their sheer stupidity.

“Sunrise, if they start talking about ‘Our Leader’; turn it off.” Alguacil snapped at me as I kept listening in. “Just trust me on that, we don’t—”

“Alguacil, you’re going to explain that to me, now. I detonated a twenty kiloton bomb yesterday. There are no secrets right now inside this town.” I glared at him as the radio kept crackling.

Alguacil grabbed me with both a talon and a wing, concealing both of us while ducking his own head down into his wing band. “Listen Sunrise, they are being led by someone who commands the respect of an Alicorn. You don’t know how dangerous those are. I do.”

“Shut it, I remember the Twin Sisters.” I was not having his high-and-mighty, knows-better-than-you anymore. He needed to be on the level with everyone if we were going to survive. “I know how dangerous they can be, Celestia and Luna had the power of a hundred megaspells. So what is this version of an Alicorn?”

Alguacil staggered back, looking stunned. “Alright fine, you remember the sisters. Well this version is power hungry and angry.”

“So why don’t we just walk up and talk to them? I mean, Celestia and Luna were often quite reasonable.” I looked at him with a smile on my lips. The same smile he’d always seen when I walked right up to introduce myself to a pony.

“Sunrise, no! Not these. Do you know what taint is?” Alguacil face turned to pure horror. His eyes narrowed and his face pulled back with all his wrinkles and divots extended into his features.

“I mean as far as I know, it’s a form of rocket fuel that you refused to let me touch for some reason.” I explained. It was my one and only encounter with taint in my life. The night we met that crazy diamond dog and ate dinner at Hearthfire’s. “I mean, doesn’t it cause mutation?”

“Well, that is what it’s suppose to mutate creatures into.” Alguacil’s lips quivered as he spoke, as though he were afraid someone would hear him.

“I fail to see the problem Alguacil, what is so bad about turning a pony into an alicorn? It would seem like a massive advantage you would want to have.” I declared, stamping my hoof and trying to push his talon off of my chest.

“They aren’t good folks.” He spoke to me like an adult trying to speak to a child. That only made me want to smack him across the face. “They are very very bad. Like they enslave entire towns because they can bad.”

“So just a twisted version of everything else in the wasteland we’ve run into. What is to stop us from being friends with them or turning them to be better?” I pressed my snout up to his beak, staring into his eye. He recoiled as I narrowed my eyes to only hammer back into him. I glared down Alguacil for the first time in my life.

“Algaucil, till I know otherwise; I refuse to assume any creature is innately evil. Period. Now get out of my face, I have stuff to do. Where is everypony else and what are they presently up to?”

I pushed pass him heading to the medical tent, my PipBuck clicking rads here and there as several hot spots slipped through the concrete and seeped into the area.

I saw the nearly broken ponies and their expressions of despair. Each one turned to me and I saw a glimmer of hope spark in their eyes. A sense of relief washed over their faces, Nyota was right; they needed me to act. I felt so strange, but Pink pushed me to not back away from them. The recent bombardment and renewed siege had everyone’s moral down, yet I was like a literal beacon of hope walking among the destitute and desperate. I held up my head and forced a smile to my lips. “That’s it Sunrise, a good leader knows not to show just how scared they really are.”

It’s not that Pink. These ponies need something to hold onto. I have to be better, and make them believe we can win. Even if I know that victory will kill me inside.

“You’re becoming like me! Careful-careful, we all know how that turned out.” I didn’t reply, instead trying to keep any memory from coming up for fear I would get lost in it.

Nyota was having an argument with another patient when I opened the tent flap. “I said sit down, let me check this out.”

“You stupid zigger! Get away from me!” I was there in time to see Nyota take a punch right to the jaw. He was done, Nyota brought his hoof down and then his eye met mine. I saw him in slow motion, adjust his blow to strike the unicorn in a glancing blow across the skull.

The pony went limp while Scopola Mina was holding Picline back with her TK, “Get away from my son! You killed him! He’s—”

Nyota held up a hoof and then showed he was still breathing, Scopola raised an eyebrow as did I. Did he just, NOT kill a pony when he should have? Wicker is an enemy soldier and just hit him hard enough to bust his lip. Yet, he didn’t kill him?

Scopola and Picline went to tend to Wicker as Nyota glared at Picline as he spoke, “He’s your son, deal with him. Next time, I’ll make sure he’s dead.” Nyota snorted as he approached me and the two of us silently stared at each other. There was a sense of apprehension and he looked ashamed then hung his head.

“If not for you Sunny, I would have killed him instead. You’ve shown me I need to be better.” He embraced me tightly and clung to my neck. “I may not like him, but it feels a lot better to not kill a patient who busted my lip trying to treat him.” He whispered this low and I was too stunned to hug him back.

Slowly, I raised my hooves and stroked his mane gently. We didn’t speak for what felt like an eternity. Only when Nyota started to sob and let his pain out into my mane did I say a word, “I love you and have never been more proud of you.” I let him sob into me, and I felt like his heart and soul became lighter than they had ever been before.

His touch was so gentle, each sob his grip on me loosened as he released a pain I hadn’t known he carried. I could feel it; everything inside me told me, I had done the right thing. It took this moment for my way of doing things to sink in.

This big stallion, tough and gritty was sobbing like a baby in my hooves and he was smiling through his pain he was letting out. I held him there as I watched Scopola Mina and Picline examine Wicker’s unconscious body. “He lived? I haven’t seen anyone live when Nyota hits them.” Scopola expressed in wonder.

“He’s got a hard head like his momma,” Picline was incredibly proud while Scopola marvelled at Wicker. I dared not correct them, it felt better this way with the amount of wonder in Scopola’s eyes.

Pink walked up Nyota’s shoulder and held up a sign, “Quest Complete: Save Nyota’s Soul.” I felt that impact into my heart, like a weight slamming down only to be lifted immediately. I clung to him tightly and just stayed there for a while.

Picline and Scopola were still tending to Wicker’s injuries together, something about the way Scopola looked at him in a way that made me blush. I realized it was the same way I looked at Nyota. I smiled softly as I held onto Nyota and saw Scopola look impressed at Wicker.

I wanted to tell her that Nyota actually pulled his blow but I didn’t have the heart to. Pink turned her sign around, “Karma Rank Achieved: Savior of the Damned.”

I sat there, looking out at the wasteland around us. The shelling had stopped, only a two ponies had been injured and the reinforced concrete held. The recent siege blasting made the sight of the wasteland feel even worse. They had done all that wrath and fury, and yet I could see the crater I left. A scar in the land that would never truly heal. I was the cause of the massive crater north of The Roof. No telling how many creatures had died because of my actions.
I’m no better than those that ended the world.

“No Sunrise, you’re better than me.” I paused my stream of thought and turned to Pink rather stunned.

How? How could I be? I’ve made the same—

“The same outcome? No. The same methods, maybe. You’re better than me Sunrise. I did what I did, all the interrogations. The literal mind rapes of every captured zebra, without remorse.” There was a pause as Pink and I stared into each other’s eyes. I could see her soul, the soul of a spirit is different. Think of a Spirit as just a person without a body. No the soul of a ponyis the measure of their worth versus the measure of their cost.

I could see it written all over her, the regret. She wore the feeling of absolute loss and there was nothing she could do to fix it. She was too late to heal the damage she had done. The very reason why she was stuck with me now, and I was stuck with her. “I died and all my friends lost their lives because I couldn’t see the end coming. I should have, all of it was there. Yet here I sit, attached to you, and none of them are alive for me to ask forgiveness from.”

Pink stopped as tears streamed down her cheeks as she grew from a vision in the corner of my eye to a full size pony before me. “You have remorse for your actions. Every one of them. You pull a trigger on a raider and lose sleep over it.” She paused and brushed her hoof down my cheek softly. I closed my eyes and relaxed at the touch, it was welcome. “I’d shoot them with a sharpnel confetti cannon and cackle while doing it.”

Pink no longer felt like this foreign entity I had to share a body with. She felt like a companion, a friend who walked alongside me. A judge and jury who would help act as my conscience and correct my guilt trips. “I could never walk in those shoes. That bomb was the headliner they needed. You’ve given this settlement a fighting chance, now you have to finish the dance party. ” I opened up my eyes as a tear rolled down my cheek.

Are we friends now? I cautiously held hope that she would return the feeling.

“Sunrise, you are such a silly filly. We aren’t friends Sunrise, we’re family. The most dysfunctional set of rocks in a head that can be; but as thick as granite.” She gave me a noogie on my head bringing a smile to my lips. She shrunk back down to being my little PipPony in the corner of my screen showing my body’s health status. “Oh look! Nyota is coming! It’s time to get back to business and run this party to a satisfying explosive climax! My Party Paladin of the Wasteland.”

A wild whistling hit the air quickly drawing closer by the second. I knew what it was immediately, “Incoming!!!” I shouted and dove behind the nearest piece of metal plating. The world went silent as the area around me shook with the furry of an eighty-eight shell exploding just hoof-steps away. I felt bruises under my armor forming as a piece of shrapnel bounced off one of my side plates.

The explosions rocked the building and dust fell around us. I couldn’t figure it out, why was this building still standing? The sound from the explosions I found surprisingly nice but something odd hit my ears as I listened in close. Pink giggled, “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you liked the sound of explosives!”

No, these shell sound wrong. The whistling might be from the 8.8 cm gun but the explosions have a lot more twang in their sound. It dawned on me where I’d heard such an explosive before, back in the cave when we first woke up. The Sentry Bot and my bundle of TNT. These aren’t the complex plastics you would find in artillery shell! They are wasteland scrap together shells!

“You figured all that out from the sound? I mean I get the cutie mark, but damn Sunrise. I’m genuinely impressed with how you put that icing on this C4 cake.” Pink was actually holding a block of cake shaped plastic explosive with pink icing on it. I stared at her with an ‘Are you serious right now face?’

The shelling stopped and I started to head down the ram. Just as I turned the corner and ran right into Nyota face first. I blinked a few times and he had what appeared to be the entire spell matrix of a vehicle on a pallet behind him. “Oh, Hi Nyota.” I felt a blush rising through me. I felt my body starting to tingle with seeing him and a sense of relief washing over me.

“Where did you get that?” I asked checking it out. It might work for a replacement for the one I just blew up. The words Whinniebeigo etched onto the top of it’s plastic engine cover. “Is there a Whinniebeigo in here?”

“Yeah…” Nyota drug out his explanation. “I mean there was someone doing repairs on it in here; and it’s missing some wiring and it needs a jumpstart but I have a replacement spell matrix.” I also noticed a very shiny red tool box attached to it.

He pulled it around and opened it, showing me a true mechanics toolkit. “Sweet Celestia where did you find this!? Every single wrench I could ever want, a set of screwdrivers more diverse than zebra stripes! Oh they have Allen Wrenches! Nyota, this is amazing.”

“It was with the Whinniebeigo and it was the only way I could get this thing out. But yeah I thought you might could use it love.” He slid the toolkit across to me and I gleefully reached into my pack and removed the household kit I’d been using, carefully taking out a couple of tools I really liked and put them into the professional’s toolbox. Then I attached the much larger box to my saddlebag straps. It would make noise when I ran but it was a very nice thing to acquire.

A sense of relief and accomplished washed over me and cleared my mind. I looked down at my PipBuck to do a check on what I had and how I was doing.

“Do we have any extra RadAway?” I asked checking my PipBuck radiation meter. Between the Spell Matrix work and the actual detonation, I had lost my appetite mentally, but now I knew why I felt it physically. I had exceeded my radiation limit for the month! As I looked at it, my stomach started to boil. Without adrenaline running through me or an extreme focus of my mind; my body was letting me know just how much it hated me.

I puked. Everything in my stomach, which was mostly bile, right onto Nyota’s chest armor. My body convulsed and shuddered as the world spun, I felt his hooves steady me. He looked at my PipBuck screen. For the second time at The Roof, I had hit moderate levels of radiation poisoning. “Doc! DOC! We need a doctor!” Nyota called out. “No Sunrise, I don’t have any RadAway but we’ll get you some. When did you have time to accumulate that much radiation!”

I coughed twice and threw up again, this time it was red, laced with blood from my stomach lining. I felt myself freezing and sweating at the same time as I shivered in his grip. “The spell matrix, I exposed the magical core to work on it. It had to be turned on while I did it.”

Picline trotted right up to us, whistling a tune. She looked at me then gave a playful scoff as she plugged a Rad-B-Gone straw into my mouth. “Oh she’ll be fine. I’ve seen much worse. Go on ya big baby drink up.” The herbal radiation cure was actually doing its job; just a lot slower than medical RadAway. It took seven packs to bring me down and expunge the radiation from my body. It would have only taken two RadAway. Honestly, the strange orange tangy flavor of the RadAway would have been more welcome.

While I drank, Picline’s horn lit up and I felt the tendrils of magic wrapping around my stomach and internal organs, knitting them back together. “Oh dammit it’s so hard to get at this little filly’s insides through all that armor! Where is the Quick Release!”

I shook my head with the straw in my mouth, genuinely afraid of what might happen if I said I didn’t have one out loud. Nyota smirked at me, “You should install that.”

Once Picline was done with stitching together the radiation damage. My PipBuck was reading less than acute levels of radiation poisoning. It is so much better than the moderate poisoning I just had. Nyota and I found Alguacil, we needed to discuss what to do. We found him talking to a griffoness regulator, The Roof’s new sheriff apparently.

“Listen here Al, you’re a good bird and all, but that isn’t how this has played out! Now calm your feathers before it blows your hat right off!” She wasn’t talking to him like a co-worker, there was something in her voice.

“I ge’t that! But we should look for this Goddess, an’ shoot her too!” He argued back with an angry snap of his beak. “Stormy, what part of dat do you not understand!”

“The part I don’t understand is why YOU have to risk your tailfeathers more than ya have already. We have an entire town to do that with!” Stormy accentuated her point by repeatedly hitting Alguacil in the chest with her talon while she spoke.

I saw the look in Stormy’s eyes. It was the same one I gave Nyota and the same one Scopola Mina gave Wicker. Pink giggled and smiled, “Oh nothing like constant life threatening danger to bring a group of creatures together!” I felt my blush returning and hoped it was just a blush, and not more skin tingling radiation. Once my PipPony didn’t show any signs of poisoning I snickered and started to laugh.

Algaucil and Stormy both snapped to me, “What’s so funny?” They said in stereo which didn’t help me laughing.

A guard leaned up and coughed a few times, I noticed he had a head wound and one of his eyes were covered. “Well Stormy, if you don’t like Al’s idea; we can keep shooting at them ineffectively like we have for the better part of a week.” I walked over to the stallion and gripped his collar to help him towards the medical building inside The Roof.

“Ya know Sunrise, he’ll never ask her out if you don’t push him into the lava of love.” Pink mused at me.

I know, but I think this might be something he truly needs. I got an idea.

“Alguacil come with me.” Nyota and Alguacil started following as I walked the stallion over to the The Roof’s hospital. He needed to be looked over and I thought maybe some rest inside would do him some good. Blackhawk grabbed the injured guard and pulled him along inside her medical ward. I stopped outside and looked at Nyota. “Nyota go on in and I’ll be behind you shortly.”

Nyota gave me a queer look and I motioned him along. Once he was inside and hopefully out of earshot; I turned to Alguacil, “Ask that griffon out to dinner.”

Alguacil staggered back from me as though he’d been shot. His feathers sprung out in all directions and a few even broke off and fluttered to the ground. “Excuse me!”

“Alguacil, you don’t smile. You don’t have anything to live for except your next mark. You don’t have anything that I’ve ever seen that makes you happy.” I paused and took a breath to let that sink in. “That griffon cares about you. If we get through this, you’re going to take her out on a date. An actual date.”

Nyota came back out the door and looked at me, then at Alguacil who was staggered back with his shoulders firmly against the wall to the medical tent. “Oh so you had the same idea I did? Yeah Alguacil, it might help get that stick out of your ass.”

Alguacil snorted at both of us and got back off the wall, “Sunrise, I don’t have time for that and what if I, ya know, and create little Alguacil bastards to run around—” Nyota and I shoved our hooves into his beak to shut him up.

I looked at Nyota, he looked at me. We both grinned and slowly turned back to look at Alguacil. “I think Nyota is right. I also think that you need something besides your gun and killing raiders to live for.” I took a deep inhale and looked at Nyota, as if asking permission to continue. Nyota motioned his hoof to tell him to get to my point.

“Alguacil, soldiers, regulators, merchants, and doctors are required for life to exist.” Nyota tilted his head and started to speak so I moved my hoof to stop him. “Let me finish love.” I turned back to Alguacil, “However: poets, musicians, artists, craftponies, and someone to love are required if you want the soldiers and regulators to have something to fight for. For the merchants to have something to sell, and for the doctors to have something worth saving.”

Alguacil’s hard glare at me softened as Nyota moved his hoof away and so did I. “I’m not asking you to take her to bed. I’m not asking you to love her. I’m not even asking you to make her happy. I’m asking you, to take her out on a dinner date and see what happens. I’m asking you to find a reason to fight for something besides just fighting.” Alguacil deflated and stared at me stunned. I stared back waiting for my answer.

Nyota leaned over and kissed my cheek, “Well said love. Well said.” He whispered in my ear and nuzzled up against me.

Alguacil for once looked vulnerable. He let his shoulders relax and growled low under his breath like a wounded animal, “What if I’m just as terrible as the awful pieces of trash that brought me into this world?”

I placed a hoof onto his shoulder and moved slow to hug him gently. He tensed up and flinched as I spoke, “You know what not to do. If you take her on a date and you fall in love; I’m sure you’ll know how to be better than your parents.” I released the hug and waited for my answer.

“Alright, I won’t promise anything else but I’ll take her out if we get through this alive.” I trotted back to the regulator office to find Stormy, a song in my heart and a better step in my hooves. My body might have felt like it had been hit by one thousand bricks; but it wasn’t about to put a damper on making Alguacil finally open up.

I found Stormy and motioned her to me. “Hey come here.”

She raised an eyebrow and approached standing fully upright. The way a griffon does when they want to intimidate a pony. “So Alguacil agreed to take you on a date.”

She tackled me into the air, flapping her wings and squawking with a level of joy I’d never seen a griffon do before. “Thank you thank you thank you!!!”

I softly pressed my hooves again her, “But listen, he only agreed to dinner okay? It’s a big step for him so don’t put any more expectation on it okay?”

Stormy unceremoniously dropped me to the ground and let out a gruff grunt. I was glad my armor could absorb impact, but had to take a breath as I looked up at the visibly dejected griffon. “Okay, okay, I get it. Not the news you wanted to hear entirely but I’m just telling you not to get your hopes too far up.”

“You have any idea what Alguacil’s reputation is? He’s the Long Eye of the Law! He’s a living legend! And he is taking me on a date then you tell me NOT to expect anything more!” She leaned down and snorted in my face, causing me to cough as I got glared daggers into. “You’re a very silly pony if that is what you expect me to feel. Listen here you, don’t get a girl’s hopes up if you aren’t sure he will deliver!”

I placed a hoof against her cheek and pushed her away to give me some space. “Okay, fair enough. But first, we have to get through this seige, alive.”

“Are you kidding? Now I’ve got something to actually live for besides paperwork after this fight! You think I’m gonna die now? Oh hell no!” She exclaimed and landed on the ground. “Now I’m gonna make sure I get through this in one piece.”

“Well Sunrise, it worked for at least one of them!” Pink was tossing in laughing and rolling over the compass at the bottom of my H.U.D. “Just you got it to work for the WRONG ONE!”

No Pink. Her laughter stopped and she tilted her head. I got it to work for half of them. I was smiling as I trotted back to rally our little group together and come up with a plan. A plan to end this seige.

I found Scopola Mina last, off alone moping in the chemistry lab she had setup. There were a few spent dash inhalers on the counter next to a broken beaker. One wall was covered in chemical compound calculations using marker, chalk, or crayon. She was softly sobbing but stopped when I approached her. I took a seat next to her, “Scopola, you okay?”

“I umm, feel like I’ve failed.” She spoke with a very long drawn as I reached over with what appeared to be the cleanest cloth in the room to dry her tears. She wouldn’t turn her eyes to look at me, she looked away. The rejection on her face made me feel like she expected me to tell her to go away and never come back.

“Well, ya didn’t.” I carefully thought about my words carefully right now. “It did exactly what you said it would. We were just hoping it would do more than that.” I let the words rest and waited for Scopola to compose herself. She finally turned her gaze back to me.

The pain in her eyes was the same pain I felt knowing what we’d just done a thirteen hours ago. Scopola Mina broke the silence, “I was kinda hopin’ we wouldn’t have to blow up the wasteland at all.”

“Yeah I think we all were.” I hesitated and felt a tear roll down my own cheek. Images of my world dying in the bright flash of megaspell death raced through my mind. I realized it was the image I had witnessed of my own making. The image of the megaspell I had just set off. “Now I know what it felt like, to press the button that ended the world. I hate it.”

“I’ve got something worse I need to talk to all of us about. Apparently, I can’t negotiate with raiders.” I sighed and hung my head.

Scopola lifted my head with a hoof and she took the cloth in her TK to wipe my own tears away. “I suppose you’re going to tell us all.”

I nodded and smiled, looking into her eyes now that she would look at me. I pushed the cloth away, “Yes, but I want you to know; you did the best you could. The chemical you made did exactly what you promised on the box.” I paused and took a deep inhale. “I know now, I have to listen to you when you tell me anything to do with chemicals. I want you to know; I was wrong, you were right.”

“Still not what we wanted but yeah, I was hoping they would just buck each other, and not well…” Scopola Mina trailed off and I tapped the Filly Scout sash she had on at a blank spot.

“Next time we see Coffee Stain, we need to get you a chemical warfare badge.” That actually brought a smile to Scopola Mina’s face. She looked at the blank spot as I continued, “And to tell her to promote you to Scout Master.”

“I’m too old to be a scout now, I should—” I stopped that thought right there in its tracks. I shook my head and smiled at her.

“You’re not too old, especially if you are leading your own Scout Troop. You clearly know what you are doing with chemicals and you have shown yourself to be a great survivor. As well as a true friend.” I softly hugged her and motioned her to follow me. “Let’s get with every pony else and figure out how we are going to deal with this Goddess with a Gun.”

Blood Work, the doctor with the title Hacksaw, and the rest of the group were finally gathered around. It was quiet as everypony was looked at me, waiting for an explanation of what I was gathering them for. “So, Chifundo knows what’s going on.”

Before I could say more, Blood Work grunted, “Now listen here, there is a defacto celebration about to go on in your honor. Why are we here?”

“Because those raiders are still wanting to fight, and if I don’t do out there tomorrow at noon to duel their leader, they’re going to level this town and kill every creature in it. They aren’t going to get what they came here for anymore, they just want revenge.”

Blood Work looked at me and laughed, “Oh, well I’m sure you got this! Just load up on healing potions and start with your best explosive!”

My jaw dropped open and I was physically stunned by his words. “Are you serious!?”

Blood Work just nodded and took a sip of his drink. Alguacil shrugged, “Or we just go out tonight while they are still getting organized and finish them off now.”

“First of all, I think I need an exam from Quick Stitch just to make sure the radiation hasn’t mutated my hearing in any way. Second, I’m in no way-shape-or-form prepared to go out and duel a pony to the death. Third, Alguacil, that might be a viable plan if we had more soldiers who were not sitting in a hospital right now.” I wanted to punch Blood Work, and at the same time, hug Alguacil for the only sound tactical advice he’d ever given.

“Oh I never said anything about one on one or to the death. I’m saying we’ve got a few marksponies here and I’m a flyer. We just go assassinate this Goddess with a Gun with layers of snipers and be done with it.” Alguacil sat back in his chair and crossed his arms like he’d just declared checkmate at a chess game.

“Alguacil, as much as I wasn’t trying to challenge this raider to the death, I wanted to convince them to just leave and stop this violence.” I hesitated. I was in a terrible position. It was either go against the word I had given or keep my word and go against my moral code. Either way, I was damned; I was going to have to kill more ponies to save some. My lips quivered as I spoke, “Alguacil, I, umm, I, I am not going to go against my word.”

“Sunrise you didn’t give your word!” Scopola shouted at me.

“Sunrise, this is a raider, they are not a pony anymore. They just wanna stab you in the back!” Alguacil snarled at me. “If they are demanding a duel, they gotta be brok’ something fierce from our last strike.”

“Anyone else got an opinion?” I asked while holding my head with my hoof. I wanted any other thoughts of a way to get out of this situation and end this siege.

“What was it yall promised if yall lost?” Scopola Mina piped up in her very long draw.

“The Roof to surrender unconditionally.” I whimpered out, feeling the real weight of the previous radio conversation finally coming down on me.

“It seems to me, they are after The Roof, not you.” Scopola replied and shrugged.

“Right is our Filly Scout of drugs, they consider you a little bug.” Chifundo replied nodding in my direction. “They truly only want The Roof’s place, and will win it with any arms race.”

“Sunrise, they lost the right to be considered ponies period.” Nyota spoke up, “I think we go out there right now, when they least expect it and fight our way through. They have to still be crippled and disorganized.”

I weighed each plan in my head and slowly looked around the room. “Can I give an opinion, I know my last one wasn’t all that great of a choice.” Scopola walked up to me as she spoke and I motioned for her to go ahead.

“Scopola Mina, your last opinion was an expert one that did exactly what happened. So as far as I’m concerned you are batting ten out of ten. Go ahead.”

“I gotta agree with Mr. Alguacil, they wouldn’t attempt a duel if, ya know, they could take us with sheer numbers.” She paused and inhaled. “They weren’t sure they had the numbers before we arrived. They sure don’t got the numbers now.”

“Sunrise how are ya talking to ‘em by the way?” I pointed at the ham radio in the back of the room at Alguacil’s question. “Ya mind if I talk to ‘em?”

“Alguacil are you going to say stuff that is going to result in there being another dead pony on our heads?” I made sure to put as much sarcasm and vitral into how I said that to him to emphasize what I expected him to do. I really hoped he would surprise me, twice in one night might be nice.

“I might make it so your conscience isn’t as hurt anymore than it already is.” I shook my head. I took a slow deep inhale. Slowly rolling my head back and shuddering as I hung it down to the ground in shame. All trying to analyze a way to express just how I felt, about keeping my word or for that matter that keeping my word meant to kill or be killed.

I felt a very deep remorse but I had to speak the words, “Alguacil, there are over a hundred dead bodies or carbon scarred shadows that were once living creatures on the ground outside right now. That I’m responsible for. There is nothing you could say, or do that could crush my moral compass more than I already have.”

Scopola scoffed at me, “You’re not completely responsible for all those deaths.” I shook my head at her.

“I made the decision, I took it from your hooves. We’ll discuss blame later, we need to solve this now. Nyota, how do we raid them in the middle of the night?” Everyone in the room turned to Nyota as I tried to give the most certain reassuring looking I could to Nyota. I believe in you. You are the best one to talk to about stealth. You have probably done this type of attack before.

“Well before I explain that. I’m going to have to correct you. You are not one hundred percent responsible for this. They made the choice, they live that life.” Nyota and Quick Stitch both approached me as they spoke.

“He’s right, I made the bomb that made them charge. Nyota and Quick Stitch setup the car. You built the bomb, and if I recall, Quick Stitch gave the order to fire; not you.” With Scopola’s words, I felt like I was being relieved and attacked at the same time. Yet I had no room to argue. I just kept my head to the ground, unable to look into their eyes.

“You didn’t even push the button Sunrise, I did.” Quick Stitch shot and that was the one that broke the camel’s back.

“And you wouldn’t have had the option to push the button that ended the world, if I wasn’t here to build it!” I growled out and lifted up to look at all of them. My heart was full of hurt and rage. The hurt that I’d killed so many ponies could never be made better. I felt a deep rage that they didn’t seem to understand how painful it was to create that weapon. The very weapon that stole my life away, the very creation that created the wasteland hellscape I lived in now. I was ready to punch any one of them in that moment. I wanted some outlet or to be hated for what I’d done. Just like I hated those who did it before me.

“No Sunrise, but there are a number of points in time, if you hadn’t been here; we would all be dead.” All of my rage deflated instantly with Nyota’s words. “Stop being so hard on yourself.” I felt incredibly small when I realized his hoof was touching my face. He wiped tears of grief and anger away. My body softened and nearly collapsed under the weight of my armor.

He’s right. “Okay, you…” I couldn’t finish the sentence yet and sighed. “We are going to raid their camp in the middle of the night? Is that what we are doing?” I was asking, seeking an answer. I couldn’t make a decision at all myself. “I am not making this decision right now. I am not in the best frame of mind, somepony help me out here.”

“If I’m honest about this, yall should send out some scouts to see what is left, and find that last couple of gun emplacements.” Scopola Mina nudged Nyota on the shoulder. “We’re fighting way too blind here.”

“I don’t think any of us should do anymore killing.” Quick Stitch made us all turn to him and look stunned at him. “But we have to do what needs to be done to save this place.”

“I agree with Mina, Alguacil can go take a look at the camp from the top floor, see what’s left through his scope. The balefire and flames should light up most of the camp nicely.” Nyota turned to Alguacil then back to me. “So you talk to Mad Mac, see what he has available and I’m gonna go check for more wounded. Then I’m tending to you till we make a decision.”

“I like Nyota’s plan, let me go scout and figur’ this out.” I nodded to Alguacil as he walked past us with Chifundo in tow, both taking scoped rifles with them. Nyota put me into a seat and kissed my cheek. I mechanically, almost instinctively kissed him back.

“Listen love, sit here and wait for a minute. Let me check on the wounded then we’ll have a long chat okay? Get your fighting spirit back.” Nyota and Scopola left the room while Quick Stitch was checking me over, his horn lighting up and examining me from head to toe.

Blood Work groaned out, “Alright, I’ll get the party stopped and say those weren’t parting shells. Celestia dammit; we need some more wrath of Luna.”

Level 12 Progress - 47% of the way to a Level Up.

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