“No, I’m not ok. I am still here though. I’m still breathing. For me, sometimes, that will have to be enough.”
-Clementine von Radics

We got into town and honestly, I knew within moments I wouldn’t be sleeping anytime soon. The amount of apprehension I felt looking between Nyota next to me and Coffee Stain in the town square made sure of that. Coffee Stain was flanked by Buttered Toast and a half dozen other Filly Scouts. They had been waiting on us since we showed up outside yesterday.

Our group scattered about various pieces of business quickly. Jackal was gone to the drilling range. Alguacil off to the Regulator office. Scopola Mina to restock our supplies. Chifundo said something about communing with the spirits, while Quick Stitch said he needed to go check in at Doc Hacksaw’s office.

I thought his name was Hornsaw?

That left Nyota and myself to perform the exchange with the Filly Scouts. Those weapons and wall reinforcements would ensure Silver Fang could defend itself. I turned and stared at the scouts, dry-mouthed, I could feel a heavy blob forming in my throat. I also had to face Coffee Stain.

I saw Coffee Stain and felt the flood of feelings welling up inside me from the memories. I remembered what it was like to be in her hooves. To hold her back. To know that we would both be together eternally. The memories of my past lives fighting with the feelings I had at this moment.

I got out of the car and stood next to Nyota. I was fighting with myself, holding back all this outpouring of feelings. What do I do? I want to… I want to… I rushed forward full tilt. The Filly Scouts around Coffee Stain were caught off guard and moved to defend her.

I slid under Buttered Toast just like a baseball player. My heart soared and fluttered when my lips met Coffee Stain’s. My body felt electric sparks shoot around me. Coffee Stain’s eyes shot open wide and in full surprise but I didn’t care. This mare had meant something to me for a long time.

I remembered what I had to tell Coffee Stain. I felt my heart sink to a pit so bottomless that I could not bear to keep the kiss any longer. I pulled away just before her hoof would have stroked my mane. Both of us were blushing furiously. She was red as a cherry, I was white as a sheet.

“Okay, so, dinner and we’re having a talk about this.” Nyota didn’t get any further as Coffee Stain’s blue hoof shot out to the side to shush him. I couldn’t say anything and the two of us just let the wind blow across us.

The sunglasses that protected the dark magic indicators in her eyes fell to the ground. I knew what Nyota’s spirit eye reminded me of. I don’t want to do this, I have to do this.

I didn’t look back at Nyota, I couldn’t imagine what he might be going through. I was caught between two lives, one in front of me and one behind me. I had made this decision, this choice. Now I had to say it..

“Coffee Stain, I’m sorry, I remember—” She placed a hoof up to my lips and shushed me. I felt bewildered and surprised as I wanted to stumble back and she shook her head.

“No, don’t. I’m always afraid to ask.” Coffee Stain was physically shaking. I could never remember a time I saw her tremble. I pressed a hoof against hers to reassure her. “It’s messed with you a few times, I understand.” Coffee Stain forced the words out, my touch seeming to help her.

She changed the touch into a hug and a nuzzle against me, “I’m sorry I didn’t remember when I first saw you, I know this isn’t fair.”

“No, no, no, it’s okay. You found me now.” I noticed the rest of the Filly Scouts looked at us with expressions of total shock. “It’s been 150 years since we met.” Coffee Stain let out a very long sob as she fought back tears.

“It’s not the first time I’ve had you not know who I was. I just, I always though, my Sunrise would wander back to me. Everytime you died or disappeared, I always thought you’d come back.” The last few were forced, like she could hardly bare to say them.

Coffee Stain removed her hoof and looked past me, I knew she was looking at Nyota. A look that could kill crossed her eyes. She softened her face and let out a defeated sigh, “Yet here you are, your heart belongs to another, this time. Honestly, you have a mission. You need to succeed this time.”

I nodded to her and removed the hoof from my lips, “That means I might make different choices. I remember a lot of things now, including what it was like to be with you.” My lips were dry, the lump in my throat made it hard to talk but a sense of relief hit me like a shot of Med-X; the more the two of us shared with each other. “I will never stop feeling a love for you. But my heart already belongs to another.”

I slowly turned around, dragging my hooves back towards Nyota. I felt like I was falling into a pit, further and further with each step. Coffee Stain touched my armored flank and I turned my head right into her embrace. “Now you listen here zebra stud. Nyota was it? You better not hurt her or break her heart. You do, and there will be no place on Equus that you can hide.”

Nyota audibly gulped, I wasn’t sure what look Coffee Stain gave him but boy did she sound mad. “One day, you may come back to me. I am an Eternal Scout after all, killing me is nigh impossible. Until then, just be happy for me.”

Only when we released the embrace did I realize she had been crying. What the Eternal Scout magic did to her though, made her cry tears of blood. I saw that my stablesuit was stained with it and it was a stain that would never come off.

I looked up at her and started to speak again, Coffee Stain shook her head slowly, “No, we can all talk over dinner. I need time to process. Filly Scouts get the scrap and the stubbornite now. Do not take more than one ounce of what is owed and no fudging. Honest scouts are honest, especially with the green small one.”

Coffee Stain turned back to the two of us, “But no more talking, you and Nyota come to dinner tonight. This is an offer you can’t refuse.”

I knew what that meant. Her enforcers with her would make sure we were at dinner. There was no escaping an Eternal Scout’s request.

“Come on Sunny, let’s start getting the parts they need unhitched.” All I could bring myself to do was nod. My body going through the motions silently as Nyota kept brushing my mane or my flank to reassure me. We all started unloading the car, weighing out the metal and taking off the stubbornite panels. Just as promised, the Filly Scouts only took exactly what I had promised them.

The rest we delivered to Cloud Piston. He’d set up a new armorer shop and the settlement was more than happy to have him working again to improve their protections.

We kept a good chunk of the stuff for ourselves, something I’d be working with later tonight. I was happy with how unexpectedly well that meeting had gone. Nyota and I were being very quiet, at least until we were alone. The two of us got in the car, closing the door for privacy.

“Sunrise, are you okay?” Nyota asked me as I sat there staring forward. I felt his hoof on my shoulder while his other foreleg reached and gripped at my left hoof. I reached over and turned my PipBuck off. My H.U.D. winked out. I could see Nyota without any arcane magics giving data or interference.

“I don’t know, are we okay?” I felt like I’d just kicked him in the guts and he had every right to tell me to never see him again. Then he leaned over and kissed my forehead.

“Sunrise, I don’t know who you were before. You don’t know who you were either.” He paused and looked out the car window, staring off into space. “I have to be okay with that if I want to be with you. The doctors say you’re a lot older than you look. You constantly surprise me with your memories.”

He chuckled and shook his head with a soft blush, “The way you fret in your sleep, I can only imagine what you’re going through. I’m gonna ask that you start sharing those memories with me. Every single detail.” He turned back to look at me and nuzzled my cheek. “Yes, we’re okay. I get that in other lives you’ve always come back to Coffee Stain but you don’t remember those other lives.”

He placed a hoof against my plated chest, right where my heart was. “Just follow your heart and promise me to tell me stuff before it happens next time. Especially if it’s from the past you don’t remember.”

Since the encounter with Coffee Stain I had just been going through the motions. Now though, I felt so relieved and would have agreed to jump off a building if it meant ‘we’ were okay. I lunged at him with a furiously fluttered heart and tightly clung around his neck. “YES! You’re too good for words!”

I knew what love was now. It wasn’t just about the good. The daily routine of meditation, combat practice, walking with each other in the wasteland, even dancing. No, those were the good moments. Love is about sacrifice and compromise.

I was learning that, with every step I took beside this stallion. Sometimes you screw up, sometimes you just have to understand, and others; well you had to come to terms. Taking laser fire, bullets, manticore claws, that was just the wasteland forcing you to show how much you were willing to give up.

Nyota held me there, even as the car got stuffy we still held onto each other. Slowly we eased ourselves apart and he stroked my mane, “I love you, Sunny. Just promise me to remember that.”

I nodded at him and let my heart slowly pull itself back off cloud 9 to where we were. My breathing returning to normal as I reached over and clicked the PipBuck back on, “I have to admit, you look better without my H.U.D.”

Nyota tilted his head, “I do?”

I looked at him and smiled, “Just more pure, or natural, I guess. Instead of having little bits of data all over you.” I reached for the door handle and we stepped out of the car; hoof in hoof.

My tail did it’s own thing again and found his more tappered one, wrapping them together and holding his tightly with a squeeze. “You’re gonna have to teach me how your tail does stuff.”

I laughed and shook my head, “I don’t know, it does it on its own. I assume it’s Pink’s doing.” There was a certain Pink sounding laugh in the back of my head as we started to walk together. “Let’s go see what our friends all rushed off to do.”

We found Quick Stitch first, flanked by two mares. The same two mares whom we had rescued in the alley between the inn and the doctor’s house during the husk attack. One emerald with a ruby mane, the other ruby with an emerald mane. They snickered as Nyota and I approached their gaggle.

Ruby and Emerald spoke in unison, “Oh Hi Sunrise! We were just getting reacquainted with Stitchy-poo.” They dragged out the last word and I looked at Nyota who appeared to share my expression of please tell me we aren’t like that.

Quick Stitch tried to hide his blush and sheepish smile, behind his hooves. To hopefully avoid his embarrassment, he pulled out two pendants on thin dog-tag chains. One was a shaped ruby, the other a shaped emerald. He gave one to each twin.

The twins jaws hung open as they stared at the gems while Quick Stitch said sheepishly, “You told me to bring back something shiny; I did my best.”

The twins could only mutter to each other the best I could make out was handsome, something terribly lewd that made me blush and my ears burn, followed by both of them turning to him, “We should bring you home to meet mother!” Again talking in stereo to the point I could not tell them apart save for their coloration.

I looked at Nyota and started to drag him away, “I’d say Quick Stitch is fine, we should let him get reacquainted, what do you think?”

Nyota picked up his pace nodding enthusiastically. We didn’t get far before running into Chifundo and the manticore cub, Snuggles. A guard stopped and stared at us, as we exchanged a hug and I shied away from Snuggles a bit. He didn’t stop staring at Snuggles the entire time.

We were outside the trading post the Filly Scouts ran as Buttered Toast started to head inside. That is when Buttered Toast stopped and saw Snuggles, “Tiny cute thing,” then there was an audible inhale that made Chifundo flinch.

The roar of Buttered Toast was that of Tyrannosaurus-Rex. “PRETTY PINK ZEBRA!!!” The massive size of Buttered Toast trembled on the ground as Snuggles hid behind Chifundo when the gargantuan filly praced up to them. Snuggles cutely tried to roar, sounding terrified instead. Buttered Toast just picked them up.

All I could do was stare in awe and sheer terror at the power and strength of the massive Filly Scout. She was so large that Chifundo, a full-sized zebra stallion, fit under one leg effortlessly while Snuggles could barely be seen trying to wiggle out from under the other one.

Buttered Toast just kept repeating tiny cute thing and pretty zebra over and over again. All while holding the two in her hooves and sitting on her flanks. Aggressive snuggling would be an understatement for what was occuring.

I rushed forward out of my roar induced stupor and grabbed onto Buttered Toast’s foreleg pulling at her, “Buttered Toast! Gentle! Gentle! You’re going to break them!” I kept tugging on her legs as Buttered Toast stopped and looked at me, confused.

When she looked at Chifundo and Snuggles, she realized how hard she was squeezing and calmed down. I could feel her muscles getting more gentle with the two of them, sighing in relief relief when Chifundo started coughing and breathing again.

Scopola Mina appeared from behind Buttered Toast and I looked at her, “How do you keep Buttered Toast from doing that?”

Scopola Mina just snickered, “Oh this? This is pretty controlled.” I stared at her dumbfounded and wide eyed.

Are you kidding me!? This is controlled? What does she look like completely uncontained? All Scopola did was smirk at me. Buttered Toast kept started repeating the two phrases towards Snuggles and Chifundo.

Nyota stepped over, “Just remember, if you’re gentle, you can do this more often when we come back to town.” This only caused Buttered Toast to start swaying side to side in a way that made all of us back away from her. All we could do was watch helplessly for several minutes.

Nyota slowly backed away, “Why don’t we go get us some rooms at Honey Hearthfire’s Flop House and just let this place out. I assume you have it, under wraps Scopola?” Scopola just nodded and slowed Buttered Toast’s swaying by guiding her with her hooves and magical telekinesis.

Nyota’s comment reminded me that the flophouse had limited space and we had limited caps. I pulled out a small vial of the semi-clear blue liquid from the night of chaos. I had three left, and slid it into Chifundo’s bag, “Here, for later tonight, in case you or Quick Stitch needs it.”

Chifundo raised an eyebrow but was quickly reminded by a slightly stronger squeeze that Buttered Toast had him in her grip. She dropped the manticore and reached towards his saddle-bag. “Can you share?”

“No Buttered Toast, it’s not for you.” She put Chifundo down and started to undo his saddlebag so she could get inside.

“Buttered Toast want some!” I heard the tiny giant cry and without even thinking I slapped her foreleg that was thicker than my head. Chifundo side stepped away from Buttered Toast. There was a moment of pure shock upon Scopola and Nyota’s face.

Buttered Toast immediately went to strike me while Nyota dove between us and desperately deflected the blow into the ground. All of us lifted off the ground from the impact. Nyota slid back and only stopped when he slammed into the town market wall.

I wanted to panic and run but I had to do something, something to stop her. This was unbecoming behavior of anypony, especially one that was still a blank flank! “Buttered Toast! Now, you listen here. You do not hit ponies when you don’t get your way!” Buttered Toast growled at me in response and that just made me rise up more.

I marched right up to her and right up her chest while she still sat on her flanks. I kept ranting till we were eye to eye, “You especially don’t go through other pony’s saddlebags or their belongings just because you want something. Particularly when you’ve been told no! Do you understand me?”

Buttered Toast started to recoil but I was having none of this. I was mad as a hornet and more importantly somepony had to teach her to be better than this. “You are a Filly Scout! Filly Scouts are not thieves, they are honest! You are better than that! Now Apologize to Both of the zebras right this minute!”

The overgrown filly fell onto her back while I stood on her like a small mare conquering a giant, kicking up dust and leaving an impression where the child kaiju impacted with ground. She whimpered as I slowly backed away, staring her down with eyes that could weigh down Atlas with guilt alone. “S..Ss….Sorrry…” She mumbled so low that even I could barely hear it.

“Apologize where they can hear it and say their names when you do!” I declared, getting off her barrel with a light hop onto the ground. Buttered Toast dragged herself over to Chifundo like a scared puppy.

Only when she was out of my reach did she get up. “Buttered Toast, Sorry Nyota for hitting. Sorry Chifundo for trying steal when I told no share.”

“That’s better, now you can gently hug pretty pink zebra all you want.” I pointed at Chifundo who looked terrified and like he might bolt any second now. “But do not go through this things, especially if they are his and not your’s.”

“Please don’t phrase it that way, you fill me with dismay!” Chifundo exclaimed but it was too late. Buttered Toast’s limited attention span kicked in and she was already power snuggling Chifundo before I could say another word. This continued with this three fold nuzzle, cuddle, snuggle thing between both of Buttered Toast’s hooves, her chin, and her cheek.

I swore after five or so minutes of this. Chifundo looked like he was an extra inch taller and seemed much more stretched out than before.

Nyota approached back and Buttered Toast offered a hug, “Do you accept apology?” Nyota nodded and gave her a hug. This was much more gentle and lasted not nearly as long. “Sorry for sending you into building.”

“Someone should train you to wield that strength properly.” Nyota stated and Buttered Toast just looked very confused.

“Buttered Toast need training?”

Nyota nodded at her, “Yes, to make better use of that strength you have.”

Finally Buttered Toast’s handler from earlier came out, nodding and with the most apologetic look on her poor face. I noticed now that there was a rope around Buttered Toast’s sash and a pile of weapons on a sled behind her. The weapons we had negotiated for the town.

“Remember to get the sega turret, light machine guns, and the punt guns all set up. Make sure they know how to use them, and how to keep the brass to make ammo for themselves. Just like we agreed.” The Filly Scout pulled out a contract which in very fine detail spelled out all the obligations the Filly Scouts had and that we had completed our end of payment.

I signed where it indicated, and she motioned Buttered Toast, “Come on, we have to go see Sparrow, you can play with the pretty pink zebra when we get back.” Chifundo gulped heavily at that and the two were off.

Nyota ran up and stopped them, “Hold on, I heavily suggest you train Buttered Toast in Iron Hoof combat.” The Filly Scout looked at him very confused. He rolled his eye, “Ask Coffee Stain about it.”

“Alright, but I don’t even think she knows what you’re talking about.” They trotted off towards the firing range with all the weapons and emplacements for Silver Fang in tow. Leading the titan away from us.

We headed off to get rooms for us, which was actually uneventful and painless. Fours rooms, one for myself and Nyota, one for each of our companions. We walked outside to figure out what to do or where to go from here.

This conversation barely started with, “Nyota what—” when Alguacil’s gun fired with an overwhelming echo throughout the town around us. Everypony turned and looked in the direction of the discharge while the two of us bolted towards the sound.

Great, now I’m running towards explosions and gunfire! This seems unhealthy behavior.

“But unhealthy behavior is so much fun! There are explosions! And cake! And DRUGS!” Pink happily squealed as she hopped across my screen. We ran towards the second gunshot and could hear Alguacil arguing with someone in the doctor’s office but not make out any words.

We burst into the room, “What ‘n th’ literal FUCK! Is that monstercity of an abomination?” Chifundo, Quick Stitch, and Scopola Mina all made it there behind us.

“Keep it down, they’re gonna notice!” Doc Hacksaw explained, “You’re going to scare the child.”

Hacksaw looked over, “Ah yes! Ze Father!” He ran up and grabbed Quick Stitch while we all looked in utter confusion. Then Alguacil moved and I felt pure unadulterated panic.

“Twitty wanna meet daddy.” Whatever this raspy low thing was that said those words was not a pony.

This creature was small and equine in shape but covered in armored hide plating that ran along it. It wasn’t chitin but it sure looked like it. Covered in some slimy substance and with a tail that extended out to a stinging point, with serrated spikes down it with a long spear tip on the end. Each of its hooves had claws, tiny claws for now, extending from it. Lastly it had black silver lined fangs from its lower jaw and a hellish underbite for ripping apart meat.

All Quick Stitch could do was look between the three of them, Alguacil, Doc Hacksaw, and this creature blinking repeatedly. He looked completely stupefied. I felt myself mirroring his expression. Alguacil speaking snapped us both out of it.

“Please, tell me you have nothin’ to do with this, Quick Stitch.” Alguacil declared trying to point his gun at the creature. Hacksaw refusing to let him do so by keeping it turned with his other hoof.

“I, um.. can’t.” Quick Stitch was completely confused.

“Oh for King Grover’s sake!” Alguacil growled. He lowered down to look Quick Stitch in the eyes. Just like he’d done to Mauve at the farmhouse.

“Look down, maybe you should go lay down and sleep off the mint-als. Let the adults handle this.” Algaucil snapped at him with his beak to emphasize the point.

“The drugs make me more fun to be around!” Hacksaw seemed to mull it over for a minute and added, “Besides maybe you should take some and knock the edge off your beak!”

“I’d rather not take things that mess with my good sense.” Alguacil leaned in with a sneer across his face.

“Then get the justice pike out of your ass!”

“Twitty scared.” Hacksaw immediately shoved Alguacil aside and moved to softly pet and console the horrific baby monster.

“It’s okay, you did nothing wrong. I will take care of you.” He cooed, which just made all of us recoil.

“Don’t touch that thing! It could be lethal, or disease ridden!” Alguacil was only stopped when Hacksaw seemed to be able to block him with his off hoof rather well.

“Fuck you! In the absence of his father, I have been the closest thing creature has had!” Hacksaw’s eyes looked mad with both insanity and fatherly love. This was some twisted perversion of the latter I had never encountered. I was so very puzzled and repulsed at the same time. Whatever that thing was, it hadn’t done anything wrong... yet. It seemed intelligent as well which made it all the more scary with its myriad of lethal appendages.

This especially considering it was the size of a small dog like a corgi or a terrier. “What in the world is that?” I asked, breaking the tension between the other three close to this thing called Twitty.

“It is Twitty.” Hacksaw declared and picked it up. He walked it over to Quick Stitch and offered the small creature to him.

“Quick Stitch, I suggest you put a bullet in it’s head, right now!” Alguacil demanded at the top of his lungs.

“I already tried that,” Quick Stitch replied just as repulsed by the creature as I was. He backed away from Hacksaw till he was against a wall.

“Twitty want daddy.” The tiny thing declared and I pulled out my shotgun expecting to have to shoot it.

“Your child just wants some affection, can’t you give it some?” Hacksaw demanded of Quick Stitch.

“That is NOT a child! It’s a monster!” Alguacil shouted only to have the creature whimper.

“Bird face very mean. I eat bird face?” Twitty curled into Hacksaw’s arms to hide away from the rest of us.

“Yes, bird face is very mean. You are very astute Twitty.” Hacksaw glared at Alguacil like he was this thing’s mother and Alguacil had just insulted both him and his child. “And who are you to say who is anyone’s child or anything? Your species shits out eggs that you cannot tell one from the other!”

“We lay eggs and that thing is an abomination!” Alguacil shot back.

Nyota chimed in, “Correction, it is a parasite.”

Hacksaw turned with a sneer, “Wouldn’t that make all children upon Equus parasites as well to their parents?”

“By—” I shoved my hoof into Nyota’s mouth to stop him before he finished that sentence.

“I’m just gonna go sit in the corner and pretend none of this is happening.” I’d had it! I could not possibly stand anymore of this sort of insanity. Whatever this creature was, was none of my business and freaked me out far too much to be near it.

As Quick Stitch took it into his magic and started to pet the creature I shot out my hoof, “And that is where I draw the line! Manticore, fine! But that thing?! You can leave it here in someone’s care but it ain’t coming with us.”

“Umm, doc,” He said as he held the dog sized creature. “This Twitty fit in a jar, three days ago doc, just before we left.”

“I… may have given it chemicals,” He purposefully took a pause to consider his words extensively. “To increase its growth rate.”

At the mention of drugs I sat completely upright, “You gave it what? Party Time Ment-Als? Hydra? What did you feed it?” It was only three or four days old and already the size of a full grown dog. How big was this thing going to get?

“No... ummm…”

“Doc Doc poked Twitty with blue, purple, yellow, and yellow burn too!”

“And I’m sorry about that. Do you remember what that last one was? We worked on saying the word, what was it?” I couldn’t tell if this was genuine parental affection or absolute madness. I wanted to just fire the shotgun but instead I slowly holstered it.

This creature hasn’t done anything wrong, yet. I can’t just shoot it and put it down. I’m not Alguacil, I’m better than that. I thought with so much hesitation around putting the holster lock onto the shotgun.

“Raaaaa,” The creature struggled to say the word.

“Oh come on, Rain, rain what, you know how to say it.”

“Rainbow!” Twitty exclaimed happily and chirped like a cricket with a bounce in Quick Stitch’s hooves.

“Rainbow! That’s a good Twitty.” Before Hacksaw could continue he had to fight to keep Alguacil from pointing his gun at it.

“You injected that thing with TAINT! I’m killing it right now!” Even Quick Stitch pulled away and tried to shield Twitty from Alguacil.

“Just to speed the growth rate. It will be fine, nothing will go wrong now. It hasn’t had any other physical changes that I’ve seen.” I however had enough of this insanity and stormed off.

I stopped at the door, “You listen here Quick Stitch, whatever that thing is, it’s your decision what happens to it as far as I’m concerned. It freaks me right out of Tartarus and I don’t like how it got that big that fast. But ya know what, this isn’t my concern.”

“Sunrise, should we not shoot and then away we scoot?” Chifundo suggested as he nudged his rifle and then pointed back at the creature.

“Chifundo, if we shoot it and then don’t shoot Snuggles we’re a bunch of hypocrites.” I replied reflecting upon the decision about the other wasteland monster we had with us.

“This thing is a monster born of taint!” Alguacil spat in my direction as I stood in the door. “I doubt Sparrow would be okay knowing you were experimenting with taint in this town!”

“Sparrow signed off on it.” Hacksaw replied. Scopola Mina who had been standing motionless for most of this stepped towards it and then looked at Hacksaw.

“How much did you give it?” She inquired while picking up a syringe of rainbow colored fluid off one of the counters.

“Just enough to get a reaction. It was a very controlled amount to speed the growth rate. Which made it go from three days of growth to three months.” He looked very smug and happy about that.

“Hacksaw, I told you two things to not expose Twitty to, Ment-Als and taint. Yet here we are, I can smell the Ment-Als on its breath and you admit to giving him taint.” Quick Stitch leaned up to Hacksaw like a father who had not been told his child’s surgery was a success but didn’t know he was a father in the first place.

“Hacksaw, they wouldn’t let me touch taint at all and the horror stories I heard about it on Hearth’s Warming made my skin crawl. What in name of the Sun and Moon were you thinking?”

“Well ya see,” Hacksaw pulled up a stool as he sat down to tell us all a story. “Based upon some pre-war documents I… prospected from a clinic along with most of my supplies, I surmised that Equus had been visited by an alien species. I remember the lab notes read off something very similar to what Twitty looked like. They just hadn’t seen the larva stage before.”

He shrugged and looked from Twitty to Quick Stitch to Alguacil then back to me, “I had a hunch and took it. So far everything is falling within expected parameters.”

“We would wish you to us to cement, the end result of the experiment?” Chifundo demanded, for once looking rather angry as he took a step forward and started to get out his rifle.

“No one actually knows, mainly because your kind blew Equestria to dust.” While Hacksaw talked, Alguacil tried again to shoot Twitty with his hand cannon.

Quick Stitch’s horn glowed and Alguacil would have fired through the roof but it went click and didn’t discharge. I got up and approached towards the creature standing between it and Alguacil. I gulped down my fear and couldn’t turn away now.

Whatever this thing was, it could be the only of its species. If I was willing to give Snuggles a fair chance. I had to give it one too. I stared into the now open solid water blue eyes. The same kind of blue that the changeling husks had stared at me with murderous intent. “Do you promise to not hurt any pony that doesn’t try to hurt you first?”

Twitty looked back and blinked with an amount of intelligence in those eyes that seemed to register what I was saying. “I Promise.”

Alguacil flew out of the building angry with the rest of us. Scopola shouting at him, “You should aim that in the air!”

“It is fine! There is just a disagreement between me and the gun.” I was now more confused by Alguacil’s statement

He has disagreements with his gun?

I left and nudged Nyota, “I’m done with this, this is a bit too much for me. Alien life? Parasites that are sentient? I need to go calm down.” Nyota remained there with Chifundo, Scopola Mina, and Quick Stitch while I slowly walked away to try to piece my thoughts together.

Nyota caught up to me outside of the flophouse, “So dinner? Yes?”

I let out the most exhausted whinny as I had grown a headache trying to wrap my head around the possibility of alien life. “Dinner sounds lovely, so much easier than that!” I pointed back at Hacksaw’s house. “I mean talking to you and Coffee Stain should be a breeze compared to that.”

Nyota nodded and smiled before nuzzling my cheek, “Certainly easier than dealing with moral quandaries of sapience and the justifications of euthanasia of an alien species.” He paused and looked at me. So I’m thinking Coffee Stain is easily more normal than any of that. Perhaps we just roll with whatever happens?”

“Nyota I just hope I make you happy tonight. We’ll roll with what happens but please, I don’t want this to go completely sideways.” I blushed deeply as I realized the double entendre.

Nyota bumped into my flank and send a lightning bolt through my body before he nuzzled into my cheek, “You always make me happy, Sunny. Coffee Stain is a fine mare, if a bit terrifying.” He bit his lip and smirked at me. “I’m sure I’d have to awkwardly introduce you to my ex’s too if I had any.”

I softly found the encouragement to bump him back and knew he was right as I turned to embrace the nuzzle. “Before you start on dinner can you help me out of this armor? It’s hard to get off now with the extra plates and socks.”

He started helping me out of the flak vest and then the socks enough that I could get the rest off. Once he’d set me up, I was able to leave the room and return in just my stablesuit, which was skin tight and left little to the imagination. This had become a nightly ritual for us but tonight felt special.

Nyota was humming a song as the smell of light curry, not nearly as spicy as before, filled the air in the community kitchen on the walls of the flophouse eating room. It was one I knew, one that played on the radio. It was a cutie mark crusader song, ‘The Light of Your Cutie Mark’.

I tuned the radio till I found some matching music without words. I was genuinely surprised how many broadcasts existed in the wasteland. My PipBuck apparently found almost ten full music stations. Two of which just played wordless music. I sat down and simply watched him cook, something I had little to no idea how to do properly.

Nyota changed the song with the beat of my PipBuck’s radio to ‘Hearts as Strong as Horses’ while smiling at me, “You should sing more often, it sounds lovely.”

I paused and blinked a few times, “Is that a request?”

He nodded so I slowly picked up the melody where he left off. I didn’t hesitate and instead took it to heart, singing the song just as we would at school. No one stepped up to sing with me by the end of the song I stopped and became very self conscious as a ghoul came on the radio with a raspy voice.

I didn’t hear the words the DJ spoke through, everyone in the flophouse had turned to stare at me. There was a slow clapping of hooves on the wooden floor. They were clapping and even a few cheers. I’m not that great of a singer. Why are they, applauding?

“Sunrise, they lack this happiness in the wasteland! Only ghouls remember how we used to burst into song as a group! You, you’ve got the spunk! You’ve got the power! You remember how and you still have your voice! Go on, dance and sing! Bring them merriment!” Pink said all of this putting my PipBuck on another tune and even firing her party cannon across my H.U.D. covering my vision in confetti that disappeared after a few moments.

Nyota blushed and pulled me down from the table into a kiss, much to the cheers of everyone gathered around. He pulled me as tight as he could through the Stable-Tec skin tight suit and reinforced plating built onto it. “You look ravishing love.” He whispered into my ear breaking the kiss and holding me in a hug with one hoof while pan flipping his cooking with the other.

I was whiter than a ghost as I tried to comprehend everything going on and all that came out of me was a soft meep. He kissed my forehead and slowly the crowd died away when they realized I was in no way going to give an encore.

Coffee Stain emerged from the crowd and walked up with a smile but a very unsure look in her eyes. “I didn’t realize you had remembered how to sing that well. I umm… well you would, and he would, and-and-and…”

She was clearly uncomfortable and I realized why, the stable-suit wasn’t exactly what one would consider casual barding to be wearing. Not to mention the fact that my boyfriend was right there, cooking for us. I would be literally quaking in my shoes if I was her. My stomach lurched and told me to do something and quick. I walked up and stopped her stammering with a gentle hug. “Coffee Stain, I know. I know it’s not exactly ideal. I know we both need time to process. But you insisted on dinner and I feel I owe you this. If you want to leave at anytime, I’m okay with that.”

I held her tight and whispered into her ear. “There is nothing that is really going to make this situation okay. The only reason I’m dealing it with is how messed up my life really is and this is helping get my mind off of everything.” Coffee Stain squeezed back and tight for just a little bit.

“I mean… ya know, I have had to watch you die, repeatedly. Knowing I would never be able to die with you and not knowing if you would come back or when.” Coffee Stain explained looking me up and down with a bit of a worry. “Not to mention that is the exact same Stable-Suit you were in when you died every single time. I have no idea how that thing keeps getting replaced. It’s a little freaky to see you without additional armor.”

I realized now that Coffee Stain hadn’t seen me outside of the flak jacket or the duster. The only other time she had seen me, I was in a hospital gown or like most ponies when they felt safe; nude. A state that I didn’t do well at all. I looked at my plating, marveling at how reliant I had become on the weight and feel of the stretched synthetic fabric and the metal/stubbornite plates on my body.

“I don’t understand how you could feel right now. I’m missing too many memories to even begin to comprehend it.” I couldn’t really look her in the eyes. Even with the illusion it was so difficult to meet her gaze. I only became more and more self-conscious of just how much the Stable-Suit showed off mixed with the feelings of awkward and terrible judgment I felt she must have towards me.

“Don’t ever become an Eternal Scout. That is how I feel every day, but this makes it so much worse!” I noticed now since we’d been talking the rest of the patrons of the flophouse had cleared out. We had the tavern section to ourselves.

“Yes but as you said, you always expected me to come back and now, oh boy.” I couldn’t finish thoughts now, at least not out loud. I slammed my head into the table at full speed with a loud bang just to try and put some physical pain into me. The sheer emotional turmoil of everything finally hit home.

She felt for me, just as Nyota did. Except this was now magnified by having spent so much time with me for countless lifetimes. Now, all of that was denied. She had insisted upon dinner and now I doubted I could eat a single bite.

“Yes, I assumed the universe would keep giving you back to me. I wouldn’t have to share and now I have to share.” She bit her lip and pulled my head from the table, nursing the bruise on my cheek. “The universe gave you back to me and it’s just one giant cruel joke.”

The color in her blue coat started to drain as she made a back and forth pumping motion with her hoof. Pink was dying laughing and I shuttered her to the back of my mind so hard she may as well have been fired out of a cannon. Funny to you! Terrible to me! You wanna be an ass, you can sit in the corner!

“Yeah, one cruel horrific joke that someone is laughing at. I am wondering if I am the universe’s jester now.” I took my seat and hung my head into my hooves when Nyota put the food down and softly rubbed at my shoulders. He didn’t speak just let us keep talking as he prepared plates for all of us.

“Except this time you survived encounters where you really should be dead. So you aren’t dead this time, so you went exotic. I mean you found a zebra!” Coffee Stain tried to make light and forced herself to chuckle. It was the most unconvincing laugh I’d ever heard.

“Coffee Stain, I have to ask.” I slowly rotated my head towards her. I stopped myself realizing what information she might hold might end up killing me. “No, I don’t have to ask.” I grabbed her hoof and sat her down next to me. Not across but next to me opposite Nyota upon the bench. I felt like the glue that kept them civil. “If I ask, I might make the same mistakes that ended this journey prematurely before. I think it’s better to not know going in so I can make different decisions coming out.”

“Sunrise, not everyone in the wasteland is your friend. You’ve made some enemies, just keep your guard up.” She took a bite of the curry and smiled, “Been a while since I had food from zebra country.”

“Probably not, I didn’t expect you to be either. I mostly expected you to hate me when I got back today.” I took a bite, it was still very spicy. Hot enough I could breathe very easily now but it tasted absolutely lovely. A hint of tart with a mix of garlic and then a massive amount of raw pepper. Just hot enough I didn’t need to guzzle water.

“No, fate is a cruel mistress and you’re fate’s jester. Everyone around you has a reason to laugh at the cruel twists your life throws on you.” She chuckled to herself and shook her head. “Wandering Sunrise, always destined to come back but no two Sunrise’s ever look exactly the same.”

There was a strange exchange of feelings as we ate without speaking from there on. We would look at each other. While I couldn’t remember exactly what Coffee Stain could or did, I did remember how we used to do this in school together.

This strange ritual began everyday even after vacations and breaks like we hadn’t missed anytime at all. Eating, looking at each other, smiling. Then we would frown after a moment and snudge each other’s shoulder like someone had done something to offend.

Nyota observed and gave a smile before breaking out into a laugh, “You two, it’s like two friends who never really left. Now you’re sitting side to side.” Both of us turned to him and physically shied away. We leaned so hard we almost fell off the bench while we both were looking at each other blushing profusely to the point i thought my cheeks might explode. It was like he had broken some unwritten rule.

After a few more awkward moments we both sat up and finished our meal, “Coffee Stain, are you going to be okay?”

“Ha! This is pot calling kettle, are you?” She shot back with a gaze up and down my form.

“I’ve given up on okay, I’m happy to live and just try to find happiness.” I finished the last bite of curry covered rice.

“Welp, I see that lesson has stuck.” She was licking her spoon before taking and sucking down another glass of the filtered water. She gave me a hug when she set the spoon down and held me for a bit.

She went from blue to white to red as she looked at Nyota behind me, “I umm,” She looked down at all her armor and uniform. I hadn’t noticed it but she hadn’t changed clothes this entire time. “I suddenly feel very overdressed.”

I turned my head to see Nyota. I didn’t take the time to really observe him but now he was without barding or armor, just his normal self. I knew why that would make her uncomfortable. “Don’t worry Coffee Stain, honestly being in armor for so long kinda chaffs.” Nyota snickered back and patted her head.

“I am torn between asking help out of mine with a cheeky look or hiding inside it like a turtle when it’s scared.” Before she could move, I reached over and decided to make her more comfy by removing a couple pieces of her armor plating for her.

I was freaking out and feeling all the pressure to hopefully make this less awkward. A little voice in my head kept telling me this was making it worse! I didn’t know what else to do, save for make her feel better. But in that moment, I was acting like a complete idiot. “Umm I… need an adult but I guess I have one stripping me.”

I got her down to just her filly scout uniform and stopped. “I’m sorry—” I tasted Nyota hoof in my mouth as desert with a hint of our meal on it. I wanted to kick him so bad and nearly did.

“Honestly, you’re probably the closest thing to an adult in this town.” He addressed Coffee Stain and stopped me while holding me tight and releasing my lips. “Sunrise, calm down it’s okay.”

“Shut up! I’m an Eternal Scout, that just makes it so much worse knowing I’m 213 now! Yet I still have these trivial issues like I’m 21 again.” I grabbed onto Coffee Stain and held her close to my heartbeat, just like Nyota did to me when I needed to feel safe. Nyota held me and I held her. She slowly calmed down and all the awkwardness slowly faded away in our minds.

“Nyota, you aren’t mad at me are you?” I leaned up to look at him.

“How many times do we have to go over this?”

I pointed at the 43 on my collar. Coffee Stain looked up at me with a giggle.

“What number are you at?” She teased to us.

“Seventeen?” Nyota mused and thought about it for a moment. “Yeah seventeen seems right.”

“Oh boy, you two are gonna be at this for a while.” Coffee booped my nose as she spoke to emphasize the point. I just sniffed and wiggled it to get rid of the tingling feeling after the booping.

“Look, whatever happens is what happens. You’ve got your memories of your past lives but you are you. Past lives are behind you and I wish to take you as you are. Hopefully, you remember or experience things that will make you more complete.” Nyota shrugged and ruffled my mane to help me calm down. Further reassuring me what he was saying he actually meant. “All I ask is that you stay honest with me.”

I nodded in to him in return, “I can do that.”

Coffee Stain laughed, “You got another one of him lying around, because I wanna make one for myself if you don’t. He’s far too nice and too understanding to be a regular zebra.” I physically winced from the way she said zebra, now understanding another reason she made Nyota uncomfortable.

Nyota shook his head, “I’m a Skatterri.”

Coffee Stain looked aghast and shuddered, “Okay that explains so much. The curved stripes, I assume the eyepatch is for your spirit eye?” Nyota stared completely caught off guard and nodded. “Yeah and your understanding is from years of being rejected by Equestrians and Zebricans alike isn’t it?”

Nyota nodded another very slowly. “Yep makes sense now. You found a pony who accepts you without being racist and you aren’t evil. Sunrise would have noticed if you were. So what is the spirit you carry with you?”

I raised an eyebrow and turned up to Nyota, “Ember, she is a spirit of calming fire.”

Coffee Stain looked like she had him in a vice and was ready to twist the leg right off. Her face leaned in close with a detective about to solve a murder declaration on her lips. Then she stopped, “No, Sunrise deserves to learn this on her own and make the decision for herself.” She turned to me as she completely deflated and let out a defeated whimper. “Sunrise, he’ll take good care of you. But you’re gonna have to learn about the spirit world or else you won’t be prepared when he gets older.”

I wondered what she meant and why, I looked at her then Nyota for answers. Neither said anything as Coffee Stain reluctantly pulled away. “Nyota, take good care of the Angel with a Shotgun. Or else I’ll make double upon my threat.”

“Coffee Stain, please explain,” I stopped her from leaving and she shook her head. “I know how to clone multiple Nyotas, but we don’t wanna do that. It’s been 213 years for me. There have been weird things happen. Like when we found the mirror pool and we cloned a spirit.”

“And let’s be honest we got Buttered Toast because of a Skatterri. Oh, buck me!” She grabbed the nearest beer she could reach and just chugged it down in one go. “Needed that so much.”

“Tonight is not going to stop being awkward.” I hung my head back into my hooves and stayed there the whole time. “Please tell me you two have another subject because I’m out of ammunition and I have no bombs to drop.”

I reached to grab some water and offered it to Coffee Stain. Nyota grew a face of pure mischief and laughed, “Alright fine, Coffee Stain; squeaker or screamer?” I didn’t get to swallow, I was spewing it across the table it even came out of my nose! The sheer level of embarrassment to a question I couldn’t even remember the answer to was the highest it had been ever as far as I could remember!

“I mean she does this thing where if you use your tongue just in the right manner. She turns into an audible gasping breathing catatonic mess. I mean I should stop talking now before you die from embarrassment.” Nyota motioned Coffee Stain near as I felt like my face was on fire and my heart wouldn’t stop pounding in my chest. She whispered into his ear while I just kept turning every shade of white under the sun and moon.

I didn’t know what to say or how to respond. I slowly pulled away from the two of them and sat beside myself as she detailed out to Nyota so many secrets. The expressions on his face lit up with amusement and questions like “What if I..., or how do I..., or can you show me that motion exactly?”

Coffee Stain finished with a giggle that could belong to any gaggle of girls, “That’s the only freebie you get from me.”

“Ah well, all of that is gonna take some practice.” Nyota shot back with a wink.

“I mean I’ll teach you, on me.” My head slammed into the table and I just started meeping as my entire brain went into total embarrassment overload. It was officially my turn to be turned into a squirming completely flushed mess and Coffee Stain wasn’t holding back.

“Well that would be a decision for Sunrise to make.” Nyota reached over and his hoof rubbing me eased some of my flushing away. He was being gentle and nice while trying to remove the physical tension from the back of my head. The fact he valued my opinion that much meant just a little more to me.

“Well if she ever says yes, she’ll be thankful.” Coffee Stain took a bow in my direction that I could see between the table and my foreleg that was hiding my face.

I raised a hoof towards the ceiling, “This is not the conversation I was prepared for.”

“Ya know what, I don’t wanna give you too much and I really don’t want to make her remember anything tonight. So with that, I should get going while I leave you two be for the night.” She reached up and gave me a tight hug, adding with a whisper, “Please be happy for me and enjoy your life this time around.” She pulled back and trotted off.

“Coffee Stain, before you leave,” She stopped as a Filly Scout opened the door for her. “Do you happen to know anything about the black boxes inside us?”

Coffee Stain dragged her hooves back to the table and motioned the door closed. I sat up and took an interest now. My earlier roasting leaving my mind as Nyota had struck a note with my curiosity. “I knew you were going to get there.”

“Well, they umm.. I don’t know as much as I’d like.” She took a moment to chew over her thoughts and stopped herself. “Sunrise give me your leg for a moment.” I extended my left hoof slowly as she approached and she pushed it away. “The other one with the PipBuck on it.”

I cautiously offered the other leg. She grabbed it and pulled out a spherical arcano key. She put it into the slot on the underside and twisted the key with a click it released from my leg. With a panic of a mad woman who had just dropped her children rushed and slammed it back in place.

My H.U.D. only winked out for a moment while my body shuddered and my arm felt so strange to have been exposed for those precious few seconds and then suddenly trapped into the steel computerized prison again.

“Sunny, I need to borrow that. I can’t crack open one of those logs if it’s still on your leg. I’ve done this like five times for you and they just keep resetting.”

I hesitantly allowed the key to remove the PipBuck. She sat it onto the table and punched in a couple of passwords for the log files I hadn’t been able to get at. I was hyperventilating while Nyota held me still the whole time. Without the H.U.D. I felt lost and slightly trapped. Without warning my entire world suddenly felt like I couldn’t understand any of it.

There were a couple of times I’ve turned it off but only in privacy and only just for a moment or two. This was completely strange and foreign. The world looked so different without green bars all over it. I kept randomly checking spots I’d been hurt in the past two months for injuries here or there.

I couldn’t hear Nyota’s words because my ears were full of nothing but raw fear and my pounding heart. Coffee Stain seemed miles away with the device that would fix it. I couldn’t explain my reaction either, it was like undergoing some form of extreme post-traumatic stress. I wanted to flee, I wanted to fight tooth and nail to get it back. The only thing that restrained me was Nyota gentle stroking my mane and reassuring me with his other hoof holding me still.

“There ya go,” She reattached the PipBuck and suddenly all the panic stopped. My vitals were spiking on the PipBuck and then slowly calmed back down as I heard myself breath. “Everytime she takes it off I swear. I never understood why.” The H.U.D. turned back on and so did E.F.S. which flickered with every lifeform around me turning red for a brief second till they registered properly as greens, greys, and yet there was a red somewhere in the distance that winked out after a second.

I looked at the file she had unlocked, file #4.

‘Titled: Project Gatekeeper Official Mission Statement

File Reads:

“Project Gatekeeper is the theory that using magics of all four pony races. Souls can be made into a device which will allow a single pony to carry an entire army with them. It means that a dead soldier is no longer dead, they learn from their death and return knowing how to be better soldiers. That or they transform into another soldier whom has a different set of skills that may success where another has failed.

Furthermore, officer assassinations no longer work. You can kill a general but if he gets back up the point of killing him was fundamentally useless. By trapping the soul in a jar and allow magic to replace missing parts which over time will fully regrow as the artificially sustained body is kept alive; we can heal the dead outright. No longer can mission critical personnel be destroyed and even possibly the alicorns can be made truly immortal.

Effects on psychological issues with long term immortality are currently unknown. Psychological effects of resurrection from remembering your own death are also unknown. We have no idea if this will even work or if we are sacrificing ponies for no reason. Further study must be conducted and to do so, we have a little army of stasis ponies waiting.

[Redacted]

Researcher Note: I believe this project is impossible. Everything we need to do is well beyond any magical device ever conceived! This is pure insanity that Stable-Tec has agreed to change entire Stable experiments for the purposes of this device. If I ever find this Agent 9 I’m going to kill her for ruining my research.

This is post war and post megaspells, this is beyond the time to do theoretic research or completely rewrite facility purposes for new projects. My promised work is ruined now for this piece of utterly mad science. I’m a Stable-Tec scientist and even I think this is insane, stupid, or just plain non-sense.”

End of Log.’

I stared at it, lost in thought. That explained so much. I pulled my hoof away and looked at Coffee Stain with horror, “Have we ever opened all 7 of these?”

She shook her head, “No, you usually only get to five.” I made a mental note to not open five now, at least not till I had more answers and this made so much more sense.

The raw terror that filled me about what I might be and how many times I did. The reappearance of my gear, all of it made horrific sense. “Sunrise, you okay? Where do you go from here?”

“Well, I need to figure out these files, find mom and dad, and apparently I’ve had a c-section which means I have a foal somewhere, and that foal has a father. I have no idea if either of them are alive. Not to mention the Agents may still be alive,” I shuddered heavily on that note. “I really hate that thought.”

“But first if we don’t find anything in that secret stable, we’ll be heading to see if D.J. Pon3 knows anything.” Coffee Stain looked at me puzzled and I looked back at her, “What? He’s pre-war like the two of us and talks about me on the radio. He probably knows something and I’m willing to bet he’d see me if I went to him.”

Coffee Stain awkwardly shrugged at me. She nudged my cheek, “Sunrise you’ve got a lot to think about. I suggest you two get upstairs and take your mind off of it for the rest of the night.” She turned to Nyota, “Really don’t leave her in a room alone or she will think this to death and forget to eat.”

Nyota nodded and with that, Coffee Stain left us alone. She turned her head at the door, “Please Sunrise, take care and if you ever need an old marefriend, just let me know.” There was no formal goodbye or a hug, it was left hanging. To me, it felt like Coffee Stain was saying, till next time.

Nyota took me up to the room, almost carrying me as I tried to talk. I would give the details of what happened that night but it was magical. I changed into the sleepwear he had bought me and well, when a mare and a stallion really love each other.

He fired early, I had to give him a diluted love poison vial. I broke the silencing talisman. Those are the only secrets I’m willing to tell.

I did however in all the chaos of the day forget to do one very important thing. Something I’d forgotten to do for three days now. I didn’t check the radio frequency for Black Hawk. That was a decision I would regret very soon.

Level Progress: 77% of the way to level 10!
Note: You’re at the point completing a quest doesn’t level you up anymore!

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