I continued to look around at our surroundings. I was so confused; how did we go from driving down the M8, on a (not so) typical Sunday afternoon to ending up somewhere that looks like it belongs in a bloody Disney movie? Seriously, it looks beautiful, but I was beginning to think my eyes were playing tricks on me.

Time to do the pinch test, see if this is actually real.

For maximum effect, I grabbed the back of my left arm with my right hand by the skin and pinched it with my thumb and index finger.

I winced in slight pain at the action. It must have been audible, because Thomas seemed to take notice at my annoyance and turns towards me.

"You alright, mate?"

I turned towards him to see his half-concerned, half-confused face.

"Aye, I'm fine, Tom," I reply. It's not really a lie as such, but I would have to explain. "Just doing the pinch test, see if this place is real or not. It hurt, so I think it's safe to assume, for me anyway, that this is real. Don't ask how, because I don't know."

He seems to look away for a second, contemplating what I just said. He then proceeds to try for himself, only to get the same effect as myself.

"Alrighty then," he uttered, though I'm not exactly sure if he was talking to himself or to me, then or now. Not that it's important, though. "Guess it's not a dream after all. Mate, this looks so weird."

I decided to crack a little joke, you know, to at least have some humour out of the situation. I mean, there's some truth behind it, but that's not the point.

"I wonder what Em would think about this if I told her," I chuckle. "Maybe she'd think I'm crazy. Or think I'm high on drugs. Or both. Or maybe she's still too angry to care," I say, getting slightly cross towards the end, clenching my fists as I remember THAT.

I fucking hate that bitch, I'll never forget what happened, nor forgive her any time in the future. I don't actually care if she's actually sorry in her apologies or not.

"Hey, Jack!" Thomas raised his voice at me.

I turned towards him, fully aware of what he was going to say to me.

"I know she was a hag, but thinking about what she did to you isn't going to help you move on," he said to me in a reassuring tone. "No-one blames you for what you did that night, but stop thinking about it, or her in general. The sooner you move on her, the better."

He then gave me a little smirk as he said the last part, "For ALL of us."

I have to admit, I lightened up at hearing this. I really haven't been the same since that night. I'm not quite ready to tell you what happened yet, but you'll find out in due course. Eventually.

"Thanks, Tom."

Turning back towards the city, I decided to address the elephant that was in the room.

Or outside.

You know what I meant. Shut up.

Finding the city was a good thing. The buildings were relatively clean and upheld, which meant somebody had to be living in them. It was large, so that meant the place probably had a large population. But the tower was what made me smile. It was really tall, as I said before, so I then knew that this place was important. If it was a castle, then there might be leaders there. They might be able to explain what happened and how we can get back home.

"Do you want to drive around the place?" I ask, to no one in particular, making Thomas turn back towards me from his examination of the city, and probably his musings as well.

"We probably should do, aye," he replies to me, walking over to my car from his Audi. "We need to talk to the authorities. The sooner we get back, the better. Don't get me wrong, the place looks nice, but there's something... I dunno, kinda... off?"

"Yeah, well no shi-" I begin, but before I finish my smartarse comment, I stop and think while looking at it, stroking my stubble as I do so.Heh, I forgot to shave again. And you know what? I don't quite know why, but the more, I look closely and think about it...

He was right.

It wasn't in the sort of the "Oh it's a Disney movie" way, it was something else.

And to this day, I still can't quite put my finger on it. I can't quite explain what it is that made the place feel off, it just did.

"I don't know why, Coupsie, but you're right. I kind of get that feeling too."

"Well, how about we get into the city and find out?"

"Cool," I shrugged. "Just do a three way call to keep in touch with each other?"

"Aye, should be good."

"...uhh, guys?" Nathan says, for the first time since we left him at George Square, as he gets out of his car.

The sudden voice had me surprised for a second, but I manage to recompose myself to answer him.

"Yes?"

"Well, we... uhh... wherever we are, we don't have signal," he says with a sheepish grin. "I even tried to... phone you, to see if it would work."

A few seconds of silence fly by, each one getting more awkward, waiting for someone to say it first.

"Well, bugger," I eventually splutter. I mean, Thomas left the radios at his house since he didn't think we'd need them. What the hell are we supposed to do now if we want to split up?

"To hell with it. Let's just go now." Thomas announced, making it clear that he didn't give a shit if the phones didn't work. I guess that's just what we do. We persevere. If you can manage without it, then do without it. The same sort of thing goes here, no communication, but whatever.

"OK, tell us what you find. Just go somewhere for fifteen minutes, try to make more sense of all of this. After that, meet in the centre of the city or something and tell us what you've found." I instructed everyone.

"Alright," the pair replied simultaneously.

That's the second time that's happened here. I smirk to myself.

And with that, all three of us opened the doors of our cars, got in, started up the engines and sprinted away on the... grass.

I really wish I had a Range Rover for this. Or an X3. Or even a Mitsubishi Shogun.

...

Okay, forget what I said about wanting the Shogun. I didn't mean it.

I DON'T WANT TO DRIVE IT AGAIN!

Anyway, off to the large city we headed, in search of something that might explain what happened, and/or a way back home.

But boy, were we in for a shock at what happened in those 20 or so odd minutes.

You probably would be, too, if you were in our shoes.

As we got closer and entered the city, things got even weirder. We found a road that took us into the city. At least we don't have to be on the grass all the time. This was only the beginning, however, as we pulled onto the road and, since we were the only cars there, we decided to pull the best drift we could with our cars.

Bad luck, Coupsie.

When we got closer to the buildings we decided to slow down, so if anybody hit the cars, they weren't going to damage the cars too badly. We were in awe at what we were seeing, though.

For a start, the houses were actually made of crystallised materials of some sort, as they glinted like The Cullinan diamonds on a bright sunny day. (We don't have such things in Scotland, Cullinan or sunny days, but that's not my point.)
I also noticed the doors were - let's say - differently proportioned? The doors were definitely smaller in terms of height. It was still enough to get past, but we would have to bend our heads forward (or backward) in order to get through.

Even Nathan would struggle to get through, and he's only 5' 9". Thomas is 6ft, and I'm 6' 2". We could always just stand on him if he was going to annoy us. (Okay, that one was a bit cruel.)

Is everyone here a dwarf? I thought to myself.

But that's not even the weirdest thing about all of this.

The small doors were explainable as we went further into the city. As we drove in, split off and started to weave in between streets, we found something... rather interesting about the local residence. The local residence were... small, technicoloured, crystal horses?

I remember turning in to one of the smaller streets and talking to myself "Wait, what?" as I saw one of them for the first time. He had a blue coat, a light blue mane and tail that looked like they were styled similar to that of a man's hair, amber eyes, and a bow and arrow on his arse, like a tattoo or something like that.

What is the deal with that tattoo? I thought.

He must have heard the car engine, as he stopped walking in the direction I was facing and turned around to look at me. Or, more specifically, my car.

I took it they had never seen a car before, as I guess you could say he was slightly frightened by the appearance of my car. It didn't help that my was black and had the "lean mean killing machine" sort of appearance, at least to them.

He was giving a sort of reaction to my car, so I deemed that he was sapient, probably as intelligent as myself. I decided to first switch off the car engine, then wind down the window and ask a few questions, after all I didn't want to scare the poor guy too much. I unfastened my seatbelt and leaned out of the window and faced him, he was a good 10 meters or so in front of myself, and I put my hands out of the car.

"Erm, excuse me, sir?" I began to say to him, he looked even more shocked as I spoke.

Probably haven't seen a human before either. Way to go, Jack.

"Can you tell me where I am?" I asked, getting a more confused facial expression from him. I therefore decided to elaborate on the situation and give him a bit of context. "Look, me and my friends were driving down a road, and there was a bit of an accident, and we don't know where we are, and we can't go back to where we came from."

To my surprise, he spoke back to me as well. "Uhhh, yes, sir... You're in the Crystal Empire right now." Crystal Empire? Suppose the crystal theme makes sense now. I hope this Crystal Empire is nowhere near as brutal as the British Empire, though.

He continues "We are Crystal Ponies, the residents of the Crystal Empire. I've never seen a creature like yourself before, though, sir, so you should probably meet with the Crystal Prince and Princess, as they probably have more answers than I do."

Not even an hour of being here and I could already be meeting with their leaders?

I think to myself for a few seconds about the possibilities, then respond to what the pony had said. "Alright... in that case, where can I find them?"

The pony nodded and pointed his hoof towards me. "If you go back onto that main road there, turn right from the way you're facing now and head straight forward into the square."

He then pointed towards the large tower in the centre of the city, which I had then realised upon closer inspection is actually a castle. "You'll have to talk to the castle guards and explain your situation to them. They will probably make you wait for a bit, as the princess will probably be involved in court at the moment."

I raised my eyebrow at this. "Court?" He nodded. "So, is it an enquiry or hearing or something?"

This time, he shook his head and moved closer to me to not have to raise his voice. "No, not quite. They sit in court and answer petitions from varying ponies, whether it be more money for already wealthy ponies, or a school that needs to renovate and needs help or something along those lines."

This made a bit more sense to me. "Ahh, ok, I get it now. Thanks."

He smiled and nodded at my understanding. These Crystal Ponies seem like really nice folk. Not like half the neds back home,I thought.

Don't get me started on some of the areas in Glasgow, the neds are extremely annoying all the time and sometimes they can be scary as hell. You try saying they're not when one pulls a zombie knife on you and demands you give him money.

"Well, I better get going," I commented. "I said to my mates I'd meet them in the centre in 15 minutes, and I should probably talk to the prince and princess about our situation. Thank you, Mister...?"

He pointed to himself as he said, "Oh, my name's Night Knight. I think we'll probably see more of each other in the future, Mister..."

"Jack Luss," I replied.

"I see. A rather interesting name. In any case, goodbye, Jack. Have a good day," he responded.

"And to yourself, Night."

And with that, I turned on the ignition. I waited a few seconds for him to realise everything's okay in the car, and even give him a thumbs up to be sure. I then put the car into reverse gear and press the accelerator pedal enough so the car came out fully, turning the car to the left as I did so.

I then put the car into first gear and set off again, but not powerful enough to frighten him. I noticed that he was already walking away at that point. He seemed to be normal, so I don't think I scared him too much. (Good job me!)

I decided to keep the speed relatively low, despite it being a long road that would've put the Merc through its paces, namely for a couple of reasons. One: I didn't want to disturb the local populace too much, Two: I didn't want to be shoved around by guards, and Three: I wanted to preserve my fuel.

Since these ponies don't seem to know what cars are, it's highly unlikely that they will have the petrol that I need to refuel the car, and I didn't know how long we had until we got back so preservation of fuel, to me, at that point, was very important.

Eventually, after about 20 seconds of going down the road, I eventually reached the centre of the empire and pulled up. The most interesting part about the centre was that it had two sort of pillars in the centre, with a sort of heart that was floating in the air, spinning in the air anti-clockwise. You can't just look at it and not like it in some capacity.

As I got out, I admired the crystal heart thing for a few seconds, before scanning the area to see what I could find. Having found no sign of the other two, and not hearing them nearby, I found what I presumed to be one of the entrances to the castle, judging by the guards stationed there.

I started to walk over to the entrance, but instead...

"HALT!"

Oh, brilliant. What the hell have I done this time?

I turned to the voice and looked down and found a pair of crystal guard ponies, one of which had a yellow coat and armour which had the green mane and tail sections tidily cut, while the other identical, but instead had purple coating and a greyish style of hair, with both of them pointing up at me with spears in their hooves.

Yeah, don't ask me about how that works, I don't know either.

"Who are you and what is your business at the Crystal Castle?" the yellow one asked in a tone that displayed authority.

I therefore put my hands in the air, to show them I am not a threat to them nor anyone else. "I don't need or want to harm any of you. My name's Jack Luss, and I am here because I need to speak with the Crystal Prince and/or Princess. Is it possible to speak to them?"

The yellow one, satisfied with my response, looks to his partner, nods to him, and both lower their weapons. The yellow one seems to be in thought for a moment.

"You mean Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Prince Shining Armor?" he asked. I hesitated, unsure because Night Knight never mentioned names, then nodded. "You would probably have to give us some context as to why, sir, not everyone can speak to the princess during court without some reasoning."

I sighed at this and look at him. "I understand this, sir, but, you need to know that there was..." I pause for a second, not sure of how to word this, "...a bit of an accident, let's say."

The guard raised his eyebrow and said, "I'm listening."

And so I told him, briefly, of course, about what happened to myself, Thomas and Nathan, and how we had no means of return, and that I had asked for help from one of the crystal ponies that had directed me here.

He slowly nodded in understanding, then announces to us: "I'm going to see if the Princess is currently available, if she is then I will tell her of what has happened. Please wait for a few minutes." And with that, he cantered into the entrance of the castle.

Left alone, the guard who I mentioned previously spoke for the first time since I had first met them.

"So, uhh, if you don't mind me asking, sir... what are you, exactly?" He nervously asked me.

I instantly knew what he was referring to and answered, "I'm what's called a human."

He nodded. "And your friends, where are they?"

"I'm not actually too su-"

I was interrupted by the sound of an engine that sounded nearby.

The sound of the Audi S4's 3.0 litre V6, as I turned and found out.

"Never mind, here's Thomas now."

Thomas pulled up in the opposite end of the square in which I had parked in and turned off the ignition, getting out wile doing so.

"I see you actually managed to get here." I quipped bemusedly.

"Good to see you too, Jack." He replied with a chuckle. "So, what's happening?"

I then explained what had happened here earlier, and what could possibly happen, this took a good few minutes.

"Any sign of Captain Sense of Direction?" I asked Thomas, obviously referring to Nathan, who was the one in our group who gets lost sometimes. Ok, more than just sometimes.

He laughed for a bit and replied, "I'm not sure where he is at the moment."

The guard with us is now completely confused. "Alright, who's this Captain Sense of Direction that you're talking about?"

I turned to him and reply with a smile. "Oh, were talking about Nathan. Captain Sense of Direction is just a nickname that we have for him. He has a bad habit of - erm - getting lost."

"Yeah, the Edinburgh incident must never be spoken of. Ever again," Thomas chimes in with his own little smartarse comment.

All of us burst out laughing, the guard probably because he can just imagine the incident must be really bad for us to not talk about, and us at the memory.

I mean, honestly, how hard is it to get to Edinburgh Castle?

The laughter lasted for a few seconds and slowly faded away, with a positive attitude still in the air. After the guard gets his laughter under control, he turns to us and says, "Hey, you guys don't seem so bad to me."

"Cheers, mate." Thomas and I say at the same time. NOT AGAIN!

At that moment, the yellow guard from earlier came back from the entrance and walked over to where we were standing.

"Sir, I have some bad news and good news. I have explained the situation to the princess. Unfortunately, the princess is in the middle of a court session and cannot see you at the moment. The good news is that she has no more appointments after this, so you have quite a lot of time on your hands," he explained. "The prince is overseeing his duties at the moment, however, so we don't know when he'll be available."

"That's quite alright. I think we should all try and see the princess at the same time," I clarify. "...and we don't know when our dear friend Captain Scott will show up."

He raises his eyebrow at my answer. "Who's this Scott you speak of? You mentioned yourself, Thomas and Nathan, but..."

I hold my hand up to him to motion him to stop. "Sorry, I was being sarcastic. Our friend, Nathan, tends to get lost quite a bit, so we give him quite a few nicknames. Captain Sense of Direction is one of them."

He nods his head in understanding.

"We also call him Captain Scott, a famous explorer who made expeditions to the South Pole of our world. He made two expeditions to the region, unfortunately perishing on the second along with his crew. Nathan is the exact opposite of Captain Scott, though."

The guard laughs at this. "Is this Nathan that bad for that sort of thing?"

"You have NO idea." Thomas replies hastily.

We all laugh again, but not as long as last time.

Once it dies down, the yellow guard speak again. "You've got roughly forty five minutes until the session finishes. You should probably find something to do." And with that, the guards return to their original posts.

Thomas and I look at each other, with smiles on our faces. We knew what we were going to do.

"Top Gear?" he asks.

"Sure, I'll get my laptop," I reply. "Which episode are we watching?"

"Not sure, I don't really mind to be honest. So long as it isn't Chris Evans."

With that in mind, I walk over to the car and open the passenger door. I lean in and take the laptop I was going to use at The Chartroom, and open the glove box and get the Top Gear DVD box, which was marked as series ten.

One of, if not the best Top Gear series ever. Chris Evans is nothing in comparison.

I then walk over and lay them on the bonnet of the car.

"Series ten good?"

A smile walks its way onto his face.

"Yep."

Thirty minutes later, we were happier men. Watching the Top Gear crew drive lightweight supercars in France, blame Fifth Gear for burning their props and drive a W12 Golf is one of the best things you can do. But all good things come to an end.

Because guess who finally made it.

We heard the sound of the engine first, and turned to see a BMW drive down the road towards us. He then pulled up in the same place as I had parked. He turned off the engine, got out and walked over to us.

I paused the video and turned to him. "Why hello there, Captain Sense of Direction. Glad you could join us," I pull my sleeve up and have a glance at my Rotary watch, although only because I haven't been able to get round to buying that Tudor watch I've been looking at for quite a while.

Paleno... Palego... Pelago?

Ah, well. Doesn't matter now.

"Although I do remember saying meeting here in fifteen minutes, not fifteen hours."

Nathan glared at me. "VERY funny, Jack."

"Care to join us in watching some Top Gear?" I asked, trying to not piss him off too much.

His expression seemed to lighten up a bit. "Sure, sounds good to me."

And so I resumed the episode. We watched the episode, with smiles on our faces, occasionally laughing when there was the need to do so. We were watching the part where James is holding up everyone on the boat and the others having to push him along when our attention was drawn to one of the entrances.

Out of said entrance walked three guard ponies. Two were identical in build and colours, both being the purple and grey colour, but the third in the centre of was a bright orange colour with a blue mane and tail, although he didn't look as crystallised as the others. The most interesting thing about this pony, I thought, at the time, was that this one had... wings?

I really have seen everything. Either that, or I have been slipped the world's strongest ecstasy tablet.

I paused the video and closed the laptop over, as I think I know what is going to happen. I turned around to face him. "Yes?"

The pony in the middle paused for a second as he took in our appearances, then took in a breath.

"The Princess would like to see you now," he announced to us.

I smiled and put the laptop back in the car, along with the DVD box. I then shut the door. I turned to my friends and said simply: "Right then, let's go." I turn back towards the guard. "Lead the way then, Mr...?"

He spread his wings out and told us, almost with a proud smile adorning his face: "Sergeant Flash Sentry. Right this way, sirs."

He then walks to the front of us and we follow, with the other two guards in tow, as we were led to have our first meeting with royalty.

I began to get nervous at that moment in time.