Ponyville:

All was silent in the small glade outside of the Everfree Forest, near where a river connected it and the borders of Sweet Apple Acres. Not even the local birds chirped, and then a sharp Twang! cut through the air like a knife as a bowstring was drawn back and a arrow was fired right into a target.

Small assortments of applause filled the air, as various townspeople clapped and cheered for the archer in question, one Princess Twilight Sparkle.

The arrow had hit dead-center in the middle of a target, where several more arrows had also reached their mark.

“Dayum, girl!” Applejack applauded, patting Twilight on the back as the archer lowered her bow panting and sweating. “Didn’t know ya had it in ya! Seriously, if Ah knew ya could do that right there, Ah probably would have paid ya no small amount of bits to take care of the local lynxes and cougars that come out here every now and then to slaughter our pigs and chickens.”

“...And now I don’t feel so confident walking out here for an explore every Autumn.” Robert muttered from somewhere in the background, behind two ponies named Silver Spanner and Carrot Top. In the forests beyond, he swore he saw or at least thought he saw, two golden eyes peeking out before vanishing back into the shadows. Maybe it was just his imagination playing tricks on him, wanting to believe Zen-Aku was really back. Had to be, he told himself.

“Seriously Twi,” AJ continued. “Where’d ya learn to fire a bow and arrow like that? Seriously, yer like some sorta modern day Robbing Hoof!”

“Ah, yes well…” Twilight replied rubbing the back of her head in embarrassment as she walked over to a table before popping open a can of some off the shelves brand name fruity drink gathered up from Filthy Rich’s Barnyard Bargains. Banana flavored it read, surprising nobody. “You know my brother was always talking about how he wanted to be this big hero in the Royal Guard when he was younger, right?”

“Well, as I was never in Canterlot when Ah was yer age, I wouldn’t rightly know…” Applejack trailed off, and Twilight smacked herself in the face for her own stupidity.

“Yes, well, anyways…” Twilight continued. “I sorta got caught up in the romance of it all for a time, wanted to be this heroic royal guard so I asked Princess Celestia for archery lessons.”

“Right, now I remember!” Sunset exclaimed, snapping her fingers. “Was the talk of the castle for a time, that old captain Flashfire coming out of retirement via Celestia’s personal request to teach you how to fire a bow and arrow!”

Robert flashed back briefly to a conversation with Shining.

“It’s about Twiley, and her new involvement in your battles as Armored Rider ‘Baroness’ as she calls herself.

Robert winced, he should have seen this one coming a mile away.

“Brotherly concern?” He asked, playing the innocent party.

“Don’t play dumb, I know you probably figured I’d ask you about her sooner or later,” Shining replied, narrowing his eyes. “That armor of hers, comes with a lot of power, but unlike you five, she’s hardly skilled in the ways of battle.”

“And yet she played a crucial role in stopping both Ashurada and Lord Drakkon.” Robert pointed out.

“As back-up,” Shining reminded as they neared the castle. “She wasn’t part of the frontline forces. Point is, she’s my little sister, and I don’t like her being out there fighting your type of monsters without proper training.”

Robert then had the decency to smack himself in the face for forgetting. Mein Gott, he thought to himself. He was such an idiot. An honest to God Christ damn him and his soul of an idiot!

“Something wrong?” Sunset asked, out of concern seeing Robert’s expression and him muttering under his breath about being something called a Schwachsinnige whatever that was. Probably wasn’t anything nice. He was also muttering about finding Flashfire for whatever reason.

“Shining, I broke a promise to him about getting Twilight some proper training with the lance, sword, and mace!” Robert cursed himself. “I mean, Mein Gott, we’re letting her go out and about and kick monster arse without the knowledge of how to do so! Sure, a bow and arrow’s fine I suppose, but your target will be on the move and you have to draw back the bowstrings and all that! It’d be simply easier to gore the monster or smash his or her’s skull in!” he hissed out.

“Well, you can chalk that one up to another one of your list of idiotic decisions,” Sunset snapped.

“Excuse me?” Robert asked, his voice taking on a dangerous edge. “Care to repeat that, Fräulein?”

“Let’s see, let’s list off your mistakes as soon as you got to this world. Acted like an asshole to over half the populace, when you probably should have endeared yourself to them by acting like a gentlecolt, showing off whenever you thought it necessary which was about never, and finally acting like a complete man-whore even after we started dating!”

That last remark, it clearly stung judging by Robert’s expression. It took him a few moments to form a response, but when he did he struck back with a vengeance.

“And you have room to talk about me acting like a dummkopf, Miss High and Mighty Princess of ‘Empathy’?” he snarled, using air-quotes for that last bit. “Let’s see, you’ve been blind to the eyes of your own subjects and their bigotry, nearly getting yourself killed in the process leaving me to work with a team that half-hated me and a Duke Org, and even before that you honest to God believed I was prophesied to come here and help save you lot when all that happened was a simple freak accident! So, Miss Sunset Shimmer, you can take whatever fucking high horse you rode in on and sho-”

“That’s enough!” Vapor screamed, this little argument having caught everyone’s attention and they were now all staring at the couple. Vapor’s shoulders were shaking as she fought back sobs. “I’ve had just about enough of you both, you proper pair of idjits! That’s it, I’ve stood by and watched as your relationship deteriorated and you two danced around each other not even trying to say a word to try and fix it and now I’m stepping in!”

“Whoo nelly,” Applejack sighed shaking her head. “This is either going to go really good, or really bad…”

With that, Vapor whipped out her Growl Phone and called Princess Shayla. “Shayla, get these two morons to the Crystal Empire, now! They clearly need some couples counseling, and I know just where to get it!” she shouted, and before either Robert or Sunset could say a word otherwise, they found themselves in front of two tall crystal gates dropped soundly on their asses in orange and gold flashes of light, respectively.

The Crystal Empire:

Rarity was not an amused mare, having been called away from her two year anniversary with Zephyr to help out with couples counseling. Especially when she heard of who said couple was. Grumbling very unladylike words as she walked to the conference room of the Crystal Castle alongside Princess Cadence, she shoved open the doors with a loud Bang! only to find Sunset Shimmer sitting there alone, arms crossed. Apparently, Cadence had deemed it necessary to separate her and Robert for the time being until they stopped acting like children.

“So, you want to explain what happened?” Rarity asked, eyebrow cocked.

“What do you think happened?” Sunset grumbled, not even bothering to look at her. “Robert’s idiocy happened.”

“Funny, that’s not the way I heard it from Vapor…” Cadence trailed off. “Said you both were acting like a pair of children, really.”

Sunset muttered something under her breath about blabbermouth pegasi who should keep their muzzles out of her business. Cadence and Rarity rolled their eyes in unison and pulled up chairs.

“Seems she was right to call…” Rarity muttered to herself, with Cadence nodding.

“The two of you need to stop this,” Cadence hardened her gaze, looking between them. “You’re both adults, act like it.”

“Tell that to Robert, he’s constantly in puberty half the time.” Sunset huffed.

Cadence slapped her hands down on the table, rising out of her seat. “Enough! Stop with the schoolyard insults! You’re not children, you’re warriors fighting to save the world. Grow up!”

“Yes, really dearie,” Rarity joined in. “This behavior is quite unacceptable and unbecoming of a lady. I know of a few mages in Canterlot who can perform age-regression spells via Twilight. How would you like me to perform one on you?” she asked pointedly. Her tone indicated she probably would carry out every word of her threat, and so Sunset wisely shut up and listened.

“Good. Now, can we at least hope to talk like grown adults?” Rarity asked, and Sunset nodded meekly. “Now, how did this whole thing start?”

“With Robert, know his eyes have been wandering. I may have… gotten a bit of jealousy in my system.”

“I should say so,” Rarity snarked. “But he’s a man, what should you expect? Perfection?” she asked, giving Sunset a ‘look’. “I mean, Mystic Mother knows Zephyr -bless his heart- is hardly perfect in any way.”

Cadence gave Rarity a very pointed look of her own. “Let’s not stereotype the genders shall we? Please don’t make comments like that again.”

“I’m just saying,” Rarity put in. “I think Sunset was expecting the perfect stallion, and she was a little… let’s say let down.”

Sunset’s guilty look pretty much said it all on that front.

“Really Sunset, Cadence is quite right, you are acting like a child,” Rarity agreed, before soundly slapping her across the face, leaving a stinging red mark. “Now, time to grow up,” she sniffed before her tone became softer. “Look, I know you didn’t have the best foalhood in the world, but no need to keep acting like a child. Listen, you’re unhappy with what the world gave you, you want a better relationship than what your parents had.”

“How did…?” Sunset trailed off, eyes widened and caught quite off-guard to say the least.

“Vapor saw it fit to send your little confessional on ahead to me,” Rarity remarked. “The whole lot of it. Wasn’t too hard to figure out you wanted a better relationship than two drunkards.”

Sunset sniffled a little. “Yeah… I… I just keep looking back at my parents, and keep thinking and wanting something a hell of a lot better than whatever that was. Because it sure as hell wasn’t a relationship of any sort. At least, a healthy one.” she choked out, fighting back tears. Then the dam finally broke, as she thought back to one particular night back when she was about five or so.

“Fuck you, fuck you!” a male voice roared as thunder cracked in the background, a hard rain coming down outside the small home in Canterlot’s suburbs. A jagged flash of lightning illuminated Sunset, and her frightened form as she hid under the bed, clutching her stuffed wolf plushie to herself, rocking back and forth in a fetal position in fear. A loud stinging slap echoed from somewhere inside the kitchen, with the thin walls of the house carrying sound throughout it quite, quite well.

Her ‘father figure’, if Sunset could call it that. Toren was his name. Personally she never really saw him as a father figure, and she never would. He was just the person whom her mom married, and that was the end of that. “Think you can pour all my beer bottles down the drain?”

Another slap. “Well, that’s what you get!” he roared.

Sunset whimpered to herself. “Please… please just stop.” she whispered, and eventually the yelling was to die down as if the Mystic Mother herself answered her prayers.

Her mother, a mare named Evening Lotus with a pink toned mane and a orangish fur coat walked in and brought in Sunset for a hug. A red slap mark was present on the older mare’s cheek.

“Shh, shh, it’s alright now. Mommy’s here. Daddy’s laying drunk on the couch.” Lotus said, as she stroked her daughter’s mane in a comforting manner. Actually, that was a lie. Lotus, somehow, had managed to work up the courage to punch out her husband. She knew it would have consequences for her and probably Sunset when he eventually awoke, but anything to stop him for the time being. Anything.

“Daddy… Why does he do it?”

“I don’t know dear,” Lotus whispered. “I don’t know. Your father, he has… issues. Hush now, quiet now, you need to get some rest. You’ve had a horrible night, and I’m sorry for that. I truly am.” Lotus whispered, fighting back a sob. This was all her fault, for marrying that bastard of a stallion.

“I… I can’t. I’m too afraid to sleep.” Sunset whimpered.

“It’s okay darling, I’ll sing you a lullaby, will that help?” Lotus asked, as she helped Sunset into bed, and brought the covers up over her frail form. Sunset nodded tearfully, hugging her wolf plushie tightly.

“Y-Yeah, that’ll help.” she whispered, and so Evening Lotus began to sing. In another life, who knows, perhaps she might have become this famous Canterlot lounge singer. Sadly, that’s not what fate had planned for her as Sunset would find out not even a year later.

“Hush now, quiet now
It's time to lay your sleepy head
Hush now, quiet now
It's time to go to bed...

“I said hush now, quiet now...
It's time to lay your sleepy head
I said hush now, quiet now...
It's time to go to bed.

“Fading, drifting off to sleep.
Just leave this exciting day behind you
Driftin' off to sleep and let the joy of Luna’s dream land find you…” she sung, and not even into the first verse, Sunset was sound asleep her chest gently rising and falling. Lotus stayed with her throughout the night. She would protect her daughter no matter what. No matter what.

Cadence sighed, and spoke as she brought the now sobbing Princess in for a hug. “That doesn’t give you the right to take it out on Robert. Neither of you are perfect and that's okay,” she whispered rubbing Sunset’s back. “Hey, it’s okay to cry.”

Sunset whimpered, and sobbed a little into her aunt’s shoulder.

“Shh, that’s alright dear,” Cadence whispered as Sunset’s body shook as she continued to cry. “Just let it out.”

Eventually, the tears stopped flowing, and Sunset looked up at her adopted aunt with puffy red eyes. “Now… now what do I do?” she asked, with Rarity giving her a handkerchief to blow her nose and wipe away some of the tear stains. Cadence took a long sigh, before answering.

“You talk this out with Robert. Tell him everything. No insults, no names, just honesty. If you two don’t work out, that’s fine, but you two can’t keep going like this.” she told her niece. “Honestly, it’s getting rather old. At first, when you two were trying to work things out and admit you at least liked each other, it was amusing. But now, seeing you two act like two little foals? Well, suffice it to say amusement is hardly the first word that springs to mind to describe this.” Cadence stated sharply.

“Y-Yeah…” Sunset nodded, before getting up out of her chair, and heading towards the door but not before giving both older mares a thankful nod.

As for Robert, we find him but where else in a bar drowning his sorrows.

“Glass of Wild Pegasus Whiskey, on the rocks,” he told the bartender, a relative of Berry Punch back in Ponyville. Downing it, after the drink was slid down the bartop, he found himself thinking back to what probably, in his mind started this whole heaping mess of shit he found himself in. Unlike Sunset, he wasn’t blaming anyone else for his troubles, he knew this was on him, and him alone. Both she and Lightning were right, he was a man-whore and he knew it.

Artemis smiled happily, using her horn’s magic to slide the right strap on her dress down her shoulder before she spoke yet again. “Robert, if you don’t mind, would you help me fix my dress. I seem to be having trouble with it.”

“Okay, now she’s gone from subtle to outright obvious. Though let it never be said I’m one to turn down an offer of a good shag from what as far as I know, an unmarried woman. ...Or mare in this case.” Robert mused as he helped Artemis with her dress and lowered the other strap and began planting soft kisses on her neck causing the Alicorn in disguise to let out an involuntary moan of pleasure.

She tilted her head back to allow Robert better access and he began to nibble on her neck as the dress fell to the floor. Robert was now allowed to see her very shapely form glinting in the moonlight from the bedroom window covered only by a set of a light blue bra and panties. Suddenly, Artemis whirled around and shoved him up against the wall and began kissing him heavily wrapping her legs around him. Robert opened his mouth to allow her tongue entrance and they dueled briefly as Artemis used her magic to allow his pants to drop to the floor while Robert threw off his trench coat. As they fumbled on to the bed, Artemis’s hands went up Robert’s shirt as Robert gripped her flanks and rubbed them. They soon began grinding against each other, Robert letting out a groan of pleasure.

Artemis let out a soft sigh and began letting her hands roam his chest as Robert’s hands moved upwards and began roaming her back even as they still continued kissing, only coming up for air briefly saliva dripping from their mouths. But soon they were right back at it and Robert’s hands moved upwards to Artemis’s bra and loosened it and let it fly free from its constraints as Artemis pulled his shirt up and over his head…

Robert chuckled. While he could hardly call a one night stand, a quick drunken shag love in any sense, he’d long since figured that out he couldn't help himself. Every now and again he did wonder what if? What if the relationship could have continued past… well, this?

“Ah, that’s good! Harder, please! OH! OH! Robert!” Artemis moaned out as Robert continued thrusting in and out of her. In and out, just like that in perfect rhythm. He was drunk, he knew that much. He generally was after a party, and he knew perfectly well that Artemis was drunk as well. Mind you, in some part of his mind, he knew she wanted this. For the past few nights, they had been talking over various things, and she’d been helping him from going on a full blown rampage at times and just saying “Screw it all.” and leaving Ponyville for good. She was a lifeline, not that Robert would ever admit it as he was far too proud for that, but she was one.

“Artemis… Just like that…” Robert groaned out as Artemis began her own little ministrations, nibbling at his neck and kissing it. “Oh Su-Artemis, yes…” Robert groaned, quickly catching his little-slip up before Artemis could notice. God knows what she’d do to him if she did, considering how she told him last time she was on a dinner with this jackass really not that far removed from him, she left him to pay the check. It wasn’t that hard to imagine she’d do something far worse to him if she heard him say Sunset’s name. Really, it wasn’t. Might gore him with her horn or something. An angry unicorn? Really wasn’t that hard to imagine.

“Robert?” Artemis admitted as she pulled away, letting her head rest back on the velvet pillow as Robert pulled out of her, sensing a conversation coming. “I just have to say, thank you. Just… Thank you. First real relationship I had in a long time.”

In hindsight, he should have noticed the wording. Had, and real relationship? That was odd, if he was thinking like a cop his alarm bells would have been ringing. Firstly, how could a one-night stand count as a relationship? A drunken one-night stand at that? But Robert didn’t notice, and he smiled before replying: “Anything for my Moonlight.”

Artemis let out another moan, and her hips bucked as she finally climaxed from Robert’s thrusting before the two tired lovers collapsed on the bed and fell into the world of dreams.

Robert slammed his glass on the countertop, and groaned when he heard the song playing in the background on some old jukebox.

“I think of you every night and day
You took my heart and you took my pride away…

“I hate myself for loving you
Can't break free from the things that you do
I wanna walk but I run back to you
That's why I hate myself for lovin' you

“Daylight spent the night without you
But I've been dreamin' 'bout the lovin' you do…”

“Really?” he shouted. “Real helpful there! Been trying not to think about bad relationships!” he grumbled, before taking out his Kitsune Blaster and aiming it at the damned thing with a distinctive whirring sound, before a gentle hand forced it downwards.

“Now now, none of that.” Shining said gently, as he and Zephyr sat next to him atop stools. “Doubt Mrs. Crystal will be all too together pleased if you shoot up some of her bar.”

“Sorry, bad memories,” Robert apologized. “That song, sorta gave me some flashbacks to my relationship, if you can call it that, with Princess Luna. Never thought I’d be pissed about a Joan Jett song, but here I am… Funny that.”

“Yeah, I admit that was a nasty piece of business, that relationship of yours.” Zephyr sighed, patting him on the back in sympathy. “Believe me, been in a few sucky relationships myself.”

“Suckage was major on this one,” Robert replied. “And like I said, you could hardly call it a relationship. Not if you define one night stands as relationships. And I don’t. Used to, but times have changed, grown up a little.”

Zephyr sucked in a breath. “Not from what me and Shining heard, man.”

“What are you even doing here, anyways?” Robert had to ask.

“Me and Rares, on our two year anniversary. Well, we were until you and Sunset bitching at each other ruined it.” Zephyr remarked with an annoyed tone present in his voice, and Robert had the decency to look ashamed of himself.

Shining snapped his fingers and ordered some Crystal Berry Wine as he turned to Robert. “You and me mate, we need to talk,” he said. “So, talk. Spill. I want everything.”

“Like to say it all started with me being a complete arsehole and sneaking peeks at other mares while me and Sunset were daring. Emphasis on were. But that’s not the truth, is it?” Robert asked. “I mean, I’ve been a playboy long before then. Kinda hard to change yourself overnight just for one mare.”

Zephyr nodded in sympathy. “I know how that feels man. Before I met Rares, I was this layabout, dating whoever I chose. Didn’t really feel I’d succeed at anything, so just kept hopping from place to place till my little sis knocked some sense into me and set me up with Rarity, hoping and praying she’d start changing me around. Didn’t work overnight of course, as you might expect. But somehow, in some way and I have never managed to quite work this out, I just wanted to become this better stallion just for her. Funny that,” he chuckled. “But love is a strange and mysterious mistress, eh Shining?”

Shining nodded at that, took a sip of his wine before speaking. “Have you ever considered just not doing the things you know will piss Sunset off?”

“Believe me, I’ve definitely considered this,” Robert sighed. “Easier said than done. Sunset’s right, I’ve been in puberty ever since I hit it, and never really tried to grow up till the last year or so. Been working out so well,” he drawled out sarcastically.

“Robert, either you do or you don’t, that’s as simple as it gets.” Shining put his glass down, giving the man a hard look. “If you really want to be there for Sunset do so. Don’t complain about how hard it is, don’t make excuses, just do it. If you can’t, tell her and you can go back to sleeping around. Cadence and I are more than tired of this nonsense.”

“I… I understand,” Robert nodded, getting the message loud and clear. “Now how do I even get close to her, without Sunset just… Y’know, blowing up at me?” he asked, pressing his fingers together nervously. “I mean, I’m fairly sure you’ve made your wife angry at times, -and no offense intended- so how do you apologize to the one you love?”

“You just apologize,” Shining Armor shrugged. “It’s not that hard. If they don’t accept, that’s on them. You at least tried to make things better.”

“So buck up, if you excuse the terrible pun and be a man about it?” Robert asked.

“‘Bout sums it up, really,” Zephyr stated, with Shining nodding in agreement. Robert sucked in a breath and sighed.

“Well, only one thing for it then. Be a man, and do this right.” Robert stated. With that, he took his leave and left a few bits for the bartender. And some for Shining and Zephyr as well, he figured they at least deserved something for him ruining their days.

It was at a local cafe where the exchange took place. Nice place, open aired with umbrella stands.

“So, only one thing to say really, and that’s… I’m sorry.” Robert sighed. “Sorry for everything. Being an arsehole, saying those things that I said, and sorry for making so many excuses and sorry for being and I accept this, a man-whore.”

“Shining and Zeph talked to you, huh?” Sunset asked, taking a sip of her wine. She figured she’d need it for this. “Yeah, Cadence and Rarity had a few words to say with me as well. Honestly, you’re not the only one who’s been an asshole and an idiot, to say the least. I… I… Well, you should know I never had the best foalhood, always held my standards far too high, and well…”

“Yeah, don’t need to say any more on that. I can imagine it screwed you up pretty badly. Honestly, high time we both grew up and started acting like a pair of adults. Vapor, Shining, Zeph, Cadence, Rarity? They were all right. We are a proper pair of idiots.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Sunset muttered.

“Please, no drinking. Last time that happened, ended up in bed with Princess Luna and made an absolute dummkopf of meself.”

Sunset chuckled to herself. “Only fair,” she smiled before leaning across the table to kiss him. “I love you, you know that right?”

“Yeah, I love you too Sunset-Chan.”

Author's Notes:

Okay, so finally, this massive elephant in the room's been resolved. For good this time. No more major romance drama from these two idjits. Really want to thank Shagohad12 here, major help writing Shining and Cadence. God, makes me wonder if he's ever dated anybody. Ah well, not my place to ask really.

As ever, thoughts, constructive critique, and comments are appreciated.