The sun was setting in Ponyville. The golden orb of Celestia’s day slowly dipped below the treeline of the Everfree Forest, while Luna’s moon rose in its place. As the nightly chill settled over the small village, a thumping bass could be heard from a nearby—and strangely decorated—cottage that almost appeared to be split down the middle by the decorator.

Smoke wafted from the chimneys and fire pits all throughout town as darkness slowly took hold over the city. Street lamps lit with a magical fire, casting a soft glow through the streets. A white earth pony with a short cropped black tail, a black jacket, and black pork pie hat walked through the streets towards Sugarcube Corner. He knocked quickly on the closed restaurant’s door. A crack of light entered the street before a pink pony quickly opened the door and ushered him inside.

Down the street, a mixed group of earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns all waited in the shadows. As soon as the mysterious white stallion entered the restaurant, Spearhead gave his partner a bump with his shoulder. The burnt orange pegasus looked solemnly at his comrades and the two ponies dressed in black with recording equipment before speaking.

“Okay guys, we’ve been waiting for this for a while. I know we’ve had a few mishaps, with our C.I.’s winding up in the Everfree or mysteriously being hit by cases of Poison Joke, but this ends tonight. The investigation’s been a long time going, but we’ve finally tracked the source of all the SALT cubes making their way through town. Swift Shield, Broad Sword,” he said looking at a french blue pegasus and graying earth pony respectively, “you guys have the back. Ardent Storm, Silent Step,” speaking to the jet black pegasus and maroon unicorn on his other side, “you’re with me when we hit the front door.”

All the ponies present silently nodded. They understood the gravity of the task at bay. Hoof-picked by Celestia herself to solve the problem of these SALT cubes getting in the hooves of her little ponies, the colts and fillies of this town were counting on them. Equestria had seen this before. Stimulant And Lavish Tweek cubs were the newest problem, but things like buck, crock, and parasprite dust were nothing compared to these new, blue SALT cubes.

Looking back at at the camera ponies he gestured with a hoof for them to stay back. “Alright everypony, let’s go. Nopony gets out unless they’re in custody. And watch out for the pink one. She knows what she’s doing.”

A pink mare with a cotton candy mane draped herself between Spearhead and Broad Sword, a hoof over each shoulder. “That’s reaaaaallllllyyyyy not true. I never know what’s going on, I just kinda roll with it.”

Spearhead’s eyes popped open. Before he could turn, the mare was already gone, a giggling echo left in her place. “Did… did that just happen?”

Silent just put a hoof to his face. “Probably. If that was Pinkie Pie, it’s really not that surprising.”

“Alright then, we need to move, now!” Everypony donned their Royal Guard helmets and rushed toward Sugarcube Corner, with Swift and Broad running around the back.

Spearhead looked through the window just in time to see Pinkie pop a blue salt cube into her mouth. Turning around and rearing forward, he let loose with a mighty buck to the door, Ardent was the first pony in.

“Royal Guard, everypony down!” Pinkie and the mysterious stallion looked at the oncomers before he grabbed Pinkie and threw her at the entering ponies.

Pinkie yelled just before crashing into the Guard rushing in. “Damn you Heisenburro!”

Before they could catch him, he was gone through the back door.

Spearhead walked in and saw the massive pony pile that was his men and Pinkie, her frazzled mane going every which way, her face obscured by… he wasn’t sure what. Looking back at the camera pony, the operator just shrugged and motioned to keep rolling. “Not sure how that happened, but it isn’t me.”

Spearhead walked over to the pile-o-ponies and pulled Pinkie off as his fellow Guards got to their hooves. Pinkie began to bounce in place, her coat stood on end. “Okay, Pink! The jig is up, we’ve spent months investigating this and we know the other pony you were with is the supplier. Now where’s the rest of the salt cubes? And for the love of Celestia stop whatever you’re doing to blur your face.”

Pinkie started to giggle, taking a hoof she somehow grabbed the blurred circle and took a bite out of it before throwing it in the trash, a smile slowly grew until it covered most of her face. She began to giggle and her eyes both pointed out before she went into a full blown laugh.

“Ihavenoideawhatyou’retalkingaboutsillyponythatstallionwasjustmycandysupplierforallmysweetsandbakedgoodsthatIgivetoallthecoltsandfilliesnothingsinisterisgoingonhereandI’mreallynotsurewhat’sgoingonrightnowbutisitjustmeordoestheairtastefunnyrightnowandwhydoesyourvoicelooksoweird?” As she rambled, she disappeared from sight, reappearing behind the front counter before disappearing to a chair in the corner, then from the ceiling light, and finally back in front of Spearhead where she began to laugh dementedly.

Silent Step called out from the kitchen of the shop, “Sir! It’s here!” He walked out carrying a bag in each hoof full of light blue salt cubes.

Looking to his partner and then back at Pinkie, he scowled.

Pinkie stopped vibrating and shrunk down. A slight squee escaped her as she smiled. “Uhhh… it’s medicinal?”

Spearhead stood regally with a hoof on a pile of blue salt cubes as he stared at the camera. “It was a tough investigation, and we did have some setbacks. But overall I think things worked out in the end. This is a lot of blue SALT that won’t be getting to any of the colts and fillies of this town anymore, and that is something to be proud of.”

A loud crash came from the kitchen, followed by a plume of flour as Swift Shield and Broad Sword came out of the kitchen both coughing and covered in the fine, white dust. Leaning back against the wall, Swift sighed… just before another shelf broke, dropping a metal tray filled to the brim with rock candy on his head.

Spearhead sighed. “Then again… some... different setbacks or certain ponies mysteriously winding up in the Everfree may have made things move a bit faster instead of slower.”

Broad walked towards the camera and stopped, stepping in something. Picking up a forehoof he looked at the blue smudge and tried to wipe it away with his nose. In an instant his eyes grew wide, his pupils grew large, and his coat stood on end. “Hey boss, I don’t feel so good….”

Spearhead sighed again. “Just… just cut, for the love of Celestia.”