All along the path back to Ponyville, it was impossible to wipe the smile off my face. I was out to strut. I was mostly full of magic (I had used a little magic to get Rainbow back in the mood) and I felt like I could take anything o—

"Hi there!" Pinkie Pie's voice cut through my musings like a white-hot lance through anything. She pronked toward me. "You know, I just had the strangest feeling. I just got done baking for the day, and my tail started to squirm and my left back leg started to twitch. Now, normally that's a sure sign that somethings up with Fluttershy, but then my nose wiggled and my belly rumbled—that normally means Rainbow Dash. But then they both happened at once, and the only time that happened was when Fluttershy's brother was having all that trouble. But then I got the oddest one ever. You see, my butt squirmed left and right, then bounced up and down—here, I'll show you."

I'd completely forgotten the intensity of Pinkie Pie. I don't know how I'd managed such a feat, but as I watched her turn around and start waving her butt at me, I started to wonder if she had an ulterior motive.

"See! It happened just like this! And the only time this ever happened was when Big Mac was in trouble." My blood ran cold as Pinkie turned back around. She tilted her head to the side. "So, what's up, Mac?"

This could be bad. Fluttershy could keep a secret until the end of the universe, mostly because she—he—didn't tend to talk much. Pinkie Pie would have a lot more trouble with that unless…

"Pinkie Pie, it's been a while since I was here, I know, but can you promise me not to tell anypony else?" Though I was looking at her face, I couldn't help but see her butt in my mind's eye, like when a flash of magic goes off and you have sparkly after-effects in your vision. Closing my eyes, I had to ask for the only thing that might have any hope of keeping Pinkie Pie from telling the whole world who I was. "Would you Pinkie Promise?"

She looked at me with all the shrewdness of a great negotiator. "You're not part of some evil plot to take over Equestria, are you?" How she flicked from apparent air-head to genius I had no idea, but she seemed to do it multiple times a second, usually—now she was all seriousness.

"Take over Equestria? No. Pinkie Pie, all I ever want to do is make ponies happy." It was utter truth and from my heart. "Cross my heart—" her eyes went wide as I spoke, "—and hope to fly. Stick a cupcake—in—my—eye."

"You are McIntosh Apple." Pinkie Pie was upon me before even my siren senses could catch her moving. Like a mountain colliding against me, I had no hope of withstanding her hug or kisses. "Your sisters will be so—" She froze. "But the promise…"

"They can't know, Pinkie."

"But—But—But…" Hanging her head, Pinkie let out a sigh. "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." There was no enthusiasm or motivation in her words. With her still staring at the ground, her mane looking markedly less frizzy, I stepped forward so that when she raised her head to see what I was doing, I kissed her.

Pinkie's lips tasted of frosting—but I'd expected that. She looked at me wide-eyed and with a little confusion until I pushed my tongue forward. Her lips parted slowly to let me in and her eyes turned from confused to excited. Pinkie Pie's mane frizzed up to normal, and she bounced up and down (ruining the end of the kiss). "Wowee! You're good at that!"

"I've had a little practice." I blinked what I knew were pretty eyelashes at her. "Would you like another sample?"

There was a few moments of her staring at me seemingly incomprehensible as to my question, then Pinkie giggled. She giggled a lot. "McIntosh, is there a reason they call you Big Mac?"

"My name's Sure Beat now, Pinkie, and you can be sure I aim to please." It was as smooth a line as I could come up with, and since it earned me another giggle I considered it well spent. "Do you notice anything different about me?"

"You mean apart from the wings, your legs, your mane, your tail, your face, your eyes, your coat, and your voice? Nope!" More giggles spilled from Pinkie's mouth and she tossed her mane to the opposite side. "You're a lot cuter this way, Sure Beat."

That was a compliment I could relish for what it was. I leaned forward and kissed her cheek this time. "Is there somewhere a certain party pony would like to go to share some personal time with an old friend?"

She froze in place, eyes widening. "Hold up. You made me promise not to tell anypony else, but we could have a special Welcome Back to Ponyville party with just the two of us, right?" Her smile turned into something I'd never seen on Pinkie's face before, a very naughty/hungry expression, and it was aimed at me.

Using my wiles? She was wily enough for both of us, I think. "Pinkie Pie, if you want to have a party with me, I'll not say no. Weren't you and Applejack a—"

"It didn't really work out. About six years ago we kinda-sorta stopped doing fillyfriend stuff and started just being friends with benefits. I was kinda into stallions, and so was she, and we both had a pretty poopy time not being with one—not that there weren't high points." She turned, aligning herself at my side and aiming her snout toward town. "Don't worry, Sure Beat, there's nopony going to pine for ol' Pinkie Pie finding a cute stallion."

"How did she take it?" I had to ask.

Pinkie bounced at my side, leading the way—but not to Sugarcube Corner. "Applejack? She was relieved, I think. We still do things together, but there's less pressure, and she can find a guy for a night if she wants without feeling guilty."

"Are you sure?" It still shocked me at how much changed in the years I'd been away.

"I don't need to Pinkie Promise about this, do I?"

I laughed and kissed her cheek again. "No. I'll take your word for it. You don't live at Sugarcube Corner anymore?"

"With the twins growing up, I couldn't really do it. They needed my bedroom, and I really needed my own bedroom—if you know what I mean." I knew what she meant, her eye waggles weren't strictly required, but they earned some giggles. "I've been sharing a house with Derpy. Ever since Dinky moved out and started school in Canterlot, she's had a spare room to rent."

Derpy was the most complicated simple pony in all Equestria. My memories of her, growing up, were of a pegasus mare that had lost her parents just as she became an adult and looked after her little sister. To look at her, you'd hardly imagine there could be a more silly pony, but looks were always deceiving. You just needed to see anypony's scrapbook of newspaper clippings to know that Derpy Hooves has a hero several times over.

The sound of a door opening caught me by surprise. I'd been wool-gathering the entire way through town and was surprised to see the front door of Derpy's (and apparently Pinkie's too) house open in front of me. Pinkie was standing in the doorway, looking back over her shoulder at me. "I asked if you wanted to come inside, Sure Beat. Were you so distracted by my tail you couldn't think straight?"

I grinned and walked a bit closer, invading her personal space and putting my breast almost against her rump. "Something like that." Stepping the last little bit, I pressed my coat firmly against her rump in the style of a stallion ready to mount a mare.

Rather than squeal and run inside, Pinkie held still for a moment, looking back at me with hunger in her eyes. I hadn't cornered prey—she knew exactly what she wanted. Just as I thought I'd have to mount her in public, Pinkie walked forward with her frizzy tail bouncing high.

Advancing into the home, I carefully closed the door behind me before looking around for Pinkie. All I noticed of her was her tail disappearing into what I assumed was the kitchen. Giving chase was the only acceptable thing to do under the circumstances. "Why are you in the kitchen?"

"Because I need to bake you a cake, silly. Can't have a Welcome Back to Ponyville party without a cake." She was whipping something up in a bowl held under one foreleg, using her other to flick a whisk quickly.

There was a vibe about Pinkie Pie, a promise that she was up to something I'd enjoy. I wanted her to enjoy it too, though. Marching right up to her, I reached out with my wing to grab her forehoof and lift the whisk to my lips. Licking along it, tasting sugar and cream, I let out a low grunt of approval. "Cake? I was more interested in Pie."

A shiver very visibly ran up from Pinkie's tail all the way to the back of her neck, then to her ears that twitched a few times and slowly folded backwards like a pair of sails without wind.

"Was that Pinkie Sense?" I asked.

"Mmhmm. That's the sign that I just got really turned on." She delivered her words with such normality that I had to review them to realize she was being literal. Food, it seemed, was Pinkie Pie's thing.

Carefully taking the bowl from her grasp, I claimed the whisk too and started going to town on the cream. "Perhaps I can help turn your oven on some more?" Being a siren, at least how Feather had taught me to be one, was far more about listening and watching than beguiling with magic. Pinkie's eyes were on the bowel as I worked the cream in it, and I could see her biting her lip—as if there was something she wanted to say but couldn't.

Lifting the whisk out of the bowl, I offered it to Pinkie to taste—she was the baker here, after all, and would know better than me if it was right. When she carefully extended her tongue to lick the whisk, I let her taste it, but also dobbed her nose with some cream.

Before her tongue could reach up to lick at the cream, I leaned forward and kissed her nose to get it for myself. Her eyes seemed to bore into me, absorbing everything I was doing. "Hungry?"

She nodded to me, then shook her head. "What did you just do?"

"Me? I like to think I was doing a good job of warming your oven."

"Keep whisking that. The cake's in the oven, but I need that cream whipped for a topping." It was like Pinkie had snapped out of a spell. She was suddenly all professional and in motion. Though the smell of cake from the actual oven was growing, there was another smell that my sharp senses had picked up. My words and actions had done what I wanted them to, she smelled on-point.

Pinkie cut up strawberries and got out yet one more topping—a thick apple jam. By the time I had the cream whipped and she had the other toppings prepared, the oven timer went off and she lifted the cake from the oven with a pair of mittens.

As Pinkie leaned down to get the cake from the oven—balancing on two legs—I brushed under her tail with my primary feathers. Pinkie jumped and the cake bounced into the air.

"Sure Beat!"

The cake, however, was descending without any sign that Pinkie realized it was going to hit the floor at a terminal velocity that would result in cake destruction. There was only one thing I could do.

My power thrummed through me as I sent my will out and caught the cake. It did more than catch the cake, however, my body unfurled and shattered the illusion that I was just a pony.

Pinkie was staring at me, mouth agape, before she raised a hoof and pointed. "W-W-What are you?!"

Floating her cake before her eyes, I set it down on the cooling rack she'd had ready for it. "Somefish who enjoys your cake too much to let it hit the ground from his own silly mistake."

Turning her head, Pinkie watched as I set the cake down on the cooling rack, then looked down to the floor, and finally up to me. I'd just managed to set the cake down and let go of it when she pounced at me and hugged me around the neck. There was a lot of things a siren could do with their strength, but standing up to a pony like Pinkie Pie was not one of them.

Tumbling backwards, I landed on my back with Pinkie atop me, still with her forelegs around my neck. "P-Pinkie!"

Uncomfortable as the position was for me, I was aware of the gusts of pure happiness that poured off Pinkie—it wasn't a meal to me, but it was more pleasant than most emotions. Curling my head, I nuzzled at her neck and mane.

The touch of her lips to the gem in my chest froze me completely, and when her tongue tracked over it I let out a low, whimpering moan. Few were the partners who'd paid attention to my gem. Trust Pinkie to find out it was sensitive.

"You saved my cake at the cost of your disguise." It was like she knew all my erogenous zones the moment she'd seen me. She licked my gem again and rubbed a spot between my foreleg and my torso that had me squirming like an eel. "Now this party pony needs to show her appreciation… while the cake cools enough to dress."

I realized what she was doing only when Pinkie slid her body down mine and her belly met mine. I wasn't that excited yet, though some rocking of her body was having a pretty big effect.

"This souffle hasn't quite risen yet. There's only one cure for that." Pinkie slid back further, but as she did her tail did something strange—it hooked under my still flaccid shaft and lifted it up just right for her to back onto.

My eyes flew open and I shivered as my length pushed with a squelch into the entrance of her cavern.

"A souffle only rises in an oven, silly." Pinkie Pie, it seemed, was well prepared to follow through on the food theme. "Now, normally a souffle only rises if left alone, but I find a little kneading is usually in order." And knead she did. The muscles just inside her vulva squeezed and teased at me, coaxing my shaft to grow into her—since it had nowhere else to go.

"Now, we have to be quick. A souffle grows quickly and is gone again just as fast. Besides, we have a cake to eat." To my delight, she started to rock herself atop me. Pinkie rocked her hips and kept up the intense massage on my fully hard shaft, while she studied my face with a big smile.

"Pie," I said. When she looked at me funny, I smiled a toothy grin up at her. "I'm going to eat Pie."

"Eat pie?" Sounding out of breath, Pinkie was rocking faster and faster.

More than happy to let her have her fun, I instead opted to coax her on. "Naturally. Once I've given it a creamy filling, I'll slurp and eat it all up. Out, too."

Pinkie Pie giggled through several of her thrusts. "But if you eat all my pie, what will be left for little ol' me?"

"Maybe I could make you a—a Hearth's Warming log cake?" It was the best thing I could think of under the circumstances, but from the look in Pinkie's eyes it was good enough. "I'm sure a—a mare like you could—could gobble that all—all…"

She'd done it. She'd defeated a siren by the simple act of being herself. I arched my spine and curved my body up against Pinkie and felt my essence swirl and gather inside. Eating from her was furthest from my mind as my beast was sated for now merely with feeding her my souffle.

"All of it. Give Pinkie your sweet, sweet cream. Yessss…" Pinkie was still in motion. I could see her eyes closing as her grin widened, and she clenched down on me tighter than ever. "All… Cream…"

I wrapped my forelegs around her back and pinned Pinkie to my body. The last thing I wanted right now was her getting excitable again. I froze, however, at the sound of the front door opening and closing, then hooves approaching the kitchen.

We both turned our heads in time to see a light violet unicorn with a golden mane looking at us with her mouth open. She looked in her twenties, and her eyes soon traveled down my body and back up—then down again. Her horn lit up with a cyan aura, and I felt the grip of something (and it didn't take much effort to figure out what) close carefully around my balls. "Aunt Pinkie, is this siren bothering you?"

"You're a siren? Oh! Those are the things Twilight told us she had to fight in that crazy other place. She said sirens were all nasty." Tilting her head to look up at the new arrival, Pinkie let out a giggle. "Dinky, he's a friend. A friendly friend. We were making a cake, then a souffle needed to rise, and then—"

My brain clicked as to who the mare was now. Dinky Doo, Derpy's little sister.

"There hasn't been any sirens seen in Equestria for quite some time. Princess Twilight will want to know about you. You're not even fully grown." Dinky let up her grip, not that she'd done more than make sure I knew what she could do. "There's more of you? What made you?"

Leaning forward and rising, Pinkie slid herself off me and stood up.

The sudden cool air on my shaft made me wince a little, but it was more than made up for by the satisfaction I'd felt from the sex. "I won't answer that."

"Now listen here, Dinky. Is that any way to talk to B—" freezing, Pinkie looked down at me and cleared her throat, "… to a friend?"

"But Pinkie Pie! Sirens twist pony minds. They drain them and leave weak husks behind, or drive them into a frenzy and cause them to go wild! You can't be friends with a siren, because they're monsters!" Dinky gestured at me with an emphatic hoof. "He's already making you think he's your friend!"

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"He is my friend, Dinky. Can't you see he's just being nice. I invited him in to have some snuggle time. You think I can't handle one snuggly-wuggily-fishy siren on my own?"

"Sorry to interrupt…" I said, trying to get a word in.

"That's just it. Siren's get into your head and make you want to do things. Things like this! You could no more have agreed to sex with him than you could leave him to my justice. He got to you—Where are you going?!" Dinky had seen me try to roll away and get up. Her horn lit to do something to me, but died again when Pinkie jumped in the way. "Out of the way before it escapes!"

"I just want to use the bathroom to clean up. I'm a bit of a mess." I looked over Pinkie's back, the only way I had any hope of seeing past all her frizzy mane. It actually looked extra frizzy, for some reason.

"Second door down the hall on your right. Don't take too long, we need to dress this cake so you can have some Pie," Pinkie said before turning back to Dinky. "And you leave him alone. He was being perfectly nice, even after you threatened him. That's not how you make friends."

Discretion might have been the better part of valor, but I wasn't stupid enough to jump out the window and run. I reestablished my pony shape quickly and headed for the hallway. Jilting Pinkie Pie would be just about the stupidest thing ever, and it would only justify in Dinky's mind that I was up to no good. Well, I wasn't up to no good as such, but I wasn't exactly of pure and innocent motives either. Climbing into the shower, I turned the water on and had to fight the urge to turn back into my siren-self.

The sound of shouting barely got over the volume of the shower, but it did nonetheless. Two voices started the argument, but by the time I was turning the taps off there was only one remaining. The same one who'd made so many bad cooking puns that I really wanted to eat her all up.

Author's Notes:

So I do this "Ask X" thing. X can be any pony within the story. You can ask them anything and they will definitely, hopefully reply. Keep the questions appropriate to the age-rating of the stories, and they will answer the best question in the author notes of the next chapter. The more votes a comment has the more likely I will get it to the right pony to answer. Try to keep it to one question per post! They will pick one question per chapter.

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