[Romance][Slice of Life][Suggestive Content]

This is a response to brokenimage321's blog "Random, probably bad fic idea: 'Celestia Gives Twilight "The Talk"'" (536 words, no tags, and yes, there were already nested quotes in there.)

BLOG SUMMARY: No, not that Talk. Not exactly. This is the version for immortals. Which can be mostly summed up as "Don't make any long-term commitments, including marriage and foals. But hey, here's how to get into my old seraglio."

"So..." Sgt. Stalwart kept a close and careful pace next to the distraught Princess of Friendship while they walked back to her guest quarters, where she would stay for the evening before heading back to Ponyville on the morning train. "How did it go?"

"She said," huffed Twilight, "that I shouldn't date any of the guards."

"Oh." Stalwart walked silently for a time while they turned two corners and down a long corridor. "That's awkward," he finally admitted. "I told you we should have invited her to the wedding."

"I wanted to keep it quiet," said Twilight, pausing to run a hoof down her barrel. "The newspapers are going to throw such a fit, and Cadence will pop a cork, and Luna—"

"Always wanted another little niece of her own to spoil," finished Stalwart. "You know, you're probably going to want to tell them before you go into labor."

"We've almost got a year," pointed out Twilight. "I still have lots of research to do on the subject, and... I'll get to it. Eventually."

"And your brother?" prompted Stalwart.

"I'll send him a letter."

Stifling a chuckle, Sgt. Stalwart Sentry pushed open the bedroom suite door for Princess Twilight Sparkle and waited for her to slip inside before adding, "Well, if Princess Celestia doesn't think you should fool around with any of the guards, that puts a stop to what we had planned for tonight, doesn't it?"

"Absolutely not, handsome hubby of mine." A purple aura of magic formed around the guard's left ear, and he let himself be led into the bedroom without a struggle. "We're only up to Chapter Seven in the Camel Sutra, and I want to get to the end before I'm too pregnant to use the stepladder."

"Your wish is my command, Your Highness."