Just when I thought the day couldn’t get any more awkward, the four us – me, Applejack, Aunt Orange, and Uncle Orange – went out to eat in Ponyville that evening. It was at a restaurant/cottage located on the edge of the town near the grassy hills but still a part of the town itself and the streets of houses and shops. We ate outside, on a rectangular table, and I was faced with the nerve-racking task of sitting down directly across Uncle Orange, who could watch my every move. Applejack sat down to my right and Aunt Orange settled in to my left.

Typically, when you eat outside, it’s supposed to be casual. Our waiter, a cream-colored Earth pony stallion, was anything but casual; his mane and tail were both slicked in a fancy fashion, he had a red bow tie and a white dress shirt on his neck, and a serious look that you only see in high class service ponies. He walked up to our table and tilted his head. My nervousness hadn’t gone down the smallest bit since our awkward introduction only a few minutes before, and I was desperate and determined to impress the Oranges. I figured I should act like them and try to show good table etiquette. One thing I always loved about Applejack was her laid back attitude towards that sort of thing, so naturally, being married to her, I started picking up the same habits.

“Can I get you all something to drink?” said the waiter in a formal tone.

“I will have a sparkling water, thank you,” said Uncle Orange with eloquence.

“Spiced warm apple cider, thank you very much,” said Aunt Orange.

“Ah’ll take a lemonade,” said Applejack, smiling and seemingly more relaxed.

“I’ll have a root beer, thank you,” I said, articulating it as well as I could.  

The waiter nodded his head and strutted back inside the restaurant-cottage, leaving the four of us by ourselves once again. Before the awkward silence could settle in again, Applejack spoke up with a friendly smile.

“So how’s life in Manehattan treatin’ ya’ll?” Aunt Orange actually smiled, which was a huge relief to me. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Uncle Orange staring sternly at me. Don’t make eye contact, don’t do anything stupid, and just listen and nod your head in interest when someone’s talking.

“Oh, it’s simply marvelous my dear, but it’s been so much more… showy since the new mayor took charge,” she said.

“New mayor?” said Applejack, squinting her eyes with curiosity. Before Aunt Orange could answer, our waiter returned and placed our drinks in front of us. My root beer came in a glass bottle, but since drinking the root beer out of the bottle was considered “uncouth” he placed a glass in front of me for pouring the root beer into. When all of our drinks were in front of us, our waiter once again casually tilted his head.

“Are you ready to order?” he said.

“I will have the house salad, thank you,” said Aunt Orange, smiling at her husband, who turned his head from me to the waitor.

“I will have the same, thank you very much,” he said.

“Ah’ reckon ah’ll have a daisy and daffodil sandwhich, some hay fries, and an apple turnover,” said Applejack. I couldn’t help but relax a little at her blatant informality, but that still didn’t let me off the hook.

“I will just have a small salad with cherry tomatoes, thank you,” I said. The waiter nodded his head and trotted back toward the cottage, leaving us alone once again. When I’m that nervous, there’s no point in getting a lot of food, especially in front of them. Applejack looked over and smiled at me, which managed to make me feel a little bit better. Then her pretty green eyes seemed to catch something behind me.

“Uh oh,” she said. I turned around, and little Apple Bloom was galloping down the street right towards our table with a big, friendly grin, oblivious to all of the awkwardness that was taking place. She ran right up to our table bright eyed and bushy tailed.

“Howdy Aunt and Uncle, nice to see you guys! Don’t mind if ah’ join ya’ll do ya?” she said, taking a seat between Applejack and Uncle Orange. Applejack started laughing nervously, as Aunt Orange chimed in.

“Apple Bloom, so lovely to see you, dear! You are just the cutest thing,” she said, and Uncle Orange smiled and nodded his head. Well, at least she got him to smile.

“Hey waiter, ah’ll have the same thing as mah’ big sis!” she called out to the server.

“Apple Bloom, there’s no way you can eat as much as what ah’ ordered. You’ll be as stuffed as a prize pig before it’s all gone,” said Applejack.

“Ah’ am not a baby! Ah’ can eat as much as you, you jus’ wait an’ see,” said the little one, which Applejack found quite irritating. Oh great, so much for her being a good thing. I poured my root beer into the glass, with the eyes of Uncle Orange watching my every move. The two of us were yet to say a word since we sat down.

“So, Applejack, tell us about your wedding. How was the turnout?” said Aunt Orange with a smile. At least she was trying to be friendly, even if she was uncomfortable. Our wedding? Anytime I recollected the wedding, I drifted off into dreamland. What a magical moment that was, and I unintentionally started staring at Applejack, picturing her in her wedding dress, reeking of feminine beauty with her mane done in curls and a crown of white roses around her head. Applejack blushed delightedly.  

“Aw shoot, our wedding was nothin’ short of wonderful! Ain’t that right, honey?” she said, turning her head towards me with confidence. That means you.

“Oh! Sorry! Yes, our wedding was amazing! It was in a very special place, too,” I said, smiling and laughing nervously. “Uh, the turnout? Actually, we, uh –“

“Actually, he and mah’ big sis got hitched in secret, so there wasn’t any kind of turnout or nothin’,” said Apple Bloom, after which I buried my face in my hands. I just wanted it to end already and go spend some time alone with Applejack.

“Apple Bloom!” whispered Applejack in frustration.

“A secret wedding? Well, I wonder why you chose that path,” said Uncle Orange sarcastically, his first words of the evening. Aunt Orange was not amused by his comment, and she gave him a look of mild irritation, just as our waiter returned and began setting our plates in front of us. He set down my bowl of salad first, but I wouldn’t dare touch it until everyone else had their food.

“Boy howdy, ah’ sure am hungry. Don’t mind me,” chuckled Applejack, glancing at the Oranges and hesitating for a second before gently eating the food off her plate. Apple Bloom was much less gentle, and devoured the food on her plate. I picked up my fork and held it delicately by my thumb, my index finger, and my middle finger. I nervously stuck it through a piece of lettuce, slowly brought it up to my mouth, and took a bite, making sure my mouth was closed when I chewed.

“Applejack, dear, I’m so sorry if I sound like a bit of a control freak, but you wouldn’t mind if I gave you my opinion on names, would you?” said Aunt Orange, with an eager smile. Huh?

“Begging your pardon, Madame, but what exactly do you mean?” I said, taking a bite of lettuce and tomato.

“Why, possible names for the children, of course!” she said.

My eyes flew open in shock and I dropped my fork and grabbed my neck with both hands as I started choking on the lettuce and tomato. I bent over the side of the table and began coughing violently while beating my chest, finally managing to clear my windpipe and spit out my food. I sat up straight and found to my horror that everyone was looking at me in silence yet again. To say that her comment caught me off guard would be a bit of understatement.

“You alright, honey?” said Applejack with concern. Blushing deeply, I nodded my head and groaned sheepishly at the rest of the table. Children?? With Applejack??? Being cuddled by her was like the best thing in the world, but… children???

“I say darling, that is hardly something to be discussing at dinner,” said Uncle Orange, and Applejack’s friendly smile disappeared as Aunt Orange shot him a nasty look.

“Now jus’ what the hay do you mean by that, Uncle?” she said. He looked at her innocently and frightened as though he meant no harm. I could hear my heart rate increasing; this was not headed in a good direction, and I knew it. I thought maybe it was a foregone conclusion that this dinner would be a disaster, but I wasn’t ready to give up yet. I was willing to bear some more awkward moments if it meant the best for Applejack. The last thing I wanted was for me to be the reason she didn’t get along with her family, since all I wanted was for her to be happy.

“Hey, it’s ok honey, really,” I said.

“Sweetheart, that wasn’t directed at you,” he said to her. Oh no. Her eyes lit up with country mare rage, and she stood up from her spot on the table.  

“You think ah’m not offended by somethin' directed at him? Really? C’mon, sugarcube, we’re outa here,” she said, standing up and trotting off in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres. Aunt Orange looked very angry with her husband, who had a look of disbelief. I buried my face in my hands and apologized, then took off after Applejack.