*Trigger Warning*
Suicide

August 18

Dear Gilda,

First off, I thought the reason we were pen pals was so we could share our lives with some one somewhat removed from it. You don’t need to “spare me the awkward details” or anything. I’ll read what ever you write. Send me all the details. Secondly my group is called ------------------ if you must know.*

As for our friend. I can’t tell whether or not I’m surprised. Rainbow Dash is an adult and can make her own choices I just hope she is ready for the consequences. I hope she doesn't get pregnant. At least right now she doesn't have it in her to be a good parent.

My period has been regular for the past few years. I don’t understand why it still hasn’t come. I’m healthy. I should have gotten it by now. Also I’m sorry your period has to suck. I know you are probably used to it by now but I just think you don’t deserve it. With all the other crap you have to go through. At least YOU don’t have to worry about an accidental pregnancy!

How is the weather over there? The summer heat had been killing me. I can’t stay outside too long. I wish I had more money. I want the AC on all the time but we can’t afford that. I decided to start sleeping in the basement. It is all dark and spooky down there but occasionally being frightened by the shadows is better than not sleeping at all.

Has Rainbow Dash been keeping you informed about what’s happening? Sunset is still missing and Applejack had been really moody. I think she is being moody. We have a friendship meeting planned. I hope we accomplish something. Maybe not. Maybe it will just be a social hang out party. I hope I sit next to Applejack.

I ran into her today. I was at the food bank with my brother. Is there a food bank where you live? Do you got to it? My brother asked if we had ever seen a baby being born. A human one. She said yes she seen six one was her little sister. Her mother died giving birth but my brother didn’t know that. Applejack doesn't like to talk about it. How about you? Have your seen a human baby being born? Me, I’ve just seen animals being born. I watched a fish lay eggs once.

I might be getting a new rabbit. Zephyr suggested it. Baby bunnies always make me happy.

Write back when you can. I have getting letters from you. Also encourage Rainbow Dash to correspond. I would love to hear more from her.

Fluttershy

“Rarity!”

Rarity opened her eyes. Her girlfriend was holding a plate and smiling at her.

“Good morning are you hungry? I made french toast!” Octavia said.

Rarity blushed. “You didn’t have to do that. Your my guest.”

“After last night I wanted to do something special for you.”

“Last night?” Rarity blush deepened.

“You wouldn’t stop whining! So I thought I would pamper you.” Octavia set the plate down.

“Was I really that bad?” Rarity asked.

Octavia laughed. “Yeah well I’m used to it. Lyra can be pretty insufferable when she is menstruating.”

Rarity sighed. She was still embarrassed. She didn’t want to be childish but she really hated her menstrual symptoms. She took a bite of her french toast. “ This is amazing! What’s your recipe?”

“Oh it’s just something that my mother taught me when I was younger.” Octavia said veigly. She had a nostalgic look on her face.

Rarity smiled and ate.

“What time is it?” Rarity asked when she was half was through her meal.

“It’s almost ten thirty.”

“What!” Rarity shrieked. “You shouldn’t have let me sleep in this late. Where is Sweetie Belle!? She must be furious with me!” Rarity moved to get up but Octavia stopped her.

“Calm down Rarity. Sweetie Belle is fine. I fed her and she is cleaning her room like you wanted. I let you sleep because I thought you needed it. After yesterday you deserved a good night rest.” Octavia said calmly.

Rarity relaxed. “Thank you Octavia. I owe you one.”

“Yeah well you can make it up to me later.” Octavia had a mischievous smile on her face.

After a moment of confusion Rarity went her back to eating.

Rarity inspected Sweetie Belle’s room. It had the look of a room that had been hastily cleaned. Everything was in the right aria but not very well organized. Sweetie Belle had vacuumed and dusted. It was a huge improvement even if it wasn’t perfect.

“Well done Sweetie Belle.”

“Thanks. I’ll try not to procrastinate so much next time.” Sweetie Belle said.

“Next time.” Rarity mused. “Nest time will probably be in November. I know that mother won’t make you do it while I’m gone. I’ll have to make you when I get home.”

“I’ll try.” Sweetie Belle said optimistically.

“That would be nice.”

There was a polite knock on the door. “Sweetie Belle one of your guests is here.” Octavia called thought the door.

Sweetie Belle Burst through the door knocking Octavia off balance.

“Sweetie Belle!” Rarity shouted furiously.

“Sorry Octavia are you okay?”

“I’m fine thank you. Just try to be more considerate next time.” Octavia said in a slightly exasperated tone.

Sweetie Belle nodded and the ran over to where Apple Bloom was waiting. The two started chattering way.

“Hey what do you girls want for lunch?” Rarity asked before they disappeared into Sweetie Belle’s room.

“Sandwiches.” Sweetie Belle said. She pulled Apple Bloom into her room before she could say anything.

Rarity sighed. She went into the kitchen and started pulling out supplies. Octavia followed after her.

“So… Got anything planned this morning?” Octavia asked casually.

“No I have some free time which is nice.” Rarity said.

“And what time is the friendship meeting?”

“Noon.”

“Great.” Octavia helped Rarity make three sandwiches.

Octavia was wrapping the sandwiches in wax paper when there was a knock on the door. Rarity went to answer it.

“Good morning Scootaloo. How is it going?” Rarity asked.

“I’m fine.” Scootaloo’s smile didn’t reach her eyes.

Rarity studied Scootaloo. She seemed a little stressed. “Are you alright darling? You seem a little sad.”

“I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep well.” Scootaloo said without looking at Rarity.

“Alright.” Rarity said. She watched as Scootaloo walked over to Sweetie Belle’s bedroom door slowly and knocked softly. Scootaloo didn’t seem too excited. The door opened immediately and Scootaloo was quickly ushered inside.

“So now what?” Rarity asked Octavia.

“How are you feeling today?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you still having bad cramps and such?” Octavia asked.

“Yes but it isn’t bad today. My period is almost over.” Rarity said. “Why do you want to know?”

“Well I was sort of wondering if I could call in hat favor.” Octavia said giving Rarity a shifty look.

“What do you mean?” Rarity looked confused.

“If you aren’t interested that’s fine I was just thinking it would be fun.”

“What?”

Octavia sighed. “I just… I had so much fun with you last night. Being intimate. I enjoyed pleasuring you and I was hoping… you would be interested in trying to pleasure me.” Octavia said a little shyly.

“Okay.” Rarity smiled. She walked over to Octavia and kissed deeply. She pulled back and leaned forward. “Let’s fuck.” she whispered into Octavia’s ear.

Rarity took Octavia’s hand and led her to her room. Rarity put her ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on her door. Rarity sat down on her bed and turned to face Octavia.

“So do you have any ideas about what you like?” Rarity asked.

“Well I… don’t really know.” Octavia said nervously.

“Describe your masturbation ruteen or how you explore yourself.”

Octavia blushed deeply. “Well i like to lay on my back with my legs pretty close together and gently rub one finger around my vulva. It is a bit of a slow build but eventually I get really aroused and then I slip the tip on one finger in and I use a finger on my other hand to touch my clitoris and…. Well. I really like slow and gentle. I’m very sensitive.”

“What about orgasming?”

“I generally don’t. I usually stop when I hit the plateau. I am usually not that invested. I just stop when I feel done.” Octavia said awkwardly.

“Okay.” Rarity said. “Are you sure you want to do this? Are you sure you are ready?”

“Yes.” Octavia said confidently.

Rarity pulled back the blanket on her queen sized bed and Octavia sunk unto the memory foam as she lay down. Rarity lay down next to her and started kissing Octavia’s neck. Octavia began to breathe faster. The two of them sat up and Rarity removes their shirts.

Rarity traced Octavia’s bra strap over her shoulder and down around her breast. “Can I take this off?” Rarity asked.

“Yes.”

Rarity carefully removed Octavia’s bra and then began tracing swirls on Octavia’s breasts. Octavia leaned forward and kissed Rarity. After a moment Octavia started leaning back and she pulled Rarity with her.

Rarity smiled at Octavia and then scooted down. Rarity ran he fingers up Octavia’s thighs.

Octavia made a face. “I don’t like that.”

“Okay.” Rarity leaned forward and kissed Octavia’s belly.

Rarity started undoing the belt holding up Octavia’s shorts. Octavia lifted her hips to help Rarity remove her shorts and underwear. Rarity tossed the cloths off the edge of her bed. Rarity carefully parted Octavia’s legs.

Octavia was taking deep breaths. She was enjoying the moment and the excitement.

Rarity looked at Octavia’s vulva. Her pubic hair was unaltered and her skin was pinker than normal. Her body looked ready. Rarity glanced up at Octavia and then she reached out.

Rarity ran her fingers along Octavia’s labia majora. Octavia quivered. Rarity made the same motion several times on both sides.

“How does this feel?” Rarity asked.

“Amazing!”

Rarity felt amazing too. She was starting to get wet.

There was a loud banging on the door. Rarity ignored it. Rarity reached out to touch Octavia’s labia minora when the banging continued.

Rarity stopped and glared at the door.

“Rarity!” she hear Sweetie Belle’s angry voice. More banging. “Rarity!”

“Excuse me for a moment darling. Rarity carefully slid off the bed and covered Octavia with her blanket. Octavia looked annoyed.

Rarity opened the door up just a crack.

“What the hell do you want!” Rarity shouted angrily.

Sweetie Belle shoved the door open and started complaining. “It’s not fair!” Sweetie Belle began sobbing. Apple Bloom was standing behind her looking just as upset. Rarity looked up and saw Scootaloo heading for the door.

“Hold on Scootaloo!” Rarity called out.

“Why do you want to talk to her?” Sweetie Belle demanded.

“Yeah.” said Apple Bloom.

“Hold on.” Rarity Glanced from Octavia to her sister and her friends. Rarity gave a loud groan. She shoved her sister out of her room and turned to Octavia. “Sorry about this. I need to address this. Shall we continue later?”

Octavia sighed. “Je vais se branler”* Octavia said. She pulled the covers completely over herself.

Rarity blushed a little bit then sighed and left her room and carefully shut the door. She turned to face the girls. Scootaloo was by the front door looking like she wanted to leave. Apple Bloom Sweetie Belle were standing together and glaring.

“What happened!?” Rarity demanded. There was a long silence. Scootaloo looked at her feet.

Finally Sweetie Belle spoke. “Scootaloo got her period.”

Rarity face-palmed and groaned loudly. “Seriously!”

Both Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom erupted in excuses and reasons why it was a problem.

“Shut up!” Rarity snapped.

The girls quieted immediately. They were stunned. Rarity didn’t usually shout like that. She was pissed.

“I am not going to dignify this.” Rarity marched over to the living room and grabbed her purse. Rarity reached into her wallet and pulled out some cash. “Here Scootaloo. Got get something nice to eat and call Rainbow Dash. Apple Bloom here is some money for a taxi. I want you to go home now. Sweetie Belle I want to talk to you in your room now.” after a moment the girls did what they were told.

Applejack was mucking her horse’s stall when she got a call from Rarity.

“Hello?”

“Hello Applejack how are you.” Rarity sounded exasperated.

“I’m fine what’s going on?” Applejack wondered what kind of trouble the girls had gotten into now.

“Scootaloo got her period.”

“That’s it?” Applejack said.

“Yes well it turns out Sweetie and Apple Bloom are rather jealous. And they had a fight.”

“Seriously this caused a big fight?”

“Well Sweetie Belle said that her and Apple Bloom didn’t like Scootaloo’s attitude whatever the hell that means. I separated them and I have been talking to Sweetie belle I have her mostly calmed down. I think this was all heat of the moment crap and they will work it out. Apple Bloom is still probably fuming. I gave her some money and had her call a taxi. She should be arriving at your place shortly.”

Applejack groaned. “And Scootaloo?”

“I sent her with money to go get lunch somewhere and told her to call Rainbow Dash.”

“I meant emotionally. How is she?”

“I don’t know. She was sort of distant when she walked in. not her usual happy self. Sweetie Belle said she was being all moody and defense but I don’t know. She looked a little stressed when she walked in the door. Maybe she knew they weren’t going to take it well.” Rarity sighed again. “Any way I just wanted to bring you up to speed so you are prepared when Apple Bloom shows up.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Applejack stared at her phone. Of all the things to cause them to fight this had to be the dumbest. Applejack thought back to when Pinkie Pie announced she got her period. She had been the first in their class. She got teased by some boys and got shunned by some girls but nothing really changed. By the end of the year she wasn’t the only one. Rarity had gotten her almost a year later. She had been so excited and had not shut up about it. Applejack had been the last witch was made worse by the fact that she was the oldest. She had also been teased by some boys and shunned by some girls. Middle School…

“Applejack!” Apple Bloom Shouted. She was running over.

Applejack walked over to the house and met her little sister.

“What’s up?”

“You’ll never guess what happened.”

Here we go… Applejack turned away and opened to the door to the house. Apple Bloom began talking her ear off but Applejack wasn’t paying much attention.

“Are you listening to me!?” Apple Bloom demanded.

“Yeah I hear you.” Applejack said whirily. “Hey Granny.” Applejack smiled at Granny Smith.

“Hello girls. How are you too?” Granny Smith asked.

“We’re fine.” Apple Bloom said quickly.

“Yeah Apple Bloom was just telling me about her friend. Scootaloo got her period.” Applejack smiled.

“Oh tell me more!” Granny Smith said interested.

A look of shock and betrayal flashed across as Applejack couldn’t hide her smile.

Applejack slipped away as soon as Granny Smith gave Apple Bloom her full attention. Applejack grabbed her bag and her keys and ran for Moon Dancer’s car.

Rarity and Octavia walked into Sugar Cube corner a little after noon. Pinkie Pie waved at them from behind the counter. They walked over and sat across from Fluttershy. Fluttershy looked tired. She was dressed in a lightweight and revealing tank top and a breezy skirt. She looked like she wanted to impress someone, Applejack. Pinkie Pie Clocked out and walked over.

“Hello! Where is Applejack?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“I don’t know.” Fluttershy said.

Rarity pulled out her phone and texted her.

“Let’s start I mean we only have so much time.” Pinkie Pie said.

“Yeah.” Rarity agreed.

“Check ins!” Pinkie Pie sang.

“I’ll go.” Fluttershy volunteered. “I am doing well. Helping Zephyr apply to college and for scholarships. He has big dreams but he has a hard time sticking to one course of action. He is working with his Occupational Therapist to build his motivational stamina. I’ve also been encouraging him. That’s what I’ve been up too. Next!”

“I’m fine.” Octavia said. “I got up early and made breakfast and then hung out with Sweetie Belle while Rarity slept. You can deny it all you want but you needed it. And the two of us were spending quality time together when we were interrupted by Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo. They had a fight over nothing. I spent the rest of the morning by myself while Rarity sorted them out.” everyone turned to Rarity.

“Scootaloo got her period and everyone over reacted.” Rarity said in a bored tone.

Pinkie Pie laughed. Don’t too judgmental. You certainly had some melodramatic whinny speeches when I got mine.”

“How old were you?” Octavia asked.

“I was eleven. It was the summer between fifth and sixth grade and I was the youngest in our year.”

“Oh.” Octavia said.

“I was on the older end.” Fluttershy said. “I got mine in eighth grade.”

There was silence. “My turn?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“Sure.” Rarity said.

“I am doing great!” Pinkie Pie said with her usual energy. “I was doing some online shopping last night and I found a super deal on stencils and embossers. Get ready for some home made cards!”

“Is this going to make noise?” Rarity asked with dread.

“It makes a little noise.”

“How much are we talking.”

“It makes the same amount of noise as an old fashioned noodle makers.”

“What?”

“You mount it to a table with bolts and you feed dough into it and crank it and noodle come out?” Pinkie Pie mimed working one. Everyone stared at her in confusion. “They’re really fun!” she said.

“I know what your talking about.” Octavia said.

“Really?” Fluttershy asked.

“Yes my grandmother had one. My sister thought it was the coolest thing in the world and we would always make noodles when we went to her house.”

“Is it loud?” Rarity asked.

“No.”

“Good.”

“Where is Applejack?” Fluttershy asked.

Rarity checked her phone. Applejack had not responded.

“Where the hell is she?” Rarity dialed her number. The phone rang and rang and she ended up getting Applejack’s voice mail.

“Hello Applejack. This is Rarity and I’m at lunch with Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Octavia and we are wondering where you are. We are a little worried. You aren’t normally this late. Please get back to us. Thank you.” Rarity left the message.

“So anything else we want to talk about?” Pinkie Pie asked.

Rarity’s phone buzzed. She pulled it out. Applejack had texted her.

“I’m with Scootaloo. I’m turning off my phone.”

“Have any of you gotten any news from Rainbow Dash?” Fluttershy asked.

“She responds to my emails. Although her responses are short and she only answers my questions she doesn't initiate anything.” Rarity said.

“Rainbow Dash told me she is crazy busy but school hasn’t started yet.” Pinkie Pie said.

“Do you have any news?” Rarity asked.

Fluttershy squirmed for a bit and then said “yes.” she looked guilty. “I am pen pals with Gilda. We have been corresponding since they left. I… she told me that Rainbow Dash has sort of become a slut and is sleeping around and I am a little worried about her.” Fluttershy looked at her hands.

There was a moment of silence.

“Well as long as she is being safe about it…” Rarity said.

“She can make her own choices.” Pinkie said.

Applejack found Scootaloo sitting outside a coffee shot staring at a biscuit.

“Hey Scoot.”

“Hi Applejack.”

“How are you doing?”

“I’ve been better.”

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“Why I’m sure you already know everything.” Scootaloo’s tone was defensive.

“Rarity called me and explained things from her point of view. Apple Bloom came home and tried to talk my ear off. I managed to shake her off on Granny Smith and now I’m here and I want to hear your story.” Applejack said calmly.

“I told them that I got my period and they got mad at me.”

“Something tells me that is’t the whole story.”

Scootaloo stared at her plate for several minutes. Scootaloo sniffed. She blinked back tears. “You wouldn’t understand.

“Try me.” Applejack said. She looked at Scootaloo with all the compassion she had in her heart.

Applejack’s phone rang. Applejack glanced at it. It was Rarity. She didn’t bother listening to the message. She texted back and then turned off her phone. “I’m all yours.”

Scootaloo sniffed. “I just don’t understand why I feel this way. I don’t want this. I just want to be normal. Is that too much to ask?” Scootaloo’s voice was shaking.

Applejack waited.

“I feel like what I want and how I feel are… well they aren’t the same. I’m not normal I don’t like this. I don’t want to be like this.”

“What do you mean?”

“I… what I feel and what I want should be the same. But they aren’t and I just want them to be. I am scared. I want to be normal. Why can’t I just be normal.” Scootaloo started crying.

Applejack reached across the table and took Scootaloo’s hands. She waited for Scootaloo to calm down.

“How are you not normal.”

Scootaloo stared into Applejack’s eyes. A million thoughts seemed to flash by. Applejack hoped she looked trustworthy.

“I’m not a girl.” Scootaloo finally said. She looked right into Applejack’s eyes. “I’m not a female.”

There was a silence. Scootaloo looked looked curious. “I said. I finally said it. That’s the first time I said it out loud. I always thought Rainbow would be the person I came out too.”

“So what do you Identify as?” Applejack asked.

This broke Scootaloo out of her trance. She went back to looking depressed. “I don’t know.” she sounded anguished. “I’m so confused.”

“Yeah. I was pretty confused at your age.” Applejack said softly.

“Really you’ve always seemed so put together.”

“It may seem like that on the outside but I promise you that there is more going on in my head.”

There was silence.

“Tell me more.” Applejack said.

“About what?”

“About yourself and what your going through.”

“Are you sure you want to hear an adolescent whine and be antsy? Don’t you get enough of that at home?” Scootaloo said with a weak smile.

Applejack chuckled. “I don’t mind.”

“Well… I have moment of feeling feminine and enjoying dresses and makeup and I have moment of… well…” Scootaloo blushed deeply. She whispered something.

Applejack scooted her chair around. “Say that again.”

Scootaloo leaned over and whispered into Applejack’s ear. “There are times when I wish I had a penis.”

Applejack nodded. “I don’t understand because I’m not trans but I have friends who are and some of them have similar stories. Body dysmorphia is part of being transgender and that’s fine. My first concern is safety. I can teach you how to bind but you can’t leave it on for too long.”

“I wasn’t going to go there yet.” Scootaloo said.

“Of course! When you are ready. If you want to.”

There was another silence.

“My other concern is you having a role model. I want you to have someone you can go to to ask questions and bond with.” Applejack said. “Especially with Rainbow Dash away at college.”

“You don’t want to be there for me?”

“No… I…” Applejack stumbled over her words. “I meant someone who is transgender. Someone who is like you and had first hand experience going through coming out and transitioning.”

“Oh. I see.”

“I’m in a group for young adult LGBTPIA. we set up mentoring and peer support. It’s like big brother big sister for LGBTPIA people. I could tell people you are looking for someone and you can start meeting people and try to find someone you connect with.” Applejack said.

“Have you ever mentored someone?”

Applejack smiled sadly. “Do you remember back in December when you me Apple Boom, Rarity, Sweetie Belle and Rainbow dash were going to go bowling together but then I had to leave and then I skipped school for the rest of the week?”

“Yeah.”

“Well that was me trying to taking care of the person I was mentoring. I’d only been seeing her for two months and was still getting to know her. She decided to kill herself I showed up to try to talk her down and then rush her to the hospital and then I stayed with her.”

“What happened?”

Applejack looked away. “She died.”

Scootaloo looked shocked and then sad.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you.” Applejack sighed. “It’s one of the reasons I want you to get help. I don’t want you to leave us like she did.”

“I’m just scared. What if other people don’t accept me. I can hardly accept me. Why should anyone else?”

“I can’t control other people.” Applejack took a moment to collect her thoughts. “Something I learned after her death was just how many people cared about her. Even if they didn’t show it or care a whole lot they still thought about her. She never knew what she meant to people. Your friends care about. I know that they’re mad but they will get over this. I know right now that it is hard to accept yourself and I know that is is hard to face rejection but I think it will be worth it. When you are ready. Give your friends the chance to support you. And if they don’t then cut them out of your life.”

Author's Notes:

I hope you like this chapter. this is largely set up for later. I’ve been looking forward to writing and publishing it for a while.

I anyone have questions about mental health I know a lot. I have been working in Suicide prevention for seven years.

1 I am not going to name her group for reasons. it doesn't matter.

2 I don't speak french. I used google. if anyone has a better idea I will gladly take suggestions.

As always leave your thoughts and comments!