Future and past are very different from each other, but one cannot exist without the other, that much is absolute truth. From the past, the future is made. Then, the future becomes the present and then the past, and it becomes the thing that makes the new, and the cycle repeats indefinitely, continuously throughout the eternal flow of time.

There are different scales of past and future. It can be small or large, good or bad, even though many things relating to either can be very subjective.

For example, something that touches both is relationships. They can be very different for many people. For some, they are easy and straightforward, no bumps along the way, nothing that would make things harder than they should be. For other people, relationships are filled with various challenges to overcome. If they can overcome the said challenges, of course. Some people find it particularly hard to find a relationship and keep it.

Deep in the evening, Sirius was sharing a bed with Iclyn, his loved one. His eyes were closed, his breath was calm, and yet his body was slightly tense as different thoughts bounced around his head. Traveling down the memory lane, he came back to the very beginning, his very first love. Awkward, shy, he didn't know how to approach it correctly or how to even think of it in the first place. His damaged heart yearned for love and care, and unfortunately, the only person close to him couldn't provide enough — the mother's heart was broken after her husband was gone. Two broken hearts cannot heal each other. They never did, Sirius remembered. They just didn't.

His first love was exciting and terrifying at the same time. The new feelings he felt were interesting but he had no idea what to do with them, how to express them, how to accept them. In the end, he chose to suppress them for the most part. Why would he try to show them if no one around them seemingly did? He didn't want anyone to find out more about him. They could've gone too deep and discovered his first dark secret, the one he shared only many years later.

Sirius rolled on his other side, making himself comfortable again. With a sigh, his head sunk into a pillow as he tried to relax once again. And yet, the thoughts didn't leave him. His mind shifted to something more recent, something that changed him even more.

Iclyn. She was everything to him. She was his angel, his savior. She was the good, all of it. Her wings could cocoon him, her embrace was the warmest and the most comfortable, her smile was the most comforting, encouraging, empowering, her eyes shining with life and energy, her bright smile bringing peace, serenity, and joy to Sirius. She was a missing piece the former human was looking for ever since he first started breaking. His soul falling apart, his mind twisting into insanity, anger, hatred, and he needed to be restored to life. The missing piece was the main support, something without which nothing could function like it should.

He remembered what happened in the showers. He remembered her warmth, the pleasure, and her lovely, angelic voice whispering, sometimes yelling his name as he made love to her under the artificial rain of water. He felt free, he felt complete, he felt good. It was not the act of sex, not the physical part, but the emotions. Alleviating the stress, it gave joy, brought confidence, and diminished the negativity. It was a feeling unlike anything else, and it freed him from his chains. He was free to express what he truly felt on the inside for the first time in his life. True, he had already tried doing it before but he was uncertain when his first time came. Now, however, he let himself experience the full scale of love.

Sirius outstretched his forelegs and snuggled Iclyn, burying his head into her chest, inhaling her natural scent of light vanilla. He smiled as he hugged her close, knowing that she was his and he was hers. After many things the two went through, even Sirius had to admit that the love was indeed genuine. He could see it now, and he regretted ever thinking that it could be fake.

The past was the past, however. He managed to endure it even though he had to pass many, many challenges that were like nightmares, but those were real, tangible. There were still some left, but Sirius was sure he would make it, he was sure he would live a better life with Iclyn by his side.

This thought brought him to a question he already asked himself. What would he do next? He couldn't just live from a tournament to another tournament. Besides, what if he lost? He had a place to live, true. He didn't have to pay taxes, true. But what about everything else? He couldn't just sit in his mansion for the rest of his life. And even if he could, what about Iclyn?

"Mhh..." she muttered, shifting on the bed. She opened her eyes and saw Sirius. "Asleep yet?"

"No." he replied quietly, his head still pressed against her chest.

"What..." she yawned. "Are you thinking about?"

"...Things. Future." Sirius replied after a small pause. "You... you said you'll be an, uh, psyc... psykchri... ugh..."

"Psychiatrist." Iclyn helped him, a smile appearing on her face. "Yes. One for foals. I see that your issues could be fixed much earlier if you had support when you were a, um, a kid. So... I should help others so that they all have a good future."

"B-but even if I had help... I..." he gulped. "I wouldn't stay there. My world is just... awful. Living there isn't worth it. You've not yet seen the things I saw." he looked away.

"Sirius..." the pegasus sat up. "You can tell me."

"I know I can." Sirius nodded. "But... I don't want to, um... damage you. Those things are just... very t-traumatizing." he let out a shaky exhale, trying to stay calm. "It will keep you up at nights... Just like me."

"Not when you're here to protect me." Iclyn nuzzled him. "You are strong. And even if you can't do everything, there is help."

"I... I..." he inhaled slowly, keeping calm was more and more difficult for him. His ears flat against his skull, his lips twitching slightly, his eyes shrunk. "But..."

"Please, Sirius." Iclyn looked into his eyes. "I see you want to let it out. You're not alone, you can do it."

"...The past is the past." he sighed. "It cannot hurt me." he looked into her eyes, locking his gaze with hers. "One time... Something horrible happened. I was, was forced to watch... something that is only history in Equestria. A terrible part of history, now long gone." he closed his eyes, remembering. In a moment, he opened them, reestablishing his connection with Iclyn. "Are you ready?"

"I am." Iclyn nodded, her hoof on his.

"Alright." Sirius nodded. "I was... forced to watch how a, un... how a girl was tortured." he paused, a lone tear rolling down his cheek. "And raped... to death." he sighed again, recollecting his thoughts, another tear appearing, leaving a wet trail on his face.

He remembered it all. He was strapped to a chair, gagged. Even if he could close his eyes, he would still hear the screams. The gray walls were indifferent to the suffering inside them. He remembered how he tried to break free, to stop it all, but he couldn't. His binds were too strong, and his skinny form couldn't break them. His hatred grew, anger flowing through his veins like a tidal wave, crushing every other emotion under it, making his heart beat violently. However, there was nothing he could do, and it brought even more hatred and anger for those who were in front of him, sometimes glancing and grinning at him, enjoying his suffering as much as he would enjoy making them suffer.

They stabbed the girl, but not in the way that would kill her. Then they would skin her bit by bit, cauterizing the wound only to hurt her again and again. Gauge her eyes out, put coals in the sockets, put iron nails into her fingers, just under her nails. Then they would slowly pull them out.

There was no escape for the girl. No matter how hard she squirmed, she was bound, she couldn't run away. Stanislav watched as her tongueless mouth tried to scream, how her dead lips hanged by thin stripes of the skin of her mouth. This image would engrave into his mind forever.

And he knew it would be his turn once they were finished with her.

"It was even worse... Many other people watched it. Like... like a movie, so they weren't there. But... but they..." Sirius continued, his voice becoming shakier and shakier by a moment. "T-they... donated m-money to see... to see different torture methods!" he started sobbing, tears flowing like a river. "W-why? B-because they, t-they enjoyed it!" he let out a loud cry, unable to say anything else as images flashed before his eyes.

The body of the girl, twitching in agony as she finally died. The captors, standing above the body, waiting for it to stop so they could pack it in a plastic bag and throw it away somewhere. A camera, aimed at the scene. A monitor, showing the number of donations, measured in hundreds of dollars, no, thousands. And they didn't stop coming.

But Iclyn was there for him, she made the images disappear as she hugged him close, tears in her own eyes. She held him as he shook and cried, shedding more tears than ever before. She could see it all: the trauma, the fear, the anger, all of the negative emotions that consumed Sirius, that formed him, made him into a monster, at least into what he believed was a complete monster. There was no doubt — he was broken on purpose. There was no surprise why he didn't want to ever see his world again, why he wanted to burn it all away.

After many long moments, Sirius was no longer sobbing. However, Iclyn had one more question, one she feared to ask him, one she feared the answer to.

"Sirius..." she said quietly and slowly. "I remember you were hurt... down there." she paused. "Did they do it to you?"

"...Yes." Sirius replied very quietly, almost emotionlessly. "They... did. I managed to run away." he averted his gaze as anger and hatred appeared in them once again. However, his voice was rising in volume, aggression showing in it. "I wish I tracked down everyone. Every single one involved, everyone who supported it!" he stopped, taking deep breaths to calm down.

"But you did do something?" the pegasus asked after a few moments of silence.

"I did." the former human replied, his voice calmer. "Those who did it all... those who did it to that girl, to me... They can hurt no one anymore." he looked at Iclyn. "They never can. I hope they burn and rot in hell."

"Can't say I disagree with you." Iclyn nodded, placing a hoof on his shoulder. "You did the right thing, let no one tell you otherwise. Even if you can't restore what they did, you made sure nothing like this will be done again." she hugged him again. "You can't be hurt now. You're here now. They can't get to you, you made sure of it."

"Thank you... thank you for understanding." Sirius whispered into her ear. "You... you are my light, Iclyn. Thank you for not letting me drown in darkness."

For the rest of the night, the two would hug, sharing the warmth and basking in it, knowing that bad things were far behind them, especially Sirius. He knew that he couldn't change the past, but he did the right thing by not allowing it to repeat. Even though he had to kill, he did the right thing, he realized.

Sometimes, there can be no reformation. Sometimes, cleansing is the only possible thing to do.

And it must be done.

Author's Notes:

It really happened, aside from Sirius being in it. Yes, that violent internet stream is true and happened some time ago.

I wish there was someone to punish those involved. However, our world seems to care more about establishing new genders than about catching monsters.