Irony's Tale
Chapter 2
Previous Chapter Next ChapterI finish rinsing my hair and say, "What the fuck is what?"
He points at my hips and says, "That, dude! When did you get ink done? And why did you choose your hips? I mean those are pretty badass, but still, on your hips?"
I look down at myself and then almost fall over from shock. On each hip I have a vibrant tattoo that I've never seen before. It takes me a moment for my brain to make my mouth work, "What the holy FUCK! Where did those come from?!"
Jim's head drops to the side as he looks at the tattoos in contemplation. "Man, they almost look like cutie marks. Or at least they would, if they matched." He looks up at my face with confusion in his eyes.
"Dude, I swear I don't know where they came from! Wait a minute...it was you, wasn't it? You decided to prank me for my birthday, didn't you! I'm gonna get you back so bad for this dude!" even before I get halfway through my statement I can see he's shaking his head vigorously.
"No man, I swear I had nothing to do with those. I haven't even seen you in a few days, how could I have done that to you?"
"Oh shit...are you sure you don't know anything about these?" I ask, even though I know the answer. Jim never had a good poker face, if it had been him he'd be grinning to beat the band and laughing by now.
"No way. You didn't go out and get drunk last night, did you? Maybe got a little ink done while under the influence?" he asks.
"I haven't had anything to drink in weeks. Not to mention you know just how much it would take for me to get so sloppy drunk that I wouldn't remember. No way would any of the parlors around here give a guy some tattoos while he was that wasted," I respond, calming down as I try to figure this mystery out.
"At least it's great ink, not some shoddy job. And really dude, they are badass. It could have been worse, you could have ended up with a freaking butterfly tramp stamp or something," Jim tries to console me.
"I guess you're right," I say, looking at the tattoos more closely. One is a shield with a blacksmiths anvil on it, with a hammer and tongs crossed above the anvil. The other is a shield with a hand wielding a flanged mace surrounded by a purple starburst on it. I've seen that mace before, I think.
"Wait. Did you say they look like cutie marks?" I ask.
"Well, yeah they do, or like I said, they would if they were matching. You know, from My Little Pony," he responds, as if I could have forgotten the show. We were big into it when it came out ten years ago, and like everyone else in the fandom we were sad when it ended five years later. We called ourselves bronies, even though we were never nearly as fanatical as a lot of others who wore that moniker.
"Do you really think I could have forgotten where cutie marks are from?" I ask.
"Well...you seem to have gotten a couple of tattoos and forgotten about them, so...maybe?" he responds sheepishly.
"Touché sir...good point."
We finish our showers and get dressed then leave the gym together in Jim's car. It's sort of a ritual with us to have steak and eggs at the local mom and pop diner after we work out together, so that's where Jim takes us. Soon we are sitting across from each other in a booth, me drinking orange juice while he enjoys his coffee, black of course. I never had developed a taste for coffee, only drinking it when I really needed to.
We were talking about nothing of importance, when the conversation turns to ponies, and we start discussing the merits of each of the Mane Six. It doesn't really take us long to come to the same conclusion we always have, that Twilight Sparkle is still best pony. We then move on to discuss our favorite episodes and our second favorite ponies. Somewhere in the middle of the conversation our food comes, and our waitress chimes in with, "My favorite episode is the second Trixie episode, where she has the Alicorn amulet. I always liked that even though Twilight fooled Trixie and beat her soundly, she tried hard to not hurt Trixie's feelings."
Jim and I both gawked open-mouthed at our waitress, Sherry. We'd been coming here for years, and knew Sherry for most of that time, but neither one of us had ever known she was into MLP. She laughed at us and said, "What, you can be bronies, but I can't be a pegasister?"
We both blush, and I say, "We just never had any idea you watched the show too. The things you learn about people, I guess."
She smiles at our discomfiture and says, "Well, I've known for a while now that you two were bronies, so I finally decided this was a good opportunity to tell you I like ponies too."
Jim kind of freezes up for a moment, and I know that he's been thinking about asking her out for a while now, so I smile at Sherry and say, "Would you like to come over to Jim's to watch a few episodes with us later today?" I then flick my eyes from her to him a couple of times.
She smiles at Jim, getting the hint, and answers, "I think that would be great. I get off here around 5, so how about 6?" I tell her that would be great, and then write directions down on a napkin for her, including Jim's phone number.
Once Sherry has headed back to the kitchen to get someone else's food, I dig into my eggs while Jim just sits there looking thoughtful. I reach over and poke him with my fork and say, "Equestria to Jim."
He shakes his head and says, "Thank you dude. You knew I wouldn't ever be able to ask her out, didn't you?"
I just smile at him as I take another bite of egg. Jim never had been real smooth with the ladies, always being just a tad shy. Frankly I'm just glad he wasn't mad I was trying to help set him up.
"Irony, you're always watching out for me. I know I don't always show it, but I appreciate it," Jim says to me.
"No problem, little bro," I say in response.
We dig into our steaks and plow through our meals as only a couple of Marines can, finishing in no time at all. When Sherry brings our bill, she smiles and winks at Jim. I take one look at the bill and slide it over to Jim. He laughs and says, "So I should buy you breakfast because it's your birthday?"
"Nope. Just thought you might want to see that," I say, grinning.
Jim looks at the bill and grins back at me. Sherry left him her phone number on it, along with a note saying that breakfast was on the house. We both stand up, and as Jim turns away I pull out my wallet and drop a fifty on the table for Sherry, knowing that our breakfast probably came out of her pocket. And also knowing that Jim would do the same if he had it to give. Besides, he owes me a night on the town and that is going to cost, I grin as I think about that.
***
"Dude, get out of the shower! It's 1730, Sherry will be here soon! You'd better not be spanking the monkey in there!" I yell at Jim, pounding on the bathroom door to hurry him along. I walk over to the TV and queue up My Little Pony so it's ready when she gets here. I then walk into the kitchen and grab a can of cola and some celery from the fridge. I'm sitting on the couch still munching on it when Jim comes out a few minutes later.
"Out of all the snacks I have here, you choose rabbit food," he ribs me when he sees what I'm eating.
"Hey, gotta watch my girlish figure," I reply, laughing.
"Yeah sure, whatever dude," he says while he opens the fridge and looks inside. Just then the doorbell dings and before I can even attempt to stand Jim is practically running for the door yelling back at me, "I'll get it!"
"Hi Sherry! Welcome to my humble abode," I hear Jim say as he shows Sherry in. I wave to her from my seat on the couch.
She waves back and says, "Nice place. Glad I finally get to see it. Oh, I brought a guest gift. My mom always taught me to not show up without a gift when invited to someone's house for the first time," she hands Jim a bottle with a bow on it. Jim whistles and holds the bottle up for me to see.
"Bro, Sherry brought us the good stuff!" he grins at me, brandishing the bottle of Jameson Irish whiskey.
"Did she ever! Eighteen year old Limited Reserve! Now that's a nice bottle of whiskey!" I grin and hop off the couch to take hold of the bottle. "Thank you very much, Sherry! How did you know this was our favorite?"
"Actually, I brought it for purely selfish reasons, it's my favorite too," she replies, smiling broadly.
Jim turns to me and says, "Bro, this is a great way to celebrate your birthday! Good whiskey, great company, and ponies!" He holds up his fist and I give him a 'bro-hoof'.
"Wait, Henry, is it your birthday today?" Sherry asks me.
"Yup, 25 today. A whole quarter of a century," I say.
"Happy birthday! I wish I had known, I would have brought you a gift too!" she protests.
I hold up the bottle as I say, "oh, this is present enough for any sane man. You couldn't have done better, thank you."
Jim punches me in the shoulder and says, "Hey, that's for all of us!"
"Nope, you owe me, remember?" I laugh at the look of chagrin that appears on his face. "Just kidding man, just kidding!"
Jim growls at me as he grabs the bottle out of my hands and marches into the kitchen. He shortly returns with three glasses each with two fingers of the amber liquor in them. He hands Sherry and I each a glass and raises his in a toast, "To my brother turning 25 today! To making new friends, and to ponies!"
We all clink glasses, seconding Jim's toast. Then Sherry says, "I'll turn 25 next week myself, guess I'll have to invite you guys over for a party."
Jim gets kind of a funny look on his face and then says, "I turn 25 next week too. What day is your birthday? Mine is May 1st."
"Mine's on the 2nd, but only just. I was born a few minutes after midnight on the second," she responds.
"Wow, that's a big coincidence," I say to them, smiling a little at the vagaries of fate.
"I'll say, especially since I was born only a few minutes before midnight of the 1st!" says Jim.
"Wait, I thought you two were brothers. How can you both turn 25 a week apart?" asks Sherry, perplexed.
Jim looks at me and grins. "Care to handle this one, 'big brother'?"
"We were adopted at birth. We come from different birth parents and were born six days apart. Our mom and dad were getting on in years and wanted two children, so they adopted us both at one time," I answer for him.
"Okay, that explains it. Thought I was losing my mind for a moment. Now you were both in the Marines, right?" Sherry asks.
"Yeah. We actually served in the same unit, too," answers Jim.
"Wait, how did you manage that? Don't they have rules about family members serving together?" she asks.
"They do, but we have different last names. Our parents had us keep our birth parents last names, so we would always know where we came from. That and a request made to a friend of the family ensured we would serve together," I say in response.
"Wow. I knew you two were close, but you are really close. I've never known siblings that wanted to spend that much time together before, especially as adults," Sherry says.
"You could say we're close alright. Even more so after Henry saved my life," says Jim, smiling at me as I flush red with embarrassment.
"Jim, you would have done the same for me. Besides, I got lucky," I say.
"I sense a story here. Spill!" exclaims Sherry, looking from one of us to the other.
"Really it's nothing," I say, trying to deflect the conversation.
"I wouldn't say it's nothing," says Jim, not letting me off the hook. "Henry here threw himself on a live grenade that the enemy had thrown into the middle of our camp. He saved the entire squad. He even got a medal for it," says Jim, leaving out one important detail.
Sherry looks at me in wide eyed shock, like she had never seen me before. There is a reason I never tell this story to anyone. I don't want to be treated differently because I once did something that almost anyone would do in the same situation.
"Wait, if you threw yourself on a live grenade...then how are you still here to talk about it? I know they have made great strides in prostheses, but the blast alone should have killed you," says Sherry, beginning to suspect that Jim was having her on.
"Jim here is leaving out one very important detail," I say, glaring at Jim. "The grenade didn't go off. It was a dud, much to my happy surprise."
"You still saved all our lives, big bro. Everyone in the squad agrees with me. And so did the review board, that's why they gave you that medal you refuse to wear," adds Jim.
"I think it's amazing too, and so brave. You could have been killed!" says Sherry. She then adds, "By the way, what medal are you talking about?"
Jim looks at me and I shake my head. He proceeds anyway, "He was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for his 'unparalleled act of valor'. He refuses to wear it, or be acknowledged for it. The squad threw a party to thank him and celebrate, and the bum didn't show up!"
"That wasn't on purpose! I told you I got held up!" I gripe at Jim, wishing I could melt into the floor and disappear. Sherry just seemed to be in shock. I finally just walk away and out into the backyard, trying to get a hold on my emotions.
What Jim didn't understand, what no one understood, is that I wasn't being modest. I genuinely hate thinking about that incident. I should have died. The fact that I didn't was a wonderful blessing, but it left me damaged in a way no one seemed to understand. When I jumped on that grenade, I knew it was the right thing to do. My life flashed before my eyes, the whole thing, and while I didn't regret anything, I felt that something huge was missing. I could sense that something vast was wrong. Every night for a month afterwards I woke screaming from my dream, knowing in my heart that it meant more than I had ever realized before.
I hear the door open behind me, but I don't bother to turn around, instead I continue gazing out over the fields behind Jim's house and watch the sun set behind the hills. Instead of talking to me, whoever is behind me remains quiet, maybe watching the sunset the same as I. When I finally master myself I turn around to see both of them sitting on the back step just watching me. Neither one of them says anything, but I can feel that maybe they understand just a little bit of what I'm dealing with after all.
"I'm sorry I walked out, I just..." I begin, not knowing how to finish the sentence.
"No dude, no need for you to apologize. I'm the one who needs to apologize. I'm sorry man, I know this has been eating at you. I can't help but push some, mostly because what you did means so much to me. I know how it worked out, but it didn't have to be that way. What I saw that day, and what I've always seen in you, is how much you care for those around you. I know you love me, and I know you would jump on that grenade every time for me, but I also know you would do that for anyone. You are selfless in the extreme. You are the protector; I think it's in your blood. It may even be your destiny, if you believe in that kind of thing. What I'm trying to say is that you are amazing, and not everyone would do what you did, despite what you think. I hope that you can someday understand how special that makes you."
Jim stands and pulls me into a real hug as he finishes his speech. We haven't hugged like this since we were kids, and I can feel wetness on my shoulder from the tears flowing silently down his face. I hold him tightly and I can feel my cheeks are wet too. I can't even remember the last time that I wept for any reason. I whisper into his ear, "I love you brother, don't ever forget or doubt it."
After a few moments we awkwardly end our embrace, both pretending we don't see the tears the other has shed. We turn back towards the house and see that Sherry is standing, and her cheeks are shiny with the wetness of the tears she has shed for us. Jim and I each hold a hand out to her, inviting her to join us and I say, "Trixie, I..."
She takes our hands and just smiles at us and shakes her head. I realize there aren't any words for the situation, and that none are needed. It is then that I realize this has bonded the three of us in a way that none of us could have anticipated.
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