Author's Notes:

Contains: Reversed Gender Roles, Cock Worship, A Tiny Bit of Pheromone Play, Actions That, If Found Out, Would Immediately Revoke Medical Licenses.

I might do another chapter or two if I get in the mood to do it, or if you guys want it.

“—And I know that I said I wouldn’t give Amethyst the time of day, but she came over with a bouquet of flowers and those little Canterlot chocolates—you know, the small ones in that purple box with the bow around it? I’m sure Caramel remembers, since he was the one that ate most of them—and you know the second she opened the box I had to at least talk with her for a minute or two. It would have been rude otherwise, right?”

It was another wonderful day in Ponyville for Equestria’s only human, Titus. The birds were chirping, the sun hung high in the sky, and the only thing that he had to worry about was what he wanted to eat for dinner later today.

This sleepy, peaceful day was made even more wonderful by the fact that it was the weekend. For the next two days the young man would be free to do whatever he wanted. And, like he usually did on his Saturdays, he had met up with some of his male horse friends at the local café.

The place, honestly, wasn’t really his cup of tea. Titus didn’t really like coffee all that much in the first place, and seeing teenage ponies with wood in their ears and piercings all over their bodies really brought out the old man in him. Usually, he’d have gone out of his way to avoid such a place, or at the very least gotten in and out of it as quickly and efficiently as possible. But, after coming here almost every week for the past few months, he had actually found something in this hippy camp that he actually liked. Namely, his friends, and their wonderfully insistent bitching.

It didn’t matter if they had the best week of their lives. It didn’t matter if their horse god had come down from the heavens themselves and offered to grant them whatever they desired. Caramel, Thunderlane, and Dr. Hooves would find something to complain about.

They bitched about the weather. They bitched about mares ogling them when they were out and about in their brand-new outfits. They’d even bitch about themselves if given the chance.

Now, it didn’t matter if the weather was scheduled months in advance. It also didn’t matter that his friends bought their horse pants a size or two too small so mares couldn’t help but stare as they walked past.

No, none of his horse buddies paid any of that trivial nonsense any mind. They bitched for the sport of it, to refine their craft so that they were nothing less than masters at the art. And, while he never partook in the bitching himself—just sitting in his tiny horse chair sipping his black coffee because it was the only thing that was really drinkable in the place—he really did enjoy watching them go at it.

There was something almost therapeutic about it, like watching clouds form around a mountaintop, or seeing a half-ton of snow fall from the branches of a tree.

Thunderlane shook his head as he took a sip of whatever the hell he was drinking. “Caramel, you know she’s just trying to butter you up like she always does. First it’s chocolates, then you go to her house, and then you’re sitting here for three weeks crying your eyes out because she’s ignoring you after she got you to rut her.”

Caramel puffed his cheeks out. “It’s not going to be like that this time,” he said, leaning over to take a long sip of his drink.

Just like Thunderlane’s drink, as well as everyone at the table but Titus himself, it was some kind of unholy concoction made from the mind of a madman. The human didn’t even know if it was really coffee, but what he did know that sane people shouldn’t be putting it into their bodies, much less paying six bits for it.

“I know her tricks now,” Caramel continued. “She’s not gonna get me this time boys! And you know what? I think I might be able to change her!”

The two other stallions at the table groaned.

“Caramel, for Celestia’s sake…” Hooves said, placing his head in his hooves.

“This is gonna bite you in the rump like it always does, Car. You know that as much as I do,” Thunderlane said.

Caramel’s nose scrunched up as he looked at both of his friends. They could see the frustration, as well as irritation, on his face. It was an expression that they were all very familiar with. It was the same one he wore after he had said pretty much the same thing about Amethyst last time she had brought him flowers and a box of chocolates. And the time before that. And the time before that.

“What about you, Titus?” the earth pony asked, a hopeful spark in his eyes as he looked over at the human. “You know I can make that mare change, right?”

Titus stared down at his little horse friend. A smile came to his face, and he was forced to take a sip of his coffee to hide it.

“Well, you know what they say about doing something over and over again expecting a different result,” he said.

Caramel’s hopeful expression shattered to a million pieces right before the groups eyes. Outrage and betrayal replaced it as his face scrunched hard.

“But I can change her this time!” he said, wiggling in his little horse chair angrily. “I know I can!”

Thunderlane and Hooves just groaned again. Titus chuckled, reaching over the table and giving Caramel’s shoulder a pat.

“Crazy or not, your persistence really is a helluva thing to witness, buddy.”

Caramel’s nose scrunched up even harder. Everyone else at the table watched as he leaned forward, took in a deep breath, and opened his mouth. Hooves and Thunderlane leaned back in their chairs, bracing for the verbal assault that was upon you all. Titus just leaned forward, gripping the edge of the table excitedly.

“I can’t believe you—”

Before Caramel could properly begin his tirade, a horn boomed out, making all four of them jump.

The horn let out a single very deep, very loud single note. The sound seemed to come from all around them. In fact, Titus almost swore he could see the air shaking the longer the horn blew.

For about a minute and a half the horn blew until, just as suddenly as it had begun, it stopped. The second that it did Titus looked around to see if anyone was as concerned as him that someone was blowing what sounded like war horns somewhere in town.

He half expected his usually skittish friends and neighbors to be running around screaming their heads off. At the very least he’d thought he’d see a stallion or two out cold on the ground from fright. But there was none of that.

Looking out into the market, he could see ponies walking about like everything was normal. Sure, a few mares had their ears perked, and he could see that a stallion or two were now sporting frowns, but it was nowhere near the reaction he was expecting.

“Huh…”

Frowning gently, he turned his attention back toward his friends. Just like all of the other tiny marshmallow horses, none of them seemed be all that alarmed or scared. Thunderlane and Hooves just looked bored, while Caramel looked irritated.

Titus looked at each of them in turn, drumming his fingers against the table. he waited for someone to say something, maybe explain what the hell was going on, but no one seemed to be in the explaining mood. Finally, after waiting for what felt like ten minutes, he could take it no more.

“Um, guys? You mind explaining what that was please?” he asked.

All three stallions turned their attention toward the young man.

“That horn signals that it’s Penis Inspection Month,” Hooves said, like that was just a normal, everyday thing to say.

Titus opened his mouth to say something but no words came out. His brow furrowed, and he looked at the stallion hard to see if he was messing with him. To the human’s ever-mounting confusion, he looked like he was completely serious.

“…Penis Inspection Month?” he asked very slowly.

All three stallions nodded.

“Yep. Once a year all stallions have to have their genitalia inspected to check for any injury or abnormalities,” Thunderlane said. “I thought it was supposed to be next month, but I guess I must have mixed up the dates.”

Titus scratched his chin, milling over the stallion’s words. “And why have I never heard of this before?” he asked.

“I think you came to Equestria right after last year’s inspection?” Hooves said.

“Why? Didn’t you have the same thing back on your world, Titus?” Thunderlane asked, cocking his head to the side.

“No. No we do not,” Titus said, putting his coffee down so that he could try and fully process the information that had just been dropped into his lap.

He, of course, failed spectacularly.

Caramel snorted. “Yeah, well, we shouldn’t have it here either,” he said. “This whole thing is just an excuse for mares to eye rape us.”

“Hey now, you know that the procedure is important, Car,” Hooves said. “It’s used to make sure that a stallion is fit and healthy.”

“Yeah, well, it makes me feel like some kind of animal…”

“It might, but you won’t be complaining at all if the doctors find something that could be a lot of trouble down the line early.”

Caramel snorted, leaning back into his chair and crossing his fore legs. “You know that I’m perfectly healthy.”

“You might look like it, but that doesn’t mean you are,” Hooves said, leaning across the table to nudge his friend.

Titus slowly nodded his head, though honestly he was still were trying to wrap his head around the whole “Penis Inspection” thing.

How was such a thing carried out? How was it legal? Did he have to get his junk inspected too, or was this just more pony nonsense?

Standing up, he looked at Hooves. “Hey Hooves, you’re a doctor, right?”

The stallion nodded. “I am,” he said, taking a sip of his drink.

“So, do you know anything about this Penis Inspection thing?”

“I do. In fact, starting Monday I’m going to be at the hospital examining stallions.”

Titus’s brow furrowed just a bit harder. “So, this thing is at the hospital then?”

“Of course, Titus. What, do you think we do it in the middle of the street?” Hooves asked with a snort.

Titus’s eyes narrowed down to slit, and he found himself licking his lips. As surreal and crazy as something called “Penis Inspection Month” was, he could feel something building up inside of him. Curiosity? Amusement? Outrage? The young man honestly didn’t know, but what he did know was that he was going to see what the hell all of this nonsense was about. Today preferably.

Giving his cheek a scratch, Titus turned toward the direction of Ponyville’s hospital, or horsepital as he liked to call it.

“Do these examinations start Monday or can you go right in and get it done now?” he asked.

“The examinations can start today, but most ponies prefer having it done later,” Hooves said.

“A lot of us try to do it on the weekdays, since we get a free paid day off to get it done,” Thunderlane added.

“Would it be busy if we go right now?”

“It might be. Some stallions like to get it out of the way as soon as possible, and if I remember correctly Hale Heart is the only male stallion in duty. That and a lot of the male aides hate coming in on the weekends if they don’t have to.”

Nodding once again, Titus looked at each of the stallions. “I think I’m gonna go see what all of this is about,” he said.

“I’ll come with you then,” Hooves said, standing up. “I’d rather get this done sooner than later, and I probably could get Hale Heart to get us done right away if I ask nicely.”

Finishing his drink, Thunderlane stood up as well. “I may as well, since you can get us in and out pretty quick, Hooves.”

Caramel let out a harrumph. “Well I’m staying here. I have better things to do today that sit around in some gross hospital.”

Titus, Thunderlane, and Hooves rolled their eyes.

“You know, you might want to get checked out, Car,” Thunderlane said. “I’m sure Amethyst would want to know that you're clean before you can start changing her.”

Caramel’s ears perked up before he frowned so hard that everyone looking at him half expected his mouth to fall from his face. The earth pony stared at the pegasus very hard for a few seconds, before, with a sigh, he finished his drink and stood up.

“…Fine, but I swear to Celestia if any of you give me guff about Amethyst again I’m going to boop you so hard your nose won’t unscrunch for a month!”

~_~_~_~_~_~

The walk to the horsepital was a relatively short one, and the human and ponies eventually found themselves standing in front of it. Already they could see stallions of all ages making their way in and out of the big, white building.

“Looks like it’s already busy around here, huh?” Titus said.

“Like I said, it’ll be busier in a couple of days,” Hooves said with a shrug. “Especially since Ponyville has the only hospital till you reach Canterlot. Now come on, let’s get inside before there’s an even bigger crowd.”

The group did as he suggested, making their way into the building. Like most hospitals, horse or not, the scent of some very powerful cleaner was in the air. The smell made their noses scrunch up as they all looked around the lobby.

The relatively small waiting room was packed with stallions. The counter, where a bored looking stallion with a magazine sat chewing bubble gum, was crowded. There was also a steady flow of stallions going into and coming out of a room that had a sign that read “PIR” right above the door. Next to that room was a similar room with the same sign over the door, though unlike the other one no stallions seemed to be coming in or out of it.

“PIR? What’s that?”

“It stands for Penis Inspection room,” Hooves said. “Now come on. Let’s get signed in before anypony else comes.”

He made his way toward the counter. After a moment or two of hesitation, the rest of the group. The stallion behind the counter looked at each of them with the same bored expression before his gaze settled on Hooves. He then immediately tensed, his eyes narrowing down to slits. Hooves’s eyes narrowed as well, his tail flicking side to side as if he were trying to beat away a swarm of flies.

“Hello Sign,” Hooves said, his voice gaining an edge.

“Hello Dr. Hooves,” the stallion said, his tone chilly even though Titus could tell that he was doing his best to be polite. “Are you here for your inspection today?”

“I am,” Hooves said with a stiff nod. “And I was wondering if you could call Hale Heart. I’d like to talk to him about something.”

The stallion smiled a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Even though I’d love to help you, Doctor Hale Heart is very busy at the moment, as I’m sure you can see by looking at the waiting room,” he said.

“Well, did management manage to get any other stallion to come in today then?” Hooves asked, frowning gently.

“No, they did not,” the stallion said, blowing a big bubble and popping it with his tongue. “I’m sorry, but it looks like you’ll have to wait just like everypony else. Unless you want to have Redheart examine you that is.”

Hooves’s nose scrunched hard. “I’d rather a stallion examine me, thank you very much,” he said.

“Then I guess you’ll going to have to take a seat then,” the stallion replied. “If you can get a seat that is.”

Titus looked toward the door where no one was coming out of. “So, we could just go and get our junk inspected by this Redheart?”

“Yes you could, but I’m not sure you’d want to do that, sweetie,” the stallion said, looking back down at his magazine. “Doctor Redheart is a mare.”

Titus frowned. “So? What’s that matter?”

“What’s the matter is that you have some mare you don’t know handling your penis, Titus,” Caramel said. “They can do whatever they want to you because they have some fancy-schmancy diploma.”

The human almost threw up his hands in exasperation. He didn’t see what the big deal was. So what if a mare gave them a check up? He’d rather be molested by some tiny horse a thousand times over rather than just sit around all day in a cramped waiting room.

Placing his hands on the counter, Titus looked down at the receptionist. “So, you’re saying that if I go into the room with the female examiners I can get seen right now?”

“If you want,” the stallion replied with a shrug.

“Great,” Titus said, slapping the counter. “I’d like to do that then please.”

Caramel, looking alarmed, grabbed the human by the pant leg. “Titus, don’t,” he said. “That mare could take advantage of you!”

The young man snorted. “Car, I’m three times your guys’ size. I don’t think anyone in this hospital is gonna take advantage of me.”

Titus waited for Hooves or the lobby stallion to tell him that there was nothing to worry about, that the mares that worked here were professionals and they’d never take advantage of anyone, but they just looked at him with bit lips and concerned expressions.

This time Titus couldn’t quite stop himself from throwing his arms up. “Look, I just want to see what all of the fuss is about, and I’m not gonna be waiting here all day.”

Without another word, he made his way over to the door and knocked on it twice. There was a pause, before he could hear a voice from the other side.

“Come in.”

Smiling, Titus looked back at his friends, giving them a wink before opening the door and stepping inside.

The room was a small one, barely able to fit a small table and one of those weird hospital half-beds with the wax sheet over it. Stethoscopes and all other manner of objects sat in little clear pouches stuck to the wall. Next to that was the same picture of a skeleton that all hospitals were required to have in each room, though unlike the ones back home this skeleton was pony-shaped. To the left of the picture was another door that led to parts unknown.

But that wasn’t all. Along with all of the little knick-knacks that were to be found in a hospital room, there were two mares. One, a white mare wearing an equally white lab coat, was sitting on top of the table with her muzzle buried in a clipboard. Her pink mane was neatly tied up in a tight ponytail. The other mare, a yellow earth pony with blue curly hair that was partially hidden under a nurse’s cap, was lying on the half-bed thing staring up at the ceiling while she balanced a tongue compressor on the tip of her nose.

“What do you need this time, Hale Heart?” the mare in the lab coat asked, sounding painfully bored. “More gloves? Or maybe alcohol pads?”

Titus cleared his throat. “Actually, I was here to see about this whole penis inspection thing.”

Both mares immediately perked up. Their eyes snapped over to the human and they stared for several moments before springing to action.

The mare wearing the nurse’s cap shot into the air, somehow managing to land on her hooves. The mare in the lab coat, wide-eyed and looking more than a little panicked, hopped off the table. Both earth ponies scrambled around the room, tidying up, ripping the wax off the half-bed and getting a new one, cleaning up all of the nonexistent dust on the table. After about a minute of this frantic, frenzied activity both mares stood before him, looking as professional as they could given the circumstances.

“G-Good afternoon!” the pony in the lab coat said. “Sorry about that, it’s been a little slow today for the two of us.”

The other mare giggled as she quickly adjusted the cap on her head. “Yeah, hospital lags and all of that junk!”

“I gotcha,” Titus said, trying his very hardest not to laugh.

The mare in the lab coat flipped through a few pages on her clipboard. “Yes, well, I’m Doctor Redheart and this is my assistant for the day, Nurse Coldheart,” she said, gesturing to the mare right next to her. “And you said that you came in here for your examination?”

“You didn’t get lost going to the bathroom or anything like that?” Coldheart asked, hope glimmering in her eyes.

“Yeah, I heard about the penis inspection thing like an hour ago and I figured that I may as well come on over here and get it done,” Titus said. “And I figured, since the line for the other guy was way too long, I’d come and get checked up with you girls.”

Both mares tensed. The nurse started wagging her tail like a happy puppy dog while the doctor bounced in place, both of them looking like they could barely contain their excitement.

“So you’re not gonna be bothered by the fact we’re mares then?” Redheart asked. “Because if you are just know that neither of would be offended. The procedure is a very personal one after all, and we wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“To be honest, I actually have no idea what this whole procedure entails, but I’m not gonna have a problem with you two looking me over,” Titus said, walking over to the half-bed and taking a seat. “The two of you are both probably really professional little horses, so I doubt you’ll try anything inappropriate.”

And even if they did he wasn’t particularly worried. The two were just tiny little horses after all, and not even the ones that could use magic or fly either. If push came to shove he could probably take them, or at the very least stun them both with a boop before making a break for the door.

Both the doctor and nurse smiled.

“Thank you very much for placing your confidence in us, Mr…”

“Titus is fine.”

“Mr. Titus. It means a lot to both myself and my assistant that you’d be willing to give us a chance.”

“Yeah, thanks a bunch for finally giving us something to do,” Coldheart said, and was immediately nudged in the ribs and given a dirty look by the doctor.

“I promise you that both the nurse and I will do our best to make sure that you’re as comfortable as possible,” Redheart said. “We’ll explain each thing we do, and we’ll do our best to make sure you feel safe and comfortable. Coldheart, could you please get the gloves?”

With a smile, Coldheart trotted over to the table and grabbed the small box of rubber gloves sitting on it. She offered the box to Redheart, who quickly took two gloves and put them on. Then nurse herself then took two gloves and pulled them on.

“Now, if you could please remove your clothing, we can begin,” Redheart said.

Titus nodded, quickly pulling off his shoes and socks. His pants were next, then finally his underwear, so that the young man’s lower body was completely bare.

Doctor Redheart didn’t bat an eye at his sudden nudity, though the nurse raised an eyebrow and let out a low whistle.

“Whoo, I’ve never seen one like that bef—OW!”

The doctor flashed Titus another pleasant smile as her associate rubbed her side. “Very good. Now if you’ll just fold up your clothes and place them on the table.”

For the next ten minutes, what Titus experienced was just a standard medical procedure. Both mares only touched him when they needed to, explained everything that they were doing just like they said they would, and only stared at his junk as long as they absolutely needed to while they wrote down this and that.

Every once in awhile, he was given instructions or asked questions.

Have you been feeling any discomfort or pain anywhere? Was your urine cloudy or an odd color? Could you get erect consistently, and if you could was there any pain while doing so?

There were also quite a few questions on his basic anatomy since, from what the mare told him, his equipment was a bit different than what they were used to. Some of it was touch and go, and more than once they stopped what they were doing to check and see they were hurting him, but even so the two of them chugged right along with their examination until, after almost twenty minutes, doctor Redheart moved away and began pulling her gloves off.

“Alrighty. You seem to be perfectly healthy, Mr. Titus,” she said. “Now we’ll just need a urine and sperm sample and you can be on your way.”

“Sperm? What do you need that for?” Titus asked, an eyebrow raising.

The doctor’s small smile turned slightly sheepish. “We need check your sperm count, see if your sperm is healthy and without deformities, things like that,” she told you. “Don’t worry, there’s no need to be nervous about that. Nurse Coldheart will bring in a specialized pump to help you, um, relieve yourself. Neither of us will touch you; in fact, we’ll be out of the room so that you’ll have all the privacy you need.”

Though Titus had somehow managed to keep ol’ Yeller from getting hard while two very cute horses were running their hooves up and down his lower body, the young man’s cock couldn’t help but stir.

“So you’re hooking me up to some kind of milking machine?” he asked.

Doctor Redheart flinched while the nurse, pulling her gloves off and tossing them into a trash can, giggled to herself.

“I wouldn’t exactly call it a milking machine, but yes, we need you to use the pump so that you give us a large enough sample,” Redheart said.

“It won’t hurt a bit,” Coldheart assured. “In fact, I’ve heard that most stallions really enjoy it. We might have a bit of trouble finding one large enough to fit you when you get hard th—”

“Nurse! Could you please go and get the pump?” Redheart interrupted, starting at her hard.

The nurse rolled her eyes, giving Titus a wink before making her way toward the door, opening it up a crack, and slipping through it.

The second that she closed the door behind her, Redheart let out a sigh. “I’m very sorry about my assistant, Mr. Titus. She always gets a bit too… talkative when she’s around stallions.”

Titus chuckled. “There’s nothing to worry about, doc. Now, how about we go ahead and get that pee sample before we get to the big stuff, huh?”

Redheart, giving him a smile, walked over to the table and opened one of the cupboards, reaching in and grabbing a small plastic cup. “Here you go. If you’d like to put your clothes back on there’s a bathroom down the hall you can use. Nurse Coldheart should be back with the pump and we both should have it set up before you’re finished. And please, if you could, try to fill up that cup up to the black line.”

Titus nodded, taking the cup from her hoof and rising to his feet. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the doctor trying her hardest not to stare at him slipped his underwear back on, deciding that that would be good enough for decency sake.

With cup in hand, the young man made his toward the door, opening it up and stepping through it back into the lobby. Checking to see if his friends were waiting in the lobby, he made his way toward the bathroom, quickly filling the little cup he was given and washing his hands before stepping back outside and making his way back toward the examination room.

Titus grabbed the doorknob, and were about to open the door, but paused when he heard two voices on the other side arguing.

“What the buck are we gonna do?”

“Are you sure we don’t have any different sizes?”

“Yes, I’m sure! I checked our entire stock of pumps! Now what are we gonna do?”

“Maybe we could call the supply clerk? She might have something somewhere we could use.”

“You know that lazy feather brain never bucking comes in on the weekends!”

“Then what do you bucking suggest we do, Coldheart?”

“I don’t bucking know, I’m not the one that decided to get all high and mighty and get her doctorate!”

“Oh, don’t you start with that horse apples now!”

While a part of him wanted to step away for a minute or two and let the nurse and the doctor settle their little argument, Titus did have a cupful of warm piss in his hand. So, twisting the doorknob, he opened the door and stepped back inside.

Both Redheart and Coldheart jumped when they saw him enter. Their eyes widened and their ears pinning against their skulls as they fidgeted in place. Beside the two of them was a small machine with a hose on the end of it.

Titus stared at the machine for a few moments, raising an eyebrow at how complicated the thing looked, before staring at both mares. “Is everything alright in here, ladies? I heard some arguing outside.”

Both mares tensed. They quickly looked at each other, before looking at him. Finally, after clearing her throat, Redheart took a step toward him and spoke.

“W-Well, you see, Mr. Titus, there might be a problem with the pump.”

Coldheart took a step as well, so she was side by side with the doctor. “Not a problem with the machine exactly. It’s more a problem with the attachments to the pump.”

Grabbing a long plastic tube from the machine, she showed it to him.

“These things here are placed on your stallionhood to funnel your sperm into the machine, as well as give the you the pleasure needed to ejaculate. In most cases, we have a size for pretty much everypony. But the doctor and I have a sneaking suspicion that because of your unique anatomy that won’t have a size that fits you properly.” She looked down at his groin. “You are a very big colt after all, and we wouldn’t want one of these to break.”

A bit of pride couldn’t help but fill the young man. Titus smiled, puffing his chest out just a little bit.

“Usually, in cases like this, we’d call the company that supplies us with these tubes and have them sent to the hospital, but I have absolutely no idea if we’ll be able to get it in time,” Redheart said, with a anxious wiggle. “They might have something for you, but the company really doesn’t make these for any other species besides ponies and gryphons.”

“And you’re not gonna be fitting in gryphon tubes,” Coldheart added, placing the tube carefully back into the machine. “And I’d bet you a thousand bits that the hospital isn’t gonna special order one tube.”

Redheart bit her lip. “Exactly…”

Titus looked at the doctor and the nurse, his brow furrowing. “So, what are we gonna do then?” he asked. “Am I just going to have to do the ejaculating myself then?”

“No. We need a specific amount of sperm to run all of our tests, and stallions are shown not to release enough when they do it t-themselves,” Redheart said, a blush coloring her cheeks.

Walking over to the machine, Titus looked over the half dozen tubes arrayed out for him. Eyeing them carefully, he picked each of them up. With each one he looked at, Titus realized that the nurse was right; he could tell without even taking off his pants that he wouldn’t fit in any of these. They were either too small, or too thin, or shaped too oddly.

Titus clicked his tongue as he put down the last tube. “How much trouble would I get in if I just didn’t finish this whole Penis inspection thing?”

“You’d probably get a fine,” Redheart said, refusing to look at him. “If we spoke out for you it’d be a relatively small one, but you’d still be fined.”

“And how small is a small fine exactly?”

“About five hundred bits.”

Titus grimaced. “Yeah, I’d rather not have to pay that,” he said, walking over to the half-bed and sitting down. “That’s a lot of money.”

He stared up at the ceiling, thinking hard. He didn’t have five hundred bits, and he really had no desire to save up that much money to pay a fine for something as stupid as this.

“Is there something we can do? Anything at all?”

Redheart said nothing, just staring at the ground. Coldheart, however, let out a thoughtful hum as she scratched her chin.

“Well, if we really needed to... you and me could just do it, Red.”

Doctor Redheart’s head shot up. She looked over at Coldheart like the mare had just grown a second head. “Coldheart!” she hissed, her blush deepening.

“What? You know the crown is about getting stallions checked out,” Coldheart said with a shrug. “No matter what we tell them they’re gonna fine Titus here a boatload of bits, and if we try to okay him without a sperm sample we’d both lose our licenses.”

“And we couldn’t lose our licenses by acting inappropriately with a stallion during work?!”

A blush began working its way onto the nurse’s face as she puffed out her cheeks. “Hey, I’m not saying that we force him to bend us over the table or anything! All we gotta do is give him a hoofjob or something like that!”

Redheart’s gaze snapped from Titus, whose face had also began to turn a bit rosy, to the nurse. She took a few steps backward toward the door as she chewed her lip. “I can’t lose my license, Coldheart. I just became a doctor!”

“Titus’s not gonna say anything!” Coldheart said. “And if he doesn’t want to do it then he doesn’t have to!”

“He’s not going to have to decide anything because we’re not doing that!”

“It’ll take like five minutes!”

“I don’t care if it would just take two seconds! We took an oath to help ponies, not take advantage of them like some sexual deviants!”

“We’re not taking a—”

Seeing that the mares were getting louder and louder the longer that bickered, Titus quickly cleared his throat. “Ladies.”

Both mares looked over toward him so quickly that their necks cracked.

Wincing, Titus leaned forward in his chair and gave them his best reassuring smile. The young man couldn’t help but feel more than a little grateful that these two mares were actually considering “helping” him out even though it could cost them their jobs. It was sweet and, to be honest, not that bad of an idea.

It had been a while since he had seen any action, and he wasn’t too proud to admit that he thought both mares were very attractive. And Titus had never been the type of guy to say no to free sex by a couple of cute ponies.

“Look, girls, why don’t we calm down for a second and really explore this avenue?”

Redheart and Coldheart looked at him like he had just grown a second head.

“What?” they both said at the same time.

“You guys don’t have anything that’ll fit me, I’m not allowed to use my own hands, and I really don’t want to spend all that money, so I really don’t know if we have another option,” he said.

Coldheart perked up, a surprised yet happy smile on her face. Meanwhile, Redheart looked like he had just run over a puppy.

“Mr. T-Titus, we really can’t do something like that!” she said. “I-It’s unethical! Wrong!”

“It’s only wrong if you force me to do anything,” he said. “And as far as I can see the two of you would just be helping me out.”

Titus spread his legs just a bit. Even though he could tell that Redheart was trying really hard not to look, her gaze nevertheless settled on his slowly tenting underwear.

Coldheart grinned. “See? He’s completely fine with it. So all we need to do is make sure the doors are locked, get a cup to put the sample in after we’ve finished him off, and it’ll be fine!”

Redheart dryly swallowed. “I, um, well…” She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths before reopening them and looking up at the human. “Are you positive that you’d be fine with us stimulating you ourselves?”

“If I wasn’t fine with it I wouldn’t have asked you,” Titus replied.

“But are you sure-sure?”

“Yep.”

“Completely, one hundred percent, unequivocally sure?”

Both Coldheart and Redheart took a step toward the young man. Coldheart pulled off her nurse’s cap and tossed it into the table, letting her mane fall around her shoulders with a few tosses of her head. Redheart slowly began to unbutton her lab coat. The mare kept her shifting her gaze from his face to the floor as she bit her lip.

Titus found him grinning as he spread his legs a little wider. “I’m as serious as a heart attack.”

Coldheart grinned, rushing over and placing her hooves on Titus’s thighs. He twitched at the sudden contact but the earth pony seemed to barely notice it as she pressed her muzzle against his semi-hard length and inhaled deeply.

“I’ve always wanted to do it with a stallion in this bucking building,” she whispered, planting a kiss on his cloth-covered cock.

Titus gasped, his knees reflexively trying to come together. Coldheart pressed them back apart, nuzzling him with more and more force. Redheart watched the nurse with wide eyes and a red face as she let out a quiet groan. Titus let out a groan himself, pressing his back against the wall and placing a hand on the mare’s head.

“Sweet Celestia, I can’t wait to see just how hard this thing gets,” Coldheart said, giving the outline of his cock a lick. “I bet it’ll rip these pants right off~”

A shudder ran through her as she reached up and grabbed the hem of his underwear. She gave the human’s length another teasing lick as she started pulling them down, revealing more and more skin.

As Titus let out another groan, lifting his hips to help the mare along, Redheart seemed to come out of her stupor. Her nervous, slightly embarrassed expression transformed into one of stern resolve. She marched over toward the two, grabbing Coldheart by the tail and giving it a hard yank just as she was about to reveal Titus’s cock.

“No! We’re doing this to help our patient, not for self-gratification, Coldheart,” Redheart snapped.

“What? I’m just trying to get the big colt ready to go! What’s wrong with that?” Coldheart said, giving her flank a rub.

“What’s the problem is that you’re not being professional about this. If we’re going to get Mr. Titus here o-off it needs to be done as quickly and as efficiently as possible.”

Coldheart opened her mouth to say something, only for the doctor to clamp a hoof over her muzzle.

“I don’t want to hear it! Now go lock the doors so that we may begin. And get one of those plastic containers under the table so we can get our sample.”

Grumbling to herself, Coldheart slapped Redheart’s hoof away. She looked at Titus over her shoulder and gave him a wink, lifting her tail and giving the young man an eyeful before making her way toward one of the doors.

Redheart shook her head, trotting over to him and smiled. “I’m very sorry about that, Titus. Now, I’d appreciate it if you took off your undergarments so that we can begin.” Her smile wavered for a moment. “Though, if you’re feeling uncomfortable about this, we can stop immediately...”

Titus gave her a wink as he slipped his thumbs through his waistband and slowly began pulling his underwear down. Coldheart let out a whistle at the sight and Redheart blushed just a little bit harder, but even so she didn’t look away even as his manhood was revealed.

“T-Thank you very much,” the doctor said, now just a bit breathless. “Now if you could just f-fold them up and spread your legs please.”

Redheart shifted her weight as he did as she asked. The mare took a half-step toward hum, then another, then another. She was about to take that one last step but hesitated.

“Are you s-sure you want to do this, Titus?” she asked quietly.

Sitting up, Titus leaned toward the mare, cupping her cheek with a hand. Redheart twitched at his touch but didn’t shy away.

“Doctor Redheart. I can honestly tell you that I’m hundred percent sure that I’d very much like it if you and your assistant were to collect a sperm sample from me,” he said with a grin. “As I’m sure any other sane guy would.”

Redheart smiled shyly, taking that last step and placing a hoof on his leg. “A-Alrighty then. I guess we should s-start then, huh?”

“Aw yeah! Here we go!” Coldheart said, pumping a hoof into the air as she walked over to them with an empty cup in hoof.

Setting the cup right next to Titus, the mare wiggled between his thighs right next to the doctor. Smiling, she grabbed the base of his cock and gave it a few pumps.

“So how are we gonna do this doc?” she asked as the human let out a sigh.

Redheart looked back at the doors before looking at cock right in front of her. “W-Well, I suppose we should go ahead and get him completely hard.”

“On it,” Coldheart said, saluting with her free hoof before using it to give Titus’s balls a gentle squeeze.

The nurse’s hooves were soft, and what she lacked in skill and more than made up in eagerness. In no time at all, Titus found himself fully hardened and throbbing. A spurt of precum leaked from his tip down to his shaft.

“There we go,” she said. “Let’s this big, fat thing leaking…”

She took a deep breath, giving her backside a wiggle. “Sweet Celestia… You smell that Red?”

Redheart, whose eyes were glued to the human’s cock, nodded. “Y-Yes. It’s very… potent, isn’t it?”

Coldheart let out a hum, using the tip of her hood to tease his crown. “Strong enough to get this filly’s head spinning,” she said, licking her lips as she leaned forward just a bit more.

Redheart leaned forward as well, reaching up with a hoof to cup his balls. Titus let out another groan spurting another dollop.

“It looks like he likes that, Red,” Coldheart said, reaching up with her over hoof so that both were pumping his cock.

Redheart’s nostrils flared. She lifted Titus’s sack, giving his balls a few gentle squeezes. The earth pony then licked her lips, looking back up at him.

“D-Does that feel nice, Titus?” she asked.

“Yes,” he grunted, running his fingers through Coldheart’s mane as she began jerking him a little faster.

Coldheart cooed, leaning forward and giving his tip a lick when Redheart wasn’t watching. The human’s cock jumped in her hooves. She giggled, collecting the pre around his head before pulling back.

“Do you want in on some of this action, Red, or are you just gonna sit there like some little filly,” she said, nudging the doctor.

Redheart bristled. “I-I am doing something!” she said, giving his balls another few squeezes.

While it felt nice, just like the stroking, it was nowhere near enough. If the two mares wanted him to cum sometime soon they were going to have to do a bit more.

Coldheart seemed to notice this because she gave him a wink. “Come on, Red. We’re gonna be here all day if we don’t start a little more than giving him a hoofjob.”

She wrapped a dirty hoof around the doctor’s shoulder and leaned her forward so that both of their muzzles were nearly touching his shaft. Then nurse, still stroking him, stuck her tongue out and gave the space between his cock and balls a lick.

Redheart’s blush crept down her neck and toward her chest. “C-Coldheart, you stop that r-right now,” she said. “We’re p-professionals, and we can’t t-take advantage of a s-stallion like—”

Whatever else the doctor wanted to say transformed into a gasp as Coldheart began lightly slapping Titus’s cock against the tip of her muzzle. Redheart twitched with each slap but she stayed right where she was.

“Come on, Red, stop being such a stick in the mud and enjoy yourself a little,” Coldheart said, rubbing her tongue up the underside of his cock before finishing it off with a kiss on the tip. “We have a cute stallion all to ourselves to do whatever we want~”

She slapped Redheart’s muzzle a few more times. The doctor’s eyes glazed over, and once or twice Titus swore he could feel her pucker her lips and kiss his cock.

“I-I… I mean, we r-really need to…” she said, before a few more slaps caused her to trail off.

“What we need to do is help our patient here and make him cum, Ms. big, important doctor,” Coldheart said. “So let’s help him, huh?”

Placing a hoof under Redheart’s chin, she lifted the earth pony’s head up. She then placed Titus’s tip against the mare’s lips before nudging her forward.

Redheart struggled a bit, wiggling in place as she pursed her lips, but Coldheart was insistent. She pushed the mare with more and more force until his cock head found its way past the mare’s lips.

“Fucccccck,” Titus groaned, gripping the edges of the half-bed.

He fired a spurt of pre into the mare’s mouth. Redheart’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates as she tasted it. A low, long groan escaped her, and just like that whatever resistance she had crumbled.

The mare’s body went slack. Her eyes became half-lidded and cloudy. Taking a few deep breaths through her nose to take in more of the human’s scent, she began sucking his tip like a pacifier. Her tongue began to lap around his sensitive head, making him buck his hips while his other hand found its way onto her head.

“Atta girl,” Coldheart said, slowly making her way down toward his balls. “I knew you’d be into this.”

The nurse gave Redheart a kiss on the cheek, then the chin. Redheart let out another groan and started bobbing her head while Coldheart, blowing Titus a kiss, took one of his balls into her mouth and started to suckle.

Titus twitched again, firing another spurt of cum into the warm, wet mouth of the doctor fellating him. “That’s it,” he said, running his fingers through both ponies manes. “Just like that… just like that…”

Coldheart, after bathing his ball in her spit, released it with a pop before switching to the other one. Redheart’s bobs grew deeper and deeper, the mare’s spit dripping down his cock as she sucked and licked.

In no time at all, Titus began squirming in his seat. With each little suckle or tease with the tongue he had to bite his lip to keep himself from moaning. He knew that if his made too much noise someone might get curious, and then it’d be over for these cute little mares.

While such a thought should have worried the young man, it only managed to work him up even more. The thrill of being caught, knowing that his friends weren’t a hundred feet away with just a door and thin walls separating them had his heart pounding and him panting like a dog.

Coldheart, releasing his ball, lifted her head up so that her cheek was pressing up against Redheart’s. “Come on, Red, give me a little taste,” she said, licking her lips.

Redheart bobbed her head a few more times, her long, thick pony tongue swirling around Titus’s shaft, before she rose off of him with a pop. The doctor did her best to catch her breath as Coldheart eagerly took her place, gagging on his member as she forced half of his cock into her maw.

“That was… t-that was… oh sweet Celestia,” Redheart said, wiping the spit from her chin as she let out a breathless groan.

As quick as a whip, the doctor made her way down to his balls and started sucking and licking as one of her hooves made its way between her legs.

Both mares continued to do their best to bring him to his finish. Once in awhile they would switch, Redheart shoving Coldheart off of him before opening her mouth as wide as she could and forcing herself down the human’s length. Other times the mares would lap at his shaft, using their tongues to tease his head. Spit and pre had, by now, covered the table, Titus’s legs, and the mare’s faces and necks. The smell of sex was ripe in the air. Each little suck, lick, kiss, and nuzzle chipped off just a little bit more of the young man’s stamina.

Titus could feel his pleasure concentrating in his belly, burning hotter and hotter until it felt like it was boiling. His muffled groans became louder and louder. Each time one of the mare’s took him into their mouths he bucked his hips more forcefully, forcing them both to gag and choke on his maleness. Titus could feel himself twitching harder and harder. His cock head began to swell, and the pre he was leaking came at a steady stream.

Both mares seemed to noticed, because they let out almost drunken giggles.

“It looks like big boy here’s almost ready to pop, Red,” Coldheart said, running her tongue up the side of his shaft.

Redheart hummed, slapping his cock against her forehead as she lapped at his sack. “Make sure… to get that… container ready…”

Coldheart let out another drunken giggle, her gaze snapping up to the panting, red-faced human. “You better give us enough to test, otherwise we’ll have to do this again,” she said, giving his tip a loving kiss. “Or don’t. I won’t mind sitting here all day pumping this big, fat thing for samples~”

She wiggled as she grabbed Titus’s shaft with her hoof and started stroking. Titus let out a hiss, bucking his hips in time with the mare’s jerks.

“Maybe for the first load you could just paint our faces?” Coldheart suggested. “I don’t know about Red here, but I’ve always wanted to walk around this hospital smelling like cum, and I bet your scent would be on me for weeks.”

She leaned forward a bit and gave his head a quick lick. Titus’s toes curled and he closed his eyes.

“Or maybe we could have you finish somewhere else? I wouldn’t mind walking out of here leaking from both holes.”

Titus throbbed, and a spurt of pre fired out of his tip. Coldheart was quick to catch it in the container, grinning like a mad mare.

“You know, It’s too bad that I’m not in heat right now. I’d be happy to see if this monster could put a couple of foals in me. How would that sound, big guy? Rutting me until we have a couple kids running around? You waking up every day with me taking care of this before I go to work? I’m sure we could get Red here in on it if you really—”

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Shutting his eyes as tightly as he could, the human brought a hand to his mouth, bit his knuckle, and came.

The first shot soared above Coldheart’s container to land across Redheart’s back. The nurse let out curse—though she still giggled with delight at seeing him pop— before angling his cock so that his loads would hit their mark.

“Red, get your flank up here,” Coldheart said, as Titus fired again and again, quickly filling the container. “It looks like the big guy is gonna overflow this thing!”

Redheart lifted her head just as his cock twitched again, the size of his load threatening to overflow the cup.

“Hurry up and try to grab another container or something. It’s gonna be hard enough to mask the smell in this room, but if we get cum anywhere we’ll—”

Before Coldheart could finished her sentence, Redheart reached up with a hoof and gently, but firmly, pushed the cum-filled cup out of the way. Then, without warning, she opened her mouth and swallowed the human’s cock.

“F-Fuck!” Titus groaned, jerking in his seat as the mare began sucking him hard.

The next load hit the back of her throat with such force that the mare gagged around his cock. She managed to swallow the next one, and in no time at all she was milking the remainder of his seed with steady gulps.

Coldheart frowned as she watched the doctor release the human’s now spent cock with a pop, her cheeks bulging with his sperm. “What the hay, Red? If I knew you weren’t gonna give me grief about that I’d have just done that myself!”

The mare opened her mouth to say more, but before she could Redheart grabbed the mare of her mane and forced her into a kiss. Coldheart’s eyes went wide as Redheart shared the cum in her mouth. The mare let out a groan, her eyes fluttering.

When Titus had finally regained the ability to open his eyes once more, the first thing that he saw were the mare’s desperately holding onto each other, their tongues battle one another as they fought over his cum. He let out one final groan, closing his eyes once more and letting himself go limp in his seat.

“Best… doctors examination… ever…”

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

“Titus! There you are! We were worried sick about you!”

Titus made his way toward his little horse friends, his clothes a little bit messy, but with a big smile on his face.

“You were in there forever, Titus,” Thunderlane said. “They thought something had happened to you.”

“Are you alright, Titus ?” Hooves asked, looking as concerned as the other two.

“I’m fantastic,” the young man said with a grin, showing them the little paper in his hand. “The doc and her nurse were able to get me all sorted out and now I don’t have to do this again until next year.”

“So those dirty mares didn’t take advantage of you then?” Caramel asked.

“They were wonderful,” he replied, slipping the piece of paper into his back pocket.

All three stallions breathed a sigh of relief.

“See? I told you two that Titus could take care of himself,” Hooves said with a small smile.

That smile diminished somewhat when he looked down at the human’s other hand. “Titus? What’s that other paper for?”

Titus looked down at said paper, his smile growing just a hair. “Home addresses.”