ACT V

The Royal Castle of Canterlot

RainBow
Who disturbs me?

Enter Spitfire

Spitfire
Me, my lord. I bring news.

RainBow
Yeah?

Spitfire
Ten thousand

RainBow
Geese?

Spitfire
Soldiers. The army of Applejack gather to the south. They intend to march on Canterlot.

RainBow
So?

Spitfire
Shouldn't we be worried?

RainBow
Nah. It's just a bunch of earth ponies. We've got unicorns and pegasi. No problem.

The Castle of the Two Sisters

Enter Applejack

Applejack
We've got an army. Don't you worry mother. We'll avenge you!

The Royal Castle of Canterlot

Enter Spitfire

Spitfire
My lord! My lord!

RainBow
Oh now what!?

Spitfire
I bring bad news.

RainBow
Geesh! Can't I get five minutes to myself. Maybe I did Twilight a favor by killing her.

Spitfire
What was that?

RainBow
Nothing. Go on.

Spitfire
Prince Rarity is dead!

RainBow
Dead! The guilt must have pushed her to suicide.

Spitfire
No.

RainBow
No?

Spitfire
No. She was being dressed for the victory party

RainBow
The victory party?

Spitfire
Yes.

RainBow
The victory party that's not for another eight hours?

Spitfire
Yes. She said she needed that time to get ready.

RainBow
Of course Rarity would say that. What happened?

Spitfire
She was being dressed for the victory party. She wanted to look her best, so she ordered her corset pulled tight. Turns out, she couldn't breathe.

RainBow
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow!

Spitfire
The sun will come out?

The Castle of the Two Sisters

Enter MacIntosh, Braeburn

Applejack
We march on Canterlot today!

MacIntosh
Eeyup

Braeburn
But we will be seen and lose the element of surprise.

MacIntosh
Eeyup

Applejack
We'll cut down branches from these here trees of the Everfree.

MacIntosh
Eeyup

Applejack
If'n we're real lucky, they'll mistake us for the forest.

MacIntosh
Eeyup

Braeburn
The forest? Only an idiot would think that the Everfree was marching on Canterlot.

MacIntosh
Eeyup

The Royal Castle of Canterlot

Enter Derpy

Derpy
RainBow! RainBow!

RainBow
Yes, Derpy?

Derpy
The Everfree Forest is marching on us!

RainBow
What!? Let me see!

Derpy
See, the forest is marching on us.

RainBow
Derpy! That's just the army of Applejack. Pretty lame camouflage is you ask me. Only an idiot would think it the Everfree.

Outside the Royal Castle of Canterlot

Applejack
Come on, y'all. Let's take Canterlot!

Many soldiers flee, leaving RainBow with a hooful of loyal subjects

RainBow
Come back you cowards!

Enter Applejack, MacIntosh, Braeburn, Quibble, Troubleshoes

Applejack
Come down here you varmit and fight like a mare!

RainBow
Ha! You're going down. None of woman born can kill me!

Quibble
Technically, her mother was an pony.

Applejack impales Rainbow with her sword

Applejack
The deed is done! The battle won!

Pinkie Pie
Yeah, let's party!

Applejack
Pinkie, where'd you come from? Was anypony else surprised by her sudden appearance?

MacIntosh
Eeyup.

Applejack
MacIntosh. Is that all yer goin' tah say?

MacIntosh
Eeyup.

Currently flying at 30,000 feet... returning home from Ponyville Ciderfest. It was a blast!

I should also point out that I thought the way Shakespeare had the "forest" march on the castle was lame. Tolkien did too. He wanted to do it right, so he wrote the last march of the Ents in The Lord of the Rings.

Dreadnought