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Luna's Cuddle Dungeon

by CategoricalGrant

Chapter 1: Crime: Terrorism

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“Hmmm,” Princess Luna hummed as she descended the steps from the main level of Canterlot Castle into the dungeon, chewing on the information just given to her. “Anything else I should know about?”

“He’s a stone cold killer,” her bat pony guard growled with his gravelly, unwavering voice. “Put a lot of ponies in the hospital. It’s a miracle that no one has died...yet.”

Princess Luna continued down the stairwell past the main dungeon level. Two more night guards saluted her, stepping aside on the cold stone to let her past on her journey to the sub-dungeon. “And it’s the same group again?”

“Yes, Your Highness. ‘The Soldiers of the Equestrian Proletariat’, they call themselves. Their end goal seems to be the establishment of a worker’s state, but they’ve settled for trying to overthrow the tetrarchy, for now.”

Princess Luna reached the landing and brushed past yet another pair of guards to continue her descent. Officially, there was no such thing as the sub-sub-dungeon…

...But officially, the Equestrian government didn’t use the interrogation tactics that Princess Luna was about to utilize, either.

The light in the stone stairwell was provided by torches at that depth, and the movement of the two ponies cast flickering shadows darting across the walls of the spiral staircase. “Ah, and so that is why they targeted the bank?”

“Princess Cadence was supposed to be there. I guess they didn’t know she canceled her appearance.” The night guard growled and spat his next words. “Punks like these don’t deserve to keep living. Let me handle him, Princess!”

Princess Luna gently strode onto the landing at the end of the staircase and began waltzing down the hallway with her companion. “Oh, you,” she chuckled, wrapping a wing around him. “Always acting so tough, but such a big softie.”

“Stoooooop,” he whined, beginning to blush.

Princess Luna squeezed the guard tightly to her before releasing him from the side hug. “Only because you’re so cute!” she gushed. Glancing through the barred windows on each thick metal door, she spied plenty of unoccupied, plush tables. Each room was lined with big throw pillows and blankets, and the pleasant coolness of the structure placed those who walked there at ease. “Not many here, it would seem. Quiet several days?”

“Except for him, yes, it has been,” the guard replied, stopping at the door near the end of the hallway on the left side.

“Go and watch from the viewing area,” Princess Luna commanded. “I’m looking forward to dealing with this one.”

The guard nodded, unlocking the door for Princess Luna before she strode inside. A red-coated pony with a brown mane and a yellow star for a cutie mark stared back at her, from his position strapped firmly to a cushy table at a forty-five degree angle. He just scowled at her as she waltzed in and closed the door behind her with her magic.

“I hear somepony has been a very bad stallion~” Princess Luna sing-songed as she slowly approached the side of the table.

The prisoner jerked his hooves up once, jangling the chains. “What is this? Some kind of joke? A room filled with pillows?”

“Oh, I assure you, it’s no joke,” Princess Luna replied, smiling down at him from beside the ‘torture’ table.

The prisoner growled. “Well, I’ll never talk! You can torture me, or kill me, but I’ll never betray the proletariat to some high-class bourgeoisie scum like you! Princess or no!”

“Oh, that’s alright,” Princess Luna hushed, placing a hoof on his lips. “Then don’t. Why don’t you tell me your name, though?”

“...Unyielding Sickle,” he reluctantly spat.

Princess Luna bit her lip and barely suppressed an eye roll. “Not your codename, your real name. Tell your Princess. I care about my subjects.”

He grumbled for a moment. “I recognize no Princess, but...my name is Red Cola.”

“Red Cola is a very nice name,” Princess Luna softly stated, leaning over his body. “Now, Mr. Cola, you are in big, big trouble. You set off a bomb at the First Bank of Canterlot that put almost twenty ponies in the hospital. That is something only very bad ponies do.” She booped him on the tip of his muzzle.

Red Cola gritted his teeth. “You’ll never get me to talk! I see your plan: lull me into a false sense of security and then torture me! All the pillows and blankets in this room are probably only red to hide all the bloodstains!”

Princess Luna looked around curiously for a moment and tapped her muzzle with a hoof. “No, actually, each cell is color-themed differently. I thought it made the place look cute.” Princess Luna propped her front hooves on the soft table and smiled wickedly down at Red Cola. “And there’s no need to be mean and defensive like that, you know. Tell you what, just because I like you, we’ll make a deal.”

Princess Luna moved a back hoof onto a little outcropping at the bottom of the table and pushed herself up onto it. Lying next to Red Cola, she placed a gentle hoof on his chest. “My, my, so warm and soft,” she cooed.

Red Cola’s muzzle scrunched up into a growl and a blush deepened the shade of red already covering his face. “Wh-what are…?”

“I don’t think you have to go to jail for this, Red,” she sighed, placing her face gently on his chest. “I think deep down you’re a good pony. Bad ponies aren’t this...hmmmm…” Princess Luna repositioned herself, lying her head on Red Cola’s barrel near where it met his front leg and rubbing her muzzle against him. “...comfy.”

“What are you doing? Wh-what is this?”


“Papaya Sunrise, Sir, what is Princess Luna doing?” a young stallion fresh out of bootcamp asked his superior.

The guard who had briefed Princess Luna chuckled as he looked through the one-way mirror with a barely suppressed expression of glee. “Her job. And she’s damn good at it!”

“I thought I was placed on interrogation duty? What...what is this? Is this like, a sex thing...or something?”

The older guard groaned. “Just watch, newbie, alright? Princess Luna never fails to make them sing like birds.”


“Shhhh, shhhh, you’re so tense,” Princess Luna whispered in Red Cola’s ear before nuzzling his cheek. “Relax.”

Red Cola seemed to visibly loosen up, although his body remained tense in the expectation of imminent torture.

“Now,” Princess Luna said, playfully tapping up and down his barrel with a hoof, “As I was saying, I don’t think you’re a bad pony at all. You don’t have to go to jail for this, my sweet Red. I can get you house arrest, or maybe even community service. All I need from you is the name and hideout of your organization.”

“Hah! So that’s your endgame!?”

“Maybe,” Princess Luna replied softly, pouting. “Or maybe I’m just a nice pony who does nice things for even naughty ponies like you. Nice things...” She looked up at red with gleaming blue irises. “I do feel nice...don’t I?” To accentuate her point, she rubbed her tummy into his side gently and gave him a tight squeeze.

Red Cola, his hooves still splayed out and tied down to the table, began to become visibly rattled. “Ergh...N...N-no! I will not betray them! E-even if I must die, my name will be etched into the very marble of the future Equestrian Supreme Soviet! The workers will rise to power, even if they must step over my bones!”

“It sounds like I need to sweeten the deal for little Red,” Princess Luna mused, wrapping one of her back hooves over his and rolling on top of him. “What if I throw in a weekly visit...to cuddle? Just you and me? Maybe in the wintertime I’ll bring blankets and you can make us warm tea, hmm? Doesn’t that sound nice?”

Princess Luna could feel Red Cola shiver.

She moved her muzzle up to rest next to his neck and exhaled gently over his coat, causing him to let out a little gasp of pleasure. “Maybe we can even sleep in the same bed? I’d like to have a strong, warm stallion like yourself wrapped around me, holding me close…”

“...Errrghh…”

“But we can only do that if you help me out,” Princess Luna tacked on. “What do you say?” As a final twist of the knife, Luna rolled over further and laid her full weight on Red Cola’s body, placing her muzzle against his ear. "I could even wear...socks!"

His face and ears burning, Red Cola broke. “Fine! Okay! I cave! Our leader, Midday Wheat, is hiding out at the 3rd Avenue Corner Club in Manehattan!”

“Aha!” Princess Luna leapt away from the snuggle table triumphantly, landing gracefully on all four hooves. “‘Twas an elaborate ruse, knave!”

“What!?”

“You still have to go to prison. I mean, you tried to assassinate my niece and almost killed several dozen ponies!” Princess Luna turned her attention to the one-way mirror. “Did you get all that, boys?”

“Loud and clear, Princess,” the grizzled older guard spoke through an intercom. Princess Luna lifted a hoof in acknowledgement.

“Darn it!” Red Cola struggled against his binds for a few moments before collapsing helplessly against the table again. “Erghhh...Do I at least still get weekly snuggles?”

“Of course!” Luna responded adamantly. She brought a hoof up to her chest and frowned deeply in anguish. “What, did you think I was a monster!?”

Author's Notes:

If this story does not cure your Post-Bronycon Depression, I don't know what will.

1 updoot=1 day spent in Luna's Cuddle Dungeon

Next Chapter: Crime: Kidnapping Estimated time remaining: 38 Minutes
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