Alright... Let's review what I have. I have Moonshine, some money, and desire to do nice things to my cute fillyfriend. My task is to set up a date for the two of us. But... what should I do? What kind of date should I set up? Honestly, I already want to dump it all and forget it. My confidence in success isn't that big.

...

No, I won't do that. I must set up a date, no way around it. Relationship isn't all about having sex and cuddles. At least I believe so. I already had my share of sex-only relationships... If you can call them that way. It was more like customer service, and you don't really have a relationship with, say, a stewardess, now do you? It's just buying something for money, and relationships can't be bought with money.

I just... I feel like I need to do more than what I already to. I need a real date, I guess. Not to prove to anyone anything but... Wait, actually... I just want to prove to myself that I can be romantic and such. And by that I mean... Uh... I just really want to make Moonshine happy, show her my appreciation. Even though she seems fine without any of it, but... I really want to put some effort into our relationship. Sex isn't that much taxing. It's not entirely effortless but every single being can mate. Well, aside from a few exceptions.

Even though I'm horny a lot. Well... Aside from Moonshine, I had sex with two other fillies. Isn't that a bit too much? Old habits die hard, and I used prostitutes a lot before, so... I guess I'm addicted to sex. It's not too bad of a thing, not in my eyes, but I need to control myself better. It became a bit too hard after Discord aged me up.

Wait a second... Just a small second... Discord, magic, me... Hm...

Ponies need more people like you

*internal mind click*

Discord... You perverted bastard! He... He... Fucking hell...

...

He made me want to mate so much because ponies need people like me. My children. That is, I need to make them. Make kids. Why do I repeat that?

...

Anyway, it explains my constant horniness. It really explains it all. My handsomeness, fillies wanting to have sex with me, all that. And...

Oh fuck no... Something really bad might've happened. What if he cast a spell on me to make my semen more potent? Just... made it in a way that no magical contraceptions would stop it. Condoms can break sometimes, even though it never happened to me. Magic can fail, too. Especially if said magic goes against something as strong as Chaos Magic of Discord. So...

Alright, let's think about it. Nota wasn't in heat when I had sex with her, she's out of the list of my potential wives. Neither was Moonshine, but I'll definitely marry her. However, I'm not sure if she wants kids or not and neither am I sure if I want them. Raising a pegasus or a unicorn? It'd be a nightmare.

So, with those two fillies out of the way, it leave only one possible option.

...

I might've impregnated Night Breeze.

You might have.

What the fuck? Discord, is that you in my head? What're you doing here?

You're quite right, it's me. Just chilling, don't you worry.

Were you here all the time?

No, it becomes boring after a while. Relationships, sex, yadda yadda, friendship... Almost no fun.

Well, okay...

...

So... Is Night Breeze pregnant or what?

How do I know? I'm a statue again. I can't exactly move around, listen, do magic and other things.

Makes sense, actually. But... why did you do it? That is, why did you make me... horny?

...

Why are you silent?

Did you say that I made you horny?

What? Uh...

No! I didn't mean it that way! I'm a straight guy—

I can arrange the change.

Please. Don't. Do. That. I don't like anal.

Alright, alright! Don't become all this angry, I know how most colts feel about fillies. Besides... Three holes versus two. No wonder making love to fillies is better. From what I've heard, it's so much fun!

From what you heard? Wait... Discord, are you a virgin?

...

Hello?

...

Ahem... Alright... So... Why did you, uh, make me want to mate so much? There must be a reason for it.

Why not? Dear Flame Metal, chaos happens not because of some... ugh, reasons, no. It happens just because it can happen. There is no fun in explaining every single action, now is there?

Err... But each action has a reason, right?

Applying logic to chaos is impossible, trust me. Chaos describes itself. It just is as it is. It doesn't need a reason or logic or anything that makes sense to normal minds. At any rate, the ponies will definitely need more of people like you.

What do you mean by that? Do they need more humans?

Not exactly, one human is pretty much enough. But ponies do need something to shake them all up. Ponies are boring and slow to change. Victory has defeated them, too — they became quite lazy, living their perfect lives and rarely making anything daring. I lived for thousands and thousands of years, I know what I'm talking about.

But I'm not ready to be a father! I don't have much like money or anything like that and I... I don't think I know how to be a father.

Oh, trust me, no one knows. However, you have many things and you definitely can achieve more, much more. You have... About a year. And one year is a long time for many things to happen.

So what should I do, then? What must I do to make sure that my foal — or foals — get enough of everything and grow up into good people? How do I do that? I've never been a father before and my own dad isn't exactly the best example of a good parent, neither is my mum, so...

...

Hello? Discord? Are you still there? You lived for many years, I bet you know something about that sort of thing.

...

Well, fuck. I guess I have to do everything on my own. Maybe with Moonshine's and Luna's help, actually. I bet that the princess would be more willing to share the knowledge with me than with this weird chaos god.

Anyway, I suppose it's no surprise that an omnipotent being doesn't give all the answers at once. He didn't even have a reason to talk to me in the first place. He just... did. Because he wanted to? Well... hard to say with someone like him. He could definitely just surprise me much, much later, and...

*Sigh*

I like when things make sense. All of this — doesn't. Damn chaos...

Well, at least he warned me so I wouldn't be too surprised later. I have time to prepare.

I don't think I'm in a dating mood anymore. Since I'll most likely be a father in a year, I need money, lots of it. Gather information, lots of it. How to raise foals, what food give them, what school to choose, how to help them become better and not lose motivation... Yeah, I need to know a lot of things to be a good father. I also need to finally become mature and stop banging every female at every possible moment like my boner commands. It can turn out bad as I was just given an example of.

I hope my kid doesn't become Voldemort. After all, Tom Riddle was conceived without love and under a love potion. Whomever I made was made without love. They could be a colt or a filly or both. Not a hermaphrodite obviously but two foals, possibly twins. I can't know... not yet. Anyway, I've never given anyone a love potion to anyone unless my semen qualifies. I do like getting blowjobs, after all.

Voldemort is magic Hitler, and I don't want to be the father of pony Hitler. This world is pretty peaceful and I'd rather have it remain peaceful. I wouldn't mind some change, certainly, but anything war-related? Nope.

I looked around and noticed that I was walking in a seemingly random direction. Oh well, Discord was in my mind at that time and I forgo— actually, I was going home, I remember it now. I wouldn't mind some rest, definitely. Especially after my little talk with Discord... Ugh. I still have a hard time thinking about becoming a father. He didn't really say if I will be one or not but there's a very strong possibility that I will.

And if I will... I guess it's my own fault. I of all people should know that any condom, magical or not, may fail. No, I'm not saying that I've impregnated anyone before, but I certainly know of different dangers that sex can lead to, especially if done with strangers. I'm still free of STDs (I checked after every single sex session), and so contraceptives have never failed me before, which is a relief.

Alright, I see the hostel. Time to do the homework and then rest for a while, figuring out a plan of action. I need to think a lot, more than I usually do. Making a family is a very important part of life, I mustn't take it lightly.

I entered the hostel, greeted the receptionist with a polite nod, and then went upstairs to my apartment. I hear something unpleasant... arguing. It's not too loud but it's still quite audible. Voices are familiar, too... Wait, is that Moonshine arguing with Night Breeze?

I have a bad feeling about this.

"...impossible, he used a spell!" I heard Moonshine arguing.

"Well, it failed. How many times need I say that?" Night Breeze retorted. "I'm now pregnant with his foal!"

Fuck. Fuck fuckeddy fuck fuck. A royal fuck-up without actual royalty taking part in it.

"That spell is from Princess Luna herself, it couldn't possibly fail!" my fillyfriend continued to argue.

Well, I guess it's my turn to tell the truth that I've recently found. Here I go...

"Uh, hello?" I said quietly as I rounded a corner. Moonshine and Night Breeze were in my room, both of them looking quite angry. Oh no... I hope I stopped them in time before fighting began. I don't want either of them to be hurt, certainly not because of my actions.

Both turned to me and blushed, their anger replaced with... shy looks? I don't know how to describe it.

"Flame," Night Breeze cleared her throat, looking really nervous: her ears down, her eyes not even looking at me, and... well, her overall posture is pretty shy, I suppose. "After that sex we had, my estrus ended. Um... I'm pregnant. You're the father."

...

Well... I mean, I kind of expected it. Discord prepared me for it, so I'm not frozen in place. I'm just thinking what to say. But, uh, when is it okay to test whether someone is pregnant or not? A week after sex or so? I don't really know. Doesn't really matter now anyway.

So, what do I do? I won't abandon Night Breeze but... how do we live together? I can't leave Moonshine either, she's my love. Do we make a herd? Do we, I don't know, live together? We already kind of do but... How do we share a bed, do we share it at all? I also don't really have any feelings towards that unicorn aside from friendly affection, so... I have no idea what to do. I know that herds are allowed in Equestria, but will Moonshine accept it?

The two fillies are looking at me, waiting for me to say something. But what do I say? Saying anything about Discord isn't necessary, it changes nothing. I'm still going to be a father no matter what.

"I, uh..." I began awkwardly. "Well, um, uhm..." I let out a long sigh. "I don't know what to say."

"I don't have money, I don't have anything, and I'm young, what do I do?" Night Breeze said in a defeated tone. "It's just... so sudden. I... I don't know what to say either."

...

"I, uh..." I tried to speak again after a few awkward moments of silence. "I can definitely say that I will not abandon you." I said, a small smile appearing on my face. I walked up to the filly and hugged her. I gestured for Moonshine to join the hug, and soon all of us were together, hugging. "Moony, and what do you think?"

"Dunno..." she replied in a slightly confused voice. "But you'll be a good father, that's for sure. I guess... all three of us can be family." I saw a smile appearing on her face as well. "Right?"

"Absolutely." I agreed, planting a kiss on Moonshine's cheek. "Night Breeze... I suppose it's time I get to know you more. How about... all three of us go on a date?" I can't believe I've just said that. Anyway, no going back now. I wanted to make a date for Moonshine, so... "All three of us, spending time together."

Everyone agreed to it but our hug stayed strong. None of us wanted to let go yet, and I can understand. Those are pretty big news for us all.

I'd be fucked in more ways than one if I impregnated someone when I was fourteen. Right now, I have more freedom and more possibilities, it makes things much easier. And... my parents wouldn't shout at me for having sex before marriage. They still don't know about me hiring hookers. Or just having sex in general. I bet my dad thinks I'm gay.

Anyway... I suppose my life becomes even weirder. Two fillies to take care of, even though I don't have romantic feelings towards one of them. Maybe I will discover it in myself, I don't know. I need to get to know Night Breeze more, after all.

Wait, does this count as polygamy?

...

I'm a mormon now, I guess. What gods do they have?

...

Hail Sithis.

Author's Notes:

Flame Metal is going a bit insane. Also, he'll be a father in a year. How good of a father will he be, what do you think?