Both Director Stephens and James helped me up from the floor. Before we left the room, James scooped up my gun from where I had dropped it upon fainting.

As we exited the door, I realized that quite a few people had been standing by for my scenario. There was a small side room, the door to which now stood open, and within I could see monitors displaying the interior of the testing room from several angles. Several security personnel stood nearby, both a male and female with hot pink hair, and two medical techs were collecting their gear as well, one a pony, one human. Both nodded at me curtly when they noticed my interest.

"In case you had a serious medical reaction," Stephens said.

"I see. There is one thing I don't understand," I said. "I only fired the gun a few times, and it ceased to function. Also, have you considered the possibility that somepony might decide using their gun on themself is a better option than being eaten alive?"

"We most certainly have," Stephens explained. "That's why James took you to have your gun 'inspected' and also reloaded with simulation rounds that look quite similar to actual imbued crystal bullets. The magazine is a regular magazine, at that point. We save the Equestrian imbued ultra capacity magazines for actual live ammunition."

"You mean I was totally unarmed all that time?"

Stephens nodded. "For your safety and ours. There is no telling how people will react at their first close encounter with our specimens, even the caged ones, and for obvious reasons during the test. If you recall, James was by you every second of that time, was he not? He was your bodyguard should any danger have arisen."

I recalled James repeatedly telling me to stay near him, his hands on me protectively. Just making sure I didn't wander off. Just making sure he knew where I was at all times. Just doing his job. Somehow, that realization hurt me a little. I glanced over at him, and he wouldn't meet my eyes. That hurt too, although I don't know if I would have wanted to look at myself either, standing here stinking, my fur matted with my own raw sewage.

"Can I take a shower, please?" I asked. "I am feeling somewhat... less than presentable right now."

"Sure, but take this first. Rodriguez?"

One of the security men stepped forward and held out a new pistol to me. "Loaded with live rounds, ma'am. Just pull the slide back." He took the old one from James and tucked it into the empty holster.

"Thank you," I said, carefully chambering a glowing round and holstering the firearm on my hip.

"There is a strict two-or-more buddy policy in this area," Director Stephens said. "There is a shower facility close by, but you need to bring one of these security specialists with you, please. Mia here," he gestured at the pink-haired woman in tactical gear, "is willing to help you out."

I glanced hopefully at James, but he seemed to be avoiding my eyes again. I sighed. "Hi, Mia. Nice to meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine, ma'am. If you would please follow me?"

I trotted along behind her as she walked briskly towards a side door. Glancing briefly behind, I felt a flush of embarrassment when I saw James and Rodriguez pushing a mop and bucket into the room I had just vacated.

Quickly looking back ahead, I plowed into Mia's butt face first at a good clip.

"Mmmmmmph!"

"Oi! I'm not totally against this kind of thing, but shouldn't we get to know each other a little better first?" she said, grinning down at me after I disengaged myself from her perfectly sculpted hindquarters.

My cheeks burned like charcoal briquette embers as I hastily stepped back. "Oops. I didn't realize you'd stopped."

She stared at me a little longer, evidently enjoying my discomfiture. "I see that," she finally chuckled as she scanned the door open. We went past a corner and into a women's locker room. "Well then Miss Sky, I'll be waiting right here if you need me to save your life. Or if you'd care to jam your muzzle into me again." She sat on the bench and crossed her legs, laying her shotgun across her knees in a relaxed fashion. "Oh, and by the way, try not to be too pissed at James, okay? He really wasn't happy about setting you up for that test."

"I'll take that under advisement," I said. "On the bright side, at least I didn't have to sharpen any No. 2 pencils. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go wash off before my mane gets stuck like this."

She nodded at me, and I went back into the shower stalls.

I picked one, and I saw a small covered shelf inside nearby the soap and shampoo dispensers. It took me a moment to realize I was supposed to place my gun there. James really hadn't been kidding about keeping it within reach. Not that I thought he had, but still. A pistol shelf in the shower kind of has far reaching implications in a place like this. Come to think of it, the feeling you get when you're washing your face and it's like you imagine something sneaking up on you while your eyes are closed might actually be legitimate here. What an unpleasant idea. Then again, being deliberately terrorized to the point you shit all over yourself and pass out as a pre-employment test kind of has far reaching implications too, doesn't it?

Once I began soaping up, it occurred to me I should wash my dirty holster and gear too. I did so, then I hung it on a hook in the stall and looked critically at my ARHUD. Well, supposedly it's waterproof and scratchproof, so I cleaned it thoroughly as well. I continued washing myself after carefully setting it on the little shower bench. As I let the hot water run over me and watched the brown suds circle the drain, I ran over the events of the day in my mind. All in all it had been exhausting and draining, to say the least. That final burst of sheer terror and adrenaline had made me incredibly tired, and also hungry. Come to think of it, I hadn't eaten in hours.

"Mia?"

"Yeah? You okay?"

"I'm fine. I'm just wondering what time dinner is."

"We can head to chow right after you see the doc."

"Do we have to? I'm starving!"

"It's just a formality, it won't take long."

I sighed and finished washing my mane, then rinsed off. I didn't see any towels, but there was a large blow-dry unit that worked wonders for my fur instead. Feeling fluffy and a thousand times better, I dried off my gear and snapped it back into place, returning the pistol to the holster, and clopped out across the tile floor.

"Wowee. You look like a different pony," Mia purred as I walked back to the lockers.

"I feel alive again," I replied. "Only to die dramatically of starvation. Play sad music, roll credits. Can we hurry please?"

Mia giggled musically and stood. "You're funny, uh, ma'am. Sorry, I don't mean any disrespect, but, ummm..." She trailed off and kept staring at me.

"Ugh. Fine. Go ahead and do it," I said.

"Do what?"

"You want to feel my clean fur, right? It's written all over your face. So go ahead and put your paws on me. But purely platonic, okay?"

"Hell, yes!" She instantly squatted down and started ruffling my fur, then pulled her ARHUD off and pressed her face against my fluff, wrapping her arms around me. "Mmmm, oh my gosh, you're so soft and warm! I could do this all day!"

I'm not going to lie, it actually felt really good to be touched and squeezed like that. I gave her a few seconds, then my stomach growled. "Okay okay, that's enough for now. Any longer and you'll be hugging a dead pony."

Reluctantly she let me go. "Thanks," she said as she stood up, put her ARHUD back on and adjusted her shotgun. "You're really awesome, Miss Sky."

I put a hoof to my face. Seriously? After all that? "Oh come on, not you too. Call me Eris."

"Sorry, while I was sitting here I got to thinking maybe I'd been a little too forward, I mean, you are like my boss and all."

"You're fine, Mia. It takes a lot more than that to upset me."

"Oh really?" she said, her tone loaded.

"Don't push your luck, human."

We were both giggling as we exited the locker room.

"You look perfectly fine to me," the doctor said, holding a scanner in his hoof while he checked my vision. A human doctor stood nearby, watching with interest. They had explained to me that the Equestrian doctor was learning human equipment and physiology, while the human doctor was teaching him how to use human medical gear and simultaneously learning about Equestrian medicine. A helpful symbiotic relationship.

"Thanks, can I head to dinner now?"

"Certainly, just don't forget to get some rest tonight. You've had a busy day."

I left the doctor's office, and Mia stood up from a metal chair to greet me. "So, what's the word?"

"Fit as a fiddle, albeit a tired fiddle," I said. "Now show me the grub."

As we neared the chow hall, I could hear lamentation coming from within. My curiosity aroused yet again, I went inside.

"My goodness!" Cookie moaned at the counter, his hands raised in sorrow. "What HAVE you been making these poor people eat?"

"We aren't chefs," another man behind the counter told him angrily, waving a ladle. "We're just service support personnel!"

"This won't do! This simply won't do!" Cookie exclaimed.

"Well it's all we've got for now," said one of the men in the food line. "And people are hungry, move along!"

Grumbling, Cookie held out his bowl and accepted the gluey mix of purple slop, green slop, and yellow slop. As he left the line he spotted me. "Hey! Miss Eris!"

I waved a hoof, a smile breaking out on my face. "Hey Cookie, you causing trouble in here?"

He frowned. "This is unacceptable. Do you see this stuff on my plate? This is not food!"

"You're right," Mia agreed. "But it's been that or packaged meals for some time now. ProteC got wind of it, and they sent us you."

"You will see a change very soon," Cookie said ominously. "After we share suffering at this table tonight, I shall begin lessons as Head Chef! Mark my words, this state of affairs will not continue through the morrow!"

I giggled as he strode off to the table, then I grabbed my tray and received my dish of goop. Apparently it was supposed to be some kind of meat and beans with vegetables and corn bread. I've never seen bread that looked like yellow oatmeal before, though.

The three of us sat together, and despite the horror on our plates and the piss-tasting watered-down "Gatorade", the old saying "hunger is the best spice" came into play strongly, causing us to eat with gusto.

"At least they have fresh fruits," Cookie said, crunching into an apple.

"Now you see why people were coming back from New Monterrey trips with duffel bags full of snacks," Mia laughed.

"Do I ever! Uh, Eris, are you okay?"

"Wha?" I said, lifting my face off the plate where I'd been taking a nap. "Oh. Crap."

"You poor dear," Mia exclaimed. "You'd better get to bed. Do you need help?"

"No thanks," I said, rising from the table and trying to lift my tray.

"I've got it," Cookie said, kindly. "I'll drop it at the wash counter for you."

"Thank you," I yawned. "I'm sorry but I'd better be going, before I fall asleep in the hallway."

"I'll go with you," Mia said. She grabbed my tray and hers over Cookie's protests, and dropped them off at the dish washing counter.

"Well then, I'll see you later," I said to Cookie.

"Come to breakfast in the morning," he said, a glint in his eye. "I'll beat a right proper meal out of these slackers, see if I don't!"

I grinned tiredly and staggered off towards the door. Mia made sure I didn't walk into anything as we proceeded to my room.

"Good night," she said at my door. "Are you sure you don't want..." she trailed off, seeing my drooping eyes. "Never mind. I'll see you later, Eris."

"Good night, Mia. Thanks for everything." I stifled another yawn as she gave me a pat on the neck and left.

I barely managed to wash my face, brush my teeth, and stagger to bed, setting my pistol and ARHUD on the bedside table. I dropping my holster on the floor, then immediately stumbled over it as I got into bed. I had just slid under my sheets and dimmed the lights when some awful noise came drifting out of the depths, right at the edge of my perception.

"JUB JUB JUB. JUB JUB JUB JUB JUB JUB JUB JUB."

It was an icky, hollow hooting cry, like a plastic drum half-full of water being pounded with a mallet. It made my skin crawl. Damn monsters. I shivered and turned the lights back up a little more, then I groaned and shoved the pillow over my ears, remembering with a pang of regret that I had forgotten to return to the armory and pick up the shotgun Willy had promised me.

Crap. I started to wish I had asked Mia to stay here just to use me as a plushie. I bet she would have been delighted, although she probably would have ended up using me for a sex toy as well.

"JUB JUB JUB JUB JUB."

Double crap. At this point I was almost willing to be used as a sex toy just to have some company.

Good night, Menagerie. Hello, nightmares.