"One more head count, just to be sure," Princess Cadance ordered her officer in charge. "I don't want anypony getting buried alive in the collapse."

"Yes ma'am!"

We stood at the base of the mound with Turf's family, a safe distance from any potential rock slide the impending explosion might produce. While the squadron organized themselves around the Princess, a lone Pegasus approached us.

"Griddle!" I called out.

He smiled and waved a hoof. "Hey!"

I moved to give him a hug, then hesitated, remembering the sorry state I was in, my mane and clothes matted with filth. "Sorry, I'm a mess."

He reached out anyway, giving me a squeeze. "Glad you guys found your friend."

"Who's that?" Mia asked.

"He's the one who flew to Princess Cadance and saved our butts," James explained. "Without him we'd probably be getting torn limb from limb right now."

"I just showed them to the farm," Griddle said, self-consciously. "I, ah, it was no big deal."

"It was a big deal to us. Thank you," Mia replied, bending down to kiss him on top of the muzzle. "You made it just in the nick if time."

It was Griddle's turn to blush. "Aww, well, you know, anypony would have done the same for a pretty girl like you," he mumbled shyly.

"Thanks to all of you," Turf added. "Without you guys, well..." he choked up, waving a hoof towards his wife and sleepy children. "I'm just glad we're all safe," he finished after pausing a moment.

"Me too," I sighed, then I noticed Cadance approaching us at a sedate pace while the military ponies hurried past her carrying their gear, crates, and weapons. Two of the demolition specialists dragged a wire reel behind.

"Hey you guys," she called out. "We're about to sink this hive."

"Thank goodness for that," Turf breathed. "I don't want this in my backyard!"

"Who wants to do the honors?" the pink Alicorn princess asked, pointing at the detonator switch the demo team was wiring up.

"How about we all do it?" Turf asked. "I think we've earned it."

"Yeah," I nodded. "Yeah. Let's do that."

The detonation was not so much heard as felt, a rumbling tremor deep in the ground. Small rocks sifted down the sides of the hill before us.

I lifted my hoof off the small stack of hooves and hands that had pressed the button. "And that, as they say, is that."

"Good riddance," Turf added. He glanced at his exhausted wife and foals. "And I think we'd best be getting home."

"Same here," Griddle yawned. "I'll just be heading out. Swing by the restaurant later, maybe?"

"We just might," I smiled.

With a nod he took off and soon disappeared over the treetops, leaving the rest of us to travel through the forest.

"Your windows are shattered," James observed as we walked through the grass around the farmhouse.

"I'll close the shutters and have somepony repair the glass in the morning," Turf replied, then froze abruptly. "Oh, right. The knife."

"Keep it," James told him. "And the flashlight. Knives are issued, not borrowed. It'll give you something to show the grand kids when you're telling them about the night grandpa was a bad ass hero. And nobody will care about the flashlight, either."

Turf grinned. "Thanks. Say, if you guys are ever in the area, you'll look us up, won't you?"

"I'll make you a pie," Celery added with a sleepy half-smile. "Strawberry rhubarb, or something."

"Absolutely," I smiled. Although the likelihood of our travelling this way again anytime soon was minimal, I would certainly take a look if it were to happen.

We waved as they headed home, then I felt Mia trying to slip off my back. "Don't you dare!" I hissed at her.

She stopped. "It's grass. I can walk from here."

"Hello, broken glass?" I growled. "You stay up there until I tell you to get off."

She scooted up my back. "Yes, ma'am."

I rolled my eyes as we headed around the house.

"Hey!" Mia suddenly shouted, almost making me piss myself again.

"Jeez, Mia! Don't do that! You scared the crap out of me," I grumbled.

"Sorry. Look, though! It's my shoe!"

I squinted in the dark, seeing something red under a tree.

"Must have dropped off when I, ah, went through here earlier, like, against my will. Can I get it?"

I picked the shoe up in my magic, rotating it in front of us. "Hmm. Only minorly scuffed." I lifted it over my head.

Mia took it. "Yay! These were expensive. Now if I can just find the other..."

"It's in the truck. I kept it."

"Oh! Thanks!"

"I'd be sad if you lost them too. They look cute on you." I didn't mention it had been something I probably would have kept forever to torture myself with if things had gone badly.

We neared the truck, and I finally allowed Mia to get off. She stroked me fondly on my neck, then got into the passenger seat and put her shoes on.

I went to the back with James. We placed our SBRs and empty enhanced magazines back in the case, and found a few extra mags for our pistols in a pouch we'd missed earlier.

As James shut the rear hatch, a familiar voice called out to us.

"Hey!"

We stopped and gawked.

"Um, can I ride with you guys?" Princess Cadance asked, walking towards us.

I blinked. "Of course, Princess. May I ask why?"

She smiled easily. "Because I'm not heading back until after we've all slept. And washed up. It's been a long night." She slipped the tanks off her back with a clank. "Also I like you guys."

"Well, thanks," I said uncertainly. Her approach surprised me more than I could fully hide. She'd already saved our lives. Now her continuing interest made me more than a little nervous.

"Let me get that," James offered, gesturing at the tanks. He moved to her and gripped the harness, hefting them to the back of the truck, his muscles rippling on his bare chest. Oh jeez, I thought to myself. She likes his-

Mia shoved the door open. "Hey Fuzzpoof, who are you talking to-" she stopped upon seeing Cadance, and a broad grin came to her face. "Oh my, Princess. Since you're here, can I get your autograph?"

"Of course. What do you want it on?"

Mia looked around. "I... I don't know."

Cadance grinned in a way that worried me immensely. "There's a marker there. I couldn't help but see you were wearing white panties."

James came around the side of the vehicle. "So, are we all..." he trailed off, coming to a halt beside me. We both stood with our mouths open watching the scene in front of us.

Mia had yanked her skirt up past her waist, and was giggling like a schoolgirl while Princess Cadance, also giggling, signed the front of her panties with a Sharpie held in her forehoof.

My mental gears whirred in neutral while I watched, then Mia dropped her skirt back down.

"Does anypony else want an autograph?" Cadance asked, wheeling on us, the marker extended ominously. "I'll sign just about anything!"

"I, uh, er, I see that," I said, afraid to ask just how far the offer extended. "I'm good, thanks."

"So, um, you wanted a ride?" James began. "I'll drive... Um..." he trailed off again as Mia reached up under her skirt and pulled her panties down her legs, slipping them over her red heels.

"What? I'm saving these. I hope the autograph doesn't fade in the wash." She shoved the panties into her purse.

"I'd be more than happy to sign them again," Cadance offered cheerfully. "Or anything else you want."

James and I looked at each other.

"I'm scared," I whispered. "It's like Mia found a... a twin."

James shrugged. "Eh."

Cadance stared at us expectantly for a moment, then her smile faded once it became apparent neither of us was going to offer anything exciting to write on. She capped the marker and gave it to Mia. "Well, okay then, I'll just be a moment. Need to make sure my troops have a plan for resting up." She turned and trotted back the way she'd come.

"See you soon!" Mia called out.

Cadance waved a hoof over her shoulder without looking, then hurried out of sight.

"I like her, she's nice," Mia commented, turning back to our staring faces.

"Oh, yeah, she's totally cool," I agreed. "Just, she kinda reminds me of someone."

"Anyone I know?" Mia asked.

"You could say that," James deadpanned. "Anyway, let's get ready. It's so late it's becoming early."

Mia yanked open the back door. "After you, Eris."

I opened my mouth, then closed it again and hopped inside. James got into the driver's seat, and I slid along the back bench until i was behind him. Mia got in next to me and shut the door with a bang. "So," she said. "Anyone feeling a little horny?"

I squinted at her in disbelief. "Jeez, Mia. Aren't you like, I don't know, traumatized from what happened? I sure am!"

"Absolutely. That's why I need you both to fuck me like crazy until I forget about it."

"You're serious."

"I was afraid I'd never see either of you again. It was horrible. I'm not going to let a moment go to waste."

James chuckled. "So basically nothing has changed."

I narrowed my eyes. "So. Let me get this straight. You came face to face with your own morality and a horrible death. How did that make you feel?"

Mia narrowed her own eyes back at me. "It sucked. Why?"

"Because you seem to be taking it awfully well."

"What do you want me to say?" she shrugged, breaking our squinting contest. "I cried, I pissed myself more than once. I would have screamed myself hoarse but I heard Celery and those kids and I bit it back because I didn't want to scare them to death. I already said it, but I'll say it again, it was absolutely horrible. But it was in the past, and now you're here. What do you expect me to do?"

I sighed. "I don't even know. Just, it seems like you, I don't know, recovered too fast? Hell it's not even a recovery, it's more like you just rebounded right back as if nothing had happened at all."

Mia sighed. "What, do you want me to mope around some? How long is suitable? I can try and cry some more if that would make you happy."

I dragged a hoof down my face and caught James's eye observing us in the rear view mirror. He shrugged.

"Fine," I eventually said. "Just... Just be yourself, dear."

"You better not be sitting there worrying about whether I'm crazy or not," Mia growled. "You already know I'm crazy, nothing has changed!"

I couldn't help but grin at that. "I know, and wouldn't change you for the world, Mia darling." Then i frowned. "I guess our vacation is over, thought."

"What? Why?" Mia asked.

I gaped at her. "Because... because... you almost got killed?"

"That could have happened anywhere! I came here for a vacation, Eris, and I haven't had one yet!"

I looked at James, who shrugged. It seemed like shrugging was becoming his default way of leaving me hanging for Mia to play with. "So the vacation is still on?"

"I need it more than ever now," Mia continued. "And I want to start by taking a nice long bath. At the hot springs. With your little pony ass in my face."

"What?"

"I want to eat your asshole in the hot spring, dear."

I squeezed my legs together reflexively at the sudden tingle in my crotch. "Mia! Stop making me wet while we're driving! I'll mess the seat up! And what hot spring are you talking about?"

"Fine then, I'll save it for the hot springs."

"WHAT HOT SPRINGS?"

"The ones at our hotel. Didn't you see the sign? 'Hot Springs! Private Room Rental Available!' It was, like, huge, at the front counter."

"I, uh, no. I didn't see it." I grimaced, feeling like an idiot. We sat for a bit in silence, then Mia spoke up again. "Eris? Something is bothering me, after all."

I tried to hide the flutter of worry that coursed through me. "Yeah? What's up?"

"Back in the hive, I saw... a cow. Or what was left of one."

"Yeah. Turf's livestock got eaten. It's unfortunate."

"Right." She was silent for a moment. "Eris? In the My Little Pony show, cows are... well, they talk. Is that-"

"No," I answered quickly. "Goodness no. Cows are no more intelligent here than they are on human-side Earth."

Mia let out a heavy sigh. "Oh thank goodness. I was worried for moment. I mean..." her voice faded.

I put a hoof on her knee. "Yeah, I know what you mean. Well, it would be messed up if they WERE intelligent. We farm them. That would be like slavery."

"Yeah, I never really understood that in the show, either. Even the sheep talk, and they get treated like animals by the ponies."

"Well, here they don't talk. The sheep here are simply animals, and we do use them for wool."

"And I guess the cows for milk and cheese and stuff?"

I smiled. "Right. We, ah, don't tend to slaughter our animals..." I trailed off. "Not that it bothers me that... I mean, ah..." The flow of words failed me again.

"Awkward," Mia said.

I giggled. "Yeah, that's me. Miss Awkward. I can't keep my hoof out of my mouth."

Mia squeezed my thigh. "Well, I wasn't attracted to you for your silver tongue." She paused, and an evil gleam came into her eye. "Although your tongue is certainly skilled in ways I approve of very much."

I sighed. "Well, there goes a wet spot."

Mia snickered. "You need to put some panties over your cute little snatch, dear."

"Most ponies don't wear clothes. I hardly ever wore clothes before I started working at Menagerie!"

"Do most ponies leave juicy stains on the upholstery?"

"Most ponies don't have to deal with you, Mia."

She squeezed my thigh again. "Okay, that's true."

We jumped as the door slid open. "I'm back!" Princess Cadance jumped into the rear, shoving up against Mia.

"Uh, we left you the front seat," I said.

"But I want to sit back here where I can talk to Mia," Cadance said, dropping puppy dog eyes. Then her nose twitched. She laughed, and stuck her muzzle out the partially open window. "Seriously it smells like ass, bad breath, and worse in here, though. You guys reek to the high heavens!"

"Well you smell like burnt kerosene and squashed bugs," Mia countered, eyes narrowed. "What did you even get in this car for?"

I gasped, worried she'd gone too far this time. "Mia! She's a princess!"

Cadance's mouth turned down into a scowl, and her voice stiffened. "How DARE you speak to me in such a fashion?"

Mia scowled back. "I'll hug you like a plushie. I'm not kidding. You're too clean. I'll make you one of us!"

"You'd better no-EEEEK!"

Mia lunged over, wrapping her filthy arms around the aristocratically beautiful Alicorn. "Gotcha! ONE OF US!"

I gaped, appalled at the unfolding scene before me. I felt maybe I should do something, but my brain seemed to have returned to that wonderful neutral gear, and I watched helplessly as Mia wrestled with the Princess of the Crystal Empire.

"Oh, we are so dead," I moaned.

"Eeee!" Cadance squealed, trying to pull away from Mia's spider-like embrace. "Y-you're a f-fucking filthy animal!" Her stiff demeanor suddenly dissolved into gales of laughter. "Y-you smell like a hobo! I'm gonna throw up!" She retched loudly, still debilitated with spasms of hilarity. "I'm serious! I'm gonna hurl on you!"

"There," Mia said proudly, releasing her. "Now you smell like shit too, Miss Golden Shoes."

Cadance sniffed her body and wrinkled her nose. "Yech. It really did rub off on me." She tapped her chin with a hoof. "Since I already stink.." she reached out and returned Mia's hug. "Gosh. My first time touching a human, you know. You guys are so soft and smooth, under that layer of filth, I mean."

As I watched them giggling away like schoolgirls, a horrible realization came over me.

Mia and Princess Cadance had the same sense of humor.

"Oh crap," I whispered to myself. "This could be really, really bad."

I had no idea just how bad it was until we were all butt-ass naked in a private hot spring room at the hotel half an hour later.

"I'm not really sure I'm comfortable with this," I complained nervously, lying at the edge of the big hot pool on a towel with my rear legs hanging into the water and my ass in the air.

Mia stopped licking my butthole for a moment. "Why not?"

"Because there's an audience I barely know!"

"Don't mind me," Cadance said cheerfully from the other side of the little pool, although I could easily see she was watching with rapt interest while Mia molested me. "I am the Princess of Love. I've seen it all, and then some. Please continue." She leaned forward expectantly, the water up to her shoulders.

"More like the Princess of Perversion," I grumbled while Mia happily lifted my tail and went back to work digging her warm tongue into my anus. "You just invited herself in here! We only just met!"

"But I like you guys already," Cadance beamed.

"I'm not sure I know you well enough to agree," i replied, rather untruthfully. Despite myself, I liked the rotten voyeur, even aside from her having just saved our lives. People taking advantage of these kind of circumstances was starting to become a thing, it would seem.

Cadance feigned sorrow. "Aww! Do you guys really not want me here? I'm just enjoying the company, and the warm water. I mean, I could get my own steam room, and just hang out by myself. Alone." She pouted.

James, who wasn't paying much attention to any of us, sitting in the hot spring half asleep with his head leaned back, shrugged his shoulders. "I don't mind you here."

"Of course we want you here!" Mia said, horrified. "Eris! She's awesome! Why wouldn't we want her here? She saved our lives!"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, fine, whatever. I'll just resign myself to... oohhh!" I gasped as Mia jammed her fingers into my pussy from behind. I could feel my eyes bugging out. "Oh my gosh!"

"Just pretend I'm not even here," Cadance murmured, her eyes unashamedly gaping at me. "You make an interesting hand puppet, though. Your eyes look like baseballs!"

I tried to shoot an angry glance at her, which was weakened considerably by a near-orgasm shaking my body and making my eyelids flutter. "Oh! Ohhhhh!" I rubbed my thighs together reflexively.

"Just think of me like... like a doctor! Or something," our pink Alicorn audience added.

"Where are your forehooves?" I asked her sharply, trying to ignore Mia exploring my sloppy hole. "What are you doing?"

One of her hooves shot up above the water. "Nothing!"

"Where's your other hoof?"

"Nowhere. I'm just, ah, being comfortable."

"Are you-?"

Her eyes widened innocently. "What are you trying to say?"

"You didn't say you aren't! What about your husband? What would he think of this?"

"Shining Armor? If he was here he would join us, he loves hot springs."

"That's not what I meant and you know iiiii-oh! OH!" Mia did something with her fingers, twisting them around in my pussy. I felt my eyes roll back in my head and a dopey expression come over my face. "Ohhh craaaaaaaap!"

"Umm," Mia hummed from under my tail, her lips brushing down as she probed and licked my wetness.

"Ohhh my gosh," I moaned.

"Uhhh," Cadance groaned softly, leaning back with her eyes closed, both her hooves back under the water again. She started to slide off the underwater ledge she was sitting on, and momentarily sank out of sight, resurfacing almost immediately with a splashing, spluttering noise. "Ugh! I got water up my nose!"

"S-serves you right." I couldn't even scowl at her with the things Mia was doing to me. I just sank onto the towel, my body trembling. "Miaaaa," I moaned. "S-stop!"

"Okay, fine," Mia said, dropping my tail and sitting back in the water. "You be that way if you want to. I'll just be over here giving James a hand job, if you change your mind."

"Mia! Wait! Crap," I said angrily, watching her scoot away. "Double crap."

"Hey there!" She pushed up alongside him.

"Wha-?" James said, opening one eye as Mia reached under the water. "Whoa! Uh, hi baby!"

I eyeballed them from my towel, already beginning to regret my complaints. I had been so close, too. I should have just kept my muzzle shut. So what if a Princess was watching me? I sighed and laid my head between my forehooves, watching James and Mia.

He was definitely awake now, holding an arm around her shoulders and kissing her deeply on the mouth. I reflected briefly that it was a good thing we'd taken the time to brush our teeth and clean up a bit before coming down here.

I pushed myself back, slipping into the water and turning around to face Cadance. She looked at me, widening her eyes and nodding her head towards James and Mia.

I frowned deeply at her and crossed my forehooves, but watching James and Mia making out a few feet away from me was wearing my prudish resolve thinner by the moment, and the steamy water wasn't helping. He pulled her close, one hand fondling her breast while they teased each other with their tongues. I could see her hand working at him under the water, stroking his shaft. "I give up!" I finally cried out, sliding over to them, aware of Cadance's beaming face watching us with gleeful anticipation. "I give up, okay? I want in! I don't care if she's watching!"

"Nice of you to show up, dear, I knew you'd come around," Mia giggled, reaching out for me. "Come here. His dick is ready." She pulled me through the water, pausing to give me a kiss. Then she shoved me into position straddling James, my forehooves on his shoulders.

He put his hands around my waist. "Hey baby." Then he kissed me.

I relaxed, sliding down into his lap, his cock pushing far up inside me. "How do I always end up in these weird, perverted situations?" I murmured in his ear as I ground onto him.

"You were lucky enough to come across some freakazoids, i guess," he replied, shifting his hips and pushing himself up.

I groaned with pleasure as his manhood dug into me, wrapping my arms behind his neck. "Oh! Yes!" I purred, thrusting my hips forward. "Yes!"

I was acutely aware of Cadance's shameless interest as I fucked James. My cheeks felt red from more than just the heat of the pool, but I wasn't about to stop. I could also see James had begun fingering Mia under the water.

"Enjoy the show, Cadance, you little pervert," I spat. At this point I had finally given up on calling her by her title.

"Oh, I'm enjoying this quite a lot," she replied, her own face flushed. I could see her shoulders working under the water.

I was distracted from her by James roughly grabbing my waist and crushing me against his crotch. "I'm gonna cum, babe," he groaned.

"Do it. DO IT!" I hissed, sliding back and forth rapidly on him.

He yanked me hard and moaned, and I felt him shooting inside me. "I, ah, ohhh," I gasped, his load triggering my own orgasm. I pulled his face against my chest, and he nibbled at my nipples, making me cum even harder. I could plainly hear Cadance making some little yelps behind me; I had few doubts what she'd been up to.

When we finally broke apart, I pulled myself carefully off, and sat down on the ledge beside him, resting my head against his shoulder. Mia did the same on his opposite side. "Feel better?" I asked the voyeur.

"Of course. I greatly enjoy increasing my knowledge of, ah, love." Princess Cadance grinned at us from across the pool, pushing her wet mane off her face. "So. Like, I'm supposed to head to Canterlot tomorrow. How would you guys like to tag along and meet Princess Celestia?"

"Yes! Yes yes!" Mia squealed, leaping up and bouncing around in the water, her naked boobs bobbing wildly. "Thank you!'

"What the crap just happened?" I asked, scratching my head in confusion while Mia and Cadance laughed and threw water at each other.

James just shrugged at me.