Cookie and his henchmen stood behind the counter, frying hamburgers on the grill. "Hey, Miss Eris!" he called out upon seeing me. "What'll it be?"

I peered through the glass counter shield. "Uh, what have you got?"

"How about the veggie burger? They've been popular with the ponykind today, and I'm even cooking them over here on this side of the grill, see? No cross-contamination."

"Sounds good, can you throw some cheese on it?"

Cookie flipped his spatula. "For you my dear, anything! I see you brought the crew," he waved at James and Mia.

"You noticed," Mia said.

"How could I not? You three are always together now."

"We're officially a team," I explained.

"I see," Cookie grinned. "Well, what are y'all calling yourselves?"

James, Mia, and I just looked at each other. "Uh, we haven't come up with a division name yet," I said, finally.

"I see," Cookie said again. "I'm sure you'll think of something. Do you want your buns warmed?"

Mia jabbed me in the side. I ignored her. "I'd love that, thanks."

Mia leaned over. "Toasty buns," she hissed at me under her breath.

"Shut up and order your burger," I hissed back out of the corner of my mouth.

Once we all had our burgers and fries, the three of us headed to the most secluded booth we could find, as usual.

Mia slid in next to me, and James sat across from us.

"So, what are we gonna call ourselves?" Mia asked as we dug into our burgers.

"I have no clue," I replied, mumbling with my mouth full. A large, wet chunk of half-gnawed veggie burger fell out onto the table. Nice manners, Miss Charming.

Before I could remove my piece of barbarism with a napkin, Mia deftly snatched it up and stuffed it into her own mouth. I don't know why anything still surprises me with her.

"Cookie is right, like, we're an actual team now. We should have a team name," she said casually, after swallowing my pre-chewed food.

"Like 'The Three Musketeers?" James suggested, finally looking up from his own burger. Of course he hadn't seen a thing.

"Or Triple Asskick?" I threw out, then winced. "Eew. On second though, that sounds rather stupid."

"How about The Torture Trinity?" James chuckled.

"Sounds like some creepy sex dungeon," Mia scoffed.

James rolled his eyes at her. "Oh puh-lease, you're one to talk."

"At least I know you shouldn't put stuff like that in a team name!"

"How about Three Way?" I said without thinking, then my cheeks blushed heavily as I realized what had just come out of my mouth.

Mia smiled at me and patted my hoof. "Dear, we will do that later, I'm sure. But I don't think it works as an acceptable team name. How about The Triad?"

I took a break from feeling like a clown for a moment, mulling over her suggestion. "Oh. I like that. But let's make sure it stands for something legitimate, too. How about magic, science, and security? The three corners of the Triad?"

"Oh, clever girl," Mia purred. "What do you think, James?"

He gave a thumbs-up. "Bonus points for being the same as the famous Asian criminal organization."

"Well we won't tell them we stole their name," I suggested. "And maybe they won't ninja us."

"Ninja us?" Mia giggled. "Don't ninja nothin' that don't need ninjaing."

"What?"

"Never mind, honey. It's just another Internet video you need to see."

"Hmm. Well I guess we can go do that."

The video was pretty funny, some guy claiming to be a "ninja" while displaying absurd antics. Ah, the Internet. The thing I never knew I wanted that now I couldn't live without. Humans are so funny, I could let whole days just slip by watching their jokes and songs. But, being the boss, I assumed had to keep us busy, even though I wasn't entirely certain what to do.

"So, guys," I finally asked, stretching in my chair, "what do you usually do down here during the day?"

James sat on my desk, and I looked up at him from my chair. "Well, usually we sit around. There's a lot of security personnel and not too many security posts, so we have a lot of time off," he replied.

"So what's the deal? Why the imbalance?" I asked. "I don't know a huge amount about personnel management, but that seems off."

"Because," James explained, "When the shit goes down, it REALLY goes down. If one of those things downstairs gets loose, it's all hands on deck. Like the ride into the tunnels to nail the drill worm."

I nodded. "Okay. Makes sense."

"That's why you can chill a little, Eris," Mia added. "You won't have much 'work' to do. But make no mistake, when they need us, it will be serious. Until then, try to relax."

'I understand," I said, putting my rear hooves up on my desk and crossing my legs. "I want to poke around a bit, especially Level One and Two."

"That's what we're here for," Mia grinned. "Ensure your safety no matter what you poke your muzzle into." She rubbed my thigh.

"Um. Okay then. We are kind of free agents." I grinned. "That means we can do pretty much whatever we want, with the goal in mind of improving safety and security, and assisting with the mitigation efforts against intruders, as Director Stephens said in his email."

"I read it," James said. "He sent it to all three of us."

"Good. Well, it's nice to have leeway." I smiled evilly and made a whip cracking motion with my hoof. "I'm gonna ride you guys ragged."

"Too late," James replied cheerfully.

"James! That's not what I meant!" I whined. "Oh, never mind. I'm going to look over some more files. You guys stop distracting me, okay?"

It was quiet for about five minutes after they both returned to their desks. Then Mia sighed heavily. "Boss? How about some tunes?"

I scowled at her for a moment. "What? Oh, okay. Just not too loud, I'm going to keep on reading."

Mia turned on her music, and for a while I tried to work while songs played in the background. Eventually I found myself humming along. "Mia? I like this a lot," I finally said, kicking back in my chair and waving my hooves to the beat.

"Linkin Park is one of my favorite bands," Mia grinned at me. "Glad you approve. Oh, and did you hear? DJ Pon-3 is releasing some of her music Earthside?"

"What? Really? How?"

"I have no idea. Some deal worked through the Internet. If you ask me, the sheer novelty alone..." Mia flew her hand around making jet noises. "Neeerrroooom! Right to the top, baby!"

"I wouldn't doubt it. But you know, same goes for anything. It's going to be an interesting time ahead of us as our worlds continue to trade things," I mused.

"Gotta say," James chimed in. "Terrifying monsters and demon gods aside, this is the best first contact ever."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh of course you would think so. But I do agree."

James frowned at me. "Humph. Well for your information, Miss Boss Lady, I meant the exchange of cultural information and arts, not whatever you are hinting at."

"Rrrright." I stared at my holomonitor. "Uh, what is Artfact Zero One?"

"Artifact?" Mia piped up. "What, something we have here?"

"Yeah," I replied. "This document mentions an artifact. Everything else are Specimens, but we are also apparently holding an "Artifact Zero One". And it's in Level Two containment."

"That's strange. I thought we only had the biologicals."

"Well, now I know the first thing I want to look into," I muttered. "Wanna go take a peek?"

Mia and James both hopped up from their chairs and grabbed their shotguns.

"I'll take that as a yes," I chuckled, sliding from my own chair. I grabbed my own firearm and latched it along my back. "Let's go find out what this thing is."

"It was retrieved from the ground zero crater a few miles from here after the ProteC combat force detonated the nuclear warhead to repel Shub-Niggurath," Dr. Sandra Nichols told us as she guided us towards a large secured side door on Level Two. "None of us are sure exactly what it is, or what it is for." She paused outside the door and swept her wristband through the holographic lock. The door clicked, and she casually pushed it open, allowing us inside.

James slid in first, taking a quick look with his shotgun ready. I noticed Mia keeping an eye behind us as he did so, her own weapon cradled at a relaxed angle. I knew how quickly that could change if she perceived a threat. I left my shotgun stowed so I could walk on all fours, but I could draw it in a heartbeat if need be. Visiting Level Two made us all much more cautious, the proximity and unsettling noises of the deadly creatures housed nearby serving as a constant reminder of how dangerous it would instantly become if one were to gain freedom, or worse, had already gained freedom unnoticed.

The scientist guiding us seemed blissfully uncaring, used to the environment and the hellish entities it contained.

"You seem quite comfortable in this place," I said to her.

She glanced down at me. "My job is to ask questions and conduct research in an emotionally detached manner. It is Security's job to make sure my subjects don't kill me while I do so."

"I see," I replied neutrally.

Dr. Nichols looked at me quizzically for a moment, then her eyes widened. "Oh no, that didn't come out right. I made it sound like you guys are just a tool. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way. I'm glad for the protection, for you guys..." she trailed off awkwardly. "I'm afraid I'm somewhat lacking in people skills."

"I know that feeling," I said.

"Don't worry about it," Mia replied. "We're all on the same team here, and it's not a place for the easily offended. Trust me, I've heard worse."

Our guide nodded happily, relieved to be off the hook. "It's just right here," she said, changing the subject and leading us down a short hallway past several locked doors until we reached the door at the end.

"Security Control?" she said to her ARHUD, waving at a wall-mounted camera placed above a red light. "Can you please deactivate the vault alarm?"

After a few seconds, the light turned green with a short buzz, and she quickly scanned into the hololock and pushed the door open. "Well, this is it, Artifact Zero One." She nonchalantly ushered us into the large, well-lit room beyond.

Entering, I saw concrete walls with surface mounted cameras and sensors, mostly aiming at the featureless black three-foot cube sitting on a clear pedestal, contained in a transparent cage at the center of the room.

"That's it?" I asked.

"Yep. Not really much to look at, but we aren't sure what it is, or what it does. Or should I say we have no confirmation that it does anything at all, besides take up space?"

"So, this came from the crater?" I asked, walking slowly around the container. The object within was black, so black that it appeared to be a hole in space itself.

"That's why we contained it. It's the only object of its type we have found. And the surface absorbs light almost perfectly while also being impervious to every tool we have attempted on it to date."

"How about magic?"

She shook her head. "None of the few unicorns we have has been able to do anything with it."

"Huh," I replied. "Can I try?"

"Sure, why not."

I closed my eyes and began to magically probe the box, snapping them open again as the containment breach klaxon sounded.

This time our guide looked truly frightened. "Oh shit," she gasped, one hand going to her mouth as her eyes bulged. "Something's loose down here!"

"Uh oh." My mind was instantly full of the many vicious residents of Level Two I'd seen and read about. I quickly unlatched my shotgun and brought it to my forehooves, rearing upright and going bipedal to hold it. Although some unicorns are bad asses, I don't shoot very well using just telekinesis, and physically holding the weapon leaves the horn free for magic casting.

"Uh, I can just wait here," Dr. Nichols suggested hopefully.

"You'd better stay with us," James grunted. "Rule number one is nobody wanders around down here alone. We will protect you."

"Th-thanks. Um, we could all stay here?"

"They might need our help out there, and we don't want to be trapped in here if things go south."

"Besides, think of the opportunity to observe uncontrolled interaction with a specimen," I added. "You don't get an opportunity like that every day."

"R-right, I guess that's true." Nichols didn't sound overly happy about it, but she stayed close as I moved towards the door with James and Mia beside me. "Curiosity killed the cat," she muttered softly.

"Good thing you don't look like a pussy to me," Mia replied.

"Uh, thanks I guess?"

As we prepared to exit, a warning message flashed across our ARHUDS.

///DANGER! UNCONTAINED PSIONIC HAZARD. USE EXTREME CAUTION.///

We looked at each other.

"Shit."

"Fuck."

"Oh crap."

Author's Notes:

In memory of Chester Bennington, 20 March 1976 - 20 July 2017
The world will forever miss the sound of your voice.