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Shining Armor's Bemusing Dilemma

by Chengar Qordath

Chapter 1: They Must Be Friends. They're Talking About Shoes!

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Cancelling game night is usually a real bummer, but I had no regrets. Spear had scored concert tickets for Flanchard, and since they were one of our favorite bands to listen to while gaming he’d invited all of us to tag along. Dexter had to cancel at the last minute, so it was just me, Musette, Spear Head, and Flying Pommel. We’d all been pretty pumped for the show, because a rock band that sings about games, history, and historical games is pretty much the coolest idea for a band ever.

Once the concert was over, I said what everyone was thinking. “That was awesome!”

“I know!” Spear hopped onto a statue of Greenwall the Victorious and started belting out his favorite song.

“News that came that morning told that Manehattan was enslaved,

Wings and talons crashed down on the hooves running in vain

The defenders slain and the city lost to the High King’s foul claws

The runners’ hooves ‘cross Equestria as they made the call to war!”

I hopped up next to him and joined in. “Gryphons attack!

Fight back-to-back!

Preserve Manehattan—

Form up, hold the line!

Your shield with mine

Celestia preserve us

“Young lives cut short, hunted for sport, foul king to thwart

Manehattan awaits you

Equestria’s here with reddened spear—we show no fear.”

Musette grinned up at the two of us. “If I had known you two would love going to concerts this much, I would’ve suggested it a long time ago. It was nice to see a band that cares so deeply about their music.”

Pommel snorted and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, the concert was great. Listening to those two mangle the songs we just paid to hear done properly...”

Spear hopped off the statue, his head held high. “It doesn’t matter how good we are as long as we sing with our hearts. Right, Musette?”

“There is something to be said for enthusiasm.” She grinned and poked me in the side. “That said, it’s much easier to appreciate how much you’re singing from your heart if you manage to be on-key and actually get the lyrics right. It’s ‘crimson spear’, not ‘reddened’.”

“We were close enough,” Spear grumbled.

“Yeah, it’s not like she’s a muse or anything.” Pommel smirked at both of us. “What does she know about music?”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “I'm a soldier, not a musician.”

“Yeah, I put all my art skill points into sculpture and painting. There weren’t any left over for singing,” Spear countered.

Pommel snorted. “Only you could explain your terrible singing voice with RPG mechanics. Lucky for you, I’ve got a +10 resistance bonus to my saving throws versus exasperation.” She yawned, covering her mouth with a wing. “And speaking of, I think I just got a natural one on my roll to not be exhausted. See you guys later.”

Spear checked his watch. “Whoa, time flies when you’re having fun. I better bail too. I’ve got a morning shift, and I’d like to get some sleep before work.”

“Best march home then,” I agreed. “The Guard can’t afford to have soldiers who’re dead on their hooves.”

Spear scoffed. “Just because you outrank me doesn’t mean you can boss me around.”

“Actually, that’s exactly what it means.”

Spear snorted and shook his head. “I’m not in your chain of command, Shiny-hiney. Anyway, catch you later.” He trotted off, leaving me alone with Musette.

I double-checked the time: “So ... it’s pretty late. Guess I better walk you home.” Sure, Musette was a ridiculously ancient and powerful fey creature, but it was dark out and she was still a girl. Even if she didn’t need protection, it was still polite to walk her home.

Musette grinned at me. “Such a gentlecolt. Alright then, lead the way.”

It was a bit weird to just be hanging out with a creature like Musette. Sure, most of the time she just looked like an incredibly beautiful unicorn mare, but she was actually one of the ancient muses. I’d never gotten a straight answer for how old she actually was, and all things considered I was probably happier not knowing. It would probably make game night really weird if I knew that one of my gaming buddies was as old as Celestia.

The wind picked up a bit, sending a cold gust down the streets. Musette let out a surprised yelp, shivering. “I knew I should’ve brought a cloak...” She grabbed one of my hooves and leaned against me, smiling.

“Murp!” I agreed, my cheeks heating up more than enough to keep me warm. What can I say? Even if she was an incredibly old fey creature, she was also a pretty girl leaning up against me. She looked nice. She felt nice. She smelled nice. It was all really nice ... and a little bit terrifying. Okay, a lot terrifying. I hadn’t quite figured out the whole ‘girls’ thing yet, but I did know I was entirely too good at saying the wrong thing with them. I tried to work out something resembling a complete sentence. “Um ... you cold?”

“A little, yeah.” She batted her eyelashes at me. “I'm not a big, strong stallion with all that muscle to keep me warm.” She leaned in a bit closer, resting her head on my shoulder. “I guess it’s a good thing you’re here to keep me from freezing.”

“Gurp!” I took a couple seconds to reboot my brain, which was having a hard time thinking about anything other than how nice Musette’s mane was. “Um ... I uh ...” I blinked a couple times and finally remembered that I’d bought a concert shirt. I quickly dug it out of my saddlebag and offered it to her. “You, uh, you said you were cold, right? So, uh ... that is .. .it’s um ... it’s not a cloak, but...”

Musette grinned impishly at me. “Now Shining, you know I can't accept gifts without giving something back in return.”

Oh, right. That was a fey thing. It was hard to brain when she was right there, touching me and looking so nice. “Um ... I’m not giving it to you, I’m just letting you borrow it for a bit so you won't be cold. That’s alright, right?

Musette pursed her lips. “Hm, that does help, but even if you’re just loaning it to me, I still ought to do something to return the favor.”

She leaned in closer, and I didn’t realize what she had in mind until I felt her lips on my cheek. The kiss itself was quick, warm, and ... nice. Very nice. I felt a sudden, almost irresistible urge to break into song which I was inclined to blame on her muse-ness. Maybe I would’ve, if I wasn’t so embarrassed that I was trying to figure out if I could blush myself to death.

Musette smirked, mischief twinkling in her eyes. “There, now we’re even.” Her horn lit up as she pulled on her borrowed shirt.

“Murgle,” I squeaked out by way of agreement.

Musette snickered. “Let me know when you can form complete sentences again. Anyway, as I recall you don’t have anything to do tomorrow, so I suggest a change of plans. The night is young, and I’m still pumped up from getting to see an entire concert. If I’m having a night on the town, it definitely won’t be alone.” She wrapped one of her hooves around mine. “Congratulations, you just became my date for the night.”

My brain struggled to process what she’d just said. “Duh—dah—daaaaa...”

Musette rolled her eyes. “I suppose there had to be something to balance out all those rugged good looks. Anyway, where should we go? Dancing is obviously out unless I want you stomping all over my hooves, but I’m sure we could come up with something else. I suppose we could always go to a club and—”

My mouth finally managed to start speaking actual words again. “D-did you just say we were going on a date?!”

She paused, crossing her her forelegs over her chest. “No, I said you’re going to be my date, not that we’re going on a date. It’s an important distinction.”

My head slowly cocked to the side. “It is?”

Musette sighed and shook her head. “Don’t worry, your virginity is safe from me.”

“My virg—” I sputtered indignity. “I’m not ... that is, um...” Musette started giggling at me, and I finally figured out what was going on. “You’re messing with me, aren’t you?”

She answered me with the sort of smile that I usually only saw when Mom caught Twilight trying to ‘perform scientific experiments’ on the cookie jar and its contents. “Do you really think I would do something like that?”

Well, that confirmed it. Musette could never look that innocent unless she was utterly guilty. Despite my best efforts to work up an angry disapproving scowl, I found myself grinning. “I guess I am an easy target.”

“Just a bit,” she agreed.

I groaned. “You don’t have to agree with me, you know.”

“But I’m a fey.” Musette smirked and playfully nudged my shoulder. “That means I have to speak the truth. Besides, on top of you making it easy to tease you, you also make it far too much fun. How could I possibly resist?”

“I’m sure you could find a way if you really wanted to,” I grumbled. “So, if you’re going to spend all night dragging me all over Canterlot looking for good music, is it okay if we get something to eat first?”

“They had food at the concert hall.”

“Sure, if I wanted to pay five bits for a big pretzel and seven for a bottle of cider.” It’s not that I couldn’t have afforded it, but the idea of paying five bits for something I could get for one bit at the grocery store just irked me. “Anyway, it’s a bit late for anywhere nice to be open, so how does Doughnut Joe’s sound?” Joe always stayed open late, since half his customers were college students in the middle of late-night cram sessions. I know I’d gotten through preparing for half of my West Hoof exams on a steady supply of sugar and caffeine.

Musette shrugged. “Lead the way.”

It was a quick trot to Joe’s, since the Flanchard concert had been pretty close to his shop. The usual collection of cadets and college students in various stages of academic burnout occupied most of the tables, blearily going over textbooks and scrawling down semi-legible notes. There were a couple familiar faces from my all-too-recent cadet days, and one who was a lot nearer and dearer. “Cadance!”

Cadance looked up from her mass of papers. “Shining?” She grinned at me, then shoved some books aside to make room. “What a surprise! Aunt Celestia has me going over...” She slowly trailed off, her eyes going over my shoulder and focusing on Musette. The smile froze on her face. “Shiny? Why don’t you introduce me to your friend?”

Musette stepped up next to me, her eyes quickly flicking over Cadance while Cadey did the same to her. It was one of those things mares do—kinda like how the Guard trained me to look over someone’s weapons, armor and other equipment ... except it was manestyles, makeup, and other girly stuff. Musette smiled at her. “You must be Princess Cadance. Shining’s told me so much about you.” She slipped into the booth opposite Cadance, and I followed her in since Cadey’s side was still full of books.

“I wish I could say the same,” Cadance returned.

Musette turned and playfully whapped my shoulder. “Shining! How could you not tell her about me? After how much time we've been spending together.” She turned back to Cadance, showing off her shirt. “We actually just got back from a Flanchard concert. Shining got me this shirt—isn’t it just lovely?”

“Lovely.” Cadance turned to me. “Shining, why don’t you introduce me to your date?”

Oh! She thought Musette was my... “Uh, she’s not ... well, actually she kinda is, but not really, it’s... um...” I tried to remember how Musette had explained it earlier. “She’s ... she’s not my date, but we are going out on a date? Or was it the other ... um...” I groaned and stopped talking before I could embarrass myself even more, took a deep breath, and then started over. “Er ... Cadance, this is Musette. Musette, this is Princess Cadance. Musette's one of my gaming friends, so ... uh ... yeah.”

Musette offered Cadance her hoof. “It's nice to finally meet you after everything I’ve heard about you from Shining. I was starting to wonder if any mare could live up to all the wonderful things he’s said.” She looked Cadance over again, then smiled.

“Shining has always been incredibly perceptive,” Cadance answered. “More than anypony else I’ve met.” She shook Musette’s hoof, then blinked and frowned at her. “Wait a minute, you're not a pony. That must mean ... you’re fey, aren't you?”

I cut in before any misunderstandings could crop up. “Yeah, she's a muse.”

“A muse?” Cadance tapped her chin. “Right, Aunt Celestia told me about you. I really should’ve guessed from the name. Only a muse would use such a wonderfully original alias.”

Musette shrugged. “I spend all my time inspiring creativity in others, and right now I’m not exactly working incognito.”

“Then why not use your real name?” Cadance suggested. “What was it again ... Clio?”

Musette shook her head. “That’s my sister,”

“Erato?”

“Also my sister.” Musette held up a hoof. “I hope you’re not going to go down the entire list. You know fey don’t like to give out their true names. The last thing I need is half the aspiring musicians in Canterlot trying to summon me so they can cut a deal. Besides, everypony’s used to calling me Musette. Changing it now would just be bothersome.”

“And I do know Musette’s real name,” I chimed in. “Just, you know, she didn’t want me using it all the time and by now I’m used to calling her Musette, so...” It had come up while I was sorting out all the paperwork from when I first met Musette during that whole mess with Vinyl.

“Oh.” Cadance slumped down in her seat, pulling out a donut and nibbling on it.

Musette smiled and wrapped an arm over my shoulders. “I know I can trust Shining with my name. He’s far too much of a gentlecolt to take advantage of it. Between that and how creative he can be, is it any surprise I like spending time with him? You should see some of the things he’s come up with when he’s the one running things for game night.”

Doughnut Joe was dropping off more of his signature pastries as well as fresh coffee for everyone. I could feel my cheeks warming up when I realized he could probably hear everything Musette had just said about me, and I chuckled sheepishly. “I do alright.”

“Don’t be so modest, Shining.” She grinned and nudged me. “Sir Noble Braveheart was a great character, and the bard you’re helping me build looks like it’ll be really fun too.” She shifted her attention to Cadance. “It’s a shame you’ve never joined us for game night, but I suppose not everyone enjoys the things we like. Besides, you’ve clearly got more important things to deal with.” Her eyes flicked down to the books Cadance was going over. “Actually, what are you working on right now? At first I thought you were in college, but you’re obviously a bit too old to still be a student.”

Cadance smiled at her again. She seemed to be doing that a lot. “I’m done with my formal education, but Aunt Celestia is still teaching me everything I need to know to be a proper princess. I suppose royal responsibilities are something fey don’t worry about.”

Musette chuckled and nodded. “I suppose everyone learns at their own speed, and some of us do need more time and education to grow into our roles in life than others.” Her eyes flicked over Cadance again. “You know, I really must congratulate you. I have heard that many mares lose quite a bit of weight while in college from all the stress and hard work, but I see that wasn't a problem for you. Clearly the palace chefs kept you very well fed.”

Cadance was in the middle of sipping her coffee when Musette said that, and she nearly choked on it. Joe always did serve his coffee a bit too hot so it would still be warm half an hour into a study session. Cadance set her drink aside, focusing on Musette. “You know, I've always been impressed by the effects of fey glamour. I've heard it’s some of the most impressive illusion work in existence, and can make even the most hideous beast look appealing.”

Musette smirked and took one of the doughnuts for herself. “I've heard that the most beautiful creatures can secretly have a hideous beast within them.” She nodded at the doughnut Cadance had been working her way through. “Much like that, except with evil and ugliness instead of fattening custard.”

Cadance picked up the doughnut on Musette’s plate, carefully inspecting it. “Ah, good, I was worried you might have gotten one of the grape ones. Joe had trouble with them earlier when the grapes went sour.”

I grimaced—the ones stuffed with grape jelly were one of my favorites. Still, it was nice of Cadance to warn us about that. Musette must’ve felt the same way, because she really started laying on the compliments. “I really love what you’ve done with your mane. It must take hours and a small army of servants to get it looking that good. And that’s not even getting into how long it takes to get all that makeup on. I’m amazed you have time to study at all after that.”

“Oh, it’s nothing that special,” Cadance answered with a smile. “This took me less than five minutes, all by myself. Not like your mane. It’s so impressive I have a hard time believing it’s not a product of fey glamour.”

Musette nodded, scooting a bit closer to me while she looked down at Cadance’s hooves. “I love your shoes. It’s such a classic old-fashioned design, not to mention how slimming they must be.”

Cadance returned the favor. “Oh, don’t get me started on yours. Shoes like that just scream ‘Come and get me!’ to every stallion on the street.”

So, they were complimenting each other’s shoes and manes? At this rate, they were going to be such good friends that they’d spend all night talking about mare stuff and forget I was even there. I decided to jump in and reassert control “Hey Cadance, Musette and I were planning on going out on the town. We hadn’t decided where, but I wanted to go check out this place I heard about called Adventures and Ale. It's supposed to be real cool. Wanna come with?”

Cadance sighed and looked down at the paperwork covering her table. “Sorry, but I’m afraid I can't. I’m sure Musette will make a very experienced drinking partner for you, though. I’m glad you’ll be there to to look out for her and make sure nothing unfortunate happens if she overindulges. I’m sure you’ve heard stories about mares drinking a bit too much, then winding up in bed with a complete stranger.”

Musette wrapped her forelegs around mine, resting her head on my shoulder. “I suppose I do feel so much safer walking around Canterlot at night with him. Did you know he always insists on walking me home if our game sessions run late?”

“Really?” Cadance asked with a raised eyebrow. “I would’ve thought that someone as old and experienced as you could manage just fine on your own.”

“True.” Musette’s grip on my leg tightened a bit. “Still, it’s sweet how protective he is. He must really care a lot about me.”

I could feel my cheeks going red again. “I’m just ... um ... well, Mom always said I should treat ladies properly, so that’s what I try to do. I’m sure you can take care of yourself, it’s just ... you know ... manners and stuff.”

“And I for one appreciate it.” Musette pressed against me in a way that made my blush ten times worse. “Sometimes a girl just likes having a strong stallion escort her home after a long night.”

Cadance smiled and nodded along. “Oh yes, it’s a classic image. The damsel in distress, and the brave strong stallion who helps her when she can’t protect herself.”

Musette chuckled and shook her head. “Those sorts of stories were outdated back when my sister was inspiring ponies to chisel their sagas on cave walls. Especially when so many of those damsels are princesses. Wherever do ponies get such ideas in their heads?”

“I don’t have the slightest idea.” Cadance murmured.

Musette nodded and smiled. “It is a bit silly. Everypony is familiar with all the amazing things Princess Celestia has done, and the monsters she’s vanquished and imprisoned. And you ... well, I’m sure you’ll have your own list of accomplishments soon enough.”

Cadance set down the doughnut she’d just taken a bite out of, a sour look on her face. No wonder she looked so mad, she’d gotten one of the ones with coconut on them. Really, who puts coconut on a donut? That’s just gross. “I hope you and Shining have a lovely evening together. Just make sure to drink responsibly, or you might get confused and walk out with the band instead.”

“Good advice, I’ll keep that in mind.” Musette grinned and tapped her chin thoughtfully. “I suppose that is one advantage you would have over me, isn’t it? No matter how much everypony drinks, you never need to worry about anypony accidently walking out with you. You’re so lucky that way.”

Cadance bolted up from her seat so fast I wondered if she was about to make a beeline for the bathroom. A steady diet of doughnuts and coffee for several hours will do that. Instead she marched over our side of the table and took my hoof. “Shining, I just remembered something important I need to discuss with you.”

I blinked and tried to figure out what she was talking about. “Uh. Sure. What’s—”

“Alone.” Cadance shot a rather pointed look Musette’s way.

Musette leaned back, looking the two of us over. “Now whyever do you need to be alone with Shining Armor this late at night, away from from the public eye?” She smirked, and I saw the old teasing glint in her eye. “Careful, or ponies might talk.”

My cheeks caught fire again. Truth be told, I wouldn’t mind if ponies talked about me and Cadance. I’d mind it even less if there was actually a good reason for them to talk. I’d had a bit of a crush on Cadance since ... well, since about thirty seconds after I met her. How could I not? She was just so ... perfect. Too bad she had no idea I was into her. In fact, last I’d heard she still thought I was gay.

“Gossip rarely has any basis in reality,” Cadance answered, to my vague disappointment. Not that I’d expected her to suddenly announce that she did want to be my girlfriend or anything ... but it would’ve been nice if she had. Instead she smiled at Musette again. “Speaking of gossip, there was one thing I was wondering about because of all the talk I’ve heard. How often do fey make bargains of a ... prurient nature? I'm sure you have a great deal of experience with that.”

Musette chuckled softly. “Why do you ask? Did you want to make a prurient bargain with me?”

“GURP!” That sentence filled my mind with all sorts of mental images, most of which were highly inappropriate and none of which bear mentioning.

Cadance was blushing almost as much as I was, and she grabbed my hoof and practically dragged me out of the room. “We’re leaving. Now.”

As Cadance dragged me out of the shop, Musette smiled and waved goodbye. “See you later, Shining. Feel free to drop by my place later tonight to get your shirt back.”

I would’ve answered, but Cadance pulled me out the door before I could think of anything to say.


Cadance pulled me along for half a dozen blocks before she started slowing down. She was clearly a little worked up about something, but I had no idea what. I probably should’ve asked what was on her mind, but past experience with mares said that silence might be more prudent. I didn’t want her yelling at me about how it should be obvious why she was upset, and that if I couldn’t figure it out on my own she certainly wasn’t going to tell me. Besides, if she wanted me to know what was on her mind she would. Probably at great length and detail. Girls always seem to like talking about feelings, emotions, and how they feel about their emotions.

Cadance finally slowed down once we were halfway back to the palace, though she was still a bit flushed. “Ugh, I can’t believe you get along with that ... thing! She has to be the most unpleasant creature I’ve ever met.”

“Huh?” I stopped in my tracks now that Cadance was finally letting me walk on my own again. “What are you talking about? I thought you and Musette were getting along just fine. I mean, you were talking about how much you liked each other’s shoes.”

“Getting along?!” Cadance whirled around to face me, her wings flaring out. “Were you even listening to what she was saying?!”

“Uh...” I shuffled in place, nervously rubbing the back of my head. I had a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach warning me that whatever I was about to say would almost certainly be the wrong answer. “She was saying stuff like how much she liked your mane. That’s good, right?”

The flat, disapproving look Cadance answered with confirmed that I’d flubbed it up. “That's what she said, but what she was really saying was that my mane was so ugly it requires an army of servants to make it look good.”

“Huh?” I hadn’t picked up anything like that. At all. They’d spent most of the time smiling and complimenting each other, but if Cadance was mad and said they’d actually been trading insults the whole time. “Wait, is this one of those things where a mare says one thing but means the opposite?” I’d learned about that the hard way after finding out that when Mom said that I didn’t need to do anything special for Mother’s Day, she actually meant ... well, suffice to say things hadn’t ended well for me.

“Something like that, yes.” Cadance sighed and ran a hoof through her mane. “It’s ... honestly, if you can understand sarcasm it should be simple enough. Didn't your parents ever teach you about listening to what ponies were really saying?”

“Of course.” It wasn’t like I was completely hopeless. It was just ... well, girls were weird and scary and I didn’t understand them. “So you two hate each other?

Cadance sighed, and her eyes flicked down to the street. “I don’t ... Aunt Celestia always says that hate is a poisonous emotion. I’m not wild about Musette, but...” She trailed off uncertainly.

“Oh.” I frowned, puzzling over it. “Why don’t you like her? She's pretty nice once you get to know her.”

She scowled at me. “Shining, you know what fey are like. They’re manipulative. She’s probably spent a lot of time and effort making you think she’s much nicer than she really is. Have you completely forgotten about what she was up to when you first met her? Fey ... they aren’t like ponies, and equimorphizing them is going to get you into trouble sooner or later. They don’t ... they don’t feel and care about others the way ponies do.”

I shuffled uncomfortably, feeling compelled to defend my absent friend. “Yeah, but Musette's ... she’s one of the good ones. Hay, we became such good friends because she’d made a bad deal and I helped her get out of it.”

Cadance shot another flat, annoyed look my way. “Shining, just because she looks like a pretty face instead of being a slobbering pony-eating monster doesn’t mean she’s good. How many times has she tried to make a deal with you, or with somepony else while in your company?”

“She hasn’t ever done anything like that since she joined the group,” I assured her. “I took classes on fey back at West Hoof, Cadance. I know how to handle her.”

She sighed and shook her head .”Just ... Shining, be careful with her. I don’t want you to end up being hurt by her. You deserve better than that.”

I could feel myself blushing a bit, and tried to cover it up. “I guess.” I noticed we were getting pretty close to the palace. I hadn’t exactly planned on walking her home, but apparently that’s what I’d done.

Cadance smiled at the two guards keeping watch over her private tower, and they stepped aside to let us pass. She paused in the doorway, then cleared her throat. “So, Shining, would you like to come in for coffee?”

I blinked, then shook my head. “No thanks, it’s way too late for me. If I have coffee now I’ll be up all night. Besides, I want to stop by Musette’s so I can get my shirt back.” It was a limited edition exclusive Flanchard t-shirt, so there was literally no way I could replace it if I forgot about it. And, let’s face it, if I didn’t get it back tonight I probably would forget.

Cadance stared at me for several seconds, her face an unreadable mask. “Right then. Goodnight, Shining.” Before I could say the same, she shut the door in my face.

One of the guards, a grizzled old veteran whose nameplate identified him as Sgt. Plum, cleared his throat. “Second lieutenant?”

“Uh, yes?” I blinked, then shook my head. “Wait, how did you know that? I’m not in uniform.”

“Lucky guess.” The faintest grin flickered across his face. “Only an officer could have such keen insight and careful attention to detail.” He paused for long moment, then amended, “Sir.”

“Um ... right.” I was almost certain he was making fun of me, but I’d already learned the hard way that newbie officers shouldn’t butt heads with veteran sergeants. Making a big deal over it would probably just turn it into a story that would circulate through the entirety of the royal guard by this time tomorrow.

I sighed, then turned around and headed for Musette’s.

Author's Notes:

As always, thanks to my pre-reading and editing team for all their hard work. Also, I would like to thank all my dedicated Patreon supporters. You guys are awesome.

Click here if you want to join the list of awesome people who support my writing.

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