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Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety-jig

by Justice3442

Chapter 4: Chapter 4: The Sweet Memories of Nostalgia Delivered Via Wrecking Ball

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Chapter 4: The Sweet Memories of Nostalgia Delivered Via Wrecking Ball.

“Could you walk to the castle?” Sunset Shimmer asked sweetly, batting her eyes innocently at the white pegasus guard that had met with Sunset and her cohort at Joe’s. “I mean… We can’t be in that much of a hurry, right?”

Starlight Glimmer paused mid-step as the gray guard held open the door for her. She turned and glanced at Sunset, then at the white guard who began to tether himself to the carriage with a collection of other pegasi contingency. He tilted his head slightly and glanced away, likely momentarily mulling over the saccharinely delivered request. He spoke in a tone that was as much apology as it was an explanation, “Er, Princess Celestia requested we bring you back to the castle with all haste.”

Giving the guard a smile so dazzling it could no doubt give the sun a fit of jealousy, Sunset rolled her eyes dramatically. “Oh, it’ll only take a little longer!” Sunset swatted at the air with a forehoof for extra effect. “My mother -Princess Celestia- will certainly understand if you say her daughter specifically asked for the scenic route so she could enjoy the sites of Canterlot after oh, so many years. Besides, who wouldn’t want to show them to her dear friend!”

The guards stopped and glanced at one another before shrugging as much with their shoulders as with their wings. “As you wish, princess,” the white guard answered with a smile.

Starlight couldn’t help but notice an eye roll from the gray guard, but whatever annoyance he felt clearly didn’t warrant a verbal response, as he continued to silently hold open the door.

Starlight made it the rest of the way into the carriage, followed by Sunset who raised her hooves high with each step like a show pony on a march. The pair took a cushioned bench seat apart from each other and removed their saddlebags, lowering them slowly onto the available space next to them. Soon, the carriage pulled forward smoothly, and the sound of metal armor clanking and clopping against stone gently filled the empty air.

Sunset gazed out the carriage window, mum and pensive; the pristine, white buildings of Canterlot passing by as nostalgic memories danced in her head inviting a small smile upon her face. Starlight was far less interested in what was going on outside, however. Her attention much more focused on her immediate surroundings of lavish golden gildings inside the carriage amongst a white ceiling, padded purple doors, and a comfortable brilliant maroon colored seat. She took a moment to glance at Sunset, noting her alicorn friend seemed to hold little regard for the opulence. “Huh…” Starlight uttered. “I guess it’s been a while, but this ride must be kind of mundane for you.”

Sunset turned and blinked a few times. She took a few moments to glance around before looking back at Starlight with a smirk. “I guess for me it’s like being reunited with a friend you took for granted, but not one who made such an impression that you don’t immediately take for granted again upon seeing them.” Sunset took the time to look about as if her eyes were finally taking in the interior itself. “In a lot of ways, this carriage brings back a lot of happy and not-so-happy memories…” Sunset took a moment to look at nothing and seemingly everything all at once. “This was the carriage that Celestia took me home from my orphanage with…” she uttered as a somewhat melancholy smile drifted onto her face like dead leaves being blown in the wind.

“Wow,” Starlight uttered, “that must have been an abrupt change of scenery.”

Sunset tilted her head and grinned. “Are you kidding? This carriage could have been my new room and it would have been a crazy improvement over my status in the orphanage.” Sunset’s teal eyes began to become glassy. “Riding in this carriage with Celestia the first time… It was an actual dream come true,” Sunset whispered in a tone so delicate, Starlight had to question for a moment if she even heard it.

“Huh… With all that, I’m surprised you can ride in it without a second thought… Until I said something of course,” Starlight added with a chuckle.

Sunset glanced around. “Well, the interior has been changed a few times since that first ride.”

“Huh,” Starlight pondered, “I guess it must have been a while ago. It makes sense that Celestia would have to arrange to have the interior fixed up.”

Sunset nodded with a wicked grin. “Especially when your adoptive daughter throws a tantrum and incinerates the interior once… twice… er… several times.”

Starlight gave Sunset a befuddled look as her mouth attempted to convey words her brain hadn’t come up with yet. “Uh… Er… Okay…”

Sunset just shook her head and went back to looking at the window. “Not to turn things into some sort of ridiculous screwed-up past competition between us, but there are many ways to be a blight on a country.” Any hints of happiness on Sunset’s expression fled as an aged look of bitterness took hold. She began to take note of familiar landmarks that informed her she was approaching Canterlot Castle, which was once-upon-a-time her home. Raising a forehoof, she said, “Sure, you can try and instate a revolutionary and creepy-brain-washy way of thinking and roll the dice when a princess comes around and hope that works on her; but you can also ensure you do some damage by spending years on a campaign of emotional warfare on the ruler of a nation.” Sunset took a deep breath, then quietly murmured. “Even if it’s the pony you love the most…”

Starlight paused for a moment, her brain desperately running through Twilight’s lessons as she tried to figure out a response. Luckily, her mentor had lectured her on the odd situation when a friend seemed to be pouring her heart out, and -just maybe- Twilight’s lesson would help fix the situation. “… Do you…” Starlight paused, and gathered herself, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Sunset turned and stared at Starlight blankly. For a moment, Starlight couldn’t help but feel as if she had just found a landmine by tripping and planting her face directly on it. Thankfully, for Starlight’s sake, Sunset spoke. “I-I don’t know…” the bothered mare shook her head, “I don’t know if talking about it will make me feel better… I just…” Sunset glanced out the window again. “It’s really happening... I’m back, but… Do I deserve to be? I-I was pretty much a monster when I left, and in the end I became a literal monster.”

“Er… Well…” Starlight stared up at the carriage ceiling thoughtfully for a moment. “I don’t have experience becoming a literal monster, but what I did do to Equestria was certainly monstrous.”

Sunset swiveled her head, her teal eyes already having turned slightly glassy. She took a deep breath. “I know… It just feels a bit different going back to the place where you spent your time being a monster… er… figuratively in this particular case.”

Starlight smiled. “I totally understand that feeling. I ended up being invited back to the village I started by ‘equalizing’ it! That was pretty overwhelming at first.”

“Oh, yeah… Twilight mentioned that briefly amongst all the talk of you, uh, changing the changelings and defeating Chrysalis.” Sunset tilted her head slightly. “That must have been difficult for you.”

Starlight chuckled. “Right! At first I was afraid they just invited me to the annual Sunset Festival to be polite.”

A small smile appeared on Sunset’s face. “ ‘Sunset festival’? You should take me next year.” Her smile grew slightly coy. “Maybe I could even be the Mare of Honor!”

Starlight let out a short, mirthful, “Hah!” Her own smile grew. “Well, I was afraid when I got there they wouldn’t have forgiven me or that they might even laugh at me for showing up! Instead, it was more that they were really friendly.” Starlight let out an exasperated sigh. “I’m getting tired just thinking about it.”

Sunset’s forehead tightened in confusion.

Starlight continued, “They asked if I could help them pick out a banner for the celebration and also help with a relay race routes.” She shook her head. “They even wanted me to judge a pie competition! Can you believe it?

Sunset simply blinked a few times. “Noooo… Okay…. So… How did you handle that?”

“Oh… Well… I kinda… freaked out and ran away!” Starlight added chipperly with a smile to match

“You… ran away?”

“Well… Trixie was there. So it was more like I collapsed and Trixie helped carry me away.”

“Wait… So you even had someone go with you to help you with your feelings and extra pie?!”

“Uh! Yeah!” Starlight replied. “Like you have me right now! Except, you know… I have the benefit of previous experience that’s pretty much the same as what you’re going through!”

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “So… Just to make sure I have this straight in my head. You were afraid your previous Equalizer victims wouldn’t have forgiven you… but when you showed up, not only had they gotten over you taking their cutie marks and brainwashing them. They wanted to include you in all their activities and give you free pie… And you couldn’t handle that.”

Starlight frowned heavily. “Maybe. I’m not explaining it right. Er… I guess… the problem was that they were too friendly and accepting.”

Sunset’s left eye twitched as her lips began to war between the irritation Sunset clearly felt and the happiness she tried to show. “... And you would rather you travel back to the village to find out they invited you as some sort of… bizarre token gesture and that you even thinking for a moment they actually wanted you back warranted laughter from them?”

“Well… no… but uh… Er… Well. I think you’re lucky!" Starlight smile returned, nervousness tugged at one side, pulling it askew.

“I’m lucky because the first pony who recognized me screamed in terror upon seeing me and hid in his kitchen?” Sunset deadpanned.

Starlight nodded her head up and down a little too enthusiastically. “I expected at least somepony to be mad at me, and instead no-one was. The acceptance was almost harder than being yelled at!”

“...”

“Uh… Okay… Look… The important thing is, I got over that first visit, and after the whole changeling hive thing I went back and everything worked out!”

“So… I should freak out… Leave… Solve some sort of potential world-ending event... Then come back. That’ll make me feel better?” Sunset frowned. “Starlight, I’m sorry. That sounds a little ridiculous.” Her forehead tightened. “And sadly, I don’t mean the world ending part.”

Starlight smile faltered. “I guess the point is, I can totally relate to what you’re going through right now! Except the part where ponies got mad at me for what I did to them! That totally didn’t happen to me.”

Sunset whimpered.

Starlight waved her forehooves about in front of her. “Uh… Let me try again…” Starlight gave Sunset one of her patented ‘too symmetrical’ smiles. “Both of us were pulled out of a pit by one pony that saw we could be better than that. And it turned out we did get better...for the most part! Er… I mean me with the last part… For you it’s a monster part… Except for the parts were you scared ponies on the street.”

Sunset slowly began to lower her head and stare at the carriage floor, her eyes becoming glassy and unfocused.

Starlight grit her teeth. “The important thing is that we’re not flawless!” she blurted out.

Sunset looked up.

“W-We’re a work in progress?”

Sunset puffed out her lower lips a water welled up in her eyes.

Okay! I know that sounded corny, but—“

Sunset leaned forward and wrapped her forehooves around Starlight.

Confusion plastered on her face, Starlight returned the hug.

“Starlight?”

“Yes, Sunset?”

“Thank you. Shut up, but thank you.”

“Uh... you’re welcome?”

Sunset leaned back, took a deep breath, and wiped the tears from her eyes. “Still, I don’t think any pony realizes I’m still a work in progress, or I put in a lot of work or anything… They think I’m the same small filly!”

“Well, you’ve grown!”

Sunset flashed Starlight an unamused expression. “Yes. Now that I’m bigger, they’ll think I’m more of a threat.”

“No! I meant, uh… emotionally. You’re a much nicer pony, now!” Starlight smiled. “I mean… snark and sarcasm aside, you’re usually one of the nicest ponies I’ve ever met.”

Sunset smiled slightly and turned back to look outside. “Well, that’s certainly true. Still… being nice now doesn’t magically make up for all the bad I did.”

Starlight took a deep breath then let it out. “I know exa-approximately-exactly what you mean.”

Sunset turned again. “Yeah. I guess I’m talking to the right pony.” She let out a tired sigh. “Starlight, what am I doing here?”

Starlight grinned nervously. “Er… Mundane magical destiny stuff delivered by dog?”

“I know! But said ‘dog’ picked you before I showed up!”

“Well… I guess you’re making me feel better about being here for my mundane magical destiny stuff delivered by dog?”

“Yeah, yeah…Sorry, guess it’s my turn to freak out about this whole trip. Uh… Not to put the pressure back on you, but I guess I also don’t know if a table or tiny talking dog pasting my cutie mark over a city means the correct choice was made.” Sunset turned and frowned out the window. “I’ve already caused trouble just by showing up and being a pyromaniacal brat…” Sunset thought for a moment. “Guess that’s an improvement from being a pryomegalomaniacal brat, so… baby steps.”

“Er…” Starlight rubbed the back of her head and grinned nervously. “I guess with your past here that does make my own hang-ups look a bit silly.”

Sunset’s head whipped around, her face pulled tight around her eyes and nose. “No.”

“… No?”

Sunset closed her eyes and shook her head. “No,” she repeated. She opened her eyes and stared at Starlight with orbs of piercing turquoise. “Don’t think like that. Don’t think my personal baggage about coming back here somehow diminishes your own fears. I mean…” Sunset motioned out into open air with her forehoof. “Sure, I’m standing by my previous comments that you’ve got nothing to worry about, but just because I had a moment where I doubted myself doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to feel the same way. Okay?”

A small smile crept onto Starlight’s face. “Okay.”

Sunset nodded satisfactorily and moved back toward the window.

Something hot and anxious stirred in the back of Starlight’s mind as she stared at the back of Sunset’s head with its red and yellow mane seemingly blazing like fire. Maybe it was something in Sunset’s tone… something didn’t feel quite right, like trying to see the world through a pair of reading glasses. Or maybe it was more akin to Twilight’s voice urging her to press what was certainly a major friendship issue. “So, uh… er… Are you okay?”

“Of course!” Sunset said as she turned with a smile that suddenly gave Starlight clarity to why her own fake smiles often un-nerve other ponies. “I mean, why wouldn’t I be?!” Sunset let out a somewhat unsettling giggle. “I mean… I’m home! I get to see my Mommy again! And Auntie Luna! And all the ponies I knew when I was a filly! It’s going to be fine! FINE!” Sunset stressed through clenched teeth as her eyes silently, desperately, pleaded for help.

“Uh, right… It’s just that—”

The carriage suddenly slowed, coming to a complete stop. Before Starlight could so much as get another word out, Sunset’s horn glowed red and her saddlebags floated onto her back. The red-maned prodigy pushed open the door so quickly there was an audible ‘clank’ as the door slammed into the helmet of the gray pegasus guard that had reached out to open it for them. Ignoring the cry of discomfort, Sunset jumped out into the bright sunlight as the guard back paddled and quickly adjusted his helmet. “Ahhh! Good ol’ Canterlot Castle!” Sunset cried, her eyes drifting one way, then the other like a pair of marbles let loose on a ship at sea. “It’s been far too long since I’ve been here!”

Starlight stepped off the carriage, her saddlebags on her back. She gave Sunset an unsure look as the guards went about untethering themselves from the carriage.

Sunset paid this no mind. “Just,” She inhaled through her nose, then let it out with a satisfied ‘Ahhhh!’ “Just smell that Canterlot air! It smells like—” All at once, Sunset’s face seemed to come to a screeching halt, her smile broke just as her eyes went glassy. Her pupils began to quiver while she gazed upwards at the castle as if her eyes themselves were struggling with the weight of it. “—home…” she quietly murmured to herself.

Home. The place where most of Sunset’s happy memories had taken place. On the other hand, it as where many of her worst memories had occurred. Sure, she had hit rock bottom back at Canterlot High, but she dealt with that every day to the point where she had become to numb to the sharp pain the school's entrance inflicted on her every time she walked up to it. But Canterlot Castle had just been something she accidentally glanced at from the outskirts of Ponyville before she averted her attention to something else. Now, it was all around her once more. Her entire world. A world controlled by… by…

“Sunset?” Starlight asked in an unsure tone. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

Sunset said nothing, instead continuing to stare up at the castle wordlessly as the quivering of her eyes stopped and her smile evaporated from her face. Her expression now unreadable, as guards and Starlight stood around expectantly. After a few moments, Sunset took a deep breath, turned to the grey guard, and said a simple, cold, “Leave us.”

From behind the gray guard, the white guard turned with the barest hints of a frown. The gray guard looked at Sunset with a look of stern professionalism. “Princess Celestia ordered us to escort—”

Sunset’s horn blazed crimson for a moment, then burned a fiery orange that exploded into a demonic face radiating a sweltering heat, fire flickered like a raging bonfire as a cacophonous “BUCK OFF!” was bellowed in a supernaturally loud voice. It echoed off the castle walls and reverberated like a small aftermath of an earthquake.

The guards froze, their fight or flight instincts coming so far forward in their minds one could see the conflict in their eyes. After a moment, the gray guard shook his head dismissively to regain his senses, before uttering a sharp, “Yes, Princess,” and motioned for the other guards to depart with him. There was no further protest. The remaining guards dutifully shuffled toward the castle, opened the double doors, and marched briskly inside.

As Starlight watched the guards trot off, their bodies tense and feathers clearly ruffled, she turned towards Sunset, hoping for some sort of explanation.

What she got from Sunset’s expression stole any demand for an answer from her lips.

Staring at Starlight with desperate eyes that were draining tears like buckets bailing water from a sinking ship, Sunset’s stalwart expression had more than cracked; it had shattered. Starlight was looking at what was unquestionably one of the strongest ponies she had ever known. Said pony had not only reached the end of her rope, but it looked like a rope or a lifesaving tether was an utterly foreign concept to the mare in front of her.

Nearly gagging on sobs that seemed a hair's breadth away from consuming her. Sunset choked out a frantic “S-s-star-Starlight?! I. Can’t. Do. This!”

Starlight had often taken comfort in Sunset’s assertions that friendship wasn’t something you learned from a book, or flashcards, because Twilight’s lessons had NOT gifted her with the analytic mathematically proven method to deal with what was in front of her. Thoughts raced through the purple mare’s head like eager rats darting through a maze- without purpose or direction, crashing and crawling over each other while trying to find an exit that might not even exist. Words failed her. She had no answers. She had no context, nor platitudes regarding moms to help Sunset. She was simultaneously jealous that Sunset was lucky enough to be in this situation, and wracked with guilt for her jealousy. Starlight had no parents- adopted, estranged, or otherwise- to work from as a frame of reference.

But she did understand loneliness.

Beyond that, she understood the overpowering emotions surrounding the all-encompassing certainty that what one had previously done was wrong, and that forgiveness was not something one deserved.

So, Starlight did the only thing that she could think to do in the situation presented. She leaned forward, wrapped her forelegs around Sunset, and hugged her.

Sunset’s breath immediately caught in her throat.

For a while, neither mare spoke. Starlight merely held on tightly and Sunset did little more than stand frozen; before rising her own forehooves, wrapping them around Starlight, and letting loose quiet, but powerful sobs directly into one of Starlight’s shoulders.

Both mares held on for a while until Sunset’s cries died down to silence.

Just as the quiet seemed like it might overwhelm the mares, Starlight spoke, “I don’t get it.”

Sunset said nothing.

“I’m sorry, Sunset… I never had a Mom. But I do know what screwing up is like and…” Starlight trailed off and broke the hug slightly, her hooves still on Sunset’s shoulders as she maintained eye contact, while Sunset’s forelegs dropped back to the ground. Starlight smiled. “I know you’ve at least talked to Celestia; that’s got to count for something, right?!” Starlight grinned. “And you saved Equestria. Like, twice!”

Sunset grimaced. “I almost destroyed it once too, you know…”

Starlight shrugged dismissively. “So, let’s say you saved it once.”

“I…” Sunset pursed her lips. “Okay, I know it shouldn’t work like that, but I also know I wouldn’t hesitate to use a similar line on you, so I’m going to let you have that one.”

Starlight chuckled and nodded. “Celestia is going to be THRILLED to have you back! So what if you maybe terrified a few ponies on your way here, and made your entrance in such a way that has you reliving the very things you kinda hate yourself for doing as a filly?”

“… Starlight? I don’t want to undermine whatever point you’re making, but you kinda suck at pep talks.”

“Yeah, sorry. Not my strong suit- unless I’m delivering some sort of half-crazed megalomaniacal manifesto… Should I stop?”

Sunset shook her head, “No, it’s fine. Keep going.”

Starlight nodded. “The point is, I’m sure Celestia loves you and will overlook your past transgressions… Even if those transgressions are from just a little bit ago!”

There was a beat of silence followed by the sound of a distant colt schilling papers by shouting, “Extra! Extra! Princess Prodigal Progeny Returns, Promptly Proceeds to Punish Populace!”

Nervousness began to contentiously tangle with the encouragement on Starlight’s smile.

Despite this, Sunset herself, forced a smile. “Yeah… You’re right… And that’s exactly what I’m afraid of.”

Next Chapter: Chapter 5: Sins of the Daughter Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 42 Minutes
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