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Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety-jig

by Justice3442

Chapter 11: Chapter 11: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Previous Chapter

Electric blue magic slammed open the doors to Starlight Glimmer’s guest bedroom as she ran in so quickly one might think she was recovering items while the castle burned down, which… there was some degree of irony in that way of thinking. But the castle wasn’t yet on fire and Equestria wasn’t yet doomed and it was up to Starlight Glimmer to save everypony!

Starlight stopped dead center in the room.

Okay, yeah… this is why Twilight was a bit worried about sending me out…

Admittedly her own track record wasn’t the best when it came to being put in charge of saving the day, but it was clear Sunset Shimmer’s return visit might mean that her cutie mark map task was going to be a bit more difficult.

She scanned the room and noticed some items had been replaced. Notably the ones her friends had basically taken over with magic; and which she had subsequently thrown out a window so she could get some sleep.

Great! Maybe Twilight can actually offer some help.

She cantered up to a lamp, took it into her magic, pulled it up to her face and made it clear what her current issue was. “Sunset Shimmer is in a MOOD with a capital M-double-O-D!”

No response. “Hello?! Twilight! This is kind of important!” Starlight took a closer look.

Okay, that’s just a regular lamp…

“Uh, Starlight?”

Starlight turned, and there in the music box was Twilight, back in full ballerina gear and giving Starlight a look like the next thing out of her former student’s mouth might be ‘I think I accidentally kick-started the Celestial Apocalypse’.

“Twilight!” Starlight said excitedly as she set the lamp down. “I need help!”

Twilight took a deep breath. “Okay, well, demonstrably Canterlot is intact… Is anyone mind-controlled?”

Starlight sighed. “No…”

“Any new portals that might consume all of creation I should know about?”

Starlight rolled her eyes. “No. That’s fine, too!”

“Has anyone declared war on Equestria?!”

Starlight could feel her frown increasing. “Twilight, there’s not even any foreign dignitaries visiting… that I know of.”

Twilight took a deep breath and let it out, visibly relaxing with her entire body which was still spinning and holding up a light. “Okay! So what seems to be the issue?”

“Well, for starters Sunset Shimmer is rather… abrasive this morning…”

Twilight thought for a moment then smirked. “Oh, that,” she said simply.

“That?”

Twilight nodded. “You’d have been more prepared if you’ve ever seen Sunset on a slumber party,” she said with a mirthful chuckle. “Sunset’s pretty grouchy first thing in the morning.”

“Pretty grouchy?!” Starlight replied in disbelief. “Twilight, she basically told Princess Celestia to go buck herself. No, in fact, it was more she turned a quiet, half-standing room only, breakfast into a ‘go BUCK yourself-a-thon' directed at Princess Celestia.”

Twilight’s smile became wider and less genuine. “I don’t suppose this room has a dollhouse with a tiny doll-sized paper bag I can borrow?”

Starlight narrowed her eyes slightly. “Twilight, are you looking for a bag to hyperventilate into?”

“Noooooo…?” Twilight’s smile remained plastered onto her face.

With a twinkle of electric blue magic, Starlight conjured up a tiny paper bag in front of Twilight that was taken up immediately by the tiny alicorn dancer and breathed in and out of it rapidly.

Starlight’s eyebrows night together as she looked down at the tiny projection of her former teacher. “So… you have tiny lungs in there? Tiny everything?”

“I uh… I guess?” Twilight said. She looked up at Starlight with a fright. “Starlight, could you stop looking at me like I’m a dissection project waiting to happen?”

“Right, sorry!” Starlight replied as she tried to push the scientific detachment from her face. “… Do you think the spell would work on a dead po—”

“Your shovel privileges are still very much revoked!” Twilight said harshly.

Starlight sighed heavily. “I guess I should learn the spell first, anyhow!”

“Aaaaand find and solve your friendship problem?!” Twilight reminded.

“Oh… RIGHT!” Starlight said. “Uh… I... it was a little harder to track what was going on with the Sunset element this morning, but Celestia made pancakes for every pony and Luna seemingly wanted nothing to do with them.”

“That monster!” Twilight exclaimed. “Do you think she’s reverting back to her Nightmare Moon ways?” Twilight’s eyes narrowed. “Do I need to round up the girls?”

Starlight sighed and tapped a forehoof against her forehead. “Right, I forgot you might be a bit biased here. Can you conjure up Spike?”

Twilight’s eyebrows knit close together. “You’re asking if I can cast the spell on Spike so he, too, can show up as a tiny version of himself?”

Starlight’s lips turned into a tight, straight frown. “I guess it does sound silly when—”

Twilight’s face lit up. “I have no clue! Let’s find out! Hey, Spike!” There was a brief pause, presumably for reply from Spike before Twilight responded with. “Hold still!” Her horn glowed purple briefly.

“Hold still for—WHY IS EVERYTHING HUGE?! WHY AM I IN ANOTHER ROOM?! WHY IS THERE A GIANT STARLIGHT GLIMMER?!” Spike grabbed the side of his head. “I really need to stop binge eating my walls before bed…”

Starlight looked over at the lamp she had been trying to converse with. Under the lightbulb was now a very befuddled looking Spike wearing a frilly pink apron.

Twilight gasped. “It worked! Spike, help Starlight with her problem! I’ve got some stuff to write down!” With that, the pony on top of the music box flashed with a brilliant white light and reverted to a burnt orange-colored pegasus lacking the definition of a fully shrunken pony.

To his credit, Spike took the disappearance of Twilight in stride and looked up at Starlight. “Right… magic stuff… Uh… What’s up, Starlight? How’s the friendship sleuthing going?”

Starlight exhaled a breath through partially-closed lips, causing her cheeks to push out slightly. “Not good. Did you know that ponies are collectively a bunch of ding-bats?”

“I was kinda raised by Twilight Sparkle and she’s such a ding-bat that the other Princesses decided they should promote her.” Spike thought for a moment and added, “Though, I wonder if ‘ding-bat’ is offensive to bat ponies.”

Starlight shrugged. “Fine, I’ll stop using it, but uh… Sunset and Celestia apparently still have stuff to work out, Luna’s grumpy mood in the morning is probably upsetting her sister a bit, and I was left all alone after I ate my pancake companion at breakfast and spent a few hours wandering the castle because nopony believes in posting directions in their giant architectural mazes full of near-identical hallways!”

Spike cocked his head to the side slightly. “You got lost? Isn’t Sunset with you?”

Starlight groaned and buried her face in her forehooves. “She asked me if I wanted to go into town with her, and I said I wanted to ‘hang back and check out a few leads’ when really I just didn’t want to get thrown in a dungeon because of Sunset’s pyromaniacal tendencies!”

“Well that just sounds ridiculous.”

“Ghuh! I KNOW!” Starlight said. “She’s my friend and I’m avoiding her like she’s… well, like she’s me in a bad mood and I’m one of my friends who doesn’t want to end up in jail!”

“What? Uh…” Spike smirked. “No, it’s ridiculous because Celestia would never throw Sunset in jail for just about anything, near as I can tell.” Spike looked out the nearest window, saying, “I’m honestly surprised Canterlot isn’t on fire already… again.” He looked again, pointing in the direction of the train station. “Wait, I see smoke over there!”

“To be fair, it was THE train.”

Spike held one claw open, closed his other into a fist and lightly bounced the closed claw against the open one. “Oh, got it. Her arch-nemesis. Yeah, that checks out.”

“Uh… right…”

“Well, where is she now?”

Starlight shook her head. “Honestly, I have no clue. I guess she’s staying out of trouble, at least…”

-~ooo~-

Sunset Shimmer smiled and took in a deep breath of air as she cantered through the castle’s courtyard on her way to the main gates. Naturally, she had been breathing Canterlot air for almost an entire day now, but it wasn’t until she had properly gone through the process of really creating a few disasters by virtue of her return, sleeping in her old bedroom, and thoroughly irritating her mom that it really felt like she was back.

Being back feels pretty great, to be honest.

She had grown up here, after all. Assuming other fixtures like Joe’s were intact, she could do some light shirking of this friendship problem thing, maybe hit up a few boutiques, and also stop for a late lunch.

She gave the stone-faced guards a dazzling smile as one of the gray unicorns pushed open the golden gates to the castle for her. Joy welled up inside her and she felt a song coming on as she continued her upbeat pace outside. “Oh, the sun hangs hiiigh over Canterlot! The city it shimmers and shiiines! I have a wonderful feeling that everything is going to be fi—”

“Oh, Celestia… It’s her! The one from the papers! She might set fire to another train!” a mares voice called out.

Okay… That threw me off my groove… Sunset thought. Must fight the urge to mention that out loud in case it kickstarts a number of events that might have me transformed into a llama… Maybe going outside right now was a bad idea….

“The prophecy is true!” a stallion exclaimed. “The Princess Heir has returned! Shower her with gifts and beg for forgiveness for the transgressions you’re not sure you’ve committed yet!”

Or maybe not…

“Have my babies, Sunset Shimmer!” another stallion called.

Erm… Or probably yes.

“Have MY babies, Sunset!” a mare called out.

… Tempting, but still probably yes.

“Let me have YOUR babies, Sunset!” A deep STALLION's voice called out.

No, wait. Now THAT’s the kind of strangeness I might need for a day reset.

“Hey! You’re good friends with Princess Twilight, right?! How is she? Could you tell her Moon Dancer says ‘hi’ and misses her?”

Wait… Moon Dancer?! Sunset looked up to see a unicorn that looked like Twilight with a pair of glasses and a pallet swap looking at her with the desperate look of a mare who needed a date, but specifically one from this ONE princess and—

With a crazed look in her eye, Moondancer leaned forward and whispered. “I have the bookmark she left at my place… I’ll trade it back for anything that smells MORE like her…”

Nope, nope, NOPE!

With a crimson glow of her horn, Sunset teleported back behind the castle gates which were closed behind her. She did an about-face. Maybe she could instead go back to the castle and pretend to be working on the friendship problem while she was shirking it! She could hang around with Kibitz and try to help and/or maybe try to catch her mom for lunch and try to smooth over all the Sunset Shimmer she had been this morning!

Immediately, Sunset Shimmer felt her heart began to pound away in her chest at either thought. She had spent years of her life trying to do that with mixed results. Being back was a good start, but she wasn’t entirely convinced she could pick up exactly where she left off without experiencing her heart trying to flee her body by way of her throat or pounding through her rib cage.

So… Maybe visit Kitchen Nightmare who will feed me delicious food and tell me I’m pretty?

Her heart leapt at that thought. She smiled to herself and began trotting back to the castle.

-~ooo~-

Spike shrugged his shoulders. “I wish I knew what to tell you.” He scratched the back of his head. “I mean, I’d offer to join you, but…” he trailed off and looked off in a direction that seemingly was either occupied by a hallway, or provided a vantage point to something in view of his full-sized self. “Twilight looks like she might start sending tiny versions of things to Canterlot just for the sake of seeing what happens…”

Starlight groaned. “Okay, that sounds a bit more pressing than what I have going on immediately. I’ll go…” Starlight’s lips twisted. “Guess I’ll track down Sunset again and see what she has to say… Hopefully, it’s a bit more focused on friendship problems…”

Spike nodded, “She is definitely a pony you want on your side if there are friendship problems, though…”

Starlight raised an eyebrow, “Yes?”

Spike looked upwards as he collected his thoughts and carefully let them slip between his lips. “I think Sunset is a mare of action when the chips are down, like… She does a lot of… running around being upset about stuff until it looks like everyone is going to die and then suddenly, she gets her game face on, puts in maximum effort, and then everything is saved and everypony is cheering her name.”

Starlight thought about this. “So… you’re telling me I have to wait for things to escalate before I can rely on Sunset?!”

Spike smiled widely. “Maybe!”

Starlight blew out a frustrated gust of air. That wasn’t exactly helpful in the short term, but it was at least a note that Sunset, lackadaisical as she might have been acting regarding the ‘mission’, was likely to be more focused if Starlight could convince her there was an element of danger… She needed more info though.

“All right, that’s a good note,” Starlight said. “Thanks, Spike! It’s nice at least knowing I have someone else to talk to here.”

Spike nodded. “No problem!” He looked around. “Uh… Does this spell wear off, or…?”

“I threw Twilight and Sunset out a window last time, and they both survived!” Starlight said in an oddly chipper tone.

Spike cringed. “Hard pass to that!”

‘Knock. Knock.’

Starlight and Spike both looked at the door to Starlight’s room.

“Expecting someone?” Spike asked.

“Well, Princess Luna is supposed to send someone for me so we can chat eventually, so…” Starlight’s horn glowed electric blue and the door swung open.

“Princess Celestia!” Starlight said in surprise.

“That is one huge horse…” tiny lamp Spike uttered.

“Hello, my little pony!” Celestia greeted cordially with maybe a hint of nervousness. She glanced briefly past Starlight into the room. “I uh… don’t suppose Sunset is with you?”

Starlight shook her head. “I haven’t seen her since this morning.”

Celestia nodded. “I also haven’t seen her since that fateful chair incident…” she replied in a somewhat grave tone.

Riiiiight…” Starlight muttered as she felt her lips straighten into a tight frown. It was becoming clear where Sunset got her drama queen tendencies from.

‘Bamf!’

Celestia and Starlight turned towards a red flash that Sunset Shimmer appeared out of from down the tower bridge that led to Starlight’s room.

“Hey, Starry!” Sunset called out cheerfully as she cantered up. “Kibitz told me you might need a guide since you spent the afternoon wandering the castle in circles and crying while you gorged yourself on tomatoes from the Royal Guar-OH SHI-Hi mom!” Sunset gave her mom a pensive smile as if she was just noticing the mare who was a giant by pony standards and also had hair seemingly made out of a literal aurora borealis.

“H-Hello, Sunset!” Celestia greeted with equal awkwardness.

“…Really, Starlight?” Spike’s tiny voice sounded out from inside the room.

Starlight turned to glare at the tiny dragon who had folded his arms across his chest. “I was lost and hungry and thought I might be stuck like that forever!” Starlight explained. “I mean… it’s a pretty big castle!”

Spike rolled his eyes. “And you think other ponies are ‘ding-bats’!”

“I thought we agreed that term was maybe not politically correct!” Starlight exclaimed.

Paying no mind to the exchange inside the room, Sunset and Celestia continued their awkward staring match for a while, until Celestia blurted out a nearly tear-ridden. “I’m sorry…”

Sunset swallowed, panic beginning to set into her features. “I uh… erm…”

Celestia’s heart began to pound faster and faster in her chest as she stared down at her daughter and said orange princess seemingly stumbled to find a proper response. She took a deep breath and let it out.

“I’m sorry I didn’t put out more chairs this morning.”

Sunset sucked in a breath of air and let it out slowly as her eyelids lowered slightly and her vision unfocused. “Chairs… RIGHT! Uh… No biggy!”

“Sunset, I forgot about you, it is a biggy!” Celestia said.

Sunset made a noise similar to that which a wounded animal might make as tears began to well up in her eyes.

“I mean… I-forgot-about-you-in-the-chair-specific-context-of-this-morning, of course!” Celestia said hastily.

“Ri-right… right…” Sunset said as she closed her eyes and rubbed tears from her eyes. “Again, that’s er… You know how I am in the mornings, and… uh...”

Celestia closed her eyes, and took a calming breath. When she opened her eyes, they where laser-focused and her lavender irises told a story of deep sadness and regret. “Sunset… uh… Look, about what happened, uh… before you… before you left…”

Sunset’s eyes widened and she stopped her breathing as her brain, which has been done zero favors by the sudden oxygen cut off, tried to prepare her for what was going to come next. She wracked her brain for the times she had spent preparing for this moment but…

It was a mountain of hypothetical and made up exchanges. It was daunting in size. It was hours of nights and lonely weekends spent staring at a book that bore her own cutie mark at first, then longing looks at a book that sat unopened on her desk for months… maybe over a year, and then it was an empty feeling as she spared a glance at the dust-covered thing at the bottom of her locker.

She had played out this moment dozens, maybe a hundred times, but it had slowly begun to be replaced with a feeling that maybe, deep down, that when a pony truly got to know her that she was unworthy of being loved.

And Sunset wasn’t sure what to do with that…

Celestia continued to breathe evenly, but that was all she was doing. It was somehow as if the parts of her brain and body in charge of making sure she took in even breaths had just gone on vacation and she now had to will herself to do it. As Starlight continued to bicker with… uh… somepony? Honestly, Celestia had stopped paying attention to Starlight the second Sunset had arrived.

Sunset. Your daughter is RIGHT there. Celestia thought, mentally reprimanding herself. This can be over tonight, Tia! You KNOW she loves you, still! Tell her you’re sorry again. Tell her you selfishly GAMBLED with her emotions and the dice came up snake eyes and you knew… you KNEW it was your burden to reach out as Sunset’s primary guiding light but you just didn’t have the spine to admit how much everything was on YOU.

Celestia had counter-arguments to this perspective of hers. Many that usually stemmed from her duties as Equestria’s primary monarch but…

They weren’t anything she believed in anymore. They were just… burdens of three years spent in hidden agony that anypony Celestia truly loved was destined to be ripped away from her… What’s worse is they had started to become… something beyond guilty excuses that she loathed making and loathed herself for entertaining. They felt like they had become a… foothold of some sort… or had began to form a mental path for a part of her she was trying desperately to forget.

“… Mom?” Sunset ventured, seemingly having pushed past some of her own fears. “Are you okay?”

Celestia forced a smile for Sunset. “I’m fine, My Little Shimmering Sunshine,” she replied in an unnervingly even tone. A tone Sunset recognized as the one she used to respond to nobles when Celestia was actually buying herself time while she formulated a proper response that would address a situation without escalation or agreeing to something patently ridiculous.

“Erm… look… there was totally a nicer way to bring up the chairs! That’s on—”

“Yosh! Princesses,” a feminine voice called out. “I’ve got a message for Starlight Glimmer. Should I deliver it or come back later?”

Sunset and Celestia turned to see gray bat-pony mare in dark-black Royal Guard armor staring at them and glancing at the open door to Starlight Glimmer’s room. However, the bat pony’s most striking feature was her long blue mane of cascading straight hair that was simply too much be contained by her helmet. In fact, since she was quite small by pony standards, she looked to be more mane and tail than pony. She regarded both Celestia and Sunset with horizontally-slanted pupils set in emerald irises that showed a distinct lack of gravitas for somepony addressing a princess, let alone two.

“Princess Luna says ‘she’s ready to talk’, so uh… I should probably tell her so I can get back to”—the bat pony air-quoted with her wings— “ ‘bat-pony guard stuff’.” Casually trotting up to Sunset she leaned closer and added. “It’s a lot of me bat screaming at the darkness.”

Sunset stared blankly at this for a second then smiled. “Are you coming on to me?”

A grin that looked like it would be more appropriate on a cat rather than a bat crossed the ponies face. “I wasn't, but I can certainly start.”

Princess Celestia cleared her throat.

“Oh, don’t even start, mom,” Sunset exclaimed as she looked up at her mom judgingly. “With years of me accidentally trotting into ‘personal guard evaluations’ and watching you make bedroom eyes at foreign dignitaries combined with all the Starlight Glimmer duty I’m pulling, I think you can give me this.”

“Oh, am I being traded away like property?” the bat pony asked casually.

Sunset grimaced. “I, uh… I wasn’t trying to command you, if, erm…”

“Because I’m absolutely down with that,” the bat-pony said, her cat-like smile returning. She offered a forehoof to Sunset. “I’m Sonar, by the way.”

Without missing a beat, Sunset hooked her foreleg around Sonar’s, pulled it up towards her face, and used her magic to pull down the piece of armor covering the batpony’s forehoof. Sunset then followed this up by lightly smooching the back of the hoof and then looking Sonar dead in the eye as she replied with: “Princess Sunset Shimmer. I look forward to owning you, my lovely Sonar.”

The cat-like expression on Sonar’s face remained, but her eyes suddenly unfocused and her long blue tail began twitching furiously; her mind clearly trying to process the sheer magnitude of ‘jackpot’ she had just scored out of the blue.

Celestia sucked in air through her teeth. Now THAT was a moment of ‘My Little Girl is all grown up now!’ she wasn’t quite ready for. Cadance and Shining Armor would often ‘sneak off’ while Celestia turned a blind eye to their antics… Sunset looked like she might start just start having any number of sexual conquests and posting her ‘to-do’ list to Celestia’s door after the fact.

Probably best Celestia didn’t admit she was more than a little proud in this particular moment…

“Hey, did somepony call for me?” Starlight Glimmer asked as she pointed her head out of the doorway. “You!” she exclaimed as she took notice of and pointed at Sonar.

“Me!” Sonar replied, some semblance of coherence returning to her expression.

Starlight continued, “Yes, you! I need some pertinent questions answered from one of your kind.”

Celestia’s eyes widened in a sort of detached horror as Sunset buried her face in her forelegs.

“Starlight, no!” Spike’s tiny voice called out.

“Starlight, yes,” Sonar said with a coy smile. “What can I do for you, oh ye hero of Equestria?”

“’Hero of Equestria’ I like that…” Grinning widely, Starlight let loose with a bunch of questions. “Do you find the term ‘ding-bat’ offensive as a synonym for crazy? Oh! Also Batty, as a similar synonym for insane, also bats in the belfry… etc… etc…”

Celestia’s jaw dropped.

Sunset let her forehooves drop to the floor as she mouthed the word ‘why?’ into a silent scream.

“For the love of Celestia, make it stop!” Spike called out.

Sonar blinked at the questions, though her smile seemed a near-permanent fixture on her face as she once again attempted to bring sense to the last few minutes of her life.

“Oh! Also, do all bat ponies have bat-themed names as a rule? You know, like… Nightwing or… Skree, or Guano?”

Sunset’s eyes narrowed into tiny slits and she marched forward.

“Starlight! Stop before you CAUSE A friendship problem!” Spike called out.

Starlight turned back to look into the room. “I’m just asking this cute creature of the night a few simple questions!”

Yes, Starlight! ‘Yes’!” Sunset bellowed. “Everything you said or asked was incredibly offensive!”

Starlight turned back and jumped with fright at the sight of Sunset’s fiery expression suddenly a few inches from hers.

“Oh! Okay! That’s good to know!” Starlight puckered her lips. “Say, are bat ponies allowed to date outside their own kind, or does like… Princess Luna keep you all in a secret castle tower and forbid you to interact with other ponies outside her behest?”

Sonar’s smile finally opened into a disbelieving grin. “I’m sure I will prove in due time we’re allowed to date other ponies.”

Starlight tilted her head. “Are you coming on to me?”

“No,” Sonar answered curtly.

“Shoot…” Starlight replied. “That would have been good for data gathering…”

“Aaaaand that’s enough of that!” Sunset declared. She wrapped a foreleg around the back of Starlight’s neck. “Sorry everypony!” Sunset said. “We have a date with Princess Luna!”

Starlight frowned slightly. “I mean… I envisioned it more of a question and answer session than a date.”

“I was joking, Starlight!~” Sunset said in a sing-song tone of annoyance. “Everything was a joke! Except for the racism! Racism is never funny! Indentured servitude is sometimes funny, and I’ll be looking forward to my bat date later.”

“… Score…” Sonar uttered.

Sunset winked. “Not quite yet, but give me a few hours.”

Sonar let out a high pitched squee of excitement.

Starlight went cross-eyed. “Wait. So we’re allowed to own bat ponies, now? What’s the going rate of a bat pony slave?”

Bye, everypony!” Sunset said hastily.

‘Bamf!’

There was a brief moment of silence as everypony stared at the empty space Sunset and Starlight had occupied seconds before. Celestia took a deep breath and looked down at Sonar. “Tell my sister I’ve granted you a week’s paid vacation effective immediately.”

Sonar looked up at the alabaster monarch and tilted her head. “I keep quiet about this, right?”

Celestia let out a short burst of laughter. “It’s Starlight Glimmer… ‘Racist comments born of ignorance’ is a drop in the bucket offense from her, if my own personal experience and Princess Twilight’s reports are anything to go by. I’d ask you not to go directly to the press, but I suspect she’ll have an unflattering headline to read soon enough.”

Sonar raised an eyebrow. “So I get a week off so long as I don’t fly off to the closest newspony right this second?! Haha! Wait until the ding-bats back at the secret castle tower hear about this!”

Celestia thought for a moment. “Do me a favor: your next stop should be to gather some friends, show up at the ‘Swiss Army Knife’, and tell the mocha-colored mare behind the bar you just had a ‘Starlight Glimmer kind of night’. She’ll know what to do.”

Sonar frowned. “You mean the highly-flammable-looking bar on the edge of town?”

“That’s an odd quality of the bar to fixate on, but yes, my little pony.”

Sonar thought for a moment, leaned closer to Celestia, then asked, “Are you going to have me killed at the bar?” in a whisper.

Celestia gasped as her eyes widened. “Goodness, no!” She leaned down and placed her muzzle next to one of Echo’s large ears, whispering: “If I wanted you dead, I’d just kill you now where there are no witnesses who would possibly testify against me. Also, if you break my daughter’s heart, I’ll have yours on a plate.”

“Eeeeeeeeeeep!” Sonar exclaimed as she flashed a ‘ready to comply’ smile at the Princess. She saluted. “I’ll just go and start nursing the—” Sonar air quoted with her wings once again “—mental trauma caused by ignorant racism at The Swiss Army Knife, now.”

“Have fun, my little pony~!” Celestia said as she watched the blue streak of a bat pony flitter off towards the edge of Canterlot. She made a mental note to bring extra chairs for breakfast… Sunset had been absent during much of that critical juncture when the mare turned her sights to other ponies and decided to either start a harem or start systematically devouring hearts, but all signs pointed to the orange princess having picked up some mercy.

Which was a damn good thing for the young adults of Equestria. Sunset Shimmer was basically a bombshell in every sense of the word and apparently had ‘game’ as the young ponies said… Celestia sighed and leaned up against the wall of the tower, catching her reflection in the door window. Sunset also had unfinished business with her… Business she couldn’t quite vocalize with her daughter. Celestia looked at her reflection in the eye and mouthed the word ‘coward’ at it.

“Rough day, huh?”

Celestia started at the unexpected tiny voice and peered into Starlight Glimmer’s room. “Oh! Hello, uh… tiny lamp Spike… It’s been… a day of ups and downs…”

Spike thought for a moment. “If you’ve been spending time with Sunset and Starlight, it’s probably been closer to a day of ‘rock bottoms’ and the ‘upper atmosphere visits’.”

Celestia found her eyes closing as a bout of mirthful laughter poured out of her. She’d needed that. “I see you’ve had the dubious fortune to have had this experience.”

Spike nodded. “It’s pretty unforgettable.”

Celestia nodded in agreement. “So why are you tiny? No, wait! Let me guess… Twilight cast a spell on you that she wasn’t certain would work, then got excited and began taking notes and just left you.”

“Eeeeeyup!” Spike said. “Do you mind, erm changing me back?”

“OR you can come with me to a few royal meetings and keep me company~?” Celestia counter-offered with a hopeful grin.

Spike glanced over at something presumably in his field of vision off where he was full-sized. “Okay, sure… it’s a lot quieter here without Starlight, and Twilight looks a little ‘lost in her magic work’.”

“Excellent!” Celestia exclaimed as she took the entire lamp into the sunny glow of her magic and floated it close to her.

“So uh… you’re just going to leave me like this?”

“I mean… if that’s okay with you,” Celestia said.

Spike thought for a moment. “How many ‘light of my life’ jokes have you come up with?”

“Oh, at least half a dozen in just the last few minutes of conversation.”

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