“Ah, looks like you’re finally waking up. How do you feel?” Liz’s voice cuts through the fog as I struggle to fully wake up. Opening my eyes provides nothing but blackness around me, and pain lances through my body as I twist towards the direction her voice came from. A general numbness blocks most of it, but nothing could fully blank out the ache of having the bony carapace connected to my pelvis cracked open and put back together.

“I feel like Grif at the end of ‘This One Goes to Eleven.’ Why does everything still hurt? I thought Poe was going to call in a doctor from Hollow Shades to help with everything and aid my recovery.”

“Yeah, about that. She was less of a doctor and more of a spellcaster. I heard her praying and hissing so much one would have thought her to be part snake. After about half an hour of trying to heal you with magic she gave up, rubbed something against the armor plates and gave me a jar of it to apply every few hours. She also said something about ‘anathema’ but wouldn’t elaborate before teleporting away and taking her rotten smell with her.” Liz places a container on the table next to me before turning to head back to the wall where she’d been leaning.

“And how long has it been since she left? I feel like I’ve been asleep for days.”

“About six hours, and I haven’t applied more since she left.”

“Why the fuck not?” A lance of pain causes me to quickly regret shouting, and I can’t help but curl up a bit in a futile effort to stop the sensation.

“Well, for one thing I don’t care what some undead mule says: I’m not rubbing anything into my sister’s crotch. For another thing you’ve been so utterly miserable lately and taking it out on everyone around you that I figured it was only fair that you suffer a tiny bit yourself since I know you’re capable of rapid healing now.” Her voice is full of venom born from weeks of frustration. “If we were still home I would have had a doctor give me a prescription for you and paid for it out of my own pocket to get you to stop bitching so much, but we don’t even have access to anything other than phytoestrogens here. I also seriously doubt you’d get the ponies or other intelligent species of this world to ‘donate’ the raw ingredients to distill into Premarin.”

“Is there a point to all this or are you just so mad that I snapped under pressure while you had to stay all calm and logical about things for once? I didn’t exactly ask to be sent here without my medication and with an imperfect body alteration.”

“I know. We can both only do our best to handle the shit that comes at us with grace and dignity. You exhibited...none the last few days. Chrysalis would stop me and gesticulate in the halls before I could remind her that I can’t hear her thoughts; all because you were so unhinged over a simple thing that you didn’t propose removing them as the first option. If it makes you feel any better; I'd offer up the bolts, cogs, and servos my ovaries turned into if I thought they’d be of any use.”

“Ugh. Transform and fuck off. I'm in too much pain for your sense of humor.”

"Fuck off? No. I'm not walking away on this one, Sarah. You got lucky in this situation, because you can just go out and adapt yourself a new reproductive system, or rip one out of a strong enemy and surgically graft it in while hoping for the best. You get to deal with basic biology and science with an alien twist while all I have are various fan theories that all sound incredibly uncomfortable due to dealing with metal instead of flesh. You got damn lucky having a stable job for years after college while I had to figure out what I really wanted to do with my life.” She pushes away from the wall and walks back over, with her hands moving in an agitated manner as she continues. “Sure, your wife was a monster who divorced you and claimed child abuse to get full custody within days of you coming out about being transgender. Sure, our parents decided to shit all over you because they got brainwashed by their church and Fox News that all transgender people are evil. I was always there for you. I’m still here for you, and now you’re literally the only family I have on this damn planet. It would be nice if you would just sit down and talk with me about things instead of bottling yourself up and burying yourself in your work like you used to do before you started transitioning in the first place. I’m not going to abandon you because of medical problems, so it’s time to stop acting like you’re afraid to talk to me when medical problems come up.”

“I was burying myself in my ‘work’ because my entire focus was on stopping the headaches. If that damn smug crab had just given me the reason things wouldn’t work the way I was asking in the first place I wouldn’t have gotten as bad as I did.” I slowly start to uncurl as the internal pain eases up only to be replaced by a maddening itch.

“Right. So why didn’t you just think to do that as your first option anyways? A useless body part is causing you extreme discomfort and may lead to serious complications or other health issues in the near future, why not go straight to removal? Hell, why didn’t you get them removed years ago to spare yourself the hassle of taking extra medication to blo-”

“Time qualifiers and money back home, and a desperate hope that they could be reconfigured and repurposed here. The hospital insurance policy only covered it as a separate procedure in cases of cancer due to complications it can cause in subsequent ‘cosmetic’ surgeries. I read the restrictions and stipulations carefully before selecting my plan.” I try to sit up, only to fail utterly as muscles refuse to cooperate properly.

“Ugh, the jar is right there, Sarah. Pop it open, rub some on the area, and rest for a few more hours. I have to go, Poe’s been all but yelling in my face to get back to training since you woke up and I don’t want to seem crazier than you by talking to myself around other things with a full brain in their body.”

She turns and walks out of my room before I manage to flip her off, so I grab the jar in one hand and begin to focus on applying it as sparingly as possible just in case I don’t heal as fast as I should.

My Queen, are you sure such a move is wise?

I glance in Chrysalis’s direction, then look across the pool towards Brightshell. “We need smarter people. I can only provide so much inspiration from my memories, and I know for a fact that I’m far from the smartest entity in this room. We’re going to need every ounce of unusual insight to make the changes I want to make, to integrate the way that I want to integrate with this world. There will be no rampant infestations, no creep gaining sentience and the ability to truly move under its own power. Project Genio has a viable specimen nearing maturation, and it will be invaluable to us in the symbiotic creep project. I also want six more broodmothers based upon genetic essence closely related to the local dominant sapient species. I have the necessary samples for that in the device I was given, but we will not start that until Genio has matured and been verified capable of free thought.”

Are you sequestering us here until we finish the creep project, then? Brightshell glances around the room, then actually manages to yawn mentally. I can’t say I’d blame you if you did, Sarah, but it would most likely become quite dull if it’s just the three of us brainstorming day in and day out.

“Cute pun, but no. I expect that you and Chrysalis will be more than capable of holding a running discourse of ideas in a segmented portion of the hive mind so it doesn’t disrupt my concentration. I’ll figure out how to craft a permanent version of the mental room I made with Chrysalis last time so we can effectively run simulations once we have another super-intelligent member of the hive mind to use as wetware.”

Wait, you created me to use my brain as an organic computer?

She is our queen. We live because she wants us to.

“No. Stop thinking like that.You live because I need people other than my sister to hold conversations with regarding these matters. You live because I require other perspectives when examining options. You will continue to live because I respect your right to exist as sapient beings, even if I could theoretically absorb the best aspects of you to make myself better. That being said, yes Brightshell, your intelligence is being used to serve the hive, which you are irrevocably tied into. Even if you were to travel to the furthest point from me on this planet I would still be able to consult you.”

Well, since you seem not to have connected the dots yourself; I’m going to put this as simply as possible for your limited human intellect to process. You made me. You attacked me because you didn’t like what I had to say. Did you make me to have a consultant, or to have a slave with a really big brain?

You dare-

“No, Chrysalis, now is not the time for you to come to my defense like that. You’re mostly zerg with some local genetic essence mixed in, so you can’t even imagine true freedom. Brightshell is mostly his source species with just enough zerg mixed in to tie him into the hive mind and enable him to easily improve his own body.” I sigh and shake my head while I begin pacing. “I was wrong to attack you, and I’m sorry. I should have kept my temper in check better, but I also know you could all tell the kind of pain and mental strain I was being put through.”

Answer the question, please. Brightshell insists while staring at me. His pincers tense and click together softly for a few seconds as I think carefully about what to say. I’m a Cerebrocrustacean, not an animal.

“I understand that. I’m just trying to work out exactly how to phrase this so it leaves no ambiguity for me to exploit later.” I look down at myself, my right hand idly rubbing along the outside of my hips for a few seconds. “Bodily autonomy is paramount to me, the unfettered right of any intelligent being, which you are. You can do whatever you like to and with your body, and the only thing I can or will do is help facilitate that to the best of my abilities. Your mind, unfortunately, is tied to mine in such a way that it doesn’t give either of us a way to break that connection without breaking your mind. I need aides and advisors more than I need mindless sycophants. Should anything remotely like this happen in the future, you’re free to attack me to defend yourself.”

I’ll be sure to keep that in mind. What do you intend to do to make such a thing less likely, though? Surely testicular removal alone won’t have enough of an impact on your mental health to completely negate the issue.

“It’s more stopping the testosterone than removing the testicles that will make it far less likely to even become a problem in the future.” I respond quickly, but calmly, as I move towards Brightshell with my arms held wide. “I’d really like to think of this as being an extension of my family since you’re in my head. Hell, since you’re in my head you might as well be an extension of myself, and any lashing out at you should be considered self-harm. I want to make this right going forward.”

Very well. I can live with that perspective provided you don’t go back on your word. What’s our first project today other than the pity party?

“Mouths. I want all of us to be capable of communicating with other intelligent being without forcing our thoughts into their minds. It’s invasive and opens up too many ethical questions...plus I need you all to be able to communicate with Liz if there’s an emergency and I can’t talk. We need to figure out how to reverse the perverted cerebrate’s design decisions and reintegrate vocal cords and mouths into the swarm, or adapt in the shape changing ability of one of our gifted essence strains if that proves too difficult.”

My fingers carefully probe at the armored carapace covering my lower abdomen for a few seconds as I marvel at the speedy recovery. Only a few days ago I could barely stand for an hour at a time and now I could only feel a slight ache from the area. The headaches haven’t started up again either, so that’s probably a good sign of things to come. My gaze moves over to Brightshell as I slide my hand away. “And you’re sure that this is an accurate assessment? We can copy the genetic pattern used for Project Genio and it can have some active combat applications?”

Sabotage more than combat, Sarah. A small squad of these simplified versions of the same species could be hatched with the same neural load to you as a dozen zerglings, but they would be able to readily dismantle any technology-based construction they came across with efficiency so that the technology is not harmed in the process, provided that it doesn’t have circuitry that erases itself when the power is cut off suddenly. Brightshell sounds just a little more smug than usual, which was fairly smug to begin with, but for once he doesn’t come off like he’s talking down to me.

“Alright, so a sabotage and sapper combat unit. What are the projected drawbacks?”

Well, they would be virtually useless in any situation that isn’t one where you catch an enemy unaware, and just as useless against magic or psionic opposition.

“So, in other words, useless for the time being, but with practical applications in the future and in unforeseen circumstances.” I nod in thought for a few seconds while tapping my foot on the floor of the little sub-cavern area. “Alright. We’ll use the Galvan sample as the basis for a soldier species, but the amount of intelligence we’ll have to leave them to be effective for their sabotage application means we can’t take too many risks with them. As it is, having them around will mean that we can begin making this place more comfortable and see about how to begin a technological revolution.”

I still don’t see why you insist on this idea of yours, Sarah. We’re barely established as a settlement here and you’re talking about a technological revolution. Sure, it’d be nice to apply myself to something other than organics, but-

“But nothing, Brightshell. We need every advantage we can get in case that cerebrate comes back, and having technology it doesn’t anticipate as well as magic and whatever other powers we can gain from this world means we can keep taking it out in unexpected ways. Also, the more options we have available to us, the more likely we are to have something someone else can make use of.”

My queen, I bring you good news. The examination I just concluded of the growth pod for the Genio project shows that it should be ready to hatch tomorrow. Your newest advisor will soon be able to assist in bringing your glory to the world!

I facepalm immediately and groan as I look over at Brightshell while making sure to send what I’m saying to Chrysalis as well. “Please tell me you know of a way to convince her that I don’t need to be called her queen every single time, and that I don’t want to conquer anything that isn’t attacking me?”

I’m an advisor, not a miracle worker.

I close my eyes and draw deep breaths as I focus my thoughts on the lessons Liz transcribed from this world's version of the psionics handbook. My hands come to rest on my knees as I relax and hand over the control of each individual drone and zergling under my direct control to Chrysalis one by one. I use the process to focus further, as if I'm literally shutting off additional senses rather than just doing so metaphorically.

Daily meditations are required for a prospective user of the mind blade technique to break through the barrier between thought and reality, and make manifest the instrument of their will upon the prime material plane. One must focus on the shape of the blade one wishes to bear, and the length, and one must remember that the mind blade is only as powerful as its wielder. The words from the basic training lesson in the book echo in my mind as I try to picture various weapon forms, and attempt to settle on the one that holds my interest the most.

Every single one that comes to mind causes a brief tingle in my right hand, which tells me that this isn't impossible, and that the technique will work if I just find the right weapon, but they all just feel slightly wrong.

Author's Notes:

Good FUCKING god this took forever to write and get it feeling right. I am so sorry that it's been so long since the last chapter, and I plan to get the next few chapters out in only a few months each at most.