Sarah comes barging back into my room less than an hour after I’d started reading the handbook. I look up from the floor, where I had placed the book after constructing a makeshift yoga suspension hammock out of some cyber-webbing, and I carefully right myself and release the bound one-legged king pigeon pose I’d been using to help my mind relax to actually absorb the basic instructions in the section to which it is currently opened. “You look like you just ate a spoonful of cereal covered in spoiled milk.”

“I can’t figure out how to get it to work… were you just doing yoga?” She tosses the modified unitrix from one hand to the other repeatedly, something I know to be an old habit of hers that she usually does without even thinking about it.

“Well, yeah. You know it helps me relax, and now I don’t have to worry about blood rushing to my head whenever I hold an inverted pose. I also don’t have to worry about a single wrong stretch possibly crippling me, so I figured why not test the limits of how my new body can actually move?” I smile reassuringly and hold up a set of loose papers that I’d been transcribing passages of the book onto. “Also, I picked out the best possible book to start translating for you. I’ve got a brief rundown of the basic meditation exercises needed to begin learning how to use the power of your new mind for something other than shooting little lightning sparks.”

She immediately places the device from Jason down on my desk with one hand while holding the other out for the pages. “Not that I want to kill things in the first place, but it seems as if that will not be a choice I can even make when it comes to survival against that cerebrate, or others like us if we encounter one whose mind has been twisted by their costume into something horrible. Imagine if someone went to, say, Gary Con dressed as Cyric, Lolth, or Bhaal, and ended up transported and changed like we were. Imagine if someone did that using the Sauron design from the movies. I was also told that we’re likely to see invasions from our source material for a LONG time, and we’re both going to need to be ready to fight in case I’m not able to convince a terran or protoss fleet that we’re coexisting peacefully, or in case we get a visit from something out of the dozens of different transformers continuities.”

“You’re not thinking about the worst possibilities either, Sarah.” I hand what I’d transcribed over to her before taking a seat in the webbing. “Salem, Q, Oberon… there are a number of extremely powerful fictional entities with at least one pop-culture depiction which someone could use as the basis for a costume from our home universe alone. It’s one thing to have the possibility of going up against an unhinged guy stuck with the form and curse of Ranma Saotome, and another thing entirely to run the probability assessment that we end up facing at least one entity with reality warping powers that rival Alien X...one without morals, who could simply write-out our existence. You didn’t even consider En Sabah Nur, or more mundane threats like Evil Morty. No, you jumped directly to deities and demigods as if they were the most logical of the possible threats we could face.”

“Because people love to power-trip, Liz. Which Star Wars character would you rather go to a con dressed as; Leia, or Padme?”

“Neither. I’d do my best to make a Mara Jade cost- oh.” I pause for a moment, then glare as Sarah smirks in triumph. “That means nothing. You gave me two choices out of hundreds of possible characters from the universe because you barely know more than what was in the movies.”

“It does prove my point, though, since the options I gave you were ‘standard non-force-sensitive human’ and ‘nascent jedi with no training but potential’ but you went straight for the full jedi who married Luke Skywalker. If Blackarachnia wasn’t your favorite character, I’d assume the only reason you didn’t go for a classic Solus Prime costume was that you couldn’t come up with a way to pull off a transformation.”

“Well, that and I’d be crucified as a GeeWun fangirl for bringing up a character who hasn’t seen any use in years aside from various plot coupon artifacts or supervisory secondary character positions when both Arcee and Ratchet have been frequently used since. I also doubt I could have pulled off the blocky look properly.” I stand back up, moving over to the desk and motioning for Sarah to sit down somewhere as I pick up the piece of customized alien technology. “Most of it reads a lot like the meditation instruction we both took a few years back, positive visualization and such. There’s a bit more in there that goes beyond regarding formation and projection, with notes regarding this being the only way to determine if one is capable of using certain techniques. ‘Those who cannot could struggle until they die in the vain hope of eventually pushing past a barrier that simply doesn’t exist, while those who can will at least feel something as they make the attempt.’”

“A quote originally spoken by Master Kineticist Rose Quartz, head of the Obsidian Citadel. It is good to know that the teachings of such a wise pony survived the millennia, even if he wasn’t credited in that collected tome you have there.” Something about the voice just sounds wrong. I turn and quickly put my back to the wall of the hive as I look around the room for the source. My thigh pops open as I instinctively reach for the only weapon close at hand.

Sarah glares at me as she notes my hand and thigh, but what stops me from actually drawing the weapon is the sight of a jeweled skull floating in the doorway surrounded by a grey aura. Blue gems for eyes, and the teeth are red and white… I shake my head and try to ignore the more specific readouts and analysis my scanning systems are providing. “Who are you, and why are you here right now?”

“Are you even here, or is this skull some kind of illusion meant as an intimidation tactic? I will admit that a demilich would certainly be a formidable opponent to face, but they also tend to not be concerned with their home plane unless their remains are disturbed if I remember my old epic level handbook monster entry correctly. I know that I haven’t disturbed any long-forgotten tombs lately and neither have any of the drones or zerglings in my hive mind.”

“My my, such sharp minds the two of you have. One goes immediately into a defensive stance, but asks questions before trying to attack, and the other knows what I once was as well as their typical behavior. Neither of you actually seem frightened, however.” The voice is feminine, and almost kind in a way that is completely unexpected from a floating skull.

“She’s here, Sarah, or her illusions are so convincing that they’re giving off information about the composition of her bone that nobody native to this world would realize cybertronian optics could possibly register. Wait. How do you have a human skull?”

“Humanoid, not fully human, although my species is related. Deep Imaskari split off from humanity as a whole millenia before I was even born.”

“Bullshit! You expect us to believe that you’re actually from Faerun? I can’t feel you digging through my mind, but you had to have stolen that somehow to make us trust you.” An aura of coruscating purple energy flares around Sarah as she shouts, one that flickers and dies as she’s flung against the wall and held there.

“Faerun is but one continent on the world of Aber-Toril, ignorant mortal. The fact that you even know that little of my native world is a point in your favor, but I will not be called a liar when I came to offer further assistance to two women who likely owe me their lives for rescuing them from the plane of shadow. It’s true that being stranded there is not a guaranteed death-sentence for all mortals, but I did not become the local goddess of death, necromancy, and the undead by lacking basic compassion for other thinking beings.”

“Actually, from the simplified profiles that exist in our world, most beings like you would be utterly lacking in compassion. Cyric certainly was. Velsharoon, Shar...you could show some more of that compassion by letting her down from the wall and talking calmly about why you’re here rather than insulting her because she got one detail wrong.” I calmly reach into my thigh and bend down to place the weapon my masterpiece Megatron had become on the floor. “I assume this is some kind of...nevermind, you wouldn’t get any of the references I could use as a comparison. Don’t choke her, by the way. She enjoys it.”

Sarah is almost instantly dropped onto my bed as the skull turns to fully face me. “Interesting. I was expecting you to attempt something reckless and utterly insane with your sister’s life possibly being threatened, especially considering how readily you threatened Celestia.”

“At the time all I knew about Celestia was that she was a unicorn with wings who was hurting my sister. I know what a demilich is in terms of a game from our home, and I know that I’d be aiming a
few dozen tiers above my weight class to even attempt doing anything so foolish against a being that claims to be a goddess with three related domains on top of being something that anything less powerful than a demigod has good reason to fear. I’m not foolish enough to piss off a goddess of death intentionally when I’m about as strong as a gnat in comparison. I’m not Lugnut or Bulkhead levels of stupid.”

Two ghostly hands phase into view near the skull, and I am unable to avoid a reflexive dodge as they reach for me and the self-declared deity floats closer. “You are both unique works of twisted art. A human soul, condensed and made physical to be inserted into an artificial structure as some mockery of a living being. A golem given true sapience.”

One of the hands reaches for me again, and this time I don’t flinch as it settles upon my chest. “Not exactly correct, but from a point of view of a being with limited knowledge of technology it’s close enough.”

“You disagree with my assessment? Good. That means you know more about your body than I do. There’s a taint of something familiar inside you, but your soul gives me all the information I need to help you unlock one path of advancement by attuning you to the flow of the Weave here. You are lucky to be such a strange entity, with both a natural inclination for psionics and an affinity for bestial soulmelds.” Her hand rotates on my chest and I feel something inside me twitch and grind. A scream of pain is wrenched from my mouth as i sense something flicker around me and in front of my eyes.

I find myself in a confined space when I wake up, and a moment of panic sets in before the front of the coffin-sized recovery chamber opens to let me out along with a cloud of sulfuric gas. “Pffech, ugh, I hope I don’t have to use this thing too often if it’s going to stink like this every time.” Sarah’s arms are wrapped around me in a hug before I take two steps. “Easy sis, I’m still rebooting here. How long was I out and where did that bitch go?”

“I suppose I deserve to be called that after knocking you out the way I did, but don’t make a habit of it. Nevertheless, you have recovered and your body and soul are now fully attuned to the flow of magic of this world.” The voice comes from beyond Sarah, sounding far less pompous than she had earlier. “Make sure one of you informs Celestia of my mistake here, since she’ll love holding that over my head for the next twenty years.”

“She’s awake. Do you have any further business with us today, or can I have a goddamn private moment with my sister?” Sarah’s voice is thick with hatred the likes of which I haven’t heard since her divorce case, and I brace for another flare of temper from the powerful entity.

“Fine. I will send a special tutor for your sister, one who will act as a messenger as well should you ever feel the need to request an audience with me for any reason, or should I need to pass a message along without having it filtered through Celestia.” the fog shifts as a breeze starts blowing, and I just notice the skull turn away from us. “Know that I intended no harm, Elizabeth. I simply didn’t know how your body would react to the manipulation that was required.”

“Intended or not, it still hurt more than getting kicked in the stomach by a patient going grand mal as they’re being put on the stretcher. I’d like to request that you never do that to me again.” I feel Sarah tense up slightly as I take a step back and to the side. “Would you let go of me already? For fuck’s sake, Sarah, I’m not that fragile that a single stasis lock would kill me. Hell, stasis lock is explicitly designed to PREVENT my death in a situation like this! Get ahold of yourself.”

“Fuck you, Liz. I’m holding you tight for another minute at least. You’re the only family I have here, and might as well be the only family I’ve had for a couple years now, you idiot.” She pulls away a little, lifting her face away from my shoulder while still holding me tight with both her arms and her wings. “Can you really blame me for getting a little emotional when you get hurt?”

“I can when you’re crying all over me and threatening to make me rust. Let go so I can get back to translating those books and thinking.”

“You’re full of shit. Tears aren’t going to make you rust.”

Author's Notes:

It's alive! ALIIIIIVE!

There, I said it. Now nobody has to in the comments.

I mean it!