Twilight swallowed, frowning at the wall in the Kitchen. She couldn’t even think about it without capitalizing the K, not with how mind-blowingly big it was. The room alone was bigger than Ponyville Square.

The Giant had left them to fend for themselves. She was relieved that he(?) didn’t seem mean or dangerous, but there were so many things she wanted to ask him... things that she couldn’t ask any more. Those enormous light projections had taken huge bites out of her Mana, and it wasn’t refilling from the world’s ambient magic... because this world didn’t have any magic. Plus, she wasn’t quite as fluent in Alternate Equestrian script as she was in Standard Equestrian. Some of her friends were, but she wasn’t.

Princess Celestia and Princess Luna had used every drop of their Mana just casting the interdimensional warp spell, and the usual sources of their Mana — the Sun and Moon — weren’t present in this world, so they couldn’t cast even basic light or levitation spells.

“You okay, Twi?” asked a familiar country voice that eased Twilight’s frayed nerves. When Twilight didn’t respond, she felt two strong forelegs embrace her. “C’mon now. Talk to me, Twi.”

She shivered. “I’m just scared. So much has happened in such a short time.” She started to choke up, breathing rapid, shallow breaths. “Everything is gone. Everything. A-and we... we don’t belong here. We’re so small here. And there’s no magic. I... I feel helpless.”

“Eh, just gotta stay positive, Twi,” said the voice. “We jus’... gotta make a new life for ourselves here. Everything might not’ve made it, but everypony is still here, and that’s what’s important... even if we’re all a bit scattered.” Twilight was squeezed lovingly, and she smiled softly. “Besides, not havin’ applied magic ain’t so bad. You can still fly, can’tcha?”

“Well... yes.” She searched for words. “It’s weird, though. There’s no Mana in the air, so I have to flap my wings really fast, but I shouldn’t be able to flap them that fast, but—”

“Well then, ya should be fine.” Twilight felt a hoof gently brushing her mane. “The Giant seems like a nice stallion, or mare. Uh... I ain’t really sure. If it’s a stallion or a mare, I mean.”

“I think he’s a stallion. Maybe it’s the short mane.” Twilight sighed. “He didn’t... he just ignored me when I said there wasn’t any Mana here. I-I was hoping he would say something to the contrary.” She leaned into her friend’s furry chest, listening to her strong earth pony heart and letting the scent of apples fill her nostrils. “I’m almost out...”

She was gently squeezed again. “He’ll come back, Twi. He said he would. ‘Sides, Rainbow and Fluttershy went to keep an eye on him, remember?”

---

After a twenty-minute commute and elevator ride to the 20th floor of a corporate glass tower, I arrived at my workplace, the auditing firm Garry-Locksmith. Slapping my briefcase onto the big, oval desk in the empty conference room, I sat down and adjusted my suit. The latches of my briefcase click-clacked, and the case opened with a dull creak.

Inside was my handy-dandy laptop, a portfolio full of some of documents explaining Dexter Corp’s system of internal controls, a pouch full of pens and pencils, and... a tiny blue winged creature with huge amethyst eyes and garishly rainbow hair.

One could build a house on my eyebrows with how flat they were. She smiled nervously at me, her tiny squeaks even tinier than usual. She reached into my pen pouch, extracting a shivering yellow marble with a flowing pink tail.

“No.” I closed the briefcase. Panicked squeaking from inside convinced me to open it again. Instantly my nose donned a tiny blue squeaking accessory. Noticing the yellow marble starting to roll off the table, I shot my hand out to catch it. As expected, it was soft and warm. Taking it in one hand and grabbing the blue alien between my thumb and index finger, I placed them both back into the briefcase. I gave the marble to the blue alien, who eagerly took it between her front hooves. She squeaked at it, and it... uncurled.

A familiar yellow alien was now looking up at me. She seemed less scared than before, now that her blue friend was giving her a tiny pep talk. I saw her mouth move, but heard nothing. I cupped my ear and leaned in. The yellow alien sucked in a breath and tightened her chest, standing up straight, and her mouth moved again. I heard the tiniest hint of a squeak.

I sighed. “Listen, girls, I have a lot of work to do. You really shouldn’t have snuck along for the ride. I don’t think I can feed you here, and...” I looked around. “I don’t think I should let anyone else see you,” I finished quietly.

The blue alien squeaked petulantly at me. Then she squeaked louder, her posture straightening and chest tightening. She looked furious, her little teeth grit. Turning with a whip of her prismatic tail, she stuck her head inside my pen pouch, extracting a tiny notepad and a tiny pencil. She maneuvered the pencil with her mouth in a feat of impressive dexterity and wrote something on her notepad. She shoved it at me, squeaking again. I leaned in close, and I could make out what was written in what, to her, was very large font.

Stop acting like

we’re animals

that need to

be fed!

She turned the page.

And why can’t
you under-
stand me!?

I frowned. “I’m sorry... miss.” I shook my head helplessly. “Your voices are so high-pitched, I can’t make out what any of you are saying.”

She flipped the page of her notepad and scribbled something else.

My name

Is Rainbow

Dash. I’m

awesome.

She pointed at the yellow alien next to her, and her next message was in smaller font — I had to squint to read it.

Her name is Fluttershy.

She takes care of

animals.

Scribble, scribble.

She wanted to ask

you some stuff ab-

out your species.

---

Meanwhile, trotting across the enormous living room were a slate-gray earth mare and an off-white unicorn with large purple sunglasses. The unicorn tapped out a complex pattern with her hooves and made gestures with one foreleg as she walked.

“I don’t think so, Vinyl,” said the earth mare. “If he does, I don’t see one anywhere...” She craned her neck, looking around. The room was so large that the walls and ceiling looked blurry from the distance. The light pouring in from the windows highlighted specks of dust floating in the air. Octavia almost felt like she could touch the light and feel something solid.

+I’m telling you, Tavi, he’s gotta have one somewhere!+ Vinyl exclaimed in hoof-language, smiling brightly. +He was wearing a suit! That means he’s rich! And look — he has an ArcanoVision!+ She pointed up at the monstrous screen mounted upon the monstrous wall. +Flatscreen, too! Why wouldn’t he have a sound system?+

Octavia sighed, stopping. “He’s an alien. That speculation is completely unfounded. Now, um... Do you think that’s sunlight?” she asked, gesturing upward.

Vinyl shrugged. +Yeah? There’s no way that’s magical light. It’s too bright and too white.+

“Princess Celestia said there’s no sun in this world.”

Vinyl stared at the beams of light for a moment. +Maybe not her sun.+

“Do you think there’s a way outside?” Octavia asked. “I want to see that sun for myself... and...” She swallowed. “I want to feel earth beneath my hooves again. Not this...” She looked down, scuffing her hoof on the soft material. “...giant carpet.”

+There’s that big door the alien left through.+

Octavia looked back across the living room and down the hallway at the enormous door in the distance, blurred by the air itself. It had taken them five minutes just to walk to the center of the living room. “I don’t think we can open that. It’s taller than Twilight’s castle.”

+Everything’s been taller than Twilight’s castle since it got razed.+ Vinyl made a noise that sounded like a breathy snicker.

“Vinyl!” Octavia gasped. “That’s insensitive!”

+Chill out, Tavi. It’s all in good fun!+ Vinyl tossed her head back and laughed, though no sound came out of her throat other than breaths. +Now c’mon, let’s find the remote for the AV!+

---

“Would you say your system of internal controls is doing its job right?” I said, wearing my Auditor Smile™.

The CEO of Dexter Corp, a particularly disgruntled Mr. Lettuce, regarded me evenly, his hands clasped together in front of his mouth. “Yes.”

I flipped through my documents, not actually looking at them. “It looks like a Mr. Andrew Esselin has both authorization and recordkeeping duties for payments routed to ‘miscellaneous clients.’ Don’t you think that’s dangerous?”

Mr. Lettuce continued to glare. “I can’t take you seriously with those birds on your shoulders.”

I glanced at my right shoulder. A pair of big, teal blue eyes peered back, nested on a tiny yellow face. I glanced at my left to see a little blue face with amethyst eyes smiling nervously at me. I sighed, glaring.

I flipped my papers again. “Just ignore them.”

---

Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria, held a tiny piece of a gigantic bread loaf between her front hooves. Her mane, usually blowing in an invisible wind, was still and limp, but brushed to presentability. Her rump sat upon an enormous polished & varnished granite countertop. She brought the bread to her mouth and took a bite, chewing thoughtfully as she listened to her faithful student. Her sister, Princess Luna, was doing the same.

“I’ve been working on a method to generate Mana in this world — though, trying to do it without any ambient Mana is proving to be difficult. I can’t use runes or arcane circles, or any inscriptions...” Twilight muttered, holding up her notes in her levitation aura. She could feel her Mana reserves bottoming out. She dreaded the moment where she would lose it potentially forever, a moment that was drawing ever closer.

“Although!” she suddenly announced, turning and pointing to a... thing on the wall. It was rectangular, and held two smaller ovals within. Within each of the ovals was two smaller vertical rectangles and a small opening shaped like a train tunnel entrance. “I probed into this... opening with my magic, and I was greeted with an enormous surge of electricity! Electricity can be converted to Mana with the right equipment. Maybe I can jerry-rig something, or get Pinkie to do it...”

Suddenly, the top of the giant salt shaker nearby lifted up, revealing a smiling pink face with a hot pink mane. “You called?” Pinkie squeaked, blinking one eye and then the other.

Twilight flinched, her wings flaring out. “Pinkie! How did you get in there?”

Pinkie lifted a salty hoof and waved it. “Pfsshshhfhh,” she scoffed. “I was-I was here the whole time, Twiggly... Eh heh... Ah heh hah...” Pinkie smacked her lips, her eyes unfocusing. “There’s a loooootta salt in here...”

“Twiggly?” Twilight asked, flabbergasted.

“Twiggly.” Pinkie nodded once, a dumb smile on her face.

Twilight’s horn aura intensified, and Pinkie was lifted out of the salt, plopping unceremoniously onto the countertop. Face-down. The salt shaker top plinked as it bounced away, clattering as it swiveled to a stop. Pinkie attempted to get up, shaking for a moment, but inevitably gave up, just lying there. She giggled intoxicatedly.

“I think this bread could use some salt.” Luna smiled, looking at the open salt shaker. She blinked. “Oh, right... no magic.” She got up, holding her bread piece in one hoof, before wiping it onto some of the salt around Pinkie. She took a bite, savoring it. “Mmm!” She bent down and gave Pinkie’s midsection a big lick, causing the party mare to curl up in a fit of giggles.

“Ihihihihi! Stop it! Stop — I-I’m ticklish!”

Celestia looked mortified. “Luna! That is completely inappropriate!” Abandoning her bread, she quickly stepped over to Luna and grabbed her midsection between her white forelegs. Luna yelped as Celestia dragged her away. “Times have changed, Luna! Licking another pony is only acceptable in private contexts, and only between herdmates!”

“Release us! I mean, me! I merely wanted to—Ohhhh...” Luna suddenly went slack, her face holding a dreamy look. “Oh... oh my... the salt in this world is very... strong...”

Twilight looked even more mortified. “Princess! I’m trying to give a lecture and you’re eating salt!?” she screeched.

Luna very quickly descended into intoxication. She hiccupped, giggling to herself. “Twilight... why hast thou not... found a stallion for thy herd?” she drolled. “How canst thou have six mares in thy herd and yet no stallion?”

Twilight’s ears folded. “What!? No! W-we’re not a... w-we have too many mares for...”

“Then construct a double-herd!” Luna pronounced.

Twilight’s face twitched. “Double-herds never work! Stallions are territorial!”

“Untrue!” Luna shot back, moving her snout about to evade Celestia’s attempts to manually silence her with a hoof. “The stallions must merely beith very fond of one another before the herd is formed!”

“Argh!” Celestia yelled. “By royal decree, nopony shall consume this world’s salt! Shining Armor, enforce my decree!” She shot a look at the stallion and the alicorn mare sitting next to him.

Shining Armor saluted. “Yes, your highness!”

Princess Cadance laid a hoof on his shoulder, a mischievous glint in her eye. “Sshhh. Shhhhh, Shiny. Let the ponies have their salt-induced fun.”

Celestia scowled, still holding onto Luna but giving Cadance a sharp glare. “Cadance,” she said with a warning tone. “Your Empire’s citizens were transported to a different location than here. My sister and I have the ultimate authority in this area.”

Cadance sat up and threw her hooves up. “You don’t own this building! The Giant does!”

Celestia scowled harder. “The Giant is not a pony!”

“Princess Celestia?” Twilight asked. “Are you okay? I’ve never seen you this... defensive.”

“Do not changeth the subject, Twi-T-tiwerrr... Twiggly! Thou must find two stallions who art most fond of one another and construct a double-her—”

KER-CHUNK.

An extremely loud noise, the clack of a metallic mechanism, emanated from the gargantuan door nearby. It echoed throughout the room, causing many ponies to yell in fright, but commanding the attention of all. With an almighty creak, the door opened, and in stepped the Giant. He looked angry. Frustrated. Twice the size of an Ursa Major, he towered over absolutely everything with his strange bipedal posture. How something so large could walk on only two legs, Twilight couldn’t fathom. It violated all known laws of magic and physics... but maybe this world just worked differently.

Twilight felt her blood run cold as the giant’s deep grumbling met her ears, as he closed the door with another loud noise. Oh no. Oh no. She prayed to the highest deities that he wouldn’t turn his wrath on the ponies. She doubted that they could stop him should he decide to attack, especially without their magic.

Hearing the voices of a few ponies, he looked down. Twilight walked to the edge of the counter, looking off the intimidatingly large drop to see... Octavia and Vinyl Scratch at his feet, craning their necks to look up at him. The Giant breathed an almighty sigh as he stepped over them — thankfully not on them — and began to trudge to the living room, each of his footsteps rattling the counter on which Twilight stood. He seemed to be watching his steps.

Upon glancing at Twilight, however, his gaze softened somewhat, and he turned and approached, still watching his feet. His enormous green eyes flicked about, taking in the population of ponies eating their dinners on the massive countertop, from the giant bread loaf he had given them permission to eat.

Twilight tried to calm her hammering heart, forcing herself to smile up at him. A smile was disarming. It begat goodwill. Relief flooded her being as the Giant smiled back. Only a little bit, and it was a tired smile, but a smile nonetheless.

“Um... w-welcome home?” Twilight greeted.

“Hello, Twilight,” the Giant replied, in his deep, rumbling, commanding voice. It sounded like boulders crashing together. “I see y’all got into the bread.” He smirked. “Long day at work today. Long... frustrating day. I hope you guys didn’t miss me too much.” The Giant reached into a pocket on his blazer, extracting... Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. They took to the air from his hand, joining Twilight on the countertop after grabbing hooffuls of bread.

“Yo, Twi!” Rainbow greeted with a cocky smirk. “Turns out the big guy’s an auditor. He, uh...” Her cockiness evaporated in seconds. She shrunk down. “I-I think we messed up his work... He was talking to another giant, and asking him stuff, and the other giant kept looking at us, and...” She morosely took a bite of her bread.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. The Giant walked away, to his living room.

Rainbow fell silent, searching for words, but finding none.

“Um...” Fluttershy muttered. “I, uh... I asked him a few things... He’s a creature called a ‘hyoomin,’ and... um... um...”

Several silent seconds passed. Seeing that the conversation had ground to a halt, Twilight looked at Luna. “Does... does that really work? The double-herds?”

Luna nodded profusely. “Indeed!”

Celestia shushed her. “No, it doesn’t!”

Rainbow perked up. “Wait, what’s this about a double-herd?” Her eyebrows rose so far, they were sucked into her mane. She adopted a sultry smile, looking at Twilight. “Are you getting to see two stallions goin’ at it, Twi?” She licked her lips. “Hot. I would be jealous, but I guess since you’re a princess and all, you get to have your pick of the lot. Oh! Did you get DP’d?”

Twilight stammered incoherently, red in the face.

Rainbow wore a shit-eating and absolutely-not-innocent grin.

“Twiggle wishes to form a double-herd with thee, the remainder of thy friends, and two stallions!” Luna squawked.

Celestia wrestled her to the ground. “Luna! Shut! Up!” she hissed.

“Nay!” Luna protested.

“Yea!” Celestia hissed back.

“I do not!” Twilight protested, stomping a hoof. “We’re not a herd! We don’t even have herds except for Pinkie!”

One of Rainbow Dash’s multicolored eyebrows returned from the bushy lands of her mane. “Don’t you and AJ kinda have a thing?”

Twilight shrugged awkwardly, complete with awkward expression. “I don’t know?” she said. “I mean, we cuddle sometimes, and she’s really sweet, but we’ve never kissed or anything and I kinda don’t want to. Something doesn’t feel right.”

Cadance nodded sagely. “Your herd needs a stallion. The stallion of a herd is the anchor that holds it together. Mare-only herds tend to dissolve quickly. There are a handful of ponies that make it work, but... they’re weird.” She smiled. “Why not that Flash Sentry guy you’ve been looking at lately? I think Applejack would like him, too.”

Twilight’s face screwed up, red as a tomato. “Uh! Um. Uh... How did you...”

Cadance’s eyes glowed as she smiled teasingly. “Princess of Love, remember? I can smell it.” She winked. “And I actually have smelled it, too. I’m just trying to help you girls form your herd.”

Twilight pressed her tail between her hind legs.

Rainbow’s sultry expression shattered like a porcelain mask, revealing an uneasy one. “Uhhhhhh... Um... sorry, Twilight, but I’m not really into... mares. Herds don’t really work for me.” She frowned.

“W-what?” Fluttershy squeaked. She looked betrayed. “I... but I... I thought...”

Rainbow sighed. “Sorry, ‘Shy. Maybe you girls can make a herd without me.” She smiled apologetically.

Cadance gave her a look. “You don’t like mares?” She blinked, her expression morphing into one of disbelief. “What? How can you not... You’re...” She sighed, shaking her head. “You’re weird.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Rainbow grumbled, scowling at her hooves.

“Excellent!” Luna squawked from beneath Celestia. “That leaveth only four mares, which beith few enough for a standard herd! Twiggly! The time for forming a herd is now!”

Twilight was pulling at her face. “Okay stop! Stop it! Stop talking about herds!” She trembled for a moment before quickly removing her hooves from her face to reveal a wide smile and shrunken irises. “So! Fluttershy!” She piped cheerfully, several hairs of her mane out-of-place. “Tell me more about these ‘hyoomins’ you speak of.”

Fluttershy perked up. “Oh! Well, hyoomins are related to chimpanzees, but much much smarter and hairless. They’re the only sapient species of this world, so they’re dominant. They’ve built a lot of interesting machines without magic, and...”

Author's Notes:

Disclaimer: Garry-Locksmith is an entirely fictitous company.