“What do you mean I have to take a day off?” Appljack shouted.

“Eyup.”

“We mean it, sis,” Applebloom said. “You work too hard. So Big McIntosh and I are giving you the day off.”

“Eyup.”

“I can’t take the day off,” Applejack replied. “Sweet Apple Acres isn’t going to run itself. Do you have any idea how much work it takes to run an apple orchard?”

“Eyup.”

“It ain’t even harvest season,” Applebloom said. “Apple trees can take care of themselves for a single day, you know.”

“Eyup.”

“Are you to kidding me?” Applejack said. “I’ve got to spray the trees for leaf curl. Half the orchard still needs pruning. Not to mention the pigs need slopping, the cows need milking... there’s dozens of chores to do, and the day ain’t getting any younger. You really think you can handle that by yourselves?”

“Eyup.”

“C’mon, sis. Look how stressed out you are. Big McIntosh and I can handle everything. I promise. There ain’t nothing bad that’s gonna happen.”

“Eyup.”

“And just what is it you expect to do with myself for a whole blasted day?” AJ asked.

“Now don’t you worry about nothing, sis,” Applebloom said. “I’ve got your whole itinerary planned out for you.” Applebloom handed her big sister a saddlebag full of brochures, checklists, and schedules.”

“This has got to be some kinda joke.”

“Nope.”

An hour later, AJ found herself entirely against her will at the Ponyville Ballet Academy. Mrs. Lipazzaner taught ballet as well as other dances. AJ had herself with a gift certificate for one free ballroom dancing lesson. She wasn’t even going to think about doing it until Rarity had found out and laughed about it. Now a whole team of horses wouldn’t tear her away from the lesson.

Most of the other students were there as couples. Except for Mr. Cake, who wanted to learn to dance and then surprise his wife. So AJ danced with him for the entire lesson. He was alright, AJ thought, but she didn’t care much for waltzing. It had entirely too much mathematics. Mr. Cake ended up explaining the lessons to his wife later that night, when she demanded he explain why he was limping on both hindlegs.

Later that morning she stopped by the art museum. AJ didn’t understand why she’d want to go to the art museum again. She’d been there once as a filly on a field trip, but museums are full of old stuff, so she figured they wouldn’t have anything new. Ponyville wasn’t a large town, and it didn’t have the highest of culture. But AJ was fortunate to attend the museum when a Manet exhibit on tour happened to be on display. At first she couldn’t tell what the fuss was all about. Sure, he could paint good. Everything looked pretty much what it was supposed to look like. But she had seen better. There were nice velvet paintings at the flea market that didn’t have such big brush strokes. But then she started appreciate it a bit better. She was staring at a painting called Olympia. It had a naughty shaved pony lying on a couch, with a zebra holding laundry or flowers or something standing behind her. AJ couldn’t stop looking at it. Not because of the naughty bits, AJ’s cellar doors didn’t swing that way. But there was something about the color. And the light. And the form of the body. AJ left the museum thinking there was a lot to art that she hadn’t learned yet. It wasn’t just about making things look like things.

For lunch, AJ stopped at that fancy new French restaurant all the ponies were talking about. The prices were outrageous, so she just ordered a salad. She ordered the one with the apples in there, because it wasn’t a meal without apples. It came with other stuff too, like lettuce, tomatoes, bacon, walnuts, blue cheese, and a creamy garlic dressing. Applejack was impressed. Maybe it was worth a little extra after all. She’d have to come back here with Rarity some time, on account of her knowing the dishes with all the complicated foreign names.

After lunch she went for a bike ride. Hadn’t ridden since she was a filly, but the bike shop gave her a nice rental. She almost fell a couple of times, but she got the hang of it again. She guessed that’s what ponies meant when they said it was like learning to ride a bike. The tour had her going out on the other side of Ponyville. She hadn’t been out that way before. Sweet Apple Acres was on one side of Ponyville, and there wasn’t nothing wrong with it. So why tempt fate?
Still, the other side of Ponyville wasn’t so bad. There were pretty rolling hills, and pastures filled with long waving grass populated by colorful butterflies. There were babbling brooks and hazelnut orchards. She saw a big bald eagle snatch a big fat field mouse right out of the grass. You don’t see that everyday. She got back to Ponyville a bit tired, and with a sore rump. But it hadn’t been half bad, for a bike ride, on the other side of town.

She was saving the last bit for last- a gift certificate at the spa. She’d only been there once, and they had carried her kicking and screaming. It was just a bath, right? She could just have a bath at home. Or just plain hose off. Why pay money when hose water was free? So she showed up, and they gave her a bath straight off. They poured all kinds of weird funny salts into the water. It was supposed to feel good, and she supposed it probably did. Except she kept worrying about all that salt sticking in her coat when she got out, and that would just mean she’d have to hose off after her bath, and that didn’t make a lick a sense. Then they stuck her in a hot cedar walk-in closet where they poured water on some hot stones. That just made it hotter. If she wanted this, she could have just sat in the smokehouse back on the farm. It’d probably be easier to breath even with the smoke.

After fifteen minutes they let her back out and she took a dip in the pool. It wasn’t exactly cold water, but she ended up tingling all up and down her body. It wasn’t a bad feeling, really.

Then they led her into the massage parlor. They insisted she get naked. She didn’t want to, but after some cajoling she finally agreed and took her hat off. Then she lied down face first on a funny table with a hole in it. The spa pony, that one with the blue coat and pink mane, started giving AJ a massage. AJ could hardly understand a word she was saying, what with that think accent n’all. AJ didn’t even know what kind of accent it was; probably Puerto Rican, she guessed. The spa pony kept telling her to “releez, releez.” It just made AJ more nervous. She didn’t know what “release” meant, but it sounded like it had something to do with her butt, and that was just plain unsanitary.

Ten minutes into the massage, and AJ released. Every powerful, dependable, overworked muscle in her relaxed. She melted into the table. Every sense of pressure and responsibility and duty flew from her mind, if only for the moment. When she got up from the table she was grinning from ear to ear. She could hardly feel herself walking; it felt like she was floating. The nice spa ponies pointed her in the general direction of Sweet Apple Acres, and she headed for home.

Half an hour later and AJ floated through the gates to her farm. She didn’t notice the vast migrating herd of wildebeests stampeding through the orchards. She didn’t notice the apple trees had turned a distressing shade of purple. She didn’t notice that Applebloom was passed out drunk underneath the overturned tractor. She didn’t notice Granny’s walker swinging ominously from the weather vane on top of the house. She didn’t notice the disquieting wisps of yellow smoke rising from the barn, the house, the apple cellar, and, strangely, the well. She didn’t notice that Big McIntosh had sprouted an enormous pair of colorful butterfly wings, and she certainly didn’t ask about them.

“Uh, sis,” the bruised, exhausted, and disheveled Big McIntosh said, “did you... have a good day off?”

“Eyup.”