Six months ago...

Appearing in the middle of an airstrip in the middle of frozen nowhere was shocking on several levels. First and most obvious was the cold. It appeared to be late afternoon, though it was hard to tell with the thick gray clouds overhead. The wind howled, sending already fallen snow sideways in waves. Second, there was the fear. The ‘married’ couple were still bound to their dollies, and had been teleported halfway around the world to an unknown region. Third, there were a lot of bundled up men with guns pointed at them. Fourth, those gun toting men spoke in a language the two newlyweds did not understand.

Chrysalis was far less afraid and was already trying to make angry queen words through her muzzled mouth. There were demands, edicts, and declarations, but her muffled anger fell on deaf ears. In the group of soldiers was a young woman with long...purple? streaked hair. She was jabbering with the men, well, one in particular. Her arms were making all sorts of gestures as she rattled off what sounded like Russian, almost as if she was talking them down. Behind them was a large vehicle, some sort of oversized Arctic Cat. More people stood beside it, looking on from beneath covered faces. It had to be below freezing!

The other figure tied to the second dolly, the man who had just become the unwilling husband to Queen Chrysalis of the Changelings, shivered as his brain tried to process so much information. Not married even an hour and a firing squad is how the honeymoon starts!

The name of the groom was Scott. He had a middle name, and a last name, but neither of those were important right now. He did wonder if Chrysalis now had his last name or if due to her rank, he had to take her family name. Nevermind there was a strong chance lots of bullets were about to make swiss cheese out of him. No, no, his addled mind was bound and determined to figure out where in the pecking order his newlywed life put him.

The American shook his head in denial. No! Not married! Against my will!

Now, as his life faced the possible end, he took a moment to study the woman who was now his ‘wife’. He narrowed his blue-green eyes and noted in irritation he was no longer with his glasses. He had been taken from his house sans eyewear. Fortunate for him, Chrysalis was at his side. Maybe not so fortunate, judging from the dread she made him feel. Scott could make out her details if he squinted hard enough.

First of all, he was aware this human form he was witnessing was not her normal form. Her features would put Eva Longoria to shame, from what he could see. Her skin was charcoal gray, sparking memories of National Geographic and its stories on certain African tribes. The face, difficult to make out with the wedding veil and muzzle over her mouth, would have to wait. Her long, teal(!) hair whipped about her face in the wind, making her appear fierce. Scott guessed she was about the same height, six feet, as him. Her bound body beneath her lovely wedding dress was full and toned.

Chrysalis gave him a passing glance, turning her nose up at him as she readdressed the other girl with colorful hair. Her purple streaks, Scott noted with dark thoughts, had him guessing she was Starlight Glimmer, student to Twilight Sparkle and a possible Cousin Oliver. The jury was still out on that. He blinked, his senses still in the process of unscrambling since appearing in the middle of Siberia. Ever since she had been redeemed, Scott had developed a dislike for her character. How did he know she was Starlight Glimmer? Was it her, or was his mind playing tricks on him? Was this a dream? It couldn’t be! It was too goddamn cold!

On top of all this, he was without his glasses. Scott was nearsighted.

A cold thought formed, followed by a swarm of others. A lot of it had to do with confusion, more confusion, and still even more confusion. There was also the What the Fuck Factor. There was always the What the Fuck Factor.

So, why was he not freaking out she was here, in the flesh, and in human form?

And why, for the love of God, was he not freaking out he had been married to the only recurring villain in My Little Pony? Sure, she was evil, had once been drawn splattering a kitten into a wall in front of foals, had a questionable origin story, and already hated his guts; but here she was, a cartoon bug pony queen made into human flesh.

The man blinked, his tuxedo far too big for him. How was any of this possible? His life had taken a turn for the surreal. Just a few hours ago, a woman in black burst through his front door, made terrifying noises, broke his bedroom door, and kidnapped him. Scott came to discover characters from a children’s show had showed up in his world. Compounding his disbelief was Princess Mi Amore Cadenza telling him he was about to be married to a villain as an act of reformation.

It was rude not bothering to ask if he was interested. Or if he believed in cartoon ponies. Or if he believed in magic. Or…or...or...

Scott began to hyperventilate. Madness! Everything was utter and complete madness! There had been no time to digest everything. His brain had shut down from the shock and disbelief. Too much. Too much! Way too much!

I am married to a cockroach! He was a fan of the one dimensional villainess. Scott had thought her near conquest of Equestria to be very well done, saved only by ex deus machina writing. He found himself staring at her again. She filled out her wedding dress very well as a human. Too well, in fact. His idle thoughts zoned him out of the real world. It was fucking cold.

There was a tug at his ropes and his gag fell away. Coughing, he tried to spit. The dry mouth prevented that. Scott shivered and someone draped a blanket over his shoulders, patting hands guiding him towards the Cat. A voice was speaking to him, slow and deliberate. It was Russian, he thought, and not a lick of it made sense.

A woman’s voice called out his last name. He turned his head as hands steadied him while the ropes fell away. “Are you all right?” It was Starlight. She was wearing a fur coat with the hood up and framing her cute face.

Idle thoughts found focus. A humanized pony in a fur coat. Did she know?

“What happened?” he blurted at her. Next to him, Chrysalis was cut from the dolly. She was also given a blanket. The soldiers helping her seemed to have a mix of fear and awe of her presence. “What the fuck just happened to me?” His voice was dry and hoarse. “And why the fuck are you a human? Aren’t you a fucking pony? Why did I get abducted by fucking cartoon characters?”

“My name is Starlight Glimmer,” introduced the woman who was nonplussed by his language. “You were chosen by Princess Cadence to be a caretaker for Chrysalis. I’m supposed to make sure you two get along.” She wore a winning smile.

He gave her a flat, disbelieving stare, “Bullshit. This is all bullshit. I’m going on a drug trip on drugs I didn’t know I was on. What the hell was in that curry?” Scott waved his arms in the air in wide arcs. “This is a dream, no a nightmare! The fuck! I don’t even fucking do drugs!”

“Will someone shut the red-headed monkey up!” snarled Chrysalis. She was glaring at him and withdrawing herself into her blanket. “Shut up, you miserable ape. Just close those lips of yours and cease speaking. I find your voice grating and your mewlings annoying.” She was tugging at something on her hands. “Damn you, Cadenza! This infernal ring! Why will it not come off?”

“I’ll explain everything,” Starlight told her. Moving from Scott, she went and stood before the queen, trying to be as placating as possible. “I’m here to help you and answer any questions you might have, but can we please get everypony out of the cold?”

Starlight turned to one of the soldiers. Scott thought he might be an officer, or at least the ranking noncommissioned officer. No, he had to be an officer. “My mozhem zayti vnutr'?” she asked.

He gave her a curt nod, “Da!” Motioning with his head, he shouted orders at the soldiers and waved an arm. One soldier broke off and ran towards the treaded vehicle. Scott noted the buildings seemed to be the only ones in the local area.

“You speak Russian?” Scott asked Starlight. “Are you using magic?”

She offered him a polite smile, “Of course. I didn’t have enough time to study the language in detail, so I had to expedite the learning process.”

Chrysalis huffed, “How is it you can use magic and I cannot?” She was glaring with suspicion at Starlight. “What is this madness? Why am I here?” Anger manifested from within her and she swayed on unfamiliar feet.

The younger woman put her hands up to placate the fuming changeling. “It takes time, Chrysalis.”

The dark woman’s eyes narrowed. “That is Queen Chrysalis to you, unicorn.” Rage burned within them. Its pal Violence was not far behind.

Starlight offered an apologetic smile. “Of course. It takes time. You need to get used to your body. Magic works differently on this world. If we can get inside, I am prepared to explain things to you. Twilight asked me to do this and I intend to give this project my all.”

“Project?” Scott leaned in, his eyebrows arched. “What project? Am I some sort of guinea pig?”

Chrysalis snarled, “I’ll not be a part of some idiotic social experiment!” With a clumsy swing of an arm, she swung at the nearest soldier, her fingers crooked like claws. Staggering like a toddler throwing a tantrum, the body betrayed her as her mind still thought she was in her natural form. She was still blinding quick. Despite her clumsiness, her hand connected with a shoulder, sending the soldier spinning to the ground.

Everything went nuts. Soldiers began shouting, Starlight Glimmer tried calming the enraged queen, her eyes and hands glowing. Scott did the sensible thing and backed away from his bride, with the immortal words of Gandalf the Gray echoing in his mind, “Fly, you fool!”

“Byt' ostorozhnym!” Starlight yelled. Chrysalis had no intention of listening to the young woman. Her dress made mobility worse for her and she tore at it. The blanket had fallen to the tarmac. Her face was contorted in ugly anger, eyes blazing with a light not unlike Starlight’s. The air crackled and the ceaseless arctic wind now seemed irrelevant. “Ne podkhodite k ney!”

Arms grabbed at Scott and began pulling him away from Chrysalis. He was more than happy to oblige. He watched as another soldier got too close to her. The man was grabbed with both hands and lifted over her head. The soldier was screaming, his arms and legs flailing and kicking. Chrysalis searched out and found Scott and bared her teeth. With a cry, she threw the soldier at him. The Russians around Scott had all turned and raised their arms as their companion came crashing down in their midst. The men grunted and everyone fell.

“Your wife is crazy,” one of the soldiers muttered in broken English. “Dovol'no ledi ochen' sumasshedshiy!”

“Not my wife,” Scott groaned as he helped push the former human projectile off of himself. The soldier seemed to be all right, wearing a mask of bewilderment and fear. “I was happier single.”

There was no more time for talk as Chrysalis barreled straight for the sprawling group of downed men. She fought her legs and her balance with each step, crouched and bent as frustrated screams ripped through the air. Her body was engulfed in a glow of turquoise and her movements came to a halt. Widening her eyes, she spun, searching as she howled in unbridled rage.

“Pristreli yeye!”

Through the howling wind and the screaming changeling, Scott thought he heard what he could only describe as a couple of sharp puffing noises. Without his glasses, his vision was blurred. Chrysalis jerked and spun, and would have fallen if not for the glow that seemed to keep her from toppling. His ring finger began to throb. Rubbing it without thinking, Scott stood up and began a slow walk towards Chrysalis. He ignored the shouts at him.

He heard Starlight’s strained voice, “Otpusti yego!”

Had they shot her? Had Chrysalis been shot? There had been no gunfire. The dark woman was panting, her hands twitching as she stared at them with unfocused eyes. His feet scraped over the pavement and her head perked up. A snarl tried to escape, but all that reached his ears was a whimper. In her shoulder and side he could make out darts.

“You monkeys!” she spat as her legs trembled beneath her. Eyes fluttered. She did not want to fall. “I’ll not show weakness! I-I’ll not s-s-show, n-n-not give satis-sfaction!”

“Go to her, Scott,” Starlight was next to him, a hand on his shoulder. “We need to get inside or you’ll both freeze.”

He looked at her with wide eyes, “Are you nuts?”

“She can’t hurt you. The rings you both wear,” Starlight waved a hand between them, making small circles, “they are enchanted. Cadence prepared for this. Please, trust me and go to your wife.”

“She’s not my wife!” Scott snapped, but did as he was told. Chrysalis was falling and a part of him remembered how he was raised. Bitch or not, the faltering woman was still a lady and would be treated as such. His mother did not raise a pig and his father expected him to always treat all women with respect. Grumbling to himself, arms reached out and caught Chrysalis.

Starlight stood tall and shouted in Russian. More bundled men rushed forward with a stretcher. As they came, Chrysalis reached a hand up and seemed to caress Scott’s face. It might have been a tender moment, if not for the absolute hatred marring her perfect features. The terrified man swallowed his fears and pulled her close, looking around in desperation for help. The aura faded and was gone. His ring was throbbing. Chrysalis’ eyes closed as the drugs overwhelmed her. The hand upon Scott’s cheek became limp and slid off. Idle thoughts noted she felt solid and heavy even as her expression softened to something more akin to a deep sleep.

An older man nudged him, breaking his stare. Scott nodded, not sure as to what was being said, but getting the idea. He might have been saying, ‘get your pretty wife on the stretcher’, or it might have been ‘get this bitch off of my runway’. He wasn’t sure, but there was a smile on the man’s face.

Bundled up and strapped down on the stretcher, Chrysalis was rushed to the Arctic Cat, or whatever the thing was. It was pulling a trailer that was the same size as the cab and they were connected to where people could easily move from one section to the other. The trailer was longer by half and had small square windows. The cab itself seemed to be nothing but windows in the front. It was white, with Russian markings on the sides.

Four men lifted Chrysalis on her stretcher into the vehicle from the back. More men were inside and pulled her in. Scott felt Starlight Glimmer guide him to a side door. She motioned him up the short ladder. “This is a Vityaz. It’s roomier on the inside than it looks. We can talk some more while we head in. There will be food and drink at the base. Doctors will be asking you questions and making sure your needs are taken care of.”

The half frozen man nodded and climbed the small ladder leading up to the door. He squeezed through. A soldier was waiting for him and lent a hand. More Russian was spoken, but it was easy to make out what was conveyed: ‘take a seat’. Numb and confused, Scott obeyed.

Exhaustion plagued his mind. Too many things had happened. Maybe there was also shock involved. Clutching his head with his hands, Scott leaned forward, his elbows on his knees as he tried to process the past few hours. He needed time to think! My Little Pony was a goddamn real thing? Magic was real? Chrysalis was real? Luna breaking into his house was real? They could come into this world and do whatever the fuck they wanted?

“Scott?” his name was called out. “Twilight asked me to give this to you.”

Blinking, his attention shifted to the here and now. A hand was holding something in his line of sight. Glasses. His glasses. He took them, mumbling his thanks before slipping them on. At least things weren’t a blur now. Looking up, he saw Starlight Glimmer sitting across from him. He could make out details of her face, now that she had her hood back. She was pretty, he guessed, with a round face and intelligent, searching eyes. A personable smile greeted him.

“Where am I?” Scott asked as he began to look around. The vehicle’s engines roared to life. Voices bounced back and forth as the Russians secured everything for transport. He glanced over at the still form of Chrysalis. She was being attended to by what Scott assumed was a doctor. It was a woman doctor. There was a lurch and the vehicle began moving over the tundra. At least it was warm inside.

When Starlight spoke again, he turned his attention to her. “Siberia,” she replied. Her nose was bright red from the biting arctic air. “We’re about an hour’s flight southwest of Tiksi. There’s a river nearby, the Lena, I think. This was an old prison the Soviets used, a gulag. Not a very nice history behind it. Pretty squat and ugly.” She turned her head and asked the closest Russian a question. He nodded, replied and rose from his seat, moving to the other end of the trailer. Starlight smiled after him before turning her attention again to Scott. “It’s a research center now, for secret projects sanctioned by the United Nations. I think the Russians might be trying to make this their own project, but Canterlot won’t let them. It’s very important what goes on here the next few days is shared with all parties invested in the trade agreement.”

Groaning, Scott covered his face with his hands. “Why am I in Siberia? What is happening? What is this experimental bullshit you were talking about? What treaty?” He was tired, frustrated and cranky.

She pursed her lips, brows furrowing, “It’s hard to explain, but I can give you the rundown. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have been watching this world for years. The ley lines between our worlds have always had a connection. It’s allowed them to watch humanity’s progress. They know most of modern human history and can recall events from up to twenty-five hundred years ago from personal experience. They’ve tried to guide humanity here and there, but have for the most part taken a hooves off approach.”

A deadpan stare came with, “Huh?”

The young woman sighed, but smiled, “I know it’s a lot to take in, but everything in your history from a thousand years and further back has had some influence imparted from the Diarchs of Equestria. Almost all of your major religions were founded in some way by people who had direct contact with the Princesses.”

Scott blinked, upping the ante with, “What?”

“When Luna was reformed, the two sisters decided it was time to re-establish contact with your world.”

“The fuck are you talking about?”

“You’re not listening, are you?” Starlight frowned, staring at the man.

He shook his head, sputtering, “I have no idea what you’re talking about! All I know is my life’s flipped and everything is fucked up! I’m not getting the right explanation! What about me? Why the fuck am I here? What the fuck do you bitches want with me? I have fucking mortgage payments, car payments, bills, a job to pay those fucking bills and you fucktarded mongoloid cu—,” he cut himself off from finishing the word, “—just decided to yank me from my life for what? Your own fucking amusement? Fuck you!” Scott was unaware he had risen from his seat, arms flailing in the air, and his voice rising as his rage boiled over.

A Russian, annoyed with the American, reached over and shoved the man back into his seat. A finger was shoved in Scott’s face. “Shut fuck up!” he growled with a heavy accent.

Outrage creased the humanized unicorn’s face. “You have quite the tongue on you.” She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. When she exhaled, she opened them. “I understand your confusion. I will help guide you through what is to come. Everything will be explained to you. Everything has been taken care of. Please, I do apologize for everything that has happened to you in the past twenty-four hours and not a lot of it will make sense to you. Everything has happened for a reason. Everything was planned.”

Mindful of the Russian soldier glaring at him, Scott cleared his throat, “What do you mean ‘planned’? What does this have to do with me?”

“Yes. Princess Celestia believes your world is the perfect place to contain powerful villains like Chrysalis. This is because your world’s magic is like an untamed storm. It is very difficult to tap into. As such, magical beings like Chrysalis are restricted to how much magic they can use. It’s a natural buffer and limits how much harm they can do. This will allow reformation of a prisoner so they might become a contributor to society and no longer a menace. At least, that’s the outline of the plan. Princess Celestia is aware there might be changes necessary down the road, so things will be taken slowly at first. Once we get an idea as to how Chrysalis is adapting to her new home, the next stages will be taken.” Starlight turned and smiled at the Russian who was still glaring at the American.

She began speaking to him, shifting languages with ease. The soldier’s face turned and he listened, making slight nods. Scott, unable to understand what was being said, rolled his eyes. When she finished, he rose, cast one final warning glare at Scott, and headed to the front of the vehicle.

“Captain Petrov has been a part of this project for five years,” Starlight said to Scott. A small smile appeared. “He’s been a fan of the show, though he complains it’s a bit too watered down and too child friendly.”

Scott wanted to try and be rational. “Okay. Say this is all real and not some retarded Finding Bigfoot bullshit,” he said, his words slow and deliberate as he tried to think his way through, “Why was I married to Queen Chrysalis, of all things? Why did you guys choose me to be hitched to Bughorse Murderroach? I liked her because she was a plausible villain with very little backstory. I never considered she was real. She’s fake. You’re fake! MLP is a cartoon made to promote toys for little girls!” He failed, and for obvious reasons.

“Only Princess Cadence can answer that question,” Starlight said with an apologetic tone, “at least in a way I think would be satisfactory.” Captain Petrov returned, holding a binder. He handed it to her. “Spasibo!” she gave him a grateful nod. “Here, this, I think will give you an idea as to what is going on.” The binder was given over to Scott. He stared at it until she pressed it into his hands. “I strongly recommend you read it. We’ve got about fifteen minutes before we get to the base.”

A plastic cup materialized in a hand to his right. “Drink.” It was not a question. “Is vodka. Will steady nerves. American needs to relax and clear head. Is good, da?” Scott took the cup and followed the hand up to its owner. It was the old soldier from earlier. “Marriage is stressful. The more beautiful the wife, the more the stress.” A hearty chuckle followed.

Scott smiled despite himself. Laying the binder on his lap, he gave the cup a sniff. A light scent of fermented earth greeted him. Potatoes, maybe? “Thanks,” he nodded to the Russian.

“Is no problem. Drink!”

Starlight puffed her cheeks and made a sour face. “Russians and their bad habits,” she complained, narrowing her baleful gaze at the cup in Scott’s hands. “I strongly suggest you don’t dri—”

Scott quaffed down the cup in one gulp. The alcohol slid down his throat, burning all the way down. He made a face, sucking in a sharp breath of air. Wheezing, he nodded and gave the cup back.

It was refilled without question.

“Really?” Starlight demanded.

Saluting her with the cup, round two went down before the burning from the first had even begun to fade. “Getting drunk sounds like a great idea,” he told her through the burn. “Never got my bachelor party.”

Starlight gave the old Russian a withering glare. He shrugged even as he refilled Scott’s cup. “One can't build one's happiness on others' grief,” he said, casting a glance at the back of the trailer. “I go to see to your wife.”

“She’s not—”

The cup was pressed to Scott’s lips. “No talk. Drink. No think. Be quiet.” He smiled at Starlight and spoke to her at length in his language. She scowled, but said nothing. Instead, she pressed fingers to her temples and rubbed them. She threw her other hand in the direction of the binder.

Scott sighed and opened it. “Fuck my life,” he sighed under his breath.

There was a sudden commotion in the back, with things being knocked around and lots of shouting. Above it all, one voice rang loud and true. “Stop touching me, you damned, dirty apes!” screeched Chrysalis.

“Oh wonderful,” Starlight Glimmer sighed, “She’s awake.”

Author's Notes:

Vityaz ATV = https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vityaz_(ATV)

Russian words, their translations to English, and their Russian spelling. If there are any tweaks needed, please let me know in a PM or the comments. Thank you!

(1). My mozhem zayti vnutr' = can we go inside = Мы можем зайти внутрь
(2). byt' ostorozhnym = be careful = быть осторожным
(3). Ne podkhodite k ney = Don’t go near her = Не подходите к ней
(4). Dovol'no ledi ochen' sumasshedshiy = Pretty lady very crazy = Довольно леди очень сумасшедший
(5). Pristreli yeye = Shoot her = Пристрели ее
(6). Otpusti yego = Let him go = Отпусти его
(7). Spasibo = Thanks! = Спасибо