“Gosling!”

The sudden, unexpected outburst from Celestia almost made Gosling jump out of his skin and he just about dropped the wine glass wedged between his primaries. Sometimes, a pony could be too cheerful and enthusiastic. At least he hadn’t choked on his wine. Grinning, his teeth a ruddy mauve colour from the sweet, spiced wine, he turned about to address the pony that had called his name.

“Gosling, I need for you to perform your royal duties,” Celestia said, almost breathless.

“Right here? Right now? With everypony watching? Yous wanting everypony to see that face you make? ‘Cause I can make yous make that face right now if that’s what is needed from me. Let’s go. But first I need to find ye olden royal step-stool, ‘cause you’s kinda tall.”

At first, it was only Celestia’s nose that had turned pink, but like a rampaging fire, it spread. The pink blush crept up her muzzle, along her cheeks, gave her ears a healthy glow, and began to spread down her neck. When her wings clapped against her ribs, there was a soft rustle of feathers against silken hairs, and her hooves clicked against the ground while she shuffled in place. Little curls of steam rose from her back and wound their way into the night sky.

“You’re really pink, Princess Celestia,” Twilight said to her mentor in a matter-of-fact way.

“Twilight, please, please tell me that you didn’t hear all of that.” Celestia said this without turning around to face the smaller mare that had crept up behind her, unaware.

“I didn’t hear a thing—”

“Miss Sparkle, it’s impolite to lie.”

“But you told me to tell you…” Twilight held her composure a moment more, but then began to crumble like a cookie. She giggled, covered her mouth with her wing, and then giggled a little more while Celestia fumed and grew more flustered.

“Twilight—”

“Shall I go fetch ye olden royal step-stool?” Twilight offered, still giggling but clearly trying to be helpful.

A half-smile, half-smirk appeared upon Celestia’s face, and then, in an effort to hide it, she began chewing upon her bottom lip. Twilight’s giggles became titters and her wing still covered her mouth in a desperate attempt to be polite, even in these mortifying circumstances. Gosling, feeling pleased with himself, took a careful sip of wine while observing the faint, musky notes that now scented the air.

“Twilight, how much wine have you had to relax your inhibitions?” Celestia asked while the pink inferno raged.

“A half a glass,” Twilight replied, and the sound of her licking her lips could be heard from behind her wings. “It left me lightheaded. Come morning, I’ll probably curl up and die when I think about this, but right now, I’m having the time of my life.”

“Indeed, Twilight. I’m happy for you.”

“So you wanted Gosling to perform his royal duties.” As the smaller mare swayed on her hooves, more tittering escaped from Twilight when she attempted to restore the subject of conversation.

“Yes… yes I did.” Clucking her tongue, Celestia nibbled her lip, her sides expanded and contracted like bellows, all while her breath whooshed from her flaring nostrils. “Gosling, I need for you to perform the marriage ceremony. You need the experience and with tonight’s… relaxed atmosphere, any mistakes or blunders you might make can be smoothed over. It’s an ideal time to spread your wings a bit, Gosling.”

“I have no idea what I’m doing. How do I marry somepony?”

“Says the pretty pegasus that married two ponies,” Twilight said, her natural snark escaping through her wine-relaxed lips. “Ah, the look on your face, Gosling. That panicked expression is priceless. So expressive.”

Now it was Gosling that shuffled about on his hooves and Celestia’s tittering joined Twilight’s, forming a harmonious chorus. Putting on a brave face, he glanced at both of the mares having a bit of fun at his expense, and tried to think of some way to get out of this. He didn’t mind public speaking, that wasn’t the problem at all. Rather, marriage was important. It was something of deep, profound meaning to him, and he was totally unprepared for such a solemn ceremony. To wing it was unthinkable.

“I’m a pretty, pretty pony princess!” Twilight blurted out, with no warning whatsoever.

“Yes you are, Twilight,” Celestia said in response without skipping a beat. When next she spoke, her tone was one of foalish baby-talk. “Who’s a pretty pony princess?”

“I am!” Twilight cried out in a sing-song voice whilst she pranced about in a circle. “Woohoo!”

The pressure already settling in, Gosling finished off the wine in his glass with a single gulp.

It was with great apprehension that Gosling faced the crowd and he found this anxiety unsettling. He liked being the center of attention, he loved the adoration of the crowd, but this was something meaningful for him, something deep and profound. He was utterly uncertain of how he felt about mass-weddings. A marriage was supposed to be intimate and this… this was anything but. How could a pony hear their own thoughts above this ruckus?

He thought about his earlier conversation with Celestia in regard to his attitude about sex, and realised this was a natural extension of that chit-chat. This… this was beyond his comfort zone, and while it was something that he would never do, others had come here with the express purpose of getting married, for whatever reasons they had. This was important and meaningful for them and Gosling concluded that his own feelings were irrelevant. After a bit of thinking, some of his apprehension eased and he felt better about what it was that he was doing.

Turning, he saw Celestia waiting in the wings, nodding at him with an encouraging smile. Luna too, was grinning, but hers was more predatory and unsettling. Celestia wanted stability and a foal-boom eleven months from now, while Luna, clearly she wanted something interesting to happen. Luna wanted excitement, even if it was at his expense. Mouth dry, his teeth lacking moisture, Gosling’s tongue flailed around in a vain attempt to moisten everything.

Knowing that his Broncs accent would be a detriment, Gosling decided to throw himself upon the mercy of the crowd and chose his foal-maker voice, which he thought was equal parts regal and seductive. Tonight, he would woo the crowd and give them a ceremony to remember. Clearing his throat, he steeled his nerves and took a step closer to the microphone, but not too close.

What came out of him was smooth, buttery, and knee-weakening. “We’re going to have to take this show on the road.” His words had a profound effect upon the crowd and every ear that could be seen pricked to listen. “I bet Manehattan would be a kickin’ place to raise the moon… or maybe even Ponyville—”

The roar that followed overpowered his efforts to speak and Gosling went silent while the crowd went wild. He might have poured it on a little too thick, but that was okay. Tonight was a special night, a night for excess and hedonistic debauchery. There was hooting, there was hollering, and much hoof-stomping, enough to cause the ground to tremble. Overexcited earth ponies caused the very bedrock of Canterlot to quake.

It took awhile for the crowd to behave themselves once more, and when they finally did, he continued, “So tell me, you fine, fine ponies… how would you like for me to marry you?” Even as he said it, he knew he had screwed up—he’d really stuck his hoof in the meadow muffins now. When he heard great whoops of laughter coming from Luna’s direction, his ears fell into a submissive pose and he stood there, sheepish. He doubted if he could have done any worse as an opener, but at least the crowd loved it.

“Words are hard, okay?” To earn forgiveness, Gosling did his crowd-wooing best and poured on the charm. “Did I ever mess that up. Bed’s gonna be crowded later. Standing room only—”

A mare in the front row hollered, “LEWD!”

Waggling his eyebrows, he chose a flippant reply. “I know, right?” Then, his muzzle close to the microphone, he performed the sexiest inhale he could muster, the sound of which caused quite a reaction to spread like wildfire through the crowd. Only flirting could save him now.

A few yards away, Luna was in tears and laughing fit to split. She appeared to be suffering physical pain and was wiping at her eyes with her foreleg. Even Celestia was laughing—Gosling knew it to be relieved laughter—and in hearing it, he too was relieved, because he had the crowd under control.

“Well, now that I’ve made a colossal fool out of myself, we should talk about marriage. See, I’m here tonight as a student, and a part of my royal duties are the marriage of others. So this got sprung on me at the last moment. I’ve had no time to practice, nor rehearse, and I have no idea what I’m doing, as is clearly evidenced by my previous socially-inept solecism. At least, I think that counts as a solecism, because I’m pretty sure that it was my grammar that got me engaged to all of you fine ponies.”

When the crowd laughed, Gosling knew that he was doing okay. His honesty was endearing—so he hoped—and his vulnerability would make him relatable. With but a few words, he had shown himself as having a lot in common with these ponies; he could make mistakes and be embarrassed just like everypony else.

“There’s a lot of lovers here tonight. Don’t hide it, I can see the moon in your eyes. For that, I apologise, and I promise that I’ll make Luna behave herself.” The sudden roar of the crowd forced him to pause and his head bobbed in time to the hoof-stomping. When the time was right, he added, “Luna needs to learn to keep that to herself.”

The white one lost it. Celestia’s laughter caused the throng to go quiet, and many eyes witnessed the boisterous outburst of their daytime monarch. Sides heaving, Celestia struggled to breathe, her face was red, and tears rolled down from the corners of her eyes. A few brave ponies laughed first, and inspired by this act of courage, others in the crowd also began to laugh once more. As for Luna, she hadn’t stopped laughing, not even a little, even though the joke was made at her expense.

Emboldened by the laughter of the two sisters, he continued, “I understand that marriages should be a serious, solemn occasion, so I am probably blowing this.” Drawing in a deep breath, he chose a risque approach, because the crowd was just eating it up. “Just like how some of you are going to blow your first night of marital bliss. Probably going to be a lot of blowing in the days to follow. Am I right? Watch the teeth, ladies… and lords, I suppose.”

Tongue lolling out of her mouth, Luna had abandoned all pretext of princessly behaviour and was giggle-snorting with reckless abandon. She was happy, Luna was, and for this, Gosling was relieved. In just being himself, he had made this a special night, one to remember, and this sobered his mood just a little bit.

“All jokes aside, marriage is a serious subject.” Taking a deep breath, he inhaled through his nose, the cold air stinging his nostrils and lungs. “If things go wrong, get help. That’s what Princess Cadance is here for.” Extending a wing, he pointed in Cadance’s general direction. “Vows are pretty darn important and I think that you should keep them, even if it hurts sometimes. Yeah, I understand the complication in this, and I know things like abuse happens, and come morning, the papers are going to twist my words into pretzels… but you need to fight to keep those vows. Vows are what makes our great society strong. Everything begins and ends with the vows we keep. Vows to love one another, to have and to hold… especially that holding part. Vows to serve and protect. The vows that every guard takes. Just imagine what our society would be if we all disregarded our vows.”

The crowd gazed up at him, somewhat quieted, and he could see such adoration in their many eyes. Radiating as much sincere warmth and affection as he could muster, Gosling allowed his eyes to roam the crowd, meeting as many other eyes as possible. There was a lot of love in this crowd and Gosling suddenly had an inkling of what kept Celestia going during her darkest, bleakest moments. These ponies worshipped him, and he understood what he owed them in return. He was married to them in a way, and owed them much.

“Princess Cadance took a vow to help you keep your vows, just remember that.” Holding his head high, he allowed himself a smile once more. “Now, back to that ‘me marrying all of you at once’ part. Shall we get started?”

Author's Notes:

Those royal duties...