“Darling, is there any chance you could help me with some cleaning? Getting their cutie marks has not slowed Sweetie Belle and her friends down in the slightest, and it’s giving me quite a headache. Just this morning, they were formulating a plan to get Cheerilee to raise some of their grades. Which, yes, I did say was a lost cause, but you know them. They were going to start by buttering her up with some apples, but they’d forgotten to bring any to school and Apple Bloom had to stay in during lunch recess and couldn’t head home to get any. See, she was the teacher’s assistant for the day. Scootaloo volunteered to sneak over to Sweet Apple Acres during lunch break, but somehow managed to lock herself and Winona in the barn… So, long story short, my boutique is completely flooded with thirty-eight gallons of the most awful styling gel imaginable.”

“You’ll never believe what happened! I was reporting in for Wonderbolt training, and Soarin, he’s all, ‘Hey! Rainbow Crash! Betcha can’t do a double slalom barrel roll!’ And I was all, ‘You’re on, chump!’ Well, that was a mistake, ‘cause I didn’t know what a double slalom barrel roll was. It’s actually this really tricky maneuver where you weave around poles while barrel-rolling. But me being me, I did it on my first try, and who was one of the ponies watching? Yeager! One of the most awesome Wonderbolts ever! He comes up to me, says I got the right stuff to be an amazing flier — of course, why wouldn’t I?… So, long story short, Bulk Biceps is taking up ballet in Applewood.”

“Tia, I… There is something you should know. Several weeks back, Princess Twilight contacted me about her friend Applejack. The latter had been sleepwalking, something she had never done before, and claimed to have been having… odd… dreams. Naturally, she wondered if the two were perhaps connected in some way. She requested that I look in on Applejack’s dreams that night and see if they were out of the ordinary somehow. They seemed unusual, even by the standards of dreams, so I began investigating more thoroughly… So, long story short, I am now the proprietor of the franchise known as Quesadilla Shack.”

“Uh, Big Mac? Sorry to interrupt y’all like this, but this’s real important. I was out buckin’ apples in the western orchard yesterday. Then Apple Bloom comes out, and she says she wants to test her own buckin’ skills. Well, who am I to say no to that? She’s gotta learn it eventually. She’s goin’ ‘round, buckin’ trees — she’s improved a lot since Hearth’s Warmin’ — but then she goes and starts headin’ to the southern orchard. Since those apples ain’t quite ready yet, I go to stop her… So, long story short, Sapphire Shores’s waitin’ for y’all at the train station with flowers and chocolates.”

“Pinkie, we need to talk. Last week, I was combing through a book on the interactions between different types of pony magic. The authors wanted my help finding any errata to be corrected in the fourth edition, since I am the most scientifically-minded alicorn in Equestria. It was actually a good book and one I wish I’d read before. But anyway, there was one section that caught my eye on how the cause of lightning might not be pegasus magic at all, but highly diffused unicorn magic, and I started reading that more deeply… So, long story short, I know you’re actually Princess Celestia from the future.”

“Last night, Shining went to the bar. Yes, it’s okay, Friday night is bar night for him. But after I managed to get Flurry to sleep for more than a few seconds at a time, I realized he’d been gone for longer than usual, so I went out looking for him. Fortunately, nothing was wrong; he’d just gotten so wrapped up in several games of darts that he’d lost track of time. But before I could drag him away, I recognized that the bartender was the parent of one of Flurry’s playmates from magic preschool and I stopped for a moment to talk to her, and I lost track of time… So, long story short, Discord and Sunburst have switched bodies.”

“Twilight, I’m really sorry, but- Don’t look at me like that! It was an accident, honest! You don’t even know what I’ve done yet! Can you let me talk? I was doing just like you said and researching the origins of the alliance between Equestria and Yakyakistan. And I’m sorry, but it was really boring. Half of it was just, ‘Things not perfect! Yaks destroy!’ It’s not like Equestria making an alliance with Griffonstone and King Grady I, where stuff actually happened. My mind started wandering, and I just started thinking about the basic mechanics of light spells — yes, even those were more interesting than more yaks… So, long story short, the sun’s not going to rise tomorrow.”

“W-well, um, Hummingway was running out of sugar water — see, hummingbirds need lots of energy to fly. A-and the store was actually out of regular sugar, but Pinkie, she was so nice when she heard what I needed it for, she suggested powdered sugar instead. And when I mixed it all up for him, Hummingway seemed to like it just as much as regular sugar water, so I bought some more powdered sugar, just so I wouldn’t run out soon. But as I was putting it in the cabinet, I noticed a family of cute little mice had started living there. Now, the cabinet was the one place I said they couldn’t live, so I shooed them out… So, long story short, the Royal Guard is looking for me because I, um, I robbed Fort Bucks.”

“My faithful subjects, I have an announcement to make. As you are no doubt aware, next year marks the two thousandth anniversary of the Founders coming from their frozen homelands and uniting to drive off the windigoes. Naturally, Princess Luna and I have long debated the proper way to celebrate such a momentous occasion. We need to represent all the tribes equally, for every pony contributes to the friendship that makes us strong. But we must also take into account the hardships we have faced in the years since, hardships that we have only made it through thanks to our friendship… So, long story short, next year’s Grand Galloping Gala shall be held on the moon.”

“I was riding on the train with Donut Joe. We were just coming back from this super-awesome pastry contest! Joe got third, but the competition was fierce, so he actually did really good! And we started talking about different types of donuts. I mentioned that I looooove jelly-filled donuts, and he was all, ‘I don’t like jelly-filled donuts all that much.’ And I was all, ‘WHAT?! But they’re jelly-filled!’ And we went back and forth and back and forth and back and forth a lot, then decided we needed to get somepony who knew what she was talking about to settle it. The next stop just so happened to be Canterlot… So, long story short, Derpy’s the new Solar Diarch.”