Rarity balked under the intensity of Twilight’s stare, but the deep sorrow that filled her glowing, red eyes drew the mare back in. Her friend’s words rang in her head, tormenting her brain with the horrors the once innocent, bookish unicorn had endured. Please, Rarity.... What should I do...? She didn’t know. There wasn’t any way for her to know. The mare had been through so much, suffered through such agony that not even her most epic of fantasy novels depicted it, and had even died once. But she had also found love. True love, not some fleeting, foalish crush.

Is that worth it?

Is love worth the abuse at the hooves of your lover? Your so-called life-mate?

I don’t know.... Please, Twilight..., don’t make me answer this.

Her body continued to cower under that piercing, crimson glare even as her mind worked through her fear in a frantic search for an answer. Her mouth hung open in the most unladylike fashion, silently mouthing incomprehensible words as those eyes, those slitted, draconic eyes, bored into her very soul. And then, she saw something amazing. Something that, had she been asked later, she would never be able to quite describe what it was, or how it had helped. There was a brief flash, a shift in her friend’s pupils that told her all she needed to give her answer.

With great strain, Rarity wrenched herself free from the petrifying glare that held her, turning her sapphire blue eyes away so she could speak properly despite the obvious shaking of her hooves. “No, Twilight.... I don’t think it is worth it. I think you should turn away and leave that wretched creature to wallow in her own self-destruction.... It’s what any normal mare would do, in your situation....” She heard a despairing whimper from behind her, as if Twilight’s world had crumbled around her, and, all at once, the oppressive weight from her magical gaze dropped away. Rarity choked back a sob, hiding her despair for her friend behind a facade of strength through the brightest smile she could muster, and turned back to the byzantium unicorn.

“But....” She closed the short distance between them with a few short steps, her hooves echoing in the lobby of her beloved boutique, and placed a hoof on the sobbing mare’s withers. “You aren’t a normal mare.” Gingerly, Rarity pulled Twilight into a warm, comforting embrace, letting her sob into her shoulder for the second time that night. “You’ve done so much more than anypony could even begin to imagine. Any normal mare would have given up, broken under Nightmare Moon’s hoof, but not you. Never you.

“I’ve seen the way she looks at you, even with the way she hides it under that stoic facade. Nopony else would have been able to make her change the way you have.” She kissed Twilight’s cheek, an awkward motion considering their height differences, but it seemed to soothe her frantic sobbing, and stroked her mane until she had calmed enough to support her own considerable weight. “So, do what you need to. Follow your heart, darling, because you’ll never, ever, meet another that completes you as Nightmare does.”

The queen’s consort pulled away from her friend, a weak, but growing smile spreading across her muzzle, and nodded before pressing their lips together in a quick, chaste kiss. As she separated from her friend, beaming at the bright flush tinging the alabaster fashionista’s cheeks, her horn lit and wiped the fresh tears from her face. “T-thank you, Rarity.... I’m... glad that you’re my friend. I don’t know what I’d have done without you.”

The white mare blinked, and turned away nervously before chuckling daintily into a hoof. “Oh my, Twilight. I can’t say that anypony has ever caught me off my guard like that before, but... I’m glad I could help. You deserve the best and, however much I despise some of your and the queen’s actions, I know that you will never achieve that in your lifetime if you give up now.” She coughed, recovering from the blush and impromptu therapy session before turning back to the ex-librarian. “Well, darling. Care to tell me what you and those brutish soldiers are doing here in our quaint....” Her ears perked up, swivelling just enough to better catch a distant uproar carried on the night’s light winds. “Do you... hear that?”

“What’s that? It sounds like... shouting!”

With a swiftness that surprised even her, Twilight shot to her hooves and bolted out the front door, ignoring the blue-hued aura that caught the frail frame from smashing against the boutique’s wall. The shouting grew louder and more distinct the closer she got the the town’s center until she could pick out a very familiar southern drawl rising about another pair of angry shouts. “Now, y’all better give me back them apples, or ya’ll are gonna get some sense knocked into those tiny brains of yers! Ah don’t care if yer the queen’s personal apple-pitchers, ya’ll didn’t pay for ‘em!”

“Shut up, you hick! You should be glad we didn’t just clean your whole orchard!” Twilight skidded to a halt as the argument came into view, easily seeing over the crowd of ponies surrounding a pair of pegasi trying to pull an apple-laden cart past a very furious orange mare. “Now, get out of our way, or we’ll show you what happens when you disobey the queen!”

The Apple mare stood her ground despite their threats of violence, but all Twilight could do was stare. Images of her first month in the castle flashed through her mind, reminding her of how much the ponies despised her for just her proximity to the queen. She recognized these ponies, along with many more from the retinue Cloudy had picked out for her, as some of the remaining servants from that time. The ponies that had tried to rape and kill her on the first night Nightmare had saved her life were long dead, but their memory was not.

She had seen it in their eyes every time she passed those remnants in the castle, heard it in their whispers and ‘personal’ conversations. She was scared, too terrified to even come to the aid of a pony that had risked her life to free her, a pony that had joined her that one fateful night without hesitation.

“Twilight! Do something! They’re gonna hurt her!”

The dark unicorn balked and shook her head, rooted to the spot by her own fear. “I-I can’t! You... don’t know them. I-I’m so sorry, Apple J-”

“Stop them, or I will, Mommy Twilight. I’ve been aching for a little fun and these foals seem like they’d be a lot of fun to play with!”

Twilight flinched as her adopted daughter’s sinister, cheery voice popped up out of nowhere, chilling the air despite its jovial tone. She looked back to see Sweetie Belle and Tyra rushing to keep up with the supernatural filly, and swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. “I....” I can’t let Sweetie see....

She took a single tentative step into the crowd as the sound of a hoof connecting with a pony’s cheek sounded through the night air followed by a shocked gasp from the pony mob. The next step was just as difficult. Her hooves felt like lead as she fought against the fear that had settled in her stomach like an iron weight. You jumped in front of a sword. You ran from death. Stood up to the most powerful pony in the world. You can take control of a pair of mere unruly pegasi. You can do it, Twilight.

Before she could change her mind, she was standing above the blonde farmer, staring down at her fallen form with a deep, worried frown. The jab the pegasus had dealt left a large gash in her cheek where hoof had met skin and she seemed dazed, struggling to stand on hooves that wouldn’t support her. Twilight felt her fear beginning to burn away, slowly being replaced by a growing pool of anger. “W-what did I say, Private Cogsworth?”

“We were getting the apples like you told us. It’s not our fault this mare was trying to stop us.”

“Did I not say to pay her generously?” She glared at the pegasus as her eyes flashed back and forth between her natural purple and glowing crimson. “It was a simple job.... Go to the Apple Farm, buy enough apples to last us until the border town, and come back to camp for the night.”

“She wasn’t going to sell us any apples anyway, so we just took them! The queen sent us on this mission, so it’s obvious that the queen wouldn’t care if he took provisions to survive!” The grey pegasus glared back at the taller mare, unfazed by her boiling fury.

Sparks began to pop in Twilight’s mane, filling the air around her with the beginning traces of smoke as the country mare finally rose to her hooves. “Ah don’t care wh-who sent ya! Ya’ll aren’t gettin’ mah apples!”

“Shut up, bitch!” The grey stallion’s partner, a powder-blue pegasus, raised his hoof in an attempt to smack the earth pony again and swung. “Nopony asked y-” Suddenly, his hoof froze in mid-air, halted by a force near-invisible in the night’s darkness. “Wha-”

A series of sharp cracks, followed by an agonized scream startled the crowd as Twilight’s magic folded the pony’s hoof over and over upon itself, the breaking bones piercing his flesh with their jagged edges. The stallion crumpled to the ground the moment Twilight released him and he writhed, wailing, in the blood-stained dirt. “You were given your orders and you disobeyed them, because you thought Queen Nightmare Moon would sanction your behavior?” The remaining stallion looked up from his partner-in-crime to see the imposing, near-black unicorn standing over him, her mane and tail ablaze in orange and yellow flames. “She may have given you an order like that a few months ago, but she would not now.” Her voice was calm, even, despite the twisted, hate-fueled sneer stretching across her muzzle. “That would not matter either way, because Nightmare Moon is not here. I am, and you will follow my order from now on.”

“F-fuck you, whorse! I’ll never obey that bitch’s sl-”

Two more sickening snaps rang through the night, silencing the deafening screams and the obstinate soldier’s protests at once. "Let this be a lesson, soldiers! I will no longer tolerate disobedience, least of all towards my friends!" Twilight glared down at the two bodies with disgust, ignoring the impossible angles that their necks were bent at, then turned back to the blonde mare. All of her fury died in an instant, snuffed out by the loathing stare her former friend directed at her. “A-Apple Jack, are you-”

“Ah don’t wanna hear it, Twilight, if that’s who ya really are anymore. So, y’all just k-kill anypony that doesn’t do what ya say, huh?”

“It.... It was them, or you.... I couldn’t let them-”

“Didn’t ah s-say ah didn’t wanna hear what ya had to say? Ya’ll are just like her, spoiled to the core! Can’t even keep ponies in line without murderin’ ‘em!” Apple Jack frowned as the larger mare cowered, hiding her face and the tears that were beginning to darken the ground below her. “Y’all go on an’ take mah apples! Consider it payment for helpin' me. Just stay away from me an’ mah family!”

“A-Apple Jack, please.... I was just-”

"Now wait just a minute, Apple Jack! Why are you being such a mean ole' grumpy-pants?" A flash of pink was all the warning the earth pony had before another mare was in her face, giving her a disapproving frown. "She's your friend and she just helped you! At least say you're sorry and give her a hug! She needs it...." The pink pony glanced at the puffy-eyed unicorn and smiled brightly, her straight hair giving a light twitch at the genuine display.

"Ah ain't doin' nothin' for her. She's a murderer just like the queen and ah ain't associatin' mahself with a murderer." The orange Apple mare shot a scathing glare at the distraught Twilight, before turning away towards her farm. "Now, get out of the way, Pinkie. Ah have apples to save from any other hoodlum thinking they have a right to 'em."

Pinkie Pie stepped aside, not because she felt that the upset farmer was right, but because she understood her friend's logic. Not even she, the undefeatable premier party-pony of Ponyville, could deny that she was hurting. How could she have just sent us away like that? Doesn't she know that we love her? She turned back to the unicorn, her frown reversed back into the indomitable grin she was known for, and trotted over to the huddled group of white, black, and navy. "Aww, you're having a group hug and you didn't invite me?" Well, she's here now, so maybe things are going to be just peachy! "Don't you worry your pretty little head, Twilight! I'll talk to Apple Jack, so I can help you turn that frown upside-down faster than you can say 'Don't ever leave us again!' "

Twilight frowned at the slip in her jovial friend's cheery voice, but felt her chest warm at the implications. The other two ponies made room for the bubblegum mare, allowing her access to the comfort session. "Thank you, Pinkie. I'm glad I still have you as a friend." Maybe she can help me giggle my worries away like that first night....

"Oh! I know! We have to throw a party! I'll invite everyone in Ponyville and it'll be great! I just have to-"

"No, Pinkie, that's okay...." Twilight smiled through her tears as the poof that had begun to reappear in the party pony's hair deflated and hugged her tighter. "But I would love to talk with you girls some more. I've missed you all so much." A chuckle was all she could manage when Pinkie cheered, her mane and tail bursting back into their bright, untamed curls, and squeezed her as tightly as ponily possible.

Entry Four: Griffember 5th, 1000 Late Night

I lost control of my emotions, again, today and killed two of my subordinates, a grey pegasus by the name of Cogsworth and a light-blue pegasus by the name of Summer Sky. They were assaulting one of my frie Ponyville's residents after having stolen apples from her orchard despite specific instructions to pay gratuitously for them. It's not much of an excuse..., but it does help me come to push my feelings about it away like so many other problems. I think, when if I return from this mission, I'm going to talk with Luna, in depth, about everything.

The other soldiers are much more cooperative now.

Despite all of this, I was able to reconnect with one of my friends here: Pinkie Pie. I never knew I would miss her inane prattle, but it was... nice. She's so cheerful, just as much as I remember, even if a little bit less hyperactive than when we first met.

I never did take enough time to really get to know any of the girls that helped me that night and I regret it. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash are gone, I have no idea if I'll ever see them again, and Apple Jack.... Well, I still have Pinkie and Rarity to help me smile and I can't thank them enough for it.... After everything is over, I'll make sure to tell them just how much their friendship means to me. I still can't believe that they can stand my presence after all that's happened....

As for the mission, we're finally beginning to get back on schedule. Our supplies are re-stocked, overstocked just in case (I just hope everybody likes apples), and everypony is working to make sure we'll be ready to leave in the morning. If nothing goes overly wrong, we should be in Trotsdale by the twentieth.

T.S. Lunar Ambassador

The cold morning air blew bitterly through the remainder of the caravan's camp, sending shivers down Twilight's spine as she oversaw the breaking down of the last few tents. She sighed, glancing anxiously up at the moon, and shook her head. "Even with the extra motivation, we're still too far behind schedule. We should have been ready and gone almost forty minutes ago, Tyra!"

The minotaur girl glanced down at the mare and frowned. She had not known her for very long, but their proximity over the past few weeks had brought them more than close enough for her to notice signs of distress in Twilight's demeanor. With a gentle hand, she pulled the unicorn closer and stroked her shoulder, feeling her tense at the touch. "Twilight, will you be okay?"

"Am I be okay? Of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be? We're at least moving faster than usual and we're more than prepared for the long journey." She smiled up at her half-bovine friend, but the corners of her gesture faltered just slightly, almost imperceptibly.

Just enough for Tyra to notice. "You're not, and you won't be. I can see it in the way you're standing." Almost instinctively, Twilight glanced down at her legs as if she could hide whatever it was that had given her away, but even she knew the damage was done. "Your hind legs stiffen and you can't keep your forelegs still when you're nervous... or upset. Do you... want to talk about last night?"

"No." Immediately, Twilight returned her focus back to the procession of ponies packing their equipment. The process was nearly complete, only a few more tents need to be stored away, but she was still not satisfied. "We can't keep pitching and breaking down tents every night. We either need to cut down on camp gear, or march another night before settling."

"Twilight, don't avoid the subject. I know it's eating at you." She squeezed the mare's shoulder, trying to relax her tense nerves. "You know I'll help you if-"

"I said I was fine!" The dark pony's eyes flared, startling her companion, and she immediately flinched away, shying from the woman's comforting grip. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap, but I said I was fine. Apple Jack hates me, but I did the right thing. Plus, look at what it did! They aren't plotting behind my back anymore and I'm not scared of them...."

Tyra frowned at her royal ward, preparing to counter her argument, but stopped. Her face fell, recalling her own words the morning before. You need to take control of them.... This isn’t what I meant. “Just take some time to visit your friends before you leave. We won’t be back here for a while.” Without another word, the minotaur turned away, heading back to the wagons to finish their departure preparations.

The mare sighed, but kept herself focused on her task as overseer. It was true that the soldiers had become a lot more motivated to keep with her schedule, but despite her words to her companion, she knew differently. She knew, just by the way the ponies would cast furtive glances her way, that they were only keeping up a facade of obedience. They didn't respect her anymore than they had the night before. They just feared what she might do. "Oh, Celestia, I'm becoming a mon-"

Her words died in her throat at the implications of what she was about to say. I'm becoming just like her.... The unicorn fought back her thoughts, locking them down in that recess of sorrow she had created for such occasions. No, I'm not a monster and neither is Luna.... We're only doing what needs to be done and, when all of this is over.... She winced, fighting back a sudden wave of sickness and hunger, and would toppled over if a pair of pink hooves had not caught her in time.

"Woah there, Twi! Are you okay? Do you want me to get you some cupcakes? Everypony loves cupcakes and I just know it’ll fix you right up!” The pink mare beamed at her friend, then picked her up in a crushing hug. “You weren’t gonna leave without saying goodbye, were you?”

“Honestly, darling, after all that happened last night, you must have known we’d come to see you off.” Rarity smiled and patted the unicorn’s back as she was released from her pink prison. Her expression sobered as Twilight recovered, but the comforting motion never stopped. “Twilight, you’re going to be fine, okay? I’m terribly sorry for last night, but Pinkie and I will talk with Apple Jack. Everything will be alright.”

The dark mare nodded, but kept her eyes on the ground. She knew her friends loved her, she could feel it even without a bond like what she and Nightmare shared, and that they would follow through, but there could not be any certainties. Not anymore. “Thanks girls.... It means.... It means a lot to me.” Twilight huffed, shaking her emotions away, and turned her back on the camp to face the two ponies that had supported her from the start. “Do you want to... have breakfast before I have to go? I’m sure Moonie would love to have at least a little fun before we left.” She smiled nervously, knowing that the two could see past her excuse, that she had to hide herself behind her emotional walls, but neither pony cared.

They wrapped their hooves around her neck, gently squeezing her in a quick, warming embrace, and nodded. “Thank you, girls.... I’m going to miss you.”

Author's Notes:

Author’s Notes: Heyo! another week, another chapter! It only took me forever to finish that last bit of UD.... OH WELL! Here it goes! From here on, it gets REALLY time-skippy. You can expect about 2-3 months of time compressed down into a few chapters, so keep your jimmies snug in your pockets, because I warned you. As to what happens, that you’ll have to see. It could go perfectly, nothing wrong could happen. Maybe everything will go wrong. Or, it’ll just be anti-climactic. Who knows!?

Anyhooves, I’ll see you in the next installment! Peppy out~!