The entire restaurant had gone silent the second Hank and Zecora had stepped in the door and walked up to the host’s podium. The restaurant nearly full the the brim with high society, not just from Ponyville but from Canterlot and even Trottingham, the ponies had no words for the interlopers. Not just because they were clearly not members of such high societal status lie themselves and clearly underdressed but mostly because most of them had absolutely no clue what Hank was.

Sneering at the pair out of the corners of their eyes, jeering at them for daring to invade their territory, few of the patrons called over waiters to complain about the appearance of such a repulsive creature and low class zebra in their midst with whispered tones.

While the looks and whispers were causing Zecora to shift on her hooves nervously Hank was completely unfazed and continued to look right at the host and his thin mustache as he dealt with the couple in front of him and Zecora.

Finally out of their way the couple quickly found their way to their table, eager to get away from the man. About to step forward and address the host Hank stopped and brought his foot back when he felt Zecora poke him a few times in the calf.

Looking down at the zebra with a smile Hank didn’t get one back and instead saw her uneasy eyes looking back up at him. “What’s the matter?”

“We are getting looked at quite a lot dear…I’m just having second thoughts about coming here is all.” Zecora explained, still feeling the eyes burning a hole in the back of her head.

Smile slowly slipping away at her admission of discomfort Hank looked up and saw the ponies who were staring at the both of them quickly look back to their food once his eyes were set upon them.

Grumbling to himself Hank looked back to Zecora who was still looking at him instead of at the rest of the impressive restaurant interior, “Try and Ignore em’ Z, but if you continue to be truly uncomfortable we’ll leave. Alright? Just take a deep breath for me. Nothin’ is gonna happen, none of the fucks in here have the balls to do a damn thing.”

Nodding at his reassurances Zecora took a few deep breaths returning the smile to Hank’s face as he stood back up straight and walked to the podium.

Looking up to the man with an impatient / unimpressed look on his face the host didn’t utter a greeting or any word as the human looked at him with what could hardly be called a smile. As the two continued to look at each other waiting for the other to speak it became clear to the man that the obviously French pony was not going to speak first.

“We’d like a table.” The man stated, “Please.” He then added as if he had to remember his manners.

“Reservation?” The pony asked flatly, pretending to look over the list infront of him.

A small puff of air left Hank’s nose as he looked around the restaurant, he quickly counted all the empty tables and booths and then returned his own flat gaze to the not so friendly host.

“You have six booths and nine tables available.”

“Six reserved booths and nine reserved tables.” Pimpant Brosse corrected, hoping to run off the strange beast and his companion.

Not trusting the pony for a second, Hank reached down and grabbed the stallion’s clipboard, pulling it away as the unicorn cried out in surprise and quickly climbed on top of the podium as he tried to snatch it away from the human.

“Give that back you bête! That is not yours to defile with your grubby paws!” Pimpant cursed, repeatedly reaching for his clipboard, trying to get it back from the man who kept shrugging him off.

Unable to read the table layout with the stallion doing his damndest to get it back, Hank finally got tired of the pony and grabbed him around the throat with his left hand, shopping his flailing and never ending stream of French curses.

“I’m just trying to read the damn thing. Calm the fuck down.” Hank chastised the stallion held at arm's length as he looked back with surprise with how quickly he had been taken by the throat.

“Jesus.” Hank huffed, shaking his head, finally setting his eyes upon the paper and finding out that, in fact, all the tables and booths had been reserved, all having names paired with time slots next to them. All except one in the corner.

Looking up from the table layout sheet and finding the open booth Hank looked up and saw the huge booth in the front corner of the restaurant. This booth was nothing like the others though, which looked nice themselves, this booth had seating nearly 360 degrees around, along with a deep stained wood half wall for privacy that had ornately carved columns reaching to the ceiling.

The booth even had its own gold chandelier and red velvet cushions on the seat opposed to the white cushions the rest of the regular booths had. Even the windows were more fanicily done, ensuring that anybody that looked in on you eating there knows your status and that your bank account was full.

Taking in the ornate seating arrangement Hank’s smile grew ever wider. That’d work.

“We’ll take that one," he gestured to the huge booth, handing back the clipboard and releasing the pony from his clutches.

Coughing and rubbing his neck as he got back on the floor Pimpant glared up at the beast with tears in his eyes, “You!- cough - imbécile!” Pimpant yelled, “That is only for VIP guests of Le Prançais Royal! You most certainly are not a VIP you brutish monkey!”

“I’m getting called a monkey a lot today.” Hank pointed out while looking at Zecora who had a much less relaxed look on her face before turning back to the still coughing host.

“Do you even know what une poney très importante is?” Pimpant sneered looking at his manager as she exited the kitchen, no doubt brought forth by all the commotion.

“Yeah. A dumbass with more money than sense.” Hank laughed making the host scowl deeper, “So how much does becoming une personne très importante cost?” Hank mocked, butchering the pronunciation as much as possible.

“A crétin like you could never be une po-.”

“HÔTE!” The mare approaching barked in a French accent ten times as thick as the stallion Hank was talking to, making the stallion stop what he was saying and shoot to attention.

Hooves clicking together as he pivoted 90 degrees to face the frowning mare, the stallion’s eyes were wide as he addressed her, “Oui, Manager en chef!”

“Expliquer.” She said slowly pointing to Hank before waving her hoof in a circle in “all of this” gesture.

“Uh… uh… um-” Pimpant tried his best to find the words to explain all that had happened in a concise manner.

“Uh uh uh!” The head manager mocked making the host’s ears lay back as he looked down at his hooves.

“Inutile.” She huffed and turned away from the young stallion, turning her attention to the strange whatever it was in her restaurant.

Hopping up onto the podium with her front hooves, taking the place of the host, Forte Avance blew her mane out of her eyes and looked up to Hank who was leant forward onto the podium with a small smirk on his heavily scarred face.

Looking over the strange beast before her, Forte Advance had absolutely no clue as to what it was but knew in an instant that it wasn’t to be messed with. If the scars didn’t tell her that alone, the eyes most certainly did. As such, even though it was under dressed and a walk in when they didn’t take those, she wasn’t going to push it. Forte was a tough mare, a hardened mare, but she wasn’t a stupid one. She just hoped she could get it to leave without any more disturbances.

“Que veux-tu?” She said without thinking, before realizing that there was no way whatever it was knew Prench and that she’d have to break out her very rusty Equish.

Thinking of the translation Forte stalled, “Uuuuuh - What do you-”

“Personne très importante, combien?”

Stopping dead in her tracks as she tried to formulate her sentence, Forte's mouth hung slightly open when she heard what sounded an awful lot like Prench leave the thing’s mouth and caused her to quickly shake her head and gawk up at the dumb looking brute causing her to speak before her mind could catch up, “ Attendre! Attendre! Tu parles Prançais!?!”

Finding her apparent shock rather amusing Hank laughed a few times and nodded, “Un peu.”

Looking up to the man, still slack jawed Hank rolled his eyes at her surprise and patted her a few times in the side of the face, snapping her out of her stupor, “Personne très importante?” Hank asked again, rolling his hand in a circle, “Combien?”

Nodding slowly as he motioned with his head toward the VIP booth in the corner, Forte couldn’t believe it spoke Prench, even if it was with a strange accent and incorrect pronunciation. All she had to do now was say how much it was and surely it’d be gone. Out of her restaurant and customer’s presence.

Clearing her throat and looking up to its eyes, Forte forced herself to maintain eye contact with it as it gazed down at her, “Cela serait mille bits par mois, monsieur.”

Staring at her as his brian did its best to connect the dots for what she had said Hank drummed his fingers across the hard wood surface of the podium and muttered to himself. He knew she had said one thousand, or he was pretty sure ‘mille’ was thousand in French. He was only really good to a hundred in the various languages he had a passing knowledge in and French was the most difficult to count in by far.

Other than that he was completely blanking on what “Cela serait” and “mois” were in the context of their conversation. That was unless Cela was a modified form of ‘Cette’ or ‘Ce’ which meant ‘That’ in English. Slowly figuring it out Hank was still completely lost on what “mois” was but had the general idea down.

That? … something … one thousand bits … something …, sir. Still though he needed to know what came after the amount and he was completely blanking on what it could be. With a sigh Hank patted the podium a few times and turned his gaze to the host who was still standing at attention.

“What does ‘mois’ and ‘serait’ mean?” The man asked, getting no response from the unicorn stallion.

Sighing in exasperation Hank raised his voice and called out, “Hey! Tête de noeud!”

Breaking attention and scowling at the human who was grinning at him Pimpant couldn't stand to be insulted by such a creature and not respond.

“Va te faire foutre, plouc!” The pony yelled, getting the attention of the entire restaurant, especially the wait staff and kitchen who all knew Prench who all quickly made it to where they could see what was going on.

Laughing at the insults the human watched as the stallion re approached the podium with a snarl on his face, disregarding the barked commands the other pony was giving him.

“Oh? Oh yeah?!” Hank laughed thinking of another insult, “Manger de la merde, salopard!”

Just as he figured the insult did nothing but fan the stallion’s flames more causing him to push past the mare that was trying to hold him back and light his horn, pulling a wine bottle from under the podium and waving it in the air angrily by the neck.

“Je vais te frapper sur ta vilaine tête jusqu'à ce que la bouteille se brise. Ensuite, Je te poignarderai jusqu'à ce qu'il ne reste plus de sang!” The stallion yelled in French so fast that Hank had no chance of understanding what he had said, causing the man to laugh all the more.

Looking away from the angry stallion who was now yelling back and forth with his superior Hank reached forward and grabbed the wine bottle out of the air before turning to Zecora with a wiry smile on his face, “He is so fuckin’ mad.”

Scoffing at his aloofness toward the situation Zecora looked back to the still fuming stallion as he and his manager switched off pushing each other and yelling in rapid Prench all while Hank chuckled at the chaos he had caused. Seaking of her coltfriend, since when did he know Prench!? What else was there about the human did she not know despite being his mate?

Looking up to the man Zecroa just shook her head at his continued laughing, “Just what did you say to the stallion?”

“H- huh? What?” Hank slowly peeled his attention away from the scuffling pair and acknowledged Zecora.

“What did you call him?” She asked again.

Chuckling to himself a few times Hank hummed, “First a dickhead. Then he called me a hillbilly and to fuck off. And then I told him to go eat shit, bastard. In the end I think he might’ve threatened to stab me to death.”

Appalled by what Hank had started and how the stallion had escalated, Zecora was about to admonish her stallion for his behavior but then quickly turned her attention to the still scuffling pair along with Hank when a loud slap came from the two and they grew silent.

Looking back to see the host holding the side of his face while the manager held her hoof at the ready again by her head the mare then pointed with the hoof she had struck the stallion with.

“Aller à la cuisine.” She growled as the stallion continued to stare daggers at her before slowly turning and walking toward the kitchen with his nose in the air, clearly not sorry at all.

“Quel salopard.” She said under her breath but easily loud enough for the stallion and most of the restaurant to hear as she turned back toward Hank and Zecora.

“Casse-couilles.” The stallion shot back, not caring to turn his head as he said it as he walked into the kitchen.

“Tu as totalement raison!” The mare loudly exclamied turning to yell at the back of the stallion’s head as he disappeared into the swinging doors.

Keeping her eyes on the spot where the host had disappeared for a few seconds the mare slowly turned back around with a sigh and hopped back up on the podium glaring at Hank who looked back with mirth still in his eyes.

“Plothole.” She said simply, looking right into Hank’s eyes.

Laughing at her insult and heavily accented English, Hank just nodded in agreement making her scoff and groan at his unfazed nature.

“How much?” The human asked again.

Rolling her eyes, Forte rubbed her temples, “Thousand un month.”

Eyes going wide once she finally heard how much the booth was Zecora was sure that they were going to leave the restaurant and looked up to see what Hank’s reaction was only to see him take out ten golden bits from his front left pocket and set them down on the podium.

Opening her eyes to see a thousand bits in front of her, Forte just stared at the coins for a few seconds before looking up to the strange creature and heavily sighing, “Merde.”

Chuckling at her, Hank handed back the wine bottle as well, which forte took in her grasp, stashing it back under the podium before taking his money and motioning with her head to the booth.

“Thanks.” Hank smiled.

“Va te faire foutre.” Forte responded while walking back to the kitchen herself.

Snorting at the response Hank started walking toward the booth with a very confused zebra in tow.

“S-so, we are eating here?” Zecora asked, walking directly beside Hank.

“Yep.” The man smiled.

“And what did she say?” Zecora followed up following Hank into the large booth.

“For me to go fuck myself.” Hank laughed again as he took his seat where he had his back to the wall and could see what was outside the windows and the entrance to the building at the same time.

Quickly picking her spot close to the man, a waitress soon entered the booth and skittishly put their menus on the table before sliding them the rest of the way into Hank’s hands.

“I don’t bite.” Hank tried to reassure with a smile, inadvertently showing off his K9 teeth and making the situation worse.

Taking a small step back, trying to steel herself, the waitress gave Hank another quick look and shakily took a few steps back before turning and quickly retreating to the kitchen. She didn’t care if she was going to get yelled at by the strict mare like Pimpant, she had to get away from that thing before it pounced over the table and bit her in half. If that thing is what was around Ponyville, she wanted to go back to Canterlot as soon as possible.

Watching, somewhat surprised at the waitresses’ reaction, Hank put his menu down and turned his head to look at Zecora, “Am I soaked in blood or somethin’?”

“No dear, nothing that I can see.” Zecora responded honestly, looking over her coltfriend for any red splotches and seeing none.

“So I’m just that hard to look at huh?”

Scoffing and looking up to his eyes, Zecora just shook her head, “Not at all.”

“Hun. I make her quite literally run away with a smile.”

“Well…” The zebra looked for a nice and honest way to console the man, making him bark a short laugh when she paused.

“Look, Hank.” Zecora started, immediately getting the man’s full attention when she said actual name, “You are quite… shocking to look at, I will not lie. That mixed with your overall presence can be a little scary to ponies who don’t really, truely, know you. You must understand that there is absolutely nothing in this world that looks anything like you so it can be overwhelming to be face to face with you at first. Especially if you are some young waitress in an uppity restaurant who's never even seen a wild dog before.” Zecora ended with a giggle, getting a small smile from the man.

“So even though I’m all fucked up lookin’ you still chose to be with me? Gotta say, I’m starting to think you have a bad taste in men.” Hank smiled wider, getting a short shove from the zebra.

“I think I have a great taste in men.” Zecora declared with a coy smile.

“Well, since we’re being honest and all, I’m having second thoughts about my taste in mares.” Hank said, getting a groan from Zecora who quickly stood up on the seat and went in for a kiss which the man happily reciprocated.

Holding it for just a few seconds Zecora broke the kiss and looked into Hank’s eyes, “Still having second thoughts?”

“Hmmmmm, I’m starting to think not, but I could use some more convincing later.”

Huffing at his words, Zecora sat back down, “You’re impossible.”

Smiling and rubbing the back of her neck, Hank gave a slight jump when he looked back forward and saw another waitress standing at the other end of the table looking at them, “Jesus! You guys just show up, don’t you?”

“What would you both like for drinks?” The mare asked simply, ignoring Hank’s comment.

To say it bluntly: Celestia was bored out of her mind, and she could tell Luna was as well. One would think that over a thousand years of time spent existing an individual's tolerance for boredom would increase. Unfortunately, in Celestia’s case at least, the further couldn’t be further from the truth. Live for a few thousand years and you tend to see “everything” at least once. Being said, live for a few thousand years and you see pointless, good for nothing, waste of time, formal dining events thousands, if not tens of thousands of times.

It was all so predictable, and as such, boring with an equal part frustrating. All in all, a perfect recipe for a secretly pissed pair of princesses who wished they could be off doing what they wanted to get done or really needed to get done.

For instance: Luna would much rather be drawing up her next star chart for the coming winter, or patrolling the land of dreams than be stuck being talked at by twenty of the most posh, stuck up, fake nobles she had ever had the displeasure of being in the presence of. But, instead, she was stuck listening to the nobles stroke their own egos so hard that she was starting to wish she were back on the moon where it was quiet at the least.

Celestia wanted to be there no more than her sister as well, even if she was technically the entire reason for the event in the first place. Sitting with her and Luna at the table were some of the most “influential” and “Important” ponies in the capital, not to mention some of the most wealthy.

Worst of all though, all the ponies in attendance were very aware of their status, and for whatever reason wanted to make sure with absolute certainty that Celestia knew as well. As if it would ever impress the princess of the sun, or gain them any semblance of favor in her court.

She was well aware that all the ponies at this dinner, and for the last two hundred or so, were just there to gain pull so their selfish proposals had just that much more chance to go through, as such the solar mare wasn’t even listening to them as they babbled on about whatever asine thing it was nobles concerned themselves with this week.

Celestia was deep in her head thinking about just how much she had left to do after the dinner concluded. Not only did she have her usual finishing duties before bed she still had to do her entire workout and choke down the pound of salmon she had back in her chambers. Maybe this time she wouldn’t throw up half of it.

Not even through her first week of dieting and exercise Celestia was having a very hard time switching from her usual sugar and carb heavy diet to one composed of whole grains, protein, and fiber. It was no wonder her flank was so big and that her barrel had plumped out with how she had been eating for the past few years decade.

The sugar cravings were intense as ever and the desire to stop with all the running and lifting was strong but the self loathing in the back of her mind was stronger and wouldn’t let her compromise progress until she reached her goal.

Celestia’s usual pleasant mask threatened to break when just how pathetic she was came back to the front of her mind. She was an alicorn. The best of all three races and she couldn’t even run five kilohoofs. She was a joke, not just to her race but to her entire empire.

For goodness sake she was an immortal demigod with the power of the sun at her hooves yet when she was faced with combat she locked up like a tenderhooved private. It should have been her that instantly took the lead and control of the situation and wiped the forest clean of the Shucks from the offset, not a mortal creature from some far away land with no magic to speak of.

As the self hatred started boiling over Celestia wanted to shoot up from the table and her tossed salad with diced egg right then and take off into the night sky heading for those mountain running trails the guards used during the day.

She knew she couldn’t do that though, she’d have to sit and stew in her anger until the event was over and she could finally leave. Celestia didn’t care if at the end of it she only got three hours of sleep, as it stood now she couldn’t even squeeze into her old armor, she had no idea she had gotten that bad.

She didn’t recognize the mare that looked back at her from the portraits of old, painted right after the wars. The version of herself where every muscle rippled underneath the skin ready and willing to be used for the destruction of those in her way looked back at her mocking what she had let herself become.

Setting her jaw and tuning back into the conversation Celestia looked down at her half finished tossed salad and sighed, looking at all the diced egg within wishing it wasn’t what was infront of her.

She had always had trouble eating eggs and meat, much preferring the typical pony culinary flavors of grasses, grains, and sugar, but that wasn’t what was going to return her back to her former glory. She had already lost nearly eight stones in just four days from the dramatic shift in her diet, even if most of that was surely bloat, it showed that it was working.

Still though, it was hard making herself eat the protein she knew she needed to recover from the extreme physical stress she was subjecting herself to 24/7 with all the lifting and running. Not to mention the spell she cast on herself every waking minute of the day multiplying the gravity on her body by three times making not only her body work harder, but also exercising her magical stamina.

Taking up her fork Celestia set herself upon the salad, keeping her grace and manners all the while. Targeting the egg specifically When Celestia started to feel herself slowing down and wanting to stop she remembered a small tidbit that Luna had revealed with amusement when Celestia asked what it was what Hank ate.

“He eats the Shucks.”

If the human ate the very meat from the creatures that tried to kill him then she could deal with a little egg and fish.

As unhealthy as she knew it to be, Celestia couldn’t stop herself from comparing herself to the wild man. The human absolutely ran rampant in her mind, and had since their first meeting all that time ago in Ponyville when he had clamped his hand around her muzzle after killing that first Shuck.

There was just something about the man that captivated the entirety of Celestia’s brain. The human angered her greatly with how he was able to and continued to throw her around whenever he pleased. How he would order her around, tell her to get up, to go talk to her own subjects after humiliating her infront the entirety of Ponyville, by not just withstanding her own strike but knocking her out in one hit that nearly killed her!

Even though she knew that brought it all upon herself it still stung her pride and confidence that he so easily nearly ended her life from a single punch when others had tried with swords, cannons, and armies for hundreds of years.

What really got to her though, something Celestia would never admit, was that all those times like in Ponyville when he spanked her on the flank in front of the crowd, or when he did command her to do things like spreading her legs for him that time in the Everfree when they got a moment alone… she liked it.

That was another thing that confused her brain greatly, even though he angered her so much, she couldn’t help but like the violent human. Celestia truly didn’t know exactly what it was about him that had her so infatuated, but there was this bud of something in her mind that put the human at the forefront of her thoughts all the time.

Maybe it was just because he was so strange. So absolutely alien, from his body, to his actions, to how his smile hid just that extra something behind it. Maybe it was because he was so capable, so willing to do the extreme thing nopony else would ever dream of doing. Like killing two hundred Shucks or knocking out the ruler of the empire he resided within. He didn’t seem to have that little voice that told him not to do something, no hesitation, no second guesses, he just did what he set his mind to.

Long story short, he drove Celestia absolutely crazy, in both good and bad ways. And for some reason she always wanted more. Maybe inviting him to the Gala wasn’t such a bad idea… it definitely wasn’t a good one but, it would be a way to liven things up and get the man close to her again.

Huffing at the novel idea, remembering her and Fancy’s conversation, Celestia realized the salad was gone and looked up from her bowl only to notice that all the ponies in attendance were looking right at her, including Luna.

Raising her brow ever so slightly in confusion, Celestia looked at her sister who was looking at her very strangely, “Is something the matter my dear nobles?” She asked, being as polite as possible.

“Well, um….” Emerald Latch, an older shrewd noble mare, started.

“Your wings. Your majesty.” Opulent Shores finished with the smug grin of a mare that said ‘I am going to tell everypony’.

“My wings? Is there a feather out of- Oh dear!” Celestia exclaimed in shock upon seeing her impressive wingspan nearly completely unfolded in all its glory, on display for everypony to see.

In a slight panic for popping what the common pegasus called a “wing boner” in front of anypony, let alone some of the highest members of Canterlot society that would most certainly talk about the revealing moment. Celestia quickly did her best to pull her surprisingly stiff wings back to her sides.

“You must excuse me, I was rather deep in thought about some… foreign diplomatic affairs that have me rather flustered.” Celestia said, doing her best to save face as she smoothed out her feathers in her magic.

“Oh? Any issues princess?” A noble stallion asked, no doubt trying to catch her in a moment of weakness and use it to get a secretive piece of information.

“Nothing of the sort.” Celestia smiled sweetly, “Just a somewhat complex situation that has been getting my blood pressure to raise a little. I’m sure you are familiar with such circumstances.”

“But of course!” The stallion agreed before nearly every other noble muttered out their own agreement and example, not to be left out.

Calm on the outside, on the inside Celestia was panicking. Just thinking about the man had got her more worked up than she could have possibly expected. She had never once in her entire life had such a thing happen to her in the presence of others, even her sister, and when you were over a thousand years old it was hard to have firsts but it seemed whenever the human was around or even on her mind she had those in spades.

Heart thudding in her chest, Celestia did her absolute best to reign in her wild and extremely uncouth thoughts before something worse happened. She couldn’t afford another mishap after the Ponyville incident that she was still catching flak for and now showing her excitement off in public, even if she thought she did an alright job deflecting.

Deep breath in Celestia looked over to her sister who was still looking at her with a serious gaze. Doing her best to offer a dismissive look to her younger sister Celestia sighed. She needed a cold shower.

But she also wondered just what exciting thing Hank was up to….UGH there she went again!

Looking up to Hank, not believing a moment of what she was hearing or seeing, Zecora’s eyes kept getting wider and wider the more Prench that came out of Hank’s mouth as he ordered for both himself and her.

The same waitress that had brought them “the strongest wine you have” at Hank’s request, the mare shared the same look that Zecora’s face held as the strange creature explained not just what he and his zebra companion wanted but also how he wanted it.

The experienced waitress had brought the Prench only menus to the table with the couple at Forte’s request, even though they had more than plenty Equish menus available. It seemed the rough mare didn’t want to give the beast a break, not that it seemed to slow it down any.

Writing down the… rather large order for just two pon- well one zebra and one, who knew what it was, the waitress was happy when it stopped since she was running out of paper on her small notepad.

Reading over the order she had written in Prench for the cook staff who were all Prench in origin Proper Service sighed and looked up from her notepad to the creature, “Um… you can say what you want in Equish if you’d like?”

Raising an eyebrow at her words the large thing huffed, “Well you could have brought menus in Equish but you didn’t so I figured I’d just play along.”

How’d it know they had Equish menus? Propper thought to herself as her ears laid back slightly.

“I’m not blind or stupid you know. I saw the Equish menus on those other tables, all the other tables actually.” Hank continued with a smirk, “Plus I know for a fact all these uppity assholes don’t know a lick of French.” He stated loudly, getting said ‘uppity assholes’ to turn and scowl at him which just made him smile wider.

“I-I am sorry sir.” Proper apologied.

“I’m not mad at you, I know it was that real sour lookin’ bitch that told you to bring out those menus right?”

Looking up in surprise at the word he used for Forte, Propper gave the smallest series of nods, making him laugh.

“Knew it.” Hank laughed, giving Zecora a gentle elbow in the side causing her to shake his head at antics.

“Alright. Anyways,” The human put a more serious face on, “You got the whole order, Correct?”

“Yes.” The waitress nodded again.

“And it’s right? Or should I repeat it in Equish for you?”

“No, no. I have it all right here.” Propper reassured, putting a small smile on the creature's scarred face, “Are you expecting more ponies though? This is quite a lot of food for the two of you. Our portions are not scant, I assure you.”

“Oh, I’m sure it's plenty for a pony but I’m no pony. And I’m very hungry.”

“I see,” Propper took a small step back, “I-I’ll get this in for you both.”

“Merci!” Hank called out as the mare quickly made her way back to the kitchen, the menus held in her magical grasp.

Laughing to himself Zecora continued to look at him in disbelief.

“Since when do you know Prench?!” She looked at him incredulously.

“I only know enough to get myself in trouble.” The man laughed, “And when someone is talking bad about me.”

“Still.” Zecora pressed as he sat a quarter full glass of wine in front of her after pouring it.

“Back home it’s called French.” The man laughed, “That’s where and when I learned it.”

“Oh.” Zecora hummed, picking up the glass of wine and bringing it to her lips. Tilting the glass a little and putting the smallest amount in her mouth Zecora quickly grimaced and set the glass back down.

“Not good huh?” Hank asked as she coughed.

“N-No. It’s much too strong, and tastes like... I don’t know what but it's bad.”

Humming at her answer Hank quickly grabbed her discarded glass she pushed away and threw it all into his mouth tasting it for a second before ultimately rolling his eyes and swallowing…weak, but stonger than anything else so far, “Yeah, that doesn’t taste the best.”

“So. How many languages do you know?” Zecora asked, looking up to the man.

Thinking about it for a second Hank rubbed the side of his head and looked out of the fancy window for a second, scanning their surroundings, “You could say four but I’m only what I suppose you’d call conversational in two.”

“Really?”

“Yeah?” Hank laughed at her amazed tone, “You know at least two yourself, so I don’t know why you’re so surprised.”

“Because I don’t know four.” Zecora stressed with a smile, “So you’re conversational in Equish and Prench. What are the other two?”

“No, I’m not conversational in French. I’m conversational in English and Scottish Gaelic.”

“Uh, you sounded pretty conversational in Prench to me.” The zebra rebuked.

“Eh, there’s way more that I don’t know than I do.” Hank clarified, “I don’t get hung up in English or Gealic at all though, had those taught to me when I was real young so they stuck better.”

“I see.” Zecora nodded, “What’s the other one?”

“German.”

“You know Germane as well?”

“Ein bisschen.” The human smirked.

“And you were going to tell me all this when?” Zecora asked, looking up to him with a grin.

“When you told me you spoke whatever it is you do.” Hank turned it around on the zebra with a smirk of his own.

“Well, I guess I never saw it as that big of a deal.” Zecora defended, causing Hank to nod in agreement.

“How did you know anyways?” She asked, knowing for a fact she never told him, and had never spoken her native language around him.

“You mutter to yourself and talk to yourself in it when you don’t think I can hear or have been alone for a while.” Hank laughed, making Zecora blush.

“I didn’t know that…”

“It’s really cute.” Hank rubbed the back of her neck and pulled her into his side just as their food was arriving at their table getting both of their attentions.

“I presume you had the cucumber and daisy salad with sunflower seed and Prench vinaigrette? Madame?”

“Oh, uh, yes.” Zecora smiled to the stallion who simply nodded and passed her the good sized white bowl of romaine lettuce topped with a perfectly presented assortment of cucumbers and daisies, sprinkled liberally with sunflower seeds and of course drizzled in the Prench vinaigrette the chefs were oh so proud of.

“This looks too good to eat.” Zecora said, looking down at her dish before the waiter placed a small rectangular dish in the same style as the bowl with four pieces of sliced baguette bread with butter already spread on one side, garnished with fresh parsley, “I didn’t order any bread I don’t believe.”

“Baguette is always served with salad. Always.” The waiter asserted before turning his attention to Hank, “And for you Monsieur…”

Stepping back and out of the way with a polite bow the stallion allowed the mare Hank had spoken to before to approach the table through the one entrance with a large silver tray expertly balanced on her back.

“For you monsieur,” Propper said as politely as she possibly could, not only because she was a seasoned professional and respected her position, but also because she had seen how easily the creature had picked Pimpant up by the neck and didn’t want any part of that, “The largest bowl of potato soup we have, extra cheese, with finely chopped spinach and diced spring onion.”

Placing the absolutely massive bowl of steaming hot soup in front of the creature, Propper wondered how he would ever eat all of the soup alone, not even including everything else he ordered.

“Your tossed salad, with radish and diced… egg.” The mare paused seeing the strange combination and none of the best parts like daisies or even rose pedals, “With Prench vinaigrette dressing of course.”

Placing the large salad next to the bowl of equally gargantuan soup Hank couldn’t help but chuckle a little at the descriptions it seemed they gave for every dish they placed.

“Also half a baguette, toasted with butter.” Propper finished, happy to have the weight off her back, “Will that be all?”

“Nearly.” Hank said, surprising the mare.

“I also had a small bowl of spinach bisque. And I’ll need some silverware as well. Oh. Also two glasses of wine you’d recommend for someone who doesn’t like wine.”

“I uh… uh…” Propper stalled, having absolutely no idea what to say to his final request.

Pushing in beside her in one practiced step, Propper gave her colleague a quick look as the stallion cleared his throat, “I would recommend the small hoof twenty three year.”

“Works for me.” Hank confirmed, resulting in a curt nod from the stallion who quickly walked away to retrieve the wine.

“And… I will bring you your bisque and silverware.”

“Much appreciated.” Hank smiled as the mare departed leaving him and Zecora alone with their meals.

“Are you really going to eat all that?” Zecora asked, receiving a flat look from the man.

“You’re right, I should know better by now.” She answered on her own, making the human smile.

“Here is your bisque and silverware monsieur.” Propper said placing said items and taking a step back, letting the lead waiter into the space.

“And here is your wine.” The stallion said, placing the glasses so delicately the wine didn’t even rock or ripple in the glass.

“Thank you for choosing the Ponyville Prance Le Royal. Enjoy your meals.” Giving a polite bow the well dressed stallion spun on his hoof and walked away followed by Proper after she gave a bow of her own.

“Well they’re definitely well disciplined.” Hank pointed out, “Let’s see if their food is worth a damn.”

“It most certainly looks good.” Zecora said, starting at the dish, afraid to mess up the perfectly presented salad.

“Well stop just lookin’ at it and try it!” The man laughed, giving her a small push as he grabbed the soup spoon.

Smiling up at him Zecora turned back to her salad, and looked at it one more time, she would have never expected her life would have taken the turn it had when she came to Equestria. Not that she was complaining.

<><><><><><>

Leaning back against the booth Hank took a deep breath and smiled. By all accounts the food had been amazing, everything from the salad to the potato soup and even bisque had been absolutely expertly done. To say that it was a good change of diet compared to his usual quick seared wolf meat and vegetables was an understatement.

He knew the bill was going to be steep but he didn’t care. Not only was the food phenomenal, but surprisingly enough Hank was actually growing to like the fancy atmosphere a little. It was another good change of pace compared to the long amount of time he had spent sleeping in the woods and next to dead bodies.

Opening his eyes and leaning forward to escape from the thought and the quick sensation of damp cold along with the various images of split open heads and cleaved torsos Hank cleared his throat and turned to Zecora.

Looking at the serine smile on her face as she leaned back much like he had been Hank felt some of the pressure in his brain subseed. Giving a happy hum the man quickly set about stacking all the plates and silverware in a neat pile from largest to smallest and pushed it to the otherside of the table to make it easier for the wait staff to collect.

The movement from Hank’s quick organization bringing Zecora from her near comatose state she watched as the man finished organizing the table before sitting back in the booth and wrapping his arm around her automatically.

Snuggling into his warmth Zecroa looked up to see the man looking at her with a small smile, “Dessert?”

Laughing aloud at the question Zecora simply shook her head, she was beyond full from the generous salad, bread, and couple glasses of wine, “I couldn’t eat another bite.”

“I can agree to that.” Hank said.

Raising an eyebrow at his words Zecora sat up a little, “You’re actually full?”

“Why are you saying it like that?” Hank laughed at the snark in her tone.

“Because you could eat a bear out of house and home. You’re never full.”

Laughing some more Hank just waved her off, blowing a raspberry in the process, “I don’t know if I’ll be full in an hour, but for now I am.”

Smiling at each other for a few seconds Hank looked up and sighed, “Another thing I am is ready to go. Sound good to you?”

“Sounds wonderful.” Zecora answered.

Flagging down the waiter who had brought the wine, the stallion quickly made his way to the VIP booth, “Oui?”

“I believe I’m ready for the bill,” Hank answered as the stallion looked at the stacked plates strangely, not acknowledging the man's words at all, “Is everything alright?”

“Oh… Yes, monsieur. I apologize, but why did you stack all of the plates?”

“To make it easier for you to pick up.”

“Ah. That is very considerate. Merci, Monsieur.” The stallion thanked with a sincere bow. He had never seen, in all his years of waitering in Prance or Equestria, a pony clear their own table before. And he most certainly didn’t expect it from this creature, then again the creature was nothing like their usual clientele so it was only fitting that it didn’t act like their usual clientele as well.

“No need for all that.” Hank waved the stallion off, “Just the bill.”

Nodding, the pony turned and made his way to retrieve the check as Hank stretched his arms above his head and turned his whole torso toward the window pausing as his back popped and his eyes met the six pairs looking back at him in surprise.

A small smile crossing his lips Hank lowered his arms and offered a wave to the six mares who had stopped on the street upon catching the man out of the corner of their eyes.

Every one of the ponies looked surprised to some degree to see Hank inside the most high profile restaurant in Ponyville but by far the most surprised was Rarity whose jaw was nearly touching the ground.

Not just because he was inside the building but because he was sitting in the VIP booth and she knew how much that cost… A month!

As the group gave a few waves back to the man through the window, Zecora soon peaked around the large body blocking her view and eagerly waved back as well once she saw who Hank was looking at. Soon though Hank turned away to address the server that sat the bill face down on the table.

“How does he have a VIP account at Le Prench Royal!?” Rarity cried, making the others turn to her.

“A what now?” Applejack raised her brow.

“The booth they’re sitting in! That’s the VIP booth! It’s reserved for VIP’s only, I’ve always dreamed of sitting there in a beautiful dress for all of high society to see.”

“Well how do you become a VIP or whatever?” Rainbow chimed in, not getting the appeal.

“You pay of course.” Rarity sighed.

“Then just pay whatever it is to be a dumb VIP and do it Rares.” Rainbow said smugly, having figured out the solution to her friend's problem, “What’s it cost? Like a hundred bits?” The blue pegasus thought up some high number for the fancy restaurant, “We could all chip in and-”

“A thousand.” Rarity corrected.

Rainbow’s jaw going slack this time, the other mares in the group eyes widened upon hearing the cost as well.

“A month.” Jaw dropping further, Rainbow just stared at Hank as he looked over the bill and talked to the waiter as Zecora left the booth and headed for the door ahead of him.

Exiting the formal venue Zecora quickly make her way over to the group with a smile on her face, “Hello all.”

“Hey, sugar cube.”
“Hi!”
“Oh, hello Zecora.”
“Hi, Zecora.”
“Hey.”

Every member of the group greeted the zebra minus one who was vibrating with questions.

“How was it!? Was the wine to die for!? What about the baguette!? The Artichoke a la barigoule!? Are the menus really in Prench?! I simply must know darling!”

Taken aback by the abrupt questioning Zecora just awkwardly smiled as Twilight slowly pulled Rarity back with her magic, the white mare having gotten a step closer with every question she barked.

“I’m sorry for Rarity, she’s always dreamed about going to the Prench Royal since she was a filly.” Twilight explained with a sheepish smile while kicking at the dirt, trying to erase the drag marks Rarities hooves had left behind.

“No worries,” Zecora smiled back before switching her attention to the overexcited white mare, “But to answer your question Rarity. It was wonderful, I know you won't be disappointed when you go in the future.”

Settling down with Zecora’s words and ever kind tone in her voice, Rarity smiled but sighed, “Oh I hope so darling, as if I could ever even get a reservation.”

“They did say it was fully booked when we went in earlier.” The zebra mussed.

“They’re booked year round!” Rarity gave an exasperated huff and a flip of her hoof, “You have to reserve over a year out to get in! That is unless you have a VIP membership.”

“Oh… I see. I’m sorry, Rarity.” Zecora frowned at the mare’s situation.

“No, No. It’s quite alright.” The marshmallow coated mare gave a small reassuring smile, “Where the menus in Prench at least?”

Smile returning to her face Zecora nodded, “The ones they gave us were, but they do have ones in Equish.”

Somewhat upset that the sample menus she had studied over for hours, preparing for her hopeful eventual visit to the upper class restaurant, was for nothing, Rarity was nonetheless pleased to hear that there were at least menus in Prench, “Why did they give you Prench menus if they have ones in Equish though darling? Do they just assume that’s what you want automatically?”

“No,” Zecora laughed, “The manager just didn’t like Hank and wanted to make it hard for us.”

“Oh my,” Rarity giggled, “Did you have to ask for Equish versions?”

“Well… No.” Zecora rolled her eyes thinking of the wiry human, “Apparently… Hank knows Prench and translated the menu perfectly for himself and for me.”

“He knows Prench!?” A chorus of voices asked all at once in surprise and disbelief.

“Apparently!” Zecora confirmed, just as surprised as the others, “Speaking of, where is he? He was supposed to be leaving right after- Oh my gods….”

Following Zecora’s gaze as she turned her head and looked through the large windows of the restaurant they saw the man chugging down a bottle of wine with another being held by the manager of the place.

---
“So I actually bought both bottles of wine?” Hank asked, looking over the rather large bill.

“Oui.” The manager answered.

“I only ordered two glasses the second time around.” The man stated, and waited for the waiter that had served him and Zecora to translate for the strict mare and then translate back for him, speeding things up substantially than if he tried to speak in French and she in English.

“Manager en chef says that was a misunderstanding and that she will rewrite a new bill for you.” The stallion repeated, looking up to Hank.

“Pas de problème.” Hank answered directly in French since he actually knew what to say, “But what is this five hundred bits off at the bottom?”

“Ah.” The waiter took a step forward and looked at the ticket Hank was holding out for him to see, “That would be your VIP discount monsieur.”

“Really?” The man looked back over the fifteen hundred bit bill that would have been two thousand if not for the discount, “Well look at that.”

Handing the bill to the manager Hank dug out three five hundred bit coins, the largest value of bit there was, before handing those to her as well, “Just give me the two bottles of wine, I ain’t worried about it after the discount.”

Talking to his manager for a second the mare soon shrugged and trotted off to the back to clear the bill and retrieve the two bottles of top end wine.

Returning just a moment later Forte Advance brought the bottles forward and held them for the brutish, suspiciously wealthy creature, who strangely didn’t grab them immediately and instead looked between the two.

“Which is the strong one again?”

“That would be the ‘vainqueur du château’ forty year, bottle on your right.” The stallion motioned with his head before closing his eyes and standing as he was taught, “Though please sir, enjoy responsibly. While it is absolutely exquisite in body and flavor it is extremely strong, a quarter glass is usually enough to give a buzz to even the most experienced wine enthusiasts.”

“Cheers.” Is all the stallion heard as he opened his eyes at the unexpected word and saw the tall wild creature grab the bottle by the neck and clink it against the other bottle in Madam Forte’s hoof.

“Non! Non!” The mare cried out as Hank brought the bottle to his mouth and ripped the cork out with his teeth, spitting it out to the side.

“Oui! Oui!” Hank responded by taking the bottle bottoms up and sealing the mouth to his lips.

Watching in abject horror as the beast drained the nearly full bottle, never once coming up for air, the entire restaurant turned their attention to Hank as he drank down the four hundred bit bottle of wine in seconds.

Feeling sick to their stomachs, just thinking about drinking that much strong wine at once, the restaurant stared at the man as he raised a fist into the air and broke his seal with the mouth of the bottle with a contented sigh.

“Now we’re cookin’.” The man laughed, dropping the empty bottle before snatching the other from Forte’s stunned hooves.

Ripping the cork out before bringing up the second bottle Hank swirled it around making it drain in a smooth fraction of the time as the first as he pumped his fist as the while.

Eye twitching as the monster drained the second bottle of wine after a first the should’ve put him on the ground in a coma, Forte was captive just to watch what would happen like the rest of the restaurant.

“AH HA HA.” Hank loudly laughed, dropping the empty bottle to the ground while bringing his arms out while spinning around.

Staring in shock at the display the whole restaurant stood in a pause as Hank strode toward Pimpant who was watching the man out of the corner of his eye as he talked to the next couple at the podium

Doing his best to hold his composure as the beast approached with long strides as his two next customers quickly cowered in fear back toward the door, Pimpant could feel its tiny eyes on him as it reached him.

The still sour stallion holding his face neutral as he had been trained, and scolded to do so, his face quickly turned one to shock and panic When Hank grabbed him by the collar and hauled him up in the air.

A yelp of surprise escaped the stallion’s mouth as he grabbed at the man’s sleeve and kicked his rear legs, trying to get free from his grasp, as he was held in the air by a single outstretched arm like he weighed nothing and wasn't a full grown stallion.

Smiling a wicked smile all the while, Hank fished around his back pocket for a bit to tip the stallion as the pony squirmed. Grabbing the bit with his thumb and finger Hank held it out the hundred bit coin for the stallion to see before roughly cramming it into his vest pocket.

Thoroughly confused, Pimpant didn’t have much time to think about it before Hank let go of his collar, sending him straight to the floor where he landed with a bruised flank and bruised pride but a hundred bits richer.

Still on the ground as Hank stepped out of the door the man just laughed as the door closed behind him. That had been fun, he’d have to come back someday and do it again.

Smile still on his face Hank turned his attention to the group of mares and walked over, taking his place next to Zecora.

“Why did you do that hun?” Zecora sighed in exasperation at his extreme actions.

“Didn’t want to waste the wine, but I didn’t want to take it home.” Hank laughed, thinking what he had done was hilarious, “We still have that bottle from ol’ Sunny anywho.”

“Uh… N No Hank,” Zecora just huffed and shook her head, “Why’d you pick up that poor little stallion like that?”

Snorting Hank shook his head, “Cause that little stallion needed to learn some damned manners.”

“I'm sure he thinks the same thing about you.” Zecora dismissed with an eye roll.

“Yeahhhhhh, well I’m bigger, stronger, and meaner than him so I don't have to care what his French ass thinks.” Hank laughed again and got yet another sigh from the zebra who gave the smallest of smiles.

“He got tipped anyway so he’ll be fine.” The man waved off.

“How much did you tip him for that to be okay?” Rainbow scoffed.

“A hundred.” The man shrugged, “Don't really care if that’s enough or not, but he was an asshole anyways.

“You tipped him a hundred bits and you didn’t even like him?” Rarity looked at the man like he was crazy.

“Never said I didn’t like him.” Hank pointed out, further confusing the seven mares, “He might be an asshole but he wasn’t afraid to insult me, plus he has a whole lot of spirit. I can respect that.”

“Ooooookay.” Rarity just shook her head at Hank’s strange way of liking ponies, “Did you tip the ponies that were good to you as well or no?”

“Oh yeah, oh yeah.” Hank nodded, “They both got three hundred. The dude in there was nothing but professional, didn’t even acknowledge I wasn’t a pony. Solid guy.”

“You tipped…. Three hundred… Each?!” Applejack shouted at his spending habits.

“Yep.” The man smiled, looking very pleased with himself.

“Just how much did ya spend tonight?” Applejack cried, getting a gasp from Rarity.

“It’s not nice to ask about money, Applejack.” Fluttershy noted quietly, returning Applejack’s manners.

“Y-Yeah. My bad.” Her ears laid flat against her head, “Sorry Hank.”

“I don't care.” The man waved her off, “Just a little over three thousand so far.”

Choking on her own throat, the admission sent Applejack into a coughing fit as the other members of the group shared a look of shock as well.

Staring up at her man, Zecora's wide eyed gaze caught the attention of the human who looked down at her sweetly, “You spent over three thousand bits for our date night? Hank…. You didn’t have to do that.”

“Did you have a good time?” The man shot back with a smile.

“Well… Yes.”

“Then it was worth every bit.” The man reached over and pet behind her ear, “Don’t know if you’ve noticed but we don’t spend any money. We grow all our own food, we’ve never gone out, we live in the woods. Our expenses are exactly zero, so I feel just fine going all out for our first date.”

“Well…” Looking for an error in his logic, something she could use to scold him for spending his bits so flagrantly Zecora eventually sighed when she couldn’t think of anything, “Okay. I guess.”

“Atta girl.”

Done choking on her own throat, Applejack groaned as Rarity and Pinkie patted her on the back, trying to help sooth the asphyxiating mare, “T- Thanks y’all.”

“Are you a big wine stallion Hank?” Rarity asked to change the subject, and also because she felt obligated too after seeing him down two bottles.

“Not…Really.” Hank admitted, “But it’s the strongest stuff I’ve found here and my stash from back home ain’t gonna last forever.”

“Oh, I see. Well said you had a bottle from… Sunny or whoever. Is that a wine merchant from around here I don’t know about? I’m always looking for new wines to try.” Rarity asked with a smile, very interested in finding a new selection of wine to try.

“Sorry Rares, but no.” Hank shook his head, “Sunny is one of the more ‘polite’ nicknames I have for Celestia.”

“You were gifted a bottle of wine from Princess Celestia herself?” Rarity asked in astonishment.

“Why would Princess Celestia ever give you a bottle of wine?” Twilight spoke up, not knowing why her mentor would ever do such a thing after how Hank had treated her.

“Ya know. When I put two hundred shucks in the dirt?” The man laughed.

“Y-yes I do.” Twilight blanched.

“Yeah. Anyways, she felt like I deserved a little thanks for keeping her little ponies safe so she got me a bottle of wine.” Hank explained, “She even gave me back all my brass and knife I lost in that dog cave.”

With a sly smile the man looked right at Twilight who he knew was president of the Celestia fan club sort of speak, and maybe even in actuality for all he knew, “Amazing what a stiff right hook does for relations.”

Looking away from the man’s eyes and wiry snarl Twilight busied herself looking at something else to escape his gaze.

“So…You and Princess Celestia are on… Ah dunno, better terms?” AJ asked with an unknowing shrug.

“You know…” The man looked down to Zecora who just laughed and shook her head, “I don’t think she’s the evil bitch she was at one time.”

Whipping her head back around Twilight snapped at the man, “Hey!”

“Let me finish Twinkle.” Hank held out a hand pausing the angry mare’s oncoming rant.

“As a matter of fact I think she’s probably even a decent person. But she’s weak, weak willed. She’s forgotten a large part of what made her… Her, and what at one time probably made her a great ruler.”

“Princess Celestia is not weak! She is the strongest pony to ever exist!” Twilight defended her mentor enthusiastically, she even had stats for how much stronger her magic was compared to the common unicorn.

“I must agree Hank, Celestia is extraordinarily powerful. She moves the Sun for heaven's sake.” Rarity agreed.

“Sure. Sure.” The man conceded, “But reason.” He held up his left hand balled into a fist, “And persuasion,” He held up his right in the same fashion, “Don’t care much at all about all that.”

Laughing at her angry Expression Twilight looked away from the human again in exasperation since none of her stats would change the fact that he had knocked out her mentor in one punch.

“She does have an absolutely exquisite ass though. So she has that goin for her.”

Groaning at his words Zecora looked up to the man and gave him a playful push that didn’t move him at all like usual.

“What?” He looked down at her with a smile as she just kept shaking her head, “What!?” Hank laughed, “You gotta admit, the ass she carries around is somethin’ else.”

“You have a problem.” Zecora snorted.

“You can’t blame me for being an ass man.” The man defended, holding his hands up, “Speaking of…” Hank very obviously leaned back and stared right at Zecora’s flank, making her flatten her tail and turn away from his gaze with an embarrassed, “Hey!”

“Walking all the way from Zebrica pullin’ that cart did you some serious favors there thunder thighs.”

“Oh my godddddsssss. Don’t say that!” Zecroa groaned and covered her eyes with her left arm, turning away from the others in an attempt to hide her deep blush.

Cackling like mad at her reaction, not ashamed for a second, Hank kept laughing as the others smiled and chuckled as well.

“He ain’t wrong Zecora, “Applejack snorted, getting the zebra’s attention, “You are pretty bottom heavy like us apples, Ah’m gonna have to remember that next apple bucking season.”

Laughter picking even more at Applejack’s words Zecora’s blush only deepened.

“You can’t say much about that, AJ.” The man chimed in, “You get much wider and you’re gonna start havin’ trouble fitting through doors.”

“Ah am not!” Applejack objected, looking back over herself for a second much to the man's amusement.

Lips turning up a little in the corner, the farm pony turned her head back around and smiled up at the man who was laughing with the rest of her friends.

“You’re one to talk mister. We still ain’t fixed the chair you broke with your fat flank when we had supper.” Applejack shot back with the half truth, instantly shutting up the man and causing the others to cackle like mad, much like he had been doing.

While he hadn’t broken the chair exactly, nor had there been any attempts to fix it, his wide frame had spread out the wooden chair’s dowels and made it loose and squeaky. It’s nothing that a little wood glue and a wooden mallet couldn’t fix, but it was evidence of his posterior’s destructive capabilities just by being so large.

Quietly laughing to himself, hands on his hips as he bit his lip and shook his head, the man did his best to think of something to come back with. He couldn’t let AJ do him like that!

“Ain’t my fault all your furniture is made for little ponies and not someone of respectable stature.”

“Respectable stature.” Rarity mocked in a drawn out voice using her hooves to make the ‘quotation mark’ gesture much to the group’s and Zecora’s amusement.

“It’s alright Hank I’m sure I could tailor you some pants to handle your… assets.” The usually demure mare kidded getting Zecora’s attention.

Pausing her laughter for a second Zecora looked at the fashionista with a smile, “Could you actually? He burst through another pair of his pants earlier today.”

“Did he really?!” Rarity snickered.

“Yeah I did.” Hank butted in with a grin, “When I squatted a thousand stones.”

Letting his words hang in the air for a second as the ponies quieted down, Hank nodded with a smug smile, “That’s right. All this ain’t just for show.”

Motioning to his rear it was Hank’s turn to laugh again, “But seriously Rarity, I do really need some clothes and would be thrilled to have you make me some.”

“Oh… Well I’m sure I could handle that for you darling.” Rarity answered more seriously with his sincere words, “I’ll just have to order a new measuring tape that's big enough.” She snorted, causing Hank to wave her off.

“But in reality I would be more than happy to create a wardrobe for you Hank.” Rarity’s smile switched to a more sincere one as she spoke, “It’s the least I could do after… what you’ve done for me.”

“Don’t sweat it Rares.” Hank smiled, ever casual about his actions.

Shaking her head with a sigh at Hank’s continued inability to recognize the impact his actions held, Rarity's eyes settled on the showy belt buckle the man was wearing. Besides being out of character for the human to wear anything the slightest bit shiny or pretty the buckle itself was just very good looking with the gold, silver, and stone work displayed upon it.

Eyes narrowing Rarity took a few steps forward when she realized the gold work wasn’t a random pattern but displayed something.

“What is your belt buckle darling? It's very pretty.” The mare asked as she stopped to look at it.

“Oh, well it’s-”

“OH! Oh my!” Rarity gasped, covering her mouth with a hoof.

Eyes wide as she stared at the raunchy scene displayed on the buckle Rarity took a few steps back to her perplexed friends and gave a quick look to Zecora who was blushing like mad much like Rarity herself.

“I had no idea you were into that sort of thing Hank.” Rarity said while clearing her throat.

“Into what?,” Hank raised a brow and looked down at his own buckle and laughed after a glance, “Oh yeahhhhh. The whole saddle thing.”

“Don’t say that so loud!” Zecora hushed, a mortified look on her face.

“What in the hay are y’all on about?” Applejack questioned walking up to Hank to get a look herself.

Looking at the buckle Applejack’s eyes slowly widened as her face steadily turned red as she realized just why Rarity had reacted as she had.

Tearing her eyes away from the buckle, AJ slowly looked up until she met Hank’s grinning face, no amount of embarrassment or bashfulness on his features at all.

“A-Ah… Ah’m not sure Ah’d wear that out in public sugar cube.”

“Why not?” Hank held his grin, “You don’t like it?”

Sputtering as her mind ran over itself trying to figure out what to say, the man quickly laughed and waved her off, “I’m just fucking with ya AJ, and it’s just a rodeo belt buckle from back home. It’s not about any of that.”

“So it’s not-” Rarity began.

“No.” Hank shook his head, “It’s not a damn BDSM belt buckle.”

Now understanding why Rarity and AJ had reacted as they had the rest of the group held slight blushes as well.

“Maybe not where you're from darling but here that’s about as raunchy as it gets. So wearing it out in public is perhaps… ill advised.” Rarity explained, fanning her face.

Scoffing, the man blew off the advice like usual, “If a little saddle and bridle action is as hot and heavy it gets for you ponies then you’re all pretty basic.”

The use of two words on spurring on the mare’s blushes, they all reacted with various forms of embarrassment.

Snorting at their reactions Hank looked at Zecora who was blushing as well and winked.

“Well I think I’ll leave all of you with that thought, me and Z are gonna…” Pausing as he thought of something clever to say he eventually just shrugged, “I can’t think of anything witty to say, but you can probably figure it out.”

“Let’s go hun.” Hank said as he turned with a wave and started back toward where the humvee was parked.

Looking between the six ponies as Hank as he walked away Zecora’s face was deep red with embarrassment at his words. She wanted to be mad at the man for being so brash and vulgar about their… activities but at the moment her brain was only thinking about one thing.

“Uh uhm… Goodbye all.” Zecora choked out as she started walking away with an awkward smile before breaking into a run to catch back up with her stallion.

Just starting as the two walked away, not a single pony out of the six said a thing before the pair disappeared from view.

“Good thing Zecora is a rather well built mare” Said Rarity as her face cooled down.

“Why do you say that?” The naive bookworm asked.

Turning to Twilight with a smile Rarity just chuckled at her friend, “Because I greatly doubt Hank is a gentle lover.”

“Sooooo, do you mean?”

“Goodness Twilight! Yes! I mean in bed!” Rarity shook her head, “I think it’s time you check out a few romance books from that library you live in, or you could always borrow a few of mine.”

“Ummm… I think I’m okay.” Twilight answered as they started walking again.

“Whatever you say darling. Whatever you say.”

Hallo. I don't really have much to say so this is pretty much it.

Or is it?