Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3 

(WIP. 0% completed)

Chapter 4 

(WIP. 0% completed)

Chapter 5 

(WIP. Embryo stage. 0% completed)

Chapter 6 

(WIP. ‘Your parents meet in a bar’ Stage. -50% completed)

Chapter 7 

(WIP. ‘Your soul still probably somewhere in the great cycle of rebirth waiting for your parents to meet at the bar mentioned above’ Stage. -100% completed)

Chapter 1

She lit her horn and lifted yet another box of her old things and placed it to the side. With a long exhale and a wide grin, Luna wiped her brow and released her magic.

Two hundred years since this place got a proper cleaning. Where has the time gone? She was certainly regretting the choice of turning the once heavily lived upon room into a dumping ground. Then again, moving elsewhere had been a good choice, strategically and emotionally. I still can’t believe there’s so much junk here though. Was I really that much of a hoarder back in the day? She ran a hoof over her already aching horn and rubbed her forehead. Maybe I should not have told the maids to take the day off after all.

She snarled and shook her head. No. This is my duty. No pony else’s! She lit her horn again and moved another of the stacked boxes aside. A cloud of dust formed and covered most of the room in reply.

After coughing and wiping the dust away from her nose with a spell, her eyes fell on the now empty spot. Huh... So that is the room’s actual color. Unlike the rest of the room, the spot was a pure dark blue tone compared to the off color the rest of the floors and walls.

With her hooves, she pushed the box next to the others, and with her horn and magic, she levitated a small contraption with a long hose at its front and a bag at its rear. With a flick of a barely visible switch, the machine whirred to life, sucking up all the loose dust and dirt.

Things had changed for everypony ever since the formation of the United Equestrian Democratic and Socialist Republic. Dear me. Still a mouthful. Even if I don’t even speak it outloud. The monarchy had been utterly abolished, the royal guard disbanded and merged into the main military force, three main ‘boards’—senate, house of representatives, and a supreme court—had been formed, a brand new constitution that now had more amendments that could be counted off the top of anypony’s head was drafted, signed, and made into law, and rather than having monarchs ruling over ponies, ponies had elections every eight years to choose a Chairmare (or Chairstallion) of state.

Luna scoffed. Sure, I could have chosen to take up a Chairmare role like Tia did eighty years ago—even got re-elected for four terms! Not that I think that Chairstallion Marx is doing a bad job. Her brows creased. Still don’t like some of his most recent policies. Especially those involving powers abroad. She shook her head and derailed her train of thought. As time had proven not too long ago, she was better off helping from her current position in the republic. After all, she really couldn’t recall a single time she had taken the leading role in anything after she renounced her title of princess.

A head popped into the room. With a cough, the younger colt butler of dark brown mane and beige coat caught the attention of the former princess. “M’lady. Are you absolutely sure you don’t need any help? This room is awfully filthy. It can’t be good for your health to be inhaling so much dust all at once, especially two-hundred year old stale dust. At least wear some kind of hoofkerchief. Or a hazmat suit.”

Luna rolled her eyes and turned to face the doorway. “For the last time Pennyworth, No. I gave the maids the day off specifically because I wanted—no. Needed—to do this by myself.” She felt the corners of her lips rise. “Also, I think you’re exaggerating. Sure, it is dusty, but I do not need a hazmat suit to do this work.” She waved her right forehoof from her head down to her chest. “I’m kind of… immortal, you know.”

Pennyworth stepped into the room. He only had to take one look around to realize just how over her head Luna was. “M’lady. Not that I don’t think you incapable of this task—on the contrary! I believe you more than capable. It’s just that… well.” He cleared his throat. “As former princess of the nation of Equestria and the Eternal Advisor of Nocturnal and Dream Affairs, you should not have to soil your hooves with something that is clearly way below your—”

“Don’t say it,” Luna snapped before Pennyworth could finish his words.

“All I am saying is that we have citizens that get paid—and get paid rather well, mind you—for work such as this. Hay, sometimes I think they even get paid more than I do.”

Luna stomped her left forehoof on the floor. The snap was audible through the empty halls. Had the mannor been fully staffed, every individual would have likely stopped in their tracks and taken cover in fear of some kind of gas explosion. Despite being at the epicenter of the event, Pennyworth did not flinch or wince at the former princess’ gesture. He only stood tall and resolute as ever.

“The days when ponies tossed themselves at my hooves in adoration... is long over. It went away the day my sisters and I decided to put all trust in our citizens and started our cultural revolution. I’m not above or below anypony else now, Penny. Keep that in mind.” She turned back to face the boxes. “And like I said. This is something I have to do on my own. A challenge, if you will.”

Pennyworth sighed and relaxed his stance. “Now Miss Luna, I completely understand the sentiment. We all need our personal challenges after all. But that doesn’t change the fact that I do not approve of this. And I highly doubt Miss Celestia would approve of it as well.”

Luna gave Pennyworth a mischievous grin.

Pennyworth chuckled and shook his head. “Point taken. Very well then, what shall I tell the other former princesses? Miss Twilight would no doubt offer to help you regardless of what I told her, and Miss Cadence would likely give you a long—and probably boring—lecture about ‘letting citizens do the work they are getting paid for’. She is very much a pony that upholds the tenets of the new state, after all.”

“And let’s not even start talking about her daughter! She probably would do the whole thing by herself without me even asking me for permission!” Luna laughed, placing a hoof on her chin. “Well, I certainly wouldn’t mind seeing Twilight outside of work. It’s been a good year since we had time to talk outside of politics. I imagine being the advisor of the Intelligence Ministry can’t be that much fun.”

“‘Eternal advisor’,” Pennyworth added. “I can understand the idea behind the titles, seeing as you and the other former princesses are essentially gods. But if you ask me, the name makes it sound like the citizens of Equestria really want to have cults of personalities for all of you.” His face turned sour. “Or want to form a total communist nation. We’re close enough to one as is, you know.”

Luna furrowed her brow. “Believe me, Penny, we have tried to petition for a change of those stupid titles. It is a miracle we got away with just being labeled as ‘advisors’ instead of something else,” Luna closed her eyes and sighed. “As for the threat of communism taking over… Not much we can do about it. If that’s what the citizens want, who are we to stop them?”

Pennyworth clicked his tongue and shook his head. “It is a shame that many citizens have no idea how impossible a truly communistic nation would be run. It’s almost as if they didn’t have Stalliongrad and its spectacular collapse as an example. So much corruption and misery right before the fall” He gave a faint smile. “At least the idea of the citizens wanting their five former rulers back as monarchs isn’t so bad a thing. I hear Equestria was quite peaceful two hundred years ago.”

“Seven monarchs, if you count Chrysalis and Sombra,” Luna flatly corrected Pennyworth. And we should be very thankful of that. Took a lot to get those two to agree and drop their ‘royalty’ status. Even if they were already ruling over nothing but dirt by the time we found them.

Pennyworth gave Luna a nod. “I hear there used to be this massive Royal Guard where every member wore gold armor. And of course, there was the former Canterlot palace before it got repurposed as the new capitol, with all the tapestries and treasures befitting a nation as great as ours!” There was a glow in his eyes. “I hear you and your sister used to really run a tight ship too. No pussyhooving and manouvering needed. Things just got done.”

Luna gave Pennyworth a wink and a grin. “Flattery will get you everywhere, Penny~”

Pennyworth closed his eyes and put his hoof over his mouth as he let out a loud cough. “Well then, enough of my gushing. What do you wish me to tell your sisters should they drop unannounced?”

Luna stood back up. “If it is Twilight, Tia, or even Discord—though I have no idea why he would show up—let them in and inform me immediately.”

“What about the others?” Pennyworth asked.

Luna only gave the young stallion a knowing nod. Pennyworth grinned. “Same thing as always it is then. I will leave you to your work then. If you need anything, I’ll be in the foyer. Hope M’lady doesn’t mind if I borrow the Tele-Vision for a bit. Got some catching up do with my shows.”

“Now, now,” Luna started, turning back to face Pennyworth, her expression growing graver. “I think you are getting ahead of yourself here.” There was silence for a few seconds. A pin could be heard dropping in the next room over. “Don’t forget your job here.” Luna placed a hoof on the young colt’s shoulder. “You have to record my shows as well. I cannot afford to miss another episode of ‘Abode’!”

Pennyworth gave the former princess a nod and smile before leaving the room. Luna followed after him, hanging her head just outside the door. “I-I mean it, Penny! Also, DO NOT unplug my Entertainment System! It was such Tartarus to get it working properly and running at a stable sixty frames per second!”

“Only because a certain pony neglected to read the manual, M’lady” Pennyworth said as he walked further away from the former princess’ old quarters. Before Luna could even think of a retort, Pennyworth had turned the corner and vanished, leaving her once again in the company of old dusty boxes and countless colonies of dust bunnies.

Luna once again got to her task. Moving boxes, wiping up small dust storms with her wings, and using the vacuum to suck up said dust storms. It took her almost five hours, but by the time she was at the last box, she had all but exacted genocide on nearly all traces of dust and dust bunnies. The former princess could not help but feel a sense of incredible accomplishment at the sight. See, I can clean my own messes. You were wrong Tia!

As she lifted the final box off the floor and passed the vacuum, something fell out from on top of it. Luna’s attention fell away from the vacuuming as she diverted some of her magic to pick up the object. As she quickly discovered, the item was an old journal. Brown vegetable leather cover slightly faded from years of neglect and dust build-up.

Why, hello there. Who might you be? 

She kept the book levitated as she finished the final pass of the vacuum. She set the box on top of the others after making sure to get the last bit of loose dust with the machine, and then set her full attention back to the small book.

At first, she considered merely putting it back into the box and resuming what little work she had left. It is probably just another old accounting list, she told herself. Still, something about the old tome felt strangely familiar. Like an old friend you never quite forgot but put in the background for a few hundred years in order to focus on more pressing matters. You know, on second thought. That may not be the best way to describe it.

In the end, her curiosity got the better of her. She carefully flipped the book open and inspected it for a title. She found none. Instead, the book went directly into what was obviously some kind of journal entry. The writing was a bit sloppy, and she even spotted a few grammatical errors just by scanning her eyes over the text. Still, it wasn’t the errors nor the writing that really caught her attention, but rather the contents. She almost felt herself gasping once the realization of just what she was holding in her telekinetic grasp fully hit her.

Alright. Forget cleaning. This is more important. She found the nearest dusted couch and took a seat. She set her full attention on the old journal and began reading its contents for the first time in nearly two hundred years.

64th Day of Cheimon 

Well, I buckled. Decided to keep this journal. And all because of my commanding officer. Got a nice rude gesture for ya right here.

“Oh my...” Luna couldn’t help but say out loud as she read that. She had a good idea just what kind of ‘gesture’ the pony had in mind. It was a blessing that equines didn’t have the necessary extremities to do it. Not like gryphons or minotarus or gargoyles. She couldn’t help but feel her cheeks get hot as those thoughts passed her mind.

She shook the thoughts out of her head and continued reading.

Guess I can’t be that mad. Fact that this train ride’s so boring I’ve started talking to myself was the breaking point. Seriously, I think I’ve just about finished reading every magazine aboard and there is still at least a whole day’s worth of travel left to endure. By writing on this here journal, it at least looks like I’m not going insane—not that I need any more help in that particular department.

Crap. This all sucks. Not the fact that I’m keeping a journal—actually looking forward to that—It’s just that I’ve never been a pony to have his crap written down outside of shopping lists and the occasional curse word tagged on some asshole’s wall. Always have been one to just do things as they pop into my head. Never been one to worship the quill like some others I know.

After my tour of duty in the badlands, though… sometimes it feels as if my mind’s slowly going down south. How the ponies in those parts manage to stay sane is beyond me.

Damn. Not since I was a cadet have I had so many sore spots at the same time. Whoever said the badlands tour would be uneventful needs to have his head shoved up his own ass. Maybe have some excrement shoved up along with it while they are at it.

At least the tour’s now over. Survived two years of all that bull. That makes six years total as a guard now. On my way to Canterlot now to finish my last two years of my current four year assignment. Probably should be more excited than I am right now, especially since after my tour in Canterlot, I’m eligible for an officer’s position. As if being a Sergeant wasn’t enough as is.

Screw it. I’m dead tired and sore as all Tartrus. For now, I guess this is a good start.

With the last words of the entry read, Luna took the chance to ponder on the words that now buzzed into her mind like a swarm of agitated parasprites. The sensation of familiarity was overwhelming, but it was almost eclipsed by a feeling of guilt. Guilt not only over forgetting just how things looked two hundred years ago, but guilt over forgetting the face of the one who had penned the words down. Why can I not remember what he looked like? I remember everything else about him so clearly, yet his visage draws a blank. Maybe if she kept reading, a face would come back to her. It had to. He had been too important to completely forget.

Determined to remember, Luna once again set her eyes on the journal and its next entry.

65th Day of Cheimon

Buck it. I’m bored, and I feel the itch to write. Nothing left to read, and all the others talk about is how rough the badlands were, as well as the notches on their lances. Might as well talk a bit about the place we are going to be living in for the next two years, no?

If you don’t know by know, the city’s named Canterlot. It is the shining jewel of the Equestrian nation, and possibly the envy of all the other nations that surround us. It is home to princess Celestia and the seat of power of the principality. It’s also home to far too many nobles to count off the top of my head. Not that I care about their names. Not because I’m bad at them—though I wouldn’t be lying if I said I was—I just couldn’t give two damns about those pampered wastes of flesh. Far as I’m concerned, they’re all filth I have the displeasure to serve. If it was up to me, I would have them all rounded up and put to work until they dropped dead.

Eh, getting pissed isn’t helping my nerves. Back on track.

To this day, I still wonder if Canterlot was built by mere mortals, or if it was a gift from either the old gods, or Celestia herself. After all, it’s certainly far too high up to have been built by conventional means, and it never seems to lose its radiance. The only thing I know for sure is that those pissant nobles had nothing to do with building it.

Luna couldn’t help but pause reading at the end of the paragraph. Based on what she had been told by her sister not long after having sense knocked back into her in the form of a rainbow beam of energy—that by all rights should have vaporized me!—Celestia set her eyes on the mountain that would one day become Canterlot after their old palace in the now aptly named ‘Everfree forest’ got destroyed during…

Luna took a hard gulp. My misguided war against the very sun. She could feel a chill run up her spine at the thought.

The sensation only got worse when Luna recalled how Celestia, battered and broken after the war, spent nearly fifty years of lonesome work building the city brick by brick. The city only expanded when ponies the world over came to help her in the construction after hearing rumors of their goddess undertaking such a labor. The mountain was partially hollowed, mines were set up to extract the magic rich crystals, caves became living spaces, and the capital slowly but surely took its shape.

Luna set her eyes back on the journal. I better not dwell too much on what has already transpired. I’ve paid my dues for my past sins, even if it doesn’t feel like I have half the time. Luna cracked a grim grin at the thought. You and your forgiving nature, Tia. It’s going to get you killed one day.

Somehow, that line of thought did not comfort her. At all. She decided to continue reading before she made herself feel any more awkward.

Crap. Thought about those prissy bastards again. It isn’t helping my blood pressure.

Whatever. I still can’t wait to set hoof there. Even if it means I will be assigned a ‘sentry’ position. Not the most exciting of assignments for somepony of my rank, but not that different from the old post, all things considered.

Well, save the fact that I won’t have to deal with all sorts of crazy crap constantly making life miserable. And I’m certainly not going to miss all the monsters. I am going to miss the saloons and the pretty mares though.

...Crap. Just realized that I didn’t get the name of that last filly I was with. I also didn’t even get to third base.

Crap…

Luna could not help but stifle a chuckle. She still recalled how he would always moan and groan about that particular event. He would not even accept her dream manipulation to get some closure.

Though, in hindsight, it made sense why he refused my idea... 

Luna could feel her cheeks start to burn as a mischievous grin spread over her lips. Nothing came of it because of his constant vigilance. Well, at least not until copious amounts of alcohol got into the mix. I wonder if he wrote about that particular incident? Guess I’ll find out if I keep reading. 

And continue reading she did, with a giddy grin and a mind full of naughty thoughts.

Gah, not going to get nostalgic over a dustbowl. I think I should probably get some rest now. I can see the mountain not too far away now. Probably another day’s worth of travel. Would be faster if this gods damned train would stop making stops at every cursed waystation.

“Fastest way to travel,” my ass!

Could be worse, I guess. We could have been ordered to march back to the capital.

Screw that crap.

Luna turned the page over and started on the next entry. She made a mental note to not interrupt the reading process with idle thoughts. Easier said than done though.

66th Day of Cheimon

Crap. Overslept. Damn. Gods damn! Must have been more tired than I thought I was. Had to wipe some drool off this thing. Well, at least I didn’t smear the ink too much.

Okay. She broke her own mental note. Two hundred years later, and it still looked as if there was some fresh drool on the page. At least, I hoped it is drool, and not some other kind of bodily fluid.

She paused and blinked a few times at that thought. Of course it is drool! Why would I think it is some other fluid? She tried to force a laugh out of herself, but only a stifled giggle that could barely be considered a laugh came out. That thought, only brought up another question: why was two-hundred year old drool still partially fresh?

She chalked it up to magic. It wasn’t uncommon for books written by unicorns to pick up magical properties. Especially if the book was of a personal nature.

Luna shook her head. Moving on.

Woke up just as the train was making its way up the mountainside. Opened the window and got a good look at the scenery, as well as what felt like a good sunburn to my eyes.

*Note: never open a window and stare straight at the sun. 

**Note, NOTE: What am I, a freagin’ foal? Of course that should be obvious! Crap. I’m getting off point.

I never realized just how high up Canterlot is compared to the rest of Equestria. Well, except for Cloudsdale, on account of the place being made of clouds and whatnot. Maybe the spires of Los Pegasus count too, though the rest of the city was more along the lines of a desert.

It must have taken three hours for the train to reach the station. I swore my ears popped more than a few hundred times along the way. Why is it that whenever there is a lack of oxygen, you see stars in your eyes? I bet pegasus don’t have to deal with that kind of crap, and if they do, they hide it damn well. Why couldn’t I inherit pegasus genes from my grandpa?

Man, the city gates were such a magnificent sight that my jaw is still sore as I write this. The air was crisp and pure—none of that nasty sand constantly forcing you to use a scarf for protection. Hate sand; gets everywhere and makes things so freaging itchy. The temperature was also very mild compared the dust bowl. Could not have been warmer than seventy fahrenheit. I actually could wear my armor without feeling like I was being roasted alive.

***Note note NOTE (I really have to find a more efficient way of saying this kindo crap): find out what I would taste like. Probably good, considering how many monsters wanted a piece of my ass back in the badlands.

About the only real problem I had, at least at first, was vertigo. Probably had to do with the fact that I was as high as Cloudsdale itself. I’m no pegasus, so I’m not exactly a fan of heights.

Sad to say that after the arrival, things sort of fell into their natural order. The commander barked his orders, and everypony got their crap together and marched out of the train. Ended up taking the scenic route. It almost—almost—felt like a returning party of warriors from the tales of old. Minus the cheering crowds and raining petals. Because screw that, we weren’t big enough ‘heroes’ for high and mighty assholes of the upper classes.

One day, I swear...

After more orders and a short introduction to the barracks, we got dismissed. Everypony pretty much lined up to use the showers and other facilities. I had already known that such a thing would be like trying to suck water out of a rock. I had instead opted to take a long walk around the barracks and training yard. Decided to take a few swings of the training dummies while I was at it. I was going to shower anyway, might as well go all stinky and sticky.

That didn’t come out right.

Nothing much to say after that. Another speech by our commanding officer (soon to be our ex-commanding officer), introductions to our new superior officer, Captain Shining Armor (who we would all directly serve under from now on), a trip to the mess hall (about freaging time), and relieving of duties until the next morning. All in all, pretty boring day.

Writing all this down before sleeping. I know I’m going to forget about it all in the morning. Hoping tomorrow’s got something more exciting line up.

A stallion can only hope. Right?

[“M’lady Luna, you have a visitor.”]

Pennyworth’s voice echoed in her head as clear as if he had said it into her ear. It momentarily startled her. Really have to get accustomed to this.

She concentrated, a faint glow emitting from her horn. [“Who is it, Penny?”]

[“Ms. Twilight Sparkle and Major Spike of the People’s Defence Force.”]

Luna’s expression brightened. Twilight was just the pony she had been wanting to chat with for a while now. And Spike… She could only feel her chest burn at the thought of him being present. [“Penny, inform Twilight that I will be down there momentarily. Also, while you are at it, could you provide Spike with some of our finest gemstones? Actually, could you make Twilight and I some refreshments while you are at it?”]

Luna could hear Pennyworth’s disembodied chuckle. [“As if you even need to ask, M’lady. I had refreshments made before the maids left on their day off. I also prepared the study just in case of a visit.”]

Luna beamed. [“Always the prepared one, I see. What would I do without you, Penny?”]

There was a short pause. [“Probably run things the same way you run them now?”] Pennyworth unsurely said. [“Might I remind you that you are a physical god, and as such you certainly need no help from any lowly mortal such as myself?”]

Luna shook her head. [“That humbleness of yours will be your downfall. Regardless, I will be down there in a moment. Just have to do something up here.”]

[“Very well then.”] Luna could practically see Pennyworth’s bow despite being dozens of meters away in a whole other room.

Luna eased her concentration and set her eyes back on her old quarters, now far more organized that it had been when she walked in earlier that day. And certainly a lot cleaner than it had been in the last two centuries. She couldn’t help but feel proud of her accomplishment, even if it was simple in hindsight. Doing something with her own two hooves gave her a feeling of catharsis that, up to that point, she hadn’t really realized she had wanted so badly. She found it hard to believe that at one point in history, she had looked forward to having servants and being waited upon like a spoiled brat. In retrospect I'm glad we all grew out of that phase. Then again… She looked down at the old journal still in her telekinetic grip. I did have some help from him.

Carefully, she set the old journals down on top of the nearest box and started to make her way towards the main study.

Chapter 2

Right before her hooves crossed the entryway threshold between her quarters and the hallway, former princess of Equestria Luna glanced back at the little journal that had more than caught her attention.

She bit her lower lip, realizing just how much of a grip it was starting to have on her. Maybe just… one more entry. I’ll make it quick.

She reached out with her magic and grabbed the journal, opening its pages and setting her eyes on the next entry faster than the legendary Rainbow Dash was said to be able to do a whole day’s worth of work. When she wasn’t being lazy.

71th Day of Cheimon

Crap. Five days since I had time to properly write anything. One of the busiest weeks I’ve ever had, for certain. At least it’s over now.

Gotta admit, writing on this thing sort of gives me some catharsis. Not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing. Maybe in case there’s some kind of world-ending disaster, this journal of mine will be among the few things left. Maybe some adventurous wasteland pony in a jumpsuit will get to it and see just how mundane the past really was.

Now I’m just writing crazy.

Freaging Tartarus man. Talk about a shot of depression to the gonads. Equestria hasn’t even seen a war in a thousand years. Can’t speak for other places ‘round Equus though. I hear those griffons in the east had themselves some kind of fight not that long ago; something about a cup and it getting stolen or some such nonsense. Haven’t heard ‘nothing from Zebrica for a while now either. Wonder if those striped lance chuckers and curved sword fanatics went at it without anypony noticing.

...Crap. Did I just call zebras ‘lance chuckers’? Gods damn, I’m such a racist~ Too bad you can’t be a racist if half of your blood is from the race you are trying to be racist towards; then you’re just self-loathing. The horn on my head doesn’t mean I’m a full-fledged unicorn.

I wonder if I would have stripes if I was of a closer generation to the mixing? Ah, buck. Getting off topic again.

So, the morning after I got to the city (or, more like night. It was already late, though I could be remembering wrong. Maybe I am), Cap’ Shining Armor burst into the barracks with a trumpet and wasted no time in breaking us in.

“Nothing gets the blood pumping like morning drills!” I would have decked him had he not been my superior. And probably not as big an asshole as half the other officers. Hay, compared to our old commanding officer, Shining Armor was like that one awesome brother we all wanted growing up.

Anyway. After what felt like hours of running, push-ups (or, wing-ups for the pegasi in our squad), squats, and the equivalent of shadowboxing, we got dismissed for breakfast. After that, we got surprised with a mandatory hike of about ten miles around the city. This was the cap’ way to ‘show us ‘round town’.

Couldn’t we have hailed a cab or something? At least no one puked all their innards. Would have felt sorry for whoever had to clean that crap up later.

In the afternoon, we had—surprise—more drills! The cap’ wanted to know what our combat skills were; said it would let him see what position would fit us best in the long run. Wasn’t entirely sure what he had meant by that, seeing as we were all just going to be sentries. Not like he wanted us to go into direct combat or something. I mean, who would we fight anyway? Parasprites?

Still, it did make some sense at the time. Celestia forbid the city came under attack, we were the first (and possibly only) line of defense. Not that anypony was ever going to attack the capital—not when you had a goddess watching over it and several hundred gold-plated fanatics itching to sink their hooves down some criminal scum’s face. The invaders would have to be absolutely insane. Or carry some kind of death wish.

“Oh, I miss those days when ponies didn’t even know what war was.” Luna put a hoof over her mouth and looked around to make sure no one had heard that. Once she was sure there was not a pony in sight, she turned her attention back to the journal.

No wonder there are so many ponies here that go around parading their finest crap. I wonder if that’s also the reason ponies have such multicolored coats? I’d imagine ‘blending in’ isn’t a top priority when you are both at the top of the evolutionary pyramid and have a god watching your ass. Wonder if the more blendy-in colors got selected out over generations of not giving a damn about surviving, or if magic was somehow involved. Honestly, either answer isn’t exactly welcoming in my opinion.

Bah. I’m no egghead. Let the scholars worry about that bull. I’ve got my sword and spear to do the thinking and talking for me. Quick, simple, and certainly not clean. Just how I like it.

After the afternoon drill, we turned in for the night and expected to see results the next morning. The night’s rest actually felt better than expected, even if it was only six hours. The beds were paradoxically comfortable.

I wager they are enchanted. Makes sense. An energetic guard equals better security. If only we could have had beds like these during my two-year tour in the badlands.

As a matter of fact, why in Tartarus didn’t we have crap like this over there? Who was in charge of our equipment, some backwater hick high off his ass on salt? Probably wasted all our resources on booze, strippers, and blackjack too. Freagin bastard…

Screw it. Getting off topic. Again.

The next morning, we all gathered around the captain as he announced the results. I’m still shocked that I somehow made it to the top twenty candidates. That discovery earned me a few glares from a few of the others. Can’t blame them. Many tried their damndest yet didn’t even make the top fifteen.

Maybe my name got mixed up or something?

At any rate, My job—or ‘honor’ according to some—was donning the gray armor. That meant I wasn’t assigned to any one particular location. Instead, I was to jump back and forth between assignments as needed.

Buck me up the arse; It was a substitutional position! ‘easy’ my ass!

Then again, compared to the top ten guards, who were allowed to don the gold armor and serve directly under Princess Celestia as her personal guard, I guess I did have it easy. Sure, the job was probably as high an honor was one would get without marrying the princess herself, but in a land that didn’t see conflict outside of keeping monster populations in check, the gilded armor came off more as decoration.

*Note: turns out that the gold armor really is decoration! It’s not well insulated so it is susceptible to overheating, the thing is made up of a copper and tin mix (what did they call that mix again… Tartarus if I know...), the plating is far too thick, adding almost ten pounds of uselessness, and the ornaments around the chest and legs make anything other than standing in one spot a very painful experience.

Feel sorry for those poor bastards who had to wear that for more than twelve hours a day.

To top it all off, those stallions and mares were going to be keeping an eye on a goddess. A goddess that had lived for over a thousand years and certainly had no necessity for anypony to even keep her protected. Nopony in their right minds would want to harm her—not that they probably even could.

Luna couldn’t help but snort at the words she had read. You really gave us too much credit. Just because we move the sun and moon and live forever doesn’t make us any more powerful than a well-versed and well-studied magician. Immortality is overrated anyway. Makes life dull.

After the assigning of jobs for the foreseeable future, we dispersed for lunch. Afterwards, we went right into our new assignments.

Not much to say about that, actually. Got the run-down on what the post entailed and the expected ‘do’s and dont’s’.

As an added note here, I found it odd they had to outline the strict ‘no screwing while on duty’ rule. What, did guards go around screwing each other to fight off the boredom?

Actually, nevermind. I forgot I was in Canterlot for a second.

Luna looked up from the journal. Once again, she could feel her cheeks burning. So he did know prior to that— Good thing I swore off alcohol soon after. Cannot imagine how bad things could have gotten had more of that stuff passed through my lips at the time. She almost felt a smile creeping on her lips.

Almost.

At any rate, there was no job assigned that night, but there should as hay would be one assigned the next day. Got to take the rest of the day, so I used it to vent my rage on the nearest training dummy. Ended up breaking the thing. Got a few dozen bits deducted from my pay because of that.

Aren’t we encouraged to destroy those things?

Next day, I had to watch over the royal library. Not much to describe. Lots of books, and the smell of egghead was almost unbearable. Aside from seeing the captain’s younger sibling (what’s her name again? Twilight Shimmer? No... Sparkle!) going to the library far more than anypony else.

Twilight Sparkle. Now that’s somepony I have to write about. She had a very strong egghead aroma to her. It wasn’t a bad one though. It was very much bearable. That first day, she probably spent more time inside than she did breathing. Everytime she left, she always was lugging stacks of books.

Well, actually, that Twilight gal hadn’t been carrying the books, but rather her ‘assistant’ had been. He was some purple dragon whose name I can’t remember right now.

Luna’s brow furrowed. “His name is Spike, you stup—” she again caught herself before her tone could have risen any higher. Get a grip on yourself. You’re just reading a journal.

She returned to her reading, but kept the annoyance.

Poor kid looked less like an assistant, and more like a slave. Didn’t help that he’s a dragon. Don’t even know if he can even speak, now that I think about it.

If I see the little guy again, I’ll be sure to ask him if he can talk.

The next day, I got assigned to watch the train station. Another boring day. Not much to report.

Finally, yesterday, something rather interesting happened. I was given a spear and shield and told to report to the dungeons. When I asked why the long-abandoned prison now used as a rent-a-storage for the guard, they told me I was going on a ‘bug hunt’. Next thing I knew, me and a group of ten others traveled down from the already deep dungeons into the city sewers via an old passage. On the way, we passed by a chute with a pole and a lit-up (though cobweb-ridden) the sign that read “Starswirl’s private entrance to secret laboratory. Do not enter!”

Whoever this “Starswirl” guy or gal was, they needed to have the meaning of the word ‘secret’ pounded back into their cranium. Preferably with a mallet. Add some nails to it for good measure while we are at it.

Luna’s anger faded with her chuckle. Sorry, but you’re a thousand years too late for that idea. Besides, I get the feeling that Starswirl would have agreed with your assessment on his… lack of subtlely.

Past that little affront, the sewers gradually became cavernous as masonry gave way to cold damp stone. The dampness went away soon after as the walls gradually started taking on crystalline properties. Eventually, we got to what looked like an elevator shaft. Unlike the rest of the place, it looked well maintained.

An elevator ride later, and we entered what must have been an old mine from some gods forsaken bygone age. From there, our commanding officer finally revealed the mission: we were to clear the old crystal mines under the city of various vermin that had started coming out into the sewers.

Said ‘verming’ turned out to be oversized roaches and rats. Probably been crawling down there longer than I had been alive. Worse part was that they had started evolving. Critters had gotten smart enough to organize into small groups of very determined raiders that loved to steal socks and other trivial nicknacks to use as items of worship. What exactly they worship was up in the air, though by the look of it, it was the socks themselves that were the item of most desire.

Oh sure, give the death sentence to critters just getting by with their limited intelligence and a desire to worship clothing. Gods forbid they turned that love for hoofwear into their rallying cry for a pint-sized crusade!

I swear, next thing we’ll be going after kobolds for lacking proper hygiene.

Luna tried to think of something, but couldn’t. She was very ashamed that what he had written down nearly two hundred years ago eventually came true. Well, at least it wasn’t over just hygiene that was the issue. And they got better too. I think… 

She made a mental note to check over and see how the Kobold population was doing.

Needless to say, the rats and roaches didn’t take well to our intrusion into their… holy grounds. We actually got a few injuries in the process of instigating genocide. It took hours, but we managed to drive the vermin deeper into the mines. Where they no doubt have shrines set up to worship hats. Or something.

Surprisingly, no one seemed to care about the fact that we had just gone into a hole in the ground, fought a group of semi-sentient rats and roaches, and essentially started a war with beings whose only crime had been to steal our socks and use them as items of worship.

...Truly, Equestria is the greatest nation on the face of Equus.

*Note: it wasn’t til later that same evening that I found out that the critters were killing homeless foals and using their bones as construction material. On top of stealing and worshiping our socks, of course.

Could have used the info up front...

Got back just in time for dinner, but I hadn’t had much of an appetite for obvious reasons. Had a field day telling some of the others of the odd mission. Only a few actually believed the roach and rat part, and just about no one believed the whole ‘worshiping socks’ part. Can’t blame them. Still wonder if I just had a very vivid dream or got some kind of experimental drug slipped into my morning coffee.

I seem to be lacking a way to close this entry. I’ll think of something after I close my eyes for a bit. Kinda tired.

Luna didn’t even stop to think it over. She just plowed right on to the the next entry in the journal.

72th Day of Cheimon

Apparently, I didn’t. You can’t hear it, but I’m laughing.

Fell asleep pretty quickly. Did I actually just wake up to write this? I honestly don’t know. If the spots of spit aren’t already obvious on this page, I can’t stop laughing. Some of the others are looking at me funny.

Screw them.

Well, the day’s just started, so there’s nothing to write about.

Yet.

Can’t even remember my dream last night to booth. Still glad our beds are so comfortable. And yes, they’re enchanted to provide better energy recovery than a standard bed. Guess there’s that bit of news.

I’ll write something later. Assuming anything interesting happens to begin with.

[“M’lady, is everything alright? It has been almost half an hour since you said you would be coming down. Miss Twilight is almost done drinking her fifth cup of tea.”] Pennyworth’s voice ran inside Luna’s head. [“Also, my show’s about to start. I would really like to see the episode live this time.”]

Luna snapped her eyes away from the journal and sighed. She really had spent far too long reading. She had gotten so engrossed that the whole world just slipped by her without notice. She hadn’t been that into something of the written language since being introduced to Daring Doo by Twilight. She still hoped to herself that the movie series about to premiere in theaters was a faithful adaptation.

Luna smiled at that thought. Of course it will be! Not only is Daring’s great granddaughter directing and writing, but Rainbow Dash’s own great granddaughter is playing the part of Daring Doo. Still have no idea how they got Ahuizotl’s great grandson to play the part of his ancestor though. At least they’re going for authenticity.

[“Sorry Penny. This took longer than expected. I’ll be down there in a minute. And this time, I mean it.”]

Luna forced herself to close the journal, but not before putting in a piece of scrap paper as bookmark. She set it down on the spot she had been using as a sit and tapped it with her hoof, almost like she was petting a child.

She stretched her legs and back, cleared her throat, and set out of the room, levitating a comb and brush to get her mane into a more or less presentable state. She didn’t bother with makeup since Twilight wasn’t one to judge, and she wasn’t about to deal with any dignitary.

She slowed down. Spike is present... She instinctively swallowed air to try and ease the burning in her chest.

In two hundred years, Spike had done a lot of growing up. If she had to estimate, his age would be hovering somewhere around sixteen or seventeen, at least by pony standards anyway. Truth be told, he had grown into quite the handsome drake. Perhaps more so after his training as a soldier. Hard to believe he’s been single all this time.

She considered what to do for a second. It was odd she was having such thoughts now of all times. Then again, the thoughts weren’t exactly foreign. Such feelings had been simmering in the backburner for a couple decades now, especially after she found out what happened between Spike and Rarity nearly two centuries ago.

In the end, she decided to re-apply some eyeshadow and lip balm. Who knows. Maybe I’ll be the the first mare he courts since that backstabbing wench. She placed a hoof on her chin. I hope it isn’t too weird though. I mean, I would be like his aunt, considering the whole ‘Celestia is my mother’ thing. Still, he isn’t actually related by blood. Hay, he isn’t even the same species as us. It should be okay. Besides, he needs the companionship.

More thoughts passed through Luna’s mind as she raced down to meet her old friend and her now mature and attractive assistant. Still, the old journal remained at the forefront of her mind. She would catch up with Twilight, subtly flirt with Spike, and then go back to finishing the journal. She would lock herself up if she had to. She just had to finish that book.

Soon my pretty. Soon…