By the time I arrived at my apartment complex I could barely keep my eyes open. I yawned and glanced at my phone. She had taken eleven minutes and change to get here.

"Need help to the entrance?" Patricia offered.

"No thanks, the place has a concierge," I declined. The least I could do was walk into my own home. "Kind of you, though."

"Sleep well, hun." She turned back to the stand with the tablet. "Star fifty seven if you need me again for the morning."

I muttered another thank you and pulled myself out of the car. The experience was so unpleasant that I wished I had asked the Uber to take me to the other side of town and back. Already I was starting to regret declining her offer; I even thought of changing my mind when the car left, probably heading to her next client.

Too late now. I sighed and walked forward.

The apartment complex was almost completely dark, which was hardly surprising since I was one of only eight occupants. Barely completed, it was part of the new wave of virgin housing that was suppose to sweep over the eastern states. At least that was the claim. Three years ago, the powers that be decided to stop buying hotels and renovating old buildings, instead building complexes suitable for our needs. Virgin housing—a presumptuous name for a glorified college dorm. Yes, it had all the comfort and security a virgin could need, but was less than a quarter of my parent's house. One giant room that served as living room slash dining room slash kitchen, a tiny bedroom, and a bathroom barely eight square feet: just enough for a single person.

According to the brochure, unicorn magic was used during the construction of the buildings. With these rent prices I wouldn't be surprised. If it weren't for the generous accommodation allowance provided by my contract, I wouldn't be able to afford half a month's rent.

Upon reaching the entrance, I pressed my credit card against the lock panel. There was a buzz followed by a loud click. I pushed the door open and went straight for the elevator.

A few days off, I thought as I pressed the eighth floor button. Right now I felt like I needed a few weeks off. I checked my phone for new messages. There were three, all from Ms Dis Lee. The first two were random small talk, the third wished me a relaxing night, subtly suggesting I look over the best interpreter practices the following morning. The exact phrasing was "don't hesitate to let me know if you have any questions"—direct, while being polite about it. In any case it would wait. Right now the only thing I wanted was to slide into my bed.

Slipping out of the elevator and into my room, I kicked off my shoes and collapsed on the nearest couch. I tossed my bag to the floor, then turned off my phone and put it on the table. The bed was less than ten steps away but I didn't bother going for it; the couch felt just as comfortable.

It was still dark when I woke up. I reached for the phone and tapped to see the time. Half past three—the witching hour, the worst possible time of the night. I tried to force myself to sleep, but the efforts was excruciatingly pointless. After ten minutes of lying on the couch, I gave up and went to the kitchen.

The only thing the fridge had to offer was ice cream and suppression meds—my new staple diet. Right now, however, I didn't feel like resorting to either. Instead, I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down.

"A heck of a first day." I leaned back in my chair.

My mind wandered back to a few months ago when I back home, desperate to escape, before focusing back on my drink. My mother was right when she said it wouldn't be easy. It wouldn't be the first time that a virgin had turned down a major contract for a less significant, and far less stressful, job. Then again, quitting on the first day wouldn't build confidence in any future employer, unless I wanted to become a tourist guide... or joined Mike's phone job. The thought made me smile. Wouldn't that be nice? Talking from the comfort of my home, no stress, no worries, just a pleasant conversation. I glanced at my phone. It was laying on the edge of the table, where I'd left it, reminding me I was supposed to be up in three hours. I watched the minutes pass by, idling away.

I might as well try. I took the phone. The Virgin Free Labour act allowed me to take on additional temp contracts, as long as they weren't in violation of any clauses in my existing job. Since Ms Dis Lee wasn't paying me twenty-four seven, I could do with my free time anything I chose.

I went to to the App Store and did a search for "unicorn chat". The screen filled with shovelware apps—everything from sound bytes to programs that claimed to be able to interpret unicorns for free. On the second row, portrayed by an icon of an old fashioned phone, was the app I was looking for: HummCall by Magic Voice Ltd. The second I clicked Get, a pop-up filled the screen.

Warning! The HummCall service is only available for Unicorn Interpreters. Attempting to apply for the service under false pretenses or with false credentials will result in criminal charges under section 12.B. of the International Virgin Penal Code.

Do you want to proceed?

This was unexpected. I had no idea what section 12 was, but since it didn't apply to me I tapped on the okay button and waited. A few seconds later the app opened, requesting access to my location and phone contacts. I denied it on both accounts, only to proceed to the login screen.

"Username and email," I whispered to myself as I gave my spam address and typed in Puppy as my user handle. To my surprise the name was available. To my further surprise, the app immediately connected me to voice chat.

"Hello, can you hear me?" a high-pitched voice asked.

"Err, yes?" I instinctively tapped on the screen, hoping for menus or buttons of some sort to appear.

"Thank the stars!" A sigh of relief came from the other side. "I’ve just about had it with lurkers. You're not a child, right?"

"I'm old enough to vote." First time anyone had made that mistake.

"And you're a certified virgin, right?" The questions kept coming. "Not that you have to be. You can always use the app for fun, but if you want us to pay you we'll need some details. You know how it is."

"Give me a moment." I looked around for my bag. With the only light coming from the kitchen, it was difficult to spot things. "Can you give me any details about the contract? I mean, this is the first time I've heard of—"

"You pick your own contracts," the voice laughed. "We run things a bit different. I just need some verifiable ID to make sure you're legit. After that I'll grant you access to the system so you can fill out the rest and pick a contract that's best for you. Personally, I'd recommend picking a temp if you already have a job. Much better for everyone this way."

"Okay?" I grabbed my bag and took out the Virgin Card. "Full name or just graduation number?"

"Graduation number will be fine," the voice said.

I dictated the digits. He read them back to me, then asked a few basic security questions—location of the school, time of graduation, my current employer. The tone was quite casual, yet focused enough to show me this was serious. The unicorn I was talking to—I was certain it was a unicorn—didn't waste time with small talk. If anything, he was trying to make sure all my details were in order before he could hurry me along to the next part of the process, whatever that was. Several times I had to repeat my answers, just so he could be sure I wasn’t making things up.

"Okay, all seems to be in order," he said at last. "I've forwarded your okay to the techs, so expect an update in a few minutes. Once you download that, you're set. Have fun."

"Can you just tell me what is expected—" A loud click told me no one was listening on the other end anymore. Half a minute later the red indicator appeared on my App Store icon, just as he had said.

The update took far longer than the initial download. When I restarted the app it was obvious why. The blank screen was replaced by a well designed multi-functional menu. The first step was to fill out everything I had said on the phone, only in greater detail. Once I had finished with my "Human Card" I was offered a choice of contracts, ranging from full time to temp. A full time contract offered a rather comfortable hourly rate, but required me to have no other outstanding contracts. The temp, on the other hand, offered a flat per call rate with the call length being left to my discretion. Since I doubted I would be doing this more than once, I chose temp.

Congratulations on signing a contract with HummCall! You can now select calls to respond to.

Be warned that once accepted, you cannot end a call before 10:00 minutes have passed or the client has left.

Violent, shocking, or inappropriate calls are strictly forbidden and subject to immediate termination and legal action!

They sure don't mince words. I closed pop-up and went to the "Call Manager" section. Three callers were waiting. Before I could even read the usernames one of them disappeared, probably taken by another virgin, leaving me with Crimson Indigo and Poppy.

Fitting, I thought as I tapped on Poppy's icon—a musical note on a shield. The chances of finding a caller with a user handle one letter off from mine were too remote to let this pass. As the conversation timer came up, I cleared my throat and waited.

"H-hello?" a soft female voice said. "A-are you a human?"