I awoke the next morning tangled up in Puddle’s hooves, cold, prickling sweat pouring down my forehead as the earth pony petted my mane. I was not a stranger to nightmares – a night without the dark terrors that lurked in the deeper recesses of my mind was dreadfully rare at best – but this one…

I scrambled away from Puddle, my heart racing. No! Wrong! I had to get out. I had to get away! She was poison to my thoughts and my feelings and I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.

So I grabbed my ruined duster and ran.

“Threnody!” Puddle called after me, but I ignored her confusion and pain that licked at my hind hooves, barrelling out the door and out through a shattered window.

I couldn’t stop. I wouldn’t stop. My injured wing wasted no time in giving me a searingly sharp reminder that flying right now was a horrible idea, and I began the agonisingly slow spiral down to earth. I managed to control my landing just well enough that I could bleed most of my momentum away by rolling and sustaining a few trivial bangs and scrapes, softening the blow with the hoof-hardened dirt enough that I could keep going. The ponies that were around at that hour of the morning knew better than to get in my way as I ran as hard as I could past them. My shattered left hoof stung horribly with each hoof fall, frustrating my efforts to hasten myself away from, well, everypony. But I couldn’t stop. Everything was tightening in around me; I had to escape!

I heard a wet crack as a section of my left hoof gave way, and I slammed into the ground, ploughing a furrow into the ground with my muzzle. Pulling myself up, I saw that I’d shattered the bottom half of my hoof, and it was bleeding horribly. Choking back tears, I scrambled into an alley between a pair of brick buildings and started sobbing.

Last night had been awkward. We’d kissed, we’d talked, but… nothing else happened. What the fuck was I thinking? Puddle got the impression pretty quickly when she planted a kiss on my shoulder that anything more than just kisses and snuggles wasn’t happening. Probably because I’d panicked and nearly hyperventilated. I smacked my forehead. Because I am a very, very stupid pony. Smack. Because I am the kind of idiot that decides that following Blackjack’s line of ‘don’t think about it’ is clearly a good coping skill! Smack! Then Puddle had shown up in my dream in a position that the Mayor usually occupied in the depths of my terror filled phantasmagoria, and I couldn’t take it.

I slammed my left hoof into the ground, and grit my teeth as the fresh blaze of glorious pain burned away all extraneous concerns, leaving me nothing but razor focus. What the fuck is wrong with you, Threnody? Did you think you got to have something nice for once? My inner voice spat. You know she’s just using you. Cause that’s all you’re good for. A little bit of pleasure for somepony else. I deliberately fell back against the building I was curled up next to, my head cracking off of the brick. Stars filled my vision, but I couldn’t shut her up.

What are you, Threnody? And what are you doing? She asked. You spend all day looking at colts, then go to bed with a filly. Couldn't even have sex with her when it came down to it. You’re even a failure at being a fucktoy. But you wanted it, didn't you? You always did, you know. Why else would you get into bed with another filly? Why didn’t you resist? You try to deny it, you try to run from it, but you know you're a fucking liar. To yourself and everyone around you! You know you're only good for a fuck or as someone's emotional toilet! And even then you're a convenience at best.

I wasn’t just that. I was more! I…

I couldn’t explain why I’d done what I did. I was torn in so many different directions by so many conflicting feelings about the entire situation that I didn’t even know what to feel, let alone think! A part of me wanted to run. A part of me felt utter disgust and shame at the thought of letting myself tolerate touching Puddle, let alone kissing her. Another part wanted to kiss her again, and to embrace her sweet taste. Yet another part screamed at me for not going to Blackjack instead of Puddle. Another part shrieked at me for having those kinds of filthy, base feelings at all.

I ground my ruined hoof into the dirt, and my focused mind coolly reminded me that sleeping with clients was against the Heartmender’s ethics code.

“So, I know that I’ve had shitty nights before, but you look like me after three bottles of Wild Pegasus,” Blackjack said quietly as she stared at me from around the corner.

I looked up into her blood red eyes, and got angry. Angrier than I probably should have been at the time. But I didn’t care.

“What do you care?!” I spat, scrambling deeper into the shade. “You spent last night fucking Basalt Breaker. Was that good for you? Why don’t you slither back to her and drink yourselves into a nice deep coma and leave me the fuck alone?” I hissed through gritted teeth.

Blackjack’s face remained passive, but then gave a half smile. “Yeah. It actually was pretty nice.” It was a strange melange of amusement, worry, and a little annoyance. I should have been happy. Wasn’t getting Blackjack back to normal the point? Her worry nudged out the other two and she simply trotted over, and sat down beside me. Her horn glowed slightly, and her warm healing magic wrapped around my shattered hoof.

I flailed my hoof about in her magic. I didn’t need her touching me right now! Even if it was a healing spell! I kicked out at Blackjack’s smugly smiling face with a hind hoof, but missed.

Her smile faded as she frowned down at me, and she gave a little shrug. “Okay. I actually didn’t. Thought about it, I admit.” She paused and pursed her lips. “A lot,” she added, then rolled her eyes and sighed, “but there’s no room in that heart of hers for anypony else. Weirdo.” She cocked her head as she watched me try to glare her out of existence. “So why does it bother you that badly that I might have slept with Basalt Breaker?” She asked, staring down at my hoof. Shame mixed with regret and a twinge of frustration rumbled along the surface of her outer calm.

But she never let go of my hoof. I fought against the panic and terror of having somepony not letting me leave. I couldn’t get my hoof out of her magical grasp, no matter how much I tried. Slowly, the edges of my hoof began to knit themselves back together as her horn began to smoke.

I wanted to shout at her. Scream how badly it would hurt me to know she was the one comforting Basalt Breaker. That was my job, dammit! I was supposed to be the responsible one in all this!

So I lied.

“It doesn’t,” I growled, refusing to look at her. “I just…” Dammit, I couldn’t come up with a good explanation.

She shook her head, heedless of her smouldering horn as she looked up at me. I cursed myself for not being able to look away from those blood red eyes.

I felt like my chest was caving in as she stared at me. I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to be gone! Why couldn’t I just teleport away like a unicorn!?

A soft patter of galloping hooves rounded the corner as Puddle skidded to a stop near the alley. “Blackjack, have you–” She stopped as she saw me, worry, sadness, and confusion hitting me like a high powered hose. “Why did you run away?” She asked, breathlessly.

Blackjack arched an eyebrow at me as she looked from me to Puddle and back again. “Did I miss something?” She asked, amusement playing at the edge of her voice, but underneath her emotions blanked.

Fuck.

Puddle blushed as she turned to Blackjack. “Threnody stayed with me last night!” She said cheerily, making me wish that I hadn’t left my gun in the room. Suicide would be painless. “And I told her she needed to do something for herself! So she kissed me!”

Blackjack blinked at Puddle, “Wait... she did?” My heart stopped. She was going to kill me... or Puddle... or herself... or everpony! It was coming! It had to...

Then Blackjack’s face split in the widest grin ever. “That’s so awesome!” she gushed, and I would have thought it a lie if it wasn’t for the revoltingly warm glow of happiness that radiated off her like a little sunrise. “How was it? Scale of one to ten with one being your mom and ten being ‘Take me, I’m yours!’” she asked Puddle. I sat there, stunned and horrified, as I realised that my fear that Blackjack would be jealous was very unfounded. Shame rekindled itself anew as it hit me that I should have known that about her. Stable 99 didn’t exactly do monogamy.

And she was actually smirking at me! Why was she smirking at me?!

Puddle giggled brightly. “Mmm… I don’t know. Threnody is a really good kisser, but she didn’t seem to be into more than that. So we just made out and then she snuggled up against me and fell asleep.”

“Awww,” Blackjack cooed and gave me that smile that made me want to die, come back to life, and die again. The emotional whiplash was getting to be extremely tiring. “She really is a sweet kisser when she’s in the mood. Her lips are so soft, right?”

I prayed to Luna, Celestia, and Cadence that one of them would just strike me dead. Luna ignored me. Celestia seemed to be shaking her head. And Cadence was laughing her pink ass off. Bitches. All of them. I really wished I hadn’t left my pistol up in my room. My brain helpfully supplied images that reinforced the idea that blowing my brains out at the moment would be blissful and painless.

Puddle nodded excitedly, her curly mane bouncing. My will to live was slipping away with every loathsomely cute bounce. “Yeah! They are! I mean, I’ve kissed a few fillies and colts before. But fillies always have nicer lips,” She said with a sage nod. Oh god. There were two of them. What had I gone to bed with last night?! What had I done?!

Blackjack trotted over to Puddle’s side and mussed her mane, though a twinge of sadness rippled underneath the jovial emotions she was expressing. “About time somepony got her to open up a little bit,” She said, giving me a wink. I wondered if you could die of embarrassment.

Puddle blinked in confusion. “Wait… so she’s never…?”

“Nope. Though I kissed her once. She hated it.” She trotted over and gave me a little nudge, “Good to see you’re loosening up a bit.” I wished that somepony would let me die. Blackjack cocked her head again as I reacted like her touch had actually been a blast from my plasma defender. “I thought you were pretty firm on not liking mares though? What changed your mind?” Her face slowly shifted into a quizzical expression, like she was trying to read me. Which ultimately felt all the more violating at the moment.

You did, you horrid bitch. I thought to myself. “I… uh…” was all I managed, my voice cracking into a squeak at the end as I felt my face catch flame. Self immolation from embarrassment was possible, right? The damning look I was getting from her was not helping as they both leaned close to me. “Too close!” I said, pressing my back flat against the wall as I tried to get away from their prying gaze. Why were they both giving me that look!?

Blackjack nudged Puddle’s shoulder with a look... some weird lesbian sex pony telepathy communication between the pair, and both of them gave me enough space to slow my racing heart. “Sorry,” Puddle said, letting her ears droop. “I, just wanted to tease you ‘cause I think you’re really cute and I thought it’d make you smile.”

“I know, right?” Blackjack added. “Anyway. She’s here. I’ll let you two catch up. I’ll be over here... imagining.” She said as she backed off, letting Puddle have the option of approaching me. Which honestly didn’t help my desire to flee to the nearest cloud and hide on it. Fucking wing, why did you have to choose now of all times to be unserviceable?

Puddle dropped her voice as she put a hoof on my shoulder. My heart stutter-stepped and then started actively trying to flee from it’s confines in my ribs. “Really though, what is wrong? Why did you run away this morning?” She asked, raising a hoof to brush some dirt from off of the underside of my chin. I did my best to not recoil at her touch.

Even with the space Blackjack was giving me, my heart was still beating somewhere around mach two and seemed to be trying for mach three. Puddle’s brush against my chin had been like getting familiar with the business end of a flamer. Every nerve and stress hormone fizzing inside me screamed for me to run away, but at this point, I felt like I couldn’t. I was more trapped than I’d ever been, and neither of them realised it. I would have had an answer for Blackjack, if she’d actually given me the time to think. But instead, I was cornered here, full of conflicting feelings about fillies, colts, and which of the two I preferred, or whether it was right to want either.

And I wanted to be anywhere else.

“I…” I started to speak, then clamped my mouth shut. I looked away from Puddle, wordlessly pleading with Blackjack for help.

Blackjack blinked and then trotted forward. “Hey, Puddle? Let’s go mare talk around the corner till she pulls her head together, okay?” She asked, giving me a sly little smile. “She can imagine what we’re doing till she joins us. She’s got quite the imagination.” She said as she pulled the confused and concerned Puddle away from me.

My brain proved itself to be ever the asshole I knew it to be as it decided to give me several images of various positions in which I might find Puddle and Blackjack. A part of me realised that Blackjack still thought of herself as the teenaged crusader that she’d been during the battle of the Hoof, but it still bothered me that there was at least some difference mental age between her and I. And well, Puddle, given that the cute earth pony and I were the same age.

Which still didn’t fix the pressing desire I felt to bolt away and hide. Blackjack gave me space to breathe, but I still wanted to get away. I felt like I was going to throw up, and even with the two of them walking around the corner, I was having a hard time calming myself down. My heart still raced, my legs screamed that I needed to be moving. And my inner voice was telling me I was being an idiotic coward for not facing the truth about my own existence: that I probably was too fucked up to even consider any sort of intimacy at all!

Why was I going after mares? Even kissing Puddle or Blackjack, two fillies that I felt were – if not safe, at least marginally less likely to use and hurt me – had felt horribly confusing and had whipped up a fair maelstrom of anxiety within me. Was I doing the right thing? Was I doing the wrong thing? And why in the hell did I tend to default to looking at stallions and colts instead of fillies when presented with a mixed gender group?

My stomach lurched as I caught ripples of bright laughter from around the corner, and put my hooves over my ears. I didn’t want this right now. I was still trying to get over that dream, and now Blackjack was converting Puddle to all of her perverse, lewd ways. And here I was, still stuck on page one of Blackjack’s book of sex, wrestling with the introductory question of ‘do you want a colt, or a filly, or both?’

...That was page one, right?

I took a deep, centring breath, which ultimately wasn’t all that helpful for my calm, then trotted around the corner. Blackjack gave me the biggest grin, as did Puddle, and I felt like I’d missed something.

“What?” I snapped, rounding the corner.

“Nothing,” Blackjack said, that grin turning into a sly smirk.

“Nope,” Puddle echoed a second later. “Nothing at all.”

“I’ll have you know that you both are seriously destroying what little calm I have left after the battle yesterday,” I deadpanned.

Blackjack’s grin faded to a warm smile. “Thren, I’m happy for you. We both are. And while I know you don’t like the teasing, we do it because we like you.” She glanced over at Puddle, “I was just about to tell her about 99 before you returned. I’ll save those stories for another day.” She rose to her hooves and turned away. “I should probably leave you be before I suggest something really fun, like Puddle and me making you the filling in a sandwich.” She said with a grin. Not entirely serious... not entirely joking either... damn it, Blackjack.

I let my ears wilt. “Blackjack, I… you know I kinda have… you know. A lot of shame when it comes to… er…” I twisted my hoof in the air.

“Sex?!” Puddle asked helpfully. I really, really wished she hadn’t been so excited to be helpful. Her ears wilted as I flinched at her outburst. Her confusion and hurt seemed to be churning up a whirlpool of panic inside the little earth pony, though exactly why I couldn’t be certain.

“Yeah that…” I murmured, mentally noting that I needed to make an inventory of ‘How similar to Blackjack are you?’ for the next pony I decided to crawl into bed with. Or a bathtub, as the case had been last night.

Blackjack just smiled that patient, maddeningly passive smile. “Thren, you have nothing to be ashamed about. Long as every filly is having fun and okay with it, there’s no problem... and it’s a lot of fun.” She glanced at Puddle. “We’ll have to flip a coin to see who gets head and who gets tail.” Then she winked! Argh!

Puddle giggled brightly, apparently having concluded that I just needed to be cheered up, then bounced over to put a foreleg around my shoulder before I could shy away from her. “I just want to see that you’re taking care of yourself, silly! Yeah, I know, I get told I need to do the same thing for myself when I’m back home in Stable 9. But sometimes taking care of the pony who takes care of everypony else is part of taking care of me.” She tilted her head to the side as I stiffened and ducked away at her touch. “You don’t regret last night, do you?” She asked, her ears wilting as she withdrew the offending limb before I removed it, and with it, the slight curls in her seafoam green mane straightened slightly.

I didn’t, not at all. I did, bitterly. Not really? I was at least definitely okay with the hot feeling I’d felt under my tail. Except at the same time I really wasn’t, and wanted to kill myself just for for being weak enough to fall victim to those sorts of carnal feelings. I just…

I glanced between Blackjack and Puddle. “I… Should we even be doing this? I mean, you and I are 14, Puddle. And Blackjack, you’re like… what? Mentally…?” I tried to fill in her age, but my brain decided to give me a great big blank for the number that still somehow resolved to something inappropriate.

“Mentally? Five. Maybe six,” Blackjack answered with a chuckle. Oh that only made it worse. Blackjack you absolute… whatever it is that you are.

I frowned at her as Puddle licked my cheek. It took everything in me to not sprint away, but I recoiled from the sudden warm touch of Puddle’s tongue. I shuddered and ducked my head away from, and sent a glare in her direction, and the earth pony backed away, her ears wilting. “Don’t do that,” I growled as my heart again threatened to leap out of my throat. Puddle backed away further, hurt evident on her face.

I closed my eyes and counted to ten again, then finally addressed Blackjack. “No… I was serious. You told Cinnamon in your assessment 3 years ago you were 18. But then you’ve given literally every heartmender you’ve worked with a different answer. And I know that you were at least a few years older than Scotch Tape, ‘cause you always refer to her as ‘little’,” I said, trying to get some leverage in the conversation.

Puddle gave me a confused look as she retreated still further. “Why did you call her Blackjack?” She asked, her eyes darting to the aforementioned pain in my flank.

“It’s another name I go by,” Blackjack answered with a shrug. “Thren, I have no idea how old I am ‘mentally’. How the hey would you even measure that? I’m somewhere between a kid and a pony that’s died and come back more than anypony else I know. Heck, I might not even really be ‘Blackjack’ given that who I am got sucked out of a filly’s brain. Oh, and let’s not pretend being an alicorn didn’t throw a wrench in all that too.” She took a deep breath, pushing down the rising tide angst welling up inside her. “The question you should ask is ‘Are you okay with me?’ If the answer’s no, then no problem. Midnight told me no six times a day for nearly a year.” She paused, taking on that rare, worrying wistful quality that she tended to adopt whenever she strayed into reminiscence, “Never did get a yes from her.” Then she shook her head. “Point is, you tell me what my mental age is, and I’ll go off that.” Then she laid down, crossed her hooves, and looked at me patiently. Meanwhile Puddle was staring at Blackjack as if she’d grown a second head... or three!

“Blackjack, I just…” I frowned, trying to figure out how to tactfully explain that her sexual ethics, however reformed, were still primarily developed in an environment that sanctioned industrialised rape. “You look like an adult mare, and that’s why I keep saying no.” I paused, and my brain caught up with my mouth. Fuck. Shit. Ass. Hells. Dammit. “I mean... what I mean is that it’s because of that and that I’m a young filly. And that’s very wrong.”

Puddle quirked an eyebrow at me, which I desperately tried to ignore.

“If you say so. I got taught about sex by an adult mare.” She said with a shrug. “But hey, if it’s wrong, then it’s wrong.” She glanced at Puddle. “It was a stable thing in 99. A quirk.”

Puddle nodded. “I… thought everypony got taught sex ed by an adult. Miss Aria taught our class,” She explained. She paused just long enough for me to start to worry about the sanity of Stable 9. “But the slideshow she showed us was kind of unhelpful, and we were generally encouraged to also talk to our parents about it and wait until we thought we were old enough and mature enough to handle it.”

“Really? Soft Touch had sex with all of us. Made sure we knew how to do it right,” she screwed up her face a moment. “Though she had a slide show too. Funny, huh?” she asked Puddle with a grin.

Puddle crinkled her nose. “Eww… Miss Aria is like 70. I waited until I was 13,” she explained. “I figured I was old enough then. And the colt was my age,” She said as she gave Blackjack a knowing grin. “And he made me smile.”

I looked back and forth between the Stable ponies. Were all Stable dwellers just insane? Was there something with the Stable-Tec air purification system that just warped your sexual morals?

“That said…” Puddle continued, stopping my conspiracy theories about Scootaloo’s designs. “I probably should have waited a little bit. It could have been bad, because we didn’t use anything for protection. Rhiannon was kind of upset with me for that. Especially since she kind of took me in after…” She paused, letting her ears droop. “Well, after my folks died.”

I swore that I had a talent for finding the most depressing, sexually charged, and frustrating ponies in the wasteland. Or maybe it was just Blackjack. Maybe she was like a beacon for sad ponies. She trotted over to put a hoof around Puddle’s shoulders and pulled her closer. “Don’t worry about that. Life goes on. You start thinking about the ponies you’ve lost, and you’ll lose your mind.” She gave me a significant look before she went on, “I was ten, but that was standard. Two years of sexual education at the hooves of a professional. I don’t think it messed me up too bad.” She paused, screwing up her face. “Well, maybe a little, if you listen to ponies like Thren.”

Puddle looked at me and chuckled, then gave Blackjack a nuzzle on the cheek. “Well, Heartmenders are a weird bunch. Like I was telling Threnody last night before we um, stopped talking and started kissing, my Aunt, Rhiannon, is a Heartmender. And she’s in charge of our stable,” She grinned at Blackjack. “And you’re right, I try to not let the ponies I’ve lost get me down. Rhiannon said each pony displays some aspect of the Elements of Harmony, and I’ve been striving all my life to be Laughter! It’s a lot more fun than the other elements, I feel,” she said with a sage nod.

I frowned. This was the second time Puddle had mentioned the Elements of Harmony, or the Magic of Friendship. A part of my brain that didn’t seem to hate my guts reminded me of a badly damaged copy of a book found once that seemed to make reference to things like that, but for the life of me I couldn’t figure out what she meant.

“Well, I…” I stopped, my voice refusing to go any further. I couldn’t talk about my stuff. That would be weird. And painful. But mostly weird. I didn’t need to bother Puddle and Blackjack with my crap. So I just smiled. “Nevermind.”

“Nevermind?” Blackjack asked, and I could see the dilemma inside her. Push me to share or back off? She then gave a little shrug. “Nevermind then,” that smile returning. “Anyway, I should probably go find some something to something. Let you two talk. Or kiss. Or make happy, sweet sex together. You know. Whatever.” She gave that impudent, juvenile grin as she prepared to remove herself from our equation.

Puddle gave Blackjack a kiss on the cheek. “Threnody is lucky to have somepony understanding like you, Blackjack,” She said with a grin. Why did I feel jealous about that kiss? And why did Puddle kissing Blackjack make me feel left out, and who I was jealous of in the first place? One of whom also happened to be my client, one of the more assholish portions of my brain added. Argh!

“You two have fun doing something,” she said as she walked away still wearing that infuriatingly cheeky grin. “Something the something with the something in the something. Mmmmhmmm... that sure is something.” And... was she skipping? She was! She was skipping away and leaving us alone to... do... what?

Sweet Celestia, save me!

I looked up, meeting Puddle’s hatefully pretty maroon eyes, and let out a sigh. “Um… about this morning. I am really sorry. I-”

Puddle made like she was about to put a hoof up to my lips, then stopped. Her emotions twisted to and fro as she appeared to be trying to figure out how best to comfort me at the moment. Blessedly, she chose words first. “Shh. I think I get it,” She said, then frowned. “Okay, maybe not, but I’m guessing something bad happened to you, and if you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to. I just wanted to let you know I would be here for you if you needed me,” She said with a gentle smile.

I looked down at my hooves, and nodded. Puddle wrapped her forelegs around me in a tight hug that burned like Celestia’s sun. It hurt worse that Puddle was actively projecting an enviable amount of compassion my direction. “Though you don’t have to be ashamed of what happened. Whatever it was, it wasn’t your fault.”

Oh good, I was doing that crying thing again. I couldn’t tell her how much it killed me to having her touching me like that right now. And it somehow hurt more to hear that exact phrase from Puddle. I know I’d used that line a myriad of times in so many sessions with countless of clients, but goddamn did it hurt. My insides coiled up, but I forced them to settle down once Puddle finally, mercifully released me from the torment of her embrace. Later, I hissed inwardly. I swallowed, wiping tears from my eyes with my good wing.

“I… don’t want to talk about it,” I rasped, my voice like sandpaper. “But I do think I should probably get something to nibble on.” I said, my stomach squelching and gurgling in protestation at the thought of eating at a time like this. I hoped that Puddle mistook those baleful sounds for hunger, not anxiety.

She looked very excited for a moment, and desire washed over me in a hot wave, threatening to make my wings pop open. Or make me violently ill. One or the other.

“I meant food, Puddle,”

“Aww…”

Puddle and I trotted into the saloon. In the night, a lot of the ponies who had previously been resting there must have left. Overhead, the prices were no longer in ‘script’, and were back in caps. We were about to head up to the tired looking pony behind the bar when Glitter Bomb burst in.

“Threnody!” She cried, sprinting over to me, and burying her face in my neck. “I can’t find Bubblegum!” Why was everyone insistent upon touching me today!?

I frowned. “Uh, can’t you just teleport to him, Glitter?” I asked, lightly patting my friend’s pretty purple mane as I leaned away from her.

“I can’t! I tried televisioning to him, but I couldn’t get my magic to go schwoomp like normal!” She said, tears rolling down her face. “He was there last night when we went to bed, but when I got up, he was gone.”

I frowned, cheeks burning. From the other side, I could see how that kind of behaviour could inspire worry. “Alright, well, let’s see if anypony’s seen him. I can ask around town.”

Glitter nodded and followed Puddle and I out of the saloon.

“Did he say anything about where he might be going?” I asked, trotting toward the centre of town. “Anything?”

Glitter shook her head. “I was really tired last night, but he seemed super sad. Like he was kinda off on his own warp or something.”

Puddle gave Glitter a pensive look. “Do you think he just needed some time alone?”

“Maybe?” Glitter replied with a shrug of her wings. “But I’ve never been not able to telepurt to him!”

“I’m sure that we can find him,” I said, trying to think where the handsome stallion could have gotten off to.

The three of us fillies darted around the square, asking ponies if they’d seen Bubblegum. Running hither and yon about town was actually doing wonders for my calm as I burned off my anxiety from the morning with exercise. Which made me begrudgingly grateful for Blackjack’s unbidden healing of my hoof.

As we asked about for him, most of the mares definitely knew who we were asking about, but couldn’t say they’d seen him recently, but that they hoped he was still around, earning them dark looks from Glitter. The stallions mostly made grumblings about ‘being too pretty for his own good’, but weren’t able to help either. We were about to give up hope when a young earth pony mare trotted by us, a shovel across her back.

“Miss, you haven’t seen Bubblegum, have you? Periwinkle coat, pink mane, hardest flanks this side of–” An ill-tempered stamp from Glitter’s hind hoof cut me off before I could elaborate further. “Look, you know who I’m talking about, have you seen him or not?” I asked, frustration at our lack of progress colouring my tone of voice.

The green earth pony blinked, then shook herself. “Oh, yeah! Cute colt, really muscular?” She asked, then pointed a hoof up the road toward the edge of town that bordered the river. “He was over there, burying the dead.” She said sombrely. “I was going to see if he needed help, but he sent me away. I figured I’d just mosey back to town. Is everything alright, girls?”

We were running up the road before we could give her a reply.

When we reached the top of a small hill that led up toward the town’s levee, we found graves. Hundreds of them. Some looked old, like we’d wandered into a pre-war cemetery, but others were fresh. I lost count of the number of fresh graves after forty. Puddle and Glitter walked silently beside me as we made our way through the graveyard. Had Bubblegum dug all of these graves himself?

Coming to the end of the lonely plot of land where the graveyard lay, we found a single shovel, propped up in the dirt. Bubblegum, however, was nowhere to be found.

Glitter Bomb dashed over to the shovel and started sniffing at it. “It smells like him! Where could he have goed? Why did he leave?” She asked, panic rising in her voice.

I grabbed her cheeks and pulled her head down to my level to focus her and prevent her from sending me into yet another panic attack for the day. The desire to not feel the weight of her anxiety overrode my desire to avoid physical contact at that moment. “Okay. Slow down. Let’s think this through. Did he say anything to you before you went to bed? Maybe during the night?”

Glitter shook her head. “He was… really quiet last night. And I think I heard him whimpering more than normal in his sleep,” Puddle and I winced as she bit her lip. There was a normal amount of whimpering? Oh. Oh dear. “But I didn’t sleep the bestest either. The battle was really, really scary.”

Puddle put a hoof on Glitter’s shoulder. “He didn’t say anything about wanting time alone?”

Again, Glitter shook her head. “He just was gone when I woked up this morning,” she said. “Did I do a bad?”

I gently petted Glitter’s messy purple forelock. “No. I don’t think you did anything wrong,” I said, frowning. “Though I think maybe he… just wanted some space? The battle was probably just as scary for him.”

Glitter sat down on her rump, and let her head droop. “It was scary for both of us,” She said quietly. “I don’t like fighting ponies. It hurts to get shotted. And I felt really bad when I hurted them back.” Please don’t cry, please don’t cry. A dry chuckle whispered through my ears as Glitter teared up. “Threnody, I think I want to go home.”

I sighed, unsure of what to say. For once, my heartmending senses felt… dull. Like I was viewing the world through the emotional equivalent of frosted glass.

“Glitter, I know it was scary for you. It was scary for everypony who fought yesterday,” Puddle said as I mulled over my lack of ability to feel anything. “And I’m sure you can go home once you and… Blackjack? And Bubblegum are all able to travel.” She said, patting Glitter’s shoulder. Glitter surprised a frustratingly adorable squeak out of the little earth pony by grabbing her up like she was my Scootaloo plushie and hugging her tight as the big alicorn sobbed.

Glitter’s fear and pain finally hit me after a long moment. Though my initial elation at the sudden return of my empathic abilities again was quickly quashed by the realisation that I could now only hear Glitter out of my right ear. I trotted over and sat down next to my friend.

“I’m really, really sorry, Glitter, that I put you through this. I didn’t think us going north would be like this at all,” I said, sighing. “And if you want to go home after this, we’ll go home.”

Glitter hiccupped; sorrow, regret, and anguish poured off of her and soaked into the earth under her rump, maybe to join the burbling river behind us. “I’ll be okay. I just… everything hurts a lot. Like my heart is all broked inside,” she said with a soft sniff. “I don’t think I should be allowed to do that to ponies with my magic.” Shame threatened to pierce my hide by proximity alone, shields be damned.

I took in a sharp breath, remembering back to when Glitter had literally used her strength to crush a pony into paste. I ruffled out my wings, letting my fears and doubts float off with the air they displaced. “I don’t know what to tell you, Glitter. I’m so sorry everything hurts inside. And I can feel how sad you are, and how badly you feel about what happened during the fight.” I took a deep breath. “Those feelings are normal, Glitter. And I am so glad that you’re telling me about it. I think that we should talk more, and if you need to, we can talk to Blackjack about how she deals with those feelings,” I said with a sad smile. “Even if she may not give you a straight answer.”

Puddle nodded in agreement with me. “Hey, how about we go get something to eat, huh, Glitter? Get a snack cake to take your mind off things? I know how hard it can be sometimes to smile after something like this.”

Like a foal picking up blocks and putting them into a basket, I felt Glitter taking the broken little pieces of herself and putting them away. She let out another sniffle, then nodded to Puddle. “Maybe if we get a snack cake, then Bubblegum will know I want to see him,” She said hopefully. I decided to not even try parsing that particular kernel of Glitter-logic.

Puddle said something in reply to her, but it was lost to the ringing in my ears. I rubbed a hoof against my left ear, and finally was rewarded with sound.

… And the sudden feeling of where Bubblegum was. Huh.

“Puddle… can you and Glitter go back and get some snacks?” I asked. “I’m gonna just… rest here a minute.”

Puddle gave me a confused look, but nodded. “Come on Glitter. Let’s go get some snack cakes. Or maybe some apples! They have really fresh ones around here!”

Glitter managed to give Puddle a shy grin before following after the effusive little earth pony. I waited until they were out of sight until I started following the dark runnels of feelings that boreBubblegum’s unmistakable emotional signature. They ran like a small stream down from by the riverbank. I quietly picked my way down the embankment, and followed along an extremely worn path that the river somehow hadn’t yet claimed.

Rounding a bend, I found Bubblegum. The periwinkle stallion was seated beneath a willow tree, staring down at the water with an intensity that told me that he was paying more attention to his thoughts than the swiftly flowing water.

I brushed a bit of the long, spindly branches out of the way with my good wing. “Bubblegum?” I asked, trying to give him a look that was all concern and care.

Bubblegum didn’t move a muscle, save to glance at me out of the corner of his eye. “Did Glitter send you to find me?” He asked, his emotions unyielding and icy enough to steal my breath away.

I shook my head, frowned, then nodded my affirmative. “Yes. no. Sort of? Glitter came to get me because she couldn’t teleport to y-”

“Cause I don’t want her to.”

I blinked. What? “She can’t teleport to you because… you don’t want her to?” That made about as much sense as her ability to randomly teleport to whomever she chose. I shook my head. “I told her I’d find you. Really, we are all just worried because you up and disappeared.” Again, I was stung by a pang of self-reproach.

Bubblegum turned to face me, his eyes hard. “I appreciate that. Now please leave me alone.”

I frowned up at him. “Look, I know you’re not oka-”

“No I’m not!” Bubblegum snapped, cutting me off. “I hate killing ponies. I hate it when I have to fight for my life and others get hurt despite my best intentions. I hate the fact that I can be an instrument of death when needed, and then I’m treated like a piece of meat when not!” He hissed, glaring at me.

I sat down hard in front of him. My eyes widened as fear and worry for him took over, and I remained motionless as he continued his tirade.

“You showed up, asked me to come with you. I figured, what the hell, this could be fun! Plus it was a chance to travel with cute mares!” He spat at the ground. “Little did I know that one of them is a neurotic mess that lies all the time, and the other has this routine where she turns herself into an equine version of a blender!” He paused to take a breath. “Which, by the way, isn’t the first time I’ve seen said mare do that.” My eyes widened in shock. “Oh yes, she had a bit more mechanical bits, and a bit more rage, but I fought in the battle of the Hoof. As a Crusader, I know just what Security is capable of. And you can try to deny it all you like, but dammit, I know that’s her.”

Bubblegum’s words stunned me silent. “Oh!” He continued, “and the really cute filly that’s my size happens to be an alicorn, which means that while she’s super sweet and kind, she has the power to basically crush me into paste if the mood strikes her! She probably can use her magic to throw me through walls if I make her mad, and could teleport me into something! You know Security actually did that to a mare once? I certainly do, I can’t stop the thought entering my head each and every time Glitter throws a tantrum! So forgive me if I’m being harsh, but, I may be just a little out of my fucking depth at the moment!” His chest heaved a few times before he blinked at me. “Did I miss anything?!”

My heartbeat pounded in my ears as I did my best to weather the storm of rage, anguish, fear, and despair that had slammed into me when Bubbles began speaking. I didn’t know where to start, so I tried humor. “Well, the other cute mare that you thought might like you turned out to be a lesbian?” I suggested unhelpfully.

Bubblegum glared at me, then let out an amused snort. “Okay, yeah, I’ll give you that,” He said, scuffing the rocks in front of him with a massive hoof. “No, Threnody, I am not okay. This entire trip has been a fucking mess since the word ‘go’, and I’m getting a bit of a headache from it all,” He looked down at his pockmarked armour. “Not to mention bruises, bullet wounds, cuts, and all sorts of other crap that comes with being a mercenary! Except, oh yeah, I haven’t even gotten paid!”

I worried that his tirade was about to start anew, but when I moved to get up, Bubblegum’s glare kept me seated at the edge of the willow branches. “Nope. No, you stay there. I watched what you did when you healed Basalt Breaker. That took a hell of a lot more out of you than you said at the time, and you need to not do that,” He shook his head. “Dammit, Threnody, you run around acting like you are the most selfless thing, and in the end you just end up a martyr to some unknown cause! It’s bullshit and you know it!” He said, stabbing a hoof at me.

Anger rose up inside of me, but I bit it back down. Well, most of it. “I’m not going to dignify that with a response, Bubblegum. That’s not fair and you know it!” Actually, I wasn’t sure that he knew it was unfair. Especially since the unfairness had to do with the fact that, ultimately, he had a point.

Bubblegum quirked an eyebrow at me. “Uh huh. Sure. Whatever Threnody. Then why the sorrell hells are you out here and not back in town with Blackjack?”

I scrunched up my muzzle, laying my ears back. “I don’t want to talk about that.”

Bubblegum laid down, and crossed his forehooves in front of him. “Oh? Why’s that? Are heartmenders not supposed to have attachments? Or maybe it just doesn’t feel fun to have someone else prying into your own relationships, hm?” I glared at him in response. “Well? If no one else asks, who is supposed to listen to the listeners, Threnody? I mean… why did you even want me to come with you in the first place? You don’t know a thing about me.”

“You don’t think I know that?” I snapped. “The entire time you’ve been travelling with us I’ve been very aware that the only thing I know about you is what I see based on your actions. Mind you, your actions tell me that you’re a damned fine pony, but you know way fucking more than you let on. And while I think you mean the best for Glitter, I don’t know for certain. And now you’re telling me that you’re scared of her, my closest friend. Who happens to be one of the sweetest mares I know, by the way,” I paused, then ruffled my right wing in annoyance. “And for the record, right now I’m trying to just keep everypony alive!”

“Yeah, you’re doing a fan-fucking-tastic job at that, Threnody.”

The anger and hurt in Bubblegum’s words made me recoil like he’d slapped me with his massive hoof. “I didn’t want us to get involved here in Fold!” I lied.

“Brahmin shit,” Bubblegum retorted, laying his ears back. “You said you wanted to make sure they weren’t getting hurt. Did you think about that, Threnody? Did that go through your mind before you melted Sweetness’ face? Did you have any idea what would happen?” He asked. He paused, then continued before I could respond. “That was kind of badass, by the way.”

The wash of harsh emotions sheeting off him abated for a moment, interrupted by a zephyr of genuine admiration, but I wasn’t in the mood for compliments at the moment. “No, I didn’t. And what happened to Sweetness was an accident! I didn’t know I could do that, and I’m paying for it!”

“With what? Your hoof got messed up?” He glanced down to the hoof Blackjack had recently fixed. “Seems like that little debt’s already been settled.” I glared at him, and refused to speak. “What Threnody? What else is going on with you?”

“None of your fucking business,” I said icily, feeling the mane on the back of my neck standing up. “All you need to know is that I didn’t mean to hurt Sweetness, and I feel awful about what happened to her.” I frowned. “Okay, well, maybe not completely awful. She was sort of an awful pony. And she was threatening me.”

Bubblegum rolled his eyes at me. “Threnody, I kinda figured that one out for myself. I may be an earth pony, but that doesn’t mean I’m dumb.”

“I never said you were dumb!” I cried. “When did I ever say that?”

“Never, but you sure act like you think you’re the only one with a brain,” He replied quietly. The softness in his voice and the concern he started to radiate tossed my senses to and fro, like a boat in a hurricane. “I’m not okay, Glitter is not okay, Basalt is not okay, and neither is Blackjack, probably. But the one who is likely least okay is you, and I don’t see you sharing your innermost thoughts about yesterday.”

I glared at Bubblegum as something Cinnamon had said to me in passing echoed in my mind. ‘Caregivers are often the silent casualties, the hidden victims. Nopony sees the sacrifices they make.’ Great, now the big brute was making me think of that red-headed bitch!

“I. Will. Be. Fine.” I said, emphasizing each word. “What can I do to help you?”

Bubblegum frowned at me for a moment longer, then shook his head. “I just… all I wanted to say was that it sucks. The entire situation, the way that the earth ponies were treated, the fact that the unicorns that were loyal to Fold were the majority of the casualties. I mean, we did great keeping civilian casualties to a minimum, and really hurt the Family before they just… poofed.” He said, clapping his hooves together then spreading them apart. “But ponies were still killed. And some of them at my hoof.” He grit his teeth and a black tide of rage and remorse came surging out of him, “And I really, really don’t like doing that.”

My ears wilted. “Bubblegum, I’m–”

“Yes. You are sorry. I know. But I hate to tell you this kid, but seriously? Your sentiments? Your contrition?” I blinked as Bubblegum used a word that I thought only I would know. He gave me a disappointed look. “Yes. I read a book once. Try not to faint ‘cause some of us also care about reading,” He snorted, then shook his head. “What you’re doing is not helping right now. Sometimes you just have to hurt for a while,” he said with a stern look on his muzzle. “Which is what I was doing before you interrupted my brooding.”

I stared at him, swamped by hurt and regret, both mine and his, and just about every other gut-emotion under Celestia’s goddess-forsaken sun. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to fix this. Usually ponies wanted to talk to me! This… this wasn’t how things were supposed to work at all!

Bubblegum sighed. “And now you’re sitting there looking hurt at me. Seriously? Is that what you fillies do when you’ve got nothing else to fall back on? Emotional blackmail?”

“No!” I shouted at him, then quickly realised that I’d been pouting. “I… no. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad when you already feel like ass, Bubblegum,” I replied, shaking my head. “I just… I don’t know how to fix this,” I admitted, looking down at my hooves.

“Because maybe this isn’t something you’re meant to fix, Threnody,” Bubblegum replied, standing up. He stretched his gloriously muscled body, then gave me a look with his pink eyes that gave me the impression he was peering straight into the darkest recesses of my soul. “I mean, okay, I don’t know why you’re following Blackjack around. Maybe it’s because you think leading her about in the wasteland is going to fix her, but if she’s anything like she used to be,” he shuddered. “There is no fix. She doesn’t get better. Maybe she learns to live with all the shit she’s been through. Probably won’t. But you’re fooling yourself if you think you can salvage… that.”

That hurt, and my face fell at Bubblegum’s words. He was right, though. I was being arrogant, thinking that I, the littlest heartmender that the Followers had, could succeed where all of my older peers had failed. Tears welled at the corners of my eyes as the weight of my disappointment in myself settled in.

“Oh for crying out– Come on, nononononono!” Bubblegum said, reaching over with a big hoof and pulling me closer. My guts lurched again, but he smelled like cedar. “Please don’t cry. I don’t know what to do when mares cry. I don’t regret what I said, but please don’t cry!”

I looked up at him through slitted eyes, then punched his shoulder. “Oww,” I said, shaking my hoof as I realised that apparently Bubblegum’s muscles were made out of spun steel, not flesh. But his coat was insanely soft. “No, I’m not crying. I just…” I sighed, looking down at my hooves. “I mean, I was, but not to get a reaction. I was just… I’m listening to what you said.”

Bubblegum nodded, apparently placated by the fact that my tears hadn’t just been for effect. An unscrupulous part of my brain noted that tears apparently were an effective way to manipulate him, and I logged that fact away for Glitter’s use later. “Well,” he sighed, brushing the willow branches out of the way. “Since you deemed it necessary to interrupt a perfectly lovely brooding session, I suppose we should probably get back to the others, hmm?”

As if on cue, my stomach growled loudly. Bubblegum simply shook his head.

“I know, I know, I need to remember to eat…”

Bubblegum and I found Blackjack, Puddle, and Glitter in the midst of a horrified looking saloon audience. Blackjack wore a shit-eating grin on her face. Puddle looked pensive. Glitter’s wings were splayed out behind her and she displayed far more interest in whatever Blackjack was saying than I’d ever seen her display for… well, anything.

I sighed. “Twenty caps says Blackjack is talking about sex,” I muttered.

Bubblegum snorted. “I’m not taking that bet,” he deadpanned in reply.

Glitter’s face lit up when she saw Bubblegum trotting toward their table, switching from her interested expression to her typical innocent happiness. “Oh! Bubblegum! We were just talking about you!”

“Oh Goddess Luna.” Up to that point I didn’t know dreary resignation could feel quite so intense.

“Yeah! Blackjack was just talking about all the things that stallions can do so I know what to do with you later!” She said, her happiness and glee bubbling effusively over the table.

“Wait. What?” Bubblegum asked, stopping in his tracks. He blushed deeply, and levelled a glare on Blackjack, who continued to wear the same shit-eating grin. “What did you tell her?”

Blackjack attempted to give him her most innocent expression. A look that ended up disturbingly close to a half-lidded come hither expression that made me think she was about two seconds from trying to bed him. “What? We were just having filly talk!”

My hoof met my face as Bubblegum sighed. “That… was entirely what I was afraid of,” He said, plopping heavily down next to Glitter. My friend nuzzled her muzzle into the crook of his neck, causing Bubblegum to blush harder.

Puddle opened her mouth to say something, but drew my hoof across my throat in a cutting motion. “Oh no. Not you too. Not doing it. Not today. Stars. Can’t do it!” I said, trying to silence her with a quelling glare.

It didn’t work. “What? I didn’t say anything!” She protested. “We were just talking about the time that-”

I covered my ears with my hooves. “I’m not listening to this!”

Blackjack laughed at me as I desperately begged for a moment of that distressing silence that had decided to permeate my life of late. “What’s wrong, Thren? Afraid that I’m giving away all the pages to Blackjack’s Big Book of Bedroom Boisterousness?” She asked, poking my side.

I sighed heavily. “Look, I just want to get something to eat, then figure out what we’re doing next,” Puddle’s excitement washed over me. “Puddle, no!”

The little earth pony pouted cutely. Goddesses dammit it was cute. “I didn’t say anything!” She protested, giving her voice just the perfect amount of noxiously adorable whine.

I turned away from the little teal ball of adorable to glare at Blackjack, who gave me a slow, level smile. That smile suggested she was about to say something lewd, so I tried to fix her with a quelling glare. Which only seemed to have the effect that of making her smile wider and even more lascivious.

“Why do you insist on talking about this when I’m around?!” I asked, letting out a frustrated snort. I looked to Bubblegum, who merely shrugged helplessly as Glitter continued to croon over him. Traitor.

“Cause you make cute grumpy noises, and it makes me happy?” Blackjack asked with that stupid, easy smile. Unsettlingly enough, I wasn’t sensing any jealousy from Puddle when Blackjack said things like that. Weird.

As my friends laughed at my plight, their laughing dimmed in my perception as I started to feel the sorrow, the regret, and the pain that lay just beneath the surface. All of them were hurting from yesterday, but here we were, carrying on like fillies and colts in a schoolyard. I flicked my right ear, realising fairly quickly that it wasn’t just my thoughts dimming their speech. I just couldn’t hear them out of my right ear.

Blackjack gave me a puzzled look. “Everything alright, Threnody?”

“Yeah,” I lied. “Just felt like my mane was tickling my ear,” I replied.

Magic flared from Blackjack’s horn as she levitated a green ribbon from her saddlebags, and tied my mane up in a ponytail. In spite of my aversion to touch, for some reason the act of putting my mane back up was oddly calming. I quickly tried to quash those feelings of calm, but offered her what I hoped was grateful smile. “There, that ought to help,” She said. “Now let’s see about getting some breakfast…”

Solidarity and a very drawn Basalt Breaker later joined us for breakfast. I tried my best to follow their conversations as they talked about the fate of the town, but the numb silence in my right ear had been quickly joined by a slight ringing in my left.

I quietly excused myself, and trotted out of the saloon. I made my way down the path to the hotel that Puddle and I had stayed in the night before. I didn’t get it. Was this because I’d used my inner magic to hurt Sweetness? I knew that heartmenders who overworked themselves often bore scars from the exertion, but… could you actually lose senses?

Could I actually lose the most important part of a heartmender’s abilities? My hearing?

I mentally braced for the sound of dry chuckling, but luckily it seemed like Dealer wasn’t in the mood to bother me at the moment, so I trotted up to my room, and once again curled up in bed.

A few hours later, I woke to a gentle rubbing of my back. I slitted my eyes, squirming away from the contact and found it was Puddle touching me once my eyes had adjusted.

“You left without saying anything,” She said softly, the offending hoof settling on the bed. “Is everything okay?”

I flicked my right ear several times, trying to get my hearing back, but I was met with only silence. “Yeah, I’m… just tired, Puddle,” I said, carefully omitting the truth about my hearing issues.

Puddle gave me a rather queer look that I couldn’t quite interpret. She leaned in close to me, then pulled back quickly. “Okay,” She said, frowning. “I’m not sure I believe you,” She shook her head. “Oh well. I’m sure you’d tell me if it was important!”

Yes. Totally. “Um, yeah,” I replied, shaking my head as I got up. “Was something going on?” I asked, curious as to why she’d disturbed me.

Puddle nodded, her emotions suddenly becoming far more sombre. “Oh, yes. In a few minutes, Basalt Breaker and Blue Belle are going to talk to the town. I think they’re going to have a ceremony for the dead,” She said, leaning in to nose at my side. I did my best to not tense up at her touch.

“Right. Um, we should probably get going,” I said, rolling off of the bed away from her. I felt bad when I felt disappointment dim Puddle’s normally happy demeanour, but I didn’t know what to say to her. Sorry that I made out with you last night? I’m kind of emotionally unstable and now I don’t know how to handle the fact that you actually seem to like me? Yeah, that’d go over well!

Puddle seemed to collect herself, and followed after me as we made our way down to the town square. Ponies of all shapes and sizes gathered there, including several that were still wrapped in the grubby, bloody bandages that Glitter and I had put on them the day before. Most seemed to be healing, or at least slightly less worse for wear than they were the day before. A part of me wondered if it was because the saloon said they would be offering food for free for the next two days.

Puddle and I weaved our way through the crowd to the front. On a makeshift stage stood Basalt Breaker and Blue Belle. Blue Belle had her right leg bound up in a sling, and had a bandage wrapped around her neck. A graze had cut dangerously close to her carotid artery, and I was glad that I didn’t have to figure out how to stitch that back together with only my mouth and Glitter’s magic. The blue unicorn’s horn lit up, and she nodded to Basalt Breaker.

Basalt stepped forward, and cleared her throat. Blue Belle must have been using some sort of sound amplification spell, because I could actually hear her. “Everypony, thanks for coming. I… really wish I was making this speech under better circumstances,” She looked down at the stage. “Honestly I’d’ve rather had Buzz Saw doing this. She was always good at finding ways to make things short and sweet, huh? Just say your piece and git, right?”

The gathered crowd let out a low, appreciative chuckle, but a taut, doleful anxiety lingered over the crowd like low fog. Basalt breaker let out a sigh. “Folks, we’ve just been through hell and back. I don’t know if this can be fixed, but we’ve got two big problems on our hooves. One, we have got to come together after this. Right now the Family’s probably done confused us all about whether or not our neighbours can be trusted, right?” She nodded toward Blue Belle. “Is Blue Belle letting me speak on my own, or is this under duress?” She shrugged. “Well, it’s my own words here. My own way of trying to help.”

The crowd let out low murmurs as the grey mare continued. “The only way things are going to get better is if we make a stand. Don’t let the hate, the mistreatment – goddess knows us earth ponies have been mistreated – get to us. We stand against that awfulness and hate that the Family tried to instill in us. I mean,” She sat down on her haunches and spread her forelegs wide. “Of the ponies that died yesterday in the fighting, almost all of them were unicorns. Unicorns that were our friends, our brothers and sisters who wanted to see Fold back to what it was. What Buzz wanted it to be!” Her voice seemed to waver a bit, but I didn’t think it was all of Basalt’s fault. I glanced over at Blue Belle, who seemed to be failing at holding her own emotions in check. Thin wet lines ran down the blue mare’s cheeks, but her horn flared a little more brightly as she swallowed.

Basalt Breaker sniffled. “I mean, it’s kind of been the worst kept secret in Fold what my feelings were for her,” The crowd chuckled again, but this time there was more empathy than anxiety in its mood. “And… honestly, she wanted more from us. Remember before the Family showed up? Before they more less took us over? She wanted us to all get rich, right? Sell all the wood we could to silly ponies willing to buy it?”

She shook her head. “I think we can still do that. I know we can. Cause the second problem we gotta face is being able to defend ourselves. If we can’t show that we’ve still got our spirit, what are we? Are we even Timberjacks anymore?”

“No!” A stallion shouted from the crowd.

Basalt stuck a hoof in his direction. “Exactly! We ain’t Timberjacks!” She shook her head. “But we could be. We could find a way to make caps, make everypony rich. Make it so nopony in our town has to go hungry. Right?”

The crowd of gathered ponies cheered mightily, and began to stamp their hooves in appreciation. I had to give Basalt some credit; she sure knew how to handle the situation.

“So we’re going to be Timberjacks again, right?”

“Right!” The crowd roared.

Basalt closed her eyes, then nodded. “Then the first thing we gotta do is pay respects to those of us we lost. Those who died fighting for us to be us again. I’m gonna let Blue Belle take over. Ya’ll know she’s better with words than I am,” She said, stepping off of the stage, leaving it to the blue unicorn mare.

Blue Belle began reading names, but my eyes were on Basalt. Despite the fiery enthusiasm she’d worked the crowd up with, there was a heavy darkness in her heart. Her face fixed in a detached expression that I’d seen once before, which caused me to bolt after her. I felt another presence behind me as Blackjack’s magic wrapped around my barrel, and she scooped me up onto her back.

“Blackjack?” I asked as we galloped after Basalt Breaker.

“I know that look. Saw it on my own face a few too many times,” She said soberly. “That there is a mare who feels like there’s no way out.”

Author's Notes:

Hrrgh. This chapter was like having a baby. A baby that you end up in 72 hours of labor for. Now that I have you all cringing, you'll probably have a bit more empathy for Bronode, Solis, Somber, Shimmercoat, and I as we worked to get this thing done. Writing feels when your MC is actively trying to avoid having an emotional breakdown is fun. Especially when your work life decides to constantly be kicking you in the ass, and the weather change from sunshine to the perpetual grey that we get out in the Pacific Northwest's winters takes over.

I want to give a huge shout-out to Shimmercoat, for helping me make sure that Bubblegum stayed in character, and an especially huge one to Bronode for not dying of a heart attack while editing this. This chapter was extremely emotionally challenging to write, edit, and polish.

I'm going to break in my routine for a moment and not have a feature this chapter. Just getting this done and out was a chore in and of itself! But as always, once you're done reading, go find some other FoE stories! Heaven knows we love reading about the technicolour little equines in the wasteland, and there's plenty of stories out there that don't get nearly the attention they deserve!

And as always, thank you for reading, commenting, and making me feel like this whole process is worth it!

~Heartshine