Chapter 82

“I...you... W-what the fuck are you doing here, Pinks?” I asked, stumbling over my words as I stood next to the couch, looking down at the unexpected guest. “The sleepover isn’t ‘til tonight.”

Pinkie’s eyes shifted to me and she raised an index finger, signalling that she wasn’t available for questioning at that particular moment. “Please have a seat,” she said quickly, “I’ll be right with you.”

She was wearing a light blue T-shirt and pink pajama-pants that were covered with blue and yellow balloons, all completed by a pair of pink and white striped socks.

It was then that I noticed one of her hands buried inside those pants, creating a tent in the crotch that appeared to be swirling around in small circles.

It was not difficult to figure out what was happening here.

I took a deep breath and glanced awkwardly around the room, embarrassed that the party-girl had just witnessed me and Fluttershy having wild sex at the dining room table, not to mention that I’d now found her masturbating on the couch, obviously quite turned-on by what she’d heard.

“Fuck,” I finally whispered, deciding that the least awkward option was to just do what she’d asked, which was to sit down and wait for her to wrap things up.

Pinkie brought her knees up, moving her feet to make room for me at end of the couch. I sat down, unsure of what else to do. Sighing anxiously, I glanced over at the self-placater, who now had both hands down her pants, undoubtedly trying to shorten her journey to the finish.

“Take your time,” I blurted, then I immediately squeezed my eyes shut and faced the other way, shaking my head. “What the...why did I just say that?”

The couch was jiggling very slightly now, making it nearly impossible to resist stealing another peek at her. Though some people dislike the idea of a slightly overweight girl, I found Pinkie Pie’s figure quite alluring; buxom and curvaceous, with a reasonably small waist topped by the largest bust of the group by far. She had a fairly pretty face as well, complete with round, rosy cheeks and cute dimples, all framed by that wild, pink hair.

Slowly, I turned to look at her again, noticing this time that she was quite obviously braless. With both hands down her pants, her arms were shrugged together slightly, holding her giant breasts between them, which created a pool of soft flesh that jiggled and sloshed back and forth with her movements, each mound topped by a hard nipple that poked excitedly through her shirt.

Her eyes were closed by that point, granting me a little more freedom to watch her. When she drew a breath and bit her lip, however, I began to feel a tad guilty to ogling her, despite the fact that she obviously didn’t care.

I brought my attention to the TV, which happened to be off at the moment. Not knowing what else to do, I decided I might as well turn it on and find something to watch, so I took a quick look around the couch.

”Where’s the remote?” I wondered, looking past the panting girl in search of the TV controller, but it was nowhere to be found.

”Shit,” I sighed. Looking back at the TV, I figured I could simply get up and turn it on, then return to my seat after I found something that piqued my interest.

Just as I was about to stand, however, I felt a pair of feet press against my right thigh, prompting me to look over at Pinkie. By this point, she was biting her lip firmly and breathing heavily through her nose; the reciprocating movement of her arm became more and more exaggerated until finally, her body tensed up and she pressed her feet firmly against my leg, trembling wildly as her toes curled downwards, her nails digging into my thigh.

Feeling like a second wheel, I let my eyes drift from her orgasm-contorted face to the floor, waiting for her special time to pass.

Pinkie’s body relaxed suddenly, a long, satisfied exhale drifting from her nostrils.

“Hm...that was surprisingly quiet,” I thought to myself, just as the party-girl’s baby-blue eyes popped open and locked onto me.

“Hooh! That’s better. Hiya, Goldie-Woldie! What are you doing here?” she asked cheerfully, her voice punctuated by the waistband of her pants snapping against her belly when she withdrew her hand from them.

I brought my eyes from the floor to meet hers, jubilant and sparkly as always. ”Really? She’s just gonna start talking now as if nothing happened?” I raised an eyebrow in response to her question. “I believe I asked you first.”

Her face went blank for a few seconds, then she suddenly burst into a fit of giggles. “Oh yeah, you did! I forgot, cuz of that explosion just now, hehehe!” she chuckled innocently. “Now I know what it really means to have my finger on the button, am I right?”

I nodded, chewing my bottom lip as I looked at the TV again. “I saw.”

“So anyway,” Pinkie continued, prompting me to look at her again. “I came over here last night after I dropped Dashie and Applejack off —HAHAHA! I SAID JACK-OFF! HEHEHE!— anyway, I came here cuz I thought you guys were coming, but you never made it ‘til just now.”

“Oh, uh…” I paused, clearing my throat. “We got busy with a um…conference call.”

Pinkie cocked her head, then furrowed her brow. “A conference call?”

“Yeah,” I replied dismissively, giving her another glance. “Wait, where’s your car? I didn’t see it outside.”

“Oh, Marble needed to borrow it today, so she dropped me off last night.”

“Ah,” I nodded. “So you’re obviously not planning on going anywhere today?”

Pinkie shook her head quickly. “Nopers! I cleared my schedule for today cuz I wanted to spend time with Fluttershy now that she’s home.”

“Oh OK,” I replied, giving her a little smile. “That’s cool.”

“To be honest,” Pinkie continued, “I probably would’ve been here anyway, even if you guys hadn’t come back.”

I paused for a moment. ”What do you mean?”

“Well,” Pinkie replied, sighing. “I’ve been staying here off-and-on for the past few weeks, just to keep the house alive, you know?”

“Alive?”

“Like, when we came here for the Saturday thing on Thanksgiving, everything was starting to get all covered in dust, and some of the food in the fridge was going bad. So I started spending a few days here now and then, just to keep things looked after so Fluttershy could come home to a liveable house.” When Pinkie finished her sentence, she glanced down at the floor next to the couch, where a small pile of dirty dishes sat. ”Well…mostly,” she said sheepishly, returning her eyes to me.

I chuckled. “Well, Flutters will appreciate that, I’m sure.”

Pinkie smiled for a second, then her face slowly went blank. “Well, it’s not only that. I started coming here more just to get out of my parents’ house.”

“Oh?” I replied, raising a brow.

“Yeah…” She sounded a tad guilty. “I mean, I love mom and dad, and my sisters, but they can be really loud and obnoxious, you know? I gets so annoying after a while.”

“Really,” I said flatly. “They’re loud and obnoxious?”

She nodded. “Yeah, especially Maud.”

“Maud? Wait a sec…” I paused, my eyes shifting to the side, “isn’t she the one I thought was inanimate?”

“Haha! Yeah,” she giggled. “That was SO funny!”

I shook my head in confusion. “Wait wait, wait…she’s obnoxious?”

Pinkie’s brows went up in response. “Oh, you don’t know the half of it!”

“Hm,” I mumbled. “I can’t picture it.”

She waved me off. “Well, either way, after I stayed here a few times, I kind of liked how peaceful and quiet it is, so I started staying here more and more.” She paused for a short spell, staring at the couch’s backrest before continuing. “Plus, I missed Fluttershy. Being here somehow made me feel...closer to her.”

Struck by Pinkie’s words, I let my eyes fall to the floor, ruminating about how much the shy girl’s disappearance must have affected everyone; but she was home now, so I gave Pinkie a reassuring smile. “Yeah, it’s nice and quiet here, just like her. It’s no surprise that a person like Flutters would choose to live here.”

“Uh-huh!”

After another quick smile, I decided to thank Pinkie. “Listen Pinks, I…uh, we…appreciate you staying here and looking after the house. I’m sure it will mean a lot to Flutters.”

Pinkie gave me a wide smile in return, then she began to twirl her fingers through those curly, pink locks.

During the short silence, I let my eyes land on the TV again, reminding me of the missing remote. “Hey Pinks,” I said, turning to the party-girl, “you wanna watch something?”

“Sure!” Pinkie replied.

“Would you happen to know where the remote is?”

She paused for a moment to think, and then her eyes lit up. “Oh! I’m laying on it!” After reaching behind herself to pull the remote out, she sat up slightly to pass it to me.

“Ah,” I chuckled, reaching out to take it. “Thanks.”

As she passed it to me, her index finger grazed mine, leaving a slippery, wet streak behind. I passed the remote to my other hand and then raised my finger look at it, watching it glisten in the morning light.

“Oops, sorry...” Pinkie cringed, her cheeks darkening a shade.

“Nah, don’t worry about it,” I replied, looking back at the TV as I aimed the remote to turn it on. Without thinking, I put my finger in my mouth and licked Pinkie’s wetness from it, tasting its creamy, metallic flavour, just as I had done many times with the other girls over the past eight hours. It had become a simple force of habit, but this time I wasn’t thinking about whose juice I was tasting until after I did it.

As soon as I realised what I’d done, my heart froze and my eyes went wide, wondering if the party-girl had noticed what I did. I slowly turned to face her, and was met with a pair of shocked, baby-blue eyes.

”Shit. I probably shouldn’t have done that.”

“Uh…sorry,” I said slowly, “I...guess I wasn’t really thinking about what I was doing. To be honest, I’ve had more of this stuff on me over the past few hours than I care to think about.”

Pinkie’s lips were pursed, her eyes darting around nervously. Finally, she slowly lowered her hand to wipe her finger on her pant leg. “Umm…O-Kaaaaayyy?”

I sighed and shook my head, cursing myself for the blunder, but then I stopped when I realised something. "Hey, wait a minute,” I thought, turning back to Pinkie. “OK, I know I made a pretty awkward boo-boo there just now, but why are you acting all weird about that when YOU’RE the one who was hiding on the couch, being all ‘Creepy McCreeperson’ while Flutters and I were having a nice moment by the table?”

Pinkie’s demeanor changed suddenly, prompting her to reply with another cringe on her face. “I uh…when you guys showed up, I was gonna jump out and surprise you, but I was waiting for the right moment; and then Rarity had to leave for work, so I didn’t want to do it then, but then as soon as she left, Fluttershy started coming onto you really hard, so…”

My eyebrows rose when she reminded me of the shy girl’s behaviour. “Yeah, that uh…that escalated pretty quickly, didn’t it?”

Pinkie nodded, with an incredulous look on her face. “Uh-huh. Soooo...then, I mean, obviously I didn’t wanna jump out and...ruin your sexy time.”

I let out a sigh. “Well I appreciate that.”

She giggled suddenly, causing those huge breasts to bounce inside her T-shirt. “Hehehe! So I just laid here terrified instead!”

I chuckled. “Terrified?”

“Yeah well, I pretty much knew you were gonna find me here eventually. There was no way for me to sneak out while you were doing it since you were right by the door, but if I stayed put...well, you saw what happened,” she explained.

“Right. You decided it would be less awkward to masturbate in front of me instead. Makes perfect sense, Pinks. Good thinking.”

“Hey, when in Rome...” she shrugged.

“Hm...I suppose.” I began flipping through the TV channels after deciding nothing on the menu was catching my eye.

Pinkie gave pause for a moment, turning her head to watch the channels flash by. “You two are really hot together,” she finally said, looking back towards me.

I stopped pressing the button and looked back at her, caught off-guard by the statement.

“Fluttershy says some pretty crazy shit when she’s having sex, eh?” Pinkie continued.

I nodded slowly, smirking. “Welcome to the wild and frightening world of Flutters’ sex life.”

The party-girl let out a jolly giggle. “Oh yeah, listening to you guys going at it got me a little hot and bothered, which is why I was…you know.”

“Uh, yeah. I was able to put two-and-two together pretty quickly there,” I replied.

“Sorry if that was weird,” she said. “It didn’t seem weird at the time, but now I feel a little strange knowing I...did that in front of you.”

I waved her off. “Nah. Weirder shit has happened. Besides, I pretty much evened it up when I licked your cum off my finger like a fuckin serial killer a minute ago.”

“Meh. It wasn’t really that weird,” she replied. “I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.” During the short pause that followed, a mischievous smile slowly appeared on her face. “Soooo...what’d it taste like?”

I pondered for a brief moment, surprised that she would ask me this. “Uhh…rich, with buttery undertones.”

“Oooh, sounds yummy!” she giggled, looking at the TV again as I resumed flipping through the channels.

“Yeah it wasn’t too bad. So what do you feel like watching?”

“I dunno. Let’s just keep flipping ‘til we find something.” She watched a few channels flash by before speaking again. “You know, I never noticed it before, but Fluttershy has a LOT of channels.”

“I know,” I replied, shaking my head in frustration. “The satellite provider talked her into it. They were calling this one time about the contract renewal, and they pitched the full channel package as an up-sell, and she was too scared to say no; so now, she pays an exorbitant amount of money for TV she hardly watches.”

“Why don’t you just call and cancel it for her?” Pinkie asked.

I shook my head. “I told her she had to do it. She’s gotta learn to assert herself; she's a fuckin immortal now, you know?”

"Umm...no?"

I turned to Pinkie and continued. “I considered it to be part of her training, but we sorta got off on a tangent there when she got captured by secret agents and was locked up at the bottom of the ocean for a month. You know…that old song and dance.”

“Yeah,” she laughed, “don’t you hate when that happens?”

I returned a chuckle, then faced the TV again to continue my search for entertainment.

After a moment of watching some more sounds and colours flash by, Pinkie spoke again.

“Um…so, did you really have tons of sex with Sunset Shimmer while you were out looking for Fluttershy?”

I stopped again and glanced at Pinkie, chewing my lip nervously. ”Shit, I guess she would have heard Flutters say that…” I drew a deep breath, then nodded reluctantly. “Yeah.”

“Hmm,” she replied, furrowing her brows as she looked down at herself. “And Fluttershy is OK with that?”

“It sounded to me like she was pretty happy about it, actually,” I replied, rubbing the back of my neck; “just from what she was saying at the table there.”

Pinkie’s bright, blue eyes locked onto me. “That’s...surprising.”

“Like I said, welcome to Flutters’ sex life. It’s a crazy place. Bring Kleenex.”

“Well, it’s not just her,” Pinkie continued. “What about Rare-bear? How are either of them not jealous about it?”

I set the remote down on my leg, tapping it against my knee as I considered my answer. “You know Pinks, it’s funny you ask, because the four of us were talking about that exact thing last night.”

“The four of you?”

“Yeah,” I replied. “Sunny was part of our conference call.”

Pinkie gave a confused stare, pinching her bottom lip while she pondered to herself, then her eyes suddenly shot open with a loud gasp. “Oooooooooohhhh! A CONference call!” she howled, realising what I meant. “Wow, you guys had a four-way last night?”

I nodded, then glanced quickly at her. “Don’t say anything to the others about it though, OK? At least for now.”

She nodded.

“And I would steer clear of Rare’s room for a bit. It smells like baby-making really bad in there right now,” I explained. “I feel kind of bad for her, actually; I’m pretty sure things got a lot messier than she was expecting.”

Pinkie gave her head a shake. “Yeah...Rarity’s not big on messes, that’s for sure.”

I nodded, but was then reminded of something else I needed to bring up. “Oh, and don’t say anything to Flutters about being here when we fucked by the table. It’ll embarrass her.”

Pinkie put her fingers in front of her mouth, pretending to lock it with a key. “My lips are sealed!”

“Good. Thanks Pinks,” I said. “So anyway, yeah…Rare brought it up last night; about how we were all gettin it on and no one was upset or jealous about any of it, but we can’t figure out why that is.”

“Hmm...” Pinkie ruminated quietly, tapping her bottom lip with her index finger as I continued.

“I mean...at first, we all thought that me, Rare and Flutters getting together was just a fluke, you know? A rare love triangle that flourished under just the right circumstances, but now…” —I paused to shake my head— “now, Sunny’s gotten involved, and we’re not so sure that there isn’t something else at play here.”

“Like what?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I sighed. “We kind of think it might have something to do with the immortality, cuz that’s around the time it all started, but we’re not really sure why being immortal would make us not be jealous of one another.”

Pinkie placed a finger to her chin and stared vacantly for a brief moment, then she focused on me and started to speak quite rapidly.

“Well it’s probably cuz jealousy is actually a defense mechanism designed to make sure you reproduce and carry on your bloodline cuz you don’t want someone coming in and stealing your mate because then they’ll reproduce with them instead of you but because you guys can’t reproduce now there’s no need to be defensive about losing your mates which makes jealousy an obsolete emotion for you guys!”

As I flipped through the channels, I listened to Pinkie go through her rant, but then something she said stopped me in my tracks. With my brows furrowed, I looked down at the floor for a moment, then towards Pinkie. “Wait…say that again?”

She drew a deep breath and started over. “Well it’s probably cuz jealousy is actually a defence mechanism designed to make sure you reproduce and carry on your bloodline cuz-“

I put my hand up, closing my eyes tightly. “Stop, stop…just the part about jealousy being obsolete; why is that again?”

“Oh, because you can’t reproduce, sex isn’t about reproduction anymore; it’s just something you can do, so there’s no reason to be worried about keeping your mate to reproduce with to carry on your bloodline. That’s obviously driven by our survival instinct, which you probably don’t have anymore because you’re always gonna survive, no matter what.”

“Hmm,” I thought, rubbing my temple. “That kind of makes sense, actually. Sort of like how I don’t get frightened or startled cuz I can’t be killed by an ambushing predator or something like that.” I turned to look at her. “So, fear is obsolete as well.”

“Exactly!” Pinkie squealed.

After thinking about her theory for another moment, I frowned and then shook my head dismissively. “Wait, hang on a sec; see, I’ve never really heard it said quite like that before. I always thought jealousy was brought on by feelings of inadequacy, or the feeling of rejection when someone says they prefer the company of others to your exclusive company.”

“How does anyone know about this stuff though?” Pinkie inquired. “It’s not like there’ve been any studies done on the super-sexy habits of immortals, especially since not very many people even know you guys exist. So how does anyone really know how people like you react to different things?”

“Ahh, good point,” I nodded, ignoring her shrillness. “You know, that whole thing is actually a pretty clever theory, Pinks. How the hell’d you come up with it out-of-the-blue like that?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. Just a hunch.”

I chuckled, shaking my head. “A hunch, eh?” I mumbled as I began flipping through the channels again.

After watching a few images flash by, Pinkie suddenly sprang upright next to me, pointing her finger at the TV. “OOH! GO BACK! GO BACK!” she screamed, bouncing in her seat.

“OK...” I muttered, flipping in the opposite direction until an old, black-and-white movie appeared on the screen.

“STOP!”

“What is this?” I asked.

“It’s Gojiraaaaa!” she bellowed in a deep voice, then giggled at herself. “See the subtitles? That means this the original Japanese version; no Raymond Burr here!”

“Oh, I don’t think I’ve seen this one, just the one with Burr’s character; what’s his name...Steve Martin or something like that?”

“Yup!” she nodded enthusiastically.

We watched for a few minutes. Pinkie read the subtitles while I simply listened, understanding the Japanese dialogue perfectly. After the scene changed, we saw the image of a newspaper office on the screen, with a few men sitting around a table in the foreground.

“THERE HE IS!” Pinkie screeched, almost shattering every window in the house.

“Jesus Pinks, what the fuck!" I chided as I leaned away from her, scowling. "There who is?”

“Hehe! Sorry, Goldie!” she giggled. “Godzilla!”

“Huh?” I frowned, looking back at the screen, unable to see the monster anywhere. “Where? In the background?”

“No, silly!” she giggled. “Sitting at the table!”

“What?” I replied, scratching the side of my head as I looked at her again. “Have you lost your mind? Godzilla’s too big to sit at a table with regular people, much less be able to socialize without scaring the shit out of them.”

Pinkie Pie laughed out loud and hugged herself, her forearms heaving her massive breasts upward. “Hahaha! No, it’s not really Godzilla!” she laughed, pointing at the TV again. “See that guy at the table? The second one from the left?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s Haruo Nakajima; he’s the guy who actually played Godzilla! He got to wear the monster suit, and he walked around stomping on tanks and smashing up all the miniature cities n’ stuff!” Pinkie drew a deep, noisy breath, ready to be as loud as possible. “Best…job…EVER!"

“Huh,” I replied, folding my arms as I sat back.

“And sometimes, they would use him as an extra whenever Godzilla isn’t on screen; like this part. He even has a speaking line, coming up riiiiiight…NOW!” Again, Pinkie pointed at the TV.

Sure enough, the actor in question spoke a short line.

After listening to it and then reading the dialogue at the bottom of the screen, I leaned towards Pinkie. “You know, these subtitles aren’t really accurate.”

She shrugged. “Oh well. As long as we get the gist of it, I’m OK with that.”

“Yeah, it’s close enough to get the point across, I guess,” I replied, tilting my head lazily to one side.

Pinkie Pie and I sat for quite a while, watching the old movie. I kept an attentive ear on Fluttershy’s bedroom, listening for the sound of the shower stopping. It hadn’t as of yet, likely because the shy girl was having the time of her life, finally getting to use her own shower for the first time in what felt like ages.

The animals had followed her down the hall and were presumably gathered outside the bathroom door, waiting for her to emerge. The only exception was Link, who had returned to the main room and was now sniffing curiously around the far end of the couch.

After a scene in which Godzilla attacked the harbour had passed, there was a stretch of rather boring dialogue that followed, prompting me to make some small talk with the party-girl.

“So, how’s it been going around here, Pinks? What have you been up to?”

“Uuuhhh…not much,” she replied, slowly prying her eyes from the TV. “Just working, doing some parties, same old…”

“Oh,” I nodded, “that’s cool. No Halloween parties this weekend?”

“There is one that Scratchie and I were doing, but when you guys came home, I convinced her to look after it on her own so I could spend time with you and Fluttershy,” Pinkie explained.

“Oh, well that was nice of her,” I said. “That Scratch chick, she’s pretty cool, eh?”

Pinkie nodded. “She has bailed me out SO many times with these parties over the years; I really don’t know what I’d do without her.”

“Yeah. I still feel kinda bad about scaring her at the bar that one night,” I confessed.

“Oh, it’s OK,” Pinkie replied, waving me off. “She’s over it now. She actually thinks you’re awesome, and she LOVES demonstrating how you beat up those two big guys; like when you smashed that one guy’s forearm through his face, and how you broke the desk in half with the other guy’s head. Hehehe! It’s so funny watching her act it out!”

I chuckled, shaking my head as I reminisced about what went down in that shitty bar all those months ago. “Man, I was fuckin bent that night.”

“Me too,” she replied, to my surprise. “That guy who hit Sunset Shimmer in the alley was just...UGH! I’m so glad you were there, Goldie, cuz I had no idea what we were gonna do; he was just such a big jerk!”

“Well, now he’s a big vegetable,” I chuckled.

Pinkie started to giggle, but then quieted when she became distracted by the movie again. Clearing her throat, she changed the subject, speaking in a more solemn tone.

“There’s actually something else I was working on while you guys were gone,” she began. “An invention...that I thought was a great idea, but the other girls...um, they haven’t been very supportive of it.”

“Really? That doesn’t sound like them.”

“It’s true,” Pinkie said with a dejected sigh.

I couldn’t help but feel kind of bad for the pink girl. Deciding to show her some support, I shifted sideways on the couch to face her. “OK Pinks, I’d like to hear your idea. Why don’t you tell me about it?”

“Really?” she asked, her face lighting up like a Christmas tree.

“Yeah, let’s hear it.”

“OK!” she giggled, shaking her fists with excitement. “So, you like taking shits, am I right?”

I furrowed my brows suddenly, caught off-guard by the question. “Who?“

“AND, you like hanging out with friends, right?”

“Um, I-I guess-“

“So...what about a two-seated toilet? That way everyone can-“

I was shaking my head vigorously by that point, and I raised my hand to interrupt her. “You know what? I’m just gonna stop you there, actually; I can already tell you’re preachin’ to the wrong choir on this one.”

“What? Why?” she asked, looking hurt and confused. “Why does everyone keep shutting down my idea?”

“Pinkie, were you about to suggest a toilet where multiple people can sit and go ‘boom’ together?”

“Yyyyeah?” she replied, with a tone that suggested her answer was an obvious one.

“Well…see, here’s the thing,” I said, trying to think of how to put it delicately. “What’s gonna kill the idea is the simple fact that…generally speaking, most people —not all, but most— um, HATE the smell of shit.”

“Yeah, so?”

I recoiled at her response. “So? Are you serious? People don’t wanna hang out and smell each other’s shit. It’s weird and gross and just plain fucked up!”

“Awww,” Pinkie moaned, hanging her head.

Admittedly, I was remorseful for being so blunt with her, so I decided to offer some more advice. “Look Pinks, for an invention idea to be successful, it has to be something that a lot of people will want. What you’ve come up with here is…I think it’s safe to say, something of a niche market; meaning: not a lot of people will be interested in it.” I paused for a moment, rubbing my chin thoughtfully. “Why not instead focus on something that a lot of people will want; say, for example, a toilet that doesn’t echo louder than hell when you fart on it? People hate when that happens, like when you have guests over and you let one rip when you’re on the can, and everyone in the fuckin house hears it.” I paused for a moment to see if anything interesting was happening in the movie. There wasn’t, so I continued. “And it’s not just uncomfortable for you, there’s also that awkward moment when you come out of the bathroom after, and everyone’s looking at you and they're all like: ‘Hey.’”

Pinkie’s brows furrowed. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously and turned her head to the side, giving me a dubious look. “When does that ever happen?”

I shrugged. “I dunno. I was just trying the sell the idea.”

“No-no,” Pinkie said with sudden reassurance, rubbing her chin as a sly grin spread across her lips. “I like it…I could employ some kind of sound-cancelling technology; like maybe if you fart, the toilet will automatically play a really loud *squee* sound or something to cover it up.”

“Well,” I cautioned, “it might be better to have it somehow make the farts quieter rather than blaring over them, cuz if it plays that weird sound you just made, everyone will hear it, and they’ll still know you’re farting...and quite frankly, you’ll just end up looking even more ridiculous.”

“Hmm, good point,” Pinkie replied. “OOOH! This is so exciting! Thanks for the help, Goldie! You’re the coolest guy EVER!”

“Yeah,” I muttered quietly, “toilets…”

“HEY!” she shouted suddenly. “Do you want a mini Mr. Freezie?”

“A mini Mr. Freezie?”

“Yeah! They’re little tiny freezies that come in all kinds of yummy flavours!” Pinkie squealed excitedly.

“Uh, OK. Sure.”

“You might as well just come with me to the freezer and see what I got, because there are WAY too many flavours for me to name!” she insisted.

“Alright, let’s take a look,” I replied as we stood from the couch and headed to the fridge-freezer at the far end of the table. As I passed the hallway, I noticed the shower had stopped, indicating that Fluttershy must have been out by then. Just as her room left my line of sight, I saw her pass by the doorway; naked, with a white towel wrapped around her head. The image was fleeting, however, and all I was able to make out was a slender, yellow flash before I passed the end of the hallway.

Pinkie had already made it to the freezer by then and was removing a cardboard box from within. She turned and set it on the table.

I joined Pinkie as she started rifling through the pile of tiny treats inside the box. Right away, I noticed they were in fact very small; only about three inches long, and there were a lot of them.

“I know they’re not very big,” Pinkie admitted, “but that way you can have a whole bunch and then you can try more flavours! There’s ALL KINDS to choose from; tons of delicious, savory selections as far as the eye can see!”

There was one word in that sentence that concerned me. ”What does she mean, savory?” I wondered, scanning the different coloured labels to see what was available.

It wasn’t long before I knew something was amiss, and I realised these treats weren’t exactly what Pinkie had described them to be, leaving me no choice but to call her out on it.

“Uh, Pinks…you do realise these are just condiment packets, right?”

“Shhhh! You’ll ruin the prestige!” she whispered loudly.

"Prestige?!" I plucked one of the packets from the box and held it up. "This is Heinz ketchup; prestige doesn’t even enter the equation!"

My words seemed to fall on deaf ears, however, and I was left standing there, grimacing, watching her sideways as she rooted through the box.

“Hmmm,” she thought aloud, “What kind do I want?...I had plum sauce yesterday…and I’m sick and tired of mustard…”

”Seriously, Pinks…”

“OOH!” she squealed, finally grabbing a packet. She held it up and presented it to me. “Aww yeah...Taco Bell Mild, y’all!”

“Nice,” I said sarcastically, taking a step back in retreat as I noted the sound of a blow dryer coming from the bedroom.

“What kind do you want, Goldie-Woldie?” she asked.

I raised my hands in refusal. “I, uh…I’ll pass. Thanks.”

Pinkie looked surprised. “You sure?” she asked, looking down and giggling when one of the kittens from the ‘Us’ base brushed against her ankle.

I nodded as I watched her take a pair of scissors from the drawer to cut the end off the plastic sleeve. “Yup. I’m good.”

“Meh, suit yourself,” she shrugged, placing the packet in her mouth.

With a scowl in my face, I licked the inside of my mouth furiously as I watched Pinkie eat, disgusted by the idea of sucking on a pack of frozen taco sauce.

Unable to watch her any longer, I shuddered and turned to face the TV.

The movie had reached the main scene: Godzilla was trudging through the heart of Tokyo, leaving a sea of fire in his wake. Pinkie and I leaned against the table and watched the movie in silence, aside from her slurping noisily on the treat.

She spoke only once during the scene, pointing out another fact about the movie.

“You see that building he just smashed with his tail?”

“Yeah,” I nodded.

“Well, that was a movie theatre; a real movie theatre that actually played this movie when it came out in 1954, and when this scene happened, the people who saw this movie there totally FREAKED OUT when the building they were in got smashed in the movie!”

“Wow, really?” I chuckled, turning to look at Pinkie. “That’s...actually pretty cool.”

“Yeah it is!” she replied, giggling yet again.

It was then that I finally heard soft footsteps coming down the hall. I turned to see Fluttershy; all clean and made-up, dawning her signature look for the first time in what seemed like eons.

She was heart-stopping, just like the first time I saw her. Her hair hung over one eye, bouncing slightly with each step. The loose curls at the ends of those long, pink locks seemed to hook into the passing air, pulling them behind her shoulders as she moved along. Her face was gorgeous: her eye lashes and pink eye shadow, her smooth cheeks, her bright smile; all of it was exactly the way it should be.

Her wardrobe had returned as well. She wore the small, white tank top with the green skirt that hung below, adorned with that familiar cluster of pink butterflies. She had been wearing this same outfit the day she was captured, and it made me wonder how many backups of it she actually had, hidden away in her closet.

When my eyes drifted down to her pink, frilly-topped socks, I was prompted to look toward the shoe-mat next to the door, remembering that her green boots were long gone. There were no copies of those, so she would eventually have to find another pair somewhere.

I brought my eyes back to hers, and was met with a wide, gleeful smile.

“Flutters, lookin good!” I said, using an intentionally douchey tone.

“Oh! Why thank you, Goldie,” she giggled softly, stepping out of the hallway into the front room.

Pinkie Pie, in what appeared to be a deliberate attempt to startle the shy girl, leapt forward with her hands in the air as Fluttershy entered the room, screaming: “FLUTTERSHY YOU LOOK AMAZING!”

Without skipping a beat, Fluttershy turned to face the pink girl. “Oh hi, Pinkie Pie. I thought I heard your voice out here. Um, thank you for the compliment,” she said, calmly and softly.

Pinkie was taken aback by the shy girl’s lack of reaction, and was now rubbing her chin with a cocked eyebrow. ”Hey, howcome you didn’t jump up and scream like always?”

“First of all, Pinks,” I said, pointing at her, “you shouldn’t go around trying to scare people. Second of all, Flutters is like me now; she’s finally got it engrained in her mind that nothing can hurt her, so she doesn’t startle or get scared anymore.”

“Wow! That’s SO crazy!” Pinkie yelped, drawing a soft giggle from the beautiful girl, who afterwards spotted the cardboard box at the far end of the table.

“I’m still pretty shy though,” Fluttershy confessed, “Oh pinkie, did you bring your collection of mini freezies?”

Pinkie turned to glance at the box, then back at Fluttershy with her eyes lit. “Yeah! I never leave home without them!”

“Oh! Do you have any Arby’s sauce?” the shy girl asked, clasping her hands against her chest.

“Oh god, Flutters…not you too...” I shook my head.

Pinkie had thrown her head back, and was letting out a shrill, diabolical laugh. “HAHAHAHAHAHA! Ah-HAHAHAHAHAH! DO I HAVE ANY ARBY’S SAUCE? ARE YOU KIDDING? I HAVE ALL THE ARBY’S SAUCE!”

“Mmmm, I would love one. Do you mind if I help myself?” Fluttershy asked, stepping quietly towards the box.

“Of course, Fluttershy! I made sure to stock up on plenty of Arby’s sauce just for you, cuz I know it’s your favourite!” Pinkie squealed with pride.

“Oh, thank you, Pinkie. You’re the best,” the shy girl replied, rooting through the box until she found the flavour she wanted.

I shook my head, watching my girlfriend cut the end off the package before wrapping her lips around it. She then looked at me with a playful wink.

I returned with a smile, snickering to myself as I shrugged off the fact that she was eating frozen barbecue sauce. ”Meh, after what she ate last night, I guess this isn’t really that big a deal.”

Pinkie’s treat had long been finished by then, and she was busy putting the box back into the freezer. “So, what do you two lovebirds wanna do today?”

“Um, I don’t know,” Fluttershy replied, glancing at Pinkie. “W-what brings you here so early this morning?”

“Oh, I just wanted to hang out with you guys today,” said Pinkie, closing the freezer door and winking at me. “My sister just dropped me off not too long ago.”

Fluttershy paused, looking her friend up and down. “Um, in your pajamas?”

”Oh shit…” I thought, waiting to see Pinkie’s response.

“Uh…” the party-girl paused to look down at herself. “I…yeah! I wore them over here, haha! Silly me!”

“Oh…yeah, that is, um…pretty silly.”

I let out a quiet sigh, satisfied with Pinkie's cover up.

But then, in an act that I can only assume was born out of nervousness, Pinkie Pie continued to ramble.

“Oh, hahaha! Yeah, you know me! Super silly! Yup, I just got dropped off a few minutes ago, still wearin my PJ’s, so there’s NOOOO way I could have heard you two fucking by the table!”

Fluttershy gasped, her face instantly turning red as a tomato; she covered her mouth, her eyes wide.

I closed my eyes and tipped my head back, letting out a silent groan of frustration. “WHY Pinkie? For fuck sakes, you were home free!”

Pinkie’s eyes went wide, realising her mistake. “Wuh-oh…”

“Oh d-dear,” Fluttershy squeaked. “Did you, um…see us?”

“Uh, no…I just heard it,” Pinkie replied, cringing with embarrassment.

“She heard about it,” I cut in, prompting both of them to look at me. “I uh, told Pinkie about it when she got here. You know; cuz I‘m a guy, and guys like to brag about things like that. Right, Pinks?”

“Uh...oh, yeah!” Pinkie nodded, taking my lead. “Yeah, you’re a huge douchebag, Goldie! You were all like: ‘hey, let me tell you about this’ and I’m like: ‘no, that’s weird! Fluttershy’s my friend! I don’t wanna hear about that!’”

I tilted my head and gave her a sharp glare, clenching my jaw. "Seriously, Pinks? Nice.”

The party-girl saw the look I was giving and cringed even more, slowly looking back to Fluttershy, who had now begun to relax.

“You…told Pinkie about it?” the shy girl asked, turning towards me.

I nodded, sighed, and then tried to look ashamed.

“Oh…” she replied, letting her hair fall in front of her face as she glanced at her friend again. “Well, I…I guess that’s OK. I mean, our friends know that we, um…do those kinds of things, and we’re all adults here, right?”

“Yeah…ha ha…yeah,” Pinkie giggled nervously.

“Mostly,” I muttered, rubbing the back of my neck.

Fluttershy nodded, then smirked at me. “Um, so…what do you guys wanna do today?”

“What do you wanna do?” Pinkie asked, with renewed enthusiasm.

“Um…” Fluttershy trailed off, looking down at the floor where all five of the kittens encircled her feet, with Link and Angel sitting not far away.

“You know,” I said, “I have a ton of shit to get for the breakfast tomorrow, so I should probably go to the grocery store and get that looked after. While I do that, why don't you two stay here and continue to be as different from each other as possible?”

Fluttershy giggled at the remark, but Pinkie was rubbing her chin. “Actually,” she said, “I was gonna do some baking for the sleepover tonight, so I kind of need to go to the store too.”

I shook my head. “Nah, just gimme a list and I’ll get it for you.”

“Well, I don’t know what I’m gonna make,” Pinkie explained, “I usually just wing it, so I kind of have to go myself, so I can see what speaks to me.”

The pink girl and I both looked at Fluttershy.

“You wanna come with us to the store, Flutters?” I asked.

“Um…but I just got here,” she replied reluctantly. “I don’t really want to go anywhere just yet.”

“Well, we can go later if you want. It’s fi-“

“No,” she cut in, “you guys have things you need to do. You might as well get them done. I’ll stay here.”

“By yourself?” Pinkie asked. “Are you sure?”

Fluttershy nodded. “Mm-hm. I-I’ll just relax and watch TV, and maybe visit with the cute little woodland creatures outside.”

I walked over to the shy girl and stroked her arm. “We’re gonna be gone a couple hours; you sure you’ll be OK?”

“Of course,” she replied. “I’m at home now. I’ve never felt better.”

I smiled at her, then leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek. “OK then. We’ll be back.”

“See ya,” said Fluttershy, before turning towards Pinkie. “Bye, Pinkie Pie.”

“See ya, Fluttershy!” Pinkie replied as I made my way to the door, pointing at the party-girl.

“You ready, Pinks?”

“YEAH! LET’S DO THIS!” she roared, clenching her fists.

After we had our shoes on, Pinkie headed out the door. I was about to follow, but I stopped once more to look back at my girlfriend, who was making her way to the couch. It was a sight for sore eyes, seeing her at home once again, wearing her own clothes, looking like herself, mere steps away from relaxing on her beloved chaise lounge.

Smiling, I slowly closed the door, happy that things were back to normal…until I remembered something. ”Shit, she probably sees those dishes by the couch,” I thought, chewing my lip for a moment before finally shrugging. ”Fuck. Whatever, I give up. It's too late now; she’ll get over it.”

Facing the driveway, I stopped in my tracks when I remembered that Fluttershy’s SUV was still parked out in the middle. “Damn it. Well that’s pretty much useless without the key.” I brought my attention to the Diplomat, which was the only other vehicle there, despite the fact that it shouldn’t have been.

Pinkie was standing motionless in the middle of the driveway, staring silently at me with a big smile on her face.

“Hey, scary person?”

“YUP?” she answered.

“You wouldn’t happen to know where my truck is, would you?”

The smile faded from her face rather quickly. “Uuuhhh...you might wanna ask Rarity about that.”

“Oh?” I replied, scratching my ear as I looked at the old Dodge again. “OK. Well anyway, it looks like we’re takin the Dippie to the store.”

“Yay!” Pinkie cheered, jumping shamelessly into the air.

“Hey, don’t you wanna change your clothes?” I asked, realising she was still wearing her pajamas. “Or put a bra on at the very least?”

“I can’t,” she shrugged. “If Fluttershy sees that I have clothes here, she’ll know I was here when…you know.”

I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter, you left those dishes by the-“ I stopped suddenly, feeling my ambition plummet, so I gave up on trying to argue. “Fuck it. Who cares? Let’s go,” I said quickly.

“I-get-to-ride-in-the-Dip-lomat!” she sang, skipping towards the passenger door.

I walked around the front of the car, heading for the driver’s door when I got an idea and stopped. “Hey,” I said to Pinkie, tossing her the keys once I had her attention. “You drive.”

Pinkie caught the keys and gasped. “Really!?” she squealed, looking up at me with sparkling eyes.

I nodded as I made my way back to the passenger side. “It’s all yours.”

“OOOOH! This is amazing! I am SO nervi-cited!” she squealed, prancing quickly around the front of the car, her big breasts and round derriere jiggling as she bounced along, a sight that I had to admit was pretty cute to watch.

As Pinkie opened the driver’s door to get in, I heard the front door of the house open behind me.

“Waaaaiiiit!” Fluttershy’s voice called to us.

I turned around to see her running towards me. “What’s up?”

The shy girl approached me quickly, wrapping her slender fingers around my arm. “I…I don’t wanna stay here by myself.”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine as long-”

“I know.” She nodded. “I’m not scared, I just…I wanna be with you.”

I couldn’t help but feel a fluttering in my chest after hearing this, and I cleared my throat to try to hide it. “What about the animals?”

“They’re OK. I already set some food out, and then I made them a litter box and told them where I was going.”

Seeing the need for company in her eyes made me smile. I put my arm around her, leading her to the back door. “OK, tell you what: we’ll sit together in the back, and Pinks is gonna be our chauffeur for the day. How does that sound?”

“Oh my, that sounds like fun,” she replied sweetly.

I opened the door and let her get into the back seat, then I climbed in with her. As I closed the door behind me, I felt her head come to rest on my shoulder, sending another wave of butterflies through my stomach when the familiar, floral scent of her hair wafted into my nose, reminding me that this truly was the girl I fell in love with all those months ago.

“OK,” Pinkie asked from the driver’s seat. “Is there anything wacky I need to know about this thing?”

“Yeah, it’s a piece of shit,” I replied as I wrapped my arm around the shy girl’s shoulders. “Just kidding, it drives pretty good, actually. Just give it two pumps, then start it.”

Pinkie did as instructed and started the car, then threw her fists triumphantly into the air. “Wooohooo!” she howled, followed by a giggle. “Whoa!” she exclaimed suddenly, looking through the windshield over the seemingly never-ending expanse of hood. “This car is huge!” She pointed over the dash and turned her head to face us. “See? Look! This thing’s like a freaking jumbo jet!”

Fluttershy and I exchanged glances after snickering quietly at our friend, then she closed her eyes and leaned closer, planting a slow, tender kiss on my lips. After that, she smiled contently and rested her head on my shoulder again.

When I returned my eyes to the front seat, I noticed that Pinkie had taken out her cell phone and was holding it to her mouth like an intercom while talking in a smooth, deep voice.

“Good afternoon folks uuuuuhhhh this is your pilot, Captain Pie speaking; uuuuhhh today, we’ll be headed from Fluttershy’s house to the grocery store to get some yummy treats for the party tonight...uuuuuhhhh radar looks good, and we’ll be expecting clear and sunny skies for the duration of our trip...uuuuhhh as always, please enjoy your flight and uh, thank you for choosing the car that uuuuhhh smells like cat shit.”

Author's Notes:

Crazy story:
OK, so like most chapters, I had this one brewing in my mind for a few months before writing it, including the parts that mention Godzilla, and the actor who played him, Haruo Nakajima.
So, August 7th was the day that I actually wrote the part where Pinkie mentions him, and when I typed his name out, I wasn't sure if I was spelling it right, so I Googled him just to make sure.
Now, as far as I knew, he was still alive, (although old) but when I brought up his profile on Google, I was surprised to find out that he had in fact died...on August 7th, 2017.
So I'm looking at it, and I'm like: "Huh, I didn't know he died, that's pretty recent, too." *looks at date at lower right of laptop screen*

"WHAT? THAT'S TODAY??"
What are the odds that he passed away on the exact day, possibly even within hours of me finally getting to write this chapter?
Anyway, in all seriousness, I was pretty bummed to hear that the original suit actor is gone. He was pretty much the only person they could find who had the physical endurance to do such a job.

Suit acting was not an easy gig; the original Godzilla suit from 1954 weighed over 200 lbs and was so stiff he could barely move in it, and the fatigue it caused him was quite extreme. There were times he had passed out, and/or had to have stage hands literally pull him out of the suit because he couldn't move anymore, and that was after doing a take that maybe lasted a only minute or two. They had to put a drain in the bottom of the suit to let the sweat out, and the inside was rough, lined with wire mesh and other uncomfortable materials, which would rub his skin raw and cause him to bleed, AND on top of all that, his head was in the neck of the suit and all they gave him to see out of was a bunch of tiny little holes, so he was basically blind while trying to do his takes.
Now here's the thing, those miniature cities took weeks to build sometimes, and if he ever tripped or messed up a take, they would have to spend weeks rebuilding the mini-set before they could try the take again.
Needless to say, Pinkie was bending the truth a bit when she said it was the best job ever, but it certainly was rewarding.

https://youtu.be/_oBNEG8kLfQ

As a side note, fun fact: part of this chapter was written in Windsor, Ontario, in a hotel right next the Detroit River, where the GM Headquarters sat in direct line of sight from my window.