Chapter 120

Saturday, January 28th.

Game day.

It was mid-morning and the sky was overcast, laying a forlorn shadow over the city. The air was frigid as ever, but luckily, for the citizens of Canterlot, there was very little wind.

Despite the weather, my outlook was tip-top. It was a great day for mending friendships, which I intended to do before the sun set that afternoon.

And thanks to Ingram’s app and a bit of patience, I was able to locate Rainbow Dash, taking a walk across the strip mall parking lot near Sunset’s building on her way to the park. This was perfect, because that park just happened to have a soccer field.

I’d positioned myself behind the corner of the last building in the strip, waiting for her to pass by, at which point I would get her attention and challenge her to a game. I had my phone in one hand, watching her approach through a camera positioned on the far side of the lot while holding a brand new soccer ball under my other arm.

This was a good location for this meet up; there were plenty of people around, which would hopefully deter Rainbow Dash from using her magic to speed away if she was unwilling to talk.

Key word: hopefully.

She was only a few feet away.

My pulse pounded. For once in my life, I was nervous. I didn’t want to... no, I could NOT afford to mess this up. Of everyone in the group, Rainbow Dash and I were the least close, but her relationship with Fluttershy was a life-long affair, and it had been strained badly by the events of the past month. I knew how it gnawed at Fluttershy’s mind, how it damaged her soul. I needed to fix it for her. If Dash never spoke to me again, I could see why, and I could accept it. But I couldn’t allow her and Fluttershy’s friendship to be destroyed.

OK. I put my phone away and did some pursed-lip breathing to psyche myself up. Moment of truth, Golds. Don’t fuck this up. I know you’re used to killing to solve your problems, but this is different. Killing can’t solve this. It’s time to love. Spread the love, Golds; SPREAD IT!

I looked up just in time to see the rainbow-haired girl emerge from behind the wall, passing unnervingly close to me. Her head was turned the other way; evidently she was looking at something on the street—a certain car, perhaps. Regardless, she didn’t see me.

I stepped forward to address her. “Hey, Dashie, you up for a game?”

She continued to walk away as if she didn’t hear me.

This was when I noticed the sound of tinny music coming from somewhere. I squinted to focus on her and sure enough, there was a pair of tiny, wireless headphones in her ears. The song she was listening to must have reached its crescendo as I noticed this, because just then, Dash began to sing aloud.

“Dammit.” I rolled my eyes and shook my head, sighing. Well that was fuckin smooth.

She was getting away. I had to act fast, so I did the first thing I could think of. Cupping the soccer ball in my hand, I brought my arm back and underhanded it at her, being careful not to throw it too hard.

It hit her between the shoulder blades and fell to the ground behind her, bouncing on the sidewalk and heading back in my direction.

Dash spun around and looked down at it, surprised. She watched it roll back for a second or two, but then she caught sight of my shoes first and then me, standing next to the wall. When she realised who I was, the curiosity on her face disappeared, replaced by a scowl and a clenched jaw.

Then she turned and continued walking away.

“Fuck,” I whispered. Then I drew a breath. “OK. This is OK. You expected this. Just keep at her.”

I wasn’t about to give up.

I stepped forward and scooped the ball up, then I jogged to catch up with her. Once beside her, I glanced back to see if there were still plenty of people around. There were, but ahead of us, across the street, was the park—with lots more trees and fewer eyes. I knew for a fact that if she got that far, she would use her speed to get away.

I couldn’t let that happen.

“Dashie, come on,” I said loudly, hoping she could hear me over the music. “One game. Let’s play one game, then maybe we can have a talk?”

Her eyes remained forward and she kept a steady pace.

I glanced down at the ground, frustrated. “We need to talk, Dashie. Please. Don’t do this to Flutters.”

No reaction.

“We saved your life!”

Nothing.

I huffed and shook my head. Then I looked over at her with a scowl. “Fine then. I guess I’ll have to tell the princess that you wouldn’t go for it, that you would rather things stay like this.”

Finally, her eyes shifted onto me. Her pace slowed.

This line had gotten her attention, obviously, so I rolled with it. “She told me that you would at least go for a game of soccer, and that if I won, maybe you would hear me out. But I guess not, so it looks like I’ll have to tell her she was wrong about you.”

Rainbow Dash stopped.

We were just a few steps from the crosswalk.

I stood before her, waiting to see what she would do next.

After a long, dubious stare, Dash reached up and plucked a headphone from one ear, then she spoke. “You talked to the princess?” she asked, flatly.

I nodded.

She raised a brow. “Princess Twilight? … From Equestria?”

I nodded again. “Yeah.”

She took a moment to look me up and down. “When... and how?”

“The other night. I wrote in Sunny’s book, asking her for help.”

“How’d you get Sunset’s book? Isn’t she away at the camp?”

“I know how to get into her apartment.”

Dash snorted and shook her head. “Boy, you sure like taking liberties with us, eh?”

I let my head fall back and looked into the sky, irked by the jab. After a sigh, I faced her again, hand raised. “Look, that’s not something I would normally do, but everyone was gone, and I was bummed about… well, us. You and me. And Flutters. I don’t want you to be mad at us anymore. What we did, in the hospital, we didn’t take that decision lightly, you know. But Flutters was hysterical; she didn’t wanna lose you.”

Rainbow Dash folded her arms and sighed, staring off to her right.

“I had to fix this, Dashie. You know that,” I continued. “And I did what I had to do, which meant asking for help… from someone who I thought would know what to do. So I went to Sunny’s place, found the book, and I asked the princess for help. She agreed to come here, and—“

Dash’s eyes widened suddenly and she threw her hands up. “Whoa, whoa, whoa! The princess was here?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“On Earth?”

“Yeah.”

She furrowed her brow. “But… she hasn’t been here for years. How did you convince her to come?”

I shrugged. “I told her I needed help with you. It was a big deal to her.”

For once, it appeared that Rainbow Dash’s defenses had dropped. “So… wait, you went through all this just to get me to talk to you?”

I nodded. “It’s important that we all stay together. We look out for one another; that’s the only reason we got Flutters home.”

She paused and rubbed her chin with a little blue knuckle, then she looked at me again with a brow raised. “But… isn’t Sunset gonna be super-pissed that you went through her stuff and wrote in her book?”

I waved her off. “Yeah, probably, but it was worth it. I’ll deal with Sunny when the time comes. Anyway…” I held the ball out to her. “How about it? The princess said you did this for her once upon a time; she said it was your way of assessing her character, seeing what kind of person she was. And she said you’d do it for me too, especially if I told you that she said you would—because deep down, she knows this isn’t how you want things to be. You are the Element of Loyalty, after all.”

Dash stared at the ball for a moment, studying that all-too-familiar black-on-white pentagon pattern that spanned its surface. Finally, she groaned, rolled her eyes, and then scooped the ball out of my hand.

“Ugh, fine. One. Game.” She promptly raised a finger at me. “But I’m doing this for Princess Twilight, not you! Got it?”

“Fair enough. So, one-on-one? First to five points wins?”

She shook her head. “First goal wins.”

I scowled at her. “What? Why?”

“Hey, this is a compromise, dude. I don’t even wanna do this with you.”

I shrugged in protest. “But I thought the whole point was to test my persistence, like you did with Twilight?”

She shook her head. “This isn’t the same thing as Twilight. I already know you. You’re not showing me what you’re like; you’re playing for an audience.”

“An audience?”

Dash pointed at her chest with her thumb. “With me! You win, we sit down and chat. If I win? Well… let’s just say I won’t be doing anything you want anytime soon.”

I sighed noisily, rubbing my forehead. Then I looked her in the eyes. “Fine.”

She gestured to the crosswalk and the park beyond. “Let’s go.”

*****

“Alright,” said Rainbow Dash, as she dropped the ball in the middle of the field. There was only a light dusting of snow in the grass, which was good; the park was fairly deserted as well, and surrounded by trees, granting us a reasonable amount of privacy to have our little game. “Any stipulations?”

“No powers,” I said, pointing at her.

She scoffed. “Pfft. Fine, whatever. What else?”

“Uh… I think that’s about it. No hands, out-of-bounds rules all standard?”

She sniffed. “Sounds good. First goal wins, then.” She took a couple of steps back.

I did the same.

“You ready?”

I nodded.

“OK then. Since no one’s here to drop the ball, we’ll just go quick-draw style.”

I nodded again. “OK.” Admittedly, I wasn’t completely sure if I knew what this meant.

Dash drew a breath and widened her stance.

I cleared my throat and did the same. Holding my breath, I waited for her to make her move.

She was still, watching me.

I watched her back.

Seconds passed—or minutes.

It felt like hours.

Was she waiting for me to make my move? Or was she thinking that I was waiting for her to make the first move? Maybe she’d make a move any second, thinking that I expected her to wait for me to move. Maybe I should do that. It might throw her off if—

She made her move.

I should have done it, rather than trying to analyze the situation to death.

I charged forward to meet her, both of us approaching the ball at once. We each swung a leg to kick the ball away, but managed only to trap it between our feet, and so it popped straight up between us.

This is when I learned that I had vastly underestimated Dash’s skills as a soccer player. When the ball had reached chest height, she raised a knee and bounced it to the side.

She was after it before I was, having planned to send it in that direction. I gave chase, hoping to get ahead of her before she could get possession. It was not to be, however; she managed to catch up to the ball in mid-roll and snagged it with her foot.

I ran hard, tearing frozen divots in the grass with my toes as I tried to catch up to block her, but she’d already wound her foot back, ready to take a swing.

I was close, so I slid forward with my foot extended to block the kick, but I was too late.

WHAP!

Her foot collided with the ball and sent it sailing just millimetres past my toes. I skidded to a stop, having failed to block her, and I looked behind me to see where it was going. It sailed across the field, bounced once, twice, then it rolled along the ground, dead center between the goal posts.

I couldn’t believe it. She won. Already.

My heart sank when I saw the ball —which I had just bought that morning, with high hopes— come to rest by the trees at the end of the field, having been kicked a total of only three times, if one was to count the knee. That’s all it took to beat me. There was no epic, neck-and-neck battle for victory like I had pictured us having. Nothing even close to that.

I had failed. Miserably.

“Well that was disappointing,” her voice said from my six.

I turned to face her, half expecting her to be smiling smugly, but instead, she was completely neutral.

I stared helplessly at her, not knowing what to do.

After a dismissive scowl, she put her hands in her pockets and turned to walk away.

I stood there in disbelief, lost and defeated. The sight of Dash making her exit without a second thought made my heart ache. Was this it? After all the effort I made to set this up: breaking into someone’s home, talking to a stranger from another dimension, buying a ball, tracking Dash down, convincing her to play a game with me—and this is all I accomplished with it? A massive, colossal failure that took all of two seconds to happen?

My eyes dropped to the dead, frozen grass as I gulped down the tension that was growing in my throat. I had failed the princess, the other girls, and most importantly, Fluttershy. I was supposed to fix this for her, and I didn’t.

Rubbing my forehead and wondering what to do, I became irked that Rainbow Dash didn’t even care about all the things I did to get this chance to talk to her. I drew a breath, feeling frustration seep in, replacing the ache in my chest with a spark that began to smolder, deep down inside.

I looked up at her again, clenching my jaw. Just like that, I felt like giving her a piece of my mind. What difference would it make now? She was already leaving.

“So, what, you’re just gonna walk away now? Is that how it’s gonna be!?“ I shouted, throwing my hands up. “Huh? You’re just gonna turn your back on me? On the princess? On Flutters?”

She didn’t look back.

“Where would you be without us, Dashie? WE SAVED YOUR LIFE!”

This stopped her. After a short pause, she spun around, fists clenched, face red. “You— … THAT WASN’T YOUR CHOICE TO MAKE!”

“What, you’d rather be dead?”

“I’d rather be ME!”

My lip curled into a sneer, and I shook my head at her. “What?”

“Pffft!” She shook her head, turned to one side and folded her arms. “You don’t get it. And you never will, so why don’t you just leave me alone before you make things worse?”

I let out a sigh to calm myself and gather my thoughts, watching her for a moment. She remained still, standing in profile to me. I had forgotten about how much girth had returned to her frame—not that she was overweight by any means, but compared to the frail little thing she’d become after months of withering away so slowly that none of us had noticed, seeing her like this again took some getting used to. But how could I, when she’d gone out of her way to avoid me?

This was when I realised something else about her: she was no longer walking away. Granted, she wouldn’t look at me, but she was staying.

This was a good thing.

I swallowed and took a moment to consider what to do. Then, after chewing my lip for a moment, I took a cautious step forward, followed by another, keeping a watchful eye on her the entire time. Once I’d closed half of the distance between us, I stopped again to speak in a slightly more careful tone.

“What don’t I get, Dashie?”

Rainbow Dash let out a soft groan. Her eyes dropped to the ground, but she didn’t answer.

I waited briefly to see if she would, and when she didn’t, I took one more step. “What do you think happened that night?”

Her head turned toward me, slowly, but her eyes remained downcast, avoiding contact with mine.

I brought my hands up and put them together. “Listen, Dashie: I told you that day, I never laid a finger on you. OK? Flutters and I, we would never do that to you. We had to find another way, and that’s exactly what we did.”

She sighed, listening, and then once I was finished, her eyes crept up slowly to meet mine. As soon as they did, however, she turned away again.

I tried not to fret despite this; it was the first time those cerise eyes had made purposeful contact with mine in what felt like ages. It was a step in the right direction, even if it was a tiny one.

To my surprise, she spoke. “How?”

It took me a moment to consider how to answer. I was reluctant to be graphic about it, especially with how unsexy the act was; plus, there was no guarantee that Dash wouldn’t still be upset by it.

I cleared my throat. “We uh, did it… artificially.”

She turned slowly to face me, scowling.

“With a, uh…” —I paused to clear my throat— “one of those medicine plungers.” I raised my hands in defense when Dash grimaced. “It was Flutters who did it! I wasn’t anywhere near you; I was by the door, standing watch.”

Rainbow Dash watched me for a moment, then she turned away to face the trees and shook her head.

“Trust me,” I continued, taking another two steps closer, one hand outstretched. “There was nothing even remotely sexy or enjoyable about it. To her, it was like giving an antidote, that’s all. The only thing she cared about was saving you.”

Dash turned part way to face me with one eye, scowling. Then she folded her arms and sighed.

After watching her for a moment, I put my hands on my hips and shook my head. “How long have you known Flutters?”

“My whole life,” she replied with a sigh.

“Do you trust her?”

She paused for a moment and then shrugged. “Yeah—I mean, I did. I’ve never had a reason not to, but now, I... I don’t know.”

“Because of what she did?”

She turned to look at me from under her brow. Apparently, the answer was obvious.

“Ok... look,” I said, holding a hand up. “I know that what she did was pretty messed up. Doing that to someone would normally be a massive violation —and it was, we know that— but there’s some context here that really matters.”

She cocked a brow at this.

“Ask yourself this, Dashie: you’ve known Flutters your whole life. You know her better than most people; do you really think she did what she did to gain some sort of sexual gratification? Or to victimize you, to have power over you?”

She sighed and looked down at the ground. “No, probably not.”

“No. She wouldn’t do something like that as a prank, or to hurt anyone. You know that. She did it because she felt she had no other choice.” I cocked my head to look at her sideways, giving it a shake. “She didn’t take it lightly, Dashie; believe me. And neither did I, because I was worried that something like this would happen. Nobody was happy about the situation, but we didn’t want—”

She closed her eyes and nodded, looking annoyed by hearing the same line again. “Yeah, I get it. You didn’t wanna lose me.” She sighed. “And believe me, if it was anyone but Fluttershy that did it, I...” She bit her lip and shook her head, angered by the very thought. Then she faced me. “Like, if it was you who did that to me, trust me, I would NOT be standing here, talking to you right now.”

I raised my hands in defense. “Oh... no way! I wanted nothing to do with it.”

“But you did,” she fired back.

This stumped me. “Yeah,” I replied quietly. “I went along with it. Because I didn’t like seeing Flutters freaking out over it, and to be honest, I trusted... somehow, that she knew what she was doing. I don’t think anyone was really thinking straight that night; not even me.”

Again, she drew a breath, folded her arms and faced downward.

“I just wanted you to know: what we did, it wasn’t meant to be malicious. No one wanted to hurt you, and me and Flutters feel terrible about the whole thing. This is why I brought you here today, so I could tell you this.”

She swallowed, keeping her eyes on the ground to avoid eye contact. “I, um... I know you guys didn’t do it to be, like... I dunno.” She paused to kick a small clump of frozen soil before continuing, softly. “But still... you should have asked me first,” she mumbled, “before you did it.”

I turned one ear toward her to listen, brows furrowed.

She unfolded her arms and faced me, apparently noticing that I was looking for clarification. “You should have woke me up and asked if that’s what I wanted.” She continued, using a tone that was obviously meant to mock me. “Like this: ‘Hey Dashie, how would you like to live for all eternity, not knowing where you’re gonna end up once this world is gone or turns to shit, with absolutely no way out if your life ever ends up a total nightmare—like if you get buried alive or end up floating alone in outer space for all time?’”

Clearly, she’d been thinking about this a lot.

I shook my head. “We couldn’t wake you up, Dashie. They had you so drugged up because of the pain, you were basically in a coma. Even if we could wake you up, there’s no way we would have gotten anything remotely close to a valid answer from you.”

“Yeah, but... Do you have any idea what it’s like?” she fired back. “To have a decision like that made for you?”

I waved my hands at her, eyes closed. “Yeah, no, I get it. I know how you feel; I don’t know how I got like this myself, remember? And Flutters never asked for it either. Same with Rare; those two never expected this to happen, and now they’re stuck with it forever. Don't think for a second that doesn’t weigh on me, Dashie, cuz it does. Look at what Flutters has had to go through already, all because some people wanted to exploit her power.”

“I know that. It’s just... I don’t—“ She stopped and looked off to the side, shaking her head. Then she looked at me again. “You guys messed everything up! I can’t even go to sleep now! That used to be my favourite thing: taking naps in the afternoon—and you took that away from me! I can’t even get drunk anymore, so I can’t even do that to forget about it!”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Wow.” Then I lowered my hand and looked at her, head cocked. “And… what, you don’t care about the fact that you don’t feel like you’re constantly gonna puke anymore?”

She paused, glowering at me. “Well…” she finally said, “I guess that’s kinda nice, but…” She pressed her eyes shut and shook her head. “You guys… you still had no right to do what you did; and now, because of you, I not even really me anymore.”

She turned suddenly and walked toward the center of the field.

I watched her go, my brow marked with surprise and confusion. This was the second time she said that. “Hey… What does that mean?” I replied as I followed her.

Rainbow Dash eventually slowed to a stop at the center of the field. She dropped rather unexpectedly, sitting on the hard, frozen ground. I stood beside her and paused, watching her for a moment before looking in the direction she was facing.

She appeared to be staring at the goal posts, or possibly at the ball that sat beyond, near the trees. Reminded of my embarrassing loss, I sighed and then looked down to check the ground beside her. It looked uncomfortable, but I sat anyway.

I brought my knees up and folded my arms on them, watching the evergreens wave to one another in the light breeze, boasting their lush greenery to the bare maples that stood like skeletons nearby.

Finally, I spoke. “Dashie… what does that mean, that you’re not really you? Why d’you think that?”

Dash remained still for a moment, looking down at the ground. “I don’t feel real anymore. It’s like I’m some kind of synthetic double of my old self. I don’t feel like I’m really... me.”

I looked over at her as she trailed off. Then I faced the ground. My backside was feeling the cold seep in already, but it didn’t matter. I drew a breath as I lifted my head to scan the soccer field, contemplating what it must have been like for her to go through a transition like this with no support from me, like the others had.

“You’re still human, Dashie. Trust me. I know it feels different, but it—“

She shook her head, cutting in. “But with your immortality, it’s like I’m just another version of you now; a cheap carbon copy.”

This statement threw me for a loop. “What? No, you’re still you; you’ll always be you, Dashie, and no one —not even me— can take that away from you.” I gestured to the street just past the tree line, to the cars that zipped by, and the people that drove them. “That’s like saying when you were mortal, you were just a carbon copy of all the other mortals. You were ‘you’ then, and you’re still ‘you’ now. And if we’re going by that logic, then you’re far more unique now, because there are billions of mortals on this planet and only a handful of us.”

She took her eyes from the street to glance briefly at me, then she sighed and looked down again.

I pointed at her. “Let me ask you this: if you’re just a copy of me, then where’s my super-speed? Last time I checked, I didn’t have any—and I sure as hell ain’t any good at soccer, apparently.”

Dash looked over at me again; I wondered if she might smile, but she didn’t.

Disappointed, I exhaled through my nose and let my eyes slip from her to the ground. They crept along the grass absentmindedly, until they landed on the bottom of her shoe. I reached down and tapped her foot. “What about your ankle?” I asked. “How does it feel?”

She shrugged. “It’s fine now.”

I watched her for a moment and then shook my head. “That’s it?”

Rainbow Dash sighed and looked up to the sky, squinting into that bright spot in the clouds where the sun was trying to hide.

I wondered what she was thinking. Perhaps she was thinking the same thing I always thought about whenever I looked at the sun: what will it be like to outlive it? What will happen to this world? When will that day come? Will we have left by then?

Her voice interrupted my rumination, quiet and despondent.

“Do you know what it’s like to have the one thing that makes you great —the thing that makes you awesome— taken away from you?”

I remained silent, watching her.

Eventually her eyes drifted shut and she lowered her head. “I had it made in high school. I was the awesome one: the best athlete, lead guitarist in the best band, captain of every fucking team. Everyone wanted to be like me. I had a scholarship to pretty much any school I wanted. I could’ve gone pro. I SHOULDA went pro. I coulda been famous, like Ronaldo or... someone like that!” She shook her head. “But nooooo! One day, just like that, it was all gone.” She swiped her hand through the air. “Some dumb bitch had to come along and take it all away from me.” Dash turned to face me. “She ruined my life. I’m sure her life is just great and she’s forgotten all about that game, but me? Pfft. Look at me! I’m not a star athlete. I’m not famous. No one knows my name. I’m just a schmuck who delivers packages. I show up in a stupid brown truck, and I have to drag some big, heavy box to their door so they can have their shitty-ass junk from some shitty-ass country.”

She straightened up suddenly, tipping an imaginary hat as she demonstrated her daily routine. “Hey, hows it going today? Got a package for ya! What’s your name? OK! Just need ya to sign here on the trackpad! Yeah, you can just use your finger; isn’t technology great? Heh heh.” She let her head drop as soon as she finished, letting out an exasperated sigh.

I watched her for a moment, brows furrowed. “Wow. I didn’t know you hated your job.”

Her eyes rose just enough to scan the trees. Then she drew a breath, bringing her attention to the ground next to my feet, not wanting to look directly at me. “I don’t... hate it. It’s just not what I was expecting to be doing with my life. What I hate is that I’m NOT playing in the pros. If you went back in time to my old self in senior year and told me that this is what I’d be doing with my life, I would probably kick you right in the balls. This isn’t what I envisioned at all; sometimes I don't even know what I’m doing here.”

“Come on, Dashie, you don’t really mean that.” I let my chin rest on my forearms, which were still folded across my knees. After a quiet breath, I continued. “I always thought you were pretty great… and I didn’t even know you back then.”

“Tsh.” She rolled her eyes and turned away.

“What?” I asked, lifting my head again. “You are. Just because you don’t play soccer doesn’t mean shit. That’s not what made you great. You know what did? You. I mean, look at your job; look how many promotions you’ve gotten in just a few years. Is that because you’re not great?”

She glanced over at me and then shrugged. “Just an unexpected talent of mine, I guess.”

I shook my head. “No. I don’t believe in talent. I believe in ambition.” Again, I turned towards the street and waved at the cars passing beyond the trees. “All those people out there, they’re all good at different things. Why? Because they were naturally good at them? No. Because they were interested in them. They spent time doing that thing, thinking about it, practicing it —intentionally or not— and they got better at it over time; better than the next person, because they cared about it more.”

Dash glanced at the street, watching the cars between the gaps in the trees for a moment before raising a brow at me as I continued.

“That’s why you were good at soccer: because you loved it more than anyone else. Do you like your job?”

After a short hesitation, she nodded. “It’s OK, I guess.”

“Why? What made you stay there all these years?”

She drew a breath and furrowed her brows. “Um… I dunno. It’s kinda like a game; see who can empty their trucks the fastest. It’s kinda fun, actually.”

I snapped a finger and pointed at her. “You see? That’s your passion: being the best. Not soccer—well… I mean, you like soccer, but being the best at it is what you strive for. And you like your job, so you care about being the best at it. THAT’S what makes you awesome, Dashie.” I gave her shoulder a little nudge. “And it’s not just that. You’re also courageous; I mean, the night you guys figured me out, you were the first one to come out swinging.”

“Pfft… lotta good it did.”

I shrugged and gave a little wave. “That’s beside the point—and kind of a unique case, to be honest. Bottom line, you’re not someone who takes things lying down. Plus, like I said, you’re just a straight-up cool chick. You’re fun to chillax with, as you call it, and you’re a hoot to joke with—well… usually, anyway. I mean, once in a while your comic timing is a little off, but hey: so is mine. I make bad jokes all the time, and I know the girls —especially Sunny— like to make fun of me about it behind my back.” I leaned closer to speak a little quieter. “They think I don’t know about that, but I do.”

At last, a tiny smile made itself known. But it was short lived, and she looked down at the icy grass again. “It’s just… that’s kinda the other thing that’s been bugging me lately.”

“What’s that?”

She looked directly at me. “You.”

My stomach lurched, but I did my best to hide it. “Me?”

Rainbow Dash glared at me for a moment, long enough to bring about some added discomfort. “Promise you won't tell the others about this?”

I nodded. “Of course.”

She cast her eyes down to the grass again, drawing a breath. “When you came around, and especially after we found out who you were, I felt like… I’d been replaced as the awesome one—or what little was left of it.”

“Dashie…“

“Yes!” she barked. “Right from the beginning; you kicked all our asses that night, then you hammered those guys at the bar when that drunk guy hit Sunset, then when Fluttershy got kidnapped, you and Sunset took off to bring her back, and the rest of us were just sitting around here, taking up space. I hated that! You didn’t once stop to think that maybe one of us wanted to come too?”

I shook my head. “I took Sunny because I needed a mind reader, and because she can’t get hurt. You might have gotten killed if you came with us; we got shot at quite a few times. Didn’t you see Sunny’s jacket?”

“Yeah, I know.” she mumbled. “It’s just… it was always me who looked after Fluttershy, ever since we were little kids; but when you went to rescue her, I felt like… it was like I was being told to ‘step aside,’ you know?” She chewed her lip for a second, and then she gave her head a shake, letting out a soft snort. “And I just stayed at home and withered away. Literally. Pfft! Some awesome chick I am; I can’t even stay alive on my own.”

I rolled my eyes. “Getting cancer isn’t a sign of weakness, Dashie. It can happen to anybody. You’re being too hard on yourself.”

Abruptly, she turned toward me, looking irate. “Well, just like usual, you just had to swoop in and save the day, didn’t you?”

This reaction was unexpected, and I leaned away from her. “What do you mean by that?”

“This!” She gestured to herself. “You and your fucking... doing everything. And being good at it!” She reached down and tugged the front of her jacket. “Look what you guys did to me; I didn’t ask for this!”

“We didn’t wanna lose you.”

“Ugh… again, with that.” She shook her head and sighed. “Did you ever stop and think that maybe I wanted to face it on my own?”

“What do you mean, on your own? You were gonna die.”

“Maybe! ... Well, probably.”

“Definitely.”

She groaned softly and rubbed her forehead. “OK, fine. But… maybe I wanted to deal with it myself—and if it came down to it, stare death in the face as me. Maybe I wanted to use what little awesomeness I had left to give him the big middle finger before going down for good. To die like a Spartan: badass as fuck and not afraid of the great beyond. That was going to be, like, my last stand. I didn’t feel like it mattered either way; my life didn’t turn out like I thought it would, and being sick was kind of like a test. If I survived, then it meant I still had something great coming, and if not, then... well...” she shook her head. “But by the way things were looking, I wasn’t gonna make it, which means my life was probably just gonna keep on being mediocre.”

I drew a breath, scowling at the trees. This reasoning was surprisingly poetic for Rainbow Dash, and in a strange way, I felt a measure of reverence for her, despite it making little sense. There was a definite hint of remorse felt for what Fluttershy and I had done, now that I understood the rainbow-haired girl’s position more clearly.

And then Dash turned and locked eyes with me. “But you guys came along and fucked it all up.”

I scowled in response. “Dashie, I don’t mean to question your beliefs or your methods, but I don’t think letting yourself get ravaged by cancer is a good litmus test for whether or not your life is worth living. You should know better than that; your friends certainly do.”

She rolled her eyes at this.

I reached over to tap her arm. “But OK, let’s play your game for a minute. I feel like I need to point out one fact that you’re not considering: you did survive—maybe not in the way you were thinking, but you are alive right now, regardless. So maybe me and Flutters didn’t screw things up. Maybe that was your answer all along.”

She shook her head at this, rather abruptly. “No. You guys interfered. I was supposed to deal with it the way I wanted. I know that sounds kinda fucked up, but that’s how I felt—and it SHOULD have been my choice to make, not yours or Flutters.”

As I listened, I gazed around the yard, feeling a hint of admiration for this girl. She was ready to face the end with her head held high, something that I could never do, whether due to the fact that I can’t die, or simply that I would likely have been a coward in the face of death—something that I had openly admitted to the shy girl.

I swallowed and licked my lip. “Listen, Dashie…”

She placed a pair of grim, cerise eyes on mine.

I drew a breath, then let it out slowly. “I don’t think that’s fucked up. I think it’s incredibly brave. Sure, lots of people would think it’s silly, and a waste of life —you know, all that ‘life is precious’ crap— but I’ve been around long enough to see countless lives come to an end just like that” —I snapped my finger— “and they get replaced by new life in a heartbeat. Over and over again, like the passage of time; one second after another. It never ends, and you can’t stop it.” I rubbed my chin for a moment before facing her again. “Did you know… that something like only five percent of all that were humans ever born are still alive today? And that number is shrinking as time goes on. After everything mankind has accomplished, with how long we’ve been roaming this world, and all the things we’ve learned: in the end, all we’re gonna leave behind is a bunch of dead bodies.” I gave my head a little shake, chuckling ironically. “After a while, when you’ve seen what I’ve seen, life just kind of… loses its preciousness. You know?”

She blinked once or twice, then she rolled her eyes. “Aaaaand… your point is?”

“My point, Dashie, is this:” —I straightened up and placed a hand on her shoulder— “your life belongs to you, and if you wanted to face the music on your own, as yourself, then dammit, you should have been allowed to do it. And I would’ve had nothing but respect for you. I could never do something like that. I wouldn’t have the balls to walk up to death say ‘bring it on!’ like you were ready to do.” I shook my head, chuckling. “Man... if I were to lose this? If I became a regular person tomorrow, I don’t know how I would deal with it. I would be scared every day, constantly, that I would get hurt somehow. And I have no idea how I would cope with the pain. Tsh! The stress if it alone would probably kill me. I don’t know how regular people deal with it.”

Her eyes became less intense as she listened; I could even see a sparkle of pride in them.

“And…” I continued. “If that was what you wanted, then… I’m sorry we took it from you. It’s just… well, you know: we didn’t wanna lose you.” I gave her shoulder a squeeze. “Where would we be without you, the one-and-only Rainbow Dash? How boring would the weekend dinners be if you weren’t there? You were still, and will always be, the awesome one in our group. Hell, you just proved yourself to be a way bigger badass than I could ever be, and for that, you have earned the utmost respect from me. I find myself looking up to you now, Dashie, because you were about to something that I would never have the nerve to do.”

It was obvious by then that she was struggling to keep her face straight. “Seriously? You… look up to me?”

I nodded.

“You. Golden Arrow. Look up to me, Rainbow Dash.”

“Yeah—although I gotta say, that’s a pretty horrific way to commit suicide. I have no idea what hell you were thinking.”

She shrugged. “Well... it wasn’t really suicide, technically; I didn’t really know if I was gonna die—at least not ‘til the end.”

“Well, still.” I paused to give my head a shake, followed by a soft snicker. “You’ve got balls, Dashie, I’ll give you that.”

Her eyes dropped after locking with mine for a second or two, and she turned to look the other way.

I watched her for a moment, then I drew a breath to speak once more. “I’m sorry.”

She said nothing, only nodded after a moment.

Disappointed that I didn’t get more of a reaction, I let out a sigh and looked down at my lap. As I watched my chest swell with each inhale, I began to notice a subtle growth of light, a warm glow that gradually began to surround us. I lifted my head and looked up to the sky; the cloud cover had broken, and the sunshine was pouring through, bathing us in the first natural warmth anyone had felt in weeks.

I glanced over at Dash to see if she’d noticed. She hadn’t moved, making it impossible to tell if she had, but even so, the invigorating warmth brought with it a positive radiance—like this was a sign that everything was going to work out. Today was the perfect day for this.

It also gave me the confidence to make the next move. With one arm, I reached out and placed my hand on her far shoulder, giving her a gentle pull towards me. To my relief, Dash did not resist, and she came up against my side, resting her head on my shoulder.

We stayed still and quiet, leaning against one another under the warm sunlight, sitting in the center of that desolate, frozen soccer field. I gave her a squeeze, feeling a light tickle, as well as the distinct scent of Fruit Loops, from her hair.

“Listen… I don’t expect you to forgive me. All I ask is that you come back to us; give us a chance.”

Rainbow Dash did not reply.

“Come out to the field, Dashie. Let me teach you—let us teach you. There is so much waiting for you. Your life is worth living, I promise.”

She exhaled and then swallowed. “Why?” she asked, her voice muffled.

“Because they need you. Flutters needs you. I need you.” I tilted my head to look down at her hair. “You know that Dark Mistress that’s been running around town lately?”

“Yeah.”

“You know that’s Rare, right?”

She snorted softly and shook her head against my shoulder. “I kinda figured.”

I moved my fingertips up to tuck some hair behind her ear. “You know… that suit she wears is pretty much indestructible, just like us. And she’s made one for everybody.”

She leaned back to look up at me. “Why am I not surprised?”

I gave her a smile. “If awesome is what you want to be, then come back to the group. Join us at the Riverfield, and I promise you, you will be more awesome than I ever was… or ever will be.”

She sighed and stared across the field, considering the offer. Then she leaned closer and let her cheek come to rest on my shoulder again. “Fine.”

I reached out and gave her a pat on the back. “Good. You won’t regret it, Dashie.”

She smiled weakly, but remained silent. After a minute or two, I decided to see if I could talk her into moving.

“My ass is wet.”

“Mine too.”

“You wanna go get some coffee or something?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Neither am I. I literally can’t remember the last time I was.”

She smirked and looked up at me, those eyes of hers finally showing a bit of warmth. “Fair enough. Let’s go.”

She shifted slightly to stand up, but I put my hand on her shoulder to stop her. “Hey... I gotta ask: why didn’t you tell us this before? What you told us in the hospital that night was completely different.”

Dash rubbed her temple. “Ugh... do you really think I could’ve told my friends what I just told you?”

I chewed my lip and then turned away. “Good point,” I replied. Then I faced her again. “Hey... before we go, promise me one thing?”

Her brows furrowed. “What?”

“Promise me you’ll go see Flutters when she gets back? Let her know you don’t hate her. Please?”

She closed her eyes and exhaled. Then she nodded and looked at me, somewhat apprehensively. “OK. I will.”

Author's Notes:

Big shout-out to fellow author Soufriere for his advice on this chapter!

Also,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkoeqtKUUe4