"What am I...?"

I stare in the mirror, hoping my copy would answer that familiar childhood question. It had been years since I had spoken it out loud, and many more years to have the courage to find out. I still did not have the answer. I must have been a little more introspective than I allowed myself to be, because I could see one of the shadows in the back part of my attic room was moving. It steps forward into the light, and as I watch from the reflection in the mirror it takes the form of Princess Luna.

"You are many things, Jen. Ultimately, you will decide, though the journey is far more fulfilling if you let others help you." The princess steps slowly until she is alongside me, looking down slightly. I continue to stare in the mirror. The princess continues to stand alongside me. I stare. She stands. Princess Luna raises a hoof to scratch her other foreleg nonchalantly and says, "Your loyalty is not in question, but I would like to know what you are thinking." I had tried to remain calm and composed knowing this visit would come, and as a spoiled brat I completely lose it.

I wheel around and blurt, "How can you ask me a question such as this? You who have looked in my dreams, my nightmares since I was a child and shaped me into a weapon of revenge!" The princess shows no sign of anger or surprise. If anything, there is sadness. Not pity or the dismissive sadness one shows to something that is a lost cause. No, the honest sadness of guilt that was long ago accepted. Even worse, I know why she accepts it because it is part of what she has been trying to do these last few years, to make up for what was done to me during my youth. And in my selfish maelstrom of emotions I ride that storm, knowing I have no right to act this way. I do it anyway.

"You sent the others away. I knew it was a matter of time before you sent me away, to that strange creature running around in the countryside! I was happy here. I did what I was supposed to do, followed your rules, minded my own business..." And like that my storm of emotions dissipates. With each statement I spout it had become more obvious that I was grasping at straws. The princess is no longer somber. In fact, she is barely holding on to her laughter! I look back at the mirror, and despite my flash of anger, I too am starting to smile. "Fine...I suppose I broke some of your rules....and poked my nose in other pony's business."

The princess clears her throat and whispers conspiratorially, "And so happy were you that it literally buzzed all over your fur like static electricity, making you restless to the point of playing a practical joke on every noble you could find in Canterlot. My sister still pokes at her cake slices and is relieved when they do not explode." She raises her voice, "No, you are not happy, certainly not here."

I sigh and walk over to the bed where my duffel bag is packed and ready to go. I look up through the skylight in the roof. The sun is still up. It will be a while before the princess is required to raise the moon. I look back to the princess as she watches me. "Why ARE you sending me there?" I can tell this is the easy part of the meeting for her because she visibly relaxes.

She responds, "I have many reasons, and all of them beneficial for everypony involved. Officially, Captain Davies needs a medic. Unofficially, he needs someone who can watch his back, and worse case scenario, heal it..." For a brief moment I see her regal facade slip. I see genuine concern there. Not for me as one of her thestrals, that concern has always been a given. Many a time she would pull me aside or meet with me during my patrols and postings. Those I had to ponder another time. No, this is for him, that...human? A bipedal, mostly furless creature with exotic devices and a penchant for getting hurt. I had secretly read all the reports sent to the princesses and was well aware of much that happened in the land. They had also promoted him directly under Princess Luna and were funneling thestrals to reinforce his night operations, though that might have changed since his appointment directly under the princess. She surely knew of my spying, and not just from dream-walking. She had just written the communique to be sent to Ponyville regarding my transfer and I had admitted it in my juvenile tirade. I must be telegraphing what I witnessed on her face because the princess tries to divert my attention, to me of all ponies, "And personally, you are ready to move on in your education. Princess Celestia may have her academy, but all must learn to progress in life. Even you." I look away and vow not to remember all the educating Princess Luna had done for me years ago. Well, I will remember it another time. For now, I need to know my true assignment.

I reply, "There are doctors all over Canterlot that can go. Or nurses that can continue their training in the field. Would they not be more effective at that position?"

Princess Luna steps up to me and nods her head, "That is true. It is also true that while they are good at what they do, they can only ever be good at medicine. I once regretted shaping you into a weapon during my banishment. I had hoped to make up for that with having you trained as the best medical expert Equestria has ever known so you could have a new life. I no longer regret what I did to your youth, for this mission will encompass all your skills and natural talents. I need your speed, your stealth, your ability to survive and overcome your enemies. I also need your skills as a medic, both as a primary position for John's unit and as the bridge to heal the hole in yourself."

I scoff at that. "Hole? What hole? The only holes are those I make with my knives and the ones I have to bandage up...." I look through the skylight and notice a courier pegasus flying away, most likely the one carrying the communique to Ponyville. I mutter, "...sometimes they are the same."

Luna's eyes narrow and she says softly, "Healthy pranking notwithstanding, not everypony is used to your antics or your intentions. At the very least, you could try to develop your bedside manner." Muttering about bedside manners, I pick up my duffel bag and step silently to the door. Out of habit I walk silently to unnerve those around me. This time it only brings a grin to Princess Luna's face, possibly from pride. I feel obligated to wait for my princess to draw near so I hold the door for her with my head down. After a few seconds I look up. She is standing right in front of me. I blink in surprise and she chuckles.

"You did learn to do that from me, remember? The night is my realm, as are the children that walk it." She touches her forehead to mine and despite the chagrin I feel for trying to poke at her sensibilities, she does make me feel warm. I regain my dignity and push down that warm feeling as the princess steps out of my attic room in one of the castle towers. I step out as well, possibly for the last time...or for a very brief time. I'm usually good at pissing ponies off. I follow her down the tower stairs until they land at a hallway with several passages going off in different directions. With a sparkle of mischief in her eye, the princess says, "You should be able to keep up with that courier if you start now." Clearly she is challenging me, and for all I know, she spent all that time up there just to give the courier a head start. I nod and get ready to sprint out the nearest exit to the gardens when she says, "And Jen, please go easy on them. Your job is to protect-"

I nod again and I'm gone before my princess can finish what she is saying, "...him."

Author's Notes:

Keep in mind the first chapter is transitional to bobbybrony's Dying Embers in chapter 40. What Am I? is only meant to describe Slicer Jen's background story and is not meant to take away from or direct where he chooses Dying Embers to go.